There you are.
Hey!
How are you?
Can you hear me okay?
Yes, I can.
You were sideways and I'm trying to figure out why.
Yeah, it's probably because I put my phone on sideways.
Am I sideways for you?
Yes, I thought oh well maybe if I just turn my phone.
There we go.
Okay, I thought yeah I'm gonna either have to hold it or I can do like the stand.
I knew I found a way to do the stand sitting like sitting up instead of sideways but you
know how some stands that aren't the brand new ones they'll only let you go this way.
Oh, I didn't know that.
I know I'm trying to figure out if there's something I'm missing on this stand because
I thought that there was a way before and now I it's you know like you did a puzzle
once and then you're not like I don't remember how to do the puzzle.
Anyways, okay I can hold it too.
Yeah, sorry about that.
I know I'm usually holding mine either but I'm kind of in the middle of a transition
and a whole bunch of stuff going on and so I don't have my usual setup and anyway I've
just got to I've got to kind of figure everything out but anyway.
Yeah, are you moving or you don't have to share if you're?
Yes, I am.
I guess I get yeah I guess you hadn't heard because I hadn't posted the that Q&A yet which
I meant to but again I just I've been in the middle of them.
It's one of those things where in business flowing in rest you're at least in learning
how to trend how to operate in business in rest in greater and greater measures.
There's the transition period and I'm still and I still do that so I can communicate to
other people to what measure that I have operated in rest but then God continues to
move expand my own boundaries.
My business is changing yet again or not my business but my I don't know just kind of
my environment or my setup or whatever and I had a routine and I had a okay I know how
this goes and God's like okay now that we know how it goes we're going to change it
up a little bit that you won't be so tied down to the fact that what works like this
or it's like in other words like this.
I don't want to say formula but I don't know just kind of teach me more and more and how
to rely on him and rest as opposed to my environment.
So anyway, what's what's what I'm doing is I mentioned in the Q&A trying to remember
when it was it's possibly it's possible yeah was it last week it might have been last week
but I mentioned it last Thursday I mentioned in Q&A that I had that the Lord had prompted
me to start traveling so I'll be so I'll be doing my best feeling yeah I could do it
from everywhere from anywhere but I moved out literally within hours after that phone
call I moved out of the apartment so now I'm in my my best friend's guest room
and trying to trying to finish going through all of my stuff to and pairing things down
and deciding okay what's coming with me what what am I going to store at my parents house
what what's going to sell in the garage sale what am I giving away and then all of these
are very very personal.
personal things. I mean, there are things that they're not just kind of like, ah, it's
a spoon. No, some of these things are, are like keepsakes of mine. Yes. Emotional journey
with the Lord of letting things go that my dreams. Yeah. That had embodied dreams that
I had and God says, now it's not that season and it's not that I'm not going to give you
those dreams, but you know, you need to, you accumulated these things connected to, um,
you accumulated these things under the, under the system of, and the beliefs and the attitude
of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil and not at the tree of life. And therefore
you thought you were having to create everything yourself. You thought you had to position
yourself in such a way in order to receive my blessings. And he's like, no, I need you
to see that I'm going to give it to you without you having to prepare for it without you
having to. So, so speaking to me so much, that's wild. Like I'm just going, I get exactly
what you're saying. And I actually had been in the about six to eight weeks of purging
all like half of my belongings. So, um, but there's more like, so what you're saying about
going to another level, like there's, there's more as I, I could see him doing the same
thing for me as I walk through this shift, you know, in the mindset, um, and everything
he's doing right now to, to go, okay, here's the stuff that we haven't gone through yet.
And that's, you know, not that nothing that I've gone through has been sentimental and
it's been painful. It's been like, you know, literally emptying every closet, you know,
in my place and, and taking, pulling everything out. But then it was, it was bigger and messier
than we thought. Like I had a girlfriend who's really good with strategy and she was military
before and has done HR stuff. And she just thinks that way. So she's, she was really
helpful in this process because I'm a free spirit and I'm like, this is how I ended up
with stuff that I'm sentimental, you know, not that I'm a hoarder, but in a sense, like
I've moved and moved and moved and moved. So anyways, we thought it was going to be
a little bit more quick and whatever, then, then it turned out being, and then we did
a ton of transformation in the flow of like our place and me and the girls having what
feels like a more functional home and less, you know, clutter. And like, we created a
room for the girls out of my old walk-in closet that I was just storing cute clothes and fashion,
you know, stuff in and all my fun stuff. We got rid of half of that and made it into a
refuge for them. We call it the refuge, like a God room where they can go and their book
nook, you know, is in there and their chairs and they can have their, their oils and everything.
So there's been transformation, but all that to say, there's also stuff like from my divorce
and like legal papers, like that are stashed in the closet right now that we didn't get to,
you know, which is his own thing. I mean, that's, that could be, yeah, it's own thing.
And then there's like the sentimental things regarding, yeah, dreams and business. So as
you're saying this, I'm going like, those are the things I haven't gone into yet,
but that I know would be the next step. But I know enough from how the past six weeks that,
you know, of how emotional that is to go into that stuff. Like you don't even realize it's
going to bring up these, these things in your heart and, and a letting go and a clearing,
you know, but it's also really beautiful. Yeah. So, yeah. Yeah. In fact, I was talking to some
of the ladies about that. I guess it was last week on the Q and a, and they were all talking
about, you know, the same thing that they were all feeling that, that, that, that right now they
were going through and they were, they were either purging things or they were looking to purge
things for some of them were moving all kinds of stuff. And I thought, Oh my goodness, everybody in
this group is apparently doing, going through that. And so I told the ladies, cause they were
asking me some, some questions. And so I told them, I said, well, it's interesting to hear
that this is all on, on everybody's hearts from the Lord, because I've been thinking about doing
a teaching on, about how, how that connects with rest operating and rest and, and how the fact of
how we've accumulated things and what things we've accumulated is a result of who it is that
we think that we are and how we need to be willing to like, let go of who it is that we thought that
we were because the Lord, as the Lord is revealing to us who it is that we really are and, and anyway,
and, and taking that journey, but not being not condemning ourselves for what it was that we
thought that we were, because that was, that was just, that was just part of our journey, et cetera.
