WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:15.000 I am going to go ahead and turn off my alarm. 2 00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:20.000 Good morning Ashley. 3 00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:24.000 Good morning everyone. 4 00:00:24.000 --> 00:00:28.000 I am a few minutes late. 5 00:00:28.000 --> 00:00:34.000 I had my alarm set for the wrong time. 6 00:00:34.000 --> 00:00:39.000 I thought I had it set for 30 minutes before we met. 7 00:00:39.000 --> 00:00:45.000 Instead I had it set for three minutes before we met. 8 00:00:45.000 --> 00:00:52.000 I thought I had it set for 30 minutes before we met. 9 00:00:52.000 --> 00:00:55.000 She said do you have your call in two minutes? 10 00:00:55.000 --> 00:00:59.000 I said I do. 11 00:00:59.000 --> 00:01:02.000 I thought I had it set for 30 minutes. 12 00:01:02.000 --> 00:01:06.000 How are you? 13 00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:12.000 How are you? 14 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:18.000 I am feeling a bit rushed right now. 15 00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:23.000 I had to get on for work. 16 00:01:23.000 --> 00:01:28.000 I had to take my dog for a walk and hop on here. 17 00:01:28.000 --> 00:01:32.000 Have you changed your hair recently? 18 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:36.000 I have changed my hair. 19 00:01:36.000 --> 00:01:40.000 I have dyed my hair and colored on Saturday. 20 00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:43.000 I meant to say something yesterday. 21 00:01:43.000 --> 00:01:46.000 Is it just the lighting? 22 00:01:46.000 --> 00:01:48.000 It looks great. 23 00:01:48.000 --> 00:01:53.000 Thank you. 24 00:01:53.000 --> 00:02:00.000 I was talking to my hair gal. 25 00:02:01.000 --> 00:02:06.000 I was talking to my hair gal. 26 00:02:06.000 --> 00:02:09.000 At least you have affirmation. 27 00:02:09.000 --> 00:02:13.000 You have to keep coloring it. 28 00:02:13.000 --> 00:02:16.000 You do highlights, right? 29 00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:19.000 I do highlights and lowlights. 30 00:02:19.000 --> 00:02:23.000 I do full hair. 31 00:02:23.000 --> 00:02:27.000 My hair is naturally, 32 00:02:27.000 --> 00:02:31.000 it is natural. 33 00:02:31.000 --> 00:02:34.000 It is natural. 34 00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:37.000 As I have gotten older, 35 00:02:37.000 --> 00:02:40.000 it has gotten darker. 36 00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:44.000 It is the color of my eyebrows. 37 00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:48.000 I do highlights and lowlights. 38 00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:51.000 It adds character and depth. 39 00:02:51.000 --> 00:02:55.000 That is what I do. 40 00:02:56.000 --> 00:03:00.000 I do highlights and highlights. 41 00:03:00.000 --> 00:03:04.000 I do highlights so I can style it better. 42 00:03:04.000 --> 00:03:08.000 I have noticed that makes a huge difference. 43 00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:11.000 Instead of it being virgin, 44 00:03:11.000 --> 00:03:14.000 where there is nothing on it, 45 00:03:14.000 --> 00:03:18.000 it is so slick when it is virgin. 46 00:03:18.000 --> 00:03:21.000 My hair is so fine, 47 00:03:21.000 --> 00:03:24.000 it falls. 48 00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:27.000 My hair is so fine, 49 00:03:27.000 --> 00:03:30.000 it falls. 50 00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:34.000 It lets me style it the way I want to. 51 00:03:34.000 --> 00:03:37.000 How have you been? 52 00:03:37.000 --> 00:03:41.000 What has been going on? 53 00:03:41.000 --> 00:03:45.000 I have gotten updates periodically. 54 00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:48.000 You gave us an update yesterday. 55 00:03:48.000 --> 00:03:51.000 Just us by ourselves now? 56 00:03:51.000 --> 00:03:54.000 How has it been going? 57 00:03:54.000 --> 00:03:57.000 It has been kind of strange. 58 00:03:57.000 --> 00:04:00.000 Thinking of having the radiation treatments. 59 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:03.000 It is going to be time-consuming. 60 00:04:03.000 --> 00:04:06.000 I have to drive to Berkeley 61 00:04:06.000 --> 00:04:09.000 from where I live. 62 00:04:09.000 --> 00:04:12.000 That could be 20 or 30 minutes. 63 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:15.000 Every day for three weeks. 64 00:04:15.000 --> 00:04:18.000 That means, 65 00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:21.000 I have to drive to Berkeley. 66 00:04:21.000 --> 00:04:24.000 That affects my work. 67 00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:27.000 How does that work? 68 00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:30.000 When you go and do that, 69 00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:33.000 do they have to have someone with you 70 00:04:33.000 --> 00:04:36.000 to drive you back? 71 00:04:36.000 --> 00:04:39.000 Do you feel tired? 72 00:04:39.000 --> 00:04:42.000 No, they don't. 73 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:45.000 I asked about that. 74 00:04:46.000 --> 00:04:49.000 They said I would be able to work. 75 00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:52.000 I could drive myself. 76 00:04:52.000 --> 00:04:55.000 Probably in the second or third week, 77 00:04:55.000 --> 00:04:58.000 I will start feeling the fatigue. 78 00:04:58.000 --> 00:05:01.000 And the burn. 79 00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:05.360 I have a, I'll have a prescription for, you know, some sort of lotion. 80 00:05:05.360 --> 00:05:09.520 And I also bought one, you know, it's kind of like over-the-counter type. 81 00:05:12.560 --> 00:05:17.440 What's the burn that you experience? Is it on your skin or inside or? 82 00:05:17.440 --> 00:05:18.160 On my skin. 83 00:05:18.880 --> 00:05:21.840 Okay, just in that area or all over? 84 00:05:22.560 --> 00:05:29.520 It sounds like just in that area. Yeah, it's like a sunburn, you know, and it peels and 85 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:31.120 Really? Yeah. 86 00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:38.240 Interesting. Now, is it, is it kind of, I'm trying to, I've never like fully asked, 87 00:05:38.240 --> 00:05:42.720 you know, all of the questions. Is it like a, kind of like an IV or something? 88 00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:47.600 Or is it just like, like some kind of a light, like, you know, radiation that just, 89 00:05:47.600 --> 00:05:52.320 that is just penetrated on a particular part of your body? Like what exactly is it? 90 00:05:52.320 --> 00:06:01.280 Yeah, it's a machine that, that moves around somehow. And they have, 91 00:06:02.880 --> 00:06:10.240 when I was there, I mean, I was with the radiation tech for gosh, it must have been 92 00:06:10.240 --> 00:06:17.840 hour, hour and a half. And she got me all mapped out. You know, you have to be in the same position 93 00:06:18.560 --> 00:06:26.240 each time. So like, I had to have my arms up, and they had this thing that sets where my arms are. 94 00:06:27.200 --> 00:06:37.440 And she tattooed me in four spots. And, and so the so but the kind of the scary thing is this 95 00:06:37.440 --> 00:06:45.360 is on my left side, and that my heart is on my left side. Yeah. So I have to hold my breath for 96 00:06:45.920 --> 00:06:55.280 20 seconds, because that raises that. Yeah. And then, yeah, so it's kind of, it's a bit scary, 97 00:06:55.280 --> 00:07:00.480 you know, it could. But I guess they're really good about how they do it. So they don't get your 98 00:07:00.480 --> 00:07:10.080 heart. Oh, yeah. I'm sure. But it still is a bit funny now. Yeah, yeah, they get it just right. So 99 00:07:10.400 --> 00:07:21.120 yeah. Yeah, so it'll be good to have it over. So next week, next