I can hear you but not see you.
You sound like you're in the car.
Let's see if I'm right.
You're right.
I was like she has the sound.
You always sound like that when you're in the car.
It must be the acoustics in there.
I'm glad we're finally able to connect.
I appreciate your patience.
I was just checking to see if I could get the
errand up.
I thought I had time.
Otherwise I wouldn't be able to get it today.
I ran into a train.
All the traffic.
There's really no easy way to get anywhere.
It's not close to any major highways.
You have to weave out
the traffic.
I'm glad we're able to connect.
When things bottleneck,
they really bottleneck.
There's only so many ways in and out.
Thank you for your patience.
I was watching the clock.
I don't know why I had two in my mind.
I had one o'clock on my calendar.
I'm glad it worked out for us to still meet today.
I was disappointed when you weren't there.
I was looking forward to it.
I'm glad it worked out.
How are you?
I was excited you were able to have a reversal.
I was sorry to hear
it hasn't been smooth since.
It's been challenging.
How are you?
Today has been better.
I know I don't have a blockage.
That's a good sign.
They won't let babies
be released from the hospital
until they have a full cycle.
You need to make sure
that everything is working.
You need to make sure
that everything is working
from end to end.
Everything can get in and out.
That's how they work for me.
I couldn't be released
until I was having bowel movements.
Then I got home.
I've been chronically constipated
for a while now.
It's very stress related.
Getting home,
trying to get her house ready to put on the market.
My daughter,
I don't know what the word is.
She's very spirited.
She's omnipresent.
She's everywhere
.
She has so much life.
It's like blasting
all her energy at you all at once.
It's a lot at times.
Figuring out,
this was a reminder to me.
I feel like I reverted back
to my old man.
It's a reminder to me
that things that I feel are required of me
even though they might not be required of me.
Figuring out
how to live from rest in those times.
One of the ways
to think about it
is,
I was talking to somebody about this
,
about viewing those types of things in life
from a different perspective.
I'm not required anymore.
I'm not obligated.
How do we fix that discrepancy?
How do we reconcile that discrepancy?
How do we nullify
the seemingly contradiction?
That's what I'm trying to do.
As I keep saying,
and the Lord will hopefully give me
different words to articulate it
so I can flesh it out and help people understand it.
about the importance of owning yourself is that, okay, who does God say he is?
And who's he say I am.
Okay.
That is who I am.
And that is where I am.
In other words, I have significance.
I am the thing that God has most entrusted me with more than your
husband, more than your kids.
He's entrusted you first with you.
So what that means is you take on that, that you agree with him,
that you have that value, that significance.
And then when you own yourself, in other words, you own, you,
you take ownership of yourself.
You take, um, you choose your, you choose who it is that God says that
you are in the significance and the value that he has given to you.
And then from that place, you can live offensively in life of like, okay,
how, what do I want to create my life to be and to look like?
So when it runs into something like, and we'll just use your
daughter for an example, you know, running around with so much life
and energy, and then we, what we have a tendency to do is we think
something is happening that I can't control and I don't want, I want
it to work a little different.
I mean, you want your daughter, but you don't want what you're getting,
you know, it's, it's, we know, you know, with your husband, with, you
know, interactions with just people, it's like, okay, I like you.
I'm really not like you.
You're giving to me right now.
I really wish I could control.
You to the point where you could give me a different behavior,
you know, kind of a thing.
And so, well, what we do is we think, okay, what we have a
tendency to do is we think, okay, I'm not being given something I don't want.
So because I don't want it and because I can't control it, well,
then it's being forced on me and I have to, and it's something that I
don't want is being forced on me.
And now I have to do something I don't want to do because something's
coming at me that I didn't want, or I didn't can't control and didn't ask for.
But really what we can do is we can view it from a different
perspective of, okay, what do I want for my life?
And this is what my life has in it.
So how do I want to interact with that or whatever?
So say for instance, you know, your daughter, you know, you think, okay,
well, you love your daughter.
What do you want to give your daughter?
What do you want to, what kind of a life do you want to create for your
daughter, for you and your daughter's interaction and relationship and whatever.
So now that your daughter's behavior doesn't threaten or
require anything of you.
Now, what do you want to give to the situation?
As opposed to, oh, my word.
Now I have to do something because she did it.
And now I have to do something I don't want to do.
No, she did what she did.
She said what she said.
She asked, she's acting the way that she's acting.
So now you not being threatened by that.
How do you then, what, what do you, how do you want to take the lemons that
life has given you and make them make lemonade?
How do you want to take the circumstances and situations that you
have and create something out of it that you want for your life?
So you're moving forward offensively because of something you choose to do,
as opposed to thinking of it in the perspective of I'm forced into this
situation simply because if I don't react to this situation, there's going
to be consequences I don't want to deal with.
So then what we, we, the way that we ended up making decisions is simply
in efforts to avoid consequences.
And that's depressing way to live life as opposed to what do I want to create?
Not what do I want to avoid, but what do I want to create and
then determine our actions from that.
Um, and then there was another point that I was going to make about that,
that, um, uh, oh, that's right.
Uh, I was relating to some, the other person I was talking to, I was relating
it to things like around the house, like say for instance, dishes or the
grocery store or whatever, because they were like, well, you know, if I want to,
um, uh, how do I, how do I do the things that need to be done without feeling?
Um, uh, I don't remember how they worded it, but you know, how do I do the
things that, that need to be done without feeling overwhelmed or simply
trying to constantly procrastinate and avoid it in the name of self-care?
You know, and just like, oh, well, I'm going to sit around and do something else.
And then you avoid all of these things that quote unquote need to get done.
And I said, well, it's simply a shift in perspective.
What life do you want to create?
If you don't have food in the house and you're thinking, well, I really
don't want to go to the grocery store.
You don't have to, no one's making you, you do not have to go to the grocery store.
It is your house, your home.
No one's over you whipping you down the street to go to the grocery store.
You don't have to, if you don't want to, but what do you want to, how
do you want to live your life?
