Okay.
Hey Ashley.
Hey.
Hey, there you are.
How are y'all.
Good just got back from dancing some just making myself some tea. Nice. What are you having tonight.
Well I have I'm having a good night tea. It's okay.
Yeah. Oh, is it like p u k a p u k k a. Oh yes okay yeah we do have that it's a brand isn't it. Whoops. Yeah. Okay, yeah we do have that I haven't tried their nighttime is it good.
Yeah, it's really good. It's like chamomile and it's just soothing.
It's super rainy here today like super fall windy rain, and then go dance like Cuban salsa and you feel like you're in the Caribbean and then it's like, you're not.
That's right. That's so much fun. So, I don't know if you if you know this my husband is half Cuban. So his.
So, and he used to be a really good dancer he hasn't danced in a while but he was asked one time to be a dance instructor.
I'm really hoping I can get it.
Oh my gosh, it's so so it's like it's the, it's the street style dance that you dance.
Oh, that's so much fun.
Well I'm having stinging nettle tea. Are y'all familiar with stinging nettle tea. It's a, it's herbal and so, and it lowers your.
It reduces your internal inflammation and so I have a friend of mine recommended it to me when I was having so much trouble with my skin. And one of the benefits of it is the fact that and that's why I'm drinking it right now is it's herbal.
I don't have the caffeine. But anyway, so Priscilla I know that you have to speak in tea that you have to leave pretty soon for a tea party for Gwen, how fun that you're doing it for.
I'm assuming it was your daughter, not someone else. Yeah.
So I was at Gwen's birthday party I think two or was it three years ago. It was during COVID that's three years ago.
Three. Yeah.
Was it when were you here last year, you weren't here last year, were you. No, no, I was married last year and so I haven't traveled.
So anyway, so I know that you have to go soon so I thought we'd start with you.
So that you were able to, you know, just kind of like process through anything that you needed to.
So before we get started and I start asking like some of my questions, do you have anything you wanted to update us about about how this, how it's been since we last connected on Thursday like how the weekend when or, you know, times with the Lord or journaling or breakthroughs or anything.
Um, yeah, I feel like I feel like I have not been a model student when it comes to, I, but at the same time, I do make it practice of journaling like career journey.
So I feel like maybe I'm doing it anyway just maybe not in the book.
So I do process things with the Lord through writing them down.
That's great. And yeah, there's been several things. One of them was the other night. When was that Friday night or Saturday night I forget I was thinking I was feeling, but
just
sleep.
Anyway, and it was nighttime, and I can't remember which one of my kids needed me I don't remember if it was when or Monty.
I remember being kind of like surprised at the fact that I didn't feel like overwhelmed with that. I felt like in it I felt like instead of looking at it as like okay I either.
I either.
Yes, I do. Yeah.
Anyway, she, I remember not feeling like I had to choose between God, or my child but being like no like God is with me in this moment it's not like choosing to spend time with God versus choosing to spend time with my child, but instead like I'm living out of
And he made me to be and part of that is meeting the kids needs at night, and so it wasn't enough, and or it was a win.
So, you know what, I'm only going to be here for 20 minutes that's not very long at all.
No.
Sorry.
Sorry, a lot of life is boring.
So that was good. I feel like I started my period today so that's always unique.
With like anxiety levels rising.
So, yeah, in a way, like I was just thinking about this yesterday, I, I feel almost like I didn't work growing.
I'm almost recognizing more places of breakthrough in my life that I have had, instead of feeling like I'm having breakthrough right now.
Yeah. So, one of the things right now is not a good time to interrupt me, I may sit here and listen.
It's another state.
Yeah.
So, but then last night, and I know we probably don't have like a lot of time to process all of this but I'm part of this group on Facebook, it's called every woman theologian it's just a place where a lot of to talk about.
Yeah. And anyway, so this one lady hosted last night.
Maybe it was yesterday I should just pull it up so that I can read it to you but basically she was struggling with not wanting to read the word, and especially as a woman.
So she said I'm in need of some wisdom and encouragement or even just an understanding here my boyfriend is an extremely godly person loves scripture and talking about God.
As for the sugar.
I love God as well but really struggle to engage with his word as it hurts my feelings, particularly as a woman and I wrestled with feelings of shame before backing off a bit for my mental health sake.
I know sometimes we have to choose to love things that we know are important but is it so bad to genuinely want to love the Word of God.
All fake positive feelings just my boyfriend's sake and he doesn't want me to but it's slowly creating a wedge between us as we struggle to understand the other's perspective, I want what he has but it seems unattainable.
No, I can't really love God without reading and delighting in scripture so I'm starting fresh no need to give me that advice just curious if anyone else has been through this.
So I promise this is related to breakthrough I'm not just on the internet to you but there was this particular comment that just rubbed me so wrong.
And she said, if you want to love the scripture you have to be willing to put God's truth over your feelings if God's Word makes you uncomfortable or upset that means you're wrong and you need to adjust your thinking to match God's Word which okay like I agree but so many ways to say it better.
We all go through this process is a matter of growth and maturity it's often uncomfortable but if you refuse to let God's Word can it can change you, you will be unable to love the scriptures, as you should.
So, and I was so mad right away when I read that comment and I was like, Oh, like if I would be hurting like this person that comment would be like, Oh, that's another reason why I don't want to love God.
So instead of heatedly responding to that comment which I started to do and then stop.
And I said, I can relate to a lot of this, I recently heard a podcast about women teaching theology, which we probably all heard about that made me so angry, my husband asked me innocently if I heard it yet and I immediately bristled.
He insisted we talk about it and I angrily talk my way through that conversation which ended with me sobbing in my husband's lap that I'm scared God hates women.
And I feel that the Lord has revealed to me in so many ways how the culture and the enemy has hated women but he has shown them so much favor and given them so much protection and honor.
Knowing how women were looked at in the days Jesus walked the earth and seeing how he engaged with them as human beings image bearers and a functioning part of the body is so comforting to my heart.
I also grew up with a lot of fundamentalist teaching that would have taught that a woman stays with her husband no matter what abuse unfaithfulness you name it for a long time, I'd also get so furious anytime I even sense that someone had an unjust marriage.
I feel that at the root of that was the underlying belief that God doesn't love women and he doesn't protect the vulnerable, he has also helped me understand that all throughout scripture there is proof of him protecting the vulnerable and abused and instructing
others to do the same. God not only loves women he made us in his image we are a vital piece of his creation and he loves us, and then with the love that cannot quite be fathomed.
I would begin by praying and asking the Holy Spirit to reveal to you which beliefs you've had about him that are not true. Just a second to me, and then seek counsel to understand those passages of scripture that hurt.
I know it's not helpful when people say that you have to just swallow your bad feelings and repent and believe it or not, God actually wants to walk you through a process of true healing and restoration, not just following your feelings
him to build a new faith that has gone into the depths of those questions and found him faithful.
I think that takes more trust and faith and trust just trying to push through.
Anyway, so, as I was writing.
As I was writing that message, I was like, okay, yes, like this is, I, I, I was almost
afraid of how confident I felt writing it, but then afterwards, I feel like I kind of
started to take a nosedive of like, oh my word, like, what if I'm just one of those
new age people that doesn't like, believe in the truth of scripture and like, that is
our foundation.
And, and I wrote in my journal today that I'm actually scared of how not scared I am.
