WEBVTT

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Hey, everyone. All right, so we're starting our first session today, which is called getting

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your breakthrough. And I know I did an introduction before, gave you a general idea of how to

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go through the journal, a way to kind of position yourself for breakthrough. But before we got

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into things like, you know, our next session, which is going to be, you know, who does God

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say that I, that he is. And then the next session, who does he say that I am, et cetera.

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I wanted to talk a bit more about breakthrough period. Like what exactly is it? What situation

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are we currently in? Because what, because it's very helpful to understand that we're not in a

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bad place. That's going to actually help us to get out of it, to realize that where it is that we

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sin, that where it is that we are is a place that Jesus would the Bible describes was a place that

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he was in. And so we're going to look today at even how, how he went through it, how he had

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to struggle through his own wilderness experiences. And I'm talking about more than just strictly the

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wilderness experience right after he was baptized by John the Baptist, and then was tempted by Satan.

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I'm talking about even more than that, that Jesus went through it and therefore struggling

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and going and being in a place where you need a breakthrough to get to a deeper level of intimacy

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with God, being in that place is not a sin. So we first need to realize that we're not in a bad

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place. So we're not, in other words, a sinful place. And therefore there's no reason for us

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to feel shame or condemnation that we're here. So that's what I wanted to spend my time talking

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about today is to just explain what breakthrough actually is. In other words, what, what,

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what it actually is that we're needing breakthrough from as well as what actually breakthrough is,

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is so that we can understand really what kind of a journey we're even on and to realize that

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it's not as bad. If you want to put it that way, it's not as bad as we thought that it was.

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And then it's actually a lot easier to get out of than we've even experienced thus far,

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because usually if you're taking a program like this, then you've tried all kinds of other things

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and you're frustrated and you don't understand why you can't seem to get out of this wilderness

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and why you feel there's something in you that feels like you need something that's called the

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word breakthrough that you just need some, it feels extreme. It's like you've got, you've hit

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this brick wall or you've hit this edge and you cannot seem to penetrate it to get on the other

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side. It's almost like you're being held back. So first of all, I wanted to share some stories

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with you of my own personal experiences. You know, that I have, I've shared before that I have been

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through many wilderness experiences in my life, but particularly talking about several big spiritual

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wildernesses in my life. We'll be talking about several of them throughout the program.

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Next week, we'll be talking, I believe about my crisis of faith, which is not something,

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it's not a story that I tell very often, but it was where I almost walked away from the Lord

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because I wasn't sure if I believed him, believe that he existed. And then if I believe that he

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existed, I wasn't quite sure that I believed that he was good. And even if I believed that he was

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good, do I even want to follow him? You know, do I even find it worth it? So it was a very major

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crisis of faith that I did not believe somebody like me could even go through, but I've gone

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through it. So like that, when I've gone through some very big, um, big spiritual wildernesses

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that a lot of people share in common that are very deep spiritual that are rooted in very deep

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spiritual basic principle, um, uh, struggles between us and the Lord. And, uh, I was going

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through one of these. In fact, it was leading to my crisis of faith. So I don't know how, how

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much early, how many months it was before my actual, uh, moment of crisis. So, but it was

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somewhere around that time. And I had gone up front to get, uh, praying to get prayed for.

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I believe I was fairly new at this church, uh, maybe just a week or two, something like that.

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And I gone up front to get prayed for, for something. I don't remember what it was, but,

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but it, I am not someone who likes to draw attention to myself, especially when I really

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need something, when I'm feeling very weak and very vulnerable, some people are a lot easier.

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Um, it's a lot easier for them to walk up front and get prayed for at the church in public. I

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am not one of those people, or at least I haven't been. It's a lot easier for me now

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because I realized the benefit on the other side. So I'm willing to go through it. But I,

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in the beginning, you know, I wasn't quite sure of like, okay, yeah,

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but is this going to work or not? Am I going to?

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Or should I risk that much public vulnerability for something that may or

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may not work is how I viewed it.

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But I was, I was very, very desperate at this time.

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So I was like, I'm going to go up front to this church that I hardly

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know, cause I've hardly been here.

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I've hardly met anybody and I'm going to go up front and, and

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get someone to pray for me.

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So the, everybody was all full and I, you know, full people

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that they were praying for.

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And so I sit down on the front, first row to wait for my person.

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Um, and a lady was sitting on the second row, saw me, got up, came around

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to the first row, sat next to me.

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But I did not know at the time, but found out later is she was one of our pastors.

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I think maybe the assistant pastor's wife.

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I didn't know that though.

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She was not on, she was not standing up there, um, offering ministry.

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She's just sitting there by herself while her husband was at front with

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a whole bunch of other people.

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And, but she came and sat with me and she said that God had shown her

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something about me when she saw me.

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She said, God, she'd never met me before, but she said, God gave me a

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picture of you kind of like a vision.

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She said, I see you as a flower, a really delicate little flower

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trying to come up through concrete.

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And I thought, Oh my word.

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God sees me because I thought that is the perfect picture

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to describe what it felt like.

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I was, I felt like this, this little delicate, fragile thing that was trying

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so desperately to do the right thing.

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So desperately to be good, you know, kind of like a flower is beautiful

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and it's pretty and it's sunshiny.

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And that's how I felt inside.

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It felt like I'm just trying to do the right thing.

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I'm trying to be good.

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I'm trying to be obedient.

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I'm trying to, to do the will of the Lord.

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I'm trying to seek him, try to spend time with him, try to find him.

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And yet I feel like my life is just nothing, but one torturous

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situation right after another, where I feel like I felt like I was always

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being beaten down while I was down.

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And so when she gave me this picture of, she said that the Lord showed her that

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I was like a flower coming up through concrete, it not only showed me that I

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was seen, but it gave in and perfectly.

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Pictured how I felt that I would, the situation that I was in emotionally,

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but also it gave me hope because I was like, you know, that is true.

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A flower kind of like a water on a rock, a flower as delicate as it is, does have

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the power to break concrete as it's trying to grow and I thought, well, that's

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exciting.

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So it was very, very small level of excitement.

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I understand because at that time I was also going through very major depression.

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I'm trying to remember if I even knew it at the time.

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No, I think I did.

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I think I knew by that point and maybe even was on medication for it, but it

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was still, it was still really, really bad.

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And so anyway, I, I was feeling so despondent and so hopeless that it

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was hard to feel much hope, but there was a little bit in there.

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I was like, okay, so God recognizes that I'm just trying to do the right thing

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and recognizes that my circumstances are apparently being affirmed to be as bad

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and as hard as they feel like to me.

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So it made me feel seen.

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Um, and so, uh, so I just wanted to mention that to you, that that is how we

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can feel when we're going through the wilderness experience.

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We can feel like we're just trying to do the right thing and that our situations

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are just making it too difficult.

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Everything's against us, whether it's spiritually, emotionally, mentally,

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or it's some physical situation.

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We feel like everything's against us and that we don't deserve it.

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That we're just, again, trying to do the right thing, right.

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Trying to be obedient, trying to follow the will of the Lord.

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So I wanted to explain what is actually going on when we're going through the

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wilderness is a wilderness experiences, and we're going through these spiritual

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and there are these deep spiritual questions that we have that we're

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having to face during those times.

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That's why we're struggling as we're facing very serious spiritual principles

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and being asked to make a choice of what we're, what we believe is actually true.

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And the reason that there's a struggle is it's the spirit

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that is warring with the soul.

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Remember that it says that the, in the Bible, it says that the spirit

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and flesh war against one another.

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The soul does not feel safe with the spirit because, and we're

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talking about our own spirit, you know, because we're spirit, soul,

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and body, it says in first Thessalonians.

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So our spirit is one with Christ.

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You know, it's, it's completely perfect.

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It always believes it's father.

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And that's what, remember, that's what sin versus faith is.

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Faith is believing God's sin is not believing God.

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So our spirit.

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Mom with Christ always believes our father.

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It always is operating in perfect faith, but our soul does not always

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believe our father about everything.

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And so when it doesn't believe, but our spirit believes and our spirit and

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our soul and our body are one, then what do you have, you have a house

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divided against itself and you've had that struggle.

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So in that struggle, what it is that is being asked of us, what it is that we

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are struggling and wrestling to hopefully come to a conclusion about

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is what are we going to choose?

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Are we going to choose that what God says is true or are we going to choose

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that what he says isn't true and we've got to protect ourselves, which one is

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that, you know, the spirit and soul warring against one another.

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Um, so that's what the struggle is in.

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That's why you feel so much pain is it's a house that is supposed to be

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united, being divided against itself.

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So really what it is is it's an, it's a, um, it's an expression of the

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self of self-destruction because of course a house can't and shouldn't

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be divided against itself, right?

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Warring in and trying to destroy one another.

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Um, so during this time, it's not a.

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What we're going to get out of it by this struggle, because we can just

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look at it from the way that we've typically looked at it, which is,

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see, I'm in a bad situation.

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I shouldn't feel this way.

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I shouldn't be struggling.

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I shouldn't be mad or I shouldn't be scared or I shouldn't be whatever

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expression or feeling that we're feeling, um, or, or lie that we're holding on to.

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I shouldn't have that.

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And we get onto this part of ourselves, you know, this, uh, or we, or we feel

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very shamed and self condemned because this, this soul that's having all of

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these issues is, is having the struggle.

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And so we think we're bad, right?

