Hi. Oh, wait. Hey. Hello. Good to see you. How are you? I'm good. You too. I'm just making
some tea. I just got back from Rueda, which is like a salsa dancing, but it's like in
a circle. So it's like more playful. Yeah. That's fine. Then it sounds like you don't
need a partner. You could just like dance with like, because you're all dancing as a
group, right? That's great. Yeah. So you just like switch all the time. So it's like, that's
the point. They do like a lot of different callings and then you have to know what you
have to do. And then you're like, yeah. That's fun. It almost sounds like square dancing
because don't they call it, doesn't the person call out what everyone's supposed to do next
and square dancing. And then you all just like, but they're in couples then, but yeah,
they call it out square dancing, but it looks like, it looks like fun. I'd love to try West
coast swing. That looks amazing. And I think you can dance that to like everything like
hip hop and country and like pop. It's like, you really don't need like one specific. Yeah.
Also you need like the salsa music and you know, like, yeah, correct. Yeah. I think I did West
coast swing in, in a college and we did it at a, at a cowboy, at a cowboy bar. Like they had a
huge dance floor and we would do swing to it. And at the time I did never, I didn't think about it
because it all kind of went together. I mean, nobody else was doing it but us, but, but still
it's like, it went with the beat and, and I was learning all these new moves and it was so much
fun. And I wasn't paying attention to the fact that I'm like, wait a minute, I'm at a cowboy bar.
Hey Priscilla. Hey.
Hello.
We haven't met so.
No.
Hi you.
Yeah. Nice to meet you too.
Both of y'all have taken the rest intensive. Priscilla was one of the first people back in
2020. And then Annette is the one who is someone who took it the very last time I did the rest
intensive, which was January to March. So we've got a first and the last.
Oh wow, like a full circle.
And most recent. Yeah. And there's something else that's going through, what was that? So
Annette, could you, could you catch Priscilla, basically on what I already know about you,
that basically, you know, you know, your, your background and fact that you're a Norwegian.
I'm not an American.
I even have my little Norwegian American, this is like a Norwegian American flag on my,
on my cup here. So it's Norway, USA.
For the win.
So, so what is your background just a bit for Priscilla, since I already know.
Oh, for me, so sorry. Yeah.
I live, I live in Stavanger, Norway. And I've lived, I have relatives in the States. And I
think that's where I have my accent from, but I love the States. It's like, I'm an American at
heart. And I've been living a little bit, I went to school in Hawaii, and I've been staying in
California for a little bit. And right now, I am working at like an oil service company in
Yeah, here in the city. It's like, we call it like the oil capital in Norway. So that's one
of the things I want to have breakthrough in and not want to work there anymore. Yeah.
Yeah. No, yeah. New job or the old job?
No, this is I mean, it's new old I it's I yeah, well, there's a really long story to it that maybe
I'll get into at one point. But it's this whole like God journey of where I Yeah. And if I'm going
to do super brief, like I was supposed to get married in 2010. And then I found out that my
then fiance had been cheating. So I called it off six weeks before. And then that's kind of like
when I found God, like for real, like I'd always believed growing up, but not I hadn't really gone
anywhere. So that's when I started going to church. And God just sent me straight to Bessel. And then
I started doing Iris. I worked at an oil company that as well. Then when I went to Iris, somebody
was like, Oh, we should go to Bible college here. And I'm like, Yeah, I'm I'm an adult with a
responsible job. Like I'm not gonna quit my job and go do that. No. And then I was came back home
went for a walk. And I could hear God was like, Well, you could just like ask, like time off and
finish your math.
and then do that in one year and then go to Bible college, you know, so it became this
whole thing where I ended up finishing my master's and then ended up going to Iris
and back and forth being connected there and fast forward.
Are you familiar with Iris Ministries?
It's in Mozambique, Africa.
Okay.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Yeah.
No.
Iris is a ministry.
So this lady called Heidi Baker, she started like orphanages and schools and everything
like that there.
And her daughter lives in LA.
And so they're very much like, yeah, I helped start a school for like people feeling called
to Hollywood and stuff like this.
So I've always had this like, big pull to the States.
So I think everybody when I like called off my wedding, quit my job, everybody was like,
okay, you're gonna go to the States never come back.
And I thought that too, but here I am.
So um, you were not you were you weren't born in the States?
No, born and raised here.
Okay, you just have family there.
Okay.
Yeah.
My grandfather, my grandfather was so my great grandparents went from here to Chicago.
So my grandfather was born in Chicago, but then they moved back here when he was 14.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, that's so cool.
Yeah.
So yeah.
And then I just thought I was going to stay there and then things happened and I ended
up back here and in March of last year, I was the last time I was in LA and I felt God
was like, because I'd been like, if nothing happens, like if I don't meet anybody, or
if I don't get offered a job, like I need to like stop spending all of my vacation going
back to like, California.
And that was like, sobbing my sad tears on the airplane, like, no, I dream of America
is over.
And then I felt God say, I didn't ask you to give up your dream.
I asked you to, I'm asking you to surrender.
And so then I went back applied for Yes, that the job I have now kind of like landed in
my lap.
So I started there in January.
At the same time, I started the rest intensive, which was really good, because I have not
been happy about the job where I am.
And yeah.
So that's what's going on.
And Ashley also know I've been like in a big court case now the past four days.
And so there's a lot of things going on in life, but I'm excited for this month.
So yeah.
Me too.
I thought it was such a gift from the Lord that it could be just as small and intimate
just the three of us.
I was like, okay, so, so just know that, I mean, y'all are very, very intentionally focused
on by the Lord during this time y'all are y'all have a lot of his attention and a lot
of his favor.
And that, I mean, and y'all know that just in general, but interestingly, for me on my
side, I've never had a group this small and I was like, this is so interesting.
It's like God just like, I mean, he always handpicked him and he always picks him, but
it was like he wanted to give y'all something like extra special.
And, and also I, this is really the only thing, at least for the foreseeable future, meaning
like I'm sure I'll pick something up, you know, in the next few months maybe, but that
I'm doing ministry wise.
