WEBVTT

1
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:19.000
Hi. Oh, wait. Hey. Hello. Good to see you. How are you? I'm good. You too. I'm just making

2
00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:25.520
some tea. I just got back from Rueda, which is like a salsa dancing, but it's like in

3
00:00:25.520 --> 00:00:32.280
a circle. So it's like more playful. Yeah. That's fine. Then it sounds like you don't

4
00:00:32.280 --> 00:00:35.880
need a partner. You could just like dance with like, because you're all dancing as a

5
00:00:35.880 --> 00:00:40.840
group, right? That's great. Yeah. So you just like switch all the time. So it's like, that's

6
00:00:40.840 --> 00:00:46.280
the point. They do like a lot of different callings and then you have to know what you

7
00:00:46.280 --> 00:00:51.640
have to do. And then you're like, yeah. That's fun. It almost sounds like square dancing

8
00:00:51.640 --> 00:00:55.640
because don't they call it, doesn't the person call out what everyone's supposed to do next

9
00:00:55.640 --> 00:01:00.160
and square dancing. And then you all just like, but they're in couples then, but yeah,

10
00:01:00.160 --> 00:01:07.720
they call it out square dancing, but it looks like, it looks like fun. I'd love to try West

11
00:01:07.720 --> 00:01:12.640
coast swing. That looks amazing. And I think you can dance that to like everything like

12
00:01:12.640 --> 00:01:21.120
hip hop and country and like pop. It's like, you really don't need like one specific. Yeah.

13
00:01:21.600 --> 00:01:27.520
Also you need like the salsa music and you know, like, yeah, correct. Yeah. I think I did West

14
00:01:27.520 --> 00:01:35.360
coast swing in, in a college and we did it at a, at a cowboy, at a cowboy bar. Like they had a

15
00:01:35.360 --> 00:01:40.240
huge dance floor and we would do swing to it. And at the time I did never, I didn't think about it

16
00:01:40.240 --> 00:01:45.360
because it all kind of went together. I mean, nobody else was doing it but us, but, but still

17
00:01:45.360 --> 00:01:49.280
it's like, it went with the beat and, and I was learning all these new moves and it was so much

18
00:01:49.360 --> 00:01:54.640
fun. And I wasn't paying attention to the fact that I'm like, wait a minute, I'm at a cowboy bar.

19
00:01:55.440 --> 00:01:57.360
Hey Priscilla. Hey.

20
00:01:59.120 --> 00:01:59.680
Hello.

21
00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:01.120
We haven't met so.

22
00:02:01.120 --> 00:02:01.920
No.

23
00:02:01.920 --> 00:02:02.960
Hi you.

24
00:02:02.960 --> 00:02:04.160
Yeah. Nice to meet you too.

25
00:02:05.680 --> 00:02:09.759
Both of y'all have taken the rest intensive. Priscilla was one of the first people back in

26
00:02:09.759 --> 00:02:16.720
2020. And then Annette is the one who is someone who took it the very last time I did the rest

27
00:02:16.720 --> 00:02:20.800
intensive, which was January to March. So we've got a first and the last.

28
00:02:21.440 --> 00:02:24.080
Oh wow, like a full circle.

29
00:02:24.080 --> 00:02:29.600
And most recent. Yeah. And there's something else that's going through, what was that? So

30
00:02:30.240 --> 00:02:36.000
Annette, could you, could you catch Priscilla, basically on what I already know about you,

31
00:02:36.000 --> 00:02:40.240
that basically, you know, you know, your, your background and fact that you're a Norwegian.

32
00:02:40.240 --> 00:02:41.600
I'm not an American.

33
00:02:42.320 --> 00:02:49.040
I even have my little Norwegian American, this is like a Norwegian American flag on my,

34
00:02:49.040 --> 00:02:52.880
on my cup here. So it's Norway, USA.

35
00:02:54.880 --> 00:02:55.360
For the win.

36
00:02:57.840 --> 00:03:02.880
So, so what is your background just a bit for Priscilla, since I already know.

37
00:03:02.880 --> 00:03:04.800
Oh, for me, so sorry. Yeah.

38
00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:14.080
I live, I live in Stavanger, Norway. And I've lived, I have relatives in the States. And I

39
00:03:14.080 --> 00:03:19.280
think that's where I have my accent from, but I love the States. It's like, I'm an American at

40
00:03:19.280 --> 00:03:26.240
heart. And I've been living a little bit, I went to school in Hawaii, and I've been staying in

41
00:03:26.240 --> 00:03:31.920
California for a little bit. And right now, I am working at like an oil service company in

42
00:03:35.360 --> 00:03:42.080
Yeah, here in the city. It's like, we call it like the oil capital in Norway. So that's one

43
00:03:42.080 --> 00:03:46.960
of the things I want to have breakthrough in and not want to work there anymore. Yeah.

44
00:03:48.480 --> 00:03:51.520
Yeah. No, yeah. New job or the old job?

45
00:03:52.240 --> 00:03:58.320
No, this is I mean, it's new old I it's I yeah, well, there's a really long story to it that maybe

46
00:03:58.320 --> 00:04:07.920
I'll get into at one point. But it's this whole like God journey of where I Yeah. And if I'm going

47
00:04:07.920 --> 00:04:14.960
to do super brief, like I was supposed to get married in 2010. And then I found out that my

48
00:04:14.960 --> 00:04:22.560
then fiance had been cheating. So I called it off six weeks before. And then that's kind of like

49
00:04:22.560 --> 00:04:28.320
when I found God, like for real, like I'd always believed growing up, but not I hadn't really gone

50
00:04:28.320 --> 00:04:32.880
anywhere. So that's when I started going to church. And God just sent me straight to Bessel. And then

51
00:04:32.880 --> 00:04:40.400
I started doing Iris. I worked at an oil company that as well. Then when I went to Iris, somebody

52
00:04:40.400 --> 00:04:45.600
was like, Oh, we should go to Bible college here. And I'm like, Yeah, I'm I'm an adult with a

53
00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:51.840
responsible job. Like I'm not gonna quit my job and go do that. No. And then I was came back home

54
00:04:51.840 --> 00:04:59.200
went for a walk. And I could hear God was like, Well, you could just like ask, like time off and

55
00:04:59.200 --> 00:04:59.920
finish your math.

56
00:05:00.000 --> 00:05:05.000
and then do that in one year and then go to Bible college, you know, so it became this

57
00:05:05.000 --> 00:05:09.920
whole thing where I ended up finishing my master's and then ended up going to Iris

58
00:05:09.920 --> 00:05:16.840
and back and forth being connected there and fast forward.

59
00:05:16.840 --> 00:05:19.000
Are you familiar with Iris Ministries?

60
00:05:19.000 --> 00:05:20.000
It's in Mozambique, Africa.

61
00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:21.000
Okay.

62
00:05:21.000 --> 00:05:22.000
Yeah.

63
00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:23.000
Sorry.

64
00:05:23.000 --> 00:05:24.000
Yeah.

65
00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:25.000
Yeah.

66
00:05:25.000 --> 00:05:26.000
No.

67
00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:27.000
Iris is a ministry.

68
00:05:27.000 --> 00:05:31.840
So this lady called Heidi Baker, she started like orphanages and schools and everything

69
00:05:31.840 --> 00:05:33.520
like that there.

70
00:05:33.520 --> 00:05:35.880
And her daughter lives in LA.

71
00:05:35.880 --> 00:05:40.880
And so they're very much like, yeah, I helped start a school for like people feeling called

72
00:05:40.880 --> 00:05:42.200
to Hollywood and stuff like this.

73
00:05:42.200 --> 00:05:46.560
So I've always had this like, big pull to the States.

74
00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:50.400
So I think everybody when I like called off my wedding, quit my job, everybody was like,

75
00:05:50.400 --> 00:05:52.540
okay, you're gonna go to the States never come back.

76
00:05:52.540 --> 00:05:54.280
And I thought that too, but here I am.

77
00:05:54.280 --> 00:05:58.680
So um, you were not you were you weren't born in the States?

78
00:05:58.680 --> 00:06:00.680
No, born and raised here.

79
00:06:00.680 --> 00:06:02.680
Okay, you just have family there.

80
00:06:02.680 --> 00:06:03.680
Okay.

81
00:06:03.680 --> 00:06:04.680
Yeah.

82
00:06:04.680 --> 00:06:09.560
My grandfather, my grandfather was so my great grandparents went from here to Chicago.

83
00:06:09.560 --> 00:06:14.120
So my grandfather was born in Chicago, but then they moved back here when he was 14.

84
00:06:14.120 --> 00:06:15.120
Okay.

85
00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:16.120
Yeah.

86
00:06:16.120 --> 00:06:17.120
Oh, that's so cool.

87
00:06:17.120 --> 00:06:18.120
Yeah.

88
00:06:18.120 --> 00:06:19.120
So yeah.

89
00:06:19.120 --> 00:06:23.400
And then I just thought I was going to stay there and then things happened and I ended

90
00:06:23.520 --> 00:06:31.480
up back here and in March of last year, I was the last time I was in LA and I felt God

91
00:06:31.480 --> 00:06:35.960
was like, because I'd been like, if nothing happens, like if I don't meet anybody, or

92
00:06:35.960 --> 00:06:40.440
if I don't get offered a job, like I need to like stop spending all of my vacation going

93
00:06:40.440 --> 00:06:44.320
back to like, California.

94
00:06:44.320 --> 00:06:50.520
And that was like, sobbing my sad tears on the airplane, like, no, I dream of America

95
00:06:50.520 --> 00:06:51.820
is over.

96
00:06:51.820 --> 00:06:54.700
And then I felt God say, I didn't ask you to give up your dream.

97
00:06:54.700 --> 00:06:58.660
I asked you to, I'm asking you to surrender.

98
00:06:58.660 --> 00:07:05.300
And so then I went back applied for Yes, that the job I have now kind of like landed in

99
00:07:05.300 --> 00:07:06.300
my lap.

100
00:07:06.300 --> 00:07:09.860
So I started there in January.

101
00:07:09.860 --> 00:07:15.340
At the same time, I started the rest intensive, which was really good, because I have not

102
00:07:15.340 --> 00:07:19.740
been happy about the job where I am.

103
00:07:19.740 --> 00:07:20.980
And yeah.

104
00:07:21.140 --> 00:07:22.140
So that's what's going on.

105
00:07:22.140 --> 00:07:27.020
And Ashley also know I've been like in a big court case now the past four days.

106
00:07:27.020 --> 00:07:33.140
And so there's a lot of things going on in life, but I'm excited for this month.

107
00:07:33.140 --> 00:07:34.140
So yeah.

108
00:07:34.140 --> 00:07:35.140
Me too.

109
00:07:35.140 --> 00:07:40.140
I thought it was such a gift from the Lord that it could be just as small and intimate

110
00:07:40.140 --> 00:07:41.140
just the three of us.

111
00:07:41.140 --> 00:07:50.580
I was like, okay, so, so just know that, I mean, y'all are very, very intentionally focused

112
00:07:50.580 --> 00:07:54.500
on by the Lord during this time y'all are y'all have a lot of his attention and a lot

113
00:07:54.500 --> 00:07:56.180
of his favor.

114
00:07:56.180 --> 00:08:02.660
And that, I mean, and y'all know that just in general, but interestingly, for me on my

115
00:08:02.660 --> 00:08:06.700
side, I've never had a group this small and I was like, this is so interesting.

116
00:08:06.700 --> 00:08:10.860
It's like God just like, I mean, he always handpicked him and he always picks him, but

117
00:08:10.860 --> 00:08:15.820
it was like he wanted to give y'all something like extra special.

118
00:08:16.820 --> 00:08:23.980
And, and also I, this is really the only thing, at least for the foreseeable future, meaning

119
00:08:23.980 --> 00:08:28.740
like I'm sure I'll pick something up, you know, in the next few months maybe, but that

120
00:08:28.740 --> 00:08:31.380
I'm doing ministry wise.

