Hello.
Hear me.
On.
How are you?
I'm good. I apologize. I had another call. It was a personal call.
And, but it was with it.
I was catching up with a friend of mine and I said, well,
I have until one.
And, but then.
I was having a hard time, like getting off.
And then he wanted to pray.
So anyway,
I was like, okay, I'm going to pray.
I'm going to pray.
I probably don't look. Okay. Because I'm just,
I'm just like bundled up.
In the dark.
Like I'm not usually like this. I'm I'm very like.
Opposite. Like, I like to be like you in the light.
With makeup on, like when I'm on calls and things, but.
Lately it's like a, a new found, I don't care.
Like.
It's a good thing because I'm just like, okay.
You know, I, I love, you know, our art and creative expression.
And I.
A lot about aesthetics and stuff.
So I'm like, okay, I'm just like,
I'm in the dark because the living room has poor lighting.
Like we have a really cute house and.
It's pretty new and I'm very thankful for it.
And there's a lot of lighting,
but I don't really need a lamp. Can I get a lamp?
That's right.
Oh,
You just looked like you had all the cozy thing.
By going out.
And then you were in the dark and I was like, are you okay?
Yeah.
That is a perfect question. Yeah.
And I have my matching sweatshirt and sweat pants on.
And I'm like,
I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this.
It is very different for me and Mike had in a good way, but also a,
like I'm letting go of how this looks because I can't stand the way it
looks.
If that makes sense, you're fine.
You're just fine.
But it's like, I'm.
You usually are.
Yeah, exactly.
So, yeah, I've got my notebook and I just thought I would come.
Yeah.
I was like,
I don't know if I'm going to be able to do this.
I was like all the extra things and like trying to catch up on.
Catch up on rest and not being there yet.
So Nick said he felt the same way and he doesn't deal with chronic
fatigue. So I'm like, okay, well, it's not just me.
But.
Yeah, exactly.
And by the way, meant to tell you that I saw that you have two
sessions this week.
You have two sessions this week.
You have two transformation sessions.
You do not have to do them both this week.
If you want, you can keep that other one and just contact me,
you know, when you're, when you need it, you know, or whatever,
you're welcome to do that.
I forgot that you have to.
And that when I opened up this week for, Hey, everyone,
let's connect for a transformation sessions by almost like extending
the program by a week.
So you don't have to do that.
You don't have to do that.
And then you have two,
I did not intend for you to have to try to fit two in in one week.
You are more than welcome to keep that other one.
And we can keep it.
But my point is you can also just keep it until, I mean,
you can keep it where it is on. I think it's Thursday or something.
But you can also move it to, you know,
you can just hold onto it for whenever you need it.
So you don't have to try to fit it in. So whatever you want to do.
I appreciate it. And you're very thoughtful and considerate, but no,
no, this is, I want you to use that when you need it.
So whatever you want to do, if you need to cancel it, go ahead.
Otherwise you can keep it and we'll can meet then.
So whatever you want to do.
Perfect. Okay. Yeah. I feel.
Like it's like, it's a great thing to have the option.
Cause I don't really know. I don't know.
Where we're going, you know,
Today and I guess.
We haven't met like one-on-one for a little bit. So I'm like, okay,
well, let's just see how, I guess, see how it plays out. And yeah.
I've been wanting to.
And I'm like that, that person that's like, okay, can I,
is it weird to do like around three of the rest intensive?
Because I feel like.
I'm getting closer to.
Like each time is getting closer to the full, like actually fully.
Engaging and shifting, but I don't feel like I've had that.
I don't feel like I've had that.
Yeah.
I've had like major, major breakthrough.
And I know the timing has been what it was supposed to be, um, exactly
what it was supposed to be.
And yet I feel like there's more that I can't put, but you're looking for deeper.
Yeah.
So I've thought about like, okay, what if I, what, if I were to go through the
next one, if you know what the dates are or when, you know, just let me know.
Um, I do, they, um, they're all in that, um, they're, uh, all of the
information is on a pay on the page in one of the links I sent y'all.
Um, and, and you have to access it via the link because it's not, uh, it's,
you're not able to navigate to it on the website, it's on the website,
but you can't navigate to it.
It's a special link I created just for y'all because y'all are the alumni.
And so I'm giving y'all like half off unless y'all come in with a friend.
And if you come in with a friend, well, then you get like the first part for free.
You're welcome to attend for free, but if you want to transformation sessions,
that is an additional amount and whatever.
So you can just look at the three different options and see
if any of them fit well for you.
I already know of at least one person who contacted me today.
Who's said that they're going to join.
Um, and, but they have a friend, so they're waiting for their, to join with
their friends and their, I've been in contact with their friends.
So anyway, um, but no, it's a, I mean, multiple people have done
rest intensive multiple times.
Um, and, uh, of course I've only done three big rest intensives, but I've had
people do like many rest intensives plus a big one and people just do it multiple
times.
So I find that as long as people want to, um, then it's extremely
beneficial to just keep doing them.
It's only if they're hitting a, a, a, uh, a wall where they're not, uh, and they
feel like, uh, how, how would I word that?
I don't know.
It's, I don't know.
Every person, every person is different, but, um, the, the point is that
regardless of where someone is in their journey of rest, even if they're like,
Oh yeah, you know, I understand it.
I've shifted into it and whatever.
Every single person can go deeper.
If they just do it again, they just have to now view it, not as they used to.
They now view it for however much they've owned and however much more
they're now waiting to go into.
They do the rest intensive at the deeper level, as opposed to viewing it like,
Oh, I've never heard this before.
Well, then that gets boring because you're like, no, I've already
heard all of this before.
But what you want to do is you now approach it from, okay.
Knowing what, that I already know this information, I
can't view it from my head.
I have to.
Uh, how, from what it is that I've owned in my relationship or what it
is that I'm walking out already, what, where am I running into a wall again?
Where am I running into their resistance?
And then how do I use, um, how do I apply the teachings, you
know, or the tools or whatever?
The other, in other words, the principles of rest to, to go deeper.
Like, because, and so I do the same thing.
Um, uh, I always have to apply the same thing that I, that I learned and that I
have applied hundreds of times, maybe thousands, and that I teach all of y'all.
I apply the same things now that I did at the beginning, because, because, because
it's just that I don't apply into the things that I've already shifted into
rest in, I apply them to the things that I haven't been able to shift
into rest in because I'm too afraid.
It's too deep.
It's too personal.
If there's too much fear, there's too much history between me and the Lord there.
Well, then I now need to apply those same simple principles at a deeper level, but
I couldn't, but like, say for instance, if I was going through rest intensive
program, I couldn't see this because I was still trying to deal with this.
So the principles of rest and everything we were talking about and everything I
was trying to apply was being applied to this.
So I didn't ever try to apply it to this level because I hadn't gotten that deep
yet, but now this is exposed.
Now that I've dealt with this, this is now exposed.
So I now need to apply those to that.
And sometimes people just need.
People just need or want support at each continuing deeper level.
And so other people are like, you know, I think I've got it.
I'm going to do it on my own now.
And then other people are just like, you know, I've gone as far as even if they
don't consciously think this, some are like, no, I've gone as far as I want to
right now, now I want to focus on something else, you know, or whatever.
So, so in other words, there's nothing weird about it.
I honestly think that it's very healthy as long as it's what you want.
And, you know, between, between.
when you're in the Lord. And as long as, um, you know, you're,
I lost the phrase that I was going to use. And, uh,
I don't know, you know, as long as you feel that it is,
it's helpful and supportive, you know,
that it's actually giving you what it is that you want, you know,
meaning like it's giving you that support, it's actually helping you move.
Well, there's nothing weird at all about the rest intensive. I don't.
And, and I guess I haven't, I've taken for granted,
um,
the fact that people just continue to take it if they want to.
