WEBVTT

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I'm going to turn it over to Ashley.

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I can see you but I can't see you.

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It shows that you should be showing because it doesn't show your profile picture, but it's black, which is weird.

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Maybe the cameras covered.

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Um, no, I don't know. Let me see if I can figure this out.

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Because it's acting like it's showing your video, but the screen's black.

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See,

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security, let me see if I

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second.

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Camera.

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Let me go back here.

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Um,

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I can do it on my phone.

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Let me see.

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All of a sudden,

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the sun is right at that spot. So let me

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get this over.

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Give myself some shade.

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Okay.

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Yes. Here, how about I'll try doing it on my phone. Okay.

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All right.

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Let me see if I can do that. Um,

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because I don't know what's wrong with this camera.

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I'm on a Google Chrome.

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And I uploaded the app.

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Okay.

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I did that and it says, and I don't know why it's doing this.

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This did this to me the last time I did a zoom and I thought it was

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just because I didn't have the app.

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And it has permission to view your camera or whatever.

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Yeah.

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Yeah. So I tried this. No, it's not. Okay.

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All right. So let me try this again. Hold on.

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Sure.

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Okay.

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Let me see this.

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Okay.

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Okay. And let me see why that this is not.

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I don't, I don't do zoom that often. So I apologize.

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Yes, I can. Are you on your phone?

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Oh, says you're muted.

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Okay.

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Let me figure out how to do.

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Okay.

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So it says you're muted again.

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So if you touch the screen of your phone, you know,

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the menu will pop up at the bottom.

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Do the click the microphone to unmute yourself and then click the

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video to show the video.

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I mean, unless of course.

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It doesn't have permission to.

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Your camera.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Hey.

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All right. Hey.

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You look, you and your daughter look so much alike.

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Yeah, I look a lot younger without makeup on.

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I don't know why I can't really hear that much.

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Oh, and.

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Are you hearing a lot of background from the cicadas?

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No, it's just the volume sounds very low.

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Okay.

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I think it's going through my.

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Got it.

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I got it.

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Oh, how are you?

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I'm doing okay.

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Yeah.

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I'm doing okay.

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How are you doing?

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I'm doing good.

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I'm doing good.

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Ed and I are doing good.

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We're and, uh, it, you know, it gives us a whole different, our whole relationship,

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you know, at least as far as like dating engagement, marriage was just

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at morningstar in the building.

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So it's very, very different somewhere else.

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Yeah.

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My point is that it was just like, we only, we had developed a relationship

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within a specific environment.

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And now that we're out of that environment, it's just, it's like, uh, getting to

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know different aspects of someone.

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And so we're enjoying it.

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It's special.

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And I mean, we enjoyed what we had there as well, but my point is just

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still, it was all the same thing.

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And so this is just totally different.

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Um, so yeah, we're enjoying it.

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We're back here in on, um, back here, my hometown, um, at least where I

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moved after I graduated from college.

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And, um, so yeah, we're, but we're laying low.

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We're just, we're just, um, quite honestly, we're, and I'm sure that

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Ed's explained some of this to Caleb.

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We're, we're just kind of spending a time and season of healing various

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things and from a variety of things.

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And, um, and, and it's been going really well.

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The Lord has really gifted us with this time in the season.

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So we're very grateful for that.

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And, uh, we've just pulled away from basically all social activity.

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Um, except my best friends that he now works for that we've rented

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an apartment from, and then my family.

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And that's the extent of our social life.

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So really it's just focused on the two of us and on healing and anything

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God wants to teach us these days.

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And I'm taking it like a sabbatical for ministry as well as he is.

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And, um, so it's just, I don't know, we're, we're enjoying

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this time for what it is and we're looking forward to go.

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And, um, so, but yeah, but thanks for asking.

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So we're doing good.

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Yeah.

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So, um, so I guess, so probably one of the main reasons why I reached out is, um,

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I feel like I get myself, um, so anxious with work.

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And so I noticed that particularly over the last week and so much so that, um,

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I get my, I don't know, I don't know how to stop.

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I think that's what it is.

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I get like, so for example, I'm listing a home and, um, I'm not

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I'm picking everything apart over analyzing.

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I get so invested with the people that I'm helping.

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I want them to have the best there possibly is the best offer, the best scenario.

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And when, you know, then I beat myself up saying like, Oh no, I, what

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if I, what if I didn't do good enough?

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What if, and maybe they're, they're happy, but I'm still, I can't not

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being able to come to peace with it.

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Like, uh, recently we had, uh, I listed a home, there was multiple

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offers and then I, it's like, I just couldn't stop.

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I couldn't be joyful that that happened because I was so worried that maybe what

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if I should have let the listing go longer?

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What if I should have allowed more tours?

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What if they could have gotten something more?

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We, um, I advise them to do a different offer and what if really they should

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have taken that one and then I caused them to not get as much money.

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Does that make sense?

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So, and then it's like the sickening feeling inside of my guts, like of

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anxiety, uh, like, like then I'm feeling condemnation, like I'm a bad person.

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And I've just noticed that with, um, like, I think it's because I just

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want for people to succeed so much.

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And I just take all this on.

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I've had to say, Angela, you're not the savior.

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Um, and I just, I just don't want it to rob my joy.

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I think it's just like, like I'm trying to, like, I enjoy what I do and I want to

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help my, um, I want to help out financially in our home because it does help.

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Um, but it's just, um, I don't want to be somebody that I'm always anxious.

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And then I have other personal things besides work, probably from past trauma

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that, that I feel like, you know, I, I don't feel like I'm living in rest.

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Let me just say that.

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Yeah.

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And so, um, it was like this week, I never really pray like this.

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And I just said to the Lord, I was like, you know, I just want to live in a place

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of rest and I'm just sitting there thinking, I don't know how to do that.

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Um, I just don't know how.

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And so, um, because, and then at the same time, you know, I know that I've seen

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some people that just.

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you know, it's like, then I get worried, like, Oh my gosh, what if I stay in a place to rest?

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Am I going to lose my slight edge where I'm not like giving people five star service? You know,

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that kind of a thing. Um, so, but I just, I just feel like over the last past week,

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I just like, maybe I came under some spiritual warfare, some attack at a situation where

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we had put in an offer deadline. And then this guy comes in and weasels his way in to get another

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showing. And it was like, Caleb heard him on the phone. He's like, this is very manipulative.

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And I, and I felt in, you know, I think maybe that could have been an attack from the enemy

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because then it was like, when that came in, that's when I noticed this straight up anxiety,

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like second guessing all of that. Um, so anyways, I, I was talking to Caleb yesterday and I hadn't

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even, I wasn't thinking of you. And then as I'm talking and I'm saying, Caleb, I just really want

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to get to a place where I'm just living in rest. I don't want to be so heavy. Like it's a heavy

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feeling that I've been feeling heavy. And, um, I kind of came a little bit, I've it's lightened up

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after I talked to my mom the other day and I was just like trying to make my mom was like, I

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believe this was spiritual warfare. I believe you made the right decision. You didn't do anything

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wrong, but it's like this feeling of, I did something wrong and I didn't do anything wrong.

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And so, and I know that it's so after I talked to her about it being spiritual warfare, I started

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feeling better. Um, but then I'm trying to then daily I'm, I'm still at a point where I'm like

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feeling this, uh, nauseous feelings, uh, of anxiety. And I've dealt with this for a long time,

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not just in this area, but I've dealt with it. And, you know, I think some of it happened

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through some past trauma. Um, just, uh, even like driving my car, sometimes I can just feel

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super anxious. So I, something happened in years ago and, um, I have thought to have that feeling

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of just peace for a long time. And I just don't know how to do it. Um, no, I would say not every

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moment. Do I feel anxious? There's a lot of times I really feel nothing. And I know that some sessions

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that is peace. You know what I mean? I don't think, I don't guess it's just certain situations

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trigger. Does that make sense? So it's not like I'm just sitting majority of the time, not, not

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until the recent event or work. And that was also something, something happened last year that was

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absolutely terrible with work and that could happen the same time. And so I think that also

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triggered something as well as something traumatic. And so, so just anyhow, um, that's kind of why I

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reached out. Um, it was like, as I'm selling Caleb, I just want to live in rest. I don't want

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to always be anxious. I hate this feeling. I don't want to always be second guessing myself. Like,

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did I do something wrong? Could I have done this better? It's like these rehashing thoughts. And,

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um, and as I'm saying that, I just, all of a sudden I like hear your name. I just said, Oh,

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Ashley. And then that's where I reached out. So well, is there before I dive in, is there anything

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else that you want to tell me anything else? I mean, for one thing, I really commend you for

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jumping right in and just being vulnerable and just saying, this is literally how I'm feeling.

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This is literally the experience that I'm having from these triggers or from these, you know,

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from these past traumas or whatever, because then that allow, because what that's doing

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is you're presenting yourself vulnerability, vulnerably before the Lord for him to actually

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be able to do something as opposed to simply being transparent and being honest and like, Hey,

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this is, this is what's going on. I'm just being honest about it. Very different from vulnerability

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because God can only work with vulnerability because vulnerability is, is actually giving

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is at starting to actually give it to him, presenting it to him. So that's great. But

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is there, you know, I always like to make sure that people, you know, tell me everything it is

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that's like coming up that they feel like, Oh, I feel that this is important. Yeah.

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Um, I feel like I noticed a difference, um, years ago. I, and I think this is why that I,

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this is where that I noticed such a change was back in, um, Let's see. It was around

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2014 ish around that time. I used to work at the Ballantyne resort and I was a manager

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and I was in front of a large group of people presenting an award. And I was standing right

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next to the guy who founded Ballantyne and developed a Ballantyne. And, uh, we were at,

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it was a big crowd of all the managers at the hotel and all this kind of stuff. So it's kind

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of like a big thing. And I'm pregnant, 25 weeks pregnant, and I just was winging it. I didn't

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have any notes and I was supposed to.

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who one of my friends was another manager and she was supposed, she was out of town.

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And so she asked me to get up there and present her, her associates.

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And I was presenting mine.

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It's called, it's like this, an award and I'm up there.

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And all of a sudden I can't remember what to say.

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And I'm about to freak, I eat the panic.

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And so I grabbed somebody's arm and it's like this thing of like, I

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don't know what else to say next.

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And it was like, like a freeze, a brain freeze type thing.

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And, um, I thought I was, I didn't know what's going to happen to me.

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I didn't know if it's going to pass out.

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And so I felt straight up out of control and it freaked me out.

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And after that, I started worrying about things.

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I started thinking, so then, uh, so then I, I, I grabbed the guy's arm next to me

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and I say, oh my gosh, I thought it was going to pass out.

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And then it was kind of like, I snap out of it.

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I'm able to finish.

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I said, I think maybe something's wrong with my blood pressure and

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then I'm able to finish everything.

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But after that happened, I, it was like some, a sense of, I felt out of control.

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I just felt like I did not feel in control in that situation.

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And so it carried over into some other issues, some other ways.

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And I remember one day I was some of the same people that were in that room.

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I was at a traffic light and here comes the enemy comes in and says,

230
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what if you do the same thing?

231
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What if you can't remember what to do next?

232
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And then I just started making me feel nervous every time I

233
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would go to a traffic light.

234
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What if you just freeze?

235
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So it's like things like that, like never did I have an issue before

236
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and never felt nervous about driving.

237
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I mean, it's not like I would send people love driving.

238
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I, it was always fine to me, but I never felt like a panic like that.

239
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Does it, you know what I'm saying?

240
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Or that like, I'm approaching a traffic light and I'm like feeling like anxiety,

241
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you know, and I guess it was like similar to like public speaking anxiety.

242
00:17:11.300 --> 00:17:11.800
Yeah.

243
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Like, are you going to be okay?

244
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And I'm like trying to do like breathing exercises.

245
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And so, so that's when I remember that happened.

246
00:17:20.020 --> 00:17:24.619
Another thing that happened in 2016, I miscarried two times.

247
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I felt totally out of control the second time.

248
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And I literally, I was, we saw a heartbeat.

249
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Uh, I had no, it was just one of those things.

250
00:17:36.740 --> 00:17:39.100
I had no idea that this was going to happen.

251
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I did, I was spotting a little bit because the ultrasound was good.

252
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Everybody's like, oh, you're probably fine.

253
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You're probably just in fear.

254
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And then it was about, I was about 13 weeks pregnant.

255
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Here I am.

256
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I have contractions.

257
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The baby is aborted by the, by my body.

258
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Not that I had an abortion, but it was like, I think that's what they call it.

259
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It's like, you just, the baby just comes out.

260
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And so, uh, so I bled so much.

261
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I had to get a blood transfusion.

262
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It was just traumatic.

263
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So at that point I dealt with a lot of shame.

264
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I dealt with a lot of, I felt so anxious.

265
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I was on a mission to find out what in the world is wrong with me.

266
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Because I felt it was crazy.

267
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I felt a lot of shame from it.

268
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So, um, so I started diving into things.

269
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I went and, you know, I was on a hunt, you know, like I will never, I never

270
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want to experience this in my life because I felt out of control.

271
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And so, cause it was like, I felt like I had no control.

272
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Uh, it just happened.

273
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I was doing nothing wrong and it just happened.

274
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And so, uh, and then something without going into a lot of details, something

275
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happened between Caleb and I and our marriage and I felt out of control.

276
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And all of this happened around the same time.

277
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And so I, at that point I started dealing with a lot of anxiety.

278
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Um, and then I, I mean, I literally did, it was, I felt like a different person.

279
00:18:58.540 --> 00:19:02.180
Um, I could have, I could have been going through some postpartum depression.

280
00:19:02.220 --> 00:19:04.460
I could have, some of that could have been a part of it.

281
00:19:04.940 --> 00:19:07.580
Um, I went and had my thyroid checked.

282
00:19:07.620 --> 00:19:10.060
They told me that like I was high normal.

283
00:19:10.500 --> 00:19:12.380
And if I wanted to get pregnant, they would recommend

284
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me being on thyroid medication.

285
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So I got on the medication and then I got so terrified to be on a medication.

286
00:19:17.500 --> 00:19:20.620
So I was on it, got off of it, got on and got off of it.

287
00:19:21.340 --> 00:19:23.340
And my body felt really weird after that.

288
00:19:23.340 --> 00:19:27.580
So I just remember during that timeframe, I did not feel like Angela.

289
00:19:27.980 --> 00:19:29.540
Angela liked to go shopping.

290
00:19:29.540 --> 00:19:30.980
I like to be around people.

291
00:19:31.580 --> 00:19:34.140
I was so afraid to even leave my house for some time.

292
00:19:34.140 --> 00:19:38.820
So I went that I have come leaps and bounds from then, but I'm just

293
00:19:38.820 --> 00:19:41.220
saying there's still some residue.

294
00:19:41.340 --> 00:19:42.140
Does that make sense?

295
00:19:43.220 --> 00:19:48.140
Um, I, I mean, I have come leaps and bounds, but I'm saying

296
00:19:48.140 --> 00:19:50.020
they're like, I'm not the same person.

297
00:19:50.020 --> 00:19:51.820
The Lord did a lot of good things.

298
00:19:51.860 --> 00:19:55.020
I, you know, I had a rape, had the rainbow baby with Mia.

299
00:19:55.580 --> 00:19:59.900
You know, I, there's just, so, and then I had another baby and then I.

300
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:03.340
I am on thyroid medication, uh, right now.

301
00:20:03.400 --> 00:20:07.480
And, uh, but I still do, I still deal with some anxiety.

302
00:20:07.880 --> 00:20:09.720
Um, it's not to that level.

303
00:20:09.720 --> 00:20:13.240
I I'm able to do normal things, but I still, when I get in my car,

304
00:20:13.240 --> 00:20:15.060
sometimes I do still feel anxious.

305
00:20:15.440 --> 00:20:20.240
It's, uh, I'm not allowing it to stop me from doing anything, but, but I still do.

306
00:20:20.240 --> 00:20:25.320
And so, um, last summer, the most recent I had the most terrible thing

307
00:20:25.320 --> 00:20:31.440
happened with, uh, friends that I had known for years ago, the market, uh,

308
00:20:32.080 --> 00:20:36.800
the market had a reset, their home set on the market and never, it didn't, they

309
00:20:36.800 --> 00:20:38.760
just took it off because they were scared.

310
00:20:38.760 --> 00:20:41.840
I felt a loads of pressure from, from her husband.

311
00:20:41.880 --> 00:20:43.480
He was pretty mean to me.

312
00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:46.040
Um, I felt terrible.

313
00:20:46.040 --> 00:20:49.100
I felt like there, I felt like there was something wrong in the

314
00:20:49.100 --> 00:20:50.760
whole situation with the home.

315
00:20:50.760 --> 00:20:53.960
And I felt like somebody had told me some information.

316
00:20:54.000 --> 00:20:56.200
And so it just all crashed.

317
00:20:56.240 --> 00:20:57.120
All of it did.

318
00:20:57.120 --> 00:21:01.080
I lost, I would have made a lot of money and I just, I couldn't get past it.

319
00:21:01.080 --> 00:21:02.720
I felt zero peace the whole time.

320
00:21:03.320 --> 00:21:07.760
Uh, so, um, so I think this happened the same time last year.

321
00:21:07.760 --> 00:21:12.920
So I think probably this, uh, the timing and all this is why that I'm kind of

322
00:21:12.920 --> 00:21:16.360
dealing with some of these kind of like dealing, cause I kind of took a break

323
00:21:16.360 --> 00:21:19.640
after all that, after that happened last year, I almost just quit.

324
00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:26.240
So, um, so, uh, there was just, there was so much, uh, there was just so much.

325
00:21:26.280 --> 00:21:29.720
I felt so conflicted, you know, I don't know.

326
00:21:29.720 --> 00:21:34.120
And I, and I do think I, I think I can pick up on things and, and, and I, and I,

327
00:21:34.160 --> 00:21:39.240
maybe I just don't know how to, how to discern, you know, like some, like, I

328
00:21:39.240 --> 00:21:42.280
think maybe if I feel like there's something that's not right, and maybe

329
00:21:42.280 --> 00:21:44.320
that's what it was, maybe it just wasn't right.

330
00:21:44.480 --> 00:21:50.200
Um, or maybe I just was so concerned for them, but I could, I felt zero peace for

331
00:21:50.200 --> 00:21:51.760
a month, I just wasn't even eating.

332
00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:57.400
Uh, so anyways, anyways, all of that went, all that went, they ended up deciding

333
00:21:57.400 --> 00:22:00.680
that they weren't going to buy that house because their house didn't sell.

334
00:22:00.680 --> 00:22:04.640
And so then I felt guilty and they lost money on their earnest, a lot of money

335
00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:07.800
on their earnest money deposit, but that was their choice.

336
00:22:08.280 --> 00:22:12.680
So, um, long story short, that was a long time ago.