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So we think I shouldn't feel that way.

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I shouldn't doubt the Lord, et cetera, et cetera.

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But really being in this, being in the struggle and being in this Russell is

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not like, I keep saying, it's not a bad thing, what's going to come out of it.

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And what this thing is all about is through that pain and through

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that pressure is created space.

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So let me explain that really quick.

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So the way that the Bible talks about these types of struggles is he

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compares it to a woman being in labor.

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And you know, that the closer that a woman comes to actually delivering the

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baby, meaning like when she starts labor and then, you know, as the hours

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progress and her body begins to change and the closer that she comes to actually

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delivering, the harder and the faster the contractions come, the more pressure

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there is, and the more pain as things are being stretched, as things are being

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squeezed, et cetera, and the closer that you come to it, the faster everything

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operates and the more intensely that it does.

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So God explains this in references.

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The struggle in multiple places in the Bible, comparing it to a woman in labor,

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including even talking about creation mentions in in Romans 8 22, it says for,

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we know that the whole creation groans and suffers the pains of childbirth

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together until now waiting for the manifestation of the sense of God.

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So not just creation, but it mentions other places in scripture of not of

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creation and the souls of men going through pain and pressure, similar

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to a woman in childbirth and what's happening with a woman in child, who

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is going through childbirth, who's going through labor to deliver a child.

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Nothing bad is happening, but it feels like it is right.

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Because there's pain and there's pressure.

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And we're used to associating those two things with it being with.

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As warning signs that something bad is happening, that we have to make it stop.

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And that's why people have to be, uh, what we call it.

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I don't say trained, but trained prepared or whatever, through, uh,

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through, uh, childbirth classes, Lamaze breathing, et cetera, because our

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natural response is to fight what's going on and what we have to learn

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through childbirth classes, et cetera.

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Is to let go into release because the body, that pain and that pressure is

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the body doing what it has to do to not only deliver the child, but to, and to

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deliver it in a safe way, the safety of the child, but also the safety

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and the health of the mother.

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That pain and that pressure is needed.

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So with that pain and that pressure, what's happening, the

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opening is widening, right?

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It's getting bigger and bigger.

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And you're going from one centimeter to six centimeters to 10

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centimeters, eventually, you know, it's opening wider and wider.

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So the pain and that pressure.

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is creating space for something new to enter and move it, to enter the world and to move into.

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It's, it's kind of similar as well to what happens with, um, what Jesus was referring, uh, the

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example that Jesus was giving to the disciples when he said that whenever something new

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comes into the world, some new, um, new principle of the Lord, meaning like, you know,

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they were under the old covenant and then Jesus was introducing the new covenant, right?

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How did he explain how they needed to receive the new covenant? He explained that it would

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no longer, that the new covenant in order to operate within it, it couldn't be executed in

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the old model with the old structures because those old structures could only handle the old

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covenant, the old model, the old way of doing things. So in order to receive the new covenant

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at which Christ referred to as the new wine, he said, you have to have a new wine skin because

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the old wine skin, if you put new wine into an old wine skin, into an old structure, an old way of

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doing things, it's going to crack. But so you have to put new wine into new wine skin because the

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new wine skin will be, uh, if it's, you know, if the wine skin being new will, will have more give,

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it will have more flex because new wine is going to expand with, because of the fermentation

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process, et cetera, it's going to expand and it needs something that's going to be able to give

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it room to expand. So it's that, that, uh, so we see that this principle of creating space for

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something new is repeated multiple ways throughout scripture. Uh, and so that's what is happening

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when we're going through a struggle is we're actually creating space for something new to be

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birthed from God and us into the world. So what's going to happen with this breakthrough is when you

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get to the breakthrough new, when you, you're going to come to a higher level with the Lord,

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you're going to come into greater intimacy, a higher level of relationship. You're going to

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introduce something. You're going to birth something new into the world. And so what you're

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doing right now with all this pain and there's all this pressure is you're creating new space

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that doesn't currently exist for the new thing to be delivered into.

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And for the aspects of your life to be able to contain that newness of a relationship with the

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Lord, the newness of the intimacy, it's the pain and the pressure now is creating space. In other

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words, it's creating a new wine skin or the thing for the new thing that you have yet to experience

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that is yet to enter the world, but that new thing to come through, be birthed and land.

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So what you're going through now is a preparation process so that when you go through the

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breakthrough, what's born during the breakthrough will now have, have, uh, will now have a place to

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land. It will, you will have more room in yourself, more room of who it is that you are to be able to

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contain it, to be able to hold it, to be responsible for it, to be accountable with it, to be,

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uh, to be able to operate with it, to be able to nurture it and take care of it.

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In addition to all the other responsibilities that you currently have. So when we're going

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through any kind of struggle, it's up leveling us. It's not like, Oh my goodness, I made a wrong turn

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somewhere. And so now I'm being punished for it. So I'm now in the pit and I'm trying to get out.

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No, what's happening is that God says you have done well in your last season, you reached the

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max, you reach the ceiling of it and you can't, and you are yet unprepared to go to the next one.

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So right now we're expanding you and we're expanding your horizons. We're expanding your

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borders so that you can finally be big enough to handle, hold, be responsible for something new

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that you've never seen, that you've never interacted with, you know, meaning like an

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aspect of the Lord and aspect of the way that he's going to interact with you, et cetera.

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Those types of things. We keep thinking that God will just give us stuff and that, and that it'll,

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that all we're waiting for is God to just be more for us or do more for us or whatever.

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And God says, no, that you have to be prepared to receive me. And so you've maxed out your ability

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to receive of me. So we have to expand you so that you have more, you have more space to receive.

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more of me that I'm now going to hold you accountable for that.

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Now you're not going to, now I'm going to teach you and father you and mature

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you into how to move in me in that new way.

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And it's going to impact your life.

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It's going to impact, you know, the birthing of this new thing.

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You know, once you have the new thing, once you have the baby, it's going to be

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growing and it's going to be, you're going to nurture it and you're going to

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have to be responsible for it.

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And it's going to create, you know, just like, just like little babies, it's

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going to create confusion and, and a bit of, a bit of frustration and some

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sleepless nights and whatever, but it's all a good thing.

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And, and, and so God is just giving you more of himself and he's going to mature

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you once you have the things going to mature you in how to operate in it.

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But right now, what you're doing, you know, how to grow in how to grow in it and

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operate more in it so that you can then max out that ceiling and that level of

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relationship with the Lord, and then he'll expand you into another one.

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But right now what you're doing is you're growing and stretching and it feels the,

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and the reason I have to explain this is it feels like the opposite.

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It feels like we're going through these times.

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It feels like we're reverting.

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Doesn't it?

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It feels like we're reverting.

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It feels like we're being punished.

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It feels like we've gotten smaller.

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At least it is for me.

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Um, instead of feeling like I'm opening, it feels like I'm, I'm, I'm constricting

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and that I'm getting S and that my world is getting smaller, et cetera.

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Um, there's a lot of examples that the, in pictures that the Lord uses of this

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feeling and scripture that we don't have time to get into, but sometimes what he

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does with, but I'll mention this sometimes what he does during this time is he puts

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us through a period in which we feel like we're in hiding or that we can't be meaning

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like we can't be seen or that we pull away as a response, because there's just so much

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of energy that is being taken up by all of this expansion within us.

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Um, and, uh, so, but it, so my point is it feels like we're pulling away.

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It feels like constriction.

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It feels like restriction.

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It doesn't feel like an opening.

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And so I wanted to explain that's actually what the Bible points out to us is

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happening is that we're opening, we're expanding, we're being prepared.

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Um, but it's hard for us to feel and it's hard for us to, and it's hard for us to

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recognize that what's going on, isn't wrong, that what's going on is the process

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that we have to go through in order for our boundaries to be expanded in order

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for our borders to be expanded.

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Is it, I think it's Isaiah 62 talks about, um, uh, tells the

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woman to expand her tent pegs.

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In other words, you're having to do it in faith.

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You're having to make room for something that you don't yet have so that you now

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have the room for it to be filled.

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Because remember, uh, another, another picture, an example of this, I keep

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thinking of all of these pictures and other one is remember that a vacuum in

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the physical realm and God's the one who created those laws and rules, uh, to a

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lot of which, if not all of them reflect what is, uh, rules and, um, in, in

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spiritual principles.

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And one of them is that a spiritual principle that's mirrored in the, in

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physics is that a vacuum will always seek to be filled.

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So that's why whenever, whenever there is, um, whenever there's a, I don't know, a

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vacuum of something that suddenly gets exposed, that gets exposure to air, air

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rush in and something dramatic will happen because a vacuum always seeks to be filled.

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Uh, all right.

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What's the next thing I wanted to go over?

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So yeah, you're being, you're, you're becoming acclimated to being closer with

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God, to a greater level of intimacy.

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Um, and then wanted to point out a, uh, from one of the Bible, uh, stories, a, an

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example of the fact that Jesus considers this spiritual wilderness time to be a

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very precious time to him.

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So looking at Genesis 32, 24, um, this is after Jacob has sent all of his family

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across the Jordan, I think it's across Jordan rivers, across the river.

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Um, and then they were going to meet Esau the next day.

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It's the first reunion with Esau, you know, since he left very dramatically

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after having cheated Esau out of his birthright, uh, with, with Isaac.

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And, uh, so of course, Jacob is very nervous.