I don't ever think about, uh, um, you know, how, say for instance,
if I were to call it like one Oh one, well, then every time people took it,
or if people took it,
they think that they couldn't take it again because they thought, well,
that's the basics.
What I want people to understand is no,
this is a program that you can literally gain
something from and go deeper based. Um,
and you're not all starting from the same position.
You're all starting, um, everyone,
like the new people are starting brand new and then seasoned people
are starting it from their seasoned place into new,
deeper levels of different areas of their life.
So it's almost like this evergreen program,
as opposed to this one program that you build
on. Does that make sense?
You use it to build yourself because it's
just a program that helps facilitate you going deeper,
no matter which level that you're on. Yeah. And so,
so it's totally up to what you want to do.
I'm like, you should use evergreen in the future. That's really cool.
I know. I thought the same thing. I was like, evergreen, what's the word?
Maybe. And then I threw it out there. So I'm glad I got the confirmation.
So I'm always looking for words to help me express what I'm trying to say.
And I was thinking as you were like similar timing right before that,
that of the song by, um,
uh, the United kingdom gal who sings, you know,
spirit lead me where my faith is without borders.
So, uh, he'll talk, he'll song. She, yeah, it's health.
I think it's Hillsong United. Cause they're just like Hillsong. Okay.
He'll say it's more like the UK group. And then Taya,
I think that's how you say her name. It's T-A-Y-A.
She's the lead singer on that song. And she has not her own, like, well,
I mean, she's been doing our own music,
but she has like her own album that's not with anyone else.
You're talking about the song oceans.
Yes.
Yeah. That one. Yeah.
That makes what it made me think of like with the deeper,
deeper and deeper, you know?
Yeah. That's a good idea. Yeah. I hadn't thought about that.
So anyway, um, uh, so it's just, it's just,
if you want to and one of the reasons why I gave y'all the discount is, um,
uh, the, uh, y'all already have all of the teachings already, you know,
you've already heard them.
You have lifetime access to them that you're not gaining anything new there,
but what you, what,
what would be of benefit is having the,
it has continuing to have the community support to go deeper and
continuing to have me to have access to ask questions of and stuff like that.
And to like help you walk through stuff. So,
but as far as like the teaching chart, you have access to all that.
So that's for, it's really just kind of like, it's the,
it's the mentorship piece that, um,
that would be like, it's not new,
but that you would be benefiting from you don't have access to just with the
teachings. So it's the mentorship part. So in the community and whatever,
of course you're already in the community, but you know,
getting to go to the fireside chats, the rest groups,
having access to the recordings, that kind of thing. So.
I think that would be really, I think it's really beneficial to anybody,
but maybe some people more than others, like you said,
some are more independent, like, okay, I'm going to do my own thing now.
I feel ready to apply this kind of on my own or in other
contexts. And, uh, and that's great. But then also like,
if you feel like there's more, like I know for Kate,
she and I have been in touch throughout this season, you know, just really fun.
Yeah. So we've been glad you're connected. I'm close. Yeah.
And that's been cool. And yet her experience is, which I'm so,
so happy for her, you know, but her experience is just a totally,
it's just different. And I think for various reasons, you know, um,
and her being so, you know,
ultra focused and the Lord's timing on her life and also, you know,
her being single, it is a different. Yeah.
That up them being like a wife and mom and stuff amidst the group,
but she,
like ready to kind of embark on the next thing using what she's learned.
And that's awesome. But like,
I don't know if there's something about it for me that that community mentorship.
piece because it still feels so like foreign like the concept of like rest in that like
level of trust I mean the concept of rest even just as a whole not even the way you're talking
about it but just even slowing down kind of rest you know is difficult for me to wrap my
head around from my life experience so it's like it really does help to have the community
for me to be like okay wait what am I doing again because it like centers me again and again
on okay what is this thing that I'm trying to grab hold of that has been so foreign historically
but that I really do want to own and make my own so yeah I'm excited to yeah explore that and
possibility with Nick and I'm I'm hoping that it could work out if you start in January or whenever
um January 28th yeah just go to the group chat that I that group chat and then in there
there's a you know on the on Facebook messenger and I send y'all two links one for y'all and then
one to pass along to uh you know people because some of the people have been sharing it with other
people that they believe are ready and to make the you know the hard decisions to really face
things and stuff like that so they though have a different price so and they kind of have a they
have a bit of a different offering um uh then uh so there's two different pages so go to that
go to that message that I sent there's two different links and so you won't have somebody
in mind I mean I have several people in mind but since I'm not on social media or in a season of
like my normal like I'm a connector I would normally be like oh my goodness I have all
these people but um but I still even though I'm more in a season pulled back I have a couple
of people in mind I just only have one that I can think of that I know um would be in position to
maybe like afford it more than these other companies that are barely kind of making it
on one income you know like stay-at-home moms that are making it on one income but I hope that
maybe she would want to join because I think it'd be really cool and she actually she's my realtor
oh cool got us this house but then she also lives down the street now she moved into the
neighborhood since then so cool cool connection so but she goes to our church as well and so
anyways well that's really cool I'm excited and yeah and uh the thing that the reason that I
did the whole friends family thing was not to incentivize people to share it with people
it was actually I mean I just assumed people would be incentivized based on their own changes
and what it is that they want to you know share with other people the what it is that I was
wanting to incentivize everyone with with the discount is that if their friends or family come
that they would choose to participate as well because that additional community support
greatly enhances and um the effectiveness of the program for both both parties the new people as
well as you know the friends that referred them etc because they know people so they can help
support each other and you have someone you're already doing life with that finally understands
what you're talking about right you know what I'm saying kind of like you and Kate are probably
one of the reasons why y'all connected is like okay I mean I'm sure you enjoy each other but
it's also okay you understand and so hard to find people you know to talk to you know
that understand we're talking about um like my family doesn't you know well my sister does you
know she's in the group but other people don't understand what I'm talking about um and and a
couple of the people are real big follower a couple of my family members are really big followers
of Bethel and they still don't know fully what it is that I'm talking about and and they've talked
about possibly doing the rest intensive program so anyway um uh just to you know just kind of
explain you just share it with whoever it is you know that's on your heart in your own personal
life of what like who you know and what you would just naturally do and want to do I didn't want to
create anything to incentivize people to like go talk to people in order to be able to have a lower
amount in order to be able to come into the program you know for less my whole thing of
offering less to be able to come into the program was for people they're already wanting to share
it with I'm wanting to incentivize people to join with their friend in the program so that
so that it would um it would strengthen the the richness of the community you know because because
you've got people who know each other and they're able to talk and support one another you know and
actually just living life which is what they're already doing outside of the rest intensive anyway
is loving on supporting each other in life and then here's this additional aspect that they're
able to like understand each other in and share share with each other so I just thought it would
me that people would enjoy it.
And the only reason I thought of it was because I had at least five people reach
out to me that were friends of current members and, and then since then I've had
at least one, if not two others who've reached out to me and, um, so I almost
have a full program already, so I don't have a limit on the number.
I'm just saying that based off of how many people that it looks like
I'll be coming in, it looks like I already have full and I haven't
advertised it outside of the group.
So anyway,
Oh, amazing.
Like that's, this gets me so excited.
I love hearing that because it's such a valuable thing.
It's hard to put into words, but that people would capture that and sign up
and then God would just like fill your, your group of without you even sharing
it publicly is so fitting, you know, it's like, yeah, what it should be like.
And that says, yeah,
that's what I thank the Lord for is like, Laura, thank you that it's at,
cause my whole point was for this to be effective and that it's effective
enough where other people want to share it with other people and their lives
are changing enough that other people are noticing and saying, I want what
you have, because that is what God intended.
The gospel to be for us to change so much that other people look at us and
say, you are different and I want to do whatever I have to do in my
own life to get what you have.
And so I was just so excited that I was able to, and this is all obviously
the Lord, the Lord is what transforms people, but I wanted to provide a
structure in which that was effectively happening, that I was effectively
communicating my spirit, you know, the spirit to people that was actually
helping them get the true message of the gospel so that, and then God could
be, cause what does it say?
