Hey, Ed. Good to see you. Good to see you. Actually, I love your sweatshirt. I know this
is, you know, their sweatshirt. Yeah. I don't think I told you so. She and I both have this
shirt and then she and I both found the exact same sweater at TJ Maxx and we saw each other
on zoom and found out we had the same sweater. And there's something else we have. We have
basically the same coat. Anyway, so basically we were separated at birth. Is that what happened?
So how are you doing? I'm in some major train. I'm doing well. We're in some major transition.
We just got an investment property in my hometown. I'm sitting in an empty room. So I know it's
really echoey and basically been camping out. So yeah, I'm doing well, but it's a lot of
things happening at once. I feel like there's a lot of sudden leaves, but things we've been
waiting for, for a while, if that makes sense, it's just all happening at one time.
Yep. So I, so I'll be honest, I'm not exactly sure when, when Ashley talked about me ministering
to folks, because I kind of have this varied background. I really didn't know what to expect,
like I started with Christian healing ministries doing inner healing. And then, then I was in the
prophetic and then it was more deliverance. And then it was like this smattering. And now I've
just been doing lots and lots and lots of management and administration and a little
feeling a little rusty and stuff. But so, and especially I was joking with her, like,
I'm going to use the term professional Christian. Okay. We all know what that means. So when you're
ministering to professional Christians, I told her, I said, they can be the hardest ones to
minister to because they know everything already, you know? So, you know, and she's like, well,
what do you mean? And I was like, well, you know, like when you're ministering to people that
have been in this stuff for a while, they've, they know the answers, they know they're supposed to
be doing, they can, it just can be difficult. And so, unless you feel like you have something
specific that you feel like a surface in dealing with, I just was going to share with you some
things that I felt like I spent some time today praying and asking the Lord about some stuff for
you. And I just figured I would just kind of go for it. I don't know, like, I know that you and
Ashley are friends. I know that you have a very smart house. I know that you guys are graciously
kind of pouring in and making real sources available to Ashley and that you guys were
separated at birth. And it's your clothing choices. Other than that, I don't know anything
about you. I don't know anything about you. I don't know your history. I know that you and
Ashley have talked about things, but she's never shared with me any of those things.
So I have no clue, right? So I'm going to just say, so I'm going to, I'm going to talk about
some things and I have no idea what I'm talking about. Okay. But I'm just going to kind of talk
about some of the things that I felt like where you are and some of the things that maybe God's
wanting to do. And so I'm going to just say this, I'm a little, it's a little trepidation. This is
normally what happens with me, because I feel like what I, what I'm getting doesn't match with
who I imagine you to be or where you are. Right. Because, you know, on the surface, from my
perspective, you guys have everything, you know, going right. You have all the answers. You're
not, you're, you're, you know, you're knocking it out of the park. You're, you're running,
you're leading, you know, all that kind of stuff. Right. So when I started praying,
I felt like the Lord was saying that you need kind of some, to have some,
you need some hope restored and that there is, and that he was wanting to restore some hope and
install in a way, some trust or rebuild some trust. And, and I, the first thing I saw was,
I saw you sitting in a floor by yourself. And I saw all of these mats or all these carpets,
kind of like they, they, they looked like, I don't know, like these woven mats or carpets
that are on the floor. And they were all over the place. And the word I heard was frayed edges. I
saw all of these frayed edges. And I saw you with all of these pieces of all these things on the,
the floor and all you're pulling off are these frayed edges, these single threads, and you were
in the floor prying. And the feeling I had when I looked at it was there was so much going on,
there were so many things happening, and there were all of these pieces everywhere, that it was
kind of overwhelming. It felt overwhelming and almost kind of like chaotic. And that
the mats and stuff as I looked, I think they represent several things. I think it's relationships
and it reminded me kind of, and you're going to see where I'm going, of kind of like the term
you know mantles, right? They look like almost like for you, if I'm looking at this,
it kind of represents a bit of your history and it looks to me like you've been connected to
and kind of studied within and under all kinds of different, I don't want to say denominations,
but I feel like there are all these different places to which you've studied. And I could see
as I looked, studied or mentored or whatever, and there were like these pieces, these chunks that
had come out of each of these places, but not one of them was who you were. Not one of them
represented you, in a sense. And that there were these chunks that were being pulled off, but in
the current season, all you seem to be getting were these frayed edges. And it's looking at it all
kind of saying, how in the world does all of this fit together? It is like, how does this fit
together? It is like overwhelming and you're doing all the right things, you've done all the
stuff that you've done, and you seem to be just pulling away frayed edges. And the frayed edges,
I think, is, if I'm just being honest, I think partially you. I think you maybe in this season
feel a little frayed, a little tired. I don't want to use the word burned out, right? But let's just
be real, you know, in the ministry context, it's probably, I know you guys are friends, thank God,
right? But if you weren't, her sitting here would be kind of hard, because that mentor,
mentee place, you always have to be strong and have the answers. You're not allowed to be human,
right? And I feel that there's an aspect of you that in this season is a little tired,
a little frayed, a little worn. And I think it also represents
relationships, that there are some relationships either currently or in the past have been frayed.
