My name's Charles Bradley Keeling Jr.
I grew up on the island of Kauai in Hawaii.
My mom was like in the drug side,
so we were like poor white kids
and they didn't like white people there.
So the ghetto in Hawaii is bad.
Here, if you fight, you get expelled.
There, if you fight, you get a detention.
You know what I mean?
It's just something that's there.
So it's the way of life.
And so when my mom did go to prison,
I stayed with my aunt and uncle
and I went to the bus stop every day.
And I got, I mean, they jumped me every day,
but it was just like, they picked me back up.
We got on the bus and I would go.
And that was just kind of how that was.
My mom was in prison.
And when she got out a month later,
I'm not, I wasn't sure, I was really young.
She probably relapsed or something.
So we tried to move her probation to the mainland.
And so she went in probably thinking for drugs
and she did a year.
When I was in Prescott
and she had to go to jail a couple of times,
I was homeless there, running around selling weed,
doing, you know what I mean?
Just kids, that was just what I,
that's just what I knew.
My mom would relapse left and right.
And my mom would, she would go in and out of jail
30 days at a time, 60 days at a time.
I was just running the streets when she was doing that.
And then I learned how my buddies would give me weed
to sell.
I wasn't going to school.
I was just, you know, surviving at that time.
And I was 14, 13, 14.
And then she got out, she started doing well,
got off probation.
She moved back to Bullhead before I did.
And I ended up moving back around almost 15 years old.
And that's when I started getting in trouble myself.
I started drinking in and out of juvie on probation myself.
It was just, I felt like going to jail
and going to prison and something like that.
I've always seen it around me that that was normal.
You know, I thought that was my normal.
That's, it's just what happens from time to time.
You know what I mean?
And, and it's definitely not, you know,
that's not, it's not a normal thing to do.
That's just what we think.
When I was 18, I was living in a house
that my mom used to live at,
but I took over the rent and bills with a friend.
And she was living out in Mojave Valley
by the river in an RV with a boyfriend.
So she called me one night and I think I was sleeping.
Or I was just like, I'll talk to her in the morning.
And the next morning I heard a voicemail and she says,
CJ, you're my son, you're my favorite son.
And I'll always love you.
And I didn't, I thought she was just being drunk.
You know what I mean?
I said, okay, I'll call you back.
You know, I was like, okay, I'll call you back.
You know what I mean?
I said, okay, I'll call you back.
You know, I'll call you back, man.
I was drunk last night too, you know?
And so as I'm listening to that message,
it's the craziest thing.
Me and my brother don't talk.
And he, he called me.
At the time we didn't talk much.
He, he was calling me on the other line.
So I was, I, I, I deleted the message and I clicked over
and my brother goes, CJ, she goes, he goes, yeah.
He goes, he's all mom's dead, bro.
And I said, what?
That's not, no, I just got me.
She saw, she, she died this morning, bro.
And it was like two in the morning,
I guess she had shot herself.
And I like yelled, huh.
And like, I just hung up, broke down.
I didn't have to see her body.
And it was one of the most devastating things
I've ever seen in my life.
It was like me and my mom versus the world.
And then she was gone.
That was, that was my mom,
whether she was a good mom or not.
She, she was my mom.
I loved her.
She loved me.
That was all I knew.
She was my only constant.
And after she passed away, I just lost it.
I was just running around Arizona ever since.
Just on my own, doing what I had to do.
Job, got an apartment maybe for a couple months
then go back to drinking heavy
until I went to prison for the first time.
I went to prison for a DUI.
I had no business behind the wheel of a car.
That was the first time I went to prison.
And when I got out, I got on parole.
I did good for about a month, you know?
And I just went right back.
I went back to Bullhead.
I went on the run again
and I went back to prison again to kill my number.
I got in the meth.
I got in the drugs.
I started selling, started running stuff across lines.
Cause I figured like if I was in a spot,
like if I went to prison or died,
I'd be in a better spot than I was then.
I felt like, so I was just winning balls
to the wall with everything, you know?
And that's, that's just how I was.
And I just used to do drugs and do crazy stuff.
I would, I went to prison for the second time.
A couple of years later,
I was in and out of jail the whole time.
And a couple of years later,
I went to prison for two stolen cars
on lawful means of transportation
and aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.
I beat someone up with a dull side of a machete.