And and so the Lord basically just showed me, it's like, Ashley, it's just focused entirely
on two people and just like help them through the stuff that, you know, that the Lord specifically
is going to be talking to y'all about and whatever, and just be there to support because
you know what it's like to go through this multiple times.
And I continue to do it.
Like I'm looking for a breakthrough in my own life in various ways right now.
And so it's something that we continually do, but the thing is that even though I know
how to do it, I still have to do it.
And therefore it's still hard, but it's a lot easier and it's a lot faster now than
it used to be.
So anyway, my point is we're all in the middle of it right now.
And I think that the Lord has just handpicked the three of us as the only ones to go through
this right now where it could just be a bit more, I don't know, God doesn't need fewer
people in order to have his full attention, you know, because he can do that with a crowd,
but I don't know.
There was just something in it that I just have noticed and felt was very, very significant
to the point where I had some people wanting to join.
They didn't clarify whether it was the live-it track or the learn-it track that they were
wanting, but two people contacted me after registration closed about joining.
And I told them no, because I'm like, no, God specifically showed me it's just these
two people.
I'm very excited.
Whoa.
Oh my gosh.
honored. And I spent a whole month creating, writing, doing
the graphic for this journal and publishing it. I've never
published a book before. So I was very excited. You know, it's
not much. I mean, you can tell in there, it can't stand alone.
There's no content. Oh, thank you. But there's no content in
it. It's just meant to be like almost like a homework support,
you know, a companion or whatever. But I spent a lot of
time and effort and energy for a whole month oriented thing. And
y'all are the only two. So I am paying attention, Lord. Oh,
wow. Priscilla, could you catch a second while you do that? I
forgot I left my I left my journal on the other side of the
room. So I need to grab it for stuff we're talking about in
just a second. But I have my ear pods in so I can hear you. So
could you catch a net up on your background?
Yeah, absolutely. So I have very different backgrounds, very
fascinating. But my parents would have actually been Amish
until they until the sister right above me, my mom was
pregnant with her and then they left the Amish because they
became born again. And so for most of my life, I was like
conservative Mennonite to where we would have like always
wearing like dresses or skirts and I wore head covering all the
time. And which is like, I still love my heritage. And I have
many friends that are still in that culture. Um, and we're
actually a lot of the people we're surrounded with have come
out of that culture. So um, oh my, I'm trying to think here
what all has what are the touch points? I would say probably
there'd be well, the reason I found Ashley was through my
younger sister, Carrie, her and I are probably the closest my
whole family's really close, but Carrie and I just have a really
special relationship. And she found Ashley through a mutual
friend of hers and Ashley's. And then Carrie did the rest
intensive. So we both in the first rest intensive or did
Carrie do it twice?
I don't remember. Well, you remember that the way that I had
it back then was I had the rest intensive just open and then
people could join whenever. So she did the April rest
intensive, which was one five group, which is a group of five
people when they went through it, then I decided, hey, let's
just continue this. And then that's when you and other people
joined in that thing was just open and people would just
Okay, yeah. So anyway, and my sister had had so much so much
breakthrough, like she completely, I don't like to say
she changed into a different person. I like she became who
she really was, and had trouble expressing that throughout her
life anyway. And so and I was going through a really hard
time at that time. So long story short, our whole life was like
not like super stable growing up. My dad's got a lot of
addictions and he's an alcoholic for a lot of my like,
really little childhood. And so a lot of like dysfunction there.
And, and then, when I was 17, my family moved to Montana, which
is like, Montana just has a big piece of my heart. But actually,
that was one thing I was able to really find peace with, like
when I went through the rest intensive. I don't know if you
remember that, Ashley, I think it was actually when you came to
visit. But anyway, that was a big deal. Yeah, it was. And
anyways, so when we were in Montana, some of my siblings
still lived in Pennsylvania, because they got married. But
anyway, my dad went through a super dark depression, like he
was depressed for many, many years. And by that time, he
wasn't, he didn't have addictions anymore. But he was
just like, sure that God couldn't forgive him anymore,
because he had done all these things after he was a believer
and my dad and I always had a unique relationship because we
were close in like a weird way. There was never any like sexual
abuse that happened in our home, which I'm very thankful for. But
him and I would have been more like emotionally connected than
him and my mom have been. So it was just kind of interesting.
But anyway, so he got super depressed. He started like,
rejecting anything that felt like hope. And like, yeah, it
was really hard for me. I felt like that was kind of like when
I, when I started deconstructing, if you will,
which I don't think it was like a negative deconstruction. It
was more just, I don't know, my, my childlike naivety kind of
wore off. Sorry, there's like a fly, a little mat buzzing
around. Anyway, at that time, I was like 17 or 18. And he
restarted, I started dating my now husband. And through that
time, that kind of ups and downs. Anyway, after a while,
I'm just picking up little things that I remember. My
husband and I felt the Lord leading us back to Pennsylvania,
because there's multiple reasons. And then before, right
before we moved, it's like three or four days before we moved, my
dad attempted suicide. And my mom and I were the ones who
found
on him. And it was like very traumatic. I mean, I don't think
there's anything like that, that is ever not traumatic.
Thankfully, the Lord gave him a second chance at life. And then
we moved to Pennsylvania like three days later. And a few
days after, two weeks after we moved to Pennsylvania, I
started a business with a direct sales company, but I didn't, I
didn't know what's going to happen. I was excited about it.
But I didn't know what, but basically that business just
like exploded. And I found myself drowning in like
blessing, but also like a lot of anxiety. And looking back now, I
feel like I can like recognize a lot of stuff. Like I was had
like major PTSD symptoms. And I was anxious all the time. I had
always had a sense of impending doom. I thought like, just
because my business is doing well, that means like something
that's about to happen where God doesn't do it anymore. And oh my
goodness, we were in a hard church situation. Like there
were so many, so many things happening. So it was kind of
like, yeah, a bunch of trauma. And that was just like one
trauma that happened that year. There was like multiples,
multiple really big, hard things that happened, even like in my
husband's family. So then when we moved here, I would say the
biggest reason why I did the rest attentive in the first
place was I, I tried so hard not to be depressed. Because it was
like so triggering because I didn't want to just be like my
dad, you know, and yet I would help to depressed all the time.
