Push through the hardship, push through the weaknesses,
push through the difficulties, and say, I'm committed.
I'm in this, man.
I'm in this for life, and I'm going
to battle for my wife's heart.
I met my wife, Liz, smuggling Bibles in China.
She was at UCLA at the time, and I
was at the University of Georgia.
And we were smuggling Bibles in China.
We were in Beijing, and that's where I first saw her.
And I was immediately attracted to her.
And then we had our first date in Hong Kong,
and then we fell in love in LA.
Then we got married in Tokyo, and then we
had two kids in Tokyo, one in Tokyo and one in Okinawa.
And so we've had a very international relationship.
And Liz and I have been married for over 35 years.
And it's been with its ups and downs just like any marriage.
I mean, it's been a struggle at times.
We've had times where we've abounded,
and there's times where we have abased.
I mean, there's been times where we really
weren't sure how we were going to pay our bills
or how we were going to meet our next financial need.
And then the last probably 15, 20 years
has been really, really good for us in that regard.
But marriage has really big time ups and downs.
And we've had seven children.
We have seven grandchildren now.
And I can tell you that marriage is probably the number one
challenge of your life.
Here's what's interesting about marriage.
Marriage is the number one most fulfilling part of your life
if you're in a good one.
And it is the number one low point of your life
if you're in a bad one.
So you want a good marriage, right?
So I want to talk about five actions, not five philosophies,
not five principles, but five actions that
are involved in having a successful marriage.
And this has been borne out through my own relationship
with Liz and raising kids, being a pastor, an entrepreneur,
a teacher, a missionary.
It's been in the crux of real life issues.
And you've got a war for your marriage.
I'll tell you, if you don't battle,
if you don't go into your marriage really
with a wartime mentality, you could be shocked
by what you're going to go through.
So I want to challenge you, the listener,
to go into marriage with a wartime mentality.
And I'm going to talk about five actions that
build a successful marriage.
And they're rooted in scripture.
Solomon, who was one of the wisest men in the world,
considered the wisest man in the world
by the different ancient philosophers
and those that have studied antiquity, said this.
He who finds a wife, finds a good thing,
and obtains favor from the Lord.
And so there's something about a successful marriage that
also engenders favor from the Lord.
And you say, well, why is that?
And I think it's because it's the real arena.
It's the arena of the Christian life.
Because what happens is that your spouse really
gets to know who you are better than anybody else.
They see the private side of you,
and they also see the public side of you.
And there's a lot of posers.
I mean, it's easy to be a faker.
It's easy to be a poser today.
And you can come across at work a certain way.
You can come across with your friends a certain way.
You can come across with your parents,
if you're a young person, a certain way.
But nobody sees the private side of you
but your spouse when you get married.
And so I think that's why there's
a lot of shock in the first year of marriage.
Because then you really do see, wow, that person's a slob.
Or that person lies a lot.
Or that person's a gossip.
And you didn't realize that before.
Because even in the dating relationship,
it's pretty easy to be a faker.
And the woman dresses up nice.
And the guy dresses up nice.
And you go to dinner.
Or you go to a movie.
And you hang out for a while.
And then you drop them off.
But when you get married, you don't drop anybody off.
I mean, you're right there with them.
And so you kind of see the good, bad, and the ugly.
And let me tell you, when we all wake up in the morning,
we look pretty ugly, man or woman.
But also, you begin to see the weaknesses,
the weaknesses of that other person.
And so that first year can be really tough.
And marriage is that way.
And I think one of the great victories
is to push through the hardship, push through.
the weaknesses, push through the difficulties and say I'm committed. I'm in this man. I'm
in this for life and I'm going to battle for my wife's heart. I'm going to battle for my
husband's heart. And so it's a big ask. It's a big sign up to go into marriage. I was listening
to one of the leading podcasters in the world today on my way in and he was being asked
by one of the top commentators with a news station and it was a short, one of the shorts
that I had. And he was just sharing that he feels like that marriage is the most magnificent
thing around and that we should pursue marriage, that marriage is a good thing, obviously to
the right person. And I would agree with that. I would say that marriage is the best institution
in the world today as long as you marry the right person. And the way you marry the right
person is through using a lot of discernment and a lot of wisdom, asking God for guidance.
So I'm a big proponent. I'm a cheerleader for marriage. Marriage is a good thing. So
what are, what are we talking about in relation to maybe these five actions? What are these
five key action points for a happy, successful, joyful marriage? And I think it's all found
in Ephesians chapter five, Ephesians chapter five. And I wrote my first book, God, wild
marriage, because I wanted to extrapolate from, from Ephesians five, those key aspects
of a happy marriage, because Paul really explains marriage better in Ephesians five, 18 through
33 than any other passages anywhere in the Bible. So if we were to ask what the marriage
manual look like from God's perspective, it would be Ephesians five, 18 through 33.
