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I don't know what that is playing in the background, just a second.

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That's what I realized.

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Oh, there.

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It's your voice.

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You're muted now.

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We're back.

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Yeah, something was playing from my Dropbox anyway.

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I don't know even know what it was it's probably one of the other one of the teachings we did the other day. Sorry that it took me a while to jump on I was.

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I didn't realize how far I've gone to walk. And I didn't realize how far away I was.

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So I need to hear that. So I'm heading back and awesome.

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This is taking a long time.

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I did, but then I get all set up so sorry about that. No problem.

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So how are you doing.

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I'm, I'm doing okay. I doing okay. I feel like, um, I feel like I've been in crisis mode for a while, and I'm just trying to get out of it so I can create the other day I was asking the Lord I'm like, what do you need.

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What do you need and I just like I just need space, I need space to just apply some of this stuff to just slow things down and I don't I'm like how do I buy space like I don't have a television, I don't want to be I don't.

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I'm consumed by a bunch of random stuff, and so I didn't just struggling where do I buy buy time to find space to to walk this out and so it's been this like pressing thing of like oh my gosh you need to make some decisions or some changes and when

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you're in crisis mode you feel like how do I make those decisions.

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And do it in my hearing from the Lord am I doing this on my own like everything just feels so high stakes.

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Yeah, that does. Yeah. And you say that when you're, when you're trying to make space for it. What do you are in you're trying to find time for it. What do you mean do you mean like you're just full of solid with like work, or is it just kind of like

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is filled up with all of this noise of crisis mode of like fears that are just bubbling up or what. Yeah, it's like my internal mind is just moving so fast, and I probably, I'll give you a short recap of just things that might be helpful and you're

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understanding my history until now.

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I think, well, when I was 16 I struggled with a heroin addiction until I was 24, just in constant state of trauma for almost 10 years.

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And a lot of the trauma that happened during those years came out of that moved across the country from Vermont to California, and continued on the cycle of addiction, but then I got radically saved which was obviously beautiful.

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And then, can, when I got saved and got off of drugs, all these health problems started to surface, some just due to the trauma but all these things that had probably been suppressed and was managed by lots of drugs and medication and all of that stuff.

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And so then I went on this health journey. Well first I went into binge eating and gained 40 pounds as well, because I hadn't dealt with any of the underlying traumas didn't know how to.

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Then I jumped into serving in the church, earning the father trying to earn the father's love building outreach ministry going into these dark places and helping all these people and the ministry exploded and it was beautiful but I was working full time.

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So this whole time this like stress driven life.

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And meanwhile, I'm just dying on the inside and my health is just flaring up I'd worked in healthcare for so long. I was in hospice and palliative care for a long time.

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I saw what the drug companies did it been around in my whole life like I knew that this that's not the answer dove into the natural health world like taking every supplement you can think of on the market spending over $60,000 going to these natural path.

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Doctors trying to find answers.

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And again more stress and just trauma, even just from the health issues and everything I would eat, I would be allergic to.

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left everything and came to Reading to attend ministry school, and like surely this is a

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deliverance issue, like go after deliverance, go after all of these things, again just working,

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trying to fix this, and it's been so stressful.

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And I know that I'm, I know this is the answer, I know that the inner world, like the thoughts,

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the stress is at the root of all of it, but I don't know how to, I am being tormented

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with symptoms, so it's like hard for me to find rest while working that out, while the

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demands, my current job, I'm working for a mega church, flying around the country, meeting

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with major donors, we're a hundred million dollar fundraising campaign right now, and

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I just, I don't know how to get a handle on things to get out of this crisis mode, so

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I don't sleep at night, I'm up every two hours, I eat a very restricted diet, part of my

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travel I'm like, I go out to restaurants, right, and meet with high-level donors, and

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so that presents some stress, but when I'm not sleeping at night, that just wears on

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you mentally, emotionally, and I don't know, I'm not willing to take the medication to

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sleep at night, I've tried the supplements, like it's just not the answer, and so I have

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just been thinking, like, a lot of times I'll fall into a deep sleep if I can from

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like 6 a.m. to 8 a.m., but when I work and have to go into the office, like that just

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doesn't work, so then day after day I'm, so I'm having to spend 10, sometimes 11 hours

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in bed just resting in order to make up for the time that I'm not sleeping, and I just

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feel like, like a very delicate and like overwhelmed with everything, and I don't know,

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I don't know how to stop it, so I'm like, I have a meeting with my boss tomorrow morning,

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and I'm like, do I have to be able to work from home more often when I'm not traveling

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so at least I can stay focused and I'm not overwhelmed by all the distractions of the

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office and spending an hour in the morning getting ready, that's an hour I get back of

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my day, so that's kind of where it is, it feels messy.

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Yeah, yeah, no, I mean everything that you're talking about, I mean that's just, it comes

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out of that, that belief that we have to, we have to do everything, everything is required

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of us, we have to protect ourselves, we have to provide ourselves, we have to find a solution,

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we have to fix it, in other, in short, we have to make it happen, everything, including

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our relationship with God, including Him being okay with us, including, you know, or any

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hope that we can have that He would even give us an answer requires something of us prior

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to that, but when we're expending ourselves, you know, in every single area, there's nothing

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left to, to go a little bit more to get the help that we need, and the wonderful thing,

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and that's what just, that's what I just eventually, you know, got to the point where I just told

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the Lord, I'm like, Lord, I don't, I, I, I'm in so much internal turmoil and pain, and

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I can't bear the thought, I can't just bear the possibility, and what it seems like it

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is that you're requiring that in order to overcome this, in order to, I don't know,

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find the solution, or please you, or do the thing that you're asking me to do, whatever

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that obscure, vague thing is that I can't figure out, whatever that is, it's going to

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require just a bit more, and, and I just finally told the Lord, Lord, I can't handle that,

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and, and so what happened is that I just, I just completely, I, now I did it from a,

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a, a place that I didn't know how to not go here, it wasn't that the Lord necessarily

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led me there, so I don't recommend it to people, but what happened to me is that I gave up,

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and I recommended people that they don't give up, and they don't give in, but they

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just simply let go, and that there's actually another place other than giving up, but because

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I didn't know that at the time, I just gave up, so my whole point is that I finally got

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to the point where I told God, for the first time in my life, and I, and I'm not exaggerating

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when I say that, I was 34 years old, and for the first time in my life, I told God, no,

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I will not.

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And I'm, and so imagine you saying that to a ward, because I can tell with everything

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it is that you do, you've got a very high pain threshold, like emotionally, spiritually,

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whatever.

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And then you're constantly pushing.

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And so imagine, because no matter what's been required of you, that you felt required of

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you, that someone asked of you, that God asked of you, you would always give that and a bit

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more, you know.

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And so it's always to the nth degree, and what's kept you going is just being able to

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shave off the edge just enough so that you can endure it enough to get up and keep going

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and to do the next step.

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So all you're doing is just shaving off the edge of it.

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And it's not actually dealing with anything.

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It's just shaving off the intensity of the sharpness, just a little bit.

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It's so intense, just shaving off all of that.

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And the wonderful thing is, and this is what I discovered.

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Now I did it the wrong way.

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And the fact that I gave up, and I just told God, no.

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But what I finally did and why that, why, what I finally did gave me release is because

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I finally stopped.

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In other words, and I don't mean stop, jog, stop, whatever.

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It meant that what it is that internally, the exertion and the effort that I was putting

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towards everything, I just, in that pleasure, I was trying to give the Lord, I just stopped.

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And basically, I refused, I'm not saying that that's a good posture, the attitude towards

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the Lord, but he hadn't taught me yet how to surrender and let go.

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So all I knew is that when you're sweating and toiling, and you are exerting so much

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effort, the only thing in that kingdom, you know, the kingdom of this world that we can

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understand is in order to stop that is to give up.

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Now in the kingdom of heaven, what that looks like is simply letting go.

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So anyway, and the reason that we don't, that there's reasons why, you know, the kingdom

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of heaven does not work according to giving up.

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But anyway, the point is that it was that the good thing that I realized is that it

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actually, in order to push through, so to speak, in order to get healing, in order to

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actually get, you know, the results that we want in order to actually achieve the result,

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the lack of better phrase, is you simply stop.

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You don't push a little more and do a little more, and it's just going to require just

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a little bit more of you.

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And there's one little piece that you're missing, no, it's just like, just stop.

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And if you stop, your defaults will come up, the default that always loves your father

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knows he's loved by his father, you know, and very effortlessly interacts with his father

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and very effortlessly lives with his father just lives out into the world that will naturally

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rise to the top.

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So because that's who you naturally are, and what it is that we're doing is we are hiding

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that we are squelching it, we're covering it, like with all of these veils.

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And and what all we have to do is just take them all off.

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In other words, and the only reason that they're staying there is because we're holding them.

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I'm trying to balance the thing on my pillow and it keeps sliding is that we're holding

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on to them.

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So if we simply let them go, they'll rise to the top.

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And there's an example for you.

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We're going to talk more in depth about this in I think session five, but you have already

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watched some of these right a while ago.

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So you watched where I talked about the spirit, soul and body where the red balloon Okay,

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so remember that the red balloons floating very effortlessly on top of the water.

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It's very easy for a balloon to be a balloon.

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It doesn't have to try hard.

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It's just existing.

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And what's in it is so imagine that the air is spirit.

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So this the air that it is surrounded by and that it is filled with is of the same substance

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just like you are of the same DNA, the same substance, the same essence of the being that

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you exist in, as opposed to being this thing, or this object that God saved.

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Yes, God did say you or whatever, but you are actually God's just restoring you back

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to your actual DNA.

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Because you were created before the creation of the world.

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So if you didn't even, in a manner of speaking, you didn't even become something new.

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You re-restored back to it.

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So you have, my point is, if we remember that we can remember that, okay, we can claim it.

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We can claim that that is naturally who I am.

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That's not something I have to.

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try hard to be, or that I have to learn how to become. You can count on the fact, okay,

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this is actually, and this is a default to who I am. I'm just not familiar with living like it.

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I'm just not used to, used to, I'm just not familiar with it. With that, so that's it.

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You've already had the victory. You already are that. We're just not familiar with it. So in

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other words, all the work has already been done. So you're not having to become something or do

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something or whatever. So the whole point is all we have to do is stop. So with the balloon,

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remember it's floating very effortlessly on the water, very effortless for it to be the thing,

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right? But all that it has to do, I mean, but what it has to do in order to, in order to fall

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down into the ocean, in order to be pulled down, is it actually has to grab a hold of the weight

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outside of itself. So in other words, an unbelief against God, an accusation against God,

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God, oh, I'm not who God says that I am, or he's not fully who he says that he is to the degree

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he says he is that whatever. It's not you. It's something outside of you, you know, that you've

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grabbed a hold of, and that's just weighing you down. So you are not your enemy. You are not

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something that quote, unquote, you're having to overcome. Now, yes, we are our spirit, and we're

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in our body and all of that. So there is that aspect of flesh, obviously. And so the flesh

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obviously operates in an unbelief in so many ways, but who you are is spirit. And it's important to

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always focus on who you are, not on the fact that you have a soul and that you're in a body.

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It's so if you're struggling, it's important to always remember the truth, and always remember

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the positive of who you are, not everything that you're trying to overcome. Yes, you are trying to

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overcome it. But it's, it's a lot easier, faster, more powerful to transition and to move out of,

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you know, your struggles and all of that by remembering the positive of who you are,

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then, oh, my word, yeah, this sin. Yeah, let's focus on that. Let's focus on that. Oh, I need to

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overcome this. I've got this unbelief and whatever, I find that I actually shift into rest faster.

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I believe God faster. And I knew I increase in spiritual maturity, faster, the more that I focus

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on the positive and the spirit and who it is that I am, as opposed to all of the troubling things

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that I keep doing, and that keep coming up. Because the positive has the power to neutralize and to

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overcome the negative. And it's because it's a lot, it's a lot more effective to combat and

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overcome evil, not by battling it, you know, in the negative, not by battling it, but actually by

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neutralizing it. And that's what it is that we want to do, because whatever it is that we focus

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on, we're going to feed. So if you focus on the negative, it actually makes the monster that

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you're trying to run from stronger, because you've turned him to face him. And when you turn to him

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to face him and to fight him, then it's actually giving him strength, because that's what's got

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your attention. So it actually makes it harder to escape. Can you escape? Yes, but it's a lot harder.

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And so it's a lot easier to more effortlessly just shift out of that by neutralizing the power,

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by focusing on the positive, because the positive is choosing and, you know,

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declaring it and by the positive, I'm talking about like the truths that God has spoken,

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remembering who you are. And remember, it's remembering who you are isn't going to work.

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My point is like, you have to remember it and then choose it. Choose of your own free will.

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You know what? I'm making a decision today. This is going to, this is my reality. Not like, well,

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God said, and I need to remember that I've got to remind myself, you're not trying to convince

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yourself. You're making a declaration as a king, but that is just how it is. And it feels weird

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because we're taught that that's not that, that you're not ever supposed to do that about anything.

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But I discovered cuts just like I am waiting for my sons to take up the authority that I gave them.

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Now, we only take up the authority that not only he's given us, but that he spoke first. We're not

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just making up whatever we want and just deciding whatever it is that we want to be or that we wish

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were true.

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we wish we had. We're only declaring what it is that God has said, but we have to choose that it

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is real in order for it to have permission to become effective and have power in our lives.

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So anyway, it's that kind of a choice by choosing that instead of focusing on everything we're

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trying to battle and to overcome, we'll overcome it for you and we'll overcome it faster because

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it's more powerful and anything that we choose of the kingdom of heaven, it always, always,

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always, always, always supersedes in power and effectiveness and its rules will reign in the

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situation if it's the thing that we give the authority to. If the son of God is bringing in

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the kingdom of heaven into a place that is operating according to the kingdom of the world

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and it's giving the, and the son of God chooses that, that it will, um, that chooses to give the

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authority to the kingdom of heaven, the kingdom of heaven will overcome the kingdom of the world

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whenever they exist in the same place, because it always supersedes it. So anyway, there's all of

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that, that to explain what I'm talking about here with the balloon, grabbing a hold of like some

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unbelief or whatever, it's just weighing us down. And then we think that, and what it does

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is it shifts our sense of our identity. We believe that our identity is down in our soul where it's

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down further into our body and that that is who we are. And we start to focus on it and think,

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oh my goodness, something's, you know, I am wrong. I am bad. I am this, I am that. And, um, it, but

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the, the fascinating thing is the balloon still hasn't changed, but where it's operating from

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has changed. It's no longer floating on top of the water. It is now down into the ocean to a

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particular depth in the soul, or it's down even further into the body where there's more pressure.

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You know, the deeper you go into the ocean, the more pressure that there is same thing. You know,

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the deeper that we go, the more pressure that there is more pressure we experience, right?

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But the, but the balloon still hasn't changed its nature. It keeps trying to want to float.

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The only thing that's holding it down is not itself. It's this weight that it's holding

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onto. So all it has to do to get back to the top is to let go of the weight. That is it.

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What does that look like? Practically though, like letting go, like,

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I don't know, like, how do I, how do I walk that out?

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Well, there's a few different, several different tools that, um, that people can use. And the first

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one, um, the first one is that, uh, even though I don't list this in like the practical tools,

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because I use it in the foundations that, um, I don't mention it, but the first and the first,

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the two most important things are that we have to shift our choice that God loves us to the degree

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that he says he loves us. And sure, that's a journey of continual discovery. But my point

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is that we really do have to make a very serious choice about that and continue to continue to

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choose it, continue to seek it. Um, and I continue to believe it and have faith in it.

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And also that we are, that who we are is, is, you know, is the, is our spirit unified with him.

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That's who we are. So I believe that our identity is the point at which our spirit

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connects with his spirit. Um, I mean, I could be wrong about that, but, but the sense that I get

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is that our spirit isn't our, that our identity is not our spirit. Our identity is actually the

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point at which our spirit unifies with Christ spirit. No, I haven't found that in the Bible.

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It's just something that just, I don't know, just kind of like putting a whole thing,

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a whole bunch of things together. That's what, that's the sense that I get. It's like this,

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this, this, um, I didn't know I was going to say this knowing that I have to take it with a grain

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of salt, but it's that kind of an idea that are, that who you are is the point at which you're

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united. So you don't never have to worry or think or focus on the fact of is God pleased with me

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as if you're some separate entity that, that exists or is identified apart from him. And you

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just hope that you can stay connected. Your identity depends on and can't change from

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the connection point with God. So it seems like you're thinking about things, but

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before I go on, what, what, do you have anything that you needed to say? No, I think I just like.

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I think also it just keeps coming to that place of like, I don't know how to,

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I don't know how to walk this out.

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like the temptation is not to quit but to time to rest like in my mind I'm like oh is it

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if I had two months off to just rest and let my body bounce back so I'm not physically being

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tormented with these systems because naturally that's going to eliminate some of the stress

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in my life even though it's in the physical but it's enough to like create space and

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and like is that what I need to do or can I do this while working while not sleeping

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while simultaneously being tormented with these symptoms right now because that's my reality

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yeah and you're right I'll keep pushing I will push myself for years I a year ago when I started

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this talk I was like if I'm still in this situation a year from now we need to have a

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serious talk like how many years am I going to keep pushing myself to do this yeah so when I'm

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talking about all of these things when um it's not that the thing you even though I talk about

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choice even though we talk about talk about oh remembering this and choosing this and whatever

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we do it one of the things that I have to do is explain to people how to choose without effort

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because it feels like okay now a little bit more is required now I have to believe now I have to

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remember now I have to choose but here's the thing what you do is you just kind of let um

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how do I explain this you you choose by actually letting go of all the reasons why it's not true

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there's all these yeah but what about and yeah I don't feel and yeah but I don't see and yeah

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but how about and yeah but is it to that extent or is this or even you know okay in my case is this

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god is this godly am I raising my relationship with him you know all of these reasons why not

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honestly that is what makes the choice hard the choice it what the struggle that we make

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into faith is actually the fact that we have to let something go that we don't want to let go

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and that struggle of of you know what we can say that oh well you know I want to let go I just

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need to know how to let go and therefore but the problem is that when it gets to letting go we have

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a hard time because it feels like work what are my words see there's something else I have to do

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and god's just like no no that's like what you stop what you're doing you stop the you stop the

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push against god you stop the as weird as this sounds you stop the desperation it feels we're

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so used to feeling like if we stop the desperation it means we're giving up or we're giving in and

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we are so used to being in survival mode you know like oh my goodness you know I have to survive

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that I can't give up or and I can't give in because if I do I'm just going to die I'm going

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to succumb to it I'm going to be run over or whatever but there's this third option called

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letting go which is basically you find this place in you and I explained it to I explained it to

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was it Casey or Sicily one of them explained that I think it was Sicily where you kind of find this

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place within you kind of like this heaviness and this is one of the ways that I help people

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understand how to let go is you just kind of in that you you find that place in you that stress

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that's anxious that's tight and it could be in your throat it could be in your chest it could

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be in your stomach it could be in your shoulders it could be wherever where you sense where are

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you carrying the anxiety or the stress or the hurt or the pain or the torment or the fear or the

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or the desperation or whatever it is where does it feel like there's not life where does it feel in

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your body like there's death and then you imagine it as like this entity separate from you that

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you're holding on to and then I'll walk you through a few things but uh but when you're

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walking through those things what you do is you basically just unclench your fists and you choose

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to release it out of your life and the way that you can do that is to understand that everything

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that's in your life that's not the default way that God made you as the new man and the son of

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and instead of God the only way that it's staying there is we're holding on to it so the way we can

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get it out is to let it go but we have a tendency to think

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no it's here and I didn't ask for it. Now I don't mean by any of this that I am blaming people or

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you know blaming any of us if we've been like abused or you know you know we we have um and

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then therefore there are particular demons that people are being oppressed by because

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because things have happened to them things have come against them you know viruses have come

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against them they're they're suffering like physical problems. I'm not saying that we ask

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for these things okay because just like a car crash or whatever we live in a fallen world and

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we experience and are brought against by the effects of sin existing in the world right

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and so these things come against us and come upon us so that's not what I'm talking about

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I'm just I'm just talking about in in a general sense this aspect that we think okay how do I

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let something go that I don't even want you know I'm not holding on to it because I don't want this

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you know so obviously I'm not holding on to it but actually there's a way in which we are what's

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what's kind of anchoring it to us is the unbelief so if we let go of it at the place in which it

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has an it has an opportunity to have a strong hold on us which is some unbelief that we're holding

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against the lord or it could be this thing that came down on us and now we've like anchored it

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because we've come oh because it created unbelief in us we're holding on to it so here's the very

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very very important thing and I'm telling you this I live this thing so it's not I'm not just

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telling you theory and what sounds nice I literally experience this and this is how this is

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um this is how I do it is that I have to remember that those things that I have to let go of

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are not part of me there and I have to fight them to get them out I just have to choose

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to let them go and again and what it is really that I'm letting go is I'm letting go of an aspect

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of unbelief it may not be the thing itself like say for instance physical healing or whatever

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you know if there's some like physical problem you're not letting that thing go that thing is

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anchored or or you know you know weighted down or whatever by some measure of unbelief

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and so we have to ask the lord lord help this thing to come up and out but but in and lord

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my part in that is coming into agreement with you that it's not saying anything about you

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that the fact that I have this isn't saying something is saying some lie about you I'm now

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coming out of agreement with that that's what you're letting go of you're letting go of unbelief

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you're not letting go of a virus or letting go or whatever you're letting go of some aspect

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in which we are holding god accountable to us for something that's going on whether it's physical

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emotional you know whatever so and then as far as like the letting go one of it there's uh several

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different um uh tools that that I that I recommend people use first and foremost you have to approach

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it from the perspective of choosing that you are unconditionally loved and fully accepted and that

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you're unified with christ and that is who you are then from that that gives you the basis for

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to implement these um these tools and one of the things that worked for me that works for me

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sometimes is um if no shame and no condemnation and that is choosing okay if god says that I don't

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have any reason to be condemned that there's nothing separating he and I that even though

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I've just done something or even though I'm feeling that I have this like health attack or

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I have this negative uh internal feeling within me towards somebody or someone's done something to me

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or whatever whatever thing that has triggered our our um our feeling of stress or anxiety

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that we choose with the lord okay lord you know um if you say that I am not condemned

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even while I'm sinning I'm not condemned because remember who we are is spirit not our flesh that's

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sinning meaning unbelief you know it's acting unbelief if you say even while I am sinning

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I am not condemned my sin does not condemn me in my identity then that's what I choose

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and what I do is I release myself of the weight and the obligation to account for

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or pay for in my identity for that sin or you know

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someone's come against us and said something, and we feel like, oh my goodness, did I deserve that?