And there's one in particular that's prominent that looks like it's damaged, like the corner
of this rug, whatever it is, looks like it's damaged and not even sure if it can kind of be
repaired in a way. And it seems to be really prominent. And what I feel the redemptive part
in all of this that I mentioned is there was a time in my life where somebody was looking at me
and they were saying, Ed, you know, everybody always wants to know, like, what's their anointing?
Or people talk about this whole thing of mantles and stuff. And they said, you know, I see the
Lord is pulling this like this, looks like a patchwork quilt. And it's like the Lord is creating
a custom made mantle for you. And I feel that's what's happening with you. I feel like there are
these frayed edges, these single threads that you're feeling like you're pulling and all you're
getting from these things, these threads from this season are going to be what the Lord used powerfully
to be able to pull all these pieces together. The other thing I see in line with this is it's like
it's like
it's like you're really good at a lot of different stuff. Right. And when I and for people that are
good at a lot of things, it can be really hard for them to know what they're really supposed to
what they're really good at. If you can do a lot of things, there's left this question hanging.
But what am I really good at? What's my calling? What is who am I like in this thing? Like, so what
I can do all of these things. There's still this core thing of like, oh, I almost I'm not saying
that you think this, but like, I wish I was one of those people like I have a guy that I knew
in from the time I was in eighth grade and from eighth grade, he knew
he wanted to be an accountant. And I thought to myself, why?
That sounds terrible.
Like, why wouldn't you want to be something else and all he wanted to be was an accountant, and he knew he had his life mapped out, and now he's the CFO of Under Armour, right, like, Oh, and I thought, Oh, how limiting.
And then as I went through life I was like you know what, I kind of wish I had more of the head.
There was this one thing that I was good at this one thing that was like my thing.
But what's your thing.
You know, and I feel like you've got a lot of things going on.
But there's this over reaching thing of like when you're good at a lot of stuff. What is the one thing
No, it's mine, it's connected to the computer.
Sorry, I don't know how to silence it.
But I feel that there's, and I, and it's kind of like I don't know your husband at all but it was kind of, I almost started laughing because I felt like I was looking at him through your perspective, and he looked like it was like there's this box, you know, and
everything was nice and neat. And he was good at a lot of stuff was a big expanded box but everything kind of fit, you know, and was exact and he kind of like his life seems simple and he knew, like kind of who he was and everything, and that the feeling
I was receiving is that that's not how you. That's not how you feel about you, and who you are and how you're made up.
And so
I feel that in this season.
There's a, there's a level of being a restoration getting ready to be released into your life.
And what I mean is,
you know I've been there. It's like when you've heard when you've helped a lot of people.
There's an aspect of just feeling really alone.
And I think in this season, with all that you've done, and all the report out and all that you've helped. It's a lonely season.
And, and I feel that that time.
You know, I mean, that time of being a desert we all know it's, you know, in that Christian realm of, that's the time of intimacy that's the time when we go deep with God and that's really true, but it also sucks.
You know, this doesn't feel good at all.
But if I'm not mistaken.
I see.
There's like almost like relational pressure in your life.
I see that there are things in your current life and even in your, in your history, where there are certain relational elements that are in pressure are starting to surface.
And it looks like
it looks like
the way it would feel would be like I don't understand why is all this happening now and why is all this stuff from the past coming up.
It's like there's a, you know, when I think I thought I dealt with all this stuff already. You know, I thought I dealt with it I thought I put this stuff to rest.
And there's even a place where elements of your childhood are being highlighted in a way that they haven't before and it's causing you to look differently upon your life, and even some of the relationships of your life.
And some things that happened to you when you were a child.
But I feel like God's going to start to, he's going to reclaim this that it's for purpose that he's going to come and he's going to redeem it's like he's going to paint with a paintbrush over your life to give you a different perspective in the bring strength.
So I see that in this season, these elements that seem to have been frayed these, these places where you've, it's kind of like you've, you've, you've been on this road, like I would say like the way I described kind of my life a little bit is like, it's like
you've been on these rotational assignments. You've done all of this different stuff in ministry you have all of these different things you've done and they're all kind of scattered about about.