And I was anxious, and I would have extreme highs and extreme
lows. And I just felt like I wasn't stable. And it was
getting increasingly harder, like parenting. And I yeah, I'm
trying to think all the things that I was processing at that
time. But I do remember, I signed up with Ashley, was it
that morning? And then that evening, I thought I was
pregnant. Yeah. And that was not a planned pregnancy. Like we
were like trying not to freak out. I mean, I didn't think
else. But yeah, anyways, so that was definitely a god thing just
because I felt like I had a direction forward. So it was
mainly a lot of overwhelmed with my business. Come Lori. Sorry,
hey, Gwen. Gwen. Hey, Gwen.
Sorry, no one's had headphones on.
Gwen, can you please repeat Lori's call?
Monty, pause it for her.
Over there, tell them to come that you're watching something
Okay. Anyway, so I went through the rest intensive with Ashley.
And I feel like that was definitely the start of my
journey of healing. And I did experience a lot of growth. But
I feel like my growth has definitely been, it's taken me a
long time to get to where I'm at today. And we've also walked
with a counselor who I appreciate him so much. He's
really become like a father figure to me. He's like, in his
upper 70s, I think. And yeah, so we have three kids. I still have
a business. My husband has really flexible business because
of the income from my business. We're very involved in our
church. But yeah, right now, I feel like the biggest reason why
I wanted to do Breakthrough was, I feel like these last two weeks
have just been insane, good, insane, like with so many things
that the Lord is doing in my life that I'm almost a little
bit like, unsure of how to proceed, because it almost feels
too good to be true. But then like, we were away to the
weekend, this last weekend, and I just felt like those old
feelings creeping back again, of like, I felt really anxious, I
felt really, like, short tempered, I felt overwhelmed. And
so like, and I felt like I failed, like with my kids, I
just, that's one big thing that I would really like Breakthrough
is, is just knowing how to love my kids well. I feel like I
struggle a lot with anger in parenting. And I think that's
one of the biggest things that I would desire Breakthrough in and
also just like emotional stability. Like, I'm okay with
big emotions. I just don't want to feel, I don't want to feel
trapped in my past. And I don't want to feel trapped in fear. And
I feel like the more that I, the more that I make progress, the
more that I'm like, wow, like, I don't have to live that life
anymore. But yeah, I would say that's, there's a lot of reasons
why I'm doing the Breakthrough. But yeah, that's kind of me in
a nutshell. I don't know. Is there anything else I should
say?
I don't know. I think that was perfect. Yeah, your past your
summary and then but it is and I was really glad that
have y'all touched on what it is that you're wanting to see like where it is that you are
right now and what it is that you're wanting um you know breakthrough with with them so yeah
thank you all thanks so much thanks for sharing uh my father actually passed away last year and
he was um he had been drinking heavily the past 10 years so i can relate to that um even though
it was like the later years for my sake it's uh it's the same kind of yeah i can relate to yeah
because it's hard to watch anybody going through something like that they're tormented by them
they're tormented inside and they are trying to self-medicate by something that's actually very
self-destructive and then you're just standing by watching and no amount of like talking to them
changes it you know because they know what they're doing and they know why and so just telling them
where truth doesn't work and we're and we get frustrated we're like well then if this doesn't
work what would work you know and so it's a very uh what's the word uh uh not not hopeless but the
fact the fact that you're like you feel helpless yeah helpless that's the word yeah helpless it's
like well then what can i do so yeah it's like watching somebody being inside a burning house
and you're standing outside for the ladder like just climb out yeah and like no i'll just stand
in here like ah yes i and i feel too like for me i have felt like i i've had to like parent my
parents in different seasons of life so i have felt i felt like i've had big breakthroughs in
those areas like i no longer feel like i have to do that and yeah the lord has healed so many places
in my life it's just crazy okay but yeah well good well thank y'all so much and for um uh just
sharing being willing and open to share with each other i knew when i found out that the two of y'all
were going to be the one in the breaking program i was like oh this is great they're going to really
like each other so um how has uh the next thing i wanted to ask was how is everything going with um
with the journal were y'all able to watch the videos and understand um at least how to start
you'll become stronger in it and as you go forward because we like i mentioned in the video we've
got specific topics that we'll be talking about i mean like that you're addressing in the journal
and then we'll have specific sessions about those that give you further depth of like oh okay yeah
i hadn't thought about looking for god in that way or i hadn't thought about looking for myself
in that way and so i'm very aware that you're just having to start out with what it is that
you know but i thought one of the good things about that would would be um that you could see
it's not just now when you're going through it but later you'll be able to go see you'll see the
change you'll be like okay this is how i saw life this is how i interpreted this how i thought it
was supposed to work or what i was supposed to do what god expected of me versus what everything
sound what your journal will sound like at the end and yeah so anyway so uh do you uh would one
of y'all like to start um i don't know maybe annette is sometimes if you throw it out to
everyone everybody is so polite that no one says anything so i'll pick somebody so annette do you
have something that uh any like updates you can give us about how things have been or any questions
that you had in either going either hearing me describe that or the morning or the bedtime
routine or actually doing the thing any like hurdles that you pointed to i just think it's
been so great because this is what i've been wanting to do like before because to me it's
been like oh before and after the court case uh but then now i have to wait two weeks for the judge
and then i got sick so i'm like uh okay um but it's so it's really helpful to have something
solid where it's like no i actually gonna do like i i have like you like okay i have my morning coffee
and then i've been wanting to take in from the rest intensive just like let jesus love me for
like five minutes yeah um just like sit and and i'm like okay i'm gonna put on a song and then
like the alarm and just like okay whatever however you want to love me like if it's a feeling or like
what you want to show me like just to set the tone of the day so that's what i'm practicing
right now i think it's like uh but i had this thought because i'm like oh yeah breakthrough
it's gonna be amazing like uh i want to be like content and satisfied with like my weight and
been starting my own business and knowing what i'm gonna do with like the inheritance or whatever
and like sewing into and and you know the wanting to get married i'm like these are my lists like
these are my three things that i've been wanting breakthrough in since forever it's like want to
be content with my weight want to be in a job i love preferably like decide myself and then um
and just be like content i think that's actually come since the rest intensive
where i've been like oh it wouldn't actually matter if i i don't know i don't
even know what a dream job would be. But I'm like, even if I got
whatever dream job would be, if I'm not content, I would not be
content then either. So it's like, I have to become content
now. So I feel like even when I come with that list, when I'm
sitting in the morning, I'm like, Hmm, I probably think this
is going to be one where it's like, I know the plans I have
for you declare the Lord, you know, to prosper and not to harm
you when you seek me of all of your heart, you'll find me. So I
feel like this is a like seeking him with all of my heart kind of
a situation where it's like, I feel like I'm coming with a
list. And then he's gonna set me free and something completely
different, you know, something else where it's like, not
necessarily about the list anymore. So I think that's
really, really, I'm really excited to see how that kind of
and hopefully, I mean, I do have I do have big kind of
expectations, walking into now like Rosh Hashanah. And you
know, like, I do feel like there is something different with this
fall. And like, things can happen. Like, I feel like
there's like, even like with the three of us, just like, I feel
like God's very intentional about like, just connecting
people or aligning things like, I don't know what it is. But I
just feel like it's, it's different.