121
00:08:31.380 --> 00:08:37.500
And and so the Lord basically just showed me, it's like, Ashley, it's just focused entirely

122
00:08:37.500 --> 00:08:44.700
on two people and just like help them through the stuff that, you know, that the Lord specifically

123
00:08:44.700 --> 00:08:49.340
is going to be talking to y'all about and whatever, and just be there to support because

124
00:08:49.340 --> 00:08:52.660
you know what it's like to go through this multiple times.

125
00:08:52.660 --> 00:08:53.820
And I continue to do it.

126
00:08:53.820 --> 00:08:57.060
Like I'm looking for a breakthrough in my own life in various ways right now.

127
00:08:57.060 --> 00:09:01.020
And so it's something that we continually do, but the thing is that even though I know

128
00:09:01.020 --> 00:09:03.260
how to do it, I still have to do it.

129
00:09:03.260 --> 00:09:07.820
And therefore it's still hard, but it's a lot easier and it's a lot faster now than

130
00:09:07.820 --> 00:09:08.820
it used to be.

131
00:09:08.820 --> 00:09:13.460
So anyway, my point is we're all in the middle of it right now.

132
00:09:13.460 --> 00:09:20.380
And I think that the Lord has just handpicked the three of us as the only ones to go through

133
00:09:20.380 --> 00:09:26.340
this right now where it could just be a bit more, I don't know, God doesn't need fewer

134
00:09:26.340 --> 00:09:31.340
people in order to have his full attention, you know, because he can do that with a crowd,

135
00:09:31.340 --> 00:09:32.340
but I don't know.

136
00:09:32.340 --> 00:09:36.380
There was just something in it that I just have noticed and felt was very, very significant

137
00:09:36.380 --> 00:09:39.940
to the point where I had some people wanting to join.

138
00:09:39.940 --> 00:09:46.260
They didn't clarify whether it was the live-it track or the learn-it track that they were

139
00:09:46.260 --> 00:09:52.340
wanting, but two people contacted me after registration closed about joining.

140
00:09:52.340 --> 00:09:56.260
And I told them no, because I'm like, no, God specifically showed me it's just these

141
00:09:56.260 --> 00:09:57.260
two people.

142
00:09:57.260 --> 00:09:58.260
I'm very excited.

143
00:09:58.260 --> 00:09:59.260
Whoa.

144
00:09:59.260 --> 00:10:00.260
Oh my gosh.

145
00:10:00.000 --> 00:10:08.520
honored. And I spent a whole month creating, writing, doing

146
00:10:00.260 --> 00:10:00.260


147
00:10:08.520 --> 00:10:11.800
the graphic for this journal and publishing it. I've never

148
00:10:11.800 --> 00:10:13.640
published a book before. So I was very excited. You know, it's

149
00:10:13.640 --> 00:10:16.120
not much. I mean, you can tell in there, it can't stand alone.

150
00:10:16.120 --> 00:10:19.880
There's no content. Oh, thank you. But there's no content in

151
00:10:19.880 --> 00:10:22.760
it. It's just meant to be like almost like a homework support,

152
00:10:22.760 --> 00:10:25.560
you know, a companion or whatever. But I spent a lot of

153
00:10:25.560 --> 00:10:29.760
time and effort and energy for a whole month oriented thing. And

154
00:10:29.760 --> 00:10:39.480
y'all are the only two. So I am paying attention, Lord. Oh,

155
00:10:39.480 --> 00:10:43.640
wow. Priscilla, could you catch a second while you do that? I

156
00:10:43.640 --> 00:10:46.640
forgot I left my I left my journal on the other side of the

157
00:10:46.640 --> 00:10:48.880
room. So I need to grab it for stuff we're talking about in

158
00:10:48.880 --> 00:10:52.000
just a second. But I have my ear pods in so I can hear you. So

159
00:10:52.000 --> 00:10:54.480
could you catch a net up on your background?

160
00:10:54.600 --> 00:10:59.080
Yeah, absolutely. So I have very different backgrounds, very

161
00:10:59.080 --> 00:11:03.120
fascinating. But my parents would have actually been Amish

162
00:11:03.120 --> 00:11:07.440
until they until the sister right above me, my mom was

163
00:11:07.480 --> 00:11:09.640
pregnant with her and then they left the Amish because they

164
00:11:09.640 --> 00:11:14.120
became born again. And so for most of my life, I was like

165
00:11:14.120 --> 00:11:17.600
conservative Mennonite to where we would have like always

166
00:11:17.600 --> 00:11:20.240
wearing like dresses or skirts and I wore head covering all the

167
00:11:20.240 --> 00:11:25.320
time. And which is like, I still love my heritage. And I have

168
00:11:25.320 --> 00:11:29.160
many friends that are still in that culture. Um, and we're

169
00:11:29.160 --> 00:11:31.560
actually a lot of the people we're surrounded with have come

170
00:11:31.560 --> 00:11:37.160
out of that culture. So um, oh my, I'm trying to think here

171
00:11:37.160 --> 00:11:40.920
what all has what are the touch points? I would say probably

172
00:11:40.920 --> 00:11:44.240
there'd be well, the reason I found Ashley was through my

173
00:11:44.240 --> 00:11:46.440
younger sister, Carrie, her and I are probably the closest my

174
00:11:46.440 --> 00:11:48.720
whole family's really close, but Carrie and I just have a really

175
00:11:48.720 --> 00:11:53.240
special relationship. And she found Ashley through a mutual

176
00:11:53.280 --> 00:11:56.920
friend of hers and Ashley's. And then Carrie did the rest

177
00:11:56.920 --> 00:12:00.840
intensive. So we both in the first rest intensive or did

178
00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:02.160
Carrie do it twice?

179
00:12:02.720 --> 00:12:05.200
I don't remember. Well, you remember that the way that I had

180
00:12:05.200 --> 00:12:08.600
it back then was I had the rest intensive just open and then

181
00:12:08.600 --> 00:12:11.680
people could join whenever. So she did the April rest

182
00:12:11.680 --> 00:12:14.640
intensive, which was one five group, which is a group of five

183
00:12:14.640 --> 00:12:17.800
people when they went through it, then I decided, hey, let's

184
00:12:17.800 --> 00:12:20.800
just continue this. And then that's when you and other people

185
00:12:20.800 --> 00:12:23.520
joined in that thing was just open and people would just

186
00:12:24.200 --> 00:12:28.960
Okay, yeah. So anyway, and my sister had had so much so much

187
00:12:28.960 --> 00:12:32.040
breakthrough, like she completely, I don't like to say

188
00:12:32.040 --> 00:12:35.320
she changed into a different person. I like she became who

189
00:12:35.320 --> 00:12:39.240
she really was, and had trouble expressing that throughout her

190
00:12:39.240 --> 00:12:41.560
life anyway. And so and I was going through a really hard

191
00:12:41.560 --> 00:12:47.480
time at that time. So long story short, our whole life was like

192
00:12:47.480 --> 00:12:50.120
not like super stable growing up. My dad's got a lot of

193
00:12:50.120 --> 00:12:52.960
addictions and he's an alcoholic for a lot of my like,

194
00:12:53.000 --> 00:12:57.560
really little childhood. And so a lot of like dysfunction there.

195
00:12:57.600 --> 00:13:03.640
And, and then, when I was 17, my family moved to Montana, which

196
00:13:03.640 --> 00:13:07.040
is like, Montana just has a big piece of my heart. But actually,

197
00:13:07.040 --> 00:13:10.040
that was one thing I was able to really find peace with, like

198
00:13:10.040 --> 00:13:12.000
when I went through the rest intensive. I don't know if you

199
00:13:12.000 --> 00:13:13.960
remember that, Ashley, I think it was actually when you came to

200
00:13:13.960 --> 00:13:18.680
visit. But anyway, that was a big deal. Yeah, it was. And

201
00:13:18.720 --> 00:13:22.840
anyways, so when we were in Montana, some of my siblings

202
00:13:22.840 --> 00:13:26.280
still lived in Pennsylvania, because they got married. But

203
00:13:26.280 --> 00:13:30.360
anyway, my dad went through a super dark depression, like he

204
00:13:30.360 --> 00:13:34.440
was depressed for many, many years. And by that time, he

205
00:13:34.440 --> 00:13:36.360
wasn't, he didn't have addictions anymore. But he was

206
00:13:36.360 --> 00:13:39.840
just like, sure that God couldn't forgive him anymore,

207
00:13:39.840 --> 00:13:42.160
because he had done all these things after he was a believer

208
00:13:42.200 --> 00:13:47.360
and my dad and I always had a unique relationship because we

209
00:13:47.360 --> 00:13:51.360
were close in like a weird way. There was never any like sexual

210
00:13:51.360 --> 00:13:55.240
abuse that happened in our home, which I'm very thankful for. But

211
00:13:56.720 --> 00:13:59.080
him and I would have been more like emotionally connected than

212
00:13:59.080 --> 00:14:03.240
him and my mom have been. So it was just kind of interesting.

213
00:14:03.280 --> 00:14:06.440
But anyway, so he got super depressed. He started like,

214
00:14:06.640 --> 00:14:09.760
rejecting anything that felt like hope. And like, yeah, it

215
00:14:09.760 --> 00:14:11.960
was really hard for me. I felt like that was kind of like when

216
00:14:12.080 --> 00:14:15.400
I, when I started deconstructing, if you will,

217
00:14:15.400 --> 00:14:18.120
which I don't think it was like a negative deconstruction. It

218
00:14:18.120 --> 00:14:22.040
was more just, I don't know, my, my childlike naivety kind of

219
00:14:22.040 --> 00:14:25.320
wore off. Sorry, there's like a fly, a little mat buzzing

220
00:14:25.320 --> 00:14:32.080
around. Anyway, at that time, I was like 17 or 18. And he

221
00:14:32.600 --> 00:14:38.680
restarted, I started dating my now husband. And through that

222
00:14:38.680 --> 00:14:42.640
time, that kind of ups and downs. Anyway, after a while,

223
00:14:42.640 --> 00:14:47.040
I'm just picking up little things that I remember. My

224
00:14:47.040 --> 00:14:49.480
husband and I felt the Lord leading us back to Pennsylvania,

225
00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:54.160
because there's multiple reasons. And then before, right

226
00:14:54.160 --> 00:14:56.280
before we moved, it's like three or four days before we moved, my

227
00:14:56.280 --> 00:14:59.880
dad attempted suicide. And my mom and I were the ones who

228
00:14:59.880 --> 00:15:00.080
found

229
00:15:00.000 --> 00:15:04.280
on him. And it was like very traumatic. I mean, I don't think

230
00:15:04.280 --> 00:15:06.440
there's anything like that, that is ever not traumatic.

231
00:15:07.960 --> 00:15:12.240
Thankfully, the Lord gave him a second chance at life. And then

232
00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:16.880
we moved to Pennsylvania like three days later. And a few

233
00:15:16.880 --> 00:15:19.080
days after, two weeks after we moved to Pennsylvania, I

234
00:15:19.080 --> 00:15:22.600
started a business with a direct sales company, but I didn't, I

235
00:15:22.600 --> 00:15:24.600
didn't know what's going to happen. I was excited about it.

