How are you?
How are you.
I'm good.
Good.
I'm on my iPad today so.
Oh, I love your hair.
I love your hair looks so different.
When my hair is down.
So, and then also it.
Loses all of its volume when it's a humid, humid day.
And so it's just very flat.
Beautiful.
I love it.
Thank you.
Thanks.
Oh, Priscilla.
How are you doing?
Yeah, I can share.
How my weekend went. I, well, I reached out to you. I think on.
Was that on Saturday?
It was Friday because it was the day after our call.
Okay.
And I.
I could feel myself going into that thing that I go into.
I was so excited. I was like, I'm so excited.
I was like, I'm so excited.
And then it was that girl who randomly.
Video messaged me on Instagram, which I'm like, wow,
you have more courage than I have, but.
I see after that, I started to like.
Spiral a little bit, especially in parenting, like.
All of the things, you know, that.
I regret from when Monty was little. And now that I'm, I don't know,
I guess I don't have as much as I used to.
But I do.
Arnold and I both.
We both do.
And anyway.
So then Saturday I spent the day like.
Watching chick flicks in my bed.
Yeah, I had no motivation for life.
And.
Then by.
By afternoon,
I went on a walk.
And I just talked to the Lord and I came back and felt way better.
Like way better.
And I ate something. Usually.
If I eat something, I start to feel better, but.
So then.
I don't know.
I don't feel like I necessarily like process everything perfectly or
something.
I just feel like I'm not doing it right.
And then Sunday I felt like I could just,
I could go to church and I could worship.
And I felt like myself.
And I felt like usually when I'm really struggling,
I really internalize everything.
And I feel majorly distracted at church and I I'm very held back.
Like, that's how I feel. Like, I can't really see people.
I'm just like, Hey, you know, and anyway.
And then Sunday, I went to church.
And I had so many good conversations on Sunday with people.
And I'm honestly just feeling so blown away with.
The people that got.
I'd keep bringing into my life.
And specifically on Sunday,
I sat down with the girl that I was telling you about that.
I'm going shopping with tomorrow.
The one that left the Amish recently.
And I had a conversation with her and she said,
like, the Lord is opening the doors for her family.
Now, like her sisters are starting to come,
talk to her about stuff.
And like, there's so much drama in her family.
Like her dad is a registered sex offender, like major drama.
And they're Amish like her family's Amish.
And.
Anyway, and she said,
her sisters are starting to come and talk to her about stuff just since
we talked. And she's like, she's able to like,
She said right at first, she's kind of like, not sure what to say.
She's like, I don't know.
I don't know what to say.
She's like, I don't know what to say.
And I'm like, Oh my word.
And she's a new.
He's only been a believer for a year. Yeah.
And anyway, so that has been really exciting. And yet,
and I can see that she's kind of.
She's in a struggle, but that she's also, I don't know.
I just can relate to her in so many ways before she's at right now.
Yeah.
I was just reading a text message from my friend.
Who lives in Florida. And she has just,
we've been friends since we were like 17.
And she just randomly was like,
she just wanted to let me know that she moved out of her relationship
like that she was in for, it's actually her, her baby's dad.
But they were living together, but not like together.
And she moved out and she just,
I don't know what to say.
house. And, and I started typing out that whole, like, I would
love for you to connect with my friend, Ashley. And I don't
know, something just felt off. And I was like, and all of a
sudden, I'm like, Okay, no, I need to give her me. So I
stopped. And I erased everything. And not I mean, I
hope you take that the right way. I felt like I was
completely
okay. So good. I figured you would understand what I meant by
that. And anyway, and then I erased everything. And I wrote
something else. And she was like, Oh, my word. She's like,
I could cry right now. Like, this is exactly what I needed to
hear. And it was exactly like what she'd been struggling with.
And I was like, Oh, my word. Anyway, so we're gonna talk more
on Wednesday. But
yeah, I don't know.
But it's a huge thing. It's good. I think.
Yeah, I feel honestly, like, when I'm honest, I feel like I
haven't felt the way that I'm feeling now in many years. And
like, you know what you said about in your video about how we
need to be careful that we're not just trying to get away from
something. And that's why we're trying to seek the Lord. Like I
felt like that really hit home with me because I'm like, you
know what, I do feel like a big driver for me has been like, I
just don't want to feel depressed anymore. You know, I
don't want to, I don't want to wake up every day wondering if
today's gonna be one of those days where I feel like crap all
day, or if I'm going to actually be happy and be myself. But it
just really hit home when you said like, No, you need to
actually be wanting breakthrough because you want more priced.
And but it's amazing, because all those things happen when you
have more price, but it really kind of shifts your perspective.
The other thing, I don't want to talk too long here. But the
other thing that I on my walk specifically, I was really
struggling with this whole thing with Monty. And I was just kind
of processing everything that you had shared and all about
like, you know, when a son of God comes into a situation, or
you know, depending on what you're, I don't know if you want
to call it like your domain or whatever. It sounds like the
Roman Empire. Have you guys seen those reels about the women all
asking the men if they have how often they think of the Roman
Empire. It's like a thing right now. But anyway,
but I hadn't understood what that was about, because I
haven't clicked on one yet. But I saw it come through. I was
like, is that? Yeah, supposedly people ask about
think of the Roman Empire, like multiple times a day. And I
understand. He's like, he doesn't think about the Roman
Empire. Yeah. So I don't know. You'll have to ask Ed. I've
heard it even on radio in Norway as well. They were discussing
it. Yeah. And then they're just like, Oh, yeah, all the guys on
the radio. They're like, Yep, they were thinking about it. And
so then they're trying to figure out what do you women think
about? That's like the equivalent that we think about
the Roman Empire.
For me, like, Green Gables are like, you know, like the
victory. You know, yeah, I don't know. Anyway, I think about
that. I know. I was I asked Arnold, like, he doesn't think
about the Roman Empire, whatever. But I was thinking
about, okay, well, I'm, I'm a mother, you know, I have kids.
And then, you know, and then I was thinking about creation. And
you know, how we partner with God and all these things. And
then I was thinking about my son, Monty, the one that I've
often had really big issues with. And all of a sudden, and
you can tell me, actually, if this is not who this is not what
I should be doing. But I was like, you know what, actually,
I was kind of thinking through this. I'm like, wait a minute,
like, he is of me, like, he is part of me, because I gave him
life, like, you know, the Lord and I and all together, give him
life. So I get to tell him who he is. And I mean, like the
God, but absolutely, I get to tell him who he is, and call
that forth in him. And anyway, so even though it felt like
really out of my comfort zone, and really, like, I don't know,
I feel like I'm in such different sphere of parenting
than I used to be. But this weekend, I specifically made an
effort to tell him, just just tell him things like, I mean, I
started out with saying things like, what would a responsible
and caring and kind seven year old do in this situation? Like,
I would ask him that, and then he'd immediately have the
answer, you know, exactly what a kind and caring and responsible
seven year old would do. And I'm like, Oh, well, then that means
you are one. Anyway, and so that's kind of the language that
I've been using with him the beginning of this week. And I
feel like I, I've also been realizing how much that I was
telling him who he was, maybe not even to his face. But like,
maybe spiritually, I was, I was not telling him things that were
positive. Like I was like, you're and these were things I
was not audibly telling him keep in mind these were things. But
like, you know, you're my problem child, you
you do bad things. You just, if there's something wrong because
of you, and those were, you know, the thing, and I knew I
was thinking those things that I knew I shouldn't think those
things, but I didn't know how to not think them. And yeah, so
that's just kind of something I am trying out with my new
whatever you want to call that.
That's perfect.
Yeah. And I also in my lady of the month, I do this. Actually,
we know about this, but in my, I do a lady of the month event
once a month where I post like three new videos with different
topics. And this month, I posted like what I've been doing on my
mental health journey. And I had another lady reach out and like,
you know, wanted advice on how to journal and like so many
women relating to what I shared. And yeah, so I did have a
little bit of time to like, write down some things that I
would like dream about in my business and stuff. But I, I
don't know, I don't know if it. I found myself being like, I
just want to not be bothered. Like, I just don't want to be
bothered at business. I want to. I want relationships. And I
don't know if that means within my business. I don't know. I
don't know. So I'd wrote down some things. I don't feel like I
got very far. I could I could maybe post what I actually wrote
in the chat. But I don't know that it will give much insight
into anything.
