Okay.
Hello Renata.
Hi.
You.
I'm good. How are you.
It just testing technology over here.
Oh, I forgot I've lost him last time. Yes, I did find them I don't remember where they were, and that I was very grateful I found them.
And the thing is, though, that sometimes I think that this microphone works, but this one doesn't. So, if ever this one dies.
People say they can't hear me anymore so I might have to get some new AirPods but yes they are. I have them again.
You look good. How are you.
I'm doing much better than last time.
I was watching for a while. I was watching the tape of us and hearing it again, and my face scared me. I looked so bad.
I didn't think that.
But of course, you know sometimes like each person is kind of like what it is that they're showing on their face when they see themselves you know from the outside.
So, yeah, I think it is like sometimes when I'm serious. I can look more serious than I am. But I also think that I was doing bad. It was like both.
I could tell on my face. Oh my gosh you girl you don't look good.
I'm sorry.
Well, you know what I, what I encourage people to do is to go back and look at their very first and go back and watch their very first, like, private session with me, because they will see it will be so encouraged because they'll see such a huge difference.
And their tone, their attitude, their perspective, their language, meaning like their language about like life and like how they're viewing it and see such a huge difference between then and now, and then make it really encouraged like oh my.
Yeah, I was shocked at the difference, but God just transforms people like that so anyway I just wanted to encourage you I recommend go back and watch the first one, you'll be even more encouraged.
I think I definitely. Yeah, it was just really interesting.
Yeah, because I didn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I'm doing, I'm doing much better. Yeah.
I think, I think what really, really clicked about the fighting part, like I think I wrote you some of this, that you're in resistance and you're kind of fighting to get into peace, and you're made peace, some kind of walking in rest some kind of idol, and like a method.
Yes, and I think, just, and just like it was, I just kind of understood that I needed to let go of the method of finding rest, and, and also with what you wrote was really helpful.
You know, about how we want to have a comfortable life we want to have a great life with God. And then you actually need to choose God, you know, and, yeah, it's actually the relationship with him more like the giver more than the gift, kind of know it, but then you get into seeking his gifts, even though you know you're supposed to seek the giver.
So, correct. Yeah, I think there was, it was just something that really clicked.
Pretty fast.
After I talked to you, when I just like.
Yeah.
And again, go ahead.
And
I've been able after that.
I could just tell when I started my teaching in my internship, that I, which are very, very heavy. It's a very heavy class that I'm in probably the most rebellious class maybe in the whole school.
And I've had amazing experiences the last two weeks, going in and being just really secure in who I am and knowing that I'm going to be okay, even if they.
Yeah.
submits to the kingdom of God, or they don't.
Yeah.
So I come with peace and I kind of have had like.
know, I'm going to be okay. So I've had two amazing classes
where I felt like you can call it, I kind of felt the Holy
Spirit in the room. And they were really, like, in many ways,
aligning to what I was trying to do. And I felt peace there. And
the teacher came up to me afterwards, and we were like,
that was amazing. And yeah, she was like, that was incredible
what happened. And, and she, of course, didn't have a language.
She's not a Christian, which, but she sensed it that it was
like, yeah, I think that's me. But then I also had a class
where they totally didn't align at all. Yeah. But I was fine. It
was like that six, 60 minutes of fighting, or like, I wasn't
fighting, but I was they were fighting against me. Yeah. And I
was like, just going back to the same thing. This is what I'm
gonna do. This is what we're doing. This is okay. Stop doing
that. This is what we're doing. Stop doing this. We're not doing
that right now. Yeah, I was correcting them 50 times. And
they were not aligning. Yeah, 10 minutes. Yeah. But I was on
resting. My pulse was like this. Okay, so this is not working.
But we're gonna try one more time. And then I came out there
and she was and the teacher was like, I'm sorry, that was
really, really bad. You must be exhausted. And I'm like, I can
see how this makes people exhausted. But I'm actually not
exhausted. I'm fine. So I was like, that is great, because you
chose freedom for yourself, you chose that you were not
threatened by, and you couldn't be threatened by, you didn't
have to fear being threatened by their risk, their response,
meaning like the fact that they're choosing to not come
into alignment or whatever that we're not that that who it is
that we are in our peace, and our safety with the Lord, you
know, our whatever is not threatened by creation by
what's happening in creation by what's happening in our
environment, what's happening with finances, what's happening
with people and how they respond, you know, etc. So like,
for instance, even when I talked to women, you've asked me about
like, they're in abusive relationships, and all of those
were in or like emotionally or verbally abusive, they weren't
physically abusive. But I've had multiple women come to me in
those situations, and asked me what to do. And I say, well, the
first thing that you have to do is you have to choose your own
freedom. And I always talk about the fact I was making it very
clear, I said, I'm not talking about leaving your spouse. I
said, ask between you and the Lord as to what you need to do
and when and what the situations are, because I don't speak into
that, I said, but so what I know is that you need to choose
freedom internally for yourself. And you need to realize that
you're not threatened by what they're doing. And you need to
choose that you're not threatening you to choose to not
be threatened, because you're not going to be given
permission, it's not going to get easier, the outside won't
change, you have to choose something for yourself first.
And then, regardless of whether or not they change, you won't be
affected. You know, in the same way. Now we're affected in the
way that can still hurt when people Yeah, like, for instance,
if people aren't coming into alignment, and you're like, I
can't, I want to have relationship with these people,
like you're wanting to have relationship with your students,
like, I want to have no, you can't. Yeah, everything in
creation has its own free will. And so they have their own free
will. And so they're just not choosing that their their choice
doesn't. There's a word for it doesn't force itself on you. You
know, their will and their choice doesn't affect your will
and your choice, you still get to choose how to respond. Now.