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So what he does is he sends his whole family across.

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And then in verse 24, it says, so Jacob was left alone at night.

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Jacob was left alone and a man wrestled with him until day break.

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When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of

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Jacob's hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man.

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Then the man said, let me go for it is daybreak in that.

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Fascinating.

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So he saw that he could not overpower Jacob and even though he hit Jacob's hip.

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So it, it hurt Jacob and it basically handicapped him.

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Jacob still was holding onto the man to such a degree that the man had to say, Hey, look,

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seriously, dude, let go.

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And Jacob said, I will not let you go unless you bless me.

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And man asked him, what is your name?

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This is the really, really cool part.

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Jacob, he answered, then the man said, your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel.

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And so what does Israel mean?

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Because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.

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And Jacob, and then of course, Jacob said, please tell me your name.

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So he's just been given a new name.

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He knows that names are very important and he wants to know the name of this man that

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he's been wrestling with.

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But the man replied, why do you ask my name?

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And he blessed in there.

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So Jacob got his blessing.

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So Jacob called the place Peniel saying it is because I saw God face to face and yet

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my life was spared.

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So the reason I wanted to point that out is that was a very precious passage to me when

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I discovered that God named his first born son, Israel, because remember Jacob's name

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was changed to Israel and he, and God repeatedly throughout scripture refers to Israel as his

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first born son.

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And he could have names to God are very important.

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You remember he changed Abram and Sarah's name to Abraham and Sarah, and he's now changed

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Jacob's name to Israel.

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Names are very important to the Lord.

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He only does it, he only changes their name if he's trying to put some kind of a, a new

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mark or stamp of identity on them, claiming them and it basically in a, in a new covenant.

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And so he tells Jacob, he said, your name is no longer going to be Jacob.

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It's going to be Israel and all your descendants after you.

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So all of the descendants after him, the whole nation was called Israel.

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And what does it mean?

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Names are very important to the Lord.

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Apparently this was very special.

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So what does it mean?

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It means he who struggles with God or he who wrestles with God.

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You know, names, these types of names, the Lord, you know, that the name of his first

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born son, that not only is he going to call out every time that he's calling to his son,

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he's going to say he, who wrestles with God, because whenever he says Israel is saying

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he, who wrestles with God, all of the nations that are his, the Israel's enemies there,

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every time they say the name Israel, they're saying he, who wrestles with God, every time

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it's been written in scripture, every time any of us talk about it, you know, in sermons

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or with each other, we're all repeating and affirming over and over and over and over

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and over with our words that we're declaring who Israel is, is he, who wrestles with God.

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That is a very precious and a very intimate place to be with God.

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And that is a very special thing that God considers between he and his son, because

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that is the only thing that, that how do I explain it?

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His sons are the only ones that he wrestles with.

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It's not going to wrestle with those who are, or at least, you know, back then, you know,

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the Gentiles, you know, he wasn't going to be wrestling with, with anyone that, I mean,

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he's God, he can just wipe people out, you know, or he can give them what it is that

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he wants, but, but relationships that are worth keeping are wrestled through.

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There's conflict, things aren't easy.

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You're fighting for it.

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You're fighting for each other.

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You're fighting for the relationship, not against them.

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You're fighting for them.

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And so wrestling with God, the struggle that you're in is a very precious and a very intimate

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place.

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Now, I remember I was, uh, again, going through this time somewhere around the crisis of faith

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that I'll be talking about next time.

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And somewhere around, maybe right after the, I had the prophetic word about the flower.

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I was in my, uh, I was in my apartment and I was feeling tremendous anger.

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I am one of those people that has stifled my emotions so much over my life that I've

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had, that I've had to regain a sense of what, of what it is.

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I actually feel because I, like I said, I had just stamped it out and snuffed it out

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so much.

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So for me to finally get to the point where I was that angry, I almost, I really didn't

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know what to do with myself because I wasn't used to feeling emotion in that degree of

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intensity.

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I was, I don't, I don't know how to describe it.

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I was.

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I was furious with God and, and, and I remember exactly where I was standing,

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I was standing, I had barely, I was barely standing inside my bedroom and I was standing there so mad

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and, and God said, and I, and I, there was this wrestling with God himself that I was feeling.

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And of course, what I was so mad about was I was mad at, at the situations that I was in.

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I was just mad in the situation with God that I was in, that I couldn't seem to connect with him.

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I was depressed. I just felt the world's going to hell in a hand basket. I mean,

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my world is going to hell in a hand basket is what I thought. And I was so upset that

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he wouldn't save me from it and that he had made or allowed my life to be like it was.

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And he told me, he said, Ashley. And I don't, I think that maybe I was one, I was, I was thinking

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about like turning my back on him because I was, I was so mad. I thought, okay, well, I can't be mad

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to God, but I need to feel mad. So I don't know if I was like wanting to kind of like emotionally

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and spiritually, like turn away from him, but he caught me. And he said, Ashley, he said,

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you can struggle. You can struggle with me. He said, that's okay. We will get through it.

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He said, I will always be there with you. He said, that's fine. He said, but whatever you do,

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don't turn your back on me. So whatever you do, if you are struggling, even if you're struggling

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in anger against me, he said, whatever you do struggle with me. Even if I'm the one that you're

431
00:31:43.280 --> 00:31:51.440
mad at struggle with me, include me in it. Don't separate yourself from me. Don't turn your back

432
00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:59.360
on me. Don't isolate me said face me. And we will, and I will give you space to wrestle.

433
00:31:59.920 --> 00:32:06.160
We will do this together. And I've never forgotten that. That is just something that I never even

434
00:32:06.160 --> 00:32:14.480
thought of because, and, and, and that opened my life, my, uh, I don't know, my, it opened my heart

435
00:32:14.480 --> 00:32:20.800
to the Lord a bit because I realized, okay, so he could have chastised me, corrected me, struck

436
00:32:20.800 --> 00:32:25.680
me by, struck me by lightning, you know, for saying, for thinking the things that I was for

437
00:32:25.680 --> 00:32:31.680
feeling the way that I felt because he was my, he was the thing I was mad at, you know, wasn't mad

438
00:32:31.680 --> 00:32:39.920
at something else. It was him. And in the midst of being attacked, he said, Ashley, I have got room

439
00:32:39.920 --> 00:32:44.640
for that. I've got room for that struggle. I've got room for all of those questions. I have room

440
00:32:44.640 --> 00:32:50.400
for that anger. I have space for that. We can do it. We will do it together. We will allow you to

441
00:32:50.400 --> 00:32:59.040
wrestle. Yeah. I will allow you to wrestle with me, but face me and, and don't ever turn your back

442
00:32:59.040 --> 00:33:09.040
on me. So I encourage you to, um, to approach the Lord with the struggle that you're going through

443
00:33:09.040 --> 00:33:16.000
and include him in it, include him in, in the, in the times where you're questioning, where you're

444
00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:25.200
doubting you're not believing, you know, whatever form that your struggle will take, just do it

445
00:33:25.200 --> 00:33:34.800
with the Lord, include him, include his presence, allow him to see you. We already know as he's,

446
00:33:34.800 --> 00:33:43.680
we already know he sees us, but I'm talking about an intentional, willful, permissive invitation

447
00:33:45.280 --> 00:33:50.800
and bringing him in to whatever it is that you're going through while you're, while you're going

448
00:33:50.800 --> 00:33:58.080
through it, because you won't be able to, to talk yourself out of where you are and heal.

449
00:33:58.800 --> 00:34:04.320
Only the presence of God will be able to heal and rescue you from where you are.

450
00:34:04.320 --> 00:34:08.000
So you have to bring him into it for that to be able to happen.

451
00:34:10.080 --> 00:34:15.679
Um, there are multiple people in scripture that describe this wrestling that they went through

452
00:34:15.679 --> 00:34:22.480
with the Lord. There was Joe, Joe three is 26. I have no peace or rest only turmoil. He struggled

453
00:34:23.120 --> 00:34:29.679
very much with God. Remember struggling is not a sin. It's what you decide in the struggle.

454
00:34:29.679 --> 00:34:34.800
That could be a sin. Are you believing God or are you not believing God? Remember that it's

455
00:34:34.800 --> 00:34:39.920
the unbelief. That's the sin. What choice are you going to make? Are you going to let in this

456
00:34:39.920 --> 00:34:45.440
struggle between soul and spirit? Are you going to let the spirit win your spirit? Are you going

457
00:34:45.440 --> 00:34:50.159
to, are you going to side on the side of the spirit, not wish it was true and hope it was true

458
00:34:50.159 --> 00:34:54.480
and please spirit overcome me. It won't, it's not going to do that. You're going to have to choose

459
00:34:55.120 --> 00:34:58.400
that. This is what you're going to believe that this is how you're going to live your life,

460
00:34:58.400 --> 00:34:59.840
that this is what's valuable.

461
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:03.880
to you, or are you going to choose to believe a lie about the Lord?

462
00:35:04.600 --> 00:35:09.160
You know what your soul has been believing what it's afraid of your soul, by the

463
00:35:09.160 --> 00:35:11.400
way, is the one making the decision.

464
00:35:12.000 --> 00:35:14.920
Your spirit's already made a decision or it already knows what it's going to do.

465
00:35:15.480 --> 00:35:17.740
And it can empower this soul.

466
00:35:17.740 --> 00:35:22.460
If the soul needs to be strengthened, God will strengthen you again.

