Okay, you need to lay down, please.
Hello.
Are you.
Oh, my word, Ashley.
Anyway, it's all good.
We do have a lot to catch up on. Sorry, I need to turn my screen and it's very smudgy and I can't.
Okay.
So, first of all, how's the trip.
It was really good. Yes, it's very good.
There was definitely.
I mean, there was definitely some hard things, but it was.
For the most part, it's really good. And I was actually very impressed with myself that I.
Like I was, I was really excited about going.
Because, you know, I just felt very expectant and like, it's really special.
Because it was seven years and all that stuff, but I didn't hold God to anything.
Like, I wasn't like, it has to be this way. It has to be this way. Like, I just.
Let it happen. And I, I'm really, really happy about that.
Yeah.
And so, yeah, there was definitely other things that happened. I think if nothing else, probably what I took away from the whole trip is like, I do feel like it closed a chapter.
Because going back, it was, it was kind of sad for me to see.
There's a lot of really hard situations out there. And I feel like, you know, this like safe place that I always had in my mind.
Was in Montana. You know, I was had this, like, it's a safe church. It's a secure place. It's like, I don't know, nothing like.
Yeah, bad things happen there, but I always felt like really secure in the church and stuff.
And yeah, going back and like hearing different situations, I feel like it kind of.
It kind of had to come off and I was like, okay, like I see there's issues here and I actually wouldn't really want to move back to the church.
Unless, I mean, there's a little part of me that's like, Lord, maybe someday we can be part of the solution. You know what I mean?
But right now I don't feel like that's what it is. So in a way it was sad.
In another way, it was like Arnold and I were still on the same page with like so many things, like everything, you know, we, whenever we talk about stuff, like we heard each other and we could talk through things that were hard.
And like, it was really good in that aspect to see like, wow, Arnold and I are actually one.
Like, it's not, we don't have to argue about all these things and try to see things from each other's point of view.
I feel like we're really on the same page with a lot of stuff.
That's great.
And it's so special that it happened in the order that it did, which is so often the way that the Lord does it, where he'll ask you to choose him in faith first and submit.
And then he'll reveal, you know, then afterwards, it's like, he'll change your heart and your will.
I've noticed that that's what happens with me.
When I submit to him first, then I have a heart change or then I see things from a different perspective.
Like I'll go back to a place and I realize, oh, it's not what I remembered it to be.
It's not what I so badly wanted it to be or, you know, whatever.
And so anyway, but you, the thing is that you chose the Lord first and then, you know, then you saw that.
And the same thing, you know, with you and Arnold, you know, Arnold having done so much work and meaning like intentional choosing of each other and growing together.
And then you're able to see, you know, the fruit of it, you know, when you're in a very emotionally charged situation.
Meaning like, you know, I'm sure that there were all kinds of things back home, like family and the fact that y'all at that Montana holds a very special place in your heart.
And y'all have always wanted to go back.
And then the fact that, you know, that that church that is really special there.
And then y'all's old youth leaders.
Those are, I don't know if there's still the pastors there or what, but you know, all of that stuff.
So that's so exciting to see that y'all to see, like I said, the fruits of the fruit of everything that y'all been through and the decisions that you've made.
I'm excited for you.
Yeah, it was good.
And I mean, there was definitely.
I think there was like one time when there was like something significant that Arnold and I needed to work through together, but it was like, it was good.
And like, by the end of it, everything was fine, whatever.
Mommy said, you know, you can't lay down there.
You have to lay with your head on the pillow.
No, you cannot do that.
Okay, no.
Sure.
I will see you soon for a new video.
Bye.
So, yes, I'm coming home very large, but oh my word, he's like, he's like this big.
And he was right where I had like picked up the tea kettle, maybe he was crawling all
over it.
I don't know.
Seriously.
This thing is huge.
Let me show you.
My word.
Yes, I can see it.
Oh, my word.
Thankfully, it's not a spider.
I thought it was a spider because we had big spiders around here that Ed has had to talk
to.
And, you know, I'm very impressed with your, with your bed and he'll like talk to him and
say, I'm very impressed with your web.
You did a great job.
Thoroughly impressed.
However, I have a wife who has plans out here and need to move.
We have this.
He said literally one time a spider listened to him, went to his web, gathered it up.
Oh, my word.
That's hilarious.
Loves doing that.
It's very important to him.
Talk to animals, start to creation and watch us and respond anywhere.
That is great.
The animals all find him.
In fact, I went to one place, there was a place where I was at a big house meeting and
there's probably like 25 people there and there was this, and Ed hadn't been able to
go because he had a work event.
So he came like literally at the end of the last session of the second day, like the very
last session of the conference or teaching or whatever.
He walks in, he's just standing in the hall talking to someone like the very first person
that he's meeting.
The dog comes, who has kind of like been shying away from everybody, like, no, I don't want
to be touched and whatever, finds Ed and lays down at his feet.
Oh, that's great.
This is so cool.
So anyway, anyway, sorry, it just kind of scared me because I thought it was a huge
spider.
I'm like, no, Ed's talked to y'all.
Oh, man.
Yes, when we got, we got home then on a late Thursday night, and then Friday, I was sick
all day again.
And it was the same thing that I had before we went to Montana.
So like the day before we left, I was flat in bed all day with this weird thing that
I get.
And then when I got home, same thing again, in bed all day with this weird thing that
I get.
Yeah.
Do you remember what mommy said?
Yeah.
Head on the pillow.
Yeah, it's nice and warm.
Yeah.
Okay, turn it the other way, then.
Anyway, and then while we were in Montana, my friend, I'm not sure if I've talked to
you about it before or not, but and I'm gonna try to talk quietly because she's here.
So just tell me if you can't hear me.
But she reached out and said that she, this is a friend that I met through Instagram.
And she was, she's been messaging me on and off for like the last six months.
And yeah, yeah.
Can you lay down on it, please?
Well, then don't reach inside of it.
Lay down, please on your pillow.
Thank you.
At one point, I had to like make a call because she sent me like a goodbye message.
And so she was like, very suicidal and stuff.
Anyway, so she is currently she came to Pennsylvania for a wedding.
And and I had told her before multiple times, we've had lots of discussions like on Instagram.
And I told him multiple times, I'm like, if you ever come to Pennsylvania, like, you can
totally come stay with us, we want to give you a safe place and I'll feed you and we'll
go shopping and do you know, whatever.
Anyway, so she asked if she could stay here.
And it's kind of one of those situations where she's very conservative.
Her parents are very conservative.
They don't know she's here.
