Okay.
Hello.
Hello. How are you.
Good. How are you.
Hey, Chris.
Chris or Christine which do you prefer. Chris. Yeah.
How are you.
Good. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.
I'm getting all set up here. Okay.
I'm working on a course and I've, you know, really been getting into it it's about missions and evangelism, finding some really good resources to use.
My mind is kind of filled with that right now.
It's so exciting. She's been given a really neat opportunity. Okay, great. Yeah. Wonderful.
Wonderful.
So, I mean just honestly speaking I don't have an agenda.
I'm here. I'm here for you.
And, you know, as I've said, you know, each call.
There are certain themes that seem like they're arising in some of the calls.
But they're all unique and different and. And sometimes it's.
I don't know the Lord gives me a download and it's very prophetic and stuff and other times it's, he doesn't and normally that's because there are things that are to be uncovered kind of in the call itself and so I don't have any agenda and I'll just tell you now like.
Other than I saw your name on a sticky once, and I hear about her talking about just in general talk, you know, talking to you all are talking about.
She'll mention people's names as if because she's interacting with you so much and she'll say like, Oh, Chris got a message from somebody today and I'll be like who's that, and they're like, Oh, that's so and so, you know, I really don't know anything about you.
I don't know anything discussed.
I don't know.
Until like 10 minutes ago I didn't even know your name is that we're like we were meeting with Chris, and that's short for Christine. Right. And I'm like, Oh, okay, because I'm imagining a Chris, you know,
male male friends. Yeah, my my boss is Chris. So, so with that kind of in mind I don't have anything I might get something as we go along but you know how are you doing what's what's going on with you.
Is there anything to the Lord has been. It's been surfacing or that struggling with or something that that the Lord has been bringing up to you or anything.
Well, I'll tell you first what I've been going through, and then maybe something I think God's been bringing up in August, I was diagnosed with cancer for the second time breast cancer.
So I had surgery at the end of August, and then it's about almost two weeks ago now that I completed radiation therapy.
And then I was in hormone therapy for five years, depending on how you know if I have side effects from that or not.
So, that has been, you know, that's been quite a thing and then right now there's major upheaval at work.
And two of the people that I work for, and two especially that I work with were laid off.
And
their last day is next Friday.
So that that has been weighing heavy on me.
One of one of the.
Her name is Courtney, and she's from China, and her visa is affected by this.
And I have been praying for her salvation, and just asked her if she would like to go with me to my Christmas Eve service but she already has plans with family, but
that that's a major thing because the people I work with are going to be gone, and there's no replacement.
And it's just, it's just really sad because, like, the other gal that I'm really close
Do she said it was like we built something together as a family and it's like we're family because we built this.
I don't know what you call it, application for care managers to use and we build it together.
So, you know, we're we're really close. And, you know, so that's a something that's happening right now.
Makes me feel teary just thinking about it. Yeah. And and then I have this major opportunity.
I mean, I still can't believe it that through a friend, a pastor friend in India.
I have spoken twice to a Bible school based in Bangalore, India.
And then now I have a class I'm going to be teaching next month on missions and evangelism to 30 Sarah Lincoln students.
Some are pastors and missionaries already. Some are in other countries as maids or whatever.
And some are not allowed to go out out of the house. So and this is like a bachelor of theology level class.
So I was a missionary in Japan for 17 years. Oh, wow. Yeah.
A interesting mission field right there. Yes. It is not an easy place to everything I've ever heard.
I mean, I've been to Japan on business once many years ago.
Most expensive business trip, like the most expensive travel expense report I've ever put in my life.
And that was back in the early 2000s. But and she came back to the States from Japan in 98 or 99.
So it's 98. Yeah. Yeah. So there's been a lot of time that I've been back.
But I've always but I've heard from anybody that it is a very dry, difficult place to to do mission work.
It is. It's very considered a graveyard of missionaries.
But, yeah, it was. I saw. A handful of people come to the Lord and it was supernatural.
It wasn't like, you know, teaching them the Bible, convincing them to believe that I try that that does not work.
But God just working and, you know, having me in the mix, you know, and it was, yeah, just some amazing things happened.
Just to say one one of the women, her sister believed first.
Then she had a vision of Jesus on her veranda as she she saw he was in a.
Well, she described him as he's pictured in Revelation.
I think it's chapter one. And she didn't even know Revelation chapter one.
So it was, you know, long white hair robe, just some amazing things like that happened when it was like I stepped back,
you know, the rest, the whole rest thing, step back and, you know, you get to the point where I can't do this.
It has to be God. And and you learn that by experience, I guess.
It's not like, OK, at the at the you know that God has to do do everything,
but you don't know when your flesh is is working and when the spirit, you know, it's I think that comes by experience.
So, yeah, and when I when I came back, I tried to find a place, you know, I didn't know what God was so clear.
He was leading me back and I needed more healing for myself.
And one of my and I spoke recently when to a friend who was in Japan at the time with me that counseled me to resign.
And I asked her, why did I you know what her perspective on that time was?
And she said, God has you on a journey. You know, it was time to leave.
And one of what was going on was that I was really under criticism from the church.
Well, not that the church as a whole, but a few people, because I wasn't bringing a lot of people into the church.
And that's what they wanted me to do. Mine was.
like ones and twos, you know, deepening, and God leading me to
people who were ready, you know, to believe. And I even wrote my,
you know, when they they were criticizing, and so I wrote my
own tract with my testimony on it in my picture, and went door
to door in the area. And, you know, through that, I met you
probably never heard of this people group, but an I knew
woman, kind of like the native Japanese in Hokkaido, and began
Bible study with her, but I left actually before she believed,
but we started studying the Bible together. And she was
married to a Japanese man, and they couldn't let people know
that she was I knew, or there would be great prejudice against
her and her children. But anyway, there was, you know,
just some good things that happened. But there was this
criticism, and I find I found it very difficult to take, you
know, the one guy, an elder at one of our church elder meetings
said, you need to be a real missionary. And, you know, that
kind of hit me at the core. It was really, I mean, and the Lord
encouraged me through that time, but my way, I'm not an
evangelist. And my way of, you know, was really just, and the
pastor in that church understood, I worked with a
Japanese pastor, and taught English and all that. And he
understood, because he knew of another missionary, from years
before, I guess that, you know, it wasn't like, you know, that
that missionary to just built relationships and gradually, you
know, shared the gospel with them. So, and before I came
home, God gave me a month of an intense experience of his love.
So that was like, prepared. I mean, I never experienced his
love like that before. And it was like walking in heaven for a
month. And, and then so that kind of, even though I was so
sad to leave Japan, because I thought that was a lifelong
career. And so coming back was, you know, it was difficult, the
reverse culture shock and all that reentry. Yeah, yeah, that
was difficult. And then, you know, I got into health care,
like working for a medical group. And I taught three years
at a Christian junior senior high school taught them Japanese,
and church history and Bible. And, and then after that,
worked at a women's shelter, and then got into health care again.