467
00:35:22.460 --> 00:35:26.280
Part of the reason of going into his presence, when you're that upset and

468
00:35:26.280 --> 00:35:29.720
facing him and wrestling, you know, through the situation with him.

469
00:35:30.240 --> 00:35:34.880
Um, because he will strengthen and empower you and increase your faith.

470
00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:38.080
Remember everything's a gift from God, including faith.

471
00:35:38.720 --> 00:35:40.720
So faith is not something that we drum up.

472
00:35:40.800 --> 00:35:43.880
Faith is the gift from God that we've already been given access to.

473
00:35:43.880 --> 00:35:48.840
We just have to willfully choose to interact with it and access it.

474
00:35:49.520 --> 00:35:55.880
Um, but anyway, so the spirit and the soul in wrestling, the spirit can give

475
00:35:55.880 --> 00:35:58.440
strength to the soul if the soul allows it.

476
00:35:59.360 --> 00:36:05.440
Basically in simple terms, the soul is making the decision it's choosing.

477
00:36:05.440 --> 00:36:11.400
Am I going to go with my fears with what it is that I believed, or am I going to

478
00:36:11.400 --> 00:36:18.320
go with and allow myself to be overcome by the truth of the spirit, what is going

479
00:36:18.320 --> 00:36:25.360
to be the truth for the soul, for me and me, the soul and the body that is relying

480
00:36:25.360 --> 00:36:26.520
on me to make decisions.

481
00:36:26.520 --> 00:36:32.920
It's just receiving and, uh, and responding to my instruction and my

482
00:36:32.920 --> 00:36:35.960
instructions are what it is that I believe or not believe about God.

483
00:36:36.200 --> 00:36:38.360
So it's going to follow in my stead.

484
00:36:38.760 --> 00:36:40.440
I am the gatekeeper.

485
00:36:41.160 --> 00:36:46.920
I decide whether spirit, soul, and body is in union or whether there's going to be a

486
00:36:46.920 --> 00:36:54.360
divide if I choose to decide against, or if I choose to decide for, so that's

487
00:36:54.360 --> 00:36:56.040
really the decision that's being made.

488
00:36:56.360 --> 00:36:57.720
And that's where you're making it.

489
00:36:57.720 --> 00:36:58.680
You're making it in your soul.

490
00:36:58.680 --> 00:37:00.040
Your spirit already has.

491
00:37:00.080 --> 00:37:02.360
And your spirit, by the way, is the seat of your identity.

492
00:37:02.360 --> 00:37:04.680
That's where, who it is that you are is seated.

493
00:37:04.680 --> 00:37:07.320
It's in the spirit, which is already one with Christ.

494
00:37:07.320 --> 00:37:08.400
So you're perfectly fine.

495
00:37:08.400 --> 00:37:09.720
You've already made the decision.

496
00:37:10.120 --> 00:37:14.240
You're trying to get the other parts of you to come into alignment, right?

497
00:37:14.240 --> 00:37:18.800
So that you can all be so that you can all act as one, just as you already are

498
00:37:18.800 --> 00:37:19.360
one, right?

499
00:37:19.360 --> 00:37:23.080
So that you're no longer divided against yourself, fighting yourself, and you no

500
00:37:23.080 --> 00:37:24.880
longer have that pain and that pressure.

501
00:37:25.720 --> 00:37:28.680
Um, so also Jesus experienced this.

502
00:37:29.240 --> 00:37:31.360
Uh, there's a couple of different passage.

503
00:37:31.360 --> 00:37:35.640
I wanted to mention Luke 22, 44 and being in anguish.

504
00:37:35.640 --> 00:37:39.760
This is when Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane says, and being in anguish, he

505
00:37:39.760 --> 00:37:44.480
prayed more earnestly and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.

506
00:37:44.840 --> 00:37:48.440
That is a physical, uh, a medical phenomenon.

507
00:37:48.800 --> 00:37:52.280
The, uh, phenomena phenomenon phenomenon.

508
00:37:52.360 --> 00:37:59.440
I think that, I think that singular that, uh, happens when the body is under so

509
00:37:59.440 --> 00:38:06.000
much stress that the capillaries near the sweat glands burst because there's your,

510
00:38:06.040 --> 00:38:10.480
the blood is under so much pressure because of how stressed that you are.

511
00:38:10.720 --> 00:38:12.840
And so that was that kind of a struggle.

512
00:38:12.840 --> 00:38:15.200
Jesus was going through his soul and his body.

513
00:38:15.200 --> 00:38:18.960
We were going through that intense of a fight.

514
00:38:19.200 --> 00:38:22.440
Remember nothing had been decided because eventually God, Jesus makes

515
00:38:22.440 --> 00:38:25.880
this decision says, Hey, Jesus, you know, or, or, you know, God, I'm

516
00:38:25.880 --> 00:38:27.560
wanting to bring my soul into alignment.

517
00:38:27.880 --> 00:38:31.120
I've got to wrestle with it until it comes into alignment, but Lord, it

518
00:38:31.120 --> 00:38:32.960
will come into alignment and it did.

519
00:38:33.200 --> 00:38:33.480
You know?

520
00:38:33.480 --> 00:38:37.240
And so of course, that's why Jesus, you know, never was perfect and never sent,

521
00:38:37.520 --> 00:38:40.840
but just because he's perfect and ever sin doesn't mean that he didn't go through

522
00:38:40.880 --> 00:38:44.280
his own wilderness experiences that because his soul and his

523
00:38:44.280 --> 00:38:46.720
body were not born in alignment.

524
00:38:47.160 --> 00:38:51.280
He was born with, uh, as a, as a human.

525
00:38:52.080 --> 00:38:52.480
Right.

526
00:38:52.720 --> 00:38:59.800
And so therefore he had to, and his, and as human, his body was subject to, um,

527
00:38:59.800 --> 00:39:02.080
death, just like all the rest of the humans.

528
00:39:02.080 --> 00:39:06.400
And he overcame it, which is the example that he gave to us that we can as well.

529
00:39:06.680 --> 00:39:10.640
But anyway, so there was just, there was all of that agony, all of it.

530
00:39:10.640 --> 00:39:15.720
Anguish and all that strike because of the intensity of that struggle.

531
00:39:15.880 --> 00:39:20.760
And so the, his capillaries burst and then blood came out of his foot glands.

532
00:39:21.240 --> 00:39:26.200
The end in Matthew 26, 38 says, then he said to them, Jesus then said to the

533
00:39:26.200 --> 00:39:30.320
disciples, I remember he'd been praying for a while and then he came to the

534
00:39:30.320 --> 00:39:31.400
disciples and they were asleep.

535
00:39:31.440 --> 00:39:35.200
He said, my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death.

536
00:39:35.640 --> 00:39:37.560
Stay here and keep watch with me.

537
00:39:37.800 --> 00:39:41.440
He said, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.

538
00:39:42.160 --> 00:39:44.080
So Jesus acknowledged to them.

539
00:39:44.080 --> 00:39:49.480
He's like, look, why I want you to stay awake and to pray vigilantly with me is

540
00:39:49.480 --> 00:39:56.640
because my spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak and I want, and I'm asking

541
00:39:56.640 --> 00:39:59.720
you to intercede on my behalf to spiritually.

542
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:04.840
strengthen me so that it can overpower

543
00:40:04.840 --> 00:40:07.400
and give strength to the soul.

544
00:40:07.400 --> 00:40:10.140
So the soul will come into alignment, right?

545
00:40:12.640 --> 00:40:14.920
So those are some examples from scripture.

546
00:40:14.920 --> 00:40:17.760
Now, something that I want to mention really quick,

547
00:40:17.760 --> 00:40:20.560
all of these, when we think of struggle,

548
00:40:20.560 --> 00:40:23.840
one of the words that we typically use

549
00:40:23.840 --> 00:40:25.880
when we're going through the intensity

550
00:40:25.880 --> 00:40:28.960
of these times is desperation.

551
00:40:28.960 --> 00:40:31.240
So I wanted to just point out

552
00:40:31.240 --> 00:40:35.160
that you can't trade on desperation.

553
00:40:35.160 --> 00:40:38.640
In other words, it has no currency with the Lord.

554
00:40:38.640 --> 00:40:40.520
You can't earn anything.

555
00:40:40.520 --> 00:40:43.620
You can't buy any favor with him by being desperate.

556
00:40:47.200 --> 00:40:51.260
You can't gain more favor or speed up the process

557
00:40:51.260 --> 00:40:53.480
with the Lord by being desperate.

558
00:40:53.480 --> 00:40:56.080
You know, Lord, don't you see how desperate I am?

559
00:40:56.080 --> 00:40:57.600
We think that that's showing the Lord,

560
00:40:57.600 --> 00:40:59.520
well, Lord, I want you really bad.

561
00:40:59.520 --> 00:41:01.240
And God's like, yeah, I made you too.

562
00:41:01.240 --> 00:41:02.200
Everybody does.

563
00:41:02.200 --> 00:41:04.400
You're just like, so what else is new?

564
00:41:04.400 --> 00:41:07.820
So desperation doesn't help us.

565
00:41:07.820 --> 00:41:10.600
The only thing that desperation does help,

566
00:41:10.600 --> 00:41:13.040
in other words, it won't help you get breakthrough.

