I can't hear you.
Okay, there you go. Now I can.
Yeah.
How are you.
Okay, just took a shower so I'm kind of,
you know, feeling better.
You're feeling but oh yeah we all feel better after a shower.
You look good.
Oh, well sorry I'm just a couple minutes late I just got off of another transformation session so I had to hit it in that one and start this really fast so and there's always like a little bit of a lack.
Yeah, no problem. I know you're really busy.
I don't know how well I'm fine.
Well, you know, I just, you just learn to do it more and more and rest.
So I enjoy it, it brings me a tremendous amount of life, and I'm very I always tell Lord Lord I'm so grateful I get to do what it is that I that I do, because I've, I've, I've done other things that I did not enjoy what I was doing, and I thought
you know life was meant for something different than, than not living like you were then feeling like you weren't living to your fullest. And what weren't doing what you're in aren't doing what you were meant to do.
And so anyway, I just asked Lord Lord that's my heart's desire is to do what I was what I was meant to do you know it brings me life and so eventually it morphed into this, and I've loved it.
So anyway, yeah, I can imagine.
So, um, how are you doing, what, what is it that you would like to listen to your heart these days you know what would you like to talk about.
Well,
I told you about last week.
Yes, and Friday happened. I heard after that. Yeah.
And I was really upset on Friday, you know, and the medical assistant that,
you know, she took me into the room and then I don't know if I said it or she realized that I didn't have an authorization that was approved.
So,
you know, it was.
Hang on just a second. I've got to close this because I just hang on just a minute.
Just a second.
Okay, that's
the doctor that's kind of head over us wanted a quick huddle but fortunately, it's later in the afternoon.
So I turned this stuff completely.
Okay, so the ma.
She said well, we may not be able to see you. And I said, you know, I raised my voice I said this is a delay in care.
And, you know, I was just so upset by then.
And, you know, a little bit later I apologize to her and I said it wasn't about you was just, you know, so frustrated with this whole thing.
And, and not that I really wanted the radiation therapy anyway, but, you know, yeah. And then when they said, Well, you don't really need an authorization.
They came back with that.
That ma said to me.
Well, we could have just sent you home.
And, you know, that was just uncalled for. But anyway,
I saw the doctor, and then they have to do this mapping thing because you have to be lined up and you have to be in the same position.
Each time you go.
So, I had four tattoos.
Like, here, where were they down here and on either side here.
And they to line everything up.
But I just started I do not want tattoos, it hurt.
So, really. Okay.
Okay.
What they did.
I mean, it was tattoos, you know, like they'll stay, but
they're dots, just dots. And, and just a dot hurt. And I
thought getting a full tat, because I've always wanted to
get a tattoo. But then I thought, really? Yes. But then I
thought after that, no, I don't want to tattoo that was painful.
But anyway, that's what I heard. The doctor and the radiation
tech. They were so nice. You know, they read Yeah, after all
that, they were just so nice. And then there was a nurse that
talked to me too. And she said, I know you're, you've been
upset. Do you want to talk to a social worker? And I said, No,
didn't have time to do that. And I don't I mean, I don't think a
social worker would help anyway. But it was just and I, you know,
I was kind of like, where is I don't know. I mean, it wasn't
that God did all that. But it's just, you know, like you said
last night, he doesn't cause all that to happen. But I was just
and I felt bad that I raised my voice. But you know, it was just
so frustrating. Yeah. And, and so you're rising up and, and
then creating a particular response. Yeah. And then
so I start the radiation therapy in two weeks from today. And
I'm after I had in my little thing that I wrote, I had buyers
remorse until last night, you know, like, well, I don't really
want to do this. And I haven't told my sister yet that I'm
doing it because she's so anti anti vaccination. And I very
yeah, I can watch it. But it's the action itself. It's the bad
thing. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, it I don't see anything.
I mean, I think I mean, and I had checked with a nutritional,
not nature pathic doctor, and they were recommending radiation
therapy. So that's what kind of got me to go ahead with it. But
last night, you know, and I wrote, I took down notes,
because I thought it was really good what you were saying about
making a decision, when you're talking to Casey about whether
this, you know, choose, you know, alternative ways of
treatment. And, you know, the whole thing of, and I didn't
really ask the Lord, well, what do you want me to do? I mean,
it was, it's kind of like, I just figure he's with me. And
he's giving me wisdom as I go through things. I mean,
sometimes I specifically ask him. But I mean, I probably
should have said what tool do you want me to use, but it
became clear, you know, and after talking with the doctor,
too, because she said, you could not do it and just do the
hormone therapy, pills, you know, for five years, which I'll
do any with it. Or, and they also have this other choice that
you can do it for five days instead of for three weeks. So
it gives you a stronger dose. Yeah. But there's more, she said
there could be more scarring. And she would go with the three
weeks. So I said, I'll do the three weeks. So
it's good to have that.
What's that?
It's good to have that direction in that kind of like wisdom
where they'll say or wisdom that I don't know if that's a proper
way to use that. But basically, back to where they all they'll
give you the pros and cons, then they tell you what they would
do. They're like, well, based on all this, you know, if you weigh
everything in the balance, it's really nice to have a doctor
they'll say really, you know, would do this, you know, that's
nice.