Like, I am scared that I'm, that I'm not being hard enough on myself anymore.
But at the same time, I feel like my spirit knows that that's right.
But my soul is like, well, what's going to protect me from being deceived if I'm not
constantly being mean to myself?
Correct.
I mean, when I wait, you'll put them in a bowl from your tea party, can you do that?
I remember those days of being a child.
It's just like, oh my gosh, like, just waiting for Santa Claus or something.
I know.
Goodness.
Anyway, sorry.
So that's kind of where I feel like I'm in this place of like, feeling so excited with
where my relationship is with the Lord.
But I'm also like, kind of scared that I've created this, like, while we're on the topic
of Santa Claus, like a Santa Claus of a God, like that I've just made him into what I want
him to be.
But he's not really that.
So that's where I'm at.
Yeah.
Well, good.
Well, thanks for, thanks for explaining all of that.
It's very helpful.
And, and yeah, it makes sense that you'd be afraid of not being afraid because the way
that you were raised, and I don't mean to say anything about your parents.
I'm talking about the church that you went to and the community that you were surrounded
with.
In other words, it was like this bubble of, well, this is what everybody believes.
So therefore it must be true because there's a plethora, in other words, or there's a,
there's a volume of consensus.
And so we took that as, oh, this must be right.
And all of that volume was a mutual agreement that fear was your protection and that you
have to be afraid in order to be vigilant enough to defend yourself against Satan, because
Satan is more powerful than God.
His ability, remember what I was, why, you know, I yelled over to Ed at the last time
that we all met together and I was like, Hey, what was that thing that someone told you
one time?
And he said that someone told him, you know, and this is when he was an adult.
I think he was in his thirties, at least if not forties.
And he was saying something.
And then a friend of his that I've met, she's an older lady who's also ministered to me.
She said, Ed, it sounds like you are more afraid as Satan's ability, or you believe
more in Satan's ability to deceive you than God's ability to protect you and love you,
guard you, preserve you.
And what we've been taught is that Satan is out to get us.
He's bigger and badder and more powerful than we are leaving us in a very vulnerable position.
And God's like, Hey, I've given you everything that you need to defend yourself because I
won't.
And it's just not true.
When we've given ourselves to him, we're actually in him.
And then we're more, we're in that position of more power and authority than Satan, because
we're in Christ and all authority and power has been given to him and everything's been
put under his feet, including Satan.
So it makes complete sense how we've grown up that we would think.
And I say that because I'm in that same category of fear was my protection.
In fact, I don't know if you remember my sister Audra mentioning this and one of her testimonies
that she said that she used to watch scary demonic things, like, I don't know, I don't
know, you know, like popular television shows.
And I won't mention them in case either of y'all watch it, but I mean, you know, just
popular television shows that were, that have a lot of like horror elements in them, demonic
supernatural elements in them, et cetera.
And she said that she would do those as watch those as well as read stories about them because
she felt that that was how she was supposed to protect herself, that she didn't know the
bad things, then she wouldn't be able to protect herself against them as opposed to choosing
that.
No, if I'm in the Lord and then I'll know the counterfeit.
If I know the truth so well, then I will recognize what isn't the truth, what's not matching
it, which again, falls in the same line of what we're talking about.
So what you're saying makes complete sense.
But, you know, therefore, okay, well that makes complete sense, but you know, then what
do we do?
And the thing is that we just have to choose, yeah, but why is it that I have, or realize
why is it that I've chosen this path?
I've chosen it because I made not, not to sound confusing, but because I made a different
choice.
I chose that God actually was.
saying something different than I thought he'd been saying my whole life.
I thought that he was saying that he was wrathful, that he was mean, that he
wasn't going to protect me, that I was less than because I was a woman, that
women were so very different from men, meaning like we were different in value.
There was, it wasn't just that we had different roles and different functions
and that we felt different and we interacted with the world different.
And we saw things differently.
It's that at our very core of our being, we were so different that God had to make
a choice between us and men and he didn't.
And so, but it's, but so it's really hard when we have, we have based our
security and those old beliefs and now we've changed our beliefs.
So there went our security.
And so what we have to put, we have to shift is our choice to be secure in the
new thing that we believe that God is saying and it's faith and it's risky.
And so therefore it's scary and it feels, and because it's so unfamiliar to us,
it's not firm foundation yet.
It still feels like it, it's kind of like pouring concrete and
you're waiting for it to settle.
But until it settles, it's a bit jiggly.
And so you pour the concrete for the normal foundation.
So you just have to continue to have faith in it, waiting for it to solidify.
But you chose you, but then it requires consistency on our part of like, and
almost, and it's the same thing where the Lord says, don't be double-minded.
He's like, no, make a decision and then choose it as opposed
to being able to be swayed back.
And then it's like, it depends on who you're talking to or what situation
you're in as to what it is that we're going to believe.
And so that's why it has all those scripture verses is because what you're
talking about is the normal experience of having to have faith in something.
Meaning that you're going to have to shift what it is you choose is real.
And you've got a reason why you believed all of this other, that
you had a lot of affirmation.
You're having to build affirmation here.
You're having to see the evidence over time.
And until then, you've got a lot more evidence on this side than on this one.
So this one is just still so much more faith.
So if you remember how faith works, faith is we choose it without believing it.
You know, in other words, our feelings don't match up.
Our logic doesn't match up.
We don't see evidence of it.
But when we choose something in faith that it's real, that is what
eventually creates the evidence.
We've been used to God treating us like children, which is what he does
when he's teaching us about faith.
He'll give us lots of evidence so that we'll build our trust in him.
Like, okay, well, I see lots of it, so it must be true, but he's just kind
of like teaching us and guiding us on how to have, you know, about how to trust him.
But he's like, yeah, but that's not faith because you had the evidence first.
You were convinced by the evidence.
I want you to make it instead.
Faith is, I want you to make a choice because I said, and then when you do
that, I'll begin to show up in your life like that, because our faith is basically
us allowing God to show up like that.
He says he'd like something, but unless we agree that he is that, he won't show
up like that in our life or we won't see it.
So us giving him, us having faith and choosing, okay, God, I'm choosing that.
If you say that that's true about yourself, it really is true.
That's giving him basically authority into our life, into our world, into
our family by opening the gate and saying, okay, God, I'll let you be
that in my world, in my kingdom.
And then he starts acting like that.
And then all of a sudden we see all kinds of evidence, but
we had to open the gate first.
So that's the process that you're in.
And so it's, it's as hard as you're feeling that it is because that's what faith is.
It's that risky.
It's risking our whole self.
It's risking our emotions.
It's risking, you know, our relationships with other people because they all
believe we're going astray, you know, or whatever, but in it's shifting our,
our foundation of our faith from not only our history, our traditions, people we
used to listen to and how well that they believe in and believe in and agree with
it, um, verse it, um, and, or, and then also from, um, one of the things I was
about the evidence that we look for, but anyway, we're shifting it from all of
that to, yeah, but what has God said?
Oh, that was what it was, what we have have labeled as Christianity.
We have to, we have to remove our, we have to remove that as our state
from being our standard anymore.
Cause we're so used to, well, these things fit within what I've always
understood Christianity to be.
And so if it fits in there, well, then it's okay.
And if it doesn't fit in there, then it's not okay.
And instead we have to shift our standard to know what has God, what has God said?