And it's like until what, and I feel that this season what's going to come out of it is that these pieces are going to start coming together.
And some of it's going to come, even relationships, some of which are going to be cut away. Some of which are going to be redeemed and restored, and that out of this season, where it seems, in a sense meager is going to actually be very rich.
I don't know exactly I mean I took some notes here.
But I and I'm just going to stick it out there.
OK, like I'm going to. I welcome it. I welcome it.
It's like it's like I see you.
I see you as a little girl.
And it's like I see your hand getting slapped.
Almost kind of like as a kid, when you when you reach for the cookie
jar and you get your hand slapped, I feel that there.
Please forgive me if this is not.
I feel like there's an element of punishment, in a sense,
from some aspect of your early life
that God is wanting to deal and to redeem and to heal,
because it's going to impact how you see the future and how you
engage in what he wants to bring you.
It's going to kind of it's it it it impacts your how you see him
and how you relate to him.
And that is really important in this season
because he wants those things
to change for you to be able to engage in a new way
into the things that he wants to bring into your life
because you're a leader and a pioneer and he wants you to replicate
things that he wants to be done on Earth.
And he's going to start and do those things in you first.
And I wrote down.
So it's like I had this phrase like I see that you're walking down
memory lane. And.
And I see that there's a time of reflection.
That he's wanting to come and visit with you
so that your current life doesn't reflect your past.
And especially I'm just going to like, I don't know you,
I don't know your parents, I don't know why I keep feeling like I got to apologize,
but like I'm sure your parents were amazing people
and they are probably amazing people.
But all of them fall short to some extent.
And I feel that.
There's some work.
In healing there from some things that you inherited, maybe even
or you took out of that time in your life that God is highlighting in this season
and he wants to deal with.
And I think he wants to bring healing.
And I think it's probably going to create a little bit of friction
if there's not already in that area of your life.
But what's going to come out of it is going to be it from.
It's going to be like a new lease on life
in a new place of relationship with your parents.
And I'm thinking now as I'm saying this, it's like, you know.
You know, it says a prophet's not without honor, except for,
you know, at his hometown and his family.
And that no one's known
has a longer lasting preconceived idea
of who we are than our parents.
And you're not who you used to be.
And you're not who they think you are.
And that there's an aspect of that separation that's painful.
But I think that there's a reengaging in a healthy new way.
There's a new record that's being established, including it
for no other reason than he's wanting to build a new record
of what families to look like as you're building your own.
And I think I believe that
that God is wanting to come and visit
some of the painful things of your past.
And I wrote down something about seven or eight.
I feel like there was something to happen when you were about seven
or eight years old as one thing, for instance.
And I feel like that was formative
that that impacted you in some way.
And it's like a trauma.
And I'm not saying that,
you know, when people when we talk about people's childhood, childhoods
and you say there was some type of trauma, people always assume
that it was some form of abuse or whatever the case is. Right.
And I'm not making any assumptions, but I feel that something formative
happened to you when you were like seven or eight years old.
And I feel like it's been like a thorn in your flesh in a bit.
Yeah, it stayed with you.
And I believe that God is wanting to deal with these things
because you're not supposed to just walk around
with these festering things in your life.
And I believe that he's going to take like a paintbrush
and he's going to reclaim your history.
He's willing to come back with you into your history,
not to get not to be stuck in it.
But to liberate you in a sense so that that is no longer
part of the imprint of your current life.
It's good. And.
I know. I think that God is wanting to give you.
a new perspective, not just on life, not just on yourself, but of your past, to make peace in a sense.
And I believe there's also, even in recent time, some betrayal that's happened in your life that's been very hurtful.
And it'll make you really gun shy.
And I think God's also wanting to come and touch this place.
You know, it's a little like, I think it was Peter's, you know, that was like, Lord, how many times do we have to forgive?
He's like 70 times seven.
But the problem becomes what I call like yo-yo forgiveness.
You know, it's like, you forgive and it comes back, you forgive and it comes back.
There's this place of, it's like, you can't seem to get past it in a way.
But I feel like the Lord's really going to put a stamp in this season.
And I think it's been really frustrating.
My feeling for you is like, I once wanted to cry.
That's what I wanted to do.
I wanted to cry.
You know, I just saw this little girl in you today and all of the pieces and everything sitting on the floor.
And you can't stop.
But God, this is going to be a tremendous, tremendous season for you.
It's going to tie in so many loose ends.
