I'm totally backlit here, hi, and you also am I, so well, how are you?
I can't, it was breaking up a bit, but it's probably just like on work, it's little stuff
out.
Right.
How has everything gone?
What was the results of the proceedings this far?
I mean, to be honest, I just, I feel like so beyond exhausted, not only physically,
but just mentally, emotionally, like in every way, just that I kind of just feel dumbfounded.
Like, I don't even know how to explain to you what happened, like I can try to pull
out certain things, but yeah, I mean, and it's not that like, I don't want to tell you,
it's just that like ever since, whatever, two days ago, whenever that was, like, you
know, you, you like think in a moment you want to believe the best.
And so that's always kind of how I come to these things where it's like, things have
gotten so, so, so bad and I want to be hopeful.
And that's the only way I can keep going is to have hope.
But then every single time I have hope and like, even like the judge said negative things
toward him and, you know, sided with me.
So like, you think that's a good thing, right?
Like I wanted to be excited and celebrating.
And then the very next morning, she ordered us to go to a doctor's appointment for our
daughter that he had been leaving me out of.
And she said, I better not hear anything.
I don't want anyone else there.
I don't want your husband there, your girlfriend there, no kids there, just the two of you
go for your daughter.
And I don't want to hear anything about it basically, like there's not going to be a
problem.
And he completely harassed me the whole time.
And then abused my child in front of me, psychologically, telling her to tell the doctor these things
that were on a list that he had written down.
But he said, she has a list in front of the doctor.
She has a list that she has come up with that she wants to share with you in private.
And she wants me to be there, but she doesn't want her mom to be in the room and like did
this whole thing.
And he's groping her thigh while he's saying it and he's coercing her.
And she's like stunned, and she doesn't have any freedom to speak or say the truth.
And he's making up this whole story again.
And I'm just getting so triggered in the moment because he had just harassed me in the room.
And then she tells us to leave basically, and I'll talk to the child.
And then he harasses me while she's in the room with the child following me everywhere
I go.
And I'm just so triggered by it.
And I'm going like, how can he do this?
Why did I even think for a second that he would listen to the judge?
Why did I even have hope for a minute?
Does that make sense?
Like in the natural, it just is so discouraging where the judge can do something that's seemingly
good and she's actually just giving him more opportunity to be abusive.
And then the other big thing is that she said, she ordered this parenting app, which we thought
would be a good solution.
It's kind of like the only solution, but it would be a next step and it would be a solution
where he can't kind of fly under the radar the way he has been through text and email
and both ping ponging back and forth between them and lying here and saying one thing there
and all this stuff.
Well, then the judge puts in, I don't want to hear anything more about this not communicating.
You guys have to respond to each other within eight hours of messages.
It's turned into this nightmare where he can just harass over messages and expect me all
hours of the day and night to respond to his harassment.
And so it's like, this isn't helping.
This is actually hurting.
And it's so discouraging.
We're already at that point of exhaustion over the whole thing.
He took us through this whole thing.
She can pay for it.
So that's over, you know, $2,000 out of our pocket that we didn't have and we actually
still owe on.
She did not.
She did not strike the clause from them.
And then he just gets a slap on the wrist and then he's told, Oh, use this parenting
app.
But she binds me to him and is trying to force me to co-parent with him when I've tried for
seven years, everything that you can possibly, possibly think of with attorneys, with God's
help, with everything.
And I cannot co-parent with him because he will only abuse everything that she says.
use it for harm and so it's like now I'm tethered to him in a sense if I agree to this eight hour
clause of if he texts me at nine o'clock at night I have to text him by five in the morning
if he messages me by whatever time that I have to I have to respond like I don't know how far
the judge is really taking it I think she's just like I don't want to hear all this stuff because
he's his whole testimony was about how I don't communicate ever I'm not there for the kids I
don't respond to his messages I don't respond to his texts I'm not there for emergencies I mean a
whole made-up story so basically what it comes down to is like I'm realizing that in the natural
it like dawned on me actually I'm like oh my goodness like the lord has said that he's the
righteous judge that he's fighting for us that he's doing this and not to go to court so we
didn't we didn't go to trial we didn't file for trial we didn't file for order protection you
know none of this but he created this whole thing in the natural and it's a man-made decision based
on a man-made process that is completely being twisted and abused and so she has to come up with
some outcome but the whole testimony the whole thing that he did to lead up to it is all completely
faulty so so the order that she gives is going to be also faulty right and I realized like I can't
I can't give into that over what god has said and what over what is good for my well-being and my
family because I've done that to the point to the breaking point yeah yeah
I need to and bury this man in the past and to heal and grieve so how I do the right thing by
judge all these years and it's gotten me nowhere it's got me in really bad places so I'm thinking
I I have to disobey the judge to to choose my myself I have to really I can't respond to his
harassing messages like she's telling me to and in his mind that's the order all the time
how he just gets away with it so I'm thinking for me it's a big deal
because I don't like to listen to authority I don't like to disrespect and dishonor authority
but I'm thinking she doesn't understand the danger of the situation with him
he continues to put me in the position where I'm the underdog and I'm being
I have to prove my mental health and I have to try to co-parent with him and I have to do this
even when he's the one that does so much wrong to lead to that then she still tries to bind
together you have to co-parent and it's like but you can't co-parent with him literally can't or
you were going to go down and I'm to the point where I'm like okay the lord has coming out of
all this struggle for so many years has said this so so I have to I have to obey him even if it
means I guess I played his game a little bit in the sense that I don't obey every single thing in
the in the court order because if I do that does that make sense like if I obey everything that the
man man is saying and the judge is saying and she does not have perspective she does not understand
she's not on the front lines she only hears his fabricated lies in court and she tries to find a
solution to that current problem but she never sees the big picture she never sees the ongoing
abuse she never sees or hears the testimony of what's actually going on and so I just feel like
cornered in by the court system in this man but on the other side I'm like okay but I have freedom
here because the lord said these things but it means I have to for the first time in a sense
I'm not doing like he's doing I'm doing it for a completely different reason but sort of ignore
that part of the agreement
I can't be harassed by literally I can't it's not that I like won't do it like I feel like
I can't go on like it like I'm to a breaking point of I can't live like this I can't I just
can't I have nothing left to give I have nothing left to give toward co-parenting with a man who
only hurts and harms me and my children I have nothing left to give you know like I just can't
I just can't like I just I just my give a damn is busted like I don't have anything left to give
so I don't it's like almost like I don't care what she says like I can't I can't engage with
him I can't him continue to do this because she's putting me in this position because
she doesn't understand and he's never gonna stop and how am I supposed to
advertise my well-being and you know I'm having to pay for what he
I'm having to make more effort because he doesn't do the right thing but then they don't see it
like that and then I have to continue to be the one to take the hits and you know
No, I can't afford for my mental health to go down.
I already have are all these things that the Lord is showing me that I healed.
And it's like, there's trauma in him, but then there's trauma early childhood.
And that's, that's too much.
Like, it's, it's almost like I only heal from that.
If I have a free, like safe space to do that, where he's not inserting
himself into my life, constantly triggering me, you know,
So what, um, is your, um, I mean, is your lawyer good?
And I mean, cause she would be the one, obviously that you can explain all of
the, you know, the harassment and the abuse and the situations and, and like
how to handle that aspect with what the judge says, not to mention, bring all
of that up in court on y'all's behalf.
So is she, do you feel like you've got support through her or him?
I don't know why it's like that.
I mean, I don't know why it's me.
No, it's, it's a her.
Um, I don't know.
It's like, they're all in bed together.
I don't know how to.
Yeah, no, our, our lawyers to some degree.
Yeah.
Okay.
So to some degree she'll say, and she'll understand and she'll talk like she
understands when I share these things, but they don't do anything to protect me.
They don't do anything to actually change the situation and they constantly give
him more power, more room, more like, I don't, I don't know.
It's, it's mind boggling.
Like, I really don't know.
I mean, she says, you know, like she understands, but they don't, it's
like, or they don't know what to do or it's just corrupt and, and, you know, I
don't know, but she doesn't fight for, for instance, he drags us into court.
He did this whole two week.
See, my children were going through agony.
You know, our kids are going through agony.
We have to pay all the bills for what he dragged us into, which was
completely wrong, completely false.
And then we have to like, you know, pay the price by going to court and
planning this hearing and showing up and going through all the stress of it.
And then they're like, they say things like that's gaslighting.
They called him out on some things.
Finally, a couple things, you know, but that means nothing to him.
He's like, what?
Cause he actually said I was gaslighting him and whatever.
But the judge said, this is quick gaslighting in these texts, but it's
like, that's, it's the beginnings of after seven years when I have nothing
left, like it's the beginnings of some recognition that actually
has no consequences to him.
It actually has no bearing on the situation because he will not listen.
It doesn't matter to him.
It's like in one ear and out the other, even if they do.
So yeah, it's a little validation for me, but I already knew this stuff.
It's not like anything I didn't know.
It's like, oh, we finally got some validation.
Oh, and now let me bind you to him by sending you to doctors.
Witness alone, where he can harass you and your child, you know, where
you're forced texts with him through an app, but you still have to do
it now on a very rigid basis.
Now, you know, the only thing that I can really think of is you to say, no,
I'm not going to sign the order as it is.
Like I can't, I literally can't interact with this man on these terms.
Or two, which again, it feels like it feels so trapping because like my
attorney will let attorney be the one to write the order up, like she'll be
the attorneys will pass it and they're working together, but Ashley, which
she's a total bulldog and she, she's, I don't want to talk, like, I don't
want to talk bad about her, but she's been horrible and she will represent
a man like him as if, and she will like, my attorney doesn't go to town
for me, the things that are true.
Like she doesn't, she's not a bulldog.
She won't do that.
She's more like standing on truth and whatever.
She's not real strategic and, um, cutting, but she is, she is good.
It's just, but his attorney is cutting and she's the bulldog.
And so then she gets to do the order and, and fit in things he wants in the
order when he should get nothing.
And the judge said, this is unfounded.
You know, you, you did this.
I'm tired of this, like thing at the end, you know, and it's
all very calm and whatever.
But it's like, she was essentially saying, you know, you did this.
I expect this, whatever, whatever.
Yeah, it was a hand slap.