Now, we don't always like the situations in which we have to
make a choice. But at least the choice is always something we
own, we can decide what how it is that we want to be in this
situation, how it is that we want to respond, you know, and
so. So anyway, my point is that what you're doing is absolutely
huge. That is it right there is what you did, or you choose, you
know, between me and the Lord, this is who I am, and this is
how I'm gonna live. I'm choosing me and the Lord over what
happens over how people do or creation does or does not
respond. I'm choosing me and God, that's the thing that he
holds us accountable for. And that's what Jesus died to give
us. He didn't die to give us a change of environment. He died
to give us freedom. And that's what you chose. And it's only
when we're walking in that freedom when we choose to walk
in the freedom that that Christ literally bought, bought us with
for bought for us with his blood. Say that grammatically
correctly. It's only when we have that, that can actually
give creation something different to respond to. And
that gives them the opportunity to change. It's only after we
choose our own freedom in Christ, that creation
has an opportunity to change. So anyway, you're doing that. And
that it's really, really, really, really, really hard to
do. That's one of the reasons why I enjoy working with you so
much. And people like you in that that have gone through the
rest intensive is you finally is is you're bound and determined
to do what God is really calling us to the root issue, as opposed
to I just want to be saved for my environment. I just want to
be saved for my life. But instead, you're choosing No, I
want to do I want to do what it is that God is really addressing
in the Bible. And this is what he's addressing. He's addressing
No, I chose you, I called you out. And I and I'm, and I'm
inviting you to choose that freedom. Anyway, and that's the
only way that then you can have something you're then in a
position to be able to give something to your situation that
gives it the opportunity to now change. But you're the one who's
not a victim of your situation, which is how we think of it. We
think of ourselves as a victim of situation, God, please change
the situation so that I will be better. Instead, God's like, No,
you have to change so that you can give your situation
something different. You're the one who has to rule it so that
it can change. It needs you to change in order for it to
change. It's waiting for you to change so it can change, as
opposed to the other way around. So anyway, you're doing it.
You're absolutely amazing, seriously. Because that's
really, really hard. So I'm very, very excited for you.
Yeah, it's been really good. And I've been so thankful. And also,
I felt like God was inviting me into more and more financial
financial freedom. And I think I told you that. And so I felt
like I was going to put my savings into my normal account
and just like be free with it. And I feel like that's another
and you're kind of like, well, then you run dry, you don't have
anything. If there if you really need it, like all these kind of
kind of fear. And like, you need to be responsible with your
money, like all kinds of these things. But I also feel in that
that that I'm stepping into an invitation. And it's kind of a
faith because it's not like I got a lot of more money from the
outside. It's just like I'm choosing to spend what I
already have in another way.
So that also feels
a bit more freeing. I don't know.
Just to be able to use
it sounds bad use money on myself or not. I'm not against
savings. I think it's very wise and all those things that's and
everything. But there was just a freedom in, in, in, in not
being so tied down by it in a way I don't know how to explain
it. So sense. Yeah.
So I felt like I also stepped into that. And I felt like that
for a while that God was inviting me into a greater
financial freedom, but I just didn't know how to get into it.
Yeah. And so that's also something that I'm kind of like
walking into. And I can feel like I trust him more like now.
Okay, now I actually don't have savings, because my saving is
just part of my regular account. And then you get fear of what's
going to happen when it is used up. But then I feel more and
more trust that my finances is in God's hands. And just like
everything is God's anyways, and he's always taking care of me.
And if I run dry, of course, he's going to take care of my
me financially. And now I'm allowed to spend it or at least
you know, I'm not like reckless. Yeah. But kind of just like
allowing myself to not live so tightly and to spend more and
then to enjoy it. And to trust God that he takes care of me
now and later. And that's actually also been really,
that's also been really good. Just like, I can feel like I am
trusting him more. I'm not so worried about the future. I'm
like, it's gonna, it's gonna work out. So that's also been an
area. And I thought about like, two things that I want to talk
to you about and tell you about. And one of them is that I am a
doing much better. But I experience like a lot of
limitations when it comes to energy, like I have so many
things that I would like to do. And I don't. And there's, but I
don't seem to be able to have
the energy to do it I don't even know how to explain what I wanted to say but um um
or how you could help me with it well one of them it is that I I listened to your last
teaching in rest intensive about a goals and dreams and desires and I've wanted to
uh like I felt God wanted me to learn Chinese and then you say something about uh well but
when God tells you something I'll give you a promise it's more of a direction it's not the
end goal um but it's like a direction he sets you in and I realized okay I've been making so many
plans about that I need to go to China I need to learn the language I don't know it well enough
and realizing that I actually did it I have even though I don't know the language as well
as I wanted to I started my whole life changed I I sold my apartment I moved to another city
I changed church and friends and everything and my life has gone in a totally different direction
because I decided to to follow his word to learn Chinese and I couldn't in my hometown
so I realized oh my gosh I'm free like I did that um but then
oh I don't know if this and then
but then there is a chance for me to go to China next year
but then I don't know if I have the capacity to do it and like okay I'll I'm now I'm just like
doing this but then maybe it will make a picture in the end sure I don't know but then um and I
know when I was since I was little I know I since my whole life I've known that I I can do a lot of
things and there's a lot of things I can't do but I have two gifts at least and that I've walked
in since I was very little and one of the things is writing and the other one is singing and
now because I'm so busy with work and studies I don't ever write and I I sing like I sing more
than I used to because I'm in worship and learning more about prophetic singing so it's
not like I'm not singing but I'm not performing anymore like I used to
I don't have concerts like I've had before um and
there's this
and then I felt and my friend told me this that I felt like was a prophetic word she said
God you need to move from where I was living because it's too small for you and you need to
start doing there's a lot of people that can do what you're doing right now but you need to do
the things that only you can do and along with that I felt like God gave me the word of like
a spear that is used for certain occasions you know like the woman that's in hiding in the
cliffs and then God calls her forth and then or like the hidden it's in the bible about this
hidden spear that sometimes God uses so so the thing was that I I have these and
so so my friend was like you work at the refugee department but a lot of people can do that
but you have something given to you that only you can do and you need to do those things
and then I think I have been walking into it some ways with maybe with the prophetic singing
maybe with um being a Chinese teacher and maybe with something that I'm that I see that I'm able
to do in people's lives like kind of like speaking into people's lives slash counseling kind of thing