And now I'm in a IT position, healthcare IT, at my present
job. And I would, I would say, I mean, in God has, I mean, I've
been with my, you know, here at the time when my mom died, my
dad died, my stepdad died. So it was good to be back for those,
you know, it's been good to be home. But it's kind of like if I
was a nun, and, and then decided not to be a nun anymore, you
know, how a nun would feel. So it's, you know, it was hard not,
but I think I got my identity from being a missionary, you
know. And so it's not like, and I think I needed to get away
from that. And but now God has brought it back around as a
teacher in a Bible school on missions, which is so exciting.
It's like, he's, you know, given me a gift to do this. And, you
know, also cross culturally, who would have thought teaching
Sri Lanka Bible school students, you know, it's not anything I
could have planned. Yeah. So yeah, so that's kind of what
what's happened, you know, and, and the thing that
Well, I have, it's kind of like, you know, you have a word for the year, and my word
for this year was flourish.
And then I'm thinking, you know, for next year, the word is engage.
And I feel like, and, you know, because I'm, I'm renting a room.
And it's me and my dog.
And I'm going to a really large church.
And I'm not in a small group, because I got into one and it was just not not a good thing.
But I don't feel aside from the people at work really engaged.
And I feel like I need to be engaged more with the Lord to, you know, like, I've felt
an invitation from him to go deeper.
And you know, that's been happening, you know, during the rest intensive.
And I mean, even before, because, you know, I went through all of the videos before,
and it's, it's not, I mean, it's a new way of putting it and, you know, clarifies things,
but it's not new, because the whole thing of union with God and his love and relationship
isn't new, but being in a group of women that have the same desire, I think, is what's
really, really good.
And, and hearing new, I mean, actually, you put it so clearly and clarify things and yeah,
it's really, it's really good.
So, but I feel like I need to be, what the Lord is showing me just being more engaged
in prayer, worship, in relationships with people, which, yeah, I don't know how to describe
it other than that, but yeah, just more, I mean, I would say that I'm, I'm really engaged
with, like, say, Courtney, the gal from China, but it's more based on work.
And we do talk about personal things and, you know, how we're feeling about things.
And she knows I'm a Christian and that I pray for her and, you know, her boss actually
is a Christian too.
So, you know, she knows that we're praying for her, praying for a miracle, that she can
stay in the country.
But it's not, that isn't a relationship like sharing deeply on spiritual things, you know,
on relationship with God, mutually encouraging sort of thing.
Yeah.
So that's kind of where I'm at.
Well, as I've said, I think like one other time, you know, like this time is really for
you and if what's needed, you know, as I've said to Ashley, at least one other time, you
know, if what's needed is it to be more of a, like a freedom session, I'm saying that's
totally fine.
We don't have to, and I don't have, I've got some strange things kind of in my head that
I'm going to ask a couple of questions and I, again, I have no agenda.
I don't have any clear defined direction of like, or I'm not gathering any major area
of wounding or anything right now that I feel like we need to address like any gaping wounds.
I don't see anything, you know, you seem pretty solid and I don't want to use the word stable
because that's not a very fun word, but you know, you, you, you know, you, you know, you
know, I don't, I'm not picking up anything right this very second, but just a very strange
question.
I, I keep looking at this painting behind you and are you an artist?
Have you ever done any painting?
No.
No, but I like, oh, the one right over here, my sister did and it is, I mean, it's, it's
amazing.
I mean, it has, she did it and I had it with me in Japan.
And when I was.
I was going through a really, really hard time
in working in El Morte City at the tip of the main island.
I mean, I came home on vacation and thought,
I don't want to go back and work there.
It was really awful.
But then the Lord made it clear that I needed to go back.
And I was on a train ride to one of the cities in the area.
And it was like the Lord said to me, look up.
And what I saw was exactly in that picture.
Wow.
Yeah, it was like the mountains and the sun.
And I don't think I know there was a fence,
but it looked just like that.
Wow.
Yeah.
And it was, I don't know, it was like God, at the time,
that he, I mean, I knew he was with me and needed that.
And out of that difficult place, it
became the most fruitful time in my ministry in Japan.
It was the sister that I met there
who became a believer rather supernaturally
that her sister down South saw the vision of Jesus.
So there were, I think it was mainly the three,
another woman too, who was an English student.
Her mother had prayed for her for 20 years.
And she said she wouldn't, she joined my English class
and said she wouldn't become a Christian,
but she heard the Bible.
And God just drew her heart.
But anyway, so that picture, I mean, it was just,
I'm riding on the train, look up,
and there is the exact image of what's in the picture.
I don't know if I ever told my sister that story, actually.
Yeah.
Well, that's wonderful.
Well, I really don't know what this means,
because I don't know you at all.
But, and this is not a negative thing,
but what I'm, I don't know how to look at,
I can tell you what it is I physically see,
like what I see in my mind, but what I'm taking from it,
it looks like almost, if I weren't speaking to you
and I was talking to somebody else, let's say,
I would look like they're right
and their left side of the brain are at war with each other.
Like, not conflict, but like, which is driving the ship.
And a lot of times when I see that,
it's like sometimes someone has to be as big,
has been in such an analytical place,
left brain, logic, and that type of thing,
that that is kind of dominated in a way
that the right side, the creative side,
hasn't had the expression, let's say, that is needed.
So that sometimes I'll see someone
that has a whole creative aspects of who they are
and that aspect of them has not found voice or expression
and that they've been had,
they've had circumstances and situations in their life
where it was required of them, let's say,
or my mother used to say about me, I'll put it this way,
is that, you know, I was a finance person
and my mom's conviction was that the finance,
the analytical part of me was a skill that I learned
and I became good at, but it wasn't really who I was.
And so I keep seeing this image
and that's why I was drawn to that painting
and I can just make out on the other side,
the heart in another picture that I see on your wall.
And I was seeing this, it looked like a brain
and there was electricity on both sides
that showed me activity
and that there was this teeter-tottering going on.
And my impression from that
is that you've largely had to rely
on a lot of the left brain,
logical side centers of your brain.
I could be totally wrong.
I've told you, this is an impression.
This is not associative work, okay?
This is an impression that I have from what I'm looking at
and that there is an emergence of an other aspect
of who you are,
this time related to the creative side of who you are.
