Hey, Casey. Hey, there we go. How are you? I'm doing good. How are you? Good. Enjoyed
your journey share. I just commented on it. I just now got to watch it. So I was very
excited for you. That was really hard. She, she did what I had to do one time when I think
I told you the story where I felt I was spiraling down and I just had to make the hard choice,
you know, while you're going to a place that's, that feels good. And cause you can feel sorry
for yourself and you can get upset and whatever, and you have to stop and you choose something
different. You choose that you're not going to go there or whatever. And she did that.
Was it yesterday or day before last night? Yeah. Last night. It's really hard. So she
had just kind of like, I don't know. I think that she said that she had like gotten onto
her, gotten onto her son and everything. And it was walking back upstairs and just
like, absolutely not. I am not going to do this. And I'm not going to, I'm so basically
she said that she felt like she was able to let very in a moment, let go of the old man,
choose the new man. And then started like acting like the new man immediately, as opposed
to just like shifting into neutral and just letting go of the old man. She like made the
hard choice to, okay, I'm going to act like God says that I am. She wouldn't apologize
to her son. And I think did some other things. So anyway, that's really hard to do. I was
very excited for you. That's exciting. It is. Yes. So how are you Casey? So, well, it's
kind of funny you asked that. I'm, I'm, I feel like I'm back into some overwhelm. Like
I had that last night and then I woke up well, I do just a lot going on in our life. We're
getting ready to move to a new town. And so that's kind of a new thing, unexpected. And
with my family, my family's there. So that's a, it's a great move for us, but I'm also
been and I don't really know how much, you know, but I've been going through cancer stuff.
And so I have another surgery coming up as well. And so there's, and Christmas coming
up and an unknown surgery date, which is hopefully going to be in like a week, but we still don't
know. And so there's just, there's a lot going on and just trying to stay in a place where
my, I like, I physically feel my body stressed. I think I've been in rest. My husband has
taken a leave of absence from work for about four months. And so I've actually got to physically
experience what it feels like to be in rest, which I think I've spent most of my adult
life in a state of striving and and whatnot. And so now I feel like I'm back in that, that
I feel the physical weight like on my chest. And it's like, I, as I've learned, as I'm
learning from Ashley, it's like, I go in and out of it. And since we found out we were
going to be moving, I've just been having a hard time, like staying, shifting back into
that state of rest and trust. And what do I do? Because I do need rest. I recently had
a surgery. I'm going to be having another one. Like, what do I do? And what, when do
I just like, sit? And, you know, so that's kind of where I'm at.
Well, I'm not really sure where to go today. I mean, sometimes, like, I'll just get this
whole, I don't know, call it prophetic download or, or what have you about where someone is
or where they're going. And I know, just by the way, the only thing I know, other than
your name, is that I know that you've been through some, some cancer stuff, as you said,
and that there have been a surgery. And they were very nice. And but other than that, I
don't know anything, right. So you can just think that I'm very ignorant, or if there's
anything that I've, I get along the way, it's not because Ashley's told me anything.
So I'm, I almost wanted to start with the kind of like, what would you like to Jesus
to do for you today? So I'm not sure what's most urgent for you. I have a couple of random
thoughts, if you want to call it that things that I'm questions that I have. But if we
talked a little bit about this in the sense of like,
If you're feeling more urgent, the need to kind of deal with how to handle what you're going through now kind of like is a, is a.
I don't want to call it like
what do you, I just my brain just blanked with the
what are the sessions that you have transmission. Yeah, whether you want it to be more of a transformation session which is kind of how do you deal with what you're like your current situation, we can we can kind of go that way.
But I just have this nagging question in my mind and I, I'm just going to ask it right so forgive me if I'm being impertinent or, or stuff but
I don't, I don't know how to describe how I function, I just sometimes just bizarre.
And
I just had this.
I'll just be honest like I kept hearing the word clogged pores.
Like a clogged porn your face that that clogged pores then lead to, you know, zits and things like that as you, you probably well know and probably know more about your pores than I do I know I have them but I don't know anything about them.
And, and there's this kind of like this backup, and, and all I kept having the sense was, and, and it's just that sense right it's just a thing was that you've, you've experienced and seen some injustice in your life.
As a sense that I have, and if I'm, if this is off this is a just a just, it is just fake that. And there have been some situations, some unresolved situations in your life that were never.
It was like they that you were put in situations, almost like where there was no possible resolution like it would be kind of like sitting watching injustice and not being able to do anything about it.
Does that make any sense to you whatsoever, or no, um, I guess the first thing that comes to mind.
I mean it does it, there are a couple things came to mind for me.
Sure.
Yeah, that's really all I had like I was like, I don't even know this woman I'm not going to start saying like hey if you had like rival, lots of injustice done real side are you backed up in life because you have all these unresolved things and, and I'm like,
but it was all that I had when I started and we don't seem to have like a necessarily direction to go so I just figured I would throw it out there on the off chance there's something.
Well I guess the first thing is I was raped when I was about 16.
And then the other thing was that I feel like
getting with my father. There's.
I never felt like I had a voice with him. I always got shut down, and I was always wrong.
And it's almost like that, I can't ever get out what I'm wanting to share what I believe, without be without being called wrong, or look down upon.
And so those are kind of the two.
The two things that kind of came up for me when you share that.
Yeah.
Okay.
So, now again, I want you to feel safe and I want you to feel comfortable. And if I'm in my questions are talking if I'm touching an area, especially I'm a man and I'm last I checked in.
I don't want to, you know, and so it can be a little sensitive so I don't I don't want to find anything. Okay. And, and you and the Lord know what is most, what's the highest priority for you.
Right. And, like, maybe to walk through how to deal with some of the things that you have going on.
FYI, those two things that you mentioned are things that tend to always come up when head talks to people.
He's dealt with it.
So it's all very normal very useful.
So, I would.
So my, I don't know like have you had a lot of ministry for either of those types of things.
Are you familiar with like inner healing or anything at all like that or I am. Yeah, I had some inner healing done, gosh, I'm, but that was it wasn't really with either of those things though.
I do feel I have gone through a lot of healing with the rape.
And I don't really feel like that.
I feel like I'm pretty good with that.
I think.
I think a big piece is that we're going to be moving.
I, my dad lives and my dad is great.