that I kind of do just with friends or like things that just come up that when I feel led to do it
yeah but all this to say um how my life is
so that's so so my backstory I've been a singer I've been writing a lot
I feel like there's a that God has something specific for me
uh but my life is a lot hindered by being sick for 20 years and limitations and lack of energy
And I don't actually have what it takes like in the flesh
I cannot go to China alone by myself and move there because I'm not I
Don't think I'm well enough to do it or that it's safe enough and China's dangerous country
It's not like moving to France
and I
Even in my in in my job as a teacher. I depend on the spirit
50% of the day
Like I don't just go to work and do my job
I'm dependent on God all the time just to get through the day and
It's an amazing thing because I've learned to be really dependent on God being sick for so long
And I've seen him come through and been able to do amazing things
And I know it's not me because I know I've been sick
But just being available and letting the spirit go through you like I see that I do quite a good job as a teacher
but it's not because I'm competent a lot of the times I
sit at work and I
Just want to go home because I don't have the energy to do the work that's required
And then I come to class and I just surrender it to Jesus and then the class is amazing because of God
Not because and and also because of experience, you know, you you've had experience for many years
So you kind of float on it? Yeah, but a lot of it's just the spirit working. Yeah me
but if I was test, there's a lot of things that I don't do and
I guess I don't know. I
Don't know why this is what came up what I wanted to talk to you about I don't even know if you
Can help me because this is limitations that I have physically and mentally
because of sickness and this is what sickness over many years has done to my body and to my brain and
I
Don't know
Is it just like
But then I have all these dreams and these things that's been put into me
That I dream about doing that I'm not able to do that
I really want to do but I don't have the energy. So if I was not sick, I hadn't been sick for so long. I
Probably be performing I would be writing
Like I used to before I got sick at least some of it. I would
Definitely go to China and live there. I would learn the language better
And
Now I just feel like there's so many
I don't even know how rest comes in here or how to
Because the answer from doctors and shrinks and everything is just like take medicine if you need to
See a shrink and
Just accept the boundaries of your life. And this is how your life went because you're sick so you can't do all these things
but then I have a deep sense that
God wants something more for my life than just all these boundaries because I
See that I've been able to do a lot more than the doctor said I could
Just because living in by the Spirit, yeah, correct
So
Some of this is like the first part of rest intensive where it's like
there are many areas where I'm not living in rest, which is probably draining me of energy and
Part of it is like the last part of the rest intensive, which is more
dreams
Goals desires in relationship and business. So
Yeah, yeah, I don't even know well going but this is what's kind of what was in my heart, yeah, no
Yeah, it does it all makes sense so what you're talking about is and everybody
Doesn't does with it their own way that
Sorry, it goes with their own way. They have their own unique set of situations that creates the
Confusion that you're that you're talking about
So so many people if not, what everyone have that same confusion that they have different scenarios and situations that prompt it
and for you it is
You know physical limitations or you know struggles and whatever that's creating that is causing you to question certain things
and so the thing is that
We do have
uh limitation well let me just word it uh we do have things to to um that factors that weigh
into our consideration of things like sickness or not feeling well you know the lack of energy etc
so it is something to consider that's my point it's something it's not something we ignore we
accept reality this is reality is the way it is but it doesn't but what's very important is that
we don't define ourselves by it or identify ourselves with it that's very important that
we don't give it more importance or credence or um than than it has and that god wants us to give
it so we realize that yeah we have we struggle with like um uh our body struggles with having
a certain amount of energy and we're reaching what feels like you know the the boundary and
then we're having to like push past that boundary in order to get excellence accomplished so even
if you don't feel like it you get up and you go to work anyway and then the lord shows up etc so
we don't ignore the fact that our body is feeling that way we don't ignore the fact that even our
body might just completely shut down and decide nope you're not going to work today you are you
get out the door you're going to go to bed you know so if you might yeah so stuff like that does
happen but the so i'm saying it's important for us to not ignore reality but we shouldn't identify
ourselves by it or define ourselves by it or say that it rules and determines our lives that it
determines what god does that it determines what we do that it determines you know how what our
life is going to look like and how we're going to live etc it's just a factor that we do need to
consider but we don't give it more power than it has we don't say that okay our decisions are going
to be determined first by our body by our sickness by our whatever it's just one of the factors that
we consider as a as um it's one of the contributing factors that we're considering
when we're considering okay well should i do a concert you know should i take up this hobby again
should i whatever but it's not the determining one so it's it's kind of so the importance um
basically the the distinct that i'm trying to make is while we don't want to discredit its importance
and its significance um and in the fact that it is a real factor in our lives we don't want to
make it more important than it really is we always want to make sure that that and that things of the
kingdom are held as more powerful and a higher determining factor than that what's within the
limitations that we're running into in the physical and as weird as that sounds just that
that just that's the what you call it i was going to say subliminal but just that underlying
approach will change things so you're still you're still your body is still doing you know
it's probably still doing right now what it did just a while ago and that it did last week and
that it did you know 18 years ago and whatever so we're not denying reality but you just shift the
importance that you give it you you move the more of the importance and more of what defines
your future more of what more of how you approach yourself and the first thing that you think about
yourself and the first thing that you think about the lord and how he's going to be able to use you
and what your future is going to look like you do not put the majority of the importance on
your limitations you put the majority of the importance on the spirit and what god and um
and always the abundance of god where he wants to move you forward where he wants you to do things
where he wants you to be a creative life-giving being and then that can happen you know you can
be like this life-giving being in a variety of ways it's not just in okay so so that that was
one thing so that this will i'll use as a segue to talk about the next thing i was going to talk
about and that is when you think about these dreams that god gives you and this is what i
meant when i said you use it as like a direction here's why when god tells you something he means
it but what we have a habit of doing is creating an entire picture out of something that god said
thinking that oh god must mean this and he didn't say that he said this and from this we think oh
well that means it looks like this and that's not what he said at all so in other words he gave you
a piece of the puzzle and we
create a whole puzzle from his one piece. So that's why it gives us a direction, but we don't
really know what that's going to look like. So I'm just going to throw this out as an example.