And in fact, I've also never heard the word breakthrough from
so many people at one time in my life. Yeah, Lord, have all of
these people always talked about it? Just never heard the word.
It's just because it's highlighted to me right now. Or
is it the fact that that's something that you're speaking
right now? I do know, my, my husband has a prophetic friend
who's very strongly prophetic, like she travels around by
invitation to teach groups of people about how to hear from
the Lord, whatever. And she called him the other day. And
she said, not knowing that this is what I'm teaching these
days, like I that I was in junior program, she said, she
said, Ed, I am sensing that there is going that God is in a
new move of breakthrough right now, with a lot of people. And
she said, including you and Ashley, she said, which is why
I'm calling you. But it she said, it's even bigger than
that. So anyway, it's like you said, there's like, there's like
this alignment that we keep hearing from multiple places and
directions. Yeah, it's exciting, because it means that we're
we're getting affirmation from the Lord, it is so on his heart
that he's aligning multiple things, multiple people,
multiple situations on big scale, even creation. Yeah, this
thing. So then therefore, we know, okay, there's going to be
victory, something is going to happen, because that's not
giving us something to dream for and to be excited for and hope
for that he's not going to accomplish. Anyway, go ahead.
No, and so yeah, so I completely agree. And I think it's like,
but then it all comes from like, what you've been to, like what
we've been through before, like from rest, you know, it's all
this, like, going from being like a human being to like a
human doing and like, Oh, what are you know, like, what do I
want? Not what I want to do necessarily, but who do I want
to be, you know, like, correct. So it's like this whole, like
rebuilding of identity or something. And then I thought it
was really interesting, just listening, because I've listened
to Brene Brown before, but I just, you know, you sometimes
just hear it differently. And I was like, Oh, wow. First, I was
like, man, I should have listened to this before I gave
my testimony. I could have been like, a really good story. But
then I'm like, No, I'm trusting God, like God knows what needed
to be said. But, um, but but I was like, Wow, what she ends
with is like, ah, let ourselves be fully, deeply and vulnerably
seen. And then to love with our whole heart, even if there's no
guarantee. And to practice gratitude and lean more into
joy and believe that that you're enough. I'm like, Whoa, those
are like huge things. And and especially when she was talking
about how cutting off feeling so I could relate to what you're
saying about like not wanting to live in the past because then I
was like, Whoa, I remember. That was actually a memory that
I have with Renata. Ashley knows my friend Renata because she was
doing. That's how I found Ashley through my friend Renata. But I
remember she had, she had set a riddle to me, we were young, we
were like in school. And she had given me a riddle. And I didn't
know the answer. And I became so mad, like infuriated, like
super mad. And then I so mad that I scared myself because my
dad was like, really aggressive, right. And I was like, I do not
want to be that person. And I remember, like, I'm not going to
be angry. And I don't think I've really been like super angry
since that day. So when she's like, Oh, you can't cut off one
thing without cutting off like, the joy and creativity and you
know, and and the same like, Oh, and then I was like, bullied.
And I remember it was like, don't let them see you cry.
like be strong. So I'm like, Oh, so then I cut off that emotion
too. Because like, oh, you need to be like strong. So I'm like,
wow, I need to like, not that I think it's gonna be like,
necessarily needs to be like a year long thing like Brené
Brown, but I'm like, Oh, there's something God is doing in the
deep where it's like, I just want you to be free of you know,
whatever it is stopping you that you've like cut off from before
in protecting yourself or something. I don't know. So that
just caught my attention where I'm like, Hmm. Yeah, it's like,
I need to like, focus more on or just be more aware, I think,
and like, Oh, I'm enough. And like, what am I grateful for?
Like, yeah, more of those things she was talking about towards
the end. So definitely on a self discovery kind of thing, which I
want to try to take in my morning and evening reflections.
And so it's, it's so I'm so grateful to have this beautiful
book is that I'm like, ah, it's like tangible. And it like,
yeah, I think you're like something tangible. And it's
like, it just helps, you know, to have something where it's
like, Oh, this is what I'm doing. Because if not, just for
me, at least it just becomes something I'm thinking like, Oh,
I should do that. And then I don't. So yeah.
Right. So I'm glad to hear that feedback from you. Because
that's actually why I did it is because people were, I had very
intentionally not ever created physical things or worksheets or
anything, because I knew that it was popular and that people did
it, but I don't like and it's probably because I'm so mental.