Monday, I start and 100 00:07:23.040 --> 00:07:30.800 two days next week, we're going into the company. So it's going to be a bit I may have to change my 101 00:07:30.800 --> 00:07:36.960 times for the radiation. Because, you know, I really need to be at those meetings, because 102 00:07:36.960 --> 00:07:47.520 we haven't been together for a couple years now. My word, really? Wow. So you haven't gotten to be 103 00:07:48.480 --> 00:07:54.800 in person with any of your co workers for two years. There, when I went in to get my stuff, 104 00:07:54.800 --> 00:08:04.240 see, we, we moved out of our office. I mean, I had to go pick up my stuff. So I saw the pharmacist 105 00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:12.160 and the pharmacy tech. And that was it that I work for. So just those No, I haven't. And new 106 00:08:12.160 --> 00:08:19.920 people have been hired that I haven't met. So but the unfortunate thing is, I'm just with the IT 107 00:08:19.920 --> 00:08:26.560 people, I won't be able to see the nurses and the social workers. And, you know, those people that 108 00:08:26.560 --> 00:08:31.440 I work for the pharmacist. So that's kind of unfortunate, because I spend more time with them. 109 00:08:32.000 --> 00:08:37.600 Yeah, yeah. Oh, maybe you'll get to you'll get to soon. But I know that y'all have developed 110 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:43.840 some special relationships, you know, just having to connect, you know, over 111 00:08:45.040 --> 00:08:52.240 because there's some way in which even when you're like, if you're not together, that you 112 00:08:52.240 --> 00:08:57.680 have there's it requires some intentionality of like, chatting back and forth or emailing or 113 00:08:58.480 --> 00:09:01.920 or whatever. So I know y'all developed some good relationships. 114 00:09:01.920 --> 00:09:09.040 Yeah, there was one, the nurse that I work with the most, we live pretty close by. So we did 115 00:09:09.040 --> 00:09:15.280 meet and have fun. Yeah, I met with her husband. And yeah, so that that was really cool. 116 00:09:15.280 --> 00:09:21.600 Yeah, felt good working relationship. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it is really good. So 117 00:09:21.920 --> 00:09:30.800 um, yeah, so next week, two of those meetings, one is smaller, smaller group. And then all of 118 00:09:30.800 --> 00:09:40.560 the IT people, the second one. So I don't want to miss those. Yeah, so you can move your 119 00:09:40.560 --> 00:09:47.360 appointments around. Yeah, yeah. Let's see. Yeah. So that's I mean, I think that's going to be 120 00:09:47.600 --> 00:09:52.880 possible. So but I've gained weight, you know, and I need to lose weight. 121 00:09:53.840 --> 00:09:59.120 I hate to see people when I've gained weight. I know we all do. 122 00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:06.320 Lou. Yeah, yeah. So but it'll be really, it'll be really good 123 00:10:06.320 --> 00:10:10.200 to see people. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I'm glad for you. Glad that 124 00:10:10.200 --> 00:10:16.640 you're gonna get to have that. Yeah. Well, um, is there? I 125 00:10:16.640 --> 00:10:21.120 don't know. How has the rest intensive been for you? You 126 00:10:21.120 --> 00:10:26.920 know, based off of what you, you know, came in for? How is it 127 00:10:26.920 --> 00:10:31.000 going towards, you know, the goal that you were trying to get, 128 00:10:31.040 --> 00:10:33.840 you know, for yourself, what it was that you were wanting from 129 00:10:33.840 --> 00:10:37.120 it, you know, how are you on all of that, between you and the 130 00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:38.000 Lord? Like, 131 00:10:39.520 --> 00:10:42.440 I think I need to put more effort. I know, you're not 132 00:10:42.440 --> 00:10:45.040 supposed to do effort. But I think I know, I know what you're 133 00:10:45.040 --> 00:10:49.880 saying. More intentionality. Yeah, more intentionality. And 134 00:10:49.880 --> 00:11:02.080 um, yeah, I mean, I work such long hours. And yeah, so I 135 00:11:02.080 --> 00:11:09.280 would. I mean, I would listen to the videos more, spend more time 136 00:11:09.280 --> 00:11:17.680 with the Lord. You know, I think those two things and, you know, 137 00:11:17.680 --> 00:11:25.080 I had this zoom call on Saturday, with two Bible school 138 00:11:25.080 --> 00:11:30.440 leaders in one in Sri Lanka, and one in India, and with my pastor 139 00:11:30.440 --> 00:11:38.400 friend. So I on December 8, I give a like 15 to 20 minute 140 00:11:38.440 --> 00:11:43.800 message to the Bible school students in India. Well, they're 141 00:11:43.960 --> 00:11:50.560 they're scattered all over the world. And then in January, I 142 00:11:50.560 --> 00:11:58.160 have a four week class on evangelism and missions for 143 00:11:58.160 --> 00:12:03.960 students for the Bible school in Sri Lanka. So cool. Isn't it 144 00:12:03.960 --> 00:12:10.680 cool? Yeah. 15 of the students are in Sri Lanka. And about 15 145 00:12:10.680 --> 00:12:15.720 is about half and half are maids scattered around the 146 00:12:15.720 --> 00:12:21.680 world. Okay. I don't know what countries they're in. But and 147 00:12:21.680 --> 00:12:25.000 they're in situations where they're not allowed to go out. 148 00:12:25.440 --> 00:12:35.720 Isn't that strange? Yeah. So anyway, so that is coming up. 149 00:12:35.760 --> 00:12:45.600 And it it kind of I mean, it's a motivation to, you know, really 150 00:12:45.600 --> 00:12:49.400 be close to the Lord. Yeah, because I can't do it otherwise. 151 00:12:50.120 --> 00:12:55.440 Yeah. And there's no point in doing it otherwise. Because I 152 00:12:55.440 --> 00:13:02.160 mean, it's like, okay, in the during the week, after work, I, 153 00:13:02.760 --> 00:13:08.720 I watch TV, I watch this three programs. So, you know, I think 154 00:13:08.720 --> 00:13:11.920 that has to change if I'm ever going to have time to prepare 155 00:13:11.920 --> 00:13:19.760 for these, you know, these talks. So that's such a good 156 00:13:19.760 --> 00:13:24.920 opportunity. I mean, yeah, very exciting. Very, very cool. Yeah, 157 00:13:24.920 --> 00:13:31.760 very excited for you about that. Yeah, so I mean, it's 158 00:13:31.760 --> 00:13:36.760 like, I talked to the Lord all day, you know, a good deal of 159 00:13:36.760 --> 00:13:40.600 the time anyway, you know, and it's, it's like, it's just me 160 00:13:40.600 --> 00:13:48.400 and my dog. So yeah, another adults to talk to you. So you 161 00:13:48.400 --> 00:14:00.080 talk to God. My dog and God. Yeah, so yeah, I mean, it gets 162 00:14:00.080 --> 00:14:07.400 kind of lonely because I mean, the people I live with, see, I 163 00:14:07.400 --> 00:14:14.560 live with a family who were from my former church. But they, I 164 00:14:14.560 --> 00:14:19.160 don't feel invited to, you know, it's not like, I'm part 165 00:14:19.160 --> 00:14:26.000 of the family or anything. In fact, the daughter was going to 166 00:14:26.040 --> 00:14:31.760 Florida, she's working as an intern at Disneyland. And she 167 00:14:31.760 --> 00:14:36.360 was going so I went out by the car, you know, and stood there 168 00:14:36.360 --> 00:14:41.440 and was the garage and to say goodbye to her. And she said, 169 00:14:41.560 --> 00:14:44.280 Do you mind? I want to have some family time now. 170 00:14:46.880 --> 00:14:50.320 With the daughter, the mother said that the daughter said 171 00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:50.760 that. 172 00:14:52.040 --> 00:14:52.600 Good night. 