And there's the...
father is the creator God, and we're going to be co-creating with him, that is starting to come
forth. And the image I saw, this is why I asked about you being an artist, aside from those
things, I saw you look like you were at, my mom and dad lived in, my family lives in Jacksonville,
Florida, and around the corner from my mom is this shopping center kind of place, and they would do
these kind of art festivals there. They would have these like little tents, and people would
display their art, and you could kind of walk through with coffee and talk to the artist,
and I saw you amongst these tents talking to people, amongst all of this artwork. And
I was looking at it, trying to figure out if you would, if the artwork was yours or not,
but it was like, you were able to, in this image that I'm seeing, you were able to like,
kind of like cross-culturally have relationship and talk to these people,
and engage them in a way that was non-threatening, that was not like beat them over the head,
and that these opportunities were like, allowed you to be able to speak and meet
and interact with people that normally would be hostile, or wouldn't be able to be able to
be reached, or be able to have conversation, and that because of this, in the image that I was
seeing, this art as the door, allowed you to be able to meet and interact and share the love of
God for this big, that leaves you to have lots of impact on people, and you seemed very at home
there. That was the image that I saw, and I was like, and I'm watching all this as you're talking,
and I'm thinking like, I have no idea what all of this means, and that's why I started with,
like, have you ever painted? I do have a sneaking suspicion that there are aspects,
and this is another theme that I've noticed lately, of who God is in you, and aspects of
how you're known in heaven, that I feel like God is going to start to spotlight, that's going to
probably be a little stretchy for you, and some of that creativity may be expressed in a sense of like
doing creative things, which may feel very foreign to you,
or it could be the creative solution part, the innovation part, the place where there's,
you know, like we can kind of, the spirit of wisdom comes in, or the spirit of counsel, and then there
are innovative ways in doing things, but I feel like there is an expansion beyond
areas of your life where you've been under constraint, that has caused you to function
in certain ways, and become very good at it, by the way. You're very adept at some things, like you're,
like there's a spirit of, almost like a spirit of excellence in some of the things that you've done,
and you're a deep diver, it appears to me, that, you know, the whole thing, the aspects of being a king,
you know, that it's a matter of a king to search a matter out, you really search a matter out,
like when you search something out, you really, really, really, really search it out, and
I just feel that there is a freedom of expression that like right-brained people seem to have.
I'm not a right-brained person, okay, but I've known quite a bit of them, and they're a little
bit of enigmatic to me, I don't understand, okay, but there's this freedom of expression that they
seem to carry, they get, that allows them to kind of float, to express themselves, and interact with
people in a way that I don't understand, and I feel that there is an expansion of you,
and I have a feeling that as I'm staring at that heart in the back, that that encounter that you
had with love of God, not only was it a more impactful in the past, but I feel like there's
another circling round of an encounter coming with you, with a love of God, that isn't going to just,
it's not just for you, but it's going to be a transformative agent, and that really,
not just the scripture, not just theology, are you going to be sharing with people,
but it's going to be like you're giving them gifts that are going to contain that love,
and the aspect of God that people need. I feel that that gift, I feel like that was a taste,
a foretaste that you had of the encounter of the love of God, and that that thing didn't just
change you back then, or wasn't there just to encourage you, I feel like there's an aspect of
that part of who God is, that is in short supply, not just to be displayed,
but to be kind of like given, to be imparted.
And I feel like there's almost like a matriculation
of who God is in that aspect of love
that is getting ready to come back to you, so to speak,
to be reenacted because I feel that
one of the great strengths that you're gonna have
is to be communicating and releasing
the love of God over people.
And that I firmly believe,
one thing I knew about you right away
is that you're a teacher.
I firmly believe that you are a teacher.
I firmly believe that you are more than qualified
to teach at a PhD level,
to be teaching people about theology
or to teach people about, you know,
praying for people in Japanese, whatever.
Like, I have no doubt that you're very accomplished
in all of those things,
but I feel that there's another aspect of what you carry
melded with it, has great life on it.
And I believe that is the place of the love of God.
Hmm, I think you're spot on.
Because the problem becomes,
how do you really express
and give away the love of God
other than just being loving yourself?
And I think that even the way that you have
been a missionary in the sense of
what you did and how you met people
was that you were all about relationship.
You weren't about conversion.
You weren't about bringing numbers.
And God is relational God.
And some things just take time.
And I believe what I see is that it's just kind of like
that image I saw of you outside,
so naturally meeting with people in an art show
is a picture of really kind of
who you really are at the core.
Like, if I were to paint a picture of who you are,
like the essence of who you are,
was that you're kind of like,
I don't know, for lack of a better term,
like a walking testimony, you know,
and that you really care about people.
And that's the thing that's most needed.
And I feel that there's a riddle that you're given to solve.
And that thing is, how do you meld the teaching
of theology and scripture and the foundational things
that are most needed and how do you impart to people
in a real, frank, honest way
that they can receive the love of God himself?
Not just to love him.
I have no doubt in the world that you love him.
But I think that he gave you that experience
of that intensity of the love of God,
where you felt like you were on another planet
or whatever for a while,
that that wasn't just a momentary thing.
I think it just shaped you and shifted you
and I think you needed it, but I think that there's more.
I think there's more to it.
And I think that not just the concepts,
but that there's an expression of who God is
that he's wanting to awaken in you
because it's needed in this time,
an expression of who he is.
And the greatest aspect of that is love
because he is love.
And if everything isn't infused by his love,
then it's just a religious fiddle-faddle.
It's just that squeaky gate, the clanking gong.
It's like there's so much of stuff
that we're hearing these days that is all sounds right,
but it's empty and there's like a drought
in this place of what looks like there's a drought
and that God is wanting to bring a flood.
And I think you're part of whatever that flood is,
but it involves the love of God, you know?
And it's so strange to me,
I don't believe in coincidences,
that I'm drawn to this picture,
which looks like to your back, right?
I don't know if it is, if the screen's back,
but it's the one that you were pointed at
that your sister did that was so important to you.
I'm like, I couldn't take my eyes off of it.
And then I look at the other painting
and all I see is a heart.
There's no doubt about it at all that God loves you.
Yeah, yeah.
There's no doubt.
And I think that he did a lot of things
because he loves you and because you needed the time.
But I believe that there's an aspect of who you are in God
that's getting ready to shift and it's dying.
it's needed in great, it's very dire in this time.
And that is an understanding and expression
of the love of God.
And it's him, it's you loving people,
but there's an aspect of you coming to know
an aspect of the love of God
that is foreign to most people.
And that God is desperately wanting people
to grab hold of it.
And it's not just new believers.
As a matter of fact, there are a whole lot of people
in the church that really need to comprehend,
to get, to taste, to see, to experience,
taste and see that the Lord is good, the love of God.
And I think this is,
I think that's what I was seeing
is that there's the left side,
the logical side is the concept
and the right side, the creative side
is kind of the expression.
I think that there's a meeting of these two things
where you get, there's the concepts and the expression,
not just how those things are expressed,
but there's an aspect of who God is
that's getting to be,
getting ready to be expressed through you.
And I think it's gonna be really stretching
and it may even be in modalities that you're not used to.
So as, as, you know, Forrest Gump said,
Forrest Gump said,
well, that's all I gotta say about that.
The other thing that I had,
does any of that make any sense to you?
I feel like I just-
Oh yeah, very much so.
I mean, because when God has me give messages
or, you know, and even on preparing this course,
I thought what, what would God, you know,
if Jesus was going to teach this course,
what would he do at the very beginning?
He'd sit them all down and pour out his love on them.
He wouldn't tell them what to do.
He would give them such a deep experience of his love.
That's what he would do.