And so, and then how to go through like the clothes versus the books versus the, versus
the sentimentals versus the, versus the whatever, and just kind of like some tips and tricks and
stuff. I think that's really valuable. That's so valuable. Yes, please. Cause I think it is,
it is like a thing that he's doing that we don't necessarily, you know, I mean, there's so many
things to talk about with, with, in friendships and social and all that. So we don't necessarily
talk about these things like, oh, and when I'm not on social, this is what I'm doing in my home,
or this is what it looks like, you know? And, but it's, it's, it's a theme it's become.
being apparent to me too. So many women are in that big faith, you know, transition, trusting
in all these different areas and feeling like there's just this clearing, this newness,
you know, upon us that really is addressing the old stuff in all the ways, you know, that
you're like, oh, that makes sense. But you forget all the different areas that then have
been part of the old, you know? Yes. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So how have
you been? Yeah. So I've been, I've been good. It's been, um, it's just, it's a season of
so much hard, so much hard, like in the sense that I'm being confronted, you know, shoot,
that scared the poop out of me. That was thunder. I mean, really? Oh my, I'm sorry. That is
like a huge thunderstorm. No, it's okay. Wow. I did not expect that. Well, I'm being confronted
by the fierce wild love side of God, um, that I was just listening, listening to in
your teaching and, um, you know, there's so much of me that's, that's, I'm going to cry
a lot probably today, but like, that's, you know, when you've been like just in that mode
of having to keep hanging on, I mean, I still am like holding to the hem of his garment,
but like keep doing the things and surviving in survival, like even if you didn't want
to be, you know, and then he's almost like, it's like this invitation to, yeah, it's like
this invitation to like, I know how long you've just had to keep pushing and surviving and
how the effects that that's had and how, like, he knows that like, he doesn't intend for
me to go on like that. He doesn't want that, but there's, there's, you know, there's all
these mindsets and lives that are being confronted and, and you know, all the while, everything
up in there and in the world and just in the next season, like I, he's having me pause,
which I mean, it hasn't, it's not brand new to trust him in these different ways, especially
as a single mother and in my, my situation, unique situation, but there's also a totally
different level that I'm being called to, to have faith. Like one, I'm supposed to pause
from kind of everything that makes sense, even among Christians, a lot of times to,
to do right, to be wise and to be responsible and to work, you know, a full-time job and
take care of my kids. And, you know, all these things, there's just so much, like just so
much, like with my legal situation, we were trying to get back to, you know, the legal
system basically closed down, but we were trusting the Lord for the timing to go back
for what hopefully won't be, but might end up being a trial. And that's trusting him
with, you know, if what he's doing in terms of, of a redemption reconciliation work that
it just, it hasn't been seen or manifested yet, but there's like this, he's been speaking
things for a while about just that he's doing something out of the ordinary with this
situation that looks really, I mean, we've already been doing emergency hearings and there
was a trial. There's been multiple, multiple, I mean, we've, we've dealt with just attorneys,
not even been able to speak outside of attorneys really for four years. So that's a long
time. And so that, that's involved, you know, my girls and my whole backstory and all of
these lies that assaulted me during that season, like not just that season, they were
there before, but then I was forced to, I mean, in the sense, like I had in order to
literally even live, I had to have one cling to the Lord and he saved me in miraculous
ways from a very, very bad and abusive situation. But then, you know, confront my own part in
that might take ownership of where I have been unhealthy and I'm still doing that, you
know, while trying to set boundaries with somebody who was very unsafe and suddenly
unsafe that I was supposed to be able to trust. And that forced me to immediately like go
from being a state home mom and having a business with him to getting my own house. Like, cause
he kept the place we were renting since he was also past practicing his business out
of it. So get my own place, get a job, get like all this. Meanwhile, emergency hearings,
mental breakdown, abuse, like trauma. I don't even know what's going on. Two little girls
in the mix and it was nonstop. So it was just survival for so long and has been, but then
there's all these wounds that I feel like the Lord is like, he's done such a work this
year, especially where I was having like symptoms of PTSD. Not that I'm trying to like label
myself, but it truly, I truly have experienced, you know, yes, just mental health concerns
and like what we would call triggers from post-traumatic stress. And so I was experiencing
those. I mean, sometimes actually like every 10 minutes I could.
be triggered and have these even physical symptoms.
And it was, there's just been a lot of oppression
and a lot of mental torment over what's happened,
what's my fault, how did this happen,
what happened, what do I do?
Just feeling like I've known fear is an issue,
but the Lord's been breaking out fear in my life
and had done such an amazing thing.
And the reason I brought up the PTSD is because in the fall,
he freed me in a big way,
like miraculously just like lifted this constant torment
of triggers from PTSD.
Like I stopped having this, okay?
Like major, I mean, this is huge breakthrough.
And he had been telling me like,
yes, you can go to doctors and yes, blah, blah, blah,
but I'm gonna be the one to heal you.
I'm gonna get the glory.
And I knew that, but then it started happening,
manifesting and it was like,
and I started this mentorship group called Grow
with Nate and Christy Johnston.
I don't know if you know them, but a prophetic couple.
And so a lot of it was just through that,
finding a house church where I'd been kind of in religion
and God literally told me to stop going
to a religious church and just wait on him
to show me where.
So for months I waited
and then he showed me this house church.
And so there's been so much that has been happening,
but like now I'm being confronted in a new way
this past month.
Like I told you last time was like this,
there was this betrayal,
like this thing that happened with a potential partner.
And I don't know if betrayal is the right word.
I mean, people, I think it is,
but it's also looking at myself and going, what's true?
What's, you know, where can I take responsibility?
Again, like without taking and internalizing what she said
and how she said it, is there truth to what she's saying
and what's mine to take on and what's not.
And that's where I'm finding it gets really hairy
is that there, God's revealing that there's been
such a deep level of shame.
Like the fear was there, okay.
And we knew that and we've been dealing with that.
And it's not all the way gone.
And I thought that maybe I was further along than I was
in dealing with fear and replacing that with love.
And then all of a sudden it's like,
shame is really this root.
It's a deep root, like this toxic shame where like,
I feel sometimes just like assaulted in my mind.
Like there's been a lot of spiritual attack
where I thought I was so much further along
and that we weren't going back to some of this,
but it's almost like,
it feels like you're gonna break down.
But everything that I've been hearing,
like even Lana Vassar released her coffee with Jesus
and was like, where you feel like
there's gonna be a breakdown, it's your breakthrough.
So all this to say, it's like, God knows the timing.
He knows how far he's brought me and the girls.
He knows what he's put on my heart
and what he's called me to in terms of purpose and calling.
And so my heart burns, literally burns to serve him.
Like I've given and am giving like all that I have,
not in a, not even begrudgingly,
but just because I so desire to like,
make an impact for the kingdom.
And I feel so sure and so convicted
and sure of like this calling to specifically women
and girls and trafficking.
And yet here I am, like, he's like,
we're gonna continue your deliverance here
and your healing so that you can be really free.
And what's interesting about it is that I long for that.
I want that.
I've been crying out for that for 35 years.
