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Okay, you need to lay down, please.

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Hello.

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Are you.

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Oh, my word, Ashley.

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Anyway, it's all good.

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We do have a lot to catch up on. Sorry, I need to turn my screen and it's very smudgy and I can't.

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Okay.

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So, first of all, how's the trip.

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It was really good. Yes, it's very good.

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There was definitely.

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I mean, there was definitely some hard things, but it was.

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For the most part, it's really good. And I was actually very impressed with myself that I.

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Like I was, I was really excited about going.

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Because, you know, I just felt very expectant and like, it's really special.

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Because it was seven years and all that stuff, but I didn't hold God to anything.

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Like, I wasn't like, it has to be this way. It has to be this way. Like, I just.

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Let it happen. And I, I'm really, really happy about that.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And so, yeah, there was definitely other things that happened. I think if nothing else, probably what I took away from the whole trip is like, I do feel like it closed a chapter.

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Because going back, it was, it was kind of sad for me to see.

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There's a lot of really hard situations out there. And I feel like, you know, this like safe place that I always had in my mind.

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Was in Montana. You know, I was had this, like, it's a safe church. It's a secure place. It's like, I don't know, nothing like.

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Yeah, bad things happen there, but I always felt like really secure in the church and stuff.

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And yeah, going back and like hearing different situations, I feel like it kind of.

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It kind of had to come off and I was like, okay, like I see there's issues here and I actually wouldn't really want to move back to the church.

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Unless, I mean, there's a little part of me that's like, Lord, maybe someday we can be part of the solution. You know what I mean?

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But right now I don't feel like that's what it is. So in a way it was sad.

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In another way, it was like Arnold and I were still on the same page with like so many things, like everything, you know, we, whenever we talk about stuff, like we heard each other and we could talk through things that were hard.

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And like, it was really good in that aspect to see like, wow, Arnold and I are actually one.

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Like, it's not, we don't have to argue about all these things and try to see things from each other's point of view.

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I feel like we're really on the same page with a lot of stuff.

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That's great.

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And it's so special that it happened in the order that it did, which is so often the way that the Lord does it, where he'll ask you to choose him in faith first and submit.

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And then he'll reveal, you know, then afterwards, it's like, he'll change your heart and your will.

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I've noticed that that's what happens with me.

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When I submit to him first, then I have a heart change or then I see things from a different perspective.

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Like I'll go back to a place and I realize, oh, it's not what I remembered it to be.

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It's not what I so badly wanted it to be or, you know, whatever.

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And so anyway, but you, the thing is that you chose the Lord first and then, you know, then you saw that.

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And the same thing, you know, with you and Arnold, you know, Arnold having done so much work and meaning like intentional choosing of each other and growing together.

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And then you're able to see, you know, the fruit of it, you know, when you're in a very emotionally charged situation.

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Meaning like, you know, I'm sure that there were all kinds of things back home, like family and the fact that y'all at that Montana holds a very special place in your heart.

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And y'all have always wanted to go back.

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And then the fact that, you know, that that church that is really special there.

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And then y'all's old youth leaders.

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Those are, I don't know if there's still the pastors there or what, but you know, all of that stuff.

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So that's so exciting to see that y'all to see, like I said, the fruits of the fruit of everything that y'all been through and the decisions that you've made.

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I'm excited for you.

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Yeah, it was good.

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And I mean, there was definitely.

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I think there was like one time when there was like something significant that Arnold and I needed to work through together, but it was like, it was good.

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And like, by the end of it, everything was fine, whatever.

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Mommy said, you know, you can't lay down there.

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You have to lay with your head on the pillow.

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No, you cannot do that.

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Okay, no.

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Sure.

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I will see you soon for a new video.

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Bye.

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So, yes, I'm coming home very large, but oh my word, he's like, he's like this big.

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And he was right where I had like picked up the tea kettle, maybe he was crawling all

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over it.

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I don't know.

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Seriously.

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This thing is huge.

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Let me show you.

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My word.

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Yes, I can see it.

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Oh, my word.

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Thankfully, it's not a spider.

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I thought it was a spider because we had big spiders around here that Ed has had to talk

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to.

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And, you know, I'm very impressed with your, with your bed and he'll like talk to him and

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say, I'm very impressed with your web.

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You did a great job.

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Thoroughly impressed.

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However, I have a wife who has plans out here and need to move.

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We have this.

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He said literally one time a spider listened to him, went to his web, gathered it up.

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Oh, my word.

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That's hilarious.

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Loves doing that.

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It's very important to him.

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Talk to animals, start to creation and watch us and respond anywhere.

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That is great.

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The animals all find him.

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In fact, I went to one place, there was a place where I was at a big house meeting and

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there's probably like 25 people there and there was this, and Ed hadn't been able to

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go because he had a work event.

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So he came like literally at the end of the last session of the second day, like the very

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last session of the conference or teaching or whatever.

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He walks in, he's just standing in the hall talking to someone like the very first person

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that he's meeting.

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The dog comes, who has kind of like been shying away from everybody, like, no, I don't want

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to be touched and whatever, finds Ed and lays down at his feet.

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Oh, that's great.

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This is so cool.

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So anyway, anyway, sorry, it just kind of scared me because I thought it was a huge

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spider.

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I'm like, no, Ed's talked to y'all.

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Oh, man.

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Yes, when we got, we got home then on a late Thursday night, and then Friday, I was sick

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all day again.

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And it was the same thing that I had before we went to Montana.

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So like the day before we left, I was flat in bed all day with this weird thing that

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I get.

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And then when I got home, same thing again, in bed all day with this weird thing that

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I get.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Do you remember what mommy said?

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Head on the pillow.

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Yeah, it's nice and warm.

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Yeah.

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Okay, turn it the other way, then.

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Anyway, and then while we were in Montana, my friend, I'm not sure if I've talked to

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you about it before or not, but and I'm gonna try to talk quietly because she's here.

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So just tell me if you can't hear me.

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But she reached out and said that she, this is a friend that I met through Instagram.

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And she was, she's been messaging me on and off for like the last six months.

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And yeah, yeah.

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Can you lay down on it, please?

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Well, then don't reach inside of it.

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Lay down, please on your pillow.

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Thank you.

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At one point, I had to like make a call because she sent me like a goodbye message.

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And so she was like, very suicidal and stuff.

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Anyway, so she is currently she came to Pennsylvania for a wedding.

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And and I had told her before multiple times, we've had lots of discussions like on Instagram.

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And I told him multiple times, I'm like, if you ever come to Pennsylvania, like, you can

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totally come stay with us, we want to give you a safe place and I'll feed you and we'll

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go shopping and do you know, whatever.

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Anyway, so she asked if she could stay here.

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And it's kind of one of those situations where she's very conservative.

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Her parents are very conservative.

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They don't know she's here.

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They know that she's in Pennsylvania, but she happens to have another friend named Priscilla,

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that she told her parents she's staying with Priscilla, she didn't specify last name.

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And so and she's 23, like she's totally an adult and she can you know, but she's been

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under this control thing for so long.

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She has a really hard

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history with like sexual abuse and anyway she's with us right now that's who I was talking to

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before the zoom call and I am just like I don't know I told Arnold I know that I I have this

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struggle right now with walking in my flesh or walking in my spirit and when I walk in my flesh

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I feel like super anxious and I'm like scared and I don't know what to do and I'm not sure how to

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talk to her and I'm afraid of us and everything else but I know that that's not spirit and so

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yeah it's just been really hard for me to know how to like shift into my spirit with him

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one moment again or with her uh come here okay listen okay I'll button it now listen listen

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you may not get out of bed again okay you have to sleep first and after you sleep

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then you may get out of bed okay yeah yeah but first first you have to read if they're first

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you have to nap yes you can play with your toys when you're all done here you can play with your

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car now oh my turtle yeah uh your turtle is broken okay it's napping right beside you

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it's on top of the covers on top of the covers

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oh okay anyway so yeah and that's just been kind of

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I feel I feel like it's all things everything's just kind of on top of each other right now

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I have had I've had this feeling of like

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I just have that feeling of like that I'm avoiding God and I hate this feeling and I don't know why

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I am that way because I feel like there's things that are happening and there's like shifts that

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are taking place but I also feel like this fear of being alone with him and I'm not sure why

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and I'm not sure why um so and also um I'm trying to think what else there's like

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more stuff oh yes the whole conversation about lemongrass I am just like sorry I like I said

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before I feel like a giant eye roll every time I bring up my business because I always say the

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same things and I literally can barely stand it but it's just how it is and I feel like

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all of my energy is gone like I when I think of my business I just I almost can't even do it

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anymore like I can almost not force myself to do it anymore and part of me there's like part of me

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that's like you know what it doesn't like if I feel like spirit isn't on this anymore then I need

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to let go of it and I don't need to be afraid like the Lord will provide for us and Arnold is like

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totally on board like he's like you know whatever we need to do is great and he's also feeling

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restlessness too like he said he feels like his days are pointless and he doesn't have purpose in

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life and he he feels like he needs to do something like he needs to have some kind of routine or

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something so I feel like I'm facing a lot of fear and at the same time I feel like I'm a different

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person than I was three months ago and the last time I was like a different person what's up in

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what way do you feel like a different person I feel I think I think I feel a lot more I don't

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I don't know if the word is adventurous but I feel a lot more positive or like well maybe the world

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isn't ending tomorrow and maybe like our bank account isn't just going to be you know drained

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overnight and maybe maybe just because I'm not in lemongrass anymore doesn't mean that

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we're going to be poor for the rest of our lives like maybe Arnold and I can actually do something

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together that is profitable and you know even just with having Monica here like he has been amazing

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actually like I cannot even tell you he has been it's almost like we feel like we're in our element

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like that's how it feels like together him and I have somebody we're caring for and like it just

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we love it we absolutely love it and and he's so like I don't know I just it's hard to explain

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but we both feel very very called to this and even at church on Sunday we hadn't been in church we

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missed a Sunday and then on church on Sunday they had um that's fine they had um we had something

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up on the screen about a an opportunity for classes that this church is doing about um being

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equipped to counsel and I had been telling Arnold I'm like you know I would really love to just

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just have a little more training and just know a little more like how to deal with different

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situations. And, um, and this is perfect. Like it's literally like close to our house. It's an

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eight week thing and we can do it together. And so anyway, that's what we're planning to do. Like

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Tuesday night, we're going to go for the first thing and it's on sexual abuse. Like the first

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one's on sexual abuse. And so like, that's where I feel like my heart is at. Like, that's what I

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want to do. But at the same time, I'm like, who am I kidding? Like we have three kids.

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I want to be present for them. And I feel like lemongrass allows me to do that.

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Uh-huh. But at the same time, yeah, I struggle with feeling guilty because I feel like I'm not

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being a good leader right now because I'm not like pouring into my team. I'm literally like,

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I have, I've literally done like nothing in the last two months. I've done barely anything at all.

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And my personal sales are great. My team's sales are great. Like I really don't think

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that I'm going to be earning the trip this year. I have no desire to earn the trip this year,

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but at the same time, I feel like I'm just kind of in this wrestling. Like

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on the one hand, I'm like, Oh no, this is great. This is exciting. And on the other hand, there's

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like this fear that wants to come in. Like, okay. Is the reason why I'm not excited about my business

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anymore? Because I'm not being as recognized. Is it because like, am I being irresponsible? Like

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all the things. And I know, I know that that's not from the Holy spirit. I think at the same time,

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I'm just, I just feel scared. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. And it's all kind of wrapped up and

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everything, everything's kind of connected. I'm trying to like, yeah, but I, yeah, I feel like

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I just dumped a lot on you, but yeah, we're women. And so we see connection and everything.

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We're just like, yeah. Yeah. And guys don't know how they separate it, but they do. And because

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I'm always talking to Ed and just like, well, you know, he said, Ashley, those are separate things.

