Bye-bye.
Hey.
I can't hear you yet.
I think you're connected to audio,
though.
Oh, it says now you're connecting
it.
OK, so now you're muted.
So.
OK, can you hear me?
Yeah.
OK, perfect.
How are you?
Good. How are you?
Good.
It's been a long time, hasn't it?
And I was like, so excited to see
you again and talk with you.
Yeah, I've been looking forward
to it, too.
How are the girls?
Brian.
Well, yeah, we're all doing well.
We're actually canning applesauce
today.
And my
this is my computer.
So I'm like, in case
my if whatever reason, my Wi-Fi
starts acting weird.
I'm trying to download Zoom on my
phone.
I deleted some things.
So just let me know
if if something's not.
Yeah.
Anyways, I might have a phone
just in case.
But it'll be good.
Well, I'm going to use my phone
instead because
in fact, speaking of that, let me
change it really quick,
because my I noticed
that my Internet doesn't seem to
be it seems to be really slow
this afternoon and this evening.
And so I thought, well, I better
use my phone so I can use cellular
service. So and then I forgot to
turn on cellular.
So because I was having the same
problem, only the opposite of you.
I can't use my computer and I have
to use my phone today.
Well, I am I have my hotspot
connected right now, so I
was hoping it'll.
It'll be good.
But, yeah, we were doing applesauce
today. So I actually was like, I
thought we were going to do it this
morning and we're doing
it this afternoon and at my mom's
place.
And my mother-in-law had offered
to help. My grandma was there
helping and my
cousin was there.
So we did like what
we're they're still working on
it. But it was like I did three
bushels and mom did three bushels.
So we should
get one of those things
that you like put onto the edge of
the table and it cores the
apple and peels it or do you hand
peel all of them?
No. So what we do is we actually
like we like cut
them into fours, boil
them, get them all nice and soft
and then put them through like one
of those strainer things.
Like, I don't know what.
OK, like basically
it like it just kind of squeezes
it out and keeps the.
Keeps the pulse and
I mean, like it.
Oh, cool.
And
wow.
My grandma said she has one with
like a crank.
Ours is electric, thankfully,
because I can't imagine
doing that.
It sounds like your grandma would
be the one, you know,
way back before the electric
one. Oh, yeah, I've got the old
green one.
Like, oh, my word.
Thank goodness I live in this
century.
Yeah, that was kind of satisfying.
It's always like, oh, yeah,
because it's kind of like a lot of
work and kind of monotonous.
But once everyone's together and
we're just working and I actually
do that, I was like, you know, like
how amazing is it that I have like
my grandma and my mom here?
No, no, no, no.
Oh, oh,
that's all really, really special.
So I was I was feeling very grateful
for that, which in turn helped
the process, you know, be
a lot better.
Like feeling grateful helped helped
me feel a lot more positive about
the getting through all of those
whistles of apples.
And so, yeah, that's what we were
doing.
Homesteading.
So, yeah, that's
what I was thinking of.
I was very homesteading.
That's great.
So what I was kind
of the last week,
I was thinking through some things
and I was like, man, I just keep
like coming up to like a block and
I'm like, I can't seem to work
through it. And immediately I was
like, I just want to talk to Ashley
about this.
And so.
Oh, um, well, I'm gonna, I want to start with sharing an experience
that I had in heaven. I think it was like, probably like the first
Sunday in October or something. And I was like, feeling like,
really like, I think my day was pretty normal. And then I like
reached a point where I just felt like so unbelievably just
like really low. And it almost like threw me back into that
spiral of like, being feeling like, like, I just like, I'm
just like, a horrible person, I deserve to die deserve to be
like, in pain and like all of those just this. Yeah. And so
like, I went to bed and like, within like, like, I just kept
like, like, it just felt like it was just assaulting me. And I
kept I was like, Jesus just helped me help me. Anyways, and
within like, three times of saying that I was, I was in
heaven. And like, I, so already, like a month ago, then
Jesus was told me that probably a month ago, Jesus told me that
he still likes to do like carpentry work in heaven, like
he has his own like workshop, he likes to do things like he did
on earth. And I was like, Oh, that's cool, you know. And so
when I so that night, when I was like, Oh, Jesus helped me, I
suddenly felt this, like, immense, like feeling of
unbelievable love, like, you know, you just can't describe
it. And so he was like, I want to show you a room, like a room
in your mansion, like that's in heaven right now. And so I opened
the door and I was like this huge library. And he was like,
Yeah, I wanted to show you this, this bookshelf that I made for
you specific, like, I made it. And I like, I don't know why,
but like, all the times up to now, I was just thinking, you
know, like, it's like, Oh, you know, you might have, like a
mansion in heaven and things, but like, it's just like, I
don't know, other people are like, not him, like taking care
of all of the details and like, pouring over things and being
like, this is specifically for you. And I'm designing it. And
I'm involved, like, like all of that just didn't sink in, I
guess. And so anyways, and so he was like, I want to show you
this bookshelf. And he was like, I made this bookshelf for you,
like I picked out like every part of it. And I made it
myself and my workshop and all. And I was just thinking like,
like the creator of the universe is just like the unbelievable
love that I felt over this bookshelf, you know, like, it
was just like, wow. And I was just, yeah, just really basking
in that love. And then, then he showed me the desk beside it.
And like, I love stationary, I saw in one of the pictures that
you had, I don't know what exactly what it was, but you had
like, something on your desk with like a bunch of different
envelopes and like, notebooks or something. I'm not sure. And
yeah, I probably did. I can't think of what it would be. But
but I'm sure it was like in the background, but I immediately
noticed it because I love the stationary. I do too. In fact, a
friend's friend of mine made this stationary for me. You see
it? That is beautiful. And it's made on linen. And so she made
this one. She made them all different. And I think there's a
third one. Oh, yeah, this one. Anyway, anyway, yeah, I like
stationary as well. This is the linen, you know, like where you
can see the lines, you probably can't see it on that. But you
can see the lines, you know, it's thick. Anyway, so it's
really, really fancy. So I'm with you on that. I like and it
even comes with like, she even sent him with them linen on
below. So I'm with you. I like actually knowing that you like
stationary because few people appreciate my love of
stationary. This is I have this. Yes, letters. It says letters.
And you know, oh, yeah, and I have all of my like stationary
Yeah, it's got a little drawer. You know, they can pull out with
all of my like stamps and all of my end. Like pens and
everything. So yes. Okay, so this is what you saw then. Okay.
And so anyways, I just because I love stationary. So I was
sitting at this desk that like he was had made for me. And one
of the papers on there was like it was like around the edges of
the board. It was like gold. Like kind of like Yeah. Yeah.
Like this part of it was gold. If that makes sense. Yeah. Like
brushed gold or something. And then it was like, oh, this is
real gold, not just like a fake, you know, like, of course,
everything is real. And I mean, it's nothing is like counterfeit
in heaven. But that
was another thing that I was like, Oh, like, this is all like
real, everything is, you know, and he was just then was telling
me how, like, or it's like some of these things, I just kind of
just came to my knowing, I guess, like, I just understood
it. And it was like, he was saying how, like, or I would
feel feeling or sense of however you want to say it, but like,
every single detail about the way that like, these, these
homes are created for us, these mansions are created for us,
like, I say mansion, because like, that's what I grew up
hearing. So I don't know if that's like, whatever. But
anyway, so, um, he was saying how he even has like, family
members that like are in heaven before us, like, are like have
passed from this earth and are in heaven, like, hope, like, or
family members, whatever helped design the house. And he was
like, like, your mom, like, pick out the colors of your
bedroom, like the color of details. It was like, Oh, my
goodness, like, such a like, it was it made heaven seem so real.
Like, it just like, I don't know. And so during this
interaction, then, so then I had a moment where my the the son
that I miscarried, he like, Alex is what what I call that's what
we had named him before. So anyways, his name is Alex. And
so he like ran up to me, he's like, Mom, I want to show you
something. And I like he took me to the next room. And just
now, or not just now, but like, I think it was a week later that
I clued in, but he was showing me something in his room, and it
was next to the one. So like, it kind of comforted me being like,
Oh, like, we'll have a room in my house for her. Yeah. Yeah. And
so I was like, I want to show you this. And he had like had
this toy box that Jesus had made. And it was like this big
wooden toy box with like toy, you know, and so it was like, he
told me that he wants to, like, sit down and eat with me. And so
like, we sat down and we had scones, I think, like, I don't
know. I was kind of random. But yes. And so we were like eating
scones. And he was like, Yeah, like, Grandma was telling me
about you. And I was like, Grandma, and then I immediately
thought of my great grandma plank, who's passed already, I
don't know, probably 10 years, maybe more. And he was, he said
that, like, and I came to my understanding, okay, she's like
taking care of him or whatever, like, and he seemed like, he's
like, between the ages of like, two and four, like, that's how
it seems like to me. Um, so anyway, and then he was like,
Yeah, grandma told me that whenever you would come over to
play, like play games with her, whatever, she would always pray
for you. And she would pray that you would grow up to be strong
and good, whatever that means. And I was like, Oh, of course,
he's like, what does that mean? Because he just is good. Like,
there's no good and bad. Yeah. He said, she prayed that you
would grow up strong and good, whatever that means. So I
thought that was so cute. Because like, obviously, he
doesn't have a grid for good. Yeah. Or I don't think so. Um,
yeah. And so I uh, so anyways, and then after that, um, he
like, oh, and then he like, ran out to go play. And it kind of
came to my it came to my knowing that there was a girl. And
either he was playing with the girl who was something with a
girl. And at first, it kind of scared me. I was like, No, no,
like, I'm gonna pray that God would reveal to me what that
meant. And so that that scene, kind of like faded or whatever.