So is, I guess that's good, but then he just goes right back into it and is
vicious because he's mad that he got a hand slap and he's given all of the
abilities with no parameters, no, you know, if they're going to say you have
to text with him by eight hours after the text or whatever, then they, they
have to put things in there that qualify.
that, you know, they have to say this, you know, these can only
be things about the girl's direct needs. You know, these
can only be like, there have to be things that qualify it. And
I'm just to the point where I don't feel like I can say yes to
this, unless I'm going to say yes and not do it. Like, I feel
like I have to either come up with a way where once a day, I
can just say, Okay, got it. Got your email or whatever, like
respond kind of like he does what he pretends he's doing the
right thing for the courts. And then he literally doesn't do any
of the right thing behind the scenes. And he just pretends to
make it look a certain way. And he knows they'll see certain
exhibits, you know, and only like, maybe 10 exhibits of
examples, right of documentation. Yeah. Oh, picture,
you know, so he just strategically manipulative. Oh,
I share that with her. Oh, I did that. Right. But never
actually is. So on my end, it's like, I would have to basically
do that just like yes, and you know, once I get in the app and
and give some kind of one word response or something, you know,
it's the only thing I can think of with this, this new, big
help that they, you know, they've tried to solve this
problem. Yeah, it's just, it's wild. It is wild. Because you're
like, man, we have done it all. We have spent money. We've got
the attorneys we've got, you know, I don't want this
anymore. I never did. But I'm not even for him. Yeah. And yet
he's dragged into it. You know, he will bill for us. He takes
three weeks of our time. We have to pay for it. Yeah, it's
considered physically adopted, and he gets he's more out of it
in the end. Yeah. So I don't know.
Are you there? There you are.
Yeah, I dropped us. Sorry. I don't know if it's my my
internet.
Yeah, I think so. You've been freezing. And then usually,
though, I can hear all of the audio, but every now and then it
breaks up as well. So if you if you want, you can turn off the
video. And if you need me to turn it off, I can, you know,
and then we can have audio. And then it's not and then we're not
getting a bandwidth with video.
I see. I'm hearing you a little better when I stopped the video.
Because you're breaking up and now it's not so much. Okay. Okay.
And try that.
So I don't know if that makes sense. It feels it feels like
more than process, you know, and think about at this point, of
the high stress of all of it and all the trigger.
And then in the end to feel like you're actually getting punished
instead of helped, because they just won't punish him. They
won't. I don't know.
Yeah. So what aspect of all of this would you like to or you
know, just what just you and what you're going through and
all of that would you like to focus on today? Like what's
Oh, um, I'm going to turn off my video too, because I think that
even it's messing now with the audio. So, okay. Maybe that'll
help the audio stay clear.
Right? Maybe? Yeah, that sounds good. Um, you know, I guess
part of it is, is how to come down off of this, but it's not
it's not just that it's like, like, I feel like I need an
ongoing plan to get out of this situation, the ways that I'm
able to, with the Lord and you know, the people, you know,
close people around me, like, I can't change the judge and I
can't change the court system. And I can't change Sam. Right?
Yeah. But it's like,
I feel a desperation where I'm like, okay, I'm not sure how.
To feel these feelings.
Like I feel so much anger rising up of the injustice.
And I feel so much anger the past couple of days at him of just listening to him.
I mean, he's a pathological liar, but listening to him lie about me and not
only that, but it's like, they're constantly attacking my mental health,
but he's so much of the reason for, I mean, this all started with what he did
in the beginning and it has triggered these certain Februaries from what he
did in the beginning.
And yet it's like, I have to try to get control of something that's
completely out of control on my end.
Like, what can I do to completely cut myself off from him?
Heal.
I mean, the Lord said, and I shared that word with you guys.
Um, not that you remember, cause I can't even always remember what he said in
the word, but it was, you know, the beginning of this rest season, he said
that you need to bury Sam in the past.
You need to fully grieve this.
It's like a wound that's festering.
Right.
Um, and he said these different things and he said, I'm fighting for you and the
girls, um, you know, I'm fighting for you.
Like, I need you to basically stand still and let me fight for
you and all of these things.
So it's like applying that.
And all that we know about the Lord to the situation, what can my days look like
when essentially I, like, I feel like I need a plan with the team.
Like, I feel like I need like an actual, this is how we're going
to like go through this process.
Like this would be a way to go through a process of getting away from the old,
getting away from the trauma, getting away from the old way, right.
Of thinking and being in doing.
And I know that sounds enormous.
I get that.
I trust me.
I'm aware that that sounds like a huge ask, but that I'm just being honest
about like, that's where I'm at, where it's like, I feel like everything
has to shift and I feel like in order to do that, that, that can't be one
conversation, like I need a plan to know that I have ways and supports
day by day by day, you know, and a few close people that understand this
level of trauma, as well as like the understanding of the Lord and the
healing and the union and everything that you have, which not very
many people honestly have.
Um, so I'm trying to piece together this new understanding of him and
this good news of how safe he is and how trustworthy with all of those
deep pain and trauma that I've been stuffing down.
And like I said, I don't know how to often process it.
So it's like a journey, a process I'm gonna have to go through a
grieving, like you told me to feeling the feelings in my soul that have
been stuffed down for so long that it feels like they're coming out as
vomit, like it's just to a point where I can't stuff them down anymore.
So it does feel when these crises are happening and all that, that
I just described is going on.
It feels like more than I can bear.
Like, I don't know where to start.
I like, that's why I come back to that phrase.
I need a plan where I'm like, I know that there's a way through this and
we're not just going to keep revisiting and coming back to the same old
conversation or the same old, you know what I mean?
Where I can see moving forward.
I can see myself moving forward into this newness and the shift into
rest and into, you know, super close union with the Lord.
And here I am even completely, I, you know, I'm not working my job.
I'm not doing my business.
I'm not doing ministry.
I'm not on social media.
I'm not, I I've, I've slowed everything down that I can to say yes to God
and what he's calling me into, but it's almost like the comfort of knowing
that even when these crisises are happening or this man is constantly
trying to harass me and trigger me through the demons that he's, whatever
he's dealing with, that what can I do day by day and how can I know that I
have a couple of supports, I guess, in that, that understand, like I said,
on the theological level of who God is and you know, who we are and all of
that, it's not religious, which is a trigger for me because that's my past.
And also on the inner healing side of what can I do to regain my power
and get it back from my abusers?
Does that make sense?
Um, uh, yes.
Um, so one of the things, um, that you can do as far as like for inner healing,
I don't remember if you were on that call or not, but there is a, um, there
is a place that I recommend that Ed and I recommend down in Florida that does
like zoom calls and stuff like that.
And then I've done inner healing with, uh, that might be a bit of a help in
the support where they just kind of like very gently lead you to Jesus and allow
him to help, to, to love on you and stuff like that.
And then they allow themselves to be used as tools by the Lord.
to love on you as well.
There's just not a whole lot of interaction
between you and the other people.
I mean, there is, cause they're right there,
but they focus not on like themselves as count.
They don't counsel, they don't advise,
they don't do anything like that.
They just lovingly support you while, you know,
they're presenting while you go to the Lord
and while you're with them, et cetera.
So that might be a bit of like support and healing
where you're having people with you
and you set up the, they set up these,
you put in this application and then they set up
prayer appointments for you, et cetera.
And that would be a bit of support and help.
And then, and then it was people that take you
before the Lord so that his, so that he begins,
you and he begin like healing and restoring certain things,
you know, from your past, et cetera.
And you just feel, you know, just,
they kind of help you get,
be in a place with the Lord where you can be touched
and blessed and loved on, et cetera.
So that might be able to provide a bit of support,
kind of like going to, for one thing, I mean,
obviously healing from the Lord just ultimately transforms,
but also it's kind of like being in a,
being in a, in a pool, like in water or whatever,
you just feel a bit of reprieve
from having so much gravity pulled on you, you know,
and you just kind of feel a little buoyant again.
So, so, and I'm not saying that,
the healing is, is very powerful.
So I'm not trying to say, oh, it's just a bit of relief,
is that it's temporary.
I'm just saying that that is something that you can,
that you can do.
It's not like these people are with you all the time.
It's not like they're counselors, not advisors.
You don't get to know them.
They, they, everything is very like, so to speak,
just, I don't want to say disconnected,
that they're very, they, you've,
they just, I don't know how to, how to, how to put it,
but anyway, it's not like your own personal support team,
but spiritually they support you.
Right, well, that could be one support.
It sounds like it could be one,
one major support in a time where it feels like I,
it feels like I require like these supports
kind of in different roles,
because it doesn't mean like I need 10 and 20 of them,
you know, and, and that I'm trying to be excessive,
but like, like I said, that plan of,
okay, who are my trusted people?
Because this feels like a maximum level
of everything surfacing and kind of coming to a head
and me coming to the end of myself, you know,
even in my, my physical health
and the way it's been manifesting.
All the pain and stress and trauma.
And it's like, yeah, to see like, okay, this,
this person's on my team kind of in this role
and this person's on my team in this role.
And I've got a spiritual mama, you know, here locally,
and I've got, you know, for me to start to like, but,
but it's not just to have that.
There is the comfort piece of like, okay,
I have that and I've designated,
and I know and feel, feel a peace
about who those people are as in they're safe.
You know, they're not gonna harm me or tell me,
you know, wrong things or, you know,
things like that that are basic,
but because I've been in relationships
and been betrayed so deep,
it's important to have that level of like knowing
who my people are.
And also just because I've come to a place where
I know this is like major shift, you know,
like I know it's, it's, it sounds kind of dramatic,
but it's like, it really is dramatic.
Like I've come to a place where everything
that I was surviving and was working on some level before,
like the Lord, it's like the grace ran out on all of that.
And I, and I no longer could keep going.
And he said, rest.
And he said, come into the season, you know,
and stop everything you're doing to have the season.
So I guess it's, it's like, that's comforting.
There's also then the piece of what it actually looks like
day by day to live a new way.
Does that make sense?
When you're at a heightened place of,
there's a lot of pain and trauma,
and you know that it's, the Lord's been clear,
it's gotta be, it's time, right?
It's time that we deal with this.
It's time, you know, we can't keep going on.
So there's a, in a sense, there's a sense of now,
you know, an urgency on it,
but also then going, okay,
how do I live that new way today?
Like, how do I live that new way, you know, today,
tomorrow, the next day?
What does it actually look like, you know,
between these hours?
Like, I know that sounds maybe so childish
of like, how does the day look?
But when I don't have my job anymore,
I don't have ministry, I don't have online,
I don't have, when everything fades away
and I obey the Lord.
in that, it's like, so then what do I do with my day? And how do I effectively
surrender that day to him and use it in a way that allows for the things he's called me to,
and that I sense that I'm supposed to shift in? Yeah, yeah, because you don't have,
um, you don't, you don't have, well, how do I put this? You know, the Lord's called you into
the season of rest. And then what's coming up is everything that would try to combat that rest,
everything that would tempt you to shift into unrest, everything that challenges,
that's what I'm trying to say, everything that challenges that rest. And remember that,
that rest is, is how we go through what's not how it's like the place that we exist, but in
having a season of rest through something like this, it's how you go through it, not the avoiding
of it. Right. Um, which is a challenge. I understand. Um, cause I am not living your
situation and oh my word, I can not even imagine. Um, so I'm just, I'm just talking,
you know, in principles about like how God I've had my own situations and whatever,
and this is how I went through them. And, um, uh, my, I had, you know, I had was, went through a
lawsuit and it was horrible and it was bad. And our lawyer wasn't even on our side or anything.