Um, I mean, I say that cause he is, he's great and he means well, but there's
also this, as we, he's a deacon in the Catholic church, I grew up in the
Catholic faith and we're no longer practicing Catholics and so it's one of
my, one of my anxieties I would say is moving to a town with my entire family
who goes to this one Catholic church and us being going somewhere else that
brings up some anxiety because I know my, my dad really wants us to go back
to the Catholic church and it's kind of been a thing, but yeah.
Okay.
Um, no, I'm going to, I'm going to move around a little physically.
I'm going to look for something as we talk.
Um, but both of those things, um, as you can imagine, have residual
effects, both psychologically and, or within our soul and even within our,
in our bodies, especially like the, you know, the rape and I, I'm not, because
you feel like you've had a lot of healing there, I'm not going to ask a lot
of questions related to it right now.
I'm not saying that it's been done, not been done.
It just, you just kind of mentioned that, but it seems like the more
pressing thing is your father.
And, um, um, our, our, our parental wounds, um, it's like my old pastor
said, nobody decides they're going to have kids or has kids and thinks to
themselves, wow, I can't wait to mess these kids up, you know, and, uh, and
thank God we don't have to be perfect.
Um, and that we're not, but no matter how great our parents were, um, and
there's redeeming things in all of them.
Uh, we all, they're not going, they're going to fall short in the sense
compared to our heavenly father, who is like the perfect mother and the perfect
father, and there are aspects that we're supposed to receive from both of them.
Mothers are nurturing and to protect them and, and to provide some things.
And the father is really amongst other things supposed to provide safety and
protection, of course, provision and things like that.
But also supposed to help to call forth your identity, to really instill a
confidence in you about who you are and who God has made you to be.
And no matter how great our parents are, they're going to have, there's
like trauma A and trauma B in life.
And most people are aware of one of the trauma.
I think that's trauma A we'll say, right.
And, and that's really the one that everybody thinks of, like your rape, for
instance, not yours, but the incident, right.
Is, you know, or seeing somebody killed in front of you or something,
it's something traumatic in that respect.
But there's this other trauma, which are the things that you were
supposed to receive, but you did not.
And oddly enough, as you've kind of stated in your own life, the thing
that you would imagine to be hardest to heal from would be what we call
trauma A, which are the things that happened to you, you were abused
in some fashion or something.
But oftentimes, honestly, the harder things to heal from is what's the
trauma B, which are the things that you did not, it's like stunted growth
or that there are these tanks inside of you that have not been filled.
And the good news is that there's healing, you know, available
for those types of things.
And, um, now I started with a ministry called Christian healing ministries.
Uh, you know, I didn't know anything about anything.
I didn't know about speaking in tongues.
I didn't know anything about stuff.
I ended up in this ministry.
They invite me to go to one of the schools, right.
And I'm in the middle of all of these super Christians in my own mind, you know,
and they're praying in tongues and doing all that.
I don't know what this is and what is falling out.
And what do you need a catcher for?
What's a catcher?
Like, I don't know anything about this stuff.
And they all, the ministry was founded from a really famous, uh, well, he was
a Catholic priest to start with Francis McNutt, um, and anybody who's part
of the charismatic renewal and, um, he left the priesthood and got married to
Judith, um, and so it's, it's a ecumenical, uh, you know, ministry.
Um, but I started with them and they have some really wonderful.
And some of the most powerful things are like ones that I would say, like,
they're amazing and weird.
They're amazingly weird.
Okay.
And one of those things is called a father's blessing, right?
And now, I've never attempted to do this via Zoom, OK?
Because the way we would normally do it is, and this is everybody on planet Earth
has some issues with their parents, as they said many times,
you spend 18 years of your life trying to learn to survive
in an ecosystem or an environment, and then you spend the rest of your life
trying to heal from the damage or the things that you learn to survive
in that unit don't function in the regular world.
And that then that's where dysfunction comes from, you know?
And so there's.
So during the retreats
and things that we would do, for instance, almost always
there'll be some generational stuff, there'll be things on forgiveness,
but almost always there's some element of healing from the wounds of our parents.
And one of the things that they have in their disposal
is a thing called the father's blessing.
There's father's mother's blessing, you know, and so they'll
they'll read a canned prayer from the front, so to speak,
under the, you know, Holy Spirit, and then they'll have mothers
and fathers around the room to kind of stand in as surrogate parents.
To allow people to address things.
And so quite literally, they will stand in place
of your actual earthling mother and father.
And sometimes they are speaking on behalf of the heavenly father.
But it allows these folks to be able to speak and say things to their parents
that they otherwise would not be able to.
Now, sometimes it's because they've gone on to be with the Lord.
Sometimes because, you know, they did things to them when they were young
and they're no longer those people.
It would be too hurtful or the person is unapproachable
or you don't have a relationship with that person anymore.
But the reality is there are all of these things that we have built up.
That are killing us in a sense.
In a sense, right?
That the Lord wants to come and bring healing to resolve
so that you can heal, behold, and move forward and go on.
Does that make sense?
It does. Yeah.
OK. So with all that being said.
I have a feeling that this would be something that would be,
especially when you get ready to move back with your father.
There's probably things that you need to resolve with your dad.
That would probably be difficult to do with him in person.
And I'm not forcing you to,
but I'm suggesting that maybe this would be something that would be good
for you to do, maybe in the time that we have today.
Would you be open to that?
I would be. Makes me nervous, but I would be.
So I'm going to look for
a book, a little booklet I have while I sit here.
And if you don't mind, I know that I don't look like your dad.
Most likely, he probably has hopefully more hair than I do.
And less, actually, you know, I don't know.
I'll take that blessing then.
But I know I don't look like him.
And and normally I, you know, I'm a hugger.
So I would like to hug and those things.
Well, that's going to be a little hard to do.
I can hug the camera, but I don't think I'd do the same thing.
So I'm going to quickly look over here in the drawer quickly.
And I will leave you ask you for just a second while I look. All right.
So this is I'm trying to remember.
Did. I haven't done this yet.
He suggested that I do this with a friend of ours
who has a father's heart, you know, for both Ed and for me.
And in fact, I lived with them while I was while I was dating Ed.
And I'd forgotten that I hadn't done that yet
because it's very important to me to do so.
It's really, really powerful.
And it just it just kind of allows you to allows us to kind of like receive
the the heart of of a father
from someone else that surprisingly restores and heals.