And then the next day, I suddenly came to my realization
that I had an aunt who had a miscarriage. And I asked her
like, Hey, like, do you think you know the gender? And she was
like, Oh, I always thought it was a boy. And I was like, okay,
like, maybe it wasn't. It wasn't that. But I just felt like that
girl was was hers. And then she called me she said, Lori, I don't
know if you know or not, but I had three miscarriages. And she
said, I always knew the first I knew that I knew the first two
were boys. But she said, last week, someone had asked me if I
have they don't have a child yet. And they they want to have
children. And she was saying how are like not her side or
whatever. And anyways, and she was saying how, like, someone
asked if she's already named the child that they have, like
children that they will have on earth. And then like, if she's
named the ones that she miscarried. And she was, she was
like, Well, no, I like we kind of want to do that or whatever.
And she said, I kind of put it on pause, because I was never
sure what the third, what gender the third child
was I just always assumed it was probably a boy like the first few but I
didn't really know and so she said when I got your text I was like I she
basically just took time to pray and ask Jesus like if this girl was like hers
and she said he like wrapped her up in this really big hug and she just cried
and cried and she like knew that this was her girl and I was like it just like
yeah it was so awesome because it was like the experience I had impacted yeah
impacted someone else yeah I'm comfort yeah so anyways and then and this I
think the reason that this was such it was like it felt like I was there was so
many interactions and but the third one specifically is what I wanted to talk to
you about because that's the one that like I know in the spirit and then like
I wrestle with I guess in the flesh and that one is so Jesus took him out to a
field and he was like he asked me to be his bride and I was like yeah no and he
like specifically asked me and okay so just a just to back up a little bit um I
think you know that I've kind of like wrestled with the head covering thing
just a little bit like oh yeah and it was like something that I've done since
I was literally an infant and then like trying to reconcile it with like that it
doesn't like impact my salvation all that but I so I had been praying and
praying that he would give me an answer on this and like I just wouldn't like I
fought it so much like I was trying to use knowledge I was trying to use this
yeah wrestled and wrestled I was like so I let it go I let it rest and then a
couple weeks ago I kind of had like this image of myself and it was like my old
man and my new man and my old man was wearing a veil and my new man was not I
was just wearing a headband or something and oh so that was like okay I think that
meant something um and then I had to kind of let it go again and I had to
wrestle through that a little bit anyways and so he asked me to be his
bride and like he gave me this like I think it was like a ruby ring it was
like a red ring to represent like you know what he has done for me and like
anyways and so then there was another image of like where I was like walking
walking down the aisle towards him and I had on like my bridal veil and I was
like walking down the aisle towards him and like when I came up to him he like
took the veil off and he's like you no longer need this between me and you like
we are one like you are my bride like this is not you don't need this like to
come to come to me like we are one like we are yeah like completely one you
don't need something between us you no longer need this veil between us because
you know just like I tore the veil that night like done like you know yeah you
have to wear this veil I was like oh my god oh like it was like such a like
release of like oh wow like he does not I don't need to be like wearing
something physical to come to him because like he's already like done
everything you know anyway so that was like a really like oh my goodness like I
just like no one can like convince me that it wasn't real like it was so real
and I was like I know know that I know that it was but like after I like came
out of that you know like back into like this world then for the last couple
weeks I've been kind of struggling with through it a little bit and one of the
things that I that I've struggled with is why is it like like I was I was
telling my husband like I was like it just doesn't make sense like I know that
this is what what Jesus told me and this is what he did for me and like why is it
that I feel like almost like a guilt or like a nakedness or like a like this
just exposed feeling for not wearing like a physical like and it was
something that I've done since I was like literally like an infant literally
put something like I don't know a month old or something like and so it's like
ingrained ingrained ingrained I was like why is it something that I feel like
Jesus I know Jesus showed me why am I struggling with feeling like this I
don't even know how to explain it like it's almost like it's hard for me to
like connect like like I think it's hard
me because I also, it's also like a cultural thing. Like, it
also makes me feel like I'm fitting into like my family and
like, culture around me, like, in in Arthur, Illinois, like a
lot of people had covered. I mean, I feel like that's just
kind of the culture. So then I was like, well, you know, maybe
then then of course, my whole my mind went like, he released me
from it. So maybe it doesn't mean that I miss I was supposed
to stop wearing it. But like, yet it did. Because I feel like,
like, it was just like this whole thing of like, I like some
people can can wear it is like not a big deal to them. But I
feel like when I wore it, it was still kind of like a like, it
was still something attached to it. Like, I don't know, like,
it's so confusing. Sometimes I'm like, anyway, confusion is not
fun to work. But I was like, wrestling through the whole
like cultural thing too. And like, feeling like I'm losing a
part of myself that I've the only thing I've done for years.
And like, it's just all like, I don't know, so confusing. And it
wasn't like I wore my veil at home all the time either. Like I
would have devotions and I would pray and it was just the going
out in public family gatherings, you know, church, all those
things, like, that's what I would wear. But and now it's
like trying to like, wrestle through those like, I don't
know, attachments that came with the veil. And it's like, even to
me, like even saying it sounds so crazy that there's so many
attachments to like, a physical piece of something, but it there
was like, there's so many attachments. And so like, how do
I work through that? How do I? I don't know. That's, that's
basically what I've been like, really, that's been heavy on my
heart is like, working through those feelings. And yeah.
Well, you know, first of all, I think that what you mentioned
was very insightful. There's a lot of things attached to it,
which is why it's such a such a powerful thing. Meaning like,
why people get really mad over it. And that it's very, that
that should or shouldn't women wear the veil is a very is very
divisive, as particularly among people that wear it, and thought
that we were supposed, we were supposed to and then others and
then people in their community start to question it, and then
start to not wear it or whatever, especially in those
communities, it's extremely, extremely emotionally divisive.
Because there are it and it's not because it's just all it is
is a little piece of lace. I mean, seriously, what do we
think it's going to do? Right? But it's there's meaning that
we've given it. There's authority that we've given it
there's, there's things that we have said are important, because
we thought that God said that they were, and we have chosen
authoritatively to attach it to that thing. And so it carries
all of that carries everything that not just you have attached
to it, you know, through your understanding growing up with
wearing the veil, and just your your personal history and
interacting with the Lord, you know, when you would wear the
veil and all that it's not just that it's carrying with it all
of the history of all of the authority that humanity in
general has given to it. And so anyway, there's just a lot a lot
to it. So it's like I said, it's very insightful of you to
realize, you know, that what feels so heavy is all of the
things that are attached to it. And it's not necessarily the
thing that it the thing itself. And then, you know, I was
listening to you. And I was thinking, you know, I feel very
ill equipped to answer this in as, as maybe I would other
subjects. And part of it, I think that there's some stuff to
it that the Lord just hasn't revealed to me. And then there
are other things of like, just I haven't, it's not anything
that I've explored it. I mean, I say that. I mean, I have in the
fact that I've had multiple people in my in my rest
intensive struggle with wearing or not wearing the veil. So
I've had these, I've had these conversations multiple times. So
I mean, I've explored it in that way. But like me, and then I did
struggle with it a bit. Maybe it was I was in high school or
something when I came
process passages. And I was like, you know,
are we not doing something as women when it we're supposed to be doing?
And, um, and it really bothered me. And I talked to my mom about it, mom,
aren't we supposed to be doing this and that kind of thing. Um, so I,
I did have a general struggle with it,
but it's just kind of like between me and the Lord,
I know that it's not needed. So I really haven't,
I don't feel like I've really delved deep into why.
I've done some digging into why, et cetera, but here's,
here's my point in saying that is I feel that I feel very
ill-equipped to be able to mention this conversation,
which in a way is good,
because what I can say is that that is just direct
everything back to the Lord and your relationship
with him and how all of that works.
Instead of looking at the actual thing itself and why, again,
according to the tree of the knowledge of the evil,
you should logically think this way and you should logically think this
way that I really don't have to give. Um, but I do have,
but what I do have, like, as was it all that said that, you know, or it was Peter,
Peter and John went to pray. What does it say? You know, um,
silver and gold have I known, but such as I have given you the kind of thing.
Um, so what it is that I do have, I can give you. And, um, and that is, well,
and even before we do that, um, you know, let me,
before I even go into that, we can just, we can just talk to the Lord about it.
So, you know, Lord, um, I know what it's like to be where,
where Lori is and, you know, Lord,
I currently have my own areas in life that I'm questioning with you.
Um, and, and we can't people,
we've heard lots of explanations, Lord,
lots of reasons why we should interpret the Bible one way,
or why we should interpret it in a different way. And it just, Lord,
hasn't helped.
So we ask that we thank you for what it is that you have shown Lori,
where she just feels like she knows, she knows,
she knows that she had this experience with you,
but she is still struggling with being able to rest in it,
rest in the rest in that new truth. So either Lord,
she's not believing it and she just desperately wants to,
she doesn't believe Lord that it like she's wrestling with Lord,
but the fact that she doesn't,
isn't sure that you've shown her that,
or she really is sure that she's struggling to rest in it because it's so
contradictory to other areas of her life. In other words,
the way that she's lived historically or with her family and, oh my goodness,
what would that mean? You know, Lord,
in our relationships or interactions with other people. So Lord,
only you can bring that assurance. Only you Lord can bring that rest.
Only you Lord can bring that definitive certainty where she can't ever question
this again.
Because if I try to convince her Lord or somebody else tries to convince her,
am I convinced her for a while?
Or she might even convince herself for a while,
but nothing can sway us Lord when you definitively move our spirits.
So we ask Lord that you would, that you would move Lori's spirit,
that you would drop your truth of your relationship with her,
regardless of what you have anybody else do Lord of your relationship with her,
that you would drop that Lord into her spirit so that she would know so that
she would be able to rest in this aspect Lord with you and pray that you would
do that today in Jesus's name.
So you're welcome.
And like I was just telling the Lord, you know, there's,
it, nothing can convince us like him
moving our spirits so that we, that it,
that the oneness that we have in our spirits with him knows it's like it
touches and has access to that place that it's just, Oh,
it's truth with a capital T and this is how it is. And, um, so anyway,
um, but there's, uh,
so what I would recommend is like, I was just now mentioning, you know,
the Lord, it would just,
it just came to me when I was talking to him that you need to,
if you know for sure that you really do believe that you had that experience
with Jesus and that was not your imagination. I'm not questioning you.