And we were accused of things we didn't do, et cetera, but it wasn't with, it wasn't with
children and with an ex-husband and stuff like that. So I'm not comparing experiences. So I just
want you to hear that. I'm telling you based off of principles, what it is that the Lord invites us
to do. Yeah. Be aware that it would be very challenging to, that it's very hard to apply
these things in very highly emotional situations. But, and I don't know by experience what that
would be like to do it through your situation, but Jesus does. And, and so when he went through
stuff, like say for instance, he went through that, that a physical storm on the sea of Galilee,
where it was so bad that, you know, seasoned fishermen thought they were going to die.
And they're used to dealing with storms and boats and they know how to take care of themselves.
And they were like, oh no, seriously, we're going to die. And, and Jesus, you know, just, and he just
slept. So it's about how we're going through the situation, not in the fact that the situation
is different, needs to change or to be different than what it is. So I believe, so I don't fully
understand everything of like where it is that God has you, what it is that, you know, he's telling
you to do, how it is that he's telling you to handle the situations. But one of the things that
kept coming to mind as you were talking about, well, God's told me this, and God's told me not
to do this, is where Jesus says, or Jesus, I believe it was Joshua, who is a predecessor symbol
or whatever of Jesus said, you know, just, just stand still and you'll see the victory,
you know, the Lord, I don't remember the word he used, but yeah, you'll see the victory of the
Lord. You'll see the Lord fight for you. And, and then, and then God later on, I don't remember
which book it was mentions that I believe again, saying, you know, to, you don't need to fight.
You need only to stand still. Yeah. Yeah. And, and then just let the Lord fight for you. So
that is, those were, those were the both passages that he had given me or one in the night was the,
so right before, you know, this was kind of the very end. I'm hoping it's the end, honestly,
of these six weeks of just constant onslaught and right. The week that it all started right
before like the hurricane and then the sickness and all these things and the new job, like I heard
God say in the night stand, therefore he was talking about standing, you know, from Ephesians
six and the armor of God saying, you know, and when you've done all you can to stand, stand
therefore. And then he said another time in the night that stand still and see the salvation of
the Lord, which was Exodus 14 from the Egyptians are based on the story of the Egyptians. And so,
yeah, yeah. It's, it's been like this theme for sure. What you're, what you're saying is,
is exactly what he's been saying. Okay. Well, good. Well, so anyway, that is what rest is,
where this, the storm is raging all around us, where everything's looks bad,
where the Egyptians are coming towards you, you know,
Oh, um, you're having to run your, you know, you're having all of this stuff.
And then God says, no, I will take over responsibility for the battle.
Um, now there might be specific things that he tells you to do, um, you know,
in order to go with, with, um, you know, what the judge requires and all of that,
you know, however, all of that plays out, whatever it is that she's saying to do,
you know, you're aware of all of that more than I am.
So, but whatever it is, he's going to have specific things, you know, to do,
but remember rest is not inactivity.
Um, rest is simply the fact that there's nothing left for you to have
to try to do to create an outcome.
You're no longer responsible for the outcome.
You're no longer responsible for figuring it out for determining it.
You're not responsible to God for what ends up happening.
Um, and, and, but you just follow his lead.
So what does he say to do?
Um, and then you, and then you default to him, not to self
protection and self preservation.
But in him, you know, when you're defaulting to him, he'll have you do things.
He just says, do them because I've told you to, because you're in me relying on
me, not, Oh, God's abandoned me.
I'm alone.
And I better do these things.
Now, if that's all that your soul can handle, you know, you just tell the Lord,
you know, Lord, I declare that you are as good as you say that you are, that
you are the good, you're the love, you're a protector, your provider.
You say that you are, but then I'm going to go where my soul finds peace.
Remember that's number five on the, on the rest shifting tools on
this practical shifting tools.
Um, that if you can't choose what God says is true and then act on it, at
least declare, do choose to what degree that you can have faith to the degree
that you can, you know, choose and that God is who he says that he is to the
degree that you can, and then act on that, make that your reality and step
into that to the degree that you can.
And then the rest of it that you just can't do because you're just not there
yet, just declare that God, I am choosing that into the best of my ability.
I'm declaring that you are who you say that you are in all of these areas.
But then I can't quite act on them to the full degree yet.
So I'm going to go where my soul finds peace.
I feel like I need to do this with, with, um, uh, with, uh, you
know, the court and proceedings.
And I need to do this.
I need to handle it this way, because this is what, this is what I need.
And I'm asking that you, that you help me and you protect me and preserve me in it.
So you operate according to the faith, to the degree of the faith that you have.
And then the rest of it, you, you know, you're on a journey.
God doesn't have us be born as an adult.
We're born as a child and then we develop along the way.
And there's nothing wrong with us being wherever it is that we are.
So we just need to stand in whatever degree of maturity that we have matured
this far and then allow ourselves to be stretched into the next, but we also
don't have to carry on the responsibility yet of being six years old.
If we're only five or being 16 years old, if we're only 15, you know, et cetera.
Um, so anyway, just, uh, an encouragement, um, for that, but yeah, again, rest is
all about, okay, while everything's going on, God, I'm going to give it to you.
I'm not going to be trying to, um, take on emotionally, take on the
responsibility and the, the mental and emotional weight of trying to figure
this out or a fixing it or of.
Of, um, of fighting it.
And that's where I get curious of like how, like, I'm curious.
I've been wondering this for weeks, like how, how we're to pray, like
in this new understanding and rest, like how is it declaring like you
are this God and I am this, is it like coming into that agreement and
alignment because I find myself lately, especially when things are so.
Intense.
And I feel like I'm barely hanging on, barely sleeping, you know, just
calling on him all the way through, but sometimes begging, you know, where
I'm like, please, Lord, like, please avenge me, you know, please make this
right, or when this, this thing, we go through all those three weeks and all
the money and all the heartache, and then there's more harassment, like,
please God make it stop, you know, like, is that wrong to, to cry out to
him in that way and to like beg him?
Is it, is there a better way to pray in faith through these things and
these needs that we have, or even in shifting from old ways of thinking
and, and being, you know, into new ways.
Um, like, I guess that shift is a process.
I get that, but I'm just wondering, yeah.
How does he want us to then pray?
Well, it's important to be honest with the Lord.
word about what it is that we're feeling, but what we don't want to do is accuse God.
That's what I've been scared of. I'm like, I don't want to accuse you anymore, God, you
know? Yeah. Yeah. Well, again, you just do the best that you can, meaning like where
it is that you currently are and just allow that to be in God's God's big, he can handle
us growing up, you know, and not being there yet. But just generally speaking, something
to keep in mind as your, as how to approach God is always from this perspective, that
even though we don't understand how something he's saying is true, we still choose that
it's true. We choose it. And if we can't choose it, in other words, make it our reality and
then add to the point where we act on it. If we can't choose it over our circumstances,
if we can't choose it over the important, if we can't make it more important to us than
avoiding pain, then we just do the rest of the degree. Like in other words, we, we choose
it to the degree we can, and then to the rest of it, we're coming into agreement with him
to the ability, according to the ability that we can, which is okay. God, you, you say that
you're this, I don't see how that's possible, but, and I can't act on it yet because I just
am not there yet. It's too far of a stretch for me. It's too far of a jump. I'm just,
I can't grow from five to 10 years old overnight. You know, I'm just not there, but Lord, I
can do from five to six. So Lord, I I'm, I'm coming, I'm telling you and declaring to myself
and to you that you are what you say that you are, that you've already given me all
of these things. So Lord, I'm coming to you in agreement before I present my questions
or before I present my struggles or before I, you know, whatever, I don't accuse you
Lord of not being who you are of, of, I don't accuse you of abandoning me. I don't, I don't,
you know, accuse you of, of, um, leaving me alone and not fighting for me and not providing
for me, not protecting me, not being good, not loving me, loving Sam more than me, you
know, or, or whatever. Um, you know, I don't do that Lord. I declare that you are as good
as you say that you are. Um, but Lord, I don't know how to walk in that. I don't know how
to live with you being like that because I don't see it, Lord. I can't connect what you're
saying with the reality that I'm being presented with here on earth. So I'm asking you, Lord,
would you teach me? Would you father me? Would you show me? Cause I'm presenting myself
to you open and willing for, to, to learn and to change and to mature and all of that.
And while, and while you're teaching me Lord, this is what I'm going to be doing. But no
Lord that I am not doing these things, declaring that you're a liar, declaring that you have
abandoned me, that I am telling you as best, and I'm choosing as best as I can, that you
are what you've said, that you've told me the truth, that that is the reality that that
is reality. And then, um, and then I'm just, and then over time, Lord, I'm just asking
that you just bothered me into what does that look like to Lord to live, live that reality?
Because I've been taught very, very well how to live and respond to what's coming against
me from the world. I've learned from the world, how to respond to what's coming against me,
but I have not learned from you, Lord, how to respond as a son of God, when these worldly
things come against me. So while I'm learning that, and I'm asking you to do that, Lord,
I'm not, um, I'm, I'm agreeing with you that you are who you say that you are, but I'm aware of
and acknowledging to you that I don't know how to live in that. I don't know how to step into that.
I don't know how to make it my reality, but I am, I am declaring that it's true,
as opposed to the past where you've, you've made these other choices, like, okay, well,
I'm going to do all of these things that the world tells me to do. And I'm going to do them
because God's not who he says that he is. He said that he's that thing, but he hasn't, he's not like
that with me. And therefore he must, he's abandoned me or he doesn't love me, or he's not protecting
me right now or whatever. We're coming into some kind of an agreement with the fact that he's not
who he says that he is. And that's why we're choosing the other. So instead, what we can do
is we can start progressing our way closer to faith by, by saying, Lord, I'm going to do these
things that you tell me to do. I'm going to do these things that you tell me to do.
felt that, that my soul gets comfort in. And that feels like
I'm like, like these means that you've given me, given to me to
take advantage of to like, protect myself or whatever. And
I'm going to choose Lord that it's because you are who you say
that you are. It's because that you're good. It's because you're
protector, it's because you're provider, that you made
provision in the world of principles that I can take
advantage of, to give me comfort, or to give me relief,
or to help me to fight for something or whatever. It's, and
so it's kind of like the middle ground between the the prodigal
son. And like, and you know, living in full, in full
agreement with the father where you're using everything on the
estate. It's like that middle part where the where the, the,
the, the prodigal son was in the big sky, and he suddenly
realized he was like, you know, if I go back, and I'm a servant
in my father's house, I know that he'll receive me. In other
words, he declared that God was good, and there was love. And,
and I will be better provided for in my father's house than I
am outside of it. But here's the really fascinating thing.
