Hello. All right. So today we are going to talk about what does God expect of me? This
one, the reason why I included it is, you know, we've been talking about, well, who
does God say that he is? And who does he say that I am? But one of our biggest issues is
well, what is my responsibility in our relationship? You know, how am I supposed to, because he
is who he is and I am who I am in relationship to him. What's he looking to me for? What's
like I said, what's expected of me. Right. And, um, and it's, I, I felt very, not just
oppressed by what I thought God expected of me. I thought God expected all of these, uh,
I thought God expected me was performance, but I had to do all of these things. I had to follow
the rules. I had to live out my destiny. I had to find my purpose. I had to, you know, do all
of this stuff, all of these words that we use that we feel very, um, very terrified by. We're
afraid that we're going to miss it. We're afraid that we're going to miss out that there was
something that God intended and there's something that God wanted out of us in order to make our
life quote unquote, worth it, you know, to Lord, worth it to us, worth it to the Lord,
pleasing to God that we were, you know, could die having accomplished the reason why we were put
here, you know, and it's just very oppressive. And, um, and I thought that that's what God
expected. He expected me to fulfill a particular purpose destiny that there was supposed to,
like I said, follow all these rules. I was supposed to grow in maturity in learning all
of these ways in which I was supposed to form my character. So that by the time I died, I was
molded more into a shape, you know, et cetera. And, and so that meant that I defined myself
by where I wasn't yet, uh, that there was a particular destination that I was supposed to
be at. And my, what God expected of me was to get there. And I was, like I said, I was just
concerned. It bred this, this fear that I was going to miss it, that I wasn't going to, and I
was going to miss it because either I didn't understand it or I couldn't find the way, or I
was too afraid or I wasn't courageous enough or whatever. Right. And, uh, or no matter how hard I
tried, I couldn't figure it out or I couldn't actually do it. And, um, meaning like I couldn't
perform, I couldn't execute or whatever. And therefore that I was just going to have failed.
And I found out in my life, it came so much more free. When I discovered that it's actually not
what God expected of me, that wasn't what he expects of us. So I wanted to go through, um,
some scripture that talks about what it is the Lord does want from us. Now, obviously we know
that he wants to be believed. So he wants us to have faith, but that's actually not the thing
that he is asking for us to, to constate. How do I, how do I put it? There's something even deeper
that he's asking us to focus on than faith, but faith gets us there. So what is it that he wants
us to focus on? So let's look at Matthew six 33, seek ye first the kingdom of God and his
righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. And then also Hebrews 11, six,
speaking of faith and without faith, it is impossible to please God because anyone who
comes to him must believe that he exists and very, very, very important that he rewards those who
earnestly seek him. Anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those
who earnestly seek him. Those are the two, uh, what would you say focuses, I guess, of faith
because he talked about it at the very beginning and without faith, it's impossible to please God
comma, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and believe that he rewards
those who earnestly seek him. And those two things are the foundation, so to speak, the focus of our
faith. So yes, God wants us to have faith, but what is it that we're having faith in? We're having
faith in him. It were, what are we supposed to have faith in? We're supposed to have faith in him.
He is the object of our faith. Um, and when we believe that he is who he says that he is part
of that is that he is that thing to us. So it's not just that he is good because again, and that
he rewards those who earnestly seek him. It's not just that he's good, that he exists and that he
is where he says he is. It's that.
He is that thing to us. So not only is God good, but God is good to me and God is being good to me
now. God is safe. God is safe for me. God is being safe for me right now.
Same thing with provider. God is provider and God is provider for me.
Of all people, it's not just that he's provider for everyone else. God is provider for me.
And he is provider for me right now. You don't have to wait. It's not for later,
et cetera. And you can say this for a fact that he's protection or that he's love. God is love
and God is loving to me and God is loving me and God is loving me right now, et cetera.
And God is provide a protector and he, God is protecting me and God and protector for me
and protector to me. And God is protecting me right now. It's so those are the two. Those
are the two. There's a word I keep looking for and I keep missing it. So it's, if those are the
two things that we need to, that the things that God says is important for our faith to be directed
towards and founded in is that he is who he says that he is and that he is that thing to us.
Right. That he rewards those who earnestly seek him. What does he reward us with? He rewards us
with himself. And that's why I keep referring to that. God is good and God is good to me.
God is love and God is loving me. God is provider and God is providing for me
and God is provider for me. And God is provider to me, et cetera, and protection and safety and
all of that. So that means that what it is that we should be doing is we should be seeking him
because it says, and he rewards those who earnestly seek him. And that's part of, and
that's what it is that God desires for us to do. So yes, we have faith, but part of the journey
that we're on is actually seeking him. And when we find him and more things are revealed about him,
we're called to have faith in him. So the thing is though, that, let me see those. There's something
else I'm going to say. No, before I went into this, that the seeking, well, I don't know,
maybe it would be better if I explain this, but let me mention this one really quick. Psalm 30,
since we're quoting all those other scripture verses, here's another one that goes back to
the old Testament. Psalm 35, 10, but those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. So you've got
an old Testament quote, those who seek the Lord lack no good thing. And then the new Testament
one in Hebrews 11, six, where at the end, it says he that, and he rewards those who earnestly seek
him. So what it is that God expects of us is to seek him, not in a manner of speaking, to learn
more about him, to gain revelation from him, to learn how to be like him, to whatever, all of
those things are good. All of those things are kind of, all those things will be done, but they're
baked into the seeking him. That's what we're supposed to do. That's what God expects of us.
That's what God desires of us. Let's, okay, before I get into actually how to do that,
let me just mention really quick, this struggle that I had gone through, and I forgot to mention
last week, my struggle about like the deep anger and hurt. So I'll hopefully remember that in a
minute to just kind of mention what that one was about. But so the great disappointment here, and I
have underneath the, because I experienced tremendous disappointment in my relationship
with the Lord, and I addressed him about it. So in Ecclesiastes 2, 11, it expressed, I thought it
expressed how I felt very well. It said, yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I
had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless. A chasing after the wind, nothing was gained under
the sun. So I had gotten very, this is after my crisis of faith. In fact, this was a few years,
I think, after it. Oh my word. This was several years after it. This was a long time, but okay.
Yeah, several years after it, I had gone through other struggles with the Lord and, and I finally
I finally got to this one. I had, I had been looking for, I had known that the season that
I was in with a particular job was closed. And so I'd been trying to leave that one for a while.
And I searched for, I think I continued to work for
that company for another maybe nine months
or something like that, eight, nine months.
And I still couldn't find another job.
Finally, I just had to leave that job
because I wasn't able to find another one.
So it's like, I'm just gonna have to jump fully
into searching for another one.
Go ahead and leave this one
because I feel that the grace to be in this job,
that the time was up a long time ago.
I just didn't know where my exit was supposed to have been.
I just knew that I am past my due date on this.
So I went ahead and left.
That meant though that because I still couldn't find a job
that I had to move back in with my parents.
That is really hard when you've been an adult
that has taken care of yourself for years
and had your own place and had your own stuff
and had your own life and your own group of friends
and your own church and all of this other stuff.
And then all of a sudden you have to move back
into their house again.
That was so, so challenging.
You feel like you tried to fly out of the nest
and you were successful for a while.
And then all of a sudden you did something and failed.
You failed at being able to take care of yourself.
That's what it feels like.
I was just terrible,
just like really kind of hits you in the gut.
And then God, and then I couldn't find another job.