I'm telling, I'm telling you how you need to process through this and telling
you how I would process through this, that I have to know, okay,
do I truly know my spirit? That was Jesus.
That was him personally interacting with me.
And if you, and if you believe that, if you know that,
if you choose that by faith, we'll then rest in that.
And here's what.
I mean by that, meaning like you stop trying to convince yourself you've made a choice
to you've chosen that that is reality.
And you don't just choose whatever it is you want to be reality.
You're basing it off of the fact that no, I'm believing that that is actually God based
off of Mike's past encounters with him, based on how my spirit knows what his spirit feels
like based on what it is that he's revealed to me about himself.
I know through historical interaction with him, I know my, I know my shepherd's voice
and I know that was him.
My spirit recognizes that my flesh and my mind may struggle with it, but my spirit recognizes
the voice of my shepherd and my interactions with him.
My spirit sensed the confirmation that that was his presence that I was with.
And then you just choose by faith, meaning like you don't have any proof.
You just have to choose that it's true though.
You just choose though, in order to make it safe, you choose that.
What you believe that you're choosing, what it is you believe God is saying and who God
is and where he is and all of that.
In other words, your focus of your faith, your anchor, the faith has to be him, not
in something you want, not in something you wish, not even in something you experienced,
but did you experience him?
Not an environment, not a situation, not something that happened, but himself, his presence,
his spirit, because that interaction, the interaction with his presence is what will
transform you and what will completely convince you so to speak, where your spirit knows something
that your flesh won't understand, that your feelings won't follow yet, that you can't
logically explain to yourself or to someone else, but your spirit feels at home.
It feels anchored.
It no longer feels jostled and swayed and you know, just kind of like and bent around.
And so what I'm talking about with like the resting in it is having that faith.
Remember everything is a gift from God, including that faith, including that faith that you
are choosing, that you are choosing to direct towards, you know, the Lord and choosing,
you know, Lord, if you say that that's true, then I'm choosing that it's reality.
That faith right there, that's a gift from the Lord.
And the fact that he is who he is, and he is that to you, that's a gift from him.
So he does everything.
So you even changing your beliefs, your, um, uh, I don't know your, it's almost like your
posture, your, the direction in which you're, you're facing.
In other words, you believe that this is reality.
You now see the Lord, you now see the world and life from this perspective.
When you always thought from this one before that shift in posture, that, that change that
needs to be made, that's for God to do too.
And here's how it happens.
It happens as soon as you choose by faith, that it's true.
You change.
That's all that is required is you agreeing with God about what he says is true.
You're not making anything up, meaning like you're not coming to him with an idea and
he approves it.
He initiates everything.
He gives you the faith.
So that I'm meaning like the ability to agree with him.
So he comes up with an idea of like, Hey, and I'm just, I'm just, you know, saying for
instance that, you know, let's say that there are that, that God doesn't require bail.
Let's say that.
That's what I believe.
That's what you're believing, but you're struggling with not believing it, you know, and all that.
So let's say that, let's say that God says that there's that, that women don't have to
wear veils.
Well, that is a, that is a truth that he is initiating.
You're not asking him that and like, Oh, wouldn't this be nice if, and initiating the idea of
Lord, I would really like it if it worked this way.
God is initiating it working like that.
All you're doing to change and to come into alignment with it is simply agreeing with
something that he said.
So you're not having to do anything to change you and to come into agreement with an alignment
with him.
He will do all of that.
So that's what I'm saying.
When I say you just rest in it, you make a choice and then you choose that God does everything
in you that needs to be done to change your direction.
You don't even have to be looking in this direction and think, okay, no, I'm coming
to agreement with God or in God.
Okay.
Now that I'm going to come into agreement with God, now I need to do this.
There's no, now I need to do this.
There's no step two.
There's just, I come into agreement.
And when you say.
that you come into agreement, God moves you. So all you have to do is once you choose that
it's true between you and God, and you make a willful intentional decision, remember of
your own free will, because, because just because God says it's true doesn't mean you
get to live like it. You have to choose that it's true because God says, Hey, this is true.
And then, and then, you know, he lets go of it. And so it's just hanging out here and
God's not holding on to it anymore. And then you said, so what do you say? And you say,
no, I choose it too. And so you have to actually reach out and grab it, so to speak. In other
words, you have your own free will not being coerced by God, not being forced by God. You
have the choice. Do you want to make that choice? Or do you want to make this one? Which
one? And so you just like, no, I agree with God. You didn't come up with the idea. There's
no effort. There's no exertion. There's no initiation, nothing. All you do is you say,
yes. And when you say yes, God does everything. God does everything before you say yes, and he
does everything after. So once you say yes, he will change you. So you so that's what I mean,
when I say rest in it, choose that one, understand and realize by faith that when
you've made a decision by faith, that God now will uphold your choice. And he will now do
everything in you that needs to be done to change to change posture, change position,
change feeling all of that. I think that the talking about it is like bringing a little bit
more like, okay, so I it's directing my I'm, I'm, it's, it's like, it's like, I told Brian,
I was like, I know that I know that I know it's true. And it almost feels like, if I was to do
otherwise, it would like, like, I don't even want to because I know that what the truth what the
truth is. But like, why do I feel so sad about it? Like, why does it I feel sad, like, I feel
like, I feel like I'm letting go of a part of myself that's like always been like, even though
like, I know that it's true, the point where I almost feel like, at this point, like choosing a
veil would be choosing not what he said. But why do I feel so sad? Letting go? Yeah, yeah,
that's a really, really insightful question. And because you're you've been taught to identify with
it. For when you thought that that's where your safety is, you can be assured that God's not going
to strike you by lightning. Because you have you he told you what you could do to protect yourself
against God. And you're doing the thing. So now you know, you're safe from him. And now God's saying
no, take it off. So there's part of that part of it is that and the part of it is this identity thing
of like, yeah, but this is who I am, and how I relate to the Lord. This is what he required.
Therefore, this was obedience. And then even if you can get past that and be like, Oh, well, you
know, I don't feel like I need any more in order to be obedient. I don't feel like it's asked me to
do that. There's there can still be this aspect of this is how he and I always related. And like
you mentioned, and you mentioned, again, very insightfully, I always enjoy talking to you,
you're always you always think of all these things. I'm like, Oh, my word, you're just so
like spiritually intelligent, spiritually insightful. And, and that is that you can,
that there's an exposure now, of that. Also, there's this there. So there's an exposure
between you and the Lord, and there's a vulnerability. So mentioning all of those
things, just in case any of those resonate, but what I was really thinking about when you were
talking, when you when you said you were sad is, and I'm just going to mention some ideas,
and then you can you can ping them off your spirit and realize which ones if any of them
are accurate to your specific situation. But we can feel sad because we there's a a grief
in the loss of something, the loss of who you used to be, of an aspect of yourself that
carries a lot of a lot of history is in like stories, interactions with people.
And because the way that you grew up, had a lot of wonderful aspects to it, it wasn't all
negative and bad, just because we're learning, oh, we are more grace than we understood,
then you and I understood growing up. And that was a lot of law doesn't mean that everything
that happened was bad. It doesn't mean we had bad childhood.
and that we were just like, or, you know, and we're miserable all the time.
No, there are some sweet and special things associated with that.
There's probably like, and I don't know what they are,
but there's probably really special things about like when you,
when you got a new veil or who gave you particular veils or,
and it makes connections between you and other people.
And it's something that you share with other people actually around the world,
you know, the Amish and the Mennonites that are around the world, you know,
any Mennonites who still, who are still wearing veils, but well, no,
I know that they are because even Plymouth Brethren do under they just do like
in church, I believe. And who else is that?
The Episcopalians? I don't remember. Anyway,
there are a lot of different denominations, you know,
that still cover and it's just something that is, is special.
It's ritualistic and there's something very comforting and rituals.
That's why part of the reason why I like tea is because it's ritualistic.
I do the same thing, you know, every single day.
And and so there can be a lot of how we
identify ourselves that can be wrapped up in
and connected with and maybe even sometimes like
defined by like how we got to know certain aspects of ourselves through
things like the veil or whatever.
And so we can feel like there's an aspect of ourselves that God is asking us
to let go of and what we need to go ahead.
It definitely resonated with me because it was making me like super feel super
emotional. Like I like that.
There's so many like things that you don't like like, okay,
for example,
you're like walking through an airport and you see someone that's like just
look each other way. Like family.
And so it's like,
you just know like you just you just look and you like there can even be
like like sometimes we go to Florida and like there are Amish girls that
no longer dress Amish when they're in Florida.
But you just like know.
Like in this like this community like this cultural thing like you just
know and so it's like I feel like some of that is also like wrapped up
in it at this like belonging like, you know, you belong and you're
like part of that.
And so it's so like even thinking about, you know, like growing up.
My mom was like,
As I got older than I would like, you know,
and things like that.
But yeah, there's just things things involved in it.
But I think like it was also like,
Felicity would start asking more like more like your headband and then
it was like your veil and that was like I want one and like immediately
I knew that like I didn't want to ruin her innocence like she's so
innocent.
Like I don't want to like
at that age like put something,
you know,
and so that was kind of like
Yeah.
Yeah, you bring up a good point.
I hadn't thought about the decisions that you're making for you now affect
how you're going to teach and raise your daughters.
I had I hadn't thought about that because I still think of the girls
with their young and thought about them.
Yeah.
So even that is like
that's kind of like something that like I think made me like question it
more because I was like,
how can I do this?
It was like innocent child like,
you know, put something that like ingrained it in her that like there
has to be something.
And when she goes to the water like I just couldn't like do that.
Yeah.
So I don't know.
I think there's like a lot of a lot of things like yeah.
So what you were describing was definitely like something I resonated
with because it was like,
you know, it wasn't all bad memories.
Like I have so many good memories of growing up in it in a close-up.
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Losing that connection and like,
yeah, like how are my daughters going to grow up?