Um, uh, belief comes by hearing.
So I wanted to, I asked the Lord, Lord, you know, can you, can you please use
me to help explain it to people so that they can actually get what
you're trying to say to them?
So anyway, but so how are you?
So, yeah, so I'm good.
I think, um, part of what's even coming up talking about this, which is all
good, it's just, I just had this realization as you were sharing that.
There's some part of me that's like, like, I don't want to be like the, you
know, the middle-aged woman and still in diapers and your class, like, you
know what I mean?
Like, I don't want to be like, here I am like a lifetime member and
know what's happening.
Still, you've had a lot to contend with, you know, your, what it is that
you're having to overcome and learn rest in to overcome that thing, because
you're using, you're using rest to walk through that chaos that is not given to
most people, what it is that you're going through is not given to most
people to have to overcome.
So.
The thing is that you've presented yourself to the Lord as someone who's
willing to overcome to that degree.
And so I encourage you don't be, don't compare yourself to other people because
for one thing, they have their own things that they're overcoming that some of
which are not what it is that, you know, to the degree of what you're overcoming
and in the midst of what you're having to, you know, like go through the rest
intensive program while going through lawsuits and everything else, you know,
but, but also it's just, everyone just has their own, I don't know, just, just
their own journey in it ever.
And, and just everyone has to handle, has a different stuff going
on in their life at the time.
Also, there could be things that you're wanting to go to a deeper level of the
Lord in, in certain areas that other people don't see or desire to do what
they have to do to shift and to rest at that level.
And so if you think everyone sees in their life, what you see in you lot in
your life and what you want to do, and you're thinking, oh, they see that
and they've gotten there.
That's not true.
Some of those people don't see it or don't want to go there.
So if you're seeing, Hey, look, I want to go there and I haven't
gotten quite as deep as I want.
Don't think that some, because somebody else is like, oh, I'm good
that they got where you're headed.
There's might've been a lot shorter.
And we're like, oh, I just want to go here.
And you're like, well, I want to go here.
And so when they are, when they're happy and they're like, oh my word.
Yay.
I'm good.
They might be here.
And you're thinking they're here because this is where you want to get.
So I just encourage.
you that just you, you pursue the freedom that you fill in your spirit, that you want
with the Lord and your, your background, your circumstances, your obstacles.
In other words, the things that are trying to hinder you, you know, and you know, they're,
they're all, they're unique and you choose for your life.
What do you want to overcome and the rest of the world, including the rest of the body
of Christ and all these other people who are happy just going here, get to benefit from
what you're willing to do in your life.
It actually creates this ripple effect in creation that like breaks chains, et cetera,
because you made a choice in your life.
So we're just called to overcome different aspects of creation.
And we can't, and that means that if we're overcoming these different aspects of creation
and we have our different backgrounds in which we're coming to that, then our, our, our journeys
all look different, you know, whatever.
And that's why I offer the mentorship and I do the personal transformation sessions
is because I want people to hear in their own unique world, what they need to hear in
order to, in order to be helped in order to, I don't know, hear what it is that I'm trying
to say, like, okay, how are you hearing what I need to say?
And do I need to say it in a different way so that you hear it?
Because this phrase worked with this person that's not coming through to this other person.
So what do I need to uniquely help them?
Because everyone, everyone's just kind of different.
So anyway, I just say that as an encouragement that what has been given to you hasn't been
given to everyone else.
There are people that are in the program that have ever had to overcome, you know, Amish
backgrounds.
You remember Barbie who's in, who's in the life, she's one of the lifetime members.
She is Amish.
She hasn't been very active as far.
I mean, I've gotten to know her personally really well, gone to visit them and everything
in Pennsylvania.
But my point is that in the group itself, a lot of people don't, that don't personally
know her.
A lot of people don't know her just because she's very reserved and she keeps to herself,
but her, but she has some of her videos up online and I mean, up on the group and with
testimony videos, et cetera.
Anyway, they left the Amish.
And I think that when she and her husband left, I think that when she joined the group,
she and her husband had left like only seven or seven years prior or something like that.
I mean, she's a full grown woman whose oldest daughter was 14 at the time when they left
and she's got eight children, you know, I mean, it's just, and they, so, I mean, and,
and she's really struggled with things and she's just like Ashley, you know, she wouldn't
mind me sharing this, you know, actually, why don't I, why am I not moving in certain
areas as fast as other people seem to move?
And I say, how many people in that group are overcoming having grown up brainwashed in
a pit that, that in a particular, not just a particular perspective of religion of like
what God expects of them, but actually walking that out in a physical way that is that the
world does not, and that, that the world doesn't, that the rest of the world doesn't
operate like, and you just have to create, you have to create your own world in order
to get to live in it.
You have to create that Amish thing.
You have, and everything's harder.
You know, it's like, say you have this whole world that you have to say no to.
It's like, it's like living in a garden where there's only one tree that's okay because
all the other ones are bad.
That's what living in the Amish is similar to.
And so I said, the rest of the people in this group are not overcoming that.
And I don't remember how old she is exactly, but she's like, I mean, she lived decades
in that.
She didn't like join it later.
She knew nothing but it.
And then too, I was shocked that she came out of it.
I mean, how do you come out of something that that's all you've ever known?
And, and your family, you know, she, they've had issues with their family, not receiving
them, you know, all kinds of stuff.
And it's like, I was like, Barbie, I'm not dealing with that.
It was my own experience.
It wasn't this.
It was like, you can't compare what you are willing to overcome for you and your children
and the Lord with everybody else.
So anyway, just as an encouragement, we all have our own things.
But you're so, so right.
And it's wild too, because.
I mean, it might seem like a small thing, but I don't meet people often that, I mean,
my family's from Amish town.
So like the fact that forget about that.
Yeah.
And so like that Amish thing, I'm like, that is so wild that you're, you, you with this
message of rest, that everything can be not harder, but.
Yeah.
He's easier.
You know, effortless would come into contact.
I mean, that's so God and so amazing.
And then my husband, he grew up.
So he was Mennonite until age 10.
Okay.
And he's the baby of the family out of six.
So like some of his brothers and sisters, like teen, you know,
they were teens and, and later.
So even though it's not the exact same, it is similar.
The most similar.
Yeah.
So, and then I also have a sister named Audra. So it's just kind of
funny.
I don't know if I ever told you that, but I'm just like, that is so.
But I completely forgot.
I'm glad that this is recorded already because I'm like,
I love how you.
Spoken to that. And you know,
the example that you gave and the way you explain that was just so
like, so, so good.
I feel emotional about it,
but I already probably felt emotional before, but I also.
I feel like.
I think I really just.
Like, I, I feel like I've.
I feel like I've overcome so much just to even be here.
Do you know what I mean? To have even.
Met.
To start things in 2020. And then I feel like even.
This year and the call to rest when I was not in touch with you.
Not necessarily, you know,
In conversation at a time period, you know,
Yeah.
So, so, so.
And it's like,
and then the Lord like called me to this and then he had you start
this and all that. And then it's like the fact that I've invested,
not just.
You know,
the financial was like a step that I wasn't able to do when I was a
single mom. So that was a huge step,
but also way more than that is like the.
Like, like the,
like the things that I'm comfortable doing in life.
Now I have like a lot of people in that process to let.
Them in.
Even though I'm a pretty trusting person,
I have a lot of a lot of people in my life and friends and stuff.
It's still very intimate. Like this,
this kind of stuff that you're speaking into and seeing into.
Is like the most intimate kind of vulnerable stuff.
And so why would I like start over or why would I stop almost at the
end?
I'm not saying that I'm going to stop.
I'm just saying that I'm going to continue to the finish line that,
you know, I've given everything to complete this.
Race and not that the whole race is about the rest intensive,
but it's about.