I'm just so I don't know, I think a lot and I can actually
process a lot just by sitting and thinking. But I have learned
that it does help me to write things down. But one of the and
so I started to realize the benefit of that in my own life
several years ago, but again, I just never implemented this
because I never wanted, especially something called the
rest intensive, to have anything that triggered people's feeling
that they have to work, or I'm not going to say how to do
something, you know, I feel like this, this paper, I got to
answer this question every week, you know, and, but I started
realizing a couple of things, I started realizing, well, not
everybody's like me. And also, it helps to give a bit of like
structure definition, like what you said, it's like, okay, I
have this, this is what I'm doing. I thought maybe it would
help things kind of like land for people a bit better. And it
was like, it would help them as a concept to kind of like grab a
hold of a bit better. Also, I was asked a few, I think it was
last fall, I was asked by someone, Hey, actually, have you
ever done a workbook? And I said, No, I just never thought
anyone would want one. I thought that they'd want
something different. And that I had been asked more than once
about that. And I've been asked, actually, are you writing a
book? I've been asked that for at least three years, there's
asked me that, you know, all these people, like, no, why, why
do you want a book, you've got the program, you know, surely
that's better, because you've got personal action, you can
actually ask questions, you can't ask questions of a book,
you know, but my point is, I've realized that there's a reason
why people create these other things is because it helps
people kind of grab a hold of it a bit better to help solidify a
concept into hopefully practical application. So this is my, this
is me, trying and seeing, okay, well, let's see how people
respond. Let's see if it if it's actually helpful for people.
Because there's a reason that I intentionally avoided that
because I'm like, well, I don't want to have anything to do. I
don't want to. So what I did was I thought, Okay, Lord, how can I
make this as non intimidating as possible? How can everything
be as effective as fast and efficient as possible? So a just
five minutes, but that you set the alarms so that you are not
distracted during those five minutes, and you know, okay, I'm
not going to think about anything that needs to be done,
because it's as short as five minutes, and I can do it, I can,
like, escape from anything for like, five minutes, you know,
any, like, responsibilities that I have to think about, I can
play five minutes of my time to do that. And then, and then just
block it off, and then just be very intentional, because the
whole because the powers and intentionality, I have noticed
that the biggest transitions that I've made, and the biggest
impacts that God has made in my life by speaking something, or I
mean, by like, declaring something over my life, and I
would shift for all moments, they were very short periods of
time. And the majority of the other time was just simply me
getting into position to be able to, for that moment to be
powerful. But the power happened in specific moments, there were
those were the shifts. So I thought, okay, if we can just
kind of like block something off to make it intentional, well,
then there's some, it's more likely to be effective in a
smaller amount of time, and then it will be less intimidating,
etc. So, so I'm glad to hear all the feedback.
from you that everything I'm going for, that's what is helpful in that you're enjoying right
now. And speaking of Renee Brown, I was very, very impacted about when she said that when you
stifle one emotion, you're stifling all of them. You're not stifling anger, you're stifling feeling.
You're like, I'm not going to feel anymore. And it just happens to be in that moment. It was anger,
but it scared you or scared me or scared, you know, whoever it is that experiences that,
that we're stifling your fear or whatever. And something about us that we think, oh,
that's wrong or even enjoy. If when we express joy, which we've all expressed at some point or
another, and we got gotten onto by it, but you know, for, by a teacher or a parent or somebody,
you know, because I will, it's inappropriate in this moment or whatever. And so what we learned
to do is we learned to stifle our emotions, not stifle a particular one. So if you're stifling
your, your anger and you're not being honest about it, you're not being honest about your
fears, et cetera. You're not actually capable of experiencing joy in the fullness. You can,
you're, you're all of your emotions, the degree to which you can feel all of your emotions are equal.
If you're pushing this one down, you're pushing down the degree to which you can experience,
you can feel joy. Anyway. So that was very impactful to me. It blew me and my husband.
I think that my husband heard it from somewhere else and he and I were both talking about that.
We're like, you know, that's wild and scary and very teachable moment for us. Like, okay,
if we're stifling one area of our life that we're afraid of, it's that whole, that whole,
whole aspect of her life, like even a good one. So it's neat to hear your feedback on that.
So Priscilla, what about you? How like the drama going? I mean, you're the one with
mom with kids and the schedule, very busy schedule business, you know?
So how's, how's all of that going for you? Yes. So I, I feel like the morning I didn't do this
morning. Cause I all of a sudden at like 10 30, I was like, I didn't do my journal. And then
it was 10 30 already. I feel like I'm kind of having a little bit of a different experience
than Annette. I feel like the morning time is, is good, but I'm also, I feel like I'm kind of
like you actually, like I processed by thinking and I keep, I keep a prayer journal. So like I
often, I will just pray through myself. I'm very used to expressing myself on paper. And so that
part is great, but I feel like in the morning, like I sit down and I think about it and then
it's all peachy. And then in the evening, it's like, I want to avoid that because I feel like
I failed in walking that, that day, like in morning, I'm like, Oh, I'm forgiven. I'm chosen.
You know, all of that. And then at the end of the evening, I'm like, I failed today.
So I'm actually kind of really struggling with it. Um, well, that's especially, especially
that's the point. Yeah. It's just to bring all of that out. Yes. Especially over the weekend.
Um, I don't know why I struggled so bad over the weekend. We were in a cabin with friends
and I, I, I thought it was great. Like, especially going into it, I'm like, I've been having the best
weeks that I've had in years. And I went to this cabin and all of a sudden I started feeling these
old feelings coming back and like, just feeling overwhelmed, impending doom, like stressed out,
totally overwhelmed, touched out, like so tired of my kids. And all of a sudden I was just like,
I lost it. Like I lost it at my oldest. And I just, I was not a nice mom. And I'm like, look,
like I've made no progress. And now here is a whole month to show me.
So, and that evening, I'm just like, I don't know what to put in my journal, except like,
do I just write honestly then? Like, do I just write today? I chose to be like a mean mom to my
son. You know, I'm not quite sure what to write. Cause I'm like, well, in all reality, I did not
choose that. I am chosen and I am that I belong. I chose not good thing.
I'm the same. It's okay. I don't know how to process that.
Well, this is a great question. So, so the whole, the, remember that whatever we focus on,
we feed. So if you're going to focus on the negative, it's going to increase the amount
of negative in our life. It's like, that's what we're going to always see. So that is
actually the whole point of this exercise of doing something in the morning. Cause I very
intentionally did it like that is okay. Just do something more and just really, really short,
but remembering, okay, that's right. This is what's important to me. I need to remember that
I struggle with believing that God is provider. Okay. You know, I'm going to, because these are
the circumstances and situations in my life in which I'm triggered by that. So that is something
that I'm going to intentionally be intentional about today. In the end, you know, what is.