337
00:22:12.680 --> 00:22:15.200
Those last year, I think that was a trigger.

338
00:22:15.720 --> 00:22:17.680
This, this new listing is a trigger.

339
00:22:17.680 --> 00:22:21.200
Cause I'm friends with these people, totally different scenario,

340
00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:23.120
this totally different scenario.

341
00:22:23.320 --> 00:22:24.840
They are not unhappy with me.

342
00:22:24.840 --> 00:22:25.720
They're happy.

343
00:22:26.040 --> 00:22:31.160
But I think I just, that heaviness, I felt that heaviness this past week,

344
00:22:31.800 --> 00:22:34.840
feeling conflicted about them, about their decisions.

345
00:22:35.160 --> 00:22:37.200
So anyways, I hope that all this helps.

346
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:38.800
I've told you a million things.

347
00:22:38.920 --> 00:22:43.200
Um, but that's where that I'm at.

348
00:22:43.240 --> 00:22:47.040
I, I just, I don't, I don't want to get in my car every day and be like,

349
00:22:47.080 --> 00:22:49.160
remember being triggered by things.

350
00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:55.760
And I also don't, um, I also don't want to like lose joy and not be present

351
00:22:55.760 --> 00:22:59.360
with my family because I'm so worried about my job and it's not that

352
00:22:59.360 --> 00:23:01.040
anybody is really putting that on me.

353
00:23:01.040 --> 00:23:04.800
I think I just put it on myself cause I want, I want to do such a good job.

354
00:23:05.320 --> 00:23:12.280
So, um, I think I get so involved with people that, um, cause, um, uh,

355
00:23:12.280 --> 00:23:16.200
real estate is so emotional because it's like somebody's dream to own a house.

356
00:23:16.240 --> 00:23:18.320
And so, and this is their personal money.

357
00:23:18.320 --> 00:23:22.760
It's not a corporation you're talking about mom and dad that have been saving up.

358
00:23:22.840 --> 00:23:28.960
And so I just feel so heavy to like, make sure that they get the best they can.

359
00:23:29.480 --> 00:23:31.720
So I don't want to, I don't want to live like that.

360
00:23:31.920 --> 00:23:38.280
Um, because we'll live in that kind of, uh, constant heavy feeling.

361
00:23:38.560 --> 00:23:43.000
So, um, so that's why my prayer recently was how do I rest?

362
00:23:43.080 --> 00:23:44.160
I don't know how to rest.

363
00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:46.520
I read the scriptures about his yoke is easy.

364
00:23:46.520 --> 00:23:47.680
It's burned as light.

365
00:23:48.080 --> 00:23:49.280
I say the scripture.

366
00:23:49.280 --> 00:23:50.480
Do I feel that way?

367
00:23:50.960 --> 00:23:51.560
No.

368
00:23:52.440 --> 00:23:54.160
I'm like, okay, God, I'm giving this to you.

369
00:23:54.200 --> 00:23:55.280
Do I still feel heavy?

370
00:23:55.320 --> 00:23:55.840
Yeah.

371
00:23:56.520 --> 00:24:01.520
Um, so sometimes for me, it's like, I felt the least heavy when maybe

372
00:24:01.520 --> 00:24:04.520
I've talked to like my mom and just kind of told her the story.

373
00:24:04.520 --> 00:24:07.680
And maybe she said like, there's nothing wrong with you.

374
00:24:07.680 --> 00:24:08.320
You're okay.

375
00:24:08.320 --> 00:24:09.400
You didn't do anything wrong.

376
00:24:09.400 --> 00:24:12.800
Maybe I'm just feeling like I need that reassurance that I'm okay.

377
00:24:13.400 --> 00:24:14.040
I don't know.

378
00:24:14.480 --> 00:24:14.800
Yeah.

379
00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:16.160
Anyways, I'll stop talking.

380
00:24:17.480 --> 00:24:19.120
No, all of that's really helpful.

381
00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:21.120
And I don't know why my computer.

382
00:24:21.680 --> 00:24:22.600
Oh, come on.

383
00:24:23.160 --> 00:24:23.680
Something.

384
00:24:25.040 --> 00:24:25.640
There we go.

385
00:24:26.040 --> 00:24:26.640
Now I can see that.

386
00:24:26.640 --> 00:24:27.140
Okay.

387
00:24:27.380 --> 00:24:32.780
Um, uh, by the way, I do have to, um, in six minutes, I have to go take the

388
00:24:32.780 --> 00:24:36.660
medication I have to take every hour on the hour, so I'm sorry that I'll have

389
00:24:36.660 --> 00:24:40.500
to interrupt and be gone for like 90 seconds or 90 seconds.

390
00:24:40.860 --> 00:24:44.380
Um, but, um, uh, but no, all of that's very helpful.

391
00:24:44.380 --> 00:24:48.980
So the thing is that what you're talking about is just very, I don't know.

392
00:24:48.980 --> 00:24:58.780
It's very, um, uh, classic normal, um, state that most of us Christians are in.

393
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:13.000
Especially in this generation, but really it's been going on, you know, for obviously thousands of years. And that's that feeling that that belief that, you know, it's just like Adam and Eve struggled with that.

394
00:25:13.000 --> 00:25:16.000
We're responsible for the outcome.

395
00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:33.000
We're really not, and we and we can say that, but we look at scripture and we think that scripture is saying the opposite. We think that scripture is holding us that that it's saying that God is holding us accountable for everything that we're that we're

396
00:25:33.000 --> 00:25:45.000
accountable for how things, how things work out, because if they don't work out well then you know I told you so I told you how to handle this right I told you the things to do in order to get the results, etc.

397
00:25:45.000 --> 00:26:02.000
And so we think by what we interpret scripture in such a way that we think that God is holding us accountable for the outcome and that creates anxiety, because that is, it's basically self sabotaging it's turning in on ourselves and thinking that anything

398
00:26:02.000 --> 00:26:04.000
could go that.

399
00:26:04.000 --> 00:26:14.000
How do I put that, that if something goes wrong.

400
00:26:14.000 --> 00:26:22.000
Either you froze.

401
00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:41.000
Ashley.

402
00:26:41.000 --> 00:26:54.000
Okay.

403
00:26:54.000 --> 00:26:56.000
Hey, I don't know.

404
00:26:56.000 --> 00:27:00.000
Hey, I don't know what happened that you're you froze up.

405
00:27:01.000 --> 00:27:14.000
Second, let me.

406
00:27:14.000 --> 00:27:17.000
I can see you now.

407
00:27:17.000 --> 00:27:19.000
Okay.

408
00:27:19.000 --> 00:27:20.000
Yeah.

409
00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:28.000
All right, so I'm going to.

410
00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:36.000
It looks like maybe something's wrong, my Wi Fi or that it's really low and so I'm switching to my phone so I can use cellular.

411
00:27:36.000 --> 00:27:38.000
Okay, sounds good.

412
00:27:38.000 --> 00:27:41.000
Can you hear me okay. Yeah, I can. Okay.

413
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:44.000
Turn that back. Okay.

414
00:27:44.000 --> 00:27:56.000
So, and then there was something else I was gonna say oh yeah the whole discernment thing I think that you really hit the nail on the head because you said you know you don't know if maybe you are not.

415
00:27:57.000 --> 00:28:12.000
If you're taking this something that God is just gifting you to discern, and you're actually turning it in on yourself. You're thinking, Oh, there's something wrong, I'm the thing that's wrong God is trying to direct me different or whatever.

416
00:28:12.000 --> 00:28:33.000
And that honestly comes from, from a foundation, basically, or a, you know, years old, like it's been like from our childhood belief system that we're responsible for everything we're responsible for ourselves we're responsible for everyone else

417
00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:42.000
around us we're responsible what happens to them responsible what happens to us if we're anywhere near it. We're responsible.

418
00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:51.000
Yeah, and it sounds horrid. I mean it sounds it sounds. It sounds like idiotic, and yet that is really what we believe and how do we know that because that's what we do.

419
00:28:51.000 --> 00:29:05.000
We act on it. And so we all know different, but we can say all we want that we know something, and that or that we believe something but if we're not acting like it but it means we don't really believe it.

420
00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:08.000
It means that we just know we should.

421
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:13.000
Yeah, so, because we always act on what we believe no exception.

422
00:29:14.000 --> 00:29:28.000
Like zero exception, we always act on what we believe. So that's, that's one of the things, sorry I'm having some technical difficulties I had tried to get this, oh maybe I could maybe I could set it up like this.

423
00:29:28.000 --> 00:29:32.000
Let's see if this will work.

424
00:29:32.000 --> 00:29:37.000
Setting it up on my computer see if I can use my computer as a stand. Okay.

425
00:29:37.000 --> 00:29:39.000
Works great.

426
00:29:39.000 --> 00:29:42.000
This next time I have some issues.

427
00:29:42.000 --> 00:29:44.000
And that.

428
00:29:44.000 --> 00:29:59.000
Anyway, so before I go on to any of that makes sense I feel like I'm kind of like diving into the deep end here, but we only have you know so much time so I wanted to make sure to kind of like lace and like general groundwork before I start giving you like some things

429
00:29:59.000 --> 00:30:00.000
that you can actually.

430
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:04.880
stuff in, but normally what I do is there's a, in order to get,

431
00:30:05.000 --> 00:30:07.600
like, for instance, in my program, which is honestly the

432
00:30:07.600 --> 00:30:11.760
most effective thing, um, because is because it immerses

433
00:30:11.760 --> 00:30:18.160
people in like a, a, uh, an environment like with, with me

434
00:30:18.160 --> 00:30:21.480
and with this other community in which this foundation is being

435
00:30:21.480 --> 00:30:26.040
laid so that they own the new belief for themselves. They were

436
00:30:26.040 --> 00:30:30.520
like, Oh no, my God really is like that to me. This is what he

437
00:30:30.520 --> 00:30:34.280
says, or this is what he does or whatever, as opposed to, Oh,

438
00:30:34.280 --> 00:30:38.280
that's something I heard. I like it. It sounded logical. I can see

439
00:30:38.280 --> 00:30:41.640
that now in the Bible. I should shift my belief. That's a lot of

440
00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:44.520
work and it doesn't work quite honestly. And how do we know

441
00:30:44.520 --> 00:30:47.880
that? Because we've been to church and Bible studies and,

442
00:30:48.000 --> 00:30:51.880
you know, conferences our whole lives, and we haven't changed

443
00:30:51.880 --> 00:30:55.120
and transformed to the degree that we should for the amount of

444
00:30:55.120 --> 00:30:59.320
information we've been exposed to. So that learning doesn't,

445
00:30:59.320 --> 00:31:03.440
doesn't do it because we're simply knowing something, but

446
00:31:03.440 --> 00:31:08.280
we're not getting to, to, we're, we're not, we, it actually, in

447
00:31:08.280 --> 00:31:12.680
order for it to be faith requires not an action, what

448
00:31:12.680 --> 00:31:16.880
would I put that? It requires our participation. We actually

449
00:31:16.880 --> 00:31:21.200
have to choose that it's true. Um, in order for something to be

450
00:31:21.360 --> 00:31:25.600
like, in other words, it's an actual act of our will in order

451
00:31:25.600 --> 00:31:28.760
for something to be faith. So faith actually requires an

452
00:31:28.760 --> 00:31:33.520
intentional act of our will that we engage with that truth. And

453
00:31:33.520 --> 00:31:37.600
we choose that it's our reality, as opposed to expecting that

454
00:31:37.600 --> 00:31:41.560
somehow we'll be convinced or our feelings, or because I

455
00:31:41.560 --> 00:31:44.080
learned something that I'll, I'll act different. And if I

456
00:31:44.080 --> 00:31:48.680
just remember and just start doing actions as if I believe

457
00:31:48.680 --> 00:31:53.280
that, well, it'll, if that will somehow be faith, or I'll

458
00:31:53.280 --> 00:31:57.160
eventually over time convince myself and it doesn't happen. We

459
00:31:57.160 --> 00:32:01.640
actually have to make a willful choice that it's true, in order

460
00:32:01.640 --> 00:32:06.880
for it to be faith. It, faith never just happens. And so

461
00:32:06.880 --> 00:32:11.360
anyway, that there was something I was about to, I was about to

462
00:32:11.720 --> 00:32:15.560
point out that, um, but anyway, so that whole thing about outcome

463
00:32:15.560 --> 00:32:19.840
of like, well, what is going to happen? What's going to happen

464
00:32:19.840 --> 00:32:23.080
to the house? How are they going to how are these people going to

465
00:32:23.080 --> 00:32:25.840
interact? You know, treat me? How are they going to think

466
00:32:25.840 --> 00:32:31.160
about me? Are they going to? Am I doing enough? Even that? What

467
00:32:31.160 --> 00:32:34.520
is going to be the outcome of all of my actions, regardless of

468
00:32:34.520 --> 00:32:37.480
the market, regardless of whether the house sells? Did I

469
00:32:37.480 --> 00:32:42.080
do everything? All of those things in order to be in rest,

470
00:32:42.200 --> 00:32:46.000
we have to let go of, including all the results of our

471
00:32:46.000 --> 00:32:51.320
participation, we have to let go of everything. And so let go is

472
00:32:51.320 --> 00:32:55.800
kind of confusing to people, because we only usually interact

473
00:32:55.800 --> 00:33:00.560
with letting go of something in one or two ways. We either either

474
00:33:00.560 --> 00:33:05.600
think it's giving up, or it's giving in. And it's neither one

475
00:33:05.600 --> 00:33:09.080
of those. The problem with giving up, like in other words,

476
00:33:09.120 --> 00:33:12.080
okay, well, I'll just let go, I'll let go of the outcome of

477
00:33:12.080 --> 00:33:15.040
whether or not the house sells, which, you know, you voice the

478
00:33:15.040 --> 00:33:19.040
concern of like, well, does that mean then, that I'm no longer

479
00:33:19.040 --> 00:33:26.120
going to give five star service? So what all you do is, well,

480
00:33:26.120 --> 00:33:30.040
that I'm sorry, I'm trying to trying to like stay on one track

481
00:33:30.040 --> 00:33:32.240
and not going a little bunny trail there. So hopefully, I

482
00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:34.760
remember to go back to that in a second. But we we typically

483
00:33:34.760 --> 00:33:40.440
think, Oh, my goodness, you know, what if, if I don't, if I

484
00:33:40.440 --> 00:33:46.560
let go, then I'm not going to put in all of my effort, because

485
00:33:46.560 --> 00:33:50.320
we think that letting go is like giving up. And it's not that's

486
00:33:50.320 --> 00:33:54.040
the kind of like a, what I refer to as the defeatist attitude.

487
00:33:54.760 --> 00:33:58.400
It's no longer it's not thinking and believing that we are who

488
00:33:58.400 --> 00:34:01.920
God says that we are. God says that we are kings, he says that

489
00:34:01.960 --> 00:34:05.840
we're priests, we says that we are to rule creation. And that

490
00:34:05.840 --> 00:34:09.600
laws are supposed to respond to us, including the market,

491
00:34:10.400 --> 00:34:13.560
including the economy, you know, whatever, it doesn't mean that

492
00:34:13.560 --> 00:34:18.199
we control the outcome. But what it means is that the laws that

493
00:34:18.480 --> 00:34:23.560
are under us, not over us, and they're not equal to us. We're

494
00:34:23.560 --> 00:34:28.800
not down here fighting a battle all the time. In fact, we're not

495
00:34:28.800 --> 00:34:31.840
fighting a battle. In simplistic terms, we're not

496
00:34:31.840 --> 00:34:35.800
fighting a battle, period. We're above all this spiritual

497
00:34:35.800 --> 00:34:38.679
warfare, we're above Satan, we're above the angels, it's not

498
00:34:38.679 --> 00:34:42.000
even a fight, because God already won it. We're one in

499
00:34:42.000 --> 00:34:45.360
Christ. And so if he if all power and authority has been

500
00:34:45.360 --> 00:34:48.520
given to him, and everything's been put under his feet, except

501
00:34:48.520 --> 00:34:51.679
the Bible says God the Father, and we're in Christ, it

502
00:34:51.679 --> 00:34:55.360
literally means everything in existence, except God, the

503
00:34:55.360 --> 00:34:59.080
Father, is under our feet. Now, obviously not Christ, because

504
00:34:59.080 --> 00:35:00.000
we're one with him and

505
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:07.120
he's the head. So literally, even spiritual laws, Satan, what

506
00:35:07.120 --> 00:35:12.080
he can throw at us, all of that has already been decided, and

507
00:35:12.080 --> 00:35:16.440
dealt with. And we can now operate from that place. So

508
00:35:17.120 --> 00:35:23.280
anyway, it's when it to give up is this is this defeatist

509
00:35:23.320 --> 00:35:29.880
attitude or posture of, oh, you know, there, I'm nothing, I'm

510
00:35:29.880 --> 00:35:34.840
defeated. So I'm just going to give up, you know, okay, well,

511
00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:39.080
let the outcome be what it is, you know, I can't help it. I'm

512
00:35:39.080 --> 00:35:42.360
out of control, from a defeatist posture. In other words, it

513
00:35:42.360 --> 00:35:46.280
feels heavy. So that's not what letting go is letting go is

514
00:35:46.280 --> 00:35:50.480
also not giving in. The thing about giving in is that makes it

515
00:35:50.480 --> 00:35:53.960
different from giving up is giving in means we're taking on

516
00:35:53.960 --> 00:35:58.040
the lie that the situation is tempting us to believe about

517
00:35:58.040 --> 00:36:01.840
ourselves or about God. And so we're giving into it like, okay,

518
00:36:01.840 --> 00:36:05.080
well, you know, I guess that I'm really not who God says that I

519
00:36:05.080 --> 00:36:08.240
am in a bit different from the whole giving up thing. But

520
00:36:08.360 --> 00:36:13.800
we're, we're taking on the the temptation and the, and the lie

521
00:36:13.800 --> 00:36:18.000
that the situation is tempting us attempting us to believe. So

522
00:36:18.000 --> 00:36:22.760
letting go is simply God, you don't hold me responsible for

523
00:36:22.760 --> 00:36:27.400
the outcome of my actions. That is something we do not

524
00:36:27.400 --> 00:36:34.360
understand. We thought, if I'm involved, if I act, God holds me

525
00:36:34.360 --> 00:36:38.880
responsible for what those actions cause. And if those that

526
00:36:38.920 --> 00:36:42.400
that that doesn't make any sense, because we can't control

527
00:36:42.400 --> 00:36:47.240
outcomes. We can control what we do, but we can't control the

528
00:36:47.240 --> 00:36:52.560
outcome. And we know that in our heads, but emotionally and

529
00:36:52.560 --> 00:36:56.560
spiritually, we have actually believed that God held us

