Hey, can you see me?
Yeah, don't you look cute?
Oh, thanks.
I don't have my makeup on yet, but I at least have a cute dress I was able to throw on.
I had scheduled a walk with a friend that I reconnected with, who's kind of in the throes
of two babies and homebound with COVID and just kind of a lot of loneliness of not having
sisterhood.
And then we ran into each other and it was one of those like, okay, we realized we live
a block and a half apart, so we've got to at least like take the baby on a walk and
catch up.
And so that was an unexpected, but important thing because I think she really was able
to just speak a lot of life into her and she just is really been just doing it alone
because that's what she's known and it's not working well.
She was like, one of the first questions he asked me is like, what do you do?
Like what helps you with anxiety?
Like what do you do?
And I don't, I don't know that she knows Jesus.
I think she did when she was young, but I think she's just not sure what she believes
about spiritual things, kind of more spiritual in general.
But I found that sometimes, man, like the women that were there the most for me, she's
one of the women that opened her, her home to me when everything went down with my ex-husband.
And it's like the Good Samaritan story, you know, it's like, okay, this religious person
passed him by on the road and this person had this excuse of like some theological whatever.
And, but this person just like met the need and showed more Christ likeness than the other
two.
And so it's interesting that the couple of women who opened their home when I literally
had nowhere to go and didn't know where to turn and all the Christians were just like
shutting their doors and scared of it.
They were the ones.
It's just really interesting.
Yeah.
Well, I'll be able to speak some life into her and so, yeah.
It's interesting that, that so often it's the non-Christians that have a closer, more
unfiltered understanding of the heart of their father than the Christians that have added
filters over the years.
And we, you know, and we blocked our understanding of the father's true heart and the non-Christians
haven't built as many of those filters.
They don't have a reason to, they're not trying to please the God that they don't believe
in, you know, and so that they can more readily just, just express their father's heart more
than the Christians who, you know, are trying to feel like they had to learn something and
have learned themselves out of the truth.
Oh, it's so true.
Yeah.
It's making more sense with what we're doing now, the things that I, you know, I've been
seeing that in my experience for a long time and in people, but it's, it's just the dots
are connecting with all of this, and just realizing how much is, is taught to us that
we have to undo or unlearn or un-deconstruct and sort of peel off.
Yeah.
So you got your tea, always have a cute teacup.
Is this like a thing you, you love teacups?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
I collect teacups.
But even in my move, with my move and the things that the Lord wanted me to only keep
certain things in my life, I, I have gone so far as to get rid, only keep half of my
teacup collection, which is serious.
My brother and sister-in-law just gave me a birthday gift.
My birthday was like, did I miss your birthday?
No, no, no.
My birthday was, oh, you know what?
It was two months ago, but because they were going to give me something that would not,
that I had asked them for and ended up that I'd asked them for it before the Lord told
me to start traveling, I'd asked him for an indoor plant.
So we all decided when the Lord told me that to start traveling, we're like, okay, well
that's not the right present.
Yeah.
So just hang on just a second.
Let me come up with another present because they asked me, what do you want?
And so it was like, well, I don't know, hang on.
So it took me a while and I finally decided this is what I wanted.
So that's why we're just getting it.
I just now asked him for it. It is that it's a tea maker. So you just
Do you just put you know your tea leaves and your water in there. And then there's a little filter and then this is the pressure foot. So as soon as you put it on.
Yes.
Oh, those are so convenient. That's perfect for for traveling
Yeah.
Yeah, I well I've had one for the past two, two and a half years, a friend of mine, she moved to London. She gave me her her little one, but I've used it for two and a half years, which I guess I hadn't realized it's been that long.
And until just now, and I used it all the time. I mean, all the time. I don't, I don't know how many years. I mean, you know, every single day I'm at work, etc. And
And it just started
Messing up and breaking and in fact I dropped it just the other day and it broke again.
Different one.
So I got this one and I researched and researched and I asked the Lord. Okay, well, which one should I get, you know, which one would would
Not just the what I'd be pleased with, but which one will be pleased with together because you know he lives through me and he lives life with me. So, or what do we want
What do we want, you know,
Every morning.
And anyways, but he told me this one. And to be honest, I'm disappointed because there was another one that looks like I would like it more
But he just kept pressing on my heart. This is where my piece of that with this one. Okay, there's a reason I have, you know, the Lord long enough to know that there is that there's
I always discover, you know,
Yes, I am. I got it just yesterday. And so this is my first time getting to use it. So I got it yesterday and and I told my end. I don't my brother, sister in law, they go, my word. I like it even more than I thought that I would
I'm very pleased.
He knew he knew
I know. Yeah, so I just made some tea right before you while I was waiting and
Yeah, for you to call. So anyway, it just finished brewing
I love it. I love it. I want to do more with with tea. I don't, I don't like the term, but I don't have a better one. We got to come up with one. I want, I kind of want to be a tea snob, not but without the smart part
Yeah, that's a tea connoisseur or if you see an auto
Yes, there you go. And to be able to just new do more with the the loose leaf.
Like because I haven't explored a lot of options for for brewing, but I know there's, you know, the French press different different things that I could do.
And I have bought bought bought some loosely, but I've been more going with like the simple like organic bags.
Oh yeah, and just playing more with with drinking it on a regular basis and the honey, you know, raw honey that I'll put in it.
Which is kind of my thing. I'm big into black tea like the chai. So that's been
Getting at least something I've done consistently for for a good year. So that's kind of every day, you know, a lot. Yeah. A lot of days.
I do, and I'm not a big caffeine person like I had really not, you know, especially with the adrenal kind of issue. It's not good to have a lot of caffeine.
And I'm careful about the type of caffeine and I don't respond well to coffee, although I love the taste of coffee and I barista right now.
I just don't like the way it makes my body feel. So anyways, yeah, the black tea is much more smooth and I don't feel like I get all that the jitters and I'm, I feel like it's the right kind of caffeine, you know, just a bit of a boost.
But I know there's so many more out there. So, at least now it's like, yeah, I guess for me it's hard. It's been hard to come into like a pattern of
Of much of anything out of such disarray and life completely changing and crumbling and like literally shattering and so everything changed everything changed and to try to rebuild
And without that permission or feeling that permission to to rest or play the things that were actually called to like without having that permission. It was difficult to get into any routine for myself.
That would benefit myself and keep it up. So it was like a small thing that I'm just proud that I was able to, I don't know, so small, but it's to do for an entire year and to go like, yeah, that's my like that's my
Just one of those happy things and something that I really enjoyed that I found that consistently like works for me and that I love and just kind of own it so
Yeah, that's great. And I love how you talked about the fact and and recognize the fact that it's it creates a bit of routines, but of consistency and and a bit of there's another word that I'm looking for, but I can't, I can't think of it.
Yeah, that's great. And I love how you talked about the fact that it's it creates a bit of routines, but of consistency and and a bit of there's another word that I'm looking for, but I can't, I can't think of it.
because I got into tea because I was fascinated by the culture and everything
that kind of came with it and so I started drinking tea but I didn't like
it and but I loved the idea of the culture of it so because we grew up and
I grew up overseas with and we had a coffee business so we roasted and
flavored gourmet coffee I guess we've never talked about that so I grew up in
the Middle East in Turkey and we were missionaries but missionaries were not
allowed so we had a coffee business and like I said we did the wholesale side so
we would bring in that we'd import the green beans roast and flavor them you
know distribute them and then we did we flavored teas as well and anyway I just
didn't care for tea but I did like it which is funny but I did like Turkish
tea because Turkish tea is so prevalent well Turkish coffee as well so Turkish
we drink Turkish tea and Turkish coffee but the majority of coffee we drink was
our own which was like a gourmet drip that kind of thing and so I was familiar
with the world of coffee but I like I said I just liked the tea culture there
was something and coffee culture was fun but there was it was it was real hipster
real trendy and but there was something about tea that was very old world and I
just I really liked it so as as I have done with so many different things in
life including theater such as like a Broadway or opera or whatever if there's
something that I want to understand I'll just immerse myself in it and then I
come to be able to appreciate it so that's what happened with tea I started
drinking tea and then I realized the difference in quality of tea just like
coffee and when I realized the difference of quality in tea like just
like wine or whatever you all said not oh wow this is what good tea tastes like
people like tea and then it's very hard it's it's challenging to do bag it's
challenging for you to do weather whatever because it's like you start
developing this like what you referred to you know it's like this snobbery yeah
like appreciation for what quality tastes like and so now I have like a
whole collection of really really nice loose leaf teas that I've collected that
I've bought or people have given me or whatever and and yeah black teas my
favorite Earl Grey it's my ultimate it's my cream Earl Grey
oh those creamed Earl Grey yeah it's got vanilla cream in it not not literal
cream but like a cream but there's a cream flavor just like there's a vanilla
flavor there's a cream the are EME cream anyway that one's my ultimate favorite
I'm very lucky about it though because sometimes creamed Earl Grey isn't very
creamy I'm very picky about them and anyway so that's where I developed it so
now I love it and now it's my little thing and yeah for birthdays and stuff
people give me tea stuff because I've learned to over the years just to learn
to actually appreciate it for itself in more than just more than just the
culture of course I still love the culture as well but I love my point
telling you all that is I love the ritual of it ritual that's what I was
looking for there's something comforting in rituals for ourselves
routine and consistency and that's one of the things that I love about tea so
that when I'm traveling I people have laughed about the fact that I'm gonna
have well they haven't really laughed because they realize it's just me so
they just kind of take it right now but I a huge amount of my and like an actual
percentage of stuff that I'm taking is tea and I have it just in the morning
and I've got like this release but my best friend has ordered me and this this
nice little copper like a hot electric kettle and to put on a to put on a what
do you call it a you know to just kind of plug in and just heat it up to an
exact temperature because different teas require exact temperatures in order to
bring out the full bouquet and I and so she bought me that for my birthday it
hasn't come in yet you know my sister-in-law bought me this this little
tea maker for my birthday and of course I have my tea collection so I'm
traveling with three of my teacups and my collection of teas that fill up a bag
this big and then I'm like a little bitty bags all kinds of stuff and then
I've got I've got my three teacups and anyway so I've got a like a huge much of
my car there's a ritual to it there's a make it like this and in fact my best
friend wanted to buy me one of those things that like that does like
everything it's like a won't push button that'll just make your tea
And she asked me, she said, would you like that, or would you like something else?
And I said, to be honest, I'd really like something else.
I'd really like just the pot, the gooseneck pot, because I said, I like the ritual of
tea making and the other does it all for me, but that's part of it.
That's part of the fun is the ritual and the process and the movement, kind of like being
a barista.
There's all of these steps and there's something that we can use.
There's a way in which we can kind of connect with creation and in our place in it and in
governing it and appreciate things that the Lord created by sometimes going through a
ritual of movement.
So anyway, that's why I enjoy it.
That's fascinating.
I love it.
I didn't mean to.
I don't know if you're on a time crunch and I don't want to get us off, but I'm not on
a time crunch.
So I apologize.
Yeah.
No, it's great.
I love it.
It's perfect.
Because I completely agree.
And I think the ritual thing is, again, that's come up.
That wording in the past was kind of, I don't know, hijacked by, you know.
Oh, ritual.
Yeah.
Not in a bad way necessarily, but just used more by unbelievers or like spiritual people.
And so, again, it's just recovering, you know, where it's like, it's not a bad word and,
you know.
Yeah.
Correct.
And even my friend who, she's a CEO of a growing company that just went direct sales model
after having been in farmer's markets and things for years and years.
But once they hit, God basically gave her a billion dollar idea through a dream, a very
specific dream of something that she never thought she'd do because she failed chemistry,
but she was, you know, in this dream, pouring baths and mixing things.
And it was, you know, clearly she was chemist in this dream and the Lord told her to start
this company.
She had asked him for a billion dollar idea.
And Jamie crossed.
Yeah.
Oh, you're familiar.
Yeah.
You know her personally?
Yeah.
I mean, I, I wouldn't say like we've gotten to be good friends yet, but I've had, I have
close friends that are close friends with her and I've met her and hugged her and you
know.
Yeah.
And some of, some of my really, really close people are really close with her.
So yeah, so it's kind of, but just fun how she talks about rituals a lot with her, her
company.