Um, but see what he wasn't fully coming into agreement with yet
with yet was the fact that his father was so loving that he
would restore the prodigal back to his original place that the
prodigal never received. And that is that he could abide in
his father's estate, and have access to the inheritance. He
didn't have to, he didn't have to leave and take the
inheritance with him in order to have it. If he stayed, he could
always have access to it, you know, continually. And anyway,
so it's fascinating that, that instead of thinking that these
these worldly things are just evil and bad, well, God created
the world to work the way that it does. And I don't mean how
people are using loopholes and corrupting, corrupting rules and,
and get around things. I'm not talking about those types of
things. I'm talking about legitimate principles by which
things work. God is the one who created those laws. And there
and God only creates good things. So it's like what he
gave the prodigal son, God said, Okay, if you're going to go out
on your own, and provide for and protect yourself, I am going to
personally give you the means by which you can provide for and
protect yourself. In our world, liberty that's referred to as
enabling. But that's what God did for the prodigal prodigal
wanted to leave. And so the father said, Here, I will give
you the means by which you can do what it is that you want to
do, I will enable you to live without me. And so God does the
same thing with us. He's like, Hey, you know, I've actually I
know that you're saying that you that I've abandoned you and
that I'm not fighting for you and whatever. And so you're
trying to find a means to provide for and comfort
yourself. You know what, I've actually given you the means to
do it. So you can so receive these is actually good tools
from a good father, because he loves you. And he wants you to
be able to have something that you can use in order to give
yourself relief in order to give yourself help in order to help
you feel like you've you are in control. And you can like, use
this to fight for something, right. And so it's, so instead
of this receiving all of those tools and using them for our
own advantage, believing that we're abandoned and alone, what
we can do to start progressing towards ultimate faith in the
Lord, where, where we don't rely on the tools at all, we can use
the tools, but we don't rely on them. We can start there by
saying, Okay, God, I can't fully agree with me not having to need
these tools. You know, I still feel like I need them, I still
feel like they have power to help me. But Lord, I am agreeing
with the fact that and again, this is your in between stage,
right? This is the declaring and going where your soul finds
peace. You take those tools. And you say, Lord, I believe that
you gave me these tools, because you are who you say that you
are, your love, your good, your provider, your protector. And
this is the way in which you chose to express it. You
created tools, principles and means in this world by which I
could take advantage if I knew if I have enough knowledge and
wisdom, I can figure out how to use these things to my
advantage to help me.
And so I received these Lord as a good gift.
So that's what you do as is kind of like a, like a segue.
You have faith according to the degree that you can.
So God said to stand still and to see the salvation of the world, you know, and that's
what you believe that he told you in that he told you to stand and told you that he
is going to fight for you and that he is going to do all that.
So trust it and have faith to the degree that you can, and then ask him, Lord, how do you
want me to partner with you in that process?
What do you, since, since rest is not inactivity, Lord, what are the activities that you want
me to, to be, to be, to partake of?
You know, how do I, how do I like partner with you in all of this, still relying on
you to what degree that I can, and then the rest of it that I'm struggling to rely on
you for, I'm going to agree that you are that thing.
And then I'm going to try to figure out, you know, with this lawyer that you gifted me
with the, with the knowledge that you've gifted me with the ability to research that
you've gifted me to, to figure out, is there something that I can do and then to take advantage
of it and use it.
Yeah, that's really good.
I can see how, yeah, it makes a lot of sense.
And I think as you were sharing toward the end, I realized that I, like, I think I was
relying on him, you know, however much I could, but well, you know, just struggling to find
and believe that he's totally safe and good.
And so then, then, then I would go to other things and feel just guilty and condemned
the whole way, because it's like, I'm, I'm going to these other things and somewhere
inside me knowing that they're not God or they're tools and whatever, but in the way
that you're talking about it, it's instead of like separating from him or kind of, you
know, going off and feeling abandoned and alone and condemned for that, you know, receiving
those as good gifts for him so that it's not a separation from him to use them.
It's not a condemnation to use them, you know, and it's, it's a different way of definitely
a different way of thinking about it.
So yeah.
Correct.
Because it's all about what it is that we believe about the Lord and what we're coming
into agreement with that's what's most important.
And then he just matures us into knowing how to, into learning how to live like that, how
to live out of the fact that he's that love and loving, and he is that good and he's that
provision and that protection.
And so how do we live like that?
How do we not no longer rely on the tools?
Like we can still use the tools because even in like perfect faith, you can still use the
tools.
It's, but in perfect faith, it's no longer relying on the tools as having any power to
determine the outcome that is determined by God.
It's the tools that you and he are, are allowing to be part of the process.
In other words, like a structure through which that y'all are operating, but the power is
the spirit that is flowing through that structure that is creating the outcome that is perfect
faith.
So perfect faith doesn't mean that creation and the principles that God, the principles
that God created by which creation works no longer, it just, just all of a sudden like
die and they don't exist anymore.
Like, well, living in perfect faith means that, you know, I can fly.
So therefore gravity doesn't exist anymore.
Well, no, there's nothing wrong with gravity.
You know, it just means that God wants us to no longer be subject to laws, but, you
know, believing that we're subject to them, but he's still delights in us using them.
That's why Jesus says that he came not to abolish the law, but to fulfill it.
He didn't come to completely annihilate it.
There's nothing wrong with it.
In fact, it says in Romans seven, you know, as we talk about that, the law is holy.
So the same thing with like principles of science or the way that the court, you know,
the way that the, that like, and I don't, how would you put that?
I was going to say the way that the court systems work, obviously the court systems,
you know, are, you know, they're flawed and whatever, but I'm just talking in general.
It doesn't make all of those things wrong or bad, but God doesn't want us to rely on
them.
He wants us to rely on him and then just use everything, just allow those principles to
be part of the process and flowing through them and using them, et cetera.
But while we are learning to depend on him and not to depend on things, he's, he enables
us to have things to depend on.
If we're not depending on him, he will give us means that will, and, and knowledge and
systems.
that we can take advantage of fully aware that we are depending on them and he is enabling us to
depend on them. If we're choosing to not depend on him simply because we're still learning how to.
Right. So it's okay to be in between. The important thing is to not feel condemned to
not to realize that you're not condemned. So agree with God, where you can, if you can't agree with
him to the full degree, agree with him to what degree you can, which is something like, okay,
well you know, I at least, you know, believe and agree with the fact that me using these tools,
I'm not in condemnation because why? Because that is something I can come into agreement with God
about that I am not condemned for using these things. Now, does God want to mature us into
relying more on him where we depend more on him than on the tools? Absolutely. But in depending
on the tools, it, we, it can at least come into agreement with the fact that, okay, well, I'm not
condemned for using it. And God is is he is delighted in and pleased that I'm coming into
agreement with him to the degree that I am, you know, that I believe something that he said,
and then I'm standing in that. And then the rest of it, he's going to continue to teach us
as you know, and he just wants us to submit ourselves to him and just be like, okay, God,
you say these things are true, but I've never lived it before. And I don't know how to, so can
you show me what it is I already have and who it is that you are and how to live like that?
Because I just don't understand. How does that work Lord? When I'm in this type of an abusive
situation, I just don't understand Lord, but I don't see it in this one. And I can see it in
certain aspects of this court, uh, this court proceedings and certain aspects of the text and
certain things that you texts and some things that you say, Lord, I can, I can understand how to have
faith in you and how to give it to you and how to, and how it's no longer, um, feel like I'm
depending on the system in order to protect me. I can get that Lord, but in others, Lord, I can't
and other ways, Lord, and other times and situations and things that the judge said and
certain things that are required of me in certain ways that I'm emotionally being triggered. I can't
figure it out, Lord. So that's good. That's really good. Yeah. I guess my, so two other thoughts,
but I feel like if I had one, my main one would be going back to, um, processing emotion while not
accusing God, because I think I've been afraid of like, if I'm, if I'm processing this emotion and
I feel so angry, I literally want, like, I've never really said this or let myself be angry for
38 years, like, you know, about so many things. And then here, this man's doing this and getting
away with this again. And it's just one too many times it feels like, and I'm just so raw. And I
just, I'm like, I want, I want to hurt him. Like I want to actually want him to die. Like, I never
think that way, even after all that I've been through with him. And of course I don't totally
mean it, but I kind of do. And I don't know how to, I guess, allow myself again, to process those
emotions over the abuse over, you know, my mom, again, like just this morning coming up in a dream.
And at that point, I just put down a boundary in the dream where I was like, you're going to stay
here and throw a fit and not be part of this picture. So I just turned the camera and like,
took the picture of the other people who were ready to take the picture. I don't know what it
was. I don't know all the details in the stream, but I was just very, very like,
indignant, you know, like, like, okay, this is how it's going to be. And not in a bad way. It's
like, this is coming over me in my life where I have just been a pushover for so long. And I,
I'm not just, I'm not trying to be like, well, I'm going to take it back and I'm going to take
my life back in my own hands. No, it's just, I have, I've truly been knocked down and shaming
myself and condemning myself and blaming myself for all of the pain and abuse for so long and
not had a voice in it that I'm like, I am done. So how do I process that emotion without, but,
but while also believing that God is good and, and even thinking like, look how he showed up for us
in these ways and whatever. And then if I complain, because I'm really sad or mad or hurt by
how the outcomes were, then I feel like I'm not taking into consideration somehow what God has
done for me just because I feel also other, other things. Like I'm somehow, you know,
accusing him if I, if I share my emotion, if I let them out and I tell him, like, I guess,
how do we properly like think about those emotions and not condemn ourselves and having them,
but also not stay in them, you know what I mean? Not stay in them as in like, let me just, you know,
keep brewing in this and brewing in this, like, what's the line of kind of, how do we know we'll
work properly? Like letting our emotions out when we have stuff done for you.
years and years versus when we're mulling over and taking things into our own
hands to try to emotionally be responsible for them.
So the fascinating thing is, you know, I say that we don't want to,
we don't want to accuse God,
but something that we do have to realize is that we already are.
So, and that's what our, that's what our feelings are,
especially like negative ones. That's what they're evidencing.
They're evidencing what it is that we really believe,
which is an accusation against the Lord. I mean, so, so we're,
so the thing is that what we don't want to do,
when I say that we don't want to accuse God, we don't want to,
we were, we're trying to, in a manner of speaking, overcome it, come in,
we're trying to come out of agreement with it instead of re agreeing with it.
Does that make sense? So as these feelings come up,
there are evidence of the fact that we're in accusation against the Lord.
And the Lord knows that more than we do.
He's more aware that we have those accusations and what those accusations are.