God say that I am so that I can intentionally start the day by remembering, okay, that's,
that's something that, uh, by remembering what God says about me. And then here is how I can
actually apply it because it's, it's my unique life. How am I uniquely struggling with it in my
unique situations? Because I know when I've got three kids and my, one of my kids is like this
and the other kid is like this. And so therefore these are real life situations that are triggering
the fact that I had not believed in these other things. I'm not believing this about God. I'm
not believing this about myself. And then at the end, the reflection is simply to change what it
is that we look for and see throughout the day. Not just in hindsight, in the middle of it, it's
going to be in hindsight. It's like, oh my goodness. Okay. So I can see it now, but at the
time I couldn't, okay. That's aggravating because the time's passed, you know? So what good is this
do? So it's going to be like that at the beginning, but then over time, you'll actually
think about it at, at, at those moments during the day, because what you're doing is what we're
trying to do is we're trying to renew our mind. So you will be honest, but you're going to be
honest about like the positive things, meaning like you're good. Those are the things you'll
be focusing on and putting in the journal because you're training yourself to see them in life.
Because right now you're very good at seeing the failures. Oh, well, you know,
I know better than this, at least that's how I touch myself. I feel like all of the good,
the good things are canceled out by the bad thing that I did. You know what I mean? Like,
I feel like, look at this. It's not legitimate because I'm at the core though. Like I'm actually
and though I need to somehow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's this feeling that in this belief that we
have that God is stronger than, um, like you can word it different ways that God is stronger than
God's here. Let me, let me ask my husband something really quick. He's over there
working and he can't hear me. So hopefully I can yell. Hey sweetie. What was that thing that you
were talking about that someone told you about the difference? Uh, when you were getting really
down on yourself and doubting yourself and they said, uh, you were believing that God
is stronger than your failure, then Satan's ability to what?
Okay. Thank you. Uh, so someone was telling him, it sounds like you are, this was like years ago.
Sounds like you are believing Satan's ability to Satan's ability to what
Satan's ability to deceive you instead of God's ability to lead you that Satan and the negative
and all of our sins are stronger than, than God's ability to lead us to overcome, to forgive, to,
uh, to overpower or whatever. And so that kind of like, as a, um, I say that as kind of like a
foundation for what you're talking about where, um, where we think that, because the only reason
that we think that the only reason that we think, Oh my goodness, the bad cancels out all of the
good is because we think that that's what God says. We think that to God, it cancels out the good.
Um, and, and it's actually not true because God doesn't weigh the amount of good that we're doing
to the amount of bad, because all he looks at is what did Jesus do? And did we receive what Jesus
did? And if we did, then the good and the bad don't matter in our relationship with the Lord,
et cetera. So the bad is just simply a reflection of the aspects in which we're not believing God,
but it doesn't make us bad. It doesn't cancel out any good because we're no longer operating
according to that system. We've chosen the new cabinet, which is like, okay, well,
God took care of everything. Meaning that my good doesn't even count because you're good.
There's good is not a currency in the kingdom. You can't use it to exchange for anything. So
your good doesn't count. So the pretty bad didn't count either. And so now, you know,
from having gone through the rest of it, that good and the bad, you know, are important because, but
it's simply based off of the fact that we're operating in what we call good because it's
the natural reflection of who it is that we are and in belief and faith in the Lord,
as opposed to unbelief, but they, neither of them carry any weight or have any value.
Like they can't like money. They can't be exchanged for anything with God. They don't
mean anything to God. And so anyway, the, the, what I had to do was I had to start ignoring,
and I know this sounds extreme, but I did. And I'm telling you what, it changed everything.
I had to start ignoring the bad things I was doing and all of my failures, because before
that's what I would look for and focus on is where are my failures? What's the bad stuff I'm doing?
Because I need to be stopped. I need to stop doing those things.
I need to be aware of them. I need to catch them beforehand.
And then if I, if I'm in the middle of it, I need to stop as soon as possible.
And if I realized that after, well, then I need to repent ASAP.
It, and so my whole world was revolving around the, the, uh, the negative.
And what changed for me is when I began to ignore the bad things that I did.
And it sounds, you know, remember when I talk about the rest of
intensive, it sounds reckless.
It sounds like a way to see back in here.
Is God going to strike me by lightning for all of the things that I'm ignoring.
For, you know, cause I did do those things.
And then, so my only saving grace from being punished by God is
by repenting as fast as I can.
And I had to choose, okay, if God says that's not true, I have to act like it.
So I thought, okay, well, what would be a risky act of faith that I
could step out on, um, in this area?
And I thought it would be.
And so what I thought was it would be ignoring all the bad things that I did.
Didn't mean that if somebody else wasn't involved that I don't need to apologize
or whatever, you know, there's all of that, but emotionally and in my relationship
with the Lord, I needed to ignore it.
Um, and then focus on the good things, focus on trying to find what did affirm
that God, what is who he says that he is and what does affirm that
I am not who he says that I am.
So that's what I'm talking about.
When I say, you know, you'll be honest in the evening things, but it'll be, you'll
be looking for the things that you're usually disregarding and you're
highlighting them and you're choosing to make them more important than the negatives.
So that's, that's the whole point of the exercise is to start seeing, okay, what
is affirming that God is who he says that he is and what I declared that he was
this morning and what I declared that he said that I am this morning and then
what is something that I chose to, how did I choose to live that out?
Um, and then, and just focusing on those things.
Um, and so, yeah, so I'm glad you brought it up because that is the whole point.
Is teaching us to look for the affirmations that got it, that God is
speaking the truth as opposed to what we're used to doing, which is looking for
all of the things to discredit what God said now in our mind, we don't
think that that's what we're doing.
We think that we're just finding out the truth in reality, or that we, it's that
reality is proving that we just didn't understand what God really said that,
Oh, well, God says that I'm forgiven, but maybe that actually doesn't mean what I
thought that it meant, because this is what happens in reality.
So we start thinking, okay, no, I, I bet you I'm being punished by God all the time.
I'm taking all these bad things happening as me being punished by God all the time.
So I guess I just didn't understand what God meant.
And so we have to change what we're choosing to believe about
what God actually did mean.
Yeah.
So is that helpful at all?
Yeah.