Yeah, well, that no, that would be helpful, you know, because
it'll, it'll just, it'll just start you out. It's a seed. It,
you know, and, you know, because I started doing the same thing.
Because I recommended that y'all do the exercise. And I thought I
should do it too. Because it's been a while since I've done.
And so I that because it's important for us to revisit it,
because of course, we change and who it is that we got our
together changes, because we will be developing our
relationship with the Lord. And so that in the course of the
development, change, which is all good. It means that there's
progress, it means that there's spirit in it, because spirit has
to always change. And in order to continue to be spirit. But
anyway, um, so I was even doing it myself. And I only got, I
didn't even get very far. I think I think that it's the
multitude of reasons. I think partly it's that there's just a
lot of a lot of stifling that we're not aware of that we're
doing. And so that's getting in the way of us just naturally
being able to dream. And so some some of that is going to be like
a, like an excavation process, like, okay, let's chip away at
this, let's brush that part away. And, you know, and, and in
order to allow ourselves, give ourselves the courage to step
into really dreaming without all those inhibitions. And, and so I
didn't get very far either. But I got, I got, I got at least,
like a few breakthroughs where I realized, Oh, my word, I've
forgotten that that's what I want. I've forgotten that that's
what it feels like. And I felt myself opening up again. And to
draw me a bit to a bit of a similar place, to a much more
similar place than I to where I was in April 2020, when I
started this, because I've noticed myself changing, but I
couldn't figure it, but I've been pursuing things in the way
that I thought that the Lord was prompting me to grow, and
giving me the opportunity to grow. And somewhere along the
way, I took a left turn somewhere, and I wasn't quite
sure where I was and how to get back or if there was even a back
to get to and I was just supposed to always be changing.
Anyway, this probably sounds very confusing the way that I
worded it. I knew what I was saying, but it's probably very
confusing to hear it. My point is, my point is that I need
to, there were aspects in which I had locked down again, and I
needed to release and I couldn't figure out where I'd where I'd
started to lock down again. And Ed's been talking to me about
it, because he'd seen it and I had known about it, but I
couldn't again, I just couldn't figure out what had happened. So
anyway, this process helped me start to let go again, and just
start dreaming again. And, but I get but here's an encouraging
thing that y'all can, that y'all can be aware of it. I think I
talked about it in this past teaching, I'm not sure that,
that y'all can take into not just this practice of like
dreaming about business, but dreaming about creating other
parts of your life, and then just doing other things in your
life is that is do it from a perspective of what are you
moving towards? What do you want, as opposed to what are
wanting to escape from? Like, well, I don't want this. And I
want to figure out what it is that I don't want. Instead, let
that happen by default. And let the part that you don't like
naturally go away by actually designing and creating what it
is you do want. It's a much happier and healthier
way to live life. I'm much happier. I mean, like overall in every area of my life, if
I view life like that, if I view life from the perspective of, you know, I am all of
these amazing, wonderful things that God says, but I am, God says, I'm amazing and wonderful
thing. I mean, he says, I'm this and this and this and wow, those are all really nice
things. Those are all things I'd want to be. And then he's all of these great and wonderful
things as well. And so if I build a life off of those positives, as opposed to, okay, I
want to be someone who's not like these things. And I want to live like God's not these things,
like not all these bad things. I want to live like I'm not all these bad things. And I want
to, and I, and that I don't act this way. And I want to live in such a way that I want
my future life to look like God's not these horrible, awful things. You know, if we do
that, we have a very difficult time, not only creating and building something positive,
but our, our sources is very, our source doesn't have much energy in it. There's not much energy
in the, in the negative to be able to like build the thing and to draw us towards it.
We're just trying to escape this thing. We're like, I'm trying to be whatever this isn't.
Here's all this. And so you've basically got is, where does it sound? You basically got
a double negative, you've got all these negatives, and then you're just trying to negatively,
in other words, resist that thing. And this double negative is not creating a positive.
And when you think that it will, we think that we have this negative, you know, like
in English, we have this negative, we're resisting the negative, we got a double negative, it's
going to create a positive. No, that only works in English grammar. It doesn't work
when we're actually trying to build a life. So my life completely changed when I did it
from the perspective of not trying to escape the devil, and, and him and his attacks against
me and watch for every way that it could be coming against me, or all these bad things
about me, I was trying to fix. You know, from this perspective that there's bad things about
me, I'm trying to fix or, you know, I need to stop believing that God is all of these
things that I've been saying to myself that he is, you know, all of that is just, it's,
it's, there's not much to give us energy to be able to build anything positive.
So I just recommend always looking at it from, from the positive, and you're just being drawn
by it. But the reason why we don't do that is like what we talked about last time, we keep trying to
think that we keep thinking that the only way we can build on a positive is if we're denying
that the negative exists, and we're not. And we're so afraid of doing that. We're like,
well, I can't deny reality. And we're using that to keep us from focusing on the positive.
Like, well, I have to remember the negative, because if I don't remember the negative,
then I'm denying that that's true. And well, that's just not living in reality. And we have
to realize no, no, you can, you can live in reality, recognizing and acknowledging that
this negative exists, but not using that as any kind of a motivation for change.
That's basically what I'm saying is you keep the keep it in mind without using it as a fuel to
to build something or to grow or to give you direction about what you should change into.
Well, I need to be the opposite of that. So I heard a man say, I heard a man say your last
night on a on a video that I never watching. What did he say? He's a well known speaker,
teacher and theologian these days, but I don't remember which one because there were lots of
them being interviewed. But this one guy said he said we need to be drawn to we need to be drawn by
the beauty of God's character. That needs to be our motivation for doing everything is to be drawn
by the beauty of this character. So that's what you were saying, Priscilla, you know, we need to
be drawn and motivated to move forward in our life by Christ, by who he is. So he's this good,
he's this beautiful, wouldn't we want more of that? Wouldn't we want him to be more of that
in our life? Wouldn't we want to experience the more that he is and all that beauty and everything
wouldn't we want all of the beauty of that character to be coming up and out of us and to
be part of the experience that we have when we interact with someone else is this beauty of
Christ is coming out of us. And we are acknowledging and experiencing the beauty of Christ
character and someone else or in the experience and then the fact that God's presence shows up,
you know, so there's like this third party being that's there between us and this other person,
there's a third party that shows that, you know, he's obviously God himself. And we're experiencing
the beauty, you know, in that third party aspect as well. That should that should be our driving,
you know, motivation for all of those things. So, yeah. And I don't remember what specifically
it was that you said that made me think about all of that. But also, I loved what you were talking
about with mom.
And that is super if that's exactly what we do and then the fact that you realize that you're speaking things over him
without
Without talking to him because it's our beliefs
It's not it's what it is
We truly believe about something or someone that gets sent out into the universe because it's like it's and then by the universe
I mean creation and then it's responding to that because we're we're that powerful. We're declaring things over someone
That's like Adam naming the animals. That's you naming your son. It's just like oh well
He's this and he's whatever and so the way to change that because people have asked me for years actually
How do you change how you speak over your child?
I'm like you believe that there's something different than what you believed
They they are instead of instead of identifying them according to their behavior and how they're acting out and what they're struggling with
And whatever believe that they are
Christ
that they are as perfect as he is that they were created out of his DNA just like we were etc and
That that is who they are and speak to speak and interact with that person
We and so I always tell people if you want your children to change you have to change
You have to change and that will and then your children will change as your response to you because you're now being someone different
With them and then they have someone different to respond to and you have that authority a very powerful authority
in Monty's life more so than you're going to have in his future because he's at the age where you have that a
Particular type of authority that is meant to protect him, you know and declare things over him, you know, etc. So
So anyway, yeah, you definitely have even a more powerful opportunity to
to be able to speak into and declare things over him that he'll
respond to and react to because he's more vulnerable and susceptible to it because he's submitted fully to
And even in the eyes of God and the eyes of Satan everyone that you have that authority
over him if you don't allow something to get to Monty that they're not allowed to get to him kind of a thing and
So anyway, you can declare all of those things
Yeah, it'll have a much more powerful influence over your child than it will over someone else's child
Or than if you were to do that or someone else's child or over a peer
Because he's under the umbrella of your authority right now. So anyway, and that's great, you know, and he carries your DNA and whatever
So anyway, that's super. I'm really excited for you
But
What was it well, okay at line with what I was talking about you were talking about, you know
Just like you always wonder it's today gonna be the day that I wake up and I felt just bad all day
You know or it's today or am I gonna feel good today?
