Okay.
Hey, hey.
How are you?
You were fine.
I'm still practicing on trying to get good lighting myself in here.
I think I see, you see that one half of my face.
It's just all in shadow.
So my husband is working on getting me a setup in there.
I said, but has a little bit more work.
So I'm still in a living room on the couch.
And then I usually just try to.
I don't know.
I don't know what on earth is going on.
So I am back here at.
Scratch.
So back here in my, in my living room, which is very cozy.
Well, whatever works, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, that's right.
I'm doing good.
I'm doing good. I feel like.
I'm just kind of.
Just healing, you know, and just letting myself heal and.
Although like yesterday.
Since coming home, I've noticed.
I don't know if it's me trying to grasp for control again.
But I've noticed like some friction with me and my husband, like,
Yeah.
I haven't really been doing things and now I'm back and I'm doing
things. And so we're trying to find.
Where we each fit now.
Yeah.
And so I'm, I mean, today I was just trying to.
I was thinking about, I still have, I can have this.
A little bit of unrest in me and I'm trying to figure out what that's
like.
And I don't really know.
I don't know if it's because I'm waiting for the biopsy report to
come back.
I don't know.
If it's because there's a little bit of friction with me and my
husband with.
Whether it's me trying to grasp for control again.
That's kind of.
Yeah, that's kind of where I'm at.
Something feels unsettled.
Yeah.
I don't know.
I don't know if it's because I'm waiting for the biopsy report to
come back.
At its destination or something like that. Yeah.
One of the nice things is that we don't have to know what it is in
order to be able to just let go, because they're all at,
at a root level. They're all about, you know,
believing God.
Of who he is.
Yeah.
I was just trying to think about what I was answering,
what question I was answering when I was referring to the fact that
maybe it was Kate's.
It'll let go of the specifics.
Specifics of the situation of the details.
And then I just,
and I just let that go and stop valuing it so much.
Stop.
Making it to myself. So important.
And then I just, you know,
I'm just trying to think about who is God.
And, you know, who it, you know, at a root level.
You know,
Coming all the way back to who it is that I am with the Lord.
You know, my existence.
Who is God.
And who am I relative to him? Like, what does he say that I am?
I don't mean like anything even specific.
I'm just talking about the basic connection of me and him.
And then everything went, you know, it's like what.
I'm just, I'm just, you know,
I'm trying to think about the things that I'm struggling with.
And then, you know,
I realize there is no more separation. I said, exactly.
If we can all get that, then everything else goes away.
Because it is the place of rest.
So if we just go to things like that,
that we feel are completely irrelevant.
And disconnected from the specifics of whatever it is that we're
struggling with.
If we just spoke it, we feel that it's irrelevant.
But if we just, if we.
If we just, if we just, you know,
if we just let go of what's in front of us.
You know, in that moment.
And then re center ourselves for lack of a better phrase.
In other words,
shift our consciousness and our intentional choice that that is what
is important. That is what I'm coming into agreement with.
Then the other will begin to settle down.
no pun intended, and then unrest, et cetera.
It'll stop doing all of that.
And we don't even know why,
what it is that had triggered us
because the root cause of it was dealt with.
We gave the power to something higher
and something different and it overpowered.
And so its power was brought into the situation.
Its authority was brought into the situation.
And so that other thing, whatever it is,
which sometimes we don't know what it is, it'll calm down.
Or, and then, and it doesn't mean
that we're out of the same, out of the situation.
It didn't mean that the situation's resolved.
It's dealing with our unrest in the situation.
So like what I was talking to Kate about last night,
it's not about the pain itself.
It's about how we go through the pain.
It's not about avoiding the pain.
That's not what shifting to rest is about.
It's not about avoiding it, getting out of it.
It's about how we actually go through it
because we're just going to be experiencing pain
here on earth because we're overcoming it.
You have to go through it in order to overcome it.
So it's about how we go through the pain
and we want to go through it in rest
because when we go through it in rest,
that is when something positive can come out of the pain,
out of the struggle.
So anyway, so we don't even have to worry
so about like what it actually is
and trying to figure it out, et cetera.
We can actually shift into rest
without knowing what it is
and then be in rest in that situation.
And then when we finally realize what the unrest is,
like maybe you do this exercise
and then maybe two hours later,
something you're triggered by an actual situation
or something your husband says
and then all of a sudden something rises in you
and you're going, oh, that's what it is.
That's my unrest, that's the control
or that is the anxiousness or that is the fear
or that's the, I don't know, just whatever it is.
Oh, that's what that thing is.
Or someone brings up the fact
that y'all are waiting on a report or whatever
and then all of a sudden something rises up
and you're going, oh, that's what that is.
So when you encounter it, you can still be in rest
and it doesn't mean that you shifting into rest
makes the situation go away.
You'll still encounter it later,
but now you can address it from rest.
And when you address it through rest,
you'll have more clarity in the situation.
That's the only way in which we can operate
in a situation in power is when we're in rest.
We do not have God's power over a situation
unless we're in rest, period.
Because it's similar to,
it follows the same principle of the fact
that you have to move through chaos in rest
in order for something positive to come out of chaos.
Chaos being like, you know, even, you know,
pain or struggle or stress or anxiety
or chaos as in like actual chaos
as in like confusion and turmoil or whatever.
We have to go through chaos and rest
in order for something to be born.
That's how things are actually born into the earth
and manifest is when there's chaos that rest moves through
and then something can be born from that.
That's the process of, that's the delivery process
that God chose.
Why? I don't know, but that's the way that he does it.
And it's all, and picture of that obviously
is how a woman gives birth.