And I, I resonate with what you said about how, like, you know, you're afraid
that if you're not like vigilant enough, that one day it's going to catch up to
you and I feel like that's, that's maybe the way that I interpreted the things
that happened in my dad's life, because, you know, he would always like apologize
if he did something wrong, but he never really changed.
And I think that's what I'm afraid of.
Like, I think I'm afraid if I, if I'm not vigilant and if I'm not like totally
focused on this, that I'm, I'm just going to do the same things to my kids, you
know, that he did to me, you know, I've always feigning change, but not really
changing, you know, I don't want them to be subjected to my anger or my
fluctuating emotions all the time.
And that's why I think I feel like I, well, if I don't focus on it, I'm almost
like lying to myself that I don't have a problem.
Yeah, but what we're going to be talking about in the, in the breakthrough
program, and I think that I may have mentioned that either in one of like the
marketing videos that I did or in the one that I did on Friday is that what we're
focusing on there in the breakthrough is just two things is that is God and us.
And that's it.
And there's actually going to be quite a lot of focus on us in ways that I used to
think were wrong or selfish or evil, or what are some of those other words that
prideful maybe, and, and corner, and here's a very important one that I've
never worded it before.
So let's see if I can find the words for it.
It's that it's not that it's cheap.
It's not, and it has no eternal value to God that I don't, my dreams, what it is
that I want, what, how it is that I feel that those things don't matter.
I haven't, I haven't thought about how to describe that before, but basically
like God's like, Oh, well, you know, actually that's just, you know, kind of
like, yeah, it's fleshly.
You do understand that it's going to pass, right?
You know, you can't take that into the kingdom with you.
You can't take that when you die.
It's only good works that you do for other people and how.
good your character is like how strong you are or how holy you are or whatever you are only those
things count and anything else like dreams or desires or fun things or i don't know just
whatever something that just felt like uh life to me and that sounded fun or whatever um my husband
was even ed was even questioning me on something this morning and he said ashley do you think that
the reason that you're doubting doing that thing is because you want it because he knows me he
knows that i typically will um avoid the things that i want or i'll doubt them thinking that god
can't possibly be telling me i can do it because i want it and um and so i doubt myself and whatever
everything and so i still struggle with this so you know that i only ever teach people to
the degree that i've actually walked in and the rest of that i'm still walking through so um
which helps because then it helps me be very fresh when i talk to people because i'm like no no i
truly understand because this is how i have to live i have to i have to hold myself accountable
to all of this this is how i live with god and i just share it with everybody else in case they
want to live like it too but the thing is it comes from this belief that we're bad or that we're not
something that has value enough to pay attention to or to give time to or to honor or to acknowledge
so we don't want to acknowledge our feelings we don't want to acknowledge um even if they're good
because again we think that unless they're reflective of a very strong spiritual characteristic
of god they're cheap if we're happy it can feel cheap to us but again it's all from it from a um
from the perspective that there's something wrong with us um and as opposed to no and this is what
we'll be talking about in the latter half of the breakthrough is things like no those dreams those
desires etc all of those things are actually reflective of expressions of god himself he's
just giving them to you while he gave annette something different he gave her a different type
of a dream a different way to express her and him and he gave me different you know different things
that i enjoy doing etc um so i have to purposefully make myself do things that i like like for instance
plants my plants have taken a lot of my time this summer because i have this i love plants
and i desire to be good at growing them and i just don't feel that i am so i get very slightly
jealous when i look at all of carrie's you know posts about her flowers or loretta i'm like
lord can i grow plants like that it's so um anyway i would of course our texas heat is very different
for growing beautiful flowers in pennsylvania like lord they do have a little bit of an edge
on me so i'll just i'll credit that but but you know what what is it that i can do can you please
help me and i have experienced a lot of tears and a lot of sense of failure in working with my plants
this summer because they had taken a lot of time i was like lord surely that's not right
surely that's not good and surely that's not um you know uh it's not eternal of eternal value and
therefore lord it's cheap and anything that i'm using on that that i'm not using on somebody of my
time and energy that i'm not using on someone else for lord to grow closer to you then is wasteful
and he had to show me no ashley you're honoring an aspect of yourself that i put in you that i
desire to connect with things that i thought were beautiful ashley i created all of these plans i
created the process by which they're sitting scientifically they're supposed to grow and i
want you as as the um as the dominant being in creation in other words we're supposed to have a
dominion over creation he said they need you and i love the fact that you're honoring the desires
that i put in you to appreciate something that i thought was special enough that i would create
and so he said actually you're actually not only honoring it's something of me that i put in you
that i that was reflective of me so you're honoring me and you you're also honoring me
and the fact that you appreciate something that i thought was beautiful enough to create so he
said actually you are growing closer to me and learning more about me and and being more intimate
with me by honoring things about yourself but he said when you're getting onto yourself all of the
time and you're questioning yourself you're stifling yourself and you're thinking okay i
failed and look at look you know i'm you you take on the shame you take on the condemnation
i said then you're dishonoring who i created so what what we're trying to do with the with
the breakthrough is to focus more on all of the positive not not to ignore the negative
and i know that sounds weird because that's the word that i used earlier but i'm trying to use
in a different context now not to be in denial yeah not to be in denial that they happen but
rather to real to lessen their importance to lessen their value because just because they happen and
Once it's to address them doesn't mean that we're supposed to associate shame
with them and we can't figure out how to associate them, but associate
with them without having shame.
And that's the thing that we're trying to break off is how do I disconnect shame
and condemnation from the things that I'm doing?
And so this is, so we'll be going through different practices and
exercises and this journal is one of them of how to break that connection.
So we stop feeling shame when we do something like what you were talking
about, like, well, cause your conclusion from having done it was I am a mean mom.
So again, it's, it's identifying ourselves with something that we're doing and we
don't, it's so much of a habit and it's not just a habit, we thought that's what
God said, which gave it even in further, a further entrenchment in our idea of
what was right and wrong.
And it is a really deep root.
We're having a hard time pull up because now we're being told God
says something different.
You know, by scripture, God says something different.
And we're like, well, I don't know about that because it's in conflict with what
I thought scripture was always saying.
And so it's like, which one's true.
So anyway.
Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense.