236
00:15:24.600 --> 00:15:28.840
But I didn't know what, but basically that business just

237
00:15:28.840 --> 00:15:34.200
like exploded. And I found myself drowning in like

238
00:15:34.240 --> 00:15:38.120
blessing, but also like a lot of anxiety. And looking back now, I

239
00:15:38.120 --> 00:15:40.600
feel like I can like recognize a lot of stuff. Like I was had

240
00:15:40.600 --> 00:15:45.000
like major PTSD symptoms. And I was anxious all the time. I had

241
00:15:45.000 --> 00:15:47.360
always had a sense of impending doom. I thought like, just

242
00:15:47.360 --> 00:15:50.320
because my business is doing well, that means like something

243
00:15:50.320 --> 00:15:54.400
that's about to happen where God doesn't do it anymore. And oh my

244
00:15:54.400 --> 00:15:57.320
goodness, we were in a hard church situation. Like there

245
00:15:57.320 --> 00:16:00.880
were so many, so many things happening. So it was kind of

246
00:16:00.880 --> 00:16:03.400
like, yeah, a bunch of trauma. And that was just like one

247
00:16:03.400 --> 00:16:05.880
trauma that happened that year. There was like multiples,

248
00:16:05.960 --> 00:16:09.640
multiple really big, hard things that happened, even like in my

249
00:16:09.640 --> 00:16:13.680
husband's family. So then when we moved here, I would say the

250
00:16:13.680 --> 00:16:15.880
biggest reason why I did the rest attentive in the first

251
00:16:15.880 --> 00:16:22.800
place was I, I tried so hard not to be depressed. Because it was

252
00:16:22.800 --> 00:16:24.640
like so triggering because I didn't want to just be like my

253
00:16:24.640 --> 00:16:28.080
dad, you know, and yet I would help to depressed all the time.

254
00:16:28.080 --> 00:16:31.480
And I was anxious, and I would have extreme highs and extreme

255
00:16:31.480 --> 00:16:35.960
lows. And I just felt like I wasn't stable. And it was

256
00:16:35.960 --> 00:16:41.160
getting increasingly harder, like parenting. And I yeah, I'm

257
00:16:41.160 --> 00:16:43.160
trying to think all the things that I was processing at that

258
00:16:43.160 --> 00:16:47.720
time. But I do remember, I signed up with Ashley, was it

259
00:16:47.720 --> 00:16:50.120
that morning? And then that evening, I thought I was

260
00:16:50.120 --> 00:16:58.280
pregnant. Yeah. And that was not a planned pregnancy. Like we

261
00:16:58.280 --> 00:17:00.400
were like trying not to freak out. I mean, I didn't think

262
00:17:00.400 --> 00:17:05.839
else. But yeah, anyways, so that was definitely a god thing just

263
00:17:06.240 --> 00:17:08.040
because I felt like I had a direction forward. So it was

264
00:17:08.040 --> 00:17:11.839
mainly a lot of overwhelmed with my business. Come Lori. Sorry,

265
00:17:12.640 --> 00:17:15.839
hey, Gwen. Gwen. Hey, Gwen.

266
00:17:21.319 --> 00:17:23.119
Sorry, no one's had headphones on.

267
00:17:23.440 --> 00:17:26.640
Gwen, can you please repeat Lori's call?

268
00:17:29.560 --> 00:17:30.880
Monty, pause it for her.

269
00:17:33.440 --> 00:17:35.800
Over there, tell them to come that you're watching something

270
00:17:35.800 --> 00:17:42.440
Okay. Anyway, so I went through the rest intensive with Ashley.

271
00:17:42.480 --> 00:17:47.000
And I feel like that was definitely the start of my

272
00:17:47.000 --> 00:17:54.160
journey of healing. And I did experience a lot of growth. But

273
00:17:54.160 --> 00:18:00.160
I feel like my growth has definitely been, it's taken me a

274
00:18:00.160 --> 00:18:08.040
long time to get to where I'm at today. And we've also walked

275
00:18:08.040 --> 00:18:11.480
with a counselor who I appreciate him so much. He's

276
00:18:11.480 --> 00:18:15.480
really become like a father figure to me. He's like, in his

277
00:18:15.480 --> 00:18:21.800
upper 70s, I think. And yeah, so we have three kids. I still have

278
00:18:21.800 --> 00:18:24.320
a business. My husband has really flexible business because

279
00:18:24.320 --> 00:18:27.680
of the income from my business. We're very involved in our

280
00:18:27.680 --> 00:18:32.600
church. But yeah, right now, I feel like the biggest reason why

281
00:18:32.600 --> 00:18:37.160
I wanted to do Breakthrough was, I feel like these last two weeks

282
00:18:37.160 --> 00:18:42.000
have just been insane, good, insane, like with so many things

283
00:18:42.000 --> 00:18:44.240
that the Lord is doing in my life that I'm almost a little

284
00:18:44.240 --> 00:18:48.800
bit like, unsure of how to proceed, because it almost feels

285
00:18:48.800 --> 00:18:52.400
too good to be true. But then like, we were away to the

286
00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:56.640
weekend, this last weekend, and I just felt like those old

287
00:18:56.640 --> 00:18:59.760
feelings creeping back again, of like, I felt really anxious, I

288
00:18:59.760 --> 00:19:03.760
felt really, like, short tempered, I felt overwhelmed. And

289
00:19:03.760 --> 00:19:06.960
so like, and I felt like I failed, like with my kids, I

290
00:19:06.960 --> 00:19:09.400
just, that's one big thing that I would really like Breakthrough

291
00:19:09.400 --> 00:19:14.760
is, is just knowing how to love my kids well. I feel like I

292
00:19:14.760 --> 00:19:18.920
struggle a lot with anger in parenting. And I think that's

293
00:19:18.920 --> 00:19:21.200
one of the biggest things that I would desire Breakthrough in and

294
00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:24.400
also just like emotional stability. Like, I'm okay with

295
00:19:24.400 --> 00:19:28.760
big emotions. I just don't want to feel, I don't want to feel

296
00:19:28.760 --> 00:19:33.880
trapped in my past. And I don't want to feel trapped in fear. And

297
00:19:33.880 --> 00:19:38.240
I feel like the more that I, the more that I make progress, the

298
00:19:38.240 --> 00:19:40.720
more that I'm like, wow, like, I don't have to live that life

299
00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:44.280
anymore. But yeah, I would say that's, there's a lot of reasons

300
00:19:44.280 --> 00:19:49.400
why I'm doing the Breakthrough. But yeah, that's kind of me in

301
00:19:49.400 --> 00:19:51.440
a nutshell. I don't know. Is there anything else I should

302
00:19:51.440 --> 00:19:51.760
say?

303
00:19:53.320 --> 00:19:57.520
I don't know. I think that was perfect. Yeah, your past your

304
00:19:57.520 --> 00:19:59.880
summary and then but it is and I was really glad that

305
00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.400
have y'all touched on what it is that you're wanting to see like where it is that you are

306
00:20:04.400 --> 00:20:08.640
right now and what it is that you're wanting um you know breakthrough with with them so yeah

307
00:20:09.360 --> 00:20:14.800
thank you all thanks so much thanks for sharing uh my father actually passed away last year and

308
00:20:14.800 --> 00:20:21.200
he was um he had been drinking heavily the past 10 years so i can relate to that um even though

309
00:20:21.200 --> 00:20:29.120
it was like the later years for my sake it's uh it's the same kind of yeah i can relate to yeah

310
00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:35.120
because it's hard to watch anybody going through something like that they're tormented by them

311
00:20:35.120 --> 00:20:40.080
they're tormented inside and they are trying to self-medicate by something that's actually very

312
00:20:40.080 --> 00:20:45.120
self-destructive and then you're just standing by watching and no amount of like talking to them

313
00:20:45.120 --> 00:20:50.320
changes it you know because they know what they're doing and they know why and so just telling them

314
00:20:50.320 --> 00:20:54.800
where truth doesn't work and we're and we get frustrated we're like well then if this doesn't

315
00:20:54.800 --> 00:21:02.560
work what would work you know and so it's a very uh what's the word uh uh not not hopeless but the

316
00:21:02.560 --> 00:21:07.840
fact the fact that you're like you feel helpless yeah helpless that's the word yeah helpless it's

317
00:21:07.840 --> 00:21:13.040
like well then what can i do so yeah it's like watching somebody being inside a burning house

318
00:21:13.040 --> 00:21:17.920
and you're standing outside for the ladder like just climb out yeah and like no i'll just stand

319
00:21:18.000 --> 00:21:26.240
in here like ah yes i and i feel too like for me i have felt like i i've had to like parent my

320
00:21:26.240 --> 00:21:30.800
parents in different seasons of life so i have felt i felt like i've had big breakthroughs in

321
00:21:30.800 --> 00:21:35.840
those areas like i no longer feel like i have to do that and yeah the lord has healed so many places

322
00:21:35.840 --> 00:21:46.160
in my life it's just crazy okay but yeah well good well thank y'all so much and for um uh just

323
00:21:46.160 --> 00:21:50.880
sharing being willing and open to share with each other i knew when i found out that the two of y'all

324
00:21:50.880 --> 00:21:54.240
were going to be the one in the breaking program i was like oh this is great they're going to really

325
00:21:54.240 --> 00:22:03.360
like each other so um how has uh the next thing i wanted to ask was how is everything going with um

326
00:22:03.360 --> 00:22:08.720
with the journal were y'all able to watch the videos and understand um at least how to start

327
00:22:08.720 --> 00:22:16.000
you'll become stronger in it and as you go forward because we like i mentioned in the video we've

328
00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:21.360
got specific topics that we'll be talking about i mean like that you're addressing in the journal

329
00:22:21.360 --> 00:22:25.520
and then we'll have specific sessions about those that give you further depth of like oh okay yeah

330
00:22:25.520 --> 00:22:30.960
i hadn't thought about looking for god in that way or i hadn't thought about looking for myself

331
00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:35.200
in that way and so i'm very aware that you're just having to start out with what it is that

332
00:22:35.200 --> 00:22:40.960
you know but i thought one of the good things about that would would be um that you could see

333
00:22:41.520 --> 00:22:46.320
it's not just now when you're going through it but later you'll be able to go see you'll see the

334
00:22:46.320 --> 00:22:51.040
change you'll be like okay this is how i saw life this is how i interpreted this how i thought it

335
00:22:51.040 --> 00:22:56.240
was supposed to work or what i was supposed to do what god expected of me versus what everything

336
00:22:56.240 --> 00:23:03.040
sound what your journal will sound like at the end and yeah so anyway so uh do you uh would one

337
00:23:03.040 --> 00:23:06.880
of y'all like to start um i don't know maybe annette is sometimes if you throw it out to

338
00:23:06.880 --> 00:23:12.080
everyone everybody is so polite that no one says anything so i'll pick somebody so annette do you

339
00:23:12.080 --> 00:23:17.520
have something that uh any like updates you can give us about how things have been or any questions

340
00:23:17.520 --> 00:23:23.360
that you had in either going either hearing me describe that or the morning or the bedtime

341
00:23:23.360 --> 00:23:29.120
routine or actually doing the thing any like hurdles that you pointed to i just think it's

342
00:23:29.120 --> 00:23:33.760
been so great because this is what i've been wanting to do like before because to me it's

343
00:23:33.760 --> 00:23:39.280
been like oh before and after the court case uh but then now i have to wait two weeks for the judge

344
00:23:39.280 --> 00:23:45.120
and then i got sick so i'm like uh okay um but it's so it's really helpful to have something

345
00:23:45.120 --> 00:23:51.600
solid where it's like no i actually gonna do like i i have like you like okay i have my morning coffee

346
00:23:51.600 --> 00:23:56.560
and then i've been wanting to take in from the rest intensive just like let jesus love me for

347
00:23:56.560 --> 00:24:03.520
like five minutes yeah um just like sit and and i'm like okay i'm gonna put on a song and then

348
00:24:03.520 --> 00:24:09.920
like the alarm and just like okay whatever however you want to love me like if it's a feeling or like

349
00:24:09.920 --> 00:24:14.000
what you want to show me like just to set the tone of the day so that's what i'm practicing

350
00:24:14.800 --> 00:24:20.400
right now i think it's like uh but i had this thought because i'm like oh yeah breakthrough

351
00:24:20.400 --> 00:24:26.400
it's gonna be amazing like uh i want to be like content and satisfied with like my weight and