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Am I that kind of a person? Or am I so, I don't know, you know, am I not worth God protecting?

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Am I not worth so-and-so protecting me from that, you know, or whatever? Whatever it is,

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we have to choose. No, there's nothing wrong with us. And that's really what,

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that's really kind of like the layman's praise for the no shame in condemnation,

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that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you, that you really are, you really are perfect,

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you're enough, and we can look at anything outside of us anymore to be trying to communicate

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anything to us about whether or not we are. I mean, we're all very aware of, well,

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obviously we're not supposed to look at anything and tell us that we're not okay,

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but you know what? We're also not supposed to look at anything to affirm to us that we are

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nothing outside of God. So just let the things be what they are. They have nothing whatsoever to do

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with who you are, not what happens to you, not how you feel, not your unbelief.

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Your unbelief does not change your identity. If you, in your unbelief does not make you less

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of a son, does not suddenly make your identity, not no longer in your spirit,

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there's nothing wrong with you. Even if you're an unbelief, even if you're sinning, even when

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you were heroin addict, there is nothing wrong with you, with who you are. You are making choices

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based off of the fact that you thought you were alone. And God has sympathy for that.

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He has compassion. Do you remember? I mean, you think even about yourself,

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God provided for you in the drugs. He, you know, uh, he gives people a how, why it works. I just,

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I don't know. He, in order to take care of his children, he provides for them in such a way

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that it gives them the opportunity that they to then choose to take in order to get more drugs.

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He provides the, for the money, and then they choose to take it and use it for drugs.

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Like it is. I mean, and that's just one example. I mean, God, isn't afraid,

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not afraid of our choices because there's nothing wrong with you. Yes. You make choices. Yes. You

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may. I mean, in unbelief sometimes, you know, and all of this other stuff that we have really,

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truly got to disassociate our identity with who, with what did it, with what choices that we make

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and whether or not we believe in God, because he died for you and found you worth dying for.

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When not only did you not believe him, you were the one killing him.

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So there's literally nothing that you can do to make it, to make it worse or better. He,

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he does, he does it all. We have to choose that. It's that reckless,

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that there's no conditions. And that doesn't make sense to us because we think, well,

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then why would we follow him or, or meaning like, why would not, why would we follow him? But

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I mean, why would we, why would we, why wouldn't that give us a license to just send to just do

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whatever we want? Well, that's why Paul had to talk about it because the gospel is this recklessly

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free. That's why Paul says, don't use your freedom as a license to sin. Why did he have to

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say that? Because it's this extreme, there's no caveats and there's no condition. So truly

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the fact that you're even struggling right now, there's still nothing wrong with you.

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You are fine between you and the Lord. God doesn't have an issue with you. He's not mad at you. He's

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not, not talking to you. You know, he desires to communicate, you know, and all of that. And he is

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still communicating, et cetera. You can't do something to make him not talk to you anymore.

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You can't struggle with him. You can't want him bad enough. You can't not want him bad enough.

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It's that, it's that reckless to the point where Paul even had to say, Hey, look, this doesn't mean

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that you can live like the world just because you're free to, because he did say everything

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is permissible. There were no conditions on that. He said, everything is permissible,

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but not everything is edifying. Why? Everything is permissible, but not everything reflects the

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character of the Lord. And God wants to teach us what his character's like so that we can work

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and act like him. But it doesn't make us different by, you know, different than being different and

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not being a sinner.

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of God or something, you know, because we don't do those things.

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He said, everything's permissible.

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But not everything is reflective of, of who he is and who we are.

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And he wants us to be like that because, you know, that's, that's how we made us.

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00:40:13.920 --> 00:40:18.360
It's who we are, not because it's going to separate you because it can't.

385
00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:23.160
He may get separated out of, he's like, okay, we can't ever have that happen again.

386
00:40:23.360 --> 00:40:27.880
So I'm literally going to foolproof it so that it can't ever happen again.

387
00:40:28.720 --> 00:40:29.000
He did.

388
00:40:29.000 --> 00:40:34.120
And it, it talks about this in Romans, uh, not Romans, uh, Hebrews and Hebrew

389
00:40:34.120 --> 00:40:39.400
six talks about the fact that God didn't even allow man to be part of this

390
00:40:39.400 --> 00:40:45.360
covenant, that when he made covenant with Adam, uh, Abraham, he put Abraham to

391
00:40:45.360 --> 00:40:50.920
sleep and it says that it says in Hebrew six, that God made covenant with himself,

392
00:40:50.920 --> 00:40:52.760
that God put Abraham to sleep.

393
00:40:53.400 --> 00:40:56.280
God made covenant with himself because it said he wanted to make

394
00:40:56.280 --> 00:40:57.880
sure that it couldn't be broken.

395
00:40:59.080 --> 00:41:01.440
Because if a man was involved, it could be broken.

396
00:41:01.440 --> 00:41:04.240
There was risk guys like, okay, wait, this is too important.

397
00:41:04.240 --> 00:41:05.000
We can't risk this.

398
00:41:05.560 --> 00:41:07.160
So I will make covenant with myself.

399
00:41:07.720 --> 00:41:09.160
Abraham will just benefit.

400
00:41:09.520 --> 00:41:12.040
We'll be the third party beneficiary beneficiary.

401
00:41:12.320 --> 00:41:14.480
God did the same thing with Jesus on the cross.

402
00:41:14.840 --> 00:41:16.480
He put Jesus to sleep.

403
00:41:17.240 --> 00:41:20.160
That's the third time, at least that I remember that I'm sure that there's

404
00:41:20.200 --> 00:41:26.200
other times where God made covenant in scripture, but in putting the person

405
00:41:26.200 --> 00:41:29.640
that was going to benefit from the covenant to sleep, one was Adam.

406
00:41:29.680 --> 00:41:31.360
One was Abraham and one was Jesus.

407
00:41:31.360 --> 00:41:34.480
And there's probably others, other examples, but those are the ones I point out.

408
00:41:35.080 --> 00:41:39.600
So even Jesus, God himself, when God wanted to make covenant and

409
00:41:39.600 --> 00:41:41.360
wanted to unite us with him.

410
00:41:41.960 --> 00:41:46.000
He wanted to make sure it literally couldn't, couldn't be broken because he

411
00:41:46.000 --> 00:41:49.680
was the only parties involved in making the decision and the covenant.

412
00:41:49.960 --> 00:41:54.880
And the promise he promised from himself to himself with an oath that this is how

413
00:41:54.880 --> 00:41:59.640
it was going to be, because he didn't want to allow there to be a possibility

414
00:41:59.640 --> 00:42:00.600
for it to be broken.

415
00:42:00.840 --> 00:42:04.480
So it literally can't be no conditions, no exceptions, period.

416
00:42:04.720 --> 00:42:06.960
Even if you sin, et cetera.

417
00:42:08.040 --> 00:42:09.480
So it's literally impossible.

418
00:42:09.880 --> 00:42:11.240
So we really can rest.

419
00:42:12.520 --> 00:42:18.680
You're not, you're not trying to arrive somewhere, not trying to go anywhere.

420
00:42:19.360 --> 00:42:21.840
You're not trying to arrive at a particular destination.

421
00:42:22.680 --> 00:42:28.480
You just now exist in this connection and this union with Christ.

422
00:42:29.120 --> 00:42:31.520
And so obviously what does that make us want to do?

423
00:42:31.720 --> 00:42:32.440
Like, oh, wow.

424
00:42:33.160 --> 00:42:39.000
If, if now I'm, I can completely rest and there's literally nothing left to do.

425
00:42:39.000 --> 00:42:40.240
I can't break it.

426
00:42:40.680 --> 00:42:45.120
I can't, you know, I can't make it better because it's already the ultimate, you

427
00:42:45.120 --> 00:42:48.080
know, there's, there's literally nothing I can do now.

428
00:42:48.080 --> 00:42:53.400
All we do is, is we can just enjoy it, continue to focus on the development of

429
00:42:53.400 --> 00:42:59.840
that relationship, just in the enjoyment of it, while God does everything we get

430
00:42:59.840 --> 00:43:05.080
to be, we get to actually be part, but God's the one who's actually

431
00:43:05.080 --> 00:43:06.240
accomplishing everything.

432
00:43:06.880 --> 00:43:10.480
So basically what it is that we're wanting to transition into is that

433
00:43:10.480 --> 00:43:14.160
everything it is that you're doing with your, um, with your health in order to

434
00:43:14.160 --> 00:43:19.920
try to find solutions, you know, in order to get relief, uh, in order to, uh, get

435
00:43:19.920 --> 00:43:24.080
relief in your job so that you can work and that you can make money and you can

436
00:43:24.080 --> 00:43:28.320
interact with other people, but without the stress and anxiety, what we're trying

437
00:43:28.320 --> 00:43:33.480
to transition now into is living life in a perspective of, okay, you know, from

438
00:43:33.480 --> 00:43:37.680
this understanding, what is hard to describe, it's different than an

439
00:43:37.680 --> 00:43:44.480
understanding it's benefiting from God finally being the one to create the

440
00:43:44.480 --> 00:43:49.080
outcomes because right now, if we're in unrest, we have to create the outcomes.

441
00:43:50.000 --> 00:43:53.000
Because we're the one who's, we're the ones who decided that that's

442
00:43:53.000 --> 00:43:54.240
how our kingdom was going to work.

443
00:43:55.000 --> 00:43:59.960
Our world, we decided God abandons us and leaves us alone and we're unprotected

444
00:43:59.960 --> 00:44:00.760
and unprovided for us.

445
00:44:00.760 --> 00:44:02.080
So we have to figure it out.

446
00:44:02.640 --> 00:44:06.120
So sure enough, we have to sweat and strive and all of that.

447
00:44:06.120 --> 00:44:07.080
And then you create results.

448
00:44:07.080 --> 00:44:10.760
What we do is we let go of control.

449
00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:17.360
And now we give God permission to be the one to create the results in a manner

450
00:44:17.360 --> 00:44:21.120
of speaking, God is not creating results unless we allow them to.

451
00:44:21.480 --> 00:44:26.360
So we, in order for God to do it though, we have to, we have to let go.

452
00:44:26.360 --> 00:44:27.680
We have to be hands off.

453
00:44:28.560 --> 00:44:33.800
So we really do have to release the outcome, the consequences of our

454
00:44:33.840 --> 00:44:36.600
actions, et cetera, to God.

455
00:44:37.400 --> 00:44:45.200
Hey God, me being healed or me finding a solution or me getting money, me

456
00:44:45.200 --> 00:44:52.800
pleasing my bosses where they're happy, where I go to dinner and this and this

457
00:44:52.800 --> 00:44:56.640
benefactor ends up giving us all of these, all of this money and all of it.

458
00:44:56.640 --> 00:45:00.000
And, um, you know, continues to donate this really high amount.

459
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.960
on or whatever increases it, et cetera, whatever your goal is when you go into

460
00:45:03.960 --> 00:45:08.920
the, those, um, uh, those meetings, or if it's just to continue to keep up

461
00:45:08.920 --> 00:45:14.760
relationship, whatever it is, God, you're the one who's actually creating the

462
00:45:14.760 --> 00:45:19.440
things to happen and I just get to partner with you to bring spirit into

463
00:45:19.440 --> 00:45:24.280
the situation, just living naturally out of who you and I are and interacting

464
00:45:24.280 --> 00:45:31.960
with that person or learning more about naturopathic ways that you put into

465
00:45:31.960 --> 00:45:36.920
the principles of science and into creation, into medicine that can partner

466
00:45:36.920 --> 00:45:41.080
with me on the healing journey, but God, you're going to be the one to heal me.

467
00:45:42.000 --> 00:45:49.160
I, and so now that the pressure is off of me to figure it out as if I'm only

468
00:45:49.160 --> 00:45:54.560
going to be healed if I find the right answer and I talked to the right person.

469
00:45:54.600 --> 00:45:56.720
And if I don't, I'm screwed.

470
00:45:57.440 --> 00:45:58.800
And I never used that word really.

471
00:46:00.080 --> 00:46:04.720
It's just, I just, you know, I, uh, you know, that I'm not

472
00:46:04.720 --> 00:46:06.160
going to, I'm not going to get it.

473
00:46:07.560 --> 00:46:13.920
Instead of that, we're just like, okay, God, you are going to, you can actually

474
00:46:13.920 --> 00:46:17.800
heal me without me asking, or if you could heal me miraculously tonight,

475
00:46:17.800 --> 00:46:22.480
honestly, so you don't need me to do anything.

476
00:46:24.000 --> 00:46:30.040
So I'm going to choose that even while I'm doing something, it's not because

477
00:46:30.040 --> 00:46:34.840
it's needed, it's in order to create it because you can create it and you're

478
00:46:34.840 --> 00:46:40.480
going to create it, I'm just, it's just you and I, you know, deciding together

479
00:46:41.000 --> 00:46:46.640
through what structure would you like to flow Lord, but it's not the structure

480
00:46:47.080 --> 00:46:48.160
that's going to kill you.

481
00:46:48.320 --> 00:46:52.320
It's not the laws and the principles and the rules and the science and the, whatever

482
00:46:52.320 --> 00:46:53.600
it is that God created out there.

483
00:46:53.600 --> 00:46:54.840
That's one to heal.

484
00:46:55.600 --> 00:47:00.360
It's just an aspect of creation that you're allowing to partner with you

485
00:47:00.480 --> 00:47:02.320
and the Lord while the Lord kills you.

486
00:47:04.240 --> 00:47:09.560
And, um, so anyway, because God doesn't need all of those things.

487
00:47:10.080 --> 00:47:14.600
So he can heal you through them and through Western doctors or through

488
00:47:14.600 --> 00:47:17.360
naturopathic doctors or miraculously.

489
00:47:18.080 --> 00:47:23.000
So apparently none of those is a formula that God needs.

490
00:47:24.320 --> 00:47:28.400
So, so now that there are pressure is often what you're doing.

491
00:47:29.120 --> 00:47:32.920
Now you choose between, you know, okay, Lord, you can do it.

492
00:47:32.920 --> 00:47:36.240
However you want, you know, you can, you can actually make the thing happen.

493
00:47:36.240 --> 00:47:39.480
So what do we want to allow to be part of the process?

494
00:47:40.440 --> 00:47:44.760
Cause here's the point, Lord, how do we show and put on display who you

495
00:47:44.760 --> 00:47:46.600
and I are in our, in the spirit?

496
00:47:46.880 --> 00:47:50.320
How do we actually display that into the physical realm?

497
00:47:50.640 --> 00:47:52.400
That is all you're doing.

498
00:47:53.880 --> 00:47:54.640
You're not.

499
00:47:55.200 --> 00:47:59.840
And by putting the Lord more and more on display and by choosing him instead of

500
00:47:59.840 --> 00:48:06.680
the flesh, it will overcome the kingdom of this world so that we're releasing

501
00:48:06.680 --> 00:48:08.360
creation from frustration.

502
00:48:08.720 --> 00:48:12.680
And so that creation does what happened with Jesus's body.

503
00:48:12.960 --> 00:48:16.920
It becomes transformed so that it's no longer corrupted to

504
00:48:16.920 --> 00:48:18.400
death and will never die.

505
00:48:19.360 --> 00:48:24.040
That is how I believe that the new earth is coming, that the new earth, it says

506
00:48:24.040 --> 00:48:26.400
that it will change itself like a garment.

507
00:48:26.440 --> 00:48:31.200
It doesn't say that it will burst into oblivion and then God's

508
00:48:31.200 --> 00:48:32.400
just going to create a new one.

509
00:48:32.640 --> 00:48:34.560
It says it's going to change over.

510
00:48:34.880 --> 00:48:38.120
In other words, it's going to change from flesh into spirit.

511
00:48:38.360 --> 00:48:43.960
When Jesus's body came back, it still had the wounds, but it was a spiritual

512
00:48:43.960 --> 00:48:50.280
body that came out that was no longer subjected to having to follow all the

513
00:48:50.280 --> 00:48:55.960
rules of creation, like it could walk through walls, you know, and, um, it,

514
00:48:55.960 --> 00:49:00.360
he could translate, you know, from a walk from, um, being into, to, uh, the road

515
00:49:00.360 --> 00:49:03.560
to Emmaus and then from their dinner table to somewhere else, and then

516
00:49:03.560 --> 00:49:05.240
suddenly appear to disciples, et cetera.

517
00:49:06.000 --> 00:49:07.240
But then it could also eat.

518
00:49:07.920 --> 00:49:10.720
So he proved to them who look, you don't think it's really me.

519
00:49:10.720 --> 00:49:11.560
You think it's a ghost.

520
00:49:11.560 --> 00:49:12.840
I'm going to prove to you.

521
00:49:13.160 --> 00:49:15.400
I have substance and that I'm not a ghost.

522
00:49:16.120 --> 00:49:18.440
So he proved that it was a real body and yet it wasn't.

523
00:49:19.120 --> 00:49:24.840
Subjected to the same science and laws that the rest that bodies normally are.

524
00:49:24.840 --> 00:49:25.200
Why?

525
00:49:25.720 --> 00:49:30.600
Because it was a body that was no longer subjected to death

526
00:49:30.640 --> 00:49:32.320
into corruption, to decay.

527
00:49:33.120 --> 00:49:39.880
It was, it was transformed into spirit, but it wasn't a completely new thing.

528
00:49:40.640 --> 00:49:43.080
It still had the wounds that he died with.

529
00:49:43.240 --> 00:49:49.160
It was the body he died in, but it now was transitioned and, um, and, and it

530
00:49:49.160 --> 00:49:50.560
was now spirit and spirit.

531
00:49:50.560 --> 00:49:55.040
Once everything in our flesh transforms to spirit, that's it'll never die.

532
00:49:55.840 --> 00:49:59.920
So when the aspect of the flesh that we overcome, it'll never.

533
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:04.360
die again. So anything that you overcome in your unbelief, etc.

534
00:50:04.640 --> 00:50:08.160
You will get a death. In other words, a letting go of

535
00:50:08.160 --> 00:50:11.560
something. That's all death is letting go of something. Once

536
00:50:11.560 --> 00:50:15.400
you let go of it, and you choose God instead, now you've replaced

537
00:50:15.400 --> 00:50:18.520
that aspect of flesh mean like something in your soul or

538
00:50:18.520 --> 00:50:21.880
something in your body. You've literally changed it into

539
00:50:21.880 --> 00:50:26.120
spirit, and spirit literally can never die. So you won't be doing

540
00:50:26.120 --> 00:50:29.760
the same death over and over and over again in a certain part of

541
00:50:29.760 --> 00:50:33.160
you. You know, it will now you might go to deeper layers. Yes.

542
00:50:33.160 --> 00:50:36.160
But like, once you die to something, it's gone. I mean,

543
00:50:36.200 --> 00:50:40.600
you know, it's been trans transferred to spirit. That is

544
00:50:40.600 --> 00:50:43.320
what we're doing on the surf. That's what we're doing with

545
00:50:43.320 --> 00:50:47.200
physical healing and trusting him with our jobs and building

546
00:50:47.200 --> 00:50:50.040
businesses and building ministries and whatever. We're

547
00:50:50.040 --> 00:50:55.720
not doing something to please God or to arrive somewhere or to

548
00:50:55.720 --> 00:51:00.080
accomplish God's purpose, for which he created us know the

549
00:51:00.080 --> 00:51:03.840
point for which he created us was to develop a relationship

550
00:51:03.840 --> 00:51:06.480
with him, but he says isn't supposed to ever get anywhere

551
00:51:06.480 --> 00:51:09.520
because he's infinite. And we can't ever get to the end of

552
00:51:09.520 --> 00:51:13.120
them. So the whole point is just to always be developing, it's

553
00:51:13.120 --> 00:51:16.360
always to be interacting, it's always to just be enjoying. And

554
00:51:16.360 --> 00:51:21.240
now he's like, okay, put that into a physical form. You're not

555
00:51:21.240 --> 00:51:25.520
creating anything new into creation, you're taking what

556
00:51:25.560 --> 00:51:29.440
already exists in the spirit, and you're just putting it into

557
00:51:29.440 --> 00:51:33.720
a different form. It's like translating a sentence from

558
00:51:33.720 --> 00:51:36.880
Greek into English, you're not saying a new sentence in

559
00:51:36.880 --> 00:51:40.320
English, you're taking a sentence that was already spoken

560
00:51:40.320 --> 00:51:43.360
in Greek, you're just translating it, you're just

561
00:51:43.360 --> 00:51:47.280
putting it into a different form, kind of like water, you've

562
00:51:47.280 --> 00:51:52.240
got air, you know, liquid, and you know, vapor, liquid and ice.