173 00:14:54.000 --> 00:14:56.760 Well, I mean, it wouldn't have been Yeah, I mean, if either one 174 00:14:56.760 --> 00:14:59.600 of them said it, but I was just curious as to which one. 175 00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:08.400 Sorry. Yeah. So it's that kind of Yeah, situation where I feel 176 00:15:08.400 --> 00:15:15.840 very uninvited. And the dad he knew, he followed me after she 177 00:15:15.840 --> 00:15:23.280 left. After she drove away, the dad came back and apologized. He 178 00:15:23.280 --> 00:15:28.080 understood how I felt. But I mean, I just, you know, it's 179 00:15:28.080 --> 00:15:34.240 like, the daughter has been like that with me. Like, she's 180 00:15:34.240 --> 00:15:38.320 real snooty. I was gonna say it sounds like she's probably just 181 00:15:38.920 --> 00:15:42.840 that, like, she's kind of like that with everyone. So like, if 182 00:15:42.840 --> 00:15:47.840 she would have the audacity to say that to someone, and I 183 00:15:47.840 --> 00:15:53.640 thought, she's practiced at this. Yeah. And it's like her 184 00:15:53.640 --> 00:15:57.000 mom goes along with it. But anyway, so just to say that, you 185 00:15:57.000 --> 00:15:59.800 know, even though I'm living with a family, I'm not part of 186 00:15:59.800 --> 00:16:09.120 the family. And my mind just flew in. Oh, wow. So, I mean, 187 00:16:09.120 --> 00:16:14.480 it's good. I have a private entrance. What is it? I'm sorry, 188 00:16:14.480 --> 00:16:19.320 it was a B, B fluid. Wow. So who knows where he is now? Go 189 00:16:19.320 --> 00:16:22.880 ahead. You have a private entrance. Yeah. So I mean, 190 00:16:22.880 --> 00:16:26.320 that's, that's, you know, that's really good. The only time I 191 00:16:26.320 --> 00:16:32.320 really need to go through the house is when I do my laundry in 192 00:16:32.320 --> 00:16:35.960 the ground. And yesterday, 193 00:16:37.480 --> 00:16:42.720 what's that? You have to use the kitchen? No, which is I have a 194 00:16:42.720 --> 00:16:49.160 hot plate. Oh, microwave oven, microwave in a toaster oven that 195 00:16:49.160 --> 00:16:53.200 I use. And this is going to sound gross, but I wash my 196 00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:56.200 dishes in the bathroom sink. Yep. 197 00:16:58.480 --> 00:17:02.360 That's what you got. Yeah. So I mean, it's kind of it's kind of 198 00:17:02.360 --> 00:17:12.440 cozy. And yeah. But you know, it's just not, I thought of 199 00:17:12.680 --> 00:17:18.599 moving, you know, because when you feel like you're not welcome 200 00:17:19.000 --> 00:17:29.000 in a place. I've got such a beautiful view. Yeah, I don't 201 00:17:29.000 --> 00:17:34.160 know if I could show you probably not. Like I, I have 202 00:17:34.160 --> 00:17:41.680 this deck out here. And I can see San Pablo Bay. It's a out 203 00:17:41.680 --> 00:17:47.040 here and across to the land on the other side. And it's, you 204 00:17:47.040 --> 00:17:52.280 know, it's just a when I sit here and work, you know, my work 205 00:17:52.520 --> 00:17:56.720 monitors are over here. So I just have a really, you know, 206 00:17:56.760 --> 00:17:57.880 really nice view. 207 00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:09.080 Yeah. Yeah, it's really a gift. Yeah. You know, I've 208 00:18:10.000 --> 00:18:15.480 Yeah, so I mean, I talk with people, you know, from work. And 209 00:18:16.680 --> 00:18:20.920 you know, things are really changing. And that's when I was 210 00:18:20.920 --> 00:18:26.600 talking about the complaining. And it's kind of interesting. I 211 00:18:26.600 --> 00:18:32.480 got an email from this guy last night. And there, he wants me to 212 00:18:33.080 --> 00:18:39.640 he wants me to show him all the workflows. And I started to, and 213 00:18:40.440 --> 00:18:45.200 the boss over care management said, Yeah, meet with Chris so 214 00:18:45.200 --> 00:18:50.800 that we can know what to do for optimization. So that means 215 00:18:51.160 --> 00:18:58.960 changes, lots of changes coming down the road. So it's, I mean, 216 00:18:58.960 --> 00:19:06.800 it's good, but they kind of landed a lot of changes on care 217 00:19:06.800 --> 00:19:09.600 management. And I kind of take up for them. I'm kind of an 218 00:19:09.640 --> 00:19:14.120 advocate for them just kind of happened that way. So like the 219 00:19:14.120 --> 00:19:20.160 week before last, they, they were kind of in shock over some 220 00:19:20.160 --> 00:19:24.640 things that were said at the meeting by this physician who's 221 00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:34.000 over our program. Yeah, it was like, the medical assistants in 222 00:19:34.000 --> 00:19:39.160 the offices aren't consistent in their job. So we'll have the 223 00:19:39.160 --> 00:19:43.120 care managers or the coordinators do this one 224 00:19:43.120 --> 00:19:47.760 particular job for them. And you know that, of course, the 225 00:19:47.760 --> 00:19:51.800 nurses would not like that. Yeah, you know, that's not 226 00:19:52.480 --> 00:19:58.320 anyway. So, you know, we were, we talked this was week before 227 00:19:58.320 --> 00:19:58.960 last. 228 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.880 the Friday before this last Friday, so, 229 00:20:05.080 --> 00:20:07.960 you know, they were they were all. 230 00:20:08.160 --> 00:20:12.720 There's three of them that I meet with and they were not. 231 00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:17.920 Happy after that, we had a kind of a debriefing after after that meeting, 232 00:20:18.120 --> 00:20:24.200 they said, let's have debriefing, so they were they were not happy. 233 00:20:24.400 --> 00:20:29.560 So this last week when we met and there was another change, 234 00:20:29.560 --> 00:20:31.880 a couple more changes. 235 00:20:33.200 --> 00:20:35.440 The manager said. 236 00:20:35.960 --> 00:20:38.040 I don't have anything to say, 237 00:20:38.240 --> 00:20:42.120 you know, it's kind of like it's just too much and then 238 00:20:42.320 --> 00:20:49.200 the the other one said, I'm just and she had really vented one at one of the weeks. 239 00:20:49.400 --> 00:20:54.120 And so I was the the one that. 240 00:20:54.320 --> 00:20:55.960 Was kind of. 241 00:20:56.400 --> 00:21:00.280 I mean, you have to talk about the things, but then I 242 00:21:00.480 --> 00:21:05.960 I think I got to the point where I was really complaining, which doesn't really 243 00:21:06.160 --> 00:21:07.800 help them. 244 00:21:10.320 --> 00:21:14.440 Around out there, we go now it flew out, so he flies in and flies out. 245 00:21:14.640 --> 00:21:15.600 Go ahead. 246 00:21:15.800 --> 00:21:17.400 So. 247 00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:23.480 So I just felt like I. 248 00:21:23.680 --> 00:21:25.000 Like. 249 00:21:25.600 --> 00:21:29.960 Going with the flow with the Lord, you know, like just knowing that, OK, 250 00:21:30.160 --> 00:21:36.880 there's going to be a lot of changes and I can't resist them or fight against them 251 00:21:37.080 --> 00:21:41.600 in my mind or, you know, emotions or anything. 252 00:21:41.800 --> 00:21:43.960 There's some things that, you know, 253 00:21:44.160 --> 00:21:47.600 this one change that they were talking about with having 254 00:21:47.800 --> 00:21:52.200 the nurses do something that the medical assistant should do. 255 00:21:52.480 --> 00:21:54.000 And. 256 00:21:54.520 --> 00:21:58.360 The manager spoke with her boss and her boss. 257 00:21:58.560 --> 00:22:00.760 No, no, no, you're not going to do that. 258 00:22:00.960 --> 00:22:02.960 So there's some things that, you know, 259 00:22:03.160 --> 00:22:09.320 you can talk about and, you know, they'll they'll get fixed, hopefully. 260 00:22:09.520 --> 00:22:11.000 But. 261 00:22:12.360 --> 00:22:15.760 Yeah, so, I mean, like my goal at work is 262 00:22:15.960 --> 00:22:21.440 to really love the people and serve the people that I work with. 263 00:22:21.880 --> 00:22:25.400 And I mean, I really do love them all. 264 00:22:25.600 --> 00:22:28.080 Yeah. And. 265 00:22:28.680 --> 00:22:30.440 So. 266 00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:33.400 Yeah, so. 267 00:22:35.440 --> 00:22:38.960 Yeah, I think there's going to be a lot of. 268 00:22:39.160 --> 00:22:42.120 Changes coming and. 269 00:22:42.320 --> 00:22:43.960 When I first started this job, it was 270 00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:48.560 like I was always afraid I wouldn't be able to do it because I remember. 