Like he's already brought a lot of it,
but then there's this next level where it's confronting
everything that has been the most scary
that I've kind of withheld in a way,
if I go there, the enemy is like,
then you're gonna lose everything.
If you go into that, you're gonna break a down again,
like all these lies.
And the Lord's promised me, I'm never going back there.
He said, you're not going back there,
but you hear about things with deliverance,
with what can happen.
Like, if there is a demonic influence,
like there's been all this fear in my mind
from different experiences I've had that like,
what does deliverance look like?
And what if, I don't know what the questions are.
Like, what if I, I don't know,
what if there's like something
that does have a demonic hold on me?
And does that mean that I'm bad?
That's where the shame comes in.
Like, am I bad if there's demonic influence here?
And what will happen if we confront that?
Which I know this sounds really deep,
but that's just the place that I've at
because I've come so far
and I've been a Christian for a long time,
but it's almost like there's like these tormenting lies
where there are some kind of hooks or things
that I grew up with a narcissistic parent
and I've been confronting this like Jezebel thing
that I'm terrified of having anything to do with Jezebel.
Like I wanna break any agreements there.
But whenever that concept comes up,
I literally like my body like seizes up in terms of fear.
Like I just feel instantly terrified.
Like, what if I'm bad?
What if I'm evil?
And that stuff that the enemy has spoken
and I know you're not my counselor,
like a therapist and this is kind of deep,
but it's like, this is truly what I'm going through
where it's like, Lord, you've brought me so far,
but there's something like,
he's like, you haven't been perfected in love
and it's not a shaming thing.
I keep coming back to that verse that says fear has to do with punishment, and that's
not who God is.
So if you're experiencing fear, it's that you haven't been yet perfected in love.
That's a hope-filled message to me compared to this whole, you have fear, so maybe it's
true that you're bad and you're evil, and if you confront that, then what if it proves
your deepest fear that you're bad and you're evil?
This cycle of thoughts that feels so hard to get out of, and it feels like it's going
to be the death of me.
And in a way, it is.
He's calling me to die.
He's calling me to lose my life for his sake, in a sense.
There's a death of the old everything, and it's not something that I can run away from
or that I can hide from anymore because in his love, he's confronting everything that's
holding me back because I literally can't move into the next season with all of that
baggage and with those wrong beliefs.
And so it's like, I'm thankful for it, but it's also the scariest thing ever to say yes
to.
So I'm saying yes to it.
That's kind of where I'm at, where it's like this daily, I'm saying yes to it, and it looks
like every part of my life, like I'm just working part-time as a barista.
God, do you want me to get a full-time job?
Nope.
Okay, God, so what are we going to do about the legal stuff?
Okay, just hold on.
So God, do you want me to pay my attorney?
Do you want me to go get a job to pay my attorney and pay my ex-husband because he's
threatening to take me back to court and all this stuff?
Nope.
Okay, so should I just wait a while and get some things in place and get more stable,
and then we can go into some of this deeper stuff?
Nope.
We're not going to wait.
This is your breakthrough.
This is what's going to allow you to not keep coming up against this wall of financial poverty
and these poverty mindsets and these fear mindsets and everything that you self-sabotage
everything you do, like we've got to deal with it, right?
Because there literally isn't time to waste, and it's interesting because it's so easy
to go, well, it's not that important, is it?
It's a worth thing.
I don't believe I've been worth his love.
I'm not believing that I'm worth all of this breakthrough.
Well, it's not that bad, is it?
But the truth is he's saying, no, it's that bad, and so for me, I'm like, okay, it's that
bad.
Oh, crap.
It's that bad, so should I be afraid here?
But I know I'm not called to fear, and yet I'm called to address it, so if it's not scary,
but it's like the fear of the Lord that says, I can't keep approaching him like this.
I can't keep letting fear take from who he is and his witness in my life.
It's like it's a firm, it's now, it's the breakthrough time, yet you're not supposed
to fear in the sense that you're afraid of confronting it and afraid that bad things
are going to happen through it.
It's like this trusting that he's good and he's loving, even though I don't know if I'm
good or loving.
I don't know what to believe about myself, and it's just so hard to face that fact that
it might not be my fault, but what if it's my own fault that I believe these things or
that the enemy tells me that if I could just let them go, I'm the one holding onto them,
so therefore I'm not having faith.
I'm not, I'm partnering with the enemy.
All these different things that just make it about me and assassination of my identity
and my character and whether I'm even his child, and then it's like, again, this chain
comes in there and it's like the cycle that I just know he's like, it's time to deal with it.
So that's my daily life right now, is like completely giving all that I have to him and
what he says to do next and then taking care of my girls and going, still taking this keeping
the barista job, which is like 20 hours a week, but otherwise it's taking care of my
girls and diving into these things with him and these various ways he's set up.
It's like, yeah, it is worth it to the point where he connected me with you and he's connected
me to a counselor and he's connected me to another mentor who wants to walk through some
of these things and there's a recommendation of, like through dreams and visions, even
I'm like, there is a demonic stuff going on here.
I'm being so attacked where I'm being told I am the enemy or I am Jezebel or whatever.
My dreams are being assaulted.
There's gotta be stuff that's generational or whatever like dealt with that he's dealt
with, but then there's even just this concept of it's scary to talk to people about things
like having a narcissistic mother and a narcissistic ex-husband and going, does that make me bad?
Does that make me a narcissist?
Am I the bad one?
But the thing is, is that what happens.
but that kind of trauma and what goes along
with being manipulated and controlled and all that
is that one, I think there can be hooks and things
where the enemy gets these footholds and there's lies,
but it actually tells you, that kind of abuse
tells you to doubt yourself, don't believe yourself,
don't trust yourself, nothing that you say or do,
you have no power, you have no control
because someone else is gonna take it anyway,
and all these things that basically
make you distrust yourself.
Yeah, God's good and he loves everybody else,
but I can't trust his love for me.
Yes, you're so loved, but I don't know
because I'm really messed up and I have these things
that cause me to wonder if I'm just not doing enough
and being enough and maybe I don't even have
the right heart and I don't know it,
but it calls into question everything about you
to the point where you don't know,
even by trusting yourself, you're told that's selfish
or that's worldly, you don't trust yourself
because that's being selfish and God says
just to trust him as if that's separate.
It's like, no, but he's in me and he's living through me,
so how can I not have boundaries and healthy boundaries
and trust the Holy Spirit in me, that doesn't make sense.
So it's just confronting all of these different things
and just going, it feels like this pull
and I feel double-minded and he's revealing
just that he's letting me maybe see through these dreams
and through the things that I'm confronting,
the lies that are so scary.
Like it's literally like the most terrifying thing
that I've ever experienced to have these thoughts
and these questions.