And the fact that we are subconsciously presenting them before him all the time,
he is very aware of that. So there were not,
we don't have to worry and be afraid of ourselves and think of ourselves and
kind of like any danger of like, okay,
I'm feeling all of these feelings and maybe I shouldn't have,
maybe I shouldn't like process them with the Lord,
because that would be bringing up all of these accusations. Well, absolutely.
That's exactly what that is.
Those feelings are indicative of the accusations that are there and they just
need to come up and out.
They're there whether or not we allow ourselves to feel them and God's aware of
them all the time. So we might as well allow them to surface and then come out.
But what we don't want to do is Wes,
they come out as to come into agreement with them by stifling them or by,
you know,
like reaffirming them and like strengthening them or anything like that.
But we can process those feelings before the Lord and say, Lord,
this is how I'm feeling. This is what I've been believing. Lord,
I've been believing that you'd you've abandoned me. You're not telling God,
God, you're abandoning me right now.
And you've left me and how dare you and you're saying, no, God,
I am mad at you because this is what I've been believing.
And you can be mad at the Lord. In fact, the Lord, uh, when I,
I was talking to somebody else about this just recently, which is fascinating.
Maybe yesterday, uh, something like that on a transformation session. I was,
um, and I'd forgotten about this, that I was, um, uh,
many years ago. I don't know.
It's probably like 14 years ago or something like that.
I was so mad at the Lord about, you know,
where it is that I was in my life at the time.
Cause I went through very severe depression for like seven years. So, you know,
got down to like suicidal thoughts and whatever. So during that time,
um, I was so mad at God.
And that was a really hard for me to admit because I was one of those people
that wouldn't ever admit that I was mad at God.
And I finally just like reached a point where I'm like, okay,
God isn't like treating me any better,
not being mad at him. So I'm just going to be mad at him. And,
and so I was like very conscious of it is my point,
present myself to him. And so what he told me is I remember where I was standing,
where he told me this, I was standing like in the doorway to my bedroom.
And I was just, it was just so mad at him. And I was, I don't know,
talking to him, you know, and, and like,
I don't even think I was talking to him out loud, but I was just talking to him.
And he said, Ashley, he said, um,
and he did this in response to what it was that internally I was considering at
the time. And so he addressed it, addressed what it was. I was considering.
He said, Ashley, he said, um, uh,
cause basically I was thinking, well, I can't trust God.
So why don't I just try to handle this all on my own?
And why don't I just turn away from him and whatever? And so he said, he said,
Ashley said, I understand that you're mad at me. He said,
and you can be mad at me. He's like, you can struggle with me.
He said, we can work through that. And, um, he said, that's fine. He said,
we can handle that together. He was very kind, but, but very, you know,
very firm when he said all of this is just that we can do that. He said,
but whatever you do, he said, don't shut me out.
That's what I'm asking of you is that don't shut,
don't shut me out of your struggle. He said, if you're going to struggle,
struggle with me,
don't turn your back on me and fight and,
and fight me by alienate alienating me.
And then it came to mind the script, the passage in, in, um,
in Genesis where Jacob wrestled with, where it says that, you know,
it says Jacob wrestled with an angel. And then the way.
that the angel described it when he gave Jacob his new name, and he said, you'll now be called
Israel. He said, because you have struggled with God and won. Or in other words, in some
translations, you've wrestled with God and won. But the name Israel means he who struggles with
God. So not only did God give him a new name after he, after Jacob fought with him, he,
which is always considered like this, which is considered a, I don't want to say an honor,
but it's, it's something that the Lord bestows on us. And, you know, or bestowed on certain
people back in the Bible. And, and then, you know, he told you, he said, you know,
he felt that he told you, you know, that your name is Liberty now. So in that same way,
you know, when he was talking to Jacob, and he said, your name is now Israel. So what that means
is that he got had chosen a people he'd chosen them as his first born son. And names are extremely
important to the Lord, because for multiple reasons, but one of the fascinating things
about names is that you're declaring something over that person every single time their name
is spoken, because words are very powerful. And then meaning and the intention behind them is
very powerful. So, so when since Israel means he that struggles with God, every single time
that God called out his son, you know, his son Israel, or that the or that anybody else addressed
Jacob or addressed the whole nation, anytime anybody would talk about them, to this day,
thousands of years later, all of those, you know, trillions and trillions and trillions and trillions
of times that their name has been spoken, it's what has been declared and reaffirmed over and
over and over again is he who struggles with God, he who struggles got it wasn't he who was loved by
God, or he who loves God, or he who obeys God, it is he who struggles with God, God could have named
his firstborn son, anything. And that is what he named him. And I, and I don't believe that it
wasn't in condemnation. It wasn't in punishment. I believe that that to the Lord is a very intimate
place is our struggle with him. But again, it's struggling with him, not against him. Yeah. That's
a huge difference. And so God, or that verse of like, you know, working out your salvation,
if you're in trembling, or whatever version you're familiar with, I think that's a better way of
looking at that verse. Then a lot of interpretations to, you know, like to work it out to wrestle with
him or to, you know, struggle with him. Yeah, yeah. And overcoming Yeah, because we're overcoming
that flesh. It's an aspect of relationship that is very important. Because you know, we all know
that conflict actually increases intimacy in marriage. Meaning like, if you move through
the conflict, I don't mean that conflict itself is like this great and wonderful thing.
Conflict allows for deeper intimacy to be created. And here's why. And so this is another very
important thing to remember that maybe this would like be a comfort to you is that that things are
birthed. When you move through chaos in rest. That is a spiritual principle that is actually
evidenced in a lot of physical principles as well, is if you have chaos, but you move through the
chaos and rest, something positive is actually birthed from it, something new is manifested
into creation, or into a situation. It's not moving through chaos. It's moving through chaos in
rest that have examples or any thoughts on what do you have any thoughts or examples on,
on when you know, just that that principle? Well, not at the moment, there is one about like
fish one time that I've heard of about like a physical example, like when I think it's Oh,
I wish I could remember what it was something about like, I think of even the birthing process.
I mean, when you I guess that one, yeah, it could like, because I was thinking, well, you know,
you're not really moving through rest. But that's not true. Like if there's chaos, as in it feels
like a train, you know, is going through your body. And yet you stay in peace. Like I know,
I just tried my best to the second birth, like, imagine a flower opening over and over and over
and stay in rest. And I was at home. So I had no, you know, medication or anything but a midwife and
doula. But like that. That is an example. Because yeah, something beautiful ends up coming of that.
I mean, the most beautiful thing you could ever imagine the gift of a child, you know, comes
So that staying in rest and care.
Correct.
Because, and the way that I, I, the way that I describe it is whenever I talk about the
birth as an example, because I'm glad that you reminded me of that.
Cause I'm like, well, what examples do I usually use forgotten about the actual birthing is,
is that that's why they teach you Lamaze breathing is because they teach you to relax into the
pain to allow your body to just do what it needs to do because resisting the pain, resisting
everything that's going on will actually increase tearing that the likelihood of tearing, you
know, and of difficulty in birth, et cetera.
And so as hard as it is to actually let it to actually release into the pain, it actually
makes it less painful and goes through smoother and faster.
You remember that, that, that when, that what you're doing is you're letting go, you're
not, you're stopping the resistance.
And so it's the same thing in going through chaos, it's stopping the resistance.
So there was a manner in which in, in which what the Lord wants you to do and going through
this process of like with the court and like emotionally and mentally and all of that is
kind of like Lamaze breathing or whatever it's, it's relaxing into the pain of it instead
of fighting it so much, instead of resisting it, believing you're under threat because
that will increase the pain.
So by resistance, again, we don't mean that he, that Sam can do whatever he wants and
you just have to go along with it.
You can present things in court.
You can, you can, you know, you're not giving in to the lies that, that you're tempted to
believe about yourself, that the emotions and the things that are coming up and whatever,
you're not like giving into it.
So there's a difference between giving into something and versus just simply letting it
go and stopping fighting it.
We think that if we stop fighting something that we're going to be overcome by it.
But if you were, if you stop fighting it because you're releasing it to the Lord and you don't
believe you're threatened, then it can't infiltrate you.
Cross that boundary.
It cannot trespass, but I'm wondering if that example of that right now is this specific,
you know, app clause that just was just feeling so threatening.
Like he is just going to use this to harass and do all of these things that he's been
doing.
And then I'm subject to it.
And I have to this and that, and that just feels, you know, unimaginable at this point.
Like I just, I just can't do that, you know, and all that, like, I think it's valid, but
maybe if I can surrender it to the Lord and I can take my time to kind of process it before
I give any agreement, you know, to an attorney or anyone on it, you know, maybe there is
a way that I can not feel threatened or subject to it.
You know, like I haven't known, do I, you know, in a sense, do I resist, right?
Do I like, do I, you know, slam my fist down in a sense and say like, this is enough is
enough.
I can't, you know, imagine being forced to do this with this man any longer, and I'm
not going to be able to keep the commitment.
So, you know, and then that's going to create, create probably more chaos and pain because
they're going to have to figure that out or they're going to have to, I don't know what
would happen if I didn't sign the agreement and then I might look bad because I didn't
sign the agreement.
But that's one of my struggles too.
Sometimes it's like the court stuff is like, what rights do I have spiritually?
Do I separate the court, the natural, right?
You know, the court system and all the stuff with Sam and do I trust God instead like his
way and the spiritual laws and what he's doing and him fighting for me and just let the court
stuff be, or do I try to fight for justice within the court system with God's help or
in partnership?
Yeah.
I believe it's both because again, it now I'm not saying that the court system doesn't
have its own mess and its own corruption within it.
So I'm not saying that I'm just talking in general, what it is that God has created.
There's nothing wrong with, and it's not in violation of like just its existence is not
in violation of the kingdom of God, the kingdom of God's super and its principles supersede
the kingdom of this world, but just the principles that God created and that God put into this
world.
They're not in violation of the kingdom of heaven, the problem that, that where, where
the kingdom of this world is in violation is any aspect of it that is not in agreement
with the Lord and is acting out of, out of resistance against him, you know, rebellion
against him is subject to corruption, subject to death, you know, that kind of a thing.