352
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:31.920
been starting my own business and knowing what i'm gonna do with like the inheritance or whatever

353
00:24:31.920 --> 00:24:37.200
and like sewing into and and you know the wanting to get married i'm like these are my lists like

354
00:24:37.200 --> 00:24:42.480
these are my three things that i've been wanting breakthrough in since forever it's like want to

355
00:24:42.480 --> 00:24:48.400
be content with my weight want to be in a job i love preferably like decide myself and then um

356
00:24:49.520 --> 00:24:54.160
and just be like content i think that's actually come since the rest intensive

357
00:24:54.720 --> 00:24:59.840
where i've been like oh it wouldn't actually matter if i i don't know i don't

358
00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:03.300
even know what a dream job would be. But I'm like, even if I got

359
00:25:03.300 --> 00:25:08.220
whatever dream job would be, if I'm not content, I would not be

360
00:25:08.220 --> 00:25:12.060
content then either. So it's like, I have to become content

361
00:25:12.060 --> 00:25:16.140
now. So I feel like even when I come with that list, when I'm

362
00:25:16.140 --> 00:25:20.220
sitting in the morning, I'm like, Hmm, I probably think this

363
00:25:20.220 --> 00:25:25.680
is going to be one where it's like, I know the plans I have

364
00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:28.220
for you declare the Lord, you know, to prosper and not to harm

365
00:25:28.280 --> 00:25:32.080
you when you seek me of all of your heart, you'll find me. So I

366
00:25:32.080 --> 00:25:35.780
feel like this is a like seeking him with all of my heart kind of

367
00:25:35.780 --> 00:25:39.100
a situation where it's like, I feel like I'm coming with a

368
00:25:39.100 --> 00:25:42.560
list. And then he's gonna set me free and something completely

369
00:25:42.600 --> 00:25:45.020
different, you know, something else where it's like, not

370
00:25:45.020 --> 00:25:50.820
necessarily about the list anymore. So I think that's

371
00:25:50.820 --> 00:25:55.700
really, really, I'm really excited to see how that kind of

372
00:25:55.700 --> 00:26:00.440
and hopefully, I mean, I do have I do have big kind of

373
00:26:00.480 --> 00:26:04.640
expectations, walking into now like Rosh Hashanah. And you

374
00:26:04.640 --> 00:26:09.060
know, like, I do feel like there is something different with this

375
00:26:09.060 --> 00:26:11.900
fall. And like, things can happen. Like, I feel like

376
00:26:11.900 --> 00:26:15.020
there's like, even like with the three of us, just like, I feel

377
00:26:15.020 --> 00:26:19.260
like God's very intentional about like, just connecting

378
00:26:19.260 --> 00:26:22.620
people or aligning things like, I don't know what it is. But I

379
00:26:22.620 --> 00:26:24.780
just feel like it's, it's different.

380
00:26:25.900 --> 00:26:29.660
And in fact, I've also never heard the word breakthrough from

381
00:26:29.660 --> 00:26:33.380
so many people at one time in my life. Yeah, Lord, have all of

382
00:26:33.380 --> 00:26:36.460
these people always talked about it? Just never heard the word.

383
00:26:36.460 --> 00:26:38.740
It's just because it's highlighted to me right now. Or

384
00:26:38.740 --> 00:26:41.020
is it the fact that that's something that you're speaking

385
00:26:41.020 --> 00:26:45.100
right now? I do know, my, my husband has a prophetic friend

386
00:26:45.100 --> 00:26:48.900
who's very strongly prophetic, like she travels around by

387
00:26:48.900 --> 00:26:52.860
invitation to teach groups of people about how to hear from

388
00:26:52.860 --> 00:26:55.580
the Lord, whatever. And she called him the other day. And

389
00:26:55.580 --> 00:26:58.740
she said, not knowing that this is what I'm teaching these

390
00:26:58.740 --> 00:27:01.780
days, like I that I was in junior program, she said, she

391
00:27:01.780 --> 00:27:06.300
said, Ed, I am sensing that there is going that God is in a

392
00:27:06.300 --> 00:27:09.860
new move of breakthrough right now, with a lot of people. And

393
00:27:09.860 --> 00:27:11.980
she said, including you and Ashley, she said, which is why

394
00:27:11.980 --> 00:27:14.580
I'm calling you. But it she said, it's even bigger than

395
00:27:14.580 --> 00:27:19.140
that. So anyway, it's like you said, there's like, there's like

396
00:27:19.140 --> 00:27:21.980
this alignment that we keep hearing from multiple places and

397
00:27:21.980 --> 00:27:25.180
directions. Yeah, it's exciting, because it means that we're

398
00:27:25.220 --> 00:27:28.140
we're getting affirmation from the Lord, it is so on his heart

399
00:27:28.140 --> 00:27:31.260
that he's aligning multiple things, multiple people,

400
00:27:31.260 --> 00:27:35.700
multiple situations on big scale, even creation. Yeah, this

401
00:27:35.700 --> 00:27:38.500
thing. So then therefore, we know, okay, there's going to be

402
00:27:38.500 --> 00:27:41.580
victory, something is going to happen, because that's not

403
00:27:41.580 --> 00:27:44.540
giving us something to dream for and to be excited for and hope

404
00:27:44.540 --> 00:27:48.260
for that he's not going to accomplish. Anyway, go ahead.

405
00:27:48.820 --> 00:27:51.860
No, and so yeah, so I completely agree. And I think it's like,

406
00:27:52.260 --> 00:27:54.820
but then it all comes from like, what you've been to, like what

407
00:27:54.820 --> 00:27:57.300
we've been through before, like from rest, you know, it's all

408
00:27:57.300 --> 00:28:00.060
this, like, going from being like a human being to like a

409
00:28:00.060 --> 00:28:03.620
human doing and like, Oh, what are you know, like, what do I

410
00:28:03.620 --> 00:28:06.780
want? Not what I want to do necessarily, but who do I want

411
00:28:06.780 --> 00:28:10.420
to be, you know, like, correct. So it's like this whole, like

412
00:28:10.420 --> 00:28:13.420
rebuilding of identity or something. And then I thought it

413
00:28:13.420 --> 00:28:15.820
was really interesting, just listening, because I've listened

414
00:28:15.820 --> 00:28:19.620
to Brene Brown before, but I just, you know, you sometimes

415
00:28:19.620 --> 00:28:25.100
just hear it differently. And I was like, Oh, wow. First, I was

416
00:28:25.100 --> 00:28:27.180
like, man, I should have listened to this before I gave

417
00:28:27.180 --> 00:28:31.860
my testimony. I could have been like, a really good story. But

418
00:28:31.860 --> 00:28:34.900
then I'm like, No, I'm trusting God, like God knows what needed

419
00:28:34.900 --> 00:28:39.740
to be said. But, um, but but I was like, Wow, what she ends

420
00:28:39.740 --> 00:28:43.820
with is like, ah, let ourselves be fully, deeply and vulnerably

421
00:28:43.820 --> 00:28:47.940
seen. And then to love with our whole heart, even if there's no

422
00:28:47.940 --> 00:28:51.940
guarantee. And to practice gratitude and lean more into

423
00:28:51.940 --> 00:28:55.820
joy and believe that that you're enough. I'm like, Whoa, those

424
00:28:55.820 --> 00:28:59.860
are like huge things. And and especially when she was talking

425
00:28:59.860 --> 00:29:05.140
about how cutting off feeling so I could relate to what you're

426
00:29:05.140 --> 00:29:08.300
saying about like not wanting to live in the past because then I

427
00:29:08.300 --> 00:29:12.620
was like, Whoa, I remember. That was actually a memory that

428
00:29:12.620 --> 00:29:15.620
I have with Renata. Ashley knows my friend Renata because she was

429
00:29:15.620 --> 00:29:20.060
doing. That's how I found Ashley through my friend Renata. But I

430
00:29:20.060 --> 00:29:24.380
remember she had, she had set a riddle to me, we were young, we

431
00:29:24.380 --> 00:29:29.140
were like in school. And she had given me a riddle. And I didn't

432
00:29:29.140 --> 00:29:33.020
know the answer. And I became so mad, like infuriated, like

433
00:29:33.020 --> 00:29:36.740
super mad. And then I so mad that I scared myself because my

434
00:29:36.740 --> 00:29:39.740
dad was like, really aggressive, right. And I was like, I do not

435
00:29:39.740 --> 00:29:43.420
want to be that person. And I remember, like, I'm not going to

436
00:29:43.420 --> 00:29:46.500
be angry. And I don't think I've really been like super angry

437
00:29:46.500 --> 00:29:49.540
since that day. So when she's like, Oh, you can't cut off one

438
00:29:49.540 --> 00:29:53.180
thing without cutting off like, the joy and creativity and you

439
00:29:53.180 --> 00:29:57.500
know, and and the same like, Oh, and then I was like, bullied.

440
00:29:57.500 --> 00:29:59.980
And I remember it was like, don't let them see you cry.

441
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:02.900
like be strong. So I'm like, Oh, so then I cut off that emotion

442
00:30:02.900 --> 00:30:05.500
too. Because like, oh, you need to be like strong. So I'm like,

443
00:30:06.020 --> 00:30:10.100
wow, I need to like, not that I think it's gonna be like,

444
00:30:10.100 --> 00:30:12.820
necessarily needs to be like a year long thing like Brené

445
00:30:12.820 --> 00:30:16.140
Brown, but I'm like, Oh, there's something God is doing in the

446
00:30:16.140 --> 00:30:19.740
deep where it's like, I just want you to be free of you know,

447
00:30:19.740 --> 00:30:24.580
whatever it is stopping you that you've like cut off from before

448
00:30:24.580 --> 00:30:28.780
in protecting yourself or something. I don't know. So that

449
00:30:28.780 --> 00:30:32.720
just caught my attention where I'm like, Hmm. Yeah, it's like,

450
00:30:32.760 --> 00:30:39.920
I need to like, focus more on or just be more aware, I think,

451
00:30:39.960 --> 00:30:43.600
and like, Oh, I'm enough. And like, what am I grateful for?

452
00:30:43.600 --> 00:30:47.560
Like, yeah, more of those things she was talking about towards

453
00:30:47.560 --> 00:30:53.280
the end. So definitely on a self discovery kind of thing, which I

454
00:30:53.280 --> 00:30:56.720
want to try to take in my morning and evening reflections.

455
00:30:56.720 --> 00:31:00.020
And so it's, it's so I'm so grateful to have this beautiful

456
00:31:00.020 --> 00:31:03.300
book is that I'm like, ah, it's like tangible. And it like,

457
00:31:03.500 --> 00:31:08.020
yeah, I think you're like something tangible. And it's

458
00:31:08.020 --> 00:31:10.760
like, it just helps, you know, to have something where it's

459
00:31:10.760 --> 00:31:14.660
like, Oh, this is what I'm doing. Because if not, just for

460
00:31:14.660 --> 00:31:17.300
me, at least it just becomes something I'm thinking like, Oh,

461
00:31:17.300 --> 00:31:19.820
I should do that. And then I don't. So yeah.

462
00:31:20.380 --> 00:31:23.540
Right. So I'm glad to hear that feedback from you. Because

463
00:31:23.540 --> 00:31:27.960
that's actually why I did it is because people were, I had very

464
00:31:27.960 --> 00:31:34.040
intentionally not ever created physical things or worksheets or

465
00:31:34.040 --> 00:31:37.080
anything, because I knew that it was popular and that people did

466
00:31:37.080 --> 00:31:42.240
it, but I don't like and it's probably because I'm so mental.