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Like, no, I have to realize, okay. So apparently there's something about this whole man, woman

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thing of like a woman sees that everything's connected and the guy can just separate him.

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So anyway, I totally understand what you're saying. I'm like, yeah, yeah.

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So you said that you weren't sure if the re if you, you mentioned some things that you hadn't

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mentioned before you said you weren't sure if the, what did you call it? The, the reason why

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you were feeling, you were struggling in your business is because you weren't feeling as

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acknowledged or you mentioned one other one. What was the other one? Not being recognized.

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And also like, I feel like I don't deserve my paycheck. Cause I'm like not doing anything.

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Oh, okay. Got it. All right. And so can you dive just, could you dive a bit deeper into either

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one of those? Like I, well, or maybe just the recognized thing, because I understand why you,

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why you're thinking the other that's, that's normal. If we're thinking that the results come

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from the amount of effort that we're putting into something, if we always make that connection,

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that the only way that we get this, or the only way that we deserve it is if it costs us something,

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cost us a lot. And like, in other words, if we gave something to it, we didn't want,

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then that's the only way we deserve something good is if we had pain beforehand. So I can

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understand where you came to that conclusion. Cause that's a very unhealthy perspective that

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we all have, but what's the other one? What's the recognition part? Yeah. So I've always struggled

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with this one. So I'm one of the three platinum's in our company right now, which is the top of the

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compensation plan. When I, when I was, when I promoted to platinum, there was like no celebration.

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Like it was like, I got a call from Heidi, our CEO, which is great, but it's not like, like,

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she's just a very personal CEO. She's she's amazing. There was like, there was no flowers.

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There was no nothing extra. And, and part of the part of it's because there are so few platinums,

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they honestly just don't do a lot for them yet because there's not many of them,

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but there's also like barely any perks at all, like none. And I've talked, it's been kind of

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weird for me to talk to them about this because I'm just like, I feel stupid. Like I feel stupid

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because I feel like I'm coming to you and asking to be recognized. And that feels really, really

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to me. But at the same time, I'm like, what do people even want from being here? There's nothing,

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there's nothing special. There's no privileges. There's like, I had to like ask for special

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seating at conference. I'm like, I feel stressed out. Like, because it's like this mad dash into

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awards night every night. And I'm like, is there no way that like, you could have assigned tables

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for like certain rankings, you know? And, and, and this is also why I struggle because I'm like,

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okay, this is, I should be so happy to be like humble and sit in the back and, you know,

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not even have anybody know my name. But then, but then I would consistently get missed with stuff,

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like.

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There was times when like people would get like certain gifts and I would just be like overlooked and I'm like

247
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What is why why is this and then this last time I was at conference

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I think what really set me over the edge was there's this there's this new group of posh ladies

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Do you know if Pasha is like perfectly posh? It's like another direct sales company. Oh

250
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Yeah, so posh just recently did a whole rebranding they were bought out by another company a lot of people left

251
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And so there's this whole bunch of ladies that joined lemongrass

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From posh and all of a sudden everything's about them

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Like everything's about making sure they feel welcome because they're doing amazing. Like they are literally knocking it out of the park

254
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I mean

255
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Explosive growth is an understatement. Yeah, and so all of a sudden it's just like I mean this lady had more

256
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like I felt like she was more honored and like celebrated and all these things and

257
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I was like, is there nothing to be said about the people that have been here for a long time and like stay and

258
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Had built the company, you know, is that are we just old dogs now?

259
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Anyway, so and I realized this is also elementary like I feel stupid even

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Saying these things but it's it's in there. So it's coming out, but I

261
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Oh, and that was the thing. So like there's no exclusive perks for Platinum's. There's like

262
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Everything that we as Platinum's got

263
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These other posh ladies got to like I think it was like executive director and above or something like that

264
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Which I'm not saying that they shouldn't be celebrated. It just feels like

265
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Is there nothing exclusive?

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Is there nothing that still tells me that I'm special or worthy and I know like that's not where I should be getting it

267
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and then and then all

268
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All of the other top leaders got like these satin pajamas and I got none like none

269
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I'm just like I

270
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Know, I mean, I know it was an oversight like my 29 year old brain knows that it was an oversight

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but then like the other side of my brain is like

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What in the world, you know, why does it feel like it always happens to me and

273
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So, yeah at the same time like I said, I know

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It's so cringe all the things I'm saying

275
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But I also know that I can just express myself and I know that you're not gonna judge me and I've learned that it's

276
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Okay to not judge myself either. So

277
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Yeah, so I feel like I came home from conference and I just felt

278
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So deflated like and I realized too that okay in order for me to feel

279
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Celebrated and worthy in this company. I have to do something that I'm not willing to do and that's work

280
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My literal butt off all the time. Yeah, and I can't do that anymore

281
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I can't like I have kids. They're super important to me

282
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I love the flexibility of this business and all these things

283
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But I can't help but have like this ick feeling every time I even think about it because I'm like, oh, yeah

284
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That's the place where I used to be cool, you know

285
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So what you mean? Yeah

286
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Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. No, I understand. So it sounds like as hard as it is that that you're in

287
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middle of a transition

288
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by the Lord and to switch your your

289
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the your point or your source of motivation, so everything that you're talking about is

290
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Normal human response and reaction. That's why they do satin pajamas and why they just why they do titles

291
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That's what it's all for. It's all

292
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That's why this this why quite honestly titles just have never meant

293
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Very much to me in or haven't meant anything to me in

294
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When I was in the corporate world or awards or anything because I just thought these things are empty

295
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This is just ridiculous. They they would I know that it's about recognition, etc

296
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but the sad thing is that it always felt to me like

297
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What is the word like lip service?

298
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Everyone is if it's a big deal

299
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But when it comes to the serious things of being able to get my work done and needing support

300
00:24:10.600 --> 00:24:16.800
I don't have that but I'll have all of these public accolades or awards or they would be and

301
00:24:17.200 --> 00:24:23.160
Which are given out which felt to me a little like candy now. No, they weren't like candy

302
00:24:23.160 --> 00:24:25.800
It wasn't like like a participation award

303
00:24:25.920 --> 00:24:31.200
but yeah, it was an element of it that just I just recognized the cheapness in it and

304
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And so I would just get frustrated but I did realize though that that is a lot of people's

305
00:24:40.080 --> 00:24:41.360
Motivation

306
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For me. My thing was like hey, I wanted to be honored and acknowledged by

307
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by at least

308
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I'm trying to think of what helps me feel honored and acknowledged like what people talked about me and people

309
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recognized me and honored me and

310
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association with something that I had done that felt honored me and how they interacted with me.

311
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That made me feel like what I did was being valued and mattered.

312
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Because then I felt that it wasn't lip service. It was real true interaction. So that for, and so

313
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when I didn't get that, that bothered me. And to be honest, that is a lot harder than things like

314
00:25:26.080 --> 00:25:31.680
awards, et cetera, because you can do it. And it's like giving lip service, but it's not changing.

315
00:25:31.680 --> 00:25:38.080
It's not, you can do it and actually not mean it. You can give someone an award and not be sincere.

316
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And so it's a way that you can separate yourself from not having to sacrificially give yourself

317
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to someone, um, be sacrifice anything of yourself to someone if, because of something that they did,

318
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but you could give them something that made them feel like you were acknowledging them.

319
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So anyway, my point, my whole point is, is that I had my own thing. And when I didn't get that,

320
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which is quite honestly, a lot harder for people to give, they're less likely to want to give that.

321
00:26:09.360 --> 00:26:14.560
I experienced the same thing that you're talking about. That is, so we all have our own ways that

322
00:26:14.560 --> 00:26:20.080
we're interpreting it. Okay. If I get it like this, this is what it means. Or for me, if I get it like

323
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this, this is what it means. And when me and when we don't get them, when you don't get this one or,

324
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and I don't get this one or whatever, you know, whatever our own individual ones are,

325
00:26:29.360 --> 00:26:33.680
we all have that response that you are, that you're where you just get burnout.

326
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You have no motivation. You're like, why on earth am I doing this? I feel like I am that my

327
00:26:40.560 --> 00:26:48.000
contribution doesn't seem valued me as a person doesn't seem valued because I'm not on, I'm not

328
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being acknowledged for what it is that I'm doing or the effect that I had on the company or the

329
00:26:53.120 --> 00:26:59.360
effect that I had on so-and-so. And so, so just anyway, the reason I say all that is just kind

330
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of normalize what you're talking about. And that's why they're doing the satin pajamas. That's why

331
00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:08.960
they're doing whatever, because it does work. And when you don't get it, you have the experience

332
00:27:08.960 --> 00:27:15.920
that you do. That's normal. So, but the thing is that is the way that the world works. And so I,

333
00:27:16.800 --> 00:27:24.960
what I've had to realize is, okay, just because that is a normal human, human reaction does,

334
00:27:25.520 --> 00:27:32.960
if, how do I put it? Doesn't mean that that is that that is the freest way to live.

335
00:27:33.600 --> 00:27:39.280
So what it is that I had to choose in every moment was, okay, is this something that I want to

336
00:27:40.000 --> 00:27:46.640
bring to their attention that I am struggling with motivation because X, Y, and Z isn't that

337
00:27:46.640 --> 00:27:52.160
they say that they're going to give isn't actually being given. And therefore it's affecting my

338
00:27:52.160 --> 00:27:58.160
motivation. Am I going to go that route or am I going to have to go lay down now, or am I going

339
00:27:58.160 --> 00:28:05.680
to do something between me and the Lord where I, or am I going to choose the freedom that the Lord

340
00:28:05.680 --> 00:28:12.960
says that I can have, which one am I going to choose to value because flesh is leaning this

341
00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:18.480
way. And this one feels very heightened. And right now, currently, this is my highest value.

342
00:28:18.480 --> 00:28:22.560
And when the Lord makes me aware of it, because I go through a pressure point, like what you're

343
00:28:22.560 --> 00:28:29.600
experiencing, we then have to make the choice. This one is a legitimate is, is a legitimate

344
00:28:29.600 --> 00:28:36.480
reality. This is normal human experience, you know, to be burned out or to be demotivated

345
00:28:36.480 --> 00:28:41.760
because X, Y, and Z isn't happening. So, but the thing is, so I can acknowledge that, okay,

346
00:28:41.760 --> 00:28:46.160
well, this is normal. There's nothing wrong with the there's, it doesn't mean that I'm like,

347
00:28:47.120 --> 00:28:52.320
you know, wrong or some alien, because I want this. No, that's the normal human experience

348
00:28:52.320 --> 00:28:56.800
that God tells me that if I'm going through a pressure point and I need this in order to be

349
00:28:56.800 --> 00:29:02.320
okay, it means I'm in bondage to it. And he promises that this other thing that I haven't

350
00:29:02.320 --> 00:29:08.000
experienced yet, because we usually live over here, this new thing, I haven't experienced yet

351
00:29:08.000 --> 00:29:13.760
in the spirit. He promises me it's better. He promises me that it's freeing. He promises me

352
00:29:13.760 --> 00:29:21.520
that I'll get greater benefit from and value it more if I choose this, but I have no experience

353
00:29:21.520 --> 00:29:27.040
than that. And so I, in order to choose that in order to make this decision, and I choose this,

354
00:29:27.040 --> 00:29:33.440
I have to let go of this one and let go of not having it. Do I want to make that decision?

355
00:29:33.440 --> 00:29:40.720
And I'm trusting in faith that God says that it really is that good that it I'm going to discover

356
00:29:40.720 --> 00:29:47.120
it really is that good. And in the meantime, what if I choose to do this? And what if I find out

357
00:29:47.120 --> 00:29:52.720
that it's really not as good and I don't feel as good with this one as I did with this one.