Are they going to have connection?
Are they going to have community?
So I think there's a lot of that.
Yeah.
I thought I heard a break.
So I was going to say then go ahead.
I just like I told Brian it's not like I hated marrying him.
Like it's not like I hated him.
I just always felt like it was something
between me and the Lord.
Yeah.
No, no, you make a very good point.
So that's the thing.
There's me personally.
I love lace and I like wearing things on my head.
And for me that is not part of my culture meaning like my subculture
just like here in Texas people.
I grew up around, you know,
Even that's a culture.
It's just what they called subculture, you know, and there are certain
ways that we all do things, you know, me and my family, my friends.
And because.
It's, I don't know, you just start forming these little things of, well,
in this community or in this group of towns, how we do things, you know,
we've done it this way for a long time.
You know, you just start building little traditions and basically societal
expectations, and that develops what's called subcultures.
And so it, and in mine, you don't wear hats, you don't wear anything on your head.
Now here in Texas, we do wear cowboy hats.
So it's not weird for a man or woman to be out in public, particularly a man.
It's sometimes it's the way it catches people's eye if a woman wears it, but
you know, there's, it's culturally acceptable for men and women to wear
cowboy hats everywhere, everywhere.
Now, you know, if we were in a different culture, that would look weird, but
to all of us, it's just normal, you know?
So, but it's really weird and odd, meaning like it's not the norm to wear anything
else, but I always thought it would be fun.
And so I really like it.
And when I went to, and so for me, the thing is that when I was up in
Pennsylvania, I went to a church that the women covered and I knew that going to
the church and the ladies, well, it was, it was that Carrie's father-in-law's
church, excuse me.
And I, and so they told me, they said, oh, well, by the way, you don't have to
cover because they don't expect the guests to cover anything.
And I said, oh yeah, I said, but you know, I want to honor the fact
that that's what they believe.
And I was like, doesn't matter to me one way or another, whether I'm wearing
something, because I'm not giving any meaning to it.
I'm not giving any authority to it, but it is, it means something
to them, so I'm going to cover.
I've done that in Turkey now, but why?
Because you don't want to attract attention in highly Muslim places.
And so women cover their heads in certain in, in, in like far Eastern Turkey.
And so I've had to do that.
And that's, that's an Islamic sign and covering, but see, it
doesn't mean anything to me.
I'm not giving it any authority, any meaning, any power.
It's just that here in this culture, this is what they do.
And so anyway, so I just didn't think it was any big deal.
So I just threw a little lace scarf over my head and called it, called it good.
It was like, it's appropriate, you know, and they all thought it was
appropriate, you know, and all of that.
And so my thing is that there's, we, we have to realize, and you would just
have to discover this with the Lord.
I'm just giving you ideas to like start conversation, the conversation with them.
Cause, cause this is just kind of like how I see it, but it may not be
how the Lord wants you to handle it.
Me, I'm just kind of, it seems to me like, it's just that it's that if that you, you
can do it or that we could do it or not do it, it doesn't matter.
So you can, because we don't attribute meaning to it and somebody else might
reminds me of, um, of, uh, people who eat meat offered to idols versus
people who found it wrong.
Right.
And so they said, Hey, well then don't eat meat offered to idols
around people who can't handle it.
So why, and they're, and they're like, you know, don't use your freedom to
cause somebody else, you know, to sin because they have that funded an issue.
So, because that's how I saw the whole veil thing.
When I went to a particular, went to that church, I'm like, well, it matters to them
and to them, they see it's a, it's a sin if I don't, and it was really going to
bother them and it's going to draw attention and it's going to do all this.
I'm like, well, that's just stupid.
I just put something in my head.
It doesn't matter, you know?
Um, cause it's not like I'm doing some kind of like a sinful act
in order to not offend someone.
I'm doing something that doesn't have any power at all.
You know?
And, and then, so I just worked.
So my point is that part of what it is that y'all are dealing with, yeah, it
does have a religious affiliation and quite honestly, it can have a religious
stronghold, but what you can ask the Lord.
I said, can I try to, I tried to like soft pedal that it has a religious
stronghold, but here's the thing.
Ask the Lord if he would see it as he does, you wouldn't allow you to you
or your daughters to wear it.
Or if he's just like, no, I just don't want it to have any power over you.
And I want you to release any power and authority that it, that, you know,
it's had over you so that you no longer need it because he doesn't want you.
I do know.
this. He doesn't want you to feel naked without it. He doesn't want it to have that kind of a power
over you because that is putting something between you and God. You're concerned about
the veil being between you and God and you're like, I don't want this. And instead, it's what
you've attributed to the veil, which is like a sense of nakedness if you don't have it between
you and the Lord. So it's like you yourself are saying that something feels wrong unless there's
something between you and the Lord. That is something that God wants to break off of between
you and me. So my point is you can ask the Lord once you go through all of that and once you
release all of that power and that stronghold and you just choose, like I walked you through
before, you choose by faith whatever God says it reveals to you is true. And then you choose
that he that, okay, if he says it's done, it's done. I need to stop worrying about it. I need
to stop trying to convince myself. I've already made the decision and I didn't make the decision
because I wanted it. I made the decision because that's what the direction that I got from him.
That's my relationship. And I choose him over my comfort. I choose him over what it is that I
wanted to do or that I'm afraid of not doing or whatever. I choose him over my fear. I choose him
over the, over my past. I choose him over my future, all of those things, you know, and breaking
off like any sense of like, um, I will know that that's a different, a different thing. Maybe I'll
remember, maybe I'll remember talking about grief in just a second, but anyway, um, so you do all
of that. And then when there's no power anymore, that it, that it didn't hold any power, any
meaning, any authority or whatever, when you strip all that away, it's something that is cultural.
And then sharing your community. Yes. It has a religious affiliation and, and, and whatever,
but the problem is the stronghold, not the fact that it's late and not the fact that there's
something on your head. You know what I'm saying? Now I can see that there are certain people that
God would say, Hey, no, there, I don't want you to wear it at all. I understand that this is going
to cause problems whenever you're with your family, but it is a religious stronghold and
there's stuff attached to it. Does that I can see, you know, he handles everybody differently,
but there are so many things that he said that he's just like,
why does it matter if you do that or not do that? Just because some people attribute meaning to it.
If you don't attribute meaning to it, if you and I in our relationship don't attribute meaning to it,
I don't care if you do it or not, because it doesn't have any meaning,
but that's something that you're just going to have to know between you and the Lord, because
the Lord might just have y'all, you know, I don't know, it might be very different to have a Lord
has you handle the situation versus someone else, but I'm saying it's a possibility that
you could take beforehand of like, Lord, you know, you know, once that stronghold isn't there
between you and me more, and it no longer has that, that any kind of like a power or, or, or,
and if it doesn't affect things anymore, Lord, you know, then. Is it okay if I wear it? Because it
doesn't matter. And then you would wear it, you know, we're like, Hey, going to be with my
grandmother. And we're going to go to church with everybody else who's wearing one, or I'm going to
do whatever. And it's like, well, culturally, and as a community, this is what we do when we're
together. It's kind of like you're sharing, you've got community foods that you eat, and you've got
certain types of ways that y'all do your weddings. Right. And it's just like, this is what we do is
what all people do around the world. You develop cultures, you develop traditions, you develop
particular ways of doing things. So you can take it on as like you and your girls. If the Lord says
that this is what he wants you to do and how you want you to handle it. And you said that it's not
a problem for you. As long as there's not that stronghold and that power anymore, you just like,
whatever, then the girls can wear it, you know, you know, just for fun, you know, for fun being
like, Oh, we're going to go with the community together and we're going to do something. So,
Oh, you know, do you want to wear yours? You know, Oh, be fun or, you know, Oh, well, all of
the girls are wearing them or I don't know, just whatever, but they don't, they don't, it doesn't
mean anything between them and God. So, now that's, that's a lot for a little child to, you know, to,
to understand. But my point is that it, I just wanted to present to you something that you could
ask God about, because it doesn't necessarily have to be an all or nothing. Here's my point.
We have to be careful that we're, that we are quote unquote villainizing the right thing.
Is the piece of lace and wearing it really a problem? Or is it the fact that we feel that
we need to, because we feel that there's something required to be between us and God.
And we feel like there's something wrong if we're not doing it.
that's a problem. So that being so, what does God want to do with the other
thing? Does he say, hey look, between you and me, I don't want you wearing that
anymore, and I don't want your daughters. Or does he say for you, just like, yeah,
see, it doesn't matter. You know, I don't care. Because the whole point of us
living our life is about us and the Lord anyway. You know, hey Lord, you and me, what
are we doing? How are we living this life? You know, and so is that making some
sense? Yes, that does make sense. Which leads me to another question that I've
actually asked, and like, I don't think people can answer. And that is, what is
the difference between people-pleasing and peacekeeping? Because often,
whenever there's like, something that like, you know, oh like for example, heck
no, oh like, well you should wear it to like, keep peace between you and your brother, but at
the same time, I feel like there's also a people-pleasing element to it. Like, it's
it's more like, I would maybe feel almost like guilt around certain people,
because I know that it's like a really, really big deal to them. So how do you
know if, like what you're, like how do you, what's the line between like
people-pleasing, because I know that like, I've read verses about, you know, what's
not people-pleased, whatever you do, you know, to the Lord, but like, but also there's the
peacekeeping aspect. So what's the difference between like, not offending
your brother, and keeping a peaceful atmosphere, or what's, or what's the
difference between people-pleasing, and like, focusing on family. Interesting, so think of it more from the
perspective of how we're supposed to always operate with other people from
our spirit, not our soul. So from your spirit, then you're not trying to
people-pleased, you are actually trying to do what it was talking about in the
Bible, like say for instance, with the meat offered to idols, is you are caring
for someone.
It's always the question, isn't it, when the kids come in, it's like, where's your father?
So cute.
Hey, sweetie.
Hi.
Good to see you. You're so big. You're growing up.
Oh, she's growing taller than you.
Already? Wow.