And that's where you get all of these.
where the law has no grace in it, and you know, etc. So my point is that God is the one who created
the principles by which the court system, generally speaking, works and is set up,
the general principles of it. And so therefore, it's God's system. Now he has a higher, he always
wants the kingdom of heaven's principles to supersede and to take precedence over. But that
means though, that both kingdoms are meant to work in harmony. That's what we're doing when
we're overcoming the flesh. We are reclaiming the kingdom of this world, so to speak. And by the
kingdom of this world, all I mean are like laws. I don't mean like the kingdom of this world that's
like following Satan or something, you know. I'm just talking about what it is that God originally
created, the laws of science and the laws of government and the laws of finance and laws of
business, all of those things, and the laws of relationships, the way that thing, in other words,
just the way that things work, you know, those were created by your God. And so you rely on the
principles of the kingdom of heaven, and the fact that you are a son of that king, but you operate
within the court system of the, of the world in which you are living, because both can exist at
the same time, both the kingdom of this world and the kingdom of heaven. It's just whenever the
kingdom of this world is in opposition to the kingdom of heaven, that you can out call for the
kingdom of heaven to supersede. But, you know, which is, you know, any kind of like abuse, you
know, et cetera. But yeah, you can absolutely, you as a son of God, you don't have to be afraid of the
court system because the court system is not, so to speak, the law by which court system is set up. It's
not in violation of Christianity. It's not in violation of God. God is the one who created it
like that. People just figured it out, figured out what would work best, and then try to create a
system around it. Sure. Some of those aren't, aren't great. And sure, some of them are not following
his principle, but I'm just talking, generally speaking, this is not a system that is set up by
Satan right. System that's been corrupted by Satan and been twisted and used, but it itself,
you know, is, is your gods. And so you're not in violation of living in both because think about
it. You, your body right now, you are spirit, soul, and body. You are literally living in three realms
at the same time. You're literally living in multiple dimensions, even more than three realms.
You're living in multiple dimensions at the same time. Even the physical dimension has at least
three. And then of course there's the fourth dimension, which is time. And then, you know,
not to mention however many dimensions are in the soul realm and how many dimensions are in the spirit
realm, you know, who knows you were literally living in multiple dimensions at one time.
So you get, so why wouldn't it be true about the kingdom of heaven and the kingdom of world of the
world, both being existent at the same time and you being allowed to operate in both and then
not being in violation against one another. You know what I'm saying? So anyway, so that makes
sense. Yeah. That it's that they work together and I'm not, I'm not sure if the Lord wants me
to stand in a moment like this and say the truth of like, this would be harmful and enough is
enough. Or if he wants me to go with it and trust that he's coming in from his, his other dimension,
you know, into the situation, just like he promised and that it's going to be okay.
And I just kind of scoot by with this app thing and send one word answers when I have to, to,
you know, to just not think about it and not be subject to it and triggered by it as much
as possible, you know, or do I stand again with the courts now and say, you know, in this moment,
like this isn't going to work and this isn't, you know, he's already been harassing even since court
when you told him not to. So I'm not, I'm not willing to do this, you know? Yeah. Now, so I'll
just walk you through some things and I'm not telling you that this is how you need to handle
it. I'm just trying to use this as an example, uh, to, of how I personally would integrate the
principles of the kingdom of heaven into real life situations. So just you, do you just take
this with a grain of salt? I'm not in a situation. I don't know what God's telling you to do.
So I've wondered about the courts of heaven too. Like a lot of people are saying like the courts
of heaven, if things are just backwards in the courts on earth, you know, you need to go to the
courts over this, this situation, you know, and all the implications and everything that's doing
to my kids and the years, the seven years. I mean,
all that, but I'm like, okay, do we need the courts of heaven in certain situations? So,
so I'd love to hear what you would, you know, how you would approach it.
Yeah. Well, Ed and I, and y'all may have been the ones that we were talking to about this the other
day, Ed and I do believe in the courts of heaven, but a bit differently than most people do. Most
people who believe in the courts of heaven believe differently than Ed and I do. And the way that Ed
and I believe in them is the fact that they do exist, but it's almost kind of like the picture
of like, uh, like some people believe that the courts of heaven are literal places in heaven
that you have to go to and you have to do things. And there's certain rituals and you've got to do
it like this and you've got to learn all the protocols and all of the principles and you've
got to work it. It's like another, it's another set of principles of spiritual warfare that you
now have to learn and you how, and if you don't know one, well, then you're victim to, uh, being,
being like, uh, having them used against you or whatever, simply because you just didn't know.
Right. Yeah. And so anyway, I, and I do not believe like that. We believe that the courts
of heaven are just kind of like a general, a general picture that the Lord has given people
to show them, Hey, look, by the way, when you're doing these things in the spirit,
it's like a court system. It's like you're doing this. And then so-and-so is doing this and et
cetera, but it's not, we don't think of it as the formal structure that a lot in which a lot
of people teach. There's like a 10 book series on this by this, the Henderson guy. Yeah. Robert
Henderson. Yeah, exactly. So fascinatingly, my parents met, uh, met him when they met,
went to Turkey, uh, like in, I think it was 1993 to, because of course we moved over there
eventually. And they were kind of like going over for the first time they went over with Robert
Henderson. And, um, I, and I don't know that he was leading the group, but this is long before he
ever, he ever started talking about the courts of heaven and whatever. So I talked to dad about it
one time and said, Hey dad, you know, you, I heard that you knew the man, Robert Henderson.
He's like, Oh yeah, he was on our trip with us to Turkey back in 93. I was like, really?
And he said, and he said, yeah. And he said, he really has like gone off. Um, I've heard that
he's really kind of gone off the edge, you know, recent years. I'm like, Oh, okay. I didn't say,
I was just like, okay, apparently that's, you know, cause my dad really probably doesn't
even know about that phrase, the courts of heaven, quite honestly, but he's just heard
some things about him. So point that that's just a little side note, but it feels very rigid and
like too complicated and reading the book. I mean, we, we, we read a lot of the book together
and then a friend of ours encouraged him to read it as the leader of the home. And, um,
and so we've kind of been like, okay, is this, is this the thing that we want to focus on?
I don't think it is as much as the rest. And so it feels like that's like what we're going to spend
day after day, like every single day going through, whether it's just me or us together,
you know, combination that this, we feel very strongly is where we're supposed to be,
but the courts of heaven was a suggestion for our situation because it's so severe, you know?
Yes. So again, I believe the idea of the courts of heaven is in like, um, as in like principally
in the spirit, those things are going on of like, you're presenting things before the Lord and
we're being accused by the enemy and, and you can present things as a son before the father.
And they it's, but I don't believe it's like rigid. Like there's all of these, I believe that
those are just that the Lord just kind of pictured a court for people to kind of get a grasp of
what's going on in the spirit as we're doing the things that he's, that he's inviting us to do,
you know, presenting things before him, you know, asking him for help, you know,
I think that those things are going on, but there are people that Ed and I both personally know
that are really into the courts of heaven. And that are like some of the most well-known
teachers about it these days, like they're like leading thousands of people through
like these processes and these courses and these whatever, and we're going, Oh my word,
this is complicated. We don't believe in it to that degree. We don't believe that God requires
it. Like there's this new structure that and formula that you have to know and now take
advantage of the beast. And it just got discovered, you know, 10 years ago. Exactly. And now that if
you want to be powerful in spiritual warfare, you now need to learn this. We disagree with that,
but we do believe that there's something to it is in like, it's kind of like the picture that
God gives us of like, to help us understand really what's going on when we're presenting
things beforehand, when, when there's war in the spirit against, because
that is manifesting on the physical, because remember that God says we do not work against
flesh and blood, but against principalities, powers, and rulers, darkness, this world.
So in other words, that is happening in a different realm. And then it, we're seeing
evidence of it and manifestation of it in the physical realm, which is, you know, Sam coming
after you and doing all of these things and just him probably being tormented by whatever it is
being tormented by, you know, the spirit. And it's like trying to fight against, you know,
who it is that you're standing in the Lord in, et cetera, because remember, again, we're not
fighting against, it's not that this whole. That's why I can't judge him too harshly because it's
not, it's not him. And I try to differentiate between, you know, his identity I know is a son
of God, you know, and then God wants him back. Correct. Now he's making the choices that he is,
but we can have compassion in the fact that, well, he's doing it out of fear. He's doing it
out of self-preservation. He doesn't believe, I mean, he's the one who has to live with himself.
That would not be easy, you know, but, um, so we can, we can acknowledge and be discerning
about the fact, okay, this person is making these decisions. Therefore we can't trust them.
We can't put ourselves in particular situations with them, but that doesn't mean that God has
given it to us as our, as our place to judge them and condemn them. We can be discerning,
but we, but, you know, judging them or like calling them evil and, and sending them to hell
and, you know, and stuff like that, you know, it's just very different, but, um, so anyway, it's, it's
just, hopefully that made sense about what I was saying about the courts. I do believe them in
general. Um, I don't have a big, I don't have an issue with them. In fact, God taught me about
the courts before I, before I got teaching from other people about them. But for me, it was just
kind of, it was just kind of some way that helped me get an anchor for my soul and an understanding
of what it was I was trying to do in the spirit. And it kind of just helped me to walk my spirit
or my soul, whatever it is along in the process of getting the whole thing reconciled. And it was
like a forgiveness thing. And that's what I took to the court, but the accuser wasn't there. I just
asked Jesus, Hey, Jesus, can we get God, the father and have him come as judge and have the
holy spirit come as a witness. And then me deal with this forgiveness thing with so-and-so. And
he's like, sure. So they came, the holy spirit came and the God, and we just did the thing,
but it wasn't formal. It just helped me in my soul figure out how to find a place of intention
within myself and direct it towards something so that things would happen in the spirit. That's,
so that's what it did anyway. That's kind of how Ed and I believe we could be wrong.
You know, everybody believes differently. So just because Ed and I have our idea doesn't
make us the ones who are right. But that's, I would like to learn about it on more of this,
the simple, you know, free sort of level that you're talking about. Just, just even know kind
of the how, which I sometimes I wish I didn't ask so many questions and want to know the how,
but something that I think helps me so much. I mean, just about you and the way that you talk
and the way that you communicate and teach is just that you are really detailed, but you're also
really refreshing, you know, like there's a freedom, but then there's a, there's a,
there's a depth of understanding that you provide because you're so detailed. That
also helps a person know, okay, like this isn't just lofty, whatever, you know, that I can't.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, that's good thing. I appreciate the feedback because I know that
only certain people are attracted to my teaching and not, and not other people attracted to it.
I have a particular style and I'm very detailed, but I've noticed that with certain people,
that's how they, they own it the easiest. They can grab ahold of it for themselves instead of
being relying, relying on me because I teach in the way that I do. I teach for so that they'll
own it for themselves as opposed to not fully understanding how this works. And then they just
heard information formula and then try to execute. I'm like, well, that's not going to help them when
they're running into situations in life that we didn't discuss. That's pretty worthless in the
end when you can't apply it. So yeah, that's, that's huge. And then I think, I mean, my
background is education and teaching and stuff, but I, but it's not necessarily that. I mean,
I do enjoy learning. It's one of my kind of innate things is like, I just love learning and
growing, but I also feel like there's been so much misinformation and my life's kind of been made up
of so many opinions, so many churches. I mean, I moved 25 times. So if you can imagine 25 times of
different people, different churches, different, you know and you know, there are different
doctrines. And so.
I really got really confused.
And then through all the torment of the trauma stuff,
I was just like, I don't even know what to believe.