358
00:29:52.720 --> 00:29:57.360
But by that time, I've already given this one up. So my life from here on out is just going to be

359
00:30:00.000 --> 00:30:07.680
That's the emotional, mental, spiritual that we go through, letting you know, that's why

360
00:30:07.680 --> 00:30:08.960
you're feeling what you're feeling.

361
00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:13.200
And that's why it feels that hard, because that's the decision that you have to make.

362
00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:17.320
It's not supposed to be quote unquote, easier than this.

363
00:30:17.320 --> 00:30:20.480
This is why people don't make that choice.

364
00:30:20.480 --> 00:30:22.420
And this is why we don't make that choice.

365
00:30:22.420 --> 00:30:26.600
That's why we haven't done it up to now, because this one is naturally coming up out of our

366
00:30:26.600 --> 00:30:27.600
flesh.

367
00:30:27.600 --> 00:30:29.340
It's just a natural response.

368
00:30:29.340 --> 00:30:32.020
This is how we have motivated ourselves this far.

369
00:30:32.020 --> 00:30:38.060
This is literally how we've been trained by society, by church, by our parents' interaction

370
00:30:38.060 --> 00:30:45.800
with us, because they're human, by our school, whatever, to respond and be motivated by this.

371
00:30:45.800 --> 00:30:49.340
So we keep looking for that, because we were trained for that, not to mention the fact

372
00:30:49.340 --> 00:30:51.780
that it's a tendency in our flesh anyway.

373
00:30:51.780 --> 00:30:56.620
And we're having to choose by faith that there is something else, and to let go of this first

374
00:30:57.020 --> 00:31:01.740
we can experience whether or not this is truly better than this one.

375
00:31:01.740 --> 00:31:04.860
And we have to make that choice, just like you and Arnold did about Montana.

376
00:31:04.860 --> 00:31:07.740
You have to make that choice before you experience it.

377
00:31:07.740 --> 00:31:13.540
But when you do, God will shift your will and change it and change your source of motivation.

378
00:31:13.540 --> 00:31:19.340
You will find that this is more freeing, because then from here, your motivation will be based

379
00:31:19.340 --> 00:31:31.540
off of how you want to live, not off of these motivating prompts that are created by someone

380
00:31:31.540 --> 00:31:34.580
else, that are created by the company.

381
00:31:34.580 --> 00:31:38.340
Hey, you'd get this, you'd get that, you'd whatever.

382
00:31:38.340 --> 00:31:44.060
And then you have to try to match yourself to what it is that they have dictated and

383
00:31:44.060 --> 00:31:48.460
decided that they're going to gift you in, you know, whatever.

384
00:31:48.460 --> 00:31:53.620
This way, you just get, you get to be motivated by who it is that you actually are.

385
00:31:53.620 --> 00:31:58.940
Like in other words, your spirit and what God has put in you, and you're free this way.

386
00:31:58.940 --> 00:32:07.780
You are giving to creation here, over here, how do I, I was going to say, it's like you're

387
00:32:07.780 --> 00:32:12.820
a little bit of a slave to the company, not exactly, or whatever.

388
00:32:12.820 --> 00:32:19.780
It's just that we're enslaved to things that other people decide.

389
00:32:19.780 --> 00:32:22.180
This is how we're going to do our company, whatever.

390
00:32:22.180 --> 00:32:29.140
And if we are motivated by those things, we're then subject to whatever it is that they decide

391
00:32:29.140 --> 00:32:32.300
those motivational thresholds are.

392
00:32:32.300 --> 00:32:39.300
And then we're emotionally controlled by that as opposed to being completely, completely,

393
00:32:39.300 --> 00:32:48.260
I just, sorry, I'm having a hard time with some of my words and we're not controlled

394
00:32:48.260 --> 00:32:55.420
by or connected by or, or we got controlled by anything other than God in who we made

395
00:32:55.420 --> 00:33:00.740
us to be, but we can be involved in the company.

396
00:33:00.740 --> 00:33:03.700
Our motivation comes elsewhere and we get to gain all the benefits when we hit those

397
00:33:03.700 --> 00:33:07.740
thresholds, but we're not enslaved to them anymore.

398
00:33:07.740 --> 00:33:12.820
And also enables you to go further, faster in the company, because you know, if that's

399
00:33:12.820 --> 00:33:17.620
the Lord's will for you to, for you to do that from this per place, then from this one,

400
00:33:17.620 --> 00:33:22.660
this one was a lot of hard work and this one will be effortless, but we have to, in order

401
00:33:22.660 --> 00:33:26.540
to switch from this value system to this one, in order to switch from this motivational

402
00:33:26.540 --> 00:33:31.300
system to this one, we have to make that choice that if God says it's better than

403
00:33:31.300 --> 00:33:35.100
it really is better because it's not going to feel like it.

404
00:33:35.100 --> 00:33:39.940
This one is an unknown and this one we're experiencing a lot of pain and we're wondering

405
00:33:39.940 --> 00:33:41.140
which one do we want to pursue?

406
00:33:41.140 --> 00:33:43.220
Do we want to pursue to fix this one?

407
00:33:43.220 --> 00:33:48.740
Meaning like talk to the company director and do all of this or, and then wait until

408
00:33:48.740 --> 00:33:51.540
this is fixed before we're okay.

409
00:33:51.540 --> 00:33:57.020
Or are we going to choose to disassociate and disconnect from it and hope and have faith

410
00:33:57.020 --> 00:34:01.940
that God's going to catch us over here and I'm sorry, would you excuse me for just a

411
00:34:01.940 --> 00:34:02.940
second?

412
00:34:02.940 --> 00:34:03.940
Yeah.

413
00:34:03.940 --> 00:34:04.940
I actually need to run out.

414
00:34:04.940 --> 00:34:05.940
Okay.

415
00:34:05.940 --> 00:34:08.460
I can hear you in my ears.

416
00:35:00.000 --> 00:35:02.060
you

417
00:35:30.000 --> 00:35:32.060
you

418
00:36:00.000 --> 00:36:08.480
okay I'm back whenever you're ready

419
00:36:11.160 --> 00:36:18.800
okay I'm here Lori stay laying down okay

420
00:36:19.800 --> 00:36:29.680
no okay lay down then you can hear it

421
00:36:36.640 --> 00:36:44.440
one second more no sure you're fine I'm

422
00:36:48.800 --> 00:36:51.360
you

423
00:37:18.800 --> 00:37:20.860
you

424
00:37:48.800 --> 00:37:50.860
you

425
00:37:50.860 --> 00:37:52.860
you

426
00:37:52.860 --> 00:37:54.860
you

427
00:37:54.860 --> 00:37:56.860
you

428
00:37:56.860 --> 00:37:58.860
you

429
00:37:58.860 --> 00:38:00.860
you

430
00:38:00.860 --> 00:38:02.860
you

431
00:38:02.860 --> 00:38:04.860
you

432
00:38:04.860 --> 00:38:06.860
all right where are we

433
00:38:06.860 --> 00:38:08.860
so um so

434
00:38:08.860 --> 00:38:10.860
having said all of

435
00:38:10.860 --> 00:38:12.860
that um that

436
00:38:12.860 --> 00:38:14.860
was probably

437
00:38:14.860 --> 00:38:16.860
even more i mean it was a

438
00:38:16.860 --> 00:38:18.860
go up a little a level like a

439
00:38:18.860 --> 00:38:20.860
level higher and a higher view over all of what

440
00:38:20.860 --> 00:38:22.860
i think is going uh what i

441
00:38:22.860 --> 00:38:24.860
i think is going on

442
00:38:24.860 --> 00:38:26.860
now y'all just check you know this

443
00:38:26.860 --> 00:38:28.860
with the lord but i'm actually

444
00:38:28.860 --> 00:38:30.860
very excited for y'all because

445
00:38:30.860 --> 00:38:32.860
what typically happens when the lord is

446
00:38:32.860 --> 00:38:34.860
transitioning us in

447
00:38:34.860 --> 00:38:36.860
transitioning us period

448
00:38:36.860 --> 00:38:38.860
in like trying to prompt us to look

449
00:38:38.860 --> 00:38:40.860
in a different direction is

450
00:38:40.860 --> 00:38:42.860
what used to satisfy

451
00:38:42.860 --> 00:38:44.860
no longer satisfies

452
00:38:44.860 --> 00:38:46.860
so and it's not just for you

453
00:38:46.860 --> 00:38:48.860
arnold is experiencing

454
00:38:48.860 --> 00:38:50.860
the same thing so what's exciting is

455
00:38:50.860 --> 00:38:52.860
you'll then just see

456
00:38:52.860 --> 00:38:54.860
okay lord you then go on to this

457
00:38:54.860 --> 00:38:56.860
discovery journey that i'm talking

458
00:38:56.860 --> 00:38:58.860
about with annette as well if you watch any of the

459
00:38:58.860 --> 00:39:00.860
past breakthrough uh group sessions

460
00:39:00.860 --> 00:39:02.860
that she and i've been doing um

461
00:39:02.860 --> 00:39:04.860
where you're where

462
00:39:04.860 --> 00:39:06.860
you go on this discovery process of

463
00:39:06.860 --> 00:39:08.860
like okay well

464
00:39:08.860 --> 00:39:10.860
what

465
00:39:10.860 --> 00:39:12.860
is the lord giving me a specific direction

466
00:39:12.860 --> 00:39:14.860
okay no i don't feel a specific

467
00:39:14.860 --> 00:39:16.860
direction but i feel certain things like in other

468
00:39:16.860 --> 00:39:18.860
words he's not saying do x y

469
00:39:18.860 --> 00:39:20.860
and z you know or whatever

470
00:39:20.860 --> 00:39:22.860
um and

471
00:39:22.860 --> 00:39:24.860
and uh but

472
00:39:24.860 --> 00:39:26.860
you might just feel kind of like an openness

473
00:39:26.860 --> 00:39:28.860
or you might feel a freedom or whatever

474
00:39:28.860 --> 00:39:30.860
or or an excitement or a passion

475
00:39:30.860 --> 00:39:32.860
or an interest or whatever and then you just

476
00:39:32.860 --> 00:39:34.860
check in with the lord okay lord does

477
00:39:34.860 --> 00:39:36.860
you know and you and i've talked about this before lord

478
00:39:36.860 --> 00:39:38.860
you know do i

479
00:39:38.860 --> 00:39:40.860
uh do you i

480
00:39:40.860 --> 00:39:42.860
are you giving me a check to my spirit

481
00:39:42.860 --> 00:39:44.860
about this and if he doesn't and you

482
00:39:44.860 --> 00:39:46.860
feel like there's this openness there you don't

483
00:39:46.860 --> 00:39:48.860
feel like any closed doors you don't feel like any

484
00:39:48.860 --> 00:39:50.860
like uh the way

485
00:39:50.860 --> 00:39:52.860
i'm trying to think of how i think i don't

486
00:39:52.860 --> 00:39:54.860
i when i when i

487
00:39:54.860 --> 00:39:56.860
the reason i talk about it as an openness is because

488
00:39:56.860 --> 00:39:58.860
when i look into those things and kind of like lean into

489
00:39:58.860 --> 00:40:00.860
it i'll feel that it's either

490
00:40:00.000 --> 00:40:06.180
They're, I'll feel like this resistance coming at me saying I shouldn't do it.

491
00:40:07.000 --> 00:40:07.320
You know?

492
00:40:07.320 --> 00:40:11.800
So if that's not there, excuse me, well, then I call it.

493
00:40:12.400 --> 00:40:13.660
Filling an openness or whatever.

494
00:40:13.660 --> 00:40:15.020
And then I just do step one.

495
00:40:15.320 --> 00:40:16.540
I just start researching it.

496
00:40:16.540 --> 00:40:19.160
Or like you and Arnold are doing, Hey, you're thinking about, see,

497
00:40:19.160 --> 00:40:20.160
y'all are doing this right now.