I mean, it's for her.
It's a lot of rituals.
Yeah.
She uses that term and I'm not a lot of believers do, but she's, she is different.
She's very kingdom minded and goes to house church as well.
And she uses rituals when she talks about, you know, now, now that they've actually launched
the public just in the past couple of months, they were in for a long time, but she was
talking about rituals with like body care and self care and the things with the products
that she, you know, that she, her line of products.
So that was interesting to me, but she's got the I don't know how familiar you are with
her, what you know, but she's got the, her effect is more her, her ministry, bigger vision.
And she has the seven, seven pillars of a woman.
And so in the seven pillars of a woman, she kind of goes through like these various, you
know, aspects of life I don't know.
And talks about the rituals around, you know, and within those different areas, whether
it's motherhood or like our faith and spiritual life and different things, but how to kind
of connect those.
And anyways, the ritual thing's cool.
Yeah.
Because there is significance to it.
I haven't necessarily known because we've been so fast paced living in our culture that
slow living is kind of like, yeah, I want to do that, but I've always been attracted
to it.
But it's been hard to snap out of the speed of, again, striving.
There's a lot of pressures to keep up with everyone else.
You know, like for instance, you think about all of your stuff that you're going through,
you know, court and whatever, where you feel like there's all of these pressures of the
systems around us that we feel that we're in the middle of, and that we feel kind of
victim to their, to their demands.
And so it can keep us like, feel like we're being shoved and we're like, I'd like to live
a slower pace and yet we can, we can feel like, you know, like shoved down a hill and
like forced into their system, et cetera.
So yeah.
Yeah.
I understand what you're saying.
Yeah.
So how are you doing?
Yeah.
So I'm definitely, like, I definitely feel like I'm rolled better than, than yesterday.
How that started, you know, similar time of day that I had messaged you.
before work and I felt like kind of throughout the evening last night it was
it was you know like I hadn't been talking to the Lord throughout the day
like I I don't know I had that sense just kind of knew in my spirit that he
was gonna do that that like there was gonna be a shift throughout the day that
it wasn't something I had to be stuck in or that not only did I not have to be
stuck in it but that I just knew he was showing up you know for me and was just
like as I was seeking you know truth and to get to get through and be honest
about the the fears of the lies or the things the questions are coming that he
was just like gonna bring he was gonna show up and and so I felt like in the
evening just through I mentioned to you on Marco Polo like a conversation that I
had with my other mentor right now and then watching your Marco's or Polo's
whatever you call them I don't know which one it is yeah both whatever you
want to call and then you know that was super encouraging and so I was just like
definitely fellowshipping with the Lord through that and taking those things in
and like I said breathing even though it still feels like there's there's a lot
going on and I want to be able to like respond or to to chew on stuff more in
this exact moment than I can because there's still stuff going on like the
days are busy and so it's tough I want to stay here but I feel like he did give
me that opportunity to stay there throughout the evening and in various
ways like through Terrence and then talking to you over Marco and then at
the end of the night which I already felt like so much lighter by that point
I ended up catching one of my good friends and a girl that's you know part
of the collective she has a prophetic you know ministry and just really neat
person and really comes from a place of her ministry is called Glory Feast but
she definitely is is is from what I understand aligned with all the things
that we're talking about her most of what I know of you compared to a lot of
other believers that are kind of like even some prophets that are a little bit
more doomsday right now that I'm not interested in I don't feel like I'm
resonating my piece isn't there but she really seems to get it and she was the
one that prophesied a couple months ago before I came to this kind of halt and
rest and reset Lord she prophesied that just one night it was like I was on one
of her lives and she said you're gonna your ministry is gonna be marked by you
know signs wonders and miracles but it's not gonna come from your striving it's
gonna come from a place of rest and he's just gonna do it and it's so that was
kind of the beginning of you know I can look back on that particular moment and
that just you know that that really stood out to me and I didn't even expect
to be called out that night there were hundreds you know over 100 probably
people maybe on but I just was like oh that was totally a gift but I didn't I
didn't understand it but I received it and then then fast-forward not very far
ahead I was you know he was calling me to rest and we met and all that so the
point is is that I ended up catching a call which I have said I can't right now
commit to to what she's doing even though I want to because of what I'm
committed to and I'm already a bit behind on on all the current commitments
like I told you it's hard to know how to slow things that are already in motion
they're already in motion it's like okay now I've got a you know really pick and
I'm you know really process with the Lord like what do you have me are you
having me do this right now or not is this fit in with the rest and reset or
not but I did catch it and it was really like kind of the perfect cap to the
night because she was interviewing another gal named Krista Alicia who's
like a prophetess and she she was saying all the things like she was that this is
the lady of the glory feast who was interviewing another lady my brother's
really sweet he brought me lunch sorry I did but I didn't want you to think it
was like what is he was she talking to he was offering me lunch I was like yes
I'd love lunch yes lunch yes lunch totally you're a little peckish talking
don't feel bad at all if you if you want to eat so yeah Markayla is you know
again she's been doing her own stuff she does her own lives but she also you
know goes goes live with other people in ministry and does interviews and things
like that but this is like this is part of just a couple weeks of something that
she launched that's just a couple weeks long inviting other certain guests in to
have like the more gala does the glory piece because I know who Markayla is but
I didn't know she had a
I knew that she talked, that she gets on and talks prophetically because I've, I've, I
think that I'm Facebook friends with her.
And so I've watched that, but I didn't know she had like something that was like calls
something.
Yeah.
So her group is called glory glory feast.
Okay.
Yeah.
And that's just been the past few months that that's, that's pretty new.
So, but this prophetic school that the couple week thing is something that is, is she's
doing for the first time.
And that's like, you know, he set up mentors and also guests to come in live to speak.
And so this was one I was supposed to catch because I told her I couldn't do the whole
school, but I hadn't completely exited the group and I haven't really been on Facebook.
That's even been a little bit tricky with the rest intensive because I feel like calling
me away from Facebook because it's so overwhelming.
Even I have a group on Facebook, I have the collective stuff on Facebook and we're trying
to move off.
And there's, you're trying to move off Facebook or you're trying to move out of the collective,
like off Facebook as much as possible.
Cause it, you know, completely be off Facebook.
It just means like, it's not a great platform in our months together.
It hasn't proven to be a great platform for what we are doing.
And that's, it's, it's, it's not true for everybody, but especially right now with what's
going on in the world, there's so much bombardment.
And even among believers, so much, like so much, so many groups popping up, so much stuff,
so much stuff going out there.
And then of course there's all the different opinions on everything and you can't even
hardly be safe to talk without somebody having something to say because it's contradictory.
Yeah.
So, but I did catch it.
And the point was that it ended the night on this, like, I just said this, I mean, I
don't even use this term, but I really truly came to this place after having come to like
so much peace from all that anxiety and talking to the Lord that like through that, she, she
confirmed everything that we've been talking about, that I've been learning.
And I don't even know her, you know what I mean, personally.
And so that was not like that's never happened before, but that was significant because of
the magnitude, I think of the shift in the paradigm shift away from other stuff.
Like the fact that she was saying and speaking the very things, but it wasn't a familiar
voice to me.
So it was like, oh my goodness, you are even saying this right now.
I felt like it was for me.
And she, I can't even describe it.
Like I just felt like I felt drunk on his love, which I don't, again, use that term.
I know people use that term freely and it's kind of been a turnoff for me in the past.
Like, I don't know.
But truly felt his presence so strong.
And like, it was just, it was just like, whoa, because she was talking so much about love
being the answer and our oneness with him and how he, how he approaches us and how he's
so gentle and how, you know, and she even had addressed earlier on in the talk about
she, she admitted, she was just very honest about things that I haven't heard people really
say, even among all my believing friends that like, there are a lot of things going out
like kind of that doomsday.
Which has been a concern for me because it causes me to feel like maybe I don't know
enough about end times or maybe, you know, it causes me to feel anxiety or fear instead
of peace.
Cause I don't necessarily know what I, what I believe.
And that's kind of a concern.
Like I'm like, okay, God, like I haven't studied the Bible enough to know what I think about
this.
And when I have tried to go there, it's felt overwhelming and intimidating to know how
to decipher because everybody believes something different.
It seems like, and I don't feel like this is the time to go into that.
I don't feel like I'm supposed to go into anything that's going to cause me to feel
like I don't have enough or that I'm responsible for something or that something scary is going
to happen and just triggers trauma and stuff like that.
So when she said that, it was just such a relief even to go like, because not only does
she say, you know, there's a lot of people out there that are, there are people that
are saying these things, but she all followed it up with the fact that she doesn't see it
that way.
And that it's not the truth, you know, in her opinion, she didn't say in my opinion,
she spoke it as it was truth, but she was basically like, like the bride's not like
ready yet for him to come back.
Like we're not, he's not done.
Like this isn't the end.
He's not done.
Yeah.
And I, I resonate with that point of view.
And yet I have certain friends who are talking rapture and different things.
I don't even know what I believe about the rapture.
I don't even know, girl, I don't even know, but that's like the last thing that I need
to worry about.
Like, Oh, here I am single mom, like working a barista job, trying to get my kids back
dealing with all these things.
and moving out of that season and then could be like a rapture around the corner.
Like that is not helpful.
Yeah.
Um, no.
No.
Correct.
Different, different things for different people.
We're all not meant to focus on and take care of, for lack of a better phrase, and the same
thing, you know, that's why there are so many of us.
We can honor the different callings that, that the Lord has for different people.
And, um, and so we're just supposed to, you know, go wherever we feel that the, how the
Lord wants to operate out of us in this season and in this time and not feel like, um, and
not, uh, yeah, not take on some kind of a burden or responsibility of something that
the Lord is like, no, I gave that to them and you can honor them as your brother or
sister that I put that on their heart and they're, they are co-laboring with me.
So you don't have to, and a lot of times that approach is like, I'm co-laboring with
him and come, you know, come in.
This is where it's at.
Yeah.
This is where it's at.
Exactly.
So, I mean, I said that out of order, but, but I backtracked from what she was saying.
It was so profound that, that lined up so well and just confirmed all these things that
I feel like he's been teaching me and showing me that I haven't even been able to fully
understand the process and that we've been talking about and I'm learning, um, but I
don't hear all over the place, especially as things are shifting.
And like I said, some people are over here, some people are over here, um, different colonies,
different focus, folk, foci, focuses.
How do you say, how do you do that plural?
I don't know, focuses?
That's so funny.
That is a weird one.
Um, I'm a language arts teacher, but I, I don't know.
So I know me too.
I think it's focuses.
Focuses.
Okay.
I didn't know you were a language arts teacher.
What else do you teach?
What's your secondary?
Well, so my certification has been K through nine, but my endorsements for, for middle
school are language arts and social studies, you know, so for elementary, I teach all the
subjects.
Um, but then, uh, so yeah, social studies, language arts for, for middle school, but
that hasn't been something that I, I haven't taught middle schoolers, uh, outside of my,
you know, uh, practicum or whatever they call it after at the end of schooling.
Yeah.
So that was, um, I, uh, went into my, I studied secondary education, language arts, um, English
language and literature and, uh, history of political science, but, um, uh, and my heart
was for middle school, but when I got out, um, I ended up not graduating without dropping
the education partway through, which is the long story and just took the English and the,
and the history.
And I just graduated with the English and history degree and a degree in English, modern
history and political science.
And then, um, but the only job that I could get straight out of college was a tutoring
job.
So that's Laura.
That was the Laura's provision.
And, but I tutored for like full time, like that, these were kids that were, that were
kicked out of their own schools because they'd done this, that and the other, and their parents
were rich enough to pay for full time tutor.
So I, um, my first student was a, uh, that year was a, um, a sixth grader.
So which here in Texas, since they're in middle school, which I didn't grow up with sixth
grade being middle school, but apparently it is now.
Um, so, uh, yeah, he was in middle school, so the Lord had prepared me for all of that.
And anyway, so I did, I didn't know that about you, so that's really neat.
So go ahead.
Yeah.
I can totally see you being a literature, language arts.
Yeah.
Completely fits.
But, um, that's funny.
Okay.
So the, the, to wrap that up, I think, uh, there's so much more to be said about it,
but just, Hmm, I think at that point in the night, it, it was like sinking down deep.