I feel like I'm spinning.
So to have the detail and the freedom of the gospel
presented at the same time,
that's like, oh my goodness,
I can get out of the cloud of confusion
of this person's opinion and that theology
and that theology,
because you're not just detailing it one time,
each and every time you're teaching,
you're detailing that particular talk or whatever,
and then that adds up with all these other talks
and you start to get the big picture with detail.
Yeah. Oh, well, I appreciate it.
I'm like, that's what I'm trying to do, but yes.
You're amazing.
You're an amazing communicator.
For some people.
Only some people like it.
Others just get frustrated.
That's funny.
I never even thought of that,
but yeah, you're an amazing communicator and teacher.
Definitely very gifted.
Is that your number one five-fold gift, would you say?
Probably, yeah.
Yeah, I'd be teaching.
Yeah, that's where it's a big part of, yeah.
Yeah, it's a big part of my heart.
Yeah, it's probably definitely the teaching.
But the other thing that I was going to say,
based off of the question you were asking me,
I wanted to make sure to answer your question
about like, well, what to do about like the fact of,
you know, kind of basically walk you through,
this is how I apply principles of heaven
into real life situations.
So again, this is not me telling you what to do.
This is just a perspective from which to view it.
I wanted you to share, but I didn't want to ask you to,
and I didn't realize you were intending
to share like an example.
So go ahead.
Yeah, well, I wasn't going to
because I really try to avoid this kind of thing
because I want people to come to their own conclusions.
And I don't, I want to show them again,
like principles of like how to approach it
so that they can make the decision.
And, but at the same time,
sometimes people just kind of need
to have a bit of a grounding of like, okay,
so like practically speaking, what are you talking about?
So here's an example.
So say for instance, the way that I,
me not being in your situation, me being on the outside,
this is how I think that I might handle it
because this is how I do it.
This is how I handle these types of situations.
So with him like saying, with the judge saying like,
oh, well, you have to do this texting app and da da da,
and you're like, where, well, should I sign or not?
Well, one of the things is like,
well, why can't you present?
And meaning like, why can't you meaning like
from God's perspective, from principle of the kingdom
of heaven and principles of the earth that you're in,
what, you know, you can,
what I would do personally is I would have like,
well, I'm going to present an alternative
because that doesn't sound good.
I really don't want to be in that kind of a situation.
It doesn't sound healthy.
You know, whether or not the judge knows that I know it.
And so I would like to present to my lawyer,
to present to the judge, hey, could we have these conditions?
Now the thing, or, you know,
I think that these conditions are important.
This is why da da da.
If you can't, you know, if you're like,
if there's no room, if it's either you sign
on the dotted line or you say no,
and there's no quote unquote negotiation,
well, then what I just do is I just present it
before the Lord.
I say, Lord, I'm quote unquote
between a rock and a hard place.
You know, where it's like, I don't want to do this.
And I feel, I feel threatened, Lord.
I feel that there is a potential for amazing damage,
but at the same time, Lord,
what would the damage be if I said no?
So Lord, what do you want me to do?
And then, and then also though,
one of the things to think about is whenever,
when this is one of the things
that I have to be aware of with myself
and I have to catch myself is when we're,
we're first presented with something,
our immediate reaction is resistance, is absolutely no.
Why?
Because especially over analyzers
and people that have had a lot of damaged, damaged pasts,
meaning like they've had a lot of bad experiences,
they've had a lot of hurt,
they have come, they've become very, very good
at quickly being able to predict the level of risk.
And so in your thinking,
you're always taking every situation
and you're projecting it way out to determine,
okay, where could following through with this,
what could this cause?
What problems or harm could this cause?
Well, while that can be good,
what we have to be careful of
is that we're not trying to, that,
well, multiple things.
I'm trying to make this as simple and easy as possible.
One of them is that we don't want to take on
too much at one time
and make one situation bigger than it actually is.
For instance, and like try to take on
too much pain at one time.
It's kind of like,
being afraid of a childbirth and then, or being in the middle of childbirth.
And then you're trying to, and you're thinking, oh my word, I can't keep doing
this, you know, I can't do it for another 10 hours.
Imagine if you knew while you're in labor that you have to do it for another 10
hours, well, then you're just going to be, you're, you're trying to take on that
moment and you're multiplying it.
And, and what is that called?
Uh, and compounding it for another 10 hours.
And then you're trying to emotionally handle that.
And you're like, I can't do that right now.
But, you know, God didn't give you the 10 hours in one moment.
He just gave you that moment.
You just go through that moment.
And then the next moment that comes, you know, the other moment has passed.
So you no longer have to deal with that, but now you have to deal with this moment.
And that's, and so it's that kind of a thing of that's kind of how I approach
these types of situations whenever I'm presented with a, like, actually we need
you to do this or, or whatever.
And I'm just thinking, oh my word, this is so awful.
I have to reduce it down to a moment.
I'm like, no, it's just right now.
It's just this moment.
It's not, I don't have to try to deal with all of the potential damage that
could result and try to deal with all of that right now, well, obviously
we're like, I can't do that.
It's going to be bad X, Y, and Z.
So that's one thing is just take on the moment.
It's just realize, okay, it's just one text at a time.
It's just one thing at a time.
You deal with it and you let it go and you have to deal with it.
And you have to ask the Lord, help me, Lord, teach me how to, how to let that go.
In other words, move through it and rest new through chaos and rest.
The other thing is just because that's happened in the past where what it is
that you're predicting could happen doesn't mean that it will this time.
Because this is a different time for you to write a different record with the
Lord and you never know what he's going to do so he could short circuit it next week.
Well, if you knew that it was short circuited next week, wouldn't
you write on the dotted line today?
And I was like, absolutely.
Let's just get this thing done.
But what hard is not being in the unknown.
And then we're trying to protect ourselves.
See, this is an aspect of self-protection where we're
trying to project into the unknown.
And it's kind of like, take all of that on.
And we're just trying to protect ourselves from something that we're
having to forecast that we don't know for sure is going to happen.
So anyway, so I just kind of like work through all of that and kind of like,
okay, well, Lord, if I, if I don't, if you don't tell me a specific, like
say for instance, that you're told no about the negotiation and you're like,
okay, well then apparently Lord, Lord, is there a, do I, which option
do I do, or is there a third option?
And ask, and just ask the Lord, is there, is there something,
you know, what do you want me to do?
And then if he doesn't give you anything, then what I personally would do is I'm
like, okay, well, what are the pros and, you know, from a worldly perspective,
what do you think of the pros and cons being like, okay, well, if I, if I do
this, you know, if I, if I sign on the dotted line, sure, there's the potential
of all of this stuff, but God could choose to, to short circuit it in a week.
Um, or, um, uh, you know, and I can just handle it kind of like, you know, moment
by moment, because if I don't, then I could be in contempt of court and then
it could just look like, he's, um, like I am proving to the court that I'm as
difficult as ever, you know, so that's just kind of like what I would kind of
like work through because again, that's if God hasn't told me specifically what
to do, like, okay, well then he's given me a brain just, you know, and there's
nothing wrong with my brain and there's nothing wrong with, with whatever.
So I'm, I'm declaring that God is who he says that he is, that he's not abandoned
me, that he is protecting me, that he is providing for me.
And one of the means by which he's protecting and providing for me is
he's given me a brain like, okay, Lord, I am doing this with you.
I am not believing that you've abandoned me to figure this out on my own.
I believe you're with me and you're, and you're just allowing me to use my brain
and you're working with my brain for us to decide together how we want to handle
this, as opposed to you believing that you're alone, having to figure it out.
No God, you and I are figuring this out together.
I just can't hear your voice right now, but you and I are doing this together.
And that's what I'm coming into agreement with.
And so I'm going to figure, you know, so you kind of think through it and then
you ask the Lord for his, for his help.
I'm like, okay, God, I don't know how I would be able to live with this.
I didn't know how I'd be able to handle it, but will you help me?
And the whole step of the way you're always coming into agreement with God,
you're good, God, you are going to help me.
God, you're going to, you're going to strengthen me.
God, you're going to be with me.
God, you are da, da, da, da, da, da.
And you don't have to verbally say all these things to yourself.
Been wondering, like, is it, you know, when I asked about how do you pray early?
There's like, you say you are, and I am, and kind of declare in those situations.
And I think you do whatever your soul needs, because the whole point is to get
your intention to be directed towards something you make an internal decision.
You own yourself, you own your decision and you direct it towards something.
You're like, no, this is what I choose.
And then, and if your soul is struggling so hard, because maybe for instance, this
you've never agreed with the Lord that he is what he says that he is before, like
in a particular area or to a particular degree, you believed him to a particular
degree, but now you're stretching to believe him even more, that's new for you.
And so if your soul can't just choose it, then you figure out what can I do with my
soul that'll help my soul know that it's making a choice.
And so sometimes you say it out loud.
That's what, that's the point of declarations, by the way, it's just to
give your soul an anchor to, to help itself move forward, to be something, to
be able to associate its intention with and move forward with it is so if you
say it out loud, sometimes it helps us connect with an idea and to help decide
on it, you can decide on it without verbalizing it to yourself, do it.
The whole point is make a solid decision.
I have a friend, um, well, Chris, Chris Blackaby, you know, who the guy that I,
um, I, that referenced about three realms and everything the way that he refers to
it as he's in, when he was talking to me about these kinds of things, he's like,
Ashley, you need to make a strong decision.
He's like, you don't, he's like, you have to own your decision before God.
When you were making a decision, you have to be strong.
You have it meaning like you have to, you can't be waffly about it.
You have to own it before God, like God, this is what I decide.
And I'm moving forward.
And, um, and so anyway, so that's what it is that I recommend.
So you're trying to figure out how can you get your soul to make, to be strong
in what it's deciding that you're making a decision now, I don't mean making
a decision again, uh, apart from God, right.
About you're, you're with him, you know, you're including him in everything.
You believe that he hasn't abandoned you and you're choosing that.
You strongly make a decision towards something.
So if you're struggling to be strong in it, if you're struggling to choose it,
in other words, if you're struggling to make a decision, like, and be solid in
it and you kind of feel waffly about it, think of what your soul needs in order
to kind of anchor itself and be like, no, this is a choice for me.
I'm making, this is real.
Otherwise it can kind of feel fake.
It can kind of feel vague and floaty and like this concept.
So to kind of even that you're kind of like, even maybe feel like it's not
really your decision, like you're just going along with it.
Yeah, exactly.
You're just kind of like going along with it or you're trying to live
vicariously through God's declaration.
Vicariously through God's will.
Well, God said it.
So I guess it'll happen.
And God's like, no, you need to choose.
You need to make this choice in order for that thing that I declared
to get to happen in your life.
You have to, you have to like intentionally grab ahold of the
thing and decide that this is what you want in your kingdom too.