Yeah, it was. So she kind of sold me on it. And first, I
wanted to do the five days. But she said, there's only data for
five years that it's held, you know, so they don't have 10 2030
years like they have with the three week thing. So I figured
I'd go with that. I think it's a good idea. So I'm not, you know,
I'm not in turmoil, like I was, I was really Sunday. It's
really
Yeah, I mean, it's hard enough, you know, when you go through a
cancer diagnosis without, you know, all the other the
healthcare stuff.
Yeah, that's what I've always thought. Yeah, just hearing
people talk. I'm like, Oh,
yeah, and I lost my PCP that I'd had, you know, I've been with
this one medical group for over 12 years. And so because my
health plan didn't renew the contract, I had to change
primary care doctors.
And so that was, that was a bit of a, yeah,
you know, that, and I think I, I may go back, you know, our
insurance, I mean, things changed the beginning of the
year. And so I may get a different like a, you know, do
you know, PPO?
Um, yeah, I used to, I don't remember what it stands for now.
But I used to know.
Yeah, I like right now I have HMO health maintenance. Okay.
And, oh, yeah, then PPO is more restrictive, but it also, and
it's more expensive, but it's also better or something pays
more lower deductible or something. Okay.
Yeah, you have you have to pay more, but you can go anywhere.
Okay, that's what that is. I was like, I knew that there was
some benefit to it. But that was more expensive. Okay. Yeah,
yeah. It's been a while.
Yeah. So I could go, you know, back to my other doctors. And I
don't know, I'm going to see how this turns out. Because I'll be
done probably by the end of November. Yeah, yeah. I'll be
with the treatment. So I was kind of glad that while doing
this intensive, I won't, I will have just started the radiation
therapy. But I didn't want to be doing this, this at the same
time, because you get tired.
Yeah, that's what I've heard. Yeah.
Yeah. So anyway, that's, that's stuff has been weighing on me.
And I've got to tell my sister, I decided to do it. Like with
your vaccination people, you know, your Yeah, I mean,
there's and I mean, my sister is so I mean, she even had a card
that she took when kids were getting vaccinated. And, you
know, do not vaccinate your toddler, whatever the sign said,
and she talked to me, you know, she's rather an activist. I was
gonna say it's an activist. Yes, yeah. I know. So I I'm not
looking forward to telling her. Yeah, I'm sorry. Yeah. But
anyway, that's kind of what's going on. And work is very, very
busy right now. And I think I might have told you that we were
about two years ago, we were bought out by a company. And it
was a merger, but they said things wouldn't change for about
two years. Well, now they have started changing big time. And
it's people, some people are leaving and have left. Some
they let go. And then yeah, we have I work with the nurse care
care managers, and they are not happy with what Yeah, there's
just not. So anyway, I don't know what I'm saying. But
that's just kind of where I'm at what's going on. And as far as I
mean, I you know, when the when I first had the cancer
diagnosis, I was I was really at peace, you know, I knew God was
going to take care of me through it. And, and then when
things you know, like I missed my first surgery date, and then
all this, you know, with the medical group change, and the,
you know, all this stuff just has kind of, you know, taken me
off. off track. I don't know. And, you know, I'm
looking at my notes over here, but, you know, it was really it
was good last night. It just kind of
calmed me down. You know that.
And I think I was, I mean, I felt bad that I had raised my
voice. But in a way, I don't, I don't think it was wrong. You
know that to get frustrated and
yeah, I don't I mean,
it was, I just couldn't believe it, you know, that after all
this, now they're going to tell me to go home and resettle.
So yeah.
Anyway, and I have, I got an email today. I mean, this, this
part is really exciting. I got an email today from my pastor
pastor friend in India. And he is having me well, there's two
Bible schools, one, I've spoken to the students before, like in
April. And then I think, I think it's I speak to Oh, no, that's
that's the longer class. So for Christmas, I have a 20 minute
message to give on. I think it's December 7, or something like
that. And then there's a Bible school that's to a Bible school
in India. And then there's a Bible school in Sri Lanka, that
I'll be speaking to those students for four weeks, an hour
and a half each time, but it's with translation. So yeah, that
cuts it down. Well, about 45 minutes, I would think, you
know,
yeah, because it's always half. Yeah.
Yeah, for the translation. So I'm quite excited about those
opportunities.
That's very exciting.
I mean, it's remind me how long you were in Japan. Was it 11
years? 17? Oh, 17. Yeah. So I think they're especially
wanting, I mean, when they had me speak before, I talked about
the heart of missions, which is Jesus. And, and so we're going
to talk about the topic. And I think they're, some of the
students are already pastors and missionaries. So and some are,
are just, you know, in training. So it's such a great opportunity.
Yeah, to talk to these. I know these leaders. And, you know,
and I when I did it before, you know, very aware that I need
that, I'm doing it with God, you know, that it's not, you know,
that sort of thing. But that's exciting. You know, that's
very exciting. Yeah, now, the one in Sri Lanka, are they
connected with the Bible school you're talking to here?