Because we love, because he first loved us.
And I'm, I'm going off the president
of the Indian Bible college.
I'm going over his notes, his syllabus and everything.
And it's pretty much left side concept.
Yep.
All the things are right.
All that he says is right.
But without the love and, you know,
it's like, that's the fuel.
That's the encounter with God.
That's the whole thing.
Yep.
I mean, and in the Bible, when God commissioned people,
they got a vision of him first.
They didn't, you know, like the disciples,
they were with him.
Isaiah, Ezekiel, they,
and even Moses saw the glory of God.
So that, I mean, it's not, yeah.
I mean, that's so right on.
And I don't know.
I mean, the creative side, I mean, I write and I write,
I've written devotionals and I actually sent one
that I'd written about glory of God seen
in my mission experience in Japan.
And the pastor really liked it.
And I think that's when it started
me getting these opportunities.
And yeah, so I write,
I don't really think I can paint, you know,
but I do like artistic expression.
Yeah.
Well, I mean, literally, I mean,
I didn't really understand it.
It could be really the conundrum you're in about,
I know like Indian as an India,
Indian people really value intellect.
They really, really do.
And they value degrees and they value having
what master's degrees and doctorates.
And they can be very learned people.
And so I think the conundrum,
maybe even part of what I was seeing
is the situation that you're in
where you have this very left-brained, logical,
nothing's wrong, everything's right.
All the concepts are good,
but there's an aspect of the personage,
the expression, if you want to lack a better term,
that is missing.
And you're trying to figure out,
like these things are.
supposed to work together.
You know, it's kind of like you have the word people and you have the spirit
people and, and, and the word people, it's like the third part of the Trinity
is the Bible and the spirit people are just kind of all experience-based, you
know, encounters, they kind of get all over, but you need to have both.
And it's like, how do you, cause I was like, there was a riddle.
Like, I felt like you're trying to solve a riddle.
And I think part of that riddle is this situation that you're in with, how do
you, how do you, from Jesus's perspective, how do you impart and teach these people
the full message, which includes him in what it is, not just the cop, not just
the concept, it's like infusing them with the blood, you know, infusing them
with who he is, not as much that you're going to be a painter, but
it's like, how do you do that?
I do feel that there's an aspect of stretching coming into your life.
I've heard, I kind of laugh when I say this, so please forgive me, but it's
like the argument I have, I hear in my head and I've heard this before
is like, I'm too old for this.
Yes.
I'm 72.
Well, you don't look 72, but it's like, Lord, I'm too old for this.
Why couldn't you have done this when I was this old?
Yes, exactly.
Like, I don't, I don't know if I have the capacity to change blah, blah,
blah, or to be stretched in this way.
You know, old people are not flexible, Lord.
Let me tell you, you know, as I've argued with him and given him all the
excuses in the world of why I can't do all kinds of things and, uh, but thank
God he wins because I used to do that with why I can't have her, why I can't
get married, well, now I am right.
So the Lord won.
He had it in him and you didn't know.
Uh, you know, I was like, I'm living by faith.
I have no money.
I'm all the stuff, all the money I have is going to be traveling and blah,
blah, blah.
And a woman doesn't want to do these things or whatever.
I had all the excuses, right?
So, but thank God that God knows what he's doing.
But I feel like there is a stretchiness that God is going to make you supple
again, and he's going to stretch you.
And, and some of it is so that you can be used more readily by him.
But some of it is also that you can experience and have that newness again,
um, in your relationship with him.
And he's like going to rekindle the first love fire, you know, that first love place.
Yeah.
And, and, you know, it's like when you meet someone, like all I can think of is
like a science fiction movie and a robot says, what is love, you know?
And then this person's like, well, how do you really express what that is?
Like, that's really hard.
Like how, how do you actually, to someone that has no concept about what love is,
how do you actually put it into words into a way?
And that's, and I feel like there is some things coming.
Like, I believe that you, I almost hate saying this, but I really believe
that you have encounters coming.
Can I encounters coming that are going to create conundrums, you know, encounters
coming, they're going to leave you searching God to find out what this
actually means, but then there's the, how do you take this experience and find
a way to express it to people that they can actually capture and catch like any
missionary that's ever been on a mission trip, let's say you have this profound
experience, nobody can take it with you.
And then you go home and you try to explain to people what you just
experienced and nobody gets it.
Right, exactly.
It's the most frustrating thing in the world.
Like you're, it's like life changing thing that just happened.
And they're like, oh, okay, cool.
What was it like?
You know, did you like, oh, you were in Japan.
Did, do they have pickles there?
Like what, like, did you have to eat raw fish?
You know, it's kind of like you're missing the whole thing.
And I feel like there's a, that the Lord is going to, there's going to be a grace
on your life to reconcile the facts with the reality so that people can experience
things, not just understand and know things.
Hmm.
The other thing, the other thing that I, I don't know what means is I kept seeing
15 and normally if I see a number when I'm, when I'm looking at someone or
thinking of someone that normally means not saying it's true here, you know, my,
my friend, Chris would say like this, I feel like 15 is significant to you.
Does that?
mean anything to you, but I kind of feel normally when I see a number when I'm looking at someone
that normally means that something happened significant something happened significant
either positive negative something formative happened when somebody was like at 15. Was
there anything specific in your life going on around the age of 15? Let's see. What grade
in school would I have been in? Sophomore maybe? 9th or 10th. Yeah, 15, 16, sophomore,
14, 15, and 9th grade. Yeah, I sophomore in high school. That's when we moved to California from
Washington State. Started my sophomore year in California. And that that was I mean it was really
lonely leaving all my friends and the church I knew. But I can't think of anything in particular
that happened. I mean maybe God will bring something up.
Yeah, I can't think of anything specific that happened during that time. I just know it was
adjusting to California was very was. I mean California is a new culture. Yeah, it's a
different. It's almost like a different culture. Yeah, so I remember feeling quite lonely and
at that time in Washington State all the neighborhood kids played together. All the
family, everybody in the neighborhood, you know the parents knew each other and
hung out together and so different in California. I mean I know my neighbors next to a few people on
the street that I talk with, but that's unusual. Usually you don't even know your neighbors. Yeah.