How do you, what kind of a life do you want to create?
Do you want to eat tonight and provide for your, for your family and whatever?
Okay, well then how can you do and create in life?
but it is that you desire as opposed to how do I avoid
something happening that I really don't want to happen.
Some, you know, and that would happen because I didn't act.
So it's just totally a change of perspective.
Then you're living, you're going to the grocery store
because you're creating your own life
because it's what you've decided you want to do.
And you went, and when you're at the grocery store,
you're buying the things that you want to buy
in order to create the life and contribute to your family
in the way that you want to, not because you have to.
So it allowed, that's how we act with the Lord in rest,
but we're still acting.
We're not like sitting at home, not doing anything,
you know, and not having to do it because we don't have to,
not having, not doing it because, well,
we're not obligated and well, it's not required.
No, it's not obligated.
We're not obligated and we're not required.
So now that we're not obligated and not required,
it's removed all of the weight, the burden,
the responsibility of a result.
And now that you aren't responsible
and burdened by creating a result,
now you'll find that you have all of this energy
and desire to actually create now that you don't have to,
now that, you know,
now that everything is in God's hands, et cetera.
Does that all make sense?
It's just a change in perspective.
You still discipline your daughter,
you still interact with her, you still whatever,
but it's because you're the parent
and you're trying to create something,
not that you're trying to avoid, you know,
whatever consequences could come if you're not,
if you don't interact and if you don't respond.
Right.
I think so much, and I haven't,
I'm just realizing this now,
so many of my questions lately have all come back to,
I'm sitting in the place of a victim.
Oh.
And kind of like, you know,
I've been this place of victimhood versus
what would be the opposite of that?
Like empowered or.
Yeah, victory or owning yourself.
I don't know.
Owning myself.
Yeah.
Like deciding things for you,
as opposed to you felt that they were forced on you
and you might've still wanted to make that choice
that you made, but because you made it,
because you felt like you had to,
you didn't like the choice.
Right.
Because you felt that the reason and the motivation
was something that wasn't inspiring, you know?
Right.
Healthy, it wasn't life, it wasn't you.
Your motivation was different.
So all you're doing now is you're changing your motivation
and your approach to life.
And you might still make some of the same decisions
in the same areas, in some of the same areas,
but now, because it's you,
you'll enjoy it more than when you feel it's forced on you.
We enjoy our jobs more when it's what we want to do
because it's what we chose,
as opposed to feeling we were forced into this situation.
Our parents made me take, you know,
my parents made me take this, get this degree.
My parent, my, you know, my husband, you know, said,
I don't know, I felt like, well, I had to take this job
and I felt like I had to or whatever.
And as opposed to thinking, okay, no,
I want to have, I want a job because I want to take,
you know, help, you know, pay for, you know,
my family's finances and whatever.
And then, sure, this might be the only opportunity
that came and I could see it as,
oh, this is the only opportunity I was given,
I'm forced into this.
Or I could choose, no, this is the opportunity
and this is something I want.
So therefore, this is an opportunity that I choose
because I could choose to reject it,
but I choose this for me.
So you're always owning yourself
and putting yourself in a position of valuing
who it is that God says that you are.
And that person making offensive decisions,
progressive decisions or whatever.
And so it's, you're switching your motivation
for why you move forward in life,
why you, you're changing your motivation for your decisions,
why you do what you do and what activities you choose
and whatever.
But as we've discussed, that whole,
what you look to for your motivation started way back,
in childhood, where you're looking
for your parents' approval,
looking for them noticing or being okay
and with how you performed or whatever.
And if that becomes the motivation
and there's no life in it
and you always feel forced into doing something
because what's creating your motivation
is your parents' response.
So that's driving you as opposed to what is bringing me life
and what allows me to be me
and what's naturally coming out of me,
that brings life and that will feel fulfilling
as opposed to the other motivation.
So if you chose tennis because you wanted to,
well, then it's more fun.
But if you wanted to,
to do tennis, but then you were made to, and you were driven and then it's no longer fun.
If your coach just drives you to the point where, you know, you know, it's, it's, uh, I don't know,
he drives these drills and he drives this, this, um, the number of times you have to do it a week
and you have to be on the courts. If you have to be on the course, it's no longer fun.
It's just simply, it's just simply the, what you're choosing as your standard of,
of, to motivate yourself. So if you simply change the standard of what you're using to
motivate yourself by owning you and living and living out of who that is, that's going to bring
life to what you do. It might be the same actions, but it's a totally different source,
which will bring life instead of death. That's what brings life instead of death. It's not the
action. It's what we're pouring into the action. That's what is, you know, it's, uh, what's
motivating the action. Right. So I've noticed like, like even when it's, when I have these aha
moments, like, oh, I've been a victim again. Um, and then I feel like I stay in that place of
owning myself for a period of time. Then it's almost like I slowly slip back into victimhood
without even knowing it. And how, how can I keep in that place? Well, have you noticed that over
time, like say for instance, the past 12, 13 weeks, however long it's been, have you noticed
that you're doing it more and more. That I'm like, that I'm owning yourself more and more for either
more longer periods of time or more often or whatever. Like, in other words,
were you noticing progress and improvement? Well, I would say in the beginning, I was noticing big
progress and improvement, but now that life is so much busier, I'm noticing like a regress.
So it could be a couple of different things for one, you could just be used to that. You've got
a new norm now. So you can forget that what's normal now didn't used to be normal. You didn't
have it as good as it used to, you know, you didn't use to be as good as it is now. And so
in forgetting that it's like, we just see lack. We see the glass is half empty instead of half full,
but then part of it could just simply be the fact that you've that well, I say part of it as if it's
like this second thing, another side of the same coin. In other words, what is going on at the same
time is the fact that you really have accomplished what you, you really have moved into rest to the
degree that you believe that you have and the degree that you, I don't know that you've just
detained, but you're going around the mountain again, but you're now higher or another way to
see it, see it is you're just now getting to a deeper layer of the same issue. And it was a layer
that wasn't exposed before. Now that you've dealt with all of this, now this thing that you had
never dealt with is now exposed. And so now you're having to face that. So and then part of that can
be triggered through like volume, like busyness, the amount of stuff that you have to do, you know,
that can, that can trigger. In other words, that can, and that can cause things that haven't been
dealt with yet to come up, could be volume, could be intensity, could be simply a different category
of something you have to face. Like say for instance, you've already done this through
cancer, but imagine that somebody else in the rest intensive was dealing with it in relationships or
was dealing with it in finances. And so they're like, okay, I got this. And then all of a sudden
they get a diagnosis and all of a sudden they're thinking on my word, I've regressed.