Say, for instance, you know, you feel that God wants you to learn Chinese. Okay, Lord,
so what's the first step? Well, then He gives you the first step. Okay, well, then I'll try this,
you know, and then I'll try this. And then once you have that first step, then when you're in
that step, and you're actively doing that step, then you look at the possibilities of the next
step to take. Okay, God, what's the next step to take, etc. And my point is, there is a variety
of ways, endless possibilities of the way that God can accomplish what it is that He's called
you to accomplish, like in learning Chinese or whatever. And only one of those includes moving
to China. So He might call you to move to China. But my point is that we want to be careful and
you're thinking, well, my goodness, how can I obey? How can I obey God? When my body is limiting
me and keeping me from obeying God. God tells me to, to learn Chinese. So I want I need to move to
China. But my body won't let me move to China. So my body is keeping me from being able to obey God
rubbish, rubbish. So God can do all kinds of things God can do, like you could do something
via zoom with China, you could do, and you could find God could introduce you to a Chinese friend
where you are. And then you have someone that you can in real time, you know, talk and communicate
with or maybe they'll introduce you to like a Chinese community. And instead of being a man,
God will have you, I'm just making all this up, leave, call you, you'll feel that God is calling
you from the refugee community to focus more on the Chinese community. But the refugee community,
we had you there in order to learn all kinds of things that you can now apply when you approach
when you enter and help the Chinese community, because some of those might be refugees as well.
So it depends on their situation. But my point is, like, there's endless possibilities of what God
could, and what God might call you into, and in order to accomplish his will, and in order
to obey him. And it may not. And so sometimes what God do is your body might, for instance,
okay, we'll forget even if it was just your body, because just some limitation that we run into
finances, or sickness or whatever, limits us from being able to, to, to do this. And then so what
that does is it forces us to then really stop and listen, okay, yeah, but what did God really say?
Did God say to China? Or did he say to just learn Chinese? Or did he say something else? And it kind
of like, gets you to stop and think, wait just a second, what direction is really pointing? And so
instead of us seeing all of these things as like bad things, like, like, well, my, my limitations
are hindering me from being able to obey God. See, that all sounds really bad. It sounds like
this is not good. Instead of that, it's just like, no, God's like, yeah, but that's not the direction.
So it's not that you're, it's not that, oh, you have this bad thing happen to you,
meaning like your body is limiting you. And, and you can't move forward. Instead of that, he's just
like, no, but that is, I didn't equip you to follow that path. I equipped you to follow this one.
That's why this one's not working. Because he's like, my grace didn't pour out in your life in
that direction, it poured out in this one. So we keep thinking something's wrong. Now it might be.
So you have to ask the Lord, because sometimes, sure enough, he'll like, like, for instance,
you say that, hey, sometimes you don't feel good. And, but you push past it, you go to work anyway.
And then the spirit, the strength of the spirit comes on you, and you can accomplish all this
stuff that could happen with this as well. Where you're just like, Lord, I don't know how on earth
this could happen for me to be able to move to China next year. And you don't know what God's
going to do when your body between now and then that enables you to go in the future. But now
you can't see it because you don't see how God could actually accomplish it. But over the year,
things might change. And then next year, you might, you know, your body is not a limit for
you being able to go to China. So the thing is, we just have to just then follow the Lord and not
villainize, not villainize things that aren't against us. In other words, that aren't like
causing a problem and keeping us from being able to obey God, which is like, okay, it's the same
thing that you're doing with your students. Instead of battling it, neutralize it, just like, hey,
whatever. I'm not threatened by it. I'm not threatened by the limitations of my body.
I'm not threatened by the limitation by my, by how creation is.
responding, whether it's in my body, or it's these students, or whatever, I'm not
threatened. When you're not threatened, then you can more clearly hear the
Spirit and hear His direction. And His direction might be, hey, I'm gonna
provide for you to go to China. And it might be with your body healing, it might
be without your body healing, and God still makes the way even though your
body's not any different. He still makes a way for you to go to China. You just
never know. But the thing is that when we're all locked down, feeling
threatened by our circumstances, our situation, we're so, we're so, we give
such importance to the reality of this world, we have a hard time hearing what
the Spirit's saying. So whenever I'm talking about, like, hearing what the
Spirit's saying, and getting important, and focusing the Spirit, we can't do that
while denying reality. Like, oh, I'm not sick, or I'm not as sick as I really, you know,
have been thinking I am, or these students really aren't rebellious. I'm
not saying that, denying reality. It's just that we don't say that it has the
high, it's the higher power. We need to stop giving it such power. The more we're
afraid of it, the more power we're giving it. Fear is actually giving it more power
because we're afraid of it, we're threatened by it. So just these little, I
say little, these choices that we're making inside will completely
change our approach to things, they'll completely change the decisions we make,
they'll completely change how we hear the Spirit, and then eventually they will
also change our situation. Because either our situations will change, or if they
refuse to change, either because they're in rebellion against coming in alignment
with the Lord, or because that's not the Lord's will for you, either way, God
can also be bringing you a different opportunity. And when we, and you
know how we're always looking for opportunities, Lord, we want something
really exciting, we want something new, we like things that come to us that we
didn't have to seek out, those opportunities, those things come when we
stop, we just release things to the Lord. The more that we release
the Lord, the more we, the more his abundance comes to us. And some of that
abundance comes in the forms of things like opportunities, like other options
that we can pick from that aren't available if we're just locked into, okay,
this is what I want, and it's keeping me from getting what I want, it's keeping me
from obeying God, and it's a problem, and I'm afraid of it, I've got to battle it,
whatever. We block out even the ability, not only just our ability to see the
opportunities when they come, we actually block the opportunities from even coming.
It's because we're narrowing ourselves down to, okay, you remember in the
rest intensive, I talked about the fact that the more that you focus, the more
that you grab a hold of something because you don't want it to change, it
stops the motion and it brings it to death. Do you remember me talking about that?
And so if it's at the spirit, you need to let it go so it can move,
because the spirit requires movement. So if we want something too bad, we
lock down on it, and we're trying to control it, and so it actually kills it.
So in order for things to happen in our life, in order for us to stop being stuck,
in order for more things to happen to us, in order for more opportunities to come,
etc., we have to be more hands-off, and I don't mean just like physically, I mean
like we have to let go of things emotionally and let God just do things,
allow things to move in our life, allow things to change. That kind of approach
allows God to bring change through opportunity, you know, etc. So anyway, I
felt like I talked a lot, I presented a lot of information. What are your thoughts?
I'm hearing that I have really been fearing my body.
And put that limitation kind of up, so every time I bring it to God, it's like,
well, but my body can't do this, or like, I don't even know if I'm aware that
that's what I've been doing, or I've been that aware of it, that I often use it not
as an excuse, but as a reason why things wouldn't work, or why I couldn't do
things, or...
Yeah. And also, you know, what we do subconsciously is we use it against ourselves. We, in other
words, we use it as reason. I put that I've never thought of explaining it like that before.