You must be eating your green beans. Thanks, sweetie.
Ashley.
Did you make applesauce today? Did you help, or at least eat some? Did you eat some applesauce?
Was that good?
Hot!
Was it hot? Oh, because it was off the stove. Yeah, that would be hot. It'll be cold later. I like cold
applesauce.
You weren't here yet.
Outside.
Okay.
Can you go find daddy?
I asked her if she can go get daddy, and she's like, no, thanks.
No, thank you.
I need the light, sweetie.
I need the light.
Yeah, let me call my brother.
Felicity.
I need the light.
Oh, wait, hang on. Hang on, let me go. I think he's like, outside. Let me go give her the bread. I'll be back.
Sorry.
He was probably thinking, it's been an hour.
I'm sorry.
I'm that long.
So anyway, as far as like people pleasing and PTV. Okay, so the people pleasing thing is, can happen when we're when we're, you
down in our soul or whatever. And we're just like, okay, let's just, let's just make everybody like,
stop. Uh, let, let's just not rock the boat. Right. Let's do whatever it is that we have to
do. But what God wants us to do is to operate with people that, that comes from the, that type of
action comes from this feeling that we are threatened by or intimidated by what's going on,
that something could happen. Right. And instead God, God wants us to remember, no,
you're not threatened by something that people can do or how people could interact with you.
But in order to not feel threatened, you have to shift up into your spirit and remember,
oh, that's right. It's who I am. You know, I can't be affected by being like threatened by,
or, uh, uh, or, or changed by other people's decisions. And then from that perspective,
you can give them life. And then you can make decisions in those perspective,
from those positions, from a very empowered position, because you already have everything,
you don't need anything, but they need something, you know, they're struggling,
which is why they lash out at you or why they, um, or why they are offended by something that
you do or don't do. It's because they're quote unquote, a weaker brother, right.
There's somebody who can't, who feels that they're not supposed to eat meat or whatever. Right.
And so says that, that the people who felt like they can eat meat, they said that he,
the Paul says, you have more freedom because she said, you understand that you have that
freedom in Christ where what you eat does not defile you. He said, but those other brothers
who believe differently, you don't believe that they have that same freedom. Well, then he said,
they're based. He didn't use this word, but he basically was saying, you know, they're not
operate. Well, he did say this. They're not operating in this much freedom. They don't
understand the degree of their freedom in Christ. And so he basically was saying,
make allowances for that. He said, because if they step into the freedom that you are experiencing,
and they, because they don't see it as freedom for them to step into it as sin, because they
believe that God does telling them not to. So if they do something, they think God is saying no to
it is sin for them. So he said, so making allowances for that, he said, he said, the more,
the more, the less weaker, in other words, the stronger Christians need to make allowances for
the weaker. You can only do that though, from a powerful position of an empowered position,
realizing, okay, I have this freedom in Christ. I don't need it. He's providing for me. Therefore
I can be the strength for my younger brother, for my weaker brother or whatever, like, okay,
this is what they need. This is whatever. That's a very different approach. In other words,
a very different source from which you are making a choice than people pleasing of like,
oh my goodness, I'm just trying to not rock the boat because I don't want to deal with the
aftermath. That is feeling threatened. That's very different from, no, I'm giving life because I don't
feel threatened. Cause I feel like at this point, I would still wear it to give me that feeling of
safety of like, okay, I'm not like offending anyone. It makes me feel secure. Like, yeah,
it's still not like, um, oh, like I, I, I understand what you're saying. Like the different positions
of like, like having this authority of like, it doesn't mean anything to me. It's like,
I'm wearing it for them for the weaker, but for me, just the thought of putting it on and going
out in public and said, oh, safe. Like it's like my little blanket of like, I'm not getting
reason for offense or attack. Yeah. So yeah. Okay. I, I, I understand that that makes sense to me.
The difference between yes. Okay. That makes sense to me. Um, also you can do this in stages
between you and the Lord. For instance, do you feel naked if you were to go to a, if you were
to go out in public with, I don't know, me or someone else? I don't know. I'm trying to think
of like some type of situation to kind of like trigger your imagination. But if you were to,
would you feel naked if you were to go out where they didn't wear head coverings,
would you feel like something was missing? I don't want you to be there with the issue
between you and the Lord. I was actually talking, talking about this before. So like,
if I'm like traveling, I don't think about it as much. Like, like, I don't, I don't think that
like I've told him before, like, I feel like if I was in this community, like I would just not,
but like, for example, going to like the local.
whole food store for the like, but not wearing it. I kind of
hoped I didn't run into anyone that I didn't, that I knew. And
it was like, still, like, it was still like, okay, I, when I like
pictured what Jesus was telling me, then it gave me a sense of
like, peace in it. But it was still like, Oh, like, what are
they going to say? Or what are they going to tell other people
when they see it? And then it was like, if I continue to go
back to that image of like, what Jesus told me, then it then it
gave me a sense of safety. But I still felt very exposed. Like,
like very naked. And like, yeah, my my auntie no longer cover
says that for the like, the longest time she just felt
naked. Like, whenever she went out, she just felt naked. So I
don't know, does that answer your question? I, yeah. So, um,
you can, you know, like I mentioned, you can, well, so
many things that I keep thinking about, I'm like, I'm hoping you
can remember them all. And first of all, make sure and I don't
think that this is what's going on. I'm just mentioning this
because it can also affect to what degree you choose to
tackle this. And it's best if we don't choose battles, the Lord
isn't giving us. So if you're just like, I want to do something
in me, I need to fix. You know, the Lord gives us plenty of
things we need to focus on without picking our own, you
know. Now, I don't think that this is it, I could be wrong.
But I don't think this is it because he gave you that. And he
gave you that encounter with him, where he addressed. Now,
one of the reasons why why he may have addressed it is it might
be just a place in which you're currently being like tormented
in question and doubt and whatever. And so maybe that's
why he addressed it. But here's my point. Oh, make sure that
it's the Lord that's bringing this up. Like, do you feel like
no, I think he seems to be bringing this up and prompting
it right now. And then to what degree is he prompting it? Like
how much is he saying it needs to be addressed. So he may not
be saying you have to attack the whole elephant. But he wants to
introduce the topic, he wants to start breaking you out of that
bondage, because that fear of how your choices in your life
and a little thing that you do, because it quite honestly, it is
a little thing of whether you put something on your head or
don't. In other words, it's this little action, it's very
meaningful, it's very powerful. But if you think about all the
things you do in a day, it's a very little thing that has a
huge impact. So very little thing that would then and you're
afraid of how it's going of how other people are going to react.
And then cause problems for you. It's giving a lot of power in
your life to other people and their decisions and how they
live their life and how they choose to then respond to you,
that it would affect you in that way. Like because we get to have
the authority of how much we allow it to affect us. So
anyway, I say that to say that is bondage. The Lord's like, Hey,
look, I want you to own you. I have given you to you first
before I have given you to anyone else. You know, and I'm
entrusting you with you before I'm entrusting you with Brian.
And before I'm entrusting you with kids, I've been I've
entrusted you with you first, you were the first line of
dominion in your kingdom. The very first thing that you're
responsible for, and the thing you were most responsible for
is your soul and your and your body. And currently they're
under bondage, right? And he's like, I don't like the fact that
other people and how they're living their life, or how I'm
telling you how to live their life is affecting you. And how
it's influencing you to such a degree where you feel like you
you are making decisions based off of how other people might
respond. And so anyway, so my point is, that is something that
God is not wanting to, it's not not making or he's not wanting
to make your life harder by having you not do something
you're so used to doing. Instead, he's like, No, you
actually are in more bondage now. And I'm like to, I've been
inviting you into more freedom, you've never experienced not
doing it. So you don't know how oppressed it feels, until you
don't have it anymore. And since you don't, since you haven't
experienced not having it meaning like, like fully, I
mean, you've done it before. But what I mean is like a living
life. It's like you don't realize how much more you can
breathe, then you've gotten used to, you know what I'm
saying? So anyway, so my thing is, it's always an invitation
into goodness. But there's something that we always have to
let go of, which, you know, brings us back to the whole
grief thing of like grieving.
the letting go of something or whatever.
But, um, so anyway, you know, you'd realize, well, at least it's always a positive
thing that God is wanting us to do, but then ask the Lord, okay, Lord, you know,
can you just walk me through this to what areas do I need to start practicing this
in and what areas do you want me to, uh, how can you like walk me through releasing
the bondage of it without, you know, and, but maybe you still want me to wear it
sometimes, but not because I need to, but just simply because, well, you know,
it's just, it's something that our community does and it's something that
makes us all feel like we belong together and, you know, and, and whatever,
it's just, I don't know.
And, um, it allows us to share aspects of ourselves with each other by doing
similar things at the same time and in the same place.
Um, and so, but here's that, like I keep saying, he may not want you to attack all
of it, just, just like, just be aware of it and then allow the Lord to just kind
of bring up when it needs to be addressed instead of always thinking, okay, I have
my head covering on now because we're about to go family event.
I wonder if this is right.
And always making a battle of every moment and everything or whatever,
just present what I recommend, present this before the Lord, because what you're
talking about is a very big deal.
This head covering, because it's, it can affect, it can affect family
relationships, it can affect family dynamics, you know, hopefully in your
case, it wouldn't, especially if you already have an aunt who's done this.
But my point is there's a reason why that fear is there, right?
Is because you've either experienced it in other areas of your life where you've
quote unquote, bucked the system, or you've seen other people do it.
You've seen how your parents, even like people that would respond to you, how
they've responded when other people have done it, like when they've talked about
it, like, even though they may have been nice to their face, you heard at home,
what they said about those people, you know, you're like, oh my word, what
would they say about me?
Right.
We have reasons why we're afraid.
We have experiences.
Right.
And, um, anyways, you just ask the Lord, okay, Lord, just make me, make me aware.
Make me, uh, bring to my awareness, Lord.
When you want me to do something, when you're highlighting something, because
Lord, my posture towards you and here's, so here's basically what I recommend.