Uh, what it's as if I've never learned about rest, you know, well, no, you're now learning,
having to learn it and learn to trust God and have faith in a different category.
And he learned it in these others. So we're believing it's like we compartmentalize our
faith and our trust in the Lord. Lord, I can, I've learned how to believe you in this area.
I've learned how to believe you in finances, or I've learned how to believe you in relationships.
And I've learned to believe that and choose that you're my provider and my protector,
but Lord, when I'm faced with health, that's an area where I'm showing my limitation in my
ability to trust you. Are you really that good? So anyway, so for you, you know, who've seen it
in various categories, well, then now it's just kind of like, okay, well, when you get back to
normal life that you have been living a lot longer than you've lived with a diet, the threat
of a diagnosis of cancer, much longer than that, you've been dealing with all the daily stuff,
the grocery store, the husband, the children, your parents, you know, the Bible studies are
feeling or feeling the weight of, of being a, being a housewife and having to juggle all the
balls, you know? So with that longer affirmation, with that longer history of having an interaction.
with all of those daily things in a totally different paradigm than the one that you've
now chosen between you and the Lord. God's like, okay, now let's take that paradigm
and let's put it into what really has a very old entrenched habit of being approached in a
totally different way. Because so much of your, of our lives, we live on autopilot.
We approach it in the same way that we did yesterday, which is the same way we did 10 years
ago, because. It's one of the benefits of getting older is you don't have to think so much about
every little thing that happens in every little thing, you know, that, that you do a lot of it,
you figured out already from experience and you put that aspect of interacting in life and
interacting with other people and driving and then going to the grocery store.
A lot of that is just on autopilot. That includes all of the feelings that come with having to go
to the grocery store or dealing with traffic or the fact that the kids are in the back screaming
or, and so we just have a tendency to go into autopilot for those things. So.
And part of those autopilot, which I knew how to just part of that audit, those autopilots are all
entrenched in beliefs that we just haven't dealt with yet. If we just haven't dealt with those
beliefs to. To the degree to that, um, that those triggers are showing that we haven't,
and I don't know if that's grammatically correct, but in other words, you've dealt with your faith
in your, in your trust in the Lord to a particular degree in particular areas.
And so now this is just revealing like a deeper level to which you need to choose that God.
And what he's that God is who says that he is to the degree. He says, he's that you already
know that he's that you've chosen him in all these other areas, but it is he, and he's, he's
as good as the way he's expressed himself in his goodness to you in all those areas, you know, in,
in your treatment and, you know, with, uh, with cancer and helping you make, learn how to make
decisions with him and feeling more confident and loved by him and, and, um, uh, Fully and
unconditionally accepted, but is he as good as for you to be okay. As a mom and a wife,
if everything's not done according to the standard that you've always done, it
doesn't mean that you won't continue to do it to that standard. If not better, it just means,
are you okay with the Lord with, even if you don't meet that standard and the old Casey didn't
believe she was. And so those old, so whenever you're in those situations, again, that old thing
of I'm not enough, unless all of these standards start rising to my PT. And so all of these things
start rising to my standards. That's what's going to come up in those moments. So you have to choose
repeatedly. No, who does God say that I am? You know, am I enough? Do I need, I need to let go
of this, not of me not being able to control this. I need to let go of the fact that, you know,
things are, are busy right now. And there's a lot that's required of me. And I have a potential of
being overwhelmed and whatever, quite honestly, I'm going through a time right now where I'm
feeling, um, I was talking to, um, Ed about the fact that I am feeling very overwhelmed.
And, and so I know what it is that I need to do in, um, when, when I'm overwhelmed, I was like,
okay, Ashley, you are requiring that you have to do all of these things. All of these things have
to get done. They have to get done this amount of time. And there's this one piece right over here
that you really don't want to do. Why? Because you've never done it before. And when you're
trying to do all of this other stuff now on top of that, you got to learn it and you got to do it.
And you just don't want to, and you're just simply intimidated. If you just get right down to the
root of it, you know, and then all of that stuff is just overwhelming. And so I think, why am I
overwhelmed? I'm overwhelmed because I think I have to. And I think that if I don't, then I'm not
a good enough wife or a good enough mentor or a good enough, I don't know, whatever that I'm
falling short of a standard or a mark. And, and, and anyway, so I have to adjust and realize, no,
what is my standard? And what is my mark? What is my highest priority that I'm good enough with God?
Okay. So am I good enough with God? That's what he says. Okay. Then that's the reality in which I
choose. And then all of a sudden the overwhelm goes away because it no longer can give me what
I want. Cause I already got what I want. I just, I just let go of it all. And I chose that I really
am. Okay. Cause God says that I was okay. Now that I'm okay, let's just start doing stuff.
What do I want to create in life instead of what is being thrown at me and being put on my list,
whether I put it on my list or someone else does and me thinking I'm already got to do all this.
No, I don't. All of these things can't give me something that I'm being threatened to not have.
of, if I don't get it done, I already got it.
So now that I have it, let's just start knocking things off the list.
How do I want to live life?
What things do I want to have done?
Okay, then go do them.
But it's, so it's just, I just had to change my perspective.
And as soon as I changed my perspective, the overwhelm lifted.
Yeah.
So, okay.
Cause things in the list, aren't a threat.