So yeah, I can't think of anything in particular. I'd have to
Yeah. Yeah. Well, it doesn't mean like I said I'm not I'm not putting it on you that sometimes I have
to be careful because there's sometimes I like hey did anything happen around seven
or whatever and then next thing you know they're convinced that they had some great trauma happened
or something along those lines and that's that's not it. I'm saying normally it's 15, but what I've
noticed in some of the calls that we've had is God addressing formative times where
mindsets were formed. I'll put it that way and addressed and or that there was something in
that time period that he's wanting to go back and if for no other reason than he wants to reclaim it
and I have one of the leaders here his name is Rick. He would say he loves history. He's been
a history buff his whole life and it's history is really his story. It's the Lord's story
and what I've seen with when he does sometimes with people is he'll go back and reclaim something
and that their history becomes his story or he inserts himself into something or he'll show
like how you know this thing that you're dealing with now was formed all the way back here
and one thing I don't know exactly how to put this but I believe that
something that you value is relationship and community and there's and it also I could be
wrong seems to be something that you've longed for but missed and that's another riddle like I
see it's like it's something that is of high value you believe it's of high value to the Lord
you've tasted of it kind of like what you're talking about back in Washington
but it seemed to have looted you somehow as a matter of fact I think that you've probably
experienced a certain amount of rejection in the midst of what you've been doing yeah
and this is something that I sensed back when you were talking earlier
before you ever talked about Washington, when you were talking about Japan, and I never really,
you know, you and I've talked a lot, and this word had never come to me before the beginning of this
discussion where you were talking about, you know, I believe that my identity was in Japan and
everything. Well, you remember I was a missionary kid as well, and in talking to a lot of missionaries,
what I've noticed is sometimes it's people's, and I'm not saying this was your draw,
but sometimes people's draw to the mission field is for this, and regardless of whether
or not it is, they suffer for it when they come back, and that is that they finally feel a sense
of belonging. They finally feel a sense of community in the missionary community because
you have to be family. You have to get along, even if you're from different denominations,
different cultures, different countries, all there for the same purpose. You've got to get
along because there's nobody else. It makes you, it forces you to work things out, and it forces
you to a certain level of intimacy with people, giving you a certain measure of belonging, so when
you had talked about the fact of, you know, I always feel, you know, I think that I got a lot of my
identity in being there. Some of what people struggle with when they leave the mission field
is that this sense that they were a part of something, and there was a safety and a security
in being accepted that they struggle to, in the rest of the world, now forces them to earn.
So, anyway, that was just something that I, that I had sensed. It was fascinating how this,
how this discussion has progressed and these things that are coming out because that was
something that I never thought of in our discussions, you know, all the things that you shared
me about your past and everything, until this discussion. So, anyways, just a thought. Sorry to
interrupt you. No, no, no. I just wanted to draw a connection to an important part of her life. Yeah, yeah,
yeah, that's really true. Yeah, no, I think that's, I think that's really valid, and that was the thing
that struck me most about, you know, that time period when you moved, is like, there's no utopia,
you know, you can't go back to when you were a kid because things are, there's a certain aura, light
on your life when you were a child that makes things all seem great, you know, like Christmas, when
you were a kid. Christmas is never the same, right? We know that Jesus wasn't born on Christmas
day, okay, but it's time, it's Christmas, you know, we get it, but Christmas is never the same as when
we were a kid, the older we get, and so we have to be careful when we look back, but I think there's
an aspect of that community that is in the heart of God that he wants and is lacking, and in this,
I don't want to get on a soapbox, but I, you know, I had a friend of mine
preach the sermon about who has your back, and in the Roman, that's, that came from the day of the
Roman soldiers, where they had to learn that you would fight back-to-back with someone, and then
literally someone was, had your back, which is the most vulnerable part of you, of your armor, and all
those types of things, and he had these statistics about, and this is 10 years ago at least,
that the statistics even then, that in an age when we're most connected,
loneliness is at a highest point, that in this place where we're supposed to be connected,
which technologically we are, people are, loneliness was at the highest rate, that the
antidepressants and things were the highest rate, and so that there's a lacking of legitimate
relationship and community that's missing, and if you notice the amount of
ailments and illnesses and things that came during COVID, when nobody could be connected,
and we couldn't be near one another even, I feel like there is a real lack of that
in society in general, and I'm not prophesying to you that you're,
that you're an answer to that, but what I believe is that that cry in your heart is really a cry in
the Lord's heart, that for authentic real community, and I'm sorry, I don't want to
offend anyone at all, but I've said for some time that I feel like the megachurch, the time of the
megachurch is done. You can't have, you can sit in there, you could go every week,
and never have an authentic relationship with anyone. There's no real community. Doesn't mean
you can't, right? You go to a big, not anything, I'm a part of a large church here, okay, so I'm
not picking on your church, but the point is you can go to this large church, you can get into one
of the small groups, but it still doesn't, it still doesn't scratch the itch. There's no real
intimate, real relationship, no community kind of a thing that exists, and I feel like this is
something that's really powerfully on God's heart.
that he wants a community and a friend of mine used to say
tearfully, one thing he knows more than anything, that God
wants a family.
That God wants a family. And I feel that there's this, you
know, I feel like there's a aspect of this that God's
wanting to heal in you, but an aspect of which this is really
on the heart of the Lord. Now, I feel like there was one other
thing that I had that now has escaped my my memory.
Well, well, it's just gonna just in just kind of like maybe
draw some connections for you, Chris, and things that I know
about her, or actually things like the fact that how
important it is that where it is that she's been, you know,
you're you, I don't remember, you've been there about like
five years, something like that in your room. And she's renting
this room from this family. And one of the struggles is not
feeling like she's been received by the family. And I listened to
her. And I'm thinking, Lord, what's the connection? What's
the word for that? And I think it's what we've been talking
about. The other thing is, and I had been pulling this out more
recently, because of the things that when what happened, that
everybody got fired, all of these people that you were
close to, and it devastated you so much. I mean, you came on
there, more in more raw emotion about that than you were about
like the diagnosis of cancer and the treatment that you've been
through. And I'm not saying that. But I'm saying that with
us, you know, whenever you would come on with us, we didn't have
that raw emotion when you would talk about that. But we did with
this with this, with all of this firing, and I was realizing
there were there was that was the your community, and and your
sense of like family. And now it was being it was being
threatened. And it was being taken from you, you know,
outside of control. And it was like traumatic, because there's
like 10 of them all at once. It's not like one. And so
anyway, I think that there's all of these very fascinating,
interesting points that I'm just kind of, you know, help to kind
of affirm the fact that this is an important thing to you. And
like what Ed said, there's more to be taken from this than
simply, oh, by the way, are you good on time? I am. Okay, I
would want to know. I'm fine. Yeah. But to make sure. Yeah,
thank you. But that there's more than just like, just healing.
And that I believe that the Lord wants to address, wanted to
mention that I believe that like Ed pointed out, there's a
redemptive aspect in the fact that I believe that the way that
the that the Lord has, the reason the Lord is kind of like
made this a highlight, so to speak in your life, I don't mean
that he's caused these things to happen, but that he's
highlighting this for you right now, is because this is what
you're meant to bring exactly, which is what he was saying. And
it's fascinating how that happens, how the the areas of
our deepest woundings and our deepest longings are expressions
of in a way of what it is that the Lord is feeling, you know,
like he was talking about, you know, the Lord's heart, and then
we actually feel that and we actually experience, there's an
experience that we have on earth that reflects that, that
lack, and that, you know, in other words, that lack of it
being what the Lord intended, and the fact that the Lord
desires for and longs for that to for that to come, and that
you were the answer. You were what God, you know, you were
what God wants to bring that aspect of him into the earth
through that, that creating belonging, creating community,
creating relationships, building bridges, building
connections. So anyway, as a redemptive aspect, more than
just simply healing.