530
00:36:56.560 --> 00:37:00.280
accountable for the outcome. We act like it, we act like we're

531
00:37:00.280 --> 00:37:05.320
bad, and wrong. And we self guess, and we doubt ourself

532
00:37:05.440 --> 00:37:10.400
based off of either the action, or a possible or sorry, the

533
00:37:10.440 --> 00:37:13.560
outcome or the possible outcome. In other words, the potential

534
00:37:13.560 --> 00:37:17.160
outcome. In other words, a fear of, or worry of what might

535
00:37:17.160 --> 00:37:19.520
happen, even if it hasn't happened yet. Oh, what if it

536
00:37:19.520 --> 00:37:23.880
happens, or whatever. And God doesn't hold us responsible for

537
00:37:23.880 --> 00:37:27.440
any of those things. And he actually holds himself

538
00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:30.600
responsible for the outcome, he determines the outcome, it's

539
00:37:30.600 --> 00:37:33.960
completely outside of our control. And that's why you feel

540
00:37:33.960 --> 00:37:37.240
that it's out of your control. Because it really is. The

541
00:37:37.240 --> 00:37:40.880
difference is, it's out of our control. But we think we're held

542
00:37:40.880 --> 00:37:45.240
responsible for it anyway. And we're not. We're really truly

543
00:37:45.240 --> 00:37:48.400
not. Now telling ourselves all of this isn't going to change

544
00:37:48.400 --> 00:37:52.600
anything. It really doesn't. We actually have to choose that

545
00:37:52.600 --> 00:37:57.440
it's true. And here's why that's scary. You really do have

546
00:37:57.440 --> 00:38:03.200
to then let just take the journey of doing the actions

547
00:38:03.200 --> 00:38:06.200
with the Lord, you know, doing everything that you know to do

548
00:38:06.200 --> 00:38:09.920
for a health, you know, praying the Lord about it, discerning

549
00:38:09.920 --> 00:38:13.760
things, making, you know, your best, your best and wisest

550
00:38:13.760 --> 00:38:16.920
decisions based off of what it is that you know, the gifts that

551
00:38:16.920 --> 00:38:19.520
God's given you the discernment that gives you in your spirit,

552
00:38:19.520 --> 00:38:24.320
you know, all this stuff. But your responsibility and the

553
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:28.440
thing that God holds you accountable for is only you

554
00:38:28.440 --> 00:38:32.760
journey through the process and developing your relationship

555
00:38:32.760 --> 00:38:37.360
with him. That's the whole reason why you're realtor. The

556
00:38:37.360 --> 00:38:41.080
whole reason why you're realtor from the Lord's perspective is

557
00:38:41.080 --> 00:38:45.480
not for other people. That's a side benefit. It's not for

558
00:38:45.480 --> 00:38:49.160
making something happen. It's not for conquering the world and

559
00:38:49.160 --> 00:38:52.000
proving that you know, God really did give us dominion or

560
00:38:52.000 --> 00:38:57.200
anything. You're simply journeying through life. And you

561
00:38:57.200 --> 00:39:01.200
being a realtor gives you a structure for how you uniquely

562
00:39:01.200 --> 00:39:03.760
are developing your relationship with the Lord, you're developing

563
00:39:03.760 --> 00:39:07.240
your relationship with the Lord in the context of going through

564
00:39:07.240 --> 00:39:11.920
the structure of how the how real estate world works. Well,

565
00:39:11.960 --> 00:39:14.320
you know, you do these things and you help people with, you

566
00:39:14.320 --> 00:39:17.760
know, get get and I don't know, I think you help people get

567
00:39:17.840 --> 00:39:20.120
like, I don't I've never bought a house. So thank you help

568
00:39:20.120 --> 00:39:23.840
people like with mortgages, and then in loans, and and then, and

569
00:39:23.840 --> 00:39:27.480
all of that stuff. You do all of this stuff. But that's simply a

570
00:39:27.480 --> 00:39:31.880
structure for you and the Lord that gives direction for how you

571
00:39:31.880 --> 00:39:34.240
and the Lord are uniquely developing your relationship.

572
00:39:34.520 --> 00:39:38.480
Me, it's doing totally different things. It was in business for a

573
00:39:38.480 --> 00:39:41.160
while. And now it's it's still in business. But it's like a

574
00:39:41.160 --> 00:39:45.000
business slash ministry thing. You know, and it now it's in a

575
00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:48.320
marriage and it used to be while being single. All of

576
00:39:48.320 --> 00:39:52.800
those things are simply give us direction for the development of

577
00:39:52.800 --> 00:39:55.160
our relationship with the Lord. And here's how we know that

578
00:39:55.160 --> 00:39:59.040
that's what God holds us accountable to God created us

579
00:39:59.280 --> 00:39:59.840
before

580
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:01.960
He created the world.

581
00:40:01.960 --> 00:40:06.040
We weren't created when, you know,

582
00:40:06.040 --> 00:40:08.640
our parents came together and we were conceived.

583
00:40:08.640 --> 00:40:09.840
That's not when we were,

584
00:40:09.840 --> 00:40:12.680
that's not when our existence came into being.

585
00:40:12.680 --> 00:40:17.080
Says in Ephesians 1, 4, that God chose us in him

586
00:40:17.080 --> 00:40:20.160
before the creation of the world.

587
00:40:20.160 --> 00:40:22.000
So in other words, he looked inside himself

588
00:40:22.000 --> 00:40:24.240
and that's where he found us.

589
00:40:24.240 --> 00:40:29.240
And then it says in John,

590
00:40:29.520 --> 00:40:31.760
where Jesus was talking to Nicodemus,

591
00:40:31.760 --> 00:40:34.800
he said, that which is born of flesh, it's flesh.

592
00:40:34.800 --> 00:40:37.040
That which is born of spirit is spirit.

593
00:40:37.040 --> 00:40:39.320
So if it's spirit,

594
00:40:39.320 --> 00:40:42.080
he said it had to have been born of spirit.

595
00:40:42.080 --> 00:40:45.440
So we have a spirit, you know, spirit, soul, and body.

596
00:40:45.440 --> 00:40:47.720
And that spirit was born of spirit.

597
00:40:47.720 --> 00:40:48.720
It was born of God.

598
00:40:48.720 --> 00:40:50.200
That's the only way it can exist.

599
00:40:50.200 --> 00:40:51.960
It's, he said, flesh is born of flesh

600
00:40:51.960 --> 00:40:54.120
and spirit is born of spirit.

601
00:40:54.120 --> 00:40:56.400
And God said in Ephesians 1, 4,

602
00:40:56.400 --> 00:40:59.360
God chose us in him before the creation of the world.

603
00:40:59.360 --> 00:41:01.800
That spirit existed.

604
00:41:01.800 --> 00:41:03.600
You know, and I'm not saying whether or not

605
00:41:03.600 --> 00:41:05.680
we were conscious of it and all of that.

606
00:41:05.680 --> 00:41:07.280
I'm not getting to all of that theology.

607
00:41:07.280 --> 00:41:10.400
My point is that God, and just like God told Jeremiah,

608
00:41:10.400 --> 00:41:13.240
he knew us, you know.

609
00:41:13.240 --> 00:41:16.520
And so the whole point of our existence apparently

610
00:41:16.520 --> 00:41:19.400
is not creation and how we interact with it.

611
00:41:19.400 --> 00:41:21.560
It's not marriage and how we raise our kids

612
00:41:21.560 --> 00:41:23.680
and if we do a good job and then whether,

613
00:41:23.680 --> 00:41:26.640
and then what work we do and how successful we are at that

614
00:41:26.640 --> 00:41:30.240
and whether we did this whole Christianity thing right,

615
00:41:30.240 --> 00:41:33.080
that we evangelized enough people that we would ever.

616
00:41:33.080 --> 00:41:37.360
That's not the point because our whole point of existence

617
00:41:37.360 --> 00:41:41.240
was actually relationship because God created us,

618
00:41:41.240 --> 00:41:45.080
you know, as the spirit being to be able to relate with him.

619
00:41:45.080 --> 00:41:49.000
And then later, and who knows how much longer that was,

620
00:41:49.000 --> 00:41:51.560
later he created the world.

621
00:41:51.560 --> 00:41:53.480
And then eventually, you know, he decided,

622
00:41:54.160 --> 00:41:55.160
okay, well, she's gonna be born for me.

623
00:41:55.160 --> 00:41:56.480
It was like 1984.

624
00:41:56.480 --> 00:41:58.560
That's when she's gonna be born, you know.

625
00:41:59.440 --> 00:42:04.440
And that's when she gets to have a physical experience.

626
00:42:05.280 --> 00:42:09.640
And the whole point of the physical is simply to express

627
00:42:09.640 --> 00:42:12.240
who we in God are together in the spirit

628
00:42:12.240 --> 00:42:14.920
and express it in a physical form.

629
00:42:14.920 --> 00:42:18.440
We're not, and this is very simple.

630
00:42:20.680 --> 00:42:22.520
I'm expressing this simply

631
00:42:22.560 --> 00:42:23.840
because there's a little more to it,

632
00:42:23.840 --> 00:42:25.920
but I'm expressing this simply,

633
00:42:25.920 --> 00:42:30.880
that we're down here, we're not creating things.

634
00:42:30.880 --> 00:42:33.360
We are, but not really.

635
00:42:33.360 --> 00:42:37.080
Where we do create things is in the spirit realm

636
00:42:37.080 --> 00:42:39.200
and we bring it down.

637
00:42:39.200 --> 00:42:41.840
So things, and when I say create it,

638
00:42:41.840 --> 00:42:45.400
meaning like God creates it, we partner with him, whatever.

639
00:42:45.400 --> 00:42:47.040
I'm not saying that we're gods out there

640
00:42:47.040 --> 00:42:48.200
and we're getting to create things.

641
00:42:48.200 --> 00:42:49.040
That's not what I mean.

642
00:42:49.040 --> 00:42:51.000
I mean, and the fact that God talks about us

643
00:42:51.000 --> 00:42:52.800
being co-creators with him.

644
00:42:52.800 --> 00:42:54.960
All of that's happening in the spirit.

645
00:42:54.960 --> 00:42:58.320
We're translating it to appear in the physical.

646
00:42:59.280 --> 00:43:01.720
So the whole point is not the physical realm.

647
00:43:01.720 --> 00:43:03.480
The whole point is the spiritual realm.

648
00:43:03.480 --> 00:43:07.320
The whole point is the development of your relationship.

649
00:43:07.320 --> 00:43:09.840
So the physical experience that we have,

650
00:43:09.840 --> 00:43:11.800
like say, for instance, your real estate

651
00:43:11.800 --> 00:43:16.480
and interacting with other people and helping them buy

652
00:43:16.480 --> 00:43:18.720
and sell homes and all of that,

653
00:43:19.520 --> 00:43:24.160
is simply just a structure through which you are expressing

654
00:43:24.160 --> 00:43:26.480
who you and God currently are,

655
00:43:26.480 --> 00:43:28.920
how you're currently relating to him,

656
00:43:28.920 --> 00:43:33.920
how well you know him and what you know about him.

657
00:43:34.880 --> 00:43:37.120
Not about him, but meaning like what you know of him

658
00:43:37.120 --> 00:43:38.640
from personal relationship.

659
00:43:38.640 --> 00:43:43.320
You will be living out what you know God to be

660
00:43:43.320 --> 00:43:44.960
because you know him.

661
00:43:44.960 --> 00:43:47.160
Not that you went and you learned about him

662
00:43:47.200 --> 00:43:49.600
and then you go and you try to execute

663
00:43:49.600 --> 00:43:51.840
and just try to remember, oh, that's who he is.

664
00:43:51.840 --> 00:43:54.640
No, God, this is what you and I are doing.

665
00:43:54.640 --> 00:43:57.080
We are interacting with this family.

666
00:43:57.080 --> 00:43:58.720
We are selling this home.

667
00:43:58.720 --> 00:44:01.280
We are filling out this paperwork.

668
00:44:01.280 --> 00:44:03.360
It's all about the development

669
00:44:03.360 --> 00:44:04.960
of your relationship with the Lord.

670
00:44:04.960 --> 00:44:09.280
That's the entire point, not a part of it.

671
00:44:09.280 --> 00:44:12.000
It's literally the whole point.

672
00:44:12.000 --> 00:44:14.720
So you're not responsible for what happens

673
00:44:14.760 --> 00:44:17.160
as a result of all of those actions.

674
00:44:17.160 --> 00:44:19.920
God's just like, hey, you and I,

675
00:44:19.920 --> 00:44:21.320
we're developing our relationship.

676
00:44:21.320 --> 00:44:22.840
How do we wanna do it today?

677
00:44:22.840 --> 00:44:27.400
Well, you know, Angela, I am bringing this couple to you

678
00:44:27.400 --> 00:44:28.880
and they wanna sell their home

679
00:44:28.880 --> 00:44:30.440
and then I'm bringing this other couple to you

680
00:44:30.440 --> 00:44:32.480
and they wanna buy a home.

681
00:44:32.480 --> 00:44:37.040
And so you and I are going to develop our relationship

682
00:44:37.040 --> 00:44:41.280
through what happens when we interact with this family.

683
00:44:41.280 --> 00:44:43.640
And it's going to bring things up in you

684
00:44:43.680 --> 00:44:45.200
that are gonna challenge what it is

685
00:44:45.200 --> 00:44:46.400
that you believe about me.

686
00:44:46.400 --> 00:44:48.160
And so you and I are gonna work through that

687
00:44:48.160 --> 00:44:51.480
because I'm gonna continually release you

688
00:44:51.480 --> 00:44:53.720
into more freedom from all of the oppression

689
00:44:53.720 --> 00:44:55.520
that you're feeling, from all the anxiety,

690
00:44:55.520 --> 00:44:58.240
from all of the fear, all of that, you know,

691
00:44:58.240 --> 00:45:00.280
or, you know, I'm going to...

692
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.040
give you gifts, I'm gonna give you abundance,

693
00:45:02.040 --> 00:45:03.940
I'm gonna shower love on you in a way

694
00:45:03.940 --> 00:45:06.400
that you understand it or whatever.

695
00:45:06.400 --> 00:45:07.680
That's the whole point,

696
00:45:07.680 --> 00:45:09.560
not the buying and the selling of homes,

697
00:45:09.560 --> 00:45:12.440
evangelizing and being a good Christian testimony

698
00:45:12.440 --> 00:45:14.960
even to these people.

699
00:45:14.960 --> 00:45:18.320
That is going to be a natural byproduct.

700
00:45:18.320 --> 00:45:21.300
So all of those commandments in the New Testament

701
00:45:21.300 --> 00:45:24.960
are descriptions of who we are

702
00:45:24.960 --> 00:45:27.960
when we're operating with our eyes completely on the Lord,

703
00:45:27.960 --> 00:45:29.760
only focused on the development

704
00:45:29.760 --> 00:45:31.240
of our relationship with Him.

705
00:45:31.240 --> 00:45:34.960
Because all of those commandments are God's descriptions

706
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:37.220
of who we are as sons of God.

707
00:45:37.220 --> 00:45:41.600
We're not developing into those in our spirit.

708
00:45:41.600 --> 00:45:43.520
What we are developing and what we're learning

709
00:45:43.520 --> 00:45:46.160
is how do we bring who it is that we are in spirit,

710
00:45:46.160 --> 00:45:48.720
like how do we come into further faith and agreement

711
00:45:48.720 --> 00:45:50.380
that that's really who we are

712
00:45:50.380 --> 00:45:53.020
so that it finally shows up in the physical.

713
00:45:53.020 --> 00:45:55.200
That's why we see change.

714
00:45:55.200 --> 00:45:57.600
It's not that you weren't already like that,

715
00:45:58.240 --> 00:46:00.080
it's that your physical wasn't expressing

716
00:46:00.080 --> 00:46:01.160
who you already are.

717
00:46:01.160 --> 00:46:04.240
You already have all those gifts of the spirit,

718
00:46:04.240 --> 00:46:05.880
you're not gaining them.

719
00:46:05.880 --> 00:46:09.000
What we're learning though is how to let them out

720
00:46:09.000 --> 00:46:10.640
into this realm,

721
00:46:10.640 --> 00:46:13.840
how to get our soul and our body to actually believe it

722
00:46:13.840 --> 00:46:16.440
so we actually express love,

723
00:46:16.440 --> 00:46:18.280
so we express patience,

724
00:46:18.280 --> 00:46:19.860
so we express joy.

725
00:46:19.860 --> 00:46:21.480
You already have those things,

726
00:46:21.480 --> 00:46:23.180
you don't have to gain them.

727
00:46:23.180 --> 00:46:26.840
So when we realize that we really are a new creation,

728
00:46:26.840 --> 00:46:28.700
it changes everything.

729
00:46:28.700 --> 00:46:31.840
It changes how we show up to all of these appointments,

730
00:46:31.840 --> 00:46:33.760
how you show up for yourself,

731
00:46:33.760 --> 00:46:35.600
that you're not lacking,

732
00:46:35.600 --> 00:46:39.120
you're just simply developing your relationship

733
00:46:39.120 --> 00:46:40.360
more and more with the Lord

734
00:46:40.360 --> 00:46:42.400
so that your soul and your body

735
00:46:42.400 --> 00:46:44.120
come more into agreement with the fact

736
00:46:44.120 --> 00:46:46.280
that you already are the thing

737
00:46:46.280 --> 00:46:49.640
so that they'll finally start acting like it.

738
00:46:49.640 --> 00:46:52.640
So just because you don't believe something about yourself

739
00:46:52.640 --> 00:46:54.460
doesn't mean it's not true.

740
00:46:54.460 --> 00:46:57.060
It just means because you don't believe it,

741
00:46:57.060 --> 00:46:59.780
you don't get the benefit of experiencing it.

742
00:46:59.780 --> 00:47:02.660
If you don't believe that you have joy,

743
00:47:02.660 --> 00:47:04.660
if you don't believe that God's already given it to you

744
00:47:04.660 --> 00:47:06.380
and whatever, then you're not gonna feel it

745
00:47:06.380 --> 00:47:08.380
and you're not going to express it.

746
00:47:08.380 --> 00:47:10.860
But the more that we believe that we are that thing,

747
00:47:10.860 --> 00:47:13.040
the more that it's actually gonna show up.

748
00:47:13.040 --> 00:47:15.020
It's very counterintuitive

749
00:47:15.020 --> 00:47:17.860
because we think we're so used to the world

750
00:47:17.860 --> 00:47:22.860
or experiences proving to us joy, love, patience, whatever,

751
00:47:23.060 --> 00:47:24.260
that I have these things,

752
00:47:25.060 --> 00:47:25.900
that I got these things,

753
00:47:25.900 --> 00:47:26.720
that I've earned these things,

754
00:47:26.720 --> 00:47:27.560
that I've worked hard for these things,

755
00:47:27.560 --> 00:47:29.620
that I've endured long enough, whatever.