567
00:41:14.480 --> 00:41:16.840
The only thing that desperation does do

568
00:41:16.840 --> 00:41:21.840
is that it increases the pain to the point that,

569
00:41:23.480 --> 00:41:26.640
hopefully to the point that you finally choose

570
00:41:26.640 --> 00:41:31.640
to just let go and to surrender because you're so desperate

571
00:41:32.320 --> 00:41:35.000
that you're finally willing to let go of everything.

572
00:41:36.880 --> 00:41:40.040
So basically desperation can't come into the kingdom.

573
00:41:40.040 --> 00:41:43.160
So desperation will has to, like I said,

574
00:41:43.160 --> 00:41:46.280
the benefit of it is it builds to such a degree

575
00:41:46.280 --> 00:41:51.280
that it finally is a tool that helps force you

576
00:41:51.880 --> 00:41:55.040
to surrender everything, including your desperation.

577
00:41:55.040 --> 00:41:58.320
You're not giving up, you're surrendering to the Lord

578
00:41:58.320 --> 00:42:02.440
because surrender will help pass you through

579
00:42:02.440 --> 00:42:03.280
into the kingdom.

580
00:42:03.280 --> 00:42:04.800
And remember when I'm talking about the kingdom

581
00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:06.680
and I'm not talking about salvation,

582
00:42:06.680 --> 00:42:08.920
I'm talking about Christians who are already,

583
00:42:08.920 --> 00:42:10.360
you know, one with Christ,

584
00:42:10.360 --> 00:42:13.520
but who are wanting to operate more and more

585
00:42:13.520 --> 00:42:16.080
out of their character and receive the benefits

586
00:42:16.080 --> 00:42:18.280
of being one with Christ.

587
00:42:18.280 --> 00:42:20.960
You know, although see the manifestation

588
00:42:20.960 --> 00:42:24.160
of the spirits of God in their life, you know,

589
00:42:24.360 --> 00:42:28.560
and the fruit of the spirit of God in their life,

590
00:42:28.560 --> 00:42:30.320
you know, love, joy, peace, et cetera.

591
00:42:30.320 --> 00:42:34.360
I'm talking about what is it like to live out of the kingdom

592
00:42:34.360 --> 00:42:36.640
and all of it and to receive and to live

593
00:42:36.640 --> 00:42:39.880
in this physical world, the benefits of being in the kingdom

594
00:42:39.880 --> 00:42:41.000
versus you're a Christian,

595
00:42:41.000 --> 00:42:43.080
but you don't get access to the kingdom,

596
00:42:43.080 --> 00:42:44.560
not because you don't have access,

597
00:42:44.560 --> 00:42:46.960
but because you're not receiving it, you're not grabbing it

598
00:42:46.960 --> 00:42:48.640
and because you've chosen to hold on

599
00:42:48.640 --> 00:42:50.120
to something else instead.

600
00:42:50.120 --> 00:42:54.120
Desperation will finally build the pain up enough,

601
00:42:54.960 --> 00:42:55.800
you know, as it builds and builds and builds

602
00:42:55.800 --> 00:42:57.440
that you finally let go.

603
00:42:57.440 --> 00:43:00.520
But when you let go, you have to let go of everything,

604
00:43:00.520 --> 00:43:02.480
including desperation.

605
00:43:02.480 --> 00:43:05.080
So I just wanted to mention that,

606
00:43:06.480 --> 00:43:10.320
because remember that God can work with desperation,

607
00:43:10.320 --> 00:43:12.840
but desperation won't get you breakthrough.

608
00:43:12.840 --> 00:43:17.760
So, okay, just a couple more things and then we're done.

609
00:43:17.760 --> 00:43:21.760
So I wanted to mention that for those of you

610
00:43:21.920 --> 00:43:24.480
who are in the journal here,

611
00:43:26.080 --> 00:43:29.680
I mentioned on all of these pages that have the brick wall

612
00:43:30.840 --> 00:43:33.920
as the background, I'm mentioning some,

613
00:43:33.920 --> 00:43:36.960
and I'm titling some particular struggle

614
00:43:36.960 --> 00:43:37.800
that I'd been through.

615
00:43:37.800 --> 00:43:39.600
And this particular one I wanna talk about

616
00:43:39.600 --> 00:43:41.640
was what I call the brick wall.

617
00:43:41.640 --> 00:43:45.560
And it was where I had just gotten out of college.

618
00:43:45.560 --> 00:43:50.560
I had been in depression for over four years by that point,

619
00:43:50.640 --> 00:43:51.800
but I didn't know it.

620
00:43:52.680 --> 00:43:54.680
I just knew life was horrible

621
00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:58.680
and I was in a tremendous amount of pain

622
00:43:58.680 --> 00:44:00.760
and I just felt completely hopeless.

623
00:44:00.760 --> 00:44:04.960
I just felt, I honestly felt like I was in a pit of despair.

624
00:44:04.960 --> 00:44:07.400
Everything was very dark.

625
00:44:07.400 --> 00:44:12.400
And I remember talking to the Lord and I told him,

626
00:44:12.960 --> 00:44:16.480
I said, Lord, you know, I can handle anything.

627
00:44:16.480 --> 00:44:18.480
And this is, you know, four years into the depression

628
00:44:18.480 --> 00:44:19.640
and every, like I said,

629
00:44:19.640 --> 00:44:21.160
everything was horrible and dark.

630
00:44:21.160 --> 00:44:23.040
And I told him after all of that,

631
00:44:23.040 --> 00:44:24.200
I was still going through it and I said,

632
00:44:24.200 --> 00:44:26.640
but God, you know, because I'm just clinging to him.

633
00:44:26.640 --> 00:44:29.720
I said, I can handle anything

634
00:44:29.720 --> 00:44:31.040
as long as you don't remove,

635
00:44:31.040 --> 00:44:32.800
as long as I can feel that you're with me

636
00:44:32.800 --> 00:44:34.960
and you don't remove your presence from me.

637
00:44:34.960 --> 00:44:36.640
I can handle anything.

638
00:44:36.640 --> 00:44:38.520
So you know what happened?

639
00:44:38.520 --> 00:44:42.600
God removed everything, but his presence.

640
00:44:42.600 --> 00:44:43.440
I was shocked.

641
00:44:43.440 --> 00:44:46.840
I was like, well, I didn't mean you had to do it, Lord,

642
00:44:46.840 --> 00:44:49.320
but he gave me a sense of his presence

643
00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:52.120
and I knew he was there.

644
00:44:52.120 --> 00:44:53.320
And in fact, he would look at me.

645
00:44:53.320 --> 00:44:55.360
I would talk to him and he, you know,

646
00:44:55.360 --> 00:44:57.440
you can see in your spirit,

647
00:44:57.440 --> 00:44:59.120
in basically the mind of your spirit,

648
00:44:59.120 --> 00:45:00.720
you're not seeing it physically.

649
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:02.520
But you're seeing it in the mind of your spirit.

650
00:45:02.520 --> 00:45:06.520
I hope to see it physically one day, but in the mind of your spirit, you can see it's

651
00:45:06.520 --> 00:45:08.680
like, you can sense.

652
00:45:08.680 --> 00:45:09.680
He's looking at you.

653
00:45:09.680 --> 00:45:14.680
You're talking to him and he's looking at you, but he's not responding, just completely

654
00:45:14.680 --> 00:45:17.440
blank faced.

655
00:45:17.440 --> 00:45:21.600
And it felt like I was talking to a wall and that's what I told him.

656
00:45:21.600 --> 00:45:29.720
It's like, Lord, I, you're hearing me and I can see you and I can feel your presence.

657
00:45:29.720 --> 00:45:33.960
I can feel that you are really here with me and you are paying attention to me and you

658
00:45:33.960 --> 00:45:34.960
are acknowledging me.

659
00:45:34.960 --> 00:45:39.560
You know who I am and you were looking at me while I'm talking to you, but you will

660
00:45:39.560 --> 00:45:40.560
not respond.

661
00:45:40.560 --> 00:45:42.960
I mean, he didn't respond negatively.

662
00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:43.960
He didn't get onto me.

663
00:45:43.960 --> 00:45:44.960
He didn't correct me.

664
00:45:44.960 --> 00:45:46.720
And he didn't say anything positive either.

665
00:45:46.720 --> 00:45:52.800
He didn't say anything comforting, wasn't sympathetic, nothing.

666
00:45:52.800 --> 00:45:53.800
No response.

667
00:45:53.800 --> 00:45:56.240
It's as if I wasn't talking at all.

668
00:45:56.240 --> 00:46:00.080
And I was driven crazy.

669
00:46:00.080 --> 00:46:02.600
I couldn't take it.

670
00:46:02.600 --> 00:46:07.680
There's actually, I heard about this years later that there was actually an experiment

671
00:46:07.680 --> 00:46:11.880
that some of y'all may have heard before called the still faced experiment that this doctor

672
00:46:11.880 --> 00:46:15.560
did with, with mothers and their babies.

673
00:46:15.560 --> 00:46:18.600
And what he had them do is he, and he would video all of this.

674
00:46:18.600 --> 00:46:24.800
He would show that what a child needs is he needs connection and he's always looking

675
00:46:24.800 --> 00:46:25.800
for connection.

676
00:46:25.800 --> 00:46:33.080
And one of the things that he needs to build and affirm that connection is he needs response.

677
00:46:33.080 --> 00:46:34.720
He needs interaction.