563
00:51:52.680 --> 00:51:56.360
And if spirit, for instance, is air, all you're doing in order

564
00:51:56.360 --> 00:51:59.320
to change it to ice, you're simply changing it to changing

565
00:51:59.320 --> 00:52:03.160
water into a different form, simply by slowing the molecules

566
00:52:03.160 --> 00:52:07.640
down, the molecules aren't changing from water into orange

567
00:52:07.640 --> 00:52:13.160
juice, they're just slowing down so that they so that you can see

568
00:52:13.160 --> 00:52:16.760
them in a different expression, but it's still water, whether

569
00:52:16.760 --> 00:52:19.960
it's in the form of ice or the form of vapor, it's still the

570
00:52:19.960 --> 00:52:24.200
same substance. And that's what you're doing, you're trying to

571
00:52:24.280 --> 00:52:28.440
put on display in your life, who you already are, you're not

572
00:52:28.440 --> 00:52:32.800
becoming something, you already are the daggum thing. You're

573
00:52:32.800 --> 00:52:37.600
just learn teaching your soul and your body to be safe with

574
00:52:37.600 --> 00:52:43.160
who you are, so that who you are can finally be expressed into a

575
00:52:43.160 --> 00:52:48.200
different form in your soul and your body. But it already exists,

576
00:52:48.240 --> 00:52:52.040
you're not making something new, you're not having to overcome to

577
00:52:52.040 --> 00:52:54.040
the point where you're trying to like create something out of

578
00:52:54.040 --> 00:52:57.520
nothing. It already exists, you're already that there's

579
00:52:57.520 --> 00:53:02.280
already the victory. But how do you translate it? How do you get

580
00:53:02.280 --> 00:53:07.760
yourself to choose and to risk yourself that much on God, that

581
00:53:07.760 --> 00:53:12.200
he is more real than than the pain that you're experiencing

582
00:53:12.200 --> 00:53:15.240
in your body, and that the fear you're experiencing in your

583
00:53:15.240 --> 00:53:20.200
soul. That is what we're overcoming. We're having to

584
00:53:20.200 --> 00:53:24.960
choose this thing that we can't see. We're having to choose that

585
00:53:24.960 --> 00:53:28.920
over what we can see and what we're feeling. And we have to

586
00:53:28.920 --> 00:53:32.600
choose that as a higher reality in order to overcome this. So I

587
00:53:32.600 --> 00:53:36.040
know that I just gave you a lot. But so you don't have to

588
00:53:36.040 --> 00:53:38.600
remember all of these details. And we can keep talking about

589
00:53:38.600 --> 00:53:42.160
all this. But I wanted to just talk and just like paint this

590
00:53:42.160 --> 00:53:45.120
picture of what's going on to start relieving this pressure

591
00:53:45.120 --> 00:53:48.840
that there's something you're supposed to be doing. And

592
00:53:48.880 --> 00:53:53.120
here's, here's why. Because ultimately, deep down, all of

593
00:53:53.120 --> 00:53:56.640
this torment is coming from this feeling that there's somewhere

594
00:53:56.640 --> 00:53:59.800
you're supposed to be someplace that one way it's supposed to be

595
00:53:59.800 --> 00:54:04.720
different. And the fact that God must not love me, if, and this

596
00:54:04.760 --> 00:54:10.040
must not be right, or I must not be right. If I'm in pain, if I

597
00:54:10.040 --> 00:54:15.520
can't find the answers, if God isn't helping, you know, hasn't

598
00:54:15.520 --> 00:54:19.680
shown me the answers yet, if there's a delay, there must be

599
00:54:19.680 --> 00:54:23.840
something wrong, there must be something I'm missing. So in

600
00:54:23.960 --> 00:54:29.800
order to get it, I must just work harder. And you can't work

601
00:54:29.800 --> 00:54:35.080
harder to get it. God will just give it. So we have to choose

602
00:54:35.400 --> 00:54:39.520
that it's that easy. We have to choose that we're already there.

603
00:54:40.200 --> 00:54:43.320
And so what you do in those times where you're in physical

604
00:54:43.320 --> 00:54:49.200
pain is I know that this is really, really hard. But if

605
00:54:49.200 --> 00:54:54.960
there's a pain or fear, or whatever, is to stop fighting

606
00:54:54.960 --> 00:54:58.600
and to choose God instead of pain.

607
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.000
So, and to choose God instead of the fear or whatever.

608
00:55:05.620 --> 00:55:09.280
For instance, you may have read this comment that I wrote

609
00:55:09.280 --> 00:55:11.080
that I was in Venice one time,

610
00:55:11.080 --> 00:55:15.480
and oh, by the way, are you okay on time or no?

611
00:55:15.480 --> 00:55:19.160
Okay, that I was in Venice one time and God,

612
00:55:19.160 --> 00:55:22.600
last year, and God was taking me to different places

613
00:55:22.600 --> 00:55:23.960
around the world.

614
00:55:23.960 --> 00:55:27.000
And every time I would go to a city

615
00:55:27.000 --> 00:55:32.000
and he would give me enough money to get to the city,

616
00:55:32.080 --> 00:55:35.520
and then I would land with little to no money.

617
00:55:35.520 --> 00:55:39.320
And then right by the time that, you know,

618
00:55:39.320 --> 00:55:41.040
I was supposed to pay for my hotel

619
00:55:41.040 --> 00:55:43.320
or I'd already paid for my hotel and all of that.

620
00:55:43.320 --> 00:55:46.000
And I had to now leave because I had no more money

621
00:55:46.000 --> 00:55:48.880
and I had to leave to go to the next city.

622
00:55:48.880 --> 00:55:52.240
In enough time, God would give me the money to travel

623
00:55:52.240 --> 00:55:53.880
and go to the next city and get accommodation,

624
00:55:53.880 --> 00:55:56.560
get food and get the train or wherever,

625
00:55:56.560 --> 00:55:58.040
however it is I got there.

626
00:55:58.040 --> 00:55:59.600
And he would do that continually.

627
00:55:59.600 --> 00:56:01.200
He just moved me around.

628
00:56:01.200 --> 00:56:04.600
Until finally I got to Venice and everything stopped

629
00:56:04.600 --> 00:56:08.240
and I couldn't check out of the hotel because no mannequin.

630
00:56:08.240 --> 00:56:10.680
I'm like, okay, Lord, you and I have been doing this

631
00:56:10.680 --> 00:56:11.520
for a while.

632
00:56:11.520 --> 00:56:15.640
I've been living by faith for two and a half years

633
00:56:15.640 --> 00:56:18.240
by this point or however long you've been.

634
00:56:18.240 --> 00:56:21.720
You know, I just had to trust you every month

635
00:56:21.720 --> 00:56:25.120
and just living by, you know, faith that you are

636
00:56:25.120 --> 00:56:26.560
who you say that you are.

637
00:56:26.560 --> 00:56:31.000
And all of a sudden, Lord, you know, it's just gone.

638
00:56:31.000 --> 00:56:32.960
What I feel, and this is what I told him,

639
00:56:32.960 --> 00:56:37.040
I said, Lord, I feel like I have this very precious thing

640
00:56:37.040 --> 00:56:40.760
that I loved and was very fragile and I broke it

641
00:56:40.760 --> 00:56:43.600
and I don't know how I broke it.

642
00:56:43.600 --> 00:56:45.120
And I just lay there on the bed,

643
00:56:45.120 --> 00:56:49.160
not being able to check out of the hotel, crying

644
00:56:49.160 --> 00:56:53.000
because I'm like, Lord, where are you?

645
00:56:53.920 --> 00:56:55.160
And I felt his presence.

646
00:56:55.160 --> 00:56:57.600
I didn't feel that he abandoned me,

647
00:56:57.600 --> 00:57:00.680
but I'd felt that he'd emotionally abandoned me.

648
00:57:00.680 --> 00:57:05.560
I'd felt that he provisionally had abandoned me,

649
00:57:05.560 --> 00:57:09.600
that I was just, he was there, but I was on my own.

650
00:57:09.600 --> 00:57:14.400
You know, oh, well, you know, hard to be you, you know,

651
00:57:14.400 --> 00:57:16.280
or kind of looking at me like,

652
00:57:16.320 --> 00:57:17.560
gosh, so what are you going to do?

653
00:57:17.560 --> 00:57:20.080
And going, Lord, I don't know.

654
00:57:20.080 --> 00:57:22.520
I'm still trying to figure all of this out.

655
00:57:22.520 --> 00:57:24.960
And now I'm in this difficult position

656
00:57:24.960 --> 00:57:28.040
and now you're asking me what it is that I should know

657
00:57:28.040 --> 00:57:28.880
or do or whatever.

658
00:57:28.880 --> 00:57:29.880
And he wasn't asking me,

659
00:57:29.880 --> 00:57:32.560
but that's what I was thinking he was doing.

660
00:57:32.560 --> 00:57:33.800
Now he wants more of me.

661
00:57:33.800 --> 00:57:38.120
What am I, what bit more, bit extra

662
00:57:38.120 --> 00:57:40.280
do I now have to exert of myself

663
00:57:40.280 --> 00:57:42.960
in order to get out of this situation?

664
00:57:42.960 --> 00:57:45.280
And then what I wrote in that comment was that,

665
00:57:45.280 --> 00:57:47.080
you know, what the Lord then asked me is,

666
00:57:47.080 --> 00:57:49.200
he said, Ashley, who do you say that I am?

667
00:57:50.440 --> 00:57:54.360
And he said, quote in scripture at me, Ashley,

668
00:57:54.360 --> 00:57:56.160
and tell me who I've told you that I am

669
00:57:56.160 --> 00:57:57.400
is not going to work.

670
00:57:57.400 --> 00:58:01.080
You actually have to make an intentional choice

671
00:58:01.080 --> 00:58:05.080
in your world, who do you choose for yourself?

672
00:58:05.080 --> 00:58:08.200
Not tell me, not tell me what I want to hear.

673
00:58:08.200 --> 00:58:10.320
Who do you make a decision for yourself

674
00:58:10.320 --> 00:58:12.600
that I am going to be to you?

675
00:58:12.640 --> 00:58:15.280
And that I, and I have to be at right at this moment.

676
00:58:15.280 --> 00:58:16.640
Who am I to you?

677
00:58:16.640 --> 00:58:20.240
And I said, God, I choose that you were provider

678
00:58:20.240 --> 00:58:22.800
over you ever giving me the money.

679
00:58:23.680 --> 00:58:26.240
Even if you never give me the money

680
00:58:26.240 --> 00:58:28.600
and I have to somehow wash dishes

681
00:58:28.600 --> 00:58:31.680
to get out of my situation for the next several days,

682
00:58:31.680 --> 00:58:33.920
I have to embarrassingly prostrate myself

683
00:58:33.920 --> 00:58:37.560
in front of someone to ask for their grace.

684
00:58:37.560 --> 00:58:39.720
And I don't know how to get out of this foreign country,

685
00:58:39.720 --> 00:58:42.400
Lord, you know, Lord, whatever it is

686
00:58:43.200 --> 00:58:44.680
that I have to do, that's fine, Lord.

687
00:58:44.680 --> 00:58:47.760
But I choose that you are who you say that you are

688
00:58:47.760 --> 00:58:49.760
more than I, the more than I choose

689
00:58:49.760 --> 00:58:51.960
that my circumstances be changed

690
00:58:51.960 --> 00:58:54.840
and that I not have to bear the consequences

691
00:58:54.840 --> 00:58:58.360
in this world of these worldly actions.

692
00:58:58.360 --> 00:59:00.680
I choose you over that.

693
00:59:00.680 --> 00:59:02.320
And that began to break everything.

694
00:59:02.320 --> 00:59:06.160
Now, yes, now, I mean, God didn't give me money right then.

695
00:59:06.160 --> 00:59:08.640
You know, I still had to walk through it for the next,

696
00:59:08.640 --> 00:59:11.200
in fact, I tried to check out of the hotel,

697
00:59:11.200 --> 00:59:15.000
I think three times over a period of multiple dates.

698
00:59:16.120 --> 00:59:17.560
And I'm telling you what, that was hard,

699
00:59:17.560 --> 00:59:19.840
it was confusing, it was embarrassing.

700
00:59:19.840 --> 00:59:21.600
I was, if I wasn't careful,

701
00:59:21.600 --> 00:59:23.600
it was very frightening at times.

702
00:59:23.600 --> 00:59:25.960
I was like, no, and even over my fear,

703
00:59:25.960 --> 00:59:27.840
I have to choose that, God, this is who you are.

704
00:59:27.840 --> 00:59:29.120
And I want you to be who you are

705
00:59:29.120 --> 00:59:31.800
regardless of what that makes my life look like.

706
00:59:32.840 --> 00:59:33.760
That is who I choose.

707
00:59:33.760 --> 00:59:37.440
So that's when I say we have to choose God

708
00:59:37.440 --> 00:59:40.240
over whatever we're experiencing

709
00:59:40.280 --> 00:59:43.160
because that's what he wants us to do.

710
00:59:43.160 --> 00:59:47.160
That will enable and give him the authority.

711
00:59:47.160 --> 00:59:49.960
That's how we give him the authority and the power

712
00:59:49.960 --> 00:59:54.880
to be responsible for our circumstances

713
00:59:54.880 --> 00:59:59.880
or in our situation is because we stop...

714
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.840
controlling it and determining that we still do all of the actions, but we no

715
01:00:03.840 --> 01:00:12.200
longer consider our, our, consider what we do as being the thing that's

716
01:00:12.200 --> 01:00:19.880
responsible for and the, and what determines the outcome, I release my

717
01:00:19.920 --> 01:00:22.920
actions or my knowledge and my speaking knowledge and all of that.

718
01:00:22.920 --> 01:00:27.440
And the answers that I find or that I don't find, I released myself, uh,

719
01:00:27.920 --> 01:00:34.080
release myself as, and release the actions from determining the outcome.

720
01:00:34.240 --> 01:00:36.040
I say, no, God, you determine the outcome.

721
01:00:37.120 --> 01:00:43.080
I'm just, I'm just enjoying you and interacting with the world that you

722
01:00:43.080 --> 01:00:44.840
created to operate the way that it does.

723
01:00:44.880 --> 01:00:48.560
It operates for in certain principles and certain and certain science, you know,

724
01:00:48.560 --> 01:00:51.640
et cetera, you can use the science forward or you can not.

725
01:00:52.400 --> 01:00:55.880
So you and I determine, okay, are we going to go the naturopathic route?

726
01:00:55.880 --> 01:00:57.440
Are we going to go Western medicine route?

727
01:00:57.440 --> 01:00:58.640
Are we going to do something else?

728
01:00:58.880 --> 01:00:59.880
What, what do we do?

729
01:01:00.320 --> 01:01:05.400
But the thing is that it's a lot freer to be made, having those discussions

730
01:01:05.400 --> 01:01:13.400
forward, if God's outcome of your healing or, or being free of, you know,

731
01:01:13.400 --> 01:01:18.360
this Turk or man, or you being able to sleep or whatever is not dependent

732
01:01:18.440 --> 01:01:21.360
on what you do or don't do.

733
01:01:22.320 --> 01:01:24.680
And only you can release yourself from that.

734
01:01:24.680 --> 01:01:31.440
And when you release yourself and your actions from determining and the

735
01:01:31.440 --> 01:01:36.240
outcome and from the outcome, being dependent on what you do, if you

736
01:01:36.240 --> 01:01:41.240
release it from that, then in a manner of speaking, it's what you're doing

737
01:01:41.240 --> 01:01:42.720
is you're surrendering it to the Lord.

738
01:01:42.720 --> 01:01:46.840
And you truly are giving it to him to take care of because she's released

739
01:01:47.720 --> 01:01:51.960
as holding on to it and controlling it where God doesn't have an, I have an

740
01:01:51.960 --> 01:01:56.400
opportunity to get at it and just like, okay, God, you can come in and you can

741
01:01:56.400 --> 01:01:57.840
fix it anytime you want to.

742
01:01:57.840 --> 01:01:59.520
But in the meantime, I'm one doing it.

743
01:02:00.400 --> 01:02:00.960
He's like, no, no, no.

744
01:02:00.960 --> 01:02:02.040
Then you haven't given it to me.

745
01:02:02.320 --> 01:02:04.040
We really do have to release it.

746
01:02:04.320 --> 01:02:08.960
Trust that God is a good God and allow him to do it and to manifest and to

747
01:02:08.960 --> 01:02:15.440
create whatever dadgum outcome he wants to, and he doesn't answer to us for the

748
01:02:15.520 --> 01:02:22.280
outcome that he chooses and how the outcome comes about and what the outcome

749
01:02:22.280 --> 01:02:29.440
requires of us to journey through before we get there, that's what I mean.

750
01:02:29.440 --> 01:02:31.880
We choose God over the thing.

751
01:02:32.240 --> 01:02:35.040
It's that reckless.

752
01:02:35.520 --> 01:02:39.880
It's, it's what I refer to as an absolute reckless abandon.

753
01:02:40.920 --> 01:02:42.000
It's scary.

754
01:02:42.480 --> 01:02:43.960
That's a really nice word to use.

755
01:02:44.200 --> 01:02:46.000
It's absolutely terrifying.

756
01:02:46.520 --> 01:02:52.680
You will feel internally like you're dying or that you will die.

757
01:02:52.720 --> 01:02:53.680
If you make that choice.

758
01:02:54.520 --> 01:02:54.880
Okay.

759
01:02:54.920 --> 01:02:56.280
And I've actually felt this.

760
01:02:56.280 --> 01:02:59.920
There was a point at which, and I don't even remember what it was

761
01:02:59.920 --> 01:03:02.240
that I was holding it for, and I'd have to stop and think about it.

762
01:03:02.600 --> 01:03:06.600
But many years ago, I was driving down the highway and I literally thought I was

763
01:03:06.600 --> 01:03:11.160
going to die because I knew that I was holding accusation against the Lord, even

764
01:03:11.160 --> 01:03:13.760
though I didn't know the word that phrase at the time.

765
01:03:14.240 --> 01:03:19.560
I was so mad at him that he had made my life the way that it was, that it wasn't

766
01:03:19.560 --> 01:03:23.240
better than it was out of everything that I'd given to him and how I was continuing

767
01:03:23.280 --> 01:03:25.800
to live, to sacrifice myself for him.

768
01:03:26.360 --> 01:03:33.640
And I was doing this and doing that and everything was hard and it was like the

769
01:03:33.640 --> 01:03:36.600
older son, you know, I work really hard for you and you haven't given me so much

770
01:03:36.600 --> 01:03:43.320
of the goat and, uh, and, and God basically was saying, Ashley, let all of that go.

771
01:03:44.720 --> 01:03:47.920
Cause it was like holding it against the Lord is like, Ashley, let it go.

772
01:03:47.920 --> 01:03:50.000
And I literally not figuratively, literally.

773
01:03:50.000 --> 01:03:51.600
I thought, okay, okay.

774
01:03:51.600 --> 01:03:55.000
If I let this go, I'm going to die.

775
01:03:56.120 --> 01:03:59.720
My body literally began to react like it was going to die.

776
01:03:59.720 --> 01:04:04.040
And immediately I began to think, I mean, like, you know, how I wish I knew how to

777
01:04:04.040 --> 01:04:09.880
describe it, but it started to go into panic mode because my body thought it was

778
01:04:09.880 --> 01:04:11.360
going to die, not just my soul.

779
01:04:11.560 --> 01:04:16.440
My body started manifesting what it is that my soul believed because when we

780
01:04:16.440 --> 01:04:22.960
surrender ourselves to the Lord, it's such a very deep soul level or our whole,

781
01:04:22.960 --> 01:04:24.840
all three aspects of it, feel it.

782
01:04:25.720 --> 01:04:27.840
So my body, I thought I'm going to die.

783
01:04:27.880 --> 01:04:32.320
And I found, and the reason I figured that out is because I realized that

784
01:04:32.320 --> 01:04:36.640
suddenly my mind went to all of these weird places, like, Oh my goodness,

785
01:04:36.840 --> 01:04:37.920
I'm driving down the highway.

786
01:04:38.480 --> 01:04:41.240
Well, when I die, I'm going to lose control of the car.

787
01:04:41.280 --> 01:04:43.440
And oh my goodness, how many other people are going to be affected?

788
01:04:43.440 --> 01:04:44.360
And are they going to die?

789
01:04:44.360 --> 01:04:48.120
Am I going to run into the guardrail before someone else is able to, you

790
01:04:48.120 --> 01:04:52.080
know, before someone else, you know, runs into me and hits me and therefore

791
01:04:52.080 --> 01:04:54.240
there won't be any other casualties other than me.

792
01:04:54.240 --> 01:04:55.080
And Oh, it's a good thing.

793
01:04:55.080 --> 01:04:57.440
It's early in the morning because shopping and people on the highway.

794
01:04:57.920 --> 01:05:00.000
I don't even, I wasn't intentionally trying to think.

795
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:05.380
those thoughts. I caught myself thinking like that, because it

796
01:05:05.380 --> 01:05:10.440
will, it can feel it hits us at such a root level. And so what I

797
01:05:10.440 --> 01:05:13.920
did is I'm like, fine, Lord, I don't know what's going to

798
01:05:13.920 --> 01:05:18.060
happen. But I gave it up. And I gave it up at such a root level.