I agree 100%. And I'm thinking of speaking of being stretched
and what she's saying is that there's this wonderful man I
knew, or still knowing, but I met him years ago now. And I
heard him talking about anointing. And he said, you
know, he stopped for a second, he says, you know, most people
think of anointing is this is kind of like magical God pixie
dust that is sprinkled on people. And it's like magic. And
he said, the word anointing really has nothing to do with
that, though that can happen. He goes, it really just means
alignment to purpose. You know, like this pillar, as he
pointed, is anointed to hold up this to hold up the ceiling.
And thank God it's doing it's aligned and doing its job,
right? Otherwise, we'd be in trouble. And he said that,
really, having an anointing or being anointed, in a way is to
be aligned to purpose. And so in a meeting, you know, there's an
anointing for something, if you can align to God's purpose, for
instance, in a meeting, then once that's aligned, boom, that
anointing for that thing to happen, if it's healing, if
it's whatever it is, right, then he makes it more personal.
And he says, the thing about anointing is that most people assume that they're anointed to do what they're really good at.
Oftentimes, that's actually not true.
Oftentimes, your greatest anointing lies in your greatest challenge.
So with this in mind, I firmly believe that one of the great anointings of your life
is community.
To establish and give roots to a place of community.
And you can't have true community without love, for instance.
And I think that if I'm not, I don't want to say mark my words, but if there's anything to what I'm saying, I think one of the profound testimonies you're going to start to see from your classes, from your students, is that there is a level of community
that exists in there that doesn't exist anywhere else.
And I think a hallmark that is going to rest upon what you do going forward is going to be community itself.
And I'm not saying that you're going to create a commune, where everybody's going to come and live and sing Kumbaya, or whatever.
You know, everybody shaves their heads or wears saffron robes or whatever. You know, I'm saying that I believe that a testimony of this anointing of your life, because there's a cry of yours.
And I think that even though it's eluded you that you hold keys to community, and for community to be to be established. I think God is going to release it and that you already have those things.
And the last thing that I want to say.
And along with some of this as an adjunct is, I was talking to a friend of mine, one of my best friends or was when he was here.
I live.
I went out of ministry.
I work here.
We live here.
We are the churches here.
A lot of relationships are here the people that I minister to are here. We're in it. Right. And we don't have to leave except to go to the grocery store and that's usually me.
And so weeks but I can literally go weeks I realized I didn't know I went out to go somewhere once and realized I didn't know where my car was.
I had to think about who I'd loaned it to last.
Was I the last one to drive it. And I realized I hadn't left the building in two weeks.
Right.
And there are good things about it. And there are not good things about it.
But one thing is, is true is that you when you live in those places you live in a bubble we call the bubble in a way, and you're kind of suspended reality you're not, you're not.
You're kind of in your own little ecosystem.
I find out about what's going on in the world because somebody tells me I don't have like a regular television less I go searching for the news I don't, I don't find out what's really going on.
But there's a certain level of fear let's call it that, of people of leaving in a way because you're, you have such an insular, and there's a certain level of community.
And you're all living in this kind of world like, you know, even missionaries like it can be very hard.
And there's an aspect of fellowship in it that you miss and you don't want to leave, even if it's dysfunctional and there's dysfunction here, right, in a way, but this is where I'm heading and I was talking to my friend Nathan about it.
And he left here. During coven to go start another school in New Zealand. And because of coven in so many other things.
He was delayed six months to be able to leave.
He then gets stuck in Australia, where he's his home is at.
He then just gets over to New Zealand, everything's been on hold. Nothing's moving forward. There's this huge amount of delay.
It's been a year and a half process.
And he doesn't know when it's all going to come play out and he made this very interesting statement to me about him realizing that he was burned out.
The extent of the burnout that he was in.
And then he said that the things some of the things he felt like God was doing in his life. And then he made this really interesting statement.
And then I'm going to address you in a second. And he said, you know, it's really interesting and when you're in a season like this.
And you've been in the bubble so long.
And you're working for God.
And I don't want to say he didn't say professional Christian but in a way you're professional Christian like your job is to serve the Lord.
And you're doing all these things, there's an aspect of your relationship that's God, that's included as part of your job.
You wake up every day. You have to read scripture. You have to research, you have to do the things to prepare to be able to teach.
So if you're not doing these things.
then you're not gonna be able to do your job.
He said, but when that is removed,
then you have to ask some questions
about your relationship with God,
because now the need that you have to do these things
every day in order to do your job,
and you're left with just a relationship of God,
what do you really care about?
And what are you really gonna do?
Now, this guy has been, his dad has been a pastor
and a missionary, Nathan grew up in the church,
he's run youth, he's 52 years old,
and he's been in some form of ministry
basically his whole life,
and now he's in this suspended state
and he's having to go and like, man, so now what?
And what I feel like I'm hearing
is that you passed that test,
that when you had that place where you were serving God,
living in the bubble, and there is like a simplicity in life
and I'm in this place, I'm newly married,
I'm asking a lot of questions
about how am I gonna provide for my family?
What am I gonna do?
I've been, I've surrendered my corporate life
so far back there, and I'm asking myself,
what am I gonna do?
How am I gonna do this?
There's a simplicity in life
when you're in that place of serving God.
But when that place, that's the tunnel vision,
that's all you have is removed,
things become a little more complicated.
And I believe what I'm seeing or feeling
or sensing from the Lord is that you passed that test.
You came out of that place where your life was so simple.
All you did was pursue him.
All you were was a missionary.
He came out of that place.
You entered back into the world
and you did not relent in your pursuit of him.
For his sake.
For his sake alone.
Not because you had to prepare something,
not just to be able to serve him,
but purely out of relationship,
and it's like you chose him.
Yeah, yeah.
You didn't just choose the profession.
You didn't choose the career.
You chose him.
And I feel like that,
it's like there's a season that you're coming out of
and you're entering into a new season
and it's got gold all over it.
And part of it is you really did choose him.
You made the right choices when you really didn't have to.
You've touched the Lord's heart
in more ways than you can imagine.
And I feel like he doesn't owe you a thing,
but it's like you passed some tests
that many people far more anointed probably have failed.
But I just want to tell you,
I feel the Lord's pleasure over your life.
And I feel like there's gold coming
into this next season for you.
And you're going to see the release in places
in ways that you never would have imagined.
And I feel like there's an aspect of he's saying,
job well done.
He's very proud of you.
Of course he loves you, but there's a newness.
There's something new getting ready to open in your life
that wouldn't have happened if you'd stayed in Japan.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, thank you so much.
This has been so encouraging and enlightening.
Oh boy.
I get a recording of this, right?
Yeah, yeah.
I put it in your page with all of your transformations.
I'll put it there.
I'm having a technical issues right now, uploading things.
So I have the software company helping me with it,
but whenever it works its little kinks out,
yes, that's where it will be, yeah.