So it's almost like, that's why I said, okay, this sounds really scary, but just
kind of like, bear with me a minute, you know, abandon Christianity and she's gone.
We're not really abandoning Christianity, but the thing is that Christianity, true Christianity
comes out of who God is, not what we built up and put in that label.
So anyway, so it feels as scary as it is, but just know that it's just continually making
the choice because it feels, because your old feelings and your old foundation is so,
is still there.
So a tendency to rely on that.
And that's why you feel afraid.
So you just know, okay, well, I feel afraid.
There's a reason for that.
So what do I do?
I've made a different choice now.
So am I going to continue to make that choice?
Or am I so afraid that I'm like, you know what?
It's not worth the risk.
And therefore I'm going to, I'm going to go back to the old choice.
So anyway, any, any thoughts?
I know we're getting close to when you have to go, but yeah, yeah, no, I, I know.
I feel like, how would you say, like, I remember, you know, I feel kind of like at the same
place I was like, okay, tell her I'll be right now.
Okay.
Is her mom with her?
Or is it just her?
Okay.
Um, I remember when I realized that I was letting go of Montana and like, I can, it's
almost like I could see it going and I was like, there was nothing I could do to stop
it.
And yet I was like, Oh, you know, I've been really ready.
And that's kind of how I feel in this situation too.
Like, I feel like I feel my old life and the old way I used to process things slipping
away and I, and there's really nothing I can do to stop it anymore, but I'm glad.
And at the same time, I'm like, I might need that.
I know it is like, cause who am I, if I don't believe like that, because how I act and who
everybody knows me to be and how I can come to depend on myself is determined by me believing
that.
So if me believing that is no longer there, who am I?
What am I going to act like?
How are people going to respond to me?
What is it that I truly am like, what do I believe?
You know, do I actually like the things that I thought that I liked?
Yeah.
And yeah, it's, it's the very foundation is being shaken.
And then so the fear of the unknown is just looming.
Yeah.
That makes sense.
I feel like I, I, I feel like I'm at a good place.
Hey, Laurel.
Oh, thank you.
It's a little note.
There we go.
Okay.
Yeah.
I should probably go, but maybe I'll put more in the WhatsApp group later.
Yeah.
Please do.
And then I'll keep talking and then the recording will be up tonight.
Oh, great.
Okay.
All right.
Okay.
See you guys.
Thank you for sharing.
Have fun at the tea party.
Have fun at the Ashley.
Yeah.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, Gwen.
So cute.
I know.
She's awful.
So how are you?
It's been, it's been a whirlwind.
I feel like while we're whirlwind whirlwind.
Yeah.
I'm like, oh, that sounds excellent to be like, where you're kind of like sitting.
Yeah.
So, um, you're kind of like slipping away.
Um, it's been an eventful, uh, we met on Thursday.
Yeah.
And then, um,
First at night for you,
Friday was, yeah, that was like, um, Russia Shawna.
So I had like a Russia Shawna party with, uh, with, uh, one of my friends.
So we normally just like celebrate and we do all these things just like prophetic acts.
And, you know, like, Oh,
I feel like we're, you know, supposed to do something with open doors.
And so it was a, and we're like, we have no idea what we're supposed to do.
And then it was just fun because she had like all these doors in her apartment.
And then both of us was like, I'm like,
I feel like I need to like open doors for you.
Like,
cause I feel like the next season God is going to be opening doors.
And, uh,
we were both thinking about the same doors for each other without saying,
so we're like, okay, well this must be God, but yeah.
So it was a really, I feel like it's been, um,
I feel like I'm probably where I,
where I've usually been and like how I process things, which is, uh,
it was funny cause as I was walking up to her place on Sunday,
that's when I listened to the teaching and then it's like,
go away from everything that you've ever like, you know,
how you're usually doing things or, you know, the religion and like,
and I'm like, oh man, am I going to do this?
Um,
it's just walking away from relying on that to determine things about what we
believe about God,
simply because some of those things might be in the way of and keeping us
where we are instead of getting the breakthrough.
doesn't mean they're bad. A friend of mine describes it as
hey, everyone, we're going to I'm going to take all these
things out of your basket. But it doesn't mean they're all
going to go away. We're going to put some of them back. Just at
the beginning. Let's take them all out.
Yeah. So I was like, Oh, that's interesting. But yeah, it was.
So it was really, it was like a good Friday. We were because
then I hadn't listened to the teaching yet and stuff like
that. But it was a good Friday. We were following David Hertzog,
I guess his name is from Arizona. They were doing
something. Um, so we were listening to some of that. And
we're like, Okay, well, this is interesting. So it was a lot of
just like, I feel like there's a lot of interesting prophetic
words. And we were listening back to like, back on our
prophetic words, like just some of them like, I felt like I
wanted to just like, listen back. Because part of me just
feels like and I think we've covered that to like, start
dreaming again, start like believing like, what is it that
that I want to be doing or you know, like that I was even
thinking that driving back from dancing today because I'm like,
Oh, I'm discontent, you know, and I'm like, Oh, well, God,
that's what I actually need your help with, because it doesn't
matter if I move or if I move jobs, or if I do all of these
things, but there's something in me that's discontent. And I
don't know why. And that's what needs to shift. And so I feel
like I'm getting revelation. So I feel like there's movement. So
that's good. I feel like I'm getting more revelations, but
it's like, maybe not going as fast. You know, like, it's not
bad. It's just there are some things that you know, are coming
up. So on. So we did that on Friday. And on Saturday, I was
just out running errands. And all of a sudden, I started like,
people were calling me and then I was getting text messages like,
How are you feeling? How are you doing? Like, this must be so
hard. And so this whole court thing had hit the newspapers.
And I didn't know. Yeah. So but it was just an online paper,
like in our local news. And it was like, it was without our
names, but like, people would figure out anyways, you know, so
I was just like, Oh, my gosh. And I was like, Well, this is
interesting. Because the night before we'd been listening to
Sean bolts have been doing like a prayer of favor. One time I
was in LA and I'd recorded it. So we're listening to it. And
then it was like, if you have what it takes to contain it on
a on a public level, like, let them happen. Like something
like this. And the next day, it's like, oh, you're in the
paper. Like, I'm like, well, so I was really glad that I had
made the decision the night before where I was like, Well,
God, you know what, I don't have to be afraid of whatever is
happening. Because you're like, I choose that you're my
protector, you know? And so when this happened, it was like,
but I still see my body will physically respond to it. Like
my, it's like my, but I'm super at peace. And I'm like, I'm so
at peace. So I'm like, freakishly at peace with
everything. Yeah. But then at the same time, it's still like,
what I've been saying before, like, I can still feel like my
body is physically like wrestling with it. And I don't
know if I'm causing that because I, I'm having a hard
time letting go. You know what I mean? Like, I just can't seem to
figure out like, why? Why I'm do like, why it's like that. And so
since the last time I was I was writing down also, you know,
just like what I'm struggling with, and what I'm wanting, and
like all of these things. And so I feel like I was writing, I was
struggling, then we did all these things that was really
felt really, you know, significant. And then this thing
hit on Saturday. And I'm like, Oh, it's like another level of
just getting to choose that. No, okay. I still choose that
you're protecting and you're just and it's like, and
that's great. Yeah. And so I'm so sorry, you're in a really
powerful situation to make those decisions.