Not only do we use it as kind of like a reason to God of like, hey, God, yeah, but what about
this? Yeah, but you know, it's like these, these, these hurdles that the Lord has to
overcome for us to be able to, you know, obey him or understand what he's saying and
have it reconciled and whatever. But also we'll use it against ourselves as if we're
a problem. As if, as if our body being sick, as weird as this sounds, as if our body being
sick is a problem. Meaning like, as if it makes, it's a part of us that's bad. It's
a part of this that's broken. It's a part of us that's wrong. And we, and we, and we
kind of hold it against ourselves. We, we, we condemn and we judge ourselves for being
sick. And we're like, this is a problem, you know? And so this is the limitation and this
is just bad. And then our body gets this sense that we're not, it means that we're not loving
our body. And it means that we're holding this sickness against it in judgment and that
kind of thing. So those are things that like, if we change that and we start loving our
body and we're just like, okay, I understand that you're sick. I'm very sorry that you're
sick. I'm very sorry that you feel this way, you know, whatever, but, but, but I love you
and I'm here for you instead of like fighting the sickness and like, or fighting ourselves
like I shouldn't be like, or, or feeling bad about ourselves as if we feel ashamed or ashamed
of being sick.
It could be before I got sick or like, oh, if I was 20 years ago, all the things I could
have done, or like, you're kind of like, it's kind of like a fantasy, not like a fantasy,
but like a wish thinking or you, and that's also against your body right now. You're like,
if you only were the way you were 20 years ago, you were only different. Yes. And if
this didn't happen to you, all the things I could have done, then I would have, my life
would have been better if there wasn't something wrong with you the last 20 years. And if only
you were different, I'd be better. Yeah. It's like, I'd be different. I'd be better off
without you. I'd be better off without you. I'd be better if you were different. If you
were different, things would be easier for me. Things would be whatever.
Then I could have done what I wanted to do. Then I could have done the things that I believe
God wants me to do. Like, so it's in many levels, what I want to do, what my calling
to be then. So it's actually, maybe I'm even mad at the body for what happened these years.
It's like seeing that as an enemy, that's always against you and keeping you from obeying
God and keeping you from doing what you want to do or whatever. It's the third tool. It's
what I think of when I think of the third tool in the rest intensive, you know, in shifting
to rest. I like no judgment. Remember how we look at how I say that, you know, we have
a tendency to look at something. We think it shouldn't be like this and it should be
different. You know, it's that approach to our body. Like the way it being what it is
in the condition that it is, is not enough. It has to be different. And that's judgment.
And we have to release judgment in order for it to change. Because when we bring judgment,
we bring nothing but condemnation and death and we have to release judgment.
I do this every day at work, the 50% where I can't do what I'm supposed to do. There's
some kind of like, oh, if only my mind worked like it used to do, or if only I could learn
this, if only I could research this that I need to give to the students like I used to
research, but my mind can't do it and my body can't do it. So it's like 50% of the time
I sit at work halfway condemning myself and trying to do it. Like I know what I need to
do as a teacher. I just can't. And then you're kind of upset with yourself and then you try
and then it doesn't work and sometimes it works. But then you're kind of like, why can't
you do what you're supposed to do? And especially since it's a very specific job, you know what
you're supposed to do and you can't do it. So you meet the frustration every single day
at work. And as a student, I meet this. So it's like, I don't even know if I, when I
was in the refugee department, it wasn't like that. Or when I worked at the culture house,
well, I was still feeling like many times I was led by the spirit, but I in the natural
was more able to do what was required of me. But now the teaching job is harder in some
ways or I've gotten worse. I don't know. And maybe both, but.
now my mind and my body is not able to do what the job requires me to do.
So it's like a constant frustration every day at work and school.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I wasn't even aware that I am condemning it so much.
But I think about this at work every day.
I'm frustrated with my mind and my body not working like it should be.
Like you said, it should be different.
It could have been different, if only.
And then also it becomes like a fight.
What can I do to make it better?
Does it mean that I need to cut back on work, work harder, change jobs?
So it becomes like a sick leave for a while just to rest.
Then you come up with all kinds of your own ideas.
Not by the spirit, but your own kind of like the knowledge of good and evil.
What do you know about the world that can help you to be in a different place?
Yeah.
But it's not depending on God.
It's not like trusting God.
It's like your own method of how can I make my body better or my mind better.
Striving.
Yeah, that striving.
Exactly.
Or what are some solutions that I can come up with?
And it's not that God can't use those,
but the thing is that those need to be part of a conversation with the Lord about,
okay, Lord, which method do you and I want to allow to participate with us
in solving this problem or whatever?
But as opposed to the method being what solves the problem,
because that's leaving God out of it.
And that's the tree of the knowledge of good and evil,
as opposed to the fact that God's like, no,
I created all these processes to work like that,
but you need to rely on me to be the one to heal you.
And which method, through which method,
or which method are we going to allow to participate in the process with us,
you know, in this time and whatever.
But yeah.
So we can kind of view our body as the enemy or whatever.
Remember, it's the same idea as what we were talking about with losing weight.
That this is the same thing.
It's your body doing something different than the whole losing weight thing.
It's your body not having enough energy.
But either way, the object is still your body.
And it's still, you're not enough for me.
You know, if only you were different.
I can't accept you the way that you are.
I'm always trying to fix you,
as opposed to just loving your body as it is without requiring it to change.
Then it is not that it won't change.
And it's not that you won't even urge it to change later.
It's that you just fully love and accept it without emotionally requiring it to change.
Emotionally give up it ever changing.
And just release it ever changing.
And then love and accept it exactly as it is.
And then you can then urge it from a place of it being fully accepted.
Hey, step into more freedom.
Hey body, I want you to step into more freedom.
I want something more for you.
I want you to have more energy.
I want you to have more excitement.
I want you to have more joy.
I want you to have a greater experience here on earth than what you've been limiting yourself to.
So it's an urging out of excitement forward looking into abundance,
as opposed to looking at its lack and saying,
Hey, stop being like this.
It's more like, hey, don't you want more?
It's like a drawing to you.
It's like a desiring as opposed to a chain,
as opposed to trying to get it to change from,
Hey, look where you are is bad.
Cut it out.
Well, you know, nobody, nobody responds really well to that.