I couldn't find a job for another three months after that
or two, no, three months after that.
But finally, when I got a job, it wasn't what I wanted.
And I had been, I had just gotten weary.
I'd had over a year of searching for a job.
I'd had, and then you add up the fact that prior to that
I had been burned out in my job long prior to that.
So we're talking like at least two, three years
of some major struggle and that's piled on top
of just an underlying struggle I'd had with the Lord
for, I don't know, at least 10 years, something like that.
And I was just worn out.
By this time, I think I was in my early thirties.
So I had like three decades into my belt of life.
And I told the Lord, I was like,
I remember being at this new job
and I don't remember how long I'd been there,
but I was so disappointed that of all places,
this is where I'd ended up.
And now I look back on it and going,
oh my word, that was a great opportunity.
That was a great job and whatever.
But I was disappointed because my life did not look
like what I wanted it and expected it to look like.
So I just felt like a failure.
And I felt disappointed that this was as far
as God had gotten me.
That this is how much all of the work
and all my performance, all my striving for him
and all my sacrifice for him and my obedience
to whatever he told me to do had led to.
I was very disappointed,
but understand it was more than that.
The disappointment was more than what my life looked like.
And that was the point that I wanted to make.
I was disappointed that what I had
in my relationship with him at the time was all I had.
And I'll tell you something,
that is the only time I have felt God's feelings hurt.
I'd never felt me hurting God's feelings.
And let me just tell you, I don't want to feel it again.
I just don't.
I've never felt that type of a sickness.
It's like I felt spiritually
and therefore my body manifested as well.
I felt nauseated.
I just felt like I was going to throw up.
I felt terrible because his feelings were so hurt
that I was telling him that I was disappointed
that this is all,
that what it is, the preciousness and the intimacy
that I had of him, because it was hard,
and I was struggling with God a lot,
but in that spiritual wilderness,
remember that is where we have our great,
we have tremendous intimacy with the Lord.
So even though I was struggling with him,
there was something very precious of the Lord
that he was giving to me
and that he'd been giving of himself to me for years.
And I told him that it didn't,
that it wasn't enough for me.
And I was disappointed.
I've told, I have very rarely told anybody
ever in my life that story.
I've probably relayed that story
maybe only once or twice ever, ever.
So this is,
Most the third time I've ever told that story, because there's an aspect of me that was so ashamed of of, um, you know, in my, in my soul, you know, that, that had a different, that has a very difficult time consuming.
And, and, uh, facing the fact that I did that, I hurt God that deeply.
Um, and I felt it and I am telling you what I couldn't, I was, it's like I was crawling out.
I had to crawl out of my skin or something.
I just, I couldn't handle it.
And I went to a room.
I was, I was at my work.
I went to a conference room that nobody was in at the time.
And I got down on my knees and I closed the door, got down on my knees and I said, God, I repent.
And I renounce having said that I completely renounce that Lord.
And I repent of ever having told you it's not that I repented of telling God that I repented.
Yes.
Of saying it in other words of declaring it, but I repented of having made that choice that he was a disappointment.
That's really what I was saying that, that what he'd given of me, because that's really in essence, what our relationship with the Lord is it's what we give of ourselves and what he gives of himself to us.
And I told him in my, that, that I, because I was in my disappointment, I told him that that disappointment therefore was, I was disappointed in what I got at him.
It's like, this is it Lord.
So this, this is all I get of you.
And God was handing me the most priceless treasure in existence.
And I told him I was disappointed.
So the reason I mentioned that in case any of y'all have struggled with that, or if you haven't, which hopefully you have not.
If you, that even if you haven't to just kind of hear and be aware of how challenging that our relationship with God can be and what it is that we can be wrestling through.
And, and to just highlight for you that those feelings are possible and that quite honestly, you probably deal with them at some level, some degree in your life.
And mine just got so strong, it bubbled up to the surface.
I realized it and expressed it.
So I wanted to give you encouragement that I've been there.
I've done that.
This was the result, et cetera, but it caused me to face the fact that I was disappointed in what I felt that I had of the Lord.
And when I experienced his response, I made a different choice.
I repented of my previous choice and I renounced it.
And I decided, no, Lord, I choose that what you've given of me is precious, is, is priceless, is valuable that I'll honor it.
And I choose this Lord.
I choose who you are and what you've given of yourself to me.
I choose that over my life looking any different than it does.
Remember, I was very disappointed in how my life looked, especially because of, and here's why I put it in this particular section of like what God has expected me, what does God expected me?
Because I was disappointed because I, I felt that that wasn't equal to all the performance that I had paid towards earning that thing.
I felt that I had just poured out my life's blood and that this wasn't worth what I'd received of the Lord was not worth what I'd sacrificed.
And, and so the Lord just had me come to a place where I had to really face that.
That that's how I was feeling.
And even still, even still feeling that and, and like facing the fact that I was struggling with it, I had to make a willful, intentional decision to choose something different and not go with my feelings, not go with my fears, not give
into this, give into the struggle, meaning like what I was struggling with, the fleshly part of the struggle, not give into, I had to not give into the flesh of that struggle.
And I just made the decision.
the Lord. So when we struggle, understand that the way to get out of it is that we're not usually
convinced, especially as we mature in the Lord, we're not usually convinced. Remember how God
does teach us this faith. We'll be talking, we'll be reminding ourselves of that next time. But
you know, he starts with giving us lots of evidence and lots of proof, and we are eventually
convinced of something. And then we choose to risk ourselves on believing it and acting on it.
But real faith is when we aren't convinced when we don't have evidence, we can't see how that's
possible. We can't look at our lives and be able to use that as a way to affirm to us that God is
proof that God is right. And that what God said really is true. And we can't reason our way into
believing what God says is true. We can't feel our way into it. And we have to make a willful,
intentional decision of, okay, I'm going to make a choice for my life and what, and the, and the,
and how much bigger I want to, I want my life to be in God. So that was that was the story that I
just kind of wanted to give to highlight the fact that what it is that we're, that is very precious
to the Lord and that he desires from us is seeking himself and enjoying the relationship
of how we get to interact. Relationship meaning like the interaction and the connection
between the aspects of himself that he gives us and the aspects of ourselves that we give him.
That is what God is expecting. So let's look at this a little deeper. The first level in how this
plays and how we can see this playing out in scripture and how God directs us is that God's
first order priority for us is relationship. This is the first level of what God expects from us
is just simply relationship. And that's why it's seeking first, the kingdom of God and his
righteousness, seeking first, the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will
be added into you. Because what's most important to the Lord is that we're seeking him. Now that
we're accomplishing something for him, doing something for him, following all of his rules,
you know, knowing how to grow into maturity, even growing into maturity, all of that, that'll happen
as a result of having that relationship with him. And how do we have that relationship with him?
We seek him. God is in the secret places. He is in, he has shrouded, the Bible says,
I think it's in Psalms. I think it's in Psalms. I may be missing the book of the Bible,
where exactly it is, but it says that the Lord shrouds himself in darkness, meaning like he's
shrouded and in mystery. He shrouded that darkness just symbolizes mystery, shrouds himself in that
because it's the, what is it? The honor of Kings to seek a matter out,
to seek something out, to seek an aspect of the Lord out is a good thing. It's not punishment
that God has given us of like, Hey, you know what? I don't, I want you to have to work really hard to
find me, or I'm going to hide myself from you. And you're just going to have to prove to me
how much you want me and whatever, you know, there's that there's, it's like the spiritual
wilderness. God is in the wilderness. He could have been in the land of Canaan. And he said,
no, my mountain is in the desert. So I'm going to lead you out of Egypt into the wilderness on
your way to the promised land. You're actually going to find something greater than the promised
land. You're going to come to my mountain and you're going to meet me. You're, you're going
to meet that and be in the most intimate place in the desert. So it's in, it's in the struggles
that we're going through that we have the most intimate place with the Lord. It's in the,
it's in that, you know, that relationship, that's where we're going to find him.