Aspects of our relationship with our real father.
So it's really interesting how all of that works.
But anyway, Ed's done it a lot.
It's what he's kind of kind of known for is that.
And I think I mentioned that in some kind of like a write up about that.
It's that he's known for carrying the heart of a father.
And that's why and like a lot of people that don't even know him.
That's why they're attracted to him.
Then they'll come to him across the room and start talking to him
about stuff like they would their father.
father, or there'll be struggling with an issues with their father and they
don't, they don't know it, but because it just kind of like, here's that.
And, you know, he and I don't have children yet.
And so therefore, and, but it's just something that, um, that he just carries.
So, which is really neat.
The Lord's just kind of like give him that.
So a lot for that, but anyway, I'm excited for y'all and that y'all
made this decision to go.
And I knew when you started talking about your father, I was like, wait a minute.
They're good.
That's where they're going back to.
It was like, all of a sudden is everything's going to be coming to a head.
So anyway, well, it's like just you saying that it's like, um, I really
feel like God's just restoring using this to just restore our family and
restore myself to my identity with my family, because I've spent, I've always
felt like the black sheep in my family, even though we all get along, we love
each other, but I've always just felt different and so, you know, the Lord
wants unity and I really think he's just going to be using this time for me to
grow in, um, who I am and, and, um, yeah, so, yeah, yeah, I agree.
And I'm excited for you because you know, every God is always all of these,
every threshold that he brings us to is always to move us into a greater
level of love and freedom.
Always.
And so I think that it's amazing, even though it's been very, and I don't
mean to overuse the word, but what it is that y'all been going through the
past few months has been very traumatic.
It's been a very intense with all it, with the diagnosis and then all of the
treatments, trying to make all of the decisions, you know, and then you chose
to take on the challenge of in the midst of all of that, to see life in a
different way, to approach your father in a different way.
You know, your father got by trying to understand, okay, Lord, what do you mean
by rest?
What do you, do you, did you really mean everything it is that you said?
And I'm choosing now in a very intense time to take on a shift in perspective,
choosing a different lifestyle.
And then now in the midst of all this, your, your husband has stopped, you know,
work for, for, um, uh, for four months, you know, just for you and the family.
And then during that time, y'all now made the decision to leave where it is that
you are moved as a lot of major life changes all at once.
And I can just see that the Lord, especially, you know, kind of like again,
culminating in like, in some of this stuff, like this inner healing that you
didn't even know that you're going to get, you know, and that the Lord knew it
was important and the Lord knew that, um, that he wanted it more for you than you
do.
And so I can just see this as being just kind of like this, uh, this, this time,
meaning like this time in your life being a major threshold of there's the
before, and then there's the after from this time.
So I'm, I'm really excited to get, so I'm really sorry that it's been so intense,
but I think that that's because God was taking all of the, God was taking you
through the fire so that everything was wood, Hay and stubble in your lives.
And that had y'all had, like, I didn't know in your perspective, in your
relationship with the Lord, et cetera.
And I don't know your family unit or maybe like your life there, whatever it
was, everything that was of wood and hay and a stubble would burn.
And then everything that was pure would come out of it.
And that God's giving you a fresh start and an opportunity to redeem, um, uh, to
redeem some aspects maybe of your, of your life that felt like in the past, um,
or your relationship with your family and the Lord's like, and the Lord wants to,
uh, and I think that you're going to see a major, major restoration that you're
going to bring that you were pulled away and you pioneered some things in the
faith that you're not going to be able to bring back to, to your family.
And again, it's going to be able to introduce healing, but
it's hard to be the pioneer.
It's hard to be the one that feels like the black sheep.
But remember that God, that those are the ones that God tends to use is, um, he
tends to use the people that received the most attack, uh, the, that were the
most misunderstood to turn around and actually bring healing to those that had
come against them and even caused a lot of the, the trauma and the
hurt that they had to overcome.
Then they now bring the, they bring the, the, the, yeah, there's a, there's a
word for it, but they are now bring that overcoming victory of overcoming the
wounds that these people, you know, were tools to inflict, they now overcame
those things and now offer the victory of overcoming those things to the
freedom of those other people.
So just so that, you know, you can be encouraged that what it is that you're
doing, isn't just for you.
It's for your family, not just your, your close family unit, but obviously
your parents, your siblings, people that you're coming back to.
So as hard as it is, it hasn't just been for you.
You haven't been alone.
God's like.
I'm, I'm allowing you to be part of something bigger than yourself, but I'm freeing you
first.
Because you were important to me and not in, you're not being used for everybody else's
benefit.
You're not being used and hurt in order to heal other people.
God focuses on you first.
And then he's like, okay, now that you're healed and whole and with me, now you have
the opportunity to pour out and to heal the rest of creation.
So anyway, I'm very excited.
Well, thanks.
Me too.
It doesn't matter.
I'll, I'll probably just slide this a bit.
Yeah.
The way, the way I describe what Ashley said is that, you know, I think God's vengeance
and our vengeance was different.
And the way it looks to me is that oftentimes the things that they fail, the things that
the enemy intended for evil, God will use for good.
Well, that sounds nice, but, or I would just say sometimes God can heal something instantly
like this.
But when I've seen him lead people through a process, there's an equipping and then the
vengeance of the Lord starts to look like he takes what was meant to do harm to you.
And then he heals you, he raised you up in this place and then turns you into the instrument
of his vengeance.
And his vengeance doesn't look like our vengeance, his vengeance looks like redemption where
you become the one that goes and rescues, you become the scalpel, you become the healer,
you become the rescuer, you become the deliverer, you become the person.
And that the people that would be otherwise invisible to other people will never be invisible
to you.
And now, now he is act in, you know, vengeance upon the enemy, but you become the instrument
for that thing to take place.
That's the way that I see how God works, you know?
And so I'm sorry for, I don't know all of the things that you're walking through other
than it sounds like you're in a, you have a whole lot going on and I'm so sorry for
those things.
But I, I firmly believe that, that there's something that he is doing in you that would
never otherwise be able to be done.
And it doesn't mean that it's okay and it sucks.
And I wish you weren't having to go through any of these things, but I firmly believe
that he's going to use you powerfully to bring healing and hope to a lot of people on the
other side of whatever it is that you're going through.
Thanks.