And I just, I think that you're going to be, it's actually going to turn out to be a building season.
And I saw one sense, it was like, I saw, it reminded me kind of like Santa's workshop, but instead of elves, they were angels.
And that this custom-made thing that he's doing, that he really knows what he's doing.
And all of this stuff is going to come together.
And that these frayed edges are going to come to something.
And you seem to only be pulling threads, but those threads in this season are going to be the things that are going to sew all of this stuff together.
And that he's going to bring healing to some things, and it's going to be okay.
You know?
And your emotions are your emotions.
And sometimes we try to manage them.
But it's okay, it's okay to get pissed off.
It's okay to get mad.
You know?
And because you're not going to stay there.
There's like, I feel like there's repressed, almost repressed emotion inside of you that has found no voice.
And it's been festering in there.
And that it's like it's coming to a head.
I feel like God is going to really strengthen through these things.
So that these things aren't part of the equation anymore of your decision-making, or how you feel, or what you do, or all of the thoughts that you are plagued with on a regular basis that you have to fight.
I feel like there's a battle in your mind that you have to fight in victory, okay?
On a regular basis that nobody knows about.
And I'm going to make this personal to me.
If that were me, it would make me at times feel like a fraud.
I'm not a fraud, right?
But I'm telling everybody all of this stuff.
I'm standing in front of them.
I'm coaching them.
I'm giving them advice.
I'm doing all this kind of stuff.
God help me if they knew the thoughts that I had this morning.
Or that I didn't sleep last night, or whatever the case is.
And I really feel that a lot is going to be dealt with.
So, some other things that I felt is that you don't, that you haven't fit anywhere.
Again, it goes to that unique place of calling.
And I see you again.
You've parked yourself at many watering holes, but you've never fit.
It felt like you could be there.
You could get along.
You could even thrive.
But it's almost like an act of will.
There wasn't a place that you hit that was like, this is my tribe.
This is my spot.
And I saw one of the first things I saw was you along that image of you always.
I don't know how to describe how I see stuff but when you were on the floor and all of that I saw it like you're.
life and all of these things were going on and you had all this stuff figured out, but there was this
like golden jar or like it looked like a graphic for like by the time on a PowerPoint side that
it was up here on the left corner and it was gold and in it was a growing number of question marks
and these question marks were your questions that I don't know all the people that you're
connected to right with but it was like you're pulling all these things from people you're
learning all these things like from all these I don't know various mentors and people like
I know like all I know is that you have some type of friendship like with Graham Cook for instance
who for some reason I seem to be quoting quite a bit lately I don't know why which is kind of like
bizarre but uh but like Graham Cook but as you're doing these things you're collecting questions
things that you don't you can't personally reconcile things that you don't understand
things that you may not agree with you agree with all of this this sounds good
but this stuff like you're like I don't know about this stuff so you can't like wholly bite or or
digest grab hold of everything that you're getting every all this stuff you're getting
and the that bag of questions is getting weighty and is getting full and I see that there's this
fullness of question that all these things and and I see as a result that you have a high you
have two things that I see that amongst other things but two things that you have a high value
for and one is truth another one's relationship and I see right now you're in a lot of strain
of relationship and you have a lot of questions that you want the answers to
because truth is of high value to you especially with what you're getting what you're going to build
and so I saw there's going to be resolving there are things that will be resolved
things to be redeemed and there are things to be restored
and and I think that this is a time where God's going to answer a lot of questions
and it's almost like you've continued by almost sheer willpower and by faith
to walk forward even with your questions
that when many people would have sat in the question and not moved and not done and not
gone forward you went forward anyway and I feel like you've touched God's heart because you've
been so faithful to do what he said even with questions you've honored people
that maybe didn't deserve it you have kept your mouth shut when
everything in you it would have just felt so good you know to not you know it's like it would have
it's like everything in the screen and you wanting to it was like to battle to fight for yourself
wanting to be it's like there's like certain levels of injustice to be validated or and you've
hidden matters not not concealed them but you've kept matters hidden that you could have made
matters hidden that you could have made matters public in a way and this thing has left you with
all of these questions and I feel that because of how you've weathered these things and their
history in God that there's been a lot of these questions are going to start to be answered and
these things are going to start to be reconciled including the fact that it's okay that they don't
have all the answers but I believe that you you and your husband are one of those ones
the reason that you don't fit the reason that these questions you have all these questions
is because we'll just be kind and say these models are incomplete
when God is wanting to do something new that these questions that you have are questions that
God has on his heart that there's a kinship that you have God's heart of who you know him to be
of of things and that there are things that just don't sit well with you it's not that they're
wrong but they just personally don't sit right with you it's like your gut like there's something
in your gut that goes like man I just I just don't know and and but you haven't thrown the
baby out with the bath water and rejected it all somehow you know it's like you eat the meat and
spit out the bones as people say but I feel that there's a new there's a place where you're called
to create something
new. There's a new blueprint, there's a new thing in which God is wanting to do.