Yeah, so it's like, so it feels like it feels significant, you
know, like, and then, and then I was listening to to the teaching
and I was like, Oh, yeah, that's what it is. Like, I have to
choose like, I don't have to feel it. I don't have to do
these things. And, and I don't have to be religious about it.
Because, you know, like I said, I've been I've been struggling
to like feel at home in my, in my former church before, you
know, so I'm doing like
a lot of online services and I'm like going to like gospel church and all of these and there's
been like some I guess people are like oh are you walking away from your faith and I'm like
on the contrary like I am very much not doing that you know and um it's not that I don't like I I
definitely see the value but it's about um yeah finding my place and so I felt freedom and that
too where it's like oh well if I if I choose to believe that God is good and he's love and he's
protecting me in this and he's also providing then I'm like then that's what I choose I choose
that he will provide you know like he will protect me in this case but he will provide
me with what I need like he will provide me with like the community that I need like the church
that I need like he's done it before like he's gonna lead me to those things when the time is
right and you know he's giving me what I need right now because I'm definitely like feeling
that that like um old wine skin you know like where's like oh I can't I can't go back because
it's like it's too small of a jacket like I can't fit in it anymore you know and it's like
even a lot of those relationships is like beautiful people you know but it's like we
don't have anything in common anymore you know like it's just like um yeah and I don't want to
go back to fit into that you know I just because I want to keep growing and I'm not saying they're
not growing but we're just growing differently you know um probably um but yeah so so I think
it's really good to like have those like oh the five minutes to just choose like what am I gonna
do now okay I'm gonna choose this and um yeah um but but it's probably like um you know when
sometimes you surrender something is like oh I give this and then five minutes later it's like
and I yeah you take it back and then oh no that's right I'm gonna give it all but I'll take it back
so I think I'm in that wrestling thing but I'm moving you know I'm slowly moving and starting
to get like oh okay no I get I have like I get to choose I don't have to but it's like
I get to choose and I get to lean into what is it that I like and then at the same time I can sit and
see that oh wow but there are chaotic things around me you know and that's why I'm procrastinating or
you know like the things where I'm still like protecting myself and my body or I'm thinking
these things and so I still I haven't fully gotten that yet but I'm I'm I think I'm I'm
wrestling so I'm just like I'm yeah moving forward which is great and that's what labor
is you know the body doesn't move from from I don't know whatever it is x centimeters I
don't know how many start out at to 10 it doesn't just like boom it's like it's like well there's
movement you know there's there's yeah and so yeah and so there and there's this back and forth
there's even like even the wrestling I would imagine with a woman where she's just because
I haven't gone through labor yet but I'd imagine just from having watched it and seen it and just
known enough about humanity that yeah it's like well that's you're doing really good for a while
okay I'm doing really good I'm tired I don't know so many things get stuck can we like put
it on pause so I can regain strength and we'll try again you know it's like you can't do that
but um but it's that it's so it's like you do better at sometimes than others why because you're
you're stretching and part of the stretching is stretching in like strength and endurance and
you're you're just creating room and creating capacity in a variety of ways including you know
your strength or whatever and there's it it's a process of like letting go and a process of
choosing because there's it's not like just one like you flip it switch it is in theory and in
concept in the fact that it's that simple but the process that we go through doesn't usually
um is doesn't usually approach it simplistically because we've got however many decades you know
and you're under years in my belt that we believed something different we'd approached it from
something from a different way or what's also really hard just to throw this in there is if
god is telling us to leave a season that he's the one that invited us into in the first place and it
took us a while to get that breakthrough and now we're like okay i got it you know i've got it now
i contended for this ground and i've got it now and then you know a few years later god's like okay
now we're gonna leave that you're like well wait a minute lord you're the one who told me i should
that this is the good thing that this is the new thing he's like yes but we're gonna grow further
now so it means you need to leave this and we can't do this anymore or we can't do it this way
anymore and that it's hard to leave because you're like yeah but god satan didn't tell me to do this
you did
Yeah.
As weird as that is, even that can be hard.
So point is, yeah, everything that you're talking about is great.
It's just to recognize and to gain hope that, hey, I can see movement.
And the most amount of movement, oddly, that I've noticed is, uh, is it's happening when
you think nothing's happening.
It feels like there is no movement, but as long as you're contending for it and you're
continuing to press into the Lord, I've noticed that it's when you feel nothing's happening
that that's when everything is happening, but you don't know.
And it's like, it's preparing you for a moment and it'll often, there'll be one moment and
you'll flip it or you'll, you'll, you'll have a, have a breakthrough, you know, a mini breakthrough
within the larger breakthrough, but it's because there was all of this work that was going
on when you frustratingly felt like for the past three weeks, I haven't felt anything.
I have felt, in fact, I felt like I reverted, I have just been struggling and I'm just frustrated.
And I've noticed that that's a lot of times when that's, when everything is happening.
And that you mentioned something, uh, about the, Oh, your body.
Yeah.
Same thing with your body.
Your body is still waiting for the shoe to drop.
Yeah.
It's like, yeah, because the court case isn't done yet.
What's going to happen?
No, we quote unquote been here before the court case, but with something similar, like
I trusted God before I have done such and such before.
And so I know from history what is likely to happen.
Why?
Because I've lived it.
It's already happened before.
So I'm just waiting and expecting for it to happen.
And what your body's going to learn through this is that it, by your spirit and your soul
a different choice, your body will eventually come along and all because you have chosen
that you're right.
Your spirit and your soul have chosen that you're going to write a new record like, yeah,
we're going to go through the same situation as before, but this time we're going to, we're
going to determine that it means something different than what we determined that it
meant last time.
It determined last time that it meant God wasn't protecting us.
God wasn't whatever.
So regardless of how the court case goes, this time we're, we know that God, that we're
writing the new record in our lives, that God is still protector.
He's still provider regardless of what happens and then that'll change the body.
So it's just a process because the body is still in that old mindset of like, like, Hey,
look, this is the instruction that you've been taught me to do and how you've been telling
me to respond for the past X number of years.
Yeah.
So now you're telling me to switch it.
I think you're just delusional and I'll hang on to the last instruction that you gave me,
you know, because I've written a lot of stuff with this other one.
So it's, it's hard for it to, it's hard for our soul and then it's hard for our body to
catch up to the new record, especially our body.
Because in a manner of speaking, our body doesn't make the decisions that a soul makes.
The soul is the one who makes the decision for the body.
It's like the gateway and the bot, the body is just kind of like goes along for the ride.
It just receives the instructions and like, okay, how do I, what am I supposed to do?
What is it that we're believing now?
And then what do I do?
So it's like the loam on the totem pole and it's, it's, it's, it's almost like, so in
other words, it's not having as much of a power to make certain decisions, to follow
a new trajectory as the soul has.
So point is, I give you that encouragement that all of this sounds very normal.
It feels frustrating because you're like, you're like, I'm going through all of the,
all of the choice and the effort and the faith to make a new decision.
I want to, to gain the benefits of feeling that peace in my body too, but it's making
the body a bit longer to jump on board.
Yeah.
But so in other words, everything's fine.
Everything's normal.
You've done the hard thing of continue of choosing in your soul, what it is that you're going
to believe this time.
And that's, that's hard enough.
The body will just naturally come along without us really even having to do anything with
it.