I do too.
Yeah.
And also what it is that you are breaking for you will be broken, you know, and, and
I know that Ed is going to work this better.
Yeah.
The cycles, the cycles, this generational cycles will be broken so that your children
don't have to inherit and carry them on.
They'll be able to see a father and a mother and the, and receive the spirit of that in
a way that you didn't receive it because of what you were willing to walk through and
break.
Because remember that what you're breaking is not just what happened to you.
It's what you inherited in your line and everything your parents had to deal with and your grandparents
had to deal with and decisions that they made, you know, et cetera.
We pass those on to our children.
So you're making the decision to break something and it's, it's, and my point is it's bigger
than you.
So it really is very hard and it really is very intense and it really is very heavy and
it really is very serious.
So what it is that you're choosing to do is very significant.
So, okay.
So here's how this is going to work and I know it's going to feel a little weird and
it's why I'm going to kind of just kind of probably get a little closer to you here so
that I can like, you know, stare at you, make you feel uncomfortable and all of that.
But it's just, you know, I can't be there, you know, with you, right?
So I'm going to read some things over you and I'm going to pray first and then, because
I believe this is the divinely orchestrated thing.
This is something that the Lord wants to do.
One thing I've learned for sure is that our parents largely shape how we view our heavenly
father.
And if I were asking people often, you know, I've, I've heard it asked to people, I would
put it this way that, you know, which aspect of God do you most identify with?
Most people are pretty good with Jesus.
A lesser are then okay with the Holy Spirit, but very few people in comparison number wise
are okay with the father.
Because a lot of that, what we understand of the father was shaped by the fathers and
mothers.
that we've encountered that have just fallen short.
They've had bad days.
They've been through stuff.
They're victims.
They're just paying forward the damage and the mess
that they've inherited themselves in life.
And that's the stuff that Ashley's talking about,
that there's a certain aspect where
you're drawing a line in the sand and said, thus far,
no more.
It's not going to go forward to my kids.
It's not going to go forward to my generation.
It's not going to go through my grandkids
and my unborn great-great-great-grandchildren.
And so if the Lord brings this up
and this is where he wants to go,
then he's wanting you to heal this aspect
so you can see him in a more complete way.
Does that make sense?
It does, yeah.
I remember my mother, as an example,
she had a Scottish grandfather, a Scottish father.
My grandfather was Scottish.
And he was a tough man.
And he was just a tough guy.
And when people would talk about climbing up
in the lap with their daddy and talking about the father
and your good, good father, the songs,
there were these songs that were out
and they were talking about the father.
It would almost manifest.
Like she just couldn't get it, didn't want to get it.
It made her mad.
She didn't know why.
It made her uncomfortable.
And it was largely because she just couldn't identify with it.
She just couldn't get there.
You know?
And she knew something changed when all of a sudden,
you know, there were these songs.
And she could sing with the top of her lungs.
She could call our heavenly father,
she can call him daddy.
That she could say that he was a good, good father.
She could sing these songs now and embrace them.
And something changed in her.
And it changed her relationship with God as a result.
And I think this is a place where God
is wanting to do this for you.
OK?
OK.
All right.
So with that in mind, I'm going to read just a prayer
that I'm going to pray over you.
And then what I'm going to do, and this is as GPG, PG-13,
RNC-17, whatever it is that you want it to be,
I'm going to open up a time.
And I'm going to literally stand in for your father.
And it's the opportunity to tell me anything
that you can't tell me.
Anything in the natural that you can't tell your father,
that you need to say guilt-free, I want you to say it.
All right?
And you're not going to hurt my feelings.
You're not going to offend me.
You wouldn't imagine the colorful things
that people have said to me over the years while doing this.
And good chance both of us will be crying.
It's OK.
You know, snot is welcome.
OK?
There's good snot and bad snot.
And this is good snot.
OK?
So Father, I thank you for Casey, Lord.
I thank you, Lord, for her father and her mother.
I bless her as a mother.
I bless her husband as a father.
I bless the generations, Lord.
And I pray, Holy Spirit, that right now you
would set the tone and the environment right there
in the room where Casey is.
That, Lord, that you would, the father himself,
would come and preside and overshadow this.
That, Holy Spirit, you'd foster the environment.
But that you, Lord Jesus, would come with your tenderness,
with your love, with your beautiful, fiery, loving eyes
to come and to bring a level of peace into this, Lord,
that there can be resolution in this area of the wounding,
the healing, and the blessings of the father.
We bless you in Jesus' name.
So now you can keep your eyes open.
You can keep them closed.
It doesn't matter.
Whichever you feel most comfortable.
And I'm just going to read to you a father's blessing.
OK.
Casey, a father's role is to protect, to provide, to bless,
and to establish his children's identity.
Maybe your father did that for you.
Maybe he didn't.
Perhaps he abandoned you.
in you or abused you sexually, physically, verbally, or emotionally. Maybe he died before
you were ready or left you for some other reason. Maybe he made you his pet, delighting in you so
much that you haven't been able to break away to be your own person. Perhaps he was distant,
removed, or showed no interest in you, or he terrified you with his anger and rage.
Perhaps he made you the scapegoat for all his troubles so that you suffered for things other
people did to him. Perhaps he blamed you for things that were not your fault at all. Maybe
he worked too much or played too hard and never spent time with you, missed your ballgames,
your dance recitals, and your spelling bees. Maybe he spent too much time with you, forcing
you to become the athlete or the student or doctor or lawyer you never wanted to be. Perhaps he left
you in the care of hurtful, dangerous people. Maybe he didn't see or believe you when you went
to him for help. Perhaps he was just too preoccupied with himself to see anything you wanted
or needed then. I really don't know. If you were willing to hear the words of a broken father
speaking to you, please close your eyes for a few minutes. I realize that I'm not your father,
but please allow me to stand in for him. And in the place of your father who may or may not have
said any of these things, please allow yourself to hear these words. I ask your heavenly father
to richly bless you in the places I failed to bless you. I ask the Lord Jesus Christ by the
power of his cross and blood to set you free now from any harsh or cruel words that I said,
especially the ones you keep remembering over and over. I am so sorry. I ask the Lord to set you free
from heart injuries you sustain from me or from others and whose care I placed you.
I ask the Holy Spirit to set you free from heartache, disappointments, dreads, grief, or rage
you cannot resolve. And I'm so sorry for any other struggles I may have caused you.