By the way, can you hear me? Okay with these earplugs?
Okay. All right, because the people have told me that the microphone goes in and out
You're gonna have to tell me I'm I'm gonna have to buy some new ones
pretty soon and these are about
Two at least two years old though, which I thought that they'd surely be okay
But maybe they dropped in water at some point or something
Anyway, so I think maybe they're three years old anyway
You're talking about you know, not wanting
What did you say don't have much of a will to to live or to go to go on?
You know sometimes or whatever so we'll be talking more about this
Next week
But it's in it. I think it's at the actual actually it's the last session about owning ourselves and that's all about
Creating taking up our authority to create to design our own life. We're doing it with God
We're not doing it on our on our own
But how to do it in a way their life actually changes as opposed to Oh
Dreaming and it being wishful thinking and wouldn't it be nice if and I hope God will make it happen
It's changing it from that for from that approach to actually a an authoritative a powerful approach
Where things actually will happen they do happen
And because you're actually designing your life and stepping forward in that
and one of the ways that
we have to the only way that that actually works is if we do it knowing who it is that we are and
Then realizing you know that we are that God is not up there
Just waiting until we do something bad or wrong or step out of line or you know step off the path and then swap us
to get us back
Because if we believe that God is like that
Then we're gonna live our whole life. Just trying to avoid getting slaps, you know, and God just doesn't do that
I thought he did and
So my life became very small
You know, it became a very, very narrow, I just didn't have a lot going for me.
Things weren't moving very quickly in certain aspects, and just weren't moving very fast.
And my, and my life, and like I said, it was just very narrow.
It was like I had a, I was in a hallway that got more and more and more narrow.
I don't know if either of y'all have been to Venice, but in Venice, the streets are
like that.
Some of the streets are so small that there's, that there's literally, it's literally just
a shoulder width from one building to the next, and it has a street name.
It's an actual street, and it's just like this big, you know, but it doesn't start out
that big.
From one, from one side of the street, in other words, for the part that the buildings
are not perfectly parallel to one another, instead of being like this, they're a little
bit like this.
As you go into, it's like going into a funnel.
So that's what my life was like.
So not only was it narrow, it's got the further along that I went, because I then compounded
my idea of that, you know, lie upon lie upon lie, that God was strict.
And then I went on, and I felt that God was even stricter than that.
And then I went on about God was even stricter than that, because I felt like I kept trying
to so hard to do the right thing.
And no matter how hard I tried to do the right thing, I kept getting slapped.
So I kept it.
That's what I kept thinking.
So I thought, Okay, well, wow, it's even tighter than that.
And you know, and then I get slapped again for something is like, Oh, my goodness, it's
even tighter than that.
And so my life just got so, so small.
And I finally just busted out of the thing, I was like, Okay, this just isn't working
for me.
Everybody else seems happier than me.
God seems to be happier with them.
He seems to be blessing them more and apparently, I don't know how to do this.
So I thought, Okay, let's just live life the very opposite of the way I've been living.
I told God that.
And I think y'all both know that story.
In December of 2018, where like, everything hit rock bottom.
And I told Lord, apparently, I don't know how to have a relationship with you.
So until you tell me how to have a relationship with you, I'm going to do that.
I'm going to live life the opposite of the way I've lived thus far.
And up to that point, I had, if I wanted to do something, I felt that that probably came
from the place that the Old Testament refers to as the heart is deceitful, above all things.
So I thought if I wanted something, it was obviously bad.
And so I should always do whatever it is I don't want to do.
Because whatever it is I don't want to do is the hard thing, because God told us to
expect that everything's going to be hard, and that we're going to suffer.
And he urges us to do the thing, even though we don't want to do the thing.
So I thought everything that I didn't want to do is what was right.
And so I didn't do anything I wanted to do.
And I did everything I didn't want to do.
And it was very repressive, very, and it built a lot of resentment and bitterness in me towards
the Lord.
So I thought, okay, well, that's a good place to start.
If I said to live the opposite of the way that I've been living thus far, let's just
start with that one.
And I told the Lord, I mean, like, I talked to him in the living room, I remember where
I was, I was sitting on a couch like this, in another house, and I was looking over in
this direction.
And I'm talking to the Lord, it's like, okay, God, I'm just warning you that this is what
I'm about to do, I am now going to do whatever it is I want to do.
And I didn't mean anything fleshly, like all of these sins or whatever I meant, I was if
I felt like it was a good thing, I was going to do what I felt good about, not what I felt
bad about, like drugs or something.
But if I felt good about it, not that I felt that it would bring me comfort.
If I felt life in it, I was going to follow that.
And then I so I stepped into it.
And I remember when I did, I stepped into that.
And like, I actually acted out on it, I told God, okay, God, I'm gonna buy this, this consulting
program.
So I bought this consulting program.
And it was very expensive.
And I bought it without asking the Lord, I just told him what I was going to do, because
I felt like it.
So I did it.
And then I told him, by the way, I am going to try to move to London, I'm going to build
a business.
And this is before I did like life coaching.
And what I do now, this is back when I was building consulting business.
And I said, I'm with this new business, I'm going to move to London.
And God, and I told God, that's what I was going to do.
I didn't, it was like I was sharing a dream with him.
I told him, Oh, by the way, I'm very excited.
It's what I'm going to do.
And, and I didn't ask him, if I could, I didn't ask him if it was as well, I just told him,
I'm just giving you a warning, Lord, this is the direction I'm heading.
He got so excited.
And I remember again, exactly where I was sitting, I was sitting in a rocking chair
in my room.
And this was only like to a week or two.
I think it was a full week.
It was a week or two after.
I had had that other declaration for the Lord in the living room.
So it wasn't that long later, and I'm sitting there and I told God what I was going to do.
And I felt the Spirit just, it was like sunshine and joy just went up within me where I knew
it was God.
This wasn't me getting excited about my dream.
This was something different.
I mean, you all know the difference between when you're getting excited about the Lord
and when you feel the Lord in you, you know, and this was the Lord coming up out of me.
I just was so excited.
And I thought, that's where you were.
You were in my dreams.
You were in the things that make me happy.
You were in the things that I feel life in, that I have always like labeled as what feels
like it's a good thing.
Like in me, I would label it as, oh, I feel like this, that this decision or this situation,
I feel like it's good.
That thing that I kept calling that, that's you.
You were happy about it because I knew it was me.
But what I meant was that he would be happy about that, that he was in that thing with
me, as opposed to, no, Ashley, that's you and God's not.
And because, because it wasn't the Spirit telling you to do that, it was just something
within you that felt good, it's bad.
And I, and, and that's how I'd always thought.
So the fact that it was this thing that I thought was flesh and being so, and I'm being
so excited about it.
I was discovering God looked at that thing and got excited about that too.
In other words, about me being me and me deciding what do I want to build?
What do I want my life to look like, et cetera.
Now, we always want God to do those, to be involved in the building of our lives and
what our lives eventually looks like.
And so, and so as I, as I pursued that dream, did I end up moving to London now?
You know, and I'm fine with that because I ended up doing something much more cool.
I ended up traveling around the United States.
Then I traveled around multiple other countries that I had never been to, and I'd been to
London twice by that point, you know, so, and I'd been to be, so I visited my, the country
that I grew up in and hadn't been there in 15 years, I got to visit Turkey again.
And then I visited Croatia and then I traveled around Italy for a whole month.
And I mean, and the experiences that I had in like visiting people, you know, I went
up to Pennsylvania twice and all kinds of things.
And then I met my husband on this journey, et cetera, it was just totally worth it.
So I didn't miss the fact that that dream didn't happen.
But the point is I honored something that I liked and, and I just, it gave me a direction
with the Lord where, and I always tell people that because I've learned this in so many
ways, not just in that way, but in other ways that we just get an idea and start dreaming
with the Lord about business or what we want our life to look like.
And this is all relevant, by the way, Priscilla, to what you were talking about with your,
you know, depression and everything.
So I'll circle back to the connection in just a second.