And so it was really like an encounter.
It was, yeah, it was really, I mean, all of it was an encounter, but it really was like
this encounter with his love with him at the end of the night to be doing laundry and kind
of wrapping up the night and then just kind of end up there and have him speaking so directly
to, to these very things, um, that are not, that are new to me that are, uh, maybe they're
not even new to everybody else, but I feel like they are.
I mean, I feel like there's a lot of believers that are to most people.
Yeah.
It's not a new, it's not a new thing from the Lord.
It's that we haven't, that the teaching of this message from the father's heart to all
of us, that's not been prevalent.
It's not been popular.
It hasn't been trendy.
It's not that it hasn't been spoken, but it's now that the Lord is just teaching is bringing
it more and more and more into so many, so many people's lives.
Amen.
I'd never heard this before until the Lord put it on my heart.
And so I've been shocked when I started speaking this to other people, how many other people
that the Lord is speaking it to their hearts too.
And so they were attracted to the message and I'm like, oh my word, the Lord is talking
to you too.
That's so exciting.
Like when I got to meet you, I was like, oh my word, the Lord's been talking to you about
rest.
I'm like, that is so fascinating.
He was talking to me about rest.
So it's not new to the Lord.
No, it's not new to the body.
But the prevalency of it, of the message, and in fact, I was just listening to a message
today of some people that were just really, really pushing into the Lord and starting
to govern certain areas of the world from the spirit and all of that.
And they were talking about this and they were all, they were all blown away by this
one person's talking about it.
And I'm thinking, well, surely this is foundational.
And yet for all of them, even though they knew it, there was a level in which they're
like, oh, this is really good and this is resonating with us, but they were doing it
kind of from a way of, hey, we're not used to pursuing the Father's heart from a place
of intimacy and rest in order to govern.
And they were surprised.
And so in other words, it's just like this thing that, this message that is just from
the Father's heart is just like, okay, now I want you all to really, truly understand
y'all don't have to work so hard.
All this other stuff that I'm inviting you to co-labor with me in, it's in this thing
called rest.
It's in this place called rest.
Yeah.
Right.
And the abiding.
Yeah.
So it's not new, but he's just talking to more and more people about it.
So we're hearing you.
Yeah.
Well, if we think about, like somebody posted the, the verse of my girls had a word that
she shared and she posted both the abiding, you know, abiding in him as the vine and shared
about, you know, she likes to kind of, well, she'll get a picture or a vision or a dream
from the Lord.
And then she'll go and research really in depth, whatever, you know, certain pieces
of it and share some of that within the word.
And then she'll share some scriptures that back all that up.
And so she shared about the lily pad and the significance of that in, in finding our tribe
and in building, you know, and understanding that we're part of the whole.
And then she used the, you know, abiding in him versus, but also the the ones about the
body from Corinthians the different parts of the body.
And so it just made me think, like, as we were talking a second ago, you know, it's
like, yeah, it's not new to the body, but if you think about, you know, even our physical
body, as we understand that, like being the body of Christ from all different parts it's
one analogy.
It's like, you know, the heartbeat has been kind of muffled and weak, you know, like it's
been, yeah, it's not new to the body, but there's been some definite, like lack of circulation
or blood flow, you know, from the heart to, to all of, of the parts of the body, you know,
the bride and it hasn't, like you said, it hasn't been prevalent.
So what does that, you know, in terms of the body, like what, what could that look like?
And that was just one picture, like a heartbeat or, you know, a muffled heartbeat or a weak,
weak blood flow or, you know, something where there's just definitely been a disconnect.
Yeah.
Right.
Yeah.
I like that.
I like that picture.
So the, are you, have you kind of grasped a hold of more of the idea of how to, how
to actually shift into rest in a moment, you know, you know, where you, have you watched
like all four of those first four or five, five sessions, I think it's the first four
sessions.
Cause there's three sessions in particular to talk about how to receive, how to, what
is it?
How to, how to receive, how to release, how to believe or something like that.
And did that process of like how to stop?
And I think that I walked it, you through it in the, in the market follow, you know,
how to stop and how to, how to make certain particular choices where it's not, you're
not like waiting on feeling the power to actually actively and intentionally choose something.
Is that helpful?
It's helpful.
And it's really, it's still really new to the point where like, I'm wanting, I'm like,
I'm like, if I could do whatever I wanted right now, like that's like where I'm like,
I want to focus in on this exercise and practice like practicing doing that.
And not that I can't, it's just in this, it happens to be another busy day, but the way
you described it, like, I mean, all of the videos were really, really good.
And I have seen them, but I almost feel like I need to go back, kind of like you said.
that when you go back after you've heard something
for the first time,
and you process the information the best you can,
and then as you begin to see how it plays out
and all that, you need to go back.
I feel that.
And then with the Marco Polo,
I think when you shared yesterday,
you went into some detail in those steps.
It was really helpful.
I said it in a different way,
or maybe I think you had pointed me to,
maybe that was with Steph's post,
like pointed me to that where you had written it out,
but then you went and said it in a way I heard you say it
as far as like those very practical steps.
So that was really, really good.
Cause I think it's, yeah, super helpful,
like super helpful, practical,
like how to actually do it.
But I don't know that I have much practice yet in doing it.
I feel like it's free.
I'm still doing it because it's a very simple thing to do.
And it doesn't take a lot of time,
but what's challenging for us just to shift that mindset
and to understand, okay, this is something I can choose.
How do I choose it?
Because we're so used to like,
we're so used to shifting by allowing things
to just kind of come upon us.
Like a new feeling, a new revelation,
just like this, this, that, like this.
Light shining down on a situation like,
oh, suddenly I understand or whatever.
But how do we actively intentionally choose something
where we don't feel flooded by this sense of,
oh, I now believe differently.
How do we actually choose something
that we don't believe yet?
That mental shift can be very, very challenging.
It's honestly very simple,
but it doesn't mean that it's something
it doesn't mean that it's familiar.
And so the unfamiliarity of it
can make it a bit of a challenge
or make it where it's kind of like, okay, we practice.
And I do that.
And we all have different areas in which it's easier
and more challenging for us to do.
And I've got my own like certain areas,
like some people it's relationships
that are harder for us to do it in,
other people it's trusting the Lord for finances,
other people it's trusting the Lord, excuse me,
in business or whatever.
And so we can practice it in certain areas
that are sometimes easier for us.
And then we get more and more challenged
when it's an area that we have a harder time
trusting the Lord in, even when we're choosing it.
We're choosing something that we don't believe yet
and we're choosing to actively step out in it
because we were having to choose it despite,
or I should say overcoming all of the reasons
in our heart and our mind of why this can't possibly be true
because Lord, there were all of these other affirmations
that the opposite is true.
And that can be very struggling.
So I was going through it myself the other day.
Yeah.
And I thought, man alive, I know how to do this.
And yet I'm really struggling because it was in an area
that I had a very difficult time trusting the Lord in,
more so than in other areas.
And I was like, oh man, this could be challenging.
Even though I knew the process was very simple
and even though what it was I was doing,
like walking through the steps, it's very simple.
It's just stop, let go of the fact that I think
that it shouldn't be the way it is
and just let go of my sense of entitlement to it.
I'm not making a judgment about the situation,
about whether or not it should or shouldn't be like that,
but I'm letting go of my sense of entitlement
that it shouldn't be like this and it should be different.
Just let go of that.
And so that's one huge,
that it will immediately move me into rest immediately.
And that's all that it is.
And I had to remind myself, okay,
I'm choosing something that I don't even believe yet
as opposed to, yeah, but constantly coming up
with this resistance in my mind of,
yeah, but I don't believe it.
Yeah, but I don't believe it.
I'm like, actually, it doesn't matter
if you don't believe it.
Don't worry about trying to believe it right now.
Don't worry that my belief is not standing in my way.
And prior to understanding this,
I thought that belief was that if somebody else
wasn't standing in my way, at least my own belief was.
Yeah.
And I had to choose.
No, my belief is not even standing in my way
and I can do this regardless of what it is that I believe.
It's an act of my will that I am choosing
that my reality is what God is.
has declared in his word, in his living word, regardless of whether or not I found a scripture
to back this up yet, you know, or whatever, you know, whatever it is, he's, I feel in
the spirit, like I'm supposed to be believing him.
But I'm talking about his active limb where it is in his word, it is in the word come,
and therefore I choose it.
And so, like I said, it's very simple, but I have to remind myself multiple things as
I do it.
You don't have to wait for belief.
Belief is not an obstacle to you stepping into this.
And I feel like the biggest proof that I have of, of that, like I can hear what you're saying
and I can, I can take it in and I can receive it and all that.
But the biggest like proof of my experience with him and the living word, you know, and
him speaking to me directly that I have of that is, um, about a year ago I was, I was
just wrestling with him.
I was like on a weekend, um, trip trip or like a conference or worship thing.
And I just remember being in the kitchen of this place we were staying and just thinking
like about these kind of impossibilities or these things, you know, like heart longings,
like things that I wanted, you know, a lot of times it's usually freedom related, you
know, things that I'm wanting to shift into and wanting him to do in me or, um, in my
ability to believe in that particular moment, like my unbelief.
And he said something really profound to me that, um, yeah, that just really has come
back around lately.
And it's, it's that he said, um, several things that I don't remember all the details of.
And then he said, whether you believe I can or, or you believe I can't, I am.
And that was it.
So significant.
Like, it was like huge work from the Lord in that moment.
Like he's like, whether you believe I can or I can't, I am.
And it was such a comfort and assurance that again, has come back up because yeah, it was
like, okay, then it's not even based on my belief.
And I was beating myself up and have struggled similarly as what you're describing with thinking
if I can believe more, if I can have more faith, um, that's the key, that's the ticket.
And so then I put that pressure on myself again to have enough belief, which you're
saying is, yeah, and yeah, it's not, um, and, and I absolutely love that and don't
feel any pressure to, if this is something that's very special and, you know, just precious
and intimate between you and the Lord, but if you, if you felt, um, that the Lord would
allow you to, to share something that was so special with y'all, uh, if, if, um, I know
that people in the group would, would really benefit from hearing that, that sentence,
you know, that your father shared that our father shared this revelation of who it is
that he is in his relationship with us, that, Hey, regardless of what is your, you do or
don't believe it's all based on me.
You're not an obstacle.
I am anyway.
But so anyway, but just to be, there are a lot of things that the Lord just shares.
So that I'm doing it, whether you believe it or you don't believe it was like, Oh, that
was really, really special.
So anyway, I just encourage you.
That's really, that's really, really neat that ministers, you know, to my spirit that
my father, that is who my father is.
So that's exciting.
Yeah, it is very special.
So that, that, yeah, very much relates, um, to what you were just saying about, about
belief and about, about it, you know, somehow being something that I need to conjure up
or that I need more of, or that I don't already have, or, you know, but that, that, that you
can be spinning just based on that belief alone.
Yeah.
Correct.
Yeah.
Or something.
And then we can blame ourselves or believe that some, some, that the blood of some circumstance
or person is on our hands because apparently we didn't believe in that.
Oh, my word.
Yeah.
Good pressure.
Right.
It's like, no.
Because God, Jesus said, Hey, give me the faith of a mustard seed, forget it.
It's like, it's faith, it's, it's based on his character, not, not on us.
So, because he's choosing his character instead of choosing us and our belief.
So then where does faith come in?
Like the faith as small as a mustard seed is that, that just basically that concept
he's pleased with however much faith, like we have, like he's, he'll take us where we
are.
And that it's not, it's not as much about how much we have, but the honesty to say,
like, help my unbelief, you know, in the sense that like, who, who said that was a Peter
or Thomas?
Oh, help thou my unbelief.
That was, um.
That was the father of a, um, I believe as a demon possessed child.
Okay.
Yeah.
Where Jesus says, said something about, um, you know, you need to believe or
whatever, and he said, I do believe that's right.
Yeah.
It was the disciples couldn't cast out the demons from the little boy.
And so he brought him to Jesus.
And so Jesus was talking to the man and it's like, well, no, you need to believe
this and he's like, well, I do, but help my unbelief.
Yeah.
See either way.
Yeah.
That I think is what, what we're talking about, but yeah.