It's what the not getting of those things done is, uh, what we believe
that that is saying about us or what, or the fact that we think that we're
not going to be safe or protected or taken care of, um, and, uh, if
those things don't get done, you know, oh, we're not going to get as much
money or, you know, dinner's not going to be done on time or my, my, my kids
are going to learn the wrong lesson or my, you know, just whatever, you know,
we're looking at all these consequences that could happen, you know?
Um, so anyway,
yes, it is.
Yeah, it is.
So it's just a change in perspective.
So rest and what it is that God offers us in, in the abiding in him, which is what
rest is rest, no, isn't peace or anything.
It's actually just simply abiding in, in other words, being in God.
And it's, it's not about the avoidance of pain or the avoidance of, you know,
unpleasant circumstances or anything like that.
It's, it's actually a freedom in which through a freedom by
which we can go through them.
So it just changes how we go through life.
It doesn't avoid life, you know?
You know, so yeah, that's cool.
I feel like I'm probably gonna have to come back and listen to this like weekly.
So, well, um, yeah, I'm glad that that's that.
I don't know, just helpful then, but yeah, it is.
It's all about a change in just changing our perspective on it.
Not about how do we avoid it happening, happening to us?
How do we get out of where it is that we are?
It's, it's, it's, you know, it's, it's all about how do we go through it?
It's not about, how do you go through it?
How do you go through it?
So that you rule it because when you rule it, that will change it.
It's just acting.
I mean, some of it is not to get not so many of the waters, but some of it is
just, it's just acting just in, in chaos.
Do to the fact that humanity has been telling it for thousands of years.
That God isn't true.
And that God isn't as good as he says the years and that God is real, but he's not
You know, or whatever.
And it's acting out it it's in self-preservation circumstances,
situations, human souls, we're all acting out of self-preservation.
And so what we have to do is we have to bring in the truth, not by telling it,
the truth, not by telling ourselves or telling the situation or telling other
people, we have to bring the truth.
We have to choose it, that it's true.
Then live it in order for life to experience that.
It really is what God says that it is.
We have to let it experience it.
Meaning we have to give it when we've never seen it.
You know, we've never, you know, in other words, we don't have proof.
We prove it with ourselves, right?
We have the faith and then we create the proof that wasn't
there before we had faith, right?
Proof can't exist without us.
We have to create the proof.
So we have to choose that something's real in order to make it real into creation.
It already exists in the spirit realm.
And then we choose that that is true.
And then we bring it down.
So anyway, it's, it's, um, it's again, you know, with, with chaos of
situations or whatever, including, you know, your own emotions or whatnot,
you just kind of perceive it as well.
You know, this is normal.
It's not like, oh, it shouldn't be like this.
No, this is, this is life.
This is the way it is right now.
Now, was it like that before the fall?
No.
But is it like that after the fall?
Absolutely.
And God's died so that we could have victory over and rule over and already
be in the position over all of this chaos.
So we have to operate from being over in order to change it, but it won't
change without us, without us ruling over it.
And so we just let it be what it is.
We let it be.
It's chaos.
It's like Jesus in the storm.
Just let it be what it is.
We don't have to change it because it's not threatening.
So now that's not threatening.
Now we can bring now, now it can, um, it can, it can change because we
no longer require it to change now that it's no longer.
You're required to change.
It'd be like, oh, so if God says that it, he accepts me unconditionally
and I really am good, I really, and you know, I, I really have a purpose.
I really have a function and I can function freely.
I had the opportunity to function freely according to the way I was created.
I'm experiencing now by how Casey's interacting with me.
That it's actually true.
But how can I be, just try to be convinced by someone else that it's
true, if I've never experienced it, you know, and so we give them the
experience, we actually lived the truth out and they're like, oh my word.
You know, if, if that can actually happen from a human being, then it
must actually happen with God.
Cause I'm seeing it's actually something that can happen as opposed to something
they've never seen or experienced.
So we went and.
So is it in that place that we make disciples?
I mean, this is something that like, I've been, like, it feels like too, like
the, you know, Jesus called us to make disciples of all nations and, you know,
I feel like, like churches I've been going to, they do it, what, what feels
like in a maybe non-relational way, almost like a forced way, possibly.
Like soldiers or something.
Right.
And so I'm trying to like bring this, what I'm learning here into alignment with
like, that's like, I've never been discipled before, you know, I feel like,
you know, cause it may be by you or different people in my life.
And so I'm, you know, I want to do well in that area and, you
know, that's important to me.
But how do I bring what I'm learning here into that?
Into discipling other people or.
He, I guess.
Yeah.
I mean, I guess, well, I'll tell you, I was walking around my neighbor, well, my
cul-de-sac there's probably 10, 10 houses on my street and I was walking around and
I was like praying for over every house and the people in the homes and that they
would come to know the Lord and Jesus.
And as I was coming to like one of the last houses, I was thinking, wait, I've
lived here for how many years?
And I have not once.
I mean, yes, I talk about my faith.
I talk about God, I, but I'm not very, I probably talk about my faith more online
than I do in person.
And I'm thinking it was almost like I felt convicted.
Like, wow.
I've never like said anything to these people.
Like I'm, you know, God put me here.
So then I'm like, Oh, and I didn't feel condemned, but it was kind of like an
eye-opener.
Like, what do I do with that?
Yeah.
Well, it's really fascinating.
So remember that we're the body of Christ.
We keep telling wanting Christ to do things, but we're his body.
The head doesn't do anything.
The body does.
The body has the hands.
The body has the feet body takes the places the body, like, you know, grabs
things in the body, manipulates tools and does stuff.
The head gets direction.
And so it's just getting, it's doesn't.
And I'm not trying to, I'm just trying to use that as a simple explanation.
I'm not trying to say that Christ doesn't do anything, but the thing is that, um,
that we're supposed to be Christ to others, meaning that when they see Christ,
we're who he sends, they're asking and crying out subconsciously in their, in
their souls, you know, for something they don't need.
Some of them don't even know how to, how to, how to verbalize.
They are calling out and crying out for their creator.