But the thing is, it's like when we, that God wants us to, wants us to dream and, and
honor things that feel like they're coming up out of ourselves.
And to realize that, that just because it's us doesn't mean that it's flush and doesn't
mean that it's corrupted.
It doesn't mean that it's sinful or, you know, and bad.
And it's the source for, well, that's a little bit of a complicated thing, but I was
going to say, it's the source that we're using that makes something corrupted.
Are we using our own exertion and energy and like man sourcing it or using, using nature
to make something happen or are we using the spirit of the Lord?
But anyway, that's a, that's a detail we won't go into, but I, I just, the thing is that
when we get the dream or an idea about what we want our life to look like or something
that we want to happen, it gives us a direction to start heading in.
It doesn't mean that you're going to, it's going to happen and, and that you're going
to get there, but it gives you a direction between with you and the Lord.
And then you just allow yourself to be very flexible and to be guided by the Holy Spirit.
And then you'll have this amazing journey along their way.
So the whole point isn't whether or not the thing actually manifests in reality.
It just gives you a direction in which to head, to start out.
And then, like I said, it's important that we allow ourselves to be flexible for the
Holy Spirit to like move us along the way.
Um, but the, the really big thing between me and the Lord in that moment was that the
Lord was, yeah, I had an experience with the Lord where he affirmed I was good.
That things could come up out of me that he didn't tell me and he, and it was my
contribution, my idea. And he liked it. Why? Because my DNA came out of his DNA anyway.
So if I was the like, source is a bad word to use, but we'll use that. If I was the source of this
thing, if I'm just like, Lord, I love this, this makes me really happy. He's like, that's great.
Because that is how you chose as an individual in your own will to express the DNA that I put in you
to appreciate the things that I created and the possibilities and the opportunities that are out
there for you to experience, for you to participate in, for you to free those different aspects of
creation from frustration. And so it's like, I love it. It's like, that's great. I'm glad that
you, that you appreciate and you just love those things that I created. And then we just partner
with the Lord, you know, on, on, um, what the actual journey looks like and whether or not
we actually get there or we end up getting somewhere else. But, um, anyway, so the reason
I say all of that is to point back to, um, I reckon I, that I recommend that what you do,
both of you, um, that Priscilla, you know, you were talking about this, like this
threat that you, that you feel of like, okay, is this thing going to come on me?
Almost like victim to something outside of you without outside of your control.
And I'm going to, so I'm going to articulate it this way, and it may not be accurate for your
situation. I'm just going to present some way in which some people that experience what you're
feeling, what's actually going on. So for them, what's going, and then you can discern whether
or not this is actually what's going on for you. So what can be going on is the fact that
you, when you feel a victim to your circumstances, like this is the situation that you're put in
these, you made certain choices to be in this situation. Some of these are your choices. You
chose to marry this man, you chose that you wanted children. So you've got three, you chose this farm
house, you chose this life, you, you know, you chose the business that you have and, um, you
know, and all of that. So that we can acknowledge the fact that part of the reason that we're in
the situations that we're in, that they're making us feel like, uh, uh, like traps.
And I know that sounds like a really bad word, but let's just kind of use the words that,
that our feelings register with. Um, we can level those things, but there can still be an element
of why I feel I felt trapped. And that's when we've given up ownership of our lives to these
things outside of us that were the situation that we're in. And we feel like we're being
driven by them, that they are causing, that they are requiring certain things of us because I'm
in this situation, because I have three kids, I had these obligations. And because I'm married,
I had these obligations. And because I'm in this farmhouse with this, uh, you know, I think y'all
rent, you know, I've got this rent. And because I am part of Lemongrass and the way that the
Lemongrass is structured is you've got an upline and downline, you've got all these responsibilities.
Well, I understand that it was my choice, but I feel, I feel driven now by it. So what's important
is to take all the ownership of all of those things back and decide, no, this is your life.
You're not driven by any of those things. And so what do you, and so it's like taking, there's
another word besides ownership, but it's like, uh, taking back a charge of your own life and
taking it all back and realize, no, no, no, I'm not under obligation to do X, Y, and Z. I get to
choose and decide what I want my life to look like. So therefore, what do I want to do? You're
getting, here's a practical example of how that plays out because we can still feel like, yeah,
but I have to go to the grocery store. I don't want to go to the grocery store, but I have to
go to the grocery store. Actually, how is that me choosing something? So in a practical everyday
example, it'd be something like you, you, you've got nothing in the pantry and you either have to
go to the grocery, you have to go to the grocery store or you're not gonna have anything to eat
that night. And so do you have to go to the grocery store though? No, we tell ourselves that
because we're like, well, because if we're going to eat exactly, do you want to eat? Do you want
your kids to eat tonight? Is that what you, is that the life that you want to create for you
and your family? Yes. Okay. So you don't have to, that's the life that you're choosing to create.
So go create it by going to the grocery store, by doing what you have to do. But what we've done in
our feelings and our perspective is we switched it around and because we want life to be a certain
way, we're now obligated. We're not obligated. So do you see how we're in the same situation,
but we've, we've given power to something else instead of taking that on as a power that we have.
We're the ones who decide.
side. No, this is a life I want to create for me and my kids. So
let's all let's put the let's put ourselves on the offense and
go create that as opposed to, well, this is how it has to
work. We have to eat and I have to feed them and we have to do
this stuff as if it's being forced on us from the outside.
It's not deep down. That's what we want to create. So let's keep
that same mindset of like, No, this is what I want to create.
This is what kind of life that I want. So let's go build that
life. So I'm going to go to the grocery store, I'm going to plan
I'm going to do whatever. So all it is, is you're literally doing
the same actions, but this time you have the power back, as
opposed to being feeling giving the power away and feeling run
and and driven by obligations or expectations of other people or
expectations of society or whatever. Does that make sense?
That little tweak is major, but you're doing the same thing,
same actions living the same way. But this time, you're
creating life, you're not being driven. Does that make sense?
Yeah, yeah, it does. And I feel like that's a big piece of the
puzzle for me and I that I have been realizing and yeah, it
really it helps a lot. It is like a huge perspective shift,
but it also like, makes everything make sense.
Yeah, so my point is, you decide the life that you want. There's
so many things because I visited not only visited with you and
known you for a while, but I've actually been in your home
multiple times. I know the atmosphere, I mean, you know,
it's very peaceful, it's very special, what you what your home
is, you created. Why? Because you wanted that. I'm sure there
are elements of it that you felt obligated to based off of how
grew up or the fact that your family was going to come see it
and there were certain expectations. Some of that is so
ingrained and interwoven into into our decisions that we
don't, that we have a difficult time extricating which part of
what we want is expectations that we're just trying to
fulfill so that we can keep the peace and avoid like conflict
versus what we really wanted to design. So those things, you
know, can just kind of come in time, but I'm just talking in
generally, in general, you created that. So there's an
element of way that y'all live that you've designed, you've
built, because that's what you want. So you just live life from
that. So my point is, if you turn things so that you live
life from that perspective, then you won't feel so than just in
general, you won't feel so like, oh, I don't have the motivation
to live that live life and like, keep all of this stuff up. If
you feel like it's a half to if you feel it's this obligation
that's been forced on you. And like, well, this is what you
have to do. Why? Because this is what mothers do. This is what
God said. This is, you know, what everyone expects, you know,
because if I don't, well, then da da da da da, again, those are
all just so such negative motivations. If we choose
instead, what do I want to create for my children? What do
I want to do? The also the then it's, then you'll have more
energy, but also the energy that you put into it is, is your
spirit. And that's going to literally transform not just
your home, but the opportunities that come up, etc. Because
you've taken charge again, you've chosen No, I'm bringing
in the authority and I'm bringing in my spirit and your
spirit, just the presence of your spirit literally changes
things. But if you've stifled your spirit and your soul's in
control, and your soul feels driven, because it is it's being
enslaved, well, then your your home life is susceptible to
everything that it feels that is coming at it like an onslaught,
because your soul is the one in charge. So basically, the spirit
that has a higher authority and that has authority against
Satan and all of that, it's absent. So all these things can
happen. And therefore you it's like a snowball effect, you get
worse and worse and worse and worse, you know, because like,
as far as like, like the depression and the fact of like,
Oh, my goodness, you like maybe even sometimes these things
happen more often, like needing to go to bed for hours at a
time, you know, or whatever, just to just to kind of like,
rest enough in order to be strong enough to handle the lack
of motivation, and the onslaught that you're feeling against you
or whatever, it can get worse and worse worse because it
compounds. So my point is, the re and I all of this, I'm hoping
is sounding positive. I know you have to implement it. So
that can be challenging. But because it's like, we're not
used to doing it. But I'm hoping all this sounds positive and
encouraging, because it means that you have everything that
you need, that there's nothing that you're waiting on, and that
you have permission to do at this moment, to boom, stand at
this moment and do it. You have it within you. The challenge is
we're not
used to our spirit leading, we're used to the flesh. So keeping the spirit at the forefront,
living out of that is new and is a challenge. But the fact that not only is your spirit good,
but it brings with it all of these good things that again, like I always teach about
doing everything and rest, you, it does a lot of the work for you. So your flesh, like literally
the activities that you do, you get more out of doing less. Like you'll do put less energy and
effort into something because the spirit is moving ahead of you miraculously causing more to happen
than you're actually putting forth the effort into. So it's like it like 10 times, 10 times
is your effort or whatever. So it's like, there's the challenge, but there's all of these benefits
that come with it. And all it means is that you already, you're already who you want to be.