271 00:22:48.760 --> 00:22:52.240 Yeah, but now it's like 272 00:22:53.240 --> 00:22:57.760 it's OK because I have this tech support person. 273 00:22:57.960 --> 00:23:02.280 Like I'm meeting with her later this morning, I think at nine, I might be 274 00:23:02.480 --> 00:23:06.600 meeting with her at nine, well, right after. 275 00:23:06.800 --> 00:23:10.360 I better check just to make sure I don't. 276 00:23:10.560 --> 00:23:12.320 Miss. 277 00:23:13.760 --> 00:23:15.280 That meeting 278 00:23:15.520 --> 00:23:23.480 and what time is it there, is it is it eight thirty that we that we had our time 279 00:23:23.680 --> 00:23:27.680 set for it because it's eleven thirty for me. 280 00:23:27.880 --> 00:23:32.960 So I was well now, of course, it's time is that it's like twelve. 281 00:23:33.160 --> 00:23:35.000 Yeah, it's about nine here. 282 00:23:35.200 --> 00:23:36.240 Hang on just a second. 283 00:23:36.440 --> 00:23:39.200 I better check because I don't want to. 284 00:23:39.400 --> 00:23:41.200 We have to. 285 00:23:42.200 --> 00:23:44.240 No, no, my phone. 286 00:23:44.440 --> 00:23:45.440 Isn't. 287 00:23:49.880 --> 00:23:53.200 Now it's not letting me get in there. 288 00:23:53.400 --> 00:23:56.960 OK, good. 289 00:23:57.160 --> 00:23:58.160 All right. 290 00:23:58.360 --> 00:24:03.200 So, yeah, I do have the nine thirty meeting. 291 00:24:03.400 --> 00:24:06.720 Yeah, which is twelve thirty your time. 292 00:24:07.440 --> 00:24:12.600 Anything. Yeah, just it's good to make sure. 293 00:24:13.600 --> 00:24:19.040 I didn't get a chance to really look at my calendar this morning, had to do some 294 00:24:19.240 --> 00:24:25.200 work things right off, but yeah, so I'm I'm kind of. 295 00:24:25.560 --> 00:24:29.480 I wouldn't say overwhelmed, but. 296 00:24:29.880 --> 00:24:35.720 I have a lot, a lot on my plate and then with the radiation therapy coming up, so 297 00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:41.880 as far as the rest intensive, I mean, it's so good to have the community, 298 00:24:42.080 --> 00:24:44.880 you know, and I'm sure Casey feels the same. 299 00:24:45.080 --> 00:24:49.080 I know she feels the same way and. 300 00:24:49.280 --> 00:24:52.800 You know, just digging deeper, I mean, 301 00:24:53.000 --> 00:24:58.800 because I went through all of those twelve or thirteen videos, but and I've 302 00:24:59.000 --> 00:25:00.080 listened to one and two. 303 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.800 to, and then I jumped to five, and I saw the importance of 304 00:25:03.800 --> 00:25:05.560 going back over them. 305 00:25:08.120 --> 00:25:11.320 Get all kinds of things the second, third time. Yeah. 306 00:25:12.280 --> 00:25:16.320 And it's, it's not like I have that many questions about them. 307 00:25:16.400 --> 00:25:20.080 I mean, because they're, you know, it's like, Oh, this is 308 00:25:20.600 --> 00:25:26.960 really good. And but I still feel like there's some 309 00:25:26.960 --> 00:25:35.200 resistance in me. I don't know what it is exactly. I mean, you 310 00:25:35.200 --> 00:25:41.240 know, like, I want the Lord to have, you know, full control, 311 00:25:41.360 --> 00:25:47.760 and, and all that there's. And I don't know if there's still a 312 00:25:47.760 --> 00:25:52.000 fear that he's not all that good. I don't know. Because I, 313 00:25:52.120 --> 00:25:56.240 you know, I've experienced so much of his goodness. Yeah, I 314 00:25:56.240 --> 00:26:02.320 know. I have too. And yet I come into yet another situation. 315 00:26:02.360 --> 00:26:07.600 And sometimes I remember that he's that good. And other times 316 00:26:07.600 --> 00:26:10.440 I forget, you know, it's like the Israelites, you know, 317 00:26:10.440 --> 00:26:15.880 sometimes we do we just forget. So yeah, that's, that's very so 318 00:26:15.880 --> 00:26:19.000 what you're experiencing, you know, is very normal. It's just 319 00:26:19.000 --> 00:26:23.520 like, you know, we doubt whether or not he really is that good. 320 00:26:23.840 --> 00:26:24.400 Yeah. 321 00:26:26.040 --> 00:26:30.800 Yeah. And, you know, like I talked about, he was my planner. 322 00:26:30.800 --> 00:26:35.320 And I'll, I think last week, I got a call from my ophthalmologist 323 00:26:35.320 --> 00:26:44.080 saying that Stanford re negotiated the contract with my 324 00:26:44.360 --> 00:26:49.240 health plan. And now they're back. But now I've switched 325 00:26:49.240 --> 00:26:53.200 medical groups. And I have treatment lined up. So I can't 326 00:26:53.200 --> 00:27:01.120 go back to Stanford healthcare. So and, and God knows about all 327 00:27:01.120 --> 00:27:05.640 of that. So maybe there's a reason why I am not with 328 00:27:05.640 --> 00:27:10.160 Stanford anymore. I mean, the care was great. People, you 329 00:27:10.160 --> 00:27:16.760 know, were great. So, but I've got to stick with this other 330 00:27:16.760 --> 00:27:21.360 one now, because I have the treatments coming up and, you 331 00:27:21.360 --> 00:27:23.120 know, lots of other appointments. 332 00:27:23.600 --> 00:27:27.040 Yeah, no, you're absolutely right. And, and, you know, 333 00:27:27.040 --> 00:27:32.120 you're, you're thinking about it absolutely correctly. It's that 334 00:27:32.160 --> 00:27:39.560 God, you know, he knows about all of that. He's still he's, 335 00:27:39.960 --> 00:27:44.200 he's protecting you, you're not threatened by your environment, 336 00:27:44.240 --> 00:27:48.360 meaning like, whether, whether you're with Stanford, or not 337 00:27:48.360 --> 00:27:51.000 with Stanford, or was with Stanford, and therefore, you 338 00:27:51.000 --> 00:27:53.560 know, it could take care of me. And now I've switched because I 339 00:27:53.560 --> 00:27:55.920 thought that I had to, and they come to find out it's now still 340 00:27:55.920 --> 00:27:59.040 available, it's now available again. And, but now I'm without 341 00:27:59.040 --> 00:28:03.440 it. And that all of those situations, what we have to 342 00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:06.800 realize is it just means that God is going to change, it's 343 00:28:06.800 --> 00:28:13.440 changing, or working with a new structure in the environment, 344 00:28:13.480 --> 00:28:17.040 you know, Stanford versus not Stanford, you know, it's totally 345 00:28:17.040 --> 00:28:21.400 different way through which many can flow and insurance 346 00:28:21.400 --> 00:28:25.600 people that you'll be dealing with and systems and processes, 347 00:28:25.600 --> 00:28:31.880 etc. And it's just a different structure, that God is that God 348 00:28:31.880 --> 00:28:35.840 is allowing to be part of the process, as he provides for and 349 00:28:35.840 --> 00:28:39.160 protects you, you know, gives you what it is that you need, 350 00:28:39.160 --> 00:28:44.360 and, and etc. So I've just I've just learned that remember, it's 351 00:28:44.360 --> 00:28:50.960 not the insurance, you know, in health, the health systems that 352 00:28:51.040 --> 00:28:55.760 actually are, that we need, and that have the power to save us 353 00:28:55.760 --> 00:28:59.680 or this power to protect us or the whatever, or just aspects of 354 00:28:59.680 --> 00:29:06.400 creation that are being allowed to be part of the journey. But 355 00:29:07.080 --> 00:29:11.680 our journey is still the same as always being taken care of by 356 00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:15.720 God, and we stand and we still have the same manner speaking 357 00:29:15.720 --> 00:29:19.880 spiritually, we have the same experience in the journey, 358 00:29:20.120 --> 00:29:25.240 regardless of whether regardless of physically, whether it's, you 359 00:29:25.240 --> 00:29:30.040 know, is with Stanford or not, or the doctors be helpful, or 360 00:29:30.040 --> 00:29:33.520 very