There's so much pain.
There's so much stretching.
There's so much change.
And there's so much, I don't know, chaos, if you will.
There's so many things going on.
And then in her body,
and then she's now got to deal with it.
She's now got to deal with the fact
that her body's doing all of these things on its own.
And now she's got to learn to just ride it,
to, you know, move into it and not resist it, et cetera.
Cause they say that the more that you resist,
the more that you resist it, the more that it hurts.
And so they always tell you things like, you know,
you, you know, that's why they teach you
the Lamaze breathing.
That's why they tell you,
do you release yourself into the pain to ride it, et cetera,
because it actually,
the resistance is what creates more pain
and increases the likeliness of like tearing,
you know, et cetera.
They said, you have to let yourself go
in order for there to be less damage done,
you know, to the body,
just let the body do its own thing.
So that's a picture of what happens in this,
in the spirit, so to speak, you know,
the metaphysical or whatever,
where we've got a particular struggle
and in order to do the least amount of damage
and in order for the baby to actually be.
be born. In other words, in order for the, for something to act positive, to come out
of the struggle in order for you to bring literally an aspect of heaven manifested into
the earth in your situation, whether like if, if this issue is about you and your husband,
you can bring that by going through it and rest, it will manifest an aspect of heaven
into earth so that, um, and it will birth something into your marriage, bring literally
something from heaven into earth, into your marriage or whatever other situation it is,
whether it be about the pathology report, or if it'd be something else you live, that's
literally how we bring heaven into earth is by going through these situations in rest.
And that can be done without us even knowing what the situation is. We can just be shifted
into rest because we're choosing it at a deeper level without even sometimes knowing the details,
but that's how we bring power into the situation. It's not just enduring. So what it is that
I teach and talking about the rest intensive and all of that, it's not about enduring.
It's about actually putting ourselves in a position where we can actually powerfully
bring heaven into earth. But we do that by letting go. And that is what enables us very
naturally to bring heaven into earth, which is a powerful position. That's not enduring.
That's not just buckling down and just riding it through and just hoping you survive on
the other side. It's actually positioning ourselves, shifting into rest is, is not shifting
into some kind of, uh, it's, it's not shifting us into neutral where, you know, where there's
no, there's no progress being made. There's no pause. There's no power that's being brought
into the situation. We're actually shifting into neutral to allow the power to flow into
the situation. And that's literally allowed to, by the fact that we're in rest, that's
what brings it. But it's just not something I've been able to talk much about just because
we've been focused on other things, you know, in the rest intensive, that's what I decided
to do is to just have this rest intensive focus on the foundations instead of like too
much other stuff isn't just gets to be too much, but, um, that's what it is that we're,
that we are positioning ourselves for is to be able to operate powerfully, not to just
simply help keep give people coping mechanisms to endure.
Right. That makes sense. Well, that makes sense. Cause I feel like every trial I've
gone through in life, it's almost like once I surrender, um, to the Lord, that's always
when good comes out of it. And I literally be like, haven't come to earth and like other
people are transformed from my testimony or it's just, yeah. So that makes sense.
Yeah. And everything happens. So, because it's just very effortlessly who it is that
we are, that things, when they encounter us, when situations encounter us, when other souls
encounter us, just us being who it is that we are is what changes things, but we're in
so much resistance to our natural selves and we keep trying to clothe ourselves like, you
know, Adam and Eve, I mean, they were naked before the fall.
And then after the fall, they felt the need to cover. So we're taking these truths and
we're constantly trying to, you know, these truths of who it is that we are and we're
using other things to cover us because the truth of who it is that we are exposes us
very vulnerably. And that exposure, that vulnerable exposure is supposed to be covered by our
intimacy with the Lord. So it's not a bad thing, but it's just that when we're outside
of that covering, then we're trying to clothe and self protect. But what we end up doing
is we're hiding the true essence of ourselves and we're relying on things outside of us.
And so all we have to do to have that powerful effect on other people, like you're talking
about is where we remove all of this, these layers of self-protection and all of this
unbelief, and we just give them who it is that we are. And part of what it is, that
unbelief, et cetera, is resistance to who it is that we are. Resistance to believing
the Lord, et cetera. So we have to stop that resistance. In other words, we have to surrender.
We have to stop holding all these layers on, but we have to let them go, let them fall
away in order to naturally be able to give who it is that we are to the situation or
to a soul or to whatever, because it's our natural self that very effortlessly changes
people. That when it's a manifestation of the Son of God, that creation now responds
to. Once it sees the Son of God, a choice is required of creation to either come into
or to go into rebellion. The fig tree went to rebellion, which is why Jesus cursed it.
It had a will and it could choose. And so Jesus said, because you did not give me fruit,
because you did not serve a son of God, it's like, you know, I curse you and whatever.
So it had an opportunity, it had a choice and it made its choice. So other human souls
can do the same thing. So anyway, but the point is that once it's exposed to a son of
God, everything now has a choice. So, and it can come into alignment or it can just
refuse to come into alignment. And if it refuses to come into alignment, God will naturally
move it out in a way, or he will eventually move you out of the way, depending on the
situation. So sometimes, you know, if you're trying to, if you're working on a project
or whatever at a job, and it's just an example and things aren't coming into alignment with
the kingdom that you're bringing God, if they, if it absolutely refuses to come into
alignment, because God will give it many, many opportunities, then God will remove you
from the project. God will either remove the aspects that are refusing to come into alignment.