This isn't a, Hey, if you work harder, if you try harder, if you learn more, if you read more
parenting books, if you do all of this stuff, then you'll, then you'll have, then you'll have
what you need. So this isn't a, you're in a place of lack and now you need more. It's that you
already have it. And you just have to, you just do the challenge of choosing that over the other
choice so that you can finally access it. And so it's hard to build the new habit, but at least
you already have it. And what you have is good. And it means that you're good. It means that
you're, you're already wise and that you're already knowledgeable and that you already have
everything, et cetera. So does all this make sense? Yeah, it does.
Yeah. Let's see. What time is it? Oh, Annette.
How are you? Thanks for, Oh, so good to listen to all. I'm good at first. I mean, earlier,
right before I listened to the message, cause I only got around to listen to it today. Cause I've
I've my friend Christiana over. She's the one that I'm working with in LA.
She's been in Oslo. And so she came here for the weekend.
So that was really nice, but that also meant I, I kind of didn't do the things that I was,
you know, I got, I got put out of like my routine, you know? So like, Oh,
um, but it was, it was, uh, interesting, um, in the fact that she had been in Oslo and she's like,
Oh, there's these, uh, there's these people we should meet, you know, they want, they want us
to stop by and say hi. And I'm like, okay. Um, and it turns out is this like recording it's like,
um, they're called Capella recording. And so it's this Danish guy who started this like recording
studio with somebody else. And there were like 20 something people now, and they're doing a
variety of things within music. And they were really interested in what Christiana is doing.
And so we met them a lot of, um, cool people and they're like, Oh, you should, you know,
we should collaborate. You should come just sit here whenever you want. And it's just interesting.
Cause it's kind of like an open door and it was only, I don't know what will come of this or if
anything will come of it, but it's interesting. Cause this morning before I took her to the
airport, I just looked at my notes and I was like, Oh, I've actually written down like a while ago
that I'd love to have like a 50, 60%. I think I, I put down a 60% job within walking distance of
where I live. Were you working teams with a lot of like creative people? And it's like a 15 minute
walk from where I live. That's where they're all at. And it's all like creating they're like,
but they all have other jobs on the side as well. Cause they're like, Oh, we're either,
you know, like buying into it or we're hired, but like 50, 60% and blah, blah, blah. So I'm just
like, Hmm, maybe there could be something here. I have no idea, you know, but I'm just like also
kind of desperate and just like getting away and blah, blah, blah. And, you know, so I could feel
cause we did the sandbox, the sandbox exercise together. So I kind of like, so I did for me.
And then I, I did for like, or we did for like the business to see, cause right now,
just so you know, Priscilla, she has her own, she was working with like Taylor Swift and like with
universal and like all of these things. And she's been like major brands all, all the times, like
major labels. But she decided to get out of that and like start her own thing because it was just
like, she got burnt out from it and it just wasn't good for her. So she created her own company right
as COVID started. So she literally like launched it in February of 2020 and everything shut down.
I that's when I met her at like a Nordic Oscar thing. And then
she had written on her Instagram and said, Hey, does anybody know
anybody that would be interested in working or something? And I
wrote her a message back just saying, Hey, um, I mean, um, I
have zero experience in the music industry, but I would love
to do it. So you know, I'm here if you want to. And she's like,
Sure, totally. Let's talk. And I fully was just thinking she was
like joking. And, um, yeah, and then, anyway, so I've been like
working with her on projects, but it's like not paid. So I
mean, you gotta, gotta have to. I don't know, we just have to
like, go with it.
Curious what kind of projects she does in it? Like, what do
you mean? Like, does she do like, recordings? Does she do
like vocal coaching? Like, what? What do you mean to say
projects?
was stressing and I'm like, Oh my gosh, like, what could this
look like? Or should I buy into the company? You know, like, but
I was so it became like this. I felt it was kind of like it
wasn't an awkward goodbye. But it was kind of because I was
like, Oh my gosh, like, where do we go from here? You know, I'm
just like this crazy, not crazy, but just like a very eager, like
I just need to get away. You know, like, I will do anything
to get away from the job where I am right now. Like, I will just
move heaven and earth, you know. And so there have been some
things where I can like dream with it and stuff like that. And
so in that sense, it's been like a good weekend. And then I
started stressing about because we still haven't heard back
from like the court. And then my cousin called me and she's like,
I like because I texted her saying I saw you called on
Friday. Was it something in particular? She called me back
and she's like, Oh, yeah, no, it was actually I got a phone
call from somebody who had read the article in the paper. And
they had called my cousin to confirm that it was about who
they thought and she she was like, Oh, yeah. And then they're
like, she did. She tried to do the exact same thing with our
with our dad. And so yeah, so she's like, if they ever she's
like, I wish I would have been in that courtroom. Like if they
ever need a character witness to just testify as to what kind of
a person she is like, so then I started stressing with the fact
that oh my goodness, I should have known this I should have
had her in court like blah, blah, you know, so I'm like
doing all of these things. Yeah. And then I'm like, I just you
know, and I've been eating really bad all day because I'm
really lucky. So when I get my like, I was my friend that was
here, she was like, Oh, no, it's so sad with church because
it's like, they only do a once a month now. And it's generally
that once a month where I can't move. She's like, as I get so
bad, like with her period and stuff. And I was like, Oh, I
don't even notice the only thing I notice is that I'll crave
chocolate. And so I think I've just like, taught myself that,
you know, where it's just, I mean, I will crave chocolate,
but it's like, but then it's been like, Oh, so then you can
do it like you never feel any pain. So you can just like, but
but you should do something.
Anyways, um, so I've been eating really bad all day, just
like, hadn't gone to the grocery store or whatever. So it was
like chips and chocolates. And I was like, Oh, it's because I'm
so stressed with everything going on. And I don't even know
and blah, blah, blah. So I go out for a walk. And I listened
to your thing. And it's just like, I don't know how to
explain it. But it was kind of like the first time when it
really just dawned on me that were spirit, soul body, like
I've always known it, but I haven't known it. You know what
I mean? So when I was Yeah, I do know it, but not known it.
Yeah, yeah. And it was almost like just something like my
spirit is like, it just clicked, like, in my soul or something
where it's like, Oh my gosh, like, because I know we talked
about this the last time. But it just really dawned on me
that Oh my gosh, like everything I've been doing is like, to be
able to blame God or something or like have him have control
over my life. And I'm like, No, I'm actually a powerful person.
Like I get to declare this, I get to like, believe this
outcome is going to be like this. And even if it's not, God
is still good. So it's not about the outcome. But I still get to
like, so obviously, they're, I'm still like, I mean, this is
very, like, new, but not new. But yeah, there are a lot of
that's great. Yeah, I yeah, I got really excited. I'm just
like, yeah, I went to the store and I was
because I'd been thinking about what to eat. And I was like, I
get to make powerful decisions like I can buy like healthy
food, like, those are choices I get to make in my life, because
I have the authority in my life. And so I need to act like a
ruler, you know, and actually like feed myself what is good
for me and not like eat like a victim that is needing to be
sedated by like things that are not good for me, you know?