So I wrote the book called the God, wild marriage. You can get that on Amazon or Barnes and Noble.
And lots of people have been blessed by that. So let's look at action number one. Action
number one is Ephesians five, 18. It says, he says, do not get drunk on wine, which leads
to debauchery, instead be filled with the Holy Spirit. So here's action number one.
Action number one is you must make the first thing, the first thing in your life, you must
make the first thing, the first thing in your life. And what I mean by that is that God
must be first in your marriage. And it doesn't start usually, usually doesn't start with
a couple. It usually starts with an individual. So if you're a husband or if you're a wife
or you're single and you're listening to this, this is where it all starts is that you put
the first thing first. And what's the first thing Jesus said, seek first the kingdom of
God and his righteousness. And all these things will be added unto you. The first thing is
to seek the first thing that Jesus said was the first thing of your life. And that's to
seek the kingdom of God first to make Jesus Christ, the Lord of your life, that you're
committed to him, that you're focused on him, that when you wake up in the morning, the
first thing you do is you spend time with him, that when problems come, you pray to
him that when you're looking at your life purpose, you ask him for wisdom. That's what
I mean. Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. And all these things will
be added on him. Now, other messages that I've given and empower you, you can go to
those where I talk more specifically about the kingdom of God. But in a nutshell, the
kingdom of God is the reign and the rule of Christ in your heart. So when Jesus is seek
first the kingdom, he says, let me reign, let me rule in your heart. That's the spirit
filled, the spirit empowered life. That's why Paul says here, be filled with the Holy
Spirit. That's, that's number one in a marriage is that you get, you get a husband who's
filled with the Holy Spirit and seeking the kingdom first. And you get a wife that's made
Jesus Christ, Lord of her life. She's filled, spirit filled. She's seeking the kingdom first.
You have the potential of a fantastic, powerful, really, really happy, fulfilling marriage.
And so that's the key. That's where it all starts is that we're seeking first the kingdom
of God. Now, Jesus says, seek first the kingdom of God and all these other things, things
you're worried about, things you're concerned about, things that you feel inadequate in
those things that you feel are weaknesses in your life. God's going to take care of
the secondary. If you'll take care of the primary. Now, Jesus is not going to.
who calls you to seek first the kingdom.
That's on you.
You have to decide each day,
am I gonna seek first the kingdom of God
and God's righteousness in my life?
And for you men out there,
I wanna challenge you
that that's your biggest responsibility
in also leading and guiding your wife
is that you help her understand how to follow Christ.
You help her get into the word,
to read God's word, to pray.
And I'll explain in a few minutes about how you do that.
But the first and the foremost thing
is to seek first the kingdom of God.
If you've ever watched a swimming meet,
you probably know a swimmer's racing start
sets the whole pace for the swim.
The aim of one's hips, shoulders and head focus forward,
diving off the blocks into the lane
is the first step in a successful swimming race.
One professional swimming coach said,
you must channel your energy
and your focus on a straight line pressing forward.
Well, it's the same with life.
It's like getting up in the morning
and seeking the kingdom first
is like being on the starting block for today.
You're gonna set your mind,
you're gonna set your head,
you're gonna set your shoulders,
you're gonna set your hips.
You're gonna go straight to dive in
and win the race for that day.
Well, it all begins with seeking first the kingdom of God.
So whether you've been a Christian 50 years,
five years, or the last five minutes,
seek first the kingdom of God.
You get that one thing right.
You get that one thing right,
things begin to follow, things fall into place.
I remember so many times financially,
for Liz and I, where things were tight,
we were always giving 10% back to the church.
So we were tithing.
And man, countless times I went out of the house,
I went walk on a long walk and I said,
Lord, my money is your money.
And you have the stipulations you've given me,
and I've enjoyed giving it back to you.
We're tight right now, I need a miracle.
I need you to work out a supernatural work.
And he always did.
And men and women, there's a confidence
that comes when you know that your finances,
when you know that your sex life,
when you know that your job,
when you know that your integrity
is under the kingdom of God,
because God promises, if you've got that primary,
I'll take care of the secondary.
I'll protect, I'll watch over you.
So the first line of defense in a successful marriage,
the first action is seek first the kingdom.
We call it PB&J, prayer, Bible, and journal.
Starting each day by being in God's word,
praying and ministering to the Holy Spirit in our lives.
And that's the very, very most important thing
in the beginnings of marriage.
So in my next episode, I'm gonna talk about number two
and what's required to have a successful marriage
in action number two from Ephesians 5.
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