They know that she's in Pennsylvania, but she happens to have another friend named Priscilla,
that she told her parents she's staying with Priscilla, she didn't specify last name.
And so and she's 23, like she's totally an adult and she can you know, but she's been
under this control thing for so long.
She has a really hard
history with like sexual abuse and anyway she's with us right now that's who I was talking to
before the zoom call and I am just like I don't know I told Arnold I know that I I have this
struggle right now with walking in my flesh or walking in my spirit and when I walk in my flesh
I feel like super anxious and I'm like scared and I don't know what to do and I'm not sure how to
talk to her and I'm afraid of us and everything else but I know that that's not spirit and so
yeah it's just been really hard for me to know how to like shift into my spirit with him
one moment again or with her uh come here okay listen okay I'll button it now listen listen
you may not get out of bed again okay you have to sleep first and after you sleep
then you may get out of bed okay yeah yeah but first first you have to read if they're first
you have to nap yes you can play with your toys when you're all done here you can play with your
car now oh my turtle yeah uh your turtle is broken okay it's napping right beside you
it's on top of the covers on top of the covers
oh okay anyway so yeah and that's just been kind of
I feel I feel like it's all things everything's just kind of on top of each other right now
I have had I've had this feeling of like
I just have that feeling of like that I'm avoiding God and I hate this feeling and I don't know why
I am that way because I feel like there's things that are happening and there's like shifts that
are taking place but I also feel like this fear of being alone with him and I'm not sure why
and I'm not sure why um so and also um I'm trying to think what else there's like
more stuff oh yes the whole conversation about lemongrass I am just like sorry I like I said
before I feel like a giant eye roll every time I bring up my business because I always say the
same things and I literally can barely stand it but it's just how it is and I feel like
all of my energy is gone like I when I think of my business I just I almost can't even do it
anymore like I can almost not force myself to do it anymore and part of me there's like part of me
that's like you know what it doesn't like if I feel like spirit isn't on this anymore then I need
to let go of it and I don't need to be afraid like the Lord will provide for us and Arnold is like
totally on board like he's like you know whatever we need to do is great and he's also feeling
restlessness too like he said he feels like his days are pointless and he doesn't have purpose in
life and he he feels like he needs to do something like he needs to have some kind of routine or
something so I feel like I'm facing a lot of fear and at the same time I feel like I'm a different
person than I was three months ago and the last time I was like a different person what's up in
what way do you feel like a different person I feel I think I think I feel a lot more I don't
I don't know if the word is adventurous but I feel a lot more positive or like well maybe the world
isn't ending tomorrow and maybe like our bank account isn't just going to be you know drained
overnight and maybe maybe just because I'm not in lemongrass anymore doesn't mean that
we're going to be poor for the rest of our lives like maybe Arnold and I can actually do something
together that is profitable and you know even just with having Monica here like he has been amazing
actually like I cannot even tell you he has been it's almost like we feel like we're in our element
like that's how it feels like together him and I have somebody we're caring for and like it just
we love it we absolutely love it and and he's so like I don't know I just it's hard to explain
but we both feel very very called to this and even at church on Sunday we hadn't been in church we
missed a Sunday and then on church on Sunday they had um that's fine they had um we had something
up on the screen about a an opportunity for classes that this church is doing about um being
equipped to counsel and I had been telling Arnold I'm like you know I would really love to just
just have a little more training and just know a little more like how to deal with different
situations. And, um, and this is perfect. Like it's literally like close to our house. It's an
eight week thing and we can do it together. And so anyway, that's what we're planning to do. Like
Tuesday night, we're going to go for the first thing and it's on sexual abuse. Like the first
one's on sexual abuse. And so like, that's where I feel like my heart is at. Like, that's what I
want to do. But at the same time, I'm like, who am I kidding? Like we have three kids.
I want to be present for them. And I feel like lemongrass allows me to do that.
Uh-huh. But at the same time, yeah, I struggle with feeling guilty because I feel like I'm not
being a good leader right now because I'm not like pouring into my team. I'm literally like,
I have, I've literally done like nothing in the last two months. I've done barely anything at all.
And my personal sales are great. My team's sales are great. Like I really don't think
that I'm going to be earning the trip this year. I have no desire to earn the trip this year,
but at the same time, I feel like I'm just kind of in this wrestling. Like
on the one hand, I'm like, Oh no, this is great. This is exciting. And on the other hand, there's
like this fear that wants to come in. Like, okay. Is the reason why I'm not excited about my business
anymore? Because I'm not being as recognized. Is it because like, am I being irresponsible? Like
all the things. And I know, I know that that's not from the Holy spirit. I think at the same time,
I'm just, I just feel scared. Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. And it's all kind of wrapped up and
everything, everything's kind of connected. I'm trying to like, yeah, but I, yeah, I feel like
I just dumped a lot on you, but yeah, we're women. And so we see connection and everything.
We're just like, yeah. Yeah. And guys don't know how they separate it, but they do. And because
I'm always talking to Ed and just like, well, you know, he said, Ashley, those are separate things.
Like, no, I have to realize, okay. So apparently there's something about this whole man, woman
thing of like a woman sees that everything's connected and the guy can just separate him.
So anyway, I totally understand what you're saying. I'm like, yeah, yeah.
So you said that you weren't sure if the re if you, you mentioned some things that you hadn't
mentioned before you said you weren't sure if the, what did you call it? The, the reason why
you were feeling, you were struggling in your business is because you weren't feeling as
acknowledged or you mentioned one other one. What was the other one? Not being recognized.
And also like, I feel like I don't deserve my paycheck. Cause I'm like not doing anything.
Oh, okay. Got it. All right. And so can you dive just, could you dive a bit deeper into either
one of those? Like I, well, or maybe just the recognized thing, because I understand why you,
why you're thinking the other that's, that's normal. If we're thinking that the results come
from the amount of effort that we're putting into something, if we always make that connection,
that the only way that we get this, or the only way that we deserve it is if it costs us something,
cost us a lot. And like, in other words, if we gave something to it, we didn't want,
then that's the only way we deserve something good is if we had pain beforehand. So I can
understand where you came to that conclusion. Cause that's a very unhealthy perspective that
we all have, but what's the other one? What's the recognition part? Yeah. So I've always struggled
with this one. So I'm one of the three platinum's in our company right now, which is the top of the
compensation plan. When I, when I was, when I promoted to platinum, there was like no celebration.
Like it was like, I got a call from Heidi, our CEO, which is great, but it's not like, like,
she's just a very personal CEO. She's she's amazing. There was like, there was no flowers.