He'll either remove them and leave the rest of them that are coming into alignment there
and leave you there. Or if there's just not enough agreement that is responding to you
as a son of God and the kingdom that you're bringing, God will remove you and be like,
they've had their chance. They've had the opportunity. It's that whole principle of
if they refuse to receive you, then as you leave the town, shake the dust off of your
feet is that whole thing. It's like, they're given an opportunity, they rejected. So what
do you do? God removes you. But anyway, I don't know why I went off onto all of that.
Probably because I was talking to somebody else about it last night on transformation
session. That makes sense. So something that just came up to me as we were just talking
about this, and it's probably kind of totally random. And I don't know if this is something
you talk about in transformation sessions, but I'm going to be vulnerable and bring it
up. But what about intimacy with my husband in rest? Because that has always been a challenge
for me. I don't desire intimacy in that way. I feel like my libido was really low. And
I've had times where I've actually taken, my testosterone was actually, it was tested
very low. And that's why I started taking testosterone and that actually greatly improved.
And so, but I don't want to have to do that to be able to enjoy that intimate relationship
with my husband. Yeah. So you do enjoy it though, when your testosterone levels are
up. Yes. Okay. Okay. Good. Okay. I was like, so are you saying that you still don't desire
it, but at least you have a drive or I mean, so, okay. Um, so your question is like, how
do, how do you do it without the, without all of the medication that you're talking
about? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, well there's multiple things and yes, I do talk about this
on transformation sessions. I've had, um, I've had these questions and it's so interesting.
I was helping people with this before I was even married and never experienced it myself.
So I'm like, Hey, I don't know, Lord, you're just going to have to help me out here. Um,
but, uh, ended up that the person that specifically this person that had asked me some questions
about it, I just, you know, just went to the spirit. Okay, Lord, what's the answer? And
then I, I spoke to them what, um, what it is that I spoke to them about. It was like,
I could just kind of see it and I'm like, Oh, it's so obvious. This is what it is. And
they said that they've never, and then they asked me, Oh, that's really good. Okay. I'll
try that. And then do you have any books or anything that you would recommend? I said,
I really don't, I know that they're out there, but I don't know what they would be. And so
I asked them later, I said, so how are y'all in that area? And they said, Oh, we're great.
Fixed it. They said, they said, I haven't, I haven't even needed to read a book,
whatever works. I'm so glad it's helpful. So, um, uh, so part of it in actually enjoying
that is the fact that it's important to understand is, is, is where does this might seem
that what a man is doing, a man is enjoying a woman's body, but a woman needs to enjoy
being enjoyed. And that is part of the enjoyment of intimacy is that both the man and the woman
are enjoying the woman. And I don't mean that the woman is enjoying herself in any kind of like a
weird perverted kind of a way that people would think of. I'm just talking about the fact that
she is being enjoyed. And so both she and the, and, you know, her husband.
are enjoying the woman, enjoying the woman's body.
She's enjoying being enjoyed.
It's because it's because she carries so much beauty.
And that's really what is, is going on.
Yes.
In the intimacy in intimacy.
Yes.
They're each enjoying each other.
So the woman's also enjoying the man, but it's not completely fulfilling
as weird as it sounds for her to just enjoy him.
And the way that he's enjoying her, in other words, to the same
degree, it won't quite fulfill.
And it's because they're both supposed to take an aspect
of enjoyment in her pleasure.
And, and, uh, anyway, so partly connect is so connected with that.
Uh, one of the things that really, really helps enjoying that aspect
of marriage is, um, is having what's the, what's the phrase?
Uh, why did it escape me?
What is that phrase is, um, Oh, it's not sexual confidence.
It's not the word that that's not the phrase that I'm looking for, but
that's essentially what it is where one is, that's it, one is
confident in one's own sexuality.
Okay.
So to be confident in, in your own sexuality and the fact that you are
a sexual being, depending on which teacher that you listen to, I've
listened to some that believe that that sexuality isn't, is an ass
is a fifth aspect of our identity.
I don't remember what the other aspects are, but I've like been walked
through, Oh, well, you know, there's all of these different aspects
and these are deep spiritual teachers.
So it's not just kind of like a psychologist out there somewhere,
these, um, Christian teachers who say that there are different aspects
to our identity, and they said that they believe that one of the
aspects of our identity, our actual identity is our sexuality and know
that it doesn't have anything necessarily, I don't believe to do
with gender, but it's, it's a, it's the, our sexuality is a deep
aspect of who it is that we are.
And so it's important to receive that aspect of who we are and not to
reject it, not to think of ourselves as like, you know, especially if you
grew up, you know, in a Christian home, like I did, we spit in women,
especially, um, are raised like this more than boys.
Why?
I don't really know, but they re girls really in the message that they, um,
that was given to them began to believe that there's something dirty in
that they can't enjoy it.
And it's so deeply entrenched, even though they know that it's not all of
the messages that they got made them feel like it's, or at least most women
that I know feel like it's dirty or that there's some that they can't and,
and to talk, to be very hyper vigilant and aware of our body and covering our
body, because it can prompt things, meaning like it can prompt, you know,
guys to look, or it can prompt guys to lust or whatever, depending on who you
sat under, you know, depends on the intensity of that message.
But the thing is that, that regardless that, that regardless of which
denomination that people come from, I have very rarely met any, any woman with
a healthy view of their own sexuality.
Um, at least, you know, the way that they came out of the church now,
hopefully they have like, I've met some that have healed since they've gotten
married from those bad messages, but there's something so deep down in so
many women that there's that there's an aspect of themselves that they learn to
repress and to restrain because they were taught to be so hyper vigilant about how
they dress and how they looked and what showing and be careful and make sure that
you're not, you know, in a room alone and make sure that there's a lot of pressure,
especially to put on the woman of being defensive, defensively, always
trying to protect herself.