I'm sorry, I keep moving around my, I had to.
No, go ahead.
I had to sit down on the floor
because all of a sudden, the reason why you kept
not being able to see me is my phone started to die.
Oh, I know, that happens to me all the time, girl.
So I apologize, I'm just, okay, here we go.
But I had to unplug the lamp in order to plug in the phone.
I'm here.
I get it, we're here, you're here.
It doesn't bother me at all.
Sorry, but no, I understand what you're saying, go ahead.
Yeah, so I think it's just, it's not just anything.
It's just all of this and trying to process this
and I can't seem to get a control over my thoughts,
but I know I'm supposed to stand on the words,
so I just keep coming back to like,
I'm starting to declare the word like I never have before,
like it's my lifeline and realizing that
in all of these seasons, I've thought that,
like God was like, you know, he's funny, he likes to joke.
So I was at work and he's like, so yeah,
so that whole stand thing,
when you've done all you can to stand, then stand.
Like therefore stand and it was like,
I just had this picture of myself like falling down
and like wobbling and just like, did you ever stand?
Did you take seriously the call to stand
that's truly gonna take standing and putting on the armor
and truly declaring and relying on this
with all that you have?
Did you not know that was real?
Like you thought it was like a good, you know,
pleasantry or just something that we say?
Like it was just a funny moment of just realizing
how much I haven't known the spiritual battle.
I was told in a lot of churches,
I was part of like Baptist churches
that the spiritual battle isn't really real.
We don't talk about demonic things.
We don't talk about these things.
The spirit of God wasn't even talked about.
It was like miracles are dead, cessationism,
or I don't know if it's exactly how you say it,
but miracles have ceased.
We don't talk about the Holy Spirit,
definitely not the gifts of the spirit.
That's weird.
We don't talk about speaking tongues.
We don't talk about prophecy.
None of that, none of that is, we don't even,
so we don't experience being ministered to
from a place of God's healing power
and seeing those miracle signs and wonders, you know,
none of that.
Years and years until I divorced the past few years,
I didn't even know what to believe theology-wise,
and I was just like, okay, I guess I'll put all that on hold,
things that I experienced in the, you know,
previously in the prophetic and stuff.
I was like, oh, maybe that's weird, and I don't know.
I don't know right now what to think about it,
so I just put it on hold, but yeah,
it's just come back around,
and so, but a lot of people would think
it's totally weird to go like,
what is the spiritual battle and is that real?
And when I wasn't aware of it,
I wasn't confronting it, I wasn't fighting it,
I wasn't taking thoughts captive,
I wasn't knowing that I had power and authority,
you know, none of these things,
so it was just all running rampant, right?
And now it's like a call to actually stand
and take him at his word
and believe that that's gonna be enough
and that his love and standing on his word
is actually gonna be enough to overcome
what seems like the darkest, scariest, terrorizing,
you know, forces, and that I can't believe that it's me
that I have to stand on, that I'm a child of God,
that whatever is going on,
you know, even my ex-husband and my mom,
like, I know God loves them,
and I know that even though they act in those ways
and whatever,
you know, whatever has caused them to act in those ways,
even though it's hard when you're being abused
by somebody to have compassion for them, I actually do.
But yet I don't have compassion for myself
if I was a narcissist, like I don't,
so how does that make sense?
You know, I'm thinking I'm bad and I'm against,
God's against me and those thoughts,
when those thoughts come,
but that I wouldn't say that about them at this point
because I see that a person's different than a spirit
and that any, you know, spirit is not,
or anything they're operating out of
is not them as a child of God.
So that's forcing me to think about how God would see that,
like if my worst case scenario was true,
or if I really, you know, am operating from this place
and don't know it, or, you know, there's demonic things
that I don't know how to be freed from.
So I really feel like he's just said,
like, you're gonna come to me for everything.
I'm now like your best friend for real, for real.
Like this is not something to be wishy-washy about,
but it's also not something to be scared of.
And I'm here, I'm putting these things in place
to help you to actually break through and overcome this.
And the times now, literally, you can't go on.
Like you can't, you know you can't, you don't want to,
and I'm telling you, you can't go on like this.
The time is now,
and there actually is a time for everything.
So I can't get out of it.
I can't, you know, there's nowhere else to go,
and I don't want to.
I'm like, it's, I don't know if you've watched
the movie Harriet, but that's like my favorite movie.
And it's really what I feel like is my personal call
is to set captives free.
And I know it's all of our call, you know, to Isaiah 61,
but it's since I was 20, you know, 15 years ago,
God said, your story is gonna be your ministry.
And I'm supposed to pull people out
and set, you know, help set them free
as I've been pulled out and set free.
And he's like, this is another layer and level of that
where you're gonna be able to actually walk in freedom
and authority to do that because my heart burns to it.
It's almost like I'm ready to do that
before I'm ready to help myself.
I'm ready to go after and be full-time ministry
and love everyone around me from a genuine place
of knowing the Father's love for them,
but I don't know for me.
So yeah, I started with the first teaching on love
and that's already like, I know right where I was supposed
to be and I knew anyway, like it's constantly
that I'm all about love and yet there's this double mindedness
that says like, that has me constantly operating
from a place of fear, even though my message
is all about love and I do believe his love for us.
And I do believe that love and like him being love
is what is the antidote for everything
and yet here I am, you know?
So love is really like the starting place
and I definitely had moments of like, whoa,
and then moments of like tearing up
and through the first love teaching
because I realized, yeah, I don't think
I'm allowing myself to be loved.
Like there's a lack of receiving his love,
even though I can truly believe it for everyone around me
and feel it toward them.
Yeah.
Did you end up doing, spending any time with the Lord?
You know, like I was recommending at the end,
like where you can't, where you just have to let him love you
and you can't break eye contact and you don't love him back.
I love that.
I haven't yet because it was kind of time this morning.
Yeah.
But that's definitely not something I'm gonna skip
because I'm like, whoa, that is wild.
That is like, I see why the exercise would be
like your favorite most powerful
because that just sounds, yeah.
I mean, that's truly the answer is to get into his presence
and receive his love.
And so I just keep going round and round until I do that.
And it's not that I'm not spending time with him,
it's that there's still a kind of distancing
from his love because of what I believe about me.
Yeah.
I mean, it's like, you know, being married,
they can't have a really,
I can't have that closeness and the intimacy of marriage
without being actually intimate,
meaning like making oneself vulnerable,
completely and totally vulnerable with the other person.
Otherwise there's this distance that's created
and yes, it's for self-preservation and self-protection,
but also keeps the love out, doesn't it?
Yes, it also keeps the love out,
which is the very thing that we want.