In India, the one's in Bangalore, India, and the others
are in Sri Lanka. Okay. So I talked, I spoke at the one I
thought there was one local as well. Okay, nevermind. They're
both overseas. Yeah. So they are connected somehow. Okay. Yeah,
I'm like, or something. Okay. Yeah, they are connected. I
mean, the leaders like the leader of the one in Bangalore,
he just went to Sri Lanka. And so when I Oh, we're getting on a
zoom call on Thursday, like the, the leader of the Bible school
in both places, the one in Sri Lanka, and the one Bangalore,
and then my pastor friend. Okay, cool. Great. Yeah. So yeah, I
mean, it's amazing that I got to know this Indian pastor
anyway, in a small group. And yeah. So it's just quite
amazing. But
that's wonderful. What a neat opportunity.
I know. And, you know, missions and, you know, intimacy with God
has always been my thing, not just for like, Americans to
experience God, but, you know, overseas.
Yeah, that's great.
Yeah.
Especially because so much of, unfortunately, not, not all, but so much of, um, of the
faith, Christian faith that spread to other parts of the world, I don't think I'm
sitting up high enough, so my brain's not getting all the blood it needs for me to
stop yawning, um, but, um, a lot of Christian, a lot of Christianity, even in
like say Brit, uh, India or Sri Lanka or whatever is very heavily Western influenced.
So if the Western church needs it, it's very likely that, um, other places needed
as well, simply because that they've been so heavily influenced by the Western view
of things of a lack of connection and heartfelt connections sometimes with
Jesus, et cetera.
Now that's not obviously everyone.
It's just, uh, it's, it really has amazed me.
Like for instance, in Turkey, so much of the church was very heavily
American Western influenced.
And, um, and so there were a lot of things that the Americans had to unlearn in order
to properly teach the church, the difference between Christianity versus
their own Western culture.
Anyway, and then like keeping us like separate from Jesus and not, you know,
connecting this hard and all of the great things you're going to be talking about.
So, yeah, well, I'm excited for you.
That is great.
Yeah, it is.
So I don't know that I have any specific questions.
Um, I mean, I, I think it's, you know, just the whole, the whole thing of taking
the time to sit in his presence and, you know, sense his love and, uh, which we
don't have to always set aside time to do.
I do that to kind of like give someone say, for instance, an anchor point of
like shut all of the other distractions out, focus on it and gain some kind of an
understanding of connecting with the Lord and experiencing connecting with the Lord.
But then we're supposed to just live like that all of the time is in, as you're
doing the dishes, as you're working, as you're trying to problem solve, as you're
in a meeting, as you're making the bed, as you're walking down the hall, you know,
the bathroom, whatever it is that you're doing everything with the Lord and that
he's always looking on you in that moment, delighting in you, you are currently being
delighted in you're currently being loved and enjoyed God's not just there for you
to access whenever you need him.
And he's not looking at you, always expecting something from you.
Like, Hey, look, I want you to do this.
I want you to accomplish this.
I want you to do it, right?
I want you to whatever it's like you it's shifting ourself to now living with God,
where we're always developing that relationship with him by choosing the fact
that he says we're unified with him.
Not therefore there's nothing left to do.
And that's shifting into rest.
Isn't, isn't shifting into union with him.
We're already there.
In fact, shifting into rest is just a way to help us under is help us understand
that kind of like help us understand the, the idea of it, but really we're not
shifting anywhere we're already there.
We're just kind of like making ourselves aware that we're there.
So that's what I, that's what I mean.
It's choosing and it kind of like, and then sometimes by, by in choosing, we
have to make ourselves aware of that until we don't have to be aware of it
because we're subconsciously making the choice anyway, we're, but anyway, the
thing is that making ourselves aware of that, okay, I am being loved at this
moment, I'm being delighted in, I don't need to be doing anything.
I don't need to be about to be doing anything.
I don't have to be making a choice for God.
I don't have to be believing something about him.
I'm just enough.
I'm enough right now.
I'm not enough because of what, the way I make decisions about the kind of
decision that I'm going to make, or, you know, or the way I'm living life or the
fact that I, you know, you've got this opportunity or the fact that you've had
the past that you've had, you know, and being a missionary to Japan or whatever
else, none of those things, um, are giving you brownie points with the Lord
of making you more loved or.
more in union with him or have him be more delighted in you, his delight in you is connected
to the, is based in who he is and you were born.
In other words, you were created in the spirit out of God, of, um, who God is, what he loves,
what he delights in, and the fact that he loves you were literally born from the fact
that God loves and the fact that God is love in his love created you and it's because his
love is going to be expressed in something that he loves and delights in.
And so to just always, and that's what I was just talking to somebody else about as well,
is that, uh, cause they were asking, so what do you do when, what do you do in the good
times?
What do you do when everything's nice?
You know, as opposed to, you know, just, Oh, well, I'm going through a bad, a bad time.
You know, we've been talking a lot about that, you know, all in the group of like, well,
what do you do in the painful moments?
What do you do in this struggle?
What did you do?
Well, they were asking, well, what do you do in the other times?