frustrating, or I don't know, whatever the situation is, 361 00:29:33.520 --> 00:29:35.920 and with this hospital now, and with this one, and they keep 362 00:29:35.920 --> 00:29:38.480 moving me around, and then they keep changing the appointments 363 00:29:38.480 --> 00:29:42.360 on me and they keep whatever, those are just, that's just a 364 00:29:42.360 --> 00:29:46.040 structure through in an environment in which we're 365 00:29:46.040 --> 00:29:53.080 foreign to it. And therefore, we can call on the kingdom that we 366 00:29:53.080 --> 00:30:00.120 are part of, and not victim to the decisions that are 367 00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.760 all made in this foreign land that we're in, but, you know, we just get to, we allow it to 368 00:30:07.760 --> 00:30:11.840 be part of our process and be some of the stuff that we, you know, end up walking through we're 369 00:30:11.840 --> 00:30:18.560 doing or, you know, taking our time in and scheduling and people we're meeting along the 370 00:30:18.560 --> 00:30:28.240 way, et cetera, but they're not determining and having the power over our protection and provision 371 00:30:28.240 --> 00:30:36.960 that they can't threaten. So it's, and we can say all of that, but the way that we actually 372 00:30:36.960 --> 00:30:47.360 get to live the peace of it, in other words, the rest of it and rest in it is if we realize that 373 00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:56.240 it's just something that's part of our experience, but it's not, but what it is that we receive from 374 00:30:56.240 --> 00:31:06.240 the Lord doesn't change with, as this changes, this is always still the same, but, but things 375 00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:11.440 just look differently down here. And what we've been taught is that we're supposed to be very 376 00:31:11.440 --> 00:31:16.560 vigilant and watch how things change down here. And we need to adjust accordingly in order to 377 00:31:16.560 --> 00:31:22.880 make sure that we're safe. And it's not the case. We can just stay steady and let everything else 378 00:31:22.880 --> 00:31:28.480 around us just, just shift as it wants to. And then of course we just shift with it. We're like, 379 00:31:28.480 --> 00:31:33.920 okay, Lord, you know, so this is the situation change. So now what do you want me to do? I was 380 00:31:33.920 --> 00:31:39.040 doing this, but the situation changed, the structure changed. So should I start doing this 381 00:31:39.040 --> 00:31:44.800 now? But it doesn't mean that you went from being unprotected to now trying to find another mode of 382 00:31:44.800 --> 00:31:49.920 protection that still stays the same, that security. And so that's where we find our rest 383 00:31:50.640 --> 00:31:59.600 is to not rely on and be dependent on, um, the, the structure and give it more power and 384 00:31:59.600 --> 00:32:06.400 significance than it actually has. So we don't want to give it this power and significance of, 385 00:32:06.400 --> 00:32:12.480 oh, it can save me. It can fix me. I'm safe with this insurance company. I'm not safe with this 386 00:32:12.480 --> 00:32:18.880 other one, or this one is easier. And therefore I'm more likely to be okay than I, if financially 387 00:32:18.880 --> 00:32:27.200 or whatever, or, you know, and I'm less likely to be okay here. Well, no, they're not providing 388 00:32:27.200 --> 00:32:36.480 that for us. God is. And so God just adjust the structure through which he operates on earth 389 00:32:36.480 --> 00:32:42.720 based off of how all of this is changing, you know, but he's still going to find his modality. 390 00:32:43.200 --> 00:32:49.200 Uh, it, that he's going to find a modality in order to accomplish his will and his will and 391 00:32:49.200 --> 00:32:55.440 what it is that he's desiring to accomplish for you. Isn't it going to change? It's just going 392 00:32:55.440 --> 00:33:03.360 to maybe change, you know, which, which modality he picks to operate through. So, and that's how 393 00:33:03.360 --> 00:33:11.520 we stay in rest regardless of what's going on here. So, yeah, it's the, I mean, a mindset 394 00:33:13.360 --> 00:33:21.200 for sure. Yeah. And it's also like, I, I, like, I keep saying it's this it's, and I wish I could 395 00:33:21.200 --> 00:33:27.840 remember how I worded it last night, but it's a, it's a, Oh, it's choosing that that's how our 396 00:33:27.840 --> 00:33:34.240 world operates. It's making the decision that, okay, my world and the world that I, you know, 397 00:33:34.240 --> 00:33:40.240 the, just the world that I exist in operates according to these principles. So sure. Uh, 398 00:33:40.240 --> 00:33:44.640 this could have changed for me. The doctor said that, that I had this insurance. Now I couldn't 399 00:33:44.640 --> 00:33:48.880 have, I don't have that insurance. And then now they're saying, Oh, it's available again, but 400 00:33:48.880 --> 00:33:53.200 because they said it wasn't available earlier, I now set up all of these treatments under my new 401 00:33:53.200 --> 00:34:03.520 insurance. And, uh, and then, so we can kind of, we can kind of be tempted to believe that, okay, 402 00:34:03.520 --> 00:34:10.400 well, maybe I don't have the best deal. Maybe this is not the wisest, or maybe something could 403 00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:15.920 happen. And over here, it's less of a risk than over here. It's higher risk. It's higher of a 404 00:34:15.920 --> 00:34:22.880 risk. You know, I don't know, but we just, and we just choose with the Lord note, if he says that 405 00:34:22.880 --> 00:34:31.920 he always protects me, then it might look like it or not you're on earth, but that doesn't change 406 00:34:31.920 --> 00:34:39.360 the fact that he's still doing it. I choose that I am currently protected, even though I don't feel 407 00:34:39.360 --> 00:34:46.560 like it. And even though I don't see it, even though I think I need money and need food and 408 00:34:46.560 --> 00:34:56.239 need, you know, this appointment or whatever, if, if God is going to pro and can, can, can provide 409 00:34:56.239 --> 00:34:59.920 for me and does provide for me what all of these other things were going to provide. 410 00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.400 provide for me, food, money, health, whatever. And, and we're 411 00:35:05.400 --> 00:35:07.560 what we thought that those things were going to give us 412 00:35:07.560 --> 00:35:11.120 safety, security, etc. God's like, I provide your safety and 413 00:35:11.120 --> 00:35:15.480 security. So you're so even though the world is denying you 414 00:35:15.480 --> 00:35:19.400 it down here doesn't mean that I've denied you that. 415 00:35:21.800 --> 00:35:27.720 Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So the thing is to get ahold of that right in 416 00:35:27.720 --> 00:35:31.200 the circumstance, isn't it? Yes, that's where you where 417 00:35:31.200 --> 00:35:36.160 everything changes. Because it's a friend of mine refers to it as 418 00:35:36.160 --> 00:35:42.400 writing a new record. It's like it's similar to it's because the 419 00:35:42.400 --> 00:35:45.520 last time you were in that experience or that situation, 420 00:35:45.560 --> 00:35:49.400 and it may not look exactly like that, right. But it was 421 00:35:49.400 --> 00:35:52.440 something similar to the experience that you're currently 422 00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:55.240 having or the environment that you're currently in. There was 423 00:35:55.240 --> 00:36:00.680 something that it reminds you of. And in the past, the belief 424 00:36:00.680 --> 00:36:05.640 that you got was you the meaning that you attributed to what you 425 00:36:05.640 --> 00:36:11.480 went through, you determined to say X, Y, and Z about God, or X, 426 00:36:11.480 --> 00:36:15.280 Y, and Z about yourself. And so now God will put you allow you 427 00:36:15.280 --> 00:36:18.640 to be in a similar situation and say, Okay, now make a different 428 00:36:18.640 --> 00:36:24.880 choice. Now choose that what I say is true, not what you had 429 00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:27.560 believed earlier, the last the last time that you were in this 430 00:36:27.560 --> 00:36:30.680 situation. So it's right. It's what, like I said, it's what my 431 00:36:30.680 --> 00:36:35.800 friend referred to as writing a new record. And making it's 432 00:36:35.800 --> 00:36:41.000 like, and it's not like changing the situation, but you're 433 00:36:41.000 --> 00:36:44.920 changing the meaning of the situation you're finding 434 00:36:44.920 --> 00:36:48.480 yourself in. Before we attributed one meaning to it, 435 00:36:48.520 --> 00:36:51.440 we said, Well, God, it means therefore that God is X, Y, and 436 00:36:51.440 --> 00:36:57.200 Z. And he says, No, you know, choose instead that I am who I 437 00:36:57.200 --> 00:36:59.880 say that I am. So be back in that situation to make a 438 00:36:59.880 --> 00:37:06.760 different choice about who I am. That it doesn't tell you and it 439 00:37:06.760 --> 00:37:09.520 doesn't mean that I'm not who I say that I am, because last time 440 00:37:09.520 --> 00:37:13.320 you believe that it did say that, and now choose that it's 441 00:37:13.320 --> 00:37:19.240 not true. Not try to believe it, because you know, that is what 442 00:37:19.240 --> 00:37:22.440 we've tried our whole lives. And that doesn't work. It's you 443 00:37:22.440 --> 00:37:26.720 make a decision that nope, that will that is not true in my 444 00:37:26.720 --> 00:37:31.760 life. Meaning like I make it so I make that whatever God says is 445 00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:33.040 true about me really is true. 446 00:37:33.640 --> 00:37:37.320 Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. 447 00:37:38.800 --> 00:37:44.320 But yeah, so it's like a it's a position that you make in your 448 00:37:45.000 --> 00:37:50.520 in yourself to in this like this determination that Nope, this is 449 00:37:50.520 --> 00:37:56.480 what reality is. So it is a mindset sort of, it's, but it's 450 00:37:56.480 --> 00:38:00.880 more than like remembering. Because remembering is not the 451 00:38:00.880 --> 00:38:05.880 same thing as making a decision. Oh, sorry, I think I'm not 452 00:38:05.880 --> 00:38:10.600 sitting up straight enough. And it's not making a decision. I 453 00:38:10.600 --> 00:38:14.280 mean, is making it just, I don't remember how I started, 454 00:38:14.280 --> 00:38:21.240 but that, that just simply like believing that you should think 455 00:38:21.240 --> 00:38:24.600 something doesn't mean that you're going to end Oh, 456 00:38:24.600 --> 00:38:28.640 remembering that's what what is I was talking about, is that 457 00:38:28.640 --> 00:38:31.520 just if you remember that something is true, that's not 458 00:38:31.520 --> 00:38:38.280 the same thing as it's not the same thing as having chosen and 459 00:38:38.280 --> 00:38:44.280 decided that that is actually reality. You know, remembering 460 00:38:44.280 --> 00:38:48.000 is not the same thing. Remembering can help just, you 461 00:38:48.000 --> 00:38:51.960 know, bring to mind again, intentionally, something that 462 00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:55.280 you have the opportunity to choose. But remembering isn't 463 00:38:55.280 --> 00:38:58.760 enough. You still have to make that intentional act of your 464 00:38:58.760 --> 00:39:03.600 will, that you have the authority to make of, hey, this 465 00:39:03.600 --> 00:39:09.760 is what I have. Oh, sorry, determined to be true. I'm 466 00:39:09.760 --> 00:39:14.680 sorry, I had caffeine and everything I had, like, maybe it 467 00:39:14.680 --> 00:39:17.520 didn't have enough. I thought I had plenty. I had plenty of 468 00:39:17.520 --> 00:39:20.760 caffeine. Anyway, I just drank me and my friend and I just 469 00:39:20.760 --> 00:39:24.560 drank two pots of tea. They're little pots that still maybe it 470 00:39:24.560 --> 00:39:28.560 wasn't enough. Maybe I only had two cups of tea and maybe I 471 00:39:28.560 --> 00:39:31.280 should have had more. Anyway, I'm trying to sit up because you 472 00:39:31.280 --> 00:39:33.760 know that they say that yawning comes from when there's not 473 00:39:33.760 --> 00:39:36.600 enough blood to your brain. So that's why I keep thinking I 474 00:39:36.600 --> 00:39:39.560 need to sit up straighter so I can get blood to my brain. But 475 00:39:39.560 --> 00:39:42.800 anyway, and so hopefully that's helpful is that, you know, 476 00:39:42.800 --> 00:39:47.320 remembering isn't just enough. Because we all know what it is 477 00:39:47.320 --> 00:39:51.040 that we should believe. And even when we remember it, though, our 478 00:39:51.040 --> 00:39:55.400 lives still aren't reflecting what it what they should. If we 479 00:39:55.400 --> 00:39:58.680 really did believe the thing if we really did have faith. So 480 00:39:58.680 --> 00:39:59.840 remembering isn't enough. 481 00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:02.760 actually have to have faith in the thing, meaning that we have 482 00:40:02.760 --> 00:40:06.960 to intentionally choose that for ourselves, that is our truth. 483 00:40:08.360 --> 00:40:10.480 Is that whatever God says is true, really is true. 484 00:40:13.480 --> 00:40:17.360 That's a whole different ballgame, isn't it? Rather than 485 00:40:17.360 --> 00:40:25.360 just giving an assent to the truth? You know, like, yeah, 486 00:40:25.760 --> 00:40:29.560 than just saying, Okay, I believe this, but it's, it's, 487 00:40:29.640 --> 00:40:33.760 it's. Yeah, it's more than that, isn't it? 488 00:40:34.160 --> 00:40:39.080 Yes, it's a very intentional engagement with the thing. And 489 00:40:39.080 --> 00:40:42.920 it requires something of us as opposed to trying to what I 490 00:40:42.920 --> 00:40:45.920 refer to as trying to live vicariously through God's will, 491 00:40:45.920 --> 00:40:48.880 like, okay, God, if you say that, that's true. And if you 492 00:40:48.880 --> 00:40:51.000 say, you know, well, then I guess it was just going to 493 00:40:51.000 --> 00:40:54.920 happen, you know, so I'll, I guess I'll just get to see it. 494 00:40:55.280 --> 00:40:58.560 And that's just not and God's like, No, I want you to make 495 00:40:58.600 --> 00:41:05.480 the make the choice to that you're going to allow the truth 496 00:41:05.480 --> 00:41:10.080 that I've spoken to be the authority in your world, to be 497 00:41:10.080 --> 00:41:14.320 what causes things to happen as they do, you have to make the 498 00:41:14.320 --> 00:41:19.880 choice in order for in order for those things to be allowed to 499 00:41:19.880 --> 00:41:23.520 follow the principles of heaven, in your life, you have 500 00:41:23.520 --> 00:41:27.160 to give them permission to operate like that in your world. 501 00:41:27.640 --> 00:41:31.480 And the way that you do that is you have to choose to submit 502 00:41:31.480 --> 00:41:37.360 yourself to the consequences of those in other words, the 503 00:41:37.360 --> 00:41:41.520 results of those principles being in operation, and no 504 00:41:41.520 --> 00:41:46.800 longer try to control your world by following the principles of 505 00:41:46.840 --> 00:41:47.560 this world. 506 00:41:50.400 --> 00:41:51.160 Yeah. 507 00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:57.720 Say that again, submit yourself to know, I can't read that I 508 00:41:57.720 --> 00:41:58.080 wrote, 509 00:41:58.720 --> 00:41:59.880 submit yourself. 510 00:42:01.840 --> 00:42:05.520 No, what did what did I say? What did you, what do you have? 511 00:42:05.840 --> 00:42:10.160 So I said, you said something about submit yourself to the 512 00:42:10.680 --> 00:42:12.200 consequences. 