You just posture yourself before the Lord in a willingness to be changed and a
willingness to be changed by the Lord so that you'll finally let go.
And that does mean that you'll have to eventually get to the point where
you'll have to risk the letting go.
It's not like, oh, God just changes everything.
And then suddenly like, oh, there's no pain at all.
And like letting go, like, no, there's a risk to it, you know, but at least
you'll, God will work on you and, and mold you enough to get you to the point
where you're like, okay, I can finally let go.
I wanted to, I wished that I could let go before now, but I just haven't been able
to, but I was willing to be willing.
And eventually God will bring you to the point where you're willing to, you're
not willing to be willing to, you're finally willing to.
And then you finally let go.
So, so allow the Lord to do this, changing you instead of you chasing it with so
much strife and soulish torment of like, I hope God's okay with me.
He's teaching, he's wanting to teach me something.
I'm probably in a bad place.
I'm supposed to be in a better place.
I'm supposed to, all of these things that we tell ourselves, I'm probably
supposed to be in a more mature place or what, again, whatever we tell ourselves.
Um, and I'm probably wrong and I need to hurry and hurry and change.
Allow the Lord to do all of that.
Allow the Lord to take you through that process.
You just make sure that you're always submissive so that you step
into the change when God brings it.
You step into those opportunities, even though they're hard, but don't create
opportunities and, uh, or don't create, uh, uh, don't create events that actually
aren't God's opportunities for you.
You know, because you're thinking that you have to make it happen.
You have to change yourself fast.
You have to get over this.
You have to, does that make sense?
It does make sense.
I, I think that like, this has already been like on my mind for like the
past couple of years, probably.
I mean, I've talked to you about it already, like probably three years ago.
And so it feels like when, when God showed me that it was like such a, like,
it made me so emotional because it realized, I realized how he, how he viewed
it and it almost feels like now that I'm like going through the grieving process
of it, it would, it almost feels like putting it back on would stall it.
I don't know if that makes any sense or not, but like, I feel like I'm going
through like the grieving process of, of letting.
and go of it and like working through through it. And it feels
like at this point, I'm not saying it would be like later on,
but it feels like at this point, feels like if I just like put it
on, it almost feels like it would like put a bandaid over
it. And then I would just peel it back off and then put a
bandaid. Like, I don't know if that makes any sense at all.
But like, I feel like and I hear what you're saying about
creating battles, because I feel like sometimes I'm the master
at creating my own battles. It's like, I can just like, make
things up. And like, why am I fighting this? But I, I think
that it almost seems like if I would just like, like, I feel
like if I work through the just, like, it almost, it almost feels
like I'm like, if I would, for example, have like a Christmas
event coming up, and like me not wearing it would almost feel
like ripping off the bandaid and just like, dealing with it.
Like, because I know that, like, I know what is true. And it
feels like if I would just put a veil on it would just put a
pause on the grieving of letting it go. Like, it's like, I don't
know how to I don't know how to explain it. But like it there
there is a grieving process of letting it go. And it feels
like I don't know. But then again, I don't know if it's just
like, that makes sense. But this has to be between you and
the Lord in order to give you meaning like, it has to be
owned, owned as an aspect of your relationship between you
and the Lord in order to give you the strength and the and the
resilience and the, the fortitude that you'll need. And
like, and yeah, there seems to be some other word that I'm
looking for. But also, something I wanted to say about the
grieving process, I was talking to a lady a while back, who had
been, she'd been asked when she was much younger, she's married
to another man now has kids and all that stuff. And when she was
very young, she was, I mean, old enough to be asked to be
married, you know, this guy asked her to marry him. And she
said no. And, and she said, you know, she didn't want to marry
him. But at this thing, well, how do I explain that? I'm
trying to remember how she worded it. But she just said,
there wasn't a she said he was a really nice guy. And she really
appreciated him. But it just it just didn't work out. I don't
remember if she even like really elaborated on it. She didn't say
it was like it actually any big deal. But basically, it just
didn't work out. And she and she's married to somebody else
now. And this is we're here down the road with kids and all of
that. And she said that, just the other day, I mean, like a
while back, but back when she told me this, it was just the
other day, she's just the other day, she said, I finally just
lay in the bathtub, and grieved the loss of that relationship.
She's married with kids. And she said, I grieved the loss of that
past relationship. And she's, and she said, it's not like I
wanted to go back and marry him, or that I regretted marrying the
man that I did. She said, but it was an aspect in which I felt
that because I got married to someone else, I couldn't grieve
this thing over here. And so she said, I finally realized that I
didn't need to fear it. And that I needed to allow the grief to
come up and out. And so she said, I finally grieved it. And
she said, really, she said, I didn't grieve not marrying him.
She said, I didn't grieve that. She said, I just grieved the
loss of the relationship, because she said he was so nice.
He was kind, and we enjoyed each other. And that relationship,
because she made different choices is lost. So she simply
grieved what it was. Grieving doesn't mean you choose it, and
you regret the decision. But it meant that it was precious. And
you are showing appreciation for the loss of something that was
precious in and of itself, or it's done right. But you'd still
go back and make the same choice you did. It's not like you're
choosing it. So I just mentioned, and I thought that
that was very, really good way to, to describe the the
experience of grief, is that it is important for us to let it up
and now Jesus grieved, Jesus wept, you know, and all of that.
And, and so there's nothing, it's an actual human emotion and
reaction to something that did have value to us. And the
grieving is the is the honoring it and appreciating it for the
goodness and letting it go. It's honoring it and the loss of it.
It's honoring it in the intentional decision to
let it go. Um, and, uh, so anyway, you can think of it as, as you're going through this process
of realizing, okay, I'm not great of maybe choosing to grieve the, what it was and what
it meant to you and how special it was. And in so many ways, like all of the good ways
and that the fact and the God's like, yeah, but that doesn't have any place in your future
because your future is full of so many different things that this type of thing, there's no room
for it and its meaning and whatever, but it did contribute to and invest in who you are now.
And it's, and it's not bad. So like I said, we need to be careful to not villainize something.
That's actually not bad. The veil itself isn't bad. It's not evil. It's like a television.
It's just there. It's just there. What matters is the meaning to it. And you have so many good
God honoring meanings to it. They were, it was pretty, it made you feel feminine.
It was a rite of passage. It was a, all the women did it it's way it's, it's, you know,
you've got some of them I'm sure were gifts or some of them meant something special to you when
you bought your first one, you know, all kinds of things. And those are the only two things that
I can think of off the top of my head. And I'm sure you can think of a lot more. And anyway,
it can just, and the things that it meant a lot, maybe between even you and the Lord,
because God still knew what you were trying to do and appreciated that. It's like, she's trying to
connect with me. I'm sure she's using something and she thinks she needs it. And I don't want
her to think she needs it. But this is a symbol of her trying to get close to me. And I love that.
You know, that you can grieve and honor and allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to,
to cry, and to feel sad into whatever of it, but sad, because it was a good thing,
not because it was a bad thing.
Yeah, that definitely makes sense. Yes. I feel like, I feel like you've given me like a lot to
think about, because I, like I connected with so many things that you said that, like, just,
yes, I feel like, yeah, I don't know how to explain it. But I just, I just know, like,
sometimes the things that you say, like, like, I definitely think it's something that like,
sometimes, sometimes I think about it, like, things will just come up to me later that,
like, you mentioned or said, and it was like, exactly what I needed in that moment. And it's
just like, it's like a reminder. But yet, it's, I don't know how to explain it. But it's,
it's something that it seems like your words just like absorb, and then they just kind of come up
as I'm like processing through things. Yeah. And so, well, I'll, you know, I always record these,
I'll put them up on, on my new platform. And I'll send you, I don't know, you probably don't already
have a username and passwords for it. So I'll set you up an account, and I'll send you the username
and password, and then you'll be able to have access to this recording, you know, in case it's
helpful to like, listen to again, it may not be perfect, some people listen to them again.
So we'll do that. And like you said, you know, there's just things that just kind of
will settle into your into your spirit and into your, you know, your soul, and then they'll just
kind of like come up. And the Lord will just remind you of when it's, it's needed or useful
or pertinent to the moment or, or whatever. So, so I'll be helpful. I really, really appreciate
this because I feel like it's, it's helped me work through some things. And like, um,
yeah, I, I feel like it's given me something to take before the Lord because I wasn't really sure
how to, or what, what to like, I was, I just felt like there was this like block there. And I'm
like, I don't know how to move past this. So I feel like it's helped me move past that block.
And I know what it is. Yeah. So remember the things that always help us get unstuck
is the more that we clamp down on it, trying to like figure it out or worry that we're not getting
through it, or we're not learning it, or we can't let go of it or whatever, the harder it is to let
go. So we actually have, you know what I'm saying? So just like loosen up and things will start
moving again. Remember that this brings death and this brings life allows the things to move again.
That that's so interesting. And it reminds me of something
I was wanting to tell you, and I'm kind of like laughing about
it, because it's like, either you laugh about it, or you cry
about it. But like, I told you that, like, so when I was
pregnant with Mariah had like, lost 30 pounds, incomplete
rest. Well, after I stopped breastfeeding her, I started
gaining more weight back. And, which I think is like a hormone
thing, it fluctuates, body has to even out, but I immediately
thought, okay, I have to like take control, like, I have to
take control of this again. And like, so from the beginning of
the year, I had this full of like, losing like 30 pounds this
year. And I was like, okay, so my first thought was like, okay,
I have to take control that I can't obviously can't do this.
And like breast because like, I mean, like, I gained it back. So
like, you know, maybe it wasn't working or whatever. So then I
was like, trying to like, trying to control it. And then I gained
more weight. And then, and then, so, since like, I, I finally
like lost the weight that I gained, like a couple more
pounds, it was just so like, whatever. And then I think I
would just like, fight through like, I was like, I don't know
why I just felt like I just can't release it. Like, I
really felt like I have to work with this. Like, even though I
knew that in the past, I was scared, like, what if it doesn't
work? Well, anyways, and so like, I think it was like a week
ago. And I think I've lost a couple pounds. And she's like,
going so much better. It took me this long to relearn the thing.