498
00:40:20.160 --> 00:40:23.640
You're thinking, Hey, you know, I'm looking at what we're feeling, you

499
00:40:23.640 --> 00:40:28.120
know, an interest in this, in like counseling and, and stuff.

500
00:40:30.680 --> 00:40:34.040
And like reaching out with, uh, in helping other people and Hey, there's

501
00:40:34.040 --> 00:40:35.720
this, there's this opportunity now.

502
00:40:36.000 --> 00:40:36.920
Hey, let's try it.

503
00:40:36.960 --> 00:40:38.280
Let's just go Tuesday night.

504
00:40:39.160 --> 00:40:42.060
So you don't know what's going to happen from then on.

505
00:40:42.120 --> 00:40:45.320
You don't know how things are going to, how things are going to play out or what

506
00:40:45.320 --> 00:40:47.300
things are going to look like, you know?

507
00:40:47.920 --> 00:40:52.000
Um, but you have that you at least have an interest in.

508
00:40:52.000 --> 00:40:56.360
So if you don't feel ahead, if you don't feel like a, something from the Lord

509
00:40:56.360 --> 00:40:58.880
saying not to, well, then you just step into it and then you just see, and then

510
00:40:58.880 --> 00:41:00.040
you just see what happens from there.

511
00:41:00.400 --> 00:41:03.120
And then you see if there's this, if there's an openness into the next thing,

512
00:41:03.360 --> 00:41:04.560
and then you see what happens from there.

513
00:41:04.560 --> 00:41:07.600
See if there's an openness into the next thing, but you usually don't know.

514
00:41:08.080 --> 00:41:11.000
Multiple steps ahead of time, whether or not there's an openness.

515
00:41:12.840 --> 00:41:13.440
Are you okay?

516
00:41:14.560 --> 00:41:15.920
My plant is not okay.

517
00:41:16.080 --> 00:41:16.440
You keep

518
00:41:28.880 --> 00:41:29.300
okay, sir.

519
00:41:41.800 --> 00:41:42.760
Oh, I heard.

520
00:41:42.840 --> 00:41:43.360
Okay.

521
00:41:44.760 --> 00:41:47.680
He's literally looking at it.

522
00:41:47.960 --> 00:41:48.440
Lori.

523
00:41:48.880 --> 00:41:49.120
Yeah.

524
00:41:49.160 --> 00:41:50.080
Lay down, please.

525
00:41:51.020 --> 00:41:51.320
Yeah.

526
00:41:51.360 --> 00:41:54.520
The story, the story will come on again after the advertisement.

527
00:41:55.760 --> 00:41:58.360
It's a, it's an ad laid out on your pillow, please.

528
00:41:59.000 --> 00:41:59.840
It's going to get cold.

529
00:42:02.280 --> 00:42:05.840
To your kids, not to see, like I used to grow up.

530
00:42:06.120 --> 00:42:06.640
Yeah.

531
00:42:06.680 --> 00:42:10.480
He's has Hank, the cow dog right now, but Oh, Hank, the cow dog.

532
00:42:10.640 --> 00:42:11.680
I grew up on that too.

533
00:42:11.960 --> 00:42:12.320
Yeah.

534
00:42:12.640 --> 00:42:17.160
Um, it's interesting what you were saying about like, just, yeah,

535
00:42:17.160 --> 00:42:18.240
the openness and all that stuff.

536
00:42:18.240 --> 00:42:23.520
That's how I feel until I like start thinking and then I'm like, Oh my word.

537
00:42:23.520 --> 00:42:23.760
Okay.

538
00:42:23.760 --> 00:42:27.760
This, this, like, this could be so horrible and like all these things.

539
00:42:27.800 --> 00:42:32.320
And, but it was interesting the one night, um, this was before we went to

540
00:42:32.320 --> 00:42:37.640
Montana, Arnold and I, we like never do this where we actually like sit down

541
00:42:37.640 --> 00:42:39.480
and actually discuss a business idea.

542
00:42:39.480 --> 00:42:44.320
And it goes well, like normally he has all kinds of like things that he's

543
00:42:44.320 --> 00:42:45.160
like, Oh, this wouldn't work.

544
00:42:45.160 --> 00:42:45.800
And this wouldn't work.

545
00:42:45.840 --> 00:42:47.320
This don't work this time.

546
00:42:47.320 --> 00:42:50.640
It was just like, we were both actually giving ideas.

547
00:42:50.720 --> 00:42:51.960
It felt really good.

548
00:42:51.960 --> 00:42:53.880
It felt really like life giving.

549
00:42:54.280 --> 00:42:58.240
And we were both really like, this could be really cool.

550
00:42:58.640 --> 00:43:04.320
And so the, the business idea was, um, and I know this is probably like, it's

551
00:43:04.320 --> 00:43:05.440
a little bit, probably crazy.

552
00:43:05.440 --> 00:43:05.800
I don't know.

553
00:43:05.800 --> 00:43:10.240
But so in the past, Arnold and I have, we both really have a heart for giving.

554
00:43:10.240 --> 00:43:13.640
And we would feel like that's an area that the Lord has, um, given

555
00:43:13.640 --> 00:43:15.440
us faith in and a calling to.

556
00:43:15.440 --> 00:43:18.720
And we both, that's an area we can both, we're both very one in that.

557
00:43:18.720 --> 00:43:19.440
Like we love that.

558
00:43:19.960 --> 00:43:24.280
And, um, so there's been times in the past where we've given people

559
00:43:24.280 --> 00:43:26.040
money, like anonymously or whatever.

560
00:43:26.040 --> 00:43:26.960
And it's just, we love it.

561
00:43:26.960 --> 00:43:30.920
Like it's, it's really fun for us, but there's never, we've never had a way

562
00:43:30.920 --> 00:43:35.040
to be able to give that like conveniently, unless we like live close to them.

563
00:43:35.400 --> 00:43:37.640
So, you know, somebody at church, you know, you can stick it in

564
00:43:37.640 --> 00:43:38.760
their little mailbox or whatever.

565
00:43:38.760 --> 00:43:42.040
And we've looked like, is there a way to give anonymously, you know, to an

566
00:43:42.040 --> 00:43:45.360
individual and we have been able to find that thing and if there's something,

567
00:43:45.360 --> 00:43:50.480
let me know, but we were like, how fun would it be to start a nonprofit?

568
00:43:50.520 --> 00:43:54.240
Like, um, specifically with that vision in mind, like to connect

569
00:43:54.240 --> 00:43:57.840
givers with, with their people, you know, and individuals, like, not

570
00:43:57.840 --> 00:44:01.560
like organizations or churches or whatever, but like, Hey, God put this

571
00:44:01.560 --> 00:44:04.040
person on my heart, I want to give them X amount of dollars and

572
00:44:04.040 --> 00:44:04.960
I don't want them to know.

573
00:44:05.800 --> 00:44:09.520
Um, and so they'd be able to like, go onto the website, select what they

574
00:44:09.520 --> 00:44:12.520
want to do, and then this person would just receive a check, like from our

575
00:44:12.520 --> 00:44:16.080
ministry with, and, you know, by that time, hopefully, you know, our branding

576
00:44:16.080 --> 00:44:18.760
would be enough that people would understand what our vision and mission

577
00:44:18.760 --> 00:44:23.760
is and stuff, um, and then we would send it directly to the person that they

578
00:44:23.800 --> 00:44:26.880
are wanting to give funds to, but they wouldn't know, you know, who

579
00:44:26.880 --> 00:44:28.040
actually gave them the money.

580
00:44:28.040 --> 00:44:30.560
They would just know it is coming from another individual who knows

581
00:44:30.560 --> 00:44:31.920
them personally, it loves them, whatever.

582
00:44:32.960 --> 00:44:36.560
Um, and to make it sustainable, like to pay ourselves, we'd have like,

583
00:44:36.840 --> 00:44:40.600
um, a certain fee, like on top of every transaction so that it would pay

584
00:44:40.600 --> 00:44:43.680
Arnold and I, uh, but it wouldn't, it would be a nonprofit.

585
00:44:43.680 --> 00:44:46.160
So it wouldn't be like building a business or anything.

586
00:44:46.160 --> 00:44:52.520
It'd be, it would be basically like almost a source of, um, passive income.

587
00:44:52.560 --> 00:44:55.960
Like we'd still have a little bit of work to do with it, but yeah.

588
00:44:55.960 --> 00:44:58.520
And anyway, as we were having this conversation, we were both like, I was

589
00:44:58.520 --> 00:44:59.960
like, wow, I'm like, I think this means.

590
00:45:00.000 --> 00:45:03.560
something, just the fact that we both were excited about it and we were able

591
00:45:03.560 --> 00:45:05.200
to like, actually both give ideas.

592
00:45:05.400 --> 00:45:05.760
Yes.

593
00:45:05.800 --> 00:45:09.440
I'm like, I know there would probably be like so much legal stuff involved

594
00:45:09.440 --> 00:45:13.880
and you know, all of the, all of the things, but I'm like, even if it

595
00:45:13.880 --> 00:45:18.800
wouldn't work, I just feel like pursuing it, you know, because I think it would

596
00:45:18.800 --> 00:45:22.360
be something really meaningful for both of us and it would fill a need

597
00:45:22.360 --> 00:45:24.200
that we have had in the past.

598
00:45:24.400 --> 00:45:24.760
Yes.

599
00:45:24.760 --> 00:45:27.360
So yeah, that's one of our crazy ideas.

600
00:45:28.200 --> 00:45:29.360
That's great.

601
00:45:29.400 --> 00:45:33.160
And the fact that y'all are both on the same page about it, it's like you

602
00:45:33.160 --> 00:45:36.920
getting to step out in an, in an area that both of y'all are passionate in

603
00:45:37.320 --> 00:45:39.240
and that y'all are passionate about.

604
00:45:39.240 --> 00:45:42.960
And then you're just going on like this discovery process, this exploration

605
00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:47.080
without knowing like what's going to happen, you're just like, well, let's

606
00:45:47.080 --> 00:45:48.840
just see, you know, let's pursue it.

607
00:45:48.840 --> 00:45:52.720
This, this, because the whole point of a goal is to get a direction in which

608
00:45:52.720 --> 00:45:55.720
to start heading and then you start heading that direction and then you

609
00:45:55.720 --> 00:45:59.880
see, as you go through the discovery process, well, then you start going

610
00:45:59.880 --> 00:46:02.360
this way and then you discover it, find something else.

611
00:46:02.360 --> 00:46:05.720
And so it's turned to you, but this way, and then you end up just seeing

612
00:46:05.720 --> 00:46:08.040
where the Lord takes you on the journey.

613
00:46:08.320 --> 00:46:09.640
I think that that's wonderful.

614
00:46:09.720 --> 00:46:10.440
That's super.

615
00:46:10.920 --> 00:46:11.240
Yeah.

616
00:46:11.360 --> 00:46:13.720
But yeah, so stuff like that, it's like, you know, you're just

617
00:46:13.720 --> 00:46:16.080
taking, taking steps towards stuff.

618
00:46:16.120 --> 00:46:21.840
And so, but, and what gives you the prompting to do that is when what

619
00:46:21.840 --> 00:46:23.400
used to work is no longer working.

620
00:46:23.400 --> 00:46:26.000
What used to motivate you is no longer motivating, et cetera.

621
00:46:26.240 --> 00:46:29.080
So you just try to look at various at different options.

622
00:46:29.080 --> 00:46:30.880
Like, okay, well, what if we were to try this?

623
00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:32.160
And what if we were to try that?

624
00:46:32.160 --> 00:46:35.280
Or what if we, and we're not even talking about necessarily big things.

625
00:46:35.440 --> 00:46:35.680
Sure.