So it's not that we don't urge it to change,
but only after we can fully accept it and love it,
regardless of it changing.
In other words,
fully love and accept the very essence of its being the being that's making those decisions to have low energy,
to be sick,
to have weight on you that,
you know,
you don't want or whatever,
whatever the body,
it's you accepting the being the entity that even though it's making these decisions,
it's making those decisions out of fear.
It's making those decisions because it's afraid,
because it's alone,
because it's just trying to survive the best way it knows how.
It's just trying to do the right thing,
but it's believing a lie.
It loses abandonment alone,
because it believes it's abandoned alone.
These are the best decisions that can come up with.
Right.
You love the entity that's making these bad decisions.
You don't have to love the bad decisions that it's making.
How it's choosing to like have low energy or be susceptible to sickness or have weight
on it and hold weight, not let it go and all of that.
You're not letting its decisions, you're not agreeing with it, but you're letting the entity
that is making this decision.
It's making them out of fear.
It's making them because it doesn't think it has a choice.
It's just trying to do the best thing, do the best with what it thinks it has.
And it's trying to protect you.
It is following all the protocols that were put into place for the body to try to survive.
And so anyway, so I just wanted to connect it with what we've talked about losing weight
before, only this is about sickness.
Regardless, the entity is the same.
The entity is the body and that's thinking it's the enemy and it's just fighting it all
the time.
So even with a sickness, we have to just kind of like stop fighting it.
And I have my own sickness that I'm dealing with and I have my own frustration that I'm
dealing with, with work.
So I just started the new job and which I'm really loving, but I'm getting very frustrated
with myself for this, for sounds like some similar reasons that you are of like, why
can't I get this?
Why is my brain not computing fast enough?
It used to compute faster than this.
This is what I'm good at.
This is whatever.
And I'm like, why can't I do it?
I used to be able to.
And I caught myself doing that this morning, even as I actually, you have to let that go.
You know what that feels like when you start tightening down on something, getting frustrated.
You've got to stop that because you're not going to go anywhere working harder to try
to knock it out.
In order for it to, in order for you to have to have peace and be at rest and for things
to change and for you to grow and for your mind to strengthen, you have to let go and
you have to just accept yourself where you are and to stop fighting the fact and be frustrated
with yourself because you're not doing it like you used to.
Just relax and then the muscles of your brain through experience will begin to get stronger
again and you'll begin to gather it again.
And if you can't, I told myself, well, that's fine because it means I'm just in a different
season now than I used to be.
It means I can no longer do what I used to do.
Why?
Because this is a different season than that was.
And so I realized that whatever is the case, whether I just get stronger in my mind to
be able to hold logic and to follow logical patterns in the way that I used to because
of the type of work that I do, certain logic, a lot, my brain has to work in certain logical
patterns.
So if, um, so even if that doesn't, so either I strengthen in that or I don't, I have to
accept either situation.
I just realized, no, this is, this is it.
This is what I have right now and it's okay.
You know, the Lord wants good for me.
I want good for me.
And it's only if I let it go and stop holding it against God and stop holding it against
myself that things have the opportunity to change, but they do not have the opportunity
to change.
If I locked down and I fight it, except if I simply push harder and I strive and I don't
want to live like that anymore.
So I'm like, I'm not interested in changing myself.
If the sacrifices, I have to strive for it.
I either want it to stay the way that it is and get peace with the Lord, or I want
it to change while I'm at rest, but either way, I want to live my life at rest.
This is the lifestyle that I want.
I've chosen God and living in a particular way with him as opposed to getting specific
outcomes.
So I'm like, Hey, the only way that I'm willing to do what I, um, to get a different outcome
is this is if I can do it and rest.
So anyway, I just wanted to give you that encouragement that I understand I'm going
through that as well.
And I'm having to make that choice right now that happened just this morning and it's been
happening for a while, but it happened again just this morning, just a few hours ago.
So I understand all this is fresh for me too.
And I'm having to continually make this choice.
And when I get frustrated, like Ashley, you've got to let go.
And so, um, so anyway, if it gives you any encouragement, I understand, you know, in
my, in my own situation, what that's like, and then that's what I'm having to do is like,
Okay, just let go.
Just choose your relationship with the Lord and what he's showing you about living a life
of peace and rest and allowing, and allowing your life giving spirit of your new man to
change your mind, meaning like, you know, the brain pathways and all that to change
your body, to change your.
emotions to change your beliefs, as opposed to striving through it. So anyway, that's an
encouragement. That's very encouraging. So, and then the same thing with the same thing with the
sickness. I, I have to fight not getting discouraged with my skin, my skin has just
been, you know, I'm having those issues now for the past like almost two years, where I'll break
out in the hives. And I don't know why. And the hives don't aren't just like, oh, itchy. No,
they burn. It's like fire and needles. And oh, it's terrible, awful. And sometimes we don't
know what the trigger is, or the triggers will be very normal things that you run into in everyday
life. You can't keep away from all of them. You can't keep yourself in a bubble, you know,
and as weird as it sounds, it's very debilitating. Just debilitating. It means
Yeah, it means you have a hard time functioning. And it's weird as that sounds, because it's not
like cancer or something, but it just wears you down over time, where it's just like water on a
rock. And it just eventually just drives you crazy because it won't stop. That's why it feels
debilitating. And then you're in such pain that it wears you down. And so you have to take like
ibuprofen or whatever, because your body is just burning. So it's a the thing is that I had that
when my body is, is seems it is like screaming for attention. And it sounds like seeing you're
not healed. God's not changing. You've been like this for two years, and the doctor can't figure
out, you know, you can you can just really, really, it can start messing with you and start
you can start believing lies, lies about the Lord, you can start getting onto your body. Why are you
like this? Why are you reacting? Why won't you just calm down? Or, you know, hey, look, I put
cream on you. Okay, you know, and there's this subconscious, like, making an enemy of yourself.
And, and so and that's not good. It's very hard, because when your body is screaming in pain,
it's screaming for attention. And so we have a tendency for that to just be the loudest thing
in our life. And that's focusing on that instead of the Lord. And so we have to make very intentional
decisions. Now, what do I choose is more important to me? What do I choose is of higher value,
higher priority, higher importance? What am I going to be defined by? What is my what are my
actions going to be defined by today? Are they going to be defined by my body screaming? Or are
they going to be defined by the truth of what God says, because God says that he and his truth
has a power that can supersede the power that my body is trying to claim that it has. And so which
one am I going to choose is more important to me, the power of God with the power of this body.