It's simply responding to the soul.
So anyway, I think that's so good that you're saying that.
Cause I was wondering, I'm like, Oh, cause I know there's one point in there when you
say just choose and then let God teach you and let, and then so that you can experience
that he is good and that he is protector and all of that.
And then I was actually thinking, I'm like, Oh, cause there were still some of that old
thinking where I'm just like, Oh, well, well, what happens if it doesn't, you know?
And then it's like, like you said, now it's like, well, it doesn't matter because he's
still good and he's still protector and he still knows, you know, cause I choose it,
you know?
But, but I think how Priscilla was saying that, like Santa Claus, I'm kind of scared
that also with me.
So saying it would go, the.
ultimate horrible way. And I don't think it will. But what if
it would say that it would, and then and then for me to still
just say, like, well, God is still protecting, he's still
good, he's still just, even when that's not what you would then
see in the physical world. Correct. I feel like, okay,
well, how there's still something in me where I'm just
like, part of me is like taking on it on a victim thing, you
know, and part of me is like, well, is that just like, like
you're saying, like, wait, it's not even it's like the opposite
of wishful thinking, but it's like covering up. You know what
I mean? Like, it's like somebody did something and it's like, Oh,
no, no, no, it didn't happen. But it's like, no, actually.
Like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so that's what's really
hard. And I've kind of wrestled a little bit with when I should
introduce certain concepts, because I want every I want
people to gain encouragement, and be able to stretch in faith.
And sometimes I wonder if like, well, should I just like
considered set this a little bit. But one of the things that
I, I bet, I don't, I usually just just go all the way. And
like, here's the root issue. And as an example of that is, is my
story of I'm trying to remember, I think I talked to Yeah, I did.
I talked about it last time, I might talk about it again this
time. And in the next teaching session, I do, but I talked
about at the last one, about when I was in Venice, and I ran
out of money. And I couldn't, I couldn't pay to leave the hotel.
Yeah, I was wondering, what happened? Because you went back
and I'm like, I tried to check out technically four times. The
fourth time I was able to check out. And but the previous three
times I couldn't, in the previous three times to at least
two of those times, I completely packed my bags, and packed up
the hotel room, packed my bags, went downstairs, closed the
hotel room at, and then simply had to be simply had to have
someone help me back up the stairs again, you know, with my
bag, because they didn't have an elevator, because it's those
old grandfathered in, you know, Venice hotel. So the thing is,
it's a very arduous, like soul arduous ordeal that I had to go
through of like, Lord, where are you? And that but the very first
time and I continue to have to do this, but it happened to the
very first time that I tried to check out and couldn't, I was
packed, I took everything downstairs, waiting for money
for like, hours, that never came. I was in the hotel lobby
for hours with my suitcase, waiting for money to come in
that never came in. And I'd already checked out. In other
words, well, it's hard to explain. No, I didn't. I didn't
check out. But they were okay with that, because I had my I
kept my bags, where they could see them. So I wasn't gonna like
leave with them. And, and I just stayed in the hotel lobby.
Anyway, it was it was very emotional. It was very
embarrassing. It was all very public. And that I didn't have
the money to check out. And so finally, I just talked to them
and just extended this day. So in other words, I didn't have to
try to remember how that worked. Anyway, so the thing is, I went
upstairs. And I and I lay down on the bed when I finally got
back into the hotel. And that's when I explained that whole
story of like, you know, God, I felt like I had this beautiful
thing, but it felt but it feels like it was fragile. It feels
like it was beautiful is precious. I was operating this
from city to city city. And then all of a sudden, it I broke it.
And I don't know what I did. And I felt, you know, that typical,
that typical reaction that we have of like, I've done
something wrong. It's my fault. I've messed up if something
changed, and I don't like it. I'm the one to blame, you know,
so I did that with the Lord. I'm like, I don't know what I did.
And I'm sorry, Lord, I really treasured what you gave me. I
promise. I didn't take it for granted. I don't know what I did.
But whatever it was, I am so sorry for breaking the eggshell
is what it felt like. And, and so that's when he walked me
through the whole thing of like, Ashley, who do you say that I
am, and I came to understand what it was that he was trying
to get me, all of us to do is to choose that he is something, not
that he's going to do something for us. Yeah, yeah. That
yeah, completely revolutionized my perspective. I'm like, okay,
so you're telling me that the basis and the foundation of my
faith, and we're going to talk about this later, in a few
sessions, when we talk specifically about faith, that
the because
I try to expound on it a bit, but that's the fact that God, what God wants us to have faith
in is not that he's going to do something or manifest himself in a particular way or
express himself in a particular way, but that he is something.
And that's what we're supposed to have faith in because everything else, if our faith was
in anything else, those things vary.
Sometimes God does this, sometimes he does it like this, sometimes it appears like that.
And so if it's always changing, no wonder we feel like we can't trust God because we're
looking at all of this to tell us what God is.
Well, if it's always changing, then our trust with God is always going up and down and up
and down.
But if we trust that he is something and that never changes, regardless of if this changes,
then our faith never wavers.
So when the Lord showed me, Ashley, you trust that that is who I am, not that that is what
I will do for you.
In other words, that I will manifest in a particular way that you think provision should
be manifested.
Lord, if you provided for me, you would do this.
Lord, if you loved me, you would act it out like this.
Lord, if you protected me, this would have happened because this is how I'm protecting.
It's putting conditions on God's character.
If this is true, then this is how it would appear.
And then we're dictating everything based off of our understanding or not our projection
of a meaning onto a thing.
This means protection, Lord, and I'm just telling you that does.
So if you are that thing, you will act like that and realize that that's what we're doing.
We think that that we're just that we're born like this and it's because it's true.
He'll do this.
And that's just not true.
We've created that meaning and then we're holding God accountable to it.
So when I learned to, to choose that he is something, I leave the manifestation up to
him and it keeps my faith much more solid and much more even keel because I know that
even if something doesn't work out, like say for instance, that I didn't get the money
for the hotel.
And that's just one example that I mentioned.
There's more, there's other really extreme things that I've been through.
I can't think of them at the moment, but I know that there are like that in the manner
of like protection or in the manner of like him being good to me or manner of him being
loved, whatever.
I just use the provision one because it it's money and it's like a very quick story and
people can kind of like relate to it of like, Oh my word, you were in that situation.
That felt awful.
But the thing is that I've had to learn in very extreme situations, okay.
God is the thing, not, not God does this thing and I'm supposed to have faith that
he is something, not that he will do it.
And that changed the anchor of my faith to be him, not in how he showed up again, changed
everything.
It's scary because then again, we're thinking like, well then I'm going to leave the control
of my life over to the Lord.
Exactly.
Yeah.
You know, well I wanted to, I wanted, I thought, Lord, if you were protector, I would always
be kept from pain and that hasn't happened.
So apparently you're not protector.
So if, if you want to be protector in my life and if you want to hold to your word, Lord,
then you'll keep me from pain or like, that's just not going to happen.
We're going to experience pain.
So therefore that's something about God that we're not, that he's saying that we're not
understanding.
And, and so anyway, it leaves me, it, it, it, when bad quote unquote bad things happen,
painful things happen, uncomfortable things happen.
This is what the point I'm trying to make.
They no longer affect me as much.