It's in the aspects of himself that he, in other words, his greatest treasure that he can give us
is an S is aspects of himself. Right. And so that's not available to just anybody. Not everyone
has access to the Lord in the way that we do and as the ways that his sons do. And that's why it's
so, it's a special. So just like the wilderness, you know, God's shrouds himself, you know, just
like he had the mountain in the desert, you know, he shrouds himself in darkness and in mystery.
And then for us to seek him out, which part is part of that wrestle and part of that struggle,
that's an intimate.
Special aspect of the, of our engagement with the Lord.
Remember what the Lord told me when I was struggling with him.
I was just mad, you know?
And he said, Ashley, whatever you do, he said, struggle with me.
Don't turn your back on me and struggle alone.
He said, even if your beef is with me, he said, struggle with me.
God loves and loves that, that time of struggle, because it's
not that it's bringing pain.
The only reason that it brings pain.
I think that we'd have this struggle anyway.
Even if we, even if sin hadn't entered the world, the difference
is the struggle now brings pain.
Same thing with, you know, Eve and childbirth.
He said, now that when you, when you birth children, you
said you'll experience pain.
Well, there's nothing wrong with the fact that there was childbirth, right?
God intended that God, that was the first thing God told him.
He said, be fruitful and multiply.
Right.
But he told them after the fall, he said, you will now experience pain.
So the same kind of thing with the struggle with God, Jesus struggled with God.
So apparently that is where the greatest, the greatest treasure of what, how do I
put it?
Our aspect of a relationship where that God treasures the most is the struggle.
We don't like it because after the fall, there's an aspect of pain that's in it.
But here's the thing.
I do not believe that it has to have all of that pain.
I believe that we can learn through rest, how to struggle with the Lord in rest
without experiencing all the pain.
Right.
Anyway, so that's what we want to get to that.
The struggle is just the being two different entities, you know, conflict.
They say in relationship is healthy, that it's that if you have a relationship
full of just nothing, but like perfect.
But you would call it peace.
They say it's actually not healthy.
Right.
And unfortunately with conflict, the reason we think it's bad is people have a
tendency to sin when they're doing it because they get mad and they get
selfish and they get whatever.
Right.
But imagine that, imagine conflict in relationship that redeemed, imagine
conflict in relationship in the garden of Eden, right, with God and with Adam,
between Adam and Eve, whatever.
Right.
It's interaction in relationship between two beings that have
different and unique contributions.
God has his own contribution and you have your own contribution.
When that meets their struggle, it doesn't mean that you're
fighting against one another.
It means that together, and this is why God said, Hey, actually wrestle with me
together, you are wrestling with the problem with the issue that people
talk about this, um, you know, in marriage, they say it's extremely
important for spouses to realize that when they're in, when they're going
through a relationship conflict, they need to come together as a team.
To wrestle with the problem, not consider themselves as, as separate
individuals that are wrestling against one another and considering each other
the problem, but rather teaming up together to wrestle with this problem.
Right.
And to figure this thing outside, but you're outside of themselves,
but there is a team that is the healthy.
Deemed prior to the fall garden of Eden version of wrestling, of struggling with
God, and so he considers that to be very precious because it's intimate.
The two of you are, are kind of, you're not just a, how do you put it?
Each of you is contributing your own uniqueness to the issue,
your own unique viewpoints.
And I'm talking about you and God, your own unique viewpoints, opinions, um,
and how you should carry them out.
And they might sound and feel contradictory.
Okay.
Some point when, um, uh, God and Moses were talking about the Israelites
and God said, step aside, Moses, I'm going to wipe them all out.
And Moses said, no, Lord, don't do that.
You know, people are going to talk horribly about you.
And they're going to say that, oh my goodness, look at their God.
He just took them, you know, out of Egypt to do nothing, but
kill them in the wilderness.
You know, Lord, they're just not going to understand what it is that you're doing.
Please save them.
Please wipe me out instead and keep them.
God's like, that sounds like me.
That sounds like my character.
We see God do the opposite of what he did last time all the time.
Right.
But it doesn't mean that one is God.
And one isn't just because the outcome is different.
I remember we were talking about.
earlier in the group chat, the fact that we can't look at how it manifests in order to determine
if God's following his character or he's not. Both can be God expressing his character. Now,
sure, because we have sin in the world, there could be other things at play and other factors
at play that might determine why we got this account instead of this one, because the kingdom
of the world might've had an awful lot of authority in this particular situation and the kingdom of
God wasn't allowed to come in, you know, and have the authority over it. And so therefore we're
like, well, God, why did you allow this to happen? And he's probably like, why did you allow that to
happen? You're the one who has the authority. Or he's just like, you know what, this is this in a
manner of speaking, not that things are outside of God's control, but in manner of speaking,
it's just like, Hey, this was out of our hands. There were other people that I have given the
authority to command things and whatever. And this is the decision that they made. And they
had more authority in that situation than you did. And I'm the one who gave them that authority
to be able to do that and look how they're using it. They're abusing it, right? And so I need you
child. That's what I'm doing with you. I'm raising you up so that these things stop happening,
you know, and that you bring order to a world that is experiencing chaos, right? So it's not that
every single time something happens that it was God that did it or, or God allowed it like,
I don't know, like, as if, as a, just like when Satan went to God and talked about Job and he said,
Hey, you know, you know, will you let me at Job? And God says, sure. You know,
if they're not all like that, there are other factors involved because they currently, and the,
the the creation is frustrated and experiencing being subject to the wages of sin, meaning that
the wages of sin is that it's being corrupted by is leading it towards death. Right. And so
it's unfortunately experiencing all of that pain, but generally speaking, you know, just talking
about it very simply. So you can have to quote unquote opposite manifestations. In other words,
God can be in his character here in this situation. And then you could have the exact,
it looks like that type of situation was handled the exact opposite. And God might be involved in
both. And both of them were always God being who he is as opposed to, well, in this one, God's love.
And in this one, he's not love, you know, he's something else. He is, you know, it's the part
of himself. That's not love, you know, there's no such thing. Right. But anyway, God desires for us
to his whole point is for us to have relationship with him. And we, you, and that means that we each
have a uniqueness, each meaning like he and us have a uniqueness that needs to be brought to
the table and it's wrestled with or whatever. So when you're breaking your unique contribution,
Lord, I think we ought to do this. And God's like, well, I think we ought to do this. Well,
Lord, this is your character as well. I said, yes, I know it is. But in this particular,
in this particular case, there's also these factors to consider. And I'm ensuring you
to understand that there's these factors sometimes. And so I think that that colors
and affects how we should handle this. And I'm like, well, I still don't think so because I
think, you know, you're, you're, you're wrestling with it. What God doesn't want us to do in the
wrestle is to accuse him and to declare that he's not who he says that he is. And you know,
and that's, that's the problem, but there's that the, but the contributing your own uniqueness
and facing God and wrestling with questions is the place that God loves. Oh yeah. Because you're,
you're showing up, you're bringing yourself to the table and he created you to do that
because he wanted relationship. He didn't want a robot. He wanted relationships. So you're
bringing yourself to the table and he loves that. He loves getting to interact with you,
with who it is that you are, with your ideas, your spiritual ideas, not just your mental ideas,
your spiritual ideas, you know, your desires that he placed in you. He loves seeing those
operating and, you know, in effect, et cetera. And it's, and, and you're getting, and each of you,
when you're contributing something, you're contributing an aspect of yourself and you're
giving yourself and you're showing up in this situation because you're facing one another,
you're showing up vulnerably to one another and, and vulnerability. I don't explain vulnerability
in relationship is what creates intimacy. When you have vulnerability in relationship,
not transparency that, that that's, you know, a level that's a level lower, you know, meaning like
it's not quite there yet. It's when you show up vulnerably, when both parties show.
but vulnerably, you can have intimacy.
