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Hey, can you see me?

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Yeah, don't you look cute?

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Oh, thanks.

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I don't have my makeup on yet, but I at least have a cute dress I was able to throw on.

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I had scheduled a walk with a friend that I reconnected with, who's kind of in the throes

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of two babies and homebound with COVID and just kind of a lot of loneliness of not having

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sisterhood.

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And then we ran into each other and it was one of those like, okay, we realized we live

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a block and a half apart, so we've got to at least like take the baby on a walk and

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catch up.

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And so that was an unexpected, but important thing because I think she really was able

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to just speak a lot of life into her and she just is really been just doing it alone

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because that's what she's known and it's not working well.

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She was like, one of the first questions he asked me is like, what do you do?

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Like what helps you with anxiety?

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Like what do you do?

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And I don't, I don't know that she knows Jesus.

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I think she did when she was young, but I think she's just not sure what she believes

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about spiritual things, kind of more spiritual in general.

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But I found that sometimes, man, like the women that were there the most for me, she's

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one of the women that opened her, her home to me when everything went down with my ex-husband.

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And it's like the Good Samaritan story, you know, it's like, okay, this religious person

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passed him by on the road and this person had this excuse of like some theological whatever.

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And, but this person just like met the need and showed more Christ likeness than the other

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two.

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And so it's interesting that the couple of women who opened their home when I literally

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had nowhere to go and didn't know where to turn and all the Christians were just like

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shutting their doors and scared of it.

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They were the ones.

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It's just really interesting.

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Yeah.

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Well, I'll be able to speak some life into her and so, yeah.

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It's interesting that, that so often it's the non-Christians that have a closer, more

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unfiltered understanding of the heart of their father than the Christians that have added

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filters over the years.

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And we, you know, and we blocked our understanding of the father's true heart and the non-Christians

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haven't built as many of those filters.

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They don't have a reason to, they're not trying to please the God that they don't believe

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in, you know, and so that they can more readily just, just express their father's heart more

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than the Christians who, you know, are trying to feel like they had to learn something and

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have learned themselves out of the truth.

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Oh, it's so true.

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Yeah.

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It's making more sense with what we're doing now, the things that I, you know, I've been

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seeing that in my experience for a long time and in people, but it's, it's just the dots

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are connecting with all of this, and just realizing how much is, is taught to us that

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we have to undo or unlearn or un-deconstruct and sort of peel off.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So you got your tea, always have a cute teacup.

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Is this like a thing you, you love teacups?

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Oh yeah.

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Yeah.

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I collect teacups.

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But even in my move, with my move and the things that the Lord wanted me to only keep

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certain things in my life, I, I have gone so far as to get rid, only keep half of my

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teacup collection, which is serious.

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My brother and sister-in-law just gave me a birthday gift.

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My birthday was like, did I miss your birthday?

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No, no, no.

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My birthday was, oh, you know what?

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It was two months ago, but because they were going to give me something that would not,

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that I had asked them for and ended up that I'd asked them for it before the Lord told

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me to start traveling, I'd asked him for an indoor plant.

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So we all decided when the Lord told me that to start traveling, we're like, okay, well

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that's not the right present.

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Yeah.

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So just hang on just a second.

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Let me come up with another present because they asked me, what do you want?

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And so it was like, well, I don't know, hang on.

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So it took me a while and I finally decided this is what I wanted.

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So that's why we're just getting it.

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I just now asked him for it. It is that it's a tea maker. So you just

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Do you just put you know your tea leaves and your water in there. And then there's a little filter and then this is the pressure foot. So as soon as you put it on.

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Yes.

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Oh, those are so convenient. That's perfect for for traveling

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Yeah.

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Yeah, I well I've had one for the past two, two and a half years, a friend of mine, she moved to London. She gave me her her little one, but I've used it for two and a half years, which I guess I hadn't realized it's been that long.

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And until just now, and I used it all the time. I mean, all the time. I don't, I don't know how many years. I mean, you know, every single day I'm at work, etc. And

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And it just started

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Messing up and breaking and in fact I dropped it just the other day and it broke again.

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Different one.

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So I got this one and I researched and researched and I asked the Lord. Okay, well, which one should I get, you know, which one would would

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Not just the what I'd be pleased with, but which one will be pleased with together because you know he lives through me and he lives life with me. So, or what do we want

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What do we want, you know,

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Every morning.

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And anyways, but he told me this one. And to be honest, I'm disappointed because there was another one that looks like I would like it more

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But he just kept pressing on my heart. This is where my piece of that with this one. Okay, there's a reason I have, you know, the Lord long enough to know that there is that there's

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I always discover, you know,

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Yes, I am. I got it just yesterday. And so this is my first time getting to use it. So I got it yesterday and and I told my end. I don't my brother, sister in law, they go, my word. I like it even more than I thought that I would

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I'm very pleased.

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He knew he knew

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I know. Yeah, so I just made some tea right before you while I was waiting and

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Yeah, for you to call. So anyway, it just finished brewing

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I love it. I love it. I want to do more with with tea. I don't, I don't like the term, but I don't have a better one. We got to come up with one. I want, I kind of want to be a tea snob, not but without the smart part

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Yeah, that's a tea connoisseur or if you see an auto

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Yes, there you go. And to be able to just new do more with the the loose leaf.

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Like because I haven't explored a lot of options for for brewing, but I know there's, you know, the French press different different things that I could do.

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And I have bought bought bought some loosely, but I've been more going with like the simple like organic bags.

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Oh yeah, and just playing more with with drinking it on a regular basis and the honey, you know, raw honey that I'll put in it.

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Which is kind of my thing. I'm big into black tea like the chai. So that's been

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Getting at least something I've done consistently for for a good year. So that's kind of every day, you know, a lot. Yeah. A lot of days.

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I do, and I'm not a big caffeine person like I had really not, you know, especially with the adrenal kind of issue. It's not good to have a lot of caffeine.

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And I'm careful about the type of caffeine and I don't respond well to coffee, although I love the taste of coffee and I barista right now.

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I just don't like the way it makes my body feel. So anyways, yeah, the black tea is much more smooth and I don't feel like I get all that the jitters and I'm, I feel like it's the right kind of caffeine, you know, just a bit of a boost.

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But I know there's so many more out there. So, at least now it's like, yeah, I guess for me it's hard. It's been hard to come into like a pattern of

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Of much of anything out of such disarray and life completely changing and crumbling and like literally shattering and so everything changed everything changed and to try to rebuild

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And without that permission or feeling that permission to to rest or play the things that were actually called to like without having that permission. It was difficult to get into any routine for myself.

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That would benefit myself and keep it up. So it was like a small thing that I'm just proud that I was able to, I don't know, so small, but it's to do for an entire year and to go like, yeah, that's my like that's my

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Just one of those happy things and something that I really enjoyed that I found that consistently like works for me and that I love and just kind of own it so

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Yeah, that's great. And I love how you talked about the fact and and recognize the fact that it's it creates a bit of routines, but of consistency and and a bit of there's another word that I'm looking for, but I can't, I can't think of it.

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Yeah, that's great. And I love how you talked about the fact that it's it creates a bit of routines, but of consistency and and a bit of there's another word that I'm looking for, but I can't, I can't think of it.

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because I got into tea because I was fascinated by the culture and everything

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that kind of came with it and so I started drinking tea but I didn't like

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it and but I loved the idea of the culture of it so because we grew up and

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I grew up overseas with and we had a coffee business so we roasted and

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flavored gourmet coffee I guess we've never talked about that so I grew up in

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the Middle East in Turkey and we were missionaries but missionaries were not

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allowed so we had a coffee business and like I said we did the wholesale side so

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we would bring in that we'd import the green beans roast and flavor them you

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know distribute them and then we did we flavored teas as well and anyway I just

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didn't care for tea but I did like it which is funny but I did like Turkish

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tea because Turkish tea is so prevalent well Turkish coffee as well so Turkish

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we drink Turkish tea and Turkish coffee but the majority of coffee we drink was

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our own which was like a gourmet drip that kind of thing and so I was familiar

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with the world of coffee but I like I said I just liked the tea culture there

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was something and coffee culture was fun but there was it was it was real hipster

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real trendy and but there was something about tea that was very old world and I

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just I really liked it so as as I have done with so many different things in

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life including theater such as like a Broadway or opera or whatever if there's

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something that I want to understand I'll just immerse myself in it and then I

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come to be able to appreciate it so that's what happened with tea I started

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drinking tea and then I realized the difference in quality of tea just like

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coffee and when I realized the difference of quality in tea like just

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like wine or whatever you all said not oh wow this is what good tea tastes like

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people like tea and then it's very hard it's it's challenging to do bag it's

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challenging for you to do weather whatever because it's like you start

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developing this like what you referred to you know it's like this snobbery yeah

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like appreciation for what quality tastes like and so now I have like a

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whole collection of really really nice loose leaf teas that I've collected that

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I've bought or people have given me or whatever and and yeah black teas my

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favorite Earl Grey it's my ultimate it's my cream Earl Grey

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oh those creamed Earl Grey yeah it's got vanilla cream in it not not literal

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cream but like a cream but there's a cream flavor just like there's a vanilla

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flavor there's a cream the are EME cream anyway that one's my ultimate favorite

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I'm very lucky about it though because sometimes creamed Earl Grey isn't very

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creamy I'm very picky about them and anyway so that's where I developed it so

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now I love it and now it's my little thing and yeah for birthdays and stuff

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people give me tea stuff because I've learned to over the years just to learn

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to actually appreciate it for itself in more than just more than just the

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culture of course I still love the culture as well but I love my point

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telling you all that is I love the ritual of it ritual that's what I was

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looking for there's something comforting in rituals for ourselves

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routine and consistency and that's one of the things that I love about tea so

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that when I'm traveling I people have laughed about the fact that I'm gonna

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have well they haven't really laughed because they realize it's just me so

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they just kind of take it right now but I a huge amount of my and like an actual

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percentage of stuff that I'm taking is tea and I have it just in the morning

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and I've got like this release but my best friend has ordered me and this this

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nice little copper like a hot electric kettle and to put on a to put on a what

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do you call it a you know to just kind of plug in and just heat it up to an

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exact temperature because different teas require exact temperatures in order to

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bring out the full bouquet and I and so she bought me that for my birthday it

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hasn't come in yet you know my sister-in-law bought me this this little

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tea maker for my birthday and of course I have my tea collection so I'm

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traveling with three of my teacups and my collection of teas that fill up a bag

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this big and then I'm like a little bitty bags all kinds of stuff and then

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I've got I've got my three teacups and anyway so I've got a like a huge much of

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my car there's a ritual to it there's a make it like this and in fact my best

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friend wanted to buy me one of those things that like that does like

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everything it's like a won't push button that'll just make your tea

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And she asked me, she said, would you like that, or would you like something else?

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And I said, to be honest, I'd really like something else.

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I'd really like just the pot, the gooseneck pot, because I said, I like the ritual of

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tea making and the other does it all for me, but that's part of it.

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That's part of the fun is the ritual and the process and the movement, kind of like being

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a barista.

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There's all of these steps and there's something that we can use.

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There's a way in which we can kind of connect with creation and in our place in it and in

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governing it and appreciate things that the Lord created by sometimes going through a

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ritual of movement.

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So anyway, that's why I enjoy it.

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That's fascinating.

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I love it.

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I didn't mean to.

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I don't know if you're on a time crunch and I don't want to get us off, but I'm not on

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a time crunch.

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So I apologize.

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Yeah.

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No, it's great.

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I love it.

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It's perfect.

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Because I completely agree.

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And I think the ritual thing is, again, that's come up.

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That wording in the past was kind of, I don't know, hijacked by, you know.

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Oh, ritual.

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Yeah.

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Not in a bad way necessarily, but just used more by unbelievers or like spiritual people.

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And so, again, it's just recovering, you know, where it's like, it's not a bad word and,

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you know.

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Yeah.

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Correct.

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And even my friend who, she's a CEO of a growing company that just went direct sales model

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after having been in farmer's markets and things for years and years.

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But once they hit, God basically gave her a billion dollar idea through a dream, a very

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specific dream of something that she never thought she'd do because she failed chemistry,

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but she was, you know, in this dream, pouring baths and mixing things.

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And it was, you know, clearly she was chemist in this dream and the Lord told her to start

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this company.

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She had asked him for a billion dollar idea.

211
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And Jamie crossed.

212
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Yeah.

213
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Oh, you're familiar.

214
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Yeah.

215
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You know her personally?

216
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Yeah.

217
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I mean, I, I wouldn't say like we've gotten to be good friends yet, but I've had, I have

218
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close friends that are close friends with her and I've met her and hugged her and you

219
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know.

220
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Yeah.

221
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Yeah.

222
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Yeah.

223
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And some of, some of my really, really close people are really close with her.

224
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So yeah, so it's kind of, but just fun how she talks about rituals a lot with her, her

225
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company.

226
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I mean, it's for her.

227
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It's a lot of rituals.

228
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Yeah.

229
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She uses that term and I'm not a lot of believers do, but she's, she is different.

230
00:17:46.760 --> 00:17:49.560
She's very kingdom minded and goes to house church as well.

231
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And she uses rituals when she talks about, you know, now, now that they've actually launched

232
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the public just in the past couple of months, they were in for a long time, but she was

233
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talking about rituals with like body care and self care and the things with the products

234
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that she, you know, that she, her line of products.

235
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So that was interesting to me, but she's got the I don't know how familiar you are with

236
00:18:10.120 --> 00:18:16.560
her, what you know, but she's got the, her effect is more her, her ministry, bigger vision.

237
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And she has the seven, seven pillars of a woman.

238
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And so in the seven pillars of a woman, she kind of goes through like these various, you

239
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know, aspects of life I don't know.

240
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And talks about the rituals around, you know, and within those different areas, whether

241
00:18:33.400 --> 00:18:39.160
it's motherhood or like our faith and spiritual life and different things, but how to kind

242
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of connect those.

243
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And anyways, the ritual thing's cool.

244
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Yeah.

245
00:18:44.680 --> 00:18:48.480
Because there is significance to it.

246
00:18:48.480 --> 00:18:52.360
I haven't necessarily known because we've been so fast paced living in our culture that

247
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slow living is kind of like, yeah, I want to do that, but I've always been attracted

248
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to it.

249
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But it's been hard to snap out of the speed of, again, striving.

250
00:19:03.520 --> 00:19:07.640
There's a lot of pressures to keep up with everyone else.

251
00:19:07.640 --> 00:19:10.920
You know, like for instance, you think about all of your stuff that you're going through,

252
00:19:10.920 --> 00:19:16.360
you know, court and whatever, where you feel like there's all of these pressures of the

253
00:19:16.360 --> 00:19:22.680
systems around us that we feel that we're in the middle of, and that we feel kind of

254
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victim to their, to their demands.

255
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And so it can keep us like, feel like we're being shoved and we're like, I'd like to live

256
00:19:33.480 --> 00:19:38.080
a slower pace and yet we can, we can feel like, you know, like shoved down a hill and

257
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like forced into their system, et cetera.

258
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So yeah.

259
00:19:41.800 --> 00:19:42.800
Yeah.

260
00:19:42.800 --> 00:19:43.800
I understand what you're saying.

261
00:19:43.800 --> 00:19:44.800
Yeah.

262
00:19:44.800 --> 00:19:45.800
So how are you doing?

263
00:19:45.800 --> 00:19:46.800
Yeah.

264
00:19:46.800 --> 00:19:55.080
So I'm definitely, like, I definitely feel like I'm rolled better than, than yesterday.

265
00:19:55.080 --> 00:19:59.080
How that started, you know, similar time of day that I had messaged you.

266
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:05.480
before work and I felt like kind of throughout the evening last night it was

267
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it was you know like I hadn't been talking to the Lord throughout the day

268
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like I I don't know I had that sense just kind of knew in my spirit that he

269
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was gonna do that that like there was gonna be a shift throughout the day that

270
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it wasn't something I had to be stuck in or that not only did I not have to be

271
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stuck in it but that I just knew he was showing up you know for me and was just

272
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like as I was seeking you know truth and to get to get through and be honest

273
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about the the fears of the lies or the things the questions are coming that he

274
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was just like gonna bring he was gonna show up and and so I felt like in the

275
00:20:41.040 --> 00:20:44.960
evening just through I mentioned to you on Marco Polo like a conversation that I

276
00:20:44.960 --> 00:20:51.560
had with my other mentor right now and then watching your Marco's or Polo's

277
00:20:51.560 --> 00:20:55.480
whatever you call them I don't know which one it is yeah both whatever you

278
00:20:55.480 --> 00:21:00.240
want to call and then you know that was super encouraging and so I was just like

279
00:21:00.240 --> 00:21:03.800
definitely fellowshipping with the Lord through that and taking those things in

280
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and like I said breathing even though it still feels like there's there's a lot

281
00:21:09.560 --> 00:21:17.720
going on and I want to be able to like respond or to to chew on stuff more in

282
00:21:17.720 --> 00:21:22.080
this exact moment than I can because there's still stuff going on like the

283
00:21:22.080 --> 00:21:26.560
days are busy and so it's tough I want to stay here but I feel like he did give

284
00:21:26.560 --> 00:21:30.320
me that opportunity to stay there throughout the evening and in various

285
00:21:30.320 --> 00:21:35.480
ways like through Terrence and then talking to you over Marco and then at

286
00:21:35.480 --> 00:21:40.080
the end of the night which I already felt like so much lighter by that point

287
00:21:40.080 --> 00:21:45.440
I ended up catching one of my good friends and a girl that's you know part

288
00:21:45.440 --> 00:21:51.520
of the collective she has a prophetic you know ministry and just really neat

289
00:21:51.520 --> 00:21:57.400
person and really comes from a place of her ministry is called Glory Feast but

290
00:21:57.400 --> 00:22:03.000
she definitely is is is from what I understand aligned with all the things

291
00:22:03.000 --> 00:22:06.760
that we're talking about her most of what I know of you compared to a lot of

292
00:22:06.760 --> 00:22:11.960
other believers that are kind of like even some prophets that are a little bit

293
00:22:11.960 --> 00:22:16.920
more doomsday right now that I'm not interested in I don't feel like I'm

294
00:22:16.920 --> 00:22:20.960
resonating my piece isn't there but she really seems to get it and she was the

295
00:22:20.960 --> 00:22:25.960
one that prophesied a couple months ago before I came to this kind of halt and

296
00:22:25.960 --> 00:22:33.680
rest and reset Lord she prophesied that just one night it was like I was on one

297
00:22:33.680 --> 00:22:40.200
of her lives and she said you're gonna your ministry is gonna be marked by you

298
00:22:40.240 --> 00:22:43.480
know signs wonders and miracles but it's not gonna come from your striving it's

299
00:22:43.480 --> 00:22:47.920
gonna come from a place of rest and he's just gonna do it and it's so that was

300
00:22:47.920 --> 00:22:52.440
kind of the beginning of you know I can look back on that particular moment and

301
00:22:52.440 --> 00:22:55.520
that just you know that that really stood out to me and I didn't even expect

302
00:22:55.520 --> 00:22:59.080
to be called out that night there were hundreds you know over 100 probably

303
00:22:59.080 --> 00:23:04.520
people maybe on but I just was like oh that was totally a gift but I didn't I

304
00:23:04.520 --> 00:23:08.760
didn't understand it but I received it and then then fast-forward not very far

305
00:23:08.760 --> 00:23:15.120
ahead I was you know he was calling me to rest and we met and all that so the

306
00:23:15.120 --> 00:23:19.920
point is is that I ended up catching a call which I have said I can't right now

307
00:23:19.920 --> 00:23:24.280
commit to to what she's doing even though I want to because of what I'm

308
00:23:24.280 --> 00:23:28.240
committed to and I'm already a bit behind on on all the current commitments

309
00:23:28.240 --> 00:23:32.280
like I told you it's hard to know how to slow things that are already in motion

310
00:23:32.280 --> 00:23:37.640
they're already in motion it's like okay now I've got a you know really pick and

311
00:23:37.640 --> 00:23:41.560
I'm you know really process with the Lord like what do you have me are you

312
00:23:41.560 --> 00:23:45.600
having me do this right now or not is this fit in with the rest and reset or

313
00:23:45.600 --> 00:23:52.640
not but I did catch it and it was really like kind of the perfect cap to the

314
00:23:52.640 --> 00:24:00.040
night because she was interviewing another gal named Krista Alicia who's

315
00:24:00.040 --> 00:24:06.640
like a prophetess and she she was saying all the things like she was that this is

316
00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:14.600
the lady of the glory feast who was interviewing another lady my brother's

317
00:24:14.600 --> 00:24:20.880
really sweet he brought me lunch sorry I did but I didn't want you to think it

318
00:24:20.880 --> 00:24:24.440
was like what is he was she talking to he was offering me lunch I was like yes

319
00:24:24.440 --> 00:24:29.520
I'd love lunch yes lunch yes lunch totally you're a little peckish talking

320
00:24:29.520 --> 00:24:35.480
don't feel bad at all if you if you want to eat so yeah Markayla is you know

321
00:24:35.480 --> 00:24:39.400
again she's been doing her own stuff she does her own lives but she also you

322
00:24:39.400 --> 00:24:43.560
know goes goes live with other people in ministry and does interviews and things

323
00:24:43.560 --> 00:24:48.880
like that but this is like this is part of just a couple weeks of something that

324
00:24:48.880 --> 00:24:53.780
she launched that's just a couple weeks long inviting other certain guests in to

325
00:24:53.780 --> 00:24:58.560
have like the more gala does the glory piece because I know who Markayla is but

326
00:24:58.560 --> 00:25:02.000
I didn't know she had a

327
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:06.160
I knew that she talked, that she gets on and talks prophetically because I've, I've, I

328
00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:08.160
think that I'm Facebook friends with her.

329
00:25:08.160 --> 00:25:12.280
And so I've watched that, but I didn't know she had like something that was like calls

330
00:25:12.280 --> 00:25:13.280
something.

331
00:25:13.280 --> 00:25:14.280
Yeah.

332
00:25:14.280 --> 00:25:17.000
So her group is called glory glory feast.

333
00:25:17.000 --> 00:25:18.000
Okay.

334
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:19.000
Yeah.

335
00:25:19.000 --> 00:25:21.880
And that's just been the past few months that that's, that's pretty new.

336
00:25:21.880 --> 00:25:27.360
So, but this prophetic school that the couple week thing is something that is, is she's

337
00:25:27.360 --> 00:25:30.120
doing for the first time.

338
00:25:30.120 --> 00:25:36.360
And that's like, you know, he set up mentors and also guests to come in live to speak.

339
00:25:36.360 --> 00:25:40.080
And so this was one I was supposed to catch because I told her I couldn't do the whole

340
00:25:40.080 --> 00:25:44.040
school, but I hadn't completely exited the group and I haven't really been on Facebook.