467
00:31:42.800 --> 00:31:48.640
I'm just so I don't know, I think a lot and I can actually

468
00:31:48.640 --> 00:31:54.460
process a lot just by sitting and thinking. But I have learned

469
00:31:54.500 --> 00:31:58.500
that it does help me to write things down. But one of the and

470
00:31:58.500 --> 00:32:01.660
so I started to realize the benefit of that in my own life

471
00:32:01.660 --> 00:32:04.220
several years ago, but again, I just never implemented this

472
00:32:04.220 --> 00:32:06.420
because I never wanted, especially something called the

473
00:32:06.420 --> 00:32:11.980
rest intensive, to have anything that triggered people's feeling

474
00:32:11.980 --> 00:32:14.780
that they have to work, or I'm not going to say how to do

475
00:32:14.780 --> 00:32:17.340
something, you know, I feel like this, this paper, I got to

476
00:32:17.340 --> 00:32:20.880
answer this question every week, you know, and, but I started

477
00:32:20.880 --> 00:32:23.100
realizing a couple of things, I started realizing, well, not

478
00:32:23.100 --> 00:32:26.560
everybody's like me. And also, it helps to give a bit of like

479
00:32:26.580 --> 00:32:29.640
structure definition, like what you said, it's like, okay, I

480
00:32:29.640 --> 00:32:32.680
have this, this is what I'm doing. I thought maybe it would

481
00:32:32.680 --> 00:32:35.160
help things kind of like land for people a bit better. And it

482
00:32:35.160 --> 00:32:37.640
was like, it would help them as a concept to kind of like grab a

483
00:32:37.640 --> 00:32:40.840
hold of a bit better. Also, I was asked a few, I think it was

484
00:32:40.840 --> 00:32:44.040
last fall, I was asked by someone, Hey, actually, have you

485
00:32:44.040 --> 00:32:47.000
ever done a workbook? And I said, No, I just never thought

486
00:32:47.000 --> 00:32:50.140
anyone would want one. I thought that they'd want

487
00:32:50.140 --> 00:32:54.860
something different. And that I had been asked more than once

488
00:32:54.900 --> 00:32:57.380
about that. And I've been asked, actually, are you writing a

489
00:32:57.380 --> 00:33:00.020
book? I've been asked that for at least three years, there's

490
00:33:00.020 --> 00:33:03.940
asked me that, you know, all these people, like, no, why, why

491
00:33:03.940 --> 00:33:06.140
do you want a book, you've got the program, you know, surely

492
00:33:06.140 --> 00:33:08.220
that's better, because you've got personal action, you can

493
00:33:08.220 --> 00:33:10.420
actually ask questions, you can't ask questions of a book,

494
00:33:10.780 --> 00:33:14.000
you know, but my point is, I've realized that there's a reason

495
00:33:14.740 --> 00:33:17.660
why people create these other things is because it helps

496
00:33:17.660 --> 00:33:20.460
people kind of grab a hold of it a bit better to help solidify a

497
00:33:20.460 --> 00:33:25.420
concept into hopefully practical application. So this is my, this

498
00:33:25.420 --> 00:33:29.500
is me, trying and seeing, okay, well, let's see how people

499
00:33:29.500 --> 00:33:32.480
respond. Let's see if it if it's actually helpful for people.

500
00:33:33.260 --> 00:33:35.980
Because there's a reason that I intentionally avoided that

501
00:33:36.020 --> 00:33:37.940
because I'm like, well, I don't want to have anything to do. I

502
00:33:37.940 --> 00:33:42.800
don't want to. So what I did was I thought, Okay, Lord, how can I

503
00:33:42.800 --> 00:33:46.460
make this as non intimidating as possible? How can everything

504
00:33:46.460 --> 00:33:50.500
be as effective as fast and efficient as possible? So a just

505
00:33:50.500 --> 00:33:54.300
five minutes, but that you set the alarms so that you are not

506
00:33:54.300 --> 00:33:57.460
distracted during those five minutes, and you know, okay, I'm

507
00:33:57.460 --> 00:33:59.660
not going to think about anything that needs to be done,

508
00:33:59.660 --> 00:34:02.300
because it's as short as five minutes, and I can do it, I can,

509
00:34:02.300 --> 00:34:05.060
like, escape from anything for like, five minutes, you know,

510
00:34:05.100 --> 00:34:08.300
any, like, responsibilities that I have to think about, I can

511
00:34:08.840 --> 00:34:12.800
play five minutes of my time to do that. And then, and then just

512
00:34:12.800 --> 00:34:15.199
block it off, and then just be very intentional, because the

513
00:34:15.199 --> 00:34:18.320
whole because the powers and intentionality, I have noticed

514
00:34:18.320 --> 00:34:21.000
that the biggest transitions that I've made, and the biggest

515
00:34:21.840 --> 00:34:25.719
impacts that God has made in my life by speaking something, or I

516
00:34:25.719 --> 00:34:28.320
mean, by like, declaring something over my life, and I

517
00:34:28.320 --> 00:34:32.320
would shift for all moments, they were very short periods of

518
00:34:32.320 --> 00:34:36.139
time. And the majority of the other time was just simply me

519
00:34:36.139 --> 00:34:40.199
getting into position to be able to, for that moment to be

520
00:34:40.199 --> 00:34:45.920
powerful. But the power happened in specific moments, there were

521
00:34:45.960 --> 00:34:48.440
those were the shifts. So I thought, okay, if we can just

522
00:34:48.440 --> 00:34:51.860
kind of like block something off to make it intentional, well,

523
00:34:51.860 --> 00:34:54.920
then there's some, it's more likely to be effective in a

524
00:34:54.920 --> 00:34:57.500
smaller amount of time, and then it will be less intimidating,

525
00:34:57.500 --> 00:35:00.080
etc. So, so I'm glad to hear all the feedback.

526
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:05.920
from you that everything I'm going for, that's what is helpful in that you're enjoying right

527
00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:14.400
now. And speaking of Renee Brown, I was very, very impacted about when she said that when you

528
00:35:14.400 --> 00:35:20.480
stifle one emotion, you're stifling all of them. You're not stifling anger, you're stifling feeling.

529
00:35:21.280 --> 00:35:25.840
You're like, I'm not going to feel anymore. And it just happens to be in that moment. It was anger,

530
00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:29.920
but it scared you or scared me or scared, you know, whoever it is that experiences that,

531
00:35:29.920 --> 00:35:33.600
that we're stifling your fear or whatever. And something about us that we think, oh,

532
00:35:33.600 --> 00:35:38.880
that's wrong or even enjoy. If when we express joy, which we've all expressed at some point or

533
00:35:38.880 --> 00:35:44.080
another, and we got gotten onto by it, but you know, for, by a teacher or a parent or somebody,

534
00:35:44.080 --> 00:35:48.080
you know, because I will, it's inappropriate in this moment or whatever. And so what we learned

535
00:35:48.080 --> 00:35:53.520
to do is we learned to stifle our emotions, not stifle a particular one. So if you're stifling

536
00:35:54.160 --> 00:35:58.160
your, your anger and you're not being honest about it, you're not being honest about your

537
00:35:58.160 --> 00:36:06.640
fears, et cetera. You're not actually capable of experiencing joy in the fullness. You can,

538
00:36:06.640 --> 00:36:12.080
you're, you're all of your emotions, the degree to which you can feel all of your emotions are equal.

539
00:36:12.080 --> 00:36:15.840
If you're pushing this one down, you're pushing down the degree to which you can experience,

540
00:36:15.840 --> 00:36:22.720
you can feel joy. Anyway. So that was very impactful to me. It blew me and my husband.

541
00:36:22.720 --> 00:36:26.720
I think that my husband heard it from somewhere else and he and I were both talking about that.

542
00:36:26.720 --> 00:36:32.320
We're like, you know, that's wild and scary and very teachable moment for us. Like, okay,

543
00:36:32.320 --> 00:36:37.120
if we're stifling one area of our life that we're afraid of, it's that whole, that whole,

544
00:36:37.120 --> 00:36:42.000
whole aspect of her life, like even a good one. So it's neat to hear your feedback on that.

545
00:36:44.800 --> 00:36:49.360
So Priscilla, what about you? How like the drama going? I mean, you're the one with

546
00:36:49.360 --> 00:36:53.840
mom with kids and the schedule, very busy schedule business, you know?

547
00:36:54.720 --> 00:37:02.560
So how's, how's all of that going for you? Yes. So I, I feel like the morning I didn't do this

548
00:37:02.560 --> 00:37:06.720
morning. Cause I all of a sudden at like 10 30, I was like, I didn't do my journal. And then

549
00:37:06.720 --> 00:37:13.760
it was 10 30 already. I feel like I'm kind of having a little bit of a different experience

550
00:37:13.760 --> 00:37:18.160
than Annette. I feel like the morning time is, is good, but I'm also, I feel like I'm kind of

551
00:37:18.160 --> 00:37:23.440
like you actually, like I processed by thinking and I keep, I keep a prayer journal. So like I

552
00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:30.480
often, I will just pray through myself. I'm very used to expressing myself on paper. And so that

553
00:37:30.480 --> 00:37:34.880
part is great, but I feel like in the morning, like I sit down and I think about it and then

554
00:37:34.880 --> 00:37:38.880
it's all peachy. And then in the evening, it's like, I want to avoid that because I feel like

555
00:37:38.880 --> 00:37:44.480
I failed in walking that, that day, like in morning, I'm like, Oh, I'm forgiven. I'm chosen.

556
00:37:44.560 --> 00:37:49.280
You know, all of that. And then at the end of the evening, I'm like, I failed today.

557
00:37:50.960 --> 00:37:57.040
So I'm actually kind of really struggling with it. Um, well, that's especially, especially

558
00:37:57.040 --> 00:38:03.200
that's the point. Yeah. It's just to bring all of that out. Yes. Especially over the weekend.

559
00:38:03.200 --> 00:38:07.120
Um, I don't know why I struggled so bad over the weekend. We were in a cabin with friends

560
00:38:07.760 --> 00:38:13.600
and I, I, I thought it was great. Like, especially going into it, I'm like, I've been having the best

561
00:38:13.600 --> 00:38:20.880
weeks that I've had in years. And I went to this cabin and all of a sudden I started feeling these

562
00:38:20.880 --> 00:38:27.600
old feelings coming back and like, just feeling overwhelmed, impending doom, like stressed out,

563
00:38:27.600 --> 00:38:33.760
totally overwhelmed, touched out, like so tired of my kids. And all of a sudden I was just like,

564
00:38:33.760 --> 00:38:40.080
I lost it. Like I lost it at my oldest. And I just, I was not a nice mom. And I'm like, look,

565
00:38:40.080 --> 00:38:43.600
like I've made no progress. And now here is a whole month to show me.

566
00:38:47.120 --> 00:38:51.520
So, and that evening, I'm just like, I don't know what to put in my journal, except like,

567
00:38:51.520 --> 00:38:57.280
do I just write honestly then? Like, do I just write today? I chose to be like a mean mom to my

568
00:38:57.280 --> 00:39:02.960
son. You know, I'm not quite sure what to write. Cause I'm like, well, in all reality, I did not

569
00:39:02.960 --> 00:39:09.760
choose that. I am chosen and I am that I belong. I chose not good thing.

570
00:39:10.480 --> 00:39:14.320
I'm the same. It's okay. I don't know how to process that.

571
00:39:15.840 --> 00:39:22.960
Well, this is a great question. So, so the whole, the, remember that whatever we focus on,

572
00:39:22.960 --> 00:39:26.240
we feed. So if you're going to focus on the negative, it's going to increase the amount

573
00:39:26.240 --> 00:39:30.160
of negative in our life. It's like, that's what we're going to always see. So that is

574
00:39:30.160 --> 00:39:35.920
actually the whole point of this exercise of doing something in the morning. Cause I very

575
00:39:35.920 --> 00:39:39.760
intentionally did it like that is okay. Just do something more and just really, really short,

576
00:39:39.760 --> 00:39:44.720
but remembering, okay, that's right. This is what's important to me. I need to remember that

577
00:39:44.720 --> 00:39:49.840
I struggle with believing that God is provider. Okay. You know, I'm going to, because these are

578
00:39:49.840 --> 00:39:54.160
the circumstances and situations in my life in which I'm triggered by that. So that is something

579
00:39:54.160 --> 00:39:59.840
that I'm going to intentionally be intentional about today. In the end, you know, what is.