And it was, it was, it was,
I thought at the time, oh, he deserved it,
but there was nothing okay with what I did.
And, you know, I remember sitting in the cop car,
like they got me, I'm going, you know, for a minute.
And I got locked up.
And when I was sitting in county that time,
I like, I always went to county,
would hear about God, would go to the services.
But when I, this time, my cell,
he had a postcard posted above the cell door right there.
And it was Jeremiah 29, 11.
It said, for I know the plans I have for you,
the plans of the Lord,
plans to prosper you and not harm you.
You know, and that just plans to give you a hope.
in the future and I felt just like the presence of God for the first time like all around
me and I knew how real he was and it was just like just this weird revelation coming open
in my head and like you're real like who are you what is this this is amazing I love you
and I was just like oh wow ever since then I've read the Bible every day it was huge
it was it was like my whole life changed and when I got to the yard I was doing good for
a little bit but I didn't read my Bible as much as I was in the county I felt like this
is what it is and I was kind of leading away from him and I relapsed on that yard and I
was in my cell my cellie was freaking out and I was high on that and I was sitting there
I was going like I looked around and I was like oh my god like this this is gonna be
my life this if I don't stop like I'm I'm in prison because of what I'm doing right
now and I just started freaking out like oh my like my cellie was freaking out he's like
whoa calm down dude it's like it's 12 at night you need to stop and I'm yelling oh I'm sorry
like there's so much and I was just like I couldn't I was just at a point where I'm
so sorry Lord like I can't believe I did that and I just I felt the presence like I had
true it was like true repentance maybe or something whatever it was but I fell to my
knees and I just said sorry Lord I don't want to do this anymore I'm done I'm sorry and
so that that point on I made a plan in my head I was like tomorrow I know I'm gonna
want it but I'm gonna say no and I was like Lord I'm gonna say no I need your help a little
bit and so tomorrow it came and they were like hey bro you want something I was like
no I'm good I'm not I'm not trying to do that anymore the next day it came and I said the
same thing I know I'm gonna want it Lord and I want to say no you know I'm not so I did
it again and it came with a super good deal they're gonna give me a grip for nothing and
then the next day it happened again it was gonna be for free and it was a grip and they're
like here I got you bro and I was like no I don't want it no it's like I made a decision
and when you make that decision God will help you and he'll lead you through and once
I said no then because the devil will come at you with it every time I was like no and
then after that it it was like I was scared I haven't been drug since since that day and
it was it was all I give it all to God but you got to make a decision to choose him and
I did and that's I was highly blessed and so the last year and a half that I was on
Cimarron I got my diploma I spent time with God I was going to church God's love and God's
grace gets me through any trouble I've had God's grace gives me the forgiveness I need
to move forward and if you don't take advantage of his grace and you say God I'll do better
I'll get it again because we're gonna fall every time I fall every day no matter what
but his grace is what makes it possible to go from grace to grace and it's when you can
do that you can move forward and not dwell on the things that he's done because he doesn't
see that anymore and when you come to know that because I could see that who I was and
do all that because I've more years of bad stuff than a couple years of good stuff but
he only sees since I've met him he doesn't judge me for that he's knows that I messed
up but when you use that grace to grace and you don't take advantage of it you can learn
to learn that's the only way to go from grace to grace but once you start taking advantage
of it I feel like oh yeah he'll forgive me he's not gonna he has to take his hands off
you real quick for you he'll send you on your way you know what I mean and then you'll come
back to him that he loves you and that's that's why his love his unconditional love
gets me through anything gets me through lonely times gets me through temptations gets me
through every day this is real and if you really put your faith into the fact that Jesus
has really died on the cross and if you really put the fact that he loves me and he's here
with me and know that this Bible the Bible's real can get you through any every day that
though his word is something you can stand on but it takes faith to do that and when
you put that faith in there he'll prove himself faithful his word does not come back boy Charles
Keeling before Jesus was was an alcoholic an addict didn't care selfish he was nearsighted
couldn't see an inch in front of his face no matter how good his heart was no matter
how good your intentions are it's what comes out and it wasn't good because what happens
is the abundance of the heart but Charles Keeling after Jesus is being successful responsible
stable strong caring has a heart for people this is where I'm at and he can turn he can
turn anyone into something amazing is it's amazing just so cool