Um, and, and if there's a way in which, especially if a woman was left unprotected
that she's gotten onto and just, and then just, um, what's the word?
Uh, just, uh, really drilled into even harder that she needs to protect herself.
And sometimes it's even done in such a way as like the father gets mad at the
daughter or so, or the pastor gets mad or someone gets mad as if, because they're
so worried about her that instead of expressing it in, in love and concern,
they're loving, you know,
and compassion and kindness and gentleness, their love comes across as anger.
So she just like, um, she internalizes this is I'm bad.
And so in, in all of her connections of protecting herself always seem
to be in association with evil, bad things happening or bad things that
could happen, or don't you know, or don't you know that guys have these problems.
And, and women are just subconsciously start burying this and feeling that
they're somehow responsible for it.
And, and because all of this, all of the messages are, are conveyed to them.
In connection with negative scenarios, they tend to that the negative
emotion seems to always be associated.
So consciously associated with that subject or those feelings within her.
And then so naturally she's going to have a hard time enjoying it.
If she's never fully accepted that part of herself, um, because it always made,
it was always a part of herself that whenever it was talked about or connected
with, it was, um, it brought people talked about it in fear, people talked
about it in anger, people talked about it, whatever.
So, um, so it's important to be confident in one's own sexuality, to
know that one has a sexuality to enjoy it for, you know, for it to enjoy that
aspect of oneself, to completely accept it deep down for what it is.
And, um, and then, and to be confident in it, um, which I know can sound
really strange and be a big, big stretch, but to be confident in it will
then allow them to enjoy having sex, um, more often and, um, because it's
not, it, they're, they're, they're owning an enjoyment of it for themselves.
They're owning themselves in the act.
They're owning themselves in the, in the connection, like they
have a valuable contribution.
And the valuable contribution is not being available, the valuable
content or being wanted.
The valuable contribution is an aspect of her sexuality to connect with that
has, that can give something to, to the situation.
Um, but anyway, that can only, we can only give something if we've, you
know, like what we've been talking about, you know, give something unless
if we've owned it for ourselves first, you know, completely separate of our
husband, and again, I'm not talking about anything perverted, but I'm
going to accepting that who it is that we are and, um, and accepting that
aspect of ourselves, similar to the idea of losing how I've been talking to
people, like I did a video on losing weight and, um, and how, how we have to,
and it's the same thing with like any other aspect of ourselves in which we
need healing, like inner healing or whatever in order for us to feel safe
enough to change, we have to accept ourselves completely and totally where
it is that we are the way that we are without requiring ourselves to change.
So we have to fully accept her body.
If someone's wanting to lose weight, they had to fully accept their body
exactly as it is without ever requiring it to change now or in the future.
And then as soon as the body realizes that it really is received where
it is without having to change.
So in other words, unconditionally, then it feels safe enough to change
because it wasn't meant to carry that weight.
It wasn't meant to, to be so unhealthy.
That's not how God created a body to be.
That's very unnatural for it to do what it is that it's doing.
So it starts to feel safe enough to revert back to its natural state,
its natural tendency, its natural function.
And so it's the same thing with other areas of our life or with other people
is that other, other people that we interact with or ourselves will not feel
safe enough to change unless they are fully and totally accepted exactly where
it is that they are the way that it is without ever requiring it to change.
So that same thing with our, with our sexuality is to fully
embrace it for whatever it is.
It will then allow it to, you know, be free.
And that's what, that's what, that's what it needs.
We need to fully love and accept that part of ourselves and not rejected
anymore is something that needs to be restrained is something that needs to
be vigilantly kept an eye on or something like that to make it feel bad because
it naturally wants to follow the Lord.
And it naturally has something very powerful because spiritually
something happens very powerfully.
Something happens very powerfully in the spirit.
When a man and a woman come together, even the non-believers know this, which.
is why there are all kinds of orgies, uh, around, uh, religious, um, uh, religious,
like, uh, what, what's the word?
I don't know.
Just, just different.
Uh, it's not events.
Yes.
Like rituals or whatever, um, that are, that are around, uh, sexual
orgies because they are aware of the power of what happens in the
spirit realm when they do it.
And so that's why I like that.
There's satanic rituals that, that always use it, et cetera, because
it's, it's spiritually very powerful.
So it's very powerful and the positive and Christian realm as well.
And, um, anyway, in order for it to be the, in order for us to fully be able
to experience the power that it is, well, then we have to actually
bring ourselves to the table too.
Right.
Not just that kind of reminds me of, and we need to receive God's love.
Like, you know, it's the, it's the same to me.
It's similar to allowing my husband to enjoy me and just like allowing the
Lord to me and love me and yeah.
Yeah.
Cause so that's it.
And, um, I mean, that's what guys are just saying all the time.
They're just like, what do you want?
You know, what do you want?
I mean, whether it's in this area or some other just like, just tell me what you
want.
Um, and because they just want us to, they, a man, one women are the same way,
but a man wants to be able to give of himself to a woman and for a woman to
receive it, he wants to know that that's what makes him feel safe with her is if
she receives whatever of himself that he offers, that's what makes him feel like
a man, so it makes us, uh, his masculinity, his sense of masculinity,
increased, et cetera.
Um, makes him feel, uh, it gives, it satisfies him sexually because there's
more than just the physical that's going on.
There's all kinds of other stuff that's going on as well.
And that's what gives him a sense that, um, uh, uh, satisfaction in all of it is
he feels like it's received, like what it is he's trying to give of himself, even
like what he's trying to give to her so that she feels pleasure that's received,
you know, fully appreciated and fully enjoyed and whatever.