799
01:05:18.300 --> 01:05:21.780
And I and this is before I knew about letting go and all this is

800
01:05:21.780 --> 01:05:25.900
like, I don't know, years before I knew this. Anyway, but I let

801
01:05:25.900 --> 01:05:28.820
it I let it go. And I gave it to God. And I said, Okay, God, I'm

802
01:05:28.820 --> 01:05:32.420
gonna stop accusing you. You can let my life look however you

803
01:05:32.420 --> 01:05:38.280
want. And as soon as I did that, everything within me stills. And

804
01:05:38.280 --> 01:05:44.520
I thought, I was holding on to all of this, all of the stuff

805
01:05:44.520 --> 01:05:48.360
that I thought had come against me all of the torment, all of

806
01:05:48.360 --> 01:05:51.880
the challenges, all of the attacks, all of the spiritual

807
01:05:51.880 --> 01:05:56.120
warfare, whatever, oh, my word, I was the one holding on to it.

808
01:05:57.100 --> 01:06:00.620
I didn't know that all I had to do in order to be free in order

809
01:06:00.620 --> 01:06:04.820
to have peace was to let it go. Anyway, so that was very, very

810
01:06:04.820 --> 01:06:07.420
transformative for me. And then later, and this is a really big

811
01:06:07.420 --> 01:06:12.020
thing that, and that I like, want to mention that is that the

812
01:06:12.020 --> 01:06:15.940
root of all of this is that I and I've really been saying it

813
01:06:15.940 --> 01:06:19.540
already. But what changed everything for me, literally the

814
01:06:19.540 --> 01:06:21.980
point at which everything changed, you know, kind of like

815
01:06:21.980 --> 01:06:25.100
a like a focal point, you know, kind of like, where, where

816
01:06:25.100 --> 01:06:28.400
something balances on something else. And this thing right here

817
01:06:28.440 --> 01:06:32.160
is the point on which everything changes, that focal point on

818
01:06:32.160 --> 01:06:35.520
which everything shifted for me, and God began to move me into

819
01:06:35.520 --> 01:06:39.280
freedom and rest and all of that was when I told the Lord, I said,

820
01:06:39.280 --> 01:06:44.000
God, I no longer require of you that my life looked in a

821
01:06:44.000 --> 01:06:47.800
particular way. And I told him that when I had when all of my

822
01:06:47.960 --> 01:06:53.060
businesses were failing, and had been for months, when my I was

823
01:06:53.060 --> 01:06:56.200
struggling with my reputation, like people were thinking bad

824
01:06:56.200 --> 01:06:59.160
things about me, because I didn't know, they thought that

825
01:06:59.160 --> 01:07:02.880
I, I don't know, just various reasons. I'd gotten burned out.

826
01:07:02.880 --> 01:07:05.880
And then people were thinking that I was off on some crazy,

827
01:07:06.080 --> 01:07:09.480
that I wasn't being a responsible adult at 3435 years

828
01:07:09.480 --> 01:07:12.800
old, whatever that was, my most important relationships in the

829
01:07:12.800 --> 01:07:16.320
world to me were on the rocks. And I had no money, I was

830
01:07:16.320 --> 01:07:19.460
literally having to trust the Lord for my food. And nobody

831
01:07:19.760 --> 01:07:25.440
not my parents. I had nothing. And nothing was working. And

832
01:07:25.440 --> 01:07:29.420
nothing had been working for a long time. And I had health

833
01:07:29.420 --> 01:07:32.560
issues as well. But I was used to just managing them and didn't

834
01:07:32.560 --> 01:07:36.440
know how to like, you know, not manage them as not have any,

835
01:07:36.440 --> 01:07:38.920
like, even more healing than I already had. I didn't know how

836
01:07:38.920 --> 01:07:43.920
to get it. So anyway. And, and I was just, I was completely

837
01:07:43.920 --> 01:07:47.920
alone. I was living alone. I spent, you know, I was COVID

838
01:07:47.920 --> 01:07:50.740
before there was COVID. You know, however, when you know,

839
01:07:50.740 --> 01:07:54.260
when in lockdown, and especially single people couldn't see

840
01:07:54.260 --> 01:07:56.780
anybody and be around anybody because they everyone had to be

841
01:07:56.780 --> 01:07:59.860
locked in their own homes. I was me before COVID ever happened.

842
01:08:00.220 --> 01:08:05.540
And so anyway, it was from that time where I told God, God, my

843
01:08:05.540 --> 01:08:09.940
whole the whole rest of my life can look like this, where I have

844
01:08:09.940 --> 01:08:13.980
nothing. And I'm having to trust you for food. And I'm just

845
01:08:13.980 --> 01:08:17.500
hoping that I get it. And I'm hoping that it comes tomorrow,

846
01:08:17.500 --> 01:08:22.240
or, you know, just whatever. You can keep my whole life like

847
01:08:22.240 --> 01:08:25.040
this, if you want, if this is what you want it to look like,

848
01:08:25.240 --> 01:08:29.500
I no longer require of you that my life look any particular way.

849
01:08:30.240 --> 01:08:34.479
All that I ask is that you be who you are. And I don't know

850
01:08:34.479 --> 01:08:39.200
who that is. I just ask that you be who you are. And you

851
01:08:39.200 --> 01:08:44.840
manifest who that is, into my life, regardless of what that

852
01:08:44.840 --> 01:08:48.899
makes my life look like. And I saw what that made Jesus's life

853
01:08:48.899 --> 01:08:53.220
look like. I saw the pain and the death and the torture that

854
01:08:53.220 --> 01:08:58.420
he went through. And, and the suffering and all of that. And

855
01:08:58.420 --> 01:09:01.700
you loved him. And he was in breath that all kinds of stuff.

856
01:09:02.580 --> 01:09:10.100
And God, I choose you over my over any any lifestyle. That is

857
01:09:10.140 --> 01:09:14.700
total, complete, unconditional surrender to the ultimate

858
01:09:14.700 --> 01:09:20.000
degree that we can possibly go is God, I choose you without

859
01:09:20.000 --> 01:09:26.340
knowing who that is. And I ask that you be that to create my

860
01:09:26.340 --> 01:09:32.160
life, to create the existence that I experience on this earth.

861
01:09:32.760 --> 01:09:38.520
And I have no idea what that is going to mean. I have no idea

862
01:09:38.520 --> 01:09:42.560
what your love looks like. When you're being loving to me, I

863
01:09:42.580 --> 01:09:45.819
don't know if it's going to look like pain or comfort, because it

864
01:09:45.819 --> 01:09:49.700
looks like both. And you can have it look like whatever you

865
01:09:49.700 --> 01:09:53.140
want. Everything changed, because I start releasing God,

866
01:09:53.140 --> 01:09:57.140
I start releasing in all of these accusations, etc. And then

867
01:09:57.140 --> 01:10:00.140
from there, I began to choose, okay, I'm going to choose very

868
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:03.380
very recklessly because, Hey, that was a reckless statement that I'd gotten to.

869
01:10:03.380 --> 01:10:05.060
And I was like, finally, I am done.

870
01:10:05.160 --> 01:10:05.920
And this is what I choose.

871
01:10:06.960 --> 01:10:10.200
And then from that, I then chose very recklessly that God loved me.

872
01:10:10.200 --> 01:10:14.160
No matter what, no matter what I did, even while I was sinning, I would choose

873
01:10:14.320 --> 01:10:18.880
without apologizing to him without repenting God, I, you know, you say

874
01:10:18.880 --> 01:10:20.060
that you love me unconditionally.

875
01:10:20.100 --> 01:10:20.600
Okay.

876
01:10:20.640 --> 01:10:22.920
So I'm going to put my money, my money, where my mouth is.

877
01:10:22.920 --> 01:10:24.200
And I'm going to ask you for something.

878
01:10:24.240 --> 01:10:28.200
I started asking him for big things, you know, and, and whatever.

879
01:10:28.200 --> 01:10:30.080
And he began to answer them.

880
01:10:30.760 --> 01:10:34.840
And then I would apologize because obviously once I determined for myself

881
01:10:34.840 --> 01:10:40.440
that I wasn't giving God an apology and repenting to him for payment, I could

882
01:10:40.440 --> 01:10:46.160
apologize because I have a relationship with him, but I refused to give him

883
01:10:46.160 --> 01:10:48.640
a repentance out of payment.

884
01:10:49.080 --> 01:10:51.600
In other words that I thought I was trying to reconnect with him.

885
01:10:51.600 --> 01:10:55.120
I'm like, uh, I don't need to do something to reconnect with them.

886
01:10:55.480 --> 01:10:57.280
I have to choose that.

887
01:10:57.280 --> 01:11:00.120
I've never lost the connection because that's what he said.

888
01:11:00.840 --> 01:11:02.320
And that's what I'm going to do.

889
01:11:02.480 --> 01:11:06.480
I'm not going to work for the connection, work for his pleasure, work for his love.

890
01:11:06.920 --> 01:11:09.480
I'm going to choose that.

891
01:11:09.680 --> 01:11:14.000
That's so, um, anyway, and then I just kind of built it from there.

892
01:11:14.000 --> 01:11:16.440
Then I began to learn about my union with him and began to

893
01:11:16.440 --> 01:11:18.480
choose that that's who I am, et cetera.

894
01:11:19.200 --> 01:11:25.640
Um, but so when we talk about letting things go, the deepest point at which we

895
01:11:25.640 --> 01:11:33.080
can let things go is completely let go of our right to ourselves or our right

896
01:11:33.080 --> 01:11:41.360
to hold God accountable to us for, um, for fulfilling promises that he's made

897
01:11:41.360 --> 01:11:47.960
to us, fulfilling his word, even his word in scripture, I really think that

898
01:11:48.960 --> 01:11:53.240
and I just said, God, I just ask that you exist as you truly are.

899
01:11:53.720 --> 01:11:56.720
And that you put who you are in spirit.

900
01:11:57.320 --> 01:12:01.640
You put that into a physical form and that creates my life.

901
01:12:01.760 --> 01:12:03.480
And I don't know what that's in my life.

902
01:12:05.000 --> 01:12:10.360
I mean, how do you like make day to day decisions in this transition process?

903
01:12:10.360 --> 01:12:15.600
And I think it's just like how it's like if you're releasing everything and you're

904
01:12:15.640 --> 01:12:19.040
so used to being like, Lord guide me, guide my steps.

905
01:12:19.040 --> 01:12:23.080
Like you there's, there's a left or right in every little thing I do.

906
01:12:23.120 --> 01:12:24.400
Like what time do I leave the house?

907
01:12:24.400 --> 01:12:26.280
Do I not leave the house today?

908
01:12:26.280 --> 01:12:31.240
Do I, you know, and, or what decision do I make about my work or what do I,

909
01:12:31.240 --> 01:12:36.040
whatever, like, and he needs decisions with him, like how, or, and, and feeling

910
01:12:36.040 --> 01:12:38.640
like actually can't, I don't even know if I hear from you anymore.

911
01:12:38.960 --> 01:12:43.280
I don't even, I don't even, and then, and then that causes stress and unrest

912
01:12:43.280 --> 01:12:46.160
because you're paralyzed to do anything.

913
01:12:46.720 --> 01:12:48.640
And then you're like, I'm going to make the wrong decision.

914
01:12:48.640 --> 01:12:51.000
I'm going to get myself in a worse situation than I'm already

915
01:12:51.000 --> 01:12:53.000
in, and I can't afford to do that.

916
01:12:53.000 --> 01:12:55.360
Like, so how do we even wake up tomorrow?

917
01:12:55.360 --> 01:12:56.440
What do I do tomorrow?

918
01:12:56.440 --> 01:12:57.160
Like, that's what I'm at.

919
01:12:57.160 --> 01:12:59.480
I don't even know what I do tomorrow.

920
01:13:00.480 --> 01:13:00.840
Yeah.

921
01:13:01.280 --> 01:13:06.320
So we're, um, see if I can explain this in a way that'll make sense.

922
01:13:06.880 --> 01:13:10.920
We're so used to thinking, okay, so therefore now, what do I do?

923
01:13:11.520 --> 01:13:12.960
How do I make a decision?

924
01:13:12.960 --> 01:13:15.640
We're very decision accomplishment.

925
01:13:15.680 --> 01:13:22.040
Again, outcome focused of like, Lord, how do I get where you want,

926
01:13:22.040 --> 01:13:23.040
where do you want me to get?

927
01:13:23.600 --> 01:13:25.760
And then how do I get there?

928
01:13:25.760 --> 01:13:28.520
And how do I know from you how to get there?

929
01:13:29.240 --> 01:13:33.520
It's all of this stuff that we're including God, will you talk to

930
01:13:33.520 --> 01:13:35.080
me and just tell me what you want?

931
01:13:35.520 --> 01:13:41.520
Yes, that creates a box that that's based off of as weird as it sounds.

932
01:13:41.520 --> 01:13:44.040
That's based off of performance.

933
01:13:44.080 --> 01:13:46.640
That's based off of this.

934
01:13:46.720 --> 01:13:53.040
Um, this feeling like there are this, um, this, uh, feeling starting

935
01:13:53.040 --> 01:13:57.040
from a place of lack and feeling like we need something that we don't

936
01:13:57.040 --> 01:13:59.080
have, including direction from God.

937
01:14:00.120 --> 01:14:07.000
And that we're in a sense of, of unknown unprotection, uh, you know,

938
01:14:07.000 --> 01:14:12.280
lack of protection, a lack of provision, unless we know what God is

939
01:14:12.280 --> 01:14:14.280
saying and that he wants us to do.

940
01:14:14.320 --> 01:14:19.000
And what I had to do is I had to give up in a manner, manner speaking.

941
01:14:19.320 --> 01:14:20.600
Oh, how did, how do I read this?

942
01:14:21.680 --> 01:14:30.400
It had to give up the requirement of hearing from God, what I had to do.

943
01:14:30.920 --> 01:14:35.160
And instead I had to choose at a very root level.

944
01:14:35.200 --> 01:14:42.640
First of all, that I, that he was who he says that he is and that I am.

945
01:14:42.760 --> 01:14:46.960
He says that I am in other words, that I am unconditionally love.

946
01:14:47.360 --> 01:14:49.400
I am a hundred percent perfect.

947
01:14:49.600 --> 01:14:51.080
I've already arrived.

948
01:14:51.400 --> 01:14:53.920
I'm already a hundred percent integrated with him.

949
01:14:54.400 --> 01:15:00.000
And I can, from that place, I, he now set me up into existence.

950
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:06.800
to just be, and that that's enough, not, okay, well, that's all well and good.

951
01:15:06.800 --> 01:15:07.800
Now, what about this?

952
01:15:07.800 --> 01:15:12.960
And then, you know, if, if I'm like, if I'm going into this, if I'm concerned about this,

953
01:15:12.960 --> 01:15:15.580
okay, yeah, but God, what are you telling me to do?

954
01:15:15.580 --> 01:15:18.360
It means I'm not stable in this.

955
01:15:18.360 --> 01:15:25.440
If I, if this brings me stress and anxiety, it means that there's something deep down

956
01:15:25.440 --> 01:15:33.200
that I believe depends on me having this, and that I, and I'm terrified of what will

957
01:15:33.200 --> 01:15:41.840
happen and what it means if I don't have this, and I have to choose that I don't need this.

958
01:15:41.840 --> 01:15:42.920
I know that that sounds great.

959
01:15:42.920 --> 01:15:47.080
I know all of the, all of the phrases that I'm using are very extreme because I'm trying

960
01:15:47.080 --> 01:15:55.440
to break this idea off of us that we need, you know, uh, this dependency that we have

961
01:15:55.440 --> 01:16:00.880
built on things, including hearing from God, I'm not saying that, that God doesn't want

962
01:16:00.880 --> 01:16:02.720
us to hear from and all of that.

963
01:16:02.720 --> 01:16:11.600
It's that we don't know how to disconnect our, um, disconnect our dependence on it from

964
01:16:11.600 --> 01:16:16.400
just simply the fact that we can expect that that's going to be part of our relationship.

965
01:16:16.400 --> 01:16:22.840
And so if we, if I couldn't break my dependence of it off and my, somehow my connection to

966
01:16:22.840 --> 01:16:28.920
my identity and God's pleasure with me from this thing, I abandoned the thing altogether.

967
01:16:28.920 --> 01:16:31.480
I was that reckless.

968
01:16:31.480 --> 01:16:41.960
And I am telling you, I promise God will not, um, he won't, uh, abandon you and get, and,

969
01:16:42.960 --> 01:16:49.040
what's the word and, and just, um, for having done that, that is like, oh my word.

970
01:16:49.040 --> 01:16:53.760
Well, you weren't supposed to let go of that because what you're doing is you're choosing

971
01:16:53.760 --> 01:16:54.560
the better thing.

972
01:16:54.560 --> 01:17:00.080
You're choosing the deeper truth that he's asked you to choose, which he says, choose me,

973
01:17:01.200 --> 01:17:03.120
choose me and choose that.

974
01:17:03.120 --> 01:17:06.880
You choose me and our relationship, our union.

975
01:17:06.880 --> 01:17:09.840
I ask you to choose that from that.

976
01:17:09.840 --> 01:17:11.280
Everything else will happen.

977
01:17:12.080 --> 01:17:17.120
You'll know, you know, you, you and I will develop, will, um, uh, you'll know what it

978
01:17:17.120 --> 01:17:20.240
is, but I'm telling you, you'll have more clarity.

979
01:17:20.240 --> 01:17:23.680
You know, when I speak to you, it'll be, it'll be more obvious.

980
01:17:23.680 --> 01:17:27.120
You'll, you'll feel more confident in your decisions without me.

981
01:17:27.120 --> 01:17:28.240
I'm going to tell you every little thing.

982
01:17:28.240 --> 01:17:28.960
Should I leave the house?

983
01:17:28.960 --> 01:17:29.760
Should I not leave the house?

984
01:17:29.760 --> 01:17:30.400
Should I stay at home?

985
01:17:30.400 --> 01:17:30.880
Is it okay?

986
01:17:30.880 --> 01:17:31.600
Is it not okay?

987
01:17:32.480 --> 01:17:39.760
And so one of the things that I began to do is I began to, um, make, I began to think

988
01:17:39.760 --> 01:17:46.640
okay, if I am who God says that I am, and if he says that I am enough and that I am

989
01:17:46.640 --> 01:17:52.000
that, that deep down, that as the new man, that I'm perfect.

990
01:17:52.000 --> 01:17:52.800
And then I'm good.

991
01:17:53.680 --> 01:17:56.560
Then apparently in God, I make perfect decisions.

992
01:17:58.080 --> 01:18:03.440
Now, what terrified me was I'm like, what, how do I know if I'm making decisions out

993
01:18:03.440 --> 01:18:05.280
of my spirit or out of my soul?

994
01:18:06.160 --> 01:18:10.480
And one of the things that I had to choose is I had to realize, okay, well, my default

995
01:18:10.480 --> 01:18:15.280
is my, is my spirit, whether or not I'm used to acting up, but you know, my default is

996
01:18:15.280 --> 01:18:15.920
my spirit.

997
01:18:15.920 --> 01:18:21.120
So what I choose before I make a decision is I remember who does God say that I am?

998
01:18:21.120 --> 01:18:22.080
And I rest in that.

999
01:18:22.960 --> 01:18:25.440
It's like, Hey, nothing's required of me.

1000
01:18:26.000 --> 01:18:27.200
There's nothing I have to do.

1001
01:18:27.200 --> 01:18:28.560
I can make the wrong decision.

1002
01:18:28.560 --> 01:18:31.920
And it would be fun, you know, because it doesn't change anything.

1003
01:18:31.920 --> 01:18:36.880
I mean, seriously, I mean, is God going to punish me because I make the wrong decision?

1004
01:18:36.880 --> 01:18:41.840
No, that's under that old belief that I had to perform in order for things to be okay.

1005
01:18:42.720 --> 01:18:44.880
That I had to provide for and protect myself.

1006
01:18:44.880 --> 01:18:47.840
And God's just always looking at me, giving me lessons and giving me tips.

1007
01:18:48.960 --> 01:18:51.520
And God says that that's not how I relate to him.

1008
01:18:51.520 --> 01:18:53.840
God says that I relate to him out of relationship.

1009
01:18:54.800 --> 01:18:56.000
So, okay.

1010
01:18:56.080 --> 01:18:58.880
So apparently I'm okay ultimately.

1011
01:18:58.880 --> 01:19:06.720
And that if I make a quote unquote, like if I make a, a decision, like say for instance,

1012
01:19:06.720 --> 01:19:12.160
you know, he thinks that going right is a wiser decision, but I don't recognize that

1013
01:19:12.160 --> 01:19:14.240
he's saying that I didn't hear him say that.

1014
01:19:14.800 --> 01:19:18.080
And I just thought, well, I think that the left is the right decision.

1015
01:19:18.080 --> 01:19:22.640
I think that that's where, from what I know about God, I think that that's where we're

1016
01:19:22.640 --> 01:19:22.960
headed.

1017
01:19:23.680 --> 01:19:25.360
You know, I think that that's what he is.

1018
01:19:26.640 --> 01:19:31.280
I'm going to make, and what I would do is I made the decision off of the fact that I

1019
01:19:31.280 --> 01:19:34.240
was a fully loved son of God.

1020
01:19:35.280 --> 01:19:39.680
I chose that over the decision.

1021
01:19:41.200 --> 01:19:54.560
I chose, I chose to believe that I was so, um, I was so settled in and unshakable by

1022
01:19:54.560 --> 01:19:59.360
God in my position with him, that I was, um,

1023
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:07.000
That, that I was willing to risk making a wrong decision.

1024
01:20:07.000 --> 01:20:12.000
Because even if I made the wrong decision, because that was the only

1025
01:20:12.000 --> 01:20:15.000
phrase that I knew in my mind, and to use at the time was right decision

1026
01:20:15.000 --> 01:20:16.000
or wrong decision.

