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Push through the hardship, push through the weaknesses,

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push through the difficulties, and say, I'm committed.

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I'm in this, man.

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I'm in this for life, and I'm going

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to battle for my wife's heart.

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I met my wife, Liz, smuggling Bibles in China.

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She was at UCLA at the time, and I

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was at the University of Georgia.

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And we were smuggling Bibles in China.

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We were in Beijing, and that's where I first saw her.

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And I was immediately attracted to her.

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And then we had our first date in Hong Kong,

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and then we fell in love in LA.

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Then we got married in Tokyo, and then we

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had two kids in Tokyo, one in Tokyo and one in Okinawa.

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And so we've had a very international relationship.

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And Liz and I have been married for over 35 years.

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And it's been with its ups and downs just like any marriage.

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I mean, it's been a struggle at times.

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We've had times where we've abounded,

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and there's times where we have abased.

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I mean, there's been times where we really

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weren't sure how we were going to pay our bills

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or how we were going to meet our next financial need.

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And then the last probably 15, 20 years

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has been really, really good for us in that regard.

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But marriage has really big time ups and downs.

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And we've had seven children.

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We have seven grandchildren now.

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And I can tell you that marriage is probably the number one

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challenge of your life.

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Here's what's interesting about marriage.

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Marriage is the number one most fulfilling part of your life

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if you're in a good one.

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And it is the number one low point of your life

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if you're in a bad one.

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So you want a good marriage, right?

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So I want to talk about five actions, not five philosophies,

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not five principles, but five actions that

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are involved in having a successful marriage.

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And this has been borne out through my own relationship

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with Liz and raising kids, being a pastor, an entrepreneur,

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a teacher, a missionary.

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It's been in the crux of real life issues.

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And you've got a war for your marriage.

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I'll tell you, if you don't battle,

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if you don't go into your marriage really

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with a wartime mentality, you could be shocked

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by what you're going to go through.

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So I want to challenge you, the listener,

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to go into marriage with a wartime mentality.

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And I'm going to talk about five actions that

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build a successful marriage.

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And they're rooted in scripture.

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Solomon, who was one of the wisest men in the world,

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considered the wisest man in the world

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by the different ancient philosophers

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and those that have studied antiquity, said this.

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He who finds a wife, finds a good thing,

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and obtains favor from the Lord.

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And so there's something about a successful marriage that

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also engenders favor from the Lord.

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And you say, well, why is that?

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And I think it's because it's the real arena.

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It's the arena of the Christian life.

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Because what happens is that your spouse really

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gets to know who you are better than anybody else.

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They see the private side of you,

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and they also see the public side of you.

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And there's a lot of posers.

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I mean, it's easy to be a faker.

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It's easy to be a poser today.

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And you can come across at work a certain way.

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You can come across with your friends a certain way.

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You can come across with your parents,

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if you're a young person, a certain way.

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But nobody sees the private side of you

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but your spouse when you get married.

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And so I think that's why there's

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a lot of shock in the first year of marriage.

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Because then you really do see, wow, that person's a slob.

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Or that person lies a lot.

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Or that person's a gossip.

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And you didn't realize that before.

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Because even in the dating relationship,

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it's pretty easy to be a faker.

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And the woman dresses up nice.

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And the guy dresses up nice.

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And you go to dinner.

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Or you go to a movie.

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And you hang out for a while.

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And then you drop them off.

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But when you get married, you don't drop anybody off.

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I mean, you're right there with them.

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And so you kind of see the good, bad, and the ugly.

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And let me tell you, when we all wake up in the morning,

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we look pretty ugly, man or woman.

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But also, you begin to see the weaknesses,

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the weaknesses of that other person.

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And so that first year can be really tough.

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And marriage is that way.

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And I think one of the great victories

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is to push through the hardship, push through.

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the weaknesses, push through the difficulties and say I'm committed. I'm in this man. I'm

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in this for life and I'm going to battle for my wife's heart. I'm going to battle for my

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husband's heart. And so it's a big ask. It's a big sign up to go into marriage. I was listening

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to one of the leading podcasters in the world today on my way in and he was being asked

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by one of the top commentators with a news station and it was a short, one of the shorts

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that I had. And he was just sharing that he feels like that marriage is the most magnificent

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thing around and that we should pursue marriage, that marriage is a good thing, obviously to

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the right person. And I would agree with that. I would say that marriage is the best institution

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in the world today as long as you marry the right person. And the way you marry the right

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person is through using a lot of discernment and a lot of wisdom, asking God for guidance.

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So I'm a big proponent. I'm a cheerleader for marriage. Marriage is a good thing. So

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what are, what are we talking about in relation to maybe these five actions? What are these

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five key action points for a happy, successful, joyful marriage? And I think it's all found

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in Ephesians chapter five, Ephesians chapter five. And I wrote my first book, God, wild

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marriage, because I wanted to extrapolate from, from Ephesians five, those key aspects

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of a happy marriage, because Paul really explains marriage better in Ephesians five, 18 through

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33 than any other passages anywhere in the Bible. So if we were to ask what the marriage

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manual look like from God's perspective, it would be Ephesians five, 18 through 33.