It's just, it gets so excited.
Yeah.
Well, that makes me think about maybe that's where some of our friction is coming
from because he's wanting to give me rest and he's wanting to take over so many
things and I'm jumping in and I'm trying to do these things.
I don't think he's giving us enough.
Yeah.
I mean, this is how he's interpreting it.
It's like, well, so yeah, what I'm being, what I'm offering isn't sufficient.
Um, yeah, I know.
Yeah.
My husband, I run into that periodically with Stephanie.
It's kind of like, no, that's not what I'm saying.
I'm very appreciative.
He was like, but that is what I hear.
I hear that what I'm offering isn't enough.
So anyway, yes.
Marriage relationships.
I know.
Anyway.
Um, so hopefully that was, hopefully that was helpful, but, um, I even
actually gave you more than I believe that I gave, um, that other person
I was thinking of and that the thing that helped the other, the other
person and not, um, the most was that whole aspect of, of, um, being
confident in her own sexuality.
That was big.
That was a huge shift for her because she knew she'd always been taught
that you have to just be available.
You have to submit, you know, you can't deny, you know, I mean,
like that's how she was taught.
And, uh, so basically I was just telling her, you know, you've, you've got to,
you've got to know and choose that you yourself as a sexual being are, um,
are important, are valuable, are significant, have a contribution, and
you need to enjoy your, that aspect of yourself.
And you need to be confident in it.
In other words, you need to fully accept it for what it is, not accept it as an
endure and just kind of like, well, I'll put up with you and it'll be fully
embracing and owning of what that thing is and offer it.
And it's really hard.
It's really hard to accept that part of yourself, of ourselves sometimes.
And it's also very hard to, um, uh, if it's hard to vulnerably offer it, you
know, and to initiate or anything like that, but it is, like I said, it's just,
it's very powerful and, um, but yeah.
And then also I told, I had also told her that it's very important to initiate.
times to be confident enough in one's in sexuality to that, that you have something valuable
to actually offer that they have the privilege and the gift that you were giving to them
of getting to receive you.
So in women and men, usually the ones who are, who are offering themselves, but if a
woman does that periodically, you know, that, that helps as well, that greatly helps the
increase the desire, increase the fact that he feels loved, you know, that kind of a thing.
Right.
Okay.
Well, cause I noticed when I, like when I was taking testosterone, I noticed that like
I had that sexual confidence.
It just like was now, it like just came.
And when was that?
I'm sorry.
I had the sexual confidence that you're talking about when I was taking testosterone.
Oh, that.
Okay.
Got it.
Yes.
And so I know what that's like.
Yeah.
And so now that you're speaking about it, it's like, I don't need to have my libido
sky high in order to still have that, to have the, yeah, yeah, yeah, spiritual root, right.
Now, obviously that's not, we're not denying hormones and how they're working and all of
that.
So it's always important to work with, you know, with our body and what it is that it
needs and all of that, but we're not, there's more than that's going on than just the hormones.
And we can choose to come into agreement with something that has higher power than the hormones
do.
And then the hormones can eventually sometimes, you know, come into alignment sometimes without
the medication.
Right.
Yeah.
So another question I have is, do you have like a specific, like meditation and morning
routine that you do?
I know everyone's going to be different, but I was just kind of curious.
I don't, I love, I have historically loved routines, but no, I don't have anything specific
that I do.
Sometimes my husband and I will, I'll have, let him have his time and I'll have my time
with the Lord.
And then, and then we join together and then we do pray together.
And we've been, and so that's very new for us just being married, you know, I don't even
think five months, we're on our fifth month.
And we've been told that it's extremely vital and important, not just to pray together,
but to actually come into agreement with things together.
And in order to watch those things be fulfilled into our lives, because it's when two or more
gather, you know, and the Lord is there and when two or more come into agreement.
And so we've been told that that is extremely important for us to do, to come into agreement
with what it is that we're bringing before the Lord and whatever.
And so anyway, so we're doing that, but we don't do it every single morning, but if we
have any kind of routine, that would be it.
Okay.
So yeah.
Do you feel like since you've kind of worked on living from God's rest, do you feel like
the routines have kind of went away or did you used to have more strict routines?
I'm trying to think.
No, I've really, it was kind of, I don't know.
I love, I love routines, but I don't like them when they start feeling restricting.
Yeah.
I don't know how to describe that for me.
I love routines.
I do not find them restricting.
I find them actually liberating because for one thing they're familiar.
And so they bring comfort and especially if it's a type of routine that I just really
enjoy.
So I'm drinking my tea in the morning, which normally I don't, I'm drinking tea now, but
normally I drink coffee in the morning.
So I've got certain things that I can expect.
Okay.
I'm going to have this coffee in the morning and it's, it's, and I do two cuts.
Why?
Because that's what I do.
And then, so there's an aspect of it that I find comforting in routines, but whenever
I start following a routine or have been following it for a while and I start to resent it and
I start to stop looking forward to it, well, that's when, that's when I'm like, well, this
thing is for the birds.
And then I stopped doing the routine.
So, but generally I like routines because they also free up my mind.
So I don't, I have fewer decisions I have to make.
I just tell myself, well, this is what I'm going to do.
And so if I create a routine for it.
it, well, then I can just slide into the routine and I don't have to be
questioning what I'm going to be doing during such and such time of the day.
I already know.
Yeah.
And for me, it's so, like I said, I, I love routines, but only if they're
liberating and comforting, if they start.
So anything that isn't, that just doesn't, you know, then yeah, I just like.
Forget about it.