You know, I said the same thing, you, you, you shift yourself now to choosing this lifestyle,
not like getting a tool of like, okay, like now when I'm going through something painful,
now I can use this thing called shifting into rest and allow me to that, you know,
that is that it's a lifestyle that we're choosing, that we operate in, whether or not we're going
through something painful.
It could be when we're going through, you know, something positive, Oh, excuse me.
Thank you.
Um, and, uh, where we're choosing that now we're, we're letting go of this life in this
lifestyle being such a priority.
And we're choosing instead to make our priority, our development of our relationship with God,
not because we have to, but because that's who we are.
We are a son.
We're in him.
We're unified.
We're born of his love.
It just, it's, it, if we stop being all of the things that aren't natural to us and we,
and we let go of all this unbelief, we just naturally become who it is that we already
are.
And so, and to focus on the fact that, okay, how do I, how do I position myself in experience?
Cause you're already there.
How do I position myself in experience in that place where God says that I am loved
and unified.
I make, I make that choice.
I remind myself for a while until I no longer have to remind myself because I just, it's,
it's been, I've, I've reminded myself to the point that I've chosen it enough that now
I just, I've made the decision.
And now I just live in the fact that I'm loved and I'm unified with them.
And I'm not even aware of the fact that I'm having to remind myself that God loves me
and what I'm doing and that I'm unified with them.
I've made that choice.
So many times I've just shifted myself into that position where I live from that place
without being consciously aware of having to remind myself to do it because I just kind
of like, I stopped, I stopped leaving that place and I just remained there without having
to remind myself that I'm there.
And, but one of the things that you can do to, to, to start living like that and to start
stepping into that lifestyle, to start making it the lifestyle is in the normal everyday
things to choose that you're existing in what God says that you are and where God says good,
where God says that you are, that you are being loved right now.
Like right in this moment, you are being loved by God.
You are being loved on by God.
He's watching you, looking at you, delighting in you.
Is that you're believing to him, to the degree that you are and not condemning you for the
degree to which you're not having faith right now, he's just like, Oh, that's where it just
where she is.
You know, when someone's for instance, if someone's five years old, it's okay for them
to be fine.
I don't expect them to be six and the same thing for 15 or 15 years old in the spirit.
It's okay for us to be 15.
God doesn't expect us to be 16.
We're not 16 yet.
You know, every phase, it's okay for you to be where it is that you are.
And each phase is good.
It's not bad because you should be somewhere else.
Well, you know, at 15 year old, we don't get onto a 15 year old and say, well, you should
be 35.
Now you should be out on your own and you should be doing this.
No, they shouldn't.
There's nothing wrong with where it is that they are.
And that's one of the things that we have to keep doing is releasing ourself from these
shoulds.
I shouldn't be this, I should be this, you know, et cetera.
Anyway, does that help?
Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that does. And I mean, sometimes, you know, like, maybe I, I, I,
you know, shame comes up for some reason. And then that throws me into turmoil. But
I mean, a lot of that, and, you know, just realize, no, God still loves me, you know,
right now. And, and that I think is, you know, I don't have to take on the shame or the condemnation.
Yeah, yeah, it's because there's nothing in you to be to carry the shame or the condemnation.
There's no, there's no anchor point for it to, for it to claim any kind of, there's nothing,
no anchor point in you that it can, that causes it to be able to claim right to you. You know,
like, oh, we have right to her because, you know, she deserves shame because that she
deserves condemnation because of this. No, there's no, there's no this, there's no, there's
no thing for it to latch on to. And so that's why we can let it go is because the only way
that it's staying there is we're holding on to it. It doesn't force itself on to us. We're
holding on to it. We just need to let it go. We're like, Nope, God says that that's not
a part of me that it's not something that I need to pay attention to. I can release
that shame and that condemnation. So God doesn't love us despite it. You know, despite the
fact that we're doing all this stuff, God loves our spirit. God loves us and connects
with us and unifies with us in spirit. And that's perfect. It's just simply that an aspect
of us, which is our soul and our body, it's just not come into agreement yet, but our
soul and our body do not condemn us. They used to, but no longer because of what Christ
did, because of what Christ did, your soul, what you do now in your soul and your body
can no longer condemn you to God. So sure. We still do those things. We still are in
unbelief, you know, we're still whatever, but it can no longer condemn you to God. Yeah.
So, and we're still, that's why Paul had to say, why do you still act like the old man?
Like you deserve shame and condemnations. Like you don't, not anymore. That's not part
of it. There's no place in you and who it is that you are for that to, to, for that
to have any like hold or, or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. And we
have to choose that it's true because it feels drastic. It doesn't feel logical. We're so
you, we're in so much of a habit of feeling bad when we do stuff and we need to stop that
shame and that, that condemnation. Yeah. Yeah. We need to stop being in unbelief against
the Lord and we need to stop doing the actions that result from the unbelief, you know, et
cetera, et cetera. But I'm talking about the, I'm not talking about like the holy spirit,
you know, confronting us about something. Yeah. Holy spirit when it confronts us about
something is, is not heavy. It's just prompting. It's like, Oh, I opened and kind of like,
Oh, okay. Apparently that wasn't wise. That wasn't reflective of the character of God.
I shouldn't, I, you know, so therefore that's not at me. So I need to not do that again.