We're very, and we're afraid that
if we make ourselves vulnerable with someone else,
that the very thing that we're afraid of
will prove itself to be true.
That he really,
won't love us or that we really aren't deserving or that whatever, because what love does is
love exposes, love is light and light exposes the darkness.
And so we're so terrified of what we believe is a darkness that's in us and that it's going
to, um, that it's going to, um, uh, shine light on and we would rather it be in the
darkness and there be a possibility that we're wrong about ourselves than to be exposed to
the light and have it proven that we are right about ourselves, you know, and so, you need
to say that again, a lot of times for a lot of people.
Yes, exactly.
But, um, and, but that's the thing that's the, it's, it's, um, that's why it says that
the things of the spirit are foolishness and, and to man, it's, there are so many, uh, things
in the spirit that just sound and that in the way that, that, that the principles work
according to the character of the Lord, that seems so very opposite.
It's like, okay, in order to get healing, you have to, uh, or in order to receive love,
you have to face your fear, you have to push through the fear, you have to, whatever you
have to be exposed to the light in order to receive the love, that that's the actual,
that that's the actual place of risk where you feel like you're not going to be protected
and you're not going to be, um, uh, that you're not going to be provided for.
And yet that's the place that you push into only to discover that it's in that place that
you are protected and provided for.
Um, so it's like this constant, why is it like that?
Yeah.
Why?
I'm just, I know I'm going to ask why a lot and a lot of things.
You don't have to answer, but it's like, yeah, why is it?
Why is it like that?
Why is that phenomenon?
Because, um, the, you've got, have you, oh, you, how you, have you gotten to the, what
about as the tree of life versus the tree of the knowledge of good and evil?
Have you gotten to that?
Okay.
So, um, that's basically, you know, the tree of life is operating according to, uh, is,
is living and operating in life by relationship with God only nothing else.
Um, but tree of the knowledge of good and evil is this, uh, what Eve did is she made
a choice to, she, uh, it was a, it was actually a good desire, a good desire, meaning like
she desired to do good things because that's what Satan was tempting her with.
Satan wasn't tempting her with, Hey, wouldn't you like to do all these evil things?
He said, wouldn't you like to be as wise as God?
Wouldn't you like this?
When they were, he was mentioning all of the good things that she liked about the Lord.
And so she's like, yes, I would like that.
I would like to know that.
And she didn't like say this in Bible, but the thing is, you know, you get that you,
you see by what's going on, that what she desired is she desired to do good.
And so in order to do good, she needed to know which ones were good and which ones were
evil so that she can make sure to choose the good and avoid the evil.
But the thing is that that is outside of relationship with God.
When she operates in relationship with God, she doesn't need to know good and evil.
There's an innocence in not knowing good and evil, where you're just operating within relationship
with God.
And when you're operating according to your relationship with God and oneness with God,
you reflect as his, as his sons, we reflect his character.
We're born of his very essence, which we'll get into in the second and third sessions
talking about oneness with God and that that we're born of his very essence.
And so spoiler alert, we were taken out of God in the same way that Eve was taken out
of Adam.
We're born of his very essence.
We have his very DNA within us, and that's our spirit.
So our spirit is uncreated because God is uncreated.
Our soul and our body are created, but our spirit is uncreated because we're of his very
essence.
So this dichotomy in this fight and this struggle is between our soul and our spirit, where
our soul has decided, and our spirit doesn't fight against our soul, but our soul fights
against our spirit because it's just like, it doesn't feel that it can be protected and
provided for.
It doesn't trust its own spirit and it does not trust God.
So it thinks, okay, I have to choose to live according to the knowledge of the tree of
good, the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, choose from an arbitrary list of what
is good and what is evil so that I can make sure and do the good things so that I can
protect and provide for myself because God's not going to do it.
That's what that is.
I'm covering some really full on.
I was gonna say, I know that's so good and profound because I do find myself, it's like
the double mindedness that I fear proves that I'm bad or something is going back and forth
between good and evil and trying to understand and make meaning of everything from this judgment
of good and evil.
And so it's like, I could see that teetering and how it feels like I'm being tossed and
how it feels like you're going back and forth trying to figure out what is good and what
is evil and to understand it and to make sense of it and being swayed by every wind of doctrine.
And that's not every wind of evil doctrine.
It's every wind of doctrine.
It's constantly, you know, new things, new preachers, new ideas, new, just constantly
back and forth, back and forth.
And God doesn't like us to be, be, be swayed so, so easily.
If we, we just need to be one with him and rest in that, in that relationship and just
follow the spirit and we won't be so easily swayed and constantly changing our doctrine
or ideas or whatever, not that there's anything we do need to change in the fact that we need
to, we need to be willing to let go of things that God says that we need to let go of in
order to, in order to grab hold of the new things that he's revealing.
But we, he doesn't like this, what you, you know, you've rightly termed as double mindedness.
So in other words, what everything that, that God is, is, is revealing to us when he reveals
to us, when he shines light on something, the only thing that he ever reveals to us
is that we have the opportunity to live in greater love and greater freedom, period.
It is never bringing condemnation.
It is never bringing shame.
He's never talking about the past.
He's only talking about, Hey, wouldn't you like this better thing?
He's never condemning us for what we're in or what we've been through.
So the very first thing that I recommend that I recommend to everyone to do, I do this to
myself.
I tell my friends this, I tell my clients, this, the very first thing that we need to
face when we're struggling with something like, Lord, what do I do?
Or even, Lord, what's the right thing?
What's the wrong thing?
Whenever we find ourselves in a state of angst and anxiety, it, the root of that is, is going
to be things like shame.
And so the very first thing that we need to deal with before we can make a righteous judgment
about what it is that we need to now do or understand what it is the spirit's trying
to say is first, we have to understand that there is therefore now no condemnation and,
and release ourselves while shame and condemnation that has to be dealt with first before we
can actually try to, uh, uh, before it's good for us to approach something like this big
knot that we're trying to untangle or, um, trying to understand, okay, Lord, how should
I deal with this situation?
How should I handle this relationship?
What is it that the spirit's trying to say?
Whenever we first have to release, we have to, we have to choose our own reality that
there, that I am not, um, that I have no shame and that I have no condemnation.
God does not oppress any shame or condemnation on me.
And I need to deal with that first before I deal with anything else.
So I always recommend to people that it like, for instance, if they're dealing with a relationship
issue, say for instance, that there was some altercation and two of you were going at
it and then, um, with someone and then you're thinking, okay, and then you, you partway
it's best to deal with shame and condemnation first before you think, Oh my goodness, I
need to go apologize to them.
Yeah.
It's important to deal with the shame and condemnation first.