And so God sends us because we're supposed to show them not in a, in a manner of
speaking, not point to him, but actually be him like walk in the room.
So in a way that it's actually Jesus walking into the room because our
spirits are intertwined with his.
And I don't mean that they look at us.
Like they look at Casey or they look at Ashley and they see us
that, oh my word, we're Jesus.
I don't mean that.
I just mean his spirit within us, you know, and where they interact with it
in such a way where it transforms them because they've interacted with Christ.
They've been, because our spirits are now one with Christ.
They interact with his spirit and they change and transform into sons.
That's how disciples are made.
It's another, it's, um, also.
Like the, um, what you're describing is also like, uh, the, what Jesus was saying
when he said, you know, I.
was Jesus. I don't think it was Paul. Well, somewhere in the new Testament, you know,
one of them was saying, you know, it don't just, uh, just if someone comes to you and they're
hungry and they're cold, don't you've heard me use this example before, you know, don't just
tell them, you know, send them on their way and say, well, may God, may God take care of you.
May God bless you or whatever. That's similar to us, us praying for people and saying, oh God,
you know, may they see you, may they, may they run into you, maybe encounter you or whatever.
And then what we're told to do is, is that don't send them off, wishing them well. And that may
between them and that made me, they receive what they need between them and the Lord.
It says we give it to them, what we want for them, we give to them. And it actually requires
something from us. It's not even, we actually give them piece and parcel of ourselves. We give them
our coat. We give them the food that we were going to take that we were going to use that we have in
our pantry. We give it to them. So, um, anyway, when we, so it's not in any way to like condemn
for, you know, praying for other people and you're like, you know, you can't talk to everybody,
but I'm just talking about very generally in relationship to the question that you were
asking yourself, well, wait a minute, you know, it's falling in line with what Paul or Jesus that
I remember who it was, was, was, um, what it was that they were saying when they said, you know,
if we see a need, if we desire something out of the heart that God has given us, that reflects
his character of loving other people. And, and, um, I was going to say like wishing the best for
them, but you know, wanting them to draw close to the Lord will then we are what he sends. We're the
answer that God sends them to their prayer. You know, when they asked for fulfillment of a need,
God said, since us to fulfill that need from ourselves, not to pull it from somewhere else,
but actually it requires us. Um, and, uh, anyway, so, uh, so as far as like, you know,
going back to what you were asking about disciples. So yeah, the disciples are basically
people transforming more and more into, into, um, uh, Transforming more and more into maturing
and looking more and more like their father transforming more and more into a son of God,
meaning like they already are a sense of God, but you're trying, they're transforming more and more
to be more mature, to look more and more like God, look more and more like their father.
Cause they're the sons of their father looking more and more like him. And that's what the
maturity of discipleship is, is looking more and more like their father. And what, and so anyway,
the way that they do that is not by obeying a master, but by, but by becoming intimate with a
husband, you know, God. Yeah. Um, and, uh, and so in it's in that happens through exposure to his
presence. So we are sent to expose them to God that they can interact with, you know, kind of
like a tangible way of seeing how does God interact with me in my mess when I'm struggling, when I'm
her, when I'm, you know, self condemning, when I'm self doubting, we give them the experience
and how we interact with them. Um, in a physical way, we physically give them the experience of
what it is like to interact with God. And it's hard, but that's how we make disciples is because
they experience God, not because they learn. They learn. Um, uh, I don't know all the, uh,
you know, they learn the Bible backwards and forwards and they, and they know all the law
and they'll know all the principles and they know all of this stuff. Um, I even had a, I had a call
today with someone who's interested in joining the next rest intensive. And it was, is the,
one of the application little clarity calls that I do. And she was cause the, and I always ask
everyone, you know, so why, why were you interested in joining the rest intensive? You know,
what is it? Where are you right now? And they said, you know, I know all of this stuff. They're
like, I listened to, you know, I, a lot of, uh, some of what I teach, you know, about like, uh,
the three realms and stuff like that. I learned from Chris Blackaby. And so she knows that. And
so she said, she said, she said, I know all that hundred fold stuff. She said, I teach it. I know
what I have lived it for two and a half years. She said, but my life.
isn't changing. She said, that is why I am here. And I was like, exactly. It's like knowledge
can't change us into disciples. It can't transform us, but experiencing God does.
So what I do with the rest intensive, and that's why I write the little write-up that I do about
something about, you know, the rest intensive is an, is an immersive spiritual environment
or something like that. It's because what I try to do is I try to allow them to interact with
an expression of God so that they can experience that it's true. And so when, as opposed to just
learning more stuff. So I try to hold this space for them that God holds for them at this part in
their journey. You know, cause I'm not, I don't walk with people, you know, through all of their
lives. I just walk with people once they get here. And then when, when they get here, you know,
that's what I have the grace for. It doesn't mean that I just like, stop talking to people after
this, but I, but I'm just talking about like, like just talking, just trying to like, be simple here,
you know, in the rest intensive, they have to be to this point in their relationship forward.
And then I help them walk to this point. This is what I have grace for. I don't have grace for
this. I don't have grace for this, but I have grace for this. And so what I do is, is I try to
help people experience the truths that I'm trying to help them live out in their own relationship
with the Lord. If I say the Lord is this good, that is what I need to be to them.
If I say that the Lord loves them unconditionally, doesn't abandon them is there for them is
whatever, then that's what I be, who is my God to me. And that is what I be to others. And anyway,
and one of the, I had a lady tell me several, I don't remember when, but a while back, she was
telling me that the thing that, that made the biggest difference for her in the rest intensive,
in other words, helped change her was the fact that she finally could experience when she was in
it by her interactions with me, like on like calls and whatever she said, I could finally experience
the things that I'd always heard God was. So it helped me realize it's real. God probably,
if I'm experiencing this, it means it's actually true. And I'd never seen it before.
Then now I can more readily believe that God's like that too, because it's hard for me to believe
that God is like something that I've never even seen again. Why we're always looking for proof.