Um, in other words, for me to be good in your life, for me to be loving,
for me to protect, for me to provide, you don't get to choose how I protect
and provide, but you choose that.
I am that thing in your kingdom.
And then I get to operate like that in your kingdom.
We have to make that choice.
So anyway, that's what it is that I would do.
And that's how it is that I would move, uh, how I move forward is, um, is doing
those is doing it, that kind of thing.
It's not villainizing or vilifying, um, the, the creation that I'm in.
I'm in a, you know, I'm in a world in which the court systems work.
So I'm like, okay, well, there's a lot of these things are like the foundation
of it is something that God created and he said, it's very good.
So taking that in mind, I can use it.
What is it that I I'm within rights to try to negotiate.
So I can try to negotiate if negotiations are not allowed and that does not follow
the rules and God isn't, doesn't make way for the rules to be, for you to be able
to negotiate, if he doesn't like change the rules for you or something like, okay,
then God, nothing's moved.
So I'm asking you to move things on me on my behalf.
And if things still aren't moving, well then Lord, which decisions should I make?
One, two, or maybe some optional three that I hadn't thought of yet.
You know, and then you just, and you just go with that.
And if he doesn't say something point blank, well, then you just tell him, okay,
well then Lord, you know, let's, you know, let's use, what have you given me?
Well, you've given me a brain.
You've given me knowledge.
You've given me a lawyer.
You've given me the ability to research.
So I'm going to see, you know, okay, well, what, what is it?
What does this?
situation look like make a decision from, you know, from there, but the whole time you
always choose that God is good.
Not that you are in, and that he's with you, not that you're in a position because God's
not good.
And these things are happening because God's not who he says that he is.
And I'm having to do this because God didn't show up.
That's what we not, that's what we do not want to come into agreement with.
We're trying to make a different choice this time.
Right.
Yeah.
It makes a lot of sense.
Yeah.
Wow.
That's really, really good.
I'm like, I hope I can remember that God, because here I have to pee and I didn't bring
a pencil and no, no, no, don't feel bad.
I'm just saying like I would have grabbed maybe my notebook to write some things down,
but I, well, remember that these are recorded and you have access to them.
Just you, no one else.
You have access to them.
If you go into the rest intensive members page and scroll all the way to the bottom
and click on your name, or if you just click on rest intensive program and look at the
dropdown list, okay.
Right below rest intensive members page, right below that it says transformation sessions.
Click on that, scroll down, click on your name, and then you get to these recordings.
Yeah.
That's going to be awesome.
Super helpful.
I didn't want to pressure you to do it too fast of a turnaround, but I know we're probably
either going to be asked to make a decision tomorrow, or if I can put it off till Monday,
I'm not sure yet.
So, but that, that would be awesome because yeah, I would like to listen through again,
just because there's so many relevant things that we're talking about that are current,
you know, current.
It, you know, issues and things, decisions and things that I'm making, but also for Nick
to join in and kind of know where, where I'm at in that process too would be awesome.
Yeah.
And one more thing that I wanted to make sure that you were aware of and that I announced
to everybody else last night.
And that is the fact that if you go to the rest intensive members page, and then you
look at the second button right there near the top, it'll say like, uh, continue the
journey or join us to continue the journey at it.
Remember whatever it was, I'm going to do an, uh, I kept having people contact me saying,
Hey, they want to continue, but they were wondering how can we keep doing this now that
the program is over?
I agree.
Yeah.
So what I did is I, I created an offer yesterday and presented it to everyone on our side chat
for the rest lifestyle or for last, maybe, so it's called the rest lifestyle.
So you can look at that page.
I know you have to go cause you need to go to the bathroom, but I just want to just keep
going cause I can hold it.
Okay.
Wow.
You're stronger than me.
So the rest lifestyle is about going through the, uh, interest rest series, like the last
half of it, which is how to, he just healing body and soul through the spirit operating
spirit, you know, et cetera.
Now you already have access to all of those teachings.
So for you and Carrie, I'm doing something different because y'all is lifetime members.
I gave y'all a special package where when you got that, you also got, you got the entire
series.
You didn't just get the first seven sessions, right?
So y'all, um, so anyway, what I'm offering this to everyone else is all of this stuff
that you can look at on the page.
Like, you know, we would only, we would be doing one fireside chat, um, on Thursday nights
and then the rest groups on, um, um, trying to decide, I don't know, it's either going
to be Sunday or Monday night.
I'll make a decision hopefully today about, um, in the end.
So it's just twice a week and it's from now until the end of December.
Now we're not going to meet every single week because obviously we have Thanksgiving and
we have Christmas.
So it's going to be a bit shorter, but at least everybody can stay in community for
six weeks.
I'm going to do a blessing your spirit every, every day for 40 days on there.
And, um, uh, in which I'm going to be speaking and declaring a blessing over everyone's spirit.
And I'll post that then.
And then there's like lifetime access to all those teachings.
And then obviously in the Facebook community, people have had to have access to the, um,
uh, you know, be doing live teachings.
So the, the thing is obviously you as a lifetime member, you have access to, to the community
already.
You already have access to any teachings that I post, you know, in the community, but the
fireside chats and the rest groups, no one participated in those except you and Carrie.
And so I decided, you know, um, I'm these, this is just, I realized last time it was
just something extra I threw in, in this.
And so I decided this time that the fireside chats and the rest groups are just going to
be for those that actually decide to join the rest lifestyle.
Um, that's what all of that is.
There's also a transformation session that's available, um, for, for each person.
So that is four 95 for one person.
And then one, what is it one 75 for the spouse, but that's different for you and Carrie for
you and Carrie.
You already have the inner.
rest, you already have lifetime access to the inner his rest advanced series, which is the last six.
So for y'all, it would just be 300 and only 125 for the spouse. So y'all's is like a half less.
Yeah. That's awesome. Yeah. I definitely want to do it. I mean, I definitely 300 instead of 500.
I already have four people signed up. Yeah. Like to join us y'all feel free to, um, but you would
need a special, we'd have to just do it specially since that link would be, it's a four 95 link.
So you just let me know if y'all would like to do it, you or y'all, whichever. Yeah. But I wanted
to make sure that you were up to date since you weren't so, so happy. I'm like, we we've been
praying. And, you know, honestly, since we met with you and Ed just saying like, Lord, you know,
I mean, obviously there's no pressure and if he doesn't, you know, lead, lead them to this,
or it's not right for them or whatever, that's okay. But we would just love to keep meeting
with them, you know, and even if whatever that could look like after the rest intensive,
like to have a one-on-one, even if it was like a monthly, you know, thing, or if that's too much,
you know, I could talk about something else, but even just some, some kind of like regular,
you know, kind of discipleship, you know, mentorship, whatever you would call it, um,
to continue on. So I'm glad you're doing this. And it sounds like that's, I didn't know that
you would, because I knew you'd been pouring yourself out so much. I thought you might need
a break for the holidays, but, you know, I was just like, Lord, I just really feel like
over and over that since that night, you know, at least ask you about that, um, to pray on it
or to consider. And now in light of this, I think we would just join this and be part of,
you know, what you're doing. And we would get to meet with you once more. I mean, I don't know if
that's possible that if not, it's, I'm totally happy to meet with you alone, um, for the
transformation session before, you know, the new year. Um, and then maybe we can go from there to,
you know, if you close everything out and you all still feel like you have any capacity or,
you know, a heart to meet, um, once a month, that's a couple or something we would pay you
for those transformation sessions. But I definitely think we want to continue on
and we wanted to find a way to make that work. So this is great. This is awesome news.
Great. Yeah. Well, just, just, um, let me know if, um, or maybe that was you finally let it,
you know, letting me know y'all's final decision, but I was going to say, you just let me know what
y'all would like to do. I'm obviously available for transformation sessions anytime. Um, and then
Ed though, it's just someone I'd have to coordinate schedule with. So I needed to talk to him to see
how he's, you know, available, um, and all of that, but, um, mentioned something to him and,
and, um, and, uh, so anyway, but yeah, but no, no pressure, like I said, but if you mentioned
something and there comes a time, you know, whether it's soon, um, before the end of the
year, or, you know, we wait till after the new year or whatever that, um, we'll just pray into
it and, and, you know, wait to hear from y'all if you feel led that way, but I will plan on signing
up and I'll, I'll run it by Nick, of course. Um, but I think he'll want to continue on. And then
will you tell me one more time where the pages with like the information I would need, um,
On the, the new lifestyle. Yeah. So, you know, it's just, I'm just offering it literally to
people who are in the rest intensive right now, not even to the lifetime members, just to those
who are in the rest intensive right now. And that obviously includes you and Carrie, but
when it's not to anybody else, and therefore that's the only way that you can access it.
So if you go to the rest intensive members page, which, you know, is where all of those
teachings are. If you go there and there's a button at the top, right under the trans schedule,
the transformation sessions button, right under that, it's something like join the,
continue the journey with the, with the rest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. On that. That's the
way to get to that page. And I did that because y'all are the only ones who have access to that
offer. Okay. Perfect. Yeah. I know where you're talking about. I'll find where you're at. Yep.
And if you want to, if you want to sign up, remember that it's, it would just be 300 for,
for you and 125 for Nick, if you wanted to join. And then because those are special prices,
you would just do it through the usual link that you do with the rest with like that,
that you've paid me before through, uh, through PayPal. What is that? PayPal.com, Ashley Nicole
rest or something. It's the one. So you just have to, it's the, I think it's Ashley. I think it's
PayPal.com slash Ashley, Nicole rest. Okay. It's the one that you've always paid me on.
Okay. Yeah. As opposed to like a button on the website. So because y'all, this is a special
deal. So anyway. Okay. Thank you so much. Well, I appreciate you and all the extra
love and time and outpouring. I feel a lot better, you know, I'm glad, well, I sure do love you
Liberty and sure. Do you have a heart for, for you and your situation, your heart?
for the Lord. Um, I can't imagine being in your situation and being as strong as you are,
um, and how, and how committed you are to just making yourself available and flexible to the
Lord to continue to learn and to continue to be, you know, just ask the Lord, Lord,
how do I be a son? And then I'm while I'm going through this situation and choosing him, um,
as, as strongly as you are is, uh, is in choosing him over yourself. That is very, very admirable
and, um, and a great inspiration. So a faith. So anyway, just wanted to commend you for that,
but always good to get to sit with you. Yes. Thank you so much. Yeah. He's definitely doing
a big thing. And I know that I can't imagine going through what you can't imagine going
through without you. So, so very, very, very thankful for the timing and just so evident
that, you know, you guys care and that the Lord, you know, especially cares and sees,
you know, and, and knows what he's doing and why he called us to the season, you know, when he did.
And so, yeah, thank you so much. You're welcome. Good to visit with you. You too, friend. Take care.
Bye-bye.