Now, if they're right in front of you and you just kind of need to get non, you need
to apologize, need to whatever it will, then that's great.
And in your time you can deal with shame, condemnation, but if there's any chance and
possibility at all, like even like 60 seconds to deal with oneself, to remove the shame
and the condemnation, that's the most important thing to the Lord.
He's like, they need to know who it is that they are.
He's more, he's more invested in us knowing who it is that we are than what it is that
we're doing or not doing.
Because when it is that we're doing and not doing is, is a result of what it is, who it
is that we think that we are.
So even to the Lord, you know, our, our identity, our sense of, um, our, our, our understanding
that he says that we have no shame, no condemnation is more important to him that we deal with
than anything else that we do.
Right.
But you're not saying so like what it is that we're doing or not doing as a result of who
we are.
Right.
It's not, did I say who it is that we are?
It's who it is that we think that we are and what it is that we believe.
That's how we act.
And so when we act according to who it is that we truly are, that's when we're going
to find that we naturally do everything it is that we were trying effortlessly, that
all this time we've been trying so hard to do, we don't have to work at it.
Sorry, this is a good old Texas phrase.
I love it.
It's one of those Christian, I don't know, cuss words.
I'm just kidding.
It's not a cuss word.
No, I love it.
You know, it's one of those things that we say in the South.
Anyway, do y'all have that word up north?
Daggum.
I know it because, I mean, I always wanted to be Southern, Southern Belle.
Like there's part of me, you know, always wanted to, but I grew up in Florida.
Florida has its own, I mean, it's a melting pot.
It doesn't count.
It is.
It doesn't count.
So, you know, no, it doesn't count.
It's not the South.
So, you know, I would travel through those states and all of that and just have the connection
to the South.
But being from Florida, I was never, you know, actually could claim it.
And yet I heard all the words and the terms and yeah, I have my grandparents are from
Kentucky.
So, you know, Kentucky.
Oh, wow.
Hills of Kentucky.
Yeah.
You're going to hear some of that.
Oh, that's cute.
Come over yonder.
Yeah.
My grandparents are always like, Robert, come over yonder.
Time for supper.
That's right.
I love it.
Please use all your lingo from the South.
It's happy for me.
Oh, good.
Good.
Yeah.
Y'all is my favorite.
And y'all.
Yeah.
I say y'all and I'm not, I'm not from the South, but I say y'all and I'm one of those
two.
Yeah, because it's a good word.
Yeah.
I mean, how can you say it's weird?
It's just weird.
So, but the thing is, yeah, the shame and condemnation, that's the first thing that
we should deal with because we always act according to who it is, that according to
what it is we truly believe and what it is we truly believe about ourselves.
So God's like, no, no, no.
The identity as foundational, that's most important because then effortlessly, once
we shift into who it is that we really are, we effortlessly will act according to who
it is that we really are.
And we no longer have to work for it.
Again, this whole idea of you're doing, we do everything out of rest.
So in order to do everything out of rest, we have to shift into rest and where is rest?
Rest is, is in God and that is our identity because our identity is the point at which
our spirit connects with his spirit.
That juncture is called our identity because I don't believe that we don't have an identity
outside of God and yet we are not the God who created us so that our identity is the
juncture.
It's the point at which we are in union with him at which we've unified.
And so it's from our identity and agreeing with that identity that once we believe that
that's who it is that we are and that God is who he says that he is, we effortlessly
act according to our very nature.
So all of this stuff that we're doing, um, is, is very contrary to our nature.
Yeah.
It's hard.
It is actually very hard for us to sin.
We think that it's easy, but it's not, and it's a principle of nature that it is very
difficult for things in nature, including, including us to operate opposite of our nature.
And so it's very, so we need to let one of the lies that we need to let go of is that
it's actually easy for us to sin just because it's a habit.
And just because we've grown up in this modality and this, um, this belief does not mean that
it's actually easy for us.
So I heard you say in your video that like we're born, I wrote it down cause this is
so different than what the church teaches, which I'm, I'm getting instructing from all
of what I grew up with and all these different denominations.
And what I grew up with, I grew up with the fact that being told that I was, that I had
a sinful nature.
Yes.
Me too.
And this is, you said that we're born perfect and then the lies come in and we forget, you
know who we are through layers of lies.
And I was like, Oh, which isn't completely foreign to me.
It's just new in the sense that God pulled me religion away from religion like a year
and a half ago.
And it's been this journey just, it's still new enough that I'm like, Oh, cause that really
does go against, I was taught you're born sinful and our kids, you know, my girls are
born sinful and that I have to lead them to the Lord.
And I'm like, but they know the Lord and they're, and I'll ask all of them, I'll be like, where
did you, that's really profound.
Like, where did you learn that?
Like, how do you know that stuff?
And she's like, you told me mom, or she'll be like, I learned it from you.
Like, you know, her dad or, you know, God showed me.
And I'm like, oh, yeah, cause it really did teach me that, you know, we're born
sinful and that we're, we're sinners.
And I mean, all the Baptist churches that I was part of, you know, I mean, even if
they didn't call themselves Baptist, if they came for addict, like from that
Calvinistic, whatever angle, they would say all this stuff about, you know, yeah,
our kids, we need to like they're sinners until they come to a decision to, you
know, to know the Lord and we have to lead them in that all these years until
they come to that decision and that we're sinners and that we're basically
worms and God is sovereign and they would use the word sovereign all the
time, like God is sovereign and we're nothing like this is a not making sense,
but I was under that for some good years.
So anyways, yes, I hear you.
I believe you.
Yeah.
So, um, yeah, I correct.
So it's not easy for us to sin is what you're saying, right?
It's not easy for us to sin because it's counter to our nature.
So that is, we're acting like something that we're not.
Um, we're, we're, we're women trying to act like a man thinking that we're a man
or a man trying to act like there were one, it doesn't make any sense ever.
It's just, it's like, it's too rooted in our DNA.
And, um, and so it's actually very, very hard, but because it's so prevalent
and because it's the lie that's perpetuated, then we think that it's
easy and it's not, it's just, it's a, it's a brainwashing.
It's a, uh, it's a brainwashing within our, um, uh, within the kingdom of the world.
Yeah.
So anyway, but I just wanted to mention that is, is that you don't have, we
don't have to be afraid when we go before the Lord and when we ask his light
and his love to shine on us, we don't have to be afraid of what we're going
to find because all that he reveals to us is whatever way that we are acting or
whatever it is we're doing or whatever it is we thought about ourselves actually
is not true about us and that if we acted a particular way, he's just like,
yeah, he said, well, you're not shamed and condemned for that.
He said, that doesn't separate you from me.