There was no nothing extra. And, and part of the part of it's because there are so few platinums,
they honestly just don't do a lot for them yet because there's not many of them,
but there's also like barely any perks at all, like none. And I've talked, it's been kind of
weird for me to talk to them about this because I'm just like, I feel stupid. Like I feel stupid
because I feel like I'm coming to you and asking to be recognized. And that feels really, really
to me. But at the same time, I'm like, what do people even want from being here? There's nothing,
there's nothing special. There's no privileges. There's like, I had to like ask for special
seating at conference. I'm like, I feel stressed out. Like, because it's like this mad dash into
awards night every night. And I'm like, is there no way that like, you could have assigned tables
for like certain rankings, you know? And, and, and this is also why I struggle because I'm like,
okay, this is, I should be so happy to be like humble and sit in the back and, you know,
not even have anybody know my name. But then, but then I would consistently get missed with stuff,
like.
There was times when like people would get like certain gifts and I would just be like overlooked and I'm like
What is why why is this and then this last time I was at conference
I think what really set me over the edge was there's this there's this new group of posh ladies
Do you know if Pasha is like perfectly posh? It's like another direct sales company. Oh
Yeah, so posh just recently did a whole rebranding they were bought out by another company a lot of people left
And so there's this whole bunch of ladies that joined lemongrass
From posh and all of a sudden everything's about them
Like everything's about making sure they feel welcome because they're doing amazing. Like they are literally knocking it out of the park
I mean
Explosive growth is an understatement. Yeah, and so all of a sudden it's just like I mean this lady had more
like I felt like she was more honored and like celebrated and all these things and
I was like, is there nothing to be said about the people that have been here for a long time and like stay and
Had built the company, you know, is that are we just old dogs now?
Anyway, so and I realized this is also elementary like I feel stupid even
Saying these things but it's it's in there. So it's coming out, but I
Oh, and that was the thing. So like there's no exclusive perks for Platinum's. There's like
Everything that we as Platinum's got
These other posh ladies got to like I think it was like executive director and above or something like that
Which I'm not saying that they shouldn't be celebrated. It just feels like
Is there nothing exclusive?
Is there nothing that still tells me that I'm special or worthy and I know like that's not where I should be getting it
and then and then all
All of the other top leaders got like these satin pajamas and I got none like none
I'm just like I
Know, I mean, I know it was an oversight like my 29 year old brain knows that it was an oversight
but then like the other side of my brain is like
What in the world, you know, why does it feel like it always happens to me and
So, yeah at the same time like I said, I know
It's so cringe all the things I'm saying
But I also know that I can just express myself and I know that you're not gonna judge me and I've learned that it's
Okay to not judge myself either. So
Yeah, so I feel like I came home from conference and I just felt
So deflated like and I realized too that okay in order for me to feel
Celebrated and worthy in this company. I have to do something that I'm not willing to do and that's work
My literal butt off all the time. Yeah, and I can't do that anymore
I can't like I have kids. They're super important to me
I love the flexibility of this business and all these things
But I can't help but have like this ick feeling every time I even think about it because I'm like, oh, yeah
That's the place where I used to be cool, you know
So what you mean? Yeah
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. No, I understand. So it sounds like as hard as it is that that you're in
middle of a transition
by the Lord and to switch your your
the your point or your source of motivation, so everything that you're talking about is
Normal human response and reaction. That's why they do satin pajamas and why they just why they do titles
That's what it's all for. It's all
That's why this this why quite honestly titles just have never meant
Very much to me in or haven't meant anything to me in
When I was in the corporate world or awards or anything because I just thought these things are empty
This is just ridiculous. They they would I know that it's about recognition, etc
but the sad thing is that it always felt to me like
What is the word like lip service?
Everyone is if it's a big deal
But when it comes to the serious things of being able to get my work done and needing support
I don't have that but I'll have all of these public accolades or awards or they would be and
Which are given out which felt to me a little like candy now. No, they weren't like candy
It wasn't like like a participation award
but yeah, it was an element of it that just I just recognized the cheapness in it and
And so I would just get frustrated but I did realize though that that is a lot of people's
Motivation
For me. My thing was like hey, I wanted to be honored and acknowledged by
by at least
I'm trying to think of what helps me feel honored and acknowledged like what people talked about me and people
recognized me and honored me and
association with something that I had done that felt honored me and how they interacted with me.
That made me feel like what I did was being valued and mattered.
Because then I felt that it wasn't lip service. It was real true interaction. So that for, and so
when I didn't get that, that bothered me. And to be honest, that is a lot harder than things like
awards, et cetera, because you can do it. And it's like giving lip service, but it's not changing.
It's not, you can do it and actually not mean it. You can give someone an award and not be sincere.
And so it's a way that you can separate yourself from not having to sacrificially give yourself
to someone, um, be sacrifice anything of yourself to someone if, because of something that they did,
but you could give them something that made them feel like you were acknowledging them.
So anyway, my point, my whole point is, is that I had my own thing. And when I didn't get that,
which is quite honestly, a lot harder for people to give, they're less likely to want to give that.
I experienced the same thing that you're talking about. That is, so we all have our own ways that
we're interpreting it. Okay. If I get it like this, this is what it means. Or for me, if I get it like
this, this is what it means. And when me and when we don't get them, when you don't get this one or,
and I don't get this one or whatever, you know, whatever our own individual ones are,
we all have that response that you are, that you're where you just get burnout.
You have no motivation. You're like, why on earth am I doing this? I feel like I am that my
contribution doesn't seem valued me as a person doesn't seem valued because I'm not on, I'm not
being acknowledged for what it is that I'm doing or the effect that I had on the company or the
effect that I had on so-and-so. And so, so just anyway, the reason I say all that is just kind
of normalize what you're talking about. And that's why they're doing the satin pajamas. That's why
they're doing whatever, because it does work. And when you don't get it, you have the experience
that you do. That's normal. So, but the thing is that is the way that the world works. And so I,
what I've had to realize is, okay, just because that is a normal human, human reaction does,
if, how do I put it? Doesn't mean that that is that that is the freest way to live.
So what it is that I had to choose in every moment was, okay, is this something that I want to
bring to their attention that I am struggling with motivation because X, Y, and Z isn't that
they say that they're going to give isn't actually being given. And therefore it's affecting my
motivation. Am I going to go that route or am I going to have to go lay down now, or am I going
to do something between me and the Lord where I, or am I going to choose the freedom that the Lord
says that I can have, which one am I going to choose to value because flesh is leaning this
way. And this one feels very heightened. And right now, currently, this is my highest value.