So it really doesn't have, I mean, it is connected to rest, I suppose,
but it's not the having of routines is when I was in unrest and the not
having routines is when I was in rest.
It's just that how I interact with the routines is different based on,
um, based on the fact that I, I now want to operate in rest.
So when is the routine working with me when I'm resting?
And then when, when is it like, you know, in unrest and then
I don't want to be part of it.
Yeah.
Okay.
No, that makes sense.
So it's like a tool, like anything else.
It's like, I still use it, but it's just how I use it.
And if I can use it correctly in rest, well, then I use it.
And if I can't, then I don't.
Right.
Okay.
That makes sense.
So what about you with routines?
How do you, do you, are you very regimented person?
Um, I think it's similar to you.
I like routines, but once they feel burdensome.
I like throw them out the window.
Cause I like I'm into a place like now, like since my
routines have completely changed.
Yeah.
So I used to do certain therapies for my, for cancer, um, in the
morning and now I don't have those.
And I'm kind of like left, like, okay, I need, I feel like
I need to start something.
Interesting.
Like, like I want to, like I want, but I don't know what that is.
Yeah.
Um, so for me, what I always love is if I can do something for myself
in the morning and by that, no, I'm not talking about self care.
I'm talking about this whole aspect of that.
I keep referring to as like choosing oneself.
In other words, valuing me and loving on me and spending time on me.
So for me, I love, I love, um, quiet and I love, um, being able to be alone
with my own thoughts and I love, you know, drinking tea and then sometimes,
you know, it'll be, I'll go through seasons where I'll love like
eating peanut butter toast every day.
And so I get so excited looking forward every day to, I'm going to have my tea
and my peanut butter toast, and I've got a routine of like how I'm going to make it.
And then I can do it in quiet and, and that is something that's basically me
just giving myself something.
I just love, I love to do.
I love the process.
And basically I'm just allowing myself to enjoy me.
What is something that I enjoy doing?
That gives me, brings me life while I'm doing it.
That's me expressing who it is that I am out into the earth.
And, and then I just allow myself to do that.
Allow myself to express myself.
And, and I, so I, I, so to speak, I connect with that first thing, um, in the morning.
Now, I don't mean like apart from God, because in the, because I, I just, um, a
lot of times my times with the Lord, um, and I'm sure that this season will change,
but for the past long while, my, my times with the Lord just aren't regimented.
They're not, it's like, I just take them into whatever it is that I'm currently
It's like, well, he and I are living this together and he and I are doing this
together, so Lord, you're with me right now, we are doing this.
So what's the next decision that we should make?
And what, how do you feel about what it is that they just said about us?
You know, and I don't know, just whatever.
So I just used, I just bring them into whatever it is that I'm doing as opposed
to, okay, well now I'm going to focus on me.
Now I'm going to focus on the Lord.
The whole thing of like choosing me is choosing the fact that if God says I'm
valuable, I'm going to come into agreement with that.
So who does he say that I am?
And that's what I'm going to receive myself as first thing in the morning.
It's what I'm going to reconnect with.
It's almost like getting, getting back into my body.
That's what I think sometimes the new wagers refer to it as is instead of being
so cerebral and be thinking about things or being very aware of what's going on
out here and what you're about to say and the environments that you're in and
how they could respond and dah, dah, dah, dah, instead of being out here so much
or in your head, they'll say, they'll say either they'll say, come back into
your body or they'll, they'll say, drop down into your body.
And it's that same idea.
It's like, come back to an awareness of who it is that you are and then begin to
offer.
break from that place. And so that's what I like to do first
thing in the morning is to reconnect with is to come into
my body so that if for as weird as that sounds, and in order to
then live from that place in order to make the decisions from
that place in order to be able to give God my will in order to
contribute to, you know, when the Lord and I co counsel
together about what we're going to do, what decision we're going
to make, or what sounds fun, or if I'm trying to listen to his
heart, or what are you saying? And what is it that you want? I
need to be bringing my own self to the table. I need to actually
in so how can I do that? If from the first moment that I wake up,
I'm not connected with me, I'm always just thinking about,
okay, where's everybody? What do they need? What do I need to do?
And I just make all of this stuff out here happen. But I'm
not aware of and connected with me yet to be able to give me to
everyone, because when everyone needs something, what it is that
they need is they need me not what I can do for them. It's
including if the kids need cereal, what they need is they
need me, not me giving them cereal. So when I have me to
give, how do I want to handle this situation? Okay, well,
then I'll go get cereal. But the way of doing it is in the
spirit, what's happening is because I chose me first, and
I'm offering me, and then me decides to go to cereal or
whatever, not like this thing just outside of myself, oh, my
word, I need to accomplish all this. But when I'm doing it, it
brings life to this situation. And spiritually, there ends up
being a connection between me and the other person. So it's
just, it's just spiritually, it just changes environments, it
changes situations when you bring yourself there. And you
add your weight to the room. Right? Yeah.
That makes total sense. And that's, yeah, and I've
experienced the same thing. And on those days that I do take
that time in the morning before I go downstairs with the kids
and my husband, it's just a completely different, usually
completely different atmosphere. So that makes sense.
Yeah, that's interesting. But it's hard, because we're taught
that we'll, we're only as good as how helpful we're being.
Yeah, right.
It's just not true. We have to choose no, what it what they all
need is me. And so they will all, you know, they can, they
can wait for just a second. Let me get me so I can give him me.