You know, that's, that's not accurately reflecting who God and I are, but that's different. That
prompting is different than feeling bad that when we've done something, feeling bad and
feeling heavy, feeling oppressed, feeling shamed, feeling condemned, feeling, like I
said, just feeling bad because bad is, is us identifying with it. It meaning like, that's
why we say the word bad is they're saying, Oh, that's bad that I did it. In other words,
we're, we're, we're associating ourselves and who it is that we are with the thing that we
did. And just because we did something, doesn't make that us. It's just a choice that we made
based off of a belief, but it's not who we are. And it actually doesn't change or affect who it
is that we are. And God loves who we are. He doesn't love us because of what we do. So therefore
he doesn't stop loving us because of what we do, because it doesn't bear any weight in the
conversation. It's just who it is that we are and what we do can't affect who we are.
Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah. That is very freeing that that is real freedom. Isn't it?
Yeah.
Well, everyone apparently seems to be doing really good today.
I know that there's no.
A lot of questions.
I mean,
I know that everybody just had all of these questions and all of that,
but.
I just, I just.
I just want to say that that last night was helpful.
And I was like, well, I'm glad.
You know, so I think that hopefully it just kind of like helps.
A lot of people just kind of like.
Kind of address some things that there were some questions on.
That.
So it's so interesting to go from last week and the struggle that we
went through.
To this.
From like hours ago.
Yeah.
Which is good.
Which is great.
That.
Let's see if there is.
Anything else.
See.
One of the things, if it's helpful.
Is that we're not afraid.
Like say for instance, when you got the diagnosis,
but then when all of these things started happening,
All of this fear starts coming up.
You know, it's like, what on earth is that?
Well, it,
it indicates to us ways in which we are relying on
the process.
As opposed to God,
being able to God superseding and having the process and being doing
something in the meantime. So for instance,
what I thought was very fascinating is when you said.
That you were talking to the, to the lady.
And she said that there's no author is that, you know, you.
You know, she notified you that there,
that the form wasn't authorized or you not received any authorization
and that that was an issue.
And then, and then eventually it was found out that no,
actually that's not an issue. And I was like, Oh,
isn't that neat with the Lord did he went in there and you just kind
of like removed it and it's all fine.
And he let them know while you were still there and he had to stay
there in order for them to find it. When that lady said, well,
we could have just sent you home. You know,
He'd like orchestrated everything.
Like it's all, it's all just fine.
That's one of the things that I have learned is when I'm in the
middle of a situation and people start people or a situation start,
it feels like it's thwarting the process.
Like, okay, everything's going smoothly.
And then someone throws in a kink. Okay, people.
I'm trusting God here.
And now there's a kink in the system, you know,
like there's no kinks.
And one of the things that I've learned is.
And I've learned this by having to go through it.
I've learned it. And so whenever there is an issue now.
And never, there's a kink and the problem in this, in the thing,
like I'm trying to get somewhere and like, say for instance,
God has made everything smooth. And then I get to this one point.
And there's like a traffic jam or someone says, you know, no, man.
You know, that's, you know, that's not right.
You haven't followed the process or we need you to do this extra thing
or whatever it was. In other words, something's unexpected.
When it looked like what I've been taking it as is.
See, God is clearing a path for me and everything's good.
And people are messing with it.
More powerful.
God is. So therefore.
I am not in lack,
even if the world presents and makes it look like to me.
As if I'm in lack as if it is denying me something.
Or that it is not letting God fix it for me.
I just have to remember it. Nope.
Even in this situation where the evidence that the world is presenting
to me is telling me that God isn't true.
Or that meaning like, I didn't mean that God doesn't exist. You know,
we're not usually.
You know, challenging that usually it's just that.
Well, God's not taking care of me or God's abandoned me or, you know,
God looked the other way at the wrong second, or, you know,
he doesn't love me to the degree that he says he does,
or he's causing the pain or whatever accusation, you know, comes up.
I have to choose. Nope.
God didn't change who he was.
between now and five minutes ago, when everything was going smooth, it's all the same.
He's still the same and I'm still safe.
I'm still in abundance.
I still have everything.
And the thwart of the physical process of, and you know, in the hindrance and the kink
in the system is not threatening.
It's not keeping me from, it's not more powerful and keeping me from being physically well.
It's not, it's not thwarting God's provision for me or, you know, or protection of me or
whatever.
And so I've noticed that if I don't use that, if I don't feel threatened by the situation,
I'm like, no, I'm not threatened.
You know, even if I have to leave this place because they won't let me see, they won't
let me see the person.
And they say that they don't have it on the books or they say that I don't have authorization
and I needed authorization, you know, whatever, even if that is true, you know, God is still,
is still moving and God could do anything.
God could literally heal me in a second without having to go through this whole process, let
alone need a doctor or anything else.
So apparently this is just a process that I'm going through.
So I let God take me through the process and I enjoy the fact that he and I are doing it
together as opposed to choosing.
I don't want to go through this and making that more important, my, my, my resistance
to it and not wanting that as more important than my enjoyment of doing something with
him.
And so then I'm choosing that over him because I don't want this and I don't want it so bad.