It is, I mean, like my life depends on whatever it is.
You need for you to support you through.
You know, taking the, finishing this journey with the Lord. Yeah.
And I know that.
The rest.
Is part of that or not. That's up to you. So, but yeah.
Yeah.
And I think that that brings that it's not just my,
it is my personal relationship with God, but it's.
Way beyond that. Like, I know that he's saying.
When these chains are broken, like that, he's.
This breakthrough that I fought for is going to be for others beyond
me. It's it's part of the calling and destiny.
So it's not even just my own.
Even though that's where the focus is at this moment.
Yeah.
So I mean, I know that God's like, okay,
I'm going to have this compassion and mercy for my own.
And I know that God's like, okay,
I'm going to have this compassion and mercy for everybody around me.
Is okay. And how all this compassion and mercy for their situations,
but I haven't had it for my own. So now he's like, okay,
now it's time to have it for you.
And once you do that,
you really will be able to love others as you love yourself.
You know, and you love your neighbor as you love yourself,
you'll be able to have that freedom.
To do it from the right motivation into the right.
Place of love and not fear of.
Yeah.
I'm not sure.
I don't know.
I'm not.
I don't know.
I don't know how to use the word.
I think it's like, I don't know.
I don't know how to use it.
In terms of like what your name or worth or something like that.
Anyways. But yeah, I know.
Big deal.
So.
Yeah.
Well, so how.
How are you?
We haven't connected. Like you said, personally and while, so.
You know, meaning like one-on-one.
Yeah.
True.
I feel like I've been seeing you because I've been seeing you.
I know.
Like.
I think it's a good.
I mean, I think you've heard some on my share sharing on the rest
groups, like just how.
I can see coming out of the worst of.
Things and just like the worst as in, like,
I don't feel like I have much control over my situation,
but also even myself right now, like, I feel like the.
The things that are being triggered, like.
During that season were like things that.
Hadn't been, I guess, even in the like, really, really bad times.
They weren't, they weren't worse than it was just different.
The way that I was struggling to cope was different.
If that makes sense.
Then in the past, when, when I went downhill, like with my, you know,
Whatever my situation, my mental health, like wasn't,
wasn't coping or it was a spiritual attack.
too. I know it was, but, um, like just that level of intensity and then coming
out of that, it was just such a relief, like a gratitude of like, you know, even
those couple of weeks following the hearing and everything, just being, um,
free from a lot of that panic and the, the stuff that was coming up to disturb
my sleep and all of that was just like a huge gift.
So I've just been kind of relishing this time, but at the same time, I think the
Lord has been like showing me, um, in a way like that, if one, he's been showing
me a lot about what, like what allowed that to have so much power over me, you
know, and what I've allowed into my life or my responses that hasn't been healthy.
That's been, you know, that's been, um, bitterness and toxic kind of, you know,
judging people like my ex-husband and condemning and things like that, that
has allowed open doors, like into my own life and like allowed, um, me to continue
to be poisoned by like being a victim and, and feeling like you have done this
to me and now look, you know, and now look what all, and, you know, I can't get
out of this or I can't get out of that, or this has happened because of this
and because of that, and just, you know, and I don't blame myself.
Like thankfully I'm not shaming myself in it.
Like he's given me the ability to, to see it and receive it as a gift, as
like an awareness that I can grow in that can free me, um, from having that
happen again, like if this happens again, as in if he does something else and
brings us back to court, you know, say in the spring or soon or something like
that, that there was so much that I was able to glean from that after the fact,
after I wasn't in the thick of it anymore, um, that just allow has allowed
me over the past month or six weeks or whatever to see like how much power I do
have, how much strength I do have and how I don't have to be impacted by that again.
Um, ever again, like, it's not like, okay, well, when this happens,
then I won't be impacted.
Like, I think it's like a, it's not like all one and done, but it's
like a, like a shift enough to say, Oh, like, this is how I can now live
in and think in my new paradigm.
You know, that has, that includes like all this, um, release, I guess,
and forgiveness and also, um, being able to do that, but while still having
boundaries in place, like still seeing who somebody is, at least who they
present themselves to be over and over, but not letting them close to me.
Because every time I would in the past have forgiveness for Sam, my ex-husband,
I would let him, it was like, like my heart would just, like, I could feel
the walls going down and opening up to him, like no boundaries anymore.
Yeah.
So I didn't know why it was happening, but it's like, we're moving past that to
where I can have this understanding.
And yeah, it's like, I don't even think about him, like making choices to be
like, I'm not going to be shocked by human behavior.
I'm not going to be shocked when he does the next thing tomorrow
or the next day or whatever.
I'm not going to respond.
I am not bound to respond to these things.
I don't, you know, like just a totally different way of approaching that, but
also the heart of forgiveness to release him and going through actually forgiving,
um, some people in my life, including him again, in a way, like maybe I, maybe
I've never done it like this or from this place, or it's been a long time,
but there was forgiveness.
I was able to come to a place where I was like, I have to like, forgive now, like
today, today, like there became a day, you know, after a few weeks of, or a
couple weeks of realizing, realizing these things and being challenged, even by my
spiritual mom, who was like, you, like, you're not his savior and you're not his
God.
And you don't, you know, you don't, I mean, she can speak to that in this way.
Cause she's 63 and she has, you know, she has this way about her that's motherly
and whatever, but she's like, you, you know, you don't get to judge him.
And she's, you know, she's, she was saying like, I say to myself, she turns
the scripture around to say, you know, make it personal, say like, I do not judge.
I'm not judged.
I do not condemn passages that she would just talk about in a way that was like I,
and she would send them to me to declare as a declaration, you know, even like I
Liberty, you know, rid myself of all bitterness, you know, wrath and malice
and slander and every form of anger and bitterness, whatever, whatever.
And I am kind and compassionate to myself and others.
You know, I forgive both, you know, each myself and others as Christ and God
forgave me or God in Christ forgave me.
And so just even turning it into like a personal thing for scripture, like scriptures like that has been really helpful because I've never really seen how that.
And more and more has felt like a, it hasn't felt empowering to read scriptures like that in the past it's like a to do list does that make sense like this time it was like owning this I'm choosing this person and this is my identity I'm not like Jesus
I'm not, I don't judge and I don't, I don't condemn people and all this so there's been a lot of sense that has been shifting and I think it's readying me more for not just, you know, if Sam does this again, but also, whatever it looks like to continue
healing some so facing some of the things that were feeling really scary and overwhelming in the fall, like, what is it going to look like how's God going to call me to heal.
Well, what if it takes me down a bad road you know what if he allows this or that to happen.
It was really confusing to know like what he what I was submitting to, like, am I submitting to like going back to that psych ward, am I submitting to, you know, like no that's not what he has for me but I couldn't really say that for sure because I wanted
to give myself surrender to him in whatever it looked like to heal but I didn't really believe it was going to look good.
Yeah, I'm starting to receive a different sort of word like he's speaking this better word where I feel more hope and less fear than ever about going into these healing things and like I even had my inner healing session yesterday.
And some things came up that were pretty like significant things about.
And interestingly enough like Ed came up just the fact that he had named some ages that he felt like the Lord had said, these are like some significant ages of traumas and things like that but like it came up.
Not historical right because a lot of times you can't remember stuff before age five. Yeah, but they test the body kind of like they do nutritional testing, and it's the spirit filled process but they they do test the body for where essentially
things like your body can like tell you things like your electrical system your nervous system and so they test and like what came up was that there was a significant like it was the love perpetrator theme, because they have each session is like a, you
it's trauma, you know, attachment or I mean different ones so this was like the perpetrator for the trauma one and it was the second time I was going through the perpetrator one because my body tested that it needed more and then it came out that my mom.
At least, you know, again I don't know 100% reality, historical reality but essentially that my mom was abused from a very very very young age like kind of the earliest of ages.