I know. Well, no, I have to do the same thing. I have to do the
same thing. And in fact, I always joke with people that Ed
always has to remind me what I teach. Like, actually, you know
better than this. I'm like, I know. That's why I have to teach
it. But we do we have these, we have these struggles. What we've
chosen is we've chosen a lifestyle with the Lord. Lord, I
choose that. I really do that you really did give us the
degree of freedom that you say that you did. And I am choosing
to live in that freedom. And more and more. And anyway, so
he, so anyway, I struggle, I struggle with that, you know, as
well. But, but remember, you know, with with yourself, what
will, what will really work is when you start enjoying you
really loving you. Now, there's that whole aspect. Remember, you
have to accept your body as it is and yourself just your body
as an essence of you can't disassociate from your body and
say, I accept you, you have to fully engage with your body.
You know, this is me, this is, this, this is something I am in
charge of, I am my spirit, I'm, I'm over and in, in this body.
And I'll, and I fully accept this entity that is making these
decisions, while it's making these decisions. And I don't
judge it for making these decisions. I disagree with it
making those decisions. I think that's not very wise. But I
don't judge it for it. I don't condemn it. I don't think
negatively towards it. And it does not change how I choose to
relate to it, and how I interact with it, and how I treat it. Its
decisions don't change that I am just completely unconditionally
accepting non judgmental of my body. And it can't just be of
your body, it has to be of your body, it's being you. So the
same thing with your soul, and everything else. It's like you
have to love and enjoy you. This is who you have been given. Now
remember, you are making that choice that this is you. So
remember, this is who it is you really are this meaning like
your spirit, I was referred to it, you know, up here, your
spirit, you know, that is that is the one that you're one,
you're where you're one with Christ and all of that. And that
is the king over your soul and your body. And that is the
entity, so to speak, that is providing for protecting,
loving, creating space for accepting and having dominion
over the soul and the body. And in you fully, but you have to
fully accept the soul in the body as being you as well, even
though it's not the identity, you, you're still unified with
that your soul and your body. So anyway, you fully choose to
accept yourself as you are really like you, you need to be
your biggest fan. Bigger than Brian, you know, meaning like,
Brian being your biggest fan, you need to be a bigger fan of
yourself that Brian, you know, you have and I say that because
you know, who's your spouse, you had and and I this is from my
own personal experience, you really have to like you a lot.
Like, enjoy being with your own company, and enjoy
way, your body, your soul, and all of that.
And then, and, and understand that.
What you're struggling with and what you don't like, isn't your natural state.
It's not your defaulted state.
It is your state under stress and under duress and under, you know, just, just
issues where it always feels like it's in a battle, and so if you remove the
battle, everything will revert back to its default state, your emotions, your
attitudes, your actions, your, your body and how, and, and health wise and how it
all operates.
Um, so fully just love and accept and enjoy who it is that you are.
Choose yourself as a friend that you intentionally make a decision.
You know what?
I'm going to choose that.
I like this person.
I'm going to find out about this person and enjoy this person.
I am telling you what, I have not found anything more powerful to change who you
are, because what you're doing is you are coming into agreement with God, because
you always go back to who does God say he is and who does he say that I am?
So you're always going back to those two things.
So who does he say I am?
And you love and fully accept that who he's declared you to be.
And then, and then your, your body and your soul will are aspects of creation
that will respond to a son of God manifesting himself.
Remember the manifesting himself, meaning like this, the spirit is showing up.
He's like, Hey, this is who I am.
I am a son of God.
And I'm like, oh my goodness.
You know, and then they'll, they're made by God to respond to into act a particular
way when they encounter a son of God.
So when they encounter your spirit and that's how you show up when you interact
with them, they will respond the way that got perfectly the way that God will.
You know, originally designed them before Adam ever fell back in the garden of
Eden as God designed them to, um, to operate in order and imperfection when
they encounter a son of God and you won't have to change your soul.
You won't have to change your body.
It knows what to do.
It's not, they're now operating very unnaturally.
So when you provide a safe place for them to be themselves without requiring
them to change, they start reverting back to their default state because
there's no reason for them to stay the way that they are now that they're safe.
They can let down their guard and then they'll naturally default back to what
they prefer, their natural state, which is what they prefer.
They prefer a certain weight.
It prefers certain emotions.
It prefers certain personality, you know, et cetera.
That is so interesting because like that reminds me of like last February, I just
never, like God so specifically told me when I looked into the mirror, like you
will not be able to lose this weight until you love yourself exactly as you
are right in this moment.
And so I feel like you just like completely affirmed everything that I,
that I, yeah, I just like looked in the mirror and I just felt him tell me that.
I think at first, like a couple of weeks ago, I started like, um, like writing,
writing down things of like what I felt like God was telling me.
And at first it was even hard to write my name.
Like, I felt so much like insecurity around even just writing my name.
And so then God would just have me write my name, like, like, like addressing,
like addressing myself in a loving way.
Like Lori, I love you.
Like God telling me writing that down was so hard.
And I was like, I thought that I, you know, I love myself, but just writing my
name down and being like, Lori, and then this nice thing after it, it just felt
like I wasn't supposed to do this is not right.
Like, we don't, we don't do this.
And so God had to kind of work.
And yeah, it is hard.
Yeah.
So what you, what you said, like that was, I need to say, well, good.
I love that you said that, you know, God had you do that.
Um, and because yeah, it's always an indication to us that there's some
aspect about ourselves that we aren't accepting if, if we don't like to be with
us, there's some aspect of us that doesn't like to be with that part of us or
whatever, even, um, uh, like if you were to go back and, um, remember you as a
little girl and, um, what do you love or do you love that person?
Do you love that little girl or do you hate that little girl?
Do you really not like being around that little girl?
Do you not like seeing pictures of yourself in the past or even now?
That's a, that's a indication of like self-hatred, you know, et cetera.
So, um,
I was done. There was something else I was going to say, but I don't remember what it was.
You're swinging around. I'm going to grab something while you're talking. Go ahead.
The biggest thing that's actually helped me work through that is because I used to completely hate
myself as a child. But the thing that was having felicity and she's like, Oh, she's just like,
I remember like her being like, I'm like, well, who could ever hate someone like that?
It's like, loving her has helped me love my younger self because I saw myself from a different
perspective. Yeah. That was very, very healing. I was having a mini version of myself. Very
healing and also very, um, anyways, sometimes you're like, I feel like I'm raising myself.
I'm raising myself and I'm raising myself. I know, I know to me, this is what I thought of
when you talked about signing your name. Oh yeah. Yeah. Signed your name here. I love it.
That's beautiful. Beautiful signature. So I loved your sweet letter. Thank you so much.
I loved it. It meant a lot to me to get to you. Yeah. I love, I love writing letters.
That's good. I love it. I love getting letters and I'm trying to remember it. I thought there
was one more thing that I was going to say, but maybe not. Maybe I, maybe I said it and
it was about, it was about accepting, you know, ourselves and everything.
Um, but I don't remember, but that really will be, uh, make a, a, um, a huge, huge, huge
difference. And in fact, I was just talking to somebody else about it today and I was encouraging
them that when they change how they feel about themselves, they will naturally not,
they will not be repulsed by feet, by feet, by foods that they're currently addicted to.
Like say for instance, sugar or whatever, um, there'll be repulsed by them because they'll
be not only do they, do they recognize that? No, those foods actually make me physically not feel
good when I eat them because they're chemically and they're cheap and they're whatever. But it,
there's also an aspect of you have so much vet, you value yourself so much
that when you think about eating those foods,
they feel cheap compared to you and you don't want to soil yourself with something so cheap.
And it's more than just, you physically don't, you know how you physically don't feel good when
you have that. There is that, that this is an addition to that. It's like, you feel like you
will soil or corrupt or contaminate. That's the word you'll contaminate yourself by associating
with something so cheap. Um, because you are using something that is cheap and allowing it to
kind of a say in your body to affect it. Um, kind of like, uh, I, I don't know. Um,
kind of like having a really have a, uh, really cheap, um, doctor or something. And by cheap,
I mean like he didn't go to school. He's just like kind of hacked at bodies to figure out
how stuff works and you would allow him to work on you, you know? Yeah. And you'd be like,
no, that's beneath me. This is too important. I am too important to allow somebody who has no
value of the human body because he was just like hacking away at stuff, just like figuring out,
sorry, I'm not trying to create a grotesque picture. He's just like, you know, it's a grave
robber. And he's like, you know how they used to actually have to learn about how human bodies
worked as they would dig up grace. You remember, but anyway, they're just doing stuff that they
don't care. You know, they have no value for human life. Why on earth would you allow someone
that has no value for human life to work on your body? That is how I actually respond to
certain foods. Now it's big. And these are foods that I like. And it's because I'm just like,
oh, why on earth would I put that thing in my body? It literally feels like I would be drinking
poison because it's so cheap. It has no nutritional value. It, my body then responds to it like it's
poison and it's going to either hold onto it as fat or it's going to make me feel sick or it's
just going to, I don't know, it's just going to make me feel awful. But even if I don't have all
of those feelings, I'm actually, you know, physically feel the negative impact of it.
I will be, I will be affected and I'll just feel like I'm in.
expecting something that is, OK, kind of like this,
kind of like having a pearl necklace,
and every now and then putting in something that's
like a glass bead on a pearl necklace.
It's like, that doesn't make any sense.
And now it's cheap in the whole thing.
That's how I honestly feel about certain foods.
Sometimes Chanel will go out somewhere and I
want to do something fun.
And growing the way that I grew up
is food was always associated with celebration.
If you're having fun, you have to eat.
If you're not eating, it's not fun.
It's not really, truly fun.
And I know that that's really twisted,
but, hey, that's just how I grew up.
It's very Texan.
It's very my family.
There you go.
It's very American.
And it's volume, and it's whatever
tastes good, not whatever is good for you.