You know, it's so badly that I don't want this, that I'm choosing resistance to it over
letting it go and enjoying the fact that he and I are doing something together and allowing
him to work out all the kinks because that is usually when the Lord starts again, when
like what I was talking about yesterday, when you finally let the thing go, the Lord's final,
like, okay, now I can move.
It's when we shut down, in fact, I, Oh, I don't think that I get talk about it in this,
in this series.
I think that I talked about it in session eight or nine, and we're not going to get
to that one in this, in this rest intensive, but, um, in session eight or nine, we're in
operating the spirit, which I think you've watched most of them.
So you probably, okay.
So you know that the spirit is a river.
So in operating in the spirit, in other words, choosing that, you know, uh, and choosing
that to just let everything go and to just operate with the Lord, that we put our hands
in the river and just allow the river, the spirit to flow through our hands, you know,
the water to flow through up and around it.
And we get to experience so much more of the, of the spirit like that, but when we,
when we decide we like a certain aspect of the spirit and how it's manifesting, we're
like, I really would like to keep this and have it look like this all the time.
We try to, we try to close in on it, but when we do, we, we, what we discover is we couldn't
grab it.
And all that it did is because we tightened our fists and took them up out of the water
to try to hold on to that thing and to make sure that we, it, we, it couldn't escape.
What we've done is we've brought death to it because death means that you is a lack
of movement in the spirit.
Everything has to keep moving.
So that's why, as soon as I let the situation go and stop holding it in an accusation against
the Lord and stop resisting it and be like, I don't like this, this isn't fair.
You know, this is inconvenient.
I had to take off work.
I had to do this and now I'm going to have to do it again.
I don't do that.
That is because we're so used to scheduling or controlling our schedule and our time and
our money and our effort in such a way that we could protect for and provide for ourselves.
And so if we no longer have to provide for and protect ourselves and God now does, well,
then what does that mean for our schedule and our time and our, whatever it means that
you can go anywhere.
You can do anything.
You can, you know, you can do, you can go back from the doctor's appointment and go
back to work and, you know, go back to your house and go back to work.
And then a week later, when they say you to come in, you like release everything, you
know, to the Lord of like, okay, Lord, if you, you, I give the consequence.
And the potential results of how this could affect my body or my schedule or my relationship
with my boss or whatever feels like it's being threatened, Lord, you're taking care of me.
I don't have to control these, all of these different items in order for me to be safe.
You my safety is in you and you can move this stuff around in whatever way you want to,
or not move it around and still keep me safe.
You can just do whatever it is you want to do.
So true Lord.
Okay.
Fit a week later.
Okay.
Now here it is.
I find myself back in the same situation.
That's fine.
I am living life with the Lord and living life with the Lord means we're going to the
same dadgum appointment twice because the first time they wouldn't let me in the door.
So here I go again.
And it's me and God living life together as opposed to feeling like they have more power
than God in my life.
And they're standing in the way God's trying to do something good.
God's trying to make this new path for me.
And they're standing in the way they're not a threat.
It's that kind of a process.
And so that's how a lot of our unrest starts manifesting itself in those situations.
Yeah.
Well, anyway, so that's helpful to kind of like see it from that perspective, how those
things start coming up.
It's like, Oh, so that's what that is.
My point is God's like, life is more free.
You were more free.
All of the things that feel like a threat, you're really not in the danger that you thought
that you were.
And so God's just like, I want you to know you're not in that danger.
I want you to live, not feeling in danger.
I want you to feel unthreatened.
I want you to feel and experience that freedom because you've always had it, but you haven't
been experiencing it.
So what I wanted to invite you into is you're now going through this pain.
In other words, this frustration, this, wait a minute, no one ever told me that I needed
authorization and that frustration, God allows us to go through that so that we can choose
I'm not threatened because going through it is how we overcome it, how we make a different
choice instead of receiving the unbelief.
We're like, Nope, that is not true.
So anyway, but what were you going to say?
Well, I was going to say, see, I was really supposed to have two appointments that day
and I didn't say anything about the second appointment that was for the mapping and the
all the tattooing thing.
And so at first they said, we're going to have you come back for that.
But I didn't say anything.
And then they said, no, you already have that appointment.
So, you know, yeah.
So, I mean, looking back, you know.
I mean, I guess what kind of one thing that kind of got to me was, well, what if God's
throwing up these barriers because he doesn't really want me to have the radiation therapy?
But I don't think that was it.
I think when hearing you talk now, I think it was these obstacles came up and it threw
me off and and I wasn't looking to him as my safety.
And if I had been doing that, then I could have taken it more in stride and, oh, you're
going to send me home.
Oh, dear.
You know?
Yeah.
The whole point is you getting to live in more freedom.
It's not condemnation for how you handle it or what you did.
It's like life feels hard that way.
God's like, it does if you want.
Yeah.
It's like you don't have to if you want.
That's how you've been experiencing it.
When she would like to experience more love and freedom, you're already in the more love
and freedom.
But if we're not allowing ourselves to experience it because we're trusting in something else
other than God, it means we're not experiencing all of the benefits that we have access to.
So God's just giving you a choice.