And when the Lord makes me aware of it, because I go through a pressure point, like what you're
experiencing, we then have to make the choice. This one is a legitimate is, is a legitimate
reality. This is normal human experience, you know, to be burned out or to be demotivated
because X, Y, and Z isn't happening. So, but the thing is, so I can acknowledge that, okay,
well, this is normal. There's nothing wrong with the there's, it doesn't mean that I'm like,
you know, wrong or some alien, because I want this. No, that's the normal human experience
that God tells me that if I'm going through a pressure point and I need this in order to be
okay, it means I'm in bondage to it. And he promises that this other thing that I haven't
experienced yet, because we usually live over here, this new thing, I haven't experienced yet
in the spirit. He promises me it's better. He promises me that it's freeing. He promises me
that I'll get greater benefit from and value it more if I choose this, but I have no experience
than that. And so I, in order to choose that in order to make this decision, and I choose this,
I have to let go of this one and let go of not having it. Do I want to make that decision?
And I'm trusting in faith that God says that it really is that good that it I'm going to discover
it really is that good. And in the meantime, what if I choose to do this? And what if I find out
that it's really not as good and I don't feel as good with this one as I did with this one.
But by that time, I've already given this one up. So my life from here on out is just going to be
That's the emotional, mental, spiritual that we go through, letting you know, that's why
you're feeling what you're feeling.
And that's why it feels that hard, because that's the decision that you have to make.
It's not supposed to be quote unquote, easier than this.
This is why people don't make that choice.
And this is why we don't make that choice.
That's why we haven't done it up to now, because this one is naturally coming up out of our
flesh.
It's just a natural response.
This is how we have motivated ourselves this far.
This is literally how we've been trained by society, by church, by our parents' interaction
with us, because they're human, by our school, whatever, to respond and be motivated by this.
So we keep looking for that, because we were trained for that, not to mention the fact
that it's a tendency in our flesh anyway.
And we're having to choose by faith that there is something else, and to let go of this first
we can experience whether or not this is truly better than this one.
And we have to make that choice, just like you and Arnold did about Montana.
You have to make that choice before you experience it.
But when you do, God will shift your will and change it and change your source of motivation.
You will find that this is more freeing, because then from here, your motivation will be based
off of how you want to live, not off of these motivating prompts that are created by someone
else, that are created by the company.
Hey, you'd get this, you'd get that, you'd whatever.
And then you have to try to match yourself to what it is that they have dictated and
decided that they're going to gift you in, you know, whatever.
This way, you just get, you get to be motivated by who it is that you actually are.
Like in other words, your spirit and what God has put in you, and you're free this way.
You are giving to creation here, over here, how do I, I was going to say, it's like you're
a little bit of a slave to the company, not exactly, or whatever.
It's just that we're enslaved to things that other people decide.
This is how we're going to do our company, whatever.
And if we are motivated by those things, we're then subject to whatever it is that they decide
those motivational thresholds are.
And then we're emotionally controlled by that as opposed to being completely, completely,
I just, sorry, I'm having a hard time with some of my words and we're not controlled
by or connected by or, or we got controlled by anything other than God in who we made
us to be, but we can be involved in the company.
Our motivation comes elsewhere and we get to gain all the benefits when we hit those
thresholds, but we're not enslaved to them anymore.
And also enables you to go further, faster in the company, because you know, if that's
the Lord's will for you to, for you to do that from this per place, then from this one,
this one was a lot of hard work and this one will be effortless, but we have to, in order
to switch from this value system to this one, in order to switch from this motivational
system to this one, we have to make that choice that if God says it's better than
it really is better because it's not going to feel like it.
This one is an unknown and this one we're experiencing a lot of pain and we're wondering
which one do we want to pursue?
Do we want to pursue to fix this one?
Meaning like talk to the company director and do all of this or, and then wait until
this is fixed before we're okay.
Or are we going to choose to disassociate and disconnect from it and hope and have faith
that God's going to catch us over here and I'm sorry, would you excuse me for just a
second?
Yeah.
I actually need to run out.
Okay.
I can hear you in my ears.
you
okay I'm back whenever you're ready
okay I'm here Lori stay laying down okay
no okay lay down then you can hear it
one second more no sure you're fine I'm
you
all right where are we
so um so
having said all of
that um that
was probably
even more i mean it was a
go up a little a level like a
level higher and a higher view over all of what
i think is going uh what i
i think is going on
now y'all just check you know this
with the lord but i'm actually
very excited for y'all because
what typically happens when the lord is
transitioning us in
transitioning us period
in like trying to prompt us to look
in a different direction is
what used to satisfy
no longer satisfies
so and it's not just for you
arnold is experiencing
the same thing so what's exciting is
you'll then just see
okay lord you then go on to this
discovery journey that i'm talking
about with annette as well if you watch any of the
past breakthrough uh group sessions
that she and i've been doing um
where you're where
you go on this discovery process of
like okay well
what
is the lord giving me a specific direction
okay no i don't feel a specific
direction but i feel certain things like in other
words he's not saying do x y
and z you know or whatever
um and
and uh but
you might just feel kind of like an openness
or you might feel a freedom or whatever
or or an excitement or a passion
or an interest or whatever and then you just
check in with the lord okay lord does
you know and you and i've talked about this before lord
you know do i
uh do you i
are you giving me a check to my spirit
about this and if he doesn't and you
feel like there's this openness there you don't
feel like any closed doors you don't feel like any
like uh the way
i'm trying to think of how i think i don't
i when i when i
the reason i talk about it as an openness is because
when i look into those things and kind of like lean into
it i'll feel that it's either
They're, I'll feel like this resistance coming at me saying I shouldn't do it.
You know?
So if that's not there, excuse me, well, then I call it.
Filling an openness or whatever.
And then I just do step one.
I just start researching it.
Or like you and Arnold are doing, Hey, you're thinking about, see,
y'all are doing this right now.
You're thinking, Hey, you know, I'm looking at what we're feeling, you
know, an interest in this, in like counseling and, and stuff.
And like reaching out with, uh, in helping other people and Hey, there's
this, there's this opportunity now.
Hey, let's try it.
Let's just go Tuesday night.
So you don't know what's going to happen from then on.
You don't know how things are going to, how things are going to play out or what
things are going to look like, you know?
Um, but you have that you at least have an interest in.
So if you don't feel ahead, if you don't feel like a, something from the Lord
saying not to, well, then you just step into it and then you just see, and then
you just see what happens from there.
And then you see if there's this, if there's an openness into the next thing,
and then you see what happens from there.
See if there's an openness into the next thing, but you usually don't know.