341
00:25:44.040 --> 00:25:47.840
That's even been a little bit tricky with the rest intensive because I feel like calling

342
00:25:47.840 --> 00:25:50.760
me away from Facebook because it's so overwhelming.

343
00:25:50.760 --> 00:25:53.600
Even I have a group on Facebook, I have the collective stuff on Facebook and we're trying

344
00:25:53.600 --> 00:25:54.600
to move off.

345
00:25:55.440 --> 00:25:59.520
And there's, you're trying to move off Facebook or you're trying to move out of the collective,

346
00:25:59.520 --> 00:26:01.480
like off Facebook as much as possible.

347
00:26:01.480 --> 00:26:07.000
Cause it, you know, completely be off Facebook.

348
00:26:07.000 --> 00:26:10.080
It just means like, it's not a great platform in our months together.

349
00:26:10.080 --> 00:26:16.380
It hasn't proven to be a great platform for what we are doing.

350
00:26:16.380 --> 00:26:20.160
And that's, it's, it's, it's not true for everybody, but especially right now with what's

351
00:26:20.160 --> 00:26:22.680
going on in the world, there's so much bombardment.

352
00:26:22.680 --> 00:26:29.640
And even among believers, so much, like so much, so many groups popping up, so much stuff,

353
00:26:29.640 --> 00:26:30.640
so much stuff going out there.

354
00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:34.240
And then of course there's all the different opinions on everything and you can't even

355
00:26:34.240 --> 00:26:39.040
hardly be safe to talk without somebody having something to say because it's contradictory.

356
00:26:39.040 --> 00:26:40.040
Yeah.

357
00:26:40.040 --> 00:26:41.040
Yeah.

358
00:26:41.040 --> 00:26:42.600
So, but I did catch it.

359
00:26:42.600 --> 00:26:48.240
And the point was that it ended the night on this, like, I just said this, I mean, I

360
00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:53.680
don't even use this term, but I really truly came to this place after having come to like

361
00:26:53.680 --> 00:27:00.960
so much peace from all that anxiety and talking to the Lord that like through that, she, she

362
00:27:00.960 --> 00:27:05.120
confirmed everything that we've been talking about, that I've been learning.

363
00:27:05.120 --> 00:27:07.480
And I don't even know her, you know what I mean, personally.

364
00:27:07.480 --> 00:27:12.240
And so that was not like that's never happened before, but that was significant because of

365
00:27:12.240 --> 00:27:17.120
the magnitude, I think of the shift in the paradigm shift away from other stuff.

366
00:27:17.120 --> 00:27:23.040
Like the fact that she was saying and speaking the very things, but it wasn't a familiar

367
00:27:23.040 --> 00:27:24.040
voice to me.

368
00:27:24.040 --> 00:27:27.360
So it was like, oh my goodness, you are even saying this right now.

369
00:27:27.360 --> 00:27:30.960
I felt like it was for me.

370
00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:35.440
And she, I can't even describe it.

371
00:27:35.440 --> 00:27:40.000
Like I just felt like I felt drunk on his love, which I don't, again, use that term.

372
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:44.120
I know people use that term freely and it's kind of been a turnoff for me in the past.

373
00:27:44.120 --> 00:27:45.120
Like, I don't know.

374
00:27:45.120 --> 00:27:49.440
But truly felt his presence so strong.

375
00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:57.160
And like, it was just, it was just like, whoa, because she was talking so much about love

376
00:27:57.160 --> 00:28:03.800
being the answer and our oneness with him and how he, how he approaches us and how he's

377
00:28:03.800 --> 00:28:08.480
so gentle and how, you know, and she even had addressed earlier on in the talk about

378
00:28:08.480 --> 00:28:14.440
she, she admitted, she was just very honest about things that I haven't heard people really

379
00:28:14.760 --> 00:28:19.040
say, even among all my believing friends that like, there are a lot of things going out

380
00:28:19.040 --> 00:28:22.200
like kind of that doomsday.

381
00:28:22.200 --> 00:28:27.280
Which has been a concern for me because it causes me to feel like maybe I don't know

382
00:28:27.280 --> 00:28:32.640
enough about end times or maybe, you know, it causes me to feel anxiety or fear instead

383
00:28:32.640 --> 00:28:33.640
of peace.

384
00:28:33.640 --> 00:28:35.760
Cause I don't necessarily know what I, what I believe.

385
00:28:35.760 --> 00:28:36.920
And that's kind of a concern.

386
00:28:36.920 --> 00:28:42.400
Like I'm like, okay, God, like I haven't studied the Bible enough to know what I think about

387
00:28:42.400 --> 00:28:43.400
this.

388
00:28:43.400 --> 00:28:47.800
And when I have tried to go there, it's felt overwhelming and intimidating to know how

389
00:28:47.800 --> 00:28:49.960
to decipher because everybody believes something different.

390
00:28:49.960 --> 00:28:53.400
It seems like, and I don't feel like this is the time to go into that.

391
00:28:53.400 --> 00:28:58.200
I don't feel like I'm supposed to go into anything that's going to cause me to feel

392
00:28:58.200 --> 00:29:03.640
like I don't have enough or that I'm responsible for something or that something scary is going

393
00:29:03.640 --> 00:29:06.040
to happen and just triggers trauma and stuff like that.

394
00:29:06.040 --> 00:29:10.400
So when she said that, it was just such a relief even to go like, because not only does

395
00:29:10.400 --> 00:29:14.480
she say, you know, there's a lot of people out there that are, there are people that

396
00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:20.920
are saying these things, but she all followed it up with the fact that she doesn't see it

397
00:29:20.920 --> 00:29:22.320
that way.

398
00:29:22.320 --> 00:29:26.480
And that it's not the truth, you know, in her opinion, she didn't say in my opinion,

399
00:29:26.480 --> 00:29:31.600
she spoke it as it was truth, but she was basically like, like the bride's not like

400
00:29:31.600 --> 00:29:33.480
ready yet for him to come back.

401
00:29:33.480 --> 00:29:36.780
Like we're not, he's not done.

402
00:29:36.780 --> 00:29:38.600
Like this isn't the end.

403
00:29:38.600 --> 00:29:39.600
He's not done.

404
00:29:39.600 --> 00:29:40.600
Yeah.

405
00:29:40.600 --> 00:29:44.240
And I, I resonate with that point of view.

406
00:29:44.240 --> 00:29:47.120
And yet I have certain friends who are talking rapture and different things.

407
00:29:47.120 --> 00:29:48.640
I don't even know what I believe about the rapture.

408
00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:53.480
I don't even know, girl, I don't even know, but that's like the last thing that I need

409
00:29:53.480 --> 00:29:54.480
to worry about.

410
00:29:54.480 --> 00:29:58.840
Like, Oh, here I am single mom, like working a barista job, trying to get my kids back

411
00:29:58.840 --> 00:30:00.040
dealing with all these things.

412
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.640
and moving out of that season and then could be like a rapture around the corner.

413
00:30:04.640 --> 00:30:06.440
Like that is not helpful.

414
00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:07.440
Yeah.

415
00:30:07.440 --> 00:30:08.440
Um, no.

416
00:30:08.440 --> 00:30:09.440
No.

417
00:30:09.440 --> 00:30:10.440
Correct.

418
00:30:10.440 --> 00:30:11.800
Different, different things for different people.

419
00:30:11.800 --> 00:30:17.040
We're all not meant to focus on and take care of, for lack of a better phrase, and the same

420
00:30:17.040 --> 00:30:22.280
thing, you know, that's why there are so many of us.

421
00:30:22.280 --> 00:30:27.840
We can honor the different callings that, that the Lord has for different people.

422
00:30:27.840 --> 00:30:33.520
And, um, and so we're just supposed to, you know, go wherever we feel that the, how the

423
00:30:33.520 --> 00:30:40.640
Lord wants to operate out of us in this season and in this time and not feel like, um, and

424
00:30:40.640 --> 00:30:45.720
not, uh, yeah, not take on some kind of a burden or responsibility of something that

425
00:30:45.720 --> 00:30:49.000
the Lord is like, no, I gave that to them and you can honor them as your brother or

426
00:30:49.000 --> 00:30:55.280
sister that I put that on their heart and they're, they are co-laboring with me.

427
00:30:55.280 --> 00:31:01.440
So you don't have to, and a lot of times that approach is like, I'm co-laboring with

428
00:31:01.440 --> 00:31:05.080
him and come, you know, come in.

429
00:31:05.080 --> 00:31:06.080
This is where it's at.

430
00:31:06.080 --> 00:31:07.080
Yeah.

431
00:31:07.080 --> 00:31:08.080
This is where it's at.

432
00:31:08.080 --> 00:31:09.080
Exactly.

433
00:31:09.080 --> 00:31:13.720
So, I mean, I said that out of order, but, but I backtracked from what she was saying.

434
00:31:13.720 --> 00:31:19.480
It was so profound that, that lined up so well and just confirmed all these things that

435
00:31:19.480 --> 00:31:22.480
I feel like he's been teaching me and showing me that I haven't even been able to fully

436
00:31:22.480 --> 00:31:28.120
understand the process and that we've been talking about and I'm learning, um, but I

437
00:31:28.120 --> 00:31:32.000
don't hear all over the place, especially as things are shifting.

438
00:31:32.000 --> 00:31:36.480
And like I said, some people are over here, some people are over here, um, different colonies,

439
00:31:36.480 --> 00:31:39.320
different focus, folk, foci, focuses.

440
00:31:39.320 --> 00:31:41.760
How do you say, how do you do that plural?

441
00:31:41.760 --> 00:31:42.760
I don't know, focuses?

442
00:31:42.760 --> 00:31:43.760
That's so funny.

443
00:31:43.760 --> 00:31:44.760
That is a weird one.

444
00:31:44.760 --> 00:31:47.320
Um, I'm a language arts teacher, but I, I don't know.

445
00:31:47.320 --> 00:31:48.560
So I know me too.

446
00:31:48.560 --> 00:31:49.560
I think it's focuses.

447
00:31:49.560 --> 00:31:50.560
Focuses.

448
00:31:50.560 --> 00:31:51.560
Okay.

449
00:31:51.640 --> 00:31:53.320
I didn't know you were a language arts teacher.

450
00:31:53.320 --> 00:31:54.320
What else do you teach?

451
00:31:54.320 --> 00:31:55.320
What's your secondary?

452
00:31:55.320 --> 00:32:00.880
Well, so my certification has been K through nine, but my endorsements for, for middle

453
00:32:00.880 --> 00:32:04.760
school are language arts and social studies, you know, so for elementary, I teach all the

454
00:32:04.760 --> 00:32:05.760
subjects.

455
00:32:05.760 --> 00:32:10.200
Um, but then, uh, so yeah, social studies, language arts for, for middle school, but

456
00:32:10.200 --> 00:32:14.920
that hasn't been something that I, I haven't taught middle schoolers, uh, outside of my,

457
00:32:14.920 --> 00:32:20.920
you know, uh, practicum or whatever they call it after at the end of schooling.

458
00:32:21.280 --> 00:32:22.280
Yeah.

459
00:32:22.280 --> 00:32:23.280
Yeah.

460
00:32:23.280 --> 00:32:30.320
So that was, um, I, uh, went into my, I studied secondary education, language arts, um, English

461
00:32:30.320 --> 00:32:37.680
language and literature and, uh, history of political science, but, um, uh, and my heart

462
00:32:37.680 --> 00:32:43.280
was for middle school, but when I got out, um, I ended up not graduating without dropping

463
00:32:43.280 --> 00:32:46.960
the education partway through, which is the long story and just took the English and the,

464
00:32:46.960 --> 00:32:47.960
and the history.

465
00:32:47.960 --> 00:32:51.760
And I just graduated with the English and history degree and a degree in English, modern

466
00:32:51.760 --> 00:32:53.320
history and political science.

467
00:32:53.320 --> 00:32:56.800
And then, um, but the only job that I could get straight out of college was a tutoring

468
00:32:56.800 --> 00:32:57.800
job.

469
00:32:57.800 --> 00:32:58.800
So that's Laura.

470
00:32:58.800 --> 00:32:59.800
That was the Laura's provision.

471
00:32:59.800 --> 00:33:06.240
And, but I tutored for like full time, like that, these were kids that were, that were

472
00:33:06.240 --> 00:33:10.080
kicked out of their own schools because they'd done this, that and the other, and their parents

473
00:33:10.080 --> 00:33:12.320
were rich enough to pay for full time tutor.

474
00:33:12.320 --> 00:33:19.920
So I, um, my first student was a, uh, that year was a, um, a sixth grader.

475
00:33:19.920 --> 00:33:23.480
So which here in Texas, since they're in middle school, which I didn't grow up with sixth

476
00:33:23.480 --> 00:33:25.520
grade being middle school, but apparently it is now.

477
00:33:25.520 --> 00:33:29.840
Um, so, uh, yeah, he was in middle school, so the Lord had prepared me for all of that.

478
00:33:29.840 --> 00:33:33.120
And anyway, so I did, I didn't know that about you, so that's really neat.

479
00:33:33.120 --> 00:33:34.120
So go ahead.

480
00:33:34.120 --> 00:33:35.120
Yeah.

481
00:33:35.120 --> 00:33:37.040
I can totally see you being a literature, language arts.

482
00:33:37.040 --> 00:33:38.040
Yeah.

483
00:33:38.040 --> 00:33:39.040
Completely fits.

484
00:33:39.040 --> 00:33:41.040
But, um, that's funny.

485
00:33:41.040 --> 00:33:42.040
Okay.

486
00:33:42.760 --> 00:33:49.720
So the, the, to wrap that up, I think, uh, there's so much more to be said about it,

487
00:33:49.720 --> 00:33:58.920
but just, Hmm, I think at that point in the night, it, it was like sinking down deep.

488
00:33:58.920 --> 00:34:02.160
And so it was really like an encounter.

489
00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:04.880
It was, yeah, it was really, I mean, all of it was an encounter, but it really was like

490
00:34:04.880 --> 00:34:11.820
this encounter with his love with him at the end of the night to be doing laundry and kind

491
00:34:12.600 --> 00:34:18.260
of wrapping up the night and then just kind of end up there and have him speaking so directly

492
00:34:18.260 --> 00:34:27.340
to, to these very things, um, that are not, that are new to me that are, uh, maybe they're

493
00:34:27.340 --> 00:34:29.500
not even new to everybody else, but I feel like they are.

494
00:34:29.500 --> 00:34:33.100
I mean, I feel like there's a lot of believers that are to most people.

495
00:34:33.100 --> 00:34:34.100
Yeah.

496
00:34:34.100 --> 00:34:38.060
It's not a new, it's not a new thing from the Lord.

497
00:34:38.060 --> 00:34:44.780
It's that we haven't, that the teaching of this message from the father's heart to all

498
00:34:44.780 --> 00:34:47.340
of us, that's not been prevalent.

499
00:34:47.340 --> 00:34:48.340
It's not been popular.

500
00:34:48.340 --> 00:34:49.340
It hasn't been trendy.

501
00:34:49.340 --> 00:34:55.580
It's not that it hasn't been spoken, but it's now that the Lord is just teaching is bringing

502
00:34:55.580 --> 00:34:59.580
it more and more and more into so many, so many people's lives.

503
00:34:59.580 --> 00:35:00.580
Amen.

504
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.200
I'd never heard this before until the Lord put it on my heart.

505
00:35:00.580 --> 00:35:00.580


506
00:35:03.200 --> 00:35:08.960
And so I've been shocked when I started speaking this to other people, how many other people

507
00:35:08.960 --> 00:35:10.560
that the Lord is speaking it to their hearts too.

508
00:35:10.560 --> 00:35:14.400
And so they were attracted to the message and I'm like, oh my word, the Lord is talking

509
00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:15.400
to you too.

510
00:35:15.400 --> 00:35:16.400
That's so exciting.

511
00:35:16.400 --> 00:35:20.360
Like when I got to meet you, I was like, oh my word, the Lord's been talking to you about

512
00:35:20.360 --> 00:35:21.360
rest.

513
00:35:21.360 --> 00:35:22.360
I'm like, that is so fascinating.

514
00:35:22.360 --> 00:35:25.120
He was talking to me about rest.

515
00:35:25.120 --> 00:35:26.880
So it's not new to the Lord.

516
00:35:26.880 --> 00:35:29.480
No, it's not new to the body.

517
00:35:29.480 --> 00:35:35.000
But the prevalency of it, of the message, and in fact, I was just listening to a message

518
00:35:35.000 --> 00:35:40.840
today of some people that were just really, really pushing into the Lord and starting

519
00:35:40.840 --> 00:35:45.080
to govern certain areas of the world from the spirit and all of that.

520
00:35:45.080 --> 00:35:49.040
And they were talking about this and they were all, they were all blown away by this

521
00:35:49.040 --> 00:35:54.560
one person's talking about it.

522
00:35:54.560 --> 00:35:57.680
And I'm thinking, well, surely this is foundational.

523
00:35:57.680 --> 00:36:02.560
And yet for all of them, even though they knew it, there was a level in which they're

524
00:36:02.560 --> 00:36:07.680
like, oh, this is really good and this is resonating with us, but they were doing it

525
00:36:07.680 --> 00:36:11.680
kind of from a way of, hey, we're not used to pursuing the Father's heart from a place

526
00:36:11.680 --> 00:36:15.360
of intimacy and rest in order to govern.

527
00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:17.080
And they were surprised.

528
00:36:17.080 --> 00:36:24.280
And so in other words, it's just like this thing that, this message that is just from

529
00:36:24.280 --> 00:36:28.920
the Father's heart is just like, okay, now I want you all to really, truly understand

530
00:36:28.920 --> 00:36:30.880
y'all don't have to work so hard.

531
00:36:30.880 --> 00:36:35.480
All this other stuff that I'm inviting you to co-labor with me in, it's in this thing

532
00:36:35.480 --> 00:36:36.480
called rest.

533
00:36:36.480 --> 00:36:37.480
It's in this place called rest.

534
00:36:37.480 --> 00:36:38.480
Yeah.

535
00:36:38.480 --> 00:36:39.480
Right.

536
00:36:39.480 --> 00:36:40.480
And the abiding.

537
00:36:40.480 --> 00:36:41.480
Yeah.

538
00:36:41.480 --> 00:36:44.440
So it's not new, but he's just talking to more and more people about it.

539
00:36:44.440 --> 00:36:45.440
So we're hearing you.

540
00:36:45.440 --> 00:36:46.440
Yeah.

541
00:36:46.440 --> 00:36:51.320
Well, if we think about, like somebody posted the, the verse of my girls had a word that

542
00:36:51.320 --> 00:36:57.080
she shared and she posted both the abiding, you know, abiding in him as the vine and shared

543
00:36:57.080 --> 00:37:02.000
about, you know, she likes to kind of, well, she'll get a picture or a vision or a dream

544
00:37:02.000 --> 00:37:03.000
from the Lord.

545
00:37:03.000 --> 00:37:07.600
And then she'll go and research really in depth, whatever, you know, certain pieces

546
00:37:07.600 --> 00:37:09.680
of it and share some of that within the word.

547
00:37:09.680 --> 00:37:13.720
And then she'll share some scriptures that back all that up.

548
00:37:13.720 --> 00:37:18.200
And so she shared about the lily pad and the significance of that in, in finding our tribe

549
00:37:18.200 --> 00:37:21.520
and in building, you know, and understanding that we're part of the whole.

550
00:37:21.520 --> 00:37:26.400
And then she used the, you know, abiding in him versus, but also the the ones about the

551
00:37:26.400 --> 00:37:29.740
body from Corinthians the different parts of the body.

552
00:37:29.740 --> 00:37:33.400
And so it just made me think, like, as we were talking a second ago, you know, it's

553
00:37:33.400 --> 00:37:38.320
like, yeah, it's not new to the body, but if you think about, you know, even our physical

554
00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:42.280
body, as we understand that, like being the body of Christ from all different parts it's

555
00:37:42.280 --> 00:37:43.280
one analogy.

556
00:37:43.280 --> 00:37:49.840
It's like, you know, the heartbeat has been kind of muffled and weak, you know, like it's

557
00:37:49.840 --> 00:37:57.200
been, yeah, it's not new to the body, but there's been some definite, like lack of circulation

558
00:37:57.200 --> 00:38:04.200
or blood flow, you know, from the heart to, to all of, of the parts of the body, you know,

559
00:38:04.200 --> 00:38:07.760
the bride and it hasn't, like you said, it hasn't been prevalent.

560
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:11.520
So what does that, you know, in terms of the body, like what, what could that look like?

561
00:38:11.760 --> 00:38:17.920
And that was just one picture, like a heartbeat or, you know, a muffled heartbeat or a weak,

562
00:38:17.920 --> 00:38:23.120
weak blood flow or, you know, something where there's just definitely been a disconnect.

563
00:38:23.120 --> 00:38:24.120
Yeah.

564
00:38:24.120 --> 00:38:25.120
Yeah.

565
00:38:25.120 --> 00:38:26.120
Right.

566
00:38:26.120 --> 00:38:27.120
Yeah.

567
00:38:27.120 --> 00:38:28.120
I like that.

568
00:38:28.120 --> 00:38:31.000
I like that picture.

569
00:38:31.000 --> 00:38:46.200
So the, are you, have you kind of grasped a hold of more of the idea of how to, how

570
00:38:46.200 --> 00:38:53.960
to actually shift into rest in a moment, you know, you know, where you, have you watched

571
00:38:53.960 --> 00:38:59.640
like all four of those first four or five, five sessions, I think it's the first four

572
00:38:59.640 --> 00:39:00.640
sessions.

573
00:39:00.640 --> 00:39:05.400
Cause there's three sessions in particular to talk about how to receive, how to, what

574
00:39:05.400 --> 00:39:06.400
is it?

575
00:39:06.400 --> 00:39:09.040
How to, how to receive, how to release, how to believe or something like that.

576
00:39:09.040 --> 00:39:12.480
And did that process of like how to stop?

577
00:39:12.480 --> 00:39:15.560
And I think that I walked it, you through it in the, in the market follow, you know,

578
00:39:15.560 --> 00:39:21.160
how to stop and how to, how to make certain particular choices where it's not, you're

579
00:39:21.160 --> 00:39:27.640
not like waiting on feeling the power to actually actively and intentionally choose something.

580
00:39:27.640 --> 00:39:30.680
Is that helpful?

581
00:39:30.680 --> 00:39:31.680
It's helpful.

582
00:39:31.680 --> 00:39:37.520
And it's really, it's still really new to the point where like, I'm wanting, I'm like,

583
00:39:37.520 --> 00:39:43.480
I'm like, if I could do whatever I wanted right now, like that's like where I'm like,

584
00:39:43.480 --> 00:39:48.080
I want to focus in on this exercise and practice like practicing doing that.