And most likely, a single thing is not going to be what comes out of you.
I think there are too many different facets. It's almost like you are a corporation
with multiple companies within you. Right? And there's been a metamorphic
kind of development process of you and the two of you together that is solidifying, growing,
and drawing things together until they have like a cohesiveness. Because there's a certain
disjointedness to some of the things I think that you carry, and maybe probably both of you carry.
And it's, I think like, for instance, like a big part of how that could be, how that could manifest
would be how you guys have paired business and ministry together, as an example. These two
things that seem disparate, they seem separate, but you're bringing them together. And I think
that everybody talks about the new thing. Everybody's talking, there's a new thing coming,
there's a new thing coming. What is it? I don't know. This isn't it. Well, what is it? I don't
know. When's it coming? I don't know, but it's coming. There's a new thing coming. Right? But
we keep doing the same things over and over again, hoping for a different result. But I think that
God is saying, no, behold, I am going to do a new thing. But I'm going to use people to do it.
And I believe that all of this process, all the stuff that you've been through,
all of these wading through, including, as has been said, David learned as much about
being a king by learning what not to do under King Saul.
Even in that, redemption of your life is going to be redeeming into a place of what not to do,
to know what it is that you are to do. And I feel like there is a place where you're going to be
in birthing a lot of things. But part of it is the new thing that has not been seen yet.
And all of the stuff you've got, plus things from the spirit,
they're going to come and build something new to be replicated.
And I was like, I wrote this down. It's like I saw this, again, forgive me, because I don't know
you or your husband at all. And I saw that box that represented your husband. And it's not that
he's square. It was like everything seems to fit and organize and nothing went outside the lines.
And it was very sleek and whatever, versus you're the coat of many colors.
Like there's this patchwork nature to kind of your development and who you are that leaves a
question about how in the world is all this going to fit together. So I see that you've had a lot
of relational favor in your life. And I see a lot of relational equity coming out of even some of
the most painful things. I think this is a tremendous time of redemption for your life.
I think he's going to redeem a lot of things. I think, including there's going to be almost
like some court battles, like there's some things to be settled in a judicious way where
God is going to rule over some matters that he's allowed to prolong to do some things in you
that could never have been done. And it's almost like an accelerator
that the delay of these things, I have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm not,
it's not even that it's an actual legal thing. I'm just saying that's the euphemism I have,
that there's almost like a legal thing that has been prolonged that without it being prolonged,
it would have taken you years to have developed in God what's going to come out of it.
And I feel like there's a ruling that is being made. Think of it as like Daniel that asked for
things and it was like, you know, Daniel will release it. You know, I've been battling the
Prince of Persia, you know, it hasn't arrived to you yet, but the ruling has been made. And I feel
like there are rulings that have been made over your life that have yet to arrive, but it's like
your accounts are going to be settled. And I feel that there's going to be a settling in you,
a settling of your past, a reconciling within you, relationally, and all of that shifting in you
is going to shift everything around you. It's like this thing that God is doing in you
is so important that it's going to impact everything around you.
Versus him fixing everything around you.
And you kind of bump in your head against the wall, I feel like this is a really formative time, you know in your life. And
the last two things I have are one I don't understand at all. I'm just going to tell you, but it's like I saw, I really didn't understand what this is all I saw these five dots.
These five dots made like a triangle, kind of like I don't, I don't know if this makes any sense but there was this triangle here right, and I saw a dot, two dots, and two dots, five dots, and all these things connected.
And I kept looking at this thing and I was like God, I don't, I just don't understand.
I mean, why are there five dots, how to five dots make a triangle, like, that doesn't make any sense to me at all, like, wouldn't it be like one dot and two dots and three dots and that makes six dots like none of those like there are five dots,
and I feel that it's my sense is that the longest one is the foundation on the bottom.
points.
I think there's probably are a couple of things in the foundational place their endpoints in your life.
But I think it also can represent in this case, like you and your husband, that there is two separate things that are joined together, that there's a deep long, and there was I think it's also a part of history it's a long development process of
laying a foundation.
And these things. Once they come together, there's an elevation.
There's still these two independent pieces that are connected they're closer together than they used to be.
They're still not 100%. Right.
But they're based on this really strong foundation.