678
00:46:34.720 --> 00:46:37.600
It's not just enough that he has access.

679
00:46:37.600 --> 00:46:40.720
He needs to be responded to, or he will go crazy.

680
00:46:40.720 --> 00:46:43.640
He'll start acting out, you know, start misbehaving.

681
00:46:43.640 --> 00:46:47.480
And so what he did is he had these mothers interact with the baby and respond whenever

682
00:46:47.480 --> 00:46:52.680
the baby would point and they look just like the baby was pointing and they tell the baby

683
00:46:52.680 --> 00:46:56.240
how wonderful it was and whatever.

684
00:46:56.240 --> 00:47:00.360
And then the mothers would turn away, kind of gain their composure and then turn back

685
00:47:00.360 --> 00:47:06.280
to the baby's completely blank faced, you know, just nothing.

686
00:47:06.280 --> 00:47:07.280
They weren't mad.

687
00:47:07.280 --> 00:47:08.280
They weren't sad.

688
00:47:08.280 --> 00:47:09.280
They weren't happy.

689
00:47:09.280 --> 00:47:10.280
It was just neutral.

690
00:47:10.280 --> 00:47:15.720
And the baby, of course, I'm playing with mom the whole, this whole time and continues

691
00:47:15.720 --> 00:47:17.360
to do all of those things.

692
00:47:18.240 --> 00:47:21.480
And in fact, finally realizes, okay, well, new things aren't working.

693
00:47:21.480 --> 00:47:24.000
Let's try some of the things I tried just a few minutes ago.

694
00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:27.280
That got mom's attention, got her to respond to me.

695
00:47:27.280 --> 00:47:30.880
There's the, even while I'm where the baby like points, he like looks back and forth

696
00:47:30.880 --> 00:47:36.200
from it to the mom is like, or you can look, you know, this is before the babies can even

697
00:47:36.200 --> 00:47:37.200
talk yet.

698
00:47:37.200 --> 00:47:38.800
And the mom's not responding.

699
00:47:38.800 --> 00:47:40.640
Mom's not looking.

700
00:47:40.640 --> 00:47:42.840
Mom's not interacting at all with baby.

701
00:47:42.840 --> 00:47:47.880
And all of a sudden the baby starts just almost like writhing in pain because it's

702
00:47:47.880 --> 00:47:50.280
so tormented inside.

703
00:47:50.280 --> 00:47:55.920
So it was just an interesting physical experiment that, that I believe reflects the spiritual

704
00:47:55.920 --> 00:47:56.920
principle.

705
00:47:56.920 --> 00:48:04.680
And that's the fact that we were made for interaction with God and response from God

706
00:48:04.680 --> 00:48:08.880
and that he created that for us because he intends to give that to us.

707
00:48:08.880 --> 00:48:13.200
And when we're going through a struggle with him, some, one of the things that you might

708
00:48:13.200 --> 00:48:17.880
go through is this time where you've, where you're trying to connect with him and you

709
00:48:17.880 --> 00:48:21.000
may, maybe like me, you may feel his presence.

710
00:48:21.000 --> 00:48:23.360
You may know that he hears you.

711
00:48:23.360 --> 00:48:25.320
You may know that he's listening.

712
00:48:25.320 --> 00:48:31.600
You may know that he has your, that you have his attention, but you are not getting a response.

713
00:48:31.600 --> 00:48:33.680
You're not getting direction.

714
00:48:33.680 --> 00:48:35.280
You're not getting instruction.

715
00:48:35.280 --> 00:48:36.640
You're not getting correction.

716
00:48:36.640 --> 00:48:37.920
You're not getting sympathy.

717
00:48:37.960 --> 00:48:44.600
You're not getting anything, nothing positive, nothing negative, nothing.

718
00:48:44.600 --> 00:48:50.720
And and that can be one of the run of the deep, one of the experiences that we can have

719
00:48:50.720 --> 00:48:54.280
and reflecting a, that the Lord can take us through.

720
00:48:54.280 --> 00:48:59.000
But remember that that is not God being mean to us or whatever is something that we're

721
00:48:59.000 --> 00:49:05.240
going through though, that God is using to allow to, so that will, will be stretched

722
00:49:05.240 --> 00:49:09.280
in our faith so that we can have more of him.

723
00:49:09.280 --> 00:49:12.200
So he's not withholding himself.

724
00:49:12.200 --> 00:49:16.600
He's actually preparing us to receive more of him.

725
00:49:16.600 --> 00:49:21.400
Because remember the fact that you're in this period of struggle means that you've maxed

726
00:49:21.400 --> 00:49:24.240
out your previous period.

727
00:49:24.240 --> 00:49:26.880
You've maxed out the level of maturity that you can go.

728
00:49:26.880 --> 00:49:31.480
And that's only, so that's only the level and degree of the Lord that you can contain.

729
00:49:31.480 --> 00:49:36.680
You can hold, you can have, you can interact with, you can enjoy, you can be blessed by,

730
00:49:36.680 --> 00:49:38.520
and you have asked the Lord for more.

731
00:49:38.520 --> 00:49:42.880
And so he's preparing you for more.

732
00:49:42.880 --> 00:49:46.720
And something also I wanted to encourage all in, I have never forgotten this.

733
00:49:46.720 --> 00:49:51.160
It has been one of the most encouraging things I have ever heard, probably the most encouraging

734
00:49:51.160 --> 00:49:52.920
thing I've ever heard in my life.

735
00:49:52.920 --> 00:49:55.080
While I was going through that time, I met with him.

736
00:49:55.080 --> 00:49:59.640
I met a man that I had been listening to his teaching school.

737
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.000
really, really admired and entrusted spiritually.

738
00:50:08.800 --> 00:50:12.640
And one of the things about him is he doesn't know how to,

739
00:50:12.640 --> 00:50:15.680
he says that he does not know how to exist

740
00:50:15.680 --> 00:50:16.920
outside of the presence of God.

741
00:50:16.920 --> 00:50:20.580
He's so familiar with the Lord

742
00:50:20.580 --> 00:50:24.760
and he has just sacrificed his whole life for God.

743
00:50:24.760 --> 00:50:26.800
And he was doing a teaching,

744
00:50:26.800 --> 00:50:30.120
I had been ministered to by his teachings

745
00:50:31.360 --> 00:50:33.160
whenever I would get home,

746
00:50:33.160 --> 00:50:35.120
that summer I would get home from work

747
00:50:35.120 --> 00:50:37.160
and I would sit down with probably,

748
00:50:37.160 --> 00:50:37.980
I don't know,

749
00:50:37.980 --> 00:50:40.400
I was probably doing some like little hand project

750
00:50:40.400 --> 00:50:44.200
and I would sit and write notes in the dark

751
00:50:44.200 --> 00:50:45.040
with his teachings

752
00:50:45.040 --> 00:50:47.400
because I would depress people in the dark

753
00:50:47.400 --> 00:50:49.320
for hours until I would go to bed.

754
00:50:49.320 --> 00:50:51.120
And then I would get up the next day,

755
00:50:51.120 --> 00:50:52.400
go to work, come back,

756
00:50:52.400 --> 00:50:54.680
start his teachings while working on my project.

757
00:50:54.680 --> 00:50:55.800
And I'm telling you what,

758
00:50:55.800 --> 00:50:57.220
I was crying out for the Lord,

759
00:50:57.220 --> 00:50:59.300
trying so desperately to connect with him.

760
00:50:59.300 --> 00:51:01.200
And the only way that I knew how

761
00:51:01.200 --> 00:51:03.400
was to read scripture and to listen to teachings.

762
00:51:03.400 --> 00:51:04.880
So that's what I did.

763
00:51:04.880 --> 00:51:07.240
So I finally got to meet him in person

764
00:51:07.240 --> 00:51:09.360
and he told me,

765
00:51:09.360 --> 00:51:10.720
he didn't tell me then,

766
00:51:10.720 --> 00:51:12.120
I don't remember when he told me,

767
00:51:12.120 --> 00:51:15.520
it was a few,

768
00:51:17.240 --> 00:51:18.520
I don't know, it was a few months,

769
00:51:18.520 --> 00:51:21.160
maybe even a year later or something like that.

770
00:51:22.680 --> 00:51:24.640
Yeah, maybe that's what that was.

771
00:51:25.480 --> 00:51:26.320
And he told me, he said,

772
00:51:26.320 --> 00:51:30.280
actually he said, I've met thousands of people, thousands.

773
00:51:30.280 --> 00:51:32.800
He said, I don't remember where I met them

774
00:51:32.800 --> 00:51:34.960
because I know so many people.

775
00:51:34.960 --> 00:51:37.480
And I sometimes can recognize their faces

776
00:51:37.480 --> 00:51:38.680
and realize that I've met them before.

777
00:51:38.680 --> 00:51:40.940
He said, but I don't know where I met all these people.

778
00:51:40.940 --> 00:51:42.600
He said, but I'm telling you,

779
00:51:42.600 --> 00:51:44.360
I know exactly where I met you.

780
00:51:44.360 --> 00:51:46.520
I'm thinking, okay.

781
00:51:46.520 --> 00:51:49.560
He said, you walked into that hotel room

782
00:51:49.560 --> 00:51:51.200
or it wasn't a hotel room,

783
00:51:51.200 --> 00:51:53.120
it was like a hotel ballroom

784
00:51:53.120 --> 00:51:55.440
where he was teaching all of these people.