Yeah, this has been so spot on,
the whole thing of community.
I don't know if you know of Larry Crabb.
No, I don't.
He was kind of my mentor through his books
and he wrote about community and the church
and it's a whole thing of,
well, I don't find that in the church.
It's really been a longing of my heart.
And even in good churches that preach the word,
I just have not found that community.
And I would say maybe that was the thing with Japan
was we were an international organization.
So, I worked with people from all sorts of countries
and there was strong community,
even though sometimes we didn't get along,
there was still a deep sense of community.
And I think I,
I think I longed for that.
Maybe that was one of the reasons I went to Japan.
I don't know.
But, I mean, I think I also went because of guilt or not feeling I measured up.
And I had, I mean, I believe God called me.
But on the other hand, there were motives that were, you know, not the best.
I had, it's always a mixture of motives, I think.
But I think it's common.
Yeah.
I think there was some reason that they can't make it here.
So I'll try to do it there.
I'll try to please the Lord there.
Yeah.
And, and just the whole thing of, I was partly, I think it was, I was atoning for sin and shame, guilt and shame.
That was a big, a big thing for me, because I, I didn't realize that the blood took care of everything, you know, no condemnation.
And that's been a journey.
And, I mean, there's all these different motives of why you go but then you're there. You love the people. And that community I mean I had community with the Japanese people to, as well as, you know, fellow missionaries.
And, yeah, that was really, I can imagine in your situation. If God calls you out of there, and like your friend that's in New Zealand.
Yeah, it's, that's really.
Yeah. And I guess that's what God wants for us to is that community.
Yeah, there's a something I learned when I came here. There was.
I went to do a to go to the ministry school, you know, and, and there was one thing I know I didn't want to do.
And there was this thing called special forces.
And I all I knew is that I didn't know anything about this ministry. I knew that God wanted me to go once I ended up going but I when I looked on the website, there was this thing where I saw all these young people, you know, the guys were running around
without shirts on they're doing push ups on the beach, they're doing all this kind of stuff and I was like, one thing I know for sure I don't know anything else.
I know I do not want to do that thing, because I am not a young person. I have no desire to do that. I have a, I have a Buddha though I'm not Baptist, you know, I mean Buddha that I'm not a Buddhist, you know, I had a belly and I'm like, I'm not.
I'm not doing that.
And then when I got here, and we had to sign up for electives the next day the Lord woke me up in the morning reminded me some prayer times I instantly started crying, which is a universal sign for men that if you nobody hits you you're not in pain nobody died,
and you start crying spontaneously that's a sign that God's talking to you. Right. And I, I knew immediately that he wanted me to do this thing and there's a picture of me on the wall right over there.
From the time I did it, and you get up, you're doing PTS in the morning twice a week. I cried for days. I argued with God, and you're backpacking and doing all this stuff and it culminates not 72 mile hike in three days, and I'm twice as old as everybody,
blah blah blah blah blah blah.
I used to jokingly call it like fellowship or community on crack, because you suffer.
Right, you suffer together.
You, and there's an accelerated and you're living on top of each other you're sleeping intense, you're, you're, if you're snoring everybody knows, you know, there's, you know, you're not showering for three days so you get to know each other in ways that you normally
wouldn't accelerate it it's kind of like when you go on a mission trip, you get to know people in a way that you normally wouldn't.
And one thing that we found is that the other aspects of the school the people would get jealous.
They were like why don't we have that community, we want that community, why don't we have it, we want to have that. And I realized that there was an element of suffering together, you're in the trenches together together every day that that they will bond you
together.
Unlike, maybe like what success would.
There's an element of doing life together that bonds you in a way to that place there's a level of that suffering, for lack of a better term that really does do something to you, you know, and
you know you just, you're there's a fellowship that you have together that you can ever kind of take away, you know, and even in corporate life, when we did extreme projects and you're working all the time, you, you kind of just have a common bond
that you would normally never have.
have as a result of it.
And, uh, I think there was a second point, but I may have milled them together.
But the last thing was that, you know, it also reminds me of, they say we have
many teachers, but few fathers, right?
You can't, that's another aspect that the Lord has said that we have lots of
teachers, so you can get up and tell the word you can do all these things, but
you have many teachers, but you have few fathers, you know, mothers and fathers
that don't want anything from you.
They just love you, that you're there to be in the walk with you.
And the other thing, this is my, what's my second one is that I, I'm not going to
name names of the ministry that I was a part of, but they talk a lot about
community and then how important the community is and that God has talked
to them about koinonia, you know, not Ecclesia, I've got koinonia.
They, they talk about it.
Right.
But one time I was walking along and the Lord said, you know, and you can't have
community if you're not willing to be in community.
And so it's one thing for the leadership to talk about the importance of community
and you keep trying to establish and build community, but if you're not
willing yourself to engage in being community, it's never going to happen.
Not going to happen.
So I think that this thing with community in, in you, I think it is, it is massively
important, including the fact that you have that, I believe that you have that
ability to also step in the role of being a father unisex term, father, father person,
you know, and that you've been through enough stuff in life, you know, enough
of really who God is and really about what his love is and really what has been
a tone for, and really has been this place where you can father people, father,
mother, you know, people, which is a massively important thing in establishing
community or as God would call it family.
And what I was hearing was that you're not going to find community.
You're going to create it.
So, and when you create it, you're going to find it.
So, you know, how we want it.
And so we keep wanting it to be an existing thing that we get
to have, that we get to step into.
But what I was hearing is that you're going to create the thing
that you're going to then receive.
You're going to create the thing that, that you then get to step into that
you can then get to find, and that, and that you really have it within you to do
that.
In other words, you are, think of the right phrase, you're a force to be reckoned
with, you've got weight, you have significance, you have contribution, you
have something to bring, you have something to offer, you have something
so substantial that it can create.
It can, it can be something that other people can step into.
It can provide what other people are looking for.
And then that'll be a community that you end up finding yourself in because
you are the one who initiated and you don't have to be afraid that, oh, well,
what if, what if I don't have what others want?
What if I don't have what would attract people to a community, but they're
longing for you actually do you have with their heart is crying out for, but
someone has to be brave enough to offer.
Someone has to have the faith that they are who God says that they are and be
that out loud and actually just, just kind of show up as themselves, not try
to create something, you know, out of all of this work and all this effort and
trying to like look at other ideas and how to actually do something, but
actually someone who's brave enough to be vulnerable, to show up as themselves.
And then offering themselves to others is what is, what is
attractive about community.
It's it's where it's where we get to where we're being offered something of
someone else and we're being offered the opportunity by them to bring ourselves.
That's what it actually builds community.
That's what the attractive thing is.
So anyway, that's just what I was seeing is that you'll, you'll create
the thing that you will then find.
You'll get to benefit from it.
Stop trying to, you know, so like the Lord told me once stop looking for it and
become it is what he told me once in my life.
And I don't want to, I can keep throwing these things in.
So at some point I'm going to have to stop.
But the other thing I would add is I have the suspicion.