Would you like to experience more of it or not?
Yeah, he's still the same.
You're still connected to him in the same.
He's not going to give you more of himself than he's already given you because he's already
given you everything.
So you're not gaining more.
You're just gaining access, not access, but like experience of it.
You're allowing yourself to to be touched by it, to be affected by it, your life, to
be affected by it.
So, yeah, that's what that is.
It's not condemnation.
Yeah.
And I think it's applying to the work situation, too, because of all these changes coming up.
And.
I mean, I think.
You know, and I was kind of getting upset with the nurses because they were getting upset.
So in.
Instead, it's, well, let's see what's going to happen, you
know, and not be frustrated with the changes.
Yeah, yeah. And just presenting to the Lord like, okay, Lord,
you and I living together. And this is our situation that we're
living in, where there's this company I work for with all
these changes. You know, what, how, you know, what are the
things, what are the things that we can start doing? What are the
actions that we can take, etc, without being burdened by
feeling threatened, or by doing actions out of fear, that we're
going to be threatened. You know, then that leaves us free
to act and to do and to make decisions with the Lord. Because
they're not because our actions aren't burdened, but with the
responsibility of determining the outcome. We're letting God
take care of the outcome. And now we just could get to start
acting like, okay, well, let's see now that now that God's
gonna take care of everything, and I don't know how it's going
to do it. I don't know if it's going to take me through pain or
comfort. What kind of actions Lord should we do? Should we
talk to the supervisor? Should we sign this petition? Should
we? You know, how do I how do I call this nurse down? Should I
you know, what what do we do? The whole point is to do it
coming into agreement with God that you are in a place of
abundance, and protection and provision and you're not being
threatened. Yeah, you can still I'm taking notes. Sorry. No,
you're fine. You can still lose your job. You could still be
denied the doctor's appointment, you all of those
things. It's not the doctor's appointment that's going to heal
you. It's not the job that provides for you. It's just God
does all of that. And he uses different modalities as a way
through which his provision or his healing will flow. Will it
flow through the doctor's hands? Or will because that's what he
chooses? Or will it flow through? You know, I don't know,
chemo radiation? Will it flow through something else? You
know, will it flow through, you know, getting a new job? Will it
flow through the fact that God will use you to just be an
anchor for everybody's, you know, emotions, and then they
will change as a result. All but whatever it is, you know, and
then God can provide for you as in like, he could give you all
kinds of stuff without giving you money for it. He could, you
know, the way that I worded is that we can, that when we're
hungry, that God can either give that God can either give us
food, he can give us money to get food, or he could just
simply not make us hungry. All those ways it's in providing for
us. Or he can take us through hunger, where we just where we
just simply rely on him. Anyway, either way, what we
experience here on earth does not determine provision or
protection. That is in the spirit. That is where everything
exists. And we're just seeing how do we express it Lord, in
the physical form. This is all the, quote, unquote, after
effect of something that already exists and a decision that's
already made in a position we're already in. So anyway, it
doesn't determine anything down here. I mean, like, what we do
here doesn't determine anything in the spirit. Sometimes we do
things in order to help our soul, like make a choice, etc.
But all that is, is an anchor for the soul. But, you know,
things are done up in the spirit, and we're trying to get
it, you know, to open our soul to be safe with our feel safe
with our spirit, so that we express the spirit down through
the soul down through the body so that God is finally seen. So
anyway, the point is, we're not under threat, no matter what
this world looks like. Yeah, no matter what.
The situation coming at it coming like something is coming
up. I know, because that doctor said we're having a huddle as a
sudden, I get the word that he just when we started talking, so
I know he he doesn't call huddles. So that means
something is coming up. So to take it as okay, God is in
control of all this. And no matter what is said, I don't
need to get upset about it. You know, whatever.
whatever the thing is.
It's kind of-
It can't threaten you and provide for or protect you.
Yeah.
So it's kind of looking at life
in a totally different way, isn't it?
And everything that happens every day
in a totally different perspective.
Correct, yeah.
Yeah.
And so it takes away the burdens of life, doesn't it?
Yes, exactly.
Now the job isn't a burden because you're getting money
and therefore food and housing rent
and all of that stuff is based off of God,
not on your job, which frees you,
which frees your job from the pressure in your mind
so you don't dread Mondays.
Because it's not your job and your performance
is not dependent on your interaction with it.
That's just something you and God are doing together
in which you're expressing who you and he are
into the physical realm.
You're interacting with people,
you're bringing more creation
and releasing more of it from frustration
by bringing more of God's spirit,
more of bringing chaos into order,
designing and customizing software, et cetera.
You know, it's not, it's once your job is
and your actions and your interactions with your job
are free from the burden and the weight
of creating an outcome and determining the outcome,
you will find that you will do your best work.
You will find that now that you're free of pressure,
that it's a lot easier to come up with solutions.
It's a lot easier to problem solve.
You feel more, you feel happier
because you're not emotionally stressed and pressured.
And you find that you will enjoy jobs you used to hate.
There's a lot of times the reason we hate the job
is the pressure that it is creating
based off of the belief that we are,
that the unbelief that we're in with the Lord
that we've now attached to the job we blamed it for.