Yeah.
And, um, so in the belief is, you know, as desiring to, it's an element of
co-laboring with the father of, of where he's like, well, I don't want to
just do all of this by my foul.
He's like, let's do it together.
And, um, and because he's given us power and authority to declare into the earth,
certain things to, um, bring earth to bring heaven into earth, because it says
that, that the heaven is the Lord's and the earth was given to man.
So that's what he says in the Bible.
And, um, so if, uh, if the earth was given to us to, to govern and to, uh,
determines things about, well, then he desires to have it's, it's our, uh, when
we believe and meaning come into agreement with what God says is true, then it will
allow things because we have been given to many and over the earth, it will
allow those things to, to manifest.
Um, but at the same time, we are sons of a father.
So even though he's given it to the son, the father still, um, uh, can, uh, can
come in and into things he's given the son, the ability to govern something.
But, um, it says that the earth, uh, that I think it says that the earth is earth
is the Lord's or that I remember anyway, that he's our father.
And so, but he's like, Hey, I've given, I've given you permission.
I give you the power and the authority to declare certain things will and
will not be in the earth, whatever you lose on earth will be loosed in heaven
or whatever you lose out loose on earth.
We've loosed in heaven.
Whenever you lose a bind on earth, we're bound in heaven.
It gives us that part of the authority.
So if we, if we choose to believe them, we were partnering with him, um, what
is declared to be true so that it will manifest into the earth.
If we, and if we don't believe it and we don't come into agreement, you know,
then it can, um, I don't want to say that it can hinder it because we have such
weird ideas around hindering that, um, just to be simple about it.
Yeah.
That's cool.
That brings up, go ahead.
I know I was going to say, and I don't want this to necessarily have to be like
a big thing and if it needs to be like a lot alive or Marco later or something.
That's cool too.
But I was just curious, um, like when you say sons, um, but you don't use
daughters, is that like a strong belief that you have, or is that just something
that you say, or do you believe that we're not daughters?
Correct.
So with me being a daughter and having two daughters and using that term a lot,
like there's times that I'm, I'm like, wait, I'm really genuinely curious.
Like just kind of where you're coming from.
Yeah.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Um, so yeah, there's, um, uh, daughters is here for the earth because it has
nothing whatsoever to do with our relationship with the Lord.
We're all sons of God because, um, the son of God is a type of being, um, just
like there are, um, there's humans, there's angels, there's archangels,
there's seraphim, there's whatever.
The son of God is a type of being.
And, um, so there's, so we don't, we don't have to worry about a dichotomy
between, well, is it sons of God or daughters of God, because it's
acknowledging, um, it's, uh, when we're, when we're talking about our
relationship with the Lord, there's no gender.
We don't have a gender in our, in our, in our spirit.
You know, uh, we're, we're a type of, we're a type of being.
That's what a son of God is.
It's like being an archangel or seraphim.
There's a son of God.
And it's a son of God that, I mean, sorry, it's a type of being that
is higher than any other, any other being.
Um, so does, does that make sense?
It's a, it's a being.
So yeah, that's what you remember.
It says that we were the old man died and the new man was born.
That's the son of God.
You know, it's the old man died.
You're now, you're now a new man.
We're, we're a son of God.
We're, we're an actual being.
It says that we completely changed that we are a new creature.
The new creature that we are is the son of God.
So.
So I it's funny that you bring that up and I'm glad that you did. It never, it never occurred
to me to mention that in the group. And I probably should. It never occurred to me. It's like, oh,
that's right. But, um, I think that one of the things about the whole daughter of God,
like, do you say, do you feel like it's wrong to say I'm a daughter of, of God or the King?
Like that there's something wrong with that? Or is it more, it's a preference of like how
you understand it and saying sons. Cause I get what you're saying. And yet I'm thinking,
because we do live in a body yet we're spirits. And because, you know, of just the way like
language that we have on earth, even if it is, you know, this is, this is true. Like that,
that's what we're all. Um, yeah, just the understanding again, from the perspective of,
of being a woman and having, you know, young girls and the various things about identity that are
related to femininity and things like that. It can be a little bit confusing to say that for me,
like, okay, how do I, you know what I mean? Like, how do I start like using that all the time? And,
and of course the word daughter does come up in just everyday life, whether it's related to
the Lord or, or other relationships or whatever. And he, you know, and then of course he created
us male and female and both attributes, you know, obviously he has, but even if we are sons of God,
I don't know. It's funny. Yeah. No, there's nothing wrong with saying daughters of God,
daughters of God does never, never appears in the Bible because it does. It's not a,
it's not an issue. So I think, but so the creature is called the son of God.
So as long as we know, where was I just reading? Oh, Romans eight. Yeah. It talks about, um,
at least in the, you know, the versions that I'm reading in might not be like in the original,
so that, that could very well be, but it says, you know,
specifically waiting on the sons and daughters to be revealed.
Oh, interesting. Um, so yeah, my translation says sons, but, um, it could be, it could be
the translation, um, you know, in order to, uh, in order to make sure that a point, a certain point
that the translators believe that was being made would be made in the way that that culture would
receive. Yeah, sure. Does that make sense? So there's nothing wrong with saying daughters of
God. Yeah. Um, as, as, um, you know, if we understand, if we're trying to, um, acknowledge
that the feminine or not, not the VMC, there's masculine and feminine in both male and female
men have both masculine and feminine in them. They just, they just, uh, they, uh, they put on
display the masculine stronger than they put than they display the feminine and then vice versa.
You know, uh, female have both masculine and feminine in us. And we put on display that the
more of the feminine. And so if, if it helps someone, um, to acknowledge based on their,
on their perspective to acknowledge that, Hey, there's nothing wrong with the feminine.
And the feminine is accepted before God in equal footing, just like the masculine.
And if they, if they feel that the feminine is embodied by the word daughter and the masculine
is embodied by the word son, if that's how they understand it, and then that's how they want to
want to talk about it, then, then that's fine. Um, but it's important for us regardless to
understand that before the war, whatever terms we use, um, uh, that, that the person
is, there is no difference in, there's no difference in the gender. It's not even like
they have, it's not even like, Oh, we're on all equal footing. No, there's no difference.
There is no gender. Um, and, uh, but talking about our spirit, man, what you're talking about
our spirit, man. Yeah. Yeah. There's no, there's no, there's no gender. Yeah. Correct. And before
the Lord now on the earth, how it, how it manifests things in like pictures. And I apologize
if it's loud, the dogs are like circling, they're just, they're just playing. So they're
running on the, on the carpet or on the guys, guys, Hey, Hey,
anyway, they're cute. They're, they're playing together. So my dog and my brother's dog,
um, I don't remember what I was saying, but anyway, so in order to acknowledge the fact
that the feminine is just, it's just as accepted before the Lord as the masculine,
because he has both feminine and masculinity in us in him. And each of us has both masculine.
on a feminine, within a, well, to believe that the feminine before the Lord is just
as feminine aspect of us, whether we're talking like within a male or within a female is just
as accepted as the masculine. If we want to divide that into a son or a daughter,
you know, in the terms, and that's how we understand it, you know, then that's fine.
It's just important for us to acknowledge and to understand that there's no gender
before the Lord. It's not even like there's two different genders before the Lord,
and He sees them as equal. No, it's important for us to understand there is no gender,
because in other words, there is no difference. Yeah, that's really important. I think that's
a really actually important distinction that, you know, maybe it's just me, but maybe not,
because that's a very different understanding. Not that I disagree with it, but I think it's
an important distinction to voice, I guess, the way that you just did to, that's really like
both aspects of, you know, why, you know, that whole sons versus daughters and the sons and
the terminology, but also most importantly, what you're saying about what you see as most
important in that, and the fact that there's no gender, because that is, yeah, that's like
big, you know, especially because our understanding and our earthly, you know, and then everything
that's going on in our culture, I think it could be a really relevant topic on so many levels,
just with the gender confusion, the sexual orientation confusion, just a lot of things
that it could bring maybe even some freedom. Yeah, well, yeah, and it's, it's been, it's been
attacked, which is very sad, because there's nothing wrong with either the masculine or the
feminine. And they're both beautiful things from the bold aspects of the Lord. So it's like,
one part of the Lord is lower and less than another part of that doesn't make any sense.
So it's important for us, you know, here on earth to acknowledge the fact that both of them
have equal value, contribution, etc. And the Lord just pictured what, okay, so think about it.
When, when Eve was taken out of Adam, there was masculine and feminine within Adam. And so when
he took Eve out of Adam, it was still both masculine and feminine in her, it didn't,
it wasn't like, well, Adam no longer had feminine and Eve no longer, didn't have any masculine. No,
there was still both, but each one pictured and portrayed a particular aspect of the Lord,
so that we would see, we would see not a separation, but we would more clearly see a
distinction between different complementary parts that existed within the same God,
just like they exist within the same person, so that we could actually see on the outside,
what is very difficult to see as a distinction when it's within the same person. And that was
the whole point of it was just so that we would see a different picture. I mean, so that we would
more clearly see something that's going on, that's going on in the unseen world, because it was more
easy for us to have a visible picture with which a known from which we could eventually walk into
understanding an unknown in something that was invisible. So it made the invisible visible by
separating out, separating out the portrayal. And then women have been given historically,
have had particular roles, and that will women do particular things, and where it talks even
in Ephesians, it makes distinctions between women do these things, men do these things,
and women shouldn't, you know, whatever Paul was talking about, that was actually very cultural.
And, and it wasn't like, Oh, well, this is how God needs men and women to always interact. It was
cultural specific to it was well, it was specific to that particular culture, where he was trying
to make a point about what happens in the spirit. And he was just so but the way that the culture
understood it, which is what culture is culture is making the is just making is pictures of ways
that we can understand interaction in ways that we can understand things that are happening in
the spirit, but it doesn't mean that there is separation in the spirit, like there's separation
in in the visible, etc. So the further that the more that the body of Christ has matured,
the less that we have needed distinctions in the visible realm, in like roles, responsibilities,
do's and don'ts.
because we can more readily see and appreciate and value differences without
seeing things like, women you're only allowed in the culture
to do these things and not these others, and men vice versa. We can interchange a
bit more because we have a more mature
understanding without having to dichotomize. Does that make sense? So
anyway, that's what the thing was in Ephesians where he's talking about women
need to have a covering and women can't speak in church. That was the only
way that back then they could understand things about the difference between man
versus Christ. Man is the body, Christ is the head. It's like, okay, just like a man
and a woman, you know, and this is how we bring order in 70 AD or
whenever that was, I don't remember when that was, was that 40 AD? Whenever he was
writing all of that, and it's created a tremendous, but before we
could understand that, it created a, it has created tremendous divide and it
continues to create tremendous divide in certain denominations, and it was a big
bone of contention for me. It was very, very difficult. I didn't understand how,
whether or not he required me to literally cover my head with a
shawl when I prayed before him, and because I was so legalistic in my
mindset, that was a very difficult passage for me, because I didn't grow up
in a denomination that believed that, and yet I believed everything else
literally that the Bible said, except that part, because my culture, my
religious culture that I grew up in, didn't believe in that part, and I didn't
understand how that wasn't also true. So it wasn't until I matured a bit more in
my belief and understanding to realize how that that was actually cultural,
because at the same time, I was like, well how can I pick, cherry-pick what I believe
about the Bible, and which part's cultural, and which isn't, and I had to
understand the difference between the invisible being being made visible in
certain expressions, but it doesn't make the expression the important point. It's
it's for weaker people, but that is the only way that they can, that they can
understand the things of the Spirit, and kind of like me to offer to idols,
whether or not you can drink, whatever, this is another one, you know, yeah, no
weaker, it's not bad, it just means their conscience, right, we can't so much, yeah,
and I had that in certain areas, mm-hmm, yeah, no, that makes so much sense, and I
think, too, in our culture, well, because, yeah, there's a lot, like, because
historically, women have been very much squashed, and silenced, and oppressed, and
I'm not saying men haven't, because that does happen, but to a much greater degree,
and then the very patriarchal society that we've been living in, which, again,
it doesn't mean I'm not a feminist in the sense that, you know, I'm trying to
say, no, actually, women are, are better, but I, I definitely have a heart to
recover the feminine side, and even, you know, so many women that have just been
shut down and in hiding in various ways, um, and not coming fully alive because,
because of all these messages, and because of all these cultural things, and
so there is a distinction there that, whether I like it or not, is, like, I love
that we can go higher and not, you know, and see that there doesn't have to be
that distinction, there really isn't that distinction, ultimately, and yet, in the
here and now, there is that distinction in various ways, because we are women, or
we are, you know, little girls, and there are things that we're learning about,
what does that look like, and, and to be healthy, and accepting, and even valuing
the differences of what we bring, or the fact that God gave us the ability to, to
carry, and to bear, and to birth life, you know, and that isn't something that, that
men do, and there are these distinctions there, but at the same time, completely
makes, like, what you're saying about there not being a distinction before,
before him, and why he created the male and female, and all that, that's really,
really cool, so. Thank you. Thanks for sharing. That's really good. And we're all
given different, um, calling is just such a word that I just feel is ever, ever used,
but I, so I wish I could think of a better, yeah, that we just kind of have a
different, um, thing on our hearts.