And so that there was sadness coming up with that which was good in the sense that I struggle to have compassion for my mom like I have so much pain and hurt from forever from my mom that I feel the least close to her I don't, I don't trust her I want to
have compassion for her but every time I do it feels like it just gets me in trouble. So I was able to have some, you know that sadness and compassion for her knowing that she likely went through some, you know, major abuse from an early age from her father
and then like it came out that like age three and five were again highlighted for me for something very basically the same type of thing I don't know exactly how it played out but the same type of abuse, being pretty major and that my that I had blocked
it out that, you know, they tested and it confirms like, because I was like I can't remember any of this so it's just it's difficult to wrap your head around this being possible when you have no recollection, you know, yeah.
And she's like, you know, basically saying yeah but that you know, then it could test did you know you blocked it out to be able to survive it or maybe you were told you can't tell anyone you knew that you couldn't tell anyone, and you could have made that
decision, it's, you know, I can't move on and be safe unless I block this out.
So I just give you that as an example to say like these things were coming up, and I was hope filled I was not terrified or in terror, the way that I feared that I would be the terror has kind of come.
Not saying that that won't come at all but I pray it doesn't but if it does it does but it's almost like I was in terror over the terror. I was, I was like I'm feeling terror over what could surface and how it could affect me to the point of being terrorized
by the possibility of healing. So I feel like the Lord even through some of these, seeing his that his desire is never for me to go through something that would shatter my life, and that would hurt me.
me and traumatize me and my children and take us back to court and all these things. Like
I didn't know why these things happen with the psych ward. Whereas like, is this mean I'm bad?
Does this mean God needs to use this to heal me? Does this mean, you know what I mean? There's
infinite possibilities of like, does this mean, um, there's so many things. And so I think it's
been, I guess, more of a release of like, not trying to figure out what it means, not trying
to figure out what it's going to look like and fearing the worst, but almost like a release of
feeling like, okay, maybe it's going to be actually, maybe the worst is kind of over.
Like maybe the, the giving into and giving my yes to the Lord and surrendering to this process,
knowing he's with me through, and Jesus is going to come into every scene and every memory. And
you know what I mean? That like, maybe it's actually better than I thought
instead of worse, you know, that things have to get worse or something better than I thought.
What do you mean? Like, like maybe this process is, is instead of being my worst nightmare,
as in like worse than I'm planning on, maybe it's actually him showing like it's, it's actually not
as bad as you thought it would be. It's not, it's better than the healing and to face it.
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I agree. I agree. Uh, our, our worry is almost always worse than the real thing.
When I say almost, cause there's always exceptions to, I don't know, people worrying,
but it's just, it's worse than the real thing. And then you get there and you're like, oh,
well that wasn't as bad as I thought it was. That's not what I thought it was going to be.
Yeah. And that the Lord, remember he always wants it. He always is inviting us into more
love and freedom. So the facing of things, you know, can be challenging and not fun to go through,
but if you're going through them and rest, a lot of their sting is removed. A lot of what makes it
so terrifying or intimidating or makes us afraid we neutralize that before we even go in. And that's
the fact that, oh my goodness, it can come against me. Oh my goodness. It can, I can feel threatened.
I mean, goodness, you know, whatever. And if we neutralize a lot of that, just by shifting into
rest, then it really isn't. That's another way that makes it not as bad to go through.
Um, so it's not in the, um, so our, our lives, you know, are not about the avoidance of going
through pain and, and same thing with lifestyle rest. It's not about avoiding the pain. It's
about getting to go through the pain and rest so that not only is it, um, it brings life to go
through it and it keeps us in bondage if we don't. And so it's not that the pain is life giving.
It's that going through it and rest births and brings life from the spirit into the earth and
into ourselves, into our circumstances, into whatever, and it overcomes the thing that created
the pain. Um, so anyway, yeah, but my point is like, you know, by shifting into rest, it's going,
it, it takes away a lot of the reason why we believe that it's going to be so bad to go
through it. So if we do it and rest and you go through it and you're like, oh, well, I didn't
anything like what I thought it was going to be because you've neutralized the thing that
you were fearing. You've removed the threat that you were fearing before you even went into it.
You removed it. Let me go through it. I don't think I realized that maybe I've been doing that.
Like, I don't know if I I'm so hard on myself that I don't know if I didn't even think I'm,
I'm really operating in rest or that I know how to yet or something like that.
Um, or that I've shifted anyways yet, but I do feel like when you say that, I'm like, oh, well,
I think I have prepped myself with a lot of these truths that are shifting into rest before going
through them. And, and increasingly, you know, through probably the exposure to, you know, to
these, um, new, new ways of looking at things and paradigms and things, and also, you know, hearing
them from you and in the group and things like that. And also in the spirit, like, I think just
the aid, you know, from, from the spiritual realm, you know, to, um, to learn a way that
seems impossible, you know, but I don't know that I recognize throughout all of this, that it was
anything having to do with me shifting in the rest. Yeah. So this is interesting. I'm really
glad that the Lord is bringing this up because as you had been talking earlier and you're like,
well, you know, I just don't think I get it yet. I'm going, what are you talking about? It was like.
You're already living it in so many ways and you know, you've already changed and transformed
so much.
I know that there's just deeper healing that you're wanting and there's more and there's
deeper levels to go into and there's et cetera, but I encourage you to not think that it's
it you're not doing anything until the whole thing is completed.
You're, I mean, like, I mean, wouldn't you, would you say that there's a difference in
who you are and how you approach things, how you approach life, how you approach your circumstances,
how you approach, uh, or like if you're less triggered when certain things happen, et cetera,
then you were like, say two months ago, would you say that there's a difference big time?
Yeah.
That's, that's in a manner of speaking, that's rest.
That's healing.
That's it's evidencing is what I'm trying to say.
It's evidencing healing.
It's evidencing, um, you know, that you shifted more into rest and what is rest.
It's simply abiding in God because you have faith that he is who he says he is.
So it's, so the more that you've actually believed that God was good and the more that
you've actually believed what it is that he's saying about you, the more that you're at,
that is what rest is.
That's where, I mean, that puts you in that place of rest.
You being there, you know, and, and then it's then now you living from that place,
you choosing that that's your reality now makes you less triggered.
It now makes you approach things and respond to things and perceive things in a different
way.
You still have more to go, but it doesn't mean you haven't, you haven't been already
doing it.
And there's just a lot that in your situation has to be overcome because you've inherited
a lot from your, from your parents, from your ancestors, let alone your own life circumstances.
I mean, you were born having inherited things that you hadn't experienced and that you hadn't
made any choices about.
This is long before you were born having inherited those things in your DNA, your parents' decisions,
the things that happened to them, the things that they didn't decide and that, and that
were forced on them, you know, you inherited that when you were born before you even knew
what right and wrong was before you even had an idea of like how to actually make a choice
to lift your arm or reach out and get a, grab a toy.
You had that in you, you, and, and it's so anyway, the thing is you just, you just have
a lot to overcome.
We all do.
And in your choosing to do that.
And so I just see, and I've seen you so much, and I'm always so surprised when I hear your,
I guess yourself, your self-doubt, your concern that, oh, I, you know, I still have so far
to go and whatever, and sure there's more healing, there's more whatever, but I think
I've been surprised that it sounds like there's not an acknowledgement.
In other words, an understanding that you already are doing it.
You just keep going.
You just, okay.
So how do I apply what it is that I've done to get to this point?
How do I apply it to the, to the fact that I'm running into resistance at this point?
How do I move?
How do I apply those same principles to move past the resistance here?
Cause I moved past it here and then I moved past it here.
So now how do I move past it here?
You know?
So it's just the continued stuff.
You know, you're, you're doing it and that's how I've always seen it.
So I'm glad that we're having this discussion because it's helping me understand, oh, this
is where she, why she's talking like that.
Cause I'm like, I'm like, I see her as like the success already, you know, that's so awesome.