You can have a closeness.
You can have an aspect of each other that,
especially with God, that you'd never had before.
You're giving more of yourself to him than you did before,
and he's giving more access to himself, to you,
more access of himself to you than he did before.
That's why God says it's special.
It's because, meaning that wrestling and that struggling
is because that contribution requires vulnerability
in order to have, and that creates intimacy.
So it's very special.
It's the closest way in which we can be.
We can be with the Lord.
That's why it says, you know, with his mountain,
that place of intimacy, that place of meeting him
is in the desert.
It's in the struggle.
So where it is that you are is a great place.
It's a place that God is so excited about,
and he's enjoying.
He's enjoying you going through this right now.
He's not enjoying the pain that it's causing you
because you're holding on to things
that can't bring you life, and that can't save you,
and that you're in bondage to, and all that.
He's not excited about the fact
that you're experiencing pain.
He's excited about the fact that you're taking these things
that mean a lot to you,
and you're wrestling through stuff with the Lord
as opposed to going away and doing it by yourself
or choosing it.
What he's wanting you to do,
he's just like, okay, face me with this.
Tell me how you really feel.
Tell me what you really think.
But I'm asking you in the middle of all that
to always choose me.
Choose me, and then we'll talk about this.
Okay, or, you know, hey, we'll talk about this,
and then hopefully eventually, you know, you'll choose me.
You know, that kind of a thing.
But that's why all of this is very special to him.
And we're gonna, I'm gonna touch really quickly
on something I talked about in the rest intensive
and remind us where this all comes from.
Remember Ephesians 1.4 that we talked about,
God chose us in him before the creation of the world,
as well as the, so in other words,
he created your existence before he ever created earth.
And then Jeremiah, I think it was 1.5,
I knew you before you were in your mother's womb,
before I knit you in your mother's womb,
I think is how it went,
before I knit you in your mother's womb, I knew you.
So you had a value in existence
outside of and before creation.
So apparently you weren't created
to execute a specific purpose
and fulfill a particular destiny on earth.
You might have, you know, I believe that we,
that maybe you have particular destinies
and particular purposes, you know,
and expectations and plans, you know,
to fulfill out here on the earth,
but that's not your first focus.
And that's not the reason why you exist.
That's not, doesn't give you any value.
Your value is in your relationship.
God created you first for relationship with him.
Because remember, God chose you in him
before the relation of the world.
He found you, he created you as your own unique entity
so you can have relationship,
but then he put you back in him through Christ
so that he could be in union with you
so we can have everything, you know,
relationship within union.
So that means if the whole point is relationship,
that means that the whole point is the journey,
not the destination.
The whole point of your existence
is the development of your relationship with God.
It's the interaction, it's found in the struggle,
which means it's found in those places of intimacy
where you're vulnerable with one another,
where you're facing things,
where you're facing God while facing these aspects
of these deep, vulnerable, you know,
soul deep aspects of yourself,
some of which are ugly
and some of which are embarrassed about or shamed about
or that make you afraid, you know,
and you're wrestling through things with the Lord.
That development of your relationship with the Lord
is why you exist because that purpose
is something that God created you for
to have with him before the earth was ever created.
So it must be very important.
So remember that your whole point is not the destination,
it's the journey.
So you just developing your relationship with the Lord
while you're at your job, while you find another one,
while you're with your children, while you're raising them,
while they're misbehaving and you're interacting with them
and you're trying to learn how to raise them
or you're dealing with issues with your extended family
or you are planning and talking to the Lord
about your future and possibilities and whatever.
During, during, in all of those things, the point is not that you mature.
The point is that you develop your relationship with the Lord.
You get closer and more intimate with him.
Why can I say that the point isn't maturity?
Because in the development of your relationship, but then the Lord keeps talking about how
important maturity is because it's in the development of your relationship with the
Lord that as you become, as you get to see more aspects of him as he is, and in order
to do that, you have to be vulnerable.
You're giving him access to you and you change whenever you're in the presence of God.
So you open yourself up to those vulnerable places.
He's changing you because you're changed by looking at God and who he is and the aspects
of you that are like him start coming out.
That is maturity.
Maturity is not learning new things in the Lord.
Maturity is letting out who it is that you are so that that is who you get, how you interact
with the world.
That's how you interact in the spirit world.
That's how you interact in physical world.
It's letting out who it is that you are.
Let's see here.
Okay.
Sorry.
I was reading it out and trying to decide if I, what I, if I wanted to mention that
before we move on, but I think we'll just move on.
So your second level of, um, I don't say your purpose, but like what other things does God
expect from you?
Remember first and foremost, it's relationship, outer relationship, what comes and understanding
of how we're supposed to have dominion here in creation.
So how, and what does that mean?
That means how does our, the development of our relationship, the Lord, what that looks
like right now, how we currently are relating to the Lord, how much we've learned of him,
how intimate that we are with him, what we know of him currently, what he knows of us,
what we've given him.
In other words, what I mean is what we've given vulnerably him access to all of that.
What does that look like?
When we show, when we show that, when we show the, our current, the current state of our
development of relationship, the Lord, what does that look like when we show it to creation?
How does that show up physically?
One of the aspects is well with God, we're his son and he's the king.
So that makes us King Kings under him because he's the King of Kings, right?
We're the Kings that he's, he's a, as a friend of mine says, we're the Kings he's King of.
And, and so God says that as a King, he wants us to have dominion over creation.
Just like he, you know, just using God as our, our father, as our example, what we're
supposed to be like, just as he is the King over his kingdom.
And so that's the next level down as something that God expects of us to do, expects of us
is to have dominion it's be who you are.
You are a son who is a King.
So act like the sun King S O N act like a sun King who acts and rules in the goodness
and the love of his father, showing that to the rest of creation that is, that is waiting
on him.
And we get, I'll mention, okay, so we'll, let me mention this one first before I mentioned
the other one.
We talked a little bit about this in the chat, but think of this related to business.
Your business doesn't have any life.
Your spirit is the life in your business.
And this is the same, whether you own your business or it's your, or you just have a
project that's been assigned to you, or you have a particular role, meaning like a title,
a particular role that you're responsible to execute.
And I don't know, just an aspect of a business.
That's your responsibility to monitor and to keep healthy and, and to determine, right?
So your, that your business, your project, your team, whatever is simply a structure.
I'm not calling people structures.
I'm just talking about the idea of a team, you know, it's a structure.
You're the one that gives it life.
You are the spirit that it needs in order to know what on earth to do, what direction
to head in, how to act, what it has permission to execute.
And by bringing your spirit in, who it is that you are as a son, as a king, because
remember who are we, we're, we're a son and we're a king.