Well, I say no longer, they still do cause I'm still growing and I'm still learning,
but I'm saying they don't affect me in the way that they used to because they're not,
they don't, I don't allow them to dictate to me as often who God is because the it's,
I've chosen that he is something in my life, not that he does things in my life if that
makes sense.
And so when certain things happen that are again, uncomfortable or painful, I'm like,
yeah, but God's still good.
In other words, I'm safe because he exists and he's good and he's protector and he's
provider and he's doing all those things for me.
I'm just going through this painful thing, but this pain doesn't mean that there's an
issue between me and God anymore.
And it used to mean that it used to mean if I experienced pain or discomfort, that there
was an issue that he wasn't holding at his end of the bargain or that I done something
wrong.
And I, and that's what I thought it was the pain that got me uncomfortable.
It wasn't, it was the feeling that that net, that this was wrong.
That's what always scared me.
So we understand that if people have faith in who
who God is, that allows them to face the lions in the Coliseum or to be, or like the apostles.
One of them was sawn in half, you know, John was boiled in oil, you know, Peter was sacrificed
upside down, all kinds of things.
That is what enables them to do that is because they don't have faith that bad things aren't
that God's not going to allow something bad to happen.
It's faith that God is something.
And that means that they're fine.
Whatever happens on earth can happen because that doesn't bother me.
What bothers me is God somehow stopping being who he is.
And since that's never the case for me anymore, then whatever happens down here can happen.
Does that make sense?
It's a huge shift and it takes a bit to do and I'm still doing it.
It's not like I have, but it's just that I've done it enough where I, where I can say, I
know what it's like to actually do it and to live in that new place in certain areas
of my life or at certain times.
And I still, you can just ask my husband, I have a long way to go, but he's always having
to remind me of my own teaching.
Why did I tell him this?
It's like, it's because I need to learn it.
Okay.
So that's why I have to teach it because I have to learn.
I only teach what I've actually accomplished this far.
But anyway, so is it, what are your thoughts on all that?
Oh, that is so helpful.
Yeah.
Because I think that's the whole, just as you were speaking, I'm like, oh yeah, that's
actually the key to it.
That's what it is.
Because I think that's why I've been so disappointed before is because I've been, you know, even
a long time ago, like many, many, many years ago, I heard God say like, I want you to seek
me for my presence, not for my presence.
You know?
And I'm like, but I want the presence.
I want to see in the spirit.
I want all of that.
It's like, you know, and, and it's, and it's like, I think yesterday too, it was so funny
because I went to gospel church and then I ran into this girl and I haven't seen her.
I think I met her 10 years ago, maybe at a prophetic conference.
And it was just random, me and another friend invited her and her family to dinner.
And it turned into this beautiful, like prayer and worship session where it was like, we'd
been worshiping, worshiping together for years.
And it was like, it was beautiful.
But so we're standing there talking and she's like, oh, but even now that I'm talking to
you, I feel like I've always felt like God have something big, like something very significant
on your life.
And I'm like, I've heard that so many times.
And then I become disappointed.
And I'm like, and even with this court case, you know, it's like, oh, I'm believing, you
know, that the impossible is going to happen that we're going to win.
That's not impossible.
You know, I think that's very possible, but it's like, I think the impossible would be
that we would win most of it and have our costs covered and that it would stop.
It wouldn't go to the next level court that would, everybody else is expecting that.
And I'm like, I'm not expecting that, you know, I'm just expecting God to stop it and
be like, it's done.
No more.
You know, now it's like done and you can move on.
And part of it, I think is because, you know, I'm getting all these words to like, oh, it's
the breakthrough.
It's like, suddenly I even asked him like, oh, what are you, you know, like, what are
you talking about?
Like, what do you want to tell me now?
You know, like what's ahead and, you know, and one of them were like, Deuteronomy one,
five, you know, from verse five to 11.
And one of them is like, it's time to break.
And then I read, I was like, what does that mean?
It's like to cause something to, to separate suddenly or violently, you know, like, it's
just like, like, I feel like, oh, there's something, you know, like, there's something
in the old that's being like, something's shifting suddenly, but then it wasn't until
you were speaking.
Now, I feel like I've been thinking, oh, if that doesn't happen, then I would probably
go back and be like, Oh, well, then you're, you know, depressed, or you don't, you know,
like, you get like, super down.
But now I'm like, No, I get to choose that he is good, and he is protector, regardless.
And then I just have to remind myself so that you don't become like a pathic in the way
where it's like, Oh, well, you know what I mean?
Like, I think that's what I'm mostly scared about is that I'm wanting so much this experience
of him being so powerful.
That I think part of me is scared that that's going to happen of how I would react.
But then also part of me is scared if it won't, that I would still be able to say he's protector
and he's good.
But I'm just like, I think I'm scared that I feel like I would
be lying to myself, you know what I mean? Like, I'm just
like, Oh, I'm saying this, but I don't know if I'm actually Yes,
I've chose to believe it. But I don't know if I actually do,
you know, like, the same thing I was talking about, like with my
body thing, you know, I'm like, Am I really believing that or
no, you know?
Yeah, that's a good point. And so that's why, when I talk about
choosing it, it's a willful, intentional decision that we
make not a Oh, well, a wishful thinking or trying to make
ourselves feel a particular way or waiting for this feeling to
happen. Yeah. And then we're like, if that feeling happens,
then I know I believe it. Yeah. And that it's not it's that we
it's taking up. It's believing that God gave us an authority to
make a decree. Yeah. And that and that we have so much power
that if we decide, then it makes it true. It makes it
happen. And we don't realize that we have that authority. So
it's finally realizing that God gave us that authority choosing
by faith again, all these all these levels of faith, choosing
by faith, that actually is true that God did give me that
authority. Okay, Lord, in faith that you gave me that authority,
I am going to then choose in faith that you really are that
thing. And that that is how the world works. And that that I
Lord, I choose and I make the decree in my kingdom, that
whatever God says is what goes. Yeah, if God says this about
himself, I'm letting the rest of you know, I'm letting my life
know, I'm letting my finances know, I'm letting my body know,
I'm letting you all know, that is how it's going to happen. So
expect it. Expect God to be good. Expect God to protect it.
Expect God doesn't mean that you're going to be comfortable,
you're going to be everything's going to go the way that you
wish that it would. Yeah, it just means watch for God being
him because I've given him permission to be him here,
regardless of what that means for the rest of us. That means
that brings pain, though, it's realizing that you were the king
of your kingdom that is giving permission for God to be him in
you in your life, everything that touches your life,
everything that's within your realm of authority to make a
decree for it to listen to you any aspect of creation, whether
it's in your emotions, like it's in the soulish realm, the
metaphysical, I don't know if that's called metaphysical
realm, I call metaphysical realm, the in between realm, you
know, where it's like your emotions or your thoughts,
things that you can't see, or it's the things that you or even
like the laws of finances, you know, that touch your life there
you're telling it any laws of science, any laws of physics and
any laws of finances that touch my kingdom, you are subject to
God. That's what allowed Jesus to walk on top of the water,
because the kingdom of God came into the into the same place as
the you know, the laws of physics, but it triumphed. Why?