626
00:46:35.680 --> 00:46:40.560
You can think of a big thing as, you know, as a goal, but just what, what's

627
00:46:40.560 --> 00:46:45.120
the first step to start taking towards it as opposed to thinking, okay, I need

628
00:46:45.120 --> 00:46:50.960
to pick, find something that is a possibility and then explore or not

629
00:46:50.960 --> 00:46:55.360
explore, but make sure of every step in between before we decide

630
00:46:55.360 --> 00:46:56.640
to head off in that direction.

631
00:46:56.880 --> 00:47:01.840
Instead kind of go a bit more with like your, your passions and your, and, and

632
00:47:01.840 --> 00:47:05.760
your, in your spirit and whether or not the Lord is giving you checks and all

633
00:47:05.760 --> 00:47:11.240
of that, but what prompts us to start looking and discovering and exploring

634
00:47:11.240 --> 00:47:14.800
is when, what used to work or motivate is no longer doing that.

635
00:47:15.120 --> 00:47:18.240
And so both you and Arnold have expressed that.

636
00:47:18.240 --> 00:47:23.560
And so if you're expressing a frustration, what would answer or

637
00:47:23.560 --> 00:47:26.160
solve or relieve the frustration?

638
00:47:26.520 --> 00:47:26.880
You know?

639
00:47:30.120 --> 00:47:32.440
Yeah, yeah, exactly.

640
00:47:32.440 --> 00:47:37.840
And I, I feel like, I think, I think one of the checks that I would have

641
00:47:37.840 --> 00:47:43.520
is like, I don't want to run from one motivation to another motivation.

642
00:47:43.520 --> 00:47:44.480
That's not spirit.

643
00:47:44.480 --> 00:47:47.840
So like, you know, even with, even with counseling and mentoring and,

644
00:47:47.840 --> 00:47:51.440
you know, walking alongside people, it's really easy to feel affirmed

645
00:47:51.440 --> 00:47:55.560
and to feel like you're worth something and to feel like you're, you make a

646
00:47:55.560 --> 00:47:56.680
difference, you know what I mean?

647
00:47:56.680 --> 00:47:59.440
And so I don't want that to be my motivation either.

648
00:47:59.440 --> 00:48:00.320
I do feel like.

649
00:48:01.240 --> 00:48:03.960
I mean, I've told Arnold many times, like, that's what comes easy to me.

650
00:48:03.960 --> 00:48:08.000
Like I love sitting with people and hearing their stories and I love

651
00:48:08.000 --> 00:48:09.200
seeing the light bulbs come on.

652
00:48:09.200 --> 00:48:12.160
You know, when, when I explained something, you know, even in my

653
00:48:12.160 --> 00:48:14.760
relationship with the Lord, it does like change my life.

654
00:48:15.200 --> 00:48:17.080
Um, that's amazing.

655
00:48:17.080 --> 00:48:17.960
It's so fun for me.

656
00:48:17.960 --> 00:48:20.320
And it's so life-giving and it feels like I'm really doing

657
00:48:20.320 --> 00:48:21.800
something that is eternal.

658
00:48:22.120 --> 00:48:22.400
Yeah.

659
00:48:22.440 --> 00:48:28.800
And whereas I just, I still want it to be from a place of spirit and

660
00:48:28.800 --> 00:48:33.160
of rest and not of like, well, this makes me feel like I'm worth

661
00:48:33.160 --> 00:48:34.440
something, you know what I mean?

662
00:48:34.680 --> 00:48:36.320
No, I definitely, yeah.

663
00:48:36.960 --> 00:48:40.200
So what's important there is to make your motivation.

664
00:48:40.680 --> 00:48:44.840
The, um, and this is something that you have to do kind of intentionally.

665
00:48:45.080 --> 00:48:46.320
Well, no, it is intentional.

666
00:48:46.320 --> 00:48:49.200
I was trying to think if there's any other way in which it's happened, but

667
00:48:49.560 --> 00:48:53.600
you have to do intentionally where you may have to make a choice that

668
00:48:53.720 --> 00:49:01.840
will your goal every day is to actually, what was the phrase that came to my

669
00:49:02.760 --> 00:49:07.880
head, um, to be yourself to the fullest.

670
00:49:08.880 --> 00:49:12.360
And to be living from that place all day, every day.

671
00:49:12.960 --> 00:49:16.080
And then when you do that, I mean, meaning like that's your spirit.

672
00:49:16.360 --> 00:49:19.640
That's your, the place in which you're unified with the Lord and connected

673
00:49:19.640 --> 00:49:21.640
with him and living from that place.

674
00:49:21.640 --> 00:49:23.680
That's the place from which everything happens.

675
00:49:24.000 --> 00:49:27.480
So if that's your motivation, then you don't have to think, okay, I'm trying

676
00:49:27.480 --> 00:49:30.720
to reach outside of myself to get something.

677
00:49:30.720 --> 00:49:34.480
In other words, to get affirmation, recognition, or, you know, whatever

678
00:49:34.480 --> 00:49:37.400
isn't where you, I'm going to use that one because that's one that

679
00:49:37.400 --> 00:49:38.560
you've brought up a couple of times.

680
00:49:39.360 --> 00:49:44.360
That out from something that I do from something that's outside of me, rather

681
00:49:44.360 --> 00:49:48.800
I come from the place in which I choose that I'm, I'm, I'm affirmed in the Lord.

682
00:49:48.800 --> 00:49:55.080
And I use that as my motivation to move on from there and to move towards, you

683
00:49:55.080 --> 00:49:59.920
know, uh, to, to then decide, okay, now what am I going to do, my good counsel?

684
00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:02.480
So, and so today, am I going to meet when I meet with so-and-so today,

685
00:50:02.480 --> 00:50:04.280
I'm going to give them myself.

686
00:50:04.280 --> 00:50:06.680
I'm going to be me most present.

687
00:50:07.520 --> 00:50:09.680
Being solid in who it is that I am in the Lord.

688
00:50:09.680 --> 00:50:13.880
And then I'm going to bring that person in that presence to the moment and

689
00:50:13.880 --> 00:50:17.680
completely live in that moment as that person being completely solid and sure

690
00:50:17.680 --> 00:50:21.680
in who I am as Lord, as opposed to what we've done in the past, where we come

691
00:50:21.680 --> 00:50:23.360
to those situations with an agenda.

692
00:50:24.000 --> 00:50:24.360
Okay.

693
00:50:24.360 --> 00:50:27.320
Well, there's this person they're dealing with this issue.

694
00:50:27.320 --> 00:50:29.080
I want to help them solve that issue.

695
00:50:29.840 --> 00:50:36.400
Then by using that as our motivation, then when that doesn't happen, then we,

696
00:50:36.440 --> 00:50:39.720
then we crumble, then we question ourselves, then we get burned out.

697
00:50:39.720 --> 00:50:41.560
Then we think, well, maybe what I'm doing isn't Matt.

698
00:50:41.560 --> 00:50:42.200
It doesn't matter.

699
00:50:42.200 --> 00:50:43.800
And maybe I should change what it is that I'm doing.

700
00:50:43.800 --> 00:50:46.800
We start questioning everything as opposed to always

701
00:50:46.800 --> 00:50:48.160
coming from the perspective.

702
00:50:59.080 --> 00:50:59.240
Okay.

703
00:51:13.000 --> 00:51:19.000
As opposed to always coming from the perspective that that you're

704
00:51:19.000 --> 00:51:21.280
trying to accomplish something.

705
00:51:21.520 --> 00:51:23.480
You're trying to solve a problem.

706
00:51:23.480 --> 00:51:27.520
You're trying to, you know, you've got a particular, what I

707
00:51:27.520 --> 00:51:29.000
always refer to as an agenda.

708
00:51:29.640 --> 00:51:35.920
Um, and the, and it's hard to the, the only way that I have found to

709
00:51:35.920 --> 00:51:43.440
consistently do it is if I set my intention on in my, and I make a

710
00:51:43.640 --> 00:51:50.360
particular, and I make the choice of, of God over what it is I'm about to

711
00:51:50.360 --> 00:51:56.240
do and who God says that I am and standing in that person over and being

712
00:51:56.280 --> 00:52:01.800
that person as more important than what I'm about to step into, like in

713
00:52:01.800 --> 00:52:05.400
meeting with someone or helping someone or whatever, like on these calls or

714
00:52:05.400 --> 00:52:08.440
whatever, I always have to make the choice first before I go into them

715
00:52:08.800 --> 00:52:13.440
that God and me being who it is that he says that I am is in being that in

716
00:52:13.440 --> 00:52:17.040
the moment, like it, like being anchored in that thing, and then just being

717
00:52:17.040 --> 00:52:23.440
that person in the presence of someone else, I have to make that as the, as

718
00:52:23.440 --> 00:52:29.360
my choice over some, over someone getting the answers that'll help them

719
00:52:29.360 --> 00:52:32.960
or someone that it changing, you know, someone's perspective or

720
00:52:32.960 --> 00:52:34.240
it helping them or whatever.

721
00:52:34.640 --> 00:52:37.520
And that's what keeps me from burnout.

722
00:52:37.520 --> 00:52:40.320
And whenever I've burned out, it's when I've done the opposite.

723
00:52:40.600 --> 00:52:46.240
It's when I have consistently chosen, uh, I've been looking for a result.

724
00:52:46.640 --> 00:52:49.080
I've been looking for an, an, an outcome.

725
00:52:49.400 --> 00:52:57.000
So, but it's, it's, um, it, it comes easier over time, but at the beginning,

726
00:52:57.000 --> 00:52:58.400
it can be rather challenging.

727
00:52:58.680 --> 00:53:03.200
So, but anyway, that's how I do it is I consistently make that choice every day.

728
00:53:03.880 --> 00:53:12.360
You know, my goal in life, my highest value that I choose is choosing God

729
00:53:12.360 --> 00:53:18.440
over what happens and choosing being me over what happens and basically

730
00:53:19.440 --> 00:53:19.760
I don't know.

731
00:53:19.800 --> 00:53:22.040
Anyway, does that, does that make sense?

732
00:53:25.640 --> 00:53:27.360
Yes, that makes total sense.

733
00:53:27.360 --> 00:53:29.800
And that's what I feel like I'm warring between.

734
00:53:30.480 --> 00:53:40.600
And I feel like I'm, yeah, I feel like Laurie, what am I going to do with you?

735
00:53:41.760 --> 00:53:42.640
You won't nap.

736
00:53:44.320 --> 00:53:45.280
You need to nap.

737
00:53:45.560 --> 00:53:45.880
Okay.

738
00:53:46.720 --> 00:53:47.560
Just hold still.

739
00:53:48.280 --> 00:53:55.800
Um, that's what I feel like is the, is the battle is like, because I know the

740
00:53:55.800 --> 00:54:01.240
difference, I know when I have had an agenda and when I haven't, and I feel

741
00:54:01.240 --> 00:54:06.080
like for whatever reason, this particular situation, it's really hard for me to

742
00:54:06.080 --> 00:54:12.440
not have one because I have such a like specific desired outcome and I know that

743
00:54:13.160 --> 00:54:19.000
can't, and yet I'm not quite sure how to like, how to shift into that.

744
00:54:19.000 --> 00:54:23.440
And I think that'll also plays into like that feeling that I have of avoiding

745
00:54:23.440 --> 00:54:32.240
God because yeah, and I'm not sure how those two are connected exactly.

746
00:54:33.280 --> 00:54:38.320
I think it's partly because I don't know, sometimes it's the, even the

747
00:54:38.320 --> 00:54:41.440
things that I've been experiencing and even the way that the Lord has

748
00:54:41.440 --> 00:54:47.120
been working in my life, it makes me feel secure in a way because I, I do

749
00:54:47.120 --> 00:54:49.720
see that he is very present in my life.

750
00:54:50.360 --> 00:54:53.360
But at the same time, I feel that I am.