May you be healed from being ignored by me or overindulged by me. If I ever made you feel less
than or not good enough, I am deeply sorry and ask you to please forgive me. May the Lord set
you free from working so hard to please me when nothing ever would. May the Lord set you free
from trying to get from me when I never had to give you. I'm so sorry.
May the Lord set you free from blaming me for failing not because I need that, but so that you
can be free to grow, to receive, to achieve, and to be creative in ways you have not yet imagined.
May the Lord give you all the things I was unable or unwilling to give you. May the Lord guide you
in ways I could, I never could, and grant you peace. May the Lord free you from the effects
of my addiction, my anxiety, and my anger. May the Lord free you from feeling that you have to
always be perfect or that you have to be what I expected you to be. I pray that God will help you
see that the hurt and pain I caused you came from my own childhood. It limited me and I'm so sorry
if it has limited you. I pray that God will remove from you any belief that you were not wanted or
loved. I pray that you have no doubt that you are the gender you are supposed to be. I pray the Lord
will release you from any unhealthy bond that may have that you may have with me. I want you to keep
all of that good that came from me and give the garbage to God. My beloved daughter, I love you.
I'm so proud of you. I'm so glad you were born. Take flight, my love, soar into the heights
of God's destiny for you. Fly free and live.
Now, when you're ready, you're going to stand in as your dad and now's the opportunity
for all the things that you're carrying, all the things that you have to say, you can say
them to me now.
Dad, I never felt cherished by you.
I was your daughter, but I never felt like I was something special to you.
And I always felt like I could never get anything right.
Every time you tried to teach me something, you just always got frustrated with me.
And I could just never get it right.
I can never make you happy.
And I feel like I've spent my whole entire life trying to make you happy and make you notice me
and for you to tell me you're proud of me.
When I was little, I never felt like you cared about what I had to say.
I always had to, you were always right.
And anything I had to say was always wrong and I always felt less than, not good enough.
Like I'll never, I'll never meet your expectations.
And then whenever I told you these things to you, you never said sorry.
You wrote them off and that was painful.
Dad, I love you and I don't want this separation between us anymore.
I know our face have kind of looked different and I've grown so much in the Lord.
And I just want you to be proud of me and just accept me as I am with my relationship with the Lord.
It looks different from yours.
It doesn't mean I'm going to hell because I'm not Catholic.
Like you just want to know I'm loved.
Even if I don't go to the same church as you, that I love the Lord with all my heart, mind and soul and strength.
And I pray to God that our children grow to love the Lord the same way my children's children and their children's children.
That's all that matters.
It doesn't matter what church I go to.
My beloved daughter.
I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry for the hurt that I've caused you.
I am so sorry that you felt insignificant, that you didn't feel like you were seen.
I remember when I heard that you were going to be born, I was so excited and I was so afraid.
That I wouldn't be able to be the dad that I, that you deserved.
I'm so sorry that I let my junk and my baggage pour down upon you.
That there were things that you deserved and you needed from me that I just didn't have to give.
I'm so sorry that I was so preoccupied that I couldn't see what was right in front of me.
The times when I convinced myself I was doing things for you, but I wasn't giving you the very thing that you wanted and needed, which is me.
I so badly wanted to be a better version of my father for you.
And I'm so sorry that I failed.
I'm so sorry that I allowed the cares and the worries of this world to get between us.
That I didn't see you, that I didn't recognize you.
but I can promise you that I carried you, that I thought of you, that you were at the center of so
much of my motivation in doing things, and I didn't communicate those things to you at all.
I'm sorry that I didn't protect you.
I wanted to protect you from the world. I wanted to protect you from the things, and I didn't,
and I failed, and in my effort to try to protect you by putting upon you things
that helped me feel safer, which is to control things that I, I,
I didn't protect you. I just kind of imprisoned you, and I judged, and I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
And I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you
when you needed me most, when those things happened to you when you were 16.
As a father, there's nothing more that I wanted to do than to protect my child,
and I didn't, and I couldn't, and I feel like I failed
for all of these things, and so much more. I ask you to please forgive me.
Forgive me for not being there for you. Forgive me for not hearing you and cherishing you,
and making you feel seen, and heard, and loved, and setting a standard from which every man that
ever came into your life had to raise the bar to a place so that you feel loved, beautiful,
cherished, and that you are celebrated to be the amazing person that you are.
I'm so proud of you, though I lack the words.
The control that I've placed on you is really just my own fear,
and I don't know how to deal with things in my own life.
So, Father God, I pray for my daughter.
I pray today that you would break off all of the words that I've spoken over her that have hung
that have hung over her like a cross, like a curse, the things that have hung over her that
she has not been able to forget, the things that have limited her when I've wanted to free her.
Father, cut free every word, disempower every word that I've spoken over her
that still to this day she hears over her in her mind.
Wash away all of the judgment.
I ask you to fill in all the gaps for all the things that I was supposed to say to her that I
did not, that you would fill every place of every laugh, every hug, every cherished word.
I ask, Lord, that you would wake her slumbering spirit that, Lord, that you would come
and bring life into the place of identity.
You'll rise and enliven in her who she really is and who she's called to be.
I ask you, Lord, to set her free from my stuff.
And as your Heavenly Father,
KC, I bless you.
I release all of the love over you today that you needed.
You were creative.
You were wonderful.
You and I are supposed to walk seamlessly hand in hand to be co-creators because I created you
to be one of the most creative people that has ever walked.
And I call forth today all of the creativity that has been stifled and locked up inside of you
that has not seen the light of day.
I speak over you and call the life, your identity and your purpose and who you are.
You are an amazing woman, an amazing mother, and I'm so proud of you.
I'm proud of how you have stayed by my side
when you didn't have to.
I am proud that you have continued to walk this path.
I see all of the decisions that you make
in this secret place, in those quiet hours
where you struggle that nobody knows.
I know every time you've chosen me,
you don't know how many times you've touched my heart
through these years.
I bless you, and I ask, and I sever,
and I ask to cleanse the soul tie
that is unhealthy between your earthly father and you.
I bless you with peace.
I bless you with my gentleness that is so foreign to you,
and kindness, and goodness,
and all of the love that you were meant to have.