And where is that identity of who it is that we are?
It's in our spirit.
So that's why I keep talking about spirit is because that's where you're the son.
That's where you're a king.
That's where you have authority.
That's where you have power because it's your spirit.
That's one with Christ.
And in Christ, you have all that.
He has all power and authority, all power and authority has been given to him.
So if you're one with him, then that aspect of you, which is your spirit.
Also is the king that has that same power and authority when you're operating from inside
Christ, from one, from being one with him, that spirit.
That spirit, man, that is what you need to give your business because your business is
an aspect of creation, your business, your projects, you know, whatever.
I'm just calling it the business.
That is the aspect.
That's an aspect of creation that is waiting for a manifestation of a son of the sons of
God.
And remember, because that spirit and you are giving spirit to your business, which
is, which is creation.
You can bring a miracle.
God can do miracles through that.
Why?
Because you're bringing something from heaven.
In other words, the kingdom of God, you're allowing that authority to enter the physical
realm.
And whenever you give the opportunity of the kingdom of God to, to be in the same place
as the kingdom of this world, this authority always trumps this authority.
And so sometimes the things that God wants to do or to not work with the laws, but to
aren't executing what it is that he wants, he'll supersede the laws and what it is that
how they normally act, because he has a higher desire of a, and, and, and an outcome that
he desires to happen.
And to just follow the laws in that particular situation, won't get the outcome that he desires
for creation to have in that moment.
So he'll supersede it and he'll do the impossible who create an impossible outcome out of it.
But it's only if you bring your spirit into the situation and the only way you can do
it is by showing up as you are, as a son who is subject to the character of God that you
carry in your DNA and understanding your position given to you by God as a king to have dominion,
that you have that role in creation, that responsibility, that you're not subject to
creation.
Creation is waiting for you.
You're not subject to your job.
You're spiritually not subject to your, your boss or your, or the company that you work
for.
You are spiritually a king in, in Christ and you bring that authority into your job.
But I didn't realize, so to speak, that that's what I was doing when I was in, when I was
in corporate America and I had all of these bosses that are me, you know, there's my boss
and my boss's boss, my boss's boss's boss, you know, and they knew something was different
about me and how I didn't treat them like a mini God, you know, or yes, man, or whatever
that it was like I, they were, they knew I was different because I wasn't intimidated
by them or intimidated by their position and relationship to me.
I didn't feel threatened in my position because they were in a position over me.
I just knew, Hey, that's just a responsibility that Gary, that I don't, but, and I took my
responsibility as a king, as a son, king of my father.
I took that very seriously and I would always bring his kingdom into everything.
It is that I did knowing that spiritually I was subject to him.
Now he wants me to honor the, my boss and my boss's boss, et cetera.
Remember render into Caesar, the things that are Caesars, but that doesn't make me spiritually
subject to them.
I can actually choose to bring in the, the authority of the kingdom of God into a situation.
Because that has it.
And because I'm operating within the will of my father, meaning like I'm, I'm, he wants
me to be a, as his son, he wants me to be a king that is lovingly and spiritually ruling
the things within my, within my kingdom that he's holding me responsible for.
I had his, his authority to bring in, I was in a position of authority that could bring
in his kingdom, regardless of what my boss thought or, or did, or, you know, or whether
or not they believed it or how they interacted with me or whatever, I would always honor
my boss as my boss is the fact that they have a responsibility that I do not.
And they're there to provide for me and protect me almost like kind of like an umbrella to
make sure that I'm protected from the, from the higher ups, and then to make sure that
I have what it is.
that I need. That's, that's what a leader is called to do. But spiritually I answered
to God. And, um, so anyway, the reason I mentioned all of that as a personal example is to let
you know that the things that I'm talking about are things that I've actually walked
out and I didn't really know what I was doing when I did it. I knew that I was responsible
to God and not to man. And so that's why I did it. But what I realize now with the Lord
having taught me what he's taught me, I now realize, Oh, I was standing as a king in authority
in that and bringing in the authority of being the son of a king was bringing that into whatever
it is that I did. And that's why I wasn't intimidated by the people above me. And that's
why God honored me, who was sometimes the low man on the totem pole. He honored the
fact that I brought him in and gave him the authority. And so therefore he would do the
amazing and miraculous things. Um, so that the, my reason for saying all of that is you're,
that's part of our responsibility is to have dominion. It's our responsibility to the Lord.
That's what he expects of us. He's like, understand that the world is waiting for you
to give instruction to it. It's waiting for you in order for it to know what to do and
how to act and how to function. Um, there's, there's more to it that we can say about all
of that. That would be a little, um, that would be a little too deep of a rabbit hole
to get into, but I'll just mention this really quick. Um, it's, it's the way to give something
instruction is to simply show up as you are meaning like who God says that you are believing
and choosing for you and your reality and every, and all your kingdom and all aspects
of that, that touch your kingdom, that in that place, you are the king and that God
and his kingdom are the things that have the authority and the say to touch anything within
your kingdom and anything that touches your kingdom, anything that like tries to interact
with it or whatever, that the kingdom of God always has the highest authority. Then what
happens is as a default, everything within your kingdom is listening to you and everything
that wants to interact with your kingdom. We'll hear the instruction. We'll understand.
Okay. It basically what they'll do is they will know what to do because there's without
you telling him because all they're all, they're programmed by God to respond to a son of God.
So if you know who you are, they will then realize who they are. That begins to release
them from frustration, all these different aspects of creation, like physical laws and
laws of economics, other people's souls, you'll notice other people, other people around you
will change. You know, I don't know projects, whether they hit the deadline, how smoothly
things go, all of that will naturally respond to you because you're bringing in the kingdom
of God to bring in. And then with that means that because you're at rest and you're centered
in here and believing that God is, who says it? Yes. And that you are, who says you are,
we'll bring in rest. You'll bring in peace. You'll bring in order and everything will
begin to shift and to come into alignment because it realizes, okay, we're not responding
appropriately to a son of God. Okay. Cause all of a sudden a son of God has come into
our presence and it's shown up. Okay. Well, there's something in its very DNA that has,
that knows how to come into alignment. And so it'll try, it'll have to shift, you know,
around and figure everything out. So for a while, things will look like a mess and they'll
eventually shift and come into alignment or they will choose and their aspects of creation
can choose to not do this. They will choose to not come into alignment, either other people
or I don't know, physical laws, or I don't know, just all kinds of aspects of creation
project, a deadline, I don't know, whatever. Certain things can choose whether or not to
come into, into alignment. They can shoot. You have the highest authority in the room
that they have a free will to decide how they're going to respond. There is created and programmed
within their DNA to come in alignment with, with the creator, because that's what you're
bringing in. You're bringing in the creator. They know that they, they, they were created
from that thing they created from God. So they know what that is. So all of a sudden,
son of God, someone carrying his DNA, their, their frequency, so to speak, it's almost
like they're vibrating.
version, whatever aligns with it.
You're like, oh, I know what that is.
And I know what it is within me that needs to shift.
So they can choose to either shift into alignment, which most of it will, by the
way, at least in my experience, most of it will, but every now and then you will
actually have things that will choose to not come into alignment and God will
either remove it from the situation or he'll remove you, but you're not called
to be responsible by God.
In other words, God doesn't hold him.
Isn't holding you responsible for how creation responds to you.
He's holding himself directly to creation responsible for what career for the
outcome and he's old creation and he holds creation responsible for his choice.