751
00:54:54.880 --> 00:54:58.520
I'm bypassing something important that makes sense.

752
00:54:58.520 --> 00:54:59.840
Like the intimacy piece.

753
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:03.440
that just being with God, peace, because things are happening.

754
00:55:03.920 --> 00:55:09.120
Yeah. And so part of me is like, Oh, man, like, I don't feel like

755
00:55:09.120 --> 00:55:11.360
I shouldn't like celebrate them and shouldn't think that they're

756
00:55:11.360 --> 00:55:16.560
credible, just because, you know, I don't feel 100% when it

757
00:55:16.560 --> 00:55:20.720
comes to everything, the way that I'm relating with the Lord,

758
00:55:21.120 --> 00:55:24.400
when I'm alone, or whatever. But at the same time, I feel like

759
00:55:24.400 --> 00:55:27.720
there's more for me there that I'm not quite experiencing.

760
00:55:28.200 --> 00:55:36.840
Okay. Yeah. Well, things that is helpful to me, when, you know,

761
00:55:36.840 --> 00:55:39.000
when you say that you're warring, one of the things that

762
00:55:39.000 --> 00:55:44.040
helps me when I'm worrying about that is I just have to make a

763
00:55:44.040 --> 00:55:49.560
willful intentional choice to choose God and intimacy with

764
00:55:49.560 --> 00:55:54.920
him and let that other ball drop. To do is we're trying to

765
00:55:54.920 --> 00:55:59.960
hold hold all of the while making a choice. And if you

766
00:55:59.960 --> 00:56:04.360
can't do that, you let this one go. Like, you're like, Oh, my

767
00:56:04.360 --> 00:56:08.440
goodness, what's gonna happen? You know, and you make this

768
00:56:08.440 --> 00:56:13.480
choice and you and you're a lot you're choosing that you're

769
00:56:13.480 --> 00:56:17.400
giving to God outcome now that you're letting go of it. And

770
00:56:17.400 --> 00:56:20.360
what so what I do, like, like, literally, practically, what I

771
00:56:20.360 --> 00:56:24.040
do is a particular agenda, and I don't know what you're talking

772
00:56:24.040 --> 00:56:26.280
about, when you talk about this situation, if you're talking

773
00:56:26.280 --> 00:56:31.640
about the lady who's who's with you, you're talking about what

774
00:56:31.640 --> 00:56:38.920
I do. What I do is I just think, okay, Lord, you know, I just I

775
00:56:38.920 --> 00:56:41.560
just released her to you, at least whatever her life to you,

776
00:56:41.560 --> 00:56:44.120
whatever's going to happen to her, whatever's going to happen

777
00:56:44.120 --> 00:56:47.000
as a result of her staying here, whatever's going to happen,

778
00:56:47.000 --> 00:56:49.160
what I'm going to say, Lord, I'm not going to say God, I just

779
00:56:49.160 --> 00:56:52.360
give it all up to you. And I just let it go. I stopped

780
00:56:52.360 --> 00:56:59.480
trying to, you know, I love her Lord, but I, I, I release her,

781
00:56:59.480 --> 00:57:02.360
and I'm no longer going to hold on, or I'm no longer going to

782
00:57:02.360 --> 00:57:07.160
hold on to the situation. And in a way that because there's a

783
00:57:07.160 --> 00:57:11.080
way in which we're caring that we grab on. And we've got to

784
00:57:11.080 --> 00:57:16.520
care while letting go. We think that the way to care is to is to

785
00:57:16.600 --> 00:57:19.720
try to fix or to try to be so emotionally involved. And we

786
00:57:19.720 --> 00:57:23.000
have to emotionally disentangle ourselves, we can care about

787
00:57:23.000 --> 00:57:25.400
someone while emotionally disentangling ourselves from

788
00:57:25.400 --> 00:57:27.720
them, and then releasing the Lord, and then you'd make a

789
00:57:27.720 --> 00:57:31.880
choice for the Lord. And so what you can do to act on that faith

790
00:57:31.880 --> 00:57:35.320
that you're choosing God over them, is that you do what it is

791
00:57:35.320 --> 00:57:37.960
you can do, because you're afraid, you're afraid of like

792
00:57:37.960 --> 00:57:41.960
spending time with the Lord. So you, you're going to have to

793
00:57:41.960 --> 00:57:45.640
take the risk of spending time with them when you don't want

794
00:57:45.640 --> 00:57:49.480
to, but do it in like some easier ways. Like for instance,

795
00:57:49.480 --> 00:57:54.440
just being with him without, without an agenda with the Lord

796
00:57:54.440 --> 00:57:57.320
of like, without learning anything, without him teaching

797
00:57:57.320 --> 00:58:00.200
you something, without him correcting you, without bringing

798
00:58:00.200 --> 00:58:03.640
without you bringing like any like requests to him, or

799
00:58:03.640 --> 00:58:07.480
whatever, you just sit with him and teach yourself through

800
00:58:07.480 --> 00:58:10.200
experience. And it's not really you teaching yourself, it's more

801
00:58:10.200 --> 00:58:13.560
like you putting yourself in the experience with God to allow

802
00:58:13.560 --> 00:58:18.120
him to prove that you're safe with just being with him, as you

803
00:58:18.120 --> 00:58:20.920
are, where he's not going to correct you, you're not going to

804
00:58:20.920 --> 00:58:24.120
feel like you're not going to feel unsafe, but you're going to

805
00:58:24.120 --> 00:58:27.080
have to take the risk to put yourself in the situation where

806
00:58:27.080 --> 00:58:30.200
you're sitting in the presence of God, and then see how he's

807
00:58:30.200 --> 00:58:35.640
going to show up. But, but you go without an agenda, and you

808
00:58:35.640 --> 00:58:39.320
just go to experience being in the presence of God, as opposed

809
00:58:39.400 --> 00:58:45.880
to going to have some sort of interaction with him, so to

810
00:58:45.880 --> 00:58:49.560
speak, you go without trying to have some inner without trying

811
00:58:49.560 --> 00:58:51.800
to have some interaction with them, because we're afraid of

812
00:58:51.800 --> 00:58:54.120
the interaction we're going to have with them, we afraid what's

813
00:58:54.120 --> 00:58:58.040
going to come from him, you know, and instead we just choose

814
00:58:58.040 --> 00:59:03.640
no, God is safe to just be with. And we let him prove that to us

815
00:59:03.640 --> 00:59:07.400
by the experience. But in order to have the experience, we have

816
00:59:07.400 --> 00:59:11.960
to put ourselves there and allow God to come. And that's

817
00:59:11.960 --> 00:59:16.360
scary. But that is at least what I have discovered is so far the

818
00:59:16.360 --> 00:59:20.360
safest thing that I have experienced with the Lord, when

819
00:59:20.360 --> 00:59:25.400
I'm struggling with him, is to just go without an, without an

820
00:59:25.400 --> 00:59:29.880
agenda of an interaction from me or from him to just go and

821
00:59:29.880 --> 00:59:34.680
just be, be with him, while there's not supposed to be

822
00:59:35.240 --> 00:59:39.400
without any outcome being predetermined, or even

823
00:59:39.400 --> 00:59:44.680
necessarily hoped for in my mind. So, oh, oh, this is good

824
00:59:44.680 --> 00:59:45.960
doing the chat for that. Yeah.

825
00:59:47.320 --> 00:59:50.840
I'm going to just, okay, that's a good idea. She does with a lot

826
00:59:50.840 --> 00:59:56.840
of, excuse me, fear at night, she said, she has said enough

827
00:59:56.840 --> 00:59:59.800
that it seems she's scared of someone. Oh, yeah, I'm sure

828
01:00:00.000 --> 01:00:03.840
That those experiences that she had happened probably a night I've had,

829
01:00:04.200 --> 01:00:06.720
I've asked her, so there's someone after threatening her for life.

830
01:00:06.720 --> 01:00:07.760
You should really give me a straight answer.

831
01:00:07.760 --> 01:00:08.000
Yeah.

832
01:00:08.560 --> 01:00:08.840
Yeah.

833
01:00:09.040 --> 01:00:12.880
I don't feel, I don't know for sure, but it's a lot of times in something

834
01:00:12.880 --> 01:00:17.040
have like, if people keep evading answers, sometimes it's not even

835
01:00:17.040 --> 01:00:18.240
just like they're afraid of.

836
01:00:18.800 --> 01:00:23.160
There's like an aspect of self-denial that they haven't even fully come face

837
01:00:23.160 --> 01:00:24.920
to face with the reality of what's happening.

838
01:00:24.920 --> 01:00:28.400
I mean, they, they know what's happening enough to evade the answer, but there's

839
01:00:28.400 --> 01:00:30.560
an aspect of it that they won't face themselves.

840
01:00:31.280 --> 01:00:33.520
I could be wrong, but that's what sometimes happens.

841
01:00:33.560 --> 01:00:35.200
I don't feel like I should let her stay here.

842
01:00:35.200 --> 01:00:36.360
If there's someone threatening your safety.

843
01:00:36.400 --> 01:00:37.160
Oh, well, yeah.

844
01:00:37.520 --> 01:00:38.600
If it's going to threaten our family.

845
01:00:38.600 --> 01:00:40.800
So she should often text me at night about how she's feeling.

846
01:00:40.840 --> 01:00:43.080
I've really dealt with a lot of fear myself.

847
01:00:43.400 --> 01:00:45.080
Oh, well, that makes sense.

848
01:00:45.080 --> 01:00:48.040
So when a spirit of fear is tormenting someone.

849
01:00:48.840 --> 01:00:51.360
Well, then you're, it's going to come with the person.

850
01:00:51.640 --> 01:00:55.000
Now you can protect yourself and your family, you know, against it

851
01:00:55.000 --> 01:00:56.520
saying it has no authority to be here.

852
01:00:56.680 --> 01:00:59.920
You and Arnold can pray for it, pray for her and pray against it.

853
01:01:00.280 --> 01:01:04.760
Um, even like with her, or even if y'all don't feel like she can do that or she,

854
01:01:04.800 --> 01:01:07.400
or with her, or that she'd be open to it.

855
01:01:07.640 --> 01:01:10.720
Y'all can do it, you know, when she isn't aware that y'all are doing it,

856
01:01:10.720 --> 01:01:13.080
meaning like you don't have to be in a presence, but you can be in your own

857
01:01:13.080 --> 01:01:17.200
bedroom, you know, and, and you have to take authority over the thing.

858
01:01:17.760 --> 01:01:20.680
In your house and tell it that it's not allowed to be here.

859
01:01:20.760 --> 01:01:22.280
And then I I'm serious.

860
01:01:22.280 --> 01:01:23.960
You will experience a difference.

861
01:01:24.480 --> 01:01:28.840
And she will often text me at night, but I don't know if it's just in my head.

862
01:01:28.840 --> 01:01:29.560
I feel the spirit of fear.

863
01:01:29.600 --> 01:01:31.240
Oh, then you mentioned the spirit of fear.

864
01:01:31.240 --> 01:01:31.440
Yeah.

865
01:01:31.960 --> 01:01:33.360
I have my heavens and she can't hear you.

866
01:01:33.360 --> 01:01:35.080
I would pray specifically in that way without her.

867
01:01:35.120 --> 01:01:35.760
Okay, great.

868
01:01:36.040 --> 01:01:39.640
So when you pray though, have you commanded the spirit to leave or

869
01:01:39.640 --> 01:01:44.680
have you just prayed that like, oh, it's, um, you know, Lord, please protect us.

870
01:01:45.640 --> 01:01:48.880
Like, is there an, a measure of authority that you've taken of like, okay.

871
01:01:49.600 --> 01:01:51.720
So, and so you're not allowed to be here or whatever.

872
01:01:54.960 --> 01:01:55.160
Okay.

873
01:01:56.880 --> 01:01:59.000
He's very self-entertaining.