580
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:05.920
God say that I am so that I can intentionally start the day by remembering, okay, that's,

581
00:40:05.920 --> 00:40:11.520
that's something that, uh, by remembering what God says about me. And then here is how I can

582
00:40:12.160 --> 00:40:18.960
actually apply it because it's, it's my unique life. How am I uniquely struggling with it in my

583
00:40:18.960 --> 00:40:23.920
unique situations? Because I know when I've got three kids and my, one of my kids is like this

584
00:40:23.920 --> 00:40:28.560
and the other kid is like this. And so therefore these are real life situations that are triggering

585
00:40:29.120 --> 00:40:32.400
the fact that I had not believed in these other things. I'm not believing this about God. I'm

586
00:40:32.400 --> 00:40:38.080
not believing this about myself. And then at the end, the reflection is simply to change what it

587
00:40:38.080 --> 00:40:45.600
is that we look for and see throughout the day. Not just in hindsight, in the middle of it, it's

588
00:40:45.600 --> 00:40:49.120
going to be in hindsight. It's like, oh my goodness. Okay. So I can see it now, but at the

589
00:40:49.120 --> 00:40:53.600
time I couldn't, okay. That's aggravating because the time's passed, you know? So what good is this

590
00:40:53.600 --> 00:40:58.400
do? So it's going to be like that at the beginning, but then over time, you'll actually

591
00:40:58.400 --> 00:41:04.320
think about it at, at, at those moments during the day, because what you're doing is what we're

592
00:41:04.320 --> 00:41:08.320
trying to do is we're trying to renew our mind. So you will be honest, but you're going to be

593
00:41:08.320 --> 00:41:12.160
honest about like the positive things, meaning like you're good. Those are the things you'll

594
00:41:12.160 --> 00:41:18.080
be focusing on and putting in the journal because you're training yourself to see them in life.

595
00:41:18.880 --> 00:41:22.720
Because right now you're very good at seeing the failures. Oh, well, you know,

596
00:41:22.720 --> 00:41:27.680
I know better than this, at least that's how I touch myself. I feel like all of the good,

597
00:41:27.680 --> 00:41:31.040
the good things are canceled out by the bad thing that I did. You know what I mean? Like,

598
00:41:31.040 --> 00:41:35.280
I feel like, look at this. It's not legitimate because I'm at the core though. Like I'm actually

599
00:41:36.800 --> 00:41:44.480
and though I need to somehow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it's this feeling that in this belief that we

600
00:41:44.480 --> 00:41:50.400
have that God is stronger than, um, like you can word it different ways that God is stronger than

601
00:41:51.280 --> 00:41:54.480
God's here. Let me, let me ask my husband something really quick. He's over there

602
00:41:54.480 --> 00:42:00.160
working and he can't hear me. So hopefully I can yell. Hey sweetie. What was that thing that you

603
00:42:00.160 --> 00:42:05.520
were talking about that someone told you about the difference? Uh, when you were getting really

604
00:42:05.520 --> 00:42:10.800
down on yourself and doubting yourself and they said, uh, you were believing that God

605
00:42:10.800 --> 00:42:14.800
is stronger than your failure, then Satan's ability to what?

606
00:42:22.880 --> 00:42:29.280
Okay. Thank you. Uh, so someone was telling him, it sounds like you are, this was like years ago.

607
00:42:29.280 --> 00:42:34.800
Sounds like you are believing Satan's ability to Satan's ability to what

608
00:42:35.760 --> 00:42:43.200
Satan's ability to deceive you instead of God's ability to lead you that Satan and the negative

609
00:42:43.200 --> 00:42:50.960
and all of our sins are stronger than, than God's ability to lead us to overcome, to forgive, to,

610
00:42:52.000 --> 00:42:58.400
uh, to overpower or whatever. And so that kind of like, as a, um, I say that as kind of like a

611
00:42:59.360 --> 00:43:06.320
foundation for what you're talking about where, um, where we think that, because the only reason

612
00:43:06.320 --> 00:43:10.240
that we think that the only reason that we think, Oh my goodness, the bad cancels out all of the

613
00:43:10.240 --> 00:43:15.600
good is because we think that that's what God says. We think that to God, it cancels out the good.

614
00:43:16.240 --> 00:43:23.760
Um, and, and it's actually not true because God doesn't weigh the amount of good that we're doing

615
00:43:23.760 --> 00:43:30.400
to the amount of bad, because all he looks at is what did Jesus do? And did we receive what Jesus

616
00:43:30.400 --> 00:43:36.240
did? And if we did, then the good and the bad don't matter in our relationship with the Lord,

617
00:43:36.240 --> 00:43:41.760
et cetera. So the bad is just simply a reflection of the aspects in which we're not believing God,

618
00:43:41.760 --> 00:43:48.720
but it doesn't make us bad. It doesn't cancel out any good because we're no longer operating

619
00:43:48.720 --> 00:43:51.520
according to that system. We've chosen the new cabinet, which is like, okay, well,

620
00:43:51.520 --> 00:43:56.800
God took care of everything. Meaning that my good doesn't even count because you're good.

621
00:43:57.520 --> 00:44:02.880
There's good is not a currency in the kingdom. You can't use it to exchange for anything. So

622
00:44:02.880 --> 00:44:07.840
your good doesn't count. So the pretty bad didn't count either. And so now, you know,

623
00:44:07.840 --> 00:44:11.680
from having gone through the rest of it, that good and the bad, you know, are important because, but

624
00:44:11.680 --> 00:44:16.800
it's simply based off of the fact that we're operating in what we call good because it's

625
00:44:16.800 --> 00:44:21.280
the natural reflection of who it is that we are and in belief and faith in the Lord,

626
00:44:21.280 --> 00:44:29.040
as opposed to unbelief, but they, neither of them carry any weight or have any value.

627
00:44:29.040 --> 00:44:33.280
Like they can't like money. They can't be exchanged for anything with God. They don't

628
00:44:33.280 --> 00:44:41.440
mean anything to God. And so anyway, the, the, what I had to do was I had to start ignoring,

629
00:44:41.440 --> 00:44:45.040
and I know this sounds extreme, but I did. And I'm telling you what, it changed everything.

630
00:44:45.040 --> 00:44:51.920
I had to start ignoring the bad things I was doing and all of my failures, because before

631
00:44:51.920 --> 00:44:56.880
that's what I would look for and focus on is where are my failures? What's the bad stuff I'm doing?

632
00:44:56.880 --> 00:44:59.760
Because I need to be stopped. I need to stop doing those things.

633
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.360
I need to be aware of them. I need to catch them beforehand.

634
00:45:03.680 --> 00:45:06.600
And then if I, if I'm in the middle of it, I need to stop as soon as possible.

635
00:45:06.600 --> 00:45:09.600
And if I realized that after, well, then I need to repent ASAP.

636
00:45:09.840 --> 00:45:13.960
It, and so my whole world was revolving around the, the, uh, the negative.

637
00:45:14.600 --> 00:45:19.480
And what changed for me is when I began to ignore the bad things that I did.

638
00:45:19.520 --> 00:45:21.800
And it sounds, you know, remember when I talk about the rest of

639
00:45:21.800 --> 00:45:23.240
intensive, it sounds reckless.

640
00:45:23.840 --> 00:45:26.080
It sounds like a way to see back in here.

641
00:45:26.400 --> 00:45:30.200
Is God going to strike me by lightning for all of the things that I'm ignoring.

642
00:45:30.960 --> 00:45:32.800
For, you know, cause I did do those things.

643
00:45:32.840 --> 00:45:37.680
And then, so my only saving grace from being punished by God is

644
00:45:37.680 --> 00:45:39.840
by repenting as fast as I can.

645
00:45:40.520 --> 00:45:45.160
And I had to choose, okay, if God says that's not true, I have to act like it.

646
00:45:45.160 --> 00:45:49.120
So I thought, okay, well, what would be a risky act of faith that I

647
00:45:49.120 --> 00:45:52.080
could step out on, um, in this area?

648
00:45:53.040 --> 00:45:54.120
And I thought it would be.

649
00:45:54.160 --> 00:46:00.080
And so what I thought was it would be ignoring all the bad things that I did.

650
00:46:00.320 --> 00:46:04.200
Didn't mean that if somebody else wasn't involved that I don't need to apologize

651
00:46:04.200 --> 00:46:08.360
or whatever, you know, there's all of that, but emotionally and in my relationship

652
00:46:08.360 --> 00:46:09.760
with the Lord, I needed to ignore it.

653
00:46:10.280 --> 00:46:15.320
Um, and then focus on the good things, focus on trying to find what did affirm

654
00:46:15.320 --> 00:46:18.240
that God, what is who he says that he is and what does affirm that

655
00:46:18.240 --> 00:46:20.040
I am not who he says that I am.

656
00:46:20.640 --> 00:46:21.840
So that's what I'm talking about.

657
00:46:21.840 --> 00:46:25.800
When I say, you know, you'll be honest in the evening things, but it'll be, you'll

658
00:46:25.800 --> 00:46:30.320
be looking for the things that you're usually disregarding and you're

659
00:46:30.320 --> 00:46:36.000
highlighting them and you're choosing to make them more important than the negatives.

660
00:46:36.440 --> 00:46:41.640
So that's, that's the whole point of the exercise is to start seeing, okay, what

661
00:46:41.800 --> 00:46:45.600
is affirming that God is who he says that he is and what I declared that he was

662
00:46:45.600 --> 00:46:49.560
this morning and what I declared that he said that I am this morning and then

663
00:46:49.560 --> 00:46:54.240
what is something that I chose to, how did I choose to live that out?

664
00:46:54.880 --> 00:46:58.080
Um, and then, and just focusing on those things.

665
00:46:58.520 --> 00:47:02.480
Um, and so, yeah, so I'm glad you brought it up because that is the whole point.

666
00:47:02.960 --> 00:47:06.920
Is teaching us to look for the affirmations that got it, that God is

667
00:47:06.920 --> 00:47:10.720
speaking the truth as opposed to what we're used to doing, which is looking for

668
00:47:10.720 --> 00:47:14.360
all of the things to discredit what God said now in our mind, we don't

669
00:47:14.360 --> 00:47:15.360
think that that's what we're doing.

670
00:47:15.400 --> 00:47:20.960
We think that we're just finding out the truth in reality, or that we, it's that

671
00:47:20.960 --> 00:47:26.600
reality is proving that we just didn't understand what God really said that,

672
00:47:26.760 --> 00:47:30.160
Oh, well, God says that I'm forgiven, but maybe that actually doesn't mean what I

673
00:47:30.160 --> 00:47:32.960
thought that it meant, because this is what happens in reality.

674
00:47:32.960 --> 00:47:37.920
So we start thinking, okay, no, I, I bet you I'm being punished by God all the time.

675
00:47:38.200 --> 00:47:41.040
I'm taking all these bad things happening as me being punished by God all the time.

676
00:47:41.040 --> 00:47:44.200
So I guess I just didn't understand what God meant.

677
00:47:44.640 --> 00:47:48.520
And so we have to change what we're choosing to believe about

678
00:47:48.520 --> 00:47:50.080
what God actually did mean.

679
00:47:50.560 --> 00:47:50.760
Yeah.

680
00:47:50.800 --> 00:47:52.040
So is that helpful at all?

681
00:47:52.760 --> 00:47:53.080
Yeah.