1027
01:20:16.000 --> 01:20:19.000
Then God would still.

1028
01:20:19.000 --> 01:20:21.000
Me and me and God would still be fine.

1029
01:20:21.000 --> 01:20:23.000
He wouldn't stop talking to me.

1030
01:20:23.000 --> 01:20:26.000
In fact, all I do is just show me.

1031
01:20:26.000 --> 01:20:28.000
Let's not do that. And let's do, let's do this instead.

1032
01:20:28.000 --> 01:20:31.000
And he's like, Oh, you're learning, you know, whatever.

1033
01:20:31.000 --> 01:20:34.000
But I, but regardless of that, basically, here's the thing.

1034
01:20:34.000 --> 01:20:36.000
I chose to believe him.

1035
01:20:36.000 --> 01:20:39.000
Over.

1036
01:20:39.000 --> 01:20:42.000
Choosing to avoid the consequences of a potential.

1037
01:20:42.000 --> 01:20:44.000
Long decision.

1038
01:20:44.000 --> 01:20:54.000
That's what I chose.

1039
01:20:54.000 --> 01:20:55.000
And I thought, okay,

1040
01:20:55.000 --> 01:20:57.000
If I'm willing to step out and risk,

1041
01:20:57.000 --> 01:21:00.000
I'm willing to step out and risk the consequences of a potential

1042
01:21:00.000 --> 01:21:01.000
long decision.

1043
01:21:01.000 --> 01:21:03.000
And I'm willing to step out and risk.

1044
01:21:03.000 --> 01:21:05.000
The consequences that this is a long decision.

1045
01:21:05.000 --> 01:21:06.000
But.

1046
01:21:06.000 --> 01:21:08.000
I'm also making a decision.

1047
01:21:08.000 --> 01:21:09.000
Off of the.

1048
01:21:09.000 --> 01:21:11.000
Off of the off of choosing.

1049
01:21:11.000 --> 01:21:16.000
To exist in the comfort.

1050
01:21:16.000 --> 01:21:20.000
And assurance and complete 100% faith that I'm willing to step out

1051
01:21:20.000 --> 01:21:21.000
and risk on.

1052
01:21:21.000 --> 01:21:23.000
That God is who he says that he is.

1053
01:21:23.000 --> 01:21:25.000
And if I believe that, how would I act?

1054
01:21:25.000 --> 01:21:27.000
What would I do? And what decision would I make?

1055
01:21:27.000 --> 01:21:29.000
And then I make that.

1056
01:21:29.000 --> 01:21:32.000
I based the decision off of this.

1057
01:21:32.000 --> 01:21:35.000
In order to choose my faith in this.

1058
01:21:35.000 --> 01:21:38.000
As a more powerful motivator.

1059
01:21:38.000 --> 01:21:43.000
Then my avoidance, my fear of avoiding.

1060
01:21:43.000 --> 01:21:45.000
Making the wrong decision or bearing any consequences.

1061
01:21:45.000 --> 01:21:48.000
I was willing to bear a negative consequence.

1062
01:21:48.000 --> 01:21:51.000
In order to choose first.

1063
01:21:51.000 --> 01:21:53.000
And I chose to do this thing that God asked me for.

1064
01:21:53.000 --> 01:21:56.000
Believing him.

1065
01:21:56.000 --> 01:21:58.000
Believing in, in faith and acting on.

1066
01:21:58.000 --> 01:22:01.000
So I chose that.

1067
01:22:01.000 --> 01:22:02.000
Over.

1068
01:22:02.000 --> 01:22:05.000
Over my fear of getting it wrong.

1069
01:22:05.000 --> 01:22:07.000
And I chose that.

1070
01:22:07.000 --> 01:22:09.000
You wanted me to believe.

1071
01:22:09.000 --> 01:22:13.000
That he was, he says he was, but I am, he says that I am.

1072
01:22:13.000 --> 01:22:15.000
And that that was more important to him.

1073
01:22:15.000 --> 01:22:17.000
Then what I did.

1074
01:22:17.000 --> 01:22:20.000
And so that's the choice that I made.

1075
01:22:20.000 --> 01:22:22.000
I chose to do that.

1076
01:22:22.000 --> 01:22:24.000
And by experiencing that.

1077
01:22:24.000 --> 01:22:26.000
Because it's terrifying to do.

1078
01:22:26.000 --> 01:22:28.000
But by experiencing it.

1079
01:22:28.000 --> 01:22:30.000
I discovered that it was true.

1080
01:22:30.000 --> 01:22:32.000
Why? Because I loved it.

1081
01:22:32.000 --> 01:22:34.000
I actually lived it with God.

1082
01:22:34.000 --> 01:22:39.000
Where.

1083
01:22:39.000 --> 01:22:44.000
He was so pleased because he's like, you are living.

1084
01:22:44.000 --> 01:22:47.000
As if you really, you were living out of faith.

1085
01:22:47.000 --> 01:22:49.000
You're not actually putting your money where your mouth is.

1086
01:22:49.000 --> 01:22:51.000
You really are.

1087
01:22:51.000 --> 01:22:52.000
And again,

1088
01:22:52.000 --> 01:22:55.000
I began to learn how to make decisions with the board where, you know,

1089
01:22:55.000 --> 01:22:58.000
I would, I would.

1090
01:22:58.000 --> 01:23:00.000
Where obviously I asked the Lord.

1091
01:23:00.000 --> 01:23:04.000
What is it that I should, that I should do?

1092
01:23:04.000 --> 01:23:08.000
But the majority of the time, I don't even have to ask God point blank,

1093
01:23:08.000 --> 01:23:10.000
what it is that I should do.

1094
01:23:10.000 --> 01:23:12.000
And again, I don't even have to ask the Lord.

1095
01:23:12.000 --> 01:23:14.000
What it is that I should do.

1096
01:23:14.000 --> 01:23:17.000
Because if I choose that he loves me.

1097
01:23:17.000 --> 01:23:20.000
And I'm unconditionally accepted.

1098
01:23:20.000 --> 01:23:23.000
And I don't need to use in my head. I mean, I have to like,

1099
01:23:23.000 --> 01:23:29.000
Submit myself 100% to it.

1100
01:23:29.000 --> 01:23:31.000
I do that in my meeting with him and I choose that I am.

1101
01:23:31.000 --> 01:23:32.000
Who does this.

1102
01:23:32.000 --> 01:23:34.000
From that place of belief.

1103
01:23:34.000 --> 01:23:37.000
And assurance and trust in that deep faith in the Lord.

1104
01:23:37.000 --> 01:23:38.000
And I feel that.

1105
01:23:38.000 --> 01:23:39.000
I feel that.

1106
01:23:39.000 --> 01:23:41.000
I feel that assurance from that place.

1107
01:23:41.000 --> 01:23:46.000
And I feel the Holy spirit.

1108
01:23:46.000 --> 01:23:49.000
And I feel that movement and I feel freedom towards particular

1109
01:23:49.000 --> 01:23:50.000
decisions.

1110
01:23:50.000 --> 01:23:51.000
So much more clearly.

1111
01:23:51.000 --> 01:23:56.000
So that I don't even have to ask God because I know.

1112
01:23:56.000 --> 01:23:59.000
It's like, I've chosen to be that intimate with him,

1113
01:23:59.000 --> 01:24:00.000
that I can just feel.

1114
01:24:00.000 --> 01:24:03.000
That he's pleased or that he's okay with it.

1115
01:24:04.000 --> 01:24:07.000
I know it without me having to ask him point blank about every little

1116
01:24:07.000 --> 01:24:08.000
thing.

1117
01:24:08.000 --> 01:24:10.000
I know it without having to ask.

1118
01:24:10.000 --> 01:24:15.000
Then there are other things.

1119
01:24:15.000 --> 01:24:17.000
This is a little less clear. You know, I'm learning how to be your son.

1120
01:24:17.000 --> 01:24:18.000
I'm learning how to look like you.

1121
01:24:18.000 --> 01:24:22.000
What is.

1122
01:24:22.000 --> 01:24:25.000
Does this decision look like you or is this one wiser? You know,

1123
01:24:25.000 --> 01:24:26.000
which one.

1124
01:24:26.000 --> 01:24:28.000
Reflects the kingdom more in which one brings.

1125
01:24:28.000 --> 01:24:30.000
You know, the kingdom of heaven and power more.

1126
01:24:30.000 --> 01:24:31.000
Now, which one.

1127
01:24:32.000 --> 01:24:34.000
I don't hear from God.

1128
01:24:34.000 --> 01:24:39.000
Meaning like if I don't hear from God, what to do?

1129
01:24:39.000 --> 01:24:42.000
I just go towards whichever one I believe is reflecting his character.

1130
01:24:42.000 --> 01:24:44.000
Not based off of scripture.

1131
01:24:44.000 --> 01:24:46.000
But off of who I am connected with.

1132
01:24:46.000 --> 01:24:48.000
And that being that I'm connected with.

1133
01:24:48.000 --> 01:24:53.000
That being that I know.

1134
01:24:53.000 --> 01:24:56.000
What decision seems to be reflecting who he is.

1135
01:24:56.000 --> 01:24:59.000
And again, I make, I tell him, okay, Lord, I'm making this decision.

1136
01:24:59.000 --> 01:25:00.000
Not for my own protection.

1137
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:08.080
and preservation. I'm actually making it because I believe that is what you look like. I believe

1138
01:25:08.080 --> 01:25:13.320
that's what that this is reflecting your character, not that this is going to accomplish something

1139
01:25:13.320 --> 01:25:20.360
for them. No, I believe that this looks like you. I believe me making this decision looks

1140
01:25:20.360 --> 01:25:23.840
like you look when you're interacting with your kingdom and you're bringing your love

1141
01:25:23.840 --> 01:25:28.920
and your kindness. I believe that that's what I'm exuding by making this decision, whether

1142
01:25:28.920 --> 01:25:35.160
it's staying at home that day, or, you know, after Boston, you can do that, or it's traveling,

1143
01:25:35.160 --> 01:25:42.680
or it's, you know, you know, asking to not travel and stay at home or whatever. And it's

1144
01:25:42.680 --> 01:25:50.680
I had to, I had to realize that God chooses me over my decisions. You. And so I think

1145
01:25:50.680 --> 01:25:56.760
I need to tell you that, okay, you are more important than your decisions. Who you are

1146
01:25:56.760 --> 01:26:03.280
is more important than the choice that you make, even more important than whether or

1147
01:26:03.280 --> 01:26:08.640
not you choose God, because you've already chosen, right? You're already with them. You're

1148
01:26:08.640 --> 01:26:14.960
more important, even than your choice for God, because he chose you before you chose

1149
01:26:14.960 --> 01:26:20.320
him. He chose you while you were flat out rejecting him to the point that he had to

1150
01:26:20.320 --> 01:26:29.440
die as a, as an outcome of the intensity of the rejection. He chose you when you didn't

1151
01:26:29.440 --> 01:26:39.040
even have to choose him. You are more important than your choices. And he chooses that. So

1152
01:26:39.040 --> 01:26:47.360
you risk your life and your decisions on the fact that you are more important to God than

1153
01:26:47.360 --> 01:26:54.480
your choice and then what you decide. So, yeah, obviously we ask the word or what do you want,

1154
01:26:54.480 --> 01:27:01.920
but if he, but the torment comes because we can't hear him. The torment comes when we've

1155
01:27:01.920 --> 01:27:07.840
got too much white noise or too much fear or too much, whatever, just let it go. It's just like,

1156
01:27:07.840 --> 01:27:13.760
okay, okay. Forget the decision. I do not care how important this decision is. I really, you know,

1157
01:27:13.760 --> 01:27:18.640
I have done this in shocking, but I traveled around the world as a single woman alone,

1158
01:27:19.360 --> 01:27:25.360
making healthy decisions. I got sick overseas and had to go to an ER hospital for one of the few

1159
01:27:25.360 --> 01:27:32.080
times in my entire life. And, um, in a foreign country, you know, I mean, I just had to risk

1160
01:27:32.080 --> 01:27:36.320
everything on God. You were my parent. And by the way, I did not have enough money to pay.

1161
01:27:37.440 --> 01:27:41.680
I thought that I did, but on my way there, I realized I hadn't eaten all day. And so I bought

1162
01:27:41.680 --> 01:27:46.880
a sandwich and that sandwich, that little cheap, and I bought the cheapest thing on the menu,

1163
01:27:46.880 --> 01:27:54.000
that cheap sandwich cut into my budget just enough so that by the time I went to the hospital,

1164
01:27:54.000 --> 01:28:02.560
I barely didn't have enough money to cover the bill. I hear you. So anyway, you just risk

1165
01:28:02.560 --> 01:28:08.640
everything on the fact that he is, who he says that he is to the jury. He says that he is that,

1166
01:28:08.640 --> 01:28:13.520
and that you are, who he says that you are, not that you're supposed to do something or

1167
01:28:13.520 --> 01:28:18.960
choose something or decide something or be something or act like something. Those will

1168
01:28:18.960 --> 01:28:26.400
all come later, but you choose first that you are not, and that you are more important.

1169
01:28:27.200 --> 01:28:31.360
And then from that place, you'll more effortlessly just know what to do.

1170
01:28:32.240 --> 01:28:38.000
And sure. Will there still be kind of like this unknown of them? I don't know if this feels right,

1171
01:28:38.000 --> 01:28:45.040
but I don't know if it's right. Absolutely. Absolutely. But a baby always falls down as he's

1172
01:28:45.040 --> 01:28:53.280
walking and the parent doesn't get onto the child or falling down. In fact, God gave the babies more

1173
01:28:53.280 --> 01:29:00.000
fat knowing they were going to fall down in order for their protection. So when we're learning to

1174
01:29:00.560 --> 01:29:06.400
do this, when we're learning to make these decisions, he protects us like a parent protects

1175
01:29:06.400 --> 01:29:12.320
the child so that we don't have to suffer the consequence, the severity of the consequences

1176
01:29:12.320 --> 01:29:15.680
of having made a decision that we're still learning how to make decisions,

1177
01:29:16.480 --> 01:29:20.000
you know, and that, that goes, you know, all throughout childhood, you know, where,

1178
01:29:20.000 --> 01:29:25.680
where a parent is always trying to like, kind of like shave the, you know, shave the intensity

1179
01:29:25.680 --> 01:29:31.360
of the consequences off of the child's, you know, messing up and the decisions and, you know,

1180
01:29:31.360 --> 01:29:37.280
whatever, if the child falls out of there, out of the tree and breaks his arm, it's the parents who

1181
01:29:37.280 --> 01:29:42.240
have to do all the work. I'm sure the kid has to have his arm outside of the shower and has to do

1182
01:29:42.240 --> 01:29:46.320
all of this and can't play soccer and whatever, but the parents, the one who paid for everything,

1183
01:29:46.320 --> 01:29:49.280
the parents, the one that drove them, the parents, the one that took the time, the parents, one,

1184
01:29:49.280 --> 01:29:54.000
you know, all the medications stay on top of the medication and do all the work.

1185
01:29:54.000 --> 01:29:59.760
So did the child have to suffer some? Sure. He had to learn. Okay. Well, that probably wouldn't.

1186
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:05.560
idea, you know, but it was the parent who took over the lion's

1187
01:30:05.560 --> 01:30:09.520
share of the work. God does the same thing for us. We are not in

1188
01:30:09.520 --> 01:30:12.120
the ever in a state of condemnation with them ever.

1189
01:30:12.760 --> 01:30:15.760
We're just learning how to express in a physical form

1190
01:30:15.760 --> 01:30:18.120
something that we've already accomplished and something that

1191
01:30:18.120 --> 01:30:23.200
we already are. And I have talked a lot, given you a lot,

1192
01:30:23.200 --> 01:30:25.000
you don't have to remember everything. For one thing,

1193
01:30:25.000 --> 01:30:30.600
you'll have the recording. But I do, I do like to, to really

1194
01:30:30.600 --> 01:30:36.640
paint a very big context to kind of like repaint the canvas of

1195
01:30:36.840 --> 01:30:42.040
like, what, what kind of a context are we existing in? Are

1196
01:30:42.040 --> 01:30:44.400
we living in and having a relationship with the Lord in?

1197
01:30:44.800 --> 01:30:47.520
And what on earth is he requiring of us? So anyway,

1198
01:30:47.520 --> 01:30:49.640
you're talking about your decisions, but what do you do

1199
01:30:49.640 --> 01:30:56.400
whatever? And what I do is I just choose, okay, I don't

1200
01:30:56.400 --> 01:31:02.560
choose my decisions. I choose God, we said that he says that

1201
01:31:02.560 --> 01:31:06.240
he is, he says that he is, that he is that to that degree, I

1202
01:31:06.240 --> 01:31:09.000
choose, he loves me to the degree he says he does, you

1203
01:31:09.000 --> 01:31:13.040
know, you know, and whatever. And by choosing, all you're

1204
01:31:13.040 --> 01:31:16.800
saying is you're stopping all of the resistance in you that says

1205
01:31:16.800 --> 01:31:20.760
why he can't be that, or why he may not be it to that degree, or

1206
01:31:20.760 --> 01:31:24.120
why it hasn't been that before, or why it hasn't been obvious

1207
01:31:24.120 --> 01:31:28.160
before, or whatever. It's reckless abandon, when you feel

1208
01:31:28.160 --> 01:31:31.560
like there is no safety net, because literally, there is

1209
01:31:31.560 --> 01:31:35.800
nothing. But the fact that God said, nothing, sometimes you

1210
01:31:35.800 --> 01:31:38.800
can't even find it in scripture, it's just it's like, meaning

1211
01:31:38.800 --> 01:31:40.560
like, not that it's contradictory to scripture, but

1212
01:31:40.560 --> 01:31:43.600
it's like, you don't know where it is, you know, it's just like

1213
01:31:43.600 --> 01:31:47.360
nothing. And, and you just recklessly abandon yourself to

1214
01:31:47.360 --> 01:31:50.600
it. And I promise you, God will catch you. And that's all that

1215
01:31:50.600 --> 01:31:54.360
he wants is like to how where it is that we're going, you have to

1216
01:31:54.360 --> 01:31:59.080
choose me over yourself. And then you have to choose

1217
01:31:59.080 --> 01:32:05.160
yourself over, you know, over what you do, and how you act and

1218
01:32:05.160 --> 01:32:08.800
how you even interact with me, you have to choose that you are

1219
01:32:08.960 --> 01:32:16.320
the entity that is unified. It's more important than your how we

1220
01:32:16.320 --> 01:32:19.560
interact, because we're going to interact very effortlessly,

1221
01:32:19.760 --> 01:32:24.560
naturally, we develop and spiritually mature from how you

1222
01:32:24.560 --> 01:32:29.760
choose that we are unified. So choose that first, you know, so

1223
01:32:29.760 --> 01:32:33.360
anyway, talking about all of this, you just choose, okay, the

1224
01:32:33.360 --> 01:32:38.200
decisions, the decisions are not my priority. That's what I'm

1225
01:32:38.200 --> 01:32:40.360
trying to say. You'll still make decisions and you'll still

1226
01:32:40.360 --> 01:32:49.720
do so. But your decisions are not your priority. Your

1227
01:32:49.720 --> 01:32:56.320
priority is that is is God, and that he is, you choose that he

1228
01:32:56.360 --> 01:33:00.640
is the highest and most valuable thing to you, not believing him,

1229
01:33:01.640 --> 01:33:06.160
not shifting into rest, not receiving something from him,

1230
01:33:06.160 --> 01:33:10.880
not being good enough for nothing, that he is who he is.

1231
01:33:12.120 --> 01:33:17.440
It not even that you get to see it, that he is who he is, that

1232
01:33:17.440 --> 01:33:20.560
is the most important thing to you. And then from now, okay,

1233
01:33:20.560 --> 01:33:25.280
well, part of who he is, is you, because you're unified with him.

1234
01:33:26.240 --> 01:33:28.960
And so you have to choose that as well. And then you choose,

1235
01:33:28.960 --> 01:33:32.080
you know, obviously, okay, I'm loved unconditionally, and that

1236
01:33:32.120 --> 01:33:35.520
and I'm going to operate. In other words, that this is the

1237
01:33:35.520 --> 01:33:39.200
core of my existence. And this is the most important thing to

1238
01:33:39.200 --> 01:33:42.920
me is that I'm loved. I'm loved, I'm being loved, I'm being

1239
01:33:42.920 --> 01:33:46.320
delighted in etc. And that and that obviously, you're unified

1240
01:33:46.320 --> 01:33:49.600
with him. And then from that place, now that there's nothing

1241
01:33:49.600 --> 01:33:53.280
left to do, because you can't lose it. You can't keep it. I

1242
01:33:53.280 --> 01:33:56.720
mean, meaning like you can't do anything to keep it. So it's

1243
01:33:56.720 --> 01:33:59.520
just it just is what it is, you can just now exist in that

1244
01:33:59.520 --> 01:34:02.760
place, you can do whatever the heck you want to do. You can do

1245
01:34:02.760 --> 01:34:04.720
the things that are edifying the things that aren't edifying.

1246
01:34:05.520 --> 01:34:09.240
But the fact that you're a son of God, and choosing everything

1247
01:34:09.280 --> 01:34:13.080
in faith that God says that, that he wants you to, you're

1248
01:34:13.080 --> 01:34:15.920
going to naturally start reflecting his character. And

1249
01:34:15.920 --> 01:34:18.160
his character is only going to guide you towards the things

1250
01:34:18.160 --> 01:34:20.560
that are edifying. So you're just going to discover what

1251
01:34:20.560 --> 01:34:24.120
those are. And so from that place, then you're faced with a

1252
01:34:24.120 --> 01:34:29.560
decision. So make the decision in freedom, in peace, and in

1253
01:34:29.560 --> 01:34:34.240
love. Let's make a decision. Do not you can ask God what he wants

1254
01:34:35.040 --> 01:34:37.720
you to do. But if you don't hear it, it's like, okay, God, I'm

1255
01:34:37.720 --> 01:34:41.480
making a decision out of the fact that I that you say that I

1256
01:34:41.480 --> 01:34:44.760
am less important to you. I am more important than my decision.