874
01:02:02.520 --> 01:02:05.960
It's Arnold and he's not quite as straight forward with it.

875
01:02:06.280 --> 01:02:08.920
When you say he's not quite as straightforward with it, you mean

876
01:02:08.920 --> 01:02:10.880
he doesn't like talk to the thing.

877
01:02:11.760 --> 01:02:12.160
Okay.

878
01:02:12.200 --> 01:02:12.440
Yeah.

879
01:02:12.640 --> 01:02:15.600
So that's very important because the thing is that the, what

880
01:02:15.600 --> 01:02:17.080
they respond to is authority.

881
01:02:17.400 --> 01:02:21.720
They're not going to respond to it's not the strength or who knows which

882
01:02:21.720 --> 01:02:25.280
spiritual laws better because they do, they know them better than we do.

883
01:02:25.840 --> 01:02:29.720
And they've been around longer, you know, all those spirits, but all we have,

884
01:02:29.720 --> 01:02:32.760
all they have to know is that we know who it is that we are and that we're

885
01:02:32.760 --> 01:02:36.760
standing in that and we realize, oh, if I tell you, you have to go.

886
01:02:37.760 --> 01:02:43.520
If we know that not that we hope they're going to listen, if we know that they

887
01:02:43.520 --> 01:02:48.200
have to, and we expect it, if we talk from that authority, like, Hey, we

888
01:02:48.200 --> 01:02:49.880
fully expect it to pay attention to us.

889
01:02:49.880 --> 01:02:51.200
We fully expect it to leave.

890
01:02:51.200 --> 01:02:55.840
We fully expect we, we know that and we, and to know means that we have to

891
01:02:55.840 --> 01:02:58.680
choose because you're not going to feel like it, because you're going to have

892
01:02:58.680 --> 01:03:03.840
all these past experiences come up in yours or Arnold's mind, you know, that

893
01:03:03.840 --> 01:03:08.200
it had that, oh, well, what about the time when, or why sometimes does it not happen?

894
01:03:08.480 --> 01:03:13.400
You have to like completely operate as it does things.

895
01:03:13.400 --> 01:03:15.160
Those situations do not exist.

896
01:03:15.360 --> 01:03:17.280
And that is what they pay attention to.

897
01:03:17.280 --> 01:03:21.680
You have to fully be in your, in your authority and then, and make a choice

898
01:03:21.680 --> 01:03:25.400
that if God says that that's who you are, then you're safe enough to stand in it.

899
01:03:25.680 --> 01:03:26.920
And then you talk from that place.

900
01:03:27.400 --> 01:03:30.280
Like I said, commanding, he would, he would be more like, I pray that it would

901
01:03:30.280 --> 01:03:32.000
like, oh yeah, I pray that it would leave.

902
01:03:32.000 --> 01:03:34.520
Wouldn't do that because what's going to happen.

903
01:03:34.760 --> 01:03:37.200
And I know that you're not Arnold and I'm just telling you, you know, so

904
01:03:37.200 --> 01:03:39.960
that you can talk to him about, oh, well, have you thought about doing it this way?

905
01:03:40.200 --> 01:03:42.920
Or if you look in scripture, what did Jesus do?

906
01:03:43.280 --> 01:03:47.120
Jesus didn't pray and ask God to get rid of the thing.

907
01:03:47.480 --> 01:03:48.760
He told it.

908
01:03:49.560 --> 01:03:51.600
And he was doing that as a human being.

909
01:03:51.600 --> 01:03:54.480
He wasn't doing that as divinity.

910
01:03:54.600 --> 01:03:56.400
He wasn't, Jesus wasn't doing that as God.

911
01:03:56.400 --> 01:03:59.520
Cause I remember it said that he set aside his divinity, meaning

912
01:03:59.520 --> 01:04:01.000
like he didn't operate in it.

913
01:04:01.200 --> 01:04:05.200
He always operated in the authority that God gives a human when the human

914
01:04:05.200 --> 01:04:08.320
has chosen to be in alignment with the Lord, you know, as, as a son.

915
01:04:08.760 --> 01:04:12.240
But even though he was God, he didn't operate out of that authority.

916
01:04:12.320 --> 01:04:16.000
He operated in the authority that is granted to a human, you know, when

917
01:04:16.000 --> 01:04:17.240
they're in alignment with the Lord.

918
01:04:17.480 --> 01:04:19.320
And from that place, he commanded.

919
01:04:19.960 --> 01:04:21.960
He didn't ask the Lord to do anything.

920
01:04:22.160 --> 01:04:23.280
He commanded it.

921
01:04:24.200 --> 01:04:26.480
And I feel like I have that belief in faith.

922
01:04:26.480 --> 01:04:31.160
I feel if I was unsure to be the one doing it or not, you can absolutely.

923
01:04:31.400 --> 01:04:31.800
No, no, no.

924
01:04:31.800 --> 01:04:34.000
You absolutely can now.

925
01:04:34.240 --> 01:04:34.680
Sure.

926
01:04:34.680 --> 01:04:39.720
Arnold has a particular aspect of spiritual authority, you know, as a husband

927
01:04:40.040 --> 01:04:45.240
that they, that the that the spirits do pay attention to, but you also have

928
01:04:45.240 --> 01:04:47.320
an authority against, against spirits.

929
01:04:47.680 --> 01:04:51.320
And so therefore you can yeah.

930
01:04:51.320 --> 01:04:52.840
So therefore you can absolutely do it.

931
01:04:53.240 --> 01:04:57.680
So anyway, because what they're going to pay attention to is the son of God.

932
01:04:58.480 --> 01:04:59.480
So, yeah.

933
01:05:00.000 --> 01:05:01.960
But yeah, so that'd be good.

934
01:05:01.960 --> 01:05:07.000
And I promise you, you will notice the difference in the home.

935
01:05:07.000 --> 01:05:08.320
You'll notice the difference in you.

936
01:05:08.320 --> 01:05:10.600
I mean, it'll be immediately the other day.

937
01:05:10.600 --> 01:05:11.600
This gives you an idea.

938
01:05:11.600 --> 01:05:16.320
The other day, Ed and I had some people, I had a gentleman visiting us.

939
01:05:16.320 --> 01:05:17.320
He was very discouraged.

940
01:05:17.320 --> 01:05:24.520
He's a dear friend of ours, very strong believer has, I mean, like beyond strong and is actually

941
01:05:24.520 --> 01:05:25.520
a pastor.

942
01:05:25.840 --> 01:05:30.600
And he was, he was from out of town visiting us and he was very discouraged.

943
01:05:30.600 --> 01:05:34.480
And so he was looking to us for some, you know, encouragement in the Lord, you know,

944
01:05:34.480 --> 01:05:36.200
his brothers and sisters in Christ.

945
01:05:36.200 --> 01:05:42.000
Well, he left and I'm telling you what, both Ed and I just felt like this wet blanket and

946
01:05:42.000 --> 01:05:46.760
we're going, you know, we felt like this hopelessness of our future lives and we're going, what

947
01:05:46.760 --> 01:05:48.000
on earth is going on?

948
01:05:48.000 --> 01:05:52.160
Because we told each other, this is how I'm feeling, you know, and we're not usually both

949
01:05:52.160 --> 01:05:54.360
down at the same time.

950
01:05:54.360 --> 01:05:56.080
You know, we're going, what's going on?

951
01:05:56.080 --> 01:05:59.240
And all of a sudden, both of us thought, wait just a second.

952
01:05:59.240 --> 01:06:04.000
This is sounding very much like the fact that our friend came and he had a hopelessness

953
01:06:04.000 --> 01:06:05.560
about his future.

954
01:06:05.560 --> 01:06:09.080
We're having a hopelessness about your, his, about our future.

955
01:06:09.080 --> 01:06:10.080
Okay.

956
01:06:10.080 --> 01:06:11.080
We need to take authority.

957
01:06:11.080 --> 01:06:17.400
And I'm telling you what, Ed took authority and, and, and prayed and commanded and all

958
01:06:17.400 --> 01:06:18.400
of that.

959
01:06:18.400 --> 01:06:24.080
And literally while he was praying, the things lifted and then we're like, Whoa, okay.

960
01:06:24.800 --> 01:06:28.120
So it's really, it's wild how those spirits, you know, can affect us.

961
01:06:28.120 --> 01:06:31.920
So we can just really notice a difference immediately.

962
01:06:31.920 --> 01:06:35.560
And again, like I said, part of the whole authority thing is to expect that it's going

963
01:06:35.560 --> 01:06:37.600
to happen because that's faith.

964
01:06:37.600 --> 01:06:40.160
And the fact that God says that we have the authority.

965
01:06:40.160 --> 01:06:45.280
So we act as if it feels, oh, sorry, I thought that, I thought that you'd written something

966
01:06:45.280 --> 01:06:46.960
in addition, but you finished.

967
01:06:46.960 --> 01:06:52.760
So anyway, if that's, if that's helpful, so I'm sorry, y'all are having that, that that

968
01:06:52.760 --> 01:06:58.320
experience and, and that can actually happen with counseling as well.

969
01:06:58.320 --> 01:07:02.320
That's why Ed has did some.

970
01:07:02.320 --> 01:07:06.840
Inner healing training with a group of people and used to do in, it used to be one of their

971
01:07:06.840 --> 01:07:09.200
main inner healing ministers.

972
01:07:09.200 --> 01:07:14.200
And one of the things that they do is they pray every time someone leaves there, leaves

973
01:07:14.200 --> 01:07:19.520
a session with them, they, every time the person, a person leaves, they will pray to

974
01:07:19.520 --> 01:07:25.480
disconnect from anything that may have tried to connect with them, to them, you know, any

975
01:07:25.480 --> 01:07:33.320
spirits, any, any whatever, because that this other person was associated with, that was,

976
01:07:33.320 --> 01:07:38.800
that was tormenting them, or that was attached to their past.

977
01:07:38.800 --> 01:07:45.080
Just because those things can try to attach just by listening to someone's story.

978
01:07:45.080 --> 01:07:49.280
So anyway, but yeah, and so you just always pray and act and whatever.

979
01:07:50.040 --> 01:07:51.160
No, that makes a lot of sense.

980
01:07:51.160 --> 01:07:53.680
I know I've been very affected in that area before.

981
01:07:57.680 --> 01:08:06.000
Well, I know you probably have to go, but we're going to have another, another one on

982
01:08:06.000 --> 01:08:12.920
two on Thursday that if you can make that one, I know, you know, it's going a month

983
01:08:12.920 --> 01:08:14.520
longer than you'd originally been.

984
01:08:14.520 --> 01:08:18.080
No, I'm so excited about that because I felt like there was like all of a sudden it was

985
01:08:18.080 --> 01:08:18.319
over.

986
01:08:18.319 --> 01:08:20.760
I was like, wait, no, I didn't, I didn't get to finish.

987
01:08:23.240 --> 01:08:27.640
I know that y'all didn't make plans for it, you know, a month or whatever, but just to

988
01:08:27.640 --> 01:08:33.680
FYI, we'll have another one next Tuesday.

989
01:08:34.120 --> 01:08:34.479
Yeah.

990
01:08:34.960 --> 01:08:39.640
So I think, I think next Tuesday, the one thing is if I have to take my mother-in-law

991
01:08:39.640 --> 01:08:44.279
to the airport around that time, so I'll see if maybe we can adjust the time or even

992
01:08:44.279 --> 01:08:45.040
adjust the date.

993
01:08:45.640 --> 01:08:45.880
Yeah.

994
01:08:47.399 --> 01:08:47.880
Anyway.

995
01:08:48.800 --> 01:08:49.319
Great.

996
01:08:50.439 --> 01:08:55.000
Anything else in addition that we didn't get to talk about that you want to address

997
01:08:55.040 --> 01:08:59.760
earlier instead of later, just send me something, you know, send us something in a

998
01:08:59.760 --> 01:09:01.840
group on what, what.