Yeah, like what we're talking about with Priscilla. Sorry.
Well, like what we're talking about with Priscilla, where you
make these decision, what do I want? Yeah, like, what kind of a
life do I want to create? Yeah, that's what you're talking
about. You're like, this is the life I want to create for me.
And I get to decide that. Why? Why do I, you know, why am I
deciding this? Because this is what I've decided that I want to
design. This is how I want to live. I'm not being made that
made to do this. I know that the research shows I should, but if
we view it from the perspective that this is what the research
says I should do, well, then we're, we're submitting
ourselves to like this thing outside of us, and holding
ourselves in obligation to do that thing, as opposed to
choosing what do I want for me? And then how do I go about
creating that? And it's a much more powerful way to do it. We
don't feel like so much of the victim. That's great.
Yeah. Yeah. So I got really excited about it. I like wrote
down things. I was like, Oh, wow. Like, I even wrote down
like, I've been living with a victim mentality to be able to
blame God and not take responsibility for my own life
and actions. Like, you know, I'm powerful. And I walk in
authority with God. And I get to just see him and enjoy him like,
without the whole like, Oh, I need my destiny. I need this.
And it's like, No, I mean, yeah, but no, like, that's not what
I'm seeking. So I don't have to like stress out about is it got
to do with is it going to be with this or this or you know,
like, it's just kind of like, yeah. And that I'm responsible
for my choices and my actions. And, and, but then I loved how
it's like, but I'm not responsible for the outcome of
how the rest of creation aligns with that. But I get to do like
what I can do. So I was like, Oh, that's really cool. And then
the whole like praying to clear from that side. So um, so I
thought I thought that was really cool. And I'm like, Oh, I
want to listen to it again. And like, I'm really excited about
the next one that you're talking about. Because I think that
sounds like it's going to build on that. So I'm excited about
that. And I think the only thing I'm like, it's those like
contradictions where it's like, Oh, I get to do that and be the
designer and create my own life. And then at the same time, not
take control over that and then be stressed if I don't know what
business I want to do, or if I don't know this, you know, so on
on. And that was also like, so it's funny, because she tried to
set me up with this guy. And the three of us met and it was like,
he's really, really nice. And then just starts to align for
the rest of the trip. I was there. So I didn't meet him
again. Anyways, I just sent him a picture of the two of us when
she was here. And so we started talking. I was like, Oh, that
would be funny if like that was but then, you know, and things
just kind of like, it seems like it's just dies down. And I'm
like, that's okay. Like, it's fine, you know. And then I think
part of me is just like, is that just me being used to be
disappointed in that? Or am I just because I feel fine with it.
So I, you know, am I don't know if it makes any sense. So it's
like, I feel like breakthrough in like the understanding and
things just like dropping from my spirit and into like my
heart so that I know. But then there are still some things to
be worked out to ask to like, Okay, well, what does that look
like in business? Does that look like wrestling it out and
bringing the kingdom where I am? Or does it mean like taking
responsibility of my life and being like, I don't like it
here, I should quit and go to sign something else, you know,
or like, Oh, I'm okay with, you know, nothing happening with
this guy? Or is that just something I'm used to just like
I'm used to, like, I'm used to being disappointed in that. And
I'm used to just like eating chocolate, if I'm on my period,
you know what I mean? Like, so there are still things to be
worked out that I that I don't know, but definitely felt like a
huge like, yeah.
That is really huge. Because these things that you're talking
about, those were the things that I was trying to get across
in the rest intensive that I knew that there were people that
weren't able to grab a hold of that. So I thought then I wanted
a whole program that just focused on nothing, but these
things to help people realize, okay, let's give people a bit
more of like a bit more detail about how those
free as work so that they can actually, um, uh, get that breakthrough.
So, um, so no, that is right.
I am so excited because yeah, this is a very, very, very major thing.
That's why this whole program is about who is God and who are you?
Because it's that big of a deal when you realize that it's like this huge aha
moment where all of a sudden you see life very differently.
So it's, it's a, it's, they seem so simple.
It's like, well, we're going to talk about this.
We're going to talk about that.
And I'm like, I know, but it's like everything.
That will completely change the trajectory of your life.
Just knowing those things.
So that is like Priscilla mentioned in the chat, it's huge.
It's huge.
And before we go on, um, the whole, the internet froze.
And so you didn't hear Priscilla asking this question.
So she asked it again in the chat.
I was wondering the same thing.
Um, what kind of projects that your friend works on?
Is that vocal coaching, recording your songwriting?
Oh, so it's actually, so she's a manager.
So she'll manage artists, but then she has, so it's called do less management.
And then she's also consulting.
So she's consulting artists that want to maybe like break into a new.
Field or if they want to get started.
Um, she's working with music Norway for artists here that want to maybe try to
break into the American market and vice versa, like, so have like collaborations
there, what we want to do, we want to create a label, uh, to be able to like
release songs and we'd love to.
So we, we also do these songwriting.
Camps where you like bring writers and singers and producers together.
So we did one, I was like, Oh, we should do Christmas in July.
I sadly wasn't able to be there, but it's like, you need to make the Christmas
music in July to be able to place them in the Christmas music films that are going to
come out.
Right.
So it's stuff like that.
And then, um, she also has like do less productions because her husband is, he's
like a DP and he does photography and everything.
So he does a lot for like commercials, but music video and regular, like he's a, he's
a writer as well.
So, um, lots of things going on.
So it's like, but, uh, we're friends with Jason.
Who's an amazing vocal coach.
So, yeah.
Um, so all the things, so just, um, send me a chat and very cool.
I'll turn at you.
Yeah.
Um, so, uh, what was I going to say now?
I forgot.
That's what I was going to say.
You were talking about, Oh, so you were talking about like dreaming, you know, in a
sandbox and whatever.
And so you said that you did it with by yourself and you did it with your friend.
And then you're wondering, you know, how to, uh, like how to move forward in
knowing that you are who God says that you are and that you have a contribution.
And in other words, you have a, um, what do you call it?
You, you have a, uh, I don't know you, you, you have something to bring to the
table as opposed to just, okay, God, what am I supposed to do?
It's you and God collaborating together on what it is that you should do.
Now, he always has the, um, always carries more weight in the conversation
and in the final decision, it's basically up to him to make the final decision,
you know, kind of like, Oh, the husband and wife and being in submission.
It's like, there's a, there's a joint effort of, Hey, we're living this life
together, but someone has to be, has to carry the responsibility and
accountability of the decision.
And so that's the husband.
So that's why we, as wives are called to submit, we get to, we get to
contribute towards the ideas, but we also, but while the husband does make
the final decision, like, okay, we're going to do this or, you know, you know,
why you said this though, we're going to go with what you say this time.
Either one, he's the one that's held responsible for that.
So it's the same thing between, um, between us and the Lord is he's
the one responsible for it.
So he has the final say, he carries the most amount of weight, but what he's
trying to do with us and why he says that we have a contribution is the fact that
we, um, uh, we, he's trying to teach us how to make decisions out of his and our
character because our character is his character and he's trying to teach us
how do we make decisions from that place?
And so he matures this in that.
So it's a, it's not a, it's a little bit of a challenging.
Uh, question to answer because it, it, um, it's just individual based on our
relationship with the Lord and where it is that we currently are on our journey
with the Lord, like, and the particular situation, the particular character that
it's the aspect of our character and his character that was calling on.
know, etc. But, but anyway, so but the thing is about the about
the sandbox thing, it's really cool, because you just kind of
like let go of any of what does God's? What does necessarily?
What is God saying? Because you're not making a decision.
You're you're just dreaming, and you're coming up with stuff,
you're like, allowing all of the stuff that's in you to come out.
And then you put it through the filter of discernment between
you and the Lord of like, okay, what aspect is this? How does
God feel about these different parts? Yeah, before we know how
we're going to decide together what we're going to actually do.
So that's something that I do. And so when I talk about, you
know, dreaming in a sandbox, I, and I, when I talk about like
having dreaming outside of like, without limits, you know,
outside of like, well, this is how business works in versus it
doesn't work like that, you know, just like, okay, we'll put
that to the wind, suspend that reality for a minute, one of the
realities that we suspend, so to speak, is what does God want?