1257
01:34:44.760 --> 01:34:48.000
I am more important than what it is that I am. I am more

1258
01:34:48.000 --> 01:34:52.600
important than how it ends up affecting me, etc, etc. And this

1259
01:34:52.600 --> 01:34:56.640
is me choosing you, Lord, me choosing you more than my

1260
01:34:56.640 --> 01:34:59.640
decision, and more than the outcome, more than my

1261
01:34:59.640 --> 01:35:00.120
protection.

1262
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:04.720
more than my provision and by me not by me choosing you more than that you're going to

1263
01:35:04.720 --> 01:35:12.880
create all of those things because it says in uh hebrews 11 6 that they that without faith it is

1264
01:35:12.880 --> 01:35:19.920
impossible to please god and that they that sir that they that something must believe that he

1265
01:35:19.920 --> 01:35:31.520
exists and that he rewards those that earnestly seek him not seek how to please him not seek to

1266
01:35:31.520 --> 01:35:39.200
righteousness not seek to do the right thing seek god not how to interact with him not even to

1267
01:35:39.200 --> 01:35:48.080
believe it seek him it's that core and god says that is the ultimate um uh core of faith that's

1268
01:35:48.080 --> 01:35:52.400
what we have faith in we have faith in god not faith that god would do something not faith that

1269
01:35:52.400 --> 01:35:59.360
god will fulfill his promise not faith that god's will will manifest his work we have faith that he

1270
01:35:59.360 --> 01:36:05.440
is who he says he is those that earnestly seek him not what seek what he said or seek what he

1271
01:36:05.440 --> 01:36:11.280
said will happen or seek how we will manifest seek him period and that's enough for god and

1272
01:36:11.280 --> 01:36:16.160
then from that everything else will come but that is the core that is literally what will change

1273
01:36:16.160 --> 01:36:24.240
everything so for you in order to release yourself from the torment you have to let you have to let

1274
01:36:24.240 --> 01:36:30.880
go of making all of that right and figuring all of that out and the outcome you have to completely

1275
01:36:30.880 --> 01:36:37.680
release that to god in other words no longer is it has to drop in your value system you choose god

1276
01:36:37.680 --> 01:36:44.320
over that as your value system that is how that will get taken care of it's not that you're giving

1277
01:36:44.400 --> 01:36:50.160
it up as if oh my word when i give it up it's now no longer going to happen it's the opposite now it

1278
01:36:50.160 --> 01:36:56.960
has the there's movement in your life for the spirit to flow so that it finally can happen

1279
01:36:58.720 --> 01:37:06.160
but in order for it to happen we have to give it up it ever happened we have to choose this over

1280
01:37:06.160 --> 01:37:12.080
this so it's all very extreme but this is what god calls us to and this is why it has to talk

1281
01:37:12.080 --> 01:37:18.080
about faith so much it's that reckless so you said what you're recklessly abandoning yourself on

1282
01:37:18.080 --> 01:37:25.440
is me not that i'm going to do something but me and then from that i will reward those

1283
01:37:26.160 --> 01:37:33.280
that earnestly seek me and then um you know the the what is it uh what's the other verse that

1284
01:37:33.280 --> 01:37:38.320
that we know much more familiarly and seek you first the kingdom of god and his righteousness

1285
01:37:38.320 --> 01:37:44.480
and all these things will be added into you so everything else comes from anyway you're at a place

1286
01:37:44.480 --> 01:37:50.480
where you can like you're now at a place where you can dream again about the future or things

1287
01:37:50.480 --> 01:37:57.280
that you want to do with the lord in the future even yeah now that there's like specific things

1288
01:37:58.480 --> 01:38:05.120
but you're not tied to the outcome of it but you just continue to dream with him really well i

1289
01:38:05.120 --> 01:38:10.160
didn't know that life could be like this because you probably remember from my testimony that i did

1290
01:38:10.160 --> 01:38:18.480
not move forward or backward unless god said so i was stuck i was rigid i had my life was small

1291
01:38:18.480 --> 01:38:23.920
in that aspect and it didn't move very far and it didn't move very fast in many ways you know it just

1292
01:38:23.920 --> 01:38:28.800
it just it just didn't and literally everybody got the laundry list of things that i asked for

1293
01:38:28.800 --> 01:38:35.040
everybody around me got all of them and i didn't even get a single one i'm like god this does not

1294
01:38:35.040 --> 01:38:39.920
make sense because i'm the one who's sacrificing my life to the ultimate degree for you i can tell

1295
01:38:39.920 --> 01:38:43.600
you by looking at all of their lives looking at mine i know we're not supposed to judge the lord

1296
01:38:43.600 --> 01:38:50.320
but i'm just saying yeah you know and and because god's just said because it's not about you working

1297
01:38:50.320 --> 01:38:57.920
for it it's because i am a good god i give you gifts and i do things because that's who i am

1298
01:38:57.920 --> 01:39:06.080
not as a response to what you've done because your outcomes come from my character not from

1299
01:39:06.080 --> 01:39:12.160
your performance or your interaction with me i am a good god to the good and to the evil

1300
01:39:12.160 --> 01:39:20.240
i rain on what do you say i rain on the just and the unjust and i and i and i do something for the

1301
01:39:20.240 --> 01:39:24.000
good and the evil i don't remember what the other thing is but he says he rains on the just and the

1302
01:39:24.000 --> 01:39:29.120
unjust and he and that he's kind that's what it is he said and i am kind to the grateful and the

1303
01:39:29.120 --> 01:39:37.040
ungrateful into the good and oh my word he's like i rain in the desert when no one knows

1304
01:39:37.680 --> 01:39:43.520
he's like if i'm kind you know to the good and the evil and the just and unjust and the grateful

1305
01:39:43.520 --> 01:39:51.200
and the ungrateful then i'm doing it because that's who i am but if you're choosing that you're

1306
01:39:51.200 --> 01:39:59.680
that the only interaction that you have with me is based off of how you operate then you're limiting me

1307
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:09.000
And you're not letting me be me in your world, because you've chosen because I've given you the authority to choose what happens in your kingdom and what's allowed to rule and reign and have authority in your kingdom.

1308
01:40:09.000 --> 01:40:18.000
And you said the authority that's allowed in your kingdom is the principles of the kingdom of this world, which means that everything has to be earned. Everything has to be worked for.

1309
01:40:18.000 --> 01:40:23.000
So if that's what you say, I gave you the authority to determine that.

1310
01:40:24.000 --> 01:40:29.000
So I don't, I'm not going to come in and assert that authority. I don't want you to have that.

1311
01:40:29.000 --> 01:40:37.000
So you have to give me the authority to be the one to be my character into your life.

1312
01:40:37.000 --> 01:40:47.000
So, but he says, you know, instead, if you don't want to work for, you know, strive and exert effort for yourself to accomplish all of these things.

1313
01:40:47.000 --> 01:40:50.000
He said, you need to let me be me.

1314
01:40:50.000 --> 01:40:58.000
You need to allow me to be me without any stipulations, any conditions, without you even knowing who that is and how that would affect your life.

1315
01:40:58.000 --> 01:41:05.000
When I start manifesting who I am, and I start telling you who I am, and then I start manifesting.

1316
01:41:06.000 --> 01:41:21.000
So anyway, we, and that's something that God requires of us is in faith, we have to choose him before he before he shows up in our life in a particular way or like sometimes manifest this goodness or righteousness or some aspect of his character.

1317
01:41:22.000 --> 01:41:36.000
Is that, is that especially the older that we get in the word, the more we, he requires that we choose him and what he is before he even tells us what that is.

1318
01:41:36.000 --> 01:41:49.000
So we're used to thinking okay well God you got to give me a word. You got to give me a character, a characteristic, you got to give me a phrase you got to tell me what you're going to do you got to, you got to tell me something to anchor myself on what am I

1319
01:41:50.000 --> 01:42:07.000
I am asking that you posture yourself in complete vulnerable submission to me that you see, whoever it is that I present myself as, and you leave yourself completely open and vulnerable.

1320
01:42:07.000 --> 01:42:09.000
And then I'll come.

1321
01:42:09.000 --> 01:42:21.000
So we don't even know what it is we're exposing ourselves to. He requires that we choose him before he reveals what it is that we've actually chosen.

1322
01:42:21.000 --> 01:42:35.000
We said you choose me, not something necessarily, you know, that he's like revealed or whatever, because then again that's putting a limitation on it.

1323
01:42:35.000 --> 01:42:44.000
It's well it is it's kind of like putting limitation on but it's like restricting him in some way it's like yeah but God, I will after you.

1324
01:42:44.000 --> 01:42:48.000
He's like no no there's no after there's no condition. Just do it.

1325
01:42:48.000 --> 01:42:59.000
And then I present myself to be received, you receive me like, so what am I receiving, you know, your goodness, what is it that you're telling me to believe.

1326
01:42:59.000 --> 01:43:12.000
Tell me this, you know, what in scripture do you say that you are sometimes guys just like, I will show you who that is, but choose me first, and then I'll show you who I am.

1327
01:43:12.000 --> 01:43:16.000
It's very reckless.

1328
01:43:17.000 --> 01:43:30.000
This, this literally is like I said the focal point on which you're our entire lives, completely, completely turn around they completely change.

1329
01:43:31.000 --> 01:43:46.000
I wish I could explain that. But do you remember what I posted about the Mary Madeline, Mary Magdalene, you know in saying you know when the chosen saying that, you know, I used to be one way, and now I'm completely different and the thing that happened

1330
01:43:47.000 --> 01:44:05.000
is that kind of thing. It's like, I don't know what happened, but everything is upside down, and better. And, and I don't even know how to put it into words that I'm experiencing life, and it's like a totally different substance.

1331
01:44:06.000 --> 01:44:24.000
Yeah, it's as if we were always existing in orange juice and now we're existing in lemonade it's like I don't I don't understand, you know how to explain this, but it's the way that I approach life, the way that I, the way that I don't know, just just the way that I approach

1332
01:44:24.000 --> 01:44:33.000
life, the way that I interact the way that I think the way that the position from which I come at it is just totally different.

1333
01:44:34.000 --> 01:44:36.000
are all effortless.

1334
01:44:36.000 --> 01:44:49.000
And, but I have to change my operating system. It's not what formula can I learn in order to fix these things.

1335
01:44:49.000 --> 01:45:03.000
In order to fill rest in order to have relief in order whatever it's not it's changing the entire operating system will deal with all of this, including dealing with the root issues of the

1336
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.200
internal, you know, struggle and, and where we need healing or

1337
01:45:05.200 --> 01:45:09.300
whatever, that we didn't even know where they were. It starts

1338
01:45:09.300 --> 01:45:12.660
dealing with all of that very effortlessly, because we

1339
01:45:12.660 --> 01:45:16.660
completely changed the operating system. And those things were

1340
01:45:16.660 --> 01:45:19.860
sustained, and were anchored in the old operating system. So

1341
01:45:19.860 --> 01:45:22.060
when you change the operating system, they no longer have an

1342
01:45:22.060 --> 01:45:26.160
anchor. And they all just, they'll just fix themselves. No,

1343
01:45:26.160 --> 01:45:28.460
yeah, sure. There's still a journey, you know, that the Lord

1344
01:45:28.460 --> 01:45:30.800
will take us on, but that usually that's because we're

1345
01:45:30.800 --> 01:45:34.220
simply moving into greater and greater measures of rest. So

1346
01:45:34.220 --> 01:45:37.260
sometimes, like I said about healing, that sometimes God

1347
01:45:37.260 --> 01:45:40.540
uses Western medicine, sometimes uses naturopathic ways,

1348
01:45:40.540 --> 01:45:43.940
sometimes he uses miraculous healing. He does all kinds of

1349
01:45:43.940 --> 01:45:43.980
things.

1350
01:45:45.380 --> 01:45:50.540
Those things are still the Lord's best, like medication and

1351
01:45:50.580 --> 01:45:53.940
naturopathic. I mean, I won't take up too much of your time.

1352
01:45:53.940 --> 01:45:56.860
But I like, even like you've talked about, there's so many

1353
01:45:56.860 --> 01:45:59.460
side effects that come with supplements, like we think we're,

1354
01:45:59.860 --> 01:46:02.380
you know, putting a bandaid on this symptom, but then there's

1355
01:46:02.380 --> 01:46:06.580
so many and definitely with medication. And it's like, I

1356
01:46:06.580 --> 01:46:12.420
don't, I don't know, I feel like they're just a counterfeit of

1357
01:46:12.420 --> 01:46:14.500
what is available in Christ.

1358
01:46:16.460 --> 01:46:21.620
Well, yes, it's not as powerful, because obviously, yes, it is.

1359
01:46:21.980 --> 01:46:24.860
It's the fleshness of the kingdom of this world. And it's

1360
01:46:24.860 --> 01:46:27.340
not in the kingdom of this world is currently subject to

1361
01:46:27.340 --> 01:46:30.980
correction. It's currently subject to death. So even good

1362
01:46:30.980 --> 01:46:35.300
things have some aspect of death in it. So that's where there's

1363
01:46:35.300 --> 01:46:37.540
all of those side effects. You can even have side effects to

1364
01:46:37.540 --> 01:46:42.020
essential oils. I have a whole book about, you know, and I and

1365
01:46:42.020 --> 01:46:44.460
I like essential oils, but I got this whole book that talks about

1366
01:46:44.460 --> 01:46:46.580
all of these side effects, these potential side effects in the

1367
01:46:46.620 --> 01:46:50.180
whatever. Why? Because as good as wonderful things are as good

1368
01:46:50.180 --> 01:46:53.180
as things as good as an apple is, you know, we all know when

1369
01:46:53.180 --> 01:46:56.180
apple is very healthy. But oh, my goodness, if you eat too many

1370
01:46:56.180 --> 01:46:58.900
of them, or it's got this one ingredient, and it's one

1371
01:46:58.900 --> 01:47:00.900
ingredient, if you have too much ever, if you have it on the

1372
01:47:00.900 --> 01:47:03.380
wrong day, or if you have it while you're eating this other

1373
01:47:03.380 --> 01:47:08.500
thing, then it's not because the things themselves are bad. God

1374
01:47:08.500 --> 01:47:12.620
is the one that created the principles by which they were

1375
01:47:12.660 --> 01:47:16.860
able to discover and create Tylenol. God is the one who

1376
01:47:16.860 --> 01:47:21.220
created the principles to work like that. And so I thank the

1377
01:47:21.220 --> 01:47:26.420
Lord and take Tylenol. But I don't, I don't always take

1378
01:47:26.420 --> 01:47:30.140
Tylenol. Sometimes I talked to my body and I and I can, you

1379
01:47:30.140 --> 01:47:33.300
know, it's command me the headache to go away. Sometimes

1380
01:47:33.300 --> 01:47:36.420
it goes away. Sometimes it doesn't. And if it doesn't, I

1381
01:47:36.420 --> 01:47:39.260
receive a gift from a good gift from a good father that came in

1382
01:47:39.260 --> 01:47:43.900
the form of scientific laws that that people put into Tylenol

1383
01:47:44.500 --> 01:47:49.420
there. But because there it is part of creation that is still

1384
01:47:49.420 --> 01:47:54.660
subjected to frustration, it's still corrupted and subjected

1385
01:47:54.660 --> 01:47:59.820
to death. But Jesus, even though an earthly body was subject to

1386
01:47:59.820 --> 01:48:05.540
death, he didn't consider it a bad thing to be born into a

1387
01:48:05.540 --> 01:48:10.060
human body. And to live subjected to the pain that it

1388
01:48:10.060 --> 01:48:13.500
could that could incur and the tiredness and whatever. He

1389
01:48:13.500 --> 01:48:17.420
allowed himself to experience all the limitations because just

1390
01:48:17.460 --> 01:48:22.540
because flesh is subjected to death does not mean that God

1391
01:48:22.540 --> 01:48:26.700
created a bad thing. It means it needs to be released from its

1392
01:48:26.700 --> 01:48:33.300
frustration, because Adam introduced death to flesh. But

1393
01:48:33.300 --> 01:48:37.700
God didn't that flesh is not a bad thing. The principles of

1394
01:48:37.700 --> 01:48:42.540
science are not a bad thing. But the aspect of them in which is

1395
01:48:42.540 --> 01:48:46.380
subject to death, that means that there's going to be side

1396
01:48:46.380 --> 01:48:48.620
effects to things, there's going to be side effects,

1397
01:48:48.660 --> 01:48:53.060
naturopathic things, you know, etc. So we just what I received

1398
01:48:53.060 --> 01:48:56.580
from each thing is a good gift from a good father, God, I

1399
01:48:56.580 --> 01:49:00.340
received your goodness in this. Because you don't create bad

1400
01:49:00.340 --> 01:49:05.060
things. What do you want me to use? What do you want to be part

1401
01:49:05.060 --> 01:49:08.820
of our process? I try to go organic as much as possible. And

1402
01:49:08.820 --> 01:49:12.260
yet I discovered I'm allergic to fragrances. I don't like that.

1403
01:49:12.900 --> 01:49:16.860
Because I'm like, okay, God, I know that that's not natural.

1404
01:49:17.060 --> 01:49:24.180
And yet at the same time, I'm a son of God. I'm not subject to a

1405
01:49:24.180 --> 01:49:30.140
negative experience by some aspect of creation that's

1406
01:49:30.140 --> 01:49:34.020
subjected to death. And Lord, I don't like this. And so God's

1407
01:49:34.020 --> 01:49:38.700
like, that's an aspect of your flesh will discover. But I in

1408
01:49:38.700 --> 01:49:43.020
order to overcome it, it's not that it doesn't exist. It's that

1409
01:49:43.020 --> 01:49:47.260
in existence of it, I have to choose a higher power in order

1410
01:49:47.260 --> 01:49:52.300
for it to be overcome in order for my body to no longer feel

1411
01:49:52.580 --> 01:49:59.860
like it is subjected to this, to what how what interacts with it

1412
01:49:59.860 --> 01:49:59.980
for

1413
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:06.000
this world. It can choose to just, you know, just kind of like, I don't know how to describe it,

1414
01:50:06.000 --> 01:50:13.840
but just like, you know, there are people that, like John, the apostle John, you know,

1415
01:50:13.840 --> 01:50:19.760
how they couldn't kill him because his body refused to die. You know, they boiled him in oil.

1416
01:50:20.640 --> 01:50:25.520
If I'm not mistaken, they may even put him in the fire and his body literally refused to die. Why?

1417
01:50:25.520 --> 01:50:30.880
Because he had transformed so much that he brought, who it is that he was in the spirit,

1418
01:50:30.880 --> 01:50:37.840
down into the body, down into the soul, down into the body, so that it didn't succumb to

1419
01:50:39.040 --> 01:50:46.400
the aspects of creation that were trying to bring it to death. It didn't, it was no longer,

1420
01:50:46.400 --> 01:50:51.680
it knew that it was in Christ and it was no longer subject to death if it didn't want to be.

1421
01:50:52.480 --> 01:50:57.360
This is, you know, and anyway, so there's more that we could say about that. So I believe that

1422
01:50:57.360 --> 01:51:02.640
that's, that that's aspects of creation that we're learning to, in the Lord, in having faith with

1423
01:51:02.640 --> 01:51:09.360
them to overcome. So we'll be talking more, I think I use a little bit of that, talking a bit

1424
01:51:09.360 --> 01:51:14.080
about like health and medicine and all of that as my example, when I talk about the three realms,

1425
01:51:14.080 --> 01:51:22.080
the spirit, soul, and the body, that I still believe that all aspects that God has created

1426
01:51:22.640 --> 01:51:27.280
are good, but they're subject to corruption or subject to death. And so therefore there's

1427
01:51:27.280 --> 01:51:32.640
aspects of it that have side effects that have negative things. I mean, my goodness,

1428
01:51:32.640 --> 01:51:36.560
the church and the body of Christ is supposed to be a wonderful thing. And look how much damage

1429
01:51:36.560 --> 01:51:41.680
it's doing. So there's horrible side effects even to the body of Christ in the spirit. No,

1430
01:51:42.240 --> 01:51:48.560
right. But the aspects of the flesh absolute is causing tremendous damage from it. So

1431
01:51:50.960 --> 01:51:54.560
the healing testimony that you posted of that girl that was in our group,

1432
01:51:54.560 --> 01:52:00.320
do you remember how long it took before she started experiencing improvements in her health

1433
01:52:00.320 --> 01:52:08.400
or like what her journey was like just generally? No, no, I don't. I think it was,

1434
01:52:09.200 --> 01:52:17.040
uh, I'm just guessing here. I think it was a year, but remember what she did. She didn't even go to

1435
01:52:17.040 --> 01:52:23.760
God about her healing. Like she just thought, Oh, well, this is just how it is. She, she left it,

1436
01:52:24.480 --> 01:52:28.720
she let it go. And she focused on the other things, kind of like the same thing that I was

1437
01:52:28.720 --> 01:52:34.080
talking about, like the best way to overcome an enemy is by neutralizing, not battling it.

1438
01:52:34.080 --> 01:52:39.200
So by neutralize it, so she neutralized it by choosing the spirit instead. And she just focused

1439
01:52:39.200 --> 01:52:43.760
on her identity and she focused on, you know, the God's love and choosing faith in the Lord.