You know, different people are given different things on their hearts.
And for me, um, the way that I see, I just, especially with the feminine thing,
it's never bothered and hasn't bothered me.
And I grew up in Turkey where women were, um, I watched women being
treated like possessions and they would be beaten.
It was a normal thing that, uh, that, that people just accepted that when,
that when a woman got married, she was to be beaten on my hand by her husband.
It was something that you expected.
So it was kind of like one of those things where you, you chose which man
you'd prefer to live with and be beaten by it was terrible.
And, um, um, and, um, I mean, not that they would ever word it like that, but
that's kind of what it was and, um, they, uh, you, um, in any way, but for me,
I just, I just, what's on my heart is to talk and to speak like, well, this is
how it is and, and, and to just totally bypass the whole, yeah, well, it totally
bypassed conversations so much in living out and fighting for how, what it's not.
Sure.
Calling out and highlighting and, and, um, highlighting the lies
of see all of this stuff.
Yeah.
It's not like that.
And it just fighting it for me.
What's on my heart is just clear and acts like what it, what is, and I've had,
I've been in situations.
I mean, it's to the point where when people have, uh, uh, have treated me
differently because, uh, it has seemed to have treated me differently because I'm
a woman, it took me months to figure it out because I don't see it.
I'm just like, I'm just like, oh, well, they're just a person and they're,
they're acting like this towards me.
Cause I'm another person and there's something about me.
They just don't like, it did not occur to me.
Until someone else pointed out, Ashley, I think it's because you're a woman.
No, they wouldn't do that.
I mean, and I grew up in Turkey.
I mean, and I watched it prevalent and I couldn't, I couldn't see it's
because I just don't see it.
Cause I'm like, yeah, but it's not true.
It's not true.
It doesn't matter if that's how people see it, if it's not true.
And I'm not indifferent.
I'm not, I'm not devalued because of who it is, but I am.
What does it matter if that's why they're doing it to me?
So I couldn't recognize it.
Um, and other people had to point it out to me.
So anyway, that's, what's just on my heart.
So I don't, I don't, it's such a cool, I totally get what you're saying and
focusing on what is and not what isn't and, and, and not fighting against this,
but just going with what, what is, and being an example of, of that just kind
of unhindered and, um, but my point is that that was, that's, that's what the
Lord's put in my spirit, there are other people that, and I'm trying to
make a very clear distinction.
There are other people, however, that have this, this, um, uh, this thing that,
that the Lord has called them to, to highlight the lies and to bring them to
the light, very specifically addressing them and showing people, Hey, this right
here, this isn't true and to fight me.
He has not given the mandate to fight against that, that I'm, that I'm aware
of, you know, unless, unless it's going to reveal it later to fight against the
lies of, of, um, that feminism tries to highlight and whatever.
And, and I'm even, I'm not even talking about like secular ideas of feminism.
I'm talking about like, you know, ideas of, uh, like to, to value the feminine
from a Christian perspective and whatever.
Well, and so that's why I don't talk about it.
I don't, it doesn't go on and use the, and, um, does that make sense?
People, they want to, they want to highlight those things, mention them,
edify other people, encourage other women from that perspective.
And for me, I just, I don't, I just be, yeah, but this is what it is as opposed
to talking about what it's not.
Yeah.
I think I come from, like, I think about that a lot because it's, it's, there is a
difference, but I think about how, just with the Lord, how like that is my desire
is to, to live the example of what it is.
But then I live in that tension of, um, knowing so many women, so, so many women
and girls and my own experience of not knowing that these things are not just
me or that I'm the only one that struggles with them or not feeling isolated and
alone in these struggles, lies or whatever.
And so, um, and.
specifically sometimes as it relates to like learning like coming into healthy thinking
and also healthy relationships and healthy communication and healthy like view of ourselves
all of that when you have either you know been mistreated or abused for for your feminine
qualities or because you're a girl or a woman or just the fact that you happen to be a girl
or woman that has been abused by the opposite sex and sometimes it can be you know the same
sex as well like women can be you know hurt or wounded by women and it's not that I want
to highlight those hurts but it's that I personally see that in order to help women out
into like what is sometimes it means addressing which I think you do too I mean because you share
about your story and your struggles sometimes it means addressing that and sometimes it even
means addressing that that is something that is cultural or that has happened to many more
than just one or two or or the fact that you know even acknowledging women because they haven't
been acknowledged yeah you know acknowledging the fact that it's real that you haven't been
acknowledged and until in some ways you know when it's like oh well everybody struggles that or
everybody goes through things or all the excuses we make sometimes it's just being seen in that that
that that moment where we can can be seen and known I mean obviously ultimately by the lord but
even in relationship to one another or one other person there can be I mean light bulb moments I
mean there's so much to be said for being seen and known just being seen and known in your
experience and so that's why I feel like it's so important to share our stories and why I'm I know
I'm called so much to like a storytelling creative storytelling kind of ministry and and organization
you know as a woman I'm not as a single woman especially and with young girls I'm just I'm not
in a position where I can relate to men and go as deep and and diving in with with men in the
healing and the emotions and the different things that I can with women and I don't have that
experience to even be able to relate to them on that level not that I don't think they're equals
or or as if we're all important all that it's just like I so god's given me a ministry specifically
and a heart specifically for women children and specifically girls of all ages but then
also people who who are coming out of brokenness like I just have a tremendous
compassion and that includes men you know but sometimes it's like but I can't go there without
potential problems with those boundaries of with men and everything me personally and I feel like
in protecting my girls and stuff um from letting men to come into my life and so let's I kind of
keep that in mind when it's like I'm not I'm not trying to like you know not say men are really
important to me because they're just as important to me it's just that I for whatever reason have
this heart for women so anyways can I come right back and go potty super quick my bladder is the
smallest like I will do the same you do the same okay the tea drinkers right we'll be right that's
right okay
you
hey okay hi we're back so anyway my point in telling you all that is I
didn't want you to think that the way that I view it is that well the only the
way that I do it is the only way that is the way that I view it the only way the
way that I approach it it's not the only way to do it and it's not the only one
that is blessed and called of the Lord to approach it from because here's a
good biblical example so in other words well let me just say the example so
David was and you may have heard me mention this example before David was
called of the Lord to be a warrior king and he expanded Israel's boundaries he
fought he killed people and killing people back then was a was a it was a
pretty gruesome process because they had to fight you know hand-to-hand combat
and they hand-to-hand combat means I mean you've got a sword and I mean that
person has to be pretty doggone close and you have to wheel you have to put a
lot of effort and energy into wielding that sword to ram it into them to slide
slice off their head like halfway through the head and it'll be like blood
going everywhere you're covered with I don't know how many different people's
blood it's a very gruesome thing and God called David to be a warrior king for
his people to expand the boundaries etc however and it says that David was a man
after God's own heart but when David asked hey I want to build a temple for
you God said you can't he said you have too much blood on your hands he said so
you can't do it he said Solomon however your son will be a peaceful king and he
will he and he will not go to war and he will build my temple so each has their
purpose each has their and and who set up Solomon to be able to do that who
established a peaceful kingdom for Solomon to be able to not have to go to
war to be able to receive all of the tribute from all of those that land and
all of those peoples that his father had conquered that enabled that set Solomon
up to be able to receive all of this gold like is that all of this tributes
to be the wealthiest man and he'd ever lived and and to be able to build a
beautiful temple that you know it's gone down in history as being the most
you know as being the most you know gorgeous building that's ever been built
David David prepared him for that so but at the same time David wasn't allowed to
God said you know you can't touch my temple you can't build it because of
what it is that you have that the the stuff that you've touched the stuff that
you have and you know well that's stuff that you've touched can't touch my
temple etc but they were each loved and blessed and called by the Lord for those
purposes but they look opposite but just because they look opposite does not
discredit or disqualify either one of them before the Lord you know so there's
ways of doing it so I just have my way of doing it and then I agree and I'm
glad you shared that because I'm that I totally align with all of that like it
makes complete sense to me and that's how I think about you know purpose and
calling and the mantles or whatever you want to in whatever term you want to use
that are placed on us and given to us oh yeah there is such a need for every
single one and that's a lot of the message the Lord's given he specifically
is actually to nurture and to champion and encourage each one toward the Lord
calling and purpose uniquely, but also know that we're in it together. So there's this oneness,
you know, in the body, but then there's also this, this, these unique pieces and roles that
we each play that are not any one more significant than the other. But it does matter that we step
into them fully and don't try to be anyone else, or compare ourselves to others. And
this is a time for that message, if there ever was a time, you know, where it's like,
it's just such a ripe, such a ripe time where, yeah, I just, I see it as,
I see this as, you know, not the end of the world, but of the harvest. I don't know, I don't see,
I don't see, I don't know, I don't know enough about, you know, I haven't, I purposely haven't
read all the eschatology stuff and try to figure that out. And I mean, I just don't,
just don't hear it. I don't see it. You know, I mean, I try to be open and love, you know,
like you said, your friends, because that might be what God's called them to or truly saying and
preparing, you know, them for, but then how do you nourish, you know, again, how you encourage
that without
taking it on yourself. I lost you for a second. Are you there?
Yeah, I'm here.
Okay. I lost you for a second. Sorry. So I was saying like, how do you not take that on yourself?
So this is a lot of my, I guess, you know, there's so many things we can talk about,
but as far as like pressing things that are on my heart right now, I feel like
they kind of go hand in hand. So the, the, the opinions and the callings and the,
even, you know, good, godly wisdom of other people versus the voice of God specifically
to us, like needing to be led by the Holy Spirit. Like he is our teacher. He's our,
we don't learn through, you know, the institution of church and the pastor and elder board and have
to go through, you know, hearing it this way from this person, from this theology standpoint,
whatever, but that we hear directly from him. We have a personal relationship. We, we hear from
him in a myriad of ways. And it's very real that we are called to love him and put him in his
elbow, his voice above all others. And yet there's, there's room for godly wisdom. And he, he
works so much through people. That is a lot of in various ways, this is going to come out, but a lot
of my struggle has been letting people, even well-meaning or whatever, but people speak too
much into my life or letting maybe the wrong people close to me that are not safe people,
slash, even if they are safe people, not having the boundary, be able to say, this is, you know,
I honor what you're saying and where you're at and appreciate that. And yet, you know,
until the Lord tells me that specifically, this is where, where he has me, what he's been saying,
you know, but it's, it's been difficult because I want to be teachable. I want to be teachable.
So both two examples of this one, when I said there's two, two and one,
one is what I refer to as people that I love who are talking about being led to like prepare,
like stock, stock up on just basic things. Like they don't totally know why, or maybe they think
they know why for, you know, water and toilet paper and things that they don't, you know,
friends that are very much like spirit led in the same circles, you know, we align on everything
else, but it's like, I don't want to think about that because it brings me fear. So how do I honor
them, but not take on that? And then the second one is after this, I'm going to, this is why it's
more urgent. I'm going to be at the home of my house church parents, like spiritual parents.