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So I wrote the book called the God, wild marriage. You can get that on Amazon or Barnes and Noble.

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And lots of people have been blessed by that. So let's look at action number one. Action

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number one is Ephesians five, 18. It says, he says, do not get drunk on wine, which leads

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to debauchery, instead be filled with the Holy Spirit. So here's action number one.

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Action number one is you must make the first thing, the first thing in your life, you must

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make the first thing, the first thing in your life. And what I mean by that is that God

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must be first in your marriage. And it doesn't start usually, usually doesn't start with

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a couple. It usually starts with an individual. So if you're a husband or if you're a wife

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or you're single and you're listening to this, this is where it all starts is that you put

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the first thing first. And what's the first thing Jesus said, seek first the kingdom of

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God and his righteousness. And all these things will be added unto you. The first thing is

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to seek the first thing that Jesus said was the first thing of your life. And that's to

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seek the kingdom of God first to make Jesus Christ, the Lord of your life, that you're

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committed to him, that you're focused on him, that when you wake up in the morning, the

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first thing you do is you spend time with him, that when problems come, you pray to

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him that when you're looking at your life purpose, you ask him for wisdom. That's what

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I mean. Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness. And all these things will

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be added on him. Now, other messages that I've given and empower you, you can go to

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those where I talk more specifically about the kingdom of God. But in a nutshell, the

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kingdom of God is the reign and the rule of Christ in your heart. So when Jesus is seek

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first the kingdom, he says, let me reign, let me rule in your heart. That's the spirit

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filled, the spirit empowered life. That's why Paul says here, be filled with the Holy

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Spirit. That's, that's number one in a marriage is that you get, you get a husband who's

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filled with the Holy Spirit and seeking the kingdom first. And you get a wife that's made

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Jesus Christ, Lord of her life. She's filled, spirit filled. She's seeking the kingdom first.

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You have the potential of a fantastic, powerful, really, really happy, fulfilling marriage.

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And so that's the key. That's where it all starts is that we're seeking first the kingdom

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of God. Now, Jesus says, seek first the kingdom of God and all these other things, things

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you're worried about, things you're concerned about, things that you feel inadequate in

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those things that you feel are weaknesses in your life. God's going to take care of

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the secondary. If you'll take care of the primary. Now, Jesus is not going to.

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who calls you to seek first the kingdom.

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That's on you.

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You have to decide each day,

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am I gonna seek first the kingdom of God

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and God's righteousness in my life?

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And for you men out there,

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I wanna challenge you

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that that's your biggest responsibility

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in also leading and guiding your wife

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is that you help her understand how to follow Christ.

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You help her get into the word,

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to read God's word, to pray.

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And I'll explain in a few minutes about how you do that.

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But the first and the foremost thing

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is to seek first the kingdom of God.

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If you've ever watched a swimming meet,

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you probably know a swimmer's racing start

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sets the whole pace for the swim.

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The aim of one's hips, shoulders and head focus forward,

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diving off the blocks into the lane

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is the first step in a successful swimming race.

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One professional swimming coach said,

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you must channel your energy

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and your focus on a straight line pressing forward.

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Well, it's the same with life.

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It's like getting up in the morning

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and seeking the kingdom first

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is like being on the starting block for today.

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You're gonna set your mind,

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you're gonna set your head,

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you're gonna set your shoulders,

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you're gonna set your hips.

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You're gonna go straight to dive in

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and win the race for that day.

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Well, it all begins with seeking first the kingdom of God.

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So whether you've been a Christian 50 years,

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five years, or the last five minutes,

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seek first the kingdom of God.

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You get that one thing right.

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You get that one thing right,

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things begin to follow, things fall into place.

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I remember so many times financially,

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for Liz and I, where things were tight,

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we were always giving 10% back to the church.

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So we were tithing.

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And man, countless times I went out of the house,

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I went walk on a long walk and I said,

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Lord, my money is your money.

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And you have the stipulations you've given me,

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and I've enjoyed giving it back to you.

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We're tight right now, I need a miracle.

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I need you to work out a supernatural work.

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And he always did.

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And men and women, there's a confidence

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that comes when you know that your finances,

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when you know that your sex life,

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when you know that your job,

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when you know that your integrity

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is under the kingdom of God,

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because God promises, if you've got that primary,

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I'll take care of the secondary.

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I'll protect, I'll watch over you.

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So the first line of defense in a successful marriage,

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the first action is seek first the kingdom.

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We call it PB&J, prayer, Bible, and journal.

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Starting each day by being in God's word,

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praying and ministering to the Holy Spirit in our lives.

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And that's the very, very most important thing

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in the beginnings of marriage.

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So in my next episode, I'm gonna talk about number two

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and what's required to have a successful marriage

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in action number two from Ephesians 5.

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♪♪

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♪♪