513 00:42:12.640 --> 00:42:15.960 Oh, yes. So submitting yourself to the consequences. In other 514 00:42:15.960 --> 00:42:19.800 words, the results are the outcome of the principles of the 515 00:42:19.800 --> 00:42:20.800 kingdom of heaven. 516 00:42:22.280 --> 00:42:26.280 Like you have to you're like, okay, well, in following the 517 00:42:26.280 --> 00:42:30.240 principles of the kingdom of heaven, I will allow those to 518 00:42:30.240 --> 00:42:33.240 have the authority in my kingdom. In other words, in my 519 00:42:33.240 --> 00:42:36.360 world, in my experience in my existence in my life. 520 00:42:37.560 --> 00:42:41.200 And what however they end, whatever they end up causing, 521 00:42:41.680 --> 00:42:45.280 I'm going to allow that I'm going to live with however it is 522 00:42:45.280 --> 00:42:49.320 that they affect my life. And they're the things that have 523 00:42:49.320 --> 00:42:54.240 permission to create the results in my life. But in order 524 00:42:54.240 --> 00:42:58.440 for us to submit to those principles, one of the things 525 00:42:58.440 --> 00:43:02.880 that it requires is a lack of our control. And then as opposed 526 00:43:02.880 --> 00:43:07.080 to us trying to control our world through and giving the 527 00:43:07.080 --> 00:43:10.320 principles of the kingdom of this world, permission, 528 00:43:10.960 --> 00:43:21.280 permission to be to show up and cause things to happen in our 529 00:43:21.280 --> 00:43:21.760 life. 530 00:43:23.920 --> 00:43:27.320 Yeah, we choose instead the principles of God. 531 00:43:29.920 --> 00:43:30.520 Yeah. 532 00:43:36.720 --> 00:43:38.400 I'm just writing some things down here. 533 00:43:38.640 --> 00:43:39.600 Yeah, you're fine. 534 00:43:40.320 --> 00:43:49.600 You know, oh, I was gonna, I wrote something down. I don't 535 00:43:49.600 --> 00:43:54.320 know when one of the meetings we had, but 536 00:43:59.920 --> 00:44:01.240 that was from yesterday. 537 00:44:01.240 --> 00:44:08.640 It's almost like, this is on the first, that wanting God to 538 00:44:08.640 --> 00:44:14.280 overpower me. So I don't have to be responsible and make choices. 539 00:44:14.440 --> 00:44:19.520 You know, it's, it's like, correct, or find that, you know, 540 00:44:19.520 --> 00:44:28.240 like, God, take control. Yeah. But then I'm not. Yeah, just 541 00:44:29.240 --> 00:44:38.880 Yeah, just letting. I have to take responsibility. And make 542 00:44:38.880 --> 00:44:44.160 choices. And I think that that is something. And, you know, you 543 00:44:44.160 --> 00:44:50.280 said, God does not force me, I have to choose. And I guess a 544 00:44:50.280 --> 00:44:56.040 lot of times, I didn't feel like I had a chooser or something, 545 00:44:56.120 --> 00:44:59.800 you know, like, correct. That's the thing. That's the problem. 546 00:44:59.800 --> 00:45:00.280 We do. 547 00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:05.420 Not, we either think that we're not allowed to have it, or we've, we've lived 548 00:45:05.420 --> 00:45:09.600 like this so long, we forget that we have it and we forget that we forget how to 549 00:45:09.600 --> 00:45:15.300 choose, we don't, I mean, you know, anybody like, you know, just forgets that 550 00:45:15.300 --> 00:45:20.920 we actually have that power to make a choice and we're so used to dis to 551 00:45:20.920 --> 00:45:26.280 disregarding it, that we feel guilty whenever any sense of free will starts 552 00:45:26.280 --> 00:45:32.680 rising up within us, because we think, oh, well, you know, that we've come to be 553 00:45:32.680 --> 00:45:43.920 to identify that as being as, as being us trying to act autonomously, you know, as 554 00:45:43.920 --> 00:45:51.300 if we're God or something like that, you know, and, and know our free will is 555 00:45:51.300 --> 00:45:56.620 simply something that God gave us, and he holds it is actually very, very sacred. 556 00:45:56.620 --> 00:46:01.380 It's one of the things that he holds to be one of the most sacred things is our 557 00:46:01.380 --> 00:46:04.500 free will, and he doesn't want to violate that. 558 00:46:04.980 --> 00:46:10.740 And, and, but it, so that gets, so it's a great gift that he gives us and he 559 00:46:10.740 --> 00:46:16.940 desires us to use that as his son to make the choices of what he's declared to be 560 00:46:16.940 --> 00:46:17.380 true. 561 00:46:18.220 --> 00:46:22.580 Um, but there with it comes the responsibility of the fact that we have 562 00:46:22.580 --> 00:46:25.140 to be responsible for our own choices. 563 00:46:25.460 --> 00:46:27.060 We have to make choices. 564 00:46:27.060 --> 00:46:31.100 We have to be intentional about it and we have to risk things. 565 00:46:31.100 --> 00:46:37.460 And we're afraid that, you know, um, uh, that we have, we're afraid that that 566 00:46:38.380 --> 00:46:45.180 of bearing consequences for something and being alone in, in having to bear the 567 00:46:45.180 --> 00:46:49.020 consequences, being unprotected and provided for, because we made an 568 00:46:49.020 --> 00:46:50.380 intentional choice. 569 00:46:50.820 --> 00:46:57.380 And the thing is that we're not, uh, that we're not that in sonship, we're, we're 570 00:46:57.380 --> 00:47:06.940 never alone, even when we've made, uh, we're safe less than ideal choices. 571 00:47:07.500 --> 00:47:07.980 Mm hmm. 572 00:47:10.060 --> 00:47:10.340 Yeah. 573 00:47:12.660 --> 00:47:20.940 God still, we're still like a child that is in a, in, in being provided a safe 574 00:47:20.940 --> 00:47:28.300 environment by its parents to learn, you know, but we think, Oh no, I'm abandoned. 575 00:47:28.300 --> 00:47:32.540 And I'm alone to have to bear this concept, to bear any consequences of the 576 00:47:32.660 --> 00:47:36.980 mistake that was born, um, all by myself. 577 00:47:37.340 --> 00:47:42.220 And I was in that mistake was born simply the fact that I was just, I was trying, 578 00:47:42.220 --> 00:47:56.380 I was trying to do, um, uh, I was trying to, um, well, I think of, uh, how to, how 579 00:47:56.380 --> 00:48:01.780 to word that, but anyway, anyway, so hopefully that makes sense. 580 00:48:03.220 --> 00:48:08.300 But it, I mean, when I think about, okay, I have a free will and, and I mean, I've 581 00:48:08.300 --> 00:48:12.700 experienced God as being kind and not pushy. 582 00:48:14.020 --> 00:48:19.420 And sometimes I still don't make, you know, I'm, I'm talking about things like 583 00:48:19.420 --> 00:48:26.140 what I eat and how I spend money and those smaller, I mean, this quote, smaller 584 00:48:26.380 --> 00:48:26.900 things. 585 00:48:27.700 --> 00:48:31.740 And, um, now I forgot what I was going to say. 586 00:48:32.500 --> 00:48:42.500 Um, but if you've, you know, it's like, but when you feel like you, you have, I 587 00:48:42.500 --> 00:48:49.220 mean, it's a good feeling to feel like you really can make choices that, you 588 00:48:49.260 --> 00:48:57.540 know, he does, he he's kind and gentle and allows you to make choices, even 589 00:48:57.540 --> 00:48:59.780 choices that aren't the best for you. 590 00:49:01.940 --> 00:49:05.460 Um, but it's not like he's condemning. 591 00:49:05.460 --> 00:49:12.580 And I think for so many years, I felt like he was condemning, you know, and now 592 00:49:12.580 --> 00:49:17.540 I don't, you know, it's not like I, I don't feel that, but, you know, and he's 593 00:49:17.540 --> 00:49:24.380 being so kind and letting me make choices, but I still make wrong ones, you 594 00:49:24.380 --> 00:49:31.420 know, it's, it's kind of, um, you know, like, okay, I know I'm not, I shouldn't 595 00:49:31.420 --> 00:49:34.100 have sugar because of the cancer. 596 00:49:34.540 --> 00:49:36.220 Sugar feeds cancer. 597 00:49:36.580 --> 00:49:36.860 Yeah. 598 00:49:37.140 --> 00:49:38.060 So what did I do? 599 00:49:38.100 --> 00:49:39.300 I bought a cherry pie. 600 00:49:41.140 --> 00:49:42.700 I know we do stuff like that. 601 00:49:42.740 --> 00:49:42.980 Yeah. 602 00:49:43.980 --> 00:49:58.220 And, um, you know, it's, um, but just, I mean, maybe it's good for a time to, to 603 00:49:58.220 --> 00:50:00.020 feel his kindness. 