We're always looking for evidence now. Yes. Does God tell us to have faith? Absolutely.
But he also tries to give us evidence and proof to help us along the way to help build our faith.
And we do the same thing for others. We give them proof. We give them evidence. We give them
experience so that they can actually believe, okay, wow, this is evidence. This is proof. So
it must be true. What God says about himself. So anyway, that's how we make disciples is exposing
them to the, to, to God himself, to allow them to experience God through us. And that's hard
because we have to handle them in the way that God handles us going through the messy bits.
That's what, that's what people are worried about. People aren't worried about how God
interacts with them when they feel good about themselves, when they feel that they're doing
good, when they feel that they've done enough, they're wondering what will God do and how will
interact with me when I've fallen short of my own expectations and can I ever fall short
of God's acceptance of me? So we have to not let other people fall short of our expectations of
them though. Did I say that right? To feel that they fallen short of our expectations of them
and that we won't accept them anymore, that we've tied, that we've tied their actions to our
acceptance of them, you know, our receptivity, you know, that kind of a thing. Now, I'm not
talking about enabling abuse. I'm not talking about that. I'm just, you know, what I'm talking
about. I'm talking about, you know, us changing our paradigm of, um, of how we interact with other
people. So anyway, that's, that's what makes disciples is exposure to God's spirit. It's
himself. We don't, it's God's. We don't do that. It's their exposure to God in us and the, the,
the oneness of our spirit with his that will change them. So the reason I say all of that is
the pressures off of us. We can't create the outcome and we don't, we just simply
expose them to God and ensure we sacrifice of ourselves, who pour ourselves out, but
our actions don't create the results in their life. That's simply done very effortlessly when
they get exposed to God. That's why when people start the rest intensive, I'm telling you what,
and y'all showed, you know, y'all did the same thing.
It's like, if I just kind of like start everyone out and say, okay.
And I point them to God, okay.
Do this with the Lord, you know, spend time with or whatever, but I make everyone, I try
to create a safe environment for people to feel they can finally do it because I try
to make them feel safe with me.
And then in feeling safe with me and in the environment and the, on the zoom call that
we're in, or sometimes when I'm in the room with people, you know, then they finally feel,
okay, well maybe I can do this with the Lord.
And then when they do it with the Lord, it's the Lord that meets them.
And all of a sudden everything changes and they've hardly learned anything about rest.
It's not, it's not the knowledge.
It's just simply exposing them to God and God starts doing stuff.
Think of everything that has changed in your life, you know, in the past 12 weeks and think
comparatively to the few times that you've met with me, God, that was you and God working
all of that out, him touching your spirit.
It's not me.
In other words, my point, the reason I keep talking about me is, you know, we're talking
about like, how do we make, help make disciples?
It's not us.
It's just us simply, simply giving them an experience of God, but it's God himself in
there.
When they see that and they experienced that, that changes them because it's God's spirit
that will turn a person into a, into a son and will continue to mature them.
It's not our work and our effort and are trying to convince them to believe things.
And that didn't change anybody that doesn't have substance and it can't help someone,
you know, when they received a diagnosis or when their child is sick or their whatever,
they have to own that between them and the Lord.
They there were not changed in our minds were transformed in our, you know, in our soul.
So anyway, right.
That's helpful.
Very helpful.
And it's, it's something I think I've always felt in my spirit, but then I see, I know
it's like, it's like, there's like, it's just doesn't, they don't mesh.
And then it makes you feel, it makes you feel off or crazy because you're like, well, surely
everybody else, if everybody else is agreeing that this is how you do it.
And they, they've gotten some of these people, they've got ministries and they apparently
it works.
I mean, surely they would know.
I mean, my goodness, you know, I don't have something that can compare to that, you know,
from a worldly standpoint.
So they asked me, right.
And they all agree.
And they're all following.
So I would be swimming against this, swimming against the current.
So I probably just am, am just not letting it be enough.
You know, I'm just probably not being content with how things work.
And we just start questioning as opposed to realizing we're living in a matrix.
And there's something in us that knows something's off, but we have to value that.
We have to value that voice and ask the Lord and really probe into it as opposed to just
having a, having a tendency to self-doubt and self-condemn and squelch the Holy spirit.
Right.
You know, just as encouragement to you of like, so if you think of this, you know, what
other areas are you like kind of questioning or like something's something doesn't seem
quite right.
It could simply be your approach to it.
Or it could be that the way that it's working is not the way it's supposed to work for instance,
how did I learn about rest?
I did not know anybody who was living like this.
I mean, meaning like when I was like doing like in business and, and, and I was just,
and God would tell me to do something and I'm like, Lord, that doesn't make any sense,
you know, and all of the advice that I'm being given, being given and all of the business
professionals that I know they operate very differently.
It's just that the Christian ones put godly terms on it.
And I'm like, Lord, something in my spirit and Lord, they're making all this money.
So apparently it works, Lord, why can't I be satisfied with it?
I'm not, this isn't right, but I don't know why.
And so, and I don't have anybody who agrees with me and I have people who tell me, well,
actually you need to be going to other people for advice and whatever.
And I'm like, Lord, you know, about how to handle certain situations in business or whatever.
And I'm going, Nope, that is not how I believe that God's character actually is.
So all that I was left with was just, okay, God, this is, this is the quandary that I'm
in.
I don't know, really know what it is I'm looking for.
I just don't believe this is it.
So Lord, just tell me what to do.
And so we'll say, he would say, okay, do this.
This is how to handle this situation with this person, or this is what to say in this
meeting, or this is what to do with this project, or this is whatever.
And I would just blindly follow things that would be seen as a risk to my professional
career.
were a major risk to my professional career.
It depends on the situation as to how shockingly risky
those things were.
I mean, like literally I'm risking being fired for things,
you know, and it was just because God said, God said,
God said, but I didn't know what I was doing.
And so my point is just to encourage you that if you don't,
if something seems unsettling, you know,
ask the Lord to help reveal to you, you know,
and kind of explore with him what else it could be.