Father God, I ask right now for Casey
that you would fill, affirm,
and call to life the areas in her
that were never called to life.
I thank you there are no stillbirths in your kingdom.
And I ask today, God, you would break all the stagnant
that Lord, you would cleanse away all of the things
that have been bottled up over these years.
And Lord, with the pronouncement of her forgiving her father,
I ask that all of the things that have been bottled up,
unresolved, all of the injustice,
all of the anger that had no place to be expressed,
all of the emotions, and the trauma,
and the things that have been stored up in her body
to break down and gently pass from her body.
I bless her kidneys, Lord,
as they literally filter out all the toxins from her body.
Lord, Holy Spirit, I ask you to come over her body now
in Jesus' name.
And bring healing to her.
In Jesus' holy name, do you forgive me?
Forgive you.
How are you doing?
Good, good, I still feel a little heaviness in my chest.
But I don't really know what that's about.
But I feel lighter.
Okay, good, good.
So I'm gonna try something.
Just put your hand on your chest real quick.
And I'm just gonna, so Lord, I bless and I dedicate
her chest, I bless and dedicate her lungs, her ribs.
And Lord, I bless everything that is under her hands.
Lord, I just break the power of any oppression
that is set up over top of her, Lord.
I ask right now that you would break,
right now I command anything that's attached
to her chest, underneath,
that place has been dedicated unto God.
I command you to release and all the heaviness
to come off of her chest right now in Jesus' name.
Off of her shoulders, Lord, I bless her traps,
both of her traps, the sides and the back of her neck,
the base of her skull, and even between her shoulder blades,
that all the anxiety and stress that is stored up
in these places, even in her shoulders,
come off of her lungs and her breathing.
And even that constricting place that comes upon her heart
from time to time.
There we are.
Lord, that you would breathe upon her
and all the oppression I command you now in Jesus' name
to lift off of her and I break the power of all witchcraft,
any type of manipulation and control
that has existed and been exerting,
every backstabbing word,
every place of judgment and criticism
that has been levied against her now in Jesus' name,
I break the empowerment assignment now.
And every enforcing spirit,
I command you to release her and go and do not return.
Shalom.
I speak in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.
Amen.
speak the Shalom of God over you.
Father, release your peace.
Lord, I thank you that we're seated with her,
with you in heavenly places.
And Lord, we ascend before you now.
By faith, above all powers and principalities,
above all the heaviness and the busyness
of the stirrings of the world,
Lord, that right now, she be surrounded by you.
By your aroma, by your feel, by your smell,
by your taste, by your voice, by your presence.
Above the fray, and that you would restore her
to her place of righteous, rightful rest in you.
That you, the Prince of Peace,
would come and umpire her heart now.
In Jesus' name.
You doing okay?
Yeah.
Is that too weird for you?
No.
Well, Ashley's still here, she hasn't left.
I just...
I'm just crying, using it to shoot.
There's one other thing,
I don't know, where are we on time here?
I don't want to take up too much of your time.
See if this...
How are you on time, Casey?
I'm good.
Yeah.
I'm gonna see if there's one particular...
I don't know why there was this prayer.
I haven't seen it in a long time,
and I'm not a huge, what I call a canned prayer,
which is one that's been written ahead.
But I would normally have you read this,
but I'm gonna have you read it back to me, if that's okay.
And it's called just simply
the slumbering spirit prayer.
And again, it has to do with just basically
kind of calling yourself to life,
in the space where you should have been,
but maybe you weren't in completely.
So if you don't mind, I'm gonna read it to you.
You can just read it back to me, okay?
Okay.
Thank you, Heavenly Father.
That at my conception.
You breathed your spirit into me.
You created me to be one with you.
And to have fellowship with you.
And have fellowship with you.
Spirit to spirit.
Lord.
Come and minister to my spirit.
By your grace.
And healing power.
Bring me to life.
Lord, come and awaken my slumbering spirit.
Lord, come awaken my slumbering spirit.
Resurrect it unto life.
Loose it from the grasp of the enemy.
Help me to accept your love.
And to feel your touch.
I bind my spirit to your Holy Spirit.
And to your love.
Restore to me my innocence.
Zest for life.
Sensitivity.
Ability to be intimate with you.
And others.
To have hope.
To use my creative abilities.
To have spiritual inspiration.
When I'm in your presence.
Or when reading your word.
Restore also to me.
An awareness of my spirit.
And the spirits of others.
The ability to exhibit vitality.
The ability to exhibit vitality and strength of mind and the desire to experience the glory of sexual union with my spouse.
Heavenly Father, forgive me for the many ways
I have withdrawn from intimacy in my life
and for the bitter root judgments
and negative expectations
I've held in my heart
about my parents
and others.
I acknowledge this is a sin
and truly repent.
Lord,
also forgive me for striving
to win love and acceptance
without the willingness
or spiritual ability to hold my heart open to others.
In the name of Jesus Christ,
I tear down and destroy
all the strongholds,
habits, attitudes, values, and beliefs
I have built to support my bitterness.
Father, I take them all
to the cross of Jesus
and I crucify them now and forever.
Lord, I ask you to restore
all that has been destroyed
by my bitter root judgments
against any person in my life
who has hurt me.
Lord, I ask you to forgive
them and set them free.
Lord, at the same time,
I declare to you and myself
that I choose life
and I choose life more abundantly
as your word promises.
I understand that abundant life
is one filled with your peace,
love, joy, and prosperity.
A life where my value
is defined by who I am in Jesus Christ
and one in which my hope
is based on your never-ending grace and love.
Lord, fill me
with life and give me the strength
of spirit to persist in choosing life.
Enable and encourage me
to be vulnerable to those
who you send to nurture me.
My body, mind, soul, and spirit
set me free from this slumbering
and empower me to bring life
and joy to others
you intended.
In Jesus' name, amen.
Oh, that was good.
Life-giving.
Thank you.
Are you doing okay?
I am, yeah.
So I'm going to pray for you
unless there's something else
that you want to broach at the moment.
I think I'm good.
You think you're good?
Yeah.
You look like you need a nap.
I might.
Okay.
Lord, I just lift Casey to you, Lord, and, um, I don't know all that she needs.
And Lord, what I do praise that for your grace, that you would do more than I knew
or intended, and that there would almost be incidental healing and realignment
and release for her today.