Multiple steps ahead of time, whether or not there's an openness.
Are you okay?
My plant is not okay.
You keep
okay, sir.
Oh, I heard.
Okay.
He's literally looking at it.
Lori.
Yeah.
Lay down, please.
Yeah.
The story, the story will come on again after the advertisement.
It's a, it's an ad laid out on your pillow, please.
It's going to get cold.
To your kids, not to see, like I used to grow up.
Yeah.
He's has Hank, the cow dog right now, but Oh, Hank, the cow dog.
I grew up on that too.
Yeah.
Um, it's interesting what you were saying about like, just, yeah,
the openness and all that stuff.
That's how I feel until I like start thinking and then I'm like, Oh my word.
Okay.
This, this, like, this could be so horrible and like all these things.
And, but it was interesting the one night, um, this was before we went to
Montana, Arnold and I, we like never do this where we actually like sit down
and actually discuss a business idea.
And it goes well, like normally he has all kinds of like things that he's
like, Oh, this wouldn't work.
And this wouldn't work.
This don't work this time.
It was just like, we were both actually giving ideas.
It felt really good.
It felt really like life giving.
And we were both really like, this could be really cool.
And so the, the business idea was, um, and I know this is probably like, it's
a little bit, probably crazy.
I don't know.
But so in the past, Arnold and I have, we both really have a heart for giving.
And we would feel like that's an area that the Lord has, um, given
us faith in and a calling to.
And we both, that's an area we can both, we're both very one in that.
Like we love that.
And, um, so there's been times in the past where we've given people
money, like anonymously or whatever.
And it's just, we love it.
Like it's, it's really fun for us, but there's never, we've never had a way
to be able to give that like conveniently, unless we like live close to them.
So, you know, somebody at church, you know, you can stick it in
their little mailbox or whatever.
And we've looked like, is there a way to give anonymously, you know, to an
individual and we have been able to find that thing and if there's something,
let me know, but we were like, how fun would it be to start a nonprofit?
Like, um, specifically with that vision in mind, like to connect
givers with, with their people, you know, and individuals, like, not
like organizations or churches or whatever, but like, Hey, God put this
person on my heart, I want to give them X amount of dollars and
I don't want them to know.
Um, and so they'd be able to like, go onto the website, select what they
want to do, and then this person would just receive a check, like from our
ministry with, and, you know, by that time, hopefully, you know, our branding
would be enough that people would understand what our vision and mission
is and stuff, um, and then we would send it directly to the person that they
are wanting to give funds to, but they wouldn't know, you know, who
actually gave them the money.
They would just know it is coming from another individual who knows
them personally, it loves them, whatever.
Um, and to make it sustainable, like to pay ourselves, we'd have like,
um, a certain fee, like on top of every transaction so that it would pay
Arnold and I, uh, but it wouldn't, it would be a nonprofit.
So it wouldn't be like building a business or anything.
It'd be, it would be basically like almost a source of, um, passive income.
Like we'd still have a little bit of work to do with it, but yeah.
And anyway, as we were having this conversation, we were both like, I was
like, wow, I'm like, I think this means.
something, just the fact that we both were excited about it and we were able
to like, actually both give ideas.
Yes.
I'm like, I know there would probably be like so much legal stuff involved
and you know, all of the, all of the things, but I'm like, even if it
wouldn't work, I just feel like pursuing it, you know, because I think it would
be something really meaningful for both of us and it would fill a need
that we have had in the past.
Yes.
So yeah, that's one of our crazy ideas.
That's great.
And the fact that y'all are both on the same page about it, it's like you
getting to step out in an, in an area that both of y'all are passionate in
and that y'all are passionate about.
And then you're just going on like this discovery process, this exploration
without knowing like what's going to happen, you're just like, well, let's
just see, you know, let's pursue it.
This, this, because the whole point of a goal is to get a direction in which
to start heading and then you start heading that direction and then you
see, as you go through the discovery process, well, then you start going
this way and then you discover it, find something else.
And so it's turned to you, but this way, and then you end up just seeing
where the Lord takes you on the journey.
I think that that's wonderful.
That's super.
Yeah.
But yeah, so stuff like that, it's like, you know, you're just
taking, taking steps towards stuff.
And so, but, and what gives you the prompting to do that is when what
used to work is no longer working.
What used to motivate you is no longer motivating, et cetera.
So you just try to look at various at different options.
Like, okay, well, what if we were to try this?
And what if we were to try that?
Or what if we, and we're not even talking about necessarily big things.
Sure.
You can think of a big thing as, you know, as a goal, but just what, what's
the first step to start taking towards it as opposed to thinking, okay, I need
to pick, find something that is a possibility and then explore or not
explore, but make sure of every step in between before we decide
to head off in that direction.
Instead kind of go a bit more with like your, your passions and your, and, and
your, in your spirit and whether or not the Lord is giving you checks and all
of that, but what prompts us to start looking and discovering and exploring
is when, what used to work or motivate is no longer doing that.
And so both you and Arnold have expressed that.
And so if you're expressing a frustration, what would answer or
solve or relieve the frustration?
You know?
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
And I, I feel like, I think, I think one of the checks that I would have
is like, I don't want to run from one motivation to another motivation.
That's not spirit.
So like, you know, even with, even with counseling and mentoring and,
you know, walking alongside people, it's really easy to feel affirmed
and to feel like you're worth something and to feel like you're, you make a
difference, you know what I mean?
And so I don't want that to be my motivation either.
I do feel like.
I mean, I've told Arnold many times, like, that's what comes easy to me.
Like I love sitting with people and hearing their stories and I love
seeing the light bulbs come on.
You know, when, when I explained something, you know, even in my
relationship with the Lord, it does like change my life.
Um, that's amazing.
It's so fun for me.
And it's so life-giving and it feels like I'm really doing
something that is eternal.
Yeah.
And whereas I just, I still want it to be from a place of spirit and
of rest and not of like, well, this makes me feel like I'm worth
something, you know what I mean?
No, I definitely, yeah.
So what's important there is to make your motivation.
The, um, and this is something that you have to do kind of intentionally.
Well, no, it is intentional.
I was trying to think if there's any other way in which it's happened, but
you have to do intentionally where you may have to make a choice that
will your goal every day is to actually, what was the phrase that came to my
head, um, to be yourself to the fullest.
And to be living from that place all day, every day.
And then when you do that, I mean, meaning like that's your spirit.
That's your, the place in which you're unified with the Lord and connected
with him and living from that place.
That's the place from which everything happens.