Yeah, it does.
Um, and I, I feel like I really connected with what you said about like how I've
always, I've, I've been trying to learn that, like, you know, my behavior is not
what saves me.
It's like, you know, what Jesus, what Jesus already did all that, you know, I
had no, he offered that and he completed it.
It doesn't need me to be good or bad.
Um, and I think I never really connected like, well, my fat, my good things also
like, it's not a currency thing.
And I think I subconsciously keep looking at it that way, but no,
that's definitely helpful.
And so hearing these things is helpful.
You know, it's kind of like, oh, okay.
There's that's a new concept and whatever.
But as an encouragement to y'all, when y'all step away from this conversation and
you get back into normal life and whatever, you're not going to act like that.
Why?
Because you're, you're, you've, you have developed a habit and a way of
approaching life from a completely different perspective.
That perspective is very much ingrained in you.
So that's why we have these practices, including like the journal to actually
choose that something's different and to act on it.
Because hearing it and trying to remember it won't change us.
We've been trying to do that our whole lives by going to church.
So anyway, just as an encouragement, it it'll be, uh, don't be,
don't be discouraged is my point.
Yeah.
You're like, okay, but what did Ashley say?
Oh my goodness.
I didn't remember it again.
The point isn't whether or not you remember it.
The thing is that we'll be doing particular practices that are very
intentional in order to actually risk our, our relationship with God.
It by breaking, we're not actually resting our relationship to God, but
that's, what's going to feel like, cause we're going to go so counter
to how we've always approached him.
And we stayed in that box because we thought we were going to be struck by
lightning if we got out of this box and we're going to risk the fact
that he's actually different.
So it's going to feel like I'm a smurlish God.
We're really, we won't, but, and so we have to prove that God's actually
not like that, but actually acting like it and putting ourselves in a
different, a different situation that will then that in, when we're in that
different situation, we'll finally experience that God really didn't
strike us with lightning.
In fact, we feel more pleasure and more joy from God here than we ever did in
here.
And we avoided that thinking that that was like, you know, punishment zone.
And instead we got here and we felt the joy that we were always
trying to seek by staying here.
So anyway, but it's all by like acting.
And so, but we have to make these intentional choices of looking for the
positive, making the positive, more important to us.
It won't happen by wishful thinking.
We'll have to make it happen.
Well, in other words, we have to choose that.
No, God said it's more important.
So I'm going to choose that.
It's more important.
It didn't feel like it.
You remember that whole thing?
It didn't feel like it.
And I don't believe it, but I'm going to choose that it's more important
because God said, and that choosing and actually acting like it is going to feel
like a risk because it's like, yeah, but I've always thought that God would
punish me if I got out of this.
So am I about to experience this punishment, which is something I could
have avoided if I didn't make the risk.
What's risk.
So, but anyway, so I'm glad that you brought that up because yes, that is the
whole point of the journal is to get us to see that the truth of God, that God
really did say, if I chose to be this provider, how did I see that it through
my, through my life today that he really was provider, what are one, two, three
things, however many things you want to mention, how did I see that?
And then what does he say about me?
How did I actually see that that really is true about me?
Don't look at all of the things that could prove that it's
actually not true about you.
The problem is we've always just been looking at those parts, focus on only
the ones that affirm it, and that'll strengthen your faith.
Then you go to the other section.
And I.
and because of these things, I chose to live today by acting like this. This is an example
of something that I did that stepped out on faith, that I chose that God was this,
and that I was this. So anyway, hopefully that pops up. All right, well, it's been an hour,
so I'll let y'all go. And then I am going to do the teaching. I'm going to have the
first teaching at session one, because the other was just intro, the first teaching at
this evening or tonight, something like that. So that'll come up on the portal. So I'm very
excited about that one. That one, as you know, from this, oh, I ended up not reading this. I
thought I was going to need it. The first one is getting your breakthrough. And then I'll be
talking, of course, as I'll be doing through all of my sessions, I'll be giving you a lot
of kinds of stories that y'all haven't heard yet, just because I never thought that they
were relevant to the rest intensive. So you'll be hearing all kinds of very sad, hard stories
of what I've gone through in my life. But it'll be talking about getting your breakthrough,
in other words, how to, when we're talking about breakthrough, what's actually happening.
And, and the fact that as you'll see in session, it should be at the beginning of,
you know, like, right after that, there's this one, the session note. And it, of course,
I'll be talking about the fact that of where Jacob was wrestling with God. And of all things,
he's told, he told Jacob, he said, when, when the wrestling match ended, he told,
he said, told Jacob, he said, I'm going to change your name, which is always very
significant to the Lord. And he said, I'm going to call you and your nation for the rest of
eternity. I'm going to call you. He struggles with God. So that's as, as much of a difficulty
as it is of wanting breakthrough and thinking, Hey, I must be in a bad place because I'm in,
I need to be somewhere else. And therefore Lord desperately amassing for breakthrough.
This whole thing that you're, that we're going through is actually a very, is, is a very
treasured thing by the Lord. And it's intimate. You're not in his displeasure. You're actually in
something that's very special to him because he's only like only, only my sons and I go through
this. So he needed a whole, a whole nation after it, not in punishment, but in endearment. So,
so it's, so that's what I'll be talking about. And then getting your breakthrough is the fact
that it's actually a very precious thing. And we, if we change our idea about this and not think
that we're in punishment by God and God's upset at us, and we're trying to get him to be pleased
with us again, if we realize this is a special time, you'll get your breakthrough faster.
Because as I'll again, be talking about in this session, you'll be letting go more. You'll be
playing more. And it's the fact that we've been buckling down and trying so desperately to be
different than where we are. That's keeping us there. And we have to, we have to let go of some
things in order for, and let go and let go and just play and just be carried by the journey.
And then that's what will get us the breakthrough. So anyway, y'all can watch for that. I'm coming up
on the portal. I'll, I'll message y'all on what's happening. Yes. Well, I will see y'all also on
Thursday. It'll be this same Zoom link. And I'll see y'all on Thursday, same time.
Oh, thanks. Nice to meet you Annette. Yeah, you too. All right.
Okay. Yeah. Sounds good. See ya. Okay. Bye.