And really it's not the job's fault.
It's like, you know, God's like, hey, your dog.
Yeah, I help, I create the outcome,
not your action or your inaction.
So once that's the case, you're like, oh my word,
now life's fun.
Now my job's fun because I'm just doing it
and I'm just doing my best, you know?
Yeah, and then that takes away from, you know,
like one of the bosses, the one at the very top,
that, I mean, has things to do with us.
She is, she's not a good leader, you know?
I mean, it's, I mean, Condescending, you know,
told someone that was doing a demonstration
that she should do Control C or Control V to paste.
You know, copy and paste.
Well, I mean, everybody has their own preferences,
but it was that sort of thing that she was doing.
And the one right below her, I like,
and the one right below her is over my,
the manager that I work with in care management.
So it's kind of like, okay, if somebody says something
that's really off the wall,
and I have a meeting with this guy who,
like there's another gal who works on Epic
on our computer system.
She works with the referrals and the authorizations
and the inpatient nurses.
And so this guy and our computer systems
are totally different.
They don't meet.
I mean, it's still the same Epic system,
but what she's doing and what I'm doing,
it just doesn't meet.
And so this guy is from, you know, the top people.
And so he's wanting to do in her program,
what I do in mine, which it can't, you can't do it,
you know, but anyway,
so I'm meeting with him and my first response was, oh no,
I've already told him, you know, and so just to go.
at it with, okay, Lord, and not be upset about what he says when
I've already explained that.
Because it's you being a son of God. And basically, basically,
as weird as it might sound, loving on and taking care of
someone else. It's like, they're just not they, they, they're,
they're trying to do their best. And they're just not quite,
quite getting it. And we all want love and compassion for
something that we're trying so hard to do the right thing for.
And it's, you know, we don't know, in our ignorance, we
don't know that we're not doing it. And so I always kind of
approach the situation says, as well, they don't know, this is
a way for me to love on them, by the fact that I've already told
them this, and I don't want to tell them this again. But to
love on them is going to require me repeating myself is the same
thing as like a child, you know, finding themselves in a
difficult situation. Again, you're going, look, I've already
told you. So instead of condemning them, if God doesn't
condemn us, I can love them. And it would be my way of like
supporting them spiritually in the spirit, in such a way that,
that stuff like that, as weird as it might sound, can actually
start to transform someone. And because it allows your spirit to
touch their soul, which, in other words, it gives an
opportunity to interact with God. And yeah, we're not talking
about the fact that you're preaching to him, and you're
saying God or anything, just simply the fact that your
spirit that's loving on, and not holding them under any
obligation or any condemnation for where it is that they are.
But just loving on and giving to them, it can actually transform
them, even though they don't even know what you're doing.
They don't remember that you've already told them probably or
whatever. Yeah. And this, I've done this over and over and
over, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, over with non believers. You
know, because I worked more with unbelievers in more unbelievers
in work than believers, I think, at least real believers, you
know, serious ones. There's lots of people, especially in Texas
that say that they are believers. But um, but anyway,
it and I'm telling you what, it completely changed some of these
people completely changed them. And they had no idea that I was
just, you know, because I wouldn't talk to them about Jesus
or anything. And they all that they knew was that I was that
they that they were emotionally safe with me. Because I didn't
treat them like the enemy. I helped them, I would just come
into support. And it's a way that you can be kind of like an
adult in the in the spirit to help someone else. So yeah,
yeah, that makes sense. It's God takes care of you. Even if even
if you could lose your job, it's still not a threat to you to who
you are. Yeah. Does that? Yeah, like everything, all of the
pressure is completely disconnected from the event.
You guys just like, just go through it. Just give it is
give it what you got is I'll take care of you and take care
of the situation. I'm not telling you how it's going to
turn out. It's that I don't it does that the outcome does not
change who you are, does not affect who you are. And you're
not threatened. Because you're always up here. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, totally different
perspective.
Isn't it though? I know. So you can muse on that with the Lord.
Think about all that. Yeah.
I'm so glad it was helpful. What happened? No questions.
You still just do it. And we're like, Okay, Lord, you just bring
stuff up. So yeah, yeah, that was that was good. Yeah. I can
see the kind of the posture or how you go into situations.
And yeah, because you never know what people are going to say or
what they're going to ask you for. And getting upset does not
help anything.
Yeah, because getting upset is coming from this perspective
that it has more power over me than I do, or that God does. And
it just doesn't. Yeah, it's gonna ride away.
Yeah. Oh, actually, sorry, we've kind of gone over.
Yeah, no, that's fine. Yeah. Well, I'll let you go though.
But it was good to get to
Is it with you. Yeah. Nice visiting with you. Yeah.
And I asked you one question. When this intensive is over. Are you going to other are we still in the intensive in that group or
Not in the community. No, you will have access to the page that the rest intensive members page on the website, you'll have access to all of that stuff. So you have lifetime access to the videos and
Recordings and all of that stuff. So yeah, but the community environment and an interaction and all of that and it is and that is that in November, the last day for that is November 19 yeah okay okay that's good to know. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, thank you.
You're welcome. Good to visit with you. Okay, bye.