So if that's your motivation, then you don't have to think, okay, I'm trying
to reach outside of myself to get something.
In other words, to get affirmation, recognition, or, you know, whatever
isn't where you, I'm going to use that one because that's one that
you've brought up a couple of times.
That out from something that I do from something that's outside of me, rather
I come from the place in which I choose that I'm, I'm, I'm affirmed in the Lord.
And I use that as my motivation to move on from there and to move towards, you
know, uh, to, to then decide, okay, now what am I going to do, my good counsel?
So, and so today, am I going to meet when I meet with so-and-so today,
I'm going to give them myself.
I'm going to be me most present.
Being solid in who it is that I am in the Lord.
And then I'm going to bring that person in that presence to the moment and
completely live in that moment as that person being completely solid and sure
in who I am as Lord, as opposed to what we've done in the past, where we come
to those situations with an agenda.
Okay.
Well, there's this person they're dealing with this issue.
I want to help them solve that issue.
Then by using that as our motivation, then when that doesn't happen, then we,
then we crumble, then we question ourselves, then we get burned out.
Then we think, well, maybe what I'm doing isn't Matt.
It doesn't matter.
And maybe I should change what it is that I'm doing.
We start questioning everything as opposed to always
coming from the perspective.
Okay.
As opposed to always coming from the perspective that that you're
trying to accomplish something.
You're trying to solve a problem.
You're trying to, you know, you've got a particular, what I
always refer to as an agenda.
Um, and the, and it's hard to the, the only way that I have found to
consistently do it is if I set my intention on in my, and I make a
particular, and I make the choice of, of God over what it is I'm about to
do and who God says that I am and standing in that person over and being
that person as more important than what I'm about to step into, like in
meeting with someone or helping someone or whatever, like on these calls or
whatever, I always have to make the choice first before I go into them
that God and me being who it is that he says that I am is in being that in
the moment, like it, like being anchored in that thing, and then just being
that person in the presence of someone else, I have to make that as the, as
my choice over some, over someone getting the answers that'll help them
or someone that it changing, you know, someone's perspective or
it helping them or whatever.
And that's what keeps me from burnout.
And whenever I've burned out, it's when I've done the opposite.
It's when I have consistently chosen, uh, I've been looking for a result.
I've been looking for an, an, an outcome.
So, but it's, it's, um, it, it comes easier over time, but at the beginning,
it can be rather challenging.
So, but anyway, that's how I do it is I consistently make that choice every day.
You know, my goal in life, my highest value that I choose is choosing God
over what happens and choosing being me over what happens and basically
I don't know.
Anyway, does that, does that make sense?
Yes, that makes total sense.
And that's what I feel like I'm warring between.
And I feel like I'm, yeah, I feel like Laurie, what am I going to do with you?
You won't nap.
You need to nap.
Okay.
Just hold still.
Um, that's what I feel like is the, is the battle is like, because I know the
difference, I know when I have had an agenda and when I haven't, and I feel
like for whatever reason, this particular situation, it's really hard for me to
not have one because I have such a like specific desired outcome and I know that
can't, and yet I'm not quite sure how to like, how to shift into that.
And I think that'll also plays into like that feeling that I have of avoiding
God because yeah, and I'm not sure how those two are connected exactly.
I think it's partly because I don't know, sometimes it's the, even the
things that I've been experiencing and even the way that the Lord has
been working in my life, it makes me feel secure in a way because I, I do
see that he is very present in my life.
But at the same time, I feel that I am.
I'm bypassing something important that makes sense.
Like the intimacy piece.
that just being with God, peace, because things are happening.
Yeah. And so part of me is like, Oh, man, like, I don't feel like
I shouldn't like celebrate them and shouldn't think that they're
credible, just because, you know, I don't feel 100% when it
comes to everything, the way that I'm relating with the Lord,
when I'm alone, or whatever. But at the same time, I feel like
there's more for me there that I'm not quite experiencing.
Okay. Yeah. Well, things that is helpful to me, when, you know,
when you say that you're warring, one of the things that
helps me when I'm worrying about that is I just have to make a
willful intentional choice to choose God and intimacy with
him and let that other ball drop. To do is we're trying to
hold hold all of the while making a choice. And if you
can't do that, you let this one go. Like, you're like, Oh, my
goodness, what's gonna happen? You know, and you make this
choice and you and you're a lot you're choosing that you're
giving to God outcome now that you're letting go of it. And
what so what I do, like, like, literally, practically, what I
do is a particular agenda, and I don't know what you're talking
about, when you talk about this situation, if you're talking
about the lady who's who's with you, you're talking about what
I do. What I do is I just think, okay, Lord, you know, I just I
just released her to you, at least whatever her life to you,
whatever's going to happen to her, whatever's going to happen
as a result of her staying here, whatever's going to happen,
what I'm going to say, Lord, I'm not going to say God, I just
give it all up to you. And I just let it go. I stopped
trying to, you know, I love her Lord, but I, I, I release her,
and I'm no longer going to hold on, or I'm no longer going to
hold on to the situation. And in a way that because there's a
way in which we're caring that we grab on. And we've got to
care while letting go. We think that the way to care is to is to
try to fix or to try to be so emotionally involved. And we
have to emotionally disentangle ourselves, we can care about
someone while emotionally disentangling ourselves from
them, and then releasing the Lord, and then you'd make a
choice for the Lord. And so what you can do to act on that faith
that you're choosing God over them, is that you do what it is
you can do, because you're afraid, you're afraid of like
spending time with the Lord. So you, you're going to have to
take the risk of spending time with them when you don't want
to, but do it in like some easier ways. Like for instance,
just being with him without, without an agenda with the Lord
of like, without learning anything, without him teaching
you something, without him correcting you, without bringing
without you bringing like any like requests to him, or
whatever, you just sit with him and teach yourself through
experience. And it's not really you teaching yourself, it's more
like you putting yourself in the experience with God to allow
him to prove that you're safe with just being with him, as you
are, where he's not going to correct you, you're not going to
feel like you're not going to feel unsafe, but you're going to
have to take the risk to put yourself in the situation where
you're sitting in the presence of God, and then see how he's
going to show up. But, but you go without an agenda, and you
just go to experience being in the presence of God, as opposed
to going to have some sort of interaction with him, so to
speak, you go without trying to have some inner without trying
to have some interaction with them, because we're afraid of
the interaction we're going to have with them, we afraid what's
going to come from him, you know, and instead we just choose
no, God is safe to just be with. And we let him prove that to us
by the experience. But in order to have the experience, we have
to put ourselves there and allow God to come. And that's
scary. But that is at least what I have discovered is so far the
safest thing that I have experienced with the Lord, when
I'm struggling with him, is to just go without an, without an
agenda of an interaction from me or from him to just go and
just be, be with him, while there's not supposed to be
without any outcome being predetermined, or even
necessarily hoped for in my mind. So, oh, oh, this is good
doing the chat for that. Yeah.