585
00:39:48.080 --> 00:39:51.560
And not that I can't, it's just in this, it happens to be another busy day, but the way

586
00:39:51.560 --> 00:39:56.960
you described it, like, I mean, all of the videos were really, really good.

587
00:39:56.960 --> 00:40:00.000
And I have seen them, but I almost feel like I need to go back, kind of like you said.

588
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:03.420
that when you go back after you've heard something

589
00:40:03.420 --> 00:40:04.260
for the first time,

590
00:40:04.260 --> 00:40:06.460
and you process the information the best you can,

591
00:40:06.460 --> 00:40:10.440
and then as you begin to see how it plays out

592
00:40:10.440 --> 00:40:12.240
and all that, you need to go back.

593
00:40:12.240 --> 00:40:13.080
I feel that.

594
00:40:13.080 --> 00:40:14.640
And then with the Marco Polo,

595
00:40:14.640 --> 00:40:16.320
I think when you shared yesterday,

596
00:40:16.320 --> 00:40:19.120
you went into some detail in those steps.

597
00:40:19.120 --> 00:40:20.120
It was really helpful.

598
00:40:20.120 --> 00:40:21.580
I said it in a different way,

599
00:40:21.580 --> 00:40:23.960
or maybe I think you had pointed me to,

600
00:40:23.960 --> 00:40:25.280
maybe that was with Steph's post,

601
00:40:25.280 --> 00:40:27.960
like pointed me to that where you had written it out,

602
00:40:27.960 --> 00:40:32.920
but then you went and said it in a way I heard you say it

603
00:40:32.920 --> 00:40:36.040
as far as like those very practical steps.

604
00:40:36.040 --> 00:40:37.040
So that was really, really good.

605
00:40:37.040 --> 00:40:40.680
Cause I think it's, yeah, super helpful,

606
00:40:40.680 --> 00:40:43.160
like super helpful, practical,

607
00:40:43.160 --> 00:40:45.120
like how to actually do it.

608
00:40:45.120 --> 00:40:49.240
But I don't know that I have much practice yet in doing it.

609
00:40:49.240 --> 00:40:50.680
I feel like it's free.

610
00:40:50.680 --> 00:40:55.680
I'm still doing it because it's a very simple thing to do.

611
00:40:58.800 --> 00:41:01.080
And it doesn't take a lot of time,

612
00:41:01.080 --> 00:41:04.520
but what's challenging for us just to shift that mindset

613
00:41:04.520 --> 00:41:07.360
and to understand, okay, this is something I can choose.

614
00:41:07.360 --> 00:41:08.920
How do I choose it?

615
00:41:08.920 --> 00:41:10.520
Because we're so used to like,

616
00:41:12.920 --> 00:41:16.360
we're so used to shifting by allowing things

617
00:41:16.360 --> 00:41:18.160
to just kind of come upon us.

618
00:41:18.160 --> 00:41:20.680
Like a new feeling, a new revelation,

619
00:41:20.680 --> 00:41:23.480
just like this, this, that, like this.

620
00:41:23.480 --> 00:41:25.560
Light shining down on a situation like,

621
00:41:25.560 --> 00:41:28.040
oh, suddenly I understand or whatever.

622
00:41:28.040 --> 00:41:32.040
But how do we actively intentionally choose something

623
00:41:32.040 --> 00:41:35.960
where we don't feel flooded by this sense of,

624
00:41:35.960 --> 00:41:37.680
oh, I now believe differently.

625
00:41:37.680 --> 00:41:39.600
How do we actually choose something

626
00:41:39.600 --> 00:41:40.920
that we don't believe yet?

627
00:41:44.120 --> 00:41:48.560
That mental shift can be very, very challenging.

628
00:41:48.560 --> 00:41:51.040
It's honestly very simple,

629
00:41:51.040 --> 00:41:54.880
but it doesn't mean that it's something

630
00:41:55.760 --> 00:41:57.440
it doesn't mean that it's familiar.

631
00:41:57.440 --> 00:42:00.160
And so the unfamiliarity of it

632
00:42:00.160 --> 00:42:01.440
can make it a bit of a challenge

633
00:42:01.440 --> 00:42:04.640
or make it where it's kind of like, okay, we practice.

634
00:42:04.640 --> 00:42:05.960
And I do that.

635
00:42:05.960 --> 00:42:09.360
And we all have different areas in which it's easier

636
00:42:09.360 --> 00:42:12.320
and more challenging for us to do.

637
00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:16.400
And I've got my own like certain areas,

638
00:42:16.400 --> 00:42:18.080
like some people it's relationships

639
00:42:18.080 --> 00:42:19.840
that are harder for us to do it in,

640
00:42:19.840 --> 00:42:23.000
other people it's trusting the Lord for finances,

641
00:42:23.000 --> 00:42:25.480
other people it's trusting the Lord, excuse me,

642
00:42:25.480 --> 00:42:28.240
in business or whatever.

643
00:42:28.240 --> 00:42:32.840
And so we can practice it in certain areas

644
00:42:32.840 --> 00:42:34.520
that are sometimes easier for us.

645
00:42:34.520 --> 00:42:37.760
And then we get more and more challenged

646
00:42:37.760 --> 00:42:40.880
when it's an area that we have a harder time

647
00:42:40.880 --> 00:42:44.640
trusting the Lord in, even when we're choosing it.

648
00:42:44.640 --> 00:42:48.880
We're choosing something that we don't believe yet

649
00:42:48.880 --> 00:42:51.680
and we're choosing to actively step out in it

650
00:42:51.680 --> 00:42:56.680
because we were having to choose it despite,

651
00:42:58.640 --> 00:43:02.320
or I should say overcoming all of the reasons

652
00:43:02.320 --> 00:43:06.880
in our heart and our mind of why this can't possibly be true

653
00:43:06.880 --> 00:43:09.880
because Lord, there were all of these other affirmations

654
00:43:09.880 --> 00:43:11.680
that the opposite is true.

655
00:43:11.680 --> 00:43:13.280
And that can be very struggling.

656
00:43:13.280 --> 00:43:16.880
So I was going through it myself the other day.

657
00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:17.720
Yeah.

658
00:43:18.520 --> 00:43:22.000
And I thought, man alive, I know how to do this.

659
00:43:22.000 --> 00:43:25.400
And yet I'm really struggling because it was in an area

660
00:43:25.400 --> 00:43:28.520
that I had a very difficult time trusting the Lord in,

661
00:43:28.520 --> 00:43:30.480
more so than in other areas.

662
00:43:30.480 --> 00:43:33.280
And I was like, oh man, this could be challenging.

663
00:43:33.280 --> 00:43:35.680
Even though I knew the process was very simple

664
00:43:35.680 --> 00:43:37.280
and even though what it was I was doing,

665
00:43:37.280 --> 00:43:40.440
like walking through the steps, it's very simple.

666
00:43:40.440 --> 00:43:43.360
It's just stop, let go of the fact that I think

667
00:43:43.360 --> 00:43:45.760
that it shouldn't be the way it is

668
00:43:45.760 --> 00:43:49.000
and just let go of my sense of entitlement to it.

669
00:43:49.000 --> 00:43:51.040
I'm not making a judgment about the situation,

670
00:43:51.040 --> 00:43:52.960
about whether or not it should or shouldn't be like that,

671
00:43:52.960 --> 00:43:55.400
but I'm letting go of my sense of entitlement

672
00:43:55.400 --> 00:43:58.200
that it shouldn't be like this and it should be different.

673
00:43:58.200 --> 00:43:59.440
Just let go of that.

674
00:43:59.440 --> 00:44:01.400
And so that's one huge,

675
00:44:03.520 --> 00:44:06.000
that it will immediately move me into rest immediately.

676
00:44:06.000 --> 00:44:08.200
And that's all that it is.

677
00:44:08.200 --> 00:44:10.040
And I had to remind myself, okay,

678
00:44:10.040 --> 00:44:13.040
I'm choosing something that I don't even believe yet

679
00:44:13.040 --> 00:44:16.120
as opposed to, yeah, but constantly coming up

680
00:44:16.120 --> 00:44:19.680
with this resistance in my mind of,

681
00:44:19.680 --> 00:44:20.840
yeah, but I don't believe it.

682
00:44:20.840 --> 00:44:21.680
Yeah, but I don't believe it.

683
00:44:21.680 --> 00:44:22.640
I'm like, actually, it doesn't matter

684
00:44:22.640 --> 00:44:24.160
if you don't believe it.

685
00:44:24.160 --> 00:44:26.200
Don't worry about trying to believe it right now.

686
00:44:26.200 --> 00:44:31.200
Don't worry that my belief is not standing in my way.

687
00:44:33.560 --> 00:44:36.760
And prior to understanding this,

688
00:44:36.760 --> 00:44:41.360
I thought that belief was that if somebody else

689
00:44:41.400 --> 00:44:45.080
wasn't standing in my way, at least my own belief was.

690
00:44:45.080 --> 00:44:45.920
Yeah.

691
00:44:45.920 --> 00:44:46.920
And I had to choose.

692
00:44:46.920 --> 00:44:49.640
No, my belief is not even standing in my way

693
00:44:49.640 --> 00:44:52.920
and I can do this regardless of what it is that I believe.

694
00:44:52.920 --> 00:44:57.640
It's an act of my will that I am choosing

695
00:44:57.640 --> 00:45:00.480
that my reality is what God is.

696
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:07.000
has declared in his word, in his living word, regardless of whether or not I found a scripture

697
00:45:07.000 --> 00:45:10.760
to back this up yet, you know, or whatever, you know, whatever it is, he's, I feel in

698
00:45:10.760 --> 00:45:13.320
the spirit, like I'm supposed to be believing him.

699
00:45:13.320 --> 00:45:19.080
But I'm talking about his active limb where it is in his word, it is in the word come,

700
00:45:19.080 --> 00:45:21.280
and therefore I choose it.

701
00:45:21.280 --> 00:45:28.640
And so, like I said, it's very simple, but I have to remind myself multiple things as

702
00:45:28.640 --> 00:45:29.640
I do it.

703
00:45:29.640 --> 00:45:31.480
You don't have to wait for belief.

704
00:45:31.480 --> 00:45:35.760
Belief is not an obstacle to you stepping into this.

705
00:45:35.760 --> 00:45:41.800
And I feel like the biggest proof that I have of, of that, like I can hear what you're saying

706
00:45:41.800 --> 00:45:44.520
and I can, I can take it in and I can receive it and all that.

707
00:45:44.520 --> 00:45:48.960
But the biggest like proof of my experience with him and the living word, you know, and

708
00:45:48.960 --> 00:45:55.800
him speaking to me directly that I have of that is, um, about a year ago I was, I was

709
00:45:55.800 --> 00:45:56.800
just wrestling with him.

710
00:45:56.800 --> 00:46:02.640
I was like on a weekend, um, trip trip or like a conference or worship thing.

711
00:46:02.640 --> 00:46:06.120
And I just remember being in the kitchen of this place we were staying and just thinking

712
00:46:06.120 --> 00:46:12.080
like about these kind of impossibilities or these things, you know, like heart longings,

713
00:46:12.080 --> 00:46:16.600
like things that I wanted, you know, a lot of times it's usually freedom related, you

714
00:46:16.600 --> 00:46:21.760
know, things that I'm wanting to shift into and wanting him to do in me or, um, in my

715
00:46:21.760 --> 00:46:26.280
ability to believe in that particular moment, like my unbelief.

716
00:46:26.280 --> 00:46:33.000
And he said something really profound to me that, um, yeah, that just really has come

717
00:46:33.000 --> 00:46:34.280
back around lately.

718
00:46:34.280 --> 00:46:39.680
And it's, it's that he said, um, several things that I don't remember all the details of.

719
00:46:39.680 --> 00:46:46.960
And then he said, whether you believe I can or, or you believe I can't, I am.

720
00:46:46.960 --> 00:46:48.960
And that was it.

721
00:46:48.960 --> 00:46:49.960
So significant.

722
00:46:49.960 --> 00:46:53.240
Like, it was like huge work from the Lord in that moment.

723
00:46:53.240 --> 00:46:55.880
Like he's like, whether you believe I can or I can't, I am.

724
00:46:55.880 --> 00:47:01.480
And it was such a comfort and assurance that again, has come back up because yeah, it was

725
00:47:01.480 --> 00:47:04.400
like, okay, then it's not even based on my belief.

726
00:47:04.400 --> 00:47:08.680
And I was beating myself up and have struggled similarly as what you're describing with thinking

727
00:47:08.680 --> 00:47:15.040
if I can believe more, if I can have more faith, um, that's the key, that's the ticket.

728
00:47:15.040 --> 00:47:19.680
And so then I put that pressure on myself again to have enough belief, which you're

729
00:47:19.680 --> 00:47:27.320
saying is, yeah, and yeah, it's not, um, and, and I absolutely love that and don't

730
00:47:27.320 --> 00:47:31.120
feel any pressure to, if this is something that's very special and, you know, just precious

731
00:47:31.120 --> 00:47:35.680
and intimate between you and the Lord, but if you, if you felt, um, that the Lord would

732
00:47:35.680 --> 00:47:40.120
allow you to, to share something that was so special with y'all, uh, if, if, um, I know

733
00:47:40.120 --> 00:47:45.080
that people in the group would, would really benefit from hearing that, that sentence,

734
00:47:45.080 --> 00:47:51.680
you know, that your father shared that our father shared this revelation of who it is

735
00:47:51.680 --> 00:47:56.440
that he is in his relationship with us, that, Hey, regardless of what is your, you do or

736
00:47:56.440 --> 00:47:59.900
don't believe it's all based on me.

737
00:47:59.900 --> 00:48:02.320
You're not an obstacle.

738
00:48:02.320 --> 00:48:03.320
I am anyway.

739
00:48:03.320 --> 00:48:09.160
But so anyway, but just to be, there are a lot of things that the Lord just shares.

740
00:48:09.160 --> 00:48:13.360
So that I'm doing it, whether you believe it or you don't believe it was like, Oh, that

741
00:48:13.360 --> 00:48:14.360
was really, really special.

742
00:48:14.360 --> 00:48:16.800
So anyway, I just encourage you.

743
00:48:16.800 --> 00:48:20.400
That's really, that's really, really neat that ministers, you know, to my spirit that

744
00:48:20.400 --> 00:48:23.000
my father, that is who my father is.

745
00:48:23.000 --> 00:48:24.760
So that's exciting.

746
00:48:24.760 --> 00:48:28.560
Yeah, it is very special.

747
00:48:28.560 --> 00:48:34.760
So that, that, yeah, very much relates, um, to what you were just saying about, about

748
00:48:34.760 --> 00:48:38.920
belief and about, about it, you know, somehow being something that I need to conjure up

749
00:48:38.920 --> 00:48:46.360
or that I need more of, or that I don't already have, or, you know, but that, that, that you

750
00:48:46.360 --> 00:48:50.040
can be spinning just based on that belief alone.

751
00:48:50.040 --> 00:48:51.040
Yeah.

752
00:48:51.040 --> 00:48:52.040
Correct.

753
00:48:52.040 --> 00:48:53.040
Yeah.

754
00:48:53.040 --> 00:48:54.040
Or something.

755
00:48:54.040 --> 00:49:00.000
And then we can blame ourselves or believe that some, some, that the blood of some circumstance

756
00:49:00.000 --> 00:49:04.560
or person is on our hands because apparently we didn't believe in that.

757
00:49:04.560 --> 00:49:06.560
Oh, my word.

758
00:49:07.200 --> 00:49:08.200
Yeah.

759
00:49:08.200 --> 00:49:09.200
Good pressure.

760
00:49:09.200 --> 00:49:10.200
Right.

761
00:49:10.200 --> 00:49:11.200
It's like, no.

762
00:49:11.200 --> 00:49:13.720
Because God, Jesus said, Hey, give me the faith of a mustard seed, forget it.

763
00:49:13.720 --> 00:49:20.200
It's like, it's faith, it's, it's based on his character, not, not on us.

764
00:49:20.200 --> 00:49:26.480
So, because he's choosing his character instead of choosing us and our belief.

765
00:49:26.480 --> 00:49:27.920
So then where does faith come in?

766
00:49:27.920 --> 00:49:31.920
Like the faith as small as a mustard seed is that, that just basically that concept

767
00:49:32.920 --> 00:49:41.560
he's pleased with however much faith, like we have, like he's, he'll take us where we

768
00:49:41.560 --> 00:49:42.680
are.

769
00:49:42.680 --> 00:49:48.480
And that it's not, it's not as much about how much we have, but the honesty to say,

770
00:49:48.480 --> 00:49:54.360
like, help my unbelief, you know, in the sense that like, who, who said that was a Peter

771
00:49:54.360 --> 00:49:55.360
or Thomas?

772
00:49:55.360 --> 00:49:58.360
Oh, help thou my unbelief.

773
00:49:58.360 --> 00:49:59.800
That was, um.

774
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.400
That was the father of a, um, I believe as a demon possessed child.

775
00:50:06.120 --> 00:50:06.320
Okay.

776
00:50:06.800 --> 00:50:07.120
Yeah.

777
00:50:07.160 --> 00:50:11.280
Where Jesus says, said something about, um, you know, you need to believe or

778
00:50:11.280 --> 00:50:14.800
whatever, and he said, I do believe that's right.

779
00:50:15.040 --> 00:50:15.360
Yeah.

780
00:50:15.400 --> 00:50:19.840
It was the disciples couldn't cast out the demons from the little boy.

781
00:50:19.960 --> 00:50:21.600
And so he brought him to Jesus.

782
00:50:21.640 --> 00:50:25.600
And so Jesus was talking to the man and it's like, well, no, you need to believe

783
00:50:25.600 --> 00:50:27.800
this and he's like, well, I do, but help my unbelief.

784
00:50:29.040 --> 00:50:29.280
Yeah.

785
00:50:29.280 --> 00:50:30.960
See either way.

786
00:50:31.880 --> 00:50:32.240
Yeah.

787
00:50:32.800 --> 00:50:37.760
That I think is what, what we're talking about, but yeah.

788
00:50:39.360 --> 00:50:39.840
Yeah.

789
00:50:39.840 --> 00:50:45.840
And, um, so in the belief is, you know, as desiring to, it's an element of

790
00:50:45.840 --> 00:50:50.200
co-laboring with the father of, of where he's like, well, I don't want to

791
00:50:50.200 --> 00:50:52.160
just do all of this by my foul.

792
00:50:52.520 --> 00:50:54.200
He's like, let's do it together.

793
00:50:54.600 --> 00:51:00.080
And, um, and because he's given us power and authority to declare into the earth,

794
00:51:01.120 --> 00:51:06.440
certain things to, um, bring earth to bring heaven into earth, because it says

795
00:51:06.440 --> 00:51:10.160
that, that the heaven is the Lord's and the earth was given to man.

796
00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:12.280
So that's what he says in the Bible.

797
00:51:12.760 --> 00:51:19.640
And, um, so if, uh, if the earth was given to us to, to govern and to, uh,

798
00:51:19.680 --> 00:51:25.720
determines things about, well, then he desires to have it's, it's our, uh, when

799
00:51:25.720 --> 00:51:32.040
we believe and meaning come into agreement with what God says is true, then it will

800
00:51:32.040 --> 00:51:35.400
allow things because we have been given to many and over the earth, it will

801
00:51:35.400 --> 00:51:37.680
allow those things to, to manifest.

802
00:51:38.120 --> 00:51:42.320
Um, but at the same time, we are sons of a father.

803
00:51:42.520 --> 00:51:51.680
So even though he's given it to the son, the father still, um, uh, can, uh, can

804
00:51:51.680 --> 00:51:56.080
come in and into things he's given the son, the ability to govern something.

805
00:51:56.400 --> 00:52:02.360
But, um, it says that the earth, uh, that I think it says that the earth is earth

806
00:52:02.360 --> 00:52:06.480
is the Lord's or that I remember anyway, that he's our father.

807
00:52:06.480 --> 00:52:10.960
And so, but he's like, Hey, I've given, I've given you permission.

808
00:52:11.000 --> 00:52:13.920
I give you the power and the authority to declare certain things will and

809
00:52:13.920 --> 00:52:17.320
will not be in the earth, whatever you lose on earth will be loosed in heaven

810
00:52:17.360 --> 00:52:19.120
or whatever you lose out loose on earth.

811
00:52:19.120 --> 00:52:19.760
We've loosed in heaven.

812
00:52:19.760 --> 00:52:22.320
Whenever you lose a bind on earth, we're bound in heaven.

813
00:52:22.880 --> 00:52:24.320
It gives us that part of the authority.

814
00:52:24.320 --> 00:52:30.560
So if we, if we choose to believe them, we were partnering with him, um, what

815
00:52:30.560 --> 00:52:32.720
is declared to be true so that it will manifest into the earth.

816
00:52:33.000 --> 00:52:37.360
If we, and if we don't believe it and we don't come into agreement, you know,

817
00:52:37.480 --> 00:52:41.600
then it can, um, I don't want to say that it can hinder it because we have such

818
00:52:41.600 --> 00:52:46.200
weird ideas around hindering that, um, just to be simple about it.

819
00:52:46.760 --> 00:52:47.120
Yeah.

820
00:52:47.760 --> 00:52:48.120
Yeah.

821
00:52:48.160 --> 00:52:48.760
That's cool.

822
00:52:49.480 --> 00:52:51.800
That brings up, go ahead.

823
00:52:53.400 --> 00:52:56.800
I know I was going to say, and I don't want this to necessarily have to be like

824
00:52:56.800 --> 00:53:01.600
a big thing and if it needs to be like a lot alive or Marco later or something.

825
00:53:01.600 --> 00:53:02.120
That's cool too.

826
00:53:02.120 --> 00:53:09.840
But I was just curious, um, like when you say sons, um, but you don't use

827
00:53:09.840 --> 00:53:14.600
daughters, is that like a strong belief that you have, or is that just something

828
00:53:14.600 --> 00:53:16.960
that you say, or do you believe that we're not daughters?

829
00:53:18.360 --> 00:53:18.800
Correct.

830
00:53:19.160 --> 00:53:23.200
So with me being a daughter and having two daughters and using that term a lot,

831
00:53:23.240 --> 00:53:27.880
like there's times that I'm, I'm like, wait, I'm really genuinely curious.

832
00:53:27.880 --> 00:53:29.560
Like just kind of where you're coming from.

833
00:53:29.560 --> 00:53:29.680
Yeah.

834
00:53:29.680 --> 00:53:30.480
There's nothing wrong with that.

835
00:53:30.880 --> 00:53:39.480
Um, so yeah, there's, um, uh, daughters is here for the earth because it has

836
00:53:39.480 --> 00:53:41.480
nothing whatsoever to do with our relationship with the Lord.