1440
01:52:43.760 --> 01:52:51.920
I began to heal by inner, uh, from inner wounds that I had without knowing I was healing from

1441
01:52:51.920 --> 01:52:58.080
them simply by choosing all of those things I mentioned simply by choosing very basic things

1442
01:52:58.080 --> 01:53:02.240
to believe God, if he said it, okay, what does he say about his love? What does he say about himself?

1443
01:53:02.240 --> 01:53:05.840
What does he say about me? What does he say about my union? And just, I made everything very,

1444
01:53:05.840 --> 01:53:12.800
very simple. And it was amazing that everything in my life, my beliefs, my, my approach to decision

1445
01:53:12.800 --> 01:53:19.680
making everything was rooted in those deep foundational things. So once I started,

1446
01:53:19.680 --> 01:53:24.320
started focusing on those, everything else started changing and I wasn't even trying.

1447
01:53:24.320 --> 01:53:29.920
So I found myself in situations where normally I would be very hurt. And I was, I didn't even

1448
01:53:29.920 --> 01:53:35.040
notice that the person said those things. And there was multiple things. I didn't even notice

1449
01:53:35.040 --> 01:53:38.960
they said those things later on that day, when I was in this situation, I went back and I thought,

1450
01:53:38.960 --> 01:53:44.480
wait a minute, so-and-so so-and-so addressed all of my triggers, all these different triggers.

1451
01:53:45.040 --> 01:53:50.880
And I didn't even know this let alone was hurt by him. And I thought, how I haven't been focusing

1452
01:53:50.880 --> 01:53:56.320
on it. Just like Susan wasn't focusing on her physical health, but both of us were focusing

1453
01:53:56.320 --> 01:54:01.040
on was the root that all of those things had developed from the first place. In other words,

1454
01:54:01.040 --> 01:54:08.160
the thing that gave them anchor, the thing that gave them a place to land. I don't mean that we

1455
01:54:08.160 --> 01:54:13.200
attracted them to us or that we caused them to happen. I mean, the thing is there's aspects of

1456
01:54:13.200 --> 01:54:19.280
our unbelief that gave, when they came along, when the physical issues came along, when the,

1457
01:54:20.080 --> 01:54:27.280
the trauma for me came along or whatever, it had a place to get stuck. It had a place that gave it

1458
01:54:27.280 --> 01:54:37.120
an authority to stay. So, so anyway, so when that, when that was released without us even thinking

1459
01:54:37.120 --> 01:54:41.840
about it, all those things were being healed because the anchor were being removed. But we

1460
01:54:41.840 --> 01:54:47.040
had to give them up. We had to not focus on them. We had, because by giving them up, we're no longer

1461
01:54:47.040 --> 01:54:53.520
holding them in accusation against God, God, why not? Why haven't you addressed this? When are you

1462
01:54:53.520 --> 01:54:59.760
going to, you said that, you know, that's not holding God to his word, like what we.

1463
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:05.360
that is accusation. And God says for us, God doesn't want us to

1464
01:55:05.360 --> 01:55:10.160
have faith in his promise. He wants us to have faith in him.

1465
01:55:10.520 --> 01:55:16.160
He promised. The promise is simply to reflect back to him to

1466
01:55:16.160 --> 01:55:20.160
communicate to us how much he loves us. Because he's trying to

1467
01:55:20.160 --> 01:55:24.280
communicate to us his love in a particular way that we're we in

1468
01:55:24.280 --> 01:55:27.160
our in our value system, we're going to understand. And the

1469
01:55:27.160 --> 01:55:30.600
whole point is to tell us something more about him to

1470
01:55:30.600 --> 01:55:34.080
entrench our faith and our relationship in him, not to

1471
01:55:34.080 --> 01:55:36.960
focus on things. So we have to let all this go, including

1472
01:55:36.960 --> 01:55:41.440
things that he's told us to hope for to expect or whatever. We

1473
01:55:41.480 --> 01:55:45.600
expect them to happen. But we don't focus on him. We don't

1474
01:55:45.600 --> 01:55:50.480
hold God to them. We just focus on on him and how wonderful he

1475
01:55:50.480 --> 01:55:52.640
is. And oh my word, you do this. Oh my goodness, you're going to

1476
01:55:52.640 --> 01:55:55.560
do this. It's so exciting. You're absolutely amazing. Not

1477
01:55:55.560 --> 01:55:58.080
like, oh my goodness, I can't wait till this happens. Why

1478
01:55:58.080 --> 01:56:02.800
hasn't happened? You know, and then those things happen. That's

1479
01:56:02.800 --> 01:56:05.600
what gives the spirit it's movement that stops our

1480
01:56:05.600 --> 01:56:09.320
resistance, which is what gives God's spirit and God's word and

1481
01:56:09.320 --> 01:56:13.560
his promise movement to make the thing happen. We keep standing

1482
01:56:13.560 --> 01:56:17.600
in a way because we've got accusation. That's resistance

1483
01:56:17.640 --> 01:56:19.600
against allowing the spirit to flow.

1484
01:56:20.200 --> 01:56:24.480
Wow. Good. Do you ever listen to Dan Muller? Have you listened

1485
01:56:24.480 --> 01:56:25.520
to his teachings?

1486
01:56:25.960 --> 01:56:29.600
Um, the name sounds familiar, but where's he at? Is he out of

1487
01:56:29.600 --> 01:56:30.080
that book?

1488
01:56:30.360 --> 01:56:34.920
No, he's, he's like, I don't know. He led Todd White to the

1489
01:56:34.920 --> 01:56:35.360
Lord.

1490
01:56:36.040 --> 01:56:37.320
Um, what's on what?

1491
01:56:37.560 --> 01:56:43.800
He led Todd White to the Lord. Oh, okay. Years ago. Um, but he

1492
01:56:43.840 --> 01:56:46.600
just preaches on the finished work of the cross, and

1493
01:56:46.600 --> 01:56:48.880
everything is accomplished in that place. And this

1494
01:56:48.880 --> 01:56:52.400
unoffendable trigger free life, because if we are in Christ, and

1495
01:56:52.560 --> 01:56:57.760
it's similar, it has similar truths in it, but he like

1496
01:56:57.760 --> 01:57:01.200
doesn't market any of his ministry. He doesn't have his

1497
01:57:01.200 --> 01:57:04.640
website is hideous. It's like a landing page. It defies

1498
01:57:04.640 --> 01:57:07.520
everything you think you need to have a successful ministry. And

1499
01:57:07.520 --> 01:57:11.240
he has more itinerant requests all around the world than he can

1500
01:57:11.240 --> 01:57:16.280
even take. And he like doesn't. He's, he's famous on YouTube

1501
01:57:16.280 --> 01:57:19.720
only because he preaches and people broadcast his stuff from

1502
01:57:19.720 --> 01:57:24.160
their church. But so you can get in there. But he's an

1503
01:57:24.160 --> 01:57:26.440
incredible teacher. I think you'd really like his stuff.

1504
01:57:27.040 --> 01:57:31.400
Well, I think someone mentioned him maybe the other day. I

1505
01:57:31.400 --> 01:57:37.120
think so. Okay, maybe that's where I need it. Yeah. But did

1506
01:57:37.120 --> 01:57:39.040
you have any other questions before we jump off?

1507
01:57:39.800 --> 01:57:40.520
I mean,

1508
01:57:41.280 --> 01:57:42.760
a lot. I know. I know.

1509
01:57:42.840 --> 01:57:47.840
I know. All I know. I my spirit resonates with this is this

1510
01:57:47.840 --> 01:57:50.920
revelation. These revelations are true. And this is what I

1511
01:57:50.920 --> 01:57:54.400
need to and want to grab ahold of and not shifting into that

1512
01:57:54.400 --> 01:57:57.280
place of like, okay, I gotta I gotta grab hold of these

1513
01:57:57.280 --> 01:57:59.440
revelations that I've got to apply it. And I've got to make

1514
01:57:59.440 --> 01:58:02.080
it work. And the sooner I can, the sooner I can get out of

1515
01:58:02.080 --> 01:58:06.560
this struggle. And I know, and it's just reversing some of the

1516
01:58:06.720 --> 01:58:10.320
old patterns. And a lot of what I'm dealing with is just like

1517
01:58:10.320 --> 01:58:13.200
trauma responses of thinking I need to protect myself. And I

1518
01:58:13.200 --> 01:58:15.960
need to think through every scenario to make sure that I

1519
01:58:15.960 --> 01:58:18.720
understand the outcome and know the outcome before it happens.

1520
01:58:18.720 --> 01:58:24.760
So that way, we ensure that, you know, I'm safe. And I'm so I've

1521
01:58:24.760 --> 01:58:28.440
been out of addiction for 14 years, but it's still crazy how

1522
01:58:28.440 --> 01:58:32.240
these things like, and then not being overwhelmed by all these,

1523
01:58:32.560 --> 01:58:35.000
these issues that are you're still dealing with, you're like,

1524
01:58:35.000 --> 01:58:37.160
how am I still dealing with this after every deliverance, every

1525
01:58:37.160 --> 01:58:40.400
so so every encounter I've had with the Lord, how could we

1526
01:58:40.400 --> 01:58:44.240
possibly still be here? Like this makes no sense. And feeling

1527
01:58:44.240 --> 01:58:47.800
like you're at ground zero, but it's like, just trusting that

1528
01:58:47.800 --> 01:58:52.000
it's easier than than what I think it's going to be. And

1529
01:58:52.840 --> 01:58:55.440
well, I think that part of it, and a lot of people have told me

1530
01:58:55.440 --> 01:58:58.440
that, including my own sister, she's on on the rest intensive.

1531
01:58:58.480 --> 01:59:03.360
And, and she's not participating in this round, but she's like,

1532
01:59:04.560 --> 01:59:07.480
go look for a planner. Anyway, she mentioned in one of her

1533
01:59:07.480 --> 01:59:09.800
testimonies, she said, you know what, and then I've had other

1534
01:59:09.840 --> 01:59:12.480
somebody else do it in the testimonies as well saying,

1535
01:59:12.840 --> 01:59:14.600
like, you know, I've done everything. I've gone to

1536
01:59:14.600 --> 01:59:16.800
counseling sessions, I've gone to deliverance sessions, I've

1537
01:59:16.800 --> 01:59:21.320
gone to celebrate recovery, I've done this. And they said, it

1538
01:59:21.320 --> 01:59:25.280
finally broke when I discovered rest, because rest is the power

1539
01:59:25.280 --> 01:59:28.680
of the gospel. Rest is the fact that we are unified with Christ.

1540
01:59:28.720 --> 01:59:33.680
And that happened, because Christ died to unify us. And so

1541
01:59:33.680 --> 01:59:37.440
now that we exist in the all sufficient one, who's already

1542
01:59:37.440 --> 01:59:41.120
done everything, and there's nothing left to do. And so now

1543
01:59:41.120 --> 01:59:44.640
we just live in the existence of our relationship with him,

1544
01:59:45.240 --> 01:59:48.560
focusing on developing that focusing on learning more about

1545
01:59:48.560 --> 01:59:53.200
him, you know, seek him. And then he'll, and then he and then

1546
01:59:53.200 --> 01:59:57.400
the outcomes all flow from that. And so really, it's, it's

1547
01:59:57.400 --> 02:00:00.040
because, you know, nothing else works, because

1548
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:05.200
We're not I mean sometimes to the degree that we need it to because it had it all comes

1549
02:00:05.200 --> 02:00:11.680
down to the actual root of the freedom and the transformation into from the old man into

1550
02:00:11.680 --> 02:00:14.040
the new man that happens at the gospel.

1551
02:00:14.040 --> 02:00:19.760
And we have to come back to that power because that is the thing that powers everything else.

1552
02:00:19.760 --> 02:00:24.800
So that's why all of those other things didn't work for them.

1553
02:00:24.800 --> 02:00:28.120
It's not that they didn't work to some degree and they didn't get some help and they didn't

1554
02:00:28.120 --> 02:00:34.280
feel better, but it didn't ultimately deal with the root issue if someone can't hasn't

1555
02:00:34.280 --> 02:00:41.560
connected with and identified with the true nature of the gospel and really truly identified

1556
02:00:41.560 --> 02:00:48.560
it with it shows that that is that that is who they are because that's who they are.

1557
02:00:48.560 --> 02:00:53.840
And when they were able to do that, especially by learning that they didn't have to do anything

1558
02:00:53.840 --> 02:00:59.520
to get there that nothing else was required of them as soon as they let go they defaulted

1559
02:00:59.520 --> 02:01:04.600
into the natural state of the new man and they're just like, oh, there's so much freedom.

1560
02:01:04.600 --> 02:01:07.560
I feel so much more connected with the Lord.

1561
02:01:07.560 --> 02:01:09.120
I can hear the Lord more clearly.

1562
02:01:09.120 --> 02:01:11.360
I can see him more clearly.

1563
02:01:11.360 --> 02:01:15.680
You know, my sister said that as soon as she did that all three parts of the Trinity appeared

1564
02:01:15.680 --> 02:01:16.680
to her.

1565
02:01:16.680 --> 02:01:17.680
She's like, hello.

1566
02:01:17.680 --> 02:01:20.680
It's just like, oh my word.

1567
02:01:20.680 --> 02:01:25.400
It's so yeah, which was very exciting was like, oh, that's a really neat experience.

1568
02:01:25.400 --> 02:01:29.880
But anyway, and it's not that all of those other things aren't aren't important powerful

1569
02:01:29.880 --> 02:01:35.200
powerful like so those are celebrating recovery or whatever, but the problem is sometimes

1570
02:01:35.200 --> 02:01:37.860
they can deal as deep as they go.

1571
02:01:37.860 --> 02:01:41.440
Sometimes they're just dealing with sentence because there's an aspect of the power of

1572
02:01:41.440 --> 02:01:46.840
the gospel that people aren't living haven't identified with and lived and are living out

1573
02:01:46.840 --> 02:01:52.680
of the nature of their identity and union with Christ and they're in their life dealing

1574
02:01:52.680 --> 02:01:56.200
with all of this stuff that's supposed to naturally flow from it.

1575
02:01:56.200 --> 02:02:00.920
And so dealing with those things means that they're not ultimately getting to under root

1576
02:02:00.920 --> 02:02:03.200
issue, meaning that the problems keep bubbling up.

1577
02:02:03.200 --> 02:02:08.880
So anyway, it's not that those other things aren't good, but that's why certain people,

1578
02:02:08.880 --> 02:02:12.240
you know, like you and my sister and other people, they're just like, no matter what

1579
02:02:12.240 --> 02:02:14.440
I do, I get a little bit of relief.

1580
02:02:14.440 --> 02:02:19.600
It's like I shaved the edge off, but what I'm really dealing with is still what I'm

1581
02:02:19.600 --> 02:02:22.040
really facing still isn't being dealt with.

1582
02:02:22.040 --> 02:02:27.000
And they find it when they hear about when they find about rest, because all it is the

1583
02:02:27.000 --> 02:02:28.000
power of the gospel.

1584
02:02:28.000 --> 02:02:29.000
It's what God did.

1585
02:02:29.000 --> 02:02:30.000
And it's very simple.

1586
02:02:30.000 --> 02:02:34.360
And if we approach it very simply, another thing is the things that I've been telling

1587
02:02:34.360 --> 02:02:39.560
you, I don't know how you've been responding to them internally, but I could imagine they

1588
02:02:39.560 --> 02:02:44.080
are terrifying and they're reckless because I mean, they feel reckless.

1589
02:02:44.080 --> 02:02:46.320
They feel like we're risking our relationship with the Lord.

1590
02:02:46.320 --> 02:02:51.920
And it feels like if we do that, that we are going to die or that God's going to reject

1591
02:02:51.920 --> 02:02:54.160
this or that he's going to strike us with lightning.

1592
02:02:54.160 --> 02:02:57.680
And I, and I, I said, right, I really didn't think that he was going to start a new fighting

1593
02:02:57.680 --> 02:03:00.900
and spiritual opposition internally.

1594
02:03:00.900 --> 02:03:05.720
You feel like as you're, as you're teaching, it like hangers your soul.

1595
02:03:05.720 --> 02:03:09.800
It's like so offensive to your spirit and you're like, I don't know where to, where

1596
02:03:09.800 --> 02:03:10.800
to put this.

1597
02:03:10.800 --> 02:03:13.840
Like this, it like comes up against everything you thought you knew.

1598
02:03:13.840 --> 02:03:14.840
Yeah.

1599
02:03:14.840 --> 02:03:15.840
Yeah, exactly.

1600
02:03:15.840 --> 02:03:20.160
And so it's like, and then there's the whole thing of like, who am I, do I know anything?

1601
02:03:20.160 --> 02:03:24.320
Is this like a detector from zero, you know, but I, I literally did.

1602
02:03:24.320 --> 02:03:25.320
I wiped everything.

1603
02:03:25.320 --> 02:03:29.040
And I told God, I'm starting out back at square one.

1604
02:03:29.040 --> 02:03:33.600
I said, until you tell me how to have a relationship with you, I'm going to do whatever I want

1605
02:03:33.600 --> 02:03:35.120
to do.

1606
02:03:35.120 --> 02:03:40.800
Because everything I have done and in this great, beautiful, very, very highly complex

1607
02:03:40.800 --> 02:03:44.280
and complicated structure that I created to serve you in.

1608
02:03:44.280 --> 02:03:49.840
And I've been living for 34 years at the time, 38 now that I've been living at the time,

1609
02:03:49.840 --> 02:03:53.000
you know, up to that time, it isn't working.

1610
02:03:53.000 --> 02:03:55.560
So I'm going to go to nothing.

1611
02:03:55.560 --> 02:03:58.840
Now I'd already chosen that I was going to continue to follow the Lord, even though it,

1612
02:03:58.840 --> 02:04:02.240
whether it was good or evil, I'd already made that decision a long time ago when I've had

1613
02:04:02.240 --> 02:04:05.960
a crisis of faith about like seven, 12 years earlier than that.

1614
02:04:05.960 --> 02:04:06.960
I don't remember.

1615
02:04:06.960 --> 02:04:09.200
I've lost count probably about 12 years earlier than that.

1616
02:04:09.200 --> 02:04:12.160
So I, I wasn't saying I wasn't going to follow, but I was going to say, I didn't know how

1617
02:04:12.160 --> 02:04:13.440
to.

1618
02:04:13.440 --> 02:04:17.520
So I chose him and that's all I said, I said, God, I choose you, but I don't know who that

1619
02:04:17.520 --> 02:04:18.520
is.

1620
02:04:18.520 --> 02:04:23.880
So until, until you tell me how to relationship, if you have a relationship with you, I'm just

1621
02:04:23.880 --> 02:04:24.880
going to try to live life.

1622
02:04:24.880 --> 02:04:30.040
And I know the things I want to do now, I wanted to have a business, I'm going to make

1623
02:04:30.040 --> 02:04:31.040
that business.

1624
02:04:31.080 --> 02:04:33.120
And if I want to be friends with them, I'm going to be friends with them.

1625
02:04:33.120 --> 02:04:37.840
I'm going to, whatever I want you to tell me what I should do, but until you do, I don't

1626
02:04:37.840 --> 02:04:41.400
know what it is because I thought I was doing everything you told me to do.

1627
02:04:41.400 --> 02:04:46.040
So my point is, like you said, all of these things, you know, come up against us.

1628
02:04:46.040 --> 02:04:52.400
Like, well, my goodness, you know, this kind of like tears at, at the very foundation of

1629
02:04:52.400 --> 02:04:54.480
what I thought was true.

1630
02:04:54.480 --> 02:04:59.160
So is this, is this true?

1631
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:08.340
Like, you know, we'll, if I, if I, um, if, if I, if I choose to follow the Lord

1632
02:05:08.340 --> 02:05:14.060
like this, it's such a basic level, you know, and you scrap everything else.

1633
02:05:15.020 --> 02:05:16.660
You know, what's, what's going to happen.

1634
02:05:17.340 --> 02:05:19.200
Am I going to actually be a heretic?

1635
02:05:19.540 --> 02:05:20.620
Am I choosing the devil?

1636
02:05:21.060 --> 02:05:23.660
Am I doing what he wants, but the devil wants me to do, you know, and

1637
02:05:23.660 --> 02:05:27.820
I'm succumbing to the deception, you know, so everyone has to make their decision.

1638
02:05:27.880 --> 02:05:29.920
I just tell everybody, this is what I believe.

1639
02:05:29.920 --> 02:05:30.840
This is how I live.

1640
02:05:30.840 --> 02:05:33.860
And it has changed my life and everybody else that actually chooses

1641
02:05:33.860 --> 02:05:36.580
this, their life turns upside down.

1642
02:05:37.480 --> 02:05:40.280
I mean, they're just like, I didn't know that it was possible to live like this.

1643
02:05:40.280 --> 02:05:45.000
And they all say it and they're like, I don't know what happened, but everything

1644
02:05:45.000 --> 02:05:50.180
changed, it was like, I know, but anyway, so it can feel like that, but that's what

1645
02:05:50.180 --> 02:05:52.440
God, that's what God requires.

1646
02:05:52.440 --> 02:05:56.780
He's like, I want you to choose me to that, to that reckless place, to the

1647
02:05:56.780 --> 02:05:59.360
place where there's nothing but me.

1648
02:06:00.160 --> 02:06:04.160
And you don't even hold as a condition against me, how I'm going to manifest.

1649
02:06:04.920 --> 02:06:06.800
I'm going to manifest who it is that I am.

1650
02:06:06.800 --> 02:06:08.420
You don't even know who I am.