We're all responsible for our own choices.
So you are not responsible for what happens when you bring in God into a
situation, into a relationship, into a business, into a project, you're not
response held responsible by God for that.
You are held responsible by God to be, to have faith that he is who he says that
he is, and to choose that he is that in your world and in your kingdom, because
you're the King who's made the decree that whoever God says that he is, that is
who he is going to be that, that he, we, that is who he is in our kingdom.
That is the reality in which I exist in which we all function.
Okay.
Everybody, that's the way that it's going to be.
It's the way that it currently is not will be as the way that it is.
And I'm just telling you, so shape up and respond, you know, of course
you do it in a very kind way.
And I'm, I'm just trying to get a point across, but you do that.
And then you also, you have to know who it is that you are and
you have to stand in that place.
Then everything else will get instruction of what it needs to do.
And we'll shift based on its own choice without you having to
instruct it and tell it what to do.
Hey, I want you to move over here.
I want you to do this.
I want you to do that.
Um, and it'll just naturally know how to respond.
You're just, and so you're not responsible for the choices that it
makes in, in the outcome of the impact of you bringing God and
his kingdom into a situation.
You're just responsible for bringing it.
You're not responsible for what happens because you brought it.
Uh, something that I wanted to mention also about dominion is, and especially
how this is going to, this, uh, plays out as you're trying to break through.
Um, you get breakthrough in something and you're struggling.
Um, I want to show you the difference between operating in, from a position
of power and having dominion as a king of your situation versus being a
servant and a victim to creation.
Uh, and that is whether we choose rule.
In other words, to rule or we choose relief.
Are we just trying to get relief?
We just want this whole turmoil to stop or, and then we just, we just want to be
say we're the damsel in distress and we just want to be safe, God, just make it
stop, or are we going to choose instead, which is what God wants us to, are we
going to choose to rule over this situation, rule over the, um, the fact
that you're struggling the rule over your struggle, that's what I'm trying to say.
Rule over your struggle offensively, meaning like on the offense, as opposed
to the defense offensively approach this struggle, because it's based off of your
choice and you're facing it and you're choosing to risk yourself by being
vulnerable to the Lord, you know, et cetera, that is ruling it versus just
asking God, does it wanting God to get out of your spiritual struggle by just
wanting relief, just God, make it go away.
Just make it stop.
Just get me out of this thinking that by doing that, we're going to get breakthrough.
You won't get breakthrough unless you're ruling.
Um, if you ask for relief, what you will get, meaning like from a, from a victim
mentality, there's nothing wrong with God with a guy.
I've even asked the Lord for a relief from a struggle one time where I was, I was in
the shower and I had struggled with him so intensely that I, for so long and
destroyed, had like a bunch of issues that were, I use a lot of examples from
work because obviously being single most of my life, you know, I spent like almost
20 years, yeah, actually spent 20 years, you know, just working.
And that's all I did was I worked.
Um, I did not have much thought about that at work.
Um, and.
Uh,
And I was in the, I was in the shower.
I'd just been struggling for a long time.
I was weary and I felt, and I told the Lord, I was standing in the shower and
I said, Lord, I feel like I'm in a pressure vise and that there's, and
you're putting so much pressure on me.
And you know, like what you're talking about, or one of you was talking about
earlier, you know, sometimes you just kind of, oh, shoot, I don't remember how.
How you worded it, but, but anyway, so I just told the Lord, I said, Lord, I
just feel like I'm in a pressure vise and I just want, I just want it to stop.
I know you're trying to teach me something.
That's what it was that one of you had said that, um, you're just like, you
know, Lord, I just, I, I'm so concerned that you're going to give me the outcome.
I don't want, because you're trying to teach me something, right?
We had that fear.
I said, Lord, I know you're trying to teach me something, but I am just
asking you to give me some relief.
I'm asking you to make it stop.
Boom, immediately.
It stopped immediately.
All of the pressure that I was feeling inside, it left now.
The, I, I, I wasn't, that was not breakthrough under sand.
I did not break through spiritually into a deeper level of intimacy, you
know, with the Lord and, and, and gain greater capacity at all of that.
It was like, God just suspended me for a while.
And I don't remember how long it was.
It was several months.
I think I don't remember how long it was, but I think it was several
months before I told the Lord, okay, Lord, you remember me asking
for relief from that pressure?
Well, I know that you meant really wonderful things for me out of that
time, and I felt like I short circuited what you were doing and that I didn't
get out of it, the benefit and all of the, that I didn't move into that new
level of relationship and trust with you that you were offering to me.
Um, cause I just learned, I just couldn't take it.
So thank you so much for relieving me of the pressure because only because I
asked, thank you for answering my prayer, but I really would like, you know,
the more of you that you are offering.
And, uh, so, uh, as I, um, I don't remember when I asked that, when I
mentioned when I gave him that prayer, but whatever, but whenever it was, I
know that the Lord then was like, okay, all right, let's, let's start on it again.
You know, and I'll, I'll give to you what it is that I was, that we were
working towards and I was offering you of myself, um, back then the freedom
that I was inviting you into and the more of me that I wanted to give you.
Um, but so I, I know what it's like to just beg for relief.
I just wanted to let us, to make sure that y'all know that just that we're not.
And I invite you to not just want it to stop that you desire more than that.
You you're desiring more of God, not getting out of this.
Um, now sure.
Getting out of this is the French benefit, but, and you'll get, but.
And, and you'll, you're in your focus and your value will shift to this so that
even if this is still going on, it doesn't it, you're no longer in bondage
to it, so it didn't bother you anymore because this is what you value.
Um, it no longer affects you it like that.
It no longer threatens you and you're like, whatever it can stay.
If it wants, whatever, you know, you know, Lord, I just wanted this of you
and I got this view and I'm so excited.
He's like, okay, good.
Okay.
So now let's move into this.
And by the way, this can't come with us because if it's not going to help us
anymore, so we're going to get rid of that.
And you're like, oh my Lord, no, it's gone.
You know, because you no longer, um, you can't, um, it's, it's a little
similar to the fact that you can't enjoy something that you need.
It's the same thing with that.
This thing is if you, if you need something, like I need this to go
away in order to be okay, that's bondage.
So what God wants to do is he wants to free you so that even while you're in
this thing, you're free and you understand what it's like to be in
situations, in environments, uh, in atmospheres without being in bondage to
them, that's what God wants you to know.
He's trying to continually show you who you are and part of who you are.
Rick, uh, means that you, uh, is, isn't, is, um, be is living in freedom.
It's someone who operates in.
freedom and rules over other things.
You can't rule if you're in bondage.
So anyway, so now that you're no longer bonded to the thing, you know, and you're
free and I was like, yeah, my goodness.
You know, this isn't doing us anything anymore.
So let's get rid of that because now I want you to move into this other thing.
And I want you to have to menu never here and whatever.
And I don't mean, he's just going to like take you from frying pan into the fire
though, sometimes, you know, that happens, but I mean, it's like, it's just like,
Hey, let's move on.
What else are we going to do?
And you might in what usually happens, just like the Israelites going through
the desert and going into Canaan, you in so often we end up going from this awful
thing and the Lord, let's go with that.
And then he's you're plopped in the middle of this paradise, you know, this
wonderful, you know, season where like everything is lush and growing.