756
00:47:29.620 --> 00:47:31.820
And that's actually the opposite.

757
00:47:31.820 --> 00:47:35.020
We choose that it's true before there's any proof

758
00:47:35.020 --> 00:47:36.900
and then that will prove it.

759
00:47:36.900 --> 00:47:39.060
You choosing that that's who you are,

760
00:47:39.060 --> 00:47:42.400
you'll suddenly start acting and feeling joyful.

761
00:47:42.400 --> 00:47:45.580
You'll suddenly start feeling that love

762
00:47:45.580 --> 00:47:48.620
because you're that powerful.

763
00:47:48.620 --> 00:47:51.140
I don't mean like this God or anything like that.

764
00:47:51.140 --> 00:47:53.500
I'm talking about the power that we have

765
00:47:53.620 --> 00:47:56.460
simply because we're united with Christ.

766
00:47:56.460 --> 00:47:58.380
It's not a power that we have on our own.

767
00:47:58.380 --> 00:48:01.220
It's power that we're only allowed to wield

768
00:48:01.220 --> 00:48:04.460
with while being unified with Christ.

769
00:48:04.460 --> 00:48:07.080
And it's his power that's moving through us.

770
00:48:08.080 --> 00:48:11.700
But you're that powerful and you've been given that authority

771
00:48:11.700 --> 00:48:15.180
to choose and declare that something

772
00:48:15.180 --> 00:48:17.440
that God has already said about you is true,

773
00:48:17.440 --> 00:48:18.700
actually is true.

774
00:48:18.700 --> 00:48:22.260
And when you come into agreement with it, it shows that.

775
00:48:23.700 --> 00:48:27.440
Anyway, I have actually like talked a lot

776
00:48:27.440 --> 00:48:29.380
about some very heavy things.

777
00:48:29.380 --> 00:48:31.420
I'm just trying so hard to like mention,

778
00:48:31.420 --> 00:48:32.260
oh my goodness, they're like,

779
00:48:32.260 --> 00:48:35.020
if I can just hit all of these highlights, you know,

780
00:48:35.020 --> 00:48:37.140
but it really is, it really is a lot.

781
00:48:37.140 --> 00:48:40.180
And let me, so I hope I'm not overwhelming you

782
00:48:40.180 --> 00:48:41.540
or you're just kind of like, oh my goodness,

783
00:48:41.540 --> 00:48:43.300
I don't understand anything you're saying

784
00:48:43.300 --> 00:48:45.260
simply because you're giving me too much.

785
00:48:45.260 --> 00:48:48.660
Let me take my medication really quick.

786
00:48:48.660 --> 00:48:52.020
And then when I come back, you let me know

787
00:48:52.020 --> 00:48:53.660
your thoughts or any questions.

788
00:48:53.660 --> 00:48:56.140
And then before we go,

789
00:48:56.140 --> 00:48:57.940
I can give you some like practical things

790
00:48:57.940 --> 00:49:01.300
that you can do to start that will help you

791
00:49:01.300 --> 00:49:04.220
like start stepping into less anxiety,

792
00:49:04.220 --> 00:49:07.180
more choosing more faith that you are who God says you are,

793
00:49:07.180 --> 00:49:08.020
et cetera, so.

794
00:49:52.020 --> 00:49:52.860
Thank you.

795
00:50:30.000 --> 00:50:32.060
you

796
00:51:00.000 --> 00:51:02.060
you

797
00:51:30.000 --> 00:51:32.860
you

798
00:52:00.000 --> 00:52:02.060
you

799
00:52:30.000 --> 00:52:32.060
you

800
00:53:00.000 --> 00:53:02.080
you

801
00:53:02.080 --> 00:53:04.080
you

802
00:53:04.080 --> 00:53:06.080
you

803
00:53:06.080 --> 00:53:08.080
you

804
00:53:08.080 --> 00:53:10.080
you

805
00:53:10.080 --> 00:53:12.080
you

806
00:53:12.080 --> 00:53:14.080
you

807
00:53:14.080 --> 00:53:16.080
you

808
00:53:16.080 --> 00:53:18.080
you

809
00:53:18.080 --> 00:53:20.080
you

810
00:53:20.080 --> 00:53:22.080
you

811
00:53:22.080 --> 00:53:24.080
you

812
00:53:24.080 --> 00:53:28.480
all right sorry about that it takes a while because it's like this

813
00:53:28.480 --> 00:53:34.560
my mom calls it my potion i like to mix all of these things together but anyway

814
00:53:37.920 --> 00:53:45.680
um okay so you were asking about any questions is that right yeah or any thoughts um you know uh

815
00:53:45.680 --> 00:53:50.400
once i get going sometimes and just like oh my and then i stop and realize i gave them entirely

816
00:53:50.400 --> 00:53:55.280
too much they probably didn't understand you know so much of what i said simply because it's like

817
00:53:55.280 --> 00:54:01.200
it it's um it's a it's it's approaching life from a completely different perspective

818
00:54:01.920 --> 00:54:09.600
and at least it undermines the way i grew up completely undermines it and i can you know

819
00:54:09.600 --> 00:54:16.640
think oh that sounds great all i want and that sounds freeing all i want but the other is so

820
00:54:16.640 --> 00:54:23.440
ingrained in me and that's where the anxiety comes in and so but anyway yeah yeah so i think for me

821
00:54:24.000 --> 00:54:29.120
i've always thought that um sorry and let me make sure i'm understanding you um

822
00:54:31.200 --> 00:54:35.520
so for example that situation that happened to me where i was in front of those people

823
00:54:35.520 --> 00:54:43.440
and afro and so i thought well maybe if i would have had notes in front of me and i would have

824
00:54:43.440 --> 00:54:48.320
been prepared then maybe i could have prevented some of that from happening because i just froze

825
00:54:48.320 --> 00:54:57.440
up i didn't have anything to look at or i would have done this better um so and so what if i would

826
00:54:57.440 --> 00:55:00.000
have done this and this um

827
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:07.680
Kind of like, well, if you get up earlier, you're more prepared or you are in the head,

828
00:55:07.680 --> 00:55:10.680
you know, you can have a better.

829
00:55:10.680 --> 00:55:14.080
However, I do know that there's scenarios that works.

830
00:55:14.080 --> 00:55:18.600
And then I do know that there's scenarios like when I miscarried, or when I had things

831
00:55:18.600 --> 00:55:23.200
when my marriage happened, I did not, I was doing nothing wrong.

832
00:55:23.200 --> 00:55:30.240
So I think that that's, that was a hard place for me is because I couldn't just say, here's

833
00:55:30.240 --> 00:55:31.960
the formula.

834
00:55:31.960 --> 00:55:38.880
You get up, you go to the gym, you eat healthy, your body's going to look like this.

835
00:55:38.880 --> 00:55:45.760
I'm just giving an example of exercise and working out, you're going to notice when it

836
00:55:45.760 --> 00:55:54.160
came to something that happened with me losing that baby, I was healthy, I was taking the

837
00:55:54.160 --> 00:55:57.000
vitamins, I was doing all the things.

838
00:55:57.000 --> 00:55:58.000
Correct.

839
00:55:58.000 --> 00:56:04.800
Later on, that perhaps maybe thyroid could have been an issue, I should have been taking

840
00:56:04.800 --> 00:56:07.320
some kind of medication, whatever.

841
00:56:07.320 --> 00:56:15.120
So but I think I've always just looked for, well, if I if I do this, and I do that, it'll

842
00:56:15.120 --> 00:56:16.120
be this.

843
00:56:16.120 --> 00:56:25.000
So and it's hard for me to it's hard for me to wrap my mind around thinking not having

844
00:56:25.000 --> 00:56:27.920
can that I can't control.

845
00:56:27.920 --> 00:56:33.160
Because in some ways, and in some ways, I know that I can't, does that make sense?

846
00:56:33.160 --> 00:56:42.120
So it depends on what it's like, I'm going to get someplace early, well, then do this

847
00:56:43.120 --> 00:56:45.760
outcome is just that's just what it is.

848
00:56:45.760 --> 00:56:54.240
Because I overslept, I needed to go to earlier, it's late, I close out situations, you know,

849
00:56:54.240 --> 00:57:01.960
when it comes to like relationships, I can't control some of that I know that I can't control

850
00:57:01.960 --> 00:57:06.080
when it comes with people or situations, I can't make somebody you can't make someone

851
00:57:06.080 --> 00:57:10.600
love you, you can't make somebody do.

852
00:57:10.600 --> 00:57:12.400
So anyways, it's hard.

853
00:57:12.400 --> 00:57:19.560
I'm just trying to I'm trying to understand, are you saying that, you know, no outcome,

854
00:57:19.560 --> 00:57:23.720
you can't, you know, you're not really all outcomes.

855
00:57:23.720 --> 00:57:24.720
So Lord, yeah.

856
00:57:24.720 --> 00:57:25.720
What are you?

857
00:57:25.720 --> 00:57:29.280
Um, you just, you're not going to be able to be in control.

858
00:57:29.280 --> 00:57:33.280
But there's some simple things that I feel like, sure, you could be in control of that.

859
00:57:33.280 --> 00:57:35.560
Because, I mean, all you should do is plan better.

860
00:57:35.560 --> 00:57:36.560
Does that make sense?

861
00:57:36.560 --> 00:57:37.560
Yeah.

862
00:57:37.560 --> 00:57:38.560
Yes, correct.

863
00:57:38.560 --> 00:57:41.920
Let me turn this off, so it'll stop beeping at me.

864
00:57:41.920 --> 00:57:44.080
Okay, missed my alarm.

865
00:57:44.080 --> 00:57:47.920
Um, okay, so I'm glad you are bringing us back to that.

866
00:57:47.920 --> 00:57:52.560
So let me go to something that I again, I'm just trying to hit a highlight, but my goodness,

867
00:57:52.560 --> 00:57:54.600
my, my program is six weeks.

868
00:57:54.600 --> 00:57:58.360
And that's just the foundation, and then I have another six weeks, I guess, into advancement.

869
00:57:58.360 --> 00:58:03.920
So I was trying to hit all some just highlights that I thought would be helpful, but we passed

870
00:58:03.920 --> 00:58:07.440
over a very significant one that I talked about.

871
00:58:07.440 --> 00:58:12.080
In the Bible study, in your Bible study, but it was a year ago, and, you know, I wouldn't

872
00:58:12.080 --> 00:58:13.080
remember anything.

873
00:58:13.080 --> 00:58:21.400
But it is about the difference between the way that I sometimes refer to it as operating

874
00:58:21.400 --> 00:58:25.560
in according to the tree of life versus the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

875
00:58:25.560 --> 00:58:29.800
And so the difference between the two, or really the tree of the tree of the knowledge

876
00:58:29.800 --> 00:58:33.480
of good and evil versus every other tree in the garden, because remember, that was the

877
00:58:33.480 --> 00:58:34.480
difference.

878
00:58:34.480 --> 00:58:37.240
It wasn't between the tree of life and the tree of knowledge, good and evil.

879
00:58:38.040 --> 00:58:41.720
It was between God said, you can eat of any tree in the garden, just not the one in the

880
00:58:41.720 --> 00:58:42.720
middle.

881
00:58:42.720 --> 00:58:47.040
And the thing is that the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, you know, when you look

882
00:58:47.040 --> 00:58:53.760
through what Satan was tempting Eve with it, that hey, God is holding out on you, you actually

883
00:58:53.760 --> 00:58:58.420
can control things, if you know things.

884
00:58:58.420 --> 00:59:01.360
So it's your knowledge that saves you.

885
00:59:01.360 --> 00:59:08.400
So say, for instance, that you had and so that we get tempted in that for in daily situations,

886
00:59:08.400 --> 00:59:14.400
like for instance, which you did with the award ceremony, you're like, if you condemn

887
00:59:14.400 --> 00:59:20.320
ourselves by what we know, or by what we don't, like if someone had put you up there, it hadn't

888
00:59:20.320 --> 00:59:22.840
prepared you.

889
00:59:22.840 --> 00:59:26.920
And you had messed up, like, you know, when it prepared you for any kind of presentation.

890
00:59:26.920 --> 00:59:30.440
And so you messed up, well, you messed up.

891
00:59:30.440 --> 00:59:32.240
And you didn't know things.

892
00:59:32.240 --> 00:59:33.720
That's why you messed up.

893
00:59:33.720 --> 00:59:35.980
Or you do know them.

894
00:59:35.980 --> 00:59:41.880
And you either do them, and it doesn't work, or you do them, or you don't do them.

895
00:59:41.880 --> 00:59:44.320
And you're condemned because you knew better.

896
00:59:44.320 --> 00:59:48.840
Yeah, they're the that's the problem with the tree of the knowledge of good and evil

897
00:59:48.840 --> 00:59:51.520
is it's the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

898
00:59:51.520 --> 00:59:54.800
It's not the tree of it's not the tree of good and evil.

899
00:59:54.800 --> 00:59:56.680
It's the tree of the knowledge of it.

900
00:59:56.680 --> 01:00:00.200
The problem is that we have a tendency to want to rely

901
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:11.000
on our knowledge of a thing in order to be able to decide which one we want to do so we can control the outcome.

902
01:00:11.000 --> 01:00:29.000
So if I know what's good, and I know what's evil. I know which things I want to, I can choose to interact with and, and agree with and act on in order to, in order to try to control my future.

903
01:00:29.000 --> 01:00:45.000
In order to be able to predict it. We know that there's still risk that we think that the risk is lower, I can try to control it whereas operating, you know, according to our relationship with the Lord where the Lord's like no I want you to rely on me for everything.

904
01:00:45.000 --> 01:01:02.000
I want you to completely submit yourself to me, where I control the outcome of everything that happens, of all of your actions, whatever and I don't mean that God is being mean to us if we like to do all of this Stephanie causes, and he causes something bad to happen.

905
01:01:02.000 --> 01:01:14.000
I'm not talking about any kind of weird theology like that. I'm saying that we release the responsibility the consequences of the outcome to him.

906
01:01:14.000 --> 01:01:23.000
We were we released to him to protect us and to provide for us regardless of the outcome, because that's what we do with outcomes that's why outcomes are important.

907
01:01:23.000 --> 01:01:25.000
What's it going to do to me.

908
01:01:26.000 --> 01:01:28.000
What does that outcome mean.

909
01:01:28.000 --> 01:01:37.000
Am I going to be protected to someone else going to be protected are we going to be provided for you know are we going to be safe, are we going to be loved, are we going to be whatever it's what the outcome means.

910
01:01:37.000 --> 01:01:52.000
That's why we're releasing outcomes the Lord Lord, regardless of the outcome, that's going to happen, whether Lord, the Lord causes that Satan causes that which is probably very few things, you know, ratio wise, or just simply the wages of sin operating

911
01:01:52.000 --> 01:02:08.000
in creation, that's in, that's in chaos right now.

912
01:02:09.000 --> 01:02:16.000
Lord, you're going to always protect me and provide for me regardless of the outcome, regardless of how it affects me.

913
01:02:16.000 --> 01:02:28.000
Even if I experienced pain Lord, you're still providing for me, you're still protecting me the pain does not equal. The fact does not equal your abandonment of me.

914
01:02:28.000 --> 01:02:37.000
It's a completely different perspective as opposed to, I don't want to experience pain. So therefore, I want to control it myself.

915
01:02:37.000 --> 01:02:48.000
I want to try to control it so I'm going to learn everything I can. But the problem with that there's nothing wrong with learning, the problem is relying on that knowledge, relying on ourselves.

916
01:02:48.000 --> 01:03:05.000
And that's where strife comes in, and sweat, and tears and all of that you know that he said, and the ground was now cursed, and that Adam was now going to have to, you know, and I was going to have to harvest everything by the sweat of his brow,

917
01:03:05.000 --> 01:03:24.000
that's what they chose, they chose. I want to try to control everything.

918
01:03:25.000 --> 01:03:34.000
But not relying on your knowledge to create the outcome, or relying on your knowledge to protect your provide for you, but relying on me instead.

919
01:03:34.000 --> 01:03:45.000
That's the difference that this that's why this is rest, and this is sweat and strife, this only came after the fall, this did not exist before the fall at all.

920
01:03:45.000 --> 01:03:55.000
And that only happened because they chose instead of rest, my goodness, I don't know if you can hear it there's dogfight over there. And instead of rest Lord.

921
01:03:55.000 --> 01:04:10.000
I wanted to, you know, I'm believing you know you're holding out on, you know, and, and, and I want to be able to control whether or not how do I want to provide for myself, well I think money will provide for me I think a relationship will provide

922
01:04:10.000 --> 01:04:16.000
for me in this way will then they'll react like this towards me, which will make me feel better about myself.

923
01:04:16.000 --> 01:04:24.000
So, we're trying to control it over here that's a lot of sweat and the problem with that is we only get.

924
01:04:24.000 --> 01:04:31.000
It means that we're earning something, and that means that all we can get as a result is what we work for.

925
01:04:32.000 --> 01:04:41.000
No gift from God from this tree. None, because God's like no my guests are free so if you work for him, it's no longer free and you can't get it.

926
01:04:41.000 --> 01:04:56.000
You can all in this world and over here you know and working for everything and trying to determine the outcome and trying to, and always getting on to ourselves, like, like for instance like what you're talking about that self talk of like, oh my word, if I had only.

927
01:04:56.000 --> 01:05:00.000
You are always to blame for in response.

928
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:06.120
for and can control, um, you know, what, what happened like,

929
01:05:06.160 --> 01:05:09.360
Oh, well, I should have done something different and I've had

930
01:05:09.360 --> 01:05:17.480
to learn. No, no, just because I did this doesn't mean that God

931
01:05:17.480 --> 01:05:20.600
is not still protecting me and providing for me in this

932
01:05:20.600 --> 01:05:26.160
situation. It just means that I didn't do it. And it may have

933
01:05:26.160 --> 01:05:31.280
had an, it may have had an effect on the outcome. Doesn't

934
01:05:31.280 --> 01:05:35.920
guarantee that did, you might've had notes in supras, you know,

935
01:05:35.920 --> 01:05:40.200
people do that all the time. Right. So, but we keep thinking,

936
01:05:40.200 --> 01:05:44.320
how could I have protected myself from this situation? And

937
01:05:44.320 --> 01:05:47.480
God's like, no, give up protecting yourself from every

938
01:05:47.480 --> 01:05:51.600
situation, you know? Um, anyway, I'm sorry. There is that there

939
01:05:51.600 --> 01:05:54.320
is an awful lot and it falls very short in this one hour.