Lord, I don't want to peer too deeply into any of these things, Lord, but I pray
right now that there there's any, um, unhealthy bondage or separate or
connection with her father, that you would cleanse it with her mother, that
you would cleanse it with her family, that you would cleanse it.
If there's any connection left with the perpetrator of that act back when she
was 16, I break the power of that now in Jesus name, I command the soul ties to
be broken and I command every part of that person to release from Casey and
to go back to where you came from, dipped in the blood of Jesus and any part of
Casey from that inner, any other union or any other kind of wound or hurt in her
life that has caused her to feel splintered or that is like little pieces
of her or running around out in the world somewhere or some dimensional plane,
whatever that may be, I call all parts of Casey back now dipped in the blood of
Jesus and the Lord, I call her into wholeness, I call her into wholeness,
Lord, Lord, I ask right now that the blood of Jesus Christ to cleanse her.
I pray Lord, the water Lord of the word that you would cleanse her inside and
out, that you would shine your light into every place within her soul right
now, Lord, to chase away anything that does not belong, to illuminate and
bring to the surface, anything that needs to be dealt with, that there'd be
a resolution or resolving a healing, a redoing deeming and a restory of all
things in her life, Lord, I pray for the courts of heaven.
I ask Lord for the judgment of God, not upon her, but for her Lord to
overwrite the stuff that is happening here, Lord, that you would inject more
of your love, more of your peace and your joy of your character, it says
that the joy of the Lord is our strength.
Well, Lord, if our joy quotient hasn't been very high in life, it's kind of
hard for us to be able to tap into something that we don't even understand.
So I come on her behalf and I say, Lord, make a way, Lord, you put the name of
Perez, you put me into that name and Perez means breakthrough, so I speak
breakthrough, I speak parats, I speak breakthrough into her situations, into
her life, Lord God, Lord, I asked Baal-Perezim, the Lord of the breakthrough
to come and break through the places of stagnant, where things have not been
moving, where there have been chains, Lord, you would break her feet out of
concrete and I called to life what was very clear to me when I first turned my
heart towards her today, that there are creative wells that are yet to be
untapped in her life, that there are creative aspects of who she are that
have not been celebrated and given space of expression, Lord, today, I pray that
you would make a way, Lord, we seal everything that's been done today, Lord,
we say there shall be no backlash and retaliation, the Lord, you would set
your angels about her to guard that not one seed fall to the ground, the Lord,
you would see that this would continue and be the beginning and not just a
momentary moment or that's going to be a fleet, something's going to be fleeting
and passing, that you would continue it in her sleep, that you would raise her,
heal her, teach her, the Lord, our history is not her rabbi, you are, you're her
teacher, you are the one that authors the finisher of her faith, you are the one
that sets before the foundations of the earth who she was, you're the one that
wrote every one of her days before she took a single breath, you are the one
that is the upholder of promises, you are the one that predicts her future, not
her past, not any word of any man that has lived and I say as a man, as a
father of sorts, as someone that has walked in authority even within the
church, I ask forgiveness to you, Lord, on behalf of us all and to Casey for
any time that we have misused our power, that we haven't seen you for
you are, where we've been a perpetuator of bondage instead of freedom, where we did not protect you,
we did not believe you, where we have misused our power, and we have made you feel more
insignificant than you ever were meant to. Father, I ask today that you would throw off the bondages
of misogyny, even within her generational line that have kept her
prisoned. And then, Lord, today that there be a washing away
of any bondages that has kept her from being able to come into her fullness,
that you would shower her with promises, that you would wrap her up today like a love burrito,
Lord, that you would rain down blessings upon her, that you would relentlessly and tirelessly
love her into submission, that you would be unrelenting in your love towards her,
that you would assault her with your love, with your kindness, with your joy in who you are,
and that, Lord, that there be some shift and that you not give up, you not stop
until it's done. We bless you, Lord, in Jesus' name. Amen. Thank you so much. Sure. Well, it's great
meeting you. You too. Lord, please, if you know, let us know how, you know, actually know how
things go. I mean, your current events, but to see how things, you know, go here. And sometimes,
you know, I don't need to tell you that emotions can really take it out of us. So, you know, be
kind to yourself and take a nap if you need to take a nap. Yeah. You know, and please do let us
know how things go. And you can't expect your father to change, but things will have changed
because you've changed. Yeah. That's the thing. Yeah. Right. I'm telling you, there's something
shifted today in that respect for you. Yeah. Right. I feel it too. So, yeah. Yeah. This was not a small
thing, I don't think. And I'll let the Lord talk to you about it. But from what I see, I really believe
it's true. And I truly believe that there's a, there's like a healing anointing upon you.
And I saw very strongly that there are, there's a creative aspect of who you are
that you may be aware of, but there's an aspect of it that is not fully emerged.
And that's not just doing crafty things and doing art. All those things may be possible.
It's also creative ideas, creative solutions. And there's just, there's, I feel like there's like a
area of vivid 20k color in your life that's been kind of muted in a sense, like a little bit of a
grayscale set in. And I feel like that these areas that are really supposed to be celebrated are going
to come to life. And I feel like the Lord's going to have his hands on those things and to be looking
for the promises, those things that you've forgotten about in life that he has not forgotten about.
And it would be as if the conversation be, oh, I didn't even remember that. And he goes,
you may have forgotten, but I have not. Well, you know, it's like they say, would I,
could a mother forget her child? And he said, yes, but I never will forget that. He knows you
intimately. And there are, I'm telling you, there's something about you in the, in that creative part
of God that he's wanting to sit and talk to you about. Yeah. Well, it's funny you say that because
creating and create creating has been like a thing for me. Like I feel this need to create,
like, I don't know what it is, but it's, I feel like that has actually been a thing for me these
past, this past probably just a couple of weeks. So, well, I think there's an aspect of who you are
that has gone unexpressed. And that's part of that expression. And that you're going to be
coming into a fuller, for lack of a better term, peacock display of who you are in a
splendor in color. That's always been there. It's just been kind of overshadowed. And I feel like
he is not going to stop until you kind of like, okay, God, I give up. I get it. Okay. I get it.
Like I'm creative. Okay. You're like, okay, I'm pretty. Okay. I like, but I feel that there's that,
that playfulness and there's a restoring of the.
in some other things that have been stolen from you in life.