Yeah.
Got it.
Potential success already done it.
You've already done it.
You've already succeeded.
You've already crossed.
You've already done it.
You're already shifting to rest.
Remember you shifted into rest before you ever joined the rest intensive because you're
already there.
It's just choosing more and more that that is your reality.
So you actually get to experience more of it into your life experience, you know, but
you're already there.
You know, the rest of it, it doesn't give you anything.
It's just giving you the courage.
I don't think I knew I was there before, before this.
Like I can see the increase of realizing and declaring and choosing and, you know,
but I wasn't giving myself any credit for that.
Like in a sense, I guess I told one of the rest groups, you know, I shared how I had
chosen, you know, to use the tools, you know, on the way to get my girls with my husband
in the car and just in a situation where I had chosen like, okay, this is, we're going
to, you know, shift right now into this.
This trust.
Right. But overall, I haven't really, and it's funny, because like, I'm like tearing up sitting
here because I'm like, Oh my gosh, like, I don't think I realized how much I blame myself. And when
the session happened yesterday with Jolene, who's the RSM gal, she's out in California.
She's like, talking about like, it's coming up that through these perpetrators into these things
that happened that I believed I was, I deserve that that was my fault. And then we started to
see how connecting and then Nick, you know, he's there for the sessions because he's doing the
testing. So he's like, well, didn't you talk about this on Christmas and tell her about, you know,
like, Oh, well, yeah. And I ended up telling her how I woke up from a nap on Christmas afternoon
and I was hardly even awake and I was instantly triggered. And I said to Nick, I feel like I'm
not good enough, like that you're mad at me. And like, it was just out of like, out of nowhere,
seemingly, and we ended up walking through this trigger. And it was basically the trigger from
exactly seven years prior when my husband had taken my Christmas gift and hidden it from me for
weeks in the attic. Cause I wasn't good enough. I didn't deserve it. You know, all these things,
I had the flu with my baby and he was forcing me to come to Christmas at the in-laws. And
it was just this, like, you're not doing enough. You don't clean the house enough. You're not this.
And then it just brought back that DNA, like what you're describing, realizing that I didn't even
know until recently there was such thing as ancestor generational trauma or curses or anything
like that. And so I just thought all this time that I'm just not good enough. Like, I'm just
not doing enough. I'm not good enough. And so it's like coming out that that's just been such a lie
that, you know, and it's like a relief to see it showing up in a way that's redemptive over and
over lately where it's like, okay, this is, this is on its way out. Like this is not, it's not coming
up because I'm being condemned. It's coming up as like a, whoa, like, where's this coming from?
Because that's not how anybody feels. And that's not how God feels about you. And I'm like, oh,
wow. I never even saw that. I had been condemning myself. I knew I was hard on myself, but I didn't
know how far back it went and how much I had chosen a belief system that said, I'm not doing
enough. I don't get it yet. If I just do more, people will love me more. If I just do more,
I'll reach the certain place, you know what I'm saying? And so it makes a lot of sense,
but yeah, that I don't, it's funny because now it's like, I'm doing it with the Lord's help and
like the partnership with him. And then it's like, it's just happening. And then I get to wake up to
that, that, that it's happening, that there's not more to go. And I don't have to feel more
condemnation. In fact, it's like opposite where it's like, oh, like, here's a gift. Like you
actually, like we overcharged you and here's some money back. Yeah. You already have it. You have
permission to step into it, into the fullness, into your identity, into, into, like I said,
I think I just already said into your wholeness, into being, being enough into being perfect into
having not ever sinned. Cause remember your spirit hasn't. And we really do have to believe
and choose that that's actually true. It can't be a, oh, wouldn't that be nice. If that won't
change our lives, we actually have to choose that that is a reality. And then, you know,
that you're perfect and there's nothing wrong with you and, you know, and, and you have,
and we have to choose that that is who we actually are, that what God said really is true,
that he's not a liar. And then we actually get permit. We have permission to step into it now.
In other words, you don't have to learn about it. You don't have to understand why it's true.
You don't have to make payment and restitution emotionally for not having believed it up until
now, or for having, you know, or have for having done the things that you've done and for, for
believing the law of restitution for the lies that you've already believed in telling God,
you're sorry, whatever. He's just like, I don't want, sorry. I want you to just,
to just step into it. That's what repentance is. It's not feeling really bad and making emotional
payment to God for having been making, let me do it this way for having made these choices.
God's just like, no, no, no. Repentance is stopping immediately. And now choosing this,
you don't have to fix this first to now be whole enough to step into this. You get permission to
step into it now by simply abandoning this, like there's no fixing it. There's no tying a bow on
it. There's no making sure it's okay. Abandon the dad gun thing and then turn and choose the Lord.
Now, when I say that, I don't mean like you don't need to heal and process things, whatever. I'm
just talking from a certain perspective, you know, just certain like.
broad brushstrokes, abandon who it is that you thought that you were, that you thought that I
wasn't, you know, that you're not good enough, that you haven't been working hard enough that
you haven't like done it right. That you haven't processed it enough that you haven't healed enough
to this point or whatever. I'm trying to think of like, well, what kind of things would you be
saying in your head, whatever it is, you know, or why did I get this way in the first place?
Why did I make the choices that I did? Why couldn't I get over it before now? I don't know,
whatever, you know, you just, you stop viewing yourself like that and choosing that that is you.
And you start choosing that you are someone that doesn't have this at all. And then how would this
person live? How would this person get up every morning? You have the right to do that. People
don't give us the right to do that. They require us to still live like this and for them to see
progress of shame and guilt to pay, to get the right to step away from it in their minds and
in their reputation and their idea of our reputation in their eyes. And God's like, no,
abandon it and step into this. We have a difficult time doing it because we don't believe, because
we're used to people not giving us that permission because they don't trust. They don't trust that
it's genuine, that it's real, that we really have changed. They need to see like guilt and shame
and feeling bad and making payment before we have the right to be seen as pure, as holy, as
trustworthy in their eyes. With God, it's the opposite. And for God, it's exactly the opposite.
He said, abandon it. Don't even try to, don't try to emotionally make payment for it to the Lord.
Don't consider it. Don't reconcile it. Nothing. He said, I just want you to abandon it because it's
a lie. You can't fix a lie. So just there's no, there's no doing for it. So you just like choose
this. So as I, as you were talking earlier, one of the things that kept coming to mind is one of the,
is just kind of like a reiteration of what we've talked about, where I encourage you to choose you.
So think about the fact that we all love to be chosen, especially as women. But women, I think,
just highlight the fact that in like, kind of like a, a more condensed version and more, like I said,
highlighted version that people just want to be chosen. Everybody just wants to be chosen. Even
men, you know, we all, you know, we all want to be chosen by the Lord. We want to be significant.
We want to be, we want someone to have a choice and for us to be the choice, you know? Yeah. And
so you choose you think about the fact that you've wanted to be chosen. You wanted to be chosen by
your parents. You wanted to be chosen by, you know, your ex-husband, you know, obviously you wanted to
be chosen by Nick, you know, you chose you and you wanted to be chosen by, I mean, like you want your,
your girls to choose you for you, not because they have to, well, she's my mom, you know,
it's what I was given and you want them to choose you. You want them to choose you for them. You
want your friends to choose you, you know, but no one has been able to choose you, just your
satisfaction. In other words, the satisfaction of what your soul longs for, you need to choose you.
You need to know I really am that significant. And I choose me. I don't feel that significant.
I don't believe that I am. It doesn't seem logical, but if God says that you're that valuable,
choose you as a being, choose you as a person, choose that, that is something that you, that you
are something God has entrusted you with. So take that, you know, be what you've always wanted
someone else to be for you. Don't abandon you choose you choose you as your highest priority.