999
01:09:05.760 --> 01:09:09.439
Did you listen to, I know some of them were very long, but did you listen to those

1000
01:09:09.439 --> 01:09:11.319
responses while you were gone?

1001
01:09:11.479 --> 01:09:12.000
Oh, yes.

1002
01:09:12.040 --> 01:09:13.000
Yes, I did.

1003
01:09:13.800 --> 01:09:15.439
And they were very, very good.

1004
01:09:15.479 --> 01:09:21.000
And I have not even gotten a chance to like discuss the, the one thing with Arnold.

1005
01:09:21.000 --> 01:09:22.720
I was really excited about that.

1006
01:09:23.800 --> 01:09:25.279
But yeah, it was all or not.

1007
01:09:25.319 --> 01:09:28.399
It's just that I thought it would be really fun.

1008
01:09:28.960 --> 01:09:33.800
But yeah, I haven't gotten the chance to talk with him about that yet, but yeah, no, I

1009
01:09:33.800 --> 01:09:34.920
really appreciate your response.

1010
01:09:34.920 --> 01:09:42.840
I felt like it was, I feel like my brain is like in a thousand different directions since

1011
01:09:42.920 --> 01:09:44.680
we were on vacation and now we're home.

1012
01:09:44.680 --> 01:09:45.880
And yeah.

1013
01:09:46.319 --> 01:09:46.800
Yeah.

1014
01:09:47.279 --> 01:09:52.800
Well, let me know if what we talked about today, give a, doesn't give you something

1015
01:09:52.800 --> 01:09:57.320
to like, feel like you can step forward in like, even a little bit of business, like

1016
01:09:57.320 --> 01:09:59.800
of like, Hey, I'm struggling with my motivation.

1017
01:09:59.800 --> 01:09:59.920
I.

1018
01:10:00.000 --> 01:10:00.840
Need to switch it.

1019
01:10:01.160 --> 01:10:04.360
So I tried to go through something that you could practically start doing.

1020
01:10:04.760 --> 01:10:05.260
Yeah.

1021
01:10:05.560 --> 01:10:09.560
It will anyway, but if you, you feel like there's not enough

1022
01:10:09.560 --> 01:10:11.560
solidity to the answer, let me know.

1023
01:10:11.560 --> 01:10:12.200
And I'll try to go.

1024
01:10:12.700 --> 01:10:14.080
Yeah, no, I, I do.

1025
01:10:14.080 --> 01:10:19.880
I feel like that, um, answers my questions and even, I feel like I was

1026
01:10:19.880 --> 01:10:24.300
able to articulate to Arnold that like, I'm, it's actually something I'm

1027
01:10:24.300 --> 01:10:26.940
really scared to talk to Arnold about.

1028
01:10:26.960 --> 01:10:29.740
And I don't know why I said, I, I feel like I've

1029
01:10:29.740 --> 01:10:34.500
often been really scared to even like, face the possibility that our

1030
01:10:34.500 --> 01:10:36.260
life could look different in the future.

1031
01:10:36.260 --> 01:10:37.660
And like, I don't know why.

1032
01:10:37.700 --> 01:10:41.740
Um, and we talked about it last night and he was just like, you know, that

1033
01:10:41.740 --> 01:10:45.220
I did not have to be scared to talk to him about anything and like, that we're

1034
01:10:45.220 --> 01:10:47.140
going to figure stuff out together.

1035
01:10:47.140 --> 01:10:53.860
And I feel too, like I've been realizing how actually incredibly strong he is

1036
01:10:53.860 --> 01:10:58.580
and like how much he can actually handle and that I can, like, I can rest in that

1037
01:10:58.620 --> 01:11:01.620
strength and that has been huge for me.

1038
01:11:01.660 --> 01:11:02.500
So yeah.

1039
01:11:03.420 --> 01:11:04.060
Good.

1040
01:11:04.660 --> 01:11:07.780
Um, another, just a thought I'm just going to throw out there just really

1041
01:11:07.780 --> 01:11:13.100
quick, um, for y'all that just think about is if you, cause this has helped

1042
01:11:13.100 --> 01:11:16.980
me when I began to shift, when I would get burned out in a specific, in a

1043
01:11:16.980 --> 01:11:20.780
specific area, because I felt pressure, what's going to happen if I don't do it

1044
01:11:20.780 --> 01:11:25.820
like this anymore, uh, what, one of the things y'all could think about is,

1045
01:11:25.860 --> 01:11:26.340
Oh, sorry.

1046
01:11:26.380 --> 01:11:26.980
Let me back up.

1047
01:11:27.740 --> 01:11:30.380
When I thought about it, when I thought, Oh my goodness, I'm going to drop this

1048
01:11:30.380 --> 01:11:35.820
ball and what if it means that everything's going to go to hell in a handbasket and,

1049
01:11:36.020 --> 01:11:42.260
and money's not going to come in or X, Y, and Z as soon as I, uh, because I was

1050
01:11:42.260 --> 01:11:45.340
having a very unhealthy relationship with it and I was burnt out and I was like,

1051
01:11:45.340 --> 01:11:46.660
I just don't want to do it anymore.

1052
01:11:46.660 --> 01:11:50.660
How could something that I love so much, how could it be a source of such

1053
01:11:50.780 --> 01:11:54.900
frustration, not just frustration, but like demotivation for me?

1054
01:11:54.900 --> 01:11:58.620
Like, I don't even want to, I don't even want to, um, uh, I feel

1055
01:11:58.740 --> 01:11:59.900
burnt out when I think about it.

1056
01:11:59.900 --> 01:12:00.900
I felt overwhelmed.

1057
01:12:00.900 --> 01:12:01.780
I don't want to do it.

1058
01:12:01.780 --> 01:12:04.700
I know I'm losing my love for it, even though I love doing it.

1059
01:12:04.740 --> 01:12:06.580
I don't want to do anything with it.

1060
01:12:06.620 --> 01:12:08.140
I don't want to interact with it or whatever.

1061
01:12:08.980 --> 01:12:16.620
When I no longer had the pressure on it for it to succeed or work or succeed,

1062
01:12:16.620 --> 01:12:20.220
meaning like accomplish whatever it is I wanted to accomplish whenever I let go of

1063
01:12:20.220 --> 01:12:24.060
that completely, and it's just like, okay, Lord, you're just going to, I'm going to

1064
01:12:24.100 --> 01:12:26.700
completely let go of it and whatever's going to happen is going to happen.

1065
01:12:26.700 --> 01:12:32.260
When I did, I could suddenly find the source of my joy and my motivation in a

1066
01:12:32.260 --> 01:12:36.420
completely different place and start to pour into it again, because I can

1067
01:12:36.420 --> 01:12:37.540
really change the direction.

1068
01:12:37.540 --> 01:12:40.860
So if y'all were to think about, okay, well, what were to have, what would

1069
01:12:40.860 --> 01:12:45.140
happen if you kept lemongrass that you didn't, you do what you did a bit more

1070
01:12:45.140 --> 01:12:49.500
of what you've done this past couple of months, you don't work at it in the

1071
01:12:49.500 --> 01:12:52.020
same way and invest in it in the same way.

1072
01:12:52.740 --> 01:12:56.420
You just let it coast and leave the responsibility to all of your leaders.

1073
01:12:56.540 --> 01:13:04.340
What were the, what would like, how, how would, how would I start it?

1074
01:13:04.940 --> 01:13:10.300
Like what, if you were to do that, then, you know, and then focus on something

1075
01:13:10.300 --> 01:13:12.340
else, is that a possibility for you and Arnold?

1076
01:13:12.700 --> 01:13:12.940
Yeah.

1077
01:13:13.180 --> 01:13:15.740
Getting like, would that be something you would be willing to do?

1078
01:13:16.260 --> 01:13:18.700
Because you don't know what's going to happen when you let it coast.

1079
01:13:18.940 --> 01:13:22.980
If you start focusing on these zoom calls and these investing in people, like as

1080
01:13:22.980 --> 01:13:28.900
people, you know, all of a sudden your, your, your business could skyrocket and

1081
01:13:28.900 --> 01:13:32.580
you're not even doing the leadership things anymore, you're just focusing on

1082
01:13:32.580 --> 01:13:34.660
people and it helps people so much.

1083
01:13:34.660 --> 01:13:37.380
But what you did is you let go of the whole thing, pulling apart

1084
01:13:37.700 --> 01:13:38.980
by not doing this anymore.

1085
01:13:38.980 --> 01:13:42.460
And now you just focus on all the things you love and God ended up.

1086
01:13:42.740 --> 01:13:46.420
You know, make you grow even bigger and you no longer felt like a burden.

1087
01:13:46.420 --> 01:13:49.300
You were now just living life the way that you wanted and you got

1088
01:13:49.300 --> 01:13:53.980
all the fringe benefits, the business, or it could be that, Hey, you know,

1089
01:13:53.980 --> 01:13:57.580
God's just like, no, let's just let the whole thing Peter out because I'm

1090
01:13:57.580 --> 01:14:01.180
going to point y'all in a different direction, but, and then Arnold's

1091
01:14:01.180 --> 01:14:04.580
interested in like gaining some purpose by maybe like trying to find a job

1092
01:14:04.580 --> 01:14:09.020
or like trying to find out like research and starting this new thing or whatever.

1093
01:14:09.260 --> 01:14:13.980
But anyway, that's one of the things that, um, that y'all can consider when

1094
01:14:13.980 --> 01:14:18.700
you think about exploring a transition and not fully knowing what would life

1095
01:14:19.060 --> 01:14:22.500
life look like in something totally different in a transition, you

1096
01:14:22.500 --> 01:14:23.500
don't know what that would be.

1097
01:14:23.500 --> 01:14:26.700
So right now you're just kind of like, what if it no longer looks

1098
01:14:26.700 --> 01:14:28.300
like, or we no longer operate?

1099
01:14:28.300 --> 01:14:29.260
That's what I'm trying to say.

1100
01:14:29.580 --> 01:14:33.940
What happens in life when we stop operating the way that we used to,

1101
01:14:33.940 --> 01:14:37.260
and we choose midstream to choose a different mode of operation.

1102
01:14:38.060 --> 01:14:39.220
That was just the thing I thought of.

1103
01:14:39.380 --> 01:14:40.180
So I don't know.

1104
01:14:40.740 --> 01:14:41.020
Yeah.

1105
01:14:41.020 --> 01:14:44.060
And I would say that that's where we both have the most peace right now.

1106
01:14:44.060 --> 01:14:47.140
Like neither of us feel like what we should do is like pull the plug on

1107
01:14:47.140 --> 01:14:49.060
everything and just, you know, panic.

1108
01:14:49.660 --> 01:14:49.980
Yeah.

1109
01:14:50.500 --> 01:14:50.780
Okay.

1110
01:14:50.780 --> 01:14:52.260
You have to turn that off, please.

1111
01:14:53.180 --> 01:14:53.460
Okay.

1112
01:14:53.460 --> 01:14:54.740
Please don't turn it on again.

1113
01:14:56.420 --> 01:14:59.980
Um, yeah, that's definitely where we feel like we have the most peace.

1114
01:15:00.000 --> 01:15:05.760
And so I'm excited about that too. I feel, I feel kind of like we're on the verge of

1115
01:15:06.640 --> 01:15:13.280
something new, but I don't feel like it's going to be like this huge stressful thing. Yeah. I feel

1116
01:15:13.280 --> 01:15:18.880
it's going to be a slow growth and peace. That's how it feels. So that's great. Well, I'm excited

1117
01:15:19.760 --> 01:15:22.880
Well, let's go. Okay. Thank you for today.

1118
01:15:23.520 --> 01:15:26.160
You're welcome. Okay. Yes. Bye.