I'm going to just, okay, that's a good idea. She does with a lot
of, excuse me, fear at night, she said, she has said enough
that it seems she's scared of someone. Oh, yeah, I'm sure
That those experiences that she had happened probably a night I've had,
I've asked her, so there's someone after threatening her for life.
You should really give me a straight answer.
Yeah.
I don't feel, I don't know for sure, but it's a lot of times in something
have like, if people keep evading answers, sometimes it's not even
just like they're afraid of.
There's like an aspect of self-denial that they haven't even fully come face
to face with the reality of what's happening.
I mean, they, they know what's happening enough to evade the answer, but there's
an aspect of it that they won't face themselves.
I could be wrong, but that's what sometimes happens.
I don't feel like I should let her stay here.
If there's someone threatening your safety.
Oh, well, yeah.
If it's going to threaten our family.
So she should often text me at night about how she's feeling.
I've really dealt with a lot of fear myself.
Oh, well, that makes sense.
So when a spirit of fear is tormenting someone.
Well, then you're, it's going to come with the person.
Now you can protect yourself and your family, you know, against it
saying it has no authority to be here.
You and Arnold can pray for it, pray for her and pray against it.
Um, even like with her, or even if y'all don't feel like she can do that or she,
or with her, or that she'd be open to it.
Y'all can do it, you know, when she isn't aware that y'all are doing it,
meaning like you don't have to be in a presence, but you can be in your own
bedroom, you know, and, and you have to take authority over the thing.
In your house and tell it that it's not allowed to be here.
And then I I'm serious.
You will experience a difference.
And she will often text me at night, but I don't know if it's just in my head.
I feel the spirit of fear.
Oh, then you mentioned the spirit of fear.
Yeah.
I have my heavens and she can't hear you.
I would pray specifically in that way without her.
Okay, great.
So when you pray though, have you commanded the spirit to leave or
have you just prayed that like, oh, it's, um, you know, Lord, please protect us.
Like, is there an, a measure of authority that you've taken of like, okay.
So, and so you're not allowed to be here or whatever.
Okay.
He's very self-entertaining.
It's Arnold and he's not quite as straight forward with it.
When you say he's not quite as straightforward with it, you mean
he doesn't like talk to the thing.
Okay.
Yeah.
So that's very important because the thing is that the, what
they respond to is authority.
They're not going to respond to it's not the strength or who knows which
spiritual laws better because they do, they know them better than we do.
And they've been around longer, you know, all those spirits, but all we have,
all they have to know is that we know who it is that we are and that we're
standing in that and we realize, oh, if I tell you, you have to go.
If we know that not that we hope they're going to listen, if we know that they
have to, and we expect it, if we talk from that authority, like, Hey, we
fully expect it to pay attention to us.
We fully expect it to leave.
We fully expect we, we know that and we, and to know means that we have to
choose because you're not going to feel like it, because you're going to have
all these past experiences come up in yours or Arnold's mind, you know, that
it had that, oh, well, what about the time when, or why sometimes does it not happen?
You have to like completely operate as it does things.
Those situations do not exist.
And that is what they pay attention to.
You have to fully be in your, in your authority and then, and make a choice
that if God says that that's who you are, then you're safe enough to stand in it.
And then you talk from that place.
Like I said, commanding, he would, he would be more like, I pray that it would
like, oh yeah, I pray that it would leave.
Wouldn't do that because what's going to happen.
And I know that you're not Arnold and I'm just telling you, you know, so
that you can talk to him about, oh, well, have you thought about doing it this way?
Or if you look in scripture, what did Jesus do?
Jesus didn't pray and ask God to get rid of the thing.
He told it.
And he was doing that as a human being.
He wasn't doing that as divinity.
He wasn't, Jesus wasn't doing that as God.
Cause I remember it said that he set aside his divinity, meaning
like he didn't operate in it.
He always operated in the authority that God gives a human when the human
has chosen to be in alignment with the Lord, you know, as, as a son.
But even though he was God, he didn't operate out of that authority.
He operated in the authority that is granted to a human, you know, when
they're in alignment with the Lord.
And from that place, he commanded.
He didn't ask the Lord to do anything.
He commanded it.
And I feel like I have that belief in faith.
I feel if I was unsure to be the one doing it or not, you can absolutely.
No, no, no.
You absolutely can now.
Sure.
Arnold has a particular aspect of spiritual authority, you know, as a husband
that they, that the that the spirits do pay attention to, but you also have
an authority against, against spirits.
And so therefore you can yeah.
So therefore you can absolutely do it.
So anyway, because what they're going to pay attention to is the son of God.
So, yeah.
But yeah, so that'd be good.
And I promise you, you will notice the difference in the home.
You'll notice the difference in you.
I mean, it'll be immediately the other day.
This gives you an idea.
The other day, Ed and I had some people, I had a gentleman visiting us.
He was very discouraged.
He's a dear friend of ours, very strong believer has, I mean, like beyond strong and is actually
a pastor.
And he was, he was from out of town visiting us and he was very discouraged.
And so he was looking to us for some, you know, encouragement in the Lord, you know,
his brothers and sisters in Christ.
Well, he left and I'm telling you what, both Ed and I just felt like this wet blanket and
we're going, you know, we felt like this hopelessness of our future lives and we're going, what
on earth is going on?
Because we told each other, this is how I'm feeling, you know, and we're not usually both
down at the same time.
You know, we're going, what's going on?
And all of a sudden, both of us thought, wait just a second.
This is sounding very much like the fact that our friend came and he had a hopelessness
about his future.
We're having a hopelessness about your, his, about our future.
Okay.
We need to take authority.
And I'm telling you what, Ed took authority and, and, and prayed and commanded and all
of that.
And literally while he was praying, the things lifted and then we're like, Whoa, okay.
So it's really, it's wild how those spirits, you know, can affect us.
So we can just really notice a difference immediately.
And again, like I said, part of the whole authority thing is to expect that it's going
to happen because that's faith.
And the fact that God says that we have the authority.
So we act as if it feels, oh, sorry, I thought that, I thought that you'd written something
in addition, but you finished.
So anyway, if that's, if that's helpful, so I'm sorry, y'all are having that, that that
experience and, and that can actually happen with counseling as well.