And no, I'm not talking about anything like weird and like selfish and selfishness. I'm not talking
about that, but choose you and who, and, and this, and the significance that God has placed on you
and the pricelessness that you have, just like every other person has the pricelessness that you
have choose to be responsible to the Lord for that. Meaning like, you know, he's entrusted you
to be, to be for you, what you need. So don't abandon you to the environment. Like in other
words, the emotional environment of this world and your circumstances choose you protect you
like emotionally be a safe place for you.
And, and that all comes in like, in like seeing yourself as valuable and significant, even
by seeing, I don't mean like, it's going to make sense to you.
You know, I just mean you choose it with intentionality because God said, you're like, okay, then
this is my reality blindly where there is no evidence.
There is no support for this other than the fact that God said, choose it from that point.
That's when I, what I say, when I mean, that's what I mean when I say, see, I don't mean
that you actually like are seeing this and then it sounds logical to you.
I'm just saying, you know, you know, choose that you have that value and that significance
and then live the out that value and significance.
If you were that valuable and you were that significant, what decisions would you make?
Would you go to the grocery store right now?
If you did, what would you buy?
If you were that valuable and you were that significant and you choose that you are, in
other words, how would you live?
Would you go do dishes right now?
Or would you sit and watch Netflix or would you go make the bed?
I'm just making stuff up, you know, or would you, uh, I don't know, go phone, call a friend
or would you take a nap?
If you valued you not, Oh, you know, you feel sorry for you.
No, you have value.
You have significance.
You have weight.
You mean something.
You are the thing that God entrusted to you more than he entrusted your husband more than
he entrusted your children.
He entrusted you more with you than with anyone else.
So be for you, what you've always wanted someone else to be for you.
Um, and, uh, and then start living from that place.
That is a place of more freedom.
And the reason I got into all that is to give you kind of like a foundation from which to
be able to abandon this and choose this.
It's like, well, what are you choosing here?
You're choosing that you're choosing you, you're choosing to, you know, be entrusted
by God, you know, with yourself and, and, and choose that you're valuable and that you're
significant and et cetera.
Um, so anyway, that was just something that I was seeing and, uh, and then also one of
the reasons I was thinking of it is when you were talking about, um, the, what were you
talking about?
That was important.
Um, you were talking about the lawsuit, but, or, you know, in the hearing, um, and, um,
oh, okay.
It's coming back.
What was it?
It was something about you struggling, you struggling with something.
Oh man.
What was it?
Oh, that's what it was.
Okay.
So this is a really, really heavy, serious thing.
You've heard me say it many times to people, but I'm just saying it in your situation.
Okay.
Remember that the, the, um, the fastest way to get through something, remember we all,
we have to let go, right?
So what degree more could you let go in this situation?
You know, you're healing, uh, while you're going through this hearing and then all of
the stuff that's coming up with that, all the, all the, um, the, uh, law, the books
that are being thrown at you and whatever, um, uh, is, uh, trying to, sorry, think about
how to articulate this is you want to let go of, oh, that's what it was.
That's what it was.
This is how this all came to mind is you were talking about being, being, feeling like you
hadn't progressed enough that, oh, actually I haven't shifted to rest.
You know, I feel like I'm so close.
I feel like I'm there and whatever.
And I'm like, well, no, you, you are understanding it to particular degrees and you're implementing
it to the degrees that you understand it.
And you're like, yeah, but you would wanted the deeper stuff.
And so it's like, okay, what's the, what's the hindrance and what's the kind of like,
uh, the where's the resistance to that.
And one of the things I was, uh, that I was sensing was that you need to give up.
It ever happening.
So here's the thing.
I mean, and I mean, everything, I mean, the healing, I mean, lawsuit stuff, the stuff
with your, with your kids, whatever.
And by that, I don't mean it's not going to happen and that you're, you're giving up hope.
I don't mean that.
I mean, you emotionally let it go and stop whole emotionally holding God accountable
for it.
So just allowing it to be it and not always looking for the, uh, the, uh, the finish line.
That's another way to word it.
Stop looking for the, at the finish line for that.
So that what you're choosing instead is instead of always look, instead of choosing the finish
line as being the important thing in your life, choose you and what it is that you are
seeing and it choose, choose God is what you're doing, but you know, by extension, what he
says about you, you choose God and you choose your relationship with him and how every moment
of every day, what are God, who is God right now to me?
And how are we, how are we living this moment?
How are we sitting here watching Netflix?
How are we making a decision?
How are we doing the dishes?
It's just, it's just you and God and that being the highest priority and value and to
you in your life, not this end.
And for, and release is emotionally release the, the, the, uh, finish line where that's
not your highest priority anymore.
And this is because that will start releasing the resistance that is causing so much pain
and that I believe is possibly even slowing down the process.
And I, and I, because it, because again, I believe that there's an amount of resistance
there of like the finish line is more important than you and God.
And what my point is that the way that I saw it, the way that I, it came to mind is I thought
it's like, you're seeing the glasses half empty instead of half full.
And so is the glass half empty?
Yes.
But is that what you're going to focus on or are you going to focus on this?
And it's not, and it's more than just this, Oh, you need to have a positive mindset.
No, no, no, no.
This is what fixes it.
This is what, it's not the focusing on glasses half empty as being the thing that finally
fills the glass up.
You know that that's not going to work.
It's like, Oh, well you need to see the lack.
So we know that it's there.
So we know to fix it.
That will not help unless you do with it with a lot of sweat, a lot of striving, a lot of
tears and so somebody wants to live a life like that.
That's fine.
You can do it in rest.
So, so to do it in rest, if you focusing on you and the Lord that will help you move through
this time so that to get to the finish line, but you're now doing it through a different
perspective.
So either way you're on a journey to the finish line.
It's not like, Oh, well by emotionally releasing the finish line now, God's like, Oh, okay.
Well then I guess it doesn't matter to her so much anymore.
Okay.
I'm just going to let her have to deal with this forever.
No, no, no.
You're just emotionally releasing God from it.
You're like, no God, this is more important to me.
So while you're working on this Lord, you and I are, are I'm focusing on my priority
as being who you are and who I am.
And then I approach every action that I make, every decision that I make, every action that
I take, every decision that I make, you know what I do when I get up, you remember how
I talked about, like you get it up every day, you know, decide, okay, I am me.
And how do I offensively want to live my life?
How do I want to, what do I want to create?
What do I want to do?
Not what's going to happen to me or what's the potential and how do I need to be ready
to respond you offensively?
What do you want to do?
And if someone makes the demand of you, do you want to do that or not?
You get to decide.
And that's not selfish.
Cause that's the other thing that will come at me is like, well, if I get up and I just
want to do what I want to do, is it somehow selfish?
No, because remember what you're choosing is you're choosing who God says that you are
not self-protection.
You're choosing that you're safe with God and being safe with God.
What do you want to do?
Like you, people have it.
You will live more from a powerful, a powerful position.
You'll accomplish more.
You'll have more energy to do things.
You'll have more energy to do things in the house, do more and have more energy to have
a checklist and like check things off.
If you're living life because you want to live it because this is what I want to do.
Not because, Oh, well we're out of food.
So I have to go to the grocery store.
No, you don't.
You absolutely do not have to go to the grocery store, but you don't have food.
So if you don't have food, how do you want to live?
Well, I want food tonight.
So I want to go to the grocery store.
You see, you see how it's just kind of like, what do you want?
What kind of a life do you want to have?
As opposed to, well, why am I, why is my life like this?
No, no, no.
What, what, how, what kind of a life do you want to give yourself?
What kind of life do you want to have?
Like me, for instance, having order and cleanliness is very important to me.
So I do whatever I need to do in order to have those things, but I do it not because.
I feel like someone's breathing down my neck or whatever I do it because I'm like, this
is the life I want to do for myself.
This is the life I want to create.
This is the environment I want to create.
And um, and so whenever I feel pressured to do it, I don't do it because I'm like, uh,
not if I'm feeling pressure, like I have to, and then I switch it to know, what do I want
for me?