837
00:53:41.600 --> 00:53:48.840
We're all sons of God because, um, the son of God is a type of being, um, just

838
00:53:48.840 --> 00:53:53.320
like there are, um, there's humans, there's angels, there's archangels,

839
00:53:53.320 --> 00:53:55.040
there's seraphim, there's whatever.

840
00:53:55.840 --> 00:53:57.400
The son of God is a type of being.

841
00:53:58.400 --> 00:54:03.280
And, um, so there's, so we don't, we don't have to worry about a dichotomy

842
00:54:03.280 --> 00:54:05.920
between, well, is it sons of God or daughters of God, because it's

843
00:54:05.920 --> 00:54:11.000
acknowledging, um, it's, uh, when we're, when we're talking about our

844
00:54:11.000 --> 00:54:13.040
relationship with the Lord, there's no gender.

845
00:54:13.640 --> 00:54:17.080
We don't have a gender in our, in our, in our spirit.

846
00:54:17.400 --> 00:54:21.200
You know, uh, we're, we're a type of, we're a type of being.

847
00:54:21.760 --> 00:54:22.840
That's what a son of God is.

848
00:54:22.880 --> 00:54:24.800
It's like being an archangel or seraphim.

849
00:54:24.840 --> 00:54:25.720
There's a son of God.

850
00:54:26.200 --> 00:54:29.040
And it's a son of God that, I mean, sorry, it's a type of being that

851
00:54:29.040 --> 00:54:32.120
is higher than any other, any other being.

852
00:54:32.480 --> 00:54:34.920
Um, so does, does that make sense?

853
00:54:34.960 --> 00:54:36.840
It's a, it's a being.

854
00:54:37.320 --> 00:54:39.120
So yeah, that's what you remember.

855
00:54:39.120 --> 00:54:42.800
It says that we were the old man died and the new man was born.

856
00:54:43.680 --> 00:54:44.680
That's the son of God.

857
00:54:44.880 --> 00:54:46.160
You know, it's the old man died.

858
00:54:46.160 --> 00:54:47.840
You're now, you're now a new man.

859
00:54:48.160 --> 00:54:49.200
We're, we're a son of God.

860
00:54:49.200 --> 00:54:50.440
We're, we're an actual being.

861
00:54:50.920 --> 00:54:55.600
It says that we completely changed that we are a new creature.

862
00:54:55.600 --> 00:54:57.760
The new creature that we are is the son of God.

863
00:54:58.760 --> 00:54:59.040
So.

864
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:04.560
So I it's funny that you bring that up and I'm glad that you did. It never, it never occurred

865
00:55:04.560 --> 00:55:09.920
to me to mention that in the group. And I probably should. It never occurred to me. It's like, oh,

866
00:55:09.920 --> 00:55:13.440
that's right. But, um, I think that one of the things about the whole daughter of God,

867
00:55:14.880 --> 00:55:18.640
like, do you say, do you feel like it's wrong to say I'm a daughter of, of God or the King?

868
00:55:18.640 --> 00:55:22.640
Like that there's something wrong with that? Or is it more, it's a preference of like how

869
00:55:22.640 --> 00:55:27.360
you understand it and saying sons. Cause I get what you're saying. And yet I'm thinking,

870
00:55:28.320 --> 00:55:34.640
because we do live in a body yet we're spirits. And because, you know, of just the way like

871
00:55:34.640 --> 00:55:40.000
language that we have on earth, even if it is, you know, this is, this is true. Like that,

872
00:55:40.000 --> 00:55:46.560
that's what we're all. Um, yeah, just the understanding again, from the perspective of,

873
00:55:47.280 --> 00:55:53.360
of being a woman and having, you know, young girls and the various things about identity that are

874
00:55:54.320 --> 00:56:00.080
related to femininity and things like that. It can be a little bit confusing to say that for me,

875
00:56:00.080 --> 00:56:04.560
like, okay, how do I, you know what I mean? Like, how do I start like using that all the time? And,

876
00:56:04.560 --> 00:56:09.520
and of course the word daughter does come up in just everyday life, whether it's related to

877
00:56:10.320 --> 00:56:15.840
the Lord or, or other relationships or whatever. And he, you know, and then of course he created

878
00:56:15.840 --> 00:56:22.160
us male and female and both attributes, you know, obviously he has, but even if we are sons of God,

879
00:56:24.080 --> 00:56:31.200
I don't know. It's funny. Yeah. No, there's nothing wrong with saying daughters of God,

880
00:56:31.200 --> 00:56:36.880
daughters of God does never, never appears in the Bible because it does. It's not a,

881
00:56:36.880 --> 00:56:42.160
it's not an issue. So I think, but so the creature is called the son of God.

882
00:56:43.120 --> 00:56:50.000
So as long as we know, where was I just reading? Oh, Romans eight. Yeah. It talks about, um,

883
00:56:50.960 --> 00:56:55.120
at least in the, you know, the versions that I'm reading in might not be like in the original,

884
00:56:55.120 --> 00:56:57.760
so that, that could very well be, but it says, you know,

885
00:56:59.120 --> 00:57:01.680
specifically waiting on the sons and daughters to be revealed.

886
00:57:04.560 --> 00:57:11.440
Oh, interesting. Um, so yeah, my translation says sons, but, um, it could be, it could be

887
00:57:11.440 --> 00:57:19.200
the translation, um, you know, in order to, uh, in order to make sure that a point, a certain point

888
00:57:19.200 --> 00:57:25.520
that the translators believe that was being made would be made in the way that that culture would

889
00:57:25.520 --> 00:57:31.120
receive. Yeah, sure. Does that make sense? So there's nothing wrong with saying daughters of

890
00:57:31.120 --> 00:57:38.640
God. Yeah. Um, as, as, um, you know, if we understand, if we're trying to, um, acknowledge

891
00:57:38.640 --> 00:57:45.120
that the feminine or not, not the VMC, there's masculine and feminine in both male and female

892
00:57:45.120 --> 00:57:51.360
men have both masculine and feminine in them. They just, they just, uh, they, uh, they put on

893
00:57:51.360 --> 00:57:57.600
display the masculine stronger than they put than they display the feminine and then vice versa.

894
00:57:57.600 --> 00:58:02.400
You know, uh, female have both masculine and feminine in us. And we put on display that the

895
00:58:02.400 --> 00:58:10.160
more of the feminine. And so if, if it helps someone, um, to acknowledge based on their,

896
00:58:10.160 --> 00:58:15.920
on their perspective to acknowledge that, Hey, there's nothing wrong with the feminine.

897
00:58:16.720 --> 00:58:22.720
And the feminine is accepted before God in equal footing, just like the masculine.

898
00:58:22.720 --> 00:58:28.720
And if they, if they feel that the feminine is embodied by the word daughter and the masculine

899
00:58:28.720 --> 00:58:33.440
is embodied by the word son, if that's how they understand it, and then that's how they want to

900
00:58:34.400 --> 00:58:43.360
want to talk about it, then, then that's fine. Um, but it's important for us regardless to

901
00:58:43.360 --> 00:58:51.040
understand that before the war, whatever terms we use, um, uh, that, that the person

902
00:58:52.240 --> 00:58:58.160
is, there is no difference in, there's no difference in the gender. It's not even like

903
00:58:58.160 --> 00:59:04.720
they have, it's not even like, Oh, we're on all equal footing. No, there's no difference.

904
00:59:04.720 --> 00:59:13.200
There is no gender. Um, and, uh, but talking about our spirit, man, what you're talking about

905
00:59:13.200 --> 00:59:19.360
our spirit, man. Yeah. Yeah. There's no, there's no, there's no gender. Yeah. Correct. And before

906
00:59:19.360 --> 00:59:24.160
the Lord now on the earth, how it, how it manifests things in like pictures. And I apologize

907
00:59:24.160 --> 00:59:29.840
if it's loud, the dogs are like circling, they're just, they're just playing. So they're

908
00:59:29.840 --> 00:59:36.160
running on the, on the carpet or on the guys, guys, Hey, Hey,

909
00:59:40.480 --> 00:59:44.160
anyway, they're cute. They're, they're playing together. So my dog and my brother's dog,

910
00:59:45.920 --> 00:59:50.960
um, I don't remember what I was saying, but anyway, so in order to acknowledge the fact

911
00:59:50.960 --> 00:59:54.560
that the feminine is just, it's just as accepted before the Lord as the masculine,

912
00:59:54.560 --> 00:59:59.920
because he has both feminine and masculinity in us in him. And each of us has both masculine.

913
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:05.040
on a feminine, within a, well, to believe that the feminine before the Lord is just

914
01:00:05.040 --> 01:00:09.920
as feminine aspect of us, whether we're talking like within a male or within a female is just

915
01:00:09.920 --> 01:00:14.640
as accepted as the masculine. If we want to divide that into a son or a daughter,

916
01:00:14.640 --> 01:00:19.920
you know, in the terms, and that's how we understand it, you know, then that's fine.

917
01:00:19.920 --> 01:00:23.680
It's just important for us to acknowledge and to understand that there's no gender

918
01:00:24.640 --> 01:00:27.920
before the Lord. It's not even like there's two different genders before the Lord,

919
01:00:27.920 --> 01:00:32.720
and He sees them as equal. No, it's important for us to understand there is no gender,

920
01:00:32.720 --> 01:00:38.240
because in other words, there is no difference. Yeah, that's really important. I think that's

921
01:00:38.240 --> 01:00:43.360
a really actually important distinction that, you know, maybe it's just me, but maybe not,

922
01:00:44.400 --> 01:00:50.560
because that's a very different understanding. Not that I disagree with it, but I think it's

923
01:00:50.560 --> 01:00:58.960
an important distinction to voice, I guess, the way that you just did to, that's really like

924
01:00:59.920 --> 01:01:05.920
both aspects of, you know, why, you know, that whole sons versus daughters and the sons and

925
01:01:05.920 --> 01:01:11.200
the terminology, but also most importantly, what you're saying about what you see as most

926
01:01:11.200 --> 01:01:20.800
important in that, and the fact that there's no gender, because that is, yeah, that's like

927
01:01:22.400 --> 01:01:32.320
big, you know, especially because our understanding and our earthly, you know, and then everything

928
01:01:32.320 --> 01:01:35.440
that's going on in our culture, I think it could be a really relevant topic on so many levels,

929
01:01:35.440 --> 01:01:40.640
just with the gender confusion, the sexual orientation confusion, just a lot of things

930
01:01:40.640 --> 01:01:48.400
that it could bring maybe even some freedom. Yeah, well, yeah, and it's, it's been, it's been

931
01:01:48.400 --> 01:01:54.160
attacked, which is very sad, because there's nothing wrong with either the masculine or the

932
01:01:54.160 --> 01:01:58.000
feminine. And they're both beautiful things from the bold aspects of the Lord. So it's like,

933
01:01:59.120 --> 01:02:03.200
one part of the Lord is lower and less than another part of that doesn't make any sense.

934
01:02:03.840 --> 01:02:08.960
So it's important for us, you know, here on earth to acknowledge the fact that both of them

935
01:02:09.760 --> 01:02:17.600
have equal value, contribution, etc. And the Lord just pictured what, okay, so think about it.

936
01:02:18.480 --> 01:02:26.160
When, when Eve was taken out of Adam, there was masculine and feminine within Adam. And so when

937
01:02:26.160 --> 01:02:32.000
he took Eve out of Adam, it was still both masculine and feminine in her, it didn't,

938
01:02:32.000 --> 01:02:37.200
it wasn't like, well, Adam no longer had feminine and Eve no longer, didn't have any masculine. No,

939
01:02:37.200 --> 01:02:43.840
there was still both, but each one pictured and portrayed a particular aspect of the Lord,

940
01:02:43.840 --> 01:02:50.000
so that we would see, we would see not a separation, but we would more clearly see a

941
01:02:50.000 --> 01:02:58.480
distinction between different complementary parts that existed within the same God,

942
01:02:58.480 --> 01:03:03.600
just like they exist within the same person, so that we could actually see on the outside,

943
01:03:03.600 --> 01:03:08.480
what is very difficult to see as a distinction when it's within the same person. And that was

944
01:03:08.480 --> 01:03:12.480
the whole point of it was just so that we would see a different picture. I mean, so that we would

945
01:03:12.480 --> 01:03:24.000
more clearly see something that's going on, that's going on in the unseen world, because it was more

946
01:03:24.000 --> 01:03:31.760
easy for us to have a visible picture with which a known from which we could eventually walk into

947
01:03:31.760 --> 01:03:38.960
understanding an unknown in something that was invisible. So it made the invisible visible by

948
01:03:38.960 --> 01:03:45.440
separating out, separating out the portrayal. And then women have been given historically,

949
01:03:45.440 --> 01:03:52.400
have had particular roles, and that will women do particular things, and where it talks even

950
01:03:52.400 --> 01:03:58.160
in Ephesians, it makes distinctions between women do these things, men do these things,

951
01:03:58.720 --> 01:04:05.520
and women shouldn't, you know, whatever Paul was talking about, that was actually very cultural.

952
01:04:06.080 --> 01:04:12.480
And, and it wasn't like, Oh, well, this is how God needs men and women to always interact. It was

953
01:04:12.480 --> 01:04:18.160
cultural specific to it was well, it was specific to that particular culture, where he was trying

954
01:04:18.160 --> 01:04:24.080
to make a point about what happens in the spirit. And he was just so but the way that the culture

955
01:04:24.080 --> 01:04:33.200
understood it, which is what culture is culture is making the is just making is pictures of ways

956
01:04:33.200 --> 01:04:38.400
that we can understand interaction in ways that we can understand things that are happening in

957
01:04:38.400 --> 01:04:44.960
the spirit, but it doesn't mean that there is separation in the spirit, like there's separation

958
01:04:44.960 --> 01:04:51.120
in in the visible, etc. So the further that the more that the body of Christ has matured,

959
01:04:51.120 --> 01:04:58.800
the less that we have needed distinctions in the visible realm, in like roles, responsibilities,

960
01:04:58.800 --> 01:04:59.840
do's and don'ts.

961
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.180
because we can more readily see and appreciate and value differences without

962
01:05:06.180 --> 01:05:12.740
seeing things like, women you're only allowed in the culture

963
01:05:12.740 --> 01:05:17.780
to do these things and not these others, and men vice versa. We can interchange a

964
01:05:17.780 --> 01:05:23.940
bit more because we have a more mature

965
01:05:23.940 --> 01:05:29.020
understanding without having to dichotomize. Does that make sense? So

966
01:05:29.020 --> 01:05:32.800
anyway, that's what the thing was in Ephesians where he's talking about women

967
01:05:32.800 --> 01:05:37.180
need to have a covering and women can't speak in church. That was the only

968
01:05:37.180 --> 01:05:45.160
way that back then they could understand things about the difference between man

969
01:05:45.160 --> 01:05:51.220
versus Christ. Man is the body, Christ is the head. It's like, okay, just like a man

970
01:05:51.220 --> 01:05:57.020
and a woman, you know, and this is how we bring order in 70 AD or

971
01:05:57.020 --> 01:06:01.260
whenever that was, I don't remember when that was, was that 40 AD? Whenever he was

972
01:06:01.260 --> 01:06:06.980
writing all of that, and it's created a tremendous, but before we

973
01:06:06.980 --> 01:06:11.780
could understand that, it created a, it has created tremendous divide and it

974
01:06:11.780 --> 01:06:15.660
continues to create tremendous divide in certain denominations, and it was a big

975
01:06:15.660 --> 01:06:21.140
bone of contention for me. It was very, very difficult. I didn't understand how,

976
01:06:21.140 --> 01:06:25.460
whether or not he required me to literally cover my head with a

977
01:06:25.460 --> 01:06:31.100
shawl when I prayed before him, and because I was so legalistic in my

978
01:06:31.100 --> 01:06:35.500
mindset, that was a very difficult passage for me, because I didn't grow up

979
01:06:35.500 --> 01:06:40.100
in a denomination that believed that, and yet I believed everything else

980
01:06:40.100 --> 01:06:45.340
literally that the Bible said, except that part, because my culture, my

981
01:06:45.340 --> 01:06:49.700
religious culture that I grew up in, didn't believe in that part, and I didn't

982
01:06:49.700 --> 01:06:54.940
understand how that wasn't also true. So it wasn't until I matured a bit more in

983
01:06:54.940 --> 01:06:57.980
my belief and understanding to realize how that that was actually cultural,

984
01:06:57.980 --> 01:07:02.700
because at the same time, I was like, well how can I pick, cherry-pick what I believe

985
01:07:02.700 --> 01:07:07.060
about the Bible, and which part's cultural, and which isn't, and I had to

986
01:07:07.060 --> 01:07:12.820
understand the difference between the invisible being being made visible in

987
01:07:12.820 --> 01:07:18.420
certain expressions, but it doesn't make the expression the important point. It's

988
01:07:18.420 --> 01:07:24.260
it's for weaker people, but that is the only way that they can, that they can

989
01:07:24.260 --> 01:07:30.100
understand the things of the Spirit, and kind of like me to offer to idols,

990
01:07:30.100 --> 01:07:36.580
whether or not you can drink, whatever, this is another one, you know, yeah, no

991
01:07:36.580 --> 01:07:42.540
weaker, it's not bad, it just means their conscience, right, we can't so much, yeah,

992
01:07:42.540 --> 01:07:47.020
and I had that in certain areas, mm-hmm, yeah, no, that makes so much sense, and I

993
01:07:47.020 --> 01:07:55.140
think, too, in our culture, well, because, yeah, there's a lot, like, because

994
01:07:55.140 --> 01:08:00.100
historically, women have been very much squashed, and silenced, and oppressed, and

995
01:08:00.100 --> 01:08:04.980
I'm not saying men haven't, because that does happen, but to a much greater degree,

996
01:08:04.980 --> 01:08:14.500
and then the very patriarchal society that we've been living in, which, again,

997
01:08:14.500 --> 01:08:18.180
it doesn't mean I'm not a feminist in the sense that, you know, I'm trying to

998
01:08:18.180 --> 01:08:23.220
say, no, actually, women are, are better, but I, I definitely have a heart to

999
01:08:23.220 --> 01:08:32.420
recover the feminine side, and even, you know, so many women that have just been

1000
01:08:32.420 --> 01:08:38.939
shut down and in hiding in various ways, um, and not coming fully alive because,

1001
01:08:38.939 --> 01:08:44.340
because of all these messages, and because of all these cultural things, and

1002
01:08:44.340 --> 01:08:50.700
so there is a distinction there that, whether I like it or not, is, like, I love

1003
01:08:50.700 --> 01:08:53.460
that we can go higher and not, you know, and see that there doesn't have to be

1004
01:08:53.460 --> 01:08:58.580
that distinction, there really isn't that distinction, ultimately, and yet, in the

1005
01:08:58.580 --> 01:09:03.220
here and now, there is that distinction in various ways, because we are women, or

1006
01:09:03.220 --> 01:09:05.899
we are, you know, little girls, and there are things that we're learning about,

1007
01:09:05.899 --> 01:09:12.060
what does that look like, and, and to be healthy, and accepting, and even valuing

1008
01:09:12.060 --> 01:09:16.620
the differences of what we bring, or the fact that God gave us the ability to, to

1009
01:09:16.620 --> 01:09:22.420
carry, and to bear, and to birth life, you know, and that isn't something that, that

1010
01:09:22.420 --> 01:09:29.340
men do, and there are these distinctions there, but at the same time, completely

1011
01:09:29.340 --> 01:09:33.500
makes, like, what you're saying about there not being a distinction before,

1012
01:09:33.540 --> 01:09:37.420
before him, and why he created the male and female, and all that, that's really,

1013
01:09:37.420 --> 01:09:42.100
really cool, so. Thank you. Thanks for sharing. That's really good. And we're all

1014
01:09:42.100 --> 01:09:51.660
given different, um, calling is just such a word that I just feel is ever, ever used,

1015
01:09:51.660 --> 01:09:56.020
but I, so I wish I could think of a better, yeah, that we just kind of have a

1016
01:09:56.020 --> 01:10:00.940
different, um, thing on our hearts.

1017
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:02.240
You know, different people are given different things on their hearts.

1018
01:10:02.280 --> 01:10:08.760
And for me, um, the way that I see, I just, especially with the feminine thing,

1019
01:10:09.060 --> 01:10:11.420
it's never bothered and hasn't bothered me.

1020
01:10:11.420 --> 01:10:15.720
And I grew up in Turkey where women were, um, I watched women being

1021
01:10:15.720 --> 01:10:19.080
treated like possessions and they would be beaten.

1022
01:10:19.120 --> 01:10:24.400
It was a normal thing that, uh, that, that people just accepted that when,

1023
01:10:24.520 --> 01:10:29.280
that when a woman got married, she was to be beaten on my hand by her husband.

1024
01:10:29.280 --> 01:10:30.640
It was something that you expected.

1025
01:10:30.640 --> 01:10:34.620
So it was kind of like one of those things where you, you chose which man

1026
01:10:34.620 --> 01:10:37.960
you'd prefer to live with and be beaten by it was terrible.

1027
01:10:38.560 --> 01:10:42.960
And, um, um, and, um, I mean, not that they would ever word it like that, but

1028
01:10:42.960 --> 01:10:52.000
that's kind of what it was and, um, they, uh, you, um, in any way, but for me,

1029
01:10:52.240 --> 01:10:58.200
I just, I just, what's on my heart is to talk and to speak like, well, this is

1030
01:10:58.200 --> 01:11:04.120
how it is and, and, and to just totally bypass the whole, yeah, well, it totally

1031
01:11:04.120 --> 01:11:11.560
bypassed conversations so much in living out and fighting for how, what it's not.

1032
01:11:12.120 --> 01:11:12.320
Sure.

1033
01:11:12.320 --> 01:11:16.360
Calling out and highlighting and, and, um, highlighting the lies

1034
01:11:16.360 --> 01:11:17.400
of see all of this stuff.

1035
01:11:17.600 --> 01:11:17.800
Yeah.

1036
01:11:17.840 --> 01:11:19.040
It's not like that.

1037
01:11:19.080 --> 01:11:20.440
And it just fighting it for me.

1038
01:11:21.120 --> 01:11:25.240
What's on my heart is just clear and acts like what it, what is, and I've had,

1039
01:11:25.760 --> 01:11:27.400
I've been in situations.

1040
01:11:27.400 --> 01:11:33.240
I mean, it's to the point where when people have, uh, uh, have treated me

1041
01:11:33.240 --> 01:11:38.920
differently because, uh, it has seemed to have treated me differently because I'm

1042
01:11:38.920 --> 01:11:45.160
a woman, it took me months to figure it out because I don't see it.

1043
01:11:45.640 --> 01:11:48.440
I'm just like, I'm just like, oh, well, they're just a person and they're,

1044
01:11:48.440 --> 01:11:49.960
they're acting like this towards me.

1045
01:11:49.960 --> 01:11:51.880
Cause I'm another person and there's something about me.