And they have through the season, very much encouraged me to, in a very specific direction
of getting, doing whatever I have to do to get a job and provide for my family. Now,
they also encourage you to listen to the Lord and do what he says above all else. They're spirit led,
spirit filled, you know, baptized, you know, and water and fire and all this. And it's like,
I do feel like the Lord, I want to be open to receiving wisdom because I haven't exactly,
I can't look back and be like, Oh, I have this great track record of stability. And so
that's part of why I let people speak in too, is because it's like,
who am I and really look at the mess my life has been,
so maybe I should listen to them.
But then again, that gets me in more trouble
because I keep trying to do what people are suggesting
and not listening just to trusting myself at all
and then listening to like the fact that I can trust
that I hear his voice.
And they are ones that I've avoided
in some ways like personal time with them,
not outside of like our Zoom church
or what we've done through COVID.
Some Zoom worship and some in person now,
but they keep asking, they'll ask about my work.
They'll ask about my, they ask about my work.
And that's kind of like all that they touch base on
or they're quick to like, hey, how are you doing?
And then are you getting more hours at your work
or are you getting another, have you got another job?
And they've just, they very much,
now understand too, the generation is they're 70, okay?
So this is a 70 year old couple.
Again, father, mother and the Lord,
but like even the generation is probably like,
you just work and you do this.
And if you're not providing for your family, don't.
And I don't even feel comfortable
that this is causing a,
what I'm needing is an encouragement.
I've done enough working for it and striving
and doing all the right things for four years
as a single mom and trying to get back on track
and all these things.
And it's not like I've been lazier
that I'm not willing to give up next.
And that makes it harder for me to stand on my own two feet
because what I'm not saying is I,
but that then gives people too much room
where they're like telling me things
like you need to do this.
And if you aren't knocking down doors to get a job,
like how are you expecting to pay your bills
and take care of your children and all this stuff?
And so it sounds wise, but it's like,
I feel so uncomfortable right now
because I feel misunderstood.
I don't feel like what you're really seeing
the big picture, you don't see now.
And the biggest call on my life right now
is to trust myself.
So yeah, I'm willing to get a job.
I've been willing to get a job.
I've been telling him that I have maintained a job.
Unlike a lot of friends I know
who are living on unemployment, which is fine too.
I didn't go get unemployment through this season.
I have, and the Lord continues to provide.
He has been providing.
So I have that, but it's like,
that looks to some people like,
well, you're just living off of other people's
good kindness and good graces,
like donations and things like that.
And you can't do that forever.
And it's like, I hear you.
But again, I don't want to give them room
to speak much into this where I'm taking it to heart
and I'm allowing myself to feel clouded
or stressed or anxious.
Like I'm not enough, I'm not doing enough,
but I don't know how to keep up.
And what I really need is your prayer
that you'll just continue to lift me and the girls up
and trust the Lord for us,
for direction and all these things.
But in their mind, it's like,
well, the direction's right in front of you,
like just get a job.
And I don't know that maybe if they heard me say,
if I were able to share my heart,
like that's my hope today,
that there could be an understanding,
but I feel uncomfortable because I feel like
they're taking this parental role of,
we know what's best for you and this is it.
And yet you're telling me to listen to God's voice first
and above all others.
And he's not saying that.
And what you said last night on Marco Polo,
you're right in the sense that I thought about that,
like maybe he's not saying the right thing.
Completely from work, maybe it's a different approach.
I'm ready to launch a coaching consulting business
and I have everything in place to think that
he wants me to completely put on hold for longer
or is that gonna come into alignment soon?
Or the other one is that I have not felt ready
to take a job from this new paradigm yet.
I feel like I'm right in the middle of shifting
and I don't, like if it's true,
what you said on Marco Polo, which could be,
and you're saying it could be, that, are you still here?
I am, it's breaking up quite a bit,
but so far I've been able to get the gist of what you're saying
Okay. Okay, shoot. Um, okay. So if I'm going to take a full time job or whatever it is, I haven't
felt peace about that. And I think a lot of the reason is not that I'm, I don't realize that I
could do it from a different place, but just that I'm not at the new place yet I'm in crossing.
I'm in crossing like where I'm moving currently into that space. And I feel like he's saying
there's, there's grace as you move into that space. So you can operate in your work or whatever
I tell you you're going to do next, or we decide or whatever from a place of rest and operate from
a place of overflow. But I'm not there yet. If I did it right now, I would be striving.
Does that make sense to you? Yes, it does. And again, I'm not saying that I know what it is the
Lord wants you to do. I'm just throwing out different things that I've had to learn. And,
and so I now realize that, in other words, that my understanding and how I interpret that my
understanding of the world has become and my interactions with the world has become more
the world has become in my interactions, the Lord and the Spirit is broader than I used to think.
In other words, it was just like, Oh, is this or is this? It was like two options. And the Lord's
like, No, actually, there's like four or five. I'm like, Oh, okay. Now I go through about the
four or five of them. And, and so another idea is also that something that I've learned
is that sometimes the Lord calls us into something when and and something that we don't
feel that we can and I think I mentioned this. I could be wrong. But I think that I mentioned this
maybe in a in a Q&A recently, or Thursday night or something that that the Lord will sometimes
call us into into doing something where we don't fully we're not fully operating in the new thing
yet. I mean, like know how to do it. It's more like God's like, Okay, I'm going to put you in it.
And then you're going to learn it while you're in it. So sometimes he does that as well. But
that I so I just mentioned that as another as another option. I mean, not another option as
another thing that will another way that he that he one of the ways in which he calls us to step
into something is that it's not always being fully having gone through it before it's learned. It's
the trial by fire. It's a hey, in the middle of it, I will have I will show you what to do.
As the moments come up, as opposed to and it's a new revelation in real time. So there is some
some of that. I don't know what it is he's going to do. I'm just letting you know that. Yeah,
he does do that. But But yeah, who you know, who knows? From my perspective,
know what it is that the Lord's the Lord is telling you. I've watched my own
progress with the Lord. And in having a job, being working on a job, it not coming,
it not in a Lord not giving me peace. Like for instance, I was starting out to try to build a
an online business. And it was before I got into teaching about the message of rest. This is before
that when I was trying out and testing other messages. Yeah, he I I was being pressured
by people to get a job. And in fact, I was I was being pressured by people that
considered themselves to be spiritual parents of mine. And they, they told me that that because
there were some relationship issues, actually, that I was struggling with them in. And so I
wanted to talk to them about some of the relationship issues. And they told me,
you know, actually, we're not willing to talk to you as you know, spiritual parents, we're not
willing to that's not the word they use. But they said, we're not willing to talk to you about any
relationship issues that you have with us until you get a job. Wow, that that's that's verbatim
what they said. And what do you do? And so what I did is I tried to honor them for their role
in any who it is that they were in the spirit, that they weren't not their role, but who it is
that they were in the spirit and for the Lord and all of that, and try to honor them in my heart as
much as I could.
Um, and just ask the Lord to father me into that while I was in the middle of it, but
I thought, yeah, but where's my piece at?
So what I did is I thought, okay, Lord, I don't believe that you're telling me to do
this.
I don't believe that you're telling me to go get a job.
I believe that you're telling me that the direction that I'm heading, what it is that
I keep trying to figure out how to do, um, and how to step into with you doing this online
and building something and all of that.
I believe this is what you want me to do, but I'm getting this other message.
And so Lord, I'm going to test it.
And um, and so, cause I, I'm wondering, are you in that, are you telling me that?
So what I did is, um, I, um, also to honor that relationship, but so that I said not
to honor that relationship, but just kind of smooth, some ruffled feathers with that
relationship as well as to test, not, not test the Lord, but, um, kind of like test
the spirit.
Cause I was, I thought, okay, by action, I can start testing and start feeling things
in the spirit.
How does the spirit feel like to me when I'm doing these things?
And so I put out a lot of job resumes, um, and reached out to a lot of multiple people
that I had either worked, that had, that I'd either worked for, or that had reached
out to me and said, Ashley, if you ever find yourself, um, where you want a job, we will
hire you.
I reached out to multiple.
And would you know that three of them didn't respond at all, at all.
I mean, these are people that approached me and said, I mean, one of them was a man that
I had only had one meeting with and that had about something totally different.
I was, it was, um, it was at FedEx and I just happened to have a meeting with him presenting
a particular project to him.
And he saw me a week later and, uh, and I was about to leave the company to start what
I'm doing now.
And he said, um, Ashley, I've, I've been asking around about you ever since that meeting where
you presented your project and asking people about you, I've just got, I've, you said that
you're about to go and start your own company.
He said, um, I would like to see if you'd be interested instead by, uh, coming to work
for me.
He said, it's not public knowledge, but so-and-so's leaving, come leaving my, leaving my team.
And I would like to offer you her position.
And that was a position that was going to all not quite double my salary, but you know,
it was going to at least increase it by like 50% maybe.
Um, and I, I told him, I said, um, and he's, and I said, you know, I really appreciate
it, but this is what it is that I feel that I want to do.
I want to go off on my own and be a turnaround business consultant.
And he said, if you ever find yourself, um, where you decide to come to not do your own
thing anymore and come back to work, he said, you give me a call.
So I did.
He totally, he, he did.
Um, I went directly to him.
I contacted him directly.
I also went through the normal FedEx recruiting process and applied for a specific job that
that particular position that he had available.
And this was like, I think this was like a year later, he still hadn't filled the position.
And so the person that he'd asked to fill the position is coming to him both personally
as well as through normal protocol.
And he never contacted me at all.
And this is somebody who approached me and, and then saying that happened multiple times,
multiple times.
I contacted previous employers that I'd worked for that, that just loved me and no response.
It was wild.
So it was so obvious, not just to me, but to these people that, that desired to be my
spiritual parents that saw themselves that way, that it was so evident that the, that
they saw that in the world's eyes, I had done everything.
I had the perfect scenario multiple times to be given a job.
And from people who had reached out to me that I hadn't reached out to, and all of it
fell through all of it.
And so they finally agreed that this apparently was at the Lord, but that's what the, that's
just what I did.
I, I, because it's very difficult for the Lord to, uh, not difficult for the Lord.
It is sometimes difficult for us to hear things when we're not moving.
So I thought, okay, Lord, I've not moved with the whole job thing for a while because I'm
doing, I'm trying to start this other business, but that isn't working.
The Lord let me move in a different direction and just kind of like test.
So put out some feelers and see if now that I'm moving my parked car, now that I'm moving
it, how, how do I hear the spirit moving?
I don't have to accept these jobs when they come to me.
Yeah.
I'm just, I'm just trying to sense the spirit, you know, so I'm moving my car to see.
what it is that the spirit, but that's what I did. But I'm telling you, that was a very difficult
decision for me to make because I felt, Lord, is this me not trusting you? Is by me putting
these feelers out when I believe you told me not to do this, you know, months ago, am I now acting,
you know, am I not trusting you? And so that was true. That was challenging. But I just told the
Lord my heart. I was like, Lord, I want to do what you want me to do. But I'm struggling.
But I'm just making sure that all of these months later, when these people who are claiming to be
my spiritual parents, I'm trying to test the spirit. Is this you or not? And so that's what
I chose to do. And, and it was sure it took a lot of time, effort and energy. And it was annoying.
Yeah. But that's what I ended up doing. But yes, it was very challenging. And finally, I just,
I just let it go because everything was falling through. And I, and I was just starting in the
spirit repeatedly as these things would fall through. Yeah. This isn't the one he has for me.
Yeah. This isn't the job that he has from yet. It's not because I was, I was testing it. Yeah.
I don't want to say I was putting out a fleece. I was testing the spirit. I wasn't testing to see
what would happen. I wasn't telling God, okay, God make these things happen. And then I'll know
when I just watch him from an, from a very, uh, from a very safe distance, what is happening.
And then I'll know that this is what I'm supposed to do. No, I was testing the spirit. How do I feel
when, when, uh, as, as this thing progresses in the pursuit of a potential job with this person
versus in a potential job with this person versus in a potential job with this person.
And I would just test the feeling of just test the spirit is what I was doing. It wasn't putting
out a fleece waiting for something to happen. That makes sense. So, um, but that's what I did.
Was that right before this? Huh? Was that right before this?
Yes, that was, that was an August. Okay. August. Yeah. It was an August slash September
that I did that. Um, and, uh, anyway, and by the time that I finally heard for sure, okay,
this is not what the Lord wants me to do. And I let it all go. I still didn't know what I should
do. Finally, though, I did get my first client because I kept testing different messages,
different things that, and to ask the Lord, okay, Lord, what is it that you want though? What have
you put inside me that you want me to interact with other people in, how do you want your spirit
and my spirit to flow into other people's lives? That's what I mean by testing the message.