And the same thing, you know, with it, we're the ones who
dictate the spiritual, the spiritual environment that has
the authority in our home, with our kids, in the physical, in
the physical space, in our marriage, whatever, we're the
ones who give the spiritual authority that has preeminence,
we're the ones who give it that authority. And so we need to it
and the spiritual authority responds to who it is that we're
declaring that we are, are we declaring that we're a son of
God, then it will respond to us like that, if we're saying no,
no, I'm not that I don't believe that I'm that then it'll respond
to that. So anyway, we're the ones who dictate it. So my point
is that we really do have to, I was, I was talking to somebody
else about this the other day, it's like, you really do have
to, I always seem to be coming back to this recently, it must
be a theme in this in this particular rest intensive, but
you have to own yourself to be able and remember who it is that
you are and choose. No, I am a son of God, I am in the position
of power and authority that God put me in. So Lord standing in
the position of power and authority at being one with
Christ. From that perspective, I will now operate, I will now
make decisions, I will now whatever, why does that gonna
happen? Because I said, so me and the power and the authority
that that I have been one with Christ, hearing his heart as
having co counsels, I've heard what he's decided. And he
allowed me to, you know, make my contribution. Sometimes we're
going to go with my contribution, but more often than
not, was just his contribution. You know, because he's more
reflective of his character than I am sometimes. And there's
and but then we decide that is what is going to have the
authority in my kingdom, in my world. And but we're the ones
who have to bring it in. And if we don't bring it in, all
creation will be in chaos because it has no king. Right?
So the king has to show up every day. So yeah.
Yes, you know, that gave me a lot to think about. And how I
show up. And how somebody sometimes I feel like I'm, I'm
living in my power and able to set boundaries with love. Yeah.
And other days, I feel like I'm a victim and my kids are like
walking all over me. And yeah, and that kind of gave me a
picture of why? Why?
Yeah.
So anyway, it's, it's hard to remember in the moments that, uh, you know, especially
like if you're feeling like your kids are walking all over you and everything, it's
really hard to remember in those moments.
Oh, that's right.
Who has the authority in the home?
I do.
Why?
Because God says so now.
Yeah.
They all have their free will and they get to decide how they want to respond to son
of God.
They get to choose that, but they're in your, I know your kids don't, aren't, um, aren't
like rebelling.
I'm just, but it is, but I'm just going to use that word because I'm trying to use this
as an example of like a larger principle I'm talking about.
Like even if a soul, you know, rebels, it doesn't discredit your authority if they're
just in rebellion, but you, you haven't lost the authority.
So it can, so it can feel like, you know, you're being walked all over or whatever when
they're in rebellion, but you're still the authority and then God put you there and you
can, and your authority is what the spirit realm, including Satan will listen to it in,
in that home.
And that is what every spiritual, um, force that comes into that home has to, uh, the,
the principles that it has to adhere to and it has to follow and it has to be submitted
to or whatever, or whatever you decide.
And um, so it's, if we decide that we don't have that authority and that power, that those
spirits can come in and just run havoc or whatever, but if you are standing in your
right in your, uh, uh, and, and in your position of power and authority, well then they have
to acknowledge that, um, and they have to, and so it doesn't matter what the kids are
doing.
Right.
You know, y'all ultimately do spiritually have the authority to the point where even
Satan has to acknowledge it.
So anyway, and act according to what y'all are declaring about the home, not with how
the kids are responding.
So, right.
So I just say all that to say that it's in moments like that, it feels like, oh my word,
I've lost control or, oh my word, you know, I'm not being respected or whatever.
It's, it's important for us to know that just that our power and our authority, we
have not been, um, oh, I just thought of the word and lost the word again, but we haven't
been dethroned.
We haven't, it hasn't, we haven't been discredited just because they are choosing to not just
because there may have the kind of response that they have had, um, you know, just because
they're like rebelling or, or whatever, it doesn't change truth.
It doesn't change fact.
And so my point is you can continue to stand in it, even though you're not quote unquote,
getting your results.
The result does not prove whether or not you have the authority.
The result is just evidence of how the, of the response that of somebody else's or something
else's will to your authority.
Right.
Okay.
Yeah.
I know.
Yeah.
So, um, but yeah, I mean, think about the fact that of how we act with the Lord and
he's not dethroned.
Right.
Exactly.
His authority.
So apparently our response to him doesn't say anything about him or it's just our, our,
it's just evidence that our, our response to him based on our choice.
Right.
Yes.
It's a good reminder.
Anyway, just as any encouragement that it could be.
Yeah.
I think those are all my, I think all my questions, I feel like we hit a lot today.
I have a lot.
Yeah.
Well, overall, how has, um, uh, how has this time been like the past?
I guess it's been five weeks that we've been doing the intensive.
So, um, just overall, how, how has it been?
Is that, has it helped?
Does it answer some roots met some root needs or, or not a lot?
It's, it's helped God, I don't even know how to explain it.
It's helped a lot.
Um, I think my, I guess, I don't know if it's a fear, maybe it's a fear is that when I start
getting back into doing life more and my husband goes back to work, what is this all
going to look like?
Because right now I don't really have a lot of responsibility, um, but this has been really
good practice for me.
And I get to practice.
And I don't have that responsibility.
So, um, I think when I get to having that responsibility, it will still be
challenging, but I will notice things quicker and I will be able to move
into rest, shift into rest faster.
Um, yeah, because it's a, because again, it's a lifestyle.
And so we have to choose that this is how we now want to live life.
In other words, this is now how we want to approach life.
We want to approach it as I am a son of God.
I am one with Christ.
I am fully and unconditionally loved.
And then to approach life from that perspective that I'm already
in the all sufficient one.
I've already been given everything.
Um, and so the Lord is just maturing me and teaching me what it is.
He's already given me what it is that I have access to that.