What is God saying? That's too much for us to try to think of
all at the same time is what is it that I want? And what is it
that he wants now as we come? As we mature, in our ability to do
this, we'll be able to do them at the same time, we'll be
able to feel what we're feeling and we're contributing. And what
God's saying, and we'll be able to do it at the same time. But
when we're learning about how to stop stifling us, we can just
concentrate on one thing at a time. So you just have so one of
the realities that you suspend is what does God want? Now, I
always try to I always do it. I always I always dream with him.
So it's like I bring his presence in and I dream in his
presence. But I don't try to figure out everything all at
once, like, oh, this is what I want to do, God, what do you
think about it? I don't do that all at the same time. It's too
it's too much, because it's almost like multitasking. It's
like, I if I do that about this, and then I think about a
different aspect of the dream, it's hard for me to shift from
asking God what he wants, and then now shifting back into
finding myself again, and what it is that I want. And now let's
move to a different part of the dream list. Let's dream like,
okay, about a different aspect of the business. It's hard to
like shift, you know, back and forth between what is God
saying? What am I saying? Because we're, it's like, you're
really shifting between your flesh, your spirit, and what God
say, even though your spirit and God, you know, are one, it's,
it's, you're trying, you're trying to basically teach
yourself what, how to find you and how to let you out. So I
just kind of like dream, I dream with God, I dream in his
presence. But I don't try to discern at the same time what
he thinks about what I'm saying. Yeah, I just dream. And then I
asked him after I've like developed all this stuff. Okay,
now, God, you and I, what do you think? You know, because we're
we're gonna act on some of these things. So should it look like
this? What do you think about and then you just kind of like
ping your spirit? That's how I work into it. Because your
spirit is one question, you kind of spin your in your spirit
against all of these things and see what what he said. And
again, you just kind of get a general direction. And and then
start stepping out in that direction where you feel God
giving you permission. And okay, in the first step, you're not
going to have discernment. Usually, it's very, very, very,
very, very, very, very, very, very ultra rare that God will
show you everything. You'll just you'll just get an okay for a
general for a first step. And so you make the first step. And
it's risky, because you don't know if that first step is going
to lead into all this other stuff. And all this other stuff
that you want. And so anyway, is that helpful to at least start?
It is it's Yeah, it's Yeah, I just think it's difficult. Like
I'll Yeah, it's like I got home and then I saw there was an
email and it's like a sales email where it's like, oh, it's
just one more day. And then it's another year before this program
opens. It's a Norwegian woman that has it. And it's it's about
like, create your own dream business. And I'm like, Oh,
because her caption is literally Do you need Do you need a sign?
And I'm like, um, but then I'm like, I've been through. I feel
like I've like purchased so many different programs just trying
to like, like the Pedro one and blah, blah, you know, and it's
like, yeah, trying to like do all these things. And I'm like,
not necessarily knowing that that's my thing. You know what I
mean? Correct. Exactly. Yeah. And so just like, yeah, because
when I've done all everything else that I've been presented
with,
Well, I'd say everything else. Most, I would say 90%, at least, if not more than that,
that I've been presented with as possibilities, all these different modalities, Pedro's, etc.
They all sound great. And I am so excited for everybody else. And I can sense that,
hey, that works. And all of that. But God, I do not feel spirit and life on it for me.
Yeah. And that's hard. Because as I've told my friend, who's also, she's in Pedro's
master's mind, you know, that high level one, she's in that group. And so like she gets they,
she and her husband get like personal, like mentoring from Pedro on their business kind
of a thing. And so she and she's given me, you know, some pointers and some directions as well.
And I cannot, for any, how do I try to say what I'm trying to say specifically, and
that, if I could listen to someone else, and be able to step out on what someone else is doing,
you know, like what I was talking about, like with Priscilla, like her, like possibly, like,
you know, her teaching all these other people how to copycat what she's done,
it makes it so much easier for the other people, right? Because it's like, hey, this is all I have
to do someone else to figure that for me. But the problem is maybe that works for some people,
it does not work, it doesn't work for me. And I'm telling you, from what I've observed,
it will not work for the majority of people, we all want to do it. But and we hear these great
success stories. You know, Pedro has all of the has some like, yeah, Pedro, and I've done Stevens.
And it's like, I can't like, I can't be a rainmaker. Like, I'd love to.
Oh, a rainmaker? Have you done that one? Yeah, with the rainmaker family.
I can't, like, I cannot, like, I can't, you know?
Yeah, I know. So that's my thing, too, is that nothing feels right. It's like, it would be easy
if it was because it's plug and play. Someone else has already figured out the formula, I don't have
to think about it. All I have to do is just follow it. And it's and I talked to Ed about this over
and over and over and over and over again, I was like, it would just be so much easier.
If I like easier, so to speak, if I just allow someone else to have done all the work for me,
and I do what they tell me to do, because that's what they're offering to teach me is,
hey, I'll teach you how to do what I do. But God's just like, actually, that's not what I have for
you. And I'm like, Okay, well, then what is it? So I'm exploring into an unknown. And I can't find
what he's saying that it's going to look like, because it's not what someone says talking about,
it's not what someone says talking about, it's not what someone says. So what is it? He's like,
well, you and I are going to develop it, you know, alone, you know, it's going to be brand new. And
I'm like, Okay, but then what is it? Just tell me what to do. And so it's an exploration process.
So basically, this is how I've described it to a friend of mine when she was struggling with,
with starting out, she was wanting to switch from the way that she used to do business. And
she was feeling like the grace of lifted, and she didn't know what she was supposed to change it
into. And she's like, actually, I just don't understand. She said it used to be so effortless.
And now it's so hard. And I said, I think what happened is, is that she said, is I told her I
said, when we put put spirit into a thing, it just starts effortlessly. We're just like, Hey,
I'm just gonna put myself out there. And I'm going to try this. I'm just going to operate
according to who I naturally am. And I'm just going to let what happens happens. We don't
force art. And then what ends up happening is, we have a structure is created, it's almost like
we create the wine skin, the wine skin, and then we pour our spirit through which is the wine,
you know. And but what we end up doing is we finally, eventually, once that is created,
we stop focusing on the spirit. And we keep trying to maintain the structure.
Yeah, because we think that it's the structure that's getting it to work. And instead,
the structure is there to support the spirit that gets the whole thing to work. And, and so the,
the thing is that people are trying to sell structures, but that's the structure that
very unique spirit created. And in order to sustain itself, it's the wine skin that was
needed for that wine, you're going to need your own wine skin that in the manner speaking, I know
it doesn't quite work like this, like the wine skin is formed because of the bought from the wine,
but it, you know, just kind of get that picture in your head. Yeah, that's point across. It's like
your spirit when it comes out, well, there's a structure that is created that supports that
unique spirit. So that also means that and this is what I was talking about with Priscilla as well.
And I just had worded it like this, if she is struggling now, and she didn't use to with her
business, you know, it's, it can mean that there's been a change in who it is and how her spirit
operates because she's developed and matured in her.
relationship with the Lord. So it looks and acts different now than it used to. And that
old structure supported the old spirit, the way that the spirit, her spirit used to operate
between her and the Lord. And so now, but if you're just trying to maintain that structure,
it's exhausting because your spirit is changed. So in order to maintain that structure, it
takes flesh. Now it takes work because the spirit's no longer supporting that. Why? Because
the spirit is different now. So, so that's why we should focus again on this whole sandbox
thing and dreaming and just like, what is my spirit saying? What is it? What's coming
up and out of me? And then allowing a new structure to form from the way that our spirit
has now developed that new wine skin that is now in the same frequency and created from
that new wine. And that's why our businesses change over time. That's what the process
that I've been in for a while is to figure out, okay, who are God and I now, and how
do things need to work now and differently than they used to. That's what Priscilla's
going through, you know, in this transition, but it's the same. And that was my friend.
That's what she was going through as well. And so it's the same thing with you, even
though you might be thinking, yeah, but I'm starting fresh. Well, it's the same thing.
It's your spirit needs to come out to create the structure as opposed to us looking for
somebody else's structure that are, we want to flow our spirit through it. It's not, it's
that the frequencies don't match because that structure was created by somebody else's spirit.
It was created to match and support and sustain that spirit into creation. Yours is going
to have to, in order to sustain your spirit, it's going to have to be created different.