And, uh, and what is it that anyway, how do people respond to me? What meant, what,
what do I speak? What does my spirit speak that other people is resonating with other people's
spirits and what they're teaching them and putting on their hearts. And then they're drawn to me.
And, uh, and I got my first client in October. Um, and, and that was after I had been doing this
for like 10 months. Um, I had been pursuing my own, uh, my own job. I had had my own company
since it was formed in May of 2018, but I had a turnaround consulting job that I left FedEx for
to go directly into. It was a brick and mortar location. And I, I stepped into that for multiple
months. And so it wasn't until a year after that, that I got my first job. Yeah. Sorry,
not my first job. I got my first client out of that. So, and yeah, I was, I was, I was, um,
existing on, on, um, uh, on, uh, what do you call it? Uh, my, uh, bank account.
Mm. And sorry, my savings account. And then I had, um, I, um, saved up quite a bit. I,
so I lived off of my savings account and some other things. Um, anyway, so for a while,
I just got rolling or, I mean, kind of still like, as you're getting things going, like how, I mean,
if you're willing to share just like, like, do you feel like it's responsible to, you know,
even think that God could just like provide when you're not, your income doesn't match your need.
Um, is it, oh, uh, so the thing about responsibility is, um, when we're talking
about it in terms like what you're talking about is real, that is related to our, our
worldly perceived idea of responsibility that, um, it's not risk quote unquote deemed responsible
according to a worldly standard to, I don't know, to do X,
Y and Z, while the Lord doesn't follow those same standards. He says, no, trust my character.
It trusts my, you live on my word. You don't live by bread. And so in the world's eyes,
they would say, Hey, look, if you don't have food, you, you got to understand you can't live.
And God's like, no, no people have been surviving in the desert or on Mount Sinai or whatever for
80 days at a time without food. So in other words, that we can't use the world's standards.
We live according to the living word of God and he provides food. He provides money. He provides,
you know, he, he provides for us in ways that don't have to evidence themselves as physical
food. Don't have to evidence themselves as physical money. Um, or he could give us food
or he gives money and et cetera. So the, in other words, we don't have to always have a job
in order to be provided for. We, um, and I I'm trying, what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to
kind of like blow our, our perspective of, of the way that the world works out of the,
completely out of the water, the Lord works in those systems, but they're not our provision.
Our job is not our provision. Our God is our provision. Even if we have jobs,
which I have a job, you have a job that it's not our provision. And it's very important that we
understand that. And that we choose to receive that as the Lord, that he still works within
the system and that we can have a job and we can get money through the job, but it's God,
who's giving us the money, not the job. Right. Even if we have a job, that's very important
where we rely on the job, believing that it's the job that's providing for us. That's the problem.
Yeah. So whether or not we have a job, uh, so when we follow the Lord, oftentimes it borders on,
if not flat out. So oftentimes God's, uh, God's word to step out in what we would see as
irresponsibility is actually us being responsible because we're following the, the, the word of the
Lord. So how did you explain that to your spiritual parents or like, what was your approach?
You know, just in light of, of, um, you know, both your story and what I've shared with you
about mine. Like, I don't know, I don't want to just like try to please them and say the
right things. I don't want to feel like I have to like explain myself to them. Yeah. And you don't,
I didn't explain myself either. Um, I, uh, my choice to, to actually, um, put out resumes and
all of that stuff was not something, what was something that I, um, chose to do between me
and the Lord, because my point was not to follow what my spiritual parents, well, who they thought
they wanted to be my spiritual parents. They weren't my spiritual parents, but they thought
that they were, so they were taken on that role and, and insisting and whatever. And, uh, because
they are people that are in my life, uh, regardless of what role it is that I'd that I feel from the
Lord that they hold, they felt that they held up to the role. Um, and they took on for that,
like, how did you honor, you know, I feel like they feel this way too, because they're
leading the house church that I'm going to with my girls that have passed nine months or so.
And again, I want to honor them. I don't want to be sassy. You know what I mean?
I want to have confidence as well in what I'm saying. And I feel like when people come at me
with this, like, well, what are you doing for work? Like, what are you, so have you been looking
like, have you, you know, all these different questions, it feels like I'm under the microscope.
Yeah. Um, well, there's a bunch of things that are going on there. Um, they are, they, um, are
imposing their, and I don't mean this in a, in a terribly negative way, but they're imposing
their belief of, of, um, of the way that they want the, what they believe about God. They're
imposing that on you and they have to see it work out in your life in order to be assured
of where it is that they're finding safety in theirs, in their life. They're finding safety
in that. And, and if you go off and do something different, it means that they don't have to be
living their lives the way that they are. If, if God provides for you without you having to
have a job, they don't know what to do with that because they built their lives off of the fact
that this is how it works. This is what God requires of me. And it's burdensome. And, um,
not that they believe that there is that burdensome. Um, and, and I, and I understand,
I'm not trying to just to declare that this is what they were thinking, that this is,
that this is what they're thinking.
and feeling, I'm putting out ideas about,
these are different ways that people approach it.
And so that's one of the ways that people
are imposing things on other,
and judgments on other people of,
hey, you shouldn't, shouldn't be doing this,
because it makes us feel that there's a reason
why we've set it up that way in our life.
And so therefore we think,
well, other people have to do that in their lives
in order for it to be right in mine.
And I'm trying to verify for myself and assure myself,
this is how it has to be.
And therefore everybody else has to do it too.
It's like level playing field, and this is how it works.
We believe that we would be hurt if we didn't do this,
and we don't want them to be hurt by them not doing it.
We believe that their blood is gonna be on our hands.
We're responsible for them if we don't continually ask,
that kind of a thing.
And as opposed to just leaving someone up to the Lord.
It's a connection that they've made between you and them.
Sorry, I know I'm judging you.
I was just saying, like, is it something
where maybe I can give them permission
to not feel responsible?
I mean, part of it is-
That's what I was gonna say.
When I lost my job, I think they felt that sense of urgency
and the house church, because they don't take,
well, yeah, they don't have their offerings
go through the building,
like they're able to directly help the people in need.
And so there was a couple times that they did,
but I don't feel like I've let go of that
for five or so months of these unknowns,
not even looking to that as a source of provision.
If we get in a bind or whatever,
just really honestly trusting that even if they say,
unless you have a full-time job, we're not gonna help you.
Or if they continually cause me to feel like
I'm doing something wrong and I'm not enough
and I'm not doing enough, that I don't have to even,
I can trust that God can provide in other ways
and let them off the hook.
Like they don't even have to offer or give
or feel the need to anything
just because we're in their house church.
Correct, yes, that's what I was going to mention
is to just, when they impress something on you
that you do not believe your piece is at
because you need to go wherever your piece is at,
which is what I was talking about in the polo yesterday.
You need to go wherever your piece is at
and then just rest in that.
And when you do, you can just let people know
if your piece is not to receive
what it is that they're offering
or if they're just not offering it
and you, but they're telling you,
hey, they're giving you advice
whether you're not asking for it, et cetera.
And you don't feel peace from the Lord to receive it.
Or you can just honor them and in your heart,
just honor them in your heart,
not having ill will towards them and just understanding,
well, this is just where they are
with what it is that they understand from the Lord.
The Lord is calling me into something special
and intimate with Him that I don't,
He's not calling me to hold myself,
have them hold me, He's not asking me
to have them hold me accountable.
Like I've been saying that to myself,
but thinking I don't know how to express to them
sort of the final decision.
How do I let them off the hook
or how do I express that without saying,
correct, you just kindly mentioned
from a place of like honoring them in their heart
that I really, I always hear your love
and your care and your concern for me
and that enriches me and that speaks so much to my heart
that gives me what it is that I need from you.
And I really appreciate that.
However, I would like to let you,
I would like to relieve you of this responsibility
and this obligation that you seem to be feeling
that I do not hold you responsible or obligated to.
You're not responsible to be my provision,
you're not responsible to worry about me
because I am the Lord's and I feel at rest
and at peace that He is going,
that my Father is going to provide for me
and I'm constantly looking for where my peace is at with Him
and I want you to know that you're not responsible for me.
I'm sorry if you feel that way
and I would like to let you know,
I'm releasing you from any sense of responsibility.
I am holding my God accountable
for following through on His word.
you know, or whatever. So in other words, kindly telling them, you know, for one thing,
telling them that you're caring about them by releasing them from any sense of obligation,
that you don't hold that, but that as opposed to attacking them. Right. And saying, you know, like,
which is what most people would do, because we kind of feel threatened. Like, oh, my word,
you're forcing me to receive something that I don't want to receive. But then we can't,
nobody can force that on us. We don't have to receive something just because somebody gives it.
Meaning like we don't have to receive internally, they can say whatever, and we don't have to
receive it internally. But just that, so instead of coming at them and attacking them, like, hey,
you can't say those things, don't say those things to me. They have a need. And they're using you to
fulfill that need that that it is that they have to to love to care, concern, worry, they feel this
obligation, be a son of God, and speak in your power and your authority. I release you, you know,
from any from any obligation, I want you to know, I do not hold you accountable, or obligated or
responsible for what decisions that I make, or what it is, where it is that I feel that my piece
is that with the Lord, I, I don't understand what's going on, because I'm in the middle of it,
I don't understand how things are going to work. All I know is that no other place, do I feel the
peace of my father, as much as I do where I'm at, and following him and where I'm at. I know,
you're right, I don't know how it's going to work out. I don't know all of the house, but I feel
that this is where my piece is at. And I'm and I'm choosing to trust him. So I'm holding him responsible
and accountable to fall through to follow through with his word. Not a human, not another human being,
not not other parents or spiritual parents or whatever. And speaking to them from that place,
and then just continuing to, does that all make sense? Yeah, it makes really good sense. And then,
you know, that's up to them how they how they receive that. And hopefully that will relieve
them, whatever feeling and even becoming something come up, like for rich, the husband,
you know, I've, I've, I've a couple times, and this is probably his own, you know, yeah,
just things that have happened in the past or his views and his beliefs. But I've almost like seen,
and I've definitely seen and felt at times the disapproval and even like, almost like he starts
to tremble a little bit like he's frustrated or angry. Yeah. And I don't know where it's coming
from. But I don't want to receive that. And it feels really icky or gross. Like it just doesn't
feel I'm not judging him for that. But I'm like, okay, there's something there where there's like
a control, like a physically see you start to like shake or clench, you know, like that you're like,
you need to do this, you know, kind of attitude. And I don't have anybody tell me that I'm sorry,
like, I'm not trying to be rebellious. I'm honestly not. I don't even have parents. I don't
even have I mean, I haven't really ever had parents since I was 16, you know, ever tell me what to do.
And it's not that I'm not being willing to, I'm not willing to be told it's actually I've actually
listened probably too much to people. I've been too willing. And of course, I've gone through
rebellious stages. But like, this is just genuinely not their place to come down like a strict parent
and tell me, you know, trembling that, you know, why didn't you do what we told you to do and
suggested that you go get unemployment and do this and that you haven't you haven't gone down
that avenue. So grilling me, I mean, literally grilling me and it feels like comes out of
nowhere, but it definitely impacts in some ways how I see them. And in order for me to feel like
I can be part of, you know, otherwise, what seems like really healthy fruit. And what I see, you
know, happening and all that in the group, like I have to allow that to be an area that the Lord has
to, you know, is going to deal with or is, you know, loving him through and but, but remove my
soul from from being under that, or else it's going to make me run from the whole thing.
Correct.
Can you hear me? Okay. Okay, I can now. Yeah.
Yeah. Sorry, I've had to move about a little bit here. That's fine.
That's super helpful. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you might all of that and
you might have to do it multiple times, just FYI. And just read and just remind them every now,
you know, whenever they do that, you know, I understand that I really appreciate all of the
love, you know, I received that love. And thank you so much. You know, I feel very cared about.
But I, but I, you know, you're not responsible. Please don't conceal that you're
are responsible for my choices and you're showing me all of the love and you're showing
me the care.
You're showing the concern.