940
01:05:55.320 --> 01:05:59.000
Yeah. Yeah. I think my biggest things that I've had to do there

941
01:05:59.000 --> 01:06:02.960
is if I could sum it up in a couple sentences, after some of

942
01:06:02.960 --> 01:06:06.160
those occurrences happened, my big question became what's wrong

943
01:06:06.160 --> 01:06:11.520
with me? Yeah, that's exactly it. That's the foundation. Yeah.

944
01:06:12.080 --> 01:06:15.480
Gotta be something wrong. That doesn't seem all that I would

945
01:06:15.480 --> 01:06:18.840
freeze up. So then I went into this thing. Is there my health?

946
01:06:18.880 --> 01:06:23.800
Is there something wrong with me? There's something wrong. Um,

947
01:06:24.200 --> 01:06:27.920
I've never experienced this. There's got to be it. Where's

948
01:06:27.920 --> 01:06:33.840
the cause? Where's the effect? What is causing me or, and I'm

949
01:06:33.840 --> 01:06:38.600
just not good enough. So those are the, um, so because I'm not

950
01:06:38.600 --> 01:06:43.760
good enough, how do I, you know, so, so that's, I think those

951
01:06:43.760 --> 01:06:47.960
have been the, what is wrong with me has probably been the

952
01:06:47.960 --> 01:06:52.320
number one thing for a long time. After that happened, that

953
01:06:52.320 --> 01:06:57.120
became my thing. What is wrong with me? Yeah. When, which thing

954
01:06:57.120 --> 01:07:02.360
happens? Uh, all those occurrences. Cause you know,

955
01:07:02.360 --> 01:07:06.720
that's from childhood back when I froze up when I froze up in

956
01:07:06.720 --> 01:07:09.800
front of this group of people. And then I was terrified to

957
01:07:09.800 --> 01:07:12.520
speak in front of people after that. That was kind of the

958
01:07:12.520 --> 01:07:15.240
thing. I was like, Oh my gosh, I had a friend that got married

959
01:07:15.240 --> 01:07:18.520
and I was like thinking, I'm not even going to do a speech, you

960
01:07:18.520 --> 01:07:21.280
know, that kind of thing. Like I said, I've come a long way

961
01:07:21.280 --> 01:07:23.480
because I mean, at least I got, I've gotten to a point where I

962
01:07:23.480 --> 01:07:26.400
was leading, I'm leading, have been able to lead a Bible study

963
01:07:26.400 --> 01:07:29.880
and do different things. And I've come a long, long way, but,

964
01:07:29.920 --> 01:07:33.200
but that was, that was something that kind of held me back

965
01:07:33.200 --> 01:07:36.200
thinking that, is there something wrong with you? So.

966
01:07:36.800 --> 01:07:40.080
Yeah, correct. And that's why in my program, I always start with,

967
01:07:40.320 --> 01:07:43.360
you know, the fact that there is nothing wrong with this and how

968
01:07:43.360 --> 01:07:47.240
to like build a foundation from there because, because it goes

969
01:07:47.280 --> 01:07:52.480
that to that aspect of we are a new creation that we really are.

970
01:07:52.480 --> 01:07:56.160
That's why I kept going back to the, we're actually spirit. We

971
01:07:56.160 --> 01:07:59.520
have a soul and we're in a body, but we're actually spirit and we

972
01:07:59.520 --> 01:08:02.840
keep thinking where our body or where our feelings or where our

973
01:08:02.840 --> 01:08:06.560
mind and our thoughts and our ability to logically process

974
01:08:06.560 --> 01:08:10.120
something and navigate through it. And we're putting the

975
01:08:10.120 --> 01:08:14.320
responsibility of our existence on the soul and the body and it

976
01:08:14.320 --> 01:08:18.319
can't carry that responsibility. It wasn't intended to, it's

977
01:08:18.319 --> 01:08:21.439
actually our spirit. And God says that in our spirit, now

978
01:08:21.439 --> 01:08:25.920
this is, this is very shocking for some people, but God says

979
01:08:25.920 --> 01:08:29.200
that in James, I think it's James. No, maybe it's first

980
01:08:29.200 --> 01:08:36.160
John. It says that we no longer sin. It says that for he who is

981
01:08:36.160 --> 01:08:39.600
born of God, which we talked about earlier, our spirit is

982
01:08:39.600 --> 01:08:43.120
born of God. Our spirit is born of spirit. Jesus said, God says

983
01:08:43.200 --> 01:08:47.279
that Jesus said, our spirit is born of spirit, capital S or

984
01:08:47.279 --> 01:08:50.399
spirit, lowercase S it says in the Bible is, you know, born of

985
01:08:50.439 --> 01:08:57.240
uppercase S. And anyway, so that it says in first John that for

986
01:08:57.240 --> 01:09:01.399
every, for anyone who is born of God, it is impossible for him to

987
01:09:01.399 --> 01:09:05.920
sin. It's our spirit that is really truly who we are, not our

988
01:09:05.920 --> 01:09:08.960
soul and our body. Those came after we're unified with them.

989
01:09:08.960 --> 01:09:14.319
Yes, but the existence of our identity itself sit in the

990
01:09:14.319 --> 01:09:18.960
spirit part of us that was born of God. And it says in first

991
01:09:18.960 --> 01:09:22.720
John that for he was born of God, it is impossible for him

992
01:09:22.720 --> 01:09:26.479
to sin. Your spirit is literally within Christ's spirit united

993
01:09:26.479 --> 01:09:28.640
with him. It's not like there's two of you in there and there's

994
01:09:28.640 --> 01:09:32.080
Christ and there's you it's one and it can't be separated.

995
01:09:32.640 --> 01:09:36.960
That's the difference between Christ and Adam. Adam was able

996
01:09:36.960 --> 01:09:40.560
to fall away from God, but because we're in Christ, because

997
01:09:40.560 --> 01:09:43.760
of what Christ did, he made it so that even if we acted like

998
01:09:43.760 --> 01:09:47.760
Adam did, we literally can't be separated from God again. It's

999
01:09:47.760 --> 01:09:52.080
not like Adam is possible to happen again. Adam happened

1000
01:09:52.080 --> 01:09:57.760
before Christ. So once Christ, you know, died, he united with

1001
01:09:57.760 --> 01:09:59.920
us, united us with him in such a way.

1002
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:06.400
that literally if we act like Adam, which we do every day, we literally can't be separated from

1003
01:10:06.400 --> 01:10:15.120
him. He unified us in such a way that our actions can't affect our union with him. And God, it also

1004
01:10:15.120 --> 01:10:21.280
says, Christ can have nothing corrupted within him. So if your spirit is one with Christ,

1005
01:10:21.280 --> 01:10:26.240
if your spirit is who you are, and your spirit is one with Christ, and Christ can't have anything

1006
01:10:26.240 --> 01:10:31.760
corrupted within him, it matches what 1 John says when it says, for he who is born of God,

1007
01:10:31.760 --> 01:10:38.880
it is impossible for him to sin. Impossible. So the whole sinning thing is in the soul and the

1008
01:10:38.880 --> 01:10:45.280
body, and all that sin is, is unbelief. That's all that it is. And I'm not trying to, I'm not trying

1009
01:10:45.280 --> 01:10:53.120
to, you know, devalue it as if it doesn't matter or something. I'm just trying to say it's not

1010
01:10:53.120 --> 01:10:59.200
the action. It's actually not believing God. Because we're not believing God in our soul and

1011
01:10:59.200 --> 01:11:03.360
our body, our spirit always believes God because our spirit never sins. So our spirit therefore

1012
01:11:03.360 --> 01:11:07.920
always believes God. It's one with Christ. It can't not believe God because it is one with it.

1013
01:11:08.960 --> 01:11:16.080
So if you know and you choose that you, that that is who you are, like I said, it changes everything.

1014
01:11:17.360 --> 01:11:22.400
So that's one of the things that I would recommend that you do. This is what changed everything for

1015
01:11:22.400 --> 01:11:28.960
me. I'll tell you the two things that, I'll tell you two things. I'll tell you the first thing that

1016
01:11:28.960 --> 01:11:33.280
I did. And then I'll tell you one other thing. And I'll give you those two because they might

1017
01:11:33.280 --> 01:11:40.800
sound simple and they might even sound frustrating, but in their simplicity, because we like,

1018
01:11:41.440 --> 01:11:46.640
because the world system of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil requires complication

1019
01:11:46.640 --> 01:11:51.440
in order to be effective. God's the opposite. Everything in the kingdom is extremely simple

1020
01:11:51.440 --> 01:11:54.480
to the point that we don't think that it's relevant. We don't think it works.

1021
01:11:55.360 --> 01:12:02.160
But so here's literally what I did. So I'm literally back in the apartment where God

1022
01:12:02.160 --> 01:12:05.760
taught me these things and where I practice what I'm going to be telling you. I was literally in

1023
01:12:05.760 --> 01:12:11.920
that bed in there when God showed me this. So I was struggling with my identity.

1024
01:12:11.920 --> 01:12:16.640
I had hit rock bottom in my relationship, my finances, my business, literally everything

1025
01:12:16.640 --> 01:12:20.720
was on the rocks. I had no money. I was having to trust the Lord for food. It was that bad.

1026
01:12:21.760 --> 01:12:27.120
And no one knew. And I just thought, Lord, you don't love me. You don't bless me. You're blessing

1027
01:12:27.120 --> 01:12:32.240
everybody else. I have worked so hard for you. I have martyred myself for you in business and

1028
01:12:32.240 --> 01:12:38.000
relationships and everything. And everybody else has been more successful than me by worldly

1029
01:12:38.000 --> 01:12:42.320
standards and what it looks like by spiritual standards. And you're blessing them more than

1030
01:12:42.320 --> 01:12:48.400
you apparently don't love me. And I thought, so God says that he loves me. And I've always

1031
01:12:48.400 --> 01:12:52.000
tried to believe that he did. I always tried to believe that I was enough.

1032
01:12:53.360 --> 01:12:58.960
What is it? Is there anything that I haven't tried? I've tried to obey all the laws, all the rules,

1033
01:12:58.960 --> 01:13:03.280
do all this stuff, everything. I've tried really hard to believe him. I've tried really hard to

1034
01:13:03.280 --> 01:13:08.160
love him. None of it works. So I thought, is there, and I was about to give up, like literally

1035
01:13:08.160 --> 01:13:13.440
I give up for the rest of my life and I was about to give up. And I thought, okay, is there anything

1036
01:13:13.440 --> 01:13:20.560
I haven't tried? And I thought, I haven't decided. In other words, I haven't chosen that it was true.

1037
01:13:21.920 --> 01:13:28.160
Um, and that changed everything for me. So I lay in the bed, you know, just depressed,

1038
01:13:28.160 --> 01:13:32.640
not even wanting to get out of bed. And while I was there lying in bed, I think it was like

1039
01:13:32.640 --> 01:13:38.480
10 in the morning. I was depressed. I had been working on trying to get my businesses off the

1040
01:13:38.480 --> 01:13:43.440
ground and nothing was working. So I was like, I'm just laying in bed, procrastinating as long

1041
01:13:43.440 --> 01:13:49.920
as possible while I'm feeling oppressed and guilty that I wasn't getting up and working

1042
01:13:49.920 --> 01:13:55.280
hard because how on earth do I expect God to make my business successful unless I'm working at it?

1043
01:13:55.280 --> 01:13:59.120
So it was procrastinating, but at the same time, I was feeling guilty about it. And I'm like,

1044
01:13:59.120 --> 01:14:05.440
see, it's just like guilt upon guilt upon shame upon condemnation. So I'm laying there and I

1045
01:14:05.440 --> 01:14:08.640
thought, well, and this is all important to the story. That's why I'm giving you these details.

1046
01:14:09.760 --> 01:14:17.120
And, um, so I felt laying there, I felt condemned by the Lord. And here I am trying to convince my

1047
01:14:17.120 --> 01:14:21.760
myself that he loves me. So finally I thought, you know, I haven't chosen. He says that it's true,

1048
01:14:21.760 --> 01:14:29.840
but I've never chosen that it would be my reality. I kept waiting for it to make sense or for,

1049
01:14:29.840 --> 01:14:34.400
or for him to convince me. That was a really big thing. I kept waiting for logic,

1050
01:14:35.040 --> 01:14:41.760
scripture, or God himself through experiences like experiences that I couldn't refute,

1051
01:14:41.760 --> 01:14:46.080
that I couldn't explain away. I kept waiting for him to convince me and nothing happened.

1052
01:14:47.440 --> 01:14:51.840
One thing that I had not done is I hadn't chosen that it was true. And by that, I mean,

1053
01:14:51.840 --> 01:14:56.320
you choose that it's the reality of the world in which you exist, not choose that you want to

1054
01:14:56.320 --> 01:15:00.240
believe it, not choose that. Okay. Well, I guess God, that's who you are.

1055
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:03.680
are in your distance, I guess you're just love over there.

1056
01:15:03.680 --> 01:15:06.480
And okay, if you say so, if you say so,

1057
01:15:06.480 --> 01:15:08.600
then I guess I'll see it.

1058
01:15:08.600 --> 01:15:10.880
God's like, nope, you're not gonna see it

1059
01:15:10.880 --> 01:15:13.800
unless you decide to risk everything

1060
01:15:13.800 --> 01:15:15.960
on the fact that it might be wrong.

1061
01:15:17.320 --> 01:15:19.800
So you start, so in other words,

1062
01:15:19.800 --> 01:15:22.880
that means you choose that it's the reality

1063
01:15:22.880 --> 01:15:23.720
of the world that you live in,

1064
01:15:23.720 --> 01:15:26.200
that God loves you no matter what you do.

1065
01:15:26.200 --> 01:15:29.120
When you're messing up, when you're sinning,

1066
01:15:29.120 --> 01:15:31.440
that was a huge thing for me.

1067
01:15:31.440 --> 01:15:34.200
While you are sinning, that God is loving you

1068
01:15:34.200 --> 01:15:36.920
and he's not changing his interaction with you,

1069
01:15:36.920 --> 01:15:40.360
he's not stopping talking to you when you sin,

1070
01:15:40.360 --> 01:15:42.200
then none of that changes anymore with Christ.

1071
01:15:42.200 --> 01:15:44.200
It did with Adam, it no longer does.

1072
01:15:44.200 --> 01:15:45.680
So then he doesn't stop talking to you,

1073
01:15:45.680 --> 01:15:47.960
he literally doesn't change his interaction with you

1074
01:15:47.960 --> 01:15:49.640
when you sin.

1075
01:15:49.640 --> 01:15:51.320
That's the whole other thing.

1076
01:15:51.320 --> 01:15:53.160
He literally doesn't.

1077
01:15:53.160 --> 01:15:55.960
The issue with us not feeling close to the Lord

1078
01:15:55.960 --> 01:15:58.120
when we sin is we've created a blockage

1079
01:15:58.120 --> 01:15:59.720
because we're no longer believing.

1080
01:15:59.720 --> 01:16:00.920
So if we're no longer believing,

1081
01:16:00.920 --> 01:16:03.120
God's like, you're not giving me the authority

1082
01:16:03.120 --> 01:16:04.240
to interact with you.

1083
01:16:04.240 --> 01:16:05.920
We're the ones who's stopping it.

1084
01:16:05.920 --> 01:16:07.560
So, but he never stops.

1085
01:16:07.560 --> 01:16:08.880
So he's always talking to us.

1086
01:16:08.880 --> 01:16:13.880
But anyway, the point is that I had to choose

1087
01:16:14.560 --> 01:16:17.160
that if he said he loved me unconditionally,

1088
01:16:17.160 --> 01:16:18.800
that he really did.

1089
01:16:18.800 --> 01:16:21.440
And I had to make a willful, intentional decision

1090
01:16:21.440 --> 01:16:23.840
with the power and the authority God had given me

1091
01:16:23.840 --> 01:16:26.680
to make it up.

1092
01:16:26.680 --> 01:16:28.680
In other words, it feels like you're making it up.

1093
01:16:28.680 --> 01:16:29.800
You're not really making it up,

1094
01:16:29.800 --> 01:16:31.880
but it will feel like it is.

1095
01:16:31.880 --> 01:16:32.960
And we're used to,

1096
01:16:32.960 --> 01:16:35.040
if something feels like we're making it up,

1097
01:16:35.040 --> 01:16:36.520
we're used to rejecting it.

1098
01:16:36.520 --> 01:16:39.000
We did that when we were kids, we played around,

1099
01:16:39.000 --> 01:16:40.280
we were imaginative.

1100
01:16:40.280 --> 01:16:42.440
And then as things got, as we got older,

1101
01:16:42.440 --> 01:16:45.120
it was stifled and squelched out of us.

1102
01:16:45.120 --> 01:16:50.000
It's like, in fact, we were punished for making things up.

1103
01:16:50.000 --> 01:16:53.560
And so that feel, you will feel like you're making it up

1104
01:16:53.560 --> 01:16:55.440
because you won't feel like it's true.

1105
01:16:55.440 --> 01:16:57.120
So you're bypassing your feelings

1106
01:16:57.120 --> 01:17:00.040
and you're making it a willful, intentional decision

1107
01:17:00.040 --> 01:17:02.920
that if he says it's true, then it really is true.

1108
01:17:02.920 --> 01:17:05.200
So you make the decision and then you think,

1109
01:17:05.200 --> 01:17:07.840
okay, well, according to James,

1110
01:17:07.840 --> 01:17:09.880
faith without works is dead.

1111
01:17:09.880 --> 01:17:12.760
So if he says it's true, how would I live?

1112
01:17:13.760 --> 01:17:15.320
How would I act?

1113
01:17:15.320 --> 01:17:19.560
What works would follow me believing it?

1114
01:17:19.560 --> 01:17:21.360
And I thought, well,

1115
01:17:21.360 --> 01:17:24.120
if I believe that God loved me unconditionally,

1116
01:17:24.120 --> 01:17:26.800
and I do because I'm making a willful decision

1117
01:17:26.800 --> 01:17:28.320
that that's the reality that I live in,

1118
01:17:28.320 --> 01:17:29.440
even though right now it feels like

1119
01:17:29.440 --> 01:17:32.280
I'm making up my own world, but he said that it's true.

1120
01:17:32.280 --> 01:17:34.560
If he says that and I'm choosing it,

1121
01:17:34.560 --> 01:17:36.800
then I'll get up and I'll make my bed.

1122
01:17:36.800 --> 01:17:38.120
I have no reason to stay in bed.

1123
01:17:38.120 --> 01:17:40.240
I no longer needed to stay in bed anymore

1124
01:17:40.240 --> 01:17:43.040
now that God loves me, now that I chose that that was true.

1125
01:17:43.040 --> 01:17:45.800
And now, and I didn't even have, and because God loved me,

1126
01:17:45.800 --> 01:17:48.480
I didn't even have to go work on my business right now.