They're still separate, they're closer together, they're connected.
And I think that everything under that in that stage of development falls within it, kind of, again, I'm thinking like think corporation, think, think, whatever the case is, but eventually these two things come they join together towards one thing.
It's not the one thing, but it's this journey towards this merging and I think that's the birthing of something, but under it is still everything that you've already built.
Not like these things that you've built are going to go away.
I think that there's a development of process where these things are growing closer and closer together. Everything that you've built is underneath it, everything is on a strong foundation that this thing, whatever it is that these things are coming together
and resting upon all of these other things. And that triangle, a pyramid is one of the most stable strong structures on earth in creation, like a three sided chair will never wobble.
The four legged chair business that we do is like engineers hate it, because it'll always wobble they have to be just right or it wobbles. I feel like there is really hope for you to know that God really has a plan and he knows what he's doing, and it really
is all going to come together, and that it's not going to shake.
This thing is not going to shake all the shaking is happening now, and has happened, and the foundation is is settled, you know like they say in a house you live in an old house.
Right. Yeah.
Right.
A new house to sound the foundation has to settle. And when it does, it can, it can leave cracks in the house.
Well this foundation, because of all that you've weathered is already settled.
There's a building upon everything that you've already built, and those things aren't going to go away. They're not going to fail. But I feel like that once these things kind of come together it all kind of fits.
You'll see how it all fits together.
And then the last thing I wrote down, and again this is kind of like my
like, I feel like I gotta apologize again for some reason but I feel that
I feel there's some portion of your innocence that God wants to restore.
Yes.
And I, I feel I can feel the emotion on it, there's a, there's a time it's like there's like a vibration that happens. And that's lonely like, you know, I'm like hugging somebody and we're crying and I'm crying they're crying everybody's crying there's
and stuff and.
But I feel that there is an aspect, and I'm not going to stretch to try to peer in into what aspect of that innocence that was stolen.
but there is some aspect of your innocence that was taken.
And God is jealously going to restore that innocence.
That's good.
Not, because one thing I found in my time in ministry
is that I had this high,
unbelievably high percentage of mostly women,
because that was the ministry,
was it was a lot of women,
but mostly women that had really been broken in a sense.
And there was this thing that would rise up in me
and I would get so angry when I ran up against things
where it was like people's innocence had been stolen.
And it was like this thing that they had to live with.
And I would just wanna fight and say,
that is bleepity, bleepity, bleep.
That is bleeping not true.
That is not our God.
That is not how he does things.
That is not something you have to be.
That is something that can be restored.
And I feel that same thing welling up to whatever this is,
or whatever these things that have happened,
where God is jealously gonna come and restore this place
of innocence and loss of innocence.
And for no other reason than because he loves you,
of course, and no other reason,
then there's a childlikeness
that he wants to bring back to your life.
Because without it, it's like those people
that have grown up a little bit too fast,
it's like they missed being a kid in a way.
I think you know a little bit of what that means.
Overly responsible, had to grow up too quick,
probably had to take care of other people,
having to be the peacemaker and the responsible one
and the one taking care of,
probably even with your own family,
probably even your own siblings,
I'm assuming you have siblings.
But there's an aspect of things that we can't do,
we can't have without the childlikeness being there.
Yeah.
And I feel that there's an aspect
of some of the things that you're called to walk in,
some of the things that God wants to bring in your life
that is directly tied to this childlikeness
that be released into you.
Right, and I'm now, actually I'll tell you,
you know, School of Prophets, whatever,
I tell a lot of stories.
Why? I don't know, okay?
Most of them are very self-effacing.
I make fun of myself all the time.
I'm really, really, really,
really good at making fun of myself.
I'm unbelievably, I'm like a PhD in making fun of myself.
Okay.
And I remembered,
it's a little out there, right?
So please forgive me if I'm saying something
that you think is sacrilege,
but I was somewhere in a worship service
and I was going through some stuff in my life
and I closed my eyes and I was standing somewhere
and I saw the Lord pointing like somewhere out to the sky.
He wasn't saying anything, he was just pointing.
And I'm like, what, like, what do you want me to do?
Like, I don't understand.
And he kept pointing and pointing.
And so somehow I went to this place
and all I can describe it as, it was like, I don't know,
like, it was like this negative place,
like not negative, like negative
in the sense of like negative mindset.
It was like, had like negative mass.
It was like, think of it like a black hole or something.
And I knew that black and Jewish culture
or mysticism is the color of mystery.
And it says that mystery surrounds,
you know, like there's a dark cloud that surrounds his throne.