Um, uh, so that is, this is, um, something I just kind of wanted to point out is the
difference, um, when we're searching for, when we're desiring breakthrough from a
spiritual struggle and a spiritual desert that we're going in, it's important that
we do that to understand that the only way that you'll truly get breakthrough is if
you do it from ruling over this situation, ruling in the struggle, instead of just
trying to be saved from it and trying to be relieved from it.
Uh, okay.
Um, uh, okay.
Along with having dominion, this isn't, well, I shouldn't have compared
it because it's actually different.
I just want to talk about the authority that you have pray in that authority.
When you interact with God, do it in that authority.
And you're talking about the importance that God places on struggle.
Why?
Because you're, you're each contributing, including you, each of you has a uniqueness
that you're contributing, understand the authority that you have to make your own
decisions, to make your own choices.
And why?
Because you have your own will to be able to make a decision out of right.
So pray from that place, pray from the place that you are unique individual.
That yes, you're one with God, but in certain aspects realize that you're unique.
And so if you need to use the word separate, use that in order to grab a hold of the
idea, you're unique, you're one with him, but you're, you've got a uniqueness out of
the uniqueness, pray boldly to the Lord and remember, pray to him, remembering
that you're his son and that you're a King.
You're a King that he's teaching.
You're not a King over God.
You're not a King who's equal with God.
You know, but that you are a King and he's given you that particular authority
in order to, um, uh, in order to, uh, to operate out of, uh, and faith, by the
way, is the active ingredient in prayer, believing that God is who he says that he
is and that you are, who he says that you are.
So when we pray to God, we must ask boldly and confidently for answers
to questions and for requests.
And you can look at Romans five, six through eight.
Um, so I recommend that you look that up in order to see all of that play out.
Um, so the last thing I want to just mention just really quick and closing
before I mentioned the practice is when we talk about seeking, remember seeking
is seeking him, who he is, that's different than thinking about him.
So sometimes we can think that we're seeking so, but are you seeking or
are you simply thinking about him?
Seeking is like, is a heart posture and a yearning and a leaning towards
him and then acting on that.
It's seeking himself, not seeking to learn more about him.
There's nothing wrong with seeking, with wanting to learn more about him and
seeking out all of those answers.
There's nothing wrong with that.
But what, what's the purpose that can't be the end all.
Because it'll either, it'll eventually you'll get to the point.
If that's, if that's your end, all there's an aspect of it to which you're in bondage
and God's like, yeah, I'm not going to have even revelation of me and insight
into me, but your God, I'm your God.
And so maybe he's, he's not going to give you any revelation for a while, you know,
because he's like, nope, you got to lose that stranglehold on it.
You need to seek me for me to be close to me, to have more of me, to be intimate
with me, and as you have more aspects of me, you will experience and feel, and
I'll entrust you with more revelation about myself.
So just remember that seeking is not the same thing as thinking
about God all of the time.
So if y'all have any questions about what seeking means that I have that you'd feel
like I haven't fully explained well, you know, let me know and then, okay.
All right.
So the last thing is the practice.
So there's a couple of things.
First of all, if you're wondering.
Well, talking about like seeking God and who he is and whatever, there's a lot of what
it is that you're currently practicing, period, in doing the journal, you know, choosing who
do you say that God is, and who do you say that he says that you are, and then how are
you going to choose to live by believing those things and by choosing those things.
So I wanted to go in a bit of a different direction for the practices today.
I've been talking about things like the importance of the fact that of what God expects of you
being relationship, being you offering your own unique contribution, the uniqueness of
yourself to him, as well as dominion, the fact that you then have a uniqueness and a
contribution that God wants you to, in operating out of his character, that he wants you to
offer to creation, but we've been stifling that for so long.
We've been forgetting and not realizing we were allowed by God or that he even instructed
us to have that kind, to operate in that kind of authority and free will.
We keep thinking that God keeps us, keeps wanting us to kill our will and God's like,
no, I don't want you to kill your will.
I gave you that to make decisions, right?
He just wants us to submit our will to him so that we don't do what we want to do.
We do whatever it is that we see the father doing.
Remember, that's what Jesus did, but we have to decide to do that because he's not going
to make us do that.
Right.
But anyway, so I wanted to kind of work on and help you all with learning to exercise
your own authority and your own free will to make decisions like access that part of
you.
I'm going to take a bit for me to, to do myself.
One of the things that you can do is this is a physical thing that you can do is you
can, you need to connect with your authentic self, who it is that you really are, not who
you think you should be or how you're trying to present yourself to be.
When we try to present ourselves in a particular way, we speak higher, speak a lot higher like
this and we're in, it could be because we're really insecure.
We're wanting people to like us sometimes, as you can tell, and what I'm doing is I'm
ending, I'm ending sentences and kind of like a question.
Everything kind of goes up was why a lot of high schoolers will talk like that.
You're going through a period of like tremendous, you know, struggle of insecurity and whatever,
and they'll end a lot of, there's very annoying to listen to over a long period of time that
they'll end a lot of when they're talking, especially with, well, when they're in an
insecure setting, like for instance, with other peers that they're intimidated by or
to adults, if they're feeling very insecure, a lot of times they'll end a lot of their
sentences up is if they're, they're asking a question.
Now I understand that in other cultures and languages that is normal, but in English,
that's not normal.
You go down at the end of it, at the end of a sentence.
So that is indicative of insecurity.
So it's important to make sure that to practice, you know, going down in sentences, not always
going up, but also to shift down into your chest voice.
So when you, if for those of you who are familiar with singing, you know that there is the head
voice and there's the chest voice, and then there's the mix.
I used to talk out and I used to talk out of my head voice all the time.
This is, this is my head voice.
And so when I'm really insecure, this is how I'll sound.
And I may not realize that I feel insecure, but I'm wanting everything to be okay.
And I'm wanting everyone to feel okay.
And I'm hoping that everything I see is coming across.
There we go.
Okay.
Hopefully you can hear me again.
But, and I'm wanting everyone to, I'm wanting to not offend anyone, you know, et cetera.
And so I'll talk up here.
But that's not my real voice down here.
This is my secure voice because this is in my chest and how you can find that is.
So the point is, this can be a scary place.
If you're feeling insecure and you don't feel that you have, you don't feel that you're
in a moment where you have authority over yourself or over a situation or whatever.
So the way that you can find your chest voice, in other words, basically you're where, where
I don't know how to describe it.
Just basically kind of like this center.
of who it is that you are expressing itself vocally, that part, the way that you can find
it is just when you go, you go, that place right there, that I don't know if that's called a,
a tone or a, or a, or a note on a scale, whatever that is. You can tell that there's only so much.
I know about music. Both of y'all know more about music than I do. And that right there,
that is where your chest voice is. Try talking from that place. I didn't like it when I found
that the way it found out that the way that I was talking was not my normal voice because I,
I thought it sounded, I thought it was too deep and I thought it sounded too masculine.
And now I'm like, no, I'm perfectly fine. But back then, because I was used to talking up here,
as he's talking in my voice, I thought this sounded more feminine and more light,
you know, and, and I didn't like talking down here. And, but I've discovered that this is
where my authentic, this is, this is a, this triggers me being authentic in a situation
is when I talk from this place. So I recommend you trying that if you can test it for yourself
and see if you're already talking in that place. And then you'll also catch yourself periodically.
Once you have now heard that you'll catch yourself periodically talking high. And then it'll,
and that'll be a note to yourself. Okay. I'm feeling insecure in this situation.
I'm worried about something. I'm either I'm worried that I'm feeling intimidated or I'm
trying to make it somebody else. I'm not being authentic because I'm trying to live outside of
myself and make sure everybody else outside of me is okay with me. And you need to live from here.