1127
01:17:48.480 --> 01:17:51.080
I could get up and I could go get ready

1128
01:17:51.080 --> 01:17:54.400
and I could take however long I wanted in the shower

1129
01:17:54.400 --> 01:17:55.480
and I could get ready.

1130
01:17:55.480 --> 01:17:59.320
And while I was taking a shower,

1131
01:17:59.320 --> 01:18:02.120
I was thinking, God is loving me right now.

1132
01:18:02.120 --> 01:18:04.160
He is looking on me right now.

1133
01:18:04.160 --> 01:18:07.280
I was choosing that reality, not the concept.

1134
01:18:07.280 --> 01:18:09.760
The concept isn't gonna change anything.

1135
01:18:09.760 --> 01:18:14.480
I actually had to live in that existence in a new world,

1136
01:18:14.480 --> 01:18:16.640
in a world in which God loved me.

1137
01:18:16.640 --> 01:18:19.920
And then I was getting ready for doing my hair and my makeup

1138
01:18:19.920 --> 01:18:21.080
and then I was doing my breakfast.

1139
01:18:21.080 --> 01:18:22.120
I was doing the same thing.

1140
01:18:22.120 --> 01:18:23.600
God is loving watching me,

1141
01:18:23.600 --> 01:18:27.080
is loving watching me interact with these physical objects

1142
01:18:27.080 --> 01:18:29.080
that he created that I'm now gonna ingest

1143
01:18:29.080 --> 01:18:31.160
because I love this type of food.

1144
01:18:31.160 --> 01:18:34.720
He loves the fact that I appreciate something he made.

1145
01:18:34.720 --> 01:18:39.160
And by choosing it and by acting on it,

1146
01:18:39.160 --> 01:18:41.160
it completely changed my life.

1147
01:18:41.160 --> 01:18:42.720
And then I did my business that way.

1148
01:18:42.720 --> 01:18:43.800
I'm like, okay, Lord,

1149
01:18:43.800 --> 01:18:45.600
I don't know what's gonna happen with my business.

1150
01:18:45.600 --> 01:18:47.440
I completely give the outcome up to you.

1151
01:18:47.440 --> 01:18:49.800
I don't know if it's gonna be successful or not.

1152
01:18:50.680 --> 01:18:54.280
All I know, Lord, is I'm fully loved and fully accepted.

1153
01:18:54.280 --> 01:18:56.120
And if I'm fully loved and accepted,

1154
01:18:56.120 --> 01:18:57.680
what am I gonna do today?

1155
01:18:57.680 --> 01:18:59.560
What kind of actions am I gonna take?

1156
01:18:59.560 --> 01:19:00.720
What am I gonna research?

1157
01:19:00.720 --> 01:19:02.600
What am I gonna try?

1158
01:19:02.600 --> 01:19:07.600
Because your love of me is no longer dependent

1159
01:19:07.960 --> 01:19:11.120
on how they interact with me on Facebook.

1160
01:19:11.120 --> 01:19:14.160
And this is at least six months

1161
01:19:14.160 --> 01:19:16.520
before I started my ministry.

1162
01:19:16.600 --> 01:19:21.600
So, it no longer, and well, technically,

1163
01:19:21.960 --> 01:19:23.240
I suppose it was only three months,

1164
01:19:23.240 --> 01:19:24.960
but it depends on how you look at it.

1165
01:19:24.960 --> 01:19:29.960
But the thing is that I just gave the outcome up to the Lord

1166
01:19:30.200 --> 01:19:32.280
of what happened.

1167
01:19:32.280 --> 01:19:36.240
And I just, my whole life became about

1168
01:19:36.240 --> 01:19:37.880
the fact that I was enjoyed.

1169
01:19:39.080 --> 01:19:41.440
And one of the things that I would do is I would,

1170
01:19:41.440 --> 01:19:43.000
and I'm doing the same thing right now,

1171
01:19:43.000 --> 01:19:44.720
because I said, I'm going through a healing process.

1172
01:19:44.720 --> 01:19:46.360
So, God's having to teach,

1173
01:19:46.360 --> 01:19:47.760
take me through deeper healing

1174
01:19:47.760 --> 01:19:51.520
and teaching me deeper things about rest.

1175
01:19:51.520 --> 01:19:53.080
So, I'm having to do the same thing.

1176
01:19:53.080 --> 01:19:55.880
I'm feeling guilty for doing things that I like.

1177
01:19:55.880 --> 01:19:58.160
It's how I grew up, where I felt that

1178
01:19:58.160 --> 01:19:59.560
unless I worked hard enough,

1179
01:19:59.560 --> 01:20:02.080
unless I could have been a better person,

1180
01:20:00.000 --> 01:20:02.520
enough hours in the day doing something I didn't want to do.

1181
01:20:02.080 --> 01:20:05.480
I was not gonna be able to do what I do now.

1182
01:20:02.840 --> 01:20:05.280
I didn't have any right to do anything that made me happy.

1183
01:20:05.480 --> 01:20:10.240
So, I'm feeling guilty for doing things that I like.

1184
01:20:06.000 --> 01:20:10.360
Yeah, I feel that I had to be, I had to be unhappy most of the day before I had the

1185
01:20:10.240 --> 01:20:12.640
It's how I grew up, where I felt that

1186
01:20:10.360 --> 01:20:13.720
right to spend a little bit of time on something that would make me happy.

1187
01:20:14.360 --> 01:20:19.060
And it sounds convoluted, but I'm telling you as much as I've like taught all of

1188
01:20:19.060 --> 01:20:23.720
this and learned all of this and changed and grown or whatever, I still have

1189
01:20:23.720 --> 01:20:25.980
that deep, that deeply rooted belief.

1190
01:20:26.340 --> 01:20:30.420
So one of the things that I'm doing right now is I am forcing myself to

1191
01:20:30.420 --> 01:20:35.460
spend huge amounts of the day, enjoying things that I love to do simply.

1192
01:20:35.460 --> 01:20:37.740
And by that, what I mean is I'm enjoying me.

1193
01:20:38.380 --> 01:20:43.260
What is in me that makes me feel like, in other words, when I do a particular

1194
01:20:43.260 --> 01:20:46.700
thing, like for instance, I love to knit or I'm enjoying doing different

1195
01:20:46.700 --> 01:20:49.780
cooking things right now, or I'm enjoying learning things about gardening.

1196
01:20:50.660 --> 01:20:54.580
I I've seen, if I like it, I see it as a waste of time.

1197
01:20:56.020 --> 01:20:59.060
I mean, some people, you know, do these things for a living or do

1198
01:20:59.060 --> 01:21:01.780
these things because they have to, you know, because they've got kids and

1199
01:21:01.780 --> 01:21:04.700
whatever, and they got to feed them and whatever, my husband and I are fine.

1200
01:21:04.700 --> 01:21:05.700
I don't have to do any of that.

1201
01:21:05.700 --> 01:21:09.940
In fact, my husband, my husband has said that this is the first relationship

1202
01:21:09.940 --> 01:21:11.060
in which he hasn't been the cook.

1203
01:21:11.860 --> 01:21:16.260
So the thing is I forced myself to do the things that I love

1204
01:21:16.900 --> 01:21:20.180
because, and enjoy me in it.

1205
01:21:20.620 --> 01:21:22.940
Because in the reason that that's important.

1206
01:21:23.180 --> 01:21:27.340
And so that's the second thing that I would recommend that you do is that

1207
01:21:27.340 --> 01:21:30.540
you take everything that you're doing.

1208
01:21:31.060 --> 01:21:34.340
And you like to, first of all, it's take every, the first thing is take

1209
01:21:34.340 --> 01:21:38.500
everything that you're doing and choose that God loves you choose it because

1210
01:21:38.500 --> 01:21:40.300
you won't believe it, you won't feel it.

1211
01:21:40.500 --> 01:21:43.420
None of those things, but you choose that it's true.

1212
01:21:43.420 --> 01:21:45.100
You choose that that's your reality.

1213
01:21:45.340 --> 01:21:50.620
The second thing is to pick things that you enjoy doing and you

1214
01:21:50.620 --> 01:21:51.980
don't have to do them for hours.

1215
01:21:52.020 --> 01:21:55.180
You know, I understand you've got kids, you've got a job and all of that.

1216
01:21:55.540 --> 01:22:00.140
The thing is that, but Hey, you even do it when you're driving, whatever,

1217
01:22:00.460 --> 01:22:04.780
when you, when you're washing dishes, when you are, whatever.

1218
01:22:06.220 --> 01:22:07.740
Well, okay.

1219
01:22:07.740 --> 01:22:08.340
Let me back up.

1220
01:22:08.340 --> 01:22:09.900
Cause there's kind of like two parts to this.

1221
01:22:10.300 --> 01:22:13.380
When you do things that you really truly enjoy, that's

1222
01:22:13.380 --> 01:22:14.740
easier for us to connect with.

1223
01:22:15.060 --> 01:22:15.340
Okay.

1224
01:22:15.340 --> 01:22:18.380
Like say for instance, if you love cooking, I'm just gonna make that up.

1225
01:22:18.700 --> 01:22:24.660
You love cooking, then ensure, allow yourself to enjoy you cooking.

1226
01:22:25.140 --> 01:22:29.820
Like allow the full enjoyment of the experience as opposed to, Oh, I'm

1227
01:22:29.820 --> 01:22:34.140
supposed to, I have to, I need to make sure to, I need to do it right.

1228
01:22:34.900 --> 01:22:39.740
Release yourself to just have fun and to do it the way you want to, and

1229
01:22:39.740 --> 01:22:42.860
to not worry about getting everything right and making it all perfectly

1230
01:22:42.860 --> 01:22:44.420
healthy all of the time and whatever.

1231
01:22:44.700 --> 01:22:48.540
Have fun with it in order to write a new record for yourself.

1232
01:22:48.980 --> 01:22:55.220
That, that you, um, uh, that you can enjoy you and that God wants you to

1233
01:22:55.220 --> 01:22:59.860
enjoy you because by enjoying you, you're enjoying him because you are literally

1234
01:22:59.860 --> 01:23:03.420
because your spirit born of his spirit, you literally have his DNA in you.

1235
01:23:04.580 --> 01:23:12.300
You are actually enjoying him and you are agreeing with him and having faith in him

1236
01:23:12.660 --> 01:23:16.260
that what he says about you really is true and that it's worth investing in.

1237
01:23:16.300 --> 01:23:19.540
And then it's valuable because remember you were the first thing that God

1238
01:23:19.540 --> 01:23:24.020
entrusted you with before your husband, before your children, before anything,

1239
01:23:24.020 --> 01:23:27.900
he gave you, you first, and he said, I want, I'm entrusting you with this thing.

1240
01:23:28.300 --> 01:23:29.580
That's very important to me.

1241
01:23:29.580 --> 01:23:31.940
And this is your first thing that I'm holding you accountable

1242
01:23:31.940 --> 01:23:33.980
for before anything else.

1243
01:23:34.620 --> 01:23:38.620
Um, and, uh, so, so that's how we actually act on our faith.

1244
01:23:38.660 --> 01:23:39.060
Okay.

1245
01:23:39.260 --> 01:23:42.460
If God says that I'm worth it, then I'm going to spend time on it.

1246
01:23:42.500 --> 01:23:45.780
But I'm then while I'm spending time on it, I'm going to enjoy me.

1247
01:23:46.300 --> 01:23:50.380
It's it, it sounds great in theory, but when you actually do it, if you're

1248
01:23:50.380 --> 01:23:51.860
not careful, you'll feel guilty.

1249
01:23:52.220 --> 01:23:53.700
All those old things will come up.

1250
01:23:53.700 --> 01:23:55.140
I shouldn't be spending time on this.

1251
01:23:55.140 --> 01:23:56.820
I should be doing something else.

1252
01:23:57.140 --> 01:24:00.380
But what you're doing by forcing yourself to do it is you're forcing

1253
01:24:00.380 --> 01:24:05.620
yourself to act on the fact that you had chosen that something else has chosen

1254
01:24:05.620 --> 01:24:07.340
that what God says is true, really is true.

1255
01:24:07.580 --> 01:24:09.220
If it's true, then what would you do?

1256
01:24:09.900 --> 01:24:14.860
And so you put feet to the thing because James said, if you don't act on it, it's

1257
01:24:14.860 --> 01:24:16.980
not real, you don't really believe it.

1258
01:24:17.180 --> 01:24:19.300
It's just a, oh, well, no.

1259
01:24:19.300 --> 01:24:23.260
If this should ever happen, I know how I should act, but no, no, no.

1260
01:24:23.260 --> 01:24:25.140
We have to put ourselves in the situation.

1261
01:24:25.140 --> 01:24:26.180
If we don't, God will.

1262
01:24:27.100 --> 01:24:30.380
And he's like, I want you to prove to yourself by being in a situation

1263
01:24:30.820 --> 01:24:32.700
that it, that you really do believe it.

1264
01:24:32.700 --> 01:24:33.940
And here's the really cool thing.

1265
01:24:34.020 --> 01:24:37.500
God's just like, if you put yourself in this situation, I will prove to you

1266
01:24:37.900 --> 01:24:42.420
through the experience that what I said to you really is true about you or

1267
01:24:42.420 --> 01:24:46.580
whatever, and then this, the second part of that second thing, because that's

1268
01:24:46.580 --> 01:24:48.180
the second thing is enjoying yourself.

1269
01:24:48.500 --> 01:24:53.860
The other, the kind of the extension of it is, is then bleed over into other

1270
01:24:53.860 --> 01:24:55.780
things that maybe you don't love to do so much.

1271
01:24:55.860 --> 01:24:58.700
I don't know if you don't like to do dishes, but we're going to pick dishes

1272
01:24:58.700 --> 01:25:00.100
or driving or sunbathing.

1273
01:25:00.000 --> 01:25:04.640
thing. And you enjoy yourself while you're doing it. It kind

1274
01:25:04.640 --> 01:25:07.960
of like ties in a bit with the fact of whatever it is you're

1275
01:25:07.960 --> 01:25:13.160
doing shoes that God loves you. You engage with that as well as

1276
01:25:13.160 --> 01:25:16.280
opposed to Okay, well, I'm just here. I don't love me, but God

1277
01:25:16.280 --> 01:25:18.880
loves me. You know, God loves me. That's right. We have to

1278
01:25:18.880 --> 01:25:23.440
engage with it as well. We're like, No, I enjoy me. And so I

1279
01:25:23.440 --> 01:25:27.400
started doing that. I am telling you, I don't I don't know how to

1280
01:25:27.400 --> 01:25:31.200
explain it. It changed the trajectory of my life. And

1281
01:25:31.200 --> 01:25:35.400
here's why, what we believe about God, and the fact that he

1282
01:25:35.400 --> 01:25:39.160
loves this, and what we believe about our, about what God says

1283
01:25:39.160 --> 01:25:45.600
about us. Did I say that right? And will is where we get our

1284
01:25:45.600 --> 01:25:48.720
sense of identity. And our sense of identity is literally the

1285
01:25:48.720 --> 01:25:52.200
root of everything else in life. That's the foundation on which

1286
01:25:52.200 --> 01:25:55.920
all the other lives are built if I'm not enough, or I should have

1287
01:25:55.920 --> 01:25:59.200
done something better, or I'm responsible for everybody else.

1288
01:26:00.240 --> 01:26:02.920
A lot. I mean, sure, those things have to be navigated and

1289
01:26:02.920 --> 01:26:07.080
worked through and whatever, but they're all founded on that

1290
01:26:07.080 --> 01:26:11.560
sense of self, what it is that we believe about God, and

1291
01:26:11.680 --> 01:26:17.160
whether and how, and whether he unconditionally loves us. And

1292
01:26:17.360 --> 01:26:22.280
whether or not we participate in how to participate, come into

1293
01:26:22.280 --> 01:26:26.360
agreement with it by enjoying ourselves as well. Does all of

1294
01:26:26.360 --> 01:26:27.200
that make sense?

1295
01:26:28.520 --> 01:26:34.120
Yeah, I think so. Is this this is recorded, right? Yeah. So I

1296
01:26:34.120 --> 01:26:38.040
get to listen to this again. Yeah, we sometimes me. Yeah, I'm

1297
01:26:38.040 --> 01:26:42.320
just gonna have to listen to it again. Because, yeah, because

1298
01:26:42.320 --> 01:26:46.680
that it's hard. It is a lot. And yeah, it's through and then I

1299
01:26:46.680 --> 01:26:50.240
have been you have your own thoughts of your own beliefs.

1300
01:26:50.240 --> 01:26:53.440
And it's not really true. And that kind of thing. So so I'll

1301
01:26:53.440 --> 01:26:57.320
just have to, I'll have to listen to it again. I did want

1302
01:26:57.320 --> 01:27:00.760
to ask you because I know that you have that, I guess our time

1303
01:27:00.760 --> 01:27:04.240
is probably about to end or whatever. But what I did want to

1304
01:27:04.240 --> 01:27:07.680
ask you is, do you have any? I know you said you don't have

1305
01:27:07.680 --> 01:27:11.960
your program right now going on? You have any like resources,

1306
01:27:11.960 --> 01:27:16.440
like foundational things that I could listen to perhaps, that

1307
01:27:16.440 --> 01:27:18.880
kind of go along with what you're what you're talking

1308
01:27:18.880 --> 01:27:21.720
about? Maybe so that I can kind of start listening to this

1309
01:27:21.720 --> 01:27:27.800
stuff to try to get it a little bit more. Yeah, I do. I will.

1310
01:27:28.040 --> 01:27:31.800
I'll send you a link to send. Yes. And so to some recorded

1311
01:27:31.800 --> 01:27:35.360
teachings that I have. Okay. Yeah, I think it's really I

1312
01:27:35.360 --> 01:27:40.440
mean, really, my heart is, is I want to believe who that I am

1313
01:27:40.440 --> 01:27:44.840
in Christ. And that but it's just how do I get that? How does

1314
01:27:44.840 --> 01:27:49.080
it click? And so and I do think I get what you're saying. Allow

1315
01:27:49.080 --> 01:27:52.400
yourself to enjoy yourself. I deal with feeling guilty.

1316
01:27:52.920 --> 01:27:55.480
Because that because because I've seen two extremes. I've

1317
01:27:55.480 --> 01:27:58.800
seen very lazy people that get nothing done. And they just have

1318
01:27:58.800 --> 01:28:03.720
fun all day. And they have nothing that they don't. They

1319
01:28:03.720 --> 01:28:07.880
have nothing to say for anything. And so I'm like, I

1320
01:28:07.880 --> 01:28:09.880
know that there's a balance. There's a balance to

1321
01:28:09.880 --> 01:28:15.160
everything. And so I'm so one of those. Yeah, the reason why

1322
01:28:15.200 --> 01:28:20.520
that isn't doesn't work is because if they are still if

1323
01:28:20.520 --> 01:28:22.800
their whole life is built around the tree of the knowledge of

1324
01:28:22.800 --> 01:28:24.960
good and evil, that everything has to be worked for. And that's

1325
01:28:24.960 --> 01:28:28.360
what they believe. They don't want to do anything. In fact,

1326
01:28:28.360 --> 01:28:30.840
that's probably why they're lazy is they just find it too hard.