604 00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:06.000 kindness and his grace. And then, but then, I need to start 605 00:50:06.120 --> 00:50:10.720 taking responsibility for my choices. Not just think he's 606 00:50:10.720 --> 00:50:15.800 going to overpower me and, and you know, the Holy Spirit. Yeah, 607 00:50:16.280 --> 00:50:20.600 yeah, you know, easy. Yeah, I think that's, that's what I have 608 00:50:20.600 --> 00:50:24.080 thought that, you know, when, when people experience oneness 609 00:50:24.080 --> 00:50:29.840 with God, then it's going to be easy, then it's going to, it's 610 00:50:29.840 --> 00:50:35.240 going to make it all easy. No more struggle. I think that's a 611 00:50:35.240 --> 00:50:40.880 picture I had, you know, hearing about Christians who experienced 612 00:50:40.880 --> 00:50:50.080 that. But yeah, you don't hear so much about. After that, they 613 00:50:50.080 --> 00:50:54.400 still had to make choices. They still have a flesh and spirit. 614 00:50:54.400 --> 00:51:01.960 And yeah, yeah, very true. No, you're absolutely right. Yeah. I 615 00:51:01.960 --> 00:51:07.960 know we we do all think that that Oh, yeah, well, it'll just 616 00:51:07.960 --> 00:51:12.440 be it'll just be easy then. But God requires responsibility of 617 00:51:12.440 --> 00:51:15.720 our choice, because he desires is to co create with them. And 618 00:51:15.720 --> 00:51:20.840 that takes an aspect of that, you know, maturity of 619 00:51:20.840 --> 00:51:28.840 intentionality of, of putting our own, you know, will and 620 00:51:28.880 --> 00:51:36.960 creativity, and it requires us. So we can't interact with him 621 00:51:37.480 --> 00:51:43.720 and interact with life, not showing up to the table. You 622 00:51:43.720 --> 00:51:47.160 know, we actually have to show up in order to co create with 623 00:51:47.160 --> 00:51:54.080 the Lord, so that we're not so that we're not babies anymore 624 00:51:54.080 --> 00:51:57.760 with him where he's doing everything because, like I was 625 00:51:57.760 --> 00:52:04.480 talking about the other day, we lose, we lose control. Because 626 00:52:04.520 --> 00:52:07.400 meaning and not that not not that even with the Lord, we have 627 00:52:07.400 --> 00:52:11.600 control. But what I mean is like, we don't get to exercise 628 00:52:11.600 --> 00:52:20.840 our, our will. Because we're always our will is is over. I 629 00:52:20.840 --> 00:52:23.000 don't want to say it's overpowered, but our will is 630 00:52:23.000 --> 00:52:30.600 overshadowed by whatever by his will, whatever he wants. And 631 00:52:30.640 --> 00:52:36.000 it's an ours in a manner of speaking, isn't that well, it's 632 00:52:36.000 --> 00:52:41.400 not, it's not taken as much into consideration, just like a 633 00:52:41.400 --> 00:52:47.160 baby is just picked up and put down and fed and, you know, put 634 00:52:47.160 --> 00:52:50.760 down to sleep and all kinds of things that it doesn't want to 635 00:52:50.760 --> 00:52:54.200 do, which is, you know, why cries when it's put down? It's 636 00:52:54.200 --> 00:52:57.360 like, I don't want this. So sorry, I thought that was my 637 00:52:57.360 --> 00:53:00.120 husband coming home. But it's not, you know, well, I don't 638 00:53:00.120 --> 00:53:02.680 want this and and I don't want to do this right now. I want 639 00:53:02.680 --> 00:53:05.280 something else right now. And, and the baby doesn't get a 640 00:53:05.280 --> 00:53:10.480 choice. And is that how we want to sure it has everything taken 641 00:53:10.480 --> 00:53:14.040 care of for it has no responsibility. But it also 642 00:53:14.040 --> 00:53:19.040 doesn't have any contribution. Like it doesn't get to decide 643 00:53:19.040 --> 00:53:21.200 something. I mean, it has a contribution, in fact, it has 644 00:53:21.200 --> 00:53:25.560 value. And you know, everyone loves the baby, it feels and it 645 00:53:25.560 --> 00:53:28.800 feels loved and people receive a sense of love from it and all of 646 00:53:28.800 --> 00:53:33.560 that. But it doesn't get to decide that how late it wants to 647 00:53:33.560 --> 00:53:39.160 stay up and if it wants to play golf and, and, you know, and it 648 00:53:39.160 --> 00:53:42.640 doesn't get to decide what it wants to eat. You know, if mom 649 00:53:42.640 --> 00:53:45.400 is feeding it peas, that's what it has to eat, you know, peas 650 00:53:45.400 --> 00:53:48.320 or carrots, and sure it confess all at once. And the mom's just 651 00:53:48.320 --> 00:53:50.560 going to keep working with it and be like, Okay, well, if you 652 00:53:50.560 --> 00:53:53.080 don't have peas, well, then we're gonna have carrots. No, we 653 00:53:53.080 --> 00:53:57.040 can't have cherry pie, you know, it just like, you know, mom is 654 00:53:57.040 --> 00:53:59.840 the one who gets to decide. So it's us with the Lord's, we talk 655 00:53:59.840 --> 00:54:02.720 about the fact and we act like we want God to take care of 656 00:54:02.720 --> 00:54:06.840 everything. But then we also insist on being able in other 657 00:54:06.840 --> 00:54:10.280 areas on like, God, why won't you let me do what I want to do? 658 00:54:10.840 --> 00:54:14.920 And he's like, because that's the you've chosen that that's 659 00:54:14.920 --> 00:54:17.200 not the relationship you want with me, you want me to take 660 00:54:17.200 --> 00:54:23.240 care of everything, meaning like, you want to deny yourself 661 00:54:23.480 --> 00:54:28.600 your the right and the privilege of operating in your will. So 662 00:54:28.960 --> 00:54:29.440 so anyway, 663 00:54:30.880 --> 00:54:32.400 yeah, yeah. 664 00:54:32.680 --> 00:54:36.800 And once we discovered this, as hard as it is to shift into, 665 00:54:37.240 --> 00:54:39.200 you know, because it's like, Oh, my word, I have to give up this, 666 00:54:39.200 --> 00:54:43.760 that and the other. Once you once you once we discover the 667 00:54:43.760 --> 00:54:50.200 freedom of living life a different way, where Yes, you 668 00:54:50.200 --> 00:54:54.040 are responsible for your own actions, etc. Once we discover 669 00:54:54.040 --> 00:54:59.800 that nobody wants to go back to go back to the whole God was 670 00:54:59.800 --> 00:55:00.080 just 671 00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.200 doing everything because all of a sudden you've discovered this world of freedom that, yes, 672 00:55:07.760 --> 00:55:13.360 takes maturity and responsibility, but man, there's so many benefits. 673 00:55:14.240 --> 00:55:19.280 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's good. And my dog is, just a second. 674 00:55:19.280 --> 00:55:35.920 She does all sorts of stuff with the carpets, you know, these little throw rugs. 675 00:55:36.560 --> 00:55:41.840 Yeah, and she just tears them up to try to like nest. Yeah, my dog can nest. 676 00:55:41.840 --> 00:55:51.840 So cute. Yeah, she's wanting to eat. I mean, I think I told you she's deaf now. 677 00:55:51.840 --> 00:55:55.600 Yes, little thing. She doesn't hear. 678 00:55:56.560 --> 00:56:05.760 Yeah. And the way that she lets me know she wants to go to the bathroom or eat or anything is by 679 00:56:06.720 --> 00:56:12.000 scratching. Oh, I see. Because she knows that that'll get your attention. 680 00:56:18.720 --> 00:56:20.560 Oh, you're okay. Okay. 681 00:56:22.240 --> 00:56:28.400 And do you have a meeting now? Oh, what time is it? Is it 9 30, I think? 682 00:56:28.400 --> 00:56:31.360 Yeah. Okay. It's 9 30. Yeah. 683 00:56:31.360 --> 00:56:35.120 So I better let you go. Yeah. Thank you, Ashley. 684 00:56:35.200 --> 00:56:38.480 You're welcome. Always good to chat. And I hope it was helpful. 685 00:56:38.480 --> 00:56:43.520 Oh, yes. Yes. Good way of life. That is for sure. I know. 686 00:56:44.400 --> 00:56:48.080 Well, you take care and I'll see you in the group. I hope you have a good meeting. 687 00:56:48.080 --> 00:56:52.160 Yeah. Thank you. Bye.