1046
01:11:51.880 --> 01:11:54.880
They just don't like, it did not occur to me.

1047
01:11:55.280 --> 01:11:58.360
Until someone else pointed out, Ashley, I think it's because you're a woman.

1048
01:11:59.400 --> 01:12:01.000
No, they wouldn't do that.

1049
01:12:01.480 --> 01:12:03.800
I mean, and I grew up in Turkey.

1050
01:12:04.440 --> 01:12:09.600
I mean, and I watched it prevalent and I couldn't, I couldn't see it's

1051
01:12:09.600 --> 01:12:10.720
because I just don't see it.

1052
01:12:10.720 --> 01:12:12.240
Cause I'm like, yeah, but it's not true.

1053
01:12:12.800 --> 01:12:14.080
It's not true.

1054
01:12:14.080 --> 01:12:18.000
It doesn't matter if that's how people see it, if it's not true.

1055
01:12:18.000 --> 01:12:19.240
And I'm not indifferent.

1056
01:12:19.280 --> 01:12:22.640
I'm not, I'm not devalued because of who it is, but I am.

1057
01:12:22.920 --> 01:12:24.920
What does it matter if that's why they're doing it to me?

1058
01:12:24.920 --> 01:12:26.400
So I couldn't recognize it.

1059
01:12:26.960 --> 01:12:29.800
Um, and other people had to point it out to me.

1060
01:12:29.800 --> 01:12:31.760
So anyway, that's, what's just on my heart.

1061
01:12:31.800 --> 01:12:39.480
So I don't, I don't, it's such a cool, I totally get what you're saying and

1062
01:12:39.480 --> 01:12:44.040
focusing on what is and not what isn't and, and, and not fighting against this,

1063
01:12:44.040 --> 01:12:49.880
but just going with what, what is, and being an example of, of that just kind

1064
01:12:49.880 --> 01:12:57.800
of unhindered and, um, but my point is that that was, that's, that's what the

1065
01:12:57.800 --> 01:13:03.200
Lord's put in my spirit, there are other people that, and I'm trying to

1066
01:13:03.200 --> 01:13:04.480
make a very clear distinction.

1067
01:13:04.480 --> 01:13:11.360
There are other people, however, that have this, this, um, uh, this thing that,

1068
01:13:11.440 --> 01:13:19.960
that the Lord has called them to, to highlight the lies and to bring them to

1069
01:13:19.960 --> 01:13:24.240
the light, very specifically addressing them and showing people, Hey, this right

1070
01:13:24.240 --> 01:13:28.840
here, this isn't true and to fight me.

1071
01:13:28.840 --> 01:13:33.680
He has not given the mandate to fight against that, that I'm, that I'm aware

1072
01:13:33.680 --> 01:13:37.720
of, you know, unless, unless it's going to reveal it later to fight against the

1073
01:13:37.720 --> 01:13:41.320
lies of, of, um, that feminism tries to highlight and whatever.

1074
01:13:41.360 --> 01:13:44.800
And, and I'm even, I'm not even talking about like secular ideas of feminism.

1075
01:13:44.840 --> 01:13:49.560
I'm talking about like, you know, ideas of, uh, like to, to value the feminine

1076
01:13:49.600 --> 01:13:51.120
from a Christian perspective and whatever.

1077
01:13:51.400 --> 01:13:54.040
Well, and so that's why I don't talk about it.

1078
01:13:54.280 --> 01:13:59.200
I don't, it doesn't go on and use the, and, um, does that make sense?

1079
01:13:59.920 --> 01:14:06.080
People, they want to, they want to highlight those things, mention them,

1080
01:14:06.400 --> 01:14:09.960
edify other people, encourage other women from that perspective.

1081
01:14:10.000 --> 01:14:15.360
And for me, I just, I don't, I just be, yeah, but this is what it is as opposed

1082
01:14:15.360 --> 01:14:17.120
to talking about what it's not.

1083
01:14:17.720 --> 01:14:17.960
Yeah.

1084
01:14:18.720 --> 01:14:22.400
I think I come from, like, I think about that a lot because it's, it's, there is a

1085
01:14:22.400 --> 01:14:28.000
difference, but I think about how, just with the Lord, how like that is my desire

1086
01:14:28.000 --> 01:14:32.320
is to, to live the example of what it is.

1087
01:14:33.000 --> 01:14:42.160
But then I live in that tension of, um, knowing so many women, so, so many women

1088
01:14:42.160 --> 01:14:51.280
and girls and my own experience of not knowing that these things are not just

1089
01:14:51.280 --> 01:14:54.200
me or that I'm the only one that struggles with them or not feeling isolated and

1090
01:14:54.200 --> 01:14:56.600
alone in these struggles, lies or whatever.

1091
01:14:56.920 --> 01:15:00.000
And so, um, and.

1092
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:07.360
specifically sometimes as it relates to like learning like coming into healthy thinking

1093
01:15:07.360 --> 01:15:12.480
and also healthy relationships and healthy communication and healthy like view of ourselves

1094
01:15:12.480 --> 01:15:21.760
all of that when you have either you know been mistreated or abused for for your feminine

1095
01:15:21.760 --> 01:15:25.920
qualities or because you're a girl or a woman or just the fact that you happen to be a girl

1096
01:15:25.920 --> 01:15:32.880
or woman that has been abused by the opposite sex and sometimes it can be you know the same

1097
01:15:32.880 --> 01:15:37.120
sex as well like women can be you know hurt or wounded by women and it's not that I want

1098
01:15:37.120 --> 01:15:44.480
to highlight those hurts but it's that I personally see that in order to help women out

1099
01:15:45.440 --> 01:15:50.400
into like what is sometimes it means addressing which I think you do too I mean because you share

1100
01:15:50.400 --> 01:15:54.960
about your story and your struggles sometimes it means addressing that and sometimes it even

1101
01:15:54.960 --> 01:16:01.360
means addressing that that is something that is cultural or that has happened to many more

1102
01:16:01.360 --> 01:16:13.760
than just one or two or or the fact that you know even acknowledging women because they haven't

1103
01:16:13.760 --> 01:16:20.240
been acknowledged yeah you know acknowledging the fact that it's real that you haven't been

1104
01:16:20.240 --> 01:16:24.320
acknowledged and until in some ways you know when it's like oh well everybody struggles that or

1105
01:16:24.320 --> 01:16:28.560
everybody goes through things or all the excuses we make sometimes it's just being seen in that that

1106
01:16:29.200 --> 01:16:34.960
that that moment where we can can be seen and known I mean obviously ultimately by the lord but

1107
01:16:35.600 --> 01:16:42.000
even in relationship to one another or one other person there can be I mean light bulb moments I

1108
01:16:42.000 --> 01:16:50.880
mean there's so much to be said for being seen and known just being seen and known in your

1109
01:16:50.880 --> 01:16:56.000
experience and so that's why I feel like it's so important to share our stories and why I'm I know

1110
01:16:56.000 --> 01:17:03.680
I'm called so much to like a storytelling creative storytelling kind of ministry and and organization

1111
01:17:05.360 --> 01:17:12.160
you know as a woman I'm not as a single woman especially and with young girls I'm just I'm not

1112
01:17:12.160 --> 01:17:21.840
in a position where I can relate to men and go as deep and and diving in with with men in the

1113
01:17:21.840 --> 01:17:25.680
healing and the emotions and the different things that I can with women and I don't have that

1114
01:17:25.680 --> 01:17:30.400
experience to even be able to relate to them on that level not that I don't think they're equals

1115
01:17:30.400 --> 01:17:36.400
or or as if we're all important all that it's just like I so god's given me a ministry specifically

1116
01:17:36.400 --> 01:17:42.960
and a heart specifically for women children and specifically girls of all ages but then

1117
01:17:43.840 --> 01:17:47.920
also people who who are coming out of brokenness like I just have a tremendous

1118
01:17:47.920 --> 01:17:52.800
compassion and that includes men you know but sometimes it's like but I can't go there without

1119
01:17:52.800 --> 01:18:00.800
potential problems with those boundaries of with men and everything me personally and I feel like

1120
01:18:00.800 --> 01:18:05.680
in protecting my girls and stuff um from letting men to come into my life and so let's I kind of

1121
01:18:05.680 --> 01:18:12.000
keep that in mind when it's like I'm not I'm not trying to like you know not say men are really

1122
01:18:12.000 --> 01:18:15.520
important to me because they're just as important to me it's just that I for whatever reason have

1123
01:18:15.520 --> 01:18:20.560
this heart for women so anyways can I come right back and go potty super quick my bladder is the

1124
01:18:20.560 --> 01:18:27.840
smallest like I will do the same you do the same okay the tea drinkers right we'll be right that's

1125
01:18:27.840 --> 01:18:30.400
right okay

1126
01:18:57.840 --> 01:18:59.900
you

1127
01:19:27.840 --> 01:19:29.900
you

1128
01:19:57.840 --> 01:19:59.900
you

1129
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.060
you

1130
01:20:30.000 --> 01:20:32.060
you

1131
01:21:00.000 --> 01:21:02.060
you

1132
01:21:09.200 --> 01:21:15.860
hey okay hi we're back so anyway my point in telling you all that is I

1133
01:21:15.860 --> 01:21:19.920
didn't want you to think that the way that I view it is that well the only the

1134
01:21:19.920 --> 01:21:24.600
way that I do it is the only way that is the way that I view it the only way the

1135
01:21:24.600 --> 01:21:28.400
way that I approach it it's not the only way to do it and it's not the only one

1136
01:21:28.400 --> 01:21:35.880
that is blessed and called of the Lord to approach it from because here's a

1137
01:21:35.880 --> 01:21:41.440
good biblical example so in other words well let me just say the example so

1138
01:21:41.440 --> 01:21:48.400
David was and you may have heard me mention this example before David was

1139
01:21:48.400 --> 01:21:53.720
called of the Lord to be a warrior king and he expanded Israel's boundaries he

1140
01:21:53.720 --> 01:21:59.160
fought he killed people and killing people back then was a was a it was a

1141
01:21:59.160 --> 01:22:05.720
pretty gruesome process because they had to fight you know hand-to-hand combat

1142
01:22:05.720 --> 01:22:10.640
and they hand-to-hand combat means I mean you've got a sword and I mean that

1143
01:22:10.640 --> 01:22:15.120
person has to be pretty doggone close and you have to wheel you have to put a

1144
01:22:15.120 --> 01:22:19.880
lot of effort and energy into wielding that sword to ram it into them to slide

1145
01:22:19.920 --> 01:22:24.680
slice off their head like halfway through the head and it'll be like blood

1146
01:22:24.680 --> 01:22:28.040
going everywhere you're covered with I don't know how many different people's

1147
01:22:28.040 --> 01:22:35.240
blood it's a very gruesome thing and God called David to be a warrior king for

1148
01:22:35.240 --> 01:22:40.600
his people to expand the boundaries etc however and it says that David was a man

1149
01:22:40.600 --> 01:22:45.200
after God's own heart but when David asked hey I want to build a temple for

1150
01:22:45.200 --> 01:22:52.040
you God said you can't he said you have too much blood on your hands he said so

1151
01:22:52.040 --> 01:22:59.200
you can't do it he said Solomon however your son will be a peaceful king and he

1152
01:22:59.200 --> 01:23:05.440
will he and he will not go to war and he will build my temple so each has their

1153
01:23:05.440 --> 01:23:10.320
purpose each has their and and who set up Solomon to be able to do that who

1154
01:23:10.320 --> 01:23:15.160
established a peaceful kingdom for Solomon to be able to not have to go to

1155
01:23:15.160 --> 01:23:20.040
war to be able to receive all of the tribute from all of those that land and

1156
01:23:20.040 --> 01:23:24.640
all of those peoples that his father had conquered that enabled that set Solomon

1157
01:23:24.640 --> 01:23:28.400
up to be able to receive all of this gold like is that all of this tributes

1158
01:23:28.400 --> 01:23:36.240
to be the wealthiest man and he'd ever lived and and to be able to build a

1159
01:23:36.240 --> 01:23:40.440
beautiful temple that you know it's gone down in history as being the most

1160
01:23:40.440 --> 01:23:45.960
you know as being the most you know gorgeous building that's ever been built

1161
01:23:45.960 --> 01:23:51.000
David David prepared him for that so but at the same time David wasn't allowed to

1162
01:23:51.000 --> 01:23:56.720
God said you know you can't touch my temple you can't build it because of

1163
01:23:56.720 --> 01:24:02.160
what it is that you have that the the stuff that you've touched the stuff that

1164
01:24:02.160 --> 01:24:06.680
you have and you know well that's stuff that you've touched can't touch my

1165
01:24:06.680 --> 01:24:12.560
temple etc but they were each loved and blessed and called by the Lord for those

1166
01:24:12.560 --> 01:24:18.000
purposes but they look opposite but just because they look opposite does not

1167
01:24:18.000 --> 01:24:24.560
discredit or disqualify either one of them before the Lord you know so there's

1168
01:24:24.560 --> 01:24:29.360
ways of doing it so I just have my way of doing it and then I agree and I'm

1169
01:24:29.360 --> 01:24:33.000
glad you shared that because I'm that I totally align with all of that like it

1170
01:24:33.000 --> 01:24:39.160
makes complete sense to me and that's how I think about you know purpose and

1171
01:24:39.160 --> 01:24:42.880
calling and the mantles or whatever you want to in whatever term you want to use

1172
01:24:42.880 --> 01:24:49.040
that are placed on us and given to us oh yeah there is such a need for every

1173
01:24:49.040 --> 01:24:53.640
single one and that's a lot of the message the Lord's given he specifically

1174
01:24:53.640 --> 01:25:01.680
is actually to nurture and to champion and encourage each one toward the Lord

1175
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:06.160
calling and purpose uniquely, but also know that we're in it together. So there's this oneness,

1176
01:25:06.160 --> 01:25:10.960
you know, in the body, but then there's also this, this, these unique pieces and roles that

1177
01:25:10.960 --> 01:25:17.040
we each play that are not any one more significant than the other. But it does matter that we step

1178
01:25:17.040 --> 01:25:23.440
into them fully and don't try to be anyone else, or compare ourselves to others. And

1179
01:25:25.120 --> 01:25:29.280
this is a time for that message, if there ever was a time, you know, where it's like,

1180
01:25:29.280 --> 01:25:36.480
it's just such a ripe, such a ripe time where, yeah, I just, I see it as,

1181
01:25:38.240 --> 01:25:43.280
I see this as, you know, not the end of the world, but of the harvest. I don't know, I don't see,

1182
01:25:45.360 --> 01:25:49.280
I don't see, I don't know, I don't know enough about, you know, I haven't, I purposely haven't

1183
01:25:49.280 --> 01:25:56.400
read all the eschatology stuff and try to figure that out. And I mean, I just don't,

1184
01:25:57.360 --> 01:26:02.000
just don't hear it. I don't see it. You know, I mean, I try to be open and love, you know,

1185
01:26:02.000 --> 01:26:06.880
like you said, your friends, because that might be what God's called them to or truly saying and

1186
01:26:06.880 --> 01:26:11.600
preparing, you know, them for, but then how do you nourish, you know, again, how you encourage

1187
01:26:12.560 --> 01:26:13.200
that without

1188
01:26:24.480 --> 01:26:28.240
taking it on yourself. I lost you for a second. Are you there?

1189
01:26:28.800 --> 01:26:29.600
Yeah, I'm here.

1190
01:26:30.880 --> 01:26:37.760
Okay. I lost you for a second. Sorry. So I was saying like, how do you not take that on yourself?

1191
01:26:37.760 --> 01:26:42.240
So this is a lot of my, I guess, you know, there's so many things we can talk about,

1192
01:26:42.240 --> 01:26:46.240
but as far as like pressing things that are on my heart right now, I feel like

1193
01:26:47.120 --> 01:26:53.280
they kind of go hand in hand. So the, the, the opinions and the callings and the,

1194
01:26:54.000 --> 01:27:01.760
even, you know, good, godly wisdom of other people versus the voice of God specifically

1195
01:27:02.640 --> 01:27:09.200
to us, like needing to be led by the Holy Spirit. Like he is our teacher. He's our,

1196
01:27:10.640 --> 01:27:15.440
we don't learn through, you know, the institution of church and the pastor and elder board and have

1197
01:27:15.440 --> 01:27:21.360
to go through, you know, hearing it this way from this person, from this theology standpoint,

1198
01:27:21.360 --> 01:27:25.360
whatever, but that we hear directly from him. We have a personal relationship. We, we hear from

1199
01:27:25.680 --> 01:27:33.200
him in a myriad of ways. And it's very real that we are called to love him and put him in his

1200
01:27:33.200 --> 01:27:40.000
elbow, his voice above all others. And yet there's, there's room for godly wisdom. And he, he

1201
01:27:40.000 --> 01:27:47.040
works so much through people. That is a lot of in various ways, this is going to come out, but a lot

1202
01:27:47.040 --> 01:27:55.440
of my struggle has been letting people, even well-meaning or whatever, but people speak too

1203
01:27:55.440 --> 01:28:00.640
much into my life or letting maybe the wrong people close to me that are not safe people,

1204
01:28:01.440 --> 01:28:07.200
slash, even if they are safe people, not having the boundary, be able to say, this is, you know,

1205
01:28:07.200 --> 01:28:13.840
I honor what you're saying and where you're at and appreciate that. And yet, you know,

1206
01:28:13.840 --> 01:28:19.200
until the Lord tells me that specifically, this is where, where he has me, what he's been saying,

1207
01:28:19.200 --> 01:28:23.680
you know, but it's, it's been difficult because I want to be teachable. I want to be teachable.

1208
01:28:23.680 --> 01:28:29.440
So both two examples of this one, when I said there's two, two and one,

1209
01:28:29.440 --> 01:28:38.720
one is what I refer to as people that I love who are talking about being led to like prepare,

1210
01:28:38.720 --> 01:28:44.560
like stock, stock up on just basic things. Like they don't totally know why, or maybe they think

1211
01:28:44.560 --> 01:28:49.680
they know why for, you know, water and toilet paper and things that they don't, you know,

1212
01:28:50.400 --> 01:28:57.120
friends that are very much like spirit led in the same circles, you know, we align on everything

1213
01:28:57.120 --> 01:29:02.240
else, but it's like, I don't want to think about that because it brings me fear. So how do I honor

1214
01:29:02.240 --> 01:29:10.960
them, but not take on that? And then the second one is after this, I'm going to, this is why it's

1215
01:29:10.960 --> 01:29:18.400
more urgent. I'm going to be at the home of my house church parents, like spiritual parents.

1216
01:29:19.520 --> 01:29:27.440
And they have through the season, very much encouraged me to, in a very specific direction

1217
01:29:27.440 --> 01:29:33.520
of getting, doing whatever I have to do to get a job and provide for my family. Now,

1218
01:29:34.400 --> 01:29:39.840
they also encourage you to listen to the Lord and do what he says above all else. They're spirit led,

1219
01:29:39.840 --> 01:29:46.240
spirit filled, you know, baptized, you know, and water and fire and all this. And it's like,

1220
01:29:46.240 --> 01:29:53.360
I do feel like the Lord, I want to be open to receiving wisdom because I haven't exactly,

1221
01:29:53.360 --> 01:29:57.200
I can't look back and be like, Oh, I have this great track record of stability. And so

1222
01:29:57.200 --> 01:30:00.160
that's part of why I let people speak in too, is because it's like,

1223
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.160
who am I and really look at the mess my life has been,

1224
01:30:03.160 --> 01:30:04.840
so maybe I should listen to them.

1225
01:30:04.840 --> 01:30:06.480
But then again, that gets me in more trouble

1226
01:30:06.480 --> 01:30:09.220
because I keep trying to do what people are suggesting

1227
01:30:09.220 --> 01:30:14.220
and not listening just to trusting myself at all

1228
01:30:14.700 --> 01:30:17.240
and then listening to like the fact that I can trust

1229
01:30:17.240 --> 01:30:19.120
that I hear his voice.

1230
01:30:19.120 --> 01:30:22.640
And they are ones that I've avoided

1231
01:30:22.640 --> 01:30:26.240
in some ways like personal time with them,

1232
01:30:26.240 --> 01:30:28.560
not outside of like our Zoom church

1233
01:30:28.560 --> 01:30:29.720
or what we've done through COVID.

1234
01:30:29.920 --> 01:30:33.920
Some Zoom worship and some in person now,

1235
01:30:33.920 --> 01:30:36.560
but they keep asking, they'll ask about my work.

1236
01:30:36.560 --> 01:30:39.520
They'll ask about my, they ask about my work.

1237
01:30:39.520 --> 01:30:42.280
And that's kind of like all that they touch base on

1238
01:30:42.280 --> 01:30:44.580
or they're quick to like, hey, how are you doing?

1239
01:30:44.580 --> 01:30:46.400
And then are you getting more hours at your work

1240
01:30:46.400 --> 01:30:48.200
or are you getting another, have you got another job?

1241
01:30:48.200 --> 01:30:50.640
And they've just, they very much,

1242
01:30:50.640 --> 01:30:54.520
now understand too, the generation is they're 70, okay?

1243
01:30:54.520 --> 01:30:56.580
So this is a 70 year old couple.

1244
01:30:57.180 --> 01:31:01.100
Again, father, mother and the Lord,

1245
01:31:01.100 --> 01:31:03.540
but like even the generation is probably like,

1246
01:31:03.540 --> 01:31:05.020
you just work and you do this.

1247
01:31:05.020 --> 01:31:07.580
And if you're not providing for your family, don't.

1248
01:31:26.580 --> 01:31:31.060
And I don't even feel comfortable

1249
01:31:31.060 --> 01:31:32.420
that this is causing a,

1250
01:31:32.420 --> 01:31:34.060
what I'm needing is an encouragement.

1251
01:31:34.060 --> 01:31:36.460
I've done enough working for it and striving

1252
01:31:36.460 --> 01:31:41.460
and doing all the right things for four years

1253
01:31:42.460 --> 01:31:47.460
as a single mom and trying to get back on track

1254
01:31:50.100 --> 01:31:51.820
and all these things.

1255
01:31:51.820 --> 01:31:53.420
And it's not like I've been lazier

1256
01:31:53.420 --> 01:31:55.860
that I'm not willing to give up next.

1257
01:31:56.780 --> 01:31:59.740
And that makes it harder for me to stand on my own two feet

1258
01:31:59.740 --> 01:32:02.120
because what I'm not saying is I,

1259
01:32:02.120 --> 01:32:03.700
but that then gives people too much room

1260
01:32:03.700 --> 01:32:07.340
where they're like telling me things

1261
01:32:07.340 --> 01:32:08.380
like you need to do this.

1262
01:32:08.380 --> 01:32:12.440
And if you aren't knocking down doors to get a job,

1263
01:32:12.440 --> 01:32:16.460
like how are you expecting to pay your bills

1264
01:32:16.460 --> 01:32:18.300
and take care of your children and all this stuff?