1327
01:28:30.840 --> 01:28:33.080
And they think, Oh, I'm not worth it. And I'm not going to

1328
01:28:33.080 --> 01:28:35.160
be able to get it done. Anyway, I'm going to be a failure

1329
01:28:35.160 --> 01:28:38.320
anyway. So why even try and I'm just going to have fun. If

1330
01:28:38.320 --> 01:28:43.480
they're still believing in this way of life, then this, that's

1331
01:28:43.480 --> 01:28:47.880
why they're getting bad results. If they they can appear not

1332
01:28:47.880 --> 01:28:50.600
lazy, but they can appear like they're having fun and all kinds

1333
01:28:50.600 --> 01:28:53.600
of stuff. If they are relying on God, God's going to be the one

1334
01:28:53.600 --> 01:28:56.320
to like take care of them. Now the thing is, though, if they

1335
01:28:56.320 --> 01:28:59.240
believe like this, they're still going to be doing things. Why?

1336
01:28:59.240 --> 01:29:01.160
Because they're going to know they're a king, they're going to

1337
01:29:01.160 --> 01:29:04.720
know they're a priest. And they are going to do actions that

1338
01:29:04.880 --> 01:29:08.280
reflect that they're not going to be lazy and mooching off of

1339
01:29:08.280 --> 01:29:11.120
people and mooching off their mom staying in the basement.

1340
01:29:11.360 --> 01:29:13.960
That is these people, that's people that have agreed with

1341
01:29:13.960 --> 01:29:18.600
this modality, or this operation of life, not this one, when they

1342
01:29:18.600 --> 01:29:23.000
operate on according to this one, you get more done with

1343
01:29:23.000 --> 01:29:28.240
less energy. Okay, so and God is taking care of all the results.

1344
01:29:28.240 --> 01:29:31.600
Here's the difference. With with the Lord, you're no longer

1345
01:29:31.600 --> 01:29:34.080
carrying the burden, the weight and the responsibility of the

1346
01:29:34.080 --> 01:29:38.200
outcome. Okay, you Well, you're carrying the responsibility, but

1347
01:29:38.200 --> 01:29:41.000
the thing about spiritual maturity is spiritual maturity

1348
01:29:41.000 --> 01:29:45.920
is responsibility without any weight. Without it feeling

1349
01:29:45.920 --> 01:29:49.440
heavy, it's the responsibility of a king, they get to enjoy all

1350
01:29:49.440 --> 01:29:53.240
the benefits of the responsibility without any of

1351
01:29:53.240 --> 01:29:57.920
the drawback. That spiritual maturity, if you can't handle

1352
01:29:57.920 --> 01:29:59.840
responsibility, that immaturity.

1353
01:30:00.000 --> 01:30:03.680
like spiritual responsibility, physical responsibility, that's immaturity.

1354
01:30:03.680 --> 01:30:09.920
But if you can handle without feeling weight, if you can feel, if you can take on responsibility

1355
01:30:09.920 --> 01:30:14.080
without feeling the heaviness of it, because remember God says to give the burden to him,

1356
01:30:14.080 --> 01:30:17.840
if you can carry the responsibility without the weight of it, that's spiritual maturity.

1357
01:30:18.800 --> 01:30:24.080
So, but anyway, but yeah, that's the difference between all those people, because again,

1358
01:30:24.080 --> 01:30:29.360
we're, we're talking about completely shifting from that operation of life to this one.

1359
01:30:30.960 --> 01:30:35.120
Yeah. Okay. Yeah. That's why that one doesn't work. I mean, like what you're saying. Yeah,

1360
01:30:35.120 --> 01:30:39.040
that is scary. Yeah. We don't want to be like that. And we keep thinking if I let go, that's

1361
01:30:39.040 --> 01:30:44.000
who I'm going to be. And I know we're letting go of the system and we're choosing this one. And I,

1362
01:30:44.000 --> 01:30:48.800
we could talk a long time about all of this, but my entire life changed and I got so many more

1363
01:30:48.800 --> 01:30:55.360
opportunities. People changed in their actions towards me because, and I got more money and all

1364
01:30:55.360 --> 01:31:02.800
of that stuff. And I got more gifts and more of my needs met when I let go because God suddenly

1365
01:31:02.800 --> 01:31:10.000
did everything. So now I still acted and interacted and did things and, and, you know, participated

1366
01:31:10.000 --> 01:31:16.720
with the Lord, but I let go of this system and chose this one. And my life became like 10 times

1367
01:31:16.720 --> 01:31:20.640
more colorful. It's not a hundred. I mean, my goodness, I began traveling the United States

1368
01:31:20.640 --> 01:31:25.280
by myself. And then I started traveling internationally, strictly by faith where

1369
01:31:25.280 --> 01:31:30.000
God took care of me and God took care of the, took care of the money and God took care of,

1370
01:31:30.000 --> 01:31:33.920
you know, just whatever. And I taught and I interacted with people and I just did whatever,

1371
01:31:33.920 --> 01:31:38.640
just because if my God's going to take care of everything, what do I want to do? Well, I want

1372
01:31:38.640 --> 01:31:42.400
to do this and I'm going to do that. And I want to, I want to have a ministry and I'm going to

1373
01:31:42.400 --> 01:31:46.240
have a business and I'm going to do whatever because I no longer carry the weight of the

1374
01:31:46.240 --> 01:31:50.800
outcome. He is, so I'm no longer carrying the weight of it. What do I want to do? That's when

1375
01:31:50.800 --> 01:31:55.760
all of a sudden we find all of this motivation, this one, when you let go, there's no motivation.

1376
01:31:55.760 --> 01:32:00.960
So there's laziness. When this, when we let go of this and we choose this, we find that our

1377
01:32:00.960 --> 01:32:06.880
motivation increases because where there's no longer the pressure that we feel of the outcome.

1378
01:32:06.880 --> 01:32:12.400
So now we have all of this energy towards being ourselves. So within ourselves, we all, we have

1379
01:32:12.480 --> 01:32:18.560
all of the, we have, we have all of the action. And I mean, all of the, all of the creativeness

1380
01:32:18.560 --> 01:32:26.080
of our father to build things, to build businesses, to build relationships, to volunteer,

1381
01:32:26.080 --> 01:32:31.760
to whatever in here, it just felt exhausting because here you have to bear the weight of it

1382
01:32:31.760 --> 01:32:37.200
over here. You get to do everything without bearing any weight. So you got intrinsically

1383
01:32:37.200 --> 01:32:42.320
put in us our own motivation because we're like our father, we're built to create, to do stuff.

1384
01:32:42.480 --> 01:32:47.040
The reason we try to avoid it over here is because it comes with a burden and over here,

1385
01:32:47.040 --> 01:32:52.160
it doesn't come with a burden. Yeah. Okay. So it's a lot more fun than Netflix. I rarely watch.

1386
01:32:53.120 --> 01:32:56.560
In fact, until Ed and I started, and so Ed and I got married, when Ed and I got married,

1387
01:32:56.560 --> 01:33:00.640
we started watching television as a means to do something together at Morningstar.

1388
01:33:01.280 --> 01:33:05.680
And, but before that, I, I hardly watched television in years. And by television,

1389
01:33:05.680 --> 01:33:10.720
I'm talking like Netflix because I was too busy. There were too many fun things to do,

1390
01:33:11.680 --> 01:33:18.800
because anyway, and it's not, it's not, I was always doing something and it didn't feel

1391
01:33:18.800 --> 01:33:25.840
exhausting. I was energized. There was now so much I could do now that I no longer was

1392
01:33:25.840 --> 01:33:30.160
burdened by the doing of them. You know, anyway, I just feel like,

1393
01:33:30.160 --> 01:33:32.240
was it because you just felt like you were doing it with God?

1394
01:33:34.960 --> 01:33:39.200
It was because God, no, it was no longer holding me accountable for what happened and how it

1395
01:33:39.200 --> 01:33:45.280
happened. Okay. He loves me regardless. And he would always protect me and provide for me,

1396
01:33:45.280 --> 01:33:50.320
no matter what happens. So even if pain came with it, even if the, if, if the relationship

1397
01:33:50.320 --> 01:33:57.200
dissolved because of something, you know, uh, or whatever he, I don't know how to describe it.

1398
01:33:57.200 --> 01:34:02.720
It's as if it, those, the threat of those things affecting me, or those things that were no longer

1399
01:34:02.720 --> 01:34:08.480
a threat to me, to what he thought of me, to what I thought about myself, to how I felt.

1400
01:34:08.480 --> 01:34:12.560
It didn't take away my joy anymore. See over here, it would take away my joy over here.

1401
01:34:12.560 --> 01:34:19.600
It no longer took away my joy. Um, so that's why there's no, there's no weightiness in living over

1402
01:34:19.600 --> 01:34:25.840
here. There's no heaviness anymore. So that's the difference. Yeah. So I'm glad you brought

1403
01:34:25.840 --> 01:34:33.040
that up so I could distinguish. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Um, yeah. So if you have any,

1404
01:34:33.040 --> 01:34:38.160
any teaching that you can send so that I can listen to this and try to kind of.

1405
01:34:38.960 --> 01:34:45.840
It's different. Yeah, it is. It's very different. Yeah. So yeah, I've got a series or two,

1406
01:34:45.840 --> 01:34:50.640
one or two of them that I'll send, um, you know, your way, um, to, um, to check out if you,

1407
01:34:50.640 --> 01:34:55.840
if you want to. And, um, and yeah, there you go. I'm sorry. I don't have a program right now.

1408
01:34:55.840 --> 01:34:59.680
The program is really, people say that, um, I mean,

1409
01:35:00.000 --> 01:35:05.360
love these things because they get to personally ask me and you know in the breakthrough sessions

1410
01:35:05.360 --> 01:35:10.640
they get to personally ask me questions about like their private situations, their individual

1411
01:35:10.640 --> 01:35:17.040
situations, and how to apply the teachings in their individual situations. But they don't,

1412
01:35:17.680 --> 01:35:25.520
they don't get very far in doing only breakthrough sessions because there's no, it's all just

1413
01:35:26.480 --> 01:35:34.320
that they're alone in executing it. And in the in the program not only is there a building

1414
01:35:34.320 --> 01:35:41.360
over several weeks, there's actually a community. And so people find other people get to interact

1415
01:35:41.360 --> 01:35:47.040
with other people that are living life like them because so most of the people their spouses for

1416
01:35:47.040 --> 01:35:52.960
instance don't understand what they're learning and because it's so different. And so they'll

1417
01:35:53.040 --> 01:35:57.040
talk about the fact I can't tell you the number of times people have jumped into the group and said

1418
01:35:57.600 --> 01:36:01.920
y'all are the only people that can understand the victory that I just had or what God just

1419
01:36:01.920 --> 01:36:06.480
showed me or what God just did and I've never had seen him do anything like this before.

1420
01:36:07.200 --> 01:36:11.920
You know I've had so many people say Ashley I didn't know that life could look like this on

1421
01:36:11.920 --> 01:36:17.040
this when I was living before death you know and going to heaven. I didn't know that heaven could

1422
01:36:17.040 --> 01:36:21.760
be lived on earth. I didn't know a relationship with God could look like this. I didn't know my

1423
01:36:21.760 --> 01:36:27.520
life could feel like this. And people's lives completely change when they hear this because

1424
01:36:27.520 --> 01:36:33.040
this really is just the gospel. It's just that we haven't understood the gospel so therefore

1425
01:36:33.040 --> 01:36:40.320
and the freedom in it so therefore we haven't gotten to experience it in our lives. So just

1426
01:36:40.320 --> 01:36:45.120
because it's true doesn't mean we're getting to live it. If we only get to live it if we believe

1427
01:36:45.120 --> 01:36:54.080
it anyway. Just really quickly and just the current situation that I'm feeling that heaviness

1428
01:36:54.080 --> 01:37:00.240
that weight of what if I made this decision and it was wrong for my for this listing and I told

1429
01:37:00.240 --> 01:37:07.600
you this was the most recent thing. Is there anything that you would just say if I start

1430
01:37:07.600 --> 01:37:13.520
feeling that anxious feeling in my stomach like second guessing my decision or like what if I

1431
01:37:13.520 --> 01:37:19.440
could have done something wrong? Is there something that you would just say do this and this will

1432
01:37:19.440 --> 01:37:26.720
start shifting things? There's a couple of things I can well no let me give you three.

1433
01:37:26.720 --> 01:37:31.120
There's three things there's multiple things I could say but we'll start with these three

1434
01:37:31.120 --> 01:37:36.560
because otherwise it could be overwhelming. And one of them may not make much sense because I

1435
01:37:36.560 --> 01:37:41.440
haven't talked about it much but one of them is where does it sound so you remember your spirit

1436
01:37:41.440 --> 01:37:48.320
soul and body your spirit is the king over your soul and your body. Your spirit is like like God is

1437
01:37:48.320 --> 01:37:54.960
to us your spirit is your soul and body. God provides for us our spirit that's one with Christ

1438
01:37:54.960 --> 01:38:01.120
is given the dominion over the kingdom of its soul and its body. So if our soul or our body needs

1439
01:38:01.120 --> 01:38:07.200
anything our spirit is supposed to get it from the Lord and send it down. So in other words our soul

1440
01:38:07.200 --> 01:38:11.520
and our body you know we're just scared and our soul and our body don't believe the Lord and they

1441
01:38:11.520 --> 01:38:15.440
don't have faith and all of that and that's why they're acting out. That's why they're scared.

1442
01:38:15.440 --> 01:38:20.000
That's why they get anxious. You know it's why you get all those knots in your stomach. It's your body

1443
01:38:20.000 --> 01:38:25.920
manifesting the unbelief. Don't believe I'm protected. I don't believe I'm safe. I've got to

1444
01:38:25.920 --> 01:38:32.800
do it myself and so the body and the body goes in distress. So it's manifesting the the soul's

1445
01:38:32.800 --> 01:38:38.640
belief not the spirit's because the spirit never questions the Lord but the soul. So what I recommend

1446
01:38:38.640 --> 01:38:49.200
doing is the first thing I'll recommend is what I call stop and that is where you tell you

1447
01:38:49.200 --> 01:38:53.600
you shift into your spirit. There's there's some stuff I could that would take a bit longer for me

1448
01:38:53.600 --> 01:38:58.640
to explain about how you kind of do that but you just remember who it is you are. You choose by

1449
01:38:58.640 --> 01:39:06.560
faith. I am that. I am my spirit. I am 100 perfect. I am the new man. I am the new creation. The old man

1450
01:39:06.560 --> 01:39:14.960
has died. He can't be resurrected. This is who I am. I literally cannot sin. So that person is talking

1451
01:39:14.960 --> 01:39:20.800
to my soul and my body that are just scared and you just tell it hey look I don't know what's going

1452
01:39:20.800 --> 01:39:24.640
on. I don't know what's triggered you. You might know what's triggered you but sometimes you won't

1453
01:39:24.640 --> 01:39:27.520
know what's triggered you. You just know that you're anxious. I don't know why you're anxious

1454
01:39:27.520 --> 01:39:33.120
but whatever it is I'm telling you is your king. I'm telling you to stop and you don't do it in a

1455
01:39:33.120 --> 01:39:37.600
mean way because that'll just scare your soul and your body even more. It just scares you even more

1456
01:39:37.600 --> 01:39:43.840
like oh my goodness. It's because currently there's a lot to all of this but your soul and your

1457
01:39:43.840 --> 01:39:48.400
body are afraid of your spirit. Your spirit agrees with the Lord and it's not agreeing with the Lord

1458
01:39:48.400 --> 01:39:52.320
so it's not agreeing with your spirit and it's a house divided against itself. So anyway you want

1459
01:39:52.320 --> 01:39:56.880
your spirit to come in in a loving but authoritative way is saying hey look I'm going

1460
01:39:56.880 --> 01:39:59.840
to protect and provide for you. You no longer have to.

1461
01:40:00.000 --> 01:40:03.640
No, you think that you're abandoned, you're not, I'm here and I'm telling

1462
01:40:03.640 --> 01:40:06.260
you, whatever's going on, stop it.

1463
01:40:07.280 --> 01:40:09.960
You know, you're not being mean about it because again, that'll scare it, but

1464
01:40:09.960 --> 01:40:15.120
you do it in an authoritative, like a very, I don't know, like knowledgeable

1465
01:40:15.120 --> 01:40:18.920
way, like you've got no question, like, Hey, this is what I want you to do.

1466
01:40:19.460 --> 01:40:24.780
And you will be shocked at how fast that sometimes it doesn't always happen, but

1467
01:40:24.780 --> 01:40:26.580
how sometimes we'll just immediately stop.

1468
01:40:27.180 --> 01:40:30.620
And I tell all of my, all my clients, tell them all how to do this.

1469
01:40:30.620 --> 01:40:33.260
And they're, and they're like, that is shocking how it works.

1470
01:40:33.260 --> 01:40:37.020
I'm like, I know it doesn't always work, which is why I have some other tools as

1471
01:40:37.020 --> 01:40:40.140
well, but it's, it can sometimes stop.

1472
01:40:40.140 --> 01:40:43.060
You just tell yourself, Hey, look, this is how it's going to be.

1473
01:40:43.120 --> 01:40:46.940
I need you to stop whatever it is you're holding on to, let it go.

1474
01:40:47.820 --> 01:40:49.300
And you give it a command.

1475
01:40:49.440 --> 01:40:53.140
It's very kind, but as a command, you have to have authority in it.

1476
01:40:53.140 --> 01:40:55.660
If you don't have authority and it's like wishful thinking and hope it's

1477
01:40:55.700 --> 01:40:59.580
going to obey, you know, it, it, uh, it doesn't respect that.

1478
01:40:59.740 --> 01:41:01.060
So you have to do it with authority.

1479
01:41:01.540 --> 01:41:06.340
And the, uh, the other thing is to look at what I call no judgment.

1480
01:41:07.340 --> 01:41:12.660
And that is where we look at a situation and we think, and we think it

1481
01:41:12.660 --> 01:41:14.620
shouldn't be like this, it should be different.

1482
01:41:14.820 --> 01:41:16.300
I shouldn't be feeling this way.

1483
01:41:16.300 --> 01:41:17.580
I should be feeling different.

1484
01:41:17.900 --> 01:41:19.380
This thing shouldn't have happened.

1485
01:41:19.740 --> 01:41:20.580
This should have happened.

1486
01:41:20.580 --> 01:41:22.460
God should have done this and he didn't do it.