682
00:47:53.120 --> 00:47:56.960
And I, I resonate with what you said about how, like, you know, you're afraid

683
00:47:56.960 --> 00:47:59.760
that if you're not like vigilant enough, that one day it's going to catch up to

684
00:47:59.760 --> 00:48:04.920
you and I feel like that's, that's maybe the way that I interpreted the things

685
00:48:04.920 --> 00:48:09.320
that happened in my dad's life, because, you know, he would always like apologize

686
00:48:09.320 --> 00:48:11.560
if he did something wrong, but he never really changed.

687
00:48:11.600 --> 00:48:12.840
And I think that's what I'm afraid of.

688
00:48:12.840 --> 00:48:18.760
Like, I think I'm afraid if I, if I'm not vigilant and if I'm not like totally

689
00:48:18.760 --> 00:48:23.000
focused on this, that I'm, I'm just going to do the same things to my kids, you

690
00:48:23.000 --> 00:48:27.400
know, that he did to me, you know, I've always feigning change, but not really

691
00:48:27.400 --> 00:48:32.280
changing, you know, I don't want them to be subjected to my anger or my

692
00:48:32.280 --> 00:48:34.120
fluctuating emotions all the time.

693
00:48:35.000 --> 00:48:38.840
And that's why I think I feel like I, well, if I don't focus on it, I'm almost

694
00:48:38.840 --> 00:48:40.680
like lying to myself that I don't have a problem.

695
00:48:43.000 --> 00:48:45.840
Yeah, but what we're going to be talking about in the, in the breakthrough

696
00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:48.760
program, and I think that I may have mentioned that either in one of like the

697
00:48:48.760 --> 00:48:54.960
marketing videos that I did or in the one that I did on Friday is that what we're

698
00:48:54.960 --> 00:49:00.800
focusing on there in the breakthrough is just two things is that is God and us.

699
00:49:00.880 --> 00:49:01.440
And that's it.

700
00:49:01.920 --> 00:49:06.920
And there's actually going to be quite a lot of focus on us in ways that I used to

701
00:49:06.920 --> 00:49:12.280
think were wrong or selfish or evil, or what are some of those other words that

702
00:49:12.600 --> 00:49:19.160
prideful maybe, and, and corner, and here's a very important one that I've

703
00:49:19.160 --> 00:49:20.080
never worded it before.

704
00:49:20.080 --> 00:49:21.880
So let's see if I can find the words for it.

705
00:49:22.160 --> 00:49:26.480
It's that it's not that it's cheap.

706
00:49:26.720 --> 00:49:32.160
It's not, and it has no eternal value to God that I don't, my dreams, what it is

707
00:49:32.160 --> 00:49:38.400
that I want, what, how it is that I feel that those things don't matter.

708
00:49:39.400 --> 00:49:42.520
I haven't, I haven't thought about how to describe that before, but basically

709
00:49:42.520 --> 00:49:48.480
like God's like, Oh, well, you know, actually that's just, you know, kind of

710
00:49:48.480 --> 00:49:50.120
like, yeah, it's fleshly.

711
00:49:50.120 --> 00:49:51.800
You do understand that it's going to pass, right?

712
00:49:51.800 --> 00:49:54.200
You know, you can't take that into the kingdom with you.

713
00:49:54.200 --> 00:49:55.840
You can't take that when you die.

714
00:49:56.120 --> 00:49:59.840
It's only good works that you do for other people and how.

715
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:05.840
good your character is like how strong you are or how holy you are or whatever you are only those

716
00:50:05.840 --> 00:50:13.040
things count and anything else like dreams or desires or fun things or i don't know just

717
00:50:13.040 --> 00:50:18.880
whatever something that just felt like uh life to me and that sounded fun or whatever um my husband

718
00:50:18.880 --> 00:50:23.040
was even ed was even questioning me on something this morning and he said ashley do you think that

719
00:50:23.040 --> 00:50:28.960
the reason that you're doubting doing that thing is because you want it because he knows me he

720
00:50:28.960 --> 00:50:35.840
knows that i typically will um avoid the things that i want or i'll doubt them thinking that god

721
00:50:35.840 --> 00:50:43.840
can't possibly be telling me i can do it because i want it and um and so i doubt myself and whatever

722
00:50:43.840 --> 00:50:48.880
everything and so i still struggle with this so you know that i only ever teach people to

723
00:50:48.880 --> 00:50:53.840
the degree that i've actually walked in and the rest of that i'm still walking through so um

724
00:50:53.840 --> 00:50:58.320
which helps because then it helps me be very fresh when i talk to people because i'm like no no i

725
00:50:58.320 --> 00:51:02.640
truly understand because this is how i have to live i have to i have to hold myself accountable

726
00:51:02.640 --> 00:51:06.240
to all of this this is how i live with god and i just share it with everybody else in case they

727
00:51:06.240 --> 00:51:12.400
want to live like it too but the thing is it comes from this belief that we're bad or that we're not

728
00:51:12.400 --> 00:51:20.480
something that has value enough to pay attention to or to give time to or to honor or to acknowledge

729
00:51:20.480 --> 00:51:24.720
so we don't want to acknowledge our feelings we don't want to acknowledge um even if they're good

730
00:51:24.720 --> 00:51:30.240
because again we think that unless they're reflective of a very strong spiritual characteristic

731
00:51:30.240 --> 00:51:37.360
of god they're cheap if we're happy it can feel cheap to us but again it's all from it from a um

732
00:51:38.400 --> 00:51:45.280
from the perspective that there's something wrong with us um and as opposed to no and this is what

733
00:51:45.280 --> 00:51:50.400
we'll be talking about in the latter half of the breakthrough is things like no those dreams those

734
00:51:50.400 --> 00:51:57.280
desires etc all of those things are actually reflective of expressions of god himself he's

735
00:51:57.280 --> 00:52:02.160
just giving them to you while he gave annette something different he gave her a different type

736
00:52:02.160 --> 00:52:07.360
of a dream a different way to express her and him and he gave me different you know different things

737
00:52:07.360 --> 00:52:14.320
that i enjoy doing etc um so i have to purposefully make myself do things that i like like for instance

738
00:52:14.320 --> 00:52:20.880
plants my plants have taken a lot of my time this summer because i have this i love plants

739
00:52:20.880 --> 00:52:26.480
and i desire to be good at growing them and i just don't feel that i am so i get very slightly

740
00:52:26.480 --> 00:52:32.400
jealous when i look at all of carrie's you know posts about her flowers or loretta i'm like

741
00:52:32.400 --> 00:52:39.360
lord can i grow plants like that it's so um anyway i would of course our texas heat is very different

742
00:52:39.360 --> 00:52:44.560
for growing beautiful flowers in pennsylvania like lord they do have a little bit of an edge

743
00:52:44.560 --> 00:52:50.480
on me so i'll just i'll credit that but but you know what what is it that i can do can you please

744
00:52:50.480 --> 00:52:56.480
help me and i have experienced a lot of tears and a lot of sense of failure in working with my plants

745
00:52:56.480 --> 00:53:01.840
this summer because they had taken a lot of time i was like lord surely that's not right

746
00:53:01.840 --> 00:53:08.480
surely that's not good and surely that's not um you know uh it's not eternal of eternal value and

747
00:53:08.480 --> 00:53:12.880
therefore lord it's cheap and anything that i'm using on that that i'm not using on somebody of my

748
00:53:12.880 --> 00:53:19.440
time and energy that i'm not using on someone else for lord to grow closer to you then is wasteful

749
00:53:19.440 --> 00:53:24.480
and he had to show me no ashley you're honoring an aspect of yourself that i put in you that i

750
00:53:24.480 --> 00:53:30.640
desire to connect with things that i thought were beautiful ashley i created all of these plans i

751
00:53:30.640 --> 00:53:35.760
created the process by which they're sitting scientifically they're supposed to grow and i

752
00:53:35.840 --> 00:53:42.800
want you as as the um as the dominant being in creation in other words we're supposed to have a

753
00:53:42.800 --> 00:53:49.520
dominion over creation he said they need you and i love the fact that you're honoring the desires

754
00:53:49.520 --> 00:53:54.960
that i put in you to appreciate something that i thought was special enough that i would create

755
00:53:55.520 --> 00:54:00.000
and so he said actually you're actually not only honoring it's something of me that i put in you

756
00:54:00.000 --> 00:54:05.200
that i that was reflective of me so you're honoring me and you you're also honoring me

757
00:54:05.200 --> 00:54:08.800
and the fact that you appreciate something that i thought was beautiful enough to create so he

758
00:54:08.800 --> 00:54:14.880
said actually you are growing closer to me and learning more about me and and being more intimate

759
00:54:14.880 --> 00:54:20.800
with me by honoring things about yourself but he said when you're getting onto yourself all of the

760
00:54:20.800 --> 00:54:24.640
time and you're questioning yourself you're stifling yourself and you're thinking okay i

761
00:54:24.640 --> 00:54:31.440
failed and look at look you know i'm you you take on the shame you take on the condemnation

762
00:54:32.000 --> 00:54:37.520
i said then you're dishonoring who i created so what what we're trying to do with the with

763
00:54:37.520 --> 00:54:43.840
the breakthrough is to focus more on all of the positive not not to ignore the negative

764
00:54:43.840 --> 00:54:47.600
and i know that sounds weird because that's the word that i used earlier but i'm trying to use

765
00:54:47.600 --> 00:54:53.040
in a different context now not to be in denial yeah not to be in denial that they happen but

766
00:54:53.040 --> 00:54:59.760
rather to real to lessen their importance to lessen their value because just because they happen and

767
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.480
Once it's to address them doesn't mean that we're supposed to associate shame

768
00:55:03.480 --> 00:55:09.680
with them and we can't figure out how to associate them, but associate

769
00:55:09.680 --> 00:55:11.000
with them without having shame.

770
00:55:11.320 --> 00:55:17.080
And that's the thing that we're trying to break off is how do I disconnect shame

771
00:55:17.080 --> 00:55:19.200
and condemnation from the things that I'm doing?

772
00:55:19.200 --> 00:55:22.400
And so this is, so we'll be going through different practices and

773
00:55:22.400 --> 00:55:26.800
exercises and this journal is one of them of how to break that connection.

774
00:55:26.800 --> 00:55:30.640
So we stop feeling shame when we do something like what you were talking

775
00:55:30.640 --> 00:55:35.680
about, like, well, cause your conclusion from having done it was I am a mean mom.

776
00:55:36.600 --> 00:55:40.120
So again, it's, it's identifying ourselves with something that we're doing and we

777
00:55:40.120 --> 00:55:44.480
don't, it's so much of a habit and it's not just a habit, we thought that's what

778
00:55:44.480 --> 00:55:49.960
God said, which gave it even in further, a further entrenchment in our idea of

779
00:55:49.960 --> 00:55:50.760
what was right and wrong.

780
00:55:50.760 --> 00:55:52.360
And it is a really deep root.

781
00:55:52.360 --> 00:55:56.280
We're having a hard time pull up because now we're being told God

782
00:55:56.280 --> 00:55:57.200
says something different.

783
00:55:57.200 --> 00:55:59.280
You know, by scripture, God says something different.

784
00:55:59.280 --> 00:56:02.280
And we're like, well, I don't know about that because it's in conflict with what

785
00:56:02.280 --> 00:56:04.360
I thought scripture was always saying.

786
00:56:04.800 --> 00:56:06.320
And so it's like, which one's true.

787
00:56:06.480 --> 00:56:07.040
So anyway.

788
00:56:08.760 --> 00:56:10.400
Yeah, no, that makes a lot of sense.

789
00:56:10.640 --> 00:56:11.480
Yeah, it does.

790
00:56:11.560 --> 00:56:17.880
Um, and I, I feel like I really connected with what you said about like how I've

791
00:56:17.880 --> 00:56:23.120
always, I've, I've been trying to learn that, like, you know, my behavior is not

792
00:56:23.160 --> 00:56:23.960
what saves me.