And, but, and then just, and then,
and then if he doesn't reveal to you
in terms that you understand, like, like the principle,
oh, well this, Casey, this is what's going on.
And this is how it works.
He may not do that.
He didn't do that with me in that particular situation.
Sometimes he does.
Sometimes he'll tell me a principle and I'm like, oh, okay.
Well, so this is what's going on.
And other times I don't get a principle.
I just hear do this or don't do this.
I'm like, okay, I don't know why, but here we go.
And then as I proved myself faithful
in being obedient to the Lord and choosing him over myself,
he then began to reveal to me patterns and relationships
and then taught me the principle of what was going on
and why the way everybody else was doing it
doesn't work in an eternal standpoint.
It works in worldly standpoint,
but that leads to nothing but death.
It doesn't jive with the kingdom.
And I was searching for the kingdom.
I was wanting to live from the kingdom.
And so anyway, then the Lord began to reveal to me,
okay, Ashley, this is the principles of the kingdom
that you've been operating in.
When you didn't know what you were doing,
you just heard me say do it and you did.
So anyway, over time he revealed the principles.
But so I chose, here's a big thing,
choose God over understanding him.
Choose God over understanding why you're doing
what you're doing or why things are working
the way that they're working or why you don't feel,
you don't feel, I don't know, like you belong,
connect with, understand, or are in alignment
with the environment or the operating principles around you.
Choose him over those things
and then he'll guide you through them.
He'll guide you basically through this landmine
of everything that seems contradictory
to what it is that you're doing and what it is you believe.
So choose him over learning a principle
and he'll reveal the principle
because he won't let anything get in the way
of your, his relationship with you,
including you learning more about him,
including you learning his principle, et cetera.
So once you choose him and remember what is that?
Is that Hebrews 11, six.
Do you remember me talking about that one?
Choosing God, God himself over anything else.
And that's what faith is.
Oh, yes, yes.
I know about, yes.
I don't remember.
Oh, what is that scripture?
That's it, that's odd.
Oh, here we go.
Hebrews 11 and then Hebrews six.
And then it says,
and without faith, it's impossible to please him
for he who comes to God must believe that he is,
in other words, that he exists
and that he's a rewarder of those who seek him,
not seek to learn about him, not seek to follow him,
seek him.
So you choose him over understanding.
You choose him over the principles.
And then when you've chosen him, then he says,
now I can entrust you with knowing about me.
Now I can entrust you with revealing my character,
with who I really am.
Now I can entrust you with,
and trust you with my principles and knowing my principles
because you've chosen me over them.
So anyway, if that's helpful.
It is helpful.
It actually makes me realize,
like, I feel like the Lord has been silent
and I'm realizing that he actually hasn't been silent.
Well, I think he's quit talking
because I've been choosing not to listen to him.
So he's kind of like,
oh, well, when you want to start talking.
Let me know when you're ready.
And it's just encouraging just because I feel like,
oh, okay, this is just easy.
Like, I feel like I've, now that you're,
after listening to what you've said,
I've felt like I've heard him speak certain things to me
that I just, whether I didn't know that it was him talking
or I just kind of like threw it under the rug
and kept going kind of thing.
But I realized it's,
I'm wanting to understand it before I.
Choose him. And yeah. Yeah. And that's something we talked about way, way, way, way back. Like,
I don't know, 10 or 11 weeks ago. I mean, we talked about it as a group.
You know, about not, um, not requiring things to reconcile before we choose faith.
Right. We can't try to end it. We can't. Because that's holding a condition over God,
God, what's more important to me is understanding why, what I was doing, didn't work. And why,
what you're saying I should do does work over him. We're choosing the understanding over him.
We're idolizing that over him. And we're putting a condition on our relationship with God. And
we're putting it on hold and saying, okay, God, I won't move further until you reconcile this for
me. And God said, no, I want you to move blindly because you choose me without the understanding.
Then I will gift you the understanding now that I can entrust you with it because you chose me.
That's the, it's the same thing that he, he presented Abraham with. He's like, what do you
choose? Do you choose my promise or do you choose me? Cause that's what Isaac was. Isaac was the
promise. And so it's like, do you choose what I promised you or do you choose me? And Abraham
said, I choose you. And God's like, okay, now I can entrust you with the promise.
Because I can't entrust you with a, with the promise. When the whole point of the
promise was to give you me, then I can't entrust myself with you. If you choose it over me,
I'm not safe with you. You know? Right. Yeah. So if you choose that over your to-do list,
everything that needs to get done, trying to sell your house or whatever, God will take over
and everything will happen. You'll get all of the stuff done that you need to get done.
He'll take care of, he'll take care of everything. There will things you won't,
there were, there are things that you will not have to do because God will set things
up so that it, that completely nullifies you even needing to do it. And anyway, yeah. Yeah.
So because you choose him over that, and I've watched multiple people actually through
selling and buying of homes. And one of the things that I watched one couple through it for probably
like I don't know, like two years, a year and a half, two years, something like that. And I'm
telling you what it was so emotional for them. Oh my word. It was so emotional. And I, and I
remember sitting with the, with the couple at one point thinking, I can't believe after all this
time, I'm still sitting here talking with him. Cause I happen to be with them at the time
thinking I'm still talking about the same thing. They're still in the same situation. So I, I got
very, very honest with them. I said, here's, here's the thing I said, in order to get traction,
because they're like, we're stuck, you know, we keep having this conversation and, you know,
we, we've been wanting to do it for like a year, year and a half or whatever it was.
And I, and there's like, nothing's moving. I said is because you've got to open yourself up.
You've got to stop putting the limitations on the Lord, you know, whatever. Anyway. So they
finally started doing that. They finally started letting go, you know, just like, okay, God,
you take over. And it's not about us and what we create and what we do and what we want and
wanting to make sure that you do it that way, whatever you want, Lord. And and they not only
sold their house immediately, but they I wish I could remember how much more it was over the
asking price. I mean, we're talking like debt, like dozens of thousands of dollars over that
price. I wish I could remember how much it was a lot, like a lot, a lot. Don't quote me on this,
but I thought it was 90,000 over. Wow. That that can't be right. Anyway. It's a lot, a lot. Yeah.