1487
01:41:23.460 --> 01:41:27.900
We're thinking that whatever should, whatever's happening should be different.

1488
01:41:28.340 --> 01:41:30.300
That's judging the situation.

1489
01:41:30.620 --> 01:41:32.460
And so stop judging it.

1490
01:41:33.100 --> 01:41:36.660
In other words, just shifted it and just allow it to just be again.

1491
01:41:36.660 --> 01:41:37.620
You're not giving up.

1492
01:41:37.780 --> 01:41:40.100
Like I said earlier in the conversation, not giving up where

1493
01:41:40.100 --> 01:41:43.700
you're as defeatist attitude, like, well, because I can't control it.

1494
01:41:44.300 --> 01:41:48.020
That's, that's not a kingly position and therefore it won't work.

1495
01:41:48.700 --> 01:41:51.980
Um, also you're not giving in to the temptation of the lie that

1496
01:41:51.980 --> 01:41:54.300
it's wanting you to believe about yourself or about God.

1497
01:41:54.340 --> 01:41:55.500
You're not giving into any of that.

1498
01:41:55.500 --> 01:41:58.660
You're just shifting into neutral and you're not judging the situation.

1499
01:41:58.660 --> 01:42:01.100
You're just allowing spiritually and emotionally, you're just

1500
01:42:01.100 --> 01:42:04.580
allowing it to be because you're not threatened by it because you're in

1501
01:42:04.580 --> 01:42:06.140
Christ and it's all below you.

1502
01:42:06.180 --> 01:42:07.620
So there's no need to be threatened.

1503
01:42:07.940 --> 01:42:10.980
And as soon as you do that, you will notice all your anxiety to stop.

1504
01:42:12.220 --> 01:42:15.060
So, um, so hopefully those things will help.

1505
01:42:15.100 --> 01:42:18.580
Um, again, I have more tools, but we don't have, have the time, but those

1506
01:42:18.580 --> 01:42:22.940
are probably two of the biggest ones that are the most powerful for me.

1507
01:42:22.940 --> 01:42:24.700
I always go to the no judgment one.

1508
01:42:25.020 --> 01:42:27.340
I use the no judgment more than anything else.

1509
01:42:28.100 --> 01:42:31.580
The last thing is, and people love this one because there's

1510
01:42:31.740 --> 01:42:32.860
nothing that they have to do.

1511
01:42:34.060 --> 01:42:36.740
They, when you go to bed at night or just whenever you think

1512
01:42:36.740 --> 01:42:40.260
about it throughout the day, you, um, but especially at night, people

1513
01:42:40.260 --> 01:42:41.500
love doing it right before they go to bed.

1514
01:42:41.500 --> 01:42:45.580
That's when I started doing it is, um, again, you taught, you

1515
01:42:45.580 --> 01:42:46.620
shift into your spirit.

1516
01:42:46.620 --> 01:42:47.580
In other words, you choose.

1517
01:42:47.580 --> 01:42:48.580
That is who you are.

1518
01:42:48.620 --> 01:42:50.380
That's what I mean by shifting into your spirit.

1519
01:42:50.380 --> 01:42:53.140
It's not simply believing that that's who you are.

1520
01:42:53.460 --> 01:42:55.740
It's choosing that that's who you are.

1521
01:42:55.780 --> 01:42:59.260
And you, and you become that you're like, no, I am my spirit.

1522
01:42:59.820 --> 01:43:03.260
Again, just like we choose that what God said about himself really is true.

1523
01:43:03.260 --> 01:43:04.660
And you have to make a decision.

1524
01:43:05.020 --> 01:43:08.060
You make a decision that you actually are your spirit.

1525
01:43:08.740 --> 01:43:09.780
You know, a decision.

1526
01:43:09.780 --> 01:43:10.460
That's who I am.

1527
01:43:10.900 --> 01:43:14.420
So, because it's who I am, you know, I'm going to talk to my soul and my body.

1528
01:43:14.420 --> 01:43:18.100
And you talk to it kind of similarly to the, to the whole stop thing, except

1529
01:43:18.100 --> 01:43:22.420
you're telling it, Hey, look, you know, I know that you're afraid.

1530
01:43:22.660 --> 01:43:27.180
I know that you're anxious, but I'm, I'm your spirit and I am here.

1531
01:43:27.340 --> 01:43:28.900
God, I'm one with Christ.

1532
01:43:28.940 --> 01:43:31.940
And therefore he gives me access to the spirit of wisdom, the spirit of

1533
01:43:31.940 --> 01:43:36.620
knowledge, the spirit of understanding, et cetera, and I can provide, I can heal

1534
01:43:36.620 --> 01:43:40.580
your wounds, you don't know how to heal your wounds, but I, because I'm one

1535
01:43:40.580 --> 01:43:43.380
with Christ, I do, I have access to all of that.

1536
01:43:43.380 --> 01:43:45.820
I can pass Christ healing down, et cetera.

1537
01:43:46.380 --> 01:43:49.980
And so there's, there's no need for you to worry about

1538
01:43:49.980 --> 01:43:51.660
and try to heal your own wounds.

1539
01:43:51.940 --> 01:43:53.620
There's no, you need for you to be afraid.

1540
01:43:53.620 --> 01:43:55.300
There's no need for you to be anxious.

1541
01:43:55.780 --> 01:43:57.420
I want you to trust me.

1542
01:43:57.460 --> 01:43:58.580
Let me come in.

1543
01:43:58.580 --> 01:44:00.420
In other words, let this spirit come in.

1544
01:44:00.980 --> 01:44:02.580
Um, so I talked to my soul that way.

1545
01:44:02.580 --> 01:44:04.020
I talked to my body that way.

1546
01:44:04.020 --> 01:44:07.540
Sometimes I'll talk to my body about specific things that it's doing, that

1547
01:44:07.580 --> 01:44:12.540
it, that I appreciate that it's trying to protect me because it's just trying

1548
01:44:12.580 --> 01:44:15.060
to do the right thing because it thinks I've abandoned it.

1549
01:44:15.060 --> 01:44:16.620
It thinks the spirit's abandoned it.

1550
01:44:16.620 --> 01:44:20.460
And so it's trying to fight for it, you know, by giving me indigestion or by,

1551
01:44:20.780 --> 01:44:24.500
I don't know, adding fat to my body because it's trying to like neutralize

1552
01:44:24.500 --> 01:44:28.620
toxins and hide them away so it doesn't kill me, you know, it's trying to protect

1553
01:44:28.620 --> 01:44:32.780
me and sort of like, you know, I really appreciate that, but you know what?

1554
01:44:32.780 --> 01:44:34.820
You don't have to anymore because I'm here.

1555
01:44:34.940 --> 01:44:41.980
So just let all that go, release the fat, release the anxiety, release the stress,

1556
01:44:41.980 --> 01:44:46.260
release the fear, release this pain that I'm experiencing here, release.

1557
01:44:46.260 --> 01:44:48.580
I've, you know, I've talked to my headaches and they've gone away.

1558
01:44:48.940 --> 01:44:51.380
I've told other people about this and that happens.

1559
01:44:51.380 --> 01:44:52.940
They talk to their headaches that goes away.

1560
01:44:53.420 --> 01:44:57.980
And so, and then you just talk to them, you know, and then you, and you ask them

1561
01:44:57.980 --> 01:44:59.980
to do these things while you're asleep.

1562
01:45:00.000 --> 01:45:04.300
You know, and then I sometimes talk to my spirit and say, Hey, you know, they're afraid

1563
01:45:04.300 --> 01:45:07.420
of you be kind, you know, and whatever.

1564
01:45:07.420 --> 01:45:11.540
And I know all of this might sound really weird, but David talked to his soul.

1565
01:45:11.540 --> 01:45:16.420
You know, you read in the Psalms, you know, rise up on my soul, this and my soul, that

1566
01:45:16.420 --> 01:45:17.420
and whatever.

1567
01:45:17.420 --> 01:45:18.420
So David talked to his soul.

1568
01:45:18.420 --> 01:45:21.020
And I think that there's other examples in scripture.

1569
01:45:21.020 --> 01:45:25.780
I don't remember where they are at the moment of people talking to their souls or their

1570
01:45:25.780 --> 01:45:28.180
bodies or whatever.

1571
01:45:28.180 --> 01:45:29.780
So there's, it's not weird.

1572
01:45:29.780 --> 01:45:30.780
It's not hokey.

1573
01:45:30.780 --> 01:45:35.660
It's actually acknowledged that they acknowledging that their entities and addressing them to

1574
01:45:35.660 --> 01:45:40.100
give them direction because you're the king of yourself.

1575
01:45:40.100 --> 01:45:45.020
So tell yourself what you want it to do, because it's there to listen to you.

1576
01:45:45.020 --> 01:45:46.220
It needs to know what to do.

1577
01:45:46.220 --> 01:45:51.700
It needs a parent to be the parent, you know, be the king, but it needs it.

1578
01:45:51.700 --> 01:45:56.420
It's not meant to carry the responsibility, the spirit is to be the spirit that has responsibility

1579
01:45:56.660 --> 01:46:01.860
that has the protection, that has the provision, that has all the healing from the Lord, you

1580
01:46:01.860 --> 01:46:03.380
know, and give it to the soul and the body.

1581
01:46:03.380 --> 01:46:07.420
So the soul and the body no longer think that it's their responsibility.

1582
01:46:07.420 --> 01:46:14.740
So I've had, I've shifted overnight strictly sometimes by not meaning like if there was

1583
01:46:14.740 --> 01:46:18.540
something I was particularly anxious about or stressed about, and I've talked to my soul

1584
01:46:18.540 --> 01:46:22.980
and my body before I went to bed, sometimes I wake up the next day, it's completely gone.

1585
01:46:23.060 --> 01:46:28.100
Other times, and it, you know, I've had one client, they said, Ashley, I did that every

1586
01:46:28.100 --> 01:46:28.660
single night.

1587
01:46:28.660 --> 01:46:31.140
And she said, I don't know what happened.

1588
01:46:31.140 --> 01:46:34.340
I don't know why, but everything's suddenly different.

1589
01:46:34.340 --> 01:46:35.780
Everything's changed.

1590
01:46:35.780 --> 01:46:40.260
I was like, exactly, because you're, you gave instruction to your spirit, soul, and body,

1591
01:46:40.260 --> 01:46:40.820
and they obeyed.

1592
01:46:43.380 --> 01:46:44.500
That's what happens.

1593
01:46:44.500 --> 01:46:47.860
So we're just not showing up in our own lives.

1594
01:46:47.860 --> 01:46:50.980
It goes like, you're what I've entrusted you with.

1595
01:46:50.980 --> 01:46:53.460
I told you, I gave you dominion over creation.

1596
01:46:53.460 --> 01:46:54.500
This is creation.

1597
01:46:55.140 --> 01:46:57.780
This is, this is, this is what came into existence.

1598
01:46:57.780 --> 01:47:01.700
Our soul and our body came into existence at conception, not our spirit.

1599
01:47:01.700 --> 01:47:05.380
That's the whole light thing, you know, that comes in, you know, it interacts, but, you

1600
01:47:05.380 --> 01:47:09.460
know, at conception, but the, you know, the soul and the body, that's creation.

1601
01:47:09.460 --> 01:47:14.740
God's like, I gave you dominion over that first before the elephant, before the trees,

1602
01:47:14.740 --> 01:47:17.460
before your circumstances, before spiritual laws, it's you.

1603
01:47:18.180 --> 01:47:25.780
So anyway, those are things that might sound weird, but I promise you, I promise you, they,

1604
01:47:25.780 --> 01:47:27.540
they're very, very effective.

1605
01:47:27.540 --> 01:47:29.540
So anyway, yeah.

1606
01:47:29.540 --> 01:47:30.040
Okay.

1607
01:47:31.060 --> 01:47:34.340
Um, I forgot, what did you said to something?

1608
01:47:34.340 --> 01:47:34.900
I can't remember.

1609
01:47:34.900 --> 01:47:37.700
What's the exact amount that you said for the session?

1610
01:47:37.700 --> 01:47:38.980
Oh, 250.

1611
01:47:39.700 --> 01:47:40.180
Okay.

1612
01:47:40.180 --> 01:47:43.060
And then, um, and then you sent me the link to pay, right?

1613
01:47:43.780 --> 01:47:44.260
Yes.

1614
01:47:44.340 --> 01:47:47.860
And I know that we've gone over, it's just the 250 for the one hour.

1615
01:47:47.860 --> 01:47:48.420
Okay.

1616
01:47:48.420 --> 01:47:48.920
Okay.

1617
01:47:49.380 --> 01:47:50.100
All right.

1618
01:47:50.100 --> 01:47:51.700
Um, well, Ashley, thanks.

1619
01:47:51.700 --> 01:47:56.340
Anything that you, uh, you said you'd send me that, whatever that link is for whatever.

1620
01:47:56.340 --> 01:48:02.660
Um, and I'll just have to, I'll just have to listen to this again because it's, it is a

1621
01:48:02.660 --> 01:48:03.220
lot.

1622
01:48:03.220 --> 01:48:03.780
It is a lot.

1623
01:48:04.740 --> 01:48:09.540
Naturally believe, like I do believe in speaking things into existence.

1624
01:48:09.540 --> 01:48:11.700
I do believe in that kind of thing.

1625
01:48:11.700 --> 01:48:12.200
Right.

1626
01:48:12.740 --> 01:48:13.700
I've seen it happen.

1627
01:48:13.700 --> 01:48:15.780
I mean, I believe that's how I got married.

1628
01:48:15.780 --> 01:48:23.300
I believe that's how I had my second child because I felt to call it out.

1629
01:48:23.300 --> 01:48:28.340
So the existence and, um, and then I just believed it to be true.

1630
01:48:28.900 --> 01:48:33.300
So, I mean, so some of this, I, it's just, I'm going to have to take, I'm going to have

1631
01:48:33.300 --> 01:48:39.540
to grasp this a little bit, but, but I do the thought of enjoying yourself and liking yourself.

1632
01:48:39.540 --> 01:48:40.660
That's a big thing.

1633
01:48:40.820 --> 01:48:42.820
I think that I need to really work on.

1634
01:48:43.700 --> 01:48:49.700
Um, and really, I do believe that God loves me, but it's like, do I really, so that kind

1635
01:48:49.700 --> 01:48:50.340
of a thing.

1636
01:48:50.340 --> 01:48:58.340
So, so I do need to, um, I guess that's my, my heart's desire is that who God says that

1637
01:48:58.340 --> 01:49:00.260
I am, that I actually really believe it.

1638
01:49:00.260 --> 01:49:04.180
And I live it, but that's really, that's what my heart's desire has been for a long time.

1639
01:49:04.180 --> 01:49:05.380
I just haven't known what to do.

1640
01:49:06.260 --> 01:49:07.940
So, um, yeah.

1641
01:49:07.940 --> 01:49:13.860
So I hope that I can, um, so I'm hoping to, to get, you know, like that light bulb where

1642
01:49:13.860 --> 01:49:15.220
you're like, this is it.

1643
01:49:15.220 --> 01:49:16.260
You know what I mean?

1644
01:49:16.260 --> 01:49:21.060
So, and I promise you that it's in the two things.

1645
01:49:21.060 --> 01:49:29.540
Uh, we, we actually have to risk our literally our entire self on the possibility of disappointment

1646
01:49:29.540 --> 01:49:30.500
on the possibility.

1647
01:49:30.500 --> 01:49:31.780
That's not true.

1648
01:49:31.780 --> 01:49:37.460
It's basically burning all of the bridges emotionally and just choosing that it's true,

1649
01:49:37.460 --> 01:49:42.740
not, okay, I'm going to try this or I'll kind of like put a foot in and like, okay, well,

1650
01:49:42.740 --> 01:49:48.340
hang on to my suit to protecting myself over here, just in case he rejects me, you know,

1651
01:49:48.340 --> 01:49:51.300
or just in case things don't always work out the way I want.

1652
01:49:51.300 --> 01:49:54.660
And I think maybe he doesn't love me, you know, but I'll, I'll try that.

1653
01:49:54.660 --> 01:49:56.260
I promise you that doesn't work.

1654
01:49:56.260 --> 01:49:59.860
The only thing that works is complete and total abandon.

1655
01:50:00.000 --> 01:50:03.440
where there's, where you are,

1656
01:50:03.440 --> 01:50:06.140
you're risking complete disappointment

1657
01:50:06.140 --> 01:50:08.540
and that God might not,

1658
01:50:08.540 --> 01:50:10.720
because we all think that, now God always does,

1659
01:50:10.720 --> 01:50:11.920
but we always think that,

1660
01:50:11.920 --> 01:50:14.080
we always think, what if he won't?

1661
01:50:14.080 --> 01:50:15.560
And you have to risk all of it,

1662
01:50:15.560 --> 01:50:18.220
not a little of it, not some of it, it won't work.

1663
01:50:18.220 --> 01:50:19.900
And that's why we continue to get disappointed

1664
01:50:19.900 --> 01:50:21.600
because we won't risk all of it.

1665
01:50:21.600 --> 01:50:23.660
God says you have to risk all of it

1666
01:50:23.660 --> 01:50:25.140
where there's no turning back

1667
01:50:25.140 --> 01:50:28.060
and where you're risking full on disappointment

1668
01:50:28.060 --> 01:50:30.600
from rejection from God,

1669
01:50:30.600 --> 01:50:32.400
which he won't, I promise you,

1670
01:50:32.400 --> 01:50:34.040
but that's what we feel.

1671
01:50:34.040 --> 01:50:38.940
So that's where the rubber meets the road.

1672
01:50:38.940 --> 01:50:41.180
That's what faith hinges on

1673
01:50:41.180 --> 01:50:43.340
and that our entire lives can change on.

1674
01:50:43.340 --> 01:50:45.480
It's the choice that it really is true,

1675
01:50:45.480 --> 01:50:48.680
even though it'll feel like you're making it up.

1676
01:50:48.680 --> 01:50:51.560
So, but you choose that it's reality, yeah.

1677
01:50:51.560 --> 01:50:55.360
So I am so sorry that there was so much

1678
01:50:55.360 --> 01:50:56.960
that I threw at you all at once.

1679
01:50:57.920 --> 01:51:01.160
So I always try to not do that

1680
01:51:01.160 --> 01:51:03.600
and I always do anyway.

1681
01:51:04.560 --> 01:51:07.540
But anyway, so hopefully it'll be helpful

1682
01:51:07.540 --> 01:51:09.300
to rewatch again, et cetera.

1683
01:51:09.300 --> 01:51:11.500
Yeah, yeah, okay.

1684
01:51:11.500 --> 01:51:12.880
Thanks Ashley, I appreciate it.

1685
01:51:12.880 --> 01:51:14.480
You're welcome, good to see you.