785
00:51:55.440 --> 00:51:57.040
And he said, you walked in,

786
00:51:57.040 --> 00:51:59.040
cause my dad and I had been looking for the hotel,

787
00:51:59.040 --> 00:52:00.920
couldn't find it, so we were late.

788
00:52:00.920 --> 00:52:03.800
So we walk in and while the teaching had already started

789
00:52:03.800 --> 00:52:06.040
and he said, he looked up at me and he,

790
00:52:06.040 --> 00:52:07.840
because he said, he said,

791
00:52:07.840 --> 00:52:11.920
actually the spirit of God came into the room with you.

792
00:52:11.920 --> 00:52:16.160
He said, that is how I remember where I met you

793
00:52:16.160 --> 00:52:18.120
because I remember that moment.

794
00:52:18.120 --> 00:52:18.960
You walked into the room

795
00:52:18.960 --> 00:52:20.920
and the spirit of God walked in with you.

796
00:52:20.920 --> 00:52:23.480
I cannot tell you how encouraged that it was

797
00:52:23.480 --> 00:52:26.040
because understand what I was going through at that time.

798
00:52:26.040 --> 00:52:27.840
I was almost on suicide level.

799
00:52:27.840 --> 00:52:28.680
It was so bad.

800
00:52:28.680 --> 00:52:31.880
In fact, I didn't even, the suicide thoughts,

801
00:52:31.880 --> 00:52:32.920
things were so bad

802
00:52:32.920 --> 00:52:34.760
that they were leading to my suicidal thoughts

803
00:52:34.760 --> 00:52:36.040
and I hadn't even gotten there yet.

804
00:52:36.040 --> 00:52:38.760
I was like, and that was already four years in.

805
00:52:38.760 --> 00:52:40.880
It was a really, really, really hard journey.

806
00:52:40.880 --> 00:52:43.000
Everything was dark and depressing

807
00:52:43.000 --> 00:52:46.840
and I'd never felt so mad and so hopeless in my life.

808
00:52:46.840 --> 00:52:49.240
Though it was around that time where I couldn't,

809
00:52:49.280 --> 00:52:52.280
I had no longer sometimes the will to stand.

810
00:52:52.280 --> 00:52:55.000
So I would just kind of like slide down the wall

811
00:52:55.000 --> 00:52:56.440
until I just sat on the floor

812
00:52:56.440 --> 00:53:00.920
because I just, I had no motivation to live anymore.

813
00:53:01.760 --> 00:53:04.880
And in that time that I was seeking God so bad

814
00:53:04.880 --> 00:53:08.960
and he would not respond to me,

815
00:53:08.960 --> 00:53:10.680
a man tells me that during that time,

816
00:53:10.680 --> 00:53:13.040
the presence of the Lord walked into his room

817
00:53:13.040 --> 00:53:16.440
that he was teaching, walked in with me.

818
00:53:16.440 --> 00:53:18.760
So I say that as an encouragement to you

819
00:53:19.280 --> 00:53:21.520
that just because you either can't feel God

820
00:53:21.520 --> 00:53:22.560
or don't feel connected

821
00:53:22.560 --> 00:53:24.240
or don't feel like he's acknowledging you,

822
00:53:24.240 --> 00:53:26.120
don't feel like he's responding,

823
00:53:26.120 --> 00:53:28.840
don't feel like you matter at all to him,

824
00:53:28.840 --> 00:53:31.440
I promise you that not only is he there,

825
00:53:31.440 --> 00:53:34.160
but that you have so much favor

826
00:53:34.160 --> 00:53:36.920
that you are carrying his presence.

827
00:53:36.920 --> 00:53:41.400
It's not just me, that God just had that man tell me that

828
00:53:41.400 --> 00:53:43.440
as an encouragement to me,

829
00:53:43.440 --> 00:53:44.800
but understand we're all,

830
00:53:44.800 --> 00:53:47.920
everyone that I'm speaking to, we're all believers.

831
00:53:47.960 --> 00:53:50.560
We all carry the presence of the Lord

832
00:53:50.560 --> 00:53:54.160
and know that, you know, just take my story,

833
00:53:54.160 --> 00:53:55.840
take that and claim that for your own

834
00:53:55.840 --> 00:53:59.400
and know that that is what God is doing with you,

835
00:53:59.400 --> 00:54:02.800
that you, that he is favoring you so much,

836
00:54:02.800 --> 00:54:05.800
that he is, that you are bringing his presence

837
00:54:05.800 --> 00:54:09.000
into a room with you because he's dwelling with you.

838
00:54:09.000 --> 00:54:12.040
He's choosing to be around you, to be on you,

839
00:54:12.040 --> 00:54:16.000
to be in you, to spend time with you,

840
00:54:16.000 --> 00:54:19.120
to fill up the space that you're in

841
00:54:19.120 --> 00:54:20.120
and he could be anywhere.

842
00:54:20.120 --> 00:54:21.480
He's God, he could choose to be anywhere

843
00:54:21.480 --> 00:54:22.960
and you are his choice.

844
00:54:24.360 --> 00:54:26.920
All right, so the last thing I wanna talk about

845
00:54:26.920 --> 00:54:29.440
is remember that eventually you'll have to get

846
00:54:29.440 --> 00:54:34.160
to a break point, a point where you finally let go

847
00:54:34.160 --> 00:54:36.560
and you finally just choose.

848
00:54:36.560 --> 00:54:41.560
And we want to let go during this whole time

849
00:54:42.960 --> 00:54:45.600
that we're going through a spiritual struggle,

850
00:54:45.680 --> 00:54:49.520
but the reason why we're still struggling

851
00:54:49.520 --> 00:54:51.200
is that we're refusing to let go

852
00:54:52.360 --> 00:54:53.920
and we're eventually gonna have to,

853
00:54:53.920 --> 00:54:56.040
that can't ever be avoided.

854
00:54:56.040 --> 00:54:58.520
So as hard as it is to say this,

855
00:54:58.520 --> 00:55:00.160
I just say this so that.

856
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:05.560
that you will know, um, and be prepared that it won't get easier from here.

857
00:55:05.800 --> 00:55:07.480
It just gets more painful.

858
00:55:08.360 --> 00:55:14.340
So the thing is that you'll eventually have to make the choice and let go.

859
00:55:14.640 --> 00:55:18.680
So what we'll be talking about a lot of is how to, how to do that,

860
00:55:18.680 --> 00:55:23.320
how to actually let go, how we're holding on to things and how to finally release

861
00:55:23.320 --> 00:55:25.960
them, because sometimes we don't recognize how we're holding on to them.

862
00:55:25.960 --> 00:55:28.120
We want to let go, but we're like, well, how am I holding on to something?

863
00:55:28.120 --> 00:55:29.600
I thought I've already let go of everything.

864
00:55:29.960 --> 00:55:38.880
We'll be talking about that, but, um, uh, Eventually you'll have to get to the

865
00:55:38.880 --> 00:55:45.880
break point where you finally, finally let go and you finally choose and you

866
00:55:45.880 --> 00:55:49.640
finally surrender it, it won't get easier.

867
00:55:49.640 --> 00:55:53.040
You won't eventually not have to let go of that thing.

868
00:55:53.760 --> 00:55:54.920
You'll have to let go.

869
00:55:55.240 --> 00:56:01.200
Um, but so I say that to say that there's no escaping it.

870
00:56:02.320 --> 00:56:06.360
And when I, and even though that's a hard thing to say, and because I know

871
00:56:06.360 --> 00:56:10.360
that it's a hard thing to hear, the reason that I want to tell you that is

872
00:56:10.360 --> 00:56:14.960
so that you'll be prepared for what you're eventually going to have to do so

873
00:56:14.960 --> 00:56:19.760
that maybe you'll make the choice earlier in order to avoid the pain of making it

874
00:56:19.760 --> 00:56:23.680
later, because the only difference between now making it now and making it

875
00:56:23.680 --> 00:56:30.280
later is that later will encompass more pain and the pain will just get stronger.

876
00:56:31.120 --> 00:56:34.760
Is, is that's the only difference, but you have to make the same choice here

877
00:56:34.760 --> 00:56:36.360
that you'd eventually have to make here.

878
00:56:36.720 --> 00:56:37.040
Point.

879
00:56:37.040 --> 00:56:39.080
The problem with here is that it's more painful.

880
00:56:40.520 --> 00:56:42.920
Um, and, uh, let's see.

881
00:56:42.920 --> 00:56:46.280
So yeah, you'll have, we'll have to let go, um, in getting the break

882
00:56:46.800 --> 00:56:47.840
and getting the breakthrough.

883
00:56:47.840 --> 00:56:54.760
And so the last point that I want to, um, leave you with is that one of the

884
00:56:54.760 --> 00:56:59.720
things that you have to let go of is let go of getting the breakthrough.

885
00:57:00.720 --> 00:57:06.480
In other words, you have to surrender that because what happens is we're

886
00:57:06.480 --> 00:57:11.080
holding on to something that we want from God, and basically

887
00:57:11.080 --> 00:57:12.520
we're holding it against him.

888
00:57:13.280 --> 00:57:15.360
God, why haven't you done it yet?

889
00:57:15.720 --> 00:57:17.560
Why haven't you given me freedom yet?

890
00:57:17.560 --> 00:57:19.000
Why hasn't it happened yet?