1265
01:32:18.300 --> 01:32:23.300
And so it sounds wise, but it's like,

1266
01:32:23.300 --> 01:32:28.300
I feel so uncomfortable right now

1267
01:32:31.180 --> 01:32:34.900
because I feel misunderstood.

1268
01:32:34.900 --> 01:32:35.900
I don't feel like what you're really seeing

1269
01:32:35.900 --> 01:32:37.180
the big picture, you don't see now.

1270
01:32:37.180 --> 01:32:39.260
And the biggest call on my life right now

1271
01:32:39.260 --> 01:32:40.700
is to trust myself.

1272
01:32:40.700 --> 01:32:42.500
So yeah, I'm willing to get a job.

1273
01:32:42.500 --> 01:32:43.420
I've been willing to get a job.

1274
01:32:43.420 --> 01:32:45.980
I've been telling him that I have maintained a job.

1275
01:32:45.980 --> 01:32:47.060
Unlike a lot of friends I know

1276
01:32:47.060 --> 01:32:49.860
who are living on unemployment, which is fine too.

1277
01:32:49.860 --> 01:32:51.940
I didn't go get unemployment through this season.

1278
01:32:52.100 --> 01:32:54.500
I have, and the Lord continues to provide.

1279
01:32:54.500 --> 01:32:56.820
He has been providing.

1280
01:32:56.820 --> 01:32:58.540
So I have that, but it's like,

1281
01:32:58.540 --> 01:33:00.060
that looks to some people like,

1282
01:33:00.060 --> 01:33:03.180
well, you're just living off of other people's

1283
01:33:03.180 --> 01:33:05.220
good kindness and good graces,

1284
01:33:05.220 --> 01:33:10.220
like donations and things like that.

1285
01:33:10.340 --> 01:33:12.220
And you can't do that forever.

1286
01:33:12.220 --> 01:33:15.660
And it's like, I hear you.

1287
01:33:15.660 --> 01:33:17.980
But again, I don't want to give them room

1288
01:33:17.980 --> 01:33:21.100
to speak much into this where I'm taking it to heart

1289
01:33:21.140 --> 01:33:22.700
and I'm allowing myself to feel clouded

1290
01:33:22.700 --> 01:33:24.020
or stressed or anxious.

1291
01:33:24.020 --> 01:33:25.740
Like I'm not enough, I'm not doing enough,

1292
01:33:25.740 --> 01:33:26.700
but I don't know how to keep up.

1293
01:33:26.700 --> 01:33:28.180
And what I really need is your prayer

1294
01:33:28.180 --> 01:33:30.740
that you'll just continue to lift me and the girls up

1295
01:33:30.740 --> 01:33:33.300
and trust the Lord for us,

1296
01:33:33.300 --> 01:33:36.780
for direction and all these things.

1297
01:33:36.780 --> 01:33:39.020
But in their mind, it's like,

1298
01:33:39.020 --> 01:33:41.260
well, the direction's right in front of you,

1299
01:33:41.260 --> 01:33:43.380
like just get a job.

1300
01:33:43.380 --> 01:33:46.620
And I don't know that maybe if they heard me say,

1301
01:33:46.620 --> 01:33:48.300
if I were able to share my heart,

1302
01:33:48.300 --> 01:33:50.020
like that's my hope today,

1303
01:33:50.020 --> 01:33:52.300
that there could be an understanding,

1304
01:33:52.300 --> 01:33:54.300
but I feel uncomfortable because I feel like

1305
01:33:54.300 --> 01:33:56.700
they're taking this parental role of,

1306
01:33:56.700 --> 01:33:58.620
we know what's best for you and this is it.

1307
01:33:58.620 --> 01:34:00.940
And yet you're telling me to listen to God's voice first

1308
01:34:00.940 --> 01:34:01.940
and above all others.

1309
01:34:01.940 --> 01:34:03.740
And he's not saying that.

1310
01:34:03.740 --> 01:34:06.060
And what you said last night on Marco Polo,

1311
01:34:06.060 --> 01:34:08.500
you're right in the sense that I thought about that,

1312
01:34:08.500 --> 01:34:13.500
like maybe he's not saying the right thing.

1313
01:34:20.860 --> 01:34:25.860
Completely from work, maybe it's a different approach.

1314
01:34:26.300 --> 01:34:28.180
I'm ready to launch a coaching consulting business

1315
01:34:28.180 --> 01:34:29.700
and I have everything in place to think that

1316
01:34:29.700 --> 01:34:31.260
he wants me to completely put on hold for longer

1317
01:34:31.260 --> 01:34:34.820
or is that gonna come into alignment soon?

1318
01:34:34.820 --> 01:34:39.100
Or the other one is that I have not felt ready

1319
01:34:39.100 --> 01:34:43.900
to take a job from this new paradigm yet.

1320
01:34:43.900 --> 01:34:45.660
I feel like I'm right in the middle of shifting

1321
01:34:45.660 --> 01:34:47.540
and I don't, like if it's true,

1322
01:34:47.540 --> 01:34:49.420
what you said on Marco Polo, which could be,

1323
01:34:49.420 --> 01:34:54.420
and you're saying it could be, that, are you still here?

1324
01:34:54.460 --> 01:34:56.900
I am, it's breaking up quite a bit,

1325
01:34:56.900 --> 01:34:59.900
but so far I've been able to get the gist of what you're saying

1326
01:35:00.960 --> 01:35:10.240
Okay. Okay, shoot. Um, okay. So if I'm going to take a full time job or whatever it is, I haven't

1327
01:35:10.240 --> 01:35:14.240
felt peace about that. And I think a lot of the reason is not that I'm, I don't realize that I

1328
01:35:14.240 --> 01:35:20.480
could do it from a different place, but just that I'm not at the new place yet I'm in crossing.

1329
01:35:21.280 --> 01:35:27.200
I'm in crossing like where I'm moving currently into that space. And I feel like he's saying

1330
01:35:27.200 --> 01:35:33.520
there's, there's grace as you move into that space. So you can operate in your work or whatever

1331
01:35:33.520 --> 01:35:40.000
I tell you you're going to do next, or we decide or whatever from a place of rest and operate from

1332
01:35:40.000 --> 01:35:45.120
a place of overflow. But I'm not there yet. If I did it right now, I would be striving.

1333
01:35:46.080 --> 01:35:55.840
Does that make sense to you? Yes, it does. And again, I'm not saying that I know what it is the

1334
01:35:55.840 --> 01:36:00.640
Lord wants you to do. I'm just throwing out different things that I've had to learn. And,

1335
01:36:00.640 --> 01:36:07.680
and so I now realize that, in other words, that my understanding and how I interpret that my

1336
01:36:07.680 --> 01:36:12.480
understanding of the world has become and my interactions with the world has become more

1337
01:36:12.640 --> 01:36:21.600
the world has become in my interactions, the Lord and the Spirit is broader than I used to think.

1338
01:36:21.600 --> 01:36:25.440
In other words, it was just like, Oh, is this or is this? It was like two options. And the Lord's

1339
01:36:25.440 --> 01:36:29.520
like, No, actually, there's like four or five. I'm like, Oh, okay. Now I go through about the

1340
01:36:29.520 --> 01:36:35.040
four or five of them. And, and so another idea is also that something that I've learned

1341
01:36:35.920 --> 01:36:43.840
is that sometimes the Lord calls us into something when and and something that we don't

1342
01:36:43.840 --> 01:36:50.080
feel that we can and I think I mentioned this. I could be wrong. But I think that I mentioned this

1343
01:36:50.080 --> 01:36:57.600
maybe in a in a Q&A recently, or Thursday night or something that that the Lord will sometimes

1344
01:36:57.840 --> 01:37:13.440
call us into into doing something where we don't fully we're not fully operating in the new thing

1345
01:37:13.440 --> 01:37:19.840
yet. I mean, like know how to do it. It's more like God's like, Okay, I'm going to put you in it.

1346
01:37:19.840 --> 01:37:24.800
And then you're going to learn it while you're in it. So sometimes he does that as well. But

1347
01:37:25.200 --> 01:37:30.320
that I so I just mentioned that as another as another option. I mean, not another option as

1348
01:37:30.320 --> 01:37:37.520
another thing that will another way that he that he one of the ways in which he calls us to step

1349
01:37:37.520 --> 01:37:44.720
into something is that it's not always being fully having gone through it before it's learned. It's

1350
01:37:44.720 --> 01:37:52.480
the trial by fire. It's a hey, in the middle of it, I will have I will show you what to do.

1351
01:37:53.440 --> 01:38:01.520
As the moments come up, as opposed to and it's a new revelation in real time. So there is some

1352
01:38:01.520 --> 01:38:05.840
some of that. I don't know what it is he's going to do. I'm just letting you know that. Yeah,

1353
01:38:05.840 --> 01:38:11.920
he does do that. But But yeah, who you know, who knows? From my perspective,

1354
01:38:11.920 --> 01:38:16.560
know what it is that the Lord's the Lord is telling you. I've watched my own

1355
01:38:17.360 --> 01:38:25.840
progress with the Lord. And in having a job, being working on a job, it not coming,

1356
01:38:26.400 --> 01:38:34.080
it not in a Lord not giving me peace. Like for instance, I was starting out to try to build a

1357
01:38:34.080 --> 01:38:39.920
an online business. And it was before I got into teaching about the message of rest. This is before

1358
01:38:40.800 --> 01:38:53.600
that when I was trying out and testing other messages. Yeah, he I I was being pressured

1359
01:38:54.240 --> 01:39:04.960
by people to get a job. And in fact, I was I was being pressured by people that

1360
01:39:04.960 --> 01:39:15.360
considered themselves to be spiritual parents of mine. And they, they told me that that because

1361
01:39:15.360 --> 01:39:19.520
there were some relationship issues, actually, that I was struggling with them in. And so I

1362
01:39:19.520 --> 01:39:23.280
wanted to talk to them about some of the relationship issues. And they told me,

1363
01:39:23.280 --> 01:39:28.960
you know, actually, we're not willing to talk to you as you know, spiritual parents, we're not

1364
01:39:28.960 --> 01:39:33.920
willing to that's not the word they use. But they said, we're not willing to talk to you about any

1365
01:39:33.920 --> 01:39:39.840
relationship issues that you have with us until you get a job. Wow, that that's that's verbatim

1366
01:39:39.840 --> 01:39:49.920
what they said. And what do you do? And so what I did is I tried to honor them for their role

1367
01:39:49.920 --> 01:39:54.400
in any who it is that they were in the spirit, that they weren't not their role, but who it is

1368
01:39:54.400 --> 01:39:59.040
that they were in the spirit and for the Lord and all of that, and try to honor them in my heart as

1369
01:39:59.040 --> 01:39:59.840
much as I could.

1370
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:07.780
Um, and just ask the Lord to father me into that while I was in the middle of it, but

1371
01:40:07.780 --> 01:40:09.900
I thought, yeah, but where's my piece at?

1372
01:40:09.900 --> 01:40:14.460
So what I did is I thought, okay, Lord, I don't believe that you're telling me to do

1373
01:40:14.460 --> 01:40:15.460
this.

1374
01:40:15.460 --> 01:40:17.420
I don't believe that you're telling me to go get a job.

1375
01:40:17.420 --> 01:40:20.780
I believe that you're telling me that the direction that I'm heading, what it is that

1376
01:40:20.780 --> 01:40:27.940
I keep trying to figure out how to do, um, and how to step into with you doing this online

1377
01:40:27.940 --> 01:40:29.660
and building something and all of that.

1378
01:40:29.660 --> 01:40:34.300
I believe this is what you want me to do, but I'm getting this other message.

1379
01:40:34.300 --> 01:40:37.180
And so Lord, I'm going to test it.

1380
01:40:37.180 --> 01:40:43.420
And um, and so, cause I, I'm wondering, are you in that, are you telling me that?

1381
01:40:43.420 --> 01:40:50.100
So what I did is, um, I, um, also to honor that relationship, but so that I said not

1382
01:40:50.100 --> 01:40:54.660
to honor that relationship, but just kind of smooth, some ruffled feathers with that

1383
01:40:54.660 --> 01:41:01.620
relationship as well as to test, not, not test the Lord, but, um, kind of like test

1384
01:41:01.620 --> 01:41:02.620
the spirit.

1385
01:41:02.620 --> 01:41:07.580
Cause I was, I thought, okay, by action, I can start testing and start feeling things

1386
01:41:07.580 --> 01:41:08.580
in the spirit.

1387
01:41:08.580 --> 01:41:12.660
How does the spirit feel like to me when I'm doing these things?

1388
01:41:12.660 --> 01:41:18.940
And so I put out a lot of job resumes, um, and reached out to a lot of multiple people

1389
01:41:18.940 --> 01:41:24.380
that I had either worked, that had, that I'd either worked for, or that had reached

1390
01:41:24.380 --> 01:41:32.220
out to me and said, Ashley, if you ever find yourself, um, where you want a job, we will

1391
01:41:32.220 --> 01:41:33.220
hire you.

1392
01:41:33.220 --> 01:41:36.540
I reached out to multiple.

1393
01:41:36.540 --> 01:41:43.340
And would you know that three of them didn't respond at all, at all.

1394
01:41:43.340 --> 01:41:48.420
I mean, these are people that approached me and said, I mean, one of them was a man that

1395
01:41:48.900 --> 01:41:53.140
I had only had one meeting with and that had about something totally different.

1396
01:41:53.140 --> 01:41:57.220
I was, it was, um, it was at FedEx and I just happened to have a meeting with him presenting

1397
01:41:57.220 --> 01:41:59.380
a particular project to him.

1398
01:41:59.380 --> 01:42:03.820
And he saw me a week later and, uh, and I was about to leave the company to start what

1399
01:42:03.820 --> 01:42:04.820
I'm doing now.

1400
01:42:04.820 --> 01:42:09.820
And he said, um, Ashley, I've, I've been asking around about you ever since that meeting where

1401
01:42:09.820 --> 01:42:14.620
you presented your project and asking people about you, I've just got, I've, you said that

1402
01:42:14.620 --> 01:42:16.700
you're about to go and start your own company.

1403
01:42:16.700 --> 01:42:21.900
He said, um, I would like to see if you'd be interested instead by, uh, coming to work

1404
01:42:21.900 --> 01:42:22.900
for me.

1405
01:42:22.900 --> 01:42:26.900
He said, it's not public knowledge, but so-and-so's leaving, come leaving my, leaving my team.

1406
01:42:26.900 --> 01:42:29.140
And I would like to offer you her position.

1407
01:42:29.140 --> 01:42:34.020
And that was a position that was going to all not quite double my salary, but you know,

1408
01:42:34.020 --> 01:42:38.460
it was going to at least increase it by like 50% maybe.

1409
01:42:38.460 --> 01:42:44.060
Um, and I, I told him, I said, um, and he's, and I said, you know, I really appreciate

1410
01:42:44.060 --> 01:42:46.620
it, but this is what it is that I feel that I want to do.

1411
01:42:47.540 --> 01:42:50.460
I want to go off on my own and be a turnaround business consultant.

1412
01:42:50.460 --> 01:42:55.380
And he said, if you ever find yourself, um, where you decide to come to not do your own

1413
01:42:55.380 --> 01:42:59.260
thing anymore and come back to work, he said, you give me a call.

1414
01:42:59.260 --> 01:43:00.260
So I did.

1415
01:43:00.260 --> 01:43:02.060
He totally, he, he did.

1416
01:43:02.060 --> 01:43:04.420
Um, I went directly to him.

1417
01:43:04.420 --> 01:43:06.140
I contacted him directly.

1418
01:43:06.140 --> 01:43:12.300
I also went through the normal FedEx recruiting process and applied for a specific job that

1419
01:43:12.300 --> 01:43:14.660
that particular position that he had available.

1420
01:43:14.700 --> 01:43:20.260
And this was like, I think this was like a year later, he still hadn't filled the position.

1421
01:43:20.260 --> 01:43:23.820
And so the person that he'd asked to fill the position is coming to him both personally

1422
01:43:23.820 --> 01:43:26.620
as well as through normal protocol.

1423
01:43:26.620 --> 01:43:29.420
And he never contacted me at all.

1424
01:43:29.420 --> 01:43:34.500
And this is somebody who approached me and, and then saying that happened multiple times,

1425
01:43:34.500 --> 01:43:35.980
multiple times.

1426
01:43:35.980 --> 01:43:44.340
I contacted previous employers that I'd worked for that, that just loved me and no response.

1427
01:43:45.020 --> 01:43:46.020
It was wild.

1428
01:43:46.020 --> 01:43:51.300
So it was so obvious, not just to me, but to these people that, that desired to be my

1429
01:43:51.300 --> 01:43:58.940
spiritual parents that saw themselves that way, that it was so evident that the, that

1430
01:43:58.940 --> 01:44:02.740
they saw that in the world's eyes, I had done everything.

1431
01:44:02.740 --> 01:44:08.100
I had the perfect scenario multiple times to be given a job.

1432
01:44:08.100 --> 01:44:12.140
And from people who had reached out to me that I hadn't reached out to, and all of it

1433
01:44:12.140 --> 01:44:14.140
fell through all of it.

1434
01:44:14.940 --> 01:44:20.060
And so they finally agreed that this apparently was at the Lord, but that's what the, that's

1435
01:44:20.060 --> 01:44:21.060
just what I did.

1436
01:44:21.060 --> 01:44:26.300
I, I, because it's very difficult for the Lord to, uh, not difficult for the Lord.

1437
01:44:26.300 --> 01:44:30.620
It is sometimes difficult for us to hear things when we're not moving.

1438
01:44:30.620 --> 01:44:35.420
So I thought, okay, Lord, I've not moved with the whole job thing for a while because I'm

1439
01:44:35.420 --> 01:44:39.620
doing, I'm trying to start this other business, but that isn't working.

1440
01:44:39.620 --> 01:44:43.420
The Lord let me move in a different direction and just kind of like test.

1441
01:44:43.420 --> 01:44:49.380
So put out some feelers and see if now that I'm moving my parked car, now that I'm moving

1442
01:44:49.380 --> 01:44:52.140
it, how, how do I hear the spirit moving?

1443
01:44:52.140 --> 01:44:55.020
I don't have to accept these jobs when they come to me.

1444
01:44:55.020 --> 01:44:56.020
Yeah.

1445
01:44:56.020 --> 01:45:00.020
I'm just, I'm just trying to sense the spirit, you know, so I'm moving my car to see.

1446
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:05.040
what it is that the spirit, but that's what I did. But I'm telling you, that was a very difficult

1447
01:45:05.040 --> 01:45:12.720
decision for me to make because I felt, Lord, is this me not trusting you? Is by me putting

1448
01:45:12.720 --> 01:45:19.280
these feelers out when I believe you told me not to do this, you know, months ago, am I now acting,

1449
01:45:19.840 --> 01:45:25.280
you know, am I not trusting you? And so that was true. That was challenging. But I just told the

1450
01:45:25.280 --> 01:45:30.240
Lord my heart. I was like, Lord, I want to do what you want me to do. But I'm struggling.

1451
01:45:31.200 --> 01:45:36.880
But I'm just making sure that all of these months later, when these people who are claiming to be

1452
01:45:36.880 --> 01:45:45.520
my spiritual parents, I'm trying to test the spirit. Is this you or not? And so that's what

1453
01:45:45.520 --> 01:45:51.040
I chose to do. And, and it was sure it took a lot of time, effort and energy. And it was annoying.

1454
01:45:51.600 --> 01:45:57.840
Yeah. But that's what I ended up doing. But yes, it was very challenging. And finally, I just,

1455
01:45:57.840 --> 01:46:02.160
I just let it go because everything was falling through. And I, and I was just starting in the

1456
01:46:02.160 --> 01:46:07.280
spirit repeatedly as these things would fall through. Yeah. This isn't the one he has for me.

1457
01:46:07.280 --> 01:46:13.680
Yeah. This isn't the job that he has from yet. It's not because I was, I was testing it. Yeah.

1458
01:46:13.680 --> 01:46:18.400
I don't want to say I was putting out a fleece. I was testing the spirit. I wasn't testing to see

1459
01:46:18.400 --> 01:46:24.960
what would happen. I wasn't telling God, okay, God make these things happen. And then I'll know

1460
01:46:24.960 --> 01:46:31.360
when I just watch him from an, from a very, uh, from a very safe distance, what is happening.

1461
01:46:31.360 --> 01:46:36.800
And then I'll know that this is what I'm supposed to do. No, I was testing the spirit. How do I feel

1462
01:46:38.160 --> 01:46:46.000
when, when, uh, as, as this thing progresses in the pursuit of a potential job with this person

1463
01:46:46.000 --> 01:46:50.320
versus in a potential job with this person versus in a potential job with this person.

1464
01:46:50.320 --> 01:46:54.880
And I would just test the feeling of just test the spirit is what I was doing. It wasn't putting

1465
01:46:54.880 --> 01:47:00.800
out a fleece waiting for something to happen. That makes sense. So, um, but that's what I did.

1466
01:47:01.360 --> 01:47:04.960
Was that right before this? Huh? Was that right before this?

1467
01:47:06.480 --> 01:47:13.360
Yes, that was, that was an August. Okay. August. Yeah. It was an August slash September

1468
01:47:13.360 --> 01:47:20.720
that I did that. Um, and, uh, anyway, and by the time that I finally heard for sure, okay,

1469
01:47:20.720 --> 01:47:26.560
this is not what the Lord wants me to do. And I let it all go. I still didn't know what I should

1470
01:47:26.560 --> 01:47:31.280
do. Finally, though, I did get my first client because I kept testing different messages,

1471
01:47:31.280 --> 01:47:35.280
different things that, and to ask the Lord, okay, Lord, what is it that you want though? What have

1472
01:47:35.280 --> 01:47:40.720
you put inside me that you want me to interact with other people in, how do you want your spirit

1473
01:47:40.720 --> 01:47:45.520
and my spirit to flow into other people's lives? That's what I mean by testing the message.

1474
01:47:46.800 --> 01:47:52.720
And, uh, and what is it that anyway, how do people respond to me? What meant, what,

1475
01:47:53.280 --> 01:47:57.200
what do I speak? What does my spirit speak that other people is resonating with other people's

1476
01:47:57.200 --> 01:48:00.960
spirits and what they're teaching them and putting on their hearts. And then they're drawn to me.