I want to clean kitchen.
So I'm going to get up, stop Netflix or whatever it is I'm doing.
And I'm going to go clean the kitchen.
Right?
Because I want my kitchen to be in order.
So I'm going to instruct the material.
Like I literally do this.
I start the material.
This is what I want from you.
This is what I expect from you.
And we're going to go into order because I rule my home.
So it's that kind of a thing.
So anyway, it's, my point is that if you remember, if you, if you approach life from the fact
that you are who God says that you are, you're not likely to go into self-protection mode,
which is selfish.
It's not selfish.
It it's self-protection mode is, uh, if you're in self-protection mode, then you have a tendency
to not you personally, but people, you know, have a tendency to, um, focus on what they
want that will make them feel better.
And it usually comes at the expense.
In other words, the payment of either yourself tomorrow.
Like if you don't do something today, you're going to have to do it tomorrow.
And it's going to be harder tomorrow than today.
So either it's going to require payment of you, or so you're always your own enemy, or
it's going to cost something for someone else because you're being selfish and doing it
for you.
And therefore someone else doesn't get something that you feel guilty that you should have
done.
That's out of self-protection mode, but if you're doing things from no, I I'm perfectly,
I'm perfectly safe.
You know, I am who God says that I am, you know, I'm, uh, he's, he's provider.
He's protector.
He's love.
I'm fully loved.
I'm fully accepted.
In other words, I have everything.
Netflix can't give me anything anymore resting all day or meaning like not doing anything
all day.
Can't give me anything.
So if I already have everything, what do I want to do?
Do I want to rest all day?
Meaning like, uh, not to confuse the words rest, but do I want to, do I want to watch
Netflix?
Do I want to do the dishes?
Do I want to do a few projects for a while and then go read a book for the next five
hours?
When I have significance and I don't need anything, how do I want to, what kind of a
life do I want to create?
It's that kind of thing.
Is that, is that making sense?
But it all has to come from you choosing that God really is who he says that he is.
He's love.
He's protector.
He's provider.
He is creating your, your outcome.
He is creating what happens in your life and that you are who he says that you are.
You really have never sinned.
You really haven't had the effects, the negative effects of all those bad things that have
happened to you.
Any bad decisions that maybe you've made anything that happened to your parents, anything, I
don't know, just whatever.
You really aren't that person.
Your soul and your body have dealt with trauma from having gone through it, but you aren't
there and you don't have to live according to your souls and your body's past experience.
Their past experience can be overcome by choosing who your identity and your spirit, your identity
and your spirit can overcome the past experience that your soul and your body are living.
So you have the permission to choose you anyway.
Wow.
Yeah.
Is any of that helpful?
All in trust me every I'm like, wow.
Like I don't, the less that I say or respond or react or whatever, the more than I'm just
like taking it in because it's so different.
It's so it's just so different that in a great way, but that I'm like, I'm really in order
to truly, really listen to you to something that's totally foreign and new to me.
I'm like, I I'm like listening intently, but I'm not really responding.
No, no, no.
You're fine.
I just wanted to make sure.
Yeah.
It's amazing.
Yes.
It's, it's like, it's something that I like, I've got to like chew on and that I want to
enough times that it can, you know, become, I mean, obviously I'm going to, I'm going
to act on it too, but like probably something that I'm going to have to replay.
Yeah.
And just, you know, just be encouraged by it and everything.
and just know eventually you have permission to live that you have permission to be that.
Now you don't have to earn it. When you heal, you're not waiting to heal before you can live
that. That's what's so wild is that Ashley, I, when I heard from the Lord, uh, it was September
8th when I had these encounters with, like, he was just speaking like nonstop about freedom and
liberation and every, everywhere I turn and everybody that I, you know, talked to, and it
was just like, the Lord was just on this mission that day. And by the end of the day, he was like,
you're not, you're no longer living, living your liberty. He said, he said, you are free. He said,
you, and then she said, you know, what can you now do in light of this new truth? And he said,
you can live like you're three free. You can think like you're free. You are free. Like he,
like those were his words on my vision board, but it's like, that's, that's like what it most
reminds me of where it's like, okay, it's, it's here now, which I totally thought before that,
that I had to get free, you know? Uh, but even since then, it's been like, what is what? Like,
I can live like I can think, you know, like it's like a riddle or something, but it makes a lot
of sense the way you described it. It's like, it's, it's, it's giving that what he spoke over
me and in terms of freedom, it's giving that, you know, a voice and more detail in terms of
how I can live that out. Like he's saying, I can, you know? Yeah. I have a, another call.
I need to jump on, but before I do, I just wanted to tell you that. And so I'm sorry that we have
to leave so abruptly. I was trying to give us as much time as possible. So I like brought up
to the water. Yeah. Okay. Good. Bring us up to the wire. But, um, but the other thing is that,
oh man, what was it? I was going to say it was about, um, you're talking about, uh, the,
the, the wording of it. Oh man. What was it? Um, like you're free. Yeah, it was.
Oh, it's coming back. Yeah. About, um, freedom, you know, being able to live that freedom.
Um, but, oh man, I thought it would be helpful. Okay. Oh, well, Lord, tell her,
whatever that was. Um, so I'm sorry, man, I, I, I wanted to kind of like jump in there really fast
and say, okay, before I have to go, I want to tell you this. Cause I think it'd be helpful.
It was just basically to re art, rephrase something, um, that I thought might help like
drive, uh, drive a point home. Oh, that's what it was. Okay. Remember you were already,
Lord, you remember you already are the thing. So this whole thing of like, well, wait a minute.
You know, I, I, I can live like I'm free. Well, how do I do that? Remember what that is,
is that as God saying, you already are the thing. Now allow me to father you into something that
you've never experienced and you don't know how to live. You're there, but how do you live there?
Think of it kind of like a culture. God says, you're already in this kingdom. You were already
in this land and you're like, okay, yeah, but I don't understand. And you have all the benefits.
Okay. But what are those? And what does that mean? And so, Hey, Liberty, you have all of this food
then Lord, this is great. This looks wonderful, but I don't know how to eat it.
What, what, what, how do, how do I actually, how do I engage with it? I'm really Lord.
And so that's what the Lord fathers is into. So you agree with him that you're there,
that you have it. What you allow him to work with you on is. Okay. God coming into agreement with
you that I already have it, that I'm already there. Um, how would you father me into showing
me how to engage with it? How do I do that? But I agree that I already have it. I don't know.
I don't believe that I'm not there and then I have to earn it and that, you know, oh, well,
I have to shift into it. No, you don't have to shift into it. The only reason I talk about
shifting into rest is because that makes sense to people because they think they're not there.
And I'm just trying to help them understand so that they can overcome like their, their mental
that we're already there. The thing is like, we just asked the father, okay, Lord, in agreement
with you, that I'm already there. Father me into how do I, how do I engage with it? What is this
thing? And what do I, what can it do? And how do I make it do that? And then what do I do with it?
Like, how do I like move into creation with it? Do I, I don't hold a cup with it. And then if I
hold a cup with it, what do I do with that? Well, then you drink it. Well, what does that mean? You
know, it's, you just, you come into agreement first that you have it. Then that whole gap that
you're feeling, you come into agreement with the Lord that he's just showing you how to engage with
something that you have, as opposed to approaching it from a, I don't know how to engage with it.
Cause I don't have it yet. And I'm waiting for God to trickle it down. No, you have it completely.
And you're just learning how to engage with it. How do you.
live in freedom. You already have it. How do you live it? As opposed to Lord, how do I shift into
freedom? No, Lord, I have it. How do I, how do I exist here? What do I do anyway? And I'm going
to be like, so anyway, no liberty. And I'll get this uploaded as soon as I can trying to get over
technical issues for uploading, but try to get it up as soon as I can. Yeah. Perfect. No worries.
Thank you so much. Love you. Love you too. Bye.