Because Jesus brought the authority of God into the moment
and said, and so whenever the authority of God or the kingdom
of God is brought into the kingdom of this world, the king
of God always trumps it. So Jesus is the one who had to
recognize that he had the authority to bring the kingdom
of God in. And then but he doesn't have a right to tell the
kingdom of God how it should act. In other words, God himself,
not kingdom of God, you know, but so my point is, it can it'll
change your that decision will change the law how finances work
around you how like even the finances of your business that
you're in, simply because you're a salt planted there. It can it
can affect and change that I watched that happen in the
businesses that I was involved in. And my presence changed what
happened, it allowed impossible things to happen simply because
I brought in a higher authority than that authority. And it
didn't mean that everything went the way that I wanted. It meant
that since I brought in the authority, I was allowing God to
do what he wanted. And God started doing the impossible. I
didn't dictate to him that that's what he needed to do. In
fact, I didn't even pray for specific things. I didn't pray
that this would happen and this would work out and we'd hit our
deadline and whatever. I just served him and I'm just like,
Okay, Lord, do whatever you want. And that's when he started
blowing everyone away. And very sadly, people didn't know to
attribute it to him. But I did. I knew what was going on. I was
like, there is no way we have done this. Yeah. But anyway, so
the thing is, is it, we have to realize, you know, talking about
how do I know if I did not if I'm like, choosing it simply by
denying, like, then, so it's like your sense of choice isn't
strong enough to make the decision unless you completely
silence this one. And what we need to do is we need to build
our confidence and our faith in our authority that it is
so strong. It can make the choice even with this being true. So what you're talking about
there is you're like, I can't, I don't feel powerful enough to choose unless this isn't
real. And so when we realize, Oh, that's what I'm up against. Yeah. I, it's not realizing
that I am who God says that I am. And so we have to make that choice first to be able
to then choose something while this is still true. So that's why it was so hard for me
to make that choice that God was provider. Why? Because reality was I had no money. Yeah.
And then it's in the face of reality that that choice act. And that's something that
I forgot to point out. It's only within, it's only making the choice in the face of reality
that gives that choice actual power. Otherwise it has no power. If it's not working in, if
you're not making a choice for that in reality, if you're making a choice for it in like
suspended reality, it's not really the choice. So, yeah. Yeah. So, but anyway, and so that's
what I'll be talking about next time is, you know, who is it, you know, in the next teaching,
you know, who is it that God says that we are, because that is what we really do have
to remember. In fact, that's a lot of what Priscilla and, you know, with kind of talking
about in when she was talking about the struggles that she was going through right now there,
what I heard a lot of in there was this sub current of not, and not that we have of not
remembering or realizing and acknowledging the authority that God gave us as people.
Therefore as even if we're women, regardless of whether we're a man or a woman, if we're
people, we have this meaning sons of God that have chosen him. We have this particular
authority, but we don't know that we do. So we feel subject to therefore afraid about
all of these other things that we think determine our lives or determine our relationship with
the Lord or keep us from God or whatever, because we're not remembering or realizing
how much authority we actually have. We're not acknowledging that we have the right to
make decrees in our own kingdom and allow and say, Hey, everybody, just a heads up.
I've given God permission and he, he wouldn't come in and storm the walls and overtake us
in order to be himself in our life. I had to give him permission. I had to give him
authority. Why? Because he named me the highest authority in my kingdom. And he's not going
to he's not going to overthrow that. You know, he's not going to come in like a conquering
king, completely blown me away. Well, that would completely, you know, ruin my trust
in him. He's not going to do that. He waits for me to give him permission. Just to let
you all know, I've given him permission. He's coming in. Whatever he says is what I have
given him the authority to execute. And that is what has the end. And so it's my law that
I decided is going to be true. So you're making a law, you're making a decree. And how do
you know which laws and decrees to make? They're not made up out of your head. They're whatever
God has already said first, but it's you standing in the authority that you have the right to
make the decree and that everything else is going to listen to that authority that actually
gives it power. And then everything starts happening in your life. Everything starts
changing. You start feeling different. You start experiencing the power of his presence,
regardless of what happens around you and how it affects them. And then you're, and
then you feel like, yeah, I'm fine with whatever happening in life with whatever's happening
in life. If it continues to happen, I'm fine with that. As long as I feel God in this way,
I'm feeling his power. I am feeling his safety. I am feeling his goodness. I'm feeling his
love. Then I know it's true that it's currently in operation and everything else is just in
chaos, just shifting to, to, because it has the choice of whether or not to come into
alignment with who I, who I am now in alignment with, with God, or that it's choosing as creation
like the fig tree that Jesus had to curse, not to come into alignment. And therefore
God's going to deal with it. But in the middle of all of that, it's having to shift because
it's not in alignment yet. So it's shifting and everything that chooses to come into alignment,
that's great. And it's going to come into order and it's going to respond to you. Everything
else that shifts and doesn't come into alignment, God's going to deal with it like the fig tree
and say, Hey, you're not even a lot. You're not allowed here anymore. And that happens
sometimes with just to paint it on, like on a broader scale, what it would happen with
me in business. There were people that didn't receive me and what it was that I was bringing,
because I would always bring the kingdom of God with me. This, I wouldn't like proselytize
and evangelize that I didn't do any of that. I was just, I internally brought in the kingdom
and if they could in spiritually.
People could sense that. And so everything was chaotic and it was like worse when I first came in, you know
and
And then and then it was before I came in it was worse after I did and then eventually as everything everything had the choice
To come to alignment it would come into alignment and when things wouldn't come into alignment
They were either they would God would either move them somewhere else or he would eventually move me out of that project or that business
Because it had the opportunity to come into alignment and said no
Yeah, so he would either move it out or he would move me out
But anyway, it's all because I'm offering a specific authority and it's required now to make a choice and God will then exact judgment
He will either say hey look leave the whole town kick the dust of it off
Yeah
Or while you're there
He'll cut someone off and
He'll send them to a different a different project or a different business or whatever because they refuse they made a final decision
It's not like oh, they're struggling. No, they made their final decision
God knows when that is and he he knows in their heart and he exacts the judgment
but anyway, I made a lot bigger of a
like a point
No
Really really good. Yeah, it's so helpful. And I think there's something in that to like just on being understanding right now as you're
talking about the authority
because I think there's something where I've kind of
taken on and maybe gotten comfortable with
Almost like being weak or like a victim, you know, not that I am but then it's like yeah
It doesn't then I don't have that much responsibility
You know, like even even at like work. It's like, oh, well, I'm not gonna be here for so long or whatever and it's like
Oh, well, the boss likes her better than me. It doesn't matter. It's like
Or like oh no. Yeah, but I'm going through this thing, you know, it's like oh, this is so chaotic
It kind of gives me a hall pass like oh, but it's because of this thing, you know, and it's like mmm
That's not what I want to be partnering with, you know
Yeah, and it's not necessarily what's happening I think it's because I feel it in my body and then I'm just like oh
yeah, it's really tough, you know, and it's like I'm even saying this like it's like I'm fine like I like I am fine, you
know
So that's a really good point
Yeah, really good point that we do that. And I think part of the reason that we do that is we haven't
Realized and recognized the benefit to having responsibility
we think that it's gonna we're more afraid of
What we believe God will punish
If we get the responsibility wrong
In other words, if we don't handle it, right as opposed to understanding no
No
The benefits far outweigh, you know any kind of risk and what is that risk that risk is not what we think it is
That risk is not that God who's now gonna hate us. You can stop talking to us. It's gonna you know, it's gonna punish
That that's not who God says that his that he is and that his relationship is with us anymore
Because we chose a different covenant. He offered us a different covenant
He said you can choose the covenant of punishment blessing and punishment or you can choose the covenant of you know
Jesus Christ, which is there is no punishment. You're completely free, you know, whatever
Everything then is just simply like
Adjustment it's just correction. It's like no. No, that's actually that's not who I am
Therefore that's not who you are
So you need to understand who it is that I am and therefore who it is that you are and come into agreement with
That start acting like that as opposed to hey stop that behavior cut it out. What are you doing?