793
00:56:24.320 --> 00:56:28.080
It's like, you know, what Jesus, what Jesus already did all that, you know, I

794
00:56:28.080 --> 00:56:31.480
had no, he offered that and he completed it.

795
00:56:31.560 --> 00:56:33.240
It doesn't need me to be good or bad.

796
00:56:33.840 --> 00:56:37.800
Um, and I think I never really connected like, well, my fat, my good things also

797
00:56:37.800 --> 00:56:39.040
like, it's not a currency thing.

798
00:56:39.040 --> 00:56:43.200
And I think I subconsciously keep looking at it that way, but no,

799
00:56:43.200 --> 00:56:44.720
that's definitely helpful.

800
00:56:45.600 --> 00:56:48.560
And so hearing these things is helpful.

801
00:56:48.800 --> 00:56:50.280
You know, it's kind of like, oh, okay.

802
00:56:50.280 --> 00:56:52.240
There's that's a new concept and whatever.

803
00:56:52.640 --> 00:56:56.880
But as an encouragement to y'all, when y'all step away from this conversation and

804
00:56:56.880 --> 00:57:00.840
you get back into normal life and whatever, you're not going to act like that.

805
00:57:01.160 --> 00:57:01.440
Why?

806
00:57:01.440 --> 00:57:06.040
Because you're, you're, you've, you have developed a habit and a way of

807
00:57:06.040 --> 00:57:08.320
approaching life from a completely different perspective.

808
00:57:08.320 --> 00:57:11.240
That perspective is very much ingrained in you.

809
00:57:11.520 --> 00:57:16.320
So that's why we have these practices, including like the journal to actually

810
00:57:16.320 --> 00:57:20.360
choose that something's different and to act on it.

811
00:57:20.880 --> 00:57:25.560
Because hearing it and trying to remember it won't change us.

812
00:57:25.600 --> 00:57:28.000
We've been trying to do that our whole lives by going to church.

813
00:57:28.280 --> 00:57:32.200
So anyway, just as an encouragement, it it'll be, uh, don't be,

814
00:57:32.240 --> 00:57:34.160
don't be discouraged is my point.

815
00:57:34.480 --> 00:57:34.800
Yeah.

816
00:57:35.040 --> 00:57:37.240
You're like, okay, but what did Ashley say?

817
00:57:37.240 --> 00:57:37.720
Oh my goodness.

818
00:57:37.720 --> 00:57:38.720
I didn't remember it again.

819
00:57:38.720 --> 00:57:40.640
The point isn't whether or not you remember it.

820
00:57:41.000 --> 00:57:44.160
The thing is that we'll be doing particular practices that are very

821
00:57:44.160 --> 00:57:49.120
intentional in order to actually risk our, our relationship with God.

822
00:57:49.680 --> 00:57:53.120
It by breaking, we're not actually resting our relationship to God, but

823
00:57:53.120 --> 00:57:55.560
that's, what's going to feel like, cause we're going to go so counter

824
00:57:55.560 --> 00:57:56.920
to how we've always approached him.

825
00:57:57.800 --> 00:58:00.440
And we stayed in that box because we thought we were going to be struck by

826
00:58:00.440 --> 00:58:03.520
lightning if we got out of this box and we're going to risk the fact

827
00:58:03.520 --> 00:58:04.560
that he's actually different.

828
00:58:04.560 --> 00:58:07.600
So it's going to feel like I'm a smurlish God.

829
00:58:07.600 --> 00:58:11.600
We're really, we won't, but, and so we have to prove that God's actually

830
00:58:11.600 --> 00:58:15.360
not like that, but actually acting like it and putting ourselves in a

831
00:58:15.360 --> 00:58:19.960
different, a different situation that will then that in, when we're in that

832
00:58:19.960 --> 00:58:23.440
different situation, we'll finally experience that God really didn't

833
00:58:23.440 --> 00:58:24.440
strike us with lightning.

834
00:58:24.720 --> 00:58:28.560
In fact, we feel more pleasure and more joy from God here than we ever did in

835
00:58:28.560 --> 00:58:29.080
here.

836
00:58:29.240 --> 00:58:33.400
And we avoided that thinking that that was like, you know, punishment zone.

837
00:58:33.720 --> 00:58:36.480
And instead we got here and we felt the joy that we were always

838
00:58:36.480 --> 00:58:38.400
trying to seek by staying here.

839
00:58:38.840 --> 00:58:41.080
So anyway, but it's all by like acting.

840
00:58:41.080 --> 00:58:46.920
And so, but we have to make these intentional choices of looking for the

841
00:58:46.920 --> 00:58:49.520
positive, making the positive, more important to us.

842
00:58:50.120 --> 00:58:51.960
It won't happen by wishful thinking.

843
00:58:51.960 --> 00:58:53.160
We'll have to make it happen.

844
00:58:53.160 --> 00:58:55.920
Well, in other words, we have to choose that.

845
00:58:55.920 --> 00:58:57.720
No, God said it's more important.

846
00:58:57.960 --> 00:58:58.880
So I'm going to choose that.

847
00:58:58.880 --> 00:58:59.640
It's more important.

848
00:58:59.880 --> 00:59:00.920
It didn't feel like it.

849
00:59:00.960 --> 00:59:02.040
You remember that whole thing?

850
00:59:02.040 --> 00:59:02.880
It didn't feel like it.

851
00:59:02.880 --> 00:59:06.840
And I don't believe it, but I'm going to choose that it's more important

852
00:59:07.240 --> 00:59:12.040
because God said, and that choosing and actually acting like it is going to feel

853
00:59:12.040 --> 00:59:14.520
like a risk because it's like, yeah, but I've always thought that God would

854
00:59:14.520 --> 00:59:15.960
punish me if I got out of this.

855
00:59:15.960 --> 00:59:19.120
So am I about to experience this punishment, which is something I could

856
00:59:19.120 --> 00:59:20.640
have avoided if I didn't make the risk.

857
00:59:21.000 --> 00:59:21.720
What's risk.

858
00:59:22.120 --> 00:59:25.400
So, but anyway, so I'm glad that you brought that up because yes, that is the

859
00:59:25.400 --> 00:59:31.280
whole point of the journal is to get us to see that the truth of God, that God

860
00:59:31.320 --> 00:59:36.720
really did say, if I chose to be this provider, how did I see that it through

861
00:59:36.720 --> 00:59:40.400
my, through my life today that he really was provider, what are one, two, three

862
00:59:40.400 --> 00:59:43.080
things, however many things you want to mention, how did I see that?

863
00:59:43.080 --> 00:59:44.720
And then what does he say about me?

864
00:59:44.920 --> 00:59:47.840
How did I actually see that that really is true about me?

865
00:59:48.080 --> 00:59:50.120
Don't look at all of the things that could prove that it's

866
00:59:50.120 --> 00:59:51.320
actually not true about you.

867
00:59:51.680 --> 00:59:55.360
The problem is we've always just been looking at those parts, focus on only

868
00:59:55.360 --> 00:59:57.840
the ones that affirm it, and that'll strengthen your faith.

869
00:59:57.960 --> 00:59:59.320
Then you go to the other section.

870
00:59:59.320 --> 01:00:00.120
And I.

871
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:09.840
and because of these things, I chose to live today by acting like this. This is an example

872
01:00:09.840 --> 01:00:17.760
of something that I did that stepped out on faith, that I chose that God was this,

873
01:00:17.760 --> 01:00:26.880
and that I was this. So anyway, hopefully that pops up. All right, well, it's been an hour,

874
01:00:26.880 --> 01:00:32.160
so I'll let y'all go. And then I am going to do the teaching. I'm going to have the

875
01:00:32.800 --> 01:00:37.200
first teaching at session one, because the other was just intro, the first teaching at

876
01:00:37.200 --> 01:00:41.360
this evening or tonight, something like that. So that'll come up on the portal. So I'm very

877
01:00:41.360 --> 01:00:45.280
excited about that one. That one, as you know, from this, oh, I ended up not reading this. I

878
01:00:45.280 --> 01:00:49.520
thought I was going to need it. The first one is getting your breakthrough. And then I'll be

879
01:00:49.520 --> 01:00:53.680
talking, of course, as I'll be doing through all of my sessions, I'll be giving you a lot

880
01:00:53.680 --> 01:00:58.160
of kinds of stories that y'all haven't heard yet, just because I never thought that they

881
01:00:58.160 --> 01:01:06.080
were relevant to the rest intensive. So you'll be hearing all kinds of very sad, hard stories

882
01:01:06.080 --> 01:01:09.680
of what I've gone through in my life. But it'll be talking about getting your breakthrough,

883
01:01:09.680 --> 01:01:15.120
in other words, how to, when we're talking about breakthrough, what's actually happening.

884
01:01:15.680 --> 01:01:21.680
And, and the fact that as you'll see in session, it should be at the beginning of,

885
01:01:22.960 --> 01:01:28.400
you know, like, right after that, there's this one, the session note. And it, of course,

886
01:01:28.400 --> 01:01:34.880
I'll be talking about the fact that of where Jacob was wrestling with God. And of all things,

887
01:01:34.880 --> 01:01:40.880
he's told, he told Jacob, he said, when, when the wrestling match ended, he told,

888
01:01:40.880 --> 01:01:43.840
he said, told Jacob, he said, I'm going to change your name, which is always very

889
01:01:43.840 --> 01:01:48.560
significant to the Lord. And he said, I'm going to call you and your nation for the rest of

890
01:01:48.560 --> 01:01:55.440
eternity. I'm going to call you. He struggles with God. So that's as, as much of a difficulty

891
01:01:55.440 --> 01:02:00.800
as it is of wanting breakthrough and thinking, Hey, I must be in a bad place because I'm in,

892
01:02:00.800 --> 01:02:04.240
I need to be somewhere else. And therefore Lord desperately amassing for breakthrough.

893
01:02:04.960 --> 01:02:09.520
This whole thing that you're, that we're going through is actually a very, is, is a very

894
01:02:09.520 --> 01:02:14.880
treasured thing by the Lord. And it's intimate. You're not in his displeasure. You're actually in

895
01:02:14.880 --> 01:02:20.880
something that's very special to him because he's only like only, only my sons and I go through

896
01:02:20.880 --> 01:02:31.040
this. So he needed a whole, a whole nation after it, not in punishment, but in endearment. So,

897
01:02:31.920 --> 01:02:35.840
so it's, so that's what I'll be talking about. And then getting your breakthrough is the fact

898
01:02:35.840 --> 01:02:42.000
that it's actually a very precious thing. And we, if we change our idea about this and not think

899
01:02:42.000 --> 01:02:45.840
that we're in punishment by God and God's upset at us, and we're trying to get him to be pleased

900
01:02:45.840 --> 01:02:50.560
with us again, if we realize this is a special time, you'll get your breakthrough faster.

901
01:02:50.560 --> 01:02:55.360
Because as I'll again, be talking about in this session, you'll be letting go more. You'll be

902
01:02:55.360 --> 01:03:00.560
playing more. And it's the fact that we've been buckling down and trying so desperately to be

903
01:03:00.560 --> 01:03:05.920
different than where we are. That's keeping us there. And we have to, we have to let go of some

904
01:03:05.920 --> 01:03:11.120
things in order for, and let go and let go and just play and just be carried by the journey.

905
01:03:11.680 --> 01:03:16.880
And then that's what will get us the breakthrough. So anyway, y'all can watch for that. I'm coming up

906
01:03:16.880 --> 01:03:25.760
on the portal. I'll, I'll message y'all on what's happening. Yes. Well, I will see y'all also on

907
01:03:25.760 --> 01:03:31.840
Thursday. It'll be this same Zoom link. And I'll see y'all on Thursday, same time.

908
01:03:32.880 --> 01:03:36.720
Oh, thanks. Nice to meet you Annette. Yeah, you too. All right.

909
01:03:39.280 --> 01:03:44.560
Okay. Yeah. Sounds good. See ya. Okay. Bye.