1477
01:48:01.920 --> 01:48:08.880
And, uh, and I got my first client in October. Um, and, and that was after I had been doing this

1478
01:48:08.880 --> 01:48:16.480
for like 10 months. Um, I had been pursuing my own, uh, my own job. I had had my own company

1479
01:48:17.040 --> 01:48:26.240
since it was formed in May of 2018, but I had a turnaround consulting job that I left FedEx for

1480
01:48:26.240 --> 01:48:32.880
to go directly into. It was a brick and mortar location. And I, I stepped into that for multiple

1481
01:48:32.880 --> 01:48:42.000
months. And so it wasn't until a year after that, that I got my first job. Yeah. Sorry,

1482
01:48:42.000 --> 01:48:48.400
not my first job. I got my first client out of that. So, and yeah, I was, I was, I was, um,

1483
01:48:48.400 --> 01:48:56.160
existing on, on, um, uh, on, uh, what do you call it? Uh, my, uh, bank account.

1484
01:48:56.800 --> 01:49:03.840
Mm. And sorry, my savings account. And then I had, um, I, um, saved up quite a bit. I,

1485
01:49:03.840 --> 01:49:10.240
so I lived off of my savings account and some other things. Um, anyway, so for a while,

1486
01:49:10.240 --> 01:49:14.960
I just got rolling or, I mean, kind of still like, as you're getting things going, like how, I mean,

1487
01:49:14.960 --> 01:49:22.240
if you're willing to share just like, like, do you feel like it's responsible to, you know,

1488
01:49:22.240 --> 01:49:27.680
even think that God could just like provide when you're not, your income doesn't match your need.

1489
01:49:29.600 --> 01:49:37.360
Um, is it, oh, uh, so the thing about responsibility is, um, when we're talking

1490
01:49:37.360 --> 01:49:45.040
about it in terms like what you're talking about is real, that is related to our, our

1491
01:49:45.040 --> 01:49:55.440
worldly perceived idea of responsibility that, um, it's not risk quote unquote deemed responsible

1492
01:49:55.440 --> 01:49:59.920
according to a worldly standard to, I don't know, to do X,

1493
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:06.800
Y and Z, while the Lord doesn't follow those same standards. He says, no, trust my character.

1494
01:50:06.800 --> 01:50:14.560
It trusts my, you live on my word. You don't live by bread. And so in the world's eyes,

1495
01:50:14.560 --> 01:50:18.960
they would say, Hey, look, if you don't have food, you, you got to understand you can't live.

1496
01:50:18.960 --> 01:50:24.960
And God's like, no, no people have been surviving in the desert or on Mount Sinai or whatever for

1497
01:50:25.680 --> 01:50:31.600
80 days at a time without food. So in other words, that we can't use the world's standards.

1498
01:50:31.600 --> 01:50:37.200
We live according to the living word of God and he provides food. He provides money. He provides,

1499
01:50:37.200 --> 01:50:43.840
you know, he, he provides for us in ways that don't have to evidence themselves as physical

1500
01:50:43.840 --> 01:50:48.480
food. Don't have to evidence themselves as physical money. Um, or he could give us food

1501
01:50:48.480 --> 01:50:54.080
or he gives money and et cetera. So the, in other words, we don't have to always have a job

1502
01:50:54.080 --> 01:51:02.000
in order to be provided for. We, um, and I I'm trying, what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to

1503
01:51:02.000 --> 01:51:08.720
kind of like blow our, our perspective of, of the way that the world works out of the,

1504
01:51:08.720 --> 01:51:15.600
completely out of the water, the Lord works in those systems, but they're not our provision.

1505
01:51:15.600 --> 01:51:19.440
Our job is not our provision. Our God is our provision. Even if we have jobs,

1506
01:51:20.160 --> 01:51:25.200
which I have a job, you have a job that it's not our provision. And it's very important that we

1507
01:51:25.200 --> 01:51:29.600
understand that. And that we choose to receive that as the Lord, that he still works within

1508
01:51:29.600 --> 01:51:33.840
the system and that we can have a job and we can get money through the job, but it's God,

1509
01:51:33.840 --> 01:51:41.360
who's giving us the money, not the job. Right. Even if we have a job, that's very important

1510
01:51:41.360 --> 01:51:47.760
where we rely on the job, believing that it's the job that's providing for us. That's the problem.

1511
01:51:48.640 --> 01:51:57.040
Yeah. So whether or not we have a job, uh, so when we follow the Lord, oftentimes it borders on,

1512
01:51:57.040 --> 01:52:05.520
if not flat out. So oftentimes God's, uh, God's word to step out in what we would see as

1513
01:52:05.520 --> 01:52:12.880
irresponsibility is actually us being responsible because we're following the, the, the word of the

1514
01:52:12.880 --> 01:52:18.560
Lord. So how did you explain that to your spiritual parents or like, what was your approach?

1515
01:52:18.560 --> 01:52:23.600
You know, just in light of, of, um, you know, both your story and what I've shared with you

1516
01:52:23.600 --> 01:52:28.960
about mine. Like, I don't know, I don't want to just like try to please them and say the

1517
01:52:28.960 --> 01:52:34.480
right things. I don't want to feel like I have to like explain myself to them. Yeah. And you don't,

1518
01:52:35.040 --> 01:52:44.480
I didn't explain myself either. Um, I, uh, my choice to, to actually, um, put out resumes and

1519
01:52:44.480 --> 01:52:50.000
all of that stuff was not something, what was something that I, um, chose to do between me

1520
01:52:50.000 --> 01:52:56.160
and the Lord, because my point was not to follow what my spiritual parents, well, who they thought

1521
01:52:56.160 --> 01:52:59.440
they wanted to be my spiritual parents. They weren't my spiritual parents, but they thought

1522
01:52:59.440 --> 01:53:05.920
that they were, so they were taken on that role and, and insisting and whatever. And, uh, because

1523
01:53:05.920 --> 01:53:11.520
they are people that are in my life, uh, regardless of what role it is that I'd that I feel from the

1524
01:53:11.520 --> 01:53:17.840
Lord that they hold, they felt that they held up to the role. Um, and they took on for that,

1525
01:53:17.840 --> 01:53:22.240
like, how did you honor, you know, I feel like they feel this way too, because they're

1526
01:53:22.240 --> 01:53:26.000
leading the house church that I'm going to with my girls that have passed nine months or so.

1527
01:53:26.000 --> 01:53:30.560
And again, I want to honor them. I don't want to be sassy. You know what I mean?

1528
01:53:32.960 --> 01:53:39.440
I want to have confidence as well in what I'm saying. And I feel like when people come at me

1529
01:53:39.440 --> 01:53:42.720
with this, like, well, what are you doing for work? Like, what are you, so have you been looking

1530
01:53:42.720 --> 01:53:48.080
like, have you, you know, all these different questions, it feels like I'm under the microscope.

1531
01:53:49.040 --> 01:53:55.120
Yeah. Um, well, there's a bunch of things that are going on there. Um, they are, they, um, are

1532
01:53:55.120 --> 01:54:01.200
imposing their, and I don't mean this in a, in a terribly negative way, but they're imposing

1533
01:54:01.200 --> 01:54:09.040
their belief of, of, um, of the way that they want the, what they believe about God. They're

1534
01:54:09.040 --> 01:54:16.480
imposing that on you and they have to see it work out in your life in order to be assured

1535
01:54:17.040 --> 01:54:22.160
of where it is that they're finding safety in theirs, in their life. They're finding safety

1536
01:54:22.160 --> 01:54:28.240
in that. And, and if you go off and do something different, it means that they don't have to be

1537
01:54:28.240 --> 01:54:35.200
living their lives the way that they are. If, if God provides for you without you having to

1538
01:54:35.200 --> 01:54:41.360
have a job, they don't know what to do with that because they built their lives off of the fact

1539
01:54:41.440 --> 01:54:47.840
that this is how it works. This is what God requires of me. And it's burdensome. And, um,

1540
01:54:47.840 --> 01:54:53.520
not that they believe that there is that burdensome. Um, and, and I, and I understand,

1541
01:54:53.520 --> 01:54:58.000
I'm not trying to just to declare that this is what they were thinking, that this is,

1542
01:54:58.720 --> 01:54:59.840
that this is what they're thinking.

1543
01:55:00.000 --> 01:55:02.880
and feeling, I'm putting out ideas about,

1544
01:55:02.880 --> 01:55:04.760
these are different ways that people approach it.

1545
01:55:04.760 --> 01:55:07.240
And so that's one of the ways that people

1546
01:55:07.240 --> 01:55:08.560
are imposing things on other,

1547
01:55:08.560 --> 01:55:09.880
and judgments on other people of,

1548
01:55:09.880 --> 01:55:11.500
hey, you shouldn't, shouldn't be doing this,

1549
01:55:11.500 --> 01:55:15.120
because it makes us feel that there's a reason

1550
01:55:15.120 --> 01:55:17.200
why we've set it up that way in our life.

1551
01:55:17.200 --> 01:55:18.760
And so therefore we think,

1552
01:55:18.760 --> 01:55:21.000
well, other people have to do that in their lives

1553
01:55:21.000 --> 01:55:23.120
in order for it to be right in mine.

1554
01:55:23.120 --> 01:55:25.960
And I'm trying to verify for myself and assure myself,

1555
01:55:25.960 --> 01:55:28.640
this is how it has to be.

1556
01:55:28.680 --> 01:55:30.600
And therefore everybody else has to do it too.

1557
01:55:30.600 --> 01:55:34.700
It's like level playing field, and this is how it works.

1558
01:55:34.700 --> 01:55:37.460
We believe that we would be hurt if we didn't do this,

1559
01:55:37.460 --> 01:55:39.560
and we don't want them to be hurt by them not doing it.

1560
01:55:39.560 --> 01:55:41.840
We believe that their blood is gonna be on our hands.

1561
01:55:41.840 --> 01:55:46.840
We're responsible for them if we don't continually ask,

1562
01:55:49.280 --> 01:55:50.120
that kind of a thing.

1563
01:55:50.120 --> 01:55:55.120
And as opposed to just leaving someone up to the Lord.

1564
01:55:56.120 --> 01:56:01.120
It's a connection that they've made between you and them.

1565
01:56:01.280 --> 01:56:04.000
Sorry, I know I'm judging you.

1566
01:56:04.000 --> 01:56:05.400
I was just saying, like, is it something

1567
01:56:05.400 --> 01:56:06.960
where maybe I can give them permission

1568
01:56:06.960 --> 01:56:10.360
to not feel responsible?

1569
01:56:10.360 --> 01:56:12.600
I mean, part of it is-

1570
01:56:12.600 --> 01:56:14.280
That's what I was gonna say.

1571
01:56:14.280 --> 01:56:19.280
When I lost my job, I think they felt that sense of urgency

1572
01:56:19.440 --> 01:56:21.840
and the house church, because they don't take,

1573
01:56:22.840 --> 01:56:27.560
well, yeah, they don't have their offerings

1574
01:56:27.560 --> 01:56:28.960
go through the building,

1575
01:56:28.960 --> 01:56:33.680
like they're able to directly help the people in need.

1576
01:56:33.680 --> 01:56:37.600
And so there was a couple times that they did,

1577
01:56:37.600 --> 01:56:41.080
but I don't feel like I've let go of that

1578
01:56:41.080 --> 01:56:43.440
for five or so months of these unknowns,

1579
01:56:43.440 --> 01:56:46.760
not even looking to that as a source of provision.

1580
01:56:46.760 --> 01:56:48.040
If we get in a bind or whatever,

1581
01:56:48.040 --> 01:56:50.600
just really honestly trusting that even if they say,

1582
01:56:50.600 --> 01:56:52.880
unless you have a full-time job, we're not gonna help you.

1583
01:56:52.880 --> 01:56:55.840
Or if they continually cause me to feel like

1584
01:56:55.840 --> 01:56:57.840
I'm doing something wrong and I'm not enough

1585
01:56:57.840 --> 01:57:01.440
and I'm not doing enough, that I don't have to even,

1586
01:57:01.440 --> 01:57:03.040
I can trust that God can provide in other ways

1587
01:57:03.040 --> 01:57:04.320
and let them off the hook.

1588
01:57:04.320 --> 01:57:07.400
Like they don't even have to offer or give

1589
01:57:07.400 --> 01:57:09.280
or feel the need to anything

1590
01:57:09.280 --> 01:57:11.320
just because we're in their house church.

1591
01:57:11.320 --> 01:57:14.920
Correct, yes, that's what I was going to mention

1592
01:57:14.920 --> 01:57:19.680
is to just, when they impress something on you

1593
01:57:19.720 --> 01:57:22.960
that you do not believe your piece is at

1594
01:57:22.960 --> 01:57:25.560
because you need to go wherever your piece is at,

1595
01:57:25.560 --> 01:57:28.400
which is what I was talking about in the polo yesterday.

1596
01:57:29.360 --> 01:57:31.360
You need to go wherever your piece is at

1597
01:57:31.360 --> 01:57:33.080
and then just rest in that.

1598
01:57:33.080 --> 01:57:38.080
And when you do, you can just let people know

1599
01:57:39.160 --> 01:57:42.400
if your piece is not to receive

1600
01:57:42.400 --> 01:57:44.040
what it is that they're offering

1601
01:57:44.040 --> 01:57:47.080
or if they're just not offering it

1602
01:57:47.360 --> 01:57:50.280
and you, but they're telling you,

1603
01:57:50.280 --> 01:57:52.480
hey, they're giving you advice

1604
01:57:52.480 --> 01:57:55.360
whether you're not asking for it, et cetera.

1605
01:57:55.360 --> 01:57:59.440
And you don't feel peace from the Lord to receive it.

1606
01:57:59.440 --> 01:58:03.360
Or you can just honor them and in your heart,

1607
01:58:03.360 --> 01:58:04.400
just honor them in your heart,

1608
01:58:04.400 --> 01:58:06.680
not having ill will towards them and just understanding,

1609
01:58:06.680 --> 01:58:08.440
well, this is just where they are

1610
01:58:08.440 --> 01:58:10.480
with what it is that they understand from the Lord.

1611
01:58:10.480 --> 01:58:12.200
The Lord is calling me into something special

1612
01:58:12.200 --> 01:58:16.200
and intimate with Him that I don't,

1613
01:58:16.240 --> 01:58:19.240
He's not calling me to hold myself,

1614
01:58:27.120 --> 01:58:31.520
have them hold me, He's not asking me

1615
01:58:31.520 --> 01:58:34.360
to have them hold me accountable.

1616
01:58:34.360 --> 01:58:36.120
Like I've been saying that to myself,

1617
01:58:36.120 --> 01:58:38.760
but thinking I don't know how to express to them

1618
01:58:38.760 --> 01:58:40.080
sort of the final decision.

1619
01:58:40.080 --> 01:58:41.600
How do I let them off the hook

1620
01:58:41.640 --> 01:58:44.400
or how do I express that without saying,

1621
01:58:46.040 --> 01:58:49.240
correct, you just kindly mentioned

1622
01:58:49.240 --> 01:58:51.280
from a place of like honoring them in their heart

1623
01:58:51.280 --> 01:58:55.840
that I really, I always hear your love

1624
01:58:55.840 --> 01:58:58.840
and your care and your concern for me

1625
01:58:58.840 --> 01:59:03.560
and that enriches me and that speaks so much to my heart

1626
01:59:03.560 --> 01:59:07.120
that gives me what it is that I need from you.

1627
01:59:07.120 --> 01:59:09.160
And I really appreciate that.

1628
01:59:09.160 --> 01:59:11.920
However, I would like to let you,

1629
01:59:11.920 --> 01:59:16.560
I would like to relieve you of this responsibility

1630
01:59:16.560 --> 01:59:19.400
and this obligation that you seem to be feeling

1631
01:59:19.400 --> 01:59:24.400
that I do not hold you responsible or obligated to.

1632
01:59:24.400 --> 01:59:27.400
You're not responsible to be my provision,

1633
01:59:27.400 --> 01:59:31.720
you're not responsible to worry about me

1634
01:59:31.720 --> 01:59:35.240
because I am the Lord's and I feel at rest

1635
01:59:35.240 --> 01:59:36.640
and at peace that He is going,

1636
01:59:36.640 --> 01:59:38.920
that my Father is going to provide for me

1637
01:59:39.680 --> 01:59:42.600
and I'm constantly looking for where my peace is at with Him

1638
01:59:42.600 --> 01:59:47.600
and I want you to know that you're not responsible for me.

1639
01:59:48.560 --> 01:59:50.520
I'm sorry if you feel that way

1640
01:59:50.520 --> 01:59:51.680
and I would like to let you know,

1641
01:59:51.680 --> 01:59:55.200
I'm releasing you from any sense of responsibility.

1642
01:59:55.200 --> 01:59:58.120
I am holding my God accountable

1643
01:59:58.120 --> 02:00:00.040
for following through on His word.

1644
02:00:00.000 --> 02:00:04.800
you know, or whatever. So in other words, kindly telling them, you know, for one thing,

1645
02:00:04.800 --> 02:00:09.840
telling them that you're caring about them by releasing them from any sense of obligation,

1646
02:00:09.840 --> 02:00:16.880
that you don't hold that, but that as opposed to attacking them. Right. And saying, you know, like,

1647
02:00:17.840 --> 02:00:21.920
which is what most people would do, because we kind of feel threatened. Like, oh, my word,

1648
02:00:21.920 --> 02:00:25.520
you're forcing me to receive something that I don't want to receive. But then we can't,

1649
02:00:25.520 --> 02:00:28.880
nobody can force that on us. We don't have to receive something just because somebody gives it.

1650
02:00:29.840 --> 02:00:33.440
Meaning like we don't have to receive internally, they can say whatever, and we don't have to

1651
02:00:33.440 --> 02:00:40.400
receive it internally. But just that, so instead of coming at them and attacking them, like, hey,

1652
02:00:40.400 --> 02:00:47.280
you can't say those things, don't say those things to me. They have a need. And they're using you to

1653
02:00:47.280 --> 02:00:53.360
fulfill that need that that it is that they have to to love to care, concern, worry, they feel this

1654
02:00:53.360 --> 02:01:01.760
obligation, be a son of God, and speak in your power and your authority. I release you, you know,

1655
02:01:01.760 --> 02:01:08.400
from any from any obligation, I want you to know, I do not hold you accountable, or obligated or

1656
02:01:08.400 --> 02:01:14.240
responsible for what decisions that I make, or what it is, where it is that I feel that my piece

1657
02:01:14.240 --> 02:01:20.640
is that with the Lord, I, I don't understand what's going on, because I'm in the middle of it,

1658
02:01:20.640 --> 02:01:27.040
I don't understand how things are going to work. All I know is that no other place, do I feel the

1659
02:01:27.040 --> 02:01:34.720
peace of my father, as much as I do where I'm at, and following him and where I'm at. I know,

1660
02:01:34.720 --> 02:01:38.960
you're right, I don't know how it's going to work out. I don't know all of the house, but I feel

1661
02:01:38.960 --> 02:01:45.760
that this is where my piece is at. And I'm and I'm choosing to trust him. So I'm holding him responsible

1662
02:01:45.760 --> 02:01:52.960
and accountable to fall through to follow through with his word. Not a human, not another human being,

1663
02:01:52.960 --> 02:01:58.160
not not other parents or spiritual parents or whatever. And speaking to them from that place,

1664
02:01:58.160 --> 02:02:03.440
and then just continuing to, does that all make sense? Yeah, it makes really good sense. And then,

1665
02:02:03.440 --> 02:02:07.520
you know, that's up to them how they how they receive that. And hopefully that will relieve

1666
02:02:07.520 --> 02:02:14.880
them, whatever feeling and even becoming something come up, like for rich, the husband,

1667
02:02:16.160 --> 02:02:19.760
you know, I've, I've, I've a couple times, and this is probably his own, you know, yeah,

1668
02:02:19.760 --> 02:02:24.560
just things that have happened in the past or his views and his beliefs. But I've almost like seen,

1669
02:02:24.560 --> 02:02:31.120
and I've definitely seen and felt at times the disapproval and even like, almost like he starts

1670
02:02:31.120 --> 02:02:36.880
to tremble a little bit like he's frustrated or angry. Yeah. And I don't know where it's coming

1671
02:02:36.880 --> 02:02:42.960
from. But I don't want to receive that. And it feels really icky or gross. Like it just doesn't

1672
02:02:42.960 --> 02:02:46.960
feel I'm not judging him for that. But I'm like, okay, there's something there where there's like

1673
02:02:46.960 --> 02:02:52.960
a control, like a physically see you start to like shake or clench, you know, like that you're like,

1674
02:02:52.960 --> 02:02:57.200
you need to do this, you know, kind of attitude. And I don't have anybody tell me that I'm sorry,

1675
02:02:57.200 --> 02:03:00.880
like, I'm not trying to be rebellious. I'm honestly not. I don't even have parents. I don't

1676
02:03:00.880 --> 02:03:06.480
even have I mean, I haven't really ever had parents since I was 16, you know, ever tell me what to do.

1677
02:03:06.480 --> 02:03:10.560
And it's not that I'm not being willing to, I'm not willing to be told it's actually I've actually

1678
02:03:10.560 --> 02:03:15.440
listened probably too much to people. I've been too willing. And of course, I've gone through

1679
02:03:15.440 --> 02:03:26.240
rebellious stages. But like, this is just genuinely not their place to come down like a strict parent

1680
02:03:26.240 --> 02:03:32.560
and tell me, you know, trembling that, you know, why didn't you do what we told you to do and

1681
02:03:32.560 --> 02:03:35.920
suggested that you go get unemployment and do this and that you haven't you haven't gone down

1682
02:03:35.920 --> 02:03:40.400
that avenue. So grilling me, I mean, literally grilling me and it feels like comes out of

1683
02:03:40.400 --> 02:03:47.680
nowhere, but it definitely impacts in some ways how I see them. And in order for me to feel like

1684
02:03:47.680 --> 02:03:53.200
I can be part of, you know, otherwise, what seems like really healthy fruit. And what I see, you

1685
02:03:53.200 --> 02:03:57.120
know, happening and all that in the group, like I have to allow that to be an area that the Lord has

1686
02:03:57.120 --> 02:04:03.840
to, you know, is going to deal with or is, you know, loving him through and but, but remove my

1687
02:04:03.840 --> 02:04:14.880
soul from from being under that, or else it's going to make me run from the whole thing.

1688
02:04:18.480 --> 02:04:18.960
Correct.

1689
02:04:23.840 --> 02:04:26.560
Can you hear me? Okay. Okay, I can now. Yeah.

1690
02:04:26.720 --> 02:04:32.240
Yeah. Sorry, I've had to move about a little bit here. That's fine.

1691
02:04:33.760 --> 02:04:37.360
That's super helpful. And I'm gonna, I'm gonna, you might all of that and

1692
02:04:38.640 --> 02:04:44.480
you might have to do it multiple times, just FYI. And just read and just remind them every now,

1693
02:04:44.480 --> 02:04:49.120
you know, whenever they do that, you know, I understand that I really appreciate all of the

1694
02:04:49.120 --> 02:04:53.920
love, you know, I received that love. And thank you so much. You know, I feel very cared about.