There's this whole thing where he's shrouded in ministry.
And I realized there was an invitation
into some form of mystery, into some mystery of God
that I could enter into if I wanted.
And I went in and somehow I knew in there
that there was the new Jerusalem.
Wow, new Jerusalem, cool.
And somehow, I don't know what your interpretation is.
I can just only tell you what my sense was.
I had a very strong sense in that place
that we were the new Jerusalem.
That in effect, I am, we are at least part of,
if not representative of what this new Jerusalem was.
And it was such a rattling thought
because it wasn't something I'd ever contemplated.
I was trying to wrestle with what this is.
And then he's back where he was saying,
no, no, you need to go further.
You need to go further.
And I'm like, further?
further. So then I'm like, what's further? And then I'm
standing in this very idyllic place. Now, in my time today,
actually, you can probably tell you like there was a movie I've
talked to her about called cocktail, right? It was a it
was this movie with Tom Cruise. And, you know, and there was
this scene where they have the lagoon and there was waterfalls
and whatever. And I was like, that's, that's like, that's my
jam. I would love to find whatever the place that is. I
want to be in a lagoon with waterfalls and swimming. And I
just I think it's the greatest thing. And this place was like,
volcanic rock and green lush plants. And there was
waterfalls and pools of water. And all I can think about is
what am I doing here? What's the purpose? What am I supposed to
do? What's happening? You know, is this is this heaven? Am I am
I supposed to go up the waterfall instead of down the
waterfall because heaven everything's backwards, or I
don't know what am I doing here? Why am I here God? That's all I
want to do. What am I supposed to do? And then I start hearing
noises. And I see this. These, this motion behind one of the
waterfalls, and I noticed that there's kids there. And I can
hear them playing, and they're jumping, and they're playing,
and they're laughing. And I'm looking at this one kid, he's
got dark hair, dark skin, and I can tell, oh, he doesn't have
like, he's got shorts on, he doesn't have swim trunks. And I
noticed that he's a little awkwardly pudgy. You know, he's
not fat, but he's a little pudgy. And, but as I'm noticing
these things, I noticed that he doesn't seem to notice those
things. And neither do any of those other kids. That there's
a, and I started pulling these, these points from this
experience that I was having, as they were completely 100%
immersed in what they were doing. They were 100% engaged,
all parts of them, their imaginations, they were
present, they were nowhere else, and they were enjoying
themselves. And here I am in this idyllic place that I wish
that I could have been if I knew this place existed. Well, you
know, with a discussion with you, I would be there. I would
be there, you know, and I'm not even thinking about it. And I
and as I'm looking at it, I start looking at how I'm seeing
this as an adult. And the Lord's like, see that, that thing
you're doing, wondering how people are seeing you. Wondering
how you're like, that's a misuse of the imagination. That's,
that's not it. You know, they were 100%. You know, as I'm
staring at this, and I can't take my eyes off this kid. And
then I realized that kid was me. And the Lord said, the key
to be able to enter into this mystery is to be childlike. Only
by being childlike, can you enter into this mystery that
I'm showing. Now, I'd love to say I figured this out. Or that
he's shown me the new Jerusalem, or that I'm, you know, I can be
very childish, but not necessarily very childlike. But
in that same fashion, I feel like there are things waiting
for you that are attached to that place of being childlike.
Yeah.
So other than, you know, I don't know, maybe praying into some of
these areas or whatever, I don't even know what time it is. Wow,
that was a lot of talking.
Yeah. That was awesome. I'm, I'm, I mean, every you weren't
off in any of it, like, just so you know, I know, when you're
prophetically ministering, it's helpful to have feedback, but I
just wanted to be able to take it in and let you flow. So I
will say like, a lot of confirmation, a lot of things
that the Lord has been highlighting to me that I think
I had let go and kind of some of the chaos and the feeling
frayed, and he just brought it back to my remembrance, like,
Hey, remember, I spoke to you about this, six months ago,
like, let's pick this back up. And he told me a few months ago
that innocence is not an insult. And so I knew that there was a
restoration of something, I don't know what it will look
like. That was going to happen with my innocence and my
childlikeness. And I think part of my frustration in the season
is, I feel like I haven't been able to access it, the
childlikeness, like, I'm like, just trying to keep my head
above water. But you guys are such a gift. This was such a
treasure. And there's lots for me now. I feel like you've given
me the gift of focus, which is what I've been lacking in the
in the feeling of, you know, just the patchwork. And there's
a lot of frayed edges. So you've restored a lot of hope and focus
for me.
that I'm not screwing it up.