See, that's another thing that, that we, we think, we think, well, every
time we, we do something that's contrary to being a Christian or whatever.
That it separates us from God.
And it's not true.
We were born after Christ died, meaning that we were born under the new covenant
and we were born after the time that Jesus unified us all with him.
So the difference between Christians and non-Christians, and this is a very
difficult concept for most people to swallow.
Um, it was, it was challenging for me too.
When I, when I shifted into, uh, into this, um, understanding when the
Lord began to reveal this to me.
But, uh, that's the fact that we're all unified with Christ and we all always
have been, you know, including the non-Christians, the difference between
the Christians and the non-Christians is that the Christians have accepted
the fact that Jesus has unified us with him and that he's the only way to, uh,
to relationship with the father while the non-Christians are unified with him,
that they do not believe that Jesus Christ is the way to be unified with
the father and therefore they, um, and so that's the difference.
The difference is belief and it always has been.
It's not.
So, um, in that, from that perspective, we are the, um, uh, what would you call it?
Uh, it, it, it comes down to us, but that's a good thing.
It's not a, it's not a place from which we need to receive condemnation of,
oh my word, you mean I've done this to myself this whole time.
How bad does that make me?
God's like, no, you're not bad at all.
He's like, that's the problem.
You think you are.
And we need to stop thinking that you are.
So that's the only problem we're, we're, we're enslaved in our own mind.
We're not even like Satan.
We're not enslaved at all.
It, what we're doing is we, we found this, um, this square on the sidewalk
and we believe that we're in a cage.
We believe that there are bars around us and that we can't get out.
And God's like, no, you're not in a cage.
You've come up with it out of your own mind.
But because we've come up with it out of our own mind and because we believe it
so strongly, we're going to act like we're in a cage and we're not going
to allow ourselves to live beyond it.
We're, we, we're going to constantly, we're creating a, um, we're creating
our own prison and we'll live within that prison, um, that God's like, no,
I want you to be exposed to my lot and my love, and it's not going to reveal
that you're in a prison, uh, when you're so badly hoping that it's not true.
He's like, I'm not going to reveal to you that you're in a prison.
I'm actually going to reveal to you.
You don't have, you don't have to live like you're living.
You can actually live in greater love and greater freedom.
He never comes to us to correct us in condemnation.
It's like, no, no, no.
He corrects us and be like, look.
That's not actually true.
Isn't that great?
It's always towards love.
It's always towards freedom.
It's not ever towards, hey, why have you been thinking about this whole time?
When he like really, really got onto people, they were the Pharisees and the reason that
he got onto them and the disciples as well.
Remember when he got onto Peter and he said, get behind me, Satan, even when he talked
to Peter like that, why was he doing that with Peter and with Pharisees?
The same thing, in fact, Jesus mentioned it in that conversation with Peter, he's like,
oh, what is, oh, I don't remember the phrase that he used, where's my Bible, oh, there
it is.
But basically he just said, hey, you know, Peter, you're trying to throw, I don't remember
the phrase he used, but basically he said, you know, you're trying to create a barrier
between me and God.
That's not the word, that's not the phrase he used, but that's basically the idea.
God really gets onto the Pharisees and on Peter when they are trying to create a system
that tries to create in people's minds, a separation between them and God, because God
takes that extremely seriously.
So when Peter did that, even with Jesus, Jesus, even though it wasn't possible because Jesus
wouldn't have accepted it, the fact that Peter tried to create that barrier, Jesus rebuked
him very harshly.
I mean, that's the verse that we always go back to when we think of Jesus being harsh
with the disciple.
We all go back to that one, and that one Jesus said very plainly, he's like, you are trying
to get in between me and the Lord, and it says that it's better that a millstone was
tied around someone's neck and drowned and that he lead a child of the Lord's astray.
Because God takes separation between him and his people that is created by someone else
to be very, very serious.
So I just mentioned that in the fact that God doesn't come to us when he comes to us
directly.
God doesn't do that to us.
He doesn't come to us and say, Hey, look, you've been bad, you've done something wrong.
I'm telling you that there's separation.
I'm telling you that you are bad and that you need to fix yourself and whatever, and
that we're even going to work on it together.
God's like, no, you're not bad, and that's the first thing you need to accept.
Now that you know you're not bad, wouldn't you like greater love?
Wouldn't you like greater freedom?
But we have to accept where we are first before we can truly step into and receive the greater
love and the greater freedom.
Otherwise, we always feel like moving into greater love and greater freedom is an action
that we're taking to escape where we were, and we have got to deal with the fact that
wherever it is that we are, we're not a problem.
And God loves us just as much there, and he's not going to love us more later.
He's not going to love us more when we obey him and when we grow and when we mature, that
it doesn't change.
And we have to accept that where we are is the fullness of his love and his union and
union with him first.
And it's like, okay, now there's nowhere to go but up.
Right.
Yeah.
That's good.
I'm going to say that again.
He won't love us more later.
Yeah.
He won't.
He won't love us more later and won't love us any more than he loves us already now.
And where it is that we are now is the fullness of the love and union that we can have with
him.
And we have to accept that first before and accept his love where we are now.
That's why I recommend that, that practice of getting with Jesus and having him look
at us and not loving him back because we tend to love someone back thinking that I don't
deserve it.
I need to give something back.
I can't just receive, I have to give.
It's very hard for us to receive without giving back, including love from the Lord.
And we have to know first before we can move on.
We have to, otherwise in our further journey, we're always going to look back on, yeah,
that was my shame filled time.
That was the bad time.
That was the thing that God, that was the me, that and the lifestyle and the whatever
when I was separated from God or when I was bad and he grabbed me up out of this miry
pit.
And God's like, no, it's like, that was back when you thought something was true that really
wasn't.
So we have to accept this first.
That makes so much sense.
Yeah.
Wow.
Well, I have so much.
I have like between the teaching and then just us talking, I probably have like five
pages of notes.
So it's great.
It's a lot to like, but it's all really, really profound and wow, that makes a lot of sense.
It already feels like.
I don't know. I mean, when you go into something like this, like, okay, from what, what I've
shared with you today, like what you know, is it possible that it's not, that the deliverance
is not as scary as what I feared and thought it was? Oh, absolutely. I can go through this
process and become free from these lies without torment. Oh, heck yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
I believe in spiritual warfare. I believe in all that inner healing and, you know, commanding
the devil and doing all of this stuff. But the thing is that that's the hard route. It's
a very effective route and I've done it myself. I've lived a majority of my life like that.