1695
02:04:53.920 --> 02:04:59.920
But I, but I, you know, you're not responsible. Please don't conceal that you're

1696
02:05:00.000 --> 02:05:06.080
are responsible for my choices and you're showing me all of the love and you're showing

1697
02:05:06.080 --> 02:05:07.080
me the care.

1698
02:05:07.080 --> 02:05:08.080
You're showing the concern.

1699
02:05:08.080 --> 02:05:15.040
You're giving me the advice and the wisdom and I appreciate that, but you're not responsible

1700
02:05:15.040 --> 02:05:24.320
for God following through on what I believe has been his consistent word to me, no matter

1701
02:05:24.320 --> 02:05:28.120
how many times I go to him and no matter how many different perspectives that I view it

1702
02:05:28.120 --> 02:05:34.920
from and how many different alternative solutions that I give him.

1703
02:05:34.920 --> 02:05:40.760
You might just have to do that and I recommend that in situations like this to just say it

1704
02:05:40.760 --> 02:05:49.840
as simply and as quickly as possible as opposed to just reiterating and rehashing the point

1705
02:05:49.840 --> 02:05:54.120
because what that can do is that it can just continue the discussion where they now feel

1706
02:05:54.120 --> 02:05:59.000
like they have to debate you and tell you how it's wrong, but I appreciate the loving

1707
02:05:59.000 --> 02:06:03.440
and concern and all that, but you're not responsible.

1708
02:06:03.440 --> 02:06:04.440
I don't worry.

1709
02:06:04.440 --> 02:06:09.680
I don't hold you responsible and I don't believe the Lord holds you responsible for, well,

1710
02:06:09.680 --> 02:06:13.520
you don't even have to do any of that because again, that can get into a debate.

1711
02:06:13.520 --> 02:06:19.360
You're not responsible for the Lord following through on his word to me, but I really appreciate

1712
02:06:19.360 --> 02:06:22.720
all of that love and care and concern and whatever.

1713
02:06:22.720 --> 02:06:26.040
The biggest thing that is going to change their mind, because they don't believe that

1714
02:06:26.040 --> 02:06:31.160
this kind of thing is just telling them this, it's going to change their mind.

1715
02:06:31.160 --> 02:06:35.840
They believe it, it's deep down, but allow the Lord to change their understanding by

1716
02:06:35.840 --> 02:06:42.240
watching your life, watching him continually come through for you, even though they are

1717
02:06:42.240 --> 02:06:49.720
giving you the opposite advice and that is going to be the biggest testimony, but until

1718
02:06:49.720 --> 02:06:53.480
then just stick to your guns and just, you know, I appreciate it.

1719
02:06:53.480 --> 02:06:54.480
Just honoring your heart.

1720
02:06:54.480 --> 02:06:57.280
I really, uh, you know, thank you so much.

1721
02:06:57.280 --> 02:07:00.200
Receive what they're giving you, what they're giving you is love.

1722
02:07:00.200 --> 02:07:04.360
They're giving it to you in the only way that they know how, and it doesn't feel loving,

1723
02:07:04.360 --> 02:07:09.640
but just receive it for the fact that, okay, it's the thought that counts.

1724
02:07:09.640 --> 02:07:13.600
It's so just like, okay, I received your love and I really appreciate it because then it

1725
02:07:13.600 --> 02:07:16.200
makes somebody feel received as opposed to rejected.

1726
02:07:16.200 --> 02:07:17.200
Yes.

1727
02:07:17.680 --> 02:07:22.160
But, you know, it's not, you know, you're not responsible for the Lord following through

1728
02:07:22.160 --> 02:07:23.160
on his promise.

1729
02:07:23.160 --> 02:07:24.160
Yes.

1730
02:07:24.160 --> 02:07:25.160
That's so good.

1731
02:07:25.160 --> 02:07:26.160
That's so good, sis.

1732
02:07:26.160 --> 02:07:27.160
Okay.

1733
02:07:27.160 --> 02:07:28.160
Well, thank you so much.

1734
02:07:28.160 --> 02:07:29.160
I love you.

1735
02:07:29.160 --> 02:07:34.000
I'm sorry that I'm moving about here and I'm just hopping back on camera here to say bye

1736
02:07:34.000 --> 02:07:35.000
for now.

1737
02:07:35.000 --> 02:07:39.360
And thank you for giving all the extra, extra love and explanations.

1738
02:07:39.360 --> 02:07:49.200
I feel like between, well, all of this yesterday and today, um, just very, very loved and very,

1739
02:07:49.200 --> 02:07:56.120
like full in the sense that there's, there's, there's an overflow of like, of, of, um, teaching

1740
02:07:56.120 --> 02:08:01.640
and, and understanding, you know, a different way and all these things that I want to like

1741
02:08:01.640 --> 02:08:02.640
go back to.

1742
02:08:02.640 --> 02:08:06.040
Cause there's so much good stuff, which is way better than not knowing what to do and

1743
02:08:06.040 --> 02:08:10.800
not feeling like I have, um, perspective that resonates, like it's, it's so, so good.

1744
02:08:10.800 --> 02:08:12.120
So I feel like there's so much goodness.

1745
02:08:12.120 --> 02:08:18.840
And then I know, um, you know, with this being the last of the four weeks, like that just

1746
02:08:18.840 --> 02:08:23.680
went super fast, but I'm not sure how, I guess I forgot to talk to you about that.

1747
02:08:23.680 --> 02:08:29.800
And we can, you know, we don't have to right now, either like Marco or whatever, um, about

1748
02:08:29.800 --> 02:08:33.160
like what that looks like, you know, just the fact that, like I shared with you that

1749
02:08:33.160 --> 02:08:37.360
I'm not as far as I thought I'd be on the teachings and I want to keep going, but I

1750
02:08:37.360 --> 02:08:41.520
also want to have peace about understanding how to move forward and knowing that you're

1751
02:08:41.520 --> 02:08:45.880
not like disappointed or that I'm not, not meeting the mark or something there either.

1752
02:08:45.880 --> 02:08:51.160
Um, but also to honor your time and you know, the, the investment, um, that you've made

1753
02:08:51.160 --> 02:08:52.160
and all of that.

1754
02:08:52.160 --> 02:08:56.760
So, yeah, no, don't, that's something that I forgot to mention the Marco Polos.

1755
02:08:56.760 --> 02:08:58.440
No, don't worry about any of that.

1756
02:08:58.440 --> 02:09:00.520
That's just gives people kind of like a guideline.

1757
02:09:00.520 --> 02:09:03.960
Cause otherwise they just feel like a fish out of water because we're so used to meeting

1758
02:09:03.960 --> 02:09:04.960
structure.

1759
02:09:04.960 --> 02:09:08.880
It's just a general idea of structure for them to like go forward with.

1760
02:09:08.880 --> 02:09:09.880
Okay, Lord.

1761
02:09:09.880 --> 02:09:10.880
Again, here's the goal.

1762
02:09:10.880 --> 02:09:14.480
Oh, you probably haven't gotten to that message yet, but Lord, okay, so here's the goal.

1763
02:09:14.480 --> 02:09:16.720
The whole point of the goal is to give you direction.

1764
02:09:16.720 --> 02:09:18.920
The whole point of the goal is not to get to the goal.

1765
02:09:18.920 --> 02:09:25.360
The whole point is to get, is to get a direction and then to allow the Lord to move you as,

1766
02:09:25.360 --> 02:09:27.040
as he desires.

1767
02:09:27.040 --> 02:09:29.680
And so don't, so don't worry about any of that yet.

1768
02:09:30.400 --> 02:09:33.800
The communities open what somebody is in the community, they're in the community.

1769
02:09:33.800 --> 02:09:36.640
And so there was really no difference in between the first four weeks.

1770
02:09:36.640 --> 02:09:41.280
And then after that, um, it's just that I recommend to people again, as a general idea

1771
02:09:41.280 --> 02:09:43.280
of the structure, Hey, there was the first four weeks.

1772
02:09:43.280 --> 02:09:46.800
I recommend that you, you know, commit between you and the Lord, Hey Lord, I'd really like

1773
02:09:46.800 --> 02:09:52.080
a major shifting in, in, in, in my foundation of my mindset and all of that, but it's a

1774
02:09:52.080 --> 02:09:53.080
continual journey.

1775
02:09:53.080 --> 02:09:56.840
Even if mine goes a little longer, like my, I am still in the intensive part in the sense

1776
02:09:56.840 --> 02:10:00.040
that, yeah, and I'm not going to let the timeframe, like.

1777
02:10:00.000 --> 02:10:06.040
Deter that or detract from that pivotal moment that I know like I'm in that transition.

1778
02:10:07.480 --> 02:10:09.160
But it's not a continual journey.

1779
02:10:10.640 --> 02:10:11.120
Yeah.

1780
02:10:11.560 --> 02:10:15.600
And we end so so still hop on the Q AMP. A's or whatnot.

1781
02:10:15.640 --> 02:10:23.520
Absolutely. Everything's the same Facebook post. I mean, except that there's no commitments. There's no obligations. There's no requirements, whatever.

1782
02:10:23.880 --> 02:10:32.080
Yeah, everything's the same literally even private sessions, because as long as as long as I have time to take care of the people that are in their first four weeks.

1783
02:10:32.360 --> 02:10:37.200
I allow people to schedule stuff even that are that are in the community. So I have one tonight.

1784
02:10:37.640 --> 02:10:48.200
That is a has been in the in the group since April and she's still continually as often as you can, like once every week or two weeks. She wants a private session.

1785
02:10:48.520 --> 02:10:57.520
So because I have the time in my schedule, I can accommodate it. So feel free to feel free to do that. Continue Marco Polo's all of it's the same.

1786
02:10:58.040 --> 02:10:59.080
Okay, wow.

1787
02:11:00.160 --> 02:11:02.040
Thank you, guys, because I feel like I'm so

1788
02:11:04.400 --> 02:11:12.960
I'm just so on that cusp of really grasping and then being able to put into practice these things that have been like, whoa, you know, again, the mind blowing like

1789
02:11:13.320 --> 02:11:21.680
Oh my goodness, this is resonating so much or seeing how things make sense with how I've lived up to now or things that he's been teaching me and in my own journey.

1790
02:11:22.000 --> 02:11:31.720
Or whatever. But now it's almost like this. Like I said, like a pivotal moment of shifting into like now like really grabbing hold of those things and using them and

1791
02:11:32.720 --> 02:11:44.600
I still feel like I'm not baby, you know, like that little seedling or something that's like sprouting up so but it's been amazing. And I'm just so thankful. Like, I just want you to know that how much how

1792
02:11:45.480 --> 02:11:50.480
And it is an ongoing Lee, I'll continue to say it and I know that

1793
02:11:51.480 --> 02:12:01.720
Yeah, I'm not the only one, but it's just been so amazing already. And if I walked away right now, like it would just be already more than more than life changing so

1794
02:12:02.840 --> 02:12:12.760
I'm so glad. Yeah, no difference. We're all on this journey together. There's no difference between their first week and the rest of, you know, the community. So

1795
02:12:12.760 --> 02:12:19.840
Yes. Oh, that's amazing. Okay, I'm going to be processing that and sometime. I'd love to hear kind of your story of just like how

1796
02:12:21.520 --> 02:12:26.160
Well, just because I'm in that specific place of, you know, knowing I'm I'm called to do

1797
02:12:29.040 --> 02:12:33.840
The coaching mentoring consulting kind of thing and specifically to women but

1798
02:12:33.840 --> 02:12:52.360
But in that journey of waiting on the go and that the yes, you know, the full the way that it's going to move forward or the exact when and my LLC is just kind of hanging out from a few months ago and that's okay. And yeah, um, but you hear your story sometime, you know, about how that that happened for you and how

1799
02:12:52.360 --> 02:13:00.680
Even how you came into really knowing your, your message. And even I know for you. This journey was not not that long ago. It's only been a couple years, which feels

1800
02:13:01.720 --> 02:13:10.400
Encouraging to know because, again, it doesn't matter how how long ago you were in the old. It doesn't really matter how long how how new or fresh

1801
02:13:10.400 --> 02:13:18.440
It is or not, or how many, you know, it's like it doesn't disqualify us from from sharing and helping other people through the same shift.

1802
02:13:18.440 --> 02:13:35.120
And it helps me to know that it doesn't have to be again far off that what he's telling me what he's keeps telling me, but it's like I'm trusting because I know he's told me so many times and is moving me forward in this that this breakthrough and what he's doing and me is not just for me.

1803
02:13:35.240 --> 02:13:44.480
And so I know that it's like coming and it helps to hear that your story is similar and that you didn't take forever between your shift in your breakthrough and sharing it with others.

1804
02:13:45.520 --> 02:13:46.560
Yeah, absolutely.

1805
02:13:47.680 --> 02:13:48.360
All right, friend.

1806
02:13:48.400 --> 02:13:49.440
I enjoy you.

1807
02:13:49.440 --> 02:13:51.080
I enjoy you too.

1808
02:13:51.800 --> 02:13:57.080
I hope you have a wonderful one and I'm excited for tomorrow night. I'll be on

1809
02:13:57.080 --> 02:14:09.920
Yeah, great. I'll look forward to it and you keep me updated on how things going. And obviously, so, you know, with your, with your and thing with your, your kids and the schooling and in court case. Yeah, all that.

1810
02:14:09.960 --> 02:14:20.360
He's telling me now he doesn't want to email like it's just a way to hold on, look in my text, but a way to deter from the actual issue, which he has not reached out about

1811
02:14:20.360 --> 02:14:26.720
Anything regarding their education or schooling. And that's actually, you know, his responsibility as much as mine, if not more

1812
02:14:27.640 --> 02:14:41.800
With how things are set up, but because I reached out and everything is happening with the schooling last minute. He says you need to text me about school. It's 40 out eight hours away. So, you know, that's, that's considered urgent.

1813
02:14:41.920 --> 02:14:45.800
Which is, is always something. It's always the opposite of what I do that he

1814
02:14:50.160 --> 02:14:50.680
Correct that.

1815
02:14:55.040 --> 02:14:55.160
Yeah.

1816
02:14:55.840 --> 02:14:56.880
So let me see.

1817
02:15:00.000 --> 02:15:07.200
I know. I've been in situations like that too. It's manipulating and it's controlling.

1818
02:15:00.040 --> 02:15:00.080
Oh,

1819
02:15:03.400 --> 02:15:03.880
okay.

1820
02:15:07.200 --> 02:15:11.640
We can talk about that under Marco Polo, because I know that you have to go. I can walk you

1821
02:15:11.640 --> 02:15:18.040
through how the Lord had to walk me through situations that were manipulating and controlling

1822
02:15:18.040 --> 02:15:22.120
and what it is that he had me do. Because again, that was the thing of like, Lord, how

1823
02:15:22.120 --> 02:15:28.560
do I do this? I was in the middle of it and he said, do this, or can I do this? I didn't

1824
02:15:28.560 --> 02:15:32.600
understand the principle, except to listen to the voice of my father. I would just obey

1825
02:15:32.600 --> 02:15:39.040
my father and he had to teach me the principle years later, what it was I was doing. Just

1826
02:15:39.040 --> 02:15:44.840
as an encouragement to you. Yeah, that's so cool. I just wrote him back saying, you're

1827
02:15:44.840 --> 02:15:50.320
welcome to text if that's easier for you in this timeframe and letting him know. I used

1828
02:15:50.320 --> 02:15:55.640
email because it allows more space for words and doesn't constantly ping our phones in

1829
02:15:55.640 --> 02:16:01.240
the middle of work. And I haven't heard back, but it's like, he can't, again, he has not

1830
02:16:01.240 --> 02:16:07.000
reached out to make the decision for the children. He's waiting on me because if it's up to him,

1831
02:16:07.000 --> 02:16:11.200
he'll just do what he wants to do and completely leave me out of it. And so now I've emailed

1832
02:16:11.200 --> 02:16:15.680
him, I've texted him, letting him know he can go ahead and text if that's more comfortable.

1833
02:16:15.680 --> 02:16:19.560
And it's like, I guess, I'll be obviously praying about it, but if he doesn't reply

1834
02:16:19.560 --> 02:16:25.800
since it is urgent by tonight, then I would write both text and email and just let him

1835
02:16:25.800 --> 02:16:30.600
know that regardless of how it happens, a decision needs to be made in the best interest

1836
02:16:30.600 --> 02:16:37.120
of their girls and for their schooling. Yeah. And having all of this in writing is very

1837
02:16:37.120 --> 02:16:43.120
good for court if needed. It shows you that you were following through and whatever. I

1838
02:16:43.120 --> 02:16:48.719
mean, not that we hate for it to think like that. I know, I know, but you have to. I'm

1839
02:16:48.879 --> 02:16:53.680
seeing two years worth of documentation, not the first two years, but the second two years

1840
02:16:53.680 --> 02:17:00.160
worth of documentation for since we've been to court to look at all of this two years

1841
02:17:00.160 --> 02:17:04.559
ago, two and a half years ago. Yeah, I was, I've been sued. So I've been through a court

1842
02:17:04.559 --> 02:17:08.959
case too. Oh my goodness, girl. Yeah. It was related to business. It was several years

1843
02:17:08.959 --> 02:17:15.040
ago. It wasn't fun. It's very ugly. Very ugly. Oh, I'm so glad you're through that. It is.

1844
02:17:15.600 --> 02:17:20.799
It is not a good feeling, but thankfully he's relieved me from the power that my exes had

1845
02:17:20.799 --> 02:17:27.120
over me and that feeling of gripping me. There's times that I still feel the anxiety rise. Like,

1846
02:17:27.120 --> 02:17:32.000
what might he do next? Is he going to try to stop us from, Hey Lord, like in the prayer request

1847
02:17:32.000 --> 02:17:37.520
that he will not try to stop us from our vacation next week. Because this is something that the

1848
02:17:37.520 --> 02:17:42.959
girls have waited for four years to have a chance to go see their cousins. And Lord knows,

1849
02:17:43.200 --> 02:17:47.040
we've waited and waited and waited and we need this time together and our time's limited anyway.

1850
02:17:47.040 --> 02:17:52.320
So just that he doesn't play games and try to last minute do anything, which is the MO,

1851
02:17:52.320 --> 02:17:57.440
but I'm really praying and believing that that it's not going to be that. And that the Lord's

1852
02:17:57.440 --> 02:18:02.000
not going to allow any of that to prosper, even if he does try so that we can go celebrate my

1853
02:18:02.000 --> 02:18:07.920
daughter's birthday. And really he would crush them. I mean, they would be completely crushed

1854
02:18:07.920 --> 02:18:11.680
way more than I would be. I mean, I'd be crushed for them, but the girls asked for this,

1855
02:18:11.680 --> 02:18:18.240
they want this it's all his birthday. So it's, it's for her birthday, you know that she's so,

1856
02:18:18.240 --> 02:18:23.360
so excited about. So I feel like maybe that's because he knows they're excited about it and

1857
02:18:23.360 --> 02:18:27.920
he knows it would reflect right back on him. He I'm believing like he won't try,

1858
02:18:29.280 --> 02:18:33.680
but I could be mistaken. Yeah. That's a whole other conversation. Cause it's like,

1859
02:18:33.680 --> 02:18:37.360
how do you believe for the, the, not be anxious about what that could happen,

1860
02:18:37.360 --> 02:18:41.440
but knowing that these consistently things do happen and not being surprised when they do and

1861
02:18:41.440 --> 02:18:45.840
knowing how to operate in peace when the next time that this person does, but also believing

1862
02:18:45.840 --> 02:18:52.480
that God, you know, again, like each time, like, okay, let him not let him let the thought pass

1863
02:18:52.480 --> 02:18:56.160
over his mind or brain, let him get distracted. Let something, I mean, that's how you almost have

1864
02:18:56.160 --> 02:19:01.120
to be when it's this aggressive for this long over every little thing. You're like, Lord,

1865
02:19:01.120 --> 02:19:06.879
like let somebody call him on the phone when he's thinking about, you know, trying to mess with this

1866
02:19:06.879 --> 02:19:11.280
plan or just changes thought or his heart, something in that moment. Like, so that we

1867
02:19:11.280 --> 02:19:16.320
don't have to go through this right now, again, on this kind of thing, that's so important to

1868
02:19:16.320 --> 02:19:22.799
the girls, you know, in our time together. So yeah, declare, remember who you are in the spirit

1869
02:19:22.799 --> 02:19:29.600
and declare that those things, um, declare how things will be, you know, constantly fighting

1870
02:19:29.600 --> 02:19:33.600
against all the things that are just, this is, this is how it will be. This is how it's going

1871
02:19:33.600 --> 02:19:39.680
to happen. And then, um, and then rest and just like, okay, this is how it's going to be. And

1872
02:19:39.680 --> 02:19:45.760
this is how I expect it to be. Um, and then this is how, uh, this is how I expect the father. Uh,

1873
02:19:45.760 --> 02:19:50.720
this is who I know the father, the character of the father to be and et cetera. And then, um,

1874
02:19:50.720 --> 02:19:55.280
and then I recommend that if you, if you need some encouragement as well, um, reach out to Susan,

1875
02:19:55.280 --> 02:19:59.920
because she just walked through this. Oh, true. That's true. She's on vacation.

1876
02:20:00.000 --> 02:20:14.640
And right now with us with her son that she did not think she was going to get to have and it ended up being better than what it is that she lost that she thought she'd lost. And so she's like, oh my word. Not only did I get get what I thought I'd lost. It's better.

1877
02:20:15.000 --> 02:20:15.400
So,

1878
02:20:15.800 --> 02:20:19.360
And she's on vacation with them right now. They get back Friday.

1879
02:20:19.760 --> 02:20:20.280
So, okay.

1880
02:20:21.200 --> 02:20:21.400
She

1881
02:20:22.080 --> 02:20:24.760
To walk you through the struggles that she had with it and

1882
02:20:25.200 --> 02:20:25.440
Yeah.

1883
02:20:26.520 --> 02:20:34.680
Yes. Okay. Thank you for reminding me of that. I forgot that she was right in that same boat and my other friend who has asked you guys to pray with on pray for on that thread.

1884
02:20:35.040 --> 02:20:44.040
She has been waiting for a few weeks to know if her ex husband was going to file something to stop them from vacation and they flew out yesterday or the night before yesterday. So,

1885
02:20:44.520 --> 02:20:46.120
Like huge gods that good

1886
02:20:46.560 --> 02:20:49.400
Yeah, you're gonna make good. He's that big above and beyond.

1887
02:20:49.880 --> 02:20:52.480
Yes. Okay, sister. Love you.

1888
02:20:52.560 --> 02:20:52.920
Have a good

1889
02:20:52.920 --> 02:20:53.800
Day to

1890
02:20:54.240 --> 02:20:54.800
Talk to you soon.

1891
02:20:55.040 --> 02:20:55.880
Okay, bye.

1892
02:20:56.200 --> 02:20:56.680
Bye.