So anyway, the point is that it's
a huge psychological mind shift change.
And it changed when I changed how I viewed myself.
When I actually began to value myself,
I naturally didn't want those things.
So I didn't have to fight the temptation to eat them
and just tell myself and just be really hard on myself
and just like, no, no, I'm not going to do this.
And then by my own sheer willpower,
I'm not going to eat these things.
That's exhausting.
That's an exhausting way to go through life.
I no longer had to do it.
I didn't want to contaminate myself
with something like that.
I wasn't tempted at all, because I'm like, yes.
I am so repulsed by it.
And that's a much easier way to lose weight, to keep it off.
So anyway, it's very effortless.
It's putting in the time and the focus
on having a really good foundation of viewing yourself
the way that God wants you to, to make an effortless future
where you effortlessly lose weight
and you effortlessly keep it off instead of trying
to get a real quick fix.
Because if you try to get a real quick fix by just strong
arming yourself through extreme diets and extreme exercise
and whatever, you get a result.
But you have to maintain it with the same effort
that you put in.
And I don't even mean necessarily
even external effort.
Internal effort, you have to put the same exertion
into it for the rest of your life
in order to maintain it, because that's how you birthed it.
What you birth something with is the energy
that it continues to have to need in order to be sustained.
So if you do it effortlessly based off
of how you value yourself, your body will naturally
and your emotions will naturally be sourced
from your own sense of value.
And their decisions of what they eat
and what they expose themselves to and how much they exercise
and how much they rest will be determined
based off of how much you value.
And it's so much more effortless.
So anyway, that is an encouragement.
Well, thank you very much.
I appreciate that.
I feel like I've been experiencing that more and more
just for example, today I had made some hot dogs
for the girls, which is so against my grain
because I'm the type of person that I would like
buy the $6 organic pack of hot dogs versus whatever.
But today was a day that I did.
And I was like, I want one.
Sometimes I crave it.
And I started eating it.
And pretty soon I started feeling really bad.
And I was like, this is just not like,
this doesn't feel good.
And then I had made myself,
I like, it was prepackaged,
but it was still supposed to be healthy,
like a Mediterranean bowl or something.
And I was like, even this doesn't taste as good
because what I used to do make from scratch foods
and God was like, well, you don't have to eat it
just because, no, that's not, I don't have to eat it.
So I had like my shake or whatever I had wanted
and had some like amino acids with it.
I love this.
This like feels so good.
And then like, and I've noticed that like,
I had ice cream that used to be very,
like something that I just craved all the time.
And I haven't eaten ice cream in a long time.
Yesterday, I wasn't doing this yesterday.
I almost took a bite and I was like, no,
like I don't, no, I wasn't gonna do this anymore.
And then I found this like really like,
I found this healthy alternative to ice cream
and it's like so good.
But anyway, and I, but I do, I do agree with you.
I feel like the more that I do value myself,
the less I want certain foods because yeah.
Well, yeah.
And like at the beginning of the year
when I was starting this whole thing.
And I was I was still just like doing things out of habit. And I
got dessert. My brother was like, What are you doing? That's
like poison. He was like, you're just putting poison in your body
right now. He had a little bit more of a condemning attitude
about it. But you know, still, he does have a point like, this
is pretty much poison. But it didn't necessarily the poison
didn't necessarily matter until I valued myself enough to not
want the poison. So yeah, that 100% is I, I totally resonated
with what you said, because it's like, it's like, you don't care
it's poison until you care about yourself. Yeah, that's a great
way to put it.
Yeah. And one more thing, and I'll let you go. One more thing
that I thought of that I was talking to someone about today
that they said really helped them in like, in, like, in
their, you know, was the, the importance of owning yourself
and just and designing your own life. Like in other words, you
know, with you and the Lord, you know, not by yourself, but with
you and the Lord, like deciding no, what kind of a life do I
want to create for me? What kind of a life do I want to create
for my body? What kind of a body do I want to experience being
and what kind of experience do I want to have in my body,
basically, you know, or in my soul or in my home or whatever,
instead of thinking, okay, I'm just things happen. And I just
need to be ready, you know, to respond to them to like, keep
the really bad consequences at bay. And to take advantage of
any opportunities that come No, design it, what do you want your
life to be like, and then do approach in approaching your
body and your health journey from that more empowering place
makes all the difference in the world. This lady that I was
talking to just today, she said, Oh, my word, she said all this
week, I have woken up at six to go work out every single day.
She said, and I haven't dreaded it. I haven't I haven't been
upset when I get up. I have actually really enjoyed and the
exercise and she said, exercising has felt so
effortless. You know, she's like, and I asked her, so well,
that's great. What do you think made the change? And she said
those two things, you know, the thing of like accepting yourself
and she said and filling in power to make my own decisions
in my life. What instead of like, oh, this is the way that
the physical laws work, you know, so if I want, I want to
eat all of this candy, but my body is going to gain weight,
dadgummit, I don't know why it acts like that, you know, I want
this good thing, and then it gives me a negative result, you
know, and then you always and then you view it from a from a
victim mentality. Yes, I'm existing in this life, that
everything's against me. And so because of that, well, because
my body acts like this, I can't do this, I have to do this. If I
want this in my life, if I want to, if I want to be a healthy
way, I have to do this, you know, well, then it always makes
us feel like we're this victim that's having to, that's having
to just deal with avoiding consequences or result of
actions, instead of know, what kind of a life do I want to
create an experience to where I want to have here on earth, I
want to have a healthy one, I want to feel strong in my body,
I don't want to, you know, and I want to feel healthy in my body
and I want to feel, I want to feel like my joints and my
ligaments have moved very smoothly, and that I want to be
able to walk faster, I want to not be out of breath. Why?
Because that's the experience I want to have. So you're choosing
positive experiences that you want to bring into your life and
that you want to design your life to be and then figure out
how can I get that for myself, as opposed to how do I avoid any
of these other things happening? It's no how do I positively
create these good things I want, totally different perspective,
and she said, and she said that changed everything. So anyway,
being a victim to healthy foods or working out, subject to it,
you're like, owning it and using it.
Yeah, because remember that everything that you encounter,
you rule over, you rule over all those laws, all those rules, all
of those foods, everything, you are allowing them to partner
with you to give you to help you design the life to live the life
that you design. Now you design it with the Lord. This isn't like
some like man centric, new age philosophy. But my point is that
remember that everything goes back to who does God say that he
is and who does he say that you are and you operate from those
two places from that place. Who does he say he is and I am and
then let's live from
in that place, based off of who we are, for right, you know, he and I were one, we're
righteous.
We're, you know, we're provider for those within our kingdom, we're protector, we're
safe, we're holy, we're, we make, we're wise, we make good decisions.
We know all things, meaning like, you know, our spirits have access to all knowledge in
the Lord.
You know, we're always dependent on the Lord.
We can't go off and do our own thing.
We have to always be in Christ in order to operate in all of those benefits.
But the thing is that operating from the oneness in Christ, we have all of these benefits.
And so it's a very, it's a very empowering and a powerful and a place to live from that
carries responsibility.
We bring life to the rest of creation, including our own lives, including our soul, our body,
our designing with the Lord, our future, you know, and so making decisions.
So I like how you said responsibility, because it, it also made me think of how like growing
up and I feel like just the way that I, the environment I grew up in, I don't know that
it's necessarily like my parents or it was the community.
I just didn't value like, um, animals and like, it was just like, Oh, like don't, nothing
happens.
Like just, you know, it's just man or whatever.
And I feel like the more I've stepped into my authority in Christ, the more I respect
I have for things like animals and trees and plants and like just the world in general.
It's not just a tree, whatever, not just a dog.
These are things that we've been given to, to rule over.
And I think like they're, they're such a, just, they're waiting for us to take care
of them.
So it actually like, I've never been like, uh, just, you know, I haven't had like, I
have not always had this like big heart for just animals and things like that.
But I feel like as I've stepped into my authority, I was like, I care about these things.
Like, how could you even think of treating like, yeah, you know, the world around us
so poorly because they, they're waiting for us to take care of them.
And I, and I just think like, like, how could we disrespect it like that?
Or like, you know, they're looking up to us and like, I feel like we're abusing our
authority in a way by neglecting or, or, um, not taking care of them.
And so I think that's something too that kind of changes is like, even when it comes
to, yeah, food and exercise, like we're an authority over them.
It's our job to like take care of them and use them in the right way.
And I don't know.
I think that's something that's like really changed in my heart too.
It's just like the way that we take care of our world and the things in it, they're
not just disposable and like, whatever, like just like, and it's like that whole
attitude is let's just put our heads down, get to heaven and it's nothing matters.
Like I, yeah.
So I think that's something too that I've seen like have a positive effect.
And yeah, but I mean, as you can tell, like I sent you a picture of my flowers
that, that died, like, obviously like there's things that we all do.
I have to, I've tried so hard on my plants this year and some of them die.
I'm just like, I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
I tried.
So anyways, but that, I just wanted to share that because I just wanted to tell you that
I feel like that's something that was, that was a positive thing.
It's like the way that I do things like animals and plants.
That's great.
Yeah.
It's true.
Yeah.
And when we value ourselves, it changes the value that we see in other things and other
people, like you said, in animals and objects, we, we, and so, which is fascinating
because then it reveals that people who don't treat things as valuable with how they
think about themselves, you know, like, oh, so that's the opposite of that.
Yeah.
Or that's how I used to be.
And I must've felt, I must've like really hated myself if that's how I acted or
that's what I thought of it.
So, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, it's good to talk to you, Laurie.
I'm glad that it worked out.
I hope it was helpful and gave you some like starter conversations with the
board.
It was.
Thank you so much, Ashley.
I really appreciate it.
And I'm sorry.
I don't know.
Oh, seven.
Keep us going.
That's, it's all on me.
So I, it's all within my control.
What's up, Brian?
I said, hi.
I'm kind of curious what he's been up to.
I've been hearing some things.
Let's get to see you, Laurie.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
Bye.
Okay.
Bye.