Even while even though my body me choosing God and his power might not change how my body feels,
which decision am I going to make, which how, you know, what am I going to determine is the
most important and valuable thing to me in my life. And so anyway, just, you know, just, again,
to give you an encouragement that even in even my own life, which are very different situations than
they get, like, they don't feel it's extreme, you know, it's your situation,
they are still causing me to have the same, the same questions, you know, between me and the Lord,
you know, the same, the same and be forced to make the same decisions that I was like,
encouraging you to have, like, okay, which is more important? Which am I going to choose?
And to realize, okay, the more that I locked down and fight against this thing, the less likely it
will change. So if I want this to change, I need to start loosening, I need to start letting go.
And but you're having to do it in the face of struggle, in the face of being frustrated,
because your mind won't work. So you're stressed, because so therefore, you can't get work done,
or you can't get it done as fast. And you think it's something was if it was different,
if it was like how I used to be, I'd be able to do it now. And having to let all of that go
and choose yourself over getting your work done. Meaning, choose rest in peace, instead of I've got
it, I've got this agenda, I have to execute this agenda, because remember what that is,
that's choosing an outcome and trying to control it. And using all of our power to try to control
how something's an outcome. And God says, No, like the outcomes in me, I'm choosing, I'm making you
and holding you accountable, or and responsible to accountable to me, and responsible for
believing that you are who I say that you
want and relying completely on you and resting in complete peace and loving yourself and
choosing that you're as valuable as I've declared you to be and choosing the freedom that I've
paid for by my blood for you to have that and then let me take care of your work.
Let me take care of your, of, of working with your brain so that your, so that the, the,
you know, you won't have as much brain fog or working with your body so that you will
now have the energy to execute this or you might send angels to help you execute it.
I know people, two people who've told me that that happened before where they sit down and
they sit down to do work and like that, they told the Lord, Lord, I have so much work to
do there.
There were like piles of papers on their desk.
Again, these were two different people who told me the, who are the story from and, and
they said that the Lord, the Lord sent angels to do all their work for them.
And I don't remember all the logistics of like, if they, if they fell asleep, if they
had just gotten to work and then they fell asleep and as soon as they woke up, all their
work was done and all the papers were moved and everything was perfect or exactly how
that worked out.
But like the little kids and angels to fix it for you, or, you know, he could just have
time very, very slowly and you end up getting all of your work done and you're like, how
on earth did I do that so quickly?
Cause I didn't feel like I was moving fast.
The Lord can slow down time or he can, I mean, the Lord does a variety of things or he just
gives you the energy and you bust through it and you're going, how on earth should I
do that?
That fast?
I didn't think I had the energy for that, but the Lord gave it to me anyway.
He can accomplish it in a variety of ways, but whatever it is, he said, I want you to
choose me instead of accomplishing something juice and then let me help you do it.
Does that make sense?
Hmm.
It does.
I don't think I was even aware that I do this all the time that I'm choosing, uh, my sickness
over or like I condemned my body and that I choose sickness over God kind of like beat
it down, condemn it.
Yeah.
I get frustrated holding it against yourself and like, Oh my gosh, you've got this limitation.
You've got this problem.
Instead of just allowing yourself, I know this is going to sound weird, but allow yourself
to be sick.
Just allow it.
Okay.
You can be in this space and you can just be sick.
This is just the way that it is you because all you're doing is you're releasing, you're,
you're letting go of judgment.
You're saying you're, you're stopping saying it shouldn't be like this.
You're like a no.
Okay.
It is this way.
Remember, you're not giving into it.
You're not saying it's okay to be this way.
You're not giving it permission and you're not giving up like, Oh, it's never going to
change.
That's not what you're doing.
You're simply allowing it to exist as it is instead of saying it shouldn't be like this
and it should be different.
You're just accepting it.
Meaning like you're allowing it to be in your presence the way that it is.
It doesn't mean you're accepting it like you're giving it permission to stay that way.
You are accepting it.
You are accepting it into your presence without requiring it to change.
You're just allowing it to be right there.
It's sick right now.
Okay.
You're just letting it be sick.
It's the way that it is.
Okay.
It there.
You're, that will stop you fighting your body so much, but then your body can start to change
since it's affecting my life so much.
That's why I think it comes up so often.
Will I get to a point where you don't have to do it every time because it's there every
day at work and it's there every time I try to do things at home that I can't do or physical
labor or it's there when I want to go in the lead worship with people, but I don't have
it.
It's like all the time everywhere or when I can't sleep at night.
So it's, it's, it's there very often, but does it get, do you have to take this choice
every like 10 times a day, all the time?
Or does it get.
Think about how much more in rest that you are now than you used to be.
And you don't even think about it.
Think of things that don't trigger you anymore.
They still happen, but they don't trigger you things that, that, that used to think
about all the time.
You just don't think about it anymore.
It's because you used to be so aware of them, hypervigilant, watching them, fighting them
all of the time.
And now they don't bother you.
Now you're like, whatever, I'm not threatened by them.
It'll be the same thing with your body.
What you're doing is in the beginning, you have to make a very intentional choice in
a decision of like, no, I'm writing a new record.
This is who I believe God is.
This is who I believe that he says that I am.
And I am fully loving and accepting my body in the, in the perfected form that God says
that he created.
He said, it's perfectly fine.
He doesn't mean that it's making.
good decisions right now, but your body's a good body.
God wants you to change your body into a spirit body,
not get rid of it.
Jesus's body changed into a spirit body.
You're going to keep your body,
but it's going to become spirit.
It's going to be whole, you know, whatever.
There's nothing wrong with your body.
It's not going to go into the ground and never come out.
It's going to go into the ground
and God's going to raise it back up again.
You're going to be with it forever.
There's nothing wrong with it, right?
It's just acting out fleshly, the fleshly wages of sin.
I mean, sorry, the wages of sin, which are death, you know?
And that's all that, that's what it's doing.
There's nothing wrong with it
and something that God created.
So you're loving that thing.
And that's what you're choosing to do very intentionally.
You're like, this is a good thing.
My body's a good thing.