And he's gonna restore them, not just make them better
and make you okay with not having them,
but he's gonna give it back to you.
That's exciting.
That's who he is.
Yeah.
That's who he is.
Do you have anything you wanna ask me?
I thought I did for a second and then I lost it.
I don't know, but oh man, it was, it almost came back,
but yeah, I'm excited for the, you know,
the invitation that, you know, the father just gave you
in so many different areas, you know,
the past several months and that you've chosen
very bravely to step into all of those
and therefore you'll receive, like I mentioned
in a comment on your journey share,
the reward that you're being given is himself.
And it's more, you're being able,
you're being given an opportunity to step into more freedom.
And that's the thing that I've forgotten
was there was something that I was thinking of
while ago, I was like, oh, I wanna tell her that.
And it was something about freedom,
about you stepping into that.
But you just, oh, that's what it was
about what's been done here today,
specifically, you know, in relationship to, you know,
your father and everything that, yeah,
you don't know what's gonna come up when you go back
and like all things that you thought,
oh, I thought I dealt with this,
or I thought I was healed with this,
or I thought it was whatever.
You don't know what kind of triggers that are,
can I come up, but remember what has happened here,
regardless of what you have to,
because you actually have to walk through
the thing that you've already decided,
the thing that you've already healed from,
the thing that whatever, but life's still, you know,
so the storm sometimes still rages, right?
But you can now go through it and rest
because here's the important thing.
You freed yourself, meaning like you made that choice.
You chose that for the Lord offered that freedom.
And you said, yes, Lord, I take your freedom.
So you are now, you've unchanged yourself.
You unshackled yourself from your father
in like the unhealthy ways.
So now you're free to enjoy him.
Yeah.
You're free to enjoy him because you no longer,
if you no longer need him,
if you no longer need what you were trying to get
from your father for yourself,
because you've received fat from the Lord,
now you can thoroughly receive your father
and enjoy him, your earthly father,
in the way that the Lord wanted to bless you with.
So what you're going into now
and what you have the opportunity to do
when you live in, when you move to the new place,
is you have the opportunity to enjoy spending time with him,
to look forward to it, to be,
because you're no longer emotionally or spiritually,
your soul, or however all that works,
obligated to those old, to the old history,
to the old connections, to those old,
like I said, the emotional obligations that you had
or that you'd felt or whatever.
And just if it's any encouragement,
I've walked someone through this before.
And to this day, I keep checking back with them.
So how are you and your father?
And they're like, great.
Because I, and they said, I finally can enjoy him now
because I no longer need his approval.
I no longer, I want his approval.
I, you know, I love my father and whatever.
I no longer need him.
So now I can look forward to seeing him.
I can now look forward to him coming over my house
before I would dread it.
And before it like made the whole evening stressful
just because my father was just there,
somewhere in the house.
And so she's like, now I'm free to enjoy him.
And so, because she freed herself
from the, from all of those obligations
she felt that she had been under.
So that's what you, so I just wanted to encourage you
because I don't ever want people, you know,
when they go through any kind of like a healing time,
like I've experienced this myself, healing time,
and then you get triggered or whatever,
and you think, well, wait a minute,
I thought we dealt with this.
Remember what we talked about before, you have.
And as Ed talks about,
is you are going around the mountain,
but you're going up.
You've already conquered, you've already dealt with,
you've already shifted into a new belief,
chosen some, chosen to operate
in a higher faith in the Lord.
And so, but now you've got to actually prove to creation
that what it is that God said really is true.
You've got, you actually walk it out.
But the thing is that you have all of the victory
on your side because you've chosen and it's the truth.
Now you bring that truth into your kingdom,
you bring that truth to creation.
So just wanted to encourage you that no matter what happens
that might like prompt you to think and question,
wait, but what about, you know,
the important thing is you get,
like Ed was saying, you can't control someone else,
but you freed yourself because you chose to receive
the freedom that Christ bought for you and offered you.
And you chose, yes, Lord, I take that gift.
So anyway, right.
Oh, it's done.
It's done.
It's a powerful thing to, to, you know, it's so strange.
Like, I don't have to tell you as a parent, right.
And I'm not a parent in the natural sense, but we go this life cycle with our
parents about them being kind of like gods in a way, you know, they're these
all powerful beings in our life.
I remember I thought I was telling everybody, my dad is the best dad in the
world and he's the strongest man in the world.
And where, who told me that?
Well, he did, you know?
And they were like, you know, well, how do you know that?
How do you prove that?
Because I lived on the street with older kids.
And then you start to realize, well, you, you, then of course you go in a period
where you think you know everything, but your parents then start to become more
people.
You start to now live in a time when you remember your parents being that age.
You know, my parents were married at 22 and 20, and I was born a year later.
And I thought, and then my brother was 15 months later.
And I thought that was the, that's all I ever wanted until I got about that age.
And then I was like, they're crazy.
Like, what were they thinking?
And, but they become just people in a way.
Um, and, and you, you know, all too well, the frailties of being a human being
trying to raise up other people, but there's a thing to forgive someone for
something that you righteously needed and wanted that they were supposed to give.
But there's a reality you come to realize that they didn't have it to
give in the first place because they were just broken, right?
Doesn't mean we, people will make that connection and be like, oh, okay.
Those still living in pain from the fact that it was really something that God
designed you to receive from that person.
You didn't receive it.
There's a violation in that place.
That's true.
And they were broken and didn't have it to give.
And God's not going to leave you there.
That, that hole in your heart, he's going to heal that place.
But once we see them from that perspective, wow, they're just a wounded
kid that grew up, did the best they could.
And then messed me up pretty good.
Hopefully I don't do, I don't want to continue to do the same thing.
But that, that, when that, when that happens, something changes, it's
like, it's like a balloon or something.
It's like this knotted place you have, you're holding on and then you let, it's
like, you let go and it just, it just takes off and I'm telling you, I really
believe firmly that there's something that's going to shift in your life and
your father and in you because of what you did today.
Yeah, no, I feel it.
I feel it too.
So like, I'm excited to go.
We're actually going there this weekend to look at houses and I'm actually
really excited to give my dad a hug.
So thank you for your time.
And for just being with me and I look forward to hearing about, you know, how
things go, let us know about how your time of the holidays and your time
of your dad goes, et cetera.
All right.
I will.
Thank you.
All right.
Yeah.
Bye.