That's why Ed has did some.
Inner healing training with a group of people and used to do in, it used to be one of their
main inner healing ministers.
And one of the things that they do is they pray every time someone leaves there, leaves
a session with them, they, every time the person, a person leaves, they will pray to
disconnect from anything that may have tried to connect with them, to them, you know, any
spirits, any, any whatever, because that this other person was associated with, that was,
that was tormenting them, or that was attached to their past.
Just because those things can try to attach just by listening to someone's story.
So anyway, but yeah, and so you just always pray and act and whatever.
No, that makes a lot of sense.
I know I've been very affected in that area before.
Well, I know you probably have to go, but we're going to have another, another one on
two on Thursday that if you can make that one, I know, you know, it's going a month
longer than you'd originally been.
No, I'm so excited about that because I felt like there was like all of a sudden it was
over.
I was like, wait, no, I didn't, I didn't get to finish.
I know that y'all didn't make plans for it, you know, a month or whatever, but just to
FYI, we'll have another one next Tuesday.
Yeah.
So I think, I think next Tuesday, the one thing is if I have to take my mother-in-law
to the airport around that time, so I'll see if maybe we can adjust the time or even
adjust the date.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Great.
Anything else in addition that we didn't get to talk about that you want to address
earlier instead of later, just send me something, you know, send us something in a
group on what, what.
Did you listen to, I know some of them were very long, but did you listen to those
responses while you were gone?
Oh, yes.
Yes, I did.
And they were very, very good.
And I have not even gotten a chance to like discuss the, the one thing with Arnold.
I was really excited about that.
But yeah, it was all or not.
It's just that I thought it would be really fun.
But yeah, I haven't gotten the chance to talk with him about that yet, but yeah, no, I
really appreciate your response.
I felt like it was, I feel like my brain is like in a thousand different directions since
we were on vacation and now we're home.
And yeah.
Yeah.
Well, let me know if what we talked about today, give a, doesn't give you something
to like, feel like you can step forward in like, even a little bit of business, like
of like, Hey, I'm struggling with my motivation.
I.
Need to switch it.
So I tried to go through something that you could practically start doing.
Yeah.
It will anyway, but if you, you feel like there's not enough
solidity to the answer, let me know.
And I'll try to go.
Yeah, no, I, I do.
I feel like that, um, answers my questions and even, I feel like I was
able to articulate to Arnold that like, I'm, it's actually something I'm
really scared to talk to Arnold about.
And I don't know why I said, I, I feel like I've
often been really scared to even like, face the possibility that our
life could look different in the future.
And like, I don't know why.
Um, and we talked about it last night and he was just like, you know, that
I did not have to be scared to talk to him about anything and like, that we're
going to figure stuff out together.
And I feel too, like I've been realizing how actually incredibly strong he is
and like how much he can actually handle and that I can, like, I can rest in that
strength and that has been huge for me.
So yeah.
Good.
Um, another, just a thought I'm just going to throw out there just really
quick, um, for y'all that just think about is if you, cause this has helped
me when I began to shift, when I would get burned out in a specific, in a
specific area, because I felt pressure, what's going to happen if I don't do it
like this anymore, uh, what, one of the things y'all could think about is,
Oh, sorry.
Let me back up.
When I thought about it, when I thought, Oh my goodness, I'm going to drop this
ball and what if it means that everything's going to go to hell in a handbasket and,
and money's not going to come in or X, Y, and Z as soon as I, uh, because I was
having a very unhealthy relationship with it and I was burnt out and I was like,
I just don't want to do it anymore.
How could something that I love so much, how could it be a source of such
frustration, not just frustration, but like demotivation for me?
Like, I don't even want to, I don't even want to, um, uh, I feel
burnt out when I think about it.
I felt overwhelmed.
I don't want to do it.
I know I'm losing my love for it, even though I love doing it.
I don't want to do anything with it.
I don't want to interact with it or whatever.
When I no longer had the pressure on it for it to succeed or work or succeed,
meaning like accomplish whatever it is I wanted to accomplish whenever I let go of
that completely, and it's just like, okay, Lord, you're just going to, I'm going to
completely let go of it and whatever's going to happen is going to happen.
When I did, I could suddenly find the source of my joy and my motivation in a
completely different place and start to pour into it again, because I can
really change the direction.
So if y'all were to think about, okay, well, what were to have, what would
happen if you kept lemongrass that you didn't, you do what you did a bit more
of what you've done this past couple of months, you don't work at it in the
same way and invest in it in the same way.
You just let it coast and leave the responsibility to all of your leaders.
What were the, what would like, how, how would, how would I start it?
Like what, if you were to do that, then, you know, and then focus on something
else, is that a possibility for you and Arnold?
Yeah.
Getting like, would that be something you would be willing to do?
Because you don't know what's going to happen when you let it coast.
If you start focusing on these zoom calls and these investing in people, like as
people, you know, all of a sudden your, your, your business could skyrocket and
you're not even doing the leadership things anymore, you're just focusing on
people and it helps people so much.
But what you did is you let go of the whole thing, pulling apart
by not doing this anymore.
And now you just focus on all the things you love and God ended up.
You know, make you grow even bigger and you no longer felt like a burden.
You were now just living life the way that you wanted and you got
all the fringe benefits, the business, or it could be that, Hey, you know,
God's just like, no, let's just let the whole thing Peter out because I'm
going to point y'all in a different direction, but, and then Arnold's
interested in like gaining some purpose by maybe like trying to find a job
or like trying to find out like research and starting this new thing or whatever.
But anyway, that's one of the things that, um, that y'all can consider when
you think about exploring a transition and not fully knowing what would life
life look like in something totally different in a transition, you
don't know what that would be.
So right now you're just kind of like, what if it no longer looks
like, or we no longer operate?
That's what I'm trying to say.
What happens in life when we stop operating the way that we used to,
and we choose midstream to choose a different mode of operation.
That was just the thing I thought of.
So I don't know.
Yeah.
And I would say that that's where we both have the most peace right now.
Like neither of us feel like what we should do is like pull the plug on
everything and just, you know, panic.
Yeah.
Okay.
You have to turn that off, please.
Okay.
Please don't turn it on again.
Um, yeah, that's definitely where we feel like we have the most peace.
And so I'm excited about that too. I feel, I feel kind of like we're on the verge of
something new, but I don't feel like it's going to be like this huge stressful thing. Yeah. I feel
it's going to be a slow growth and peace. That's how it feels. So that's great. Well, I'm excited
Well, let's go. Okay. Thank you for today.
You're welcome. Okay. Yes. Bye.