Now I'm going to keep this thing
and keep it for eternity.
It's great.
Nothing wrong with it, you know?
But aren't we going to get a new body?
Well, yeah, it's flesh transferring to spirit.
That's the new body.
So what does that mean?
Well, it simply means that everything,
every aspect of your body.
Are we getting new bodies when we die
and we resurrect again?
Or is it happening when we're alive?
Okay, but remember it says that
you're going to be transformed in the twinkling of an eye.
So it's your fleshly body transforming into spirit.
That's the new body.
But it's not like your body's been replaced.
Think about, for instance, people who've been to heaven.
You know, when they say they recognize people.
Why?
Because they still have the same body.
In fact, some of them that they claim
that people that die when they're like 90 or whatever
look like they're in their twenties
or their thirties or whatever.
But they recognize them because it's the same body
as they see a picture of that person
when they, you know, 20 years ago on their dad's desk.
They say that's the same person.
And some of these people,
they died and went to heaven and met people.
And then they came back to life.
They had never met the person in the picture,
but they met them in heaven.
That's how they know that picture is that person.
And this was, and they have like a young body.
So anyway, you can, we all,
everyone believes different things
about whether or not people have really died
and gone to heaven.
No, but I believe that.
I believe that.
Yeah, I believe that.
It's from stuff like that.
And, but I mean, and that,
but that obviously isn't in scripture.
But what is in scripture
is the fact that Jesus,
Jesus's earthly body was resurrected
and that ascended into heaven.
That is the body he still has because he ascended.
He literally rose up and went into heaven,
that physical body.
And it had the wounds that he died in,
that he died with.
Remember it had the wounds in his hands
and the wound in his side.
That didn't heal.
In other words, it didn't go away.
So it was his fleshly body
that just was changed into spirit.
So it could now never die.
Adam had a spiritual body.
In other words, it was human,
but it was spirit and it couldn't die.
And the problem was that after he ate the apple,
you know, when he fell,
then it, now that spirit body now became flesh
and it was subject to the death now.
Originally his human body with two arms,
two legs, a head, all of that stuff could not,
couldn't die.
But after the fall, it died.
So when he talks about a new body,
we do get a new body,
but the new body is simply the flesh
transitioning into spirit.
That's the newness of it.
And that's why God calls it a trans,
I think he said it will be transformed.
So it is, it's new because it's spirit,
but it's not new as in like,
you're gonna look different.
We still look the same.
Jesus, they still recognize Jesus.
They recognize Jesus,
but there was some aspect about the fact
that El Nahuatl may say couldn't recognize Jesus
because it was spirit.
I don't fully understand everything,
but I'm just telling you what I believe
based on what I've read in the scripture
and what it all sounds like and whatever.
So you, you know,
you know, don't take what I'm saying as possible,
but you asked the question.
And so that's what I personally believe.
And that's why I do.
From scripture, this is what I see
and this is why I believe what I believe.
But anyway, so, I mean,
so regardless that even if, say for instance,
even if you weren't having this body anymore
and one day it would die
and God give you a completely new body
that has no relationships whatsoever to this body,
you don't even want the thing.
Even if that's true,
God's the one who created the body that you're in
and God doesn't create bad things.
And I don't say this is one of your three parts
that make you up.
That's another reason why I don't think
that we're losing this body.
Like it's just gonna transition into spirit
is because it's a third part of you,
your spirit, your soul, your body.
I mean, would God completely get rid of a part of you
and then you'll just be two?
I mean, I don't, I think that, you know,
we're so unified.
I don't think he's gonna take apart that unified,
even though it's three, it's one.
and it's like the Godhead.
I don't think he's gonna take one piece of it
and be like, okay, well, let's get rid of it completely
and just grab another piece and plug it in.
I could be completely wrong.
It was just my own personal opinion.
I said that's another reason why I think.
But anyway, even if,
even if you were to completely get rid of this body,
give you a brand new body that had never existed before
and you look completely different in the new world
than you do in this one,
even if that's the case,
the one who created you right now,
God said was created by him.
He says that he himself knits you in the womb.
Remember it mentions that in Psalms
and it mentioned that to Jeremiah,
before I knitted you in your mother's womb, I knitted you.
God creates our bodies
and God doesn't create anything bad.
So even for that alone, for that reason alone,
we know that we can accept this
and it says in Thessalonians that your spirit, soul and body
so it's an aspect of you.
I think that's something I need to,
that I don't fully believe probably like about my body.
And I appreciate you explaining the other things.
I think it's a little bit new to me.
So it's not like I am against what you're saying.
It's just like, oh, I think it's really interesting
and it makes sense.
Anyway, you know, it's important for us to love
and accept, you know, accept this.
It's needing us.
It's our first, it's a first area of dominion
within our own creative, in our own kingdom.
It's your flesh.
That's the first area in which you've been given dominion.
Even before any spouse that you have,
even before your children, even before your students,
even before your money, even before anything else
God wants you to accomplish.
The first area of dominion
that he holds you accountable for is your own flesh,
which is your soul and your body.
Meaning that you need to rule it and you need to love it.
You need to accept it.
It needs to be your favorite, you know, that kind of thing.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I'm really sorry.
I have to go in about three minutes,
but I want to, so I wanted to make sure that,
cause I have another appointment,
but I was wanting to make sure that you were,
that you were good.
Did I answer you, cause you had those two questions
and did you, did it, you know,
about your limitations of your body, you know,
the limitations and about making decisions
that the Lord wants you to make, things like that.
Was that helpful?
Did you have, did I not answer something that you were,
I mean, I know you probably have lots to think about, but.
I have lots to think about, but it did,
it did answer my questions.
Yeah.
Oh, it did?
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, I want to make sure before I left you
that I'd at least been to your classroom.
Yeah.
Because we've talked about a lot.
Okay, well, good.
Well, anything else for the next two minutes or not?
No, no, no.
I think that was, that was really helpful.
And thanks for explaining things to me.
And yeah, I have a lot to think about, but that's,
that's good.
Okay.
All right, well, good.
Good.
Well, I'll wait for this to process.
And like I said, I have an appointment,
so I will try to get it up on the site
to today or tomorrow for you to be able to watch it.
Yes, no doubt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's great.
All right.
All right, well, good to talk to you, Renata.
Yes, you too.
All right, bye.