The thing that I'm here,
it was like you feel like you're pulling these threads out.
But what the thing that was like, that's why you Santa's workshop,
of course, it's Christmas,
is that there's a fevered thing with these angels
putting all this stuff together.
That's awesome.
You're just doing what seems like your little part.
But in the background, there's a furious amount of effort,
you know, spiritually speaking or what have you.
I think it's all in your soul.
It's going to be manifest in your body.
I think there's even probably physical things.
They're going to be resolved within your own body
where this stuff is manifesting.
But I feel like the thing is that that he's going to do these things.
That's what I mean.
The little part that you're doing.
And I see you going, I have this one thread.
Like, are you joking?
Like all of this, you know, I don't know, praying and effort and whatever.
I don't get a chunk.
I get I get this one thing and I've got this whole corner
that's all bashed up in, you know, this relationship
that's supposed to be so important.
And, you know, I just saw like this, like you sitting there.
But you're unaware of the bigger picture of all that's going on.
Yeah. Yeah. And he's like custom designed.
You know, it's kind of like when we realize that with all of the
generational baggage that we come with, that God chose us
to be in our particular family, in our generations.
There's all of this stuff in our family that somehow is supposed to come together
through us that he designed and put together.
You know, we have to kind of stop being so kind of like,
I don't know, critical about in the same way, there's a fashion of that
in which he's designed you like like a personal trainer
in all that you have been able to glean from.
And it's not over.
There's more mentors and people.
But I think like some real fathers.
Real mothers, people that will give without wanting anything.
It's like I remember when it was like that passage became really important to me
in this last year and a half.
It's not been easy.
But where it was like, you know, I think it was Timothy.
I don't know. Paul was talking.
You know, I send you Timothy because he's a man of no guile
or basically he's the only one I could find that had no agenda.
He didn't want anything.
He doesn't want anything for himself.
So I'm going to send you that guy, you know?
And I remember thinking for me in this season, he's like, I want to be that guy.
Because I'm in a season where
there's a lot of people that have a lot of agendas, and I see all those agendas.
And I'm like, look, in this, I need to be somebody that has no agenda in this place.
You know, I feel like God, whether he brings you Timothy's or he brings you Paul's.
I feel one thing is that.
He's going to use some people to make you feel like you're not alone.
To rewrite your history or to confront your history.
You know, in a positive way, you know, and I think real mothers and fathers,
people that really see people that really want to invest
and they don't want anything from you at all are going to come.
So good. Thank you so much, guys.
It's amazing. And thank you for being brave.
You have nothing to apologize for.
You know, it's like I know it's like.
You know, you're you're you're you're in ministry, you know, prophetic folks,
you know, and so if you let if I allow myself to go on my head, I'm like,
well, I'm like her Graham or like on speed dial, like, you know, like.
Oh, and you are like, what level do I have to go?
Jesus, help me. Right.
And then your friends getting at the table.
You guys, I mean, you guys are spiritual giants in your own.
You stand in your own cred, your own street cred.
So it's a real gift.
I don't take this for granted that I would have time with you both.
And it seriously is like a real treasure. So thank you.
Well, if I can help you, I don't know what some of these things
that you've got to work through.
And I'm not going to be like in this season of my life.
I'm not offering this out like very often. Right.
But if if you need anything.
You know, and if there's anything that I can do or even if it's
to connect you with people.
There aren't me that would give you that anonymity or whatever
to walk through, whether it's healing or whatever.
Let me know and I'll do whatever I can.
Thank you for that.
Whether it's me or me connecting you with people that I know and I trust.
And that's that's what.
do. Okay. Thank you so much. I really appreciate that. I will, I will be in touch. I have some
things I want to take from this conversation and talk with the Lord about because I think that
that's my next step, but he is opening me and Ashley knows this. I mean, part of me being in
the rest intensive, which was such a gift was the Lord was saying like, you got to learn to be
vulnerable again and you got to let people in to help you that you can't, this isn't a journey
you're going to make on your own. So I appreciate that. Amazing. You know, opening up and being
vulnerable and whatever. Yeah. If it was a test, I'd give myself an F, but I don't think so. I was,
I've been very impressed. I'm like, okay, I need to learn because I I'm using your group in order
to, to be vulnerable. Ashley and I are like helping each other. We're used to being the
ones that are helping everyone else. We tag team or trade hats in the same conversation. Like,
okay, it's your turn. I need help. Anyway. Thank you so much. And I see there's a recording of
this, so I'll put it up on your transformation session. I mean, you're yeah. Your page.
Bless you guys, but I'll be in touch. All right. Bye-bye.