And the importance of this is learn to be okay with you choose to believe that God says that
you are who God says you are. And then now that we're talking like this, act like it,
and that'll be less scary. You know, it can be, we can feel a bit scared by it, but it's very
powerful. It's a powerful shift that you can make in your life. So that's one of the things.
And then the second thing that I recommend is that you pick some things to do to I say, pick
some things to do throughout, throughout the day, you know, the next, I don't know, a few days before
the next practice or whatever. I recommend that you still do some of the other practices we talked
about. If you're struggling in those areas, it's so important. Please don't think, oh, you're
struggling in those areas and don't do it and try to avoid those practices. Because if you're
struggling in those areas, don't you want breakthrough? Don't you want to finally,
you know, to finally connect with the Lord in that deep way. The only way to do it is to do
the hard thing is to face it. Remember, that's what we were talking about. You have to face it
and you have to vulnerably expose your part, your, your, that part of yourself to the Lord.
And it's the fact that we've been holding that aspect of ourself in the Lord that we can't,
that we haven't been able to get breakthrough. And that has kept us where it is that we are.
And it's currently created the life that we're now living that we don't like, meaning like the
aspect of our life and how it's going or how we're feeling tormented or whatever. Right.
So, so this next thing I recommend doing in addition to those other practices is to enjoy
yourself, enjoy yourself while you're doing things. So I recommend doing a couple of things,
pick something that you enjoy that you don't. We talked about this in the community, in the group
chat today, pick something that you enjoy doing that you don't usually let yourself do. That
feels like a luxury. It feels like a waste of time. Like you actually feel guilty doing it
because you like it. Pick that, pick the thing that's hard, pick the thing that you don't want
to do because it's really hard to do because you don't feel good because you like it so much.
Right. Pick that. And it just, it's up to y'all as to what that is and how long that takes and
whatever. But I just don't want y'all to be intimidated by thinking, oh my goodness,
this is going to take a long time or whatever. Uh, you're, this is just you trying to give
something to you. You're wanting to get through this struggle that you have with the Lord.
And so you're trying to face those things. So pick something. I don't know how long you're
going to want to allow it to be 30 minutes, an hour, um, or if it's just going to be for five
minutes, but it's going to be an intense, very focused five minutes. You know, I don't know,
but do something that makes you, that gives to you, that allows you to express you make sure
it doesn't accomplish anything. Okay. I know that sounds really weird. If it's like a project like
quilting or whatever, well, obviously that accomplishes something, but make sure that
it's like something that feels like the accomplishment is simply because you feel
good that it's done. Not because there's any value in it. Make sure that it does.
doesn't hit some kind of a value system of you, of yours.
That's what I'm trying to say by accomplish,
make sure it's done and accomplish something.
Make sure that it doesn't check off your list any sense
and give you any sense of value.
Do something simply for the heck of enjoying it
and only pick something that allows you to enjoy it
without feeling that you've accomplished something
because you're trying to act on the fact
that you're worth it
and that you are who God says that you are
so that you can realize you do have the value
and the authority that God says that you do
and that you have a valuable contribution
that God enjoys having when he's relating to you.
And so part of all of this is God,
is you experiencing what,
and you experiencing what God enjoys
when he relates with you.
Relate with yourself in that way.
Enjoy allowing that aspect of you
to express itself fully in something.
And then that'll give you confidence
when you allow yourself to enjoy yourself,
it'll help you realize, oh my word, I see God in me.
I feel God's delight in me.
I feel my delight in me and I feel God's delight in me.
Okay, wow, so maybe it really is true
that God enjoys having relationship with me just for me
for that aspect of me that enjoys doing this,
for that aspect of me that enjoys doing that
and just know that who it is that you are
is valuable enough and that's what he desires
and that's what he enjoys in relationship with you,
not that you're only as good as what you can do for him,
accomplish for him, et cetera.
That's what you're trying to establish for yourself.
By the way, doing this once or twice
isn't gonna cut it.
You're making a new life choice.
Meaning like you're choosing to now live
from a completely different perspective.
You're now choosing that you're living
in a different reality than you've lived thus far.
You're now living in a reality
in which everything that God says is true
and everything that he says about you is true
and you're now acting like it.
You're living like it.
You're living the reality of it.
That will then change your life.
It won't change simply because you feel better over here
and you did a program and you learned some things
about the Lord and the Lord met you a few times
and you had some good exercises.
They will not work.
What I'm giving you these practices for
is to give you something you can grab ahold of
to help choose it so that you can choose to engage
with your internal self with these truths that God said
that, hey, look, you are valuable to me.
You have a contribution.
You have authority.
I want you to operate in your free will, et cetera.
And so these are like some practical things
that you can do to help yourself engage with that reality
but it's only your choice internally
that that is who you are
and then you're continually making that choice
that's actually gonna change your life.
Not these practices or doing them just periodically
but what you choose and what you own
between you and the Lord when you do them.
And then the last thing about that whole enjoying yourself,
enjoy yourself when you're doing the normal things.
Enjoy yourself when you're doing the things
you don't normally like to do,
like changing a diaper or washing the dishes
or taking the bus to work or driving or parking
or working on a specific project or taking a shower
or whatever, whether you like to do the things
or you don't like to do things,
enjoy you and choose to live in the reality
that God is enjoying you in that moment.
That's what I did.
I think that I've talked to y'all about the fact
that I did that exercise.
I think I've talked to y'all about that more than once.
I did it actually right here in this kitchen.
I would stand at that sink right there
and I don't know, make myself tea
and then I would move over to the stove
and I'd make myself, you know, my peanut butter and toast.
And at the end, I had my little dog, you know,
about three, four years ago when I was here before.
And I would open the oven out after I toasted all of my,
after I toasted my toast,
because I didn't have a toaster.
So I toasted in the oven, I toast the oven
and it'd be in the winter.
So I'd open the door after everything was toasted
and I'd put Dawson with her little basket
right in front of the door because it opened doors
so that all of the heat from the oven, you know,
would hit her and she loved it.
And so it was dear, it was in this place,
it's in this room where I did that
because I felt so unloved and I felt not enjoyed
and I didn't feel that God enjoyed me
and I didn't feel that I enjoyed me.
And so I had to make very willful and intentional decisions.
God says that that's true, then I'm going to live like it's true.
I'm going to be that for me. I'm going to engage with myself.
I'm going to actually enjoy myself.
You know, I would make these decisions.
It changed the entire trajectory of my life.
My lens from decisions like that and continuing to live like that
and choose that that was my new life, that that was actually my new reality
allowed me to then meet all almost every single person that I know now.
I've now, you know, that I'm in
current relationship in contact with.
I met as a result of making those decisions.
I traveled and had opportunities and lived in other places
because I made these decisions.
They all completely changed my life.
It moved my life.
Like I told you from, you know, pale pastel colors into technicolor.
It was doing the simple things like just choosing that goddess
who says that I that he is and that I am who he says that I am.
And acting like it, living like it, not expecting things to just kind of like
change, but no determining that they already were,
that those things were already true.
So I was going to live in that reality.
Now, I just hadn't been allowing myself to live in a reality.
So now it's going to live in that reality.
So hopefully those practices will be helpful.
If y'all have any questions
as you try to implement them or as you listen to this teaching,
you know, just let me know and enjoy this very special time
and the next few days with the Lord this weekend.
So anyway, I'll talk to you later.