I say the majority of my life. That's not true. Once I actually discovered the reality
of spiritual warfare, I've always believed in it because I grew up in a home that believed
in it, but we were never talked to about it, like how to fight it, what to do and all of
that. So once I discovered that as an adult, then from that time on, my whole focus was
on defending myself against this, against the, the spirits of darkness. And, and so
now I, I discovered that actually that's a hard way to do it. It's effective, but it's
at least 10 times harder than living in rest. So if I live in rest according to my identity,
well then all I have to do is, is operate according to my identity and the devil does
and the devil touches me not. Oh, that's awesome. Wow. Yeah. So anyway, yeah, I'd rather
do it that way. Yes. And I talked a little bit about it in, when I talk about the three
realms teaching, but I didn't go into tremendous depth about spiritual warfare, but I did mention
the fact that I did mention all of this, the fact that if you, if you're operating more
in the soul or the body, there's all of this fight against spiritual warfare. It's like
the second heaven, which you don't want to be in the second heaven, which was where all
this fighting happens. Yeah. You want to be in the higher, you want to go higher in the
third heaven, which is where we're seated. Right. Correct. And you just don't, um, and
you can learn all of those things and they're all of those deliverance ministries, et cetera.
And they're very useful. And God provides this for people that believe that they live
down there. He provided people for people like me who were used to be in that, and it's
not that I don't still use it. Sometimes I do, because that's what my soul needs. Cause
I'm having a difficult time in a particular area and getting up into my spirit. So I'm
like, okay, my soul needs an old leverage that even though it's 10 times harder, at
least it works. And so, and so I'll do it, but we don't have to. So in most, in a lot
of areas, I don't have to battle. Um, I don't have to battle the demonic in that way because
I actually believe that I am who God says that I am, but in certain areas and not in others.
And in the areas that you believe that I am, who God says that I am, it is so much more
effortless to fight the devil. Now. I don't even pay him any attention because he, because
he can't touch me. He literally, literally cannot touch me because I'm, I am the position
of Jesus to him. He can't touch Jesus. So that'll work. It's all fine. But in other areas, I,
I really battle and I really struggle with my carnal nature and, um, and that I sometimes,
uh, I sometimes have to fight a bit more in the spiritual warfare area. So it's, it's not that
it's, it's, it's that bad and wrong and we can't use it. It's just, there's a better,
maybe it's more of a tool. Like, yes, it's like more to be viewed as a tool than a way,
like a method. Correct. Yeah. It's a tool. It's a leverage that the Lord provided us
and his graciousness to his children, knowing that they believe to like, this is like, I'm
going to give you a tool and to fight it because as a good father, he doesn't leave us unprotected.
Now, yes, if we're down in the soul, we believe that he's left us unprotected and that we have
to fight for ourselves. So what he does is he's like, okay, if you're going to fight for yourself,
I'm going to at least prove as a good father, I can at least provide you with the tools with
which to do it. But I understand you're doing it on your own, but you've insisted to do it on your
own. So, but as a good father, I don't want to leave you, like I said, unprotected. So I'm going
to give you a, give you a weapon. I won't fight the fight for you because you're insisting on
fighting it for you, but for yourself, but here's a tool. Here's a sword. Yeah, so you can fight.
Right. Yeah. So funny. Wow. It's so much better if we just let our father fight it for us. But
if we've insisted on doing it ourselves, at least we have tools that the Lord gave us, you know,
to wield that are effective against the enemies. That's so wild. And it's reminding me, because I,
I know, I mean, there's things that I, even though it sounds like I'm all over the place
and like double-minded and you know, what I was describing about ping pong and all that, like I,
there's certain things that I know, like I've given my entire life to, because I know. And
one of those things is that I know that Isaiah 61 is true of like, that's what he came for. Right.
that it's true that I'm called to that and I know that that's like I don't want
there's nothing else I want in life like there's nothing else that I want other
than who he's made me to be and that includes like that just includes sharing
sharing with other people like my my testimony and helping them like helping
walk alongside specifically women and girls not that I won't influence men but
you know I'm a woman so but I feel like that it's so so clear to me like that
that's it's such a conviction that I fight hard for other people as in like
not fighting not that I don't ever struggle with like my my boundaries but
I'm saying like truly like believing God's love for them right and and
pursuing them as selflessly as I just naturally do because I care so much
about relationships it's such a natural thing do you know I mean it doesn't cost
me I don't feel like it's these aren't my like my followers or my whoever like
these are my friends and so but there's somewhere that I was going with that
like oh and so so it brings me back to just with that with that conviction and
how clear the Lord's been with why he's allowed the struggles and why my
story like has is not been in vain you know the pain that I've walked through
everything hasn't been in vain he's made that very very clear so it's like I know
that he has a ministry for me I know that I'm not just here to you know to
work a job and you know yeah I have a good time and make some money like I'm
I'm I'm living on the fringes like I'm going I'm holding on to the hem of his
garment going into all of the places that people would call wackadoodle like
I don't care because I believe it and when one of my friends shared on her
live that she saw my ministry as she said I see your ministry and it's it's
one where of signs wonders and miracles but she said but it's gonna come from a
place of rest she said it's gonna happen without your striving and these things
are gonna happen and so it just it's making more sense now like why she would
say something like that and why I would be on the cusp of stepping into the
doing part of you know of really loving people and women in the way that he
shown me like that I would have to come into this rest then to do it like
without burning out without you know falling or self-sabotaging or whatever
so yeah it makes more sense so anyways I love I love what all that you shared
and just you and thank you so much I'm like so encouraged and you're looking
forward to I guess do I dive into I know I haven't done my post this week it's
been kind of nutty but I'm like it's already Wednesday so no worries the
group I'm gonna post in the group and hopefully do like my intro little little
video and stuff and just watch the next couple teachings this week is that am I
missing anything there uh nope no all of that sounds great yeah just look in
the announcements thing if you if you if you forget or you have any questions or
whatever or you're always talking message me and but yeah that would be
great and I'm gonna make a post to welcome you and a great let everybody
know that you're that that you're here I'll do I'll be doing that this
afternoon I'm excited to meet them and I'm definitely that person that wants to
be connected and plugged in so I feel like I haven't that's great
very special all of them are very extraordinary you're gonna like a lot
they all enjoy each other a lot so yeah like it felt like all of these really
special people in my life are just kind of like colliding and this is like
that's what you would want is you want to do life and business with your people
that you would choose if you choose so I love that okay have a beautiful day
thank you for everything I'm gonna be doing on this and just receiving it
really more than anything just receiving it into my spirit cuz it's
it's it it's really profound like how much that can free you from everything
that's like got you all in that place of angst and it's it's mind-blowing so yes
it's your inheritance amen amen sister okay we'll get to visit with you and
always feel free to reach out if you need anything or have any question or
want to let me know how you're doing okay I love it okay I will bye