You're giving me the advice and the wisdom and I appreciate that, but you're not responsible
for God following through on what I believe has been his consistent word to me, no matter
how many times I go to him and no matter how many different perspectives that I view it
from and how many different alternative solutions that I give him.
You might just have to do that and I recommend that in situations like this to just say it
as simply and as quickly as possible as opposed to just reiterating and rehashing the point
because what that can do is that it can just continue the discussion where they now feel
like they have to debate you and tell you how it's wrong, but I appreciate the loving
and concern and all that, but you're not responsible.
I don't worry.
I don't hold you responsible and I don't believe the Lord holds you responsible for, well,
you don't even have to do any of that because again, that can get into a debate.
You're not responsible for the Lord following through on his word to me, but I really appreciate
all of that love and care and concern and whatever.
The biggest thing that is going to change their mind, because they don't believe that
this kind of thing is just telling them this, it's going to change their mind.
They believe it, it's deep down, but allow the Lord to change their understanding by
watching your life, watching him continually come through for you, even though they are
giving you the opposite advice and that is going to be the biggest testimony, but until
then just stick to your guns and just, you know, I appreciate it.
Just honoring your heart.
I really, uh, you know, thank you so much.
Receive what they're giving you, what they're giving you is love.
They're giving it to you in the only way that they know how, and it doesn't feel loving,
but just receive it for the fact that, okay, it's the thought that counts.
It's so just like, okay, I received your love and I really appreciate it because then it
makes somebody feel received as opposed to rejected.
Yes.
But, you know, it's not, you know, you're not responsible for the Lord following through
on his promise.
Yes.
That's so good.
That's so good, sis.
Okay.
Well, thank you so much.
I love you.
I'm sorry that I'm moving about here and I'm just hopping back on camera here to say bye
for now.
And thank you for giving all the extra, extra love and explanations.
I feel like between, well, all of this yesterday and today, um, just very, very loved and very,
like full in the sense that there's, there's, there's an overflow of like, of, of, um, teaching
and, and understanding, you know, a different way and all these things that I want to like
go back to.
Cause there's so much good stuff, which is way better than not knowing what to do and
not feeling like I have, um, perspective that resonates, like it's, it's so, so good.
So I feel like there's so much goodness.
And then I know, um, you know, with this being the last of the four weeks, like that just
went super fast, but I'm not sure how, I guess I forgot to talk to you about that.
And we can, you know, we don't have to right now, either like Marco or whatever, um, about
like what that looks like, you know, just the fact that, like I shared with you that
I'm not as far as I thought I'd be on the teachings and I want to keep going, but I
also want to have peace about understanding how to move forward and knowing that you're
not like disappointed or that I'm not, not meeting the mark or something there either.
Um, but also to honor your time and you know, the, the investment, um, that you've made
and all of that.
So, yeah, no, don't, that's something that I forgot to mention the Marco Polos.
No, don't worry about any of that.
That's just gives people kind of like a guideline.
Cause otherwise they just feel like a fish out of water because we're so used to meeting
structure.
It's just a general idea of structure for them to like go forward with.
Okay, Lord.
Again, here's the goal.
Oh, you probably haven't gotten to that message yet, but Lord, okay, so here's the goal.
The whole point of the goal is to give you direction.
The whole point of the goal is not to get to the goal.
The whole point is to get, is to get a direction and then to allow the Lord to move you as,
as he desires.
And so don't, so don't worry about any of that yet.
The communities open what somebody is in the community, they're in the community.
And so there was really no difference in between the first four weeks.
And then after that, um, it's just that I recommend to people again, as a general idea
of the structure, Hey, there was the first four weeks.
I recommend that you, you know, commit between you and the Lord, Hey Lord, I'd really like
a major shifting in, in, in, in my foundation of my mindset and all of that, but it's a
continual journey.
Even if mine goes a little longer, like my, I am still in the intensive part in the sense
that, yeah, and I'm not going to let the timeframe, like.
Deter that or detract from that pivotal moment that I know like I'm in that transition.
But it's not a continual journey.
Yeah.
And we end so so still hop on the Q AMP. A's or whatnot.
Absolutely. Everything's the same Facebook post. I mean, except that there's no commitments. There's no obligations. There's no requirements, whatever.
Yeah, everything's the same literally even private sessions, because as long as as long as I have time to take care of the people that are in their first four weeks.
I allow people to schedule stuff even that are that are in the community. So I have one tonight.
That is a has been in the in the group since April and she's still continually as often as you can, like once every week or two weeks. She wants a private session.
So because I have the time in my schedule, I can accommodate it. So feel free to feel free to do that. Continue Marco Polo's all of it's the same.
Okay, wow.
Thank you, guys, because I feel like I'm so
I'm just so on that cusp of really grasping and then being able to put into practice these things that have been like, whoa, you know, again, the mind blowing like
Oh my goodness, this is resonating so much or seeing how things make sense with how I've lived up to now or things that he's been teaching me and in my own journey.
Or whatever. But now it's almost like this. Like I said, like a pivotal moment of shifting into like now like really grabbing hold of those things and using them and
I still feel like I'm not baby, you know, like that little seedling or something that's like sprouting up so but it's been amazing. And I'm just so thankful. Like, I just want you to know that how much how
And it is an ongoing Lee, I'll continue to say it and I know that
Yeah, I'm not the only one, but it's just been so amazing already. And if I walked away right now, like it would just be already more than more than life changing so
I'm so glad. Yeah, no difference. We're all on this journey together. There's no difference between their first week and the rest of, you know, the community. So
Yes. Oh, that's amazing. Okay, I'm going to be processing that and sometime. I'd love to hear kind of your story of just like how
Well, just because I'm in that specific place of, you know, knowing I'm I'm called to do
The coaching mentoring consulting kind of thing and specifically to women but
But in that journey of waiting on the go and that the yes, you know, the full the way that it's going to move forward or the exact when and my LLC is just kind of hanging out from a few months ago and that's okay. And yeah, um, but you hear your story sometime, you know, about how that that happened for you and how
Even how you came into really knowing your, your message. And even I know for you. This journey was not not that long ago. It's only been a couple years, which feels
Encouraging to know because, again, it doesn't matter how how long ago you were in the old. It doesn't really matter how long how how new or fresh
It is or not, or how many, you know, it's like it doesn't disqualify us from from sharing and helping other people through the same shift.
And it helps me to know that it doesn't have to be again far off that what he's telling me what he's keeps telling me, but it's like I'm trusting because I know he's told me so many times and is moving me forward in this that this breakthrough and what he's doing and me is not just for me.
And so I know that it's like coming and it helps to hear that your story is similar and that you didn't take forever between your shift in your breakthrough and sharing it with others.
Yeah, absolutely.
All right, friend.
I enjoy you.
I enjoy you too.
I hope you have a wonderful one and I'm excited for tomorrow night. I'll be on
Yeah, great. I'll look forward to it and you keep me updated on how things going. And obviously, so, you know, with your, with your and thing with your, your kids and the schooling and in court case. Yeah, all that.
He's telling me now he doesn't want to email like it's just a way to hold on, look in my text, but a way to deter from the actual issue, which he has not reached out about
Anything regarding their education or schooling. And that's actually, you know, his responsibility as much as mine, if not more
With how things are set up, but because I reached out and everything is happening with the schooling last minute. He says you need to text me about school. It's 40 out eight hours away. So, you know, that's, that's considered urgent.
Which is, is always something. It's always the opposite of what I do that he
Correct that.
Yeah.
So let me see.
I know. I've been in situations like that too. It's manipulating and it's controlling.
Oh,
okay.
We can talk about that under Marco Polo, because I know that you have to go. I can walk you
through how the Lord had to walk me through situations that were manipulating and controlling
and what it is that he had me do. Because again, that was the thing of like, Lord, how
do I do this? I was in the middle of it and he said, do this, or can I do this? I didn't
understand the principle, except to listen to the voice of my father. I would just obey
my father and he had to teach me the principle years later, what it was I was doing. Just
as an encouragement to you. Yeah, that's so cool. I just wrote him back saying, you're
welcome to text if that's easier for you in this timeframe and letting him know. I used
email because it allows more space for words and doesn't constantly ping our phones in
the middle of work. And I haven't heard back, but it's like, he can't, again, he has not
reached out to make the decision for the children. He's waiting on me because if it's up to him,
he'll just do what he wants to do and completely leave me out of it. And so now I've emailed
him, I've texted him, letting him know he can go ahead and text if that's more comfortable.
And it's like, I guess, I'll be obviously praying about it, but if he doesn't reply
since it is urgent by tonight, then I would write both text and email and just let him
know that regardless of how it happens, a decision needs to be made in the best interest
of their girls and for their schooling. Yeah. And having all of this in writing is very
good for court if needed. It shows you that you were following through and whatever. I
mean, not that we hate for it to think like that. I know, I know, but you have to. I'm
seeing two years worth of documentation, not the first two years, but the second two years
worth of documentation for since we've been to court to look at all of this two years
ago, two and a half years ago. Yeah, I was, I've been sued. So I've been through a court
case too. Oh my goodness, girl. Yeah. It was related to business. It was several years
ago. It wasn't fun. It's very ugly. Very ugly. Oh, I'm so glad you're through that. It is.
It is not a good feeling, but thankfully he's relieved me from the power that my exes had
over me and that feeling of gripping me. There's times that I still feel the anxiety rise. Like,
what might he do next? Is he going to try to stop us from, Hey Lord, like in the prayer request
that he will not try to stop us from our vacation next week. Because this is something that the
girls have waited for four years to have a chance to go see their cousins. And Lord knows,
we've waited and waited and waited and we need this time together and our time's limited anyway.
So just that he doesn't play games and try to last minute do anything, which is the MO,
but I'm really praying and believing that that it's not going to be that. And that the Lord's
not going to allow any of that to prosper, even if he does try so that we can go celebrate my
daughter's birthday. And really he would crush them. I mean, they would be completely crushed
way more than I would be. I mean, I'd be crushed for them, but the girls asked for this,
they want this it's all his birthday. So it's, it's for her birthday, you know that she's so,
so excited about. So I feel like maybe that's because he knows they're excited about it and
he knows it would reflect right back on him. He I'm believing like he won't try,
but I could be mistaken. Yeah. That's a whole other conversation. Cause it's like,
how do you believe for the, the, not be anxious about what that could happen,
but knowing that these consistently things do happen and not being surprised when they do and
knowing how to operate in peace when the next time that this person does, but also believing
that God, you know, again, like each time, like, okay, let him not let him let the thought pass
over his mind or brain, let him get distracted. Let something, I mean, that's how you almost have
to be when it's this aggressive for this long over every little thing. You're like, Lord,
like let somebody call him on the phone when he's thinking about, you know, trying to mess with this
plan or just changes thought or his heart, something in that moment. Like, so that we
don't have to go through this right now, again, on this kind of thing, that's so important to
the girls, you know, in our time together. So yeah, declare, remember who you are in the spirit
and declare that those things, um, declare how things will be, you know, constantly fighting
against all the things that are just, this is, this is how it will be. This is how it's going
to happen. And then, um, and then rest and just like, okay, this is how it's going to be. And
this is how I expect it to be. Um, and then this is how, uh, this is how I expect the father. Uh,
this is who I know the father, the character of the father to be and et cetera. And then, um,
and then I recommend that if you, if you need some encouragement as well, um, reach out to Susan,
because she just walked through this. Oh, true. That's true. She's on vacation.
And right now with us with her son that she did not think she was going to get to have and it ended up being better than what it is that she lost that she thought she'd lost. And so she's like, oh my word. Not only did I get get what I thought I'd lost. It's better.
So,
And she's on vacation with them right now. They get back Friday.
So, okay.
She
To walk you through the struggles that she had with it and
Yeah.
Yes. Okay. Thank you for reminding me of that. I forgot that she was right in that same boat and my other friend who has asked you guys to pray with on pray for on that thread.
She has been waiting for a few weeks to know if her ex husband was going to file something to stop them from vacation and they flew out yesterday or the night before yesterday. So,
Like huge gods that good
Yeah, you're gonna make good. He's that big above and beyond.
Yes. Okay, sister. Love you.
Have a good
Day to
Talk to you soon.
Okay, bye.
Bye.