891
00:57:19.360 --> 00:57:23.280
And we're using that in accusation as a weapon against the Lord.

892
00:57:23.560 --> 00:57:27.000
And we can't ever get through by using that as a weapon against the Lord.

893
00:57:27.000 --> 00:57:32.160
We have to finally release him of the obligation and accountability

894
00:57:32.160 --> 00:57:35.440
to us of giving us breakthrough.

895
00:57:36.000 --> 00:57:37.040
We have to let it go.

896
00:57:37.320 --> 00:57:41.320
You're not giving up on getting it and you're not giving into your

897
00:57:41.320 --> 00:57:43.440
situation like, well, yes, it's just the way it is.

898
00:57:43.440 --> 00:57:45.240
No, no, you're just surrendering it.

899
00:57:46.040 --> 00:57:48.800
And you're finally no longer holding it against God.

900
00:57:49.240 --> 00:57:51.000
You're saying, okay, God, do whatever you want.

901
00:57:52.400 --> 00:57:55.360
I'm choosing to seek you, which is something that we'll be talking about

902
00:57:55.360 --> 00:57:58.800
in the next few sessions is, uh, is about what it is that the Lord, I

903
00:57:58.800 --> 00:58:00.120
think it's in three more sessions.

904
00:58:00.440 --> 00:58:02.000
What it is that the Lord wants from us.

905
00:58:02.000 --> 00:58:04.520
One of the things is to seek him, which all sounds great.

906
00:58:04.520 --> 00:58:07.440
And we all know that, but we're going to be talking more in depth of, okay,

907
00:58:07.440 --> 00:58:10.720
well, how am I supposed to be seeking him in a way I haven't been doing it

908
00:58:10.720 --> 00:58:14.760
so far, because apparently if, because if it works, you know, that God's, God

909
00:58:14.760 --> 00:58:16.440
says that works and this isn't working.

910
00:58:16.440 --> 00:58:16.640
Okay.

911
00:58:16.640 --> 00:58:18.400
Well then that's just not seeking him.

912
00:58:18.400 --> 00:58:19.800
We misunderstood what seeking him in.

913
00:58:19.800 --> 00:58:23.080
So we'll talk about what God really means by seeking him.

914
00:58:24.840 --> 00:58:28.600
Um, and anyway, we'll be getting to that, but we're holding God

915
00:58:28.600 --> 00:58:32.520
hostage to a particular outcome.

916
00:58:32.960 --> 00:58:35.840
If we're, if we're emotionally.

917
00:58:36.840 --> 00:58:41.840
So desperate for breakthrough that we're mad at God for not giving

918
00:58:41.840 --> 00:58:43.160
us the breakthrough yet, right?

919
00:58:43.640 --> 00:58:47.040
We're then emotionally holding God hostage to an outcome.

920
00:58:47.960 --> 00:58:51.960
And we're caught in, in that outcome is something that would call breakthrough.

921
00:58:52.560 --> 00:58:55.640
That breakthrough could be relief, could be connection with him.

922
00:58:56.200 --> 00:59:03.320
And remember that God wants to give it to you more than you are desperate to have it.

923
00:59:04.200 --> 00:59:06.960
So God wants this more for you than you want.

924
00:59:07.080 --> 00:59:12.000
You don't have to convince them of the importance of it or of the necessity

925
00:59:12.000 --> 00:59:14.840
in your life of being relieved from your current situation or whatever.

926
00:59:14.840 --> 00:59:16.680
He wants this more than you do.

927
00:59:16.680 --> 00:59:22.280
That's why you are aware of it because he created that need within

928
00:59:22.280 --> 00:59:24.800
you because he wants you to have it.

929
00:59:25.520 --> 00:59:28.680
So this is all his idea is to give it to you.

930
00:59:29.080 --> 00:59:33.920
What you're experiencing is your natural response that he

931
00:59:33.920 --> 00:59:36.080
created within you towards him.

932
00:59:37.040 --> 00:59:42.960
So I hope that that was helpful in understanding a bit more about like

933
00:59:42.960 --> 00:59:45.720
where it is that you are right now.

934
00:59:45.720 --> 00:59:49.240
And then what it is that you're moving towards with breakthrough from your

935
00:59:49.240 --> 00:59:54.640
spiritual wilderness and your spiritual struggle so that the things that I would

936
00:59:54.640 --> 00:59:59.080
recommend that you take away the most from this are that.

937
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:04.600
The spiritual wilderness that you're going through is not a bad place.

938
01:00:05.540 --> 01:00:09.480
It's not a simple place that God's like, you're not ever supposed to be here.

939
01:00:09.500 --> 01:00:09.780
Nope.

940
01:00:09.900 --> 01:00:16.580
God guided the Israelites into the wilderness and the Holy spirit guided

941
01:00:16.580 --> 01:00:23.400
Jesus into the wilderness when he, after he was baptized, the wilderness is God's

942
01:00:23.400 --> 01:00:27.720
idea and it's not as a punishment.

943
01:00:28.160 --> 01:00:33.200
It's actually a place in which you don't have to provide for yourself

944
01:00:33.200 --> 01:00:35.040
because God's providing for you.

945
01:00:35.400 --> 01:00:38.120
Remember what, what happened with Jesus?

946
01:00:38.960 --> 01:00:45.600
You know, he was given bread and water and ministered to by the angels.

947
01:00:46.360 --> 01:00:50.940
Um, when Elijah was desperate and was running away from a Jezebel and he was

948
01:00:50.940 --> 01:00:53.360
on his way to the mountain of the Lord, but hadn't gotten there yet.

949
01:00:53.360 --> 01:00:57.940
He just lay down and just told God, I know better than my ancestors.

950
01:00:57.940 --> 01:00:58.860
Just kill me now.

951
01:00:59.380 --> 01:01:04.140
And he's, and God sent an angel to give him food and water in between.

952
01:01:04.700 --> 01:01:08.100
Elijah's resting like literal sleep and naps.

953
01:01:08.580 --> 01:01:11.940
And then of course, God guided the Israelites into the wilderness and

954
01:01:11.940 --> 01:01:19.020
made sure that not only did they have, uh, bread and meats and water, but

955
01:01:19.020 --> 01:01:24.500
it said that even when they were, uh, they had rejected God's invitation

956
01:01:24.500 --> 01:01:26.060
to go into the land of Canaan.

957
01:01:26.060 --> 01:01:29.980
And they didn't believe that he was big enough and that he could help them

958
01:01:29.980 --> 01:01:33.820
enough, even entered those under those situations, even though they were all

959
01:01:33.820 --> 01:01:37.020
going to die, all of that generation was going to die and wasn't going

960
01:01:37.020 --> 01:01:38.300
to enter the promised land.

961
01:01:39.060 --> 01:01:45.300
God said that there, uh, that he always provided all of their food and that

962
01:01:45.300 --> 01:01:51.140
not a single sandal strap, you know, when none of their ledger, the leather

963
01:01:51.140 --> 01:01:55.620
straps of their sandals broke kind of always provided for them, but the

964
01:01:55.620 --> 01:02:00.500
desert doesn't feel pleasant, but they're being prepared for Canaan.

965
01:02:00.500 --> 01:02:02.420
They're being prepared for what's on the other side.

966
01:02:02.460 --> 01:02:05.860
Remember Jesus's ministry started after he went through the wilderness.

967
01:02:07.900 --> 01:02:12.820
Um, I know it sounds like a very weird thing to talk about right now, but I'm

968
01:02:12.820 --> 01:02:16.460
just going to mention this in closing just really quick, cause I thought of it.

969
01:02:17.540 --> 01:02:21.740
What happened, uh, with, uh, with Israelites is the same thing

970
01:02:21.740 --> 01:02:23.060
that happened with Jesus.

971
01:02:23.060 --> 01:02:26.420
And then both times they were declared.

972
01:02:27.220 --> 01:02:36.340
At sons of God and affirmed as such publicly before they went into the

973
01:02:36.340 --> 01:02:41.780
wilderness, so God wanted them to know and wanted everybody else to know that

974
01:02:41.780 --> 01:02:44.940
they had his stamp and his identity.

975
01:02:45.460 --> 01:02:47.540
And that was before they went into the wilderness.

976
01:02:47.900 --> 01:02:52.340
So the wilderness in the wilderness will be completely provided for by the Lord.

977
01:02:52.340 --> 01:02:57.580
So what it is you're going through right now, this is not a lack of God in your

978
01:02:57.580 --> 01:03:00.260
life, because that's how it can feel.

979
01:03:00.260 --> 01:03:03.980
Especially if you're trying to connect with him, it's not actually a lack of God.

980
01:03:04.340 --> 01:03:07.220
What we have to do is we have to like the Israelites.

981
01:03:07.220 --> 01:03:12.260
We have to open our eyes, see and acknowledge and honor how God is providing

982
01:03:12.260 --> 01:03:16.180
for us, how he is displaying himself, how he is showing us, cause he's always

983
01:03:16.180 --> 01:03:19.860
trying and showing us himself because he's always trying to point us to him.

984
01:03:21.420 --> 01:03:27.060
So with that, I will leave you and, um, hope that this was very helpful.

985
01:03:27.460 --> 01:03:31.300
Um, I'll, we can talk about questions and all of that when we get together

986
01:03:31.300 --> 01:03:34.380
Thursday and I hope all of y'all have a good rest of your day.