you know, that's that old covenant and we keep thinking that that's going to happen when we have responsibility in the new and
So anyway, we're afraid of things that really there's more freedom and responsibility
Mm-hmm, and there's more bondage
with without
Responsibility and we keep thinking for instance that it's a great example
We keep talking for instance about how free childhood is. Yeah, but you don't get to decide anything for yourself
Her mom says you have to go you have to do whatever mom says you have to do, you know
And we think of it as being carefree, but really there's how
As much as people look back fondly on their childhood or on aspects of their childhood where they didn't have adult responsibilities
I have yet to meet a single person that wishes they could go back
Why because they have gay even with all of the adulting that they have to do they realize that there's more freedom and responsibility
Than a lack of it. Yeah. Anyway that can kind of like encourage us to okay. Well, there's no need to be afraid of
No, there's actually freedom in it. But everything you pointed out is exactly how we do it
We think I don't want the responsibility because then I can be
blamed, or then I'll blame myself or whatever. But again,
that's based off of that old covenant, as opposed to the new
one. And so we can under so we can understand no, no, this is
the in responsibility with him, there's actually freedom, not
the fear and the threat of blame, or a punishment, or a
public disgrace and candle or
yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, you make really, really good points. It's exactly
what we do. And it's scary. So we just have to choose again by
faith. God says that he is different. Therefore, we can
expect out of responsibility, a different experience with him
than what we're afraid of that's keeping us from it. And when I
learned when I started taking more ownership of my life, I am
telling you what, I don't know how to describe it, my life
literally did a 180. Everything in my life changed. And it's
like it went from pale pink color, like pale pastel colors
to technicolor. And literally every area of my life finances,
friends, opportunity, travel, money, everything went into
technicolor, all because I chose that God was who he says that he
was, and that I had the authority and the preciousness
in his sight that he said that I did. And when I started acting
like that, risking his, you know, again, that my old my old
foundation, risking his potential punishment, risking
his favor, risking that he was going to strike me by lightning,
risking that he was going to that I was making decisions
that that in wasn't that maybe were accidentally not fully
in line with his or whatever. I used to be so afraid of moving a
muscle here. And here I would just open myself up. And when I
did, the Lord just continued to bless me, upon bless me upon
blessing. It was just like, it was very overwhelming. It got to
the point where I thought, you know, so God is doing stuff for
me all the time, I need to write all of this out. And I, and I
finally got too overwhelmed and tired of writing them out
because they were, I don't know, I would, I would experience and
this is no joke, at least 50 things a day, at least that he
was good, that he was loved, that he was protector, that he
was provider, that he was whatever. It was so
overwhelming, that I couldn't write them all down. So I just
gave it up. I think I gave it up after like, a day and a half.
Forget it. I couldn't even remember. I can't remember them
all. I just have the emotional memory of them that it was that
that life is so overwhelming. I wish I had written them down
though. So that I can tell people specific things. Hey,
look, these were my experiences and overwhelm men with the
specifics of them. But, but I can't, it was, it was, and I,
that was actually my reason for doing it was not only to
encourage me in the very difficult times, but during
teachings and whatever, to be able to have all of this
background evidence. Hey, look, there's this and there was this
and there's this and there's this. But like I said, when you
have like 50 things in a day, I can't write them all down
because they all have context for them as well. It's not like
a little book. It's like, no, you have to understand what that
point means. Well, it's because forget it. That my point is,
that's what we can expect when we stand in who it is that God
says that we are, it literally will change your life into
technicolor every single aspect of your life. And I didn't. And
I didn't know that life, there was something in my spirit that
knew that life was meant to be like that. But I'd never seen
anybody else live like that. So I didn't know that you could
live like that. There was something my soul didn't know I
can live like that. But my spirit did. Yeah. So when I saw
it, I'm like, Oh, my word. I didn't know you could live like
this. That's my soul, that my spirit. Anyway, but yeah, we've
gone long past. Do you have anything that you wanted to go
over before we leave?
No, that was amazing. Thank you so much. So good. Yeah.
Well, I hope that you feel well. And and yeah, so if you just
take all of the things that we've talked about today,
especially specifically about, you know, having faith and
choosing that God is the thing, not that you think, and I'd be
interested to hear maybe on Thursday, how maybe that's
changed your morning intentions. And then especially most
especially the evening ones, like how you end up seeing it,
because you'll start looking for different things. You'll start
looking for God being himself, not for God causing things.
Yeah, there's the whole causing things. Yes. Because it's part
of how he's just simply talking to us in our language. He's
translating it from the spirit is changing it from Greek into
English. Yeah. So there's that he's just trying to communicate
with us, you know, talking to us instead of writing it down.
on. It's just a form of it, of communication. But what we're doing is we're solidifying
our faith that he is that thing, not to training ourselves for looking for that as affirmation
that he is that thing. It's simply looking at those things as an expression as him expressing
himself to be that. So anyway, and that that's why I included this conversation right here
is exactly why I included that. That question is because of something to think about in
the morning and in the evening and the same thing about ourselves. So also if you look
at yourself and who does God say that I am? And then, and then in the evening, how I saw
me today is now look at yourself again. I'm going to do a teaching on it. So you'll have
that, but now looking at your, at yourself from the perspective of, Oh, I have that level
of authority, not, Oh, he says that he likes me. And he says it because that, that is important
as well. We'll talk about that. Yeah. That's how it is now. That's how it is now. Yeah.
I think about like more than that. Like, so anyway, so literally I'm like, Oh yeah. Who
does he say? Oh, I'm protected and dearly loved. Yeah. Yeah. Which is, which is great.
As long as we are, is our faith is being stretched in a way that we're didn't used to stretch
it when we would say those things, then that's great because God's like, you need to choose
me to do in order to get breakthrough. You're going to choose me in faith to a deeper level
that I mean that more deeply than what you've been believing that I meant that. So anyway,
but yeah, that's good. Right. I'm so excited. I'm so, I'm so thankful for this program and
for you. Yeah. Oh, that's really sweet of you. Me too. And I'm, I'm glad that it's helpful.
I've just been praying to the Lord. No, please help me with them. And you're just going to
have to, I said, Lord, I can't do it. I can give, I can encourage everybody, but everyone
just has to actually just walk their own journey in transformation Lord with you. So we're
just meet them where they are and do an amazing work, break them through. So anyway. Yeah.
Oh, it's amazing. All right. Well, I hope that you sleep well. Yeah. Have a great day.
It looks beautiful where you are. Yeah. I'm, I'm sitting outside cause my husband and I have a
studio apartment and so he's working. And then also it's, I've been sitting out here doing
quilting and all kinds of stuff because the weather's so nice. I'm very grateful.
It's amazing. Well, enjoy. Thank you. I will see you on Thursday. Yes.
Reach out if you need anything in the meantime.
Bye.