I didn't even know I already have access to, and then how to use it.
Like, what is it for?
And then how do I use it?
And okay.
I need to strengthen my muscle in order to use that thing.
So it's just a maturation process of growing into it, but we already have it.
And so to approach life from that perspective and to also approach it
from the perspective that there's no destination that we're trying to get
that God is holding us accountable to what he, his whole, his whole focus
is the journey and the whole point of the journey is the development
of our relationship with him.
So that's the focus of your whole, the whole point of your existence is you
developing your relationship with God.
And then it'll manifest itself into, especially when it's done with
intention, manifest what you, the development of you, your relationship
with the Lord, that's all that exists in the spirit realm, manifesting
that into the physical realm.
So who do you and the Lord look like and how you developed in
your relationship thus far?
How do you look like when it shows up in the physical world, being
married to your specific husband?
And then what does your relationship, the Lord and how you've developed
thus far, like where it is that you are today, not tomorrow, not 10 years
from now, not 10 years ago, right now, what do you and the Lord look like?
And then how do you express that in your relationship with your kids or finances
or how you plan your meals and going to the grocery store and what does that
look like?
Cause the whole point isn't doing all of these things, right?
It's you developing a relationship with the Lord and enjoying the journey of
it, not the getting it and trying to avoid not getting it, you know, Oh, I
need to learn the lesson and make sure I don't miss it.
That's not it.
That's not the point.
The whole point is just the journey and the development of it, the
interaction, the, the maturing, the, you know, submitting ourselves to him,
talking to him, letting him talk to us, doing stuff together, not arriving
somewhere.
So it's a totally different way of approaching the meaning of life.
And that brings so much freedom.
Like even just you saying that it almost made me like tear up, like just freedom
to just enjoy the journey.
Cause I've been so stuck.
I'm just getting to the destination.
Yeah.
There's nowhere.
There's nowhere to get.
If you were created with meaning before the earth was ever created, then
apparently this isn't the point.
If we're going to live for eternity after all of this is gone, then
apparently this is not the point.
So the whole point is just, is to express who we are and what we're
developing that we will continue to develop for infinity.
So we're never going to get there.
So it's just the development of it.
And it's expressing it into a physical form.
Yeah.
So we just enjoy the development of it, which is, in other words, we're
already living eternity right now.
You're already living what we're going to be doing for eternity.
It's the development of the relationship.
And right now we're expressing it into a physical form.
Right.
So, and unfortunately right now, we're going to have, we have an old earth.
That's going to, that's going to change like a garment into a new earth, you
know, because it's, it's flesh has been, um, corrected and it's now subject to
death.
So in order for us to continue to live in creation for eternity in the new earth,
the way that God intended, then we're going to have to, um, uh, then, you know,
we have to overcome this flesh.
And so that's why right now feels so hard.
It's that this is not what Adam was born into.
This is not what Adam's soul and body were created into.
This is what we're, what we have right now that we have, that we just need to
overcome so that it can reflect who it is that we already are.
That's all that we're doing is to teach it, that it has freedom, but in order to,
in order to teach it and show it, that it has freedom, we have to get fruit.
We have to acknowledge that we're free.
First, we have to come into the realization of, and the choosing to.
break from the freedom that we already have in order to be able to have freedom to offer
the rest of creation for it to be free.
We have to acknowledge our freedom in order to free creation.
It's what Moses had to do with the Israelites.
That's why Moses, just like with Israelites, just like us with creation, we have to, Moses
was born an Israelite, but he couldn't live as a slave.
He never lived as a slave, but he did carry their DNA.
So he was connected to them.
And because, and the reason for that is he couldn't, he had to be connected to them in
order to have the right to lead them out of slavery in order to basically in a manner
of spiritually speaking, have the power to lead them out of slavery, but he couldn't,
in order to lead them out, he couldn't have ever been one.
He couldn't have ever been subject to, to, he couldn't have ever been under that system.
So we had to, he had to be removed early.
And so it's the same thing with our spirit, soul and body, or our spirit and the rest
of creation is the fact that could not ever be under slavery.
So it's another indication to us, you know, from the Bible that obviously, you know, our,
our spirits are perfect and they've never sinned.
But our soul and our body, obviously they've been subjected to slavery and to corruption
in all of that.
And so anyway, we, our spirit is connected to our soul and our body.
So we're connected to the creation.
So therefore we have it.
We carry the DNA of creation.
We carry the DNA of God, our soul and our body, we carry the DNA of creation, giving
us the right and the authority to free it.
But in order to free it, who it is that we are could never have operated as a slave.
Our soul and our body have, but not who we are.
That is the only thing just like Moses that gives us the right to be able to free creation.
God can free us and we free creation.
Right.
That makes sense.
So yeah.
So that's what you're doing.
Yeah.
So you've already won.
It's already been one.
You're just now giving it to the rest of creation.
Yes.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
Thank you so much, Ashley.
You're welcome.
So I'm glad to see that you're doing really well.
Everybody's been asking me so many questions, but how's she doing?
So I was just grateful that I had been able to connect with you and with Ryan, you know,
it was seeing Ryan's posts to make sure I, you know, that we knew how you were doing.
And so we're so pleased with how well that you're recovering.
And like I said, we've, we feel very honored that we've been allowed to be part of your
life during this time.
So yes.
And I'm glad you're with everybody.
So yeah, it's been, it's been a journey, but better than I ever expected.
So yeah.
Yeah.
Well, I will let you go.
It's good to visit.
Yeah.
You too.
Thanks, Ashley.
All right.
Well, you rest up today.
All right.
I will.
Bye.