1651
02:06:08.680 --> 02:06:12.400
And I'm telling you to abandon everything, including yourself to choose that.

1652
02:06:13.360 --> 02:06:15.800
Then I'll reveal who that is, et cetera.

1653
02:06:16.360 --> 02:06:22.600
That, and so that's why a lot of those places don't teach what I teach because

1654
02:06:23.060 --> 02:06:26.320
it's terrifying and they don't think people can handle it.

1655
02:06:26.660 --> 02:06:35.260
So currently the only people that really, um, here and become attracted to join the

1656
02:06:35.260 --> 02:06:41.440
rest that said are people who are desperate enough, because what is required.

1657
02:06:42.260 --> 02:06:48.180
Is everything, but then they end up getting everything that everybody else

1658
02:06:48.180 --> 02:06:50.260
wants, but can't seem to find.

1659
02:06:50.700 --> 02:06:52.980
And all they're doing is they're continuing to push a little

1660
02:06:52.980 --> 02:06:54.260
harder and shaving off the edge.

1661
02:06:54.260 --> 02:07:01.280
And it's a lot more gracious are speaking for us to be able to have the

1662
02:07:01.280 --> 02:07:08.800
experience where, um, where we absolutely come to the end and I didn't understand

1663
02:07:09.200 --> 02:07:15.960
what I had to become to the end of such, such desperation and emotional breakdown.

1664
02:07:16.280 --> 02:07:17.240
And I'm very hard to break.

1665
02:07:17.240 --> 02:07:23.360
I'm I'd be like you and Lindsay, you know, very, very, very, very

1666
02:07:23.380 --> 02:07:28.140
you know, very high pain threshold in the spirit and in the motion and mental.

1667
02:07:28.580 --> 02:07:31.580
It's a coal, everything drive absolute to the next degree.

1668
02:07:31.880 --> 02:07:33.340
If it died, then killed us.

1669
02:07:34.740 --> 02:07:37.580
And I got to the end of that and I'm just like, I'm done.

1670
02:07:37.900 --> 02:07:41.540
And so, but the thing is, and I'm like, why Lord, why whether our other people

1671
02:07:41.540 --> 02:07:44.700
experiencing such horrors in life.

1672
02:07:45.260 --> 02:07:49.900
And I am, but what God did is because I experienced it, I realized the

1673
02:07:50.000 --> 02:07:52.200
desperateness with which I needed him.

1674
02:07:52.240 --> 02:07:56.200
And I was willing to do the absolute, ultimate desperate thing and she's

1675
02:07:56.200 --> 02:07:57.520
him in a way that they weren't.

1676
02:07:58.400 --> 02:07:59.480
So I got everything.

1677
02:08:01.040 --> 02:08:06.200
And so in a way, you know, I'm just, I'm so very, very, very grateful.

1678
02:08:06.800 --> 02:08:07.240
Yeah.

1679
02:08:08.800 --> 02:08:09.240
Yeah.

1680
02:08:12.520 --> 02:08:14.800
Before I leave you though, I wanted to check with you.

1681
02:08:14.840 --> 02:08:18.120
So you, you, you know, I know that you're asking and wanting to know.

1682
02:08:18.780 --> 02:08:24.780
Yeah, but, but, but what do I do now and how, how do I let go and how do I

1683
02:08:24.780 --> 02:08:29.940
choose and how do I like move in my existence tonight and tomorrow morning

1684
02:08:29.940 --> 02:08:32.260
where I'm having to make decisions, you know, et cetera, et cetera.

1685
02:08:32.860 --> 02:08:37.740
So, I mean, I know that I've addressed all of this, but have I, do you, did

1686
02:08:37.740 --> 02:08:40.820
you, um, did it make sense to you?

1687
02:08:41.220 --> 02:08:43.780
Do you know what to do now?

1688
02:08:44.580 --> 02:08:46.820
I mean, there's more to talk about later, you know, et cetera.

1689
02:08:47.560 --> 02:08:53.360
Just something I need you to know enough where you have the answers that you

1690
02:08:53.360 --> 02:08:57.640
need to start moving towards something.

1691
02:08:57.840 --> 02:08:58.720
Does that make sense?

1692
02:08:59.240 --> 02:08:59.520
Yeah.

1693
02:09:01.960 --> 02:09:02.360
Yeah.

1694
02:09:02.540 --> 02:09:07.000
Yeah, I definitely, you know, when you're in crisis, you're just

1695
02:09:07.000 --> 02:09:08.360
like, just tell me what to do.

1696
02:09:08.400 --> 02:09:10.680
Can I do this while I'm running this job?

1697
02:09:10.680 --> 02:09:14.880
I was actually surprised when you can do it while you're doing it.

1698
02:09:14.900 --> 02:09:18.260
Cause every, I mean, you have, when you start opening up for people's

1699
02:09:18.260 --> 02:09:21.580
opinions, speaking into it, people have gone to their own journey.

1700
02:09:21.580 --> 02:09:23.900
They're like, no, you're going to have to lay this all down.

1701
02:09:24.180 --> 02:09:27.460
Dying to everything means quitting your job, doing nothing, laying there and

1702
02:09:27.460 --> 02:09:30.260
trusting the Lord for your, for your every whatever, you know, it's like,

1703
02:09:30.260 --> 02:09:33.900
especially when you're a highly charged spiritual environment, like Bethlehem

1704
02:09:33.900 --> 02:09:37.100
and bless people, they're just running with what they know, right.

1705
02:09:37.100 --> 02:09:38.620
And what their experience has been.

1706
02:09:38.620 --> 02:09:42.700
But so that felt super overwhelming and like, haven't had a place to process

1707
02:09:42.720 --> 02:09:46.520
this of like, who do I trust to even give me advice in this area?

1708
02:09:47.120 --> 02:09:54.120
Um, and sometimes God will move us out of things, especially, um, if, uh, but,

1709
02:09:54.200 --> 02:10:00.040
but here's the thing God has only ever once moved me out of a.

1710
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:04.200
a, an intense situation, like what you're feeling, what you're living in, but

1711
02:10:04.200 --> 02:10:10.160
it's only moved me out of that type of an experience one time without it

1712
02:10:10.160 --> 02:10:13.200
getting resolved in it only once.

1713
02:10:13.700 --> 02:10:18.160
And that, and the, and the, the reason that he did is because I didn't

1714
02:10:18.160 --> 02:10:21.640
know that earlier he'd, he'd wanted me to, but I didn't know he wanted me to.

1715
02:10:21.640 --> 02:10:24.320
And so I was waiting for him to tell me, and he finally just

1716
02:10:24.320 --> 02:10:25.580
forced me out of the situation.

1717
02:10:25.980 --> 02:10:29.360
But all of the other times, no matter how intense they thought, he

1718
02:10:29.360 --> 02:10:35.400
always resolved my spiritual issue with him, where everything calmed

1719
02:10:35.400 --> 02:10:37.400
down, everything got resolved.

1720
02:10:37.700 --> 02:10:41.180
And I was like, okay, so now that we got that out of like, okay, now let's

1721
02:10:41.180 --> 02:10:43.200
move, now let's move you out of your job.

1722
02:10:43.200 --> 02:10:45.840
Now it's maybe a, you know, out of the relationship or whatever.

1723
02:10:46.160 --> 02:10:48.680
I'm not saying that he's going to do with you that with you.

1724
02:10:48.960 --> 02:10:51.800
I just only say that to you as an encouragement.

1725
02:10:52.240 --> 02:10:58.400
But the thing is that even though he, he, he addressed all of those spiritual

1726
02:10:58.400 --> 02:11:03.440
issues with me in the job or in the relationship or whatever, without

1727
02:11:03.520 --> 02:11:10.640
being removed from it, the, uh, once I was removed from it, you know, once

1728
02:11:10.640 --> 02:11:13.600
he removed me or told me to move or whatever, I did have to heal.

1729
02:11:14.960 --> 02:11:22.960
Like I, there's a measure in which I had to be removed.

1730
02:11:23.320 --> 02:11:27.280
And I don't know that this is necessarily a tried and true spiritual principle.

1731
02:11:27.280 --> 02:11:29.120
I'm just telling you what it is observed.

1732
02:11:29.160 --> 02:11:29.960
I've observed.

1733
02:11:30.640 --> 02:11:35.080
I don't know that I've ever, I believe that it can happen.

1734
02:11:35.080 --> 02:11:35.600
Absolutely.

1735
02:11:35.880 --> 02:11:38.680
I mean, my goodness, if somebody goes through a difficulty in a marriage, it's

1736
02:11:38.680 --> 02:11:40.680
going to remove them for the marriage where they can heal.

1737
02:11:40.680 --> 02:11:42.240
No, we have all of his testimonies.

1738
02:11:42.240 --> 02:11:46.520
All these people have gone through very difficult times and yet they came through

1739
02:11:46.520 --> 02:11:48.800
the marriage, you know, and they healed in the marriage and all of that.

1740
02:11:48.840 --> 02:11:52.640
So does it mean that we always have to abandon everything, but I just wanted to

1741
02:11:52.640 --> 02:11:55.600
give you encouragement that God could tell you to do either one.

1742
02:11:55.640 --> 02:12:00.360
He could tell you to remove yourself, but removing yourself won't fix it.

1743
02:12:00.720 --> 02:12:02.040
That's what I'm trying to say.

1744
02:12:02.040 --> 02:12:03.600
You're moving yourself, but you know why?

1745
02:12:04.440 --> 02:12:09.400
Because you're still with yourself and you're then going to go to the next job

1746
02:12:09.440 --> 02:12:13.080
or you're the one lying there on the sofa with yourself or you're whatever.

1747
02:12:13.560 --> 02:12:17.240
The issue is an internal spiritual war.

1748
02:12:17.520 --> 02:12:23.600
It's not the outside triggers that can give a bit of reprieve to remove

1749
02:12:23.640 --> 02:12:25.080
yourself from all of the triggers.

1750
02:12:25.080 --> 02:12:25.560
Sure.

1751
02:12:26.480 --> 02:12:27.960
But that's not the issue.

1752
02:12:28.920 --> 02:12:32.400
Um, because like I said, you're still going with yourself.

1753
02:12:32.720 --> 02:12:34.480
Remember there's nothing wrong with you.

1754
02:12:35.080 --> 02:12:40.080
The problem is you think that there is, and that's what's causing the problems.

1755
02:12:40.800 --> 02:12:45.560
Well, so as weird as it sounds, it's just like the problems aren't because

1756
02:12:45.560 --> 02:12:49.640
you're worse than you think that you are or that you are as bad as you think you

1757
02:12:49.640 --> 02:12:54.320
are, the problem is that you are so much better than you were allowing

1758
02:12:54.320 --> 02:12:58.760
yourself to be to yourself or to God or to the people around you.

1759
02:12:59.880 --> 02:13:03.640
That's creating all of the angst, all of the struggle.

1760
02:13:03.960 --> 02:13:08.600
It is your spirit knowing one thing and your flesh fighting it.

1761
02:13:09.640 --> 02:13:10.600
No, that's not true.

1762
02:13:10.720 --> 02:13:12.480
That is where the struggle is.

1763
02:13:12.480 --> 02:13:17.960
And Jesus even struggled to remember that it says, you know, he, he did it first

1764
02:13:17.960 --> 02:13:22.120
and he understands, or however I wrote that out, you know, that post where it

1765
02:13:22.120 --> 02:13:25.720
says like Jesus, you know, just prostrate on the garden in our, in the garden.

1766
02:13:25.720 --> 02:13:27.160
I think I posted that yesterday.

1767
02:13:27.880 --> 02:13:30.520
You know, Jesus knows that struggle.

1768
02:13:30.560 --> 02:13:33.040
Jesus went through a struggle in the garden of Gethsemane.

1769
02:13:33.040 --> 02:13:36.360
And he said this, he wanted the disciples to pray for him because he

1770
02:13:36.360 --> 02:13:38.680
said, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

1771
02:13:39.360 --> 02:13:40.360
He was talking about himself.

1772
02:13:40.800 --> 02:13:42.800
I don't believe he was talking about the disciples about the

1773
02:13:42.800 --> 02:13:44.040
fact that kept falling asleep.

1774
02:13:44.400 --> 02:13:47.080
Oh, your spirit is willing, but your budget's weak.

1775
02:13:47.080 --> 02:13:51.320
No, he was telling him the urgency of why he needed them to stand in spiritually

1776
02:13:51.320 --> 02:13:55.960
in the gap for him because his spirit was willing, but the flesh, which had not

1777
02:13:55.960 --> 02:13:59.240
transformed spiritually at that time, it was still subjected to death.

1778
02:14:00.040 --> 02:14:02.240
It, he was under so much stress.

1779
02:14:02.240 --> 02:14:07.720
He sweated drops of blood, you know, his flesh and his spirit were warring.

1780
02:14:08.000 --> 02:14:12.680
Jesus himself, his own spirit, his own flesh was fighting his spirit.

1781
02:14:13.000 --> 02:14:15.640
The thing is he never, his spirit never let it in.

1782
02:14:16.480 --> 02:14:19.800
He never, uh, you know, he always, he always chose the Lord.

1783
02:14:19.800 --> 02:14:20.720
He always chose faith.

1784
02:14:20.720 --> 02:14:21.560
He always chose belief.

1785
02:14:21.560 --> 02:14:26.280
He only, he only chose to overcome, but in order to overcome, you have to

1786
02:14:26.280 --> 02:14:27.920
have something that you're overcoming.

1787
02:14:28.600 --> 02:14:34.760
Jesus was born into a fleshly body that was subject to death and to corruption.

1788
02:14:35.120 --> 02:14:39.280
But he overcame it, that death and that corruption and that subject and that

1789
02:14:39.280 --> 02:14:44.360
subject to a tendency towards unbelief is warring in Christ himself.

1790
02:14:44.960 --> 02:14:46.640
The sin is not the struggle.

1791
02:14:46.760 --> 02:14:49.360
So you experiencing this struggle is not.

1792
02:14:53.360 --> 02:14:54.880
The thing is, what do you choose?

1793
02:14:55.160 --> 02:14:55.960
Do you choose that?

1794
02:14:55.960 --> 02:14:59.960
We are who God says that we are, or do you say, no, this is who I am?

1795
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:03.840
Well, then this is going to have a power in our life and then we're going to be subjected and

1796
02:15:03.840 --> 02:15:09.840
victimized for it. So that's the only, so, so anyways, the struggle that you're experiencing

1797
02:15:10.560 --> 02:15:16.320
is there's two aspects of yourself. It's this house divided. It's not supposed to be divided.

1798
02:15:16.320 --> 02:15:22.000
It's supposed to be unified, you know, in purpose and an intention and choice and an identity.

1799
02:15:22.000 --> 02:15:27.200
And it's at war. And so that's where, that's where the pain is. And that's where the struggle.

1800
02:15:27.200 --> 02:15:31.360
And that's why God says that when in heaven, there is no more pain. Why? Because there's

1801
02:15:31.360 --> 02:15:37.600
no more war, no more struggle. There's nothing simple about pain though, because even Jesus

1802
02:15:37.600 --> 02:15:45.600
experienced pain. So anyway, so I don't know what it is the Lord is going to have you do.

1803
02:15:45.600 --> 02:15:49.840
He might have you, you know, lose your job. He might have you have a bit of a free, you know,

1804
02:15:49.840 --> 02:15:54.960
whatever the Lord has healed me. And once I left that particular job that I said that that was the

1805
02:15:54.960 --> 02:16:02.160
only one that he had me leave. Um, I didn't have a job for three months after that, no matter what

1806
02:16:02.160 --> 02:16:08.080
I did, trying so hard to find a new job. And God said, finally told me after three months, he said,

1807
02:16:08.080 --> 02:16:13.760
Ashley, you are wasting this time that I gave you the rest. And you were wasting it by being

1808
02:16:13.760 --> 02:16:18.560
stressed and anxious that there's something I'm requiring of you that you weren't working hard

1809
02:16:18.560 --> 02:16:24.240
enough and accomplishing it for me that you're not being a responsible adult. Actually, I gave

1810
02:16:24.240 --> 02:16:29.920
you this time to rest. And as soon as I came into agreement with it that week, after three months,

1811
02:16:29.920 --> 02:16:35.520
that week, I was going to call for a job. Boom. And then I, and I worked for, I had a really great

1812
02:16:35.520 --> 02:16:41.280
job with a really neat, a high-profile company and everything that that all happened. As soon

1813
02:16:41.280 --> 02:16:46.959
as I came into agreement with the Lord, okay, Lord, I let it go. I let go having to be something

1814
02:16:47.680 --> 02:16:54.160
for you, having to be a responsible adults in your eyes or whatever it is that, you know,

1815
02:16:54.160 --> 02:16:58.799
I condemned myself as, but anyway, so I don't know what he's going to do for you. I just wanted to

1816
02:16:58.799 --> 02:17:05.840
give you an encouragement that the issue isn't the triggers and, and God can absolutely do it.

1817
02:17:06.559 --> 02:17:10.240
Um, even when you're in the midst of the triggers, that's what he usually does with me.

1818
02:17:11.120 --> 02:17:18.080
Because sometimes what he's trying to do is that's how we overcome is in the face of the

1819
02:17:18.080 --> 02:17:23.760
triggers, you're believing something different. This is telling you one thing and you're choosing.

1820
02:17:23.760 --> 02:17:31.280
No, that is not the authority in, um, that I'm going to allow to be in, uh, to exist in this

1821
02:17:31.280 --> 02:17:39.840
particular place. Um, and so often we, in order to choose the higher thing, we actually have to

1822
02:17:39.840 --> 02:17:46.799
be in a position where, um, it's being, it's a, it, one is trying to dominate and we have to

1823
02:17:46.799 --> 02:17:53.040
actually overcome in order to overcome. We have to overcome, we have to, there has to be something

1824
02:17:53.040 --> 02:17:59.200
in which we're overcoming. And that usually happens when we're in the thing. Um, but it

1825
02:17:59.200 --> 02:18:02.879
doesn't mean that it can't. And it doesn't mean that God doesn't want to say, Hey, look, you know

1826
02:18:02.879 --> 02:18:08.240
what? Just like Elijah, Elijah went into the desert and he's all Tom, the Lord, how sorry it's

1827
02:18:08.240 --> 02:18:12.320
for himself and everything just kill me now and goes to sleep. Well, what did the Lord do? He sent

1828
02:18:12.320 --> 02:18:18.240
an angel with food and water and you're yeah. Food, bread and water. And he woke him up and he

1829
02:18:18.240 --> 02:18:23.200
said, so he supplied everything for Elijah when Elijah's just been crying out to him and having a

1830
02:18:23.200 --> 02:18:30.400
pity party, you know, and accusing God. And then, and so God goes to him, sends him an angel. And he

1831
02:18:30.400 --> 02:18:37.120
says, get up and eat because the journey is too much for you. So sometimes God's just like, you

1832
02:18:37.120 --> 02:18:42.799
know what? It's just too much. You have a lot. And I've done, and I've allowed this and this is built

1833
02:18:42.799 --> 02:18:48.959
at, I've allowed it to build up to this point to get your attention, but you don't have to have all

1834
02:18:48.959 --> 02:18:54.240
of this going on right now in order for us to start dealing with some stuff. So let's start

1835
02:18:54.240 --> 02:18:59.280
removing some of it. You might have you do that. So it's not a formula. I just want to give you

1836
02:18:59.280 --> 02:19:04.160
the encouragement that you are not being limited by where it is that you are. All you have to do

1837
02:19:04.160 --> 02:19:10.639
is okay, God, what are, what do you and I want to do as you make the decision, do it in rest,

1838
02:19:10.639 --> 02:19:18.160
do it, trusted that do it, choosing that you are more valuable to God than the decision that we

1839
02:19:18.799 --> 02:19:27.520
made. Yeah, that's good. Okay. It's funny, you're a turnaround business consultant salvaging things

1840
02:19:27.520 --> 02:19:37.200
that were falling apart and now he's got you. I hadn't thought about that. I live life in such

1841
02:19:37.200 --> 02:19:42.559
extremes. Oh my word, extreme business situations, everything on the verge of collapse.

1842
02:19:43.520 --> 02:19:47.760
Yeah, I hadn't thought about that. I just knew I was very extreme person.

1843
02:19:49.600 --> 02:19:55.440
So good. Well, thank you. Did this sit with you? Well, we have really gone on a long time and I

1844
02:19:55.440 --> 02:19:59.760
hope that you aren't too exhausted and tired. Just don't.

1845
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:01.200
Try to take it all in.

1846
02:20:01.200 --> 02:20:03.440
Just try to just, your spirit got it all.

1847
02:20:03.440 --> 02:20:04.760
Your spirit got it all.

1848
02:20:04.760 --> 02:20:08.600
You don't have to consciously remember the step for it to,

1849
02:20:08.600 --> 02:20:11.680
for your soul and your body to start shifting

1850
02:20:11.680 --> 02:20:14.040
because they already know what to do.

1851
02:20:14.040 --> 02:20:15.000
Amen.

1852
02:20:15.000 --> 02:20:15.840
Yeah.

1853
02:20:15.840 --> 02:20:17.080
Thank you so much.

1854
02:20:17.080 --> 02:20:18.560
You're welcome.

1855
02:20:18.560 --> 02:20:19.640
Okay.

1856
02:20:19.640 --> 02:20:21.160
You take care.

1857
02:20:21.160 --> 02:20:22.000
Okay.

1858
02:20:23.200 --> 02:20:24.760
Okay, thank you.

1859
02:20:24.760 --> 02:20:25.600
Bye.

1860
02:20:25.600 --> 02:20:26.440
Bye.