And they were like, guess how much more we got over it. I'm like, there you go. It's like you've
got you, um, you know, because you finally gave the whole process of everything over to the Lord
and because their home was emotional for them. They felt when they released their home, that
they had failed in life because they had wanted to stay in that home and they'd wanted it to be
established. And now they felt like they couldn't stay there financially anymore. And now they're
having to let go of something that they feel that the let going of not only are they emotionally
attached to it, but they felt that it was symbolizing their failure to, I mean, they've
got a family and everything. They're very established in, in that place. So they finally
let go of everything. And then that's what God did. And then God put them exactly in the type
of house and the exact, the type of, in exactly the type of location that they had asked him for,
but let go of everything in order for him to do everything. And so my, my point is it has
happened over and over and over again.
Where you just, not just that situation, but God, if we just, if we release God to be himself,
then we just stand back and allow him to reveal his character, however he wants.
And anyway, so my point is you seek him and you release everything else, and then it'll
all get done.
It's not your, the sell of your house and the move was initiated by the Lord and it's
something the Lord is wanting to do.
So let him do it.
The burden, the weight and the responsibility isn't on you.
So now that it's on you, it'll free you to do activities related to it.
You know, getting together with the, with, I don't know, the real estate broker and all
the energy that has to go into it, you know, but that you can do it without feeling the,
the burden, the weight and the responsibility of what happens based off of your action or
inaction.
It's all up to the Lord now.
Right.
That's yes.
That was just what I needed to hear.
It's not on you anymore, but you have to choose that that is who he is and that you're safe
with him.
And now that you're safe with him, you will, you will be able to work and put, put effort.
In other words, work, not striving, but just be able to put effort activity into it without
feeling the burden and the pressure of it.
Right.
And then you can choose it as a joy.
You can choose it as an interest.
You're pouring things of your spirit into that home that the next people have the opportunity
to inherit.
Right.
And realize.
Yes.
Only that comes in.
So that's what you're doing when you're repainting and you have to set everything up with the
painters.
They had the privilege of coming into your home, you know, and then, and then being,
you know, you never know what the Lord is going to do with that, even though you may
never see it, how it might affect their lives.
And then, and then, you know, the, and then, then I don't know, you're you setting all
that up is, is you telling the home is like you putting order into the home so that it
can approach and basically preparing it to receive the next people and to be something
for the next people, you know, that kind of a thing.
So you've got an authority in that home now, and then you get to bless and pour into the
next people who come in.
So that is how you can choose to live offensively as you into the earth.
What do I want to do as opposed to, on my word, they say that in order to sell it, I
have to do this.
You got to work on the hot water and our foundation's messed up.
And then you got to replace the roof.
If we view it like that, then we're, we're not ruling right now.
This is my home.
This is how I am telling creation.
I want it to come into order.
So I'm bringing my home into order.
I'm telling it, this is what I want you to do.
So.
Right.
Yes.
Different perspective.
Right.
Yeah.
All good stuff.
I feel like, yeah, this is probably the, the best transformation session, not like they've
all been great, but I feel like if this, it's like helping me turn a corner that I really
haven't in many ways.
So.
Good.
Well, part of it is the fact that past transformation sessions have been about you leaving and escaping
a negative, you know, you're, you're, how do, how do I get up and out?
How do I finally start getting my head above water to breathe and whatever this is now
that you're at a particular point, how do you get to live as a King?
There's something exciting about that because you've, you've tasted freedom before.
It's like you hadn't tasted freedom.
You were trying, you were just having faith that there was something called freedom out
there and it was supposed to be good and it was supposed to be better than what you had.
But now that you've tasted it, now that you've seen the goodness of God in so many ways,
How do you get to, how you get to enrich life even further?
And so there's something hopeful about it.
So it's always better to focus on the positive, you know, what we're trying to escape.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm excited for you though.
Thank you.
Full experience.
I'm still debating on the next run, joining their next, next rest intensive.
I might have, I might have person or two.
So we will see.
Good.
Well, it's totally up to you as to whether or not you want it to be part of your journey.
You know how I always word it like that.
I want to make sure people understand, also want to make sure people understand that the
incentive that I'm creating for the, for y'all to, you know, pass this on to your family
and friends is not to encourage all to, to talk to people about it.
I was finding people were already talking about it.
And what I want was, and the reason that I was creating the incentivization was simply
to incentivize people that if they're recommending people, I want them to join too.
I would like them to be part of it because it greatly helps the friends experience because
now people that you're already doing life with, you'll be able to talk about.
It's a, it's a way to invest in the relationship and it greatly helps
their, their journey and their experience.
And they should be able to move faster.
With their friend being present than with just me.
Right.
So anyway, that's what the whole thing of like,
what it was that I was trying to.
Right.
It was, I was finding people are sharing it.
What I was trying to incentivize people is, Hey, if your friends join.
How can I help their experience and offer something to y'all at the
same time? Like, Hey, y'all can join for free.
And so it will help encourage what I was hoping it would do is
encourage people to participate with their friends.
And I think that's a really important thing.
And I think that's a really important thing to do is to encourage
people to join.
So I just wanted to make it clear, you know, that.
About like what it was.
Oh, yeah.
Very clear.
Yeah.
All right.
Visit with you, Casey.
So glad that you're doing.
That you're doing good.
It has been a privilege of mine to be able to be given by the Lord,
the opportunity to see you from.
And how much you have not been living in rest and you don't know what
you're going to do.
And this is what your life is, has been like,
and this is what your life feels like now.
And then to get to see you all the way through that, that final,
that final surgery.
Yeah.
Oh, my word. It's been honestly privileged.
Greatly increased my faith.
So anyway, thank you so much. And I'm so excited for you.
Thanks Ashley.
So much.
All right.
See you.
Bye.
All right.
See you.
Okay.
Bye.