I don't know you, I don't know your history, but I, I think maybe if I called
you a forerunner, you would probably go like, I don't know, right?
I have a sneaking suspicion that the Lord is going to take you on a trip down memory.
Lane and show you all the places of where you were a forerunner.
Like maybe even a person that you were like just a little bit, you know, ahead
of time that there were things that he was doing and wanting, and you were
trying to do that didn't seem to work.
But the timing just wasn't right.
You were ahead.
You're as they, people have called me, you are a plowman, you know, and I have
a feeling that you have a pyre, you have a, a pioneering spirit and that you're
getting ready to enter into a pioneering or a forerunning season, but the timing
is, is right, and you're reaping a harvest from a lot of things that you've begun
in your life that you felt like failed and it wasn't failure.
It just wasn't a, it was a not yet, but I feel like you're, you're entering
into a time and a season where things are going to start to come.
And it's like the fertile soil has really.
It's like fertile soil.
And I feel like that you're going to be entering into a forerunning season.
Oh, the Lord.
And he's going to, you can argue with him, but he's going to show you how all of this
has been instilled and been a part of your DNA through your whole life.
It just wasn't not recognized.
Yeah, I can see that.
You're willing as a single woman to go to foreign country, Japan, not an easy place
for anyone, especially a woman, you know, and, um, especially back then.
And then what it is that I personally known that you've done with your job,
you know, uh, cause she didn't know anything about it and she was offered
this job and she took this job.
And even to the point of, of, of a certain point to a certain point in the
rest intensive, she was still expressing how she felt, um, how she, how she was
always kind of fearing her inadequacy to be able to function.
She's always worried.
Am I doing it enough?
Am I looking or something?
She would be presented with a project.
Can I learn this fast enough?
Can I keep up or are they, or are they going to fire me or whatever?
Am I not going to be adequate?
And at her age, she took on that kind of a challenge.
I don't know it.
I've got to perform this job.
And she continued at it.
And it's to the point where I have not heard her talk about her questioning her,
her adequacy for the past several weeks, because I believe that she's built that
confidence because she's seen how the Lord moves in her and the fact that no,
the Lord equips her and the Lord empowers her.
So you, you, you are, my point is just to affirm what he was saying that I've even
seen, you know, in my short time of knowing you, that you push forward in that
pioneering spirit, that you're willing to put yourself in places that, that just,
that intimidate and frighten other people.
Yeah.
And I would, another word is replication.
I see there's a replication that there's Lord, there's like blueprints and stuff
that you have, but God's going to give you where there's going to be replicate.
You can say it's loaves and fishes, but that he wants to replicate things.
You know, he wants things to, to be multiplied and that there's something
that you carry something he's going to release to you and through you that he
wants to populate the earth with go forth and fruit be fruitful and multiply.
And I feel like there's a multiplication that's going to come, but it's going to
come out of this place and it's going to come out of the deep place of
intimacy with you and the Lord.
I might, I need to be quiet or I'll just keep right on just blabbity blab.
So I'm going to pray for you.
Okay.
So father, I, I just lift Chris to you.
Lord, I lift this beautiful life, my beautiful sister to you for all that
she's done, the pioneering, the, the going to far off places, to the adapting
and the fact the Lord to honor the choices that she's made to continue to
choose you, um, when she could have been swept away by so many other things.
Lord, I pray today that if there's anything that we've said that wasn't from
you, that it was out of, uh, sympathy or it was out of a soulish compassion or,
or mercy Lord, that you would just cut those things free from her that
she wouldn't even remember.
But anything that we've said, Lord, that was from you, that you would
witness to it, that you would confirm it, that you would uphold it.
Lord, I pray today that you would heal, um, so that she can move into a place
of holy and fully, uh, into this next season without reservation.
I asked Lord that you would heal any of the, well, the sheep bites that
she's received along the way.
The Lord, any of the betrayal.
Lord, I see that she's been stabbed in the back by people above her and below
her on the left and the right and the back of her, that means that these
were people that were close to her.
Lord, I pray that you would bring healing to her Lord.
I pray God that all of the rejection that she.
experienced, Lord, that could really make her heart callous to wanting to really be vulnerable
and step out into a place of community and really make herself vulnerable in that place.
I pray, Lord, also that you would revisit her, that there would be, I pray for the encounters
over her life. I pray that there'd be great anticipation every night that she'd go to bed,
Lord, that she can encounter an experience and that you will take her, I believe, almost even
physically, like whether in the flesh or in the spirit, I do not know, Lord, that those experiences
to be with her, that you would take her to places well in advance, that, Lord, that you would show
her things that she's never experienced or known or even imagined were possible, Lord, that your
love to come and encounter her in a way that is so captivating, so, you know, transcendental, Lord,
that it would be so almost like shaking, Lord, that there is no going back. It's like they say
that there's first degree changes turning apples into sliced apples and then there's the place of
turning apples into applesauce. There's no going back, that there be experiences in you, Lord, that
there is no going back to an old way of being, that you would help her, Lord, to move boldly
into this new season. I pray, Lord, for the heart of God to infuse everything that she does, Lord,
that there be revelation, sure, that there be unparalleled revelation, but, Lord, you would
infuse, that you would engorge the things that she's putting her hands to, Lord, that you would
witness, that just like the Israelites, that all the nations knew, that whether a cloud by day and
a pillar fire by night, Lord, by the way that you warred on their behalf, that everybody knew one
thing, that the Lord, your God, their God, was with them, that, Lord, that there be a place where
people see the favor of God upon her and they're drawn to her to find out what this thing is, that
there be more opportunities, Lord, for her to be able to engage people in a personal relational way
and that the love of God to get on them, in them, and create a hunger for them, and I pray, God,
that you revisit this place for her, that the fiery first love place to be restored to her, God,
and that, Lord, she would be more on fire today than she has ever been in her entire life,
and then she would say, Lord, why in the world did you not do this to me when I was 20 or 30 years old?
And he's like, because you would have run and set the place on fire, that, Lord, that there be a
place today that she be lifted before you, even by faith, your throne, and that your mysteries that
have been hidden through all these times, that have been waiting to be unlocked, to be revealed to her,
for her, and through her, Lord, and I pray that you would bring great healing into her life, Lord,
that you would sever the things that are not life-giving from her and that you would make room
for all that you want to bring into her life. We bless you, Lord, and we bless her in Jesus' holy name.
Amen. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Thank you. Yeah, I can't say thank you enough.
Most welcome. It's our pleasure. Yeah, so glad you're part of the group. Me too.
Well, I will see you tomorrow then. That's right, yeah. I look forward to any reports.
Yeah, that hopefully there's fruit from all this stuff, and that I don't like flowery language. I
want fruit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he is very good at the flowery language, but he's always after the
fruit, but he's good at giving the flowery language. Yeah. All right. Well, good to see you, Chris. I
hope that everything goes really well in preparing your course. Yeah, thank you.
Bye. God bless you. Love you. Bye. God bless you. Bye.