That's why there's very few people that get those, get those copycat versions to work.
Say even Pedro's, like his, like, what would you call it? His success story. His brain work.
Yeah. Yes. His brain work, you know, his, the Rainmaker, you know, family, you know,
they've done really well. It's, you know, there are several, there are a few families that he,
three or four major ones that, that he promotes as like success stories. They are good. They,
what I believe that they did, because I've personally been in the room, you know, because
you gifted me those tickets, personally set just feet from them, hearing them tell their stories.
And everything sounds like, Hey, we did whatever Pedro told us to do. But if you really sit there
and listen to it, you're like, no, you added your own uniqueness to that. You followed a general
direction, but you did some very unique things and some twists on it. And you, and, and so you
got a success story, but all of these other people who've done the same thing that Pedro told them
to do, they didn't get the same success story, but also the reason that they got it to work is
because they added their own uniqueness to it. So anyway, my point is that even the six copycat
success stories have to have someone's own unique spirit in order to work and can't, and actually
aren't perfectly copycatted. And so that's why there's so few, because anyway, so it, so the
point is, is frustrating as it is like, Hey, all these people are trying to sell me the formula
that'll get me success. It actually, even their success stories aren't, aren't, aren't perfect
copycat. So either that, or they are perfect copycats, but what they've done is they've added
just a whole lot of flesh to them. I'm not talking about Pedro's people. I'm talking about like other
people, you know, there's a whole lot of flesh that's been added to him. In other words, a whole
lot of elbow grease that got them to finally work. And, and that means that you're going to
have to continue to add a lot of elbow grease in order to sustain them. But if God builds the key,
if God is the one who creates the business, then God will sustain it. So if God is, if it's your
spirit that builds the business, it's your spirit that, that will sustain it effortlessly without
all of this flesh. But if it's your flesh that sustained that builds it, it's your flesh,
they'll have to sustain it. So anyway, as hard as all of this stuff is, it at least hopefully
gives you encouragement of why it hasn't worked. Why does it work for all these other people? Look
at all of these success stories they give me, whether it's Pedro or someone else. It's because
it's, it actually is not working the way that we all think in the flesh that it does maybe in the
flesh that works like that. It doesn't like that if you want to give it spirit. So if the Lord wants
to very specially set us aside and say, Hey, look, I don't want you to work so hard. I want
you to pour spirit into this, not flesh. So I'm not allowing these things to work. You're getting
frustrated because, because your, what I've put in you doesn't jive with doing it that way. I mean,
for you to do it a different way. And if you do it this other way, you'll be operating more freedom,
et cetera. So hopefully that's encouraging, but again, the encouragement is that.
You've got something very unique, very special, and it means you have God's favor on you
as opposed to why is God making it harder for me than he does for other people.
Other people get to just buy the formula plug and plug and it works for them and God saying,
no, you have something very unique, very special.
You already have it in you.
What you now have to go through the process of is it as all pioneers do is how to discover
what it is and how to let it out and that's part of what that sandbox process is and the
cool thing about the sandbox is it gives you without all those boundaries, gives you the
opportunity to dream instead of constantly telling yourself why you shouldn't think that
and no, I probably shouldn't do it like that and no, I've tried that before and that didn't
work.
Remember that Peter went out into the boat, went on the boat, fished all night, didn't
catch a thing, came back and when he first met Jesus, Jesus said, hey, go back out again
and throw the net over the side and Peter's like, I've already done that.
Yeah.
Another word in Jesus.
Yeah.
But this time I'm telling you to do that.
So in other words, he did the same thing that he'd done before that didn't work, but this
time he went out on word, this time he went out on spirit and this time it worked.
So anyway, I know I just talked a lot, but I got very excited.
No, no, that's, it's, it's so helpful and that's, yeah, it's a, it's so encouraging
because as you're speaking, I was like, yeah, of course I don't want to do that program
because one also biggest thing is she's not a believer, you know?
So it's like, not that that can't, but it's just like my personal thing what I would want
to like.
Yeah.
But I think as you were speaking to him, like, oh, that's probably why I got triggered with
my friend who's now like just setting, like cutting everyone off essentially to be like
with, you know, um, and cause she's doing this like coaching program to like, um, uh,
she wants to like be a coach and started her own thing.
And I think I get stressed when other, cause I'm like, oh my gosh, I should probably do
something.
I should do a program.
I should be three months away.
I should like, or even with this like guy, I'm like, I should probably do something more.
And I'm like, no, I'm learning.
That's not what I'm going to do.
I'm just going to enjoy myself and I'm going to enjoy God and have things appear naturally
like organically even that.
And I've been thinking that like even looking at Pedro and all of those, I'm like more than
trying to copy it.
I'm like, I feel like God's just showing me what's possible when people say yes to him.
Like as far as said yes to him, Steven said yes to him.
When I went to Heidi Baker's place, you know, I was like, Whoa, like this is cause one person
said yes, you know?
And I'm like, oh, you're showing me this so that I can like, yeah, I don't know.
I mean, it's available to them.
It's available to us.
You know what I mean?
But it's like, they had to say yes, you know?
It's what you said with Peter.
So I'm like, I think I just got frustrated in the waiting because I feel like it's been
like 10 years of trying to like find something I want to do.
I was like, I was trying Mary Kay.
I was doing this.
I was like, I mean, I was trying Young Living.
I'm like, been there, tried that.
I've almost been pulled into both of those actually.
And we look at people that are successful in those things and we're like, oh, well maybe
that's my clue that I should do it as well.
And anyway, I've been very frustrated.
I know that I'm living a bit more of, I'm living more of what I've wanted than now,
you know, than I have been for, but understand that that's when you've met me, but understand
that that's, this is all very new to me because I've just been, I've lived very, very frustrated
for at least, frustrated, like, and career wise for at least 15, if not a bit longer
years, just very frustrated.
And I just kept thinking, I just kept hunkering down thinking like, if I just endure, if I
just make it and really the issue wasn't the opportunities that I was being given.
It was the fact that I couldn't step into what I was meant to do if I wasn't giving,
if I kept avoiding myself, if I kept avoiding who it is that God had made me to be and keep
the end.
And because he's like, no, no, that's a vital ingredient is because it needs your spirit.
So if you don't, if you're not giving yourself access to your spirit and who is that I made
you to be, well then you've got, you know, then you're just going to do it all out of
your flesh.
You're going to burn out.
You're going to resent me.
You're going to do all of this stuff.
So until you do that, we're going to keep you.
here but it while we're but while you're doing this you're gonna you're gonna be growing he's
not really keeping us over there he's like he's like okay well then we need to grow in these areas
if there's the environments and the businesses and the projects that you need to be working on
in order to grow you in those areas but he keeps inviting us to remember this basic thing learn
this basic thing choose this basic thing and then everything can change because i promise you that
everything changes when you choose that this is your new way of living in every area of your
life like what you're talking about yeah like doing it with your with your food doing if you
do that with uh uh with your home like how you keep your home yeah um your business how you
choose to transport yourself back and forth to your business your relationships with other people
your your potential you know your future romantic relationships your um your church
if that is the new you that you choose this is my new life now let's infuse that into every aspect
in which i'm living your whole life will completely change and even if your business
doesn't start for a while or ever and i'm just talking theoretically because i believe that if
the lord has put it on your heart there's some aspect in which it's meant to express itself that
way but i'm just talking theoretically even if that those things don't happen i will tell you
from personal experience that you will be that you will be fine and happy and won't need it
yeah and so regardless of what happens ever all this turmoil within you will stop
and what you want will feel like it changes and then god will probably a little you know
at least that's what he did for me bring this other thing along they were like that we'd asked
for and like well i appreciate it but i no longer want it i want to see your now you know whatever
yeah i'm perfectly happy now you know and we thought that we needed that thing to be happy
and then when we found that god made us perfectly happy you know where it is we're like well now i
see all the benefits of staying i'm really happy to stay you know so the point is that god will
give you what it is that your life will completely change because you'll change how you approach it
yeah and uh yeah anyway but i realized i have to get off because my yeah i am husband needs uh to
make a phone call uh he's in a he's gonna has to make a business meeting call so but anyway i hope
that's helpful and encouraging to both of y'all yeah so thank you so much you're welcome good to
see y'all yeah you too i'll talk to y'all later yeah bye bye