Hi there, how are you? I am sorry am I rushing you? No, no, I'm fine. No, yeah, I had a work
meeting and it was supposed to be an hour earlier but then he had to delay it by an
hour so that meant that it ran right up to our hour and so anyway but he was very,
you know, very kind and he was like, oh no, you know, let you off, you know,
at the top of the hour so anyway. So how have you been?
I've been, some of things have been really good. I've been
about saying a lot of, I think, changing the way that I talk to my body and my brain
and just becoming more aware of how much I compare myself to what I was able to do before
and a lot of those things I wasn't even aware of how I talk to myself, to my brain and to my
body every day. So I've caught myself several times doing it and also been a lot more gentle
and understanding and just allowed myself to be tired at work or stressed out or okay, my mind
is not working like it used to or I wanted to and that's okay, you're probably just a bit tired,
just like, yeah, and so that's been really, really good.
Good, yeah, that's great. That's wonderful to hear.
So I was like, what am I, I was like, why do I want to talk to you again? Like, other than that,
it's of course, it's very helpful and what am I going to share tonight? So I was like,
maybe I just want to share a little bit of how I'm doing. I'm not really sure and then I've
been asked in this spirit, like, what do you want for me? Like, how do you want to
speak through Ashley? Like, and I've been like, I don't even, usually I'm like, oh,
I have two things or two questions or three. Yeah, yeah. Then I thought I'll just like share
a little bit of what's going on and you can, I don't know. Sure. Yeah. So I think,
like, I feel quite a bit, I'm doing much better than I, when I started talking to you maybe a
month ago. I feel like a lot has happened. I still feel like I'm in a, a lot of areas are more
in rest or just like focused on God or good. I still feel a lot of,
a lot of, quite a bit of pain. I don't know if it's life pain, like I'll,
I struggle with sleep and I sometimes just wake up in the morning with anxiety and I don't know,
I don't know what I dreamed or what happened at night, but yeah. I do struggle with anxiety
sometimes in the morning and sometimes during the day and just like pain and I feel kind of
restless, but when I go to God, I feel more like, like part of me is like, okay, I'm pretty
driven usually. And let me just start a new project with God. I feel more like a scripture.
I don't know what it is in English, but in Norwegian, it is Bible scriptures, like in
silence and trust your strength will be that's like, like kind of more like be still and know
that I'm God, like in silence, not take on yourself, a lot of new things, but I do feel
more energy after we've started talking again, but then I am a lot overwhelmed. I am, I do have
quite a bit of pain without really, there could be a hundred things, but in like deep things or
old things, I don't know. What do you mean by pain? What kind of pain are you talking about?
Anxiety? Are you talking about like, you think it is anxiety and sometimes I'm like, I'll feel
this pain and then I'll think, oh, maybe it's because I stopped working out. Cause I used to
work out a lot. And now I do seven minutes of workout stretching at night, but I don't work out
like I run, like I used to do. Cause I, like I shared with you before, I kind of disciplined
myself for so long that now when I try to discipline myself in working, in working out,
I haven't been able to do it. I'm able to go for walks, but the thought of just forcing myself to
run or do a lot of exercise, I don't know. So I haven't for a year and a half, and I used to do.
it maybe three times a week for years. Yeah. So then I thought,
Oh, maybe if I just start working out, then the anxiety
will go away. But I don't know, I don't think it's that easy. So
in a lot of it is. So then I tend to kind of like, get too
much on my phone or into drama, like, like, I'm not a person
that actually binge watch. But then lately, I've been just like,
so quite a bit overwhelmed that I've been watching, I don't
know, I think, like legal drama or on. And I've been kind of
feeling like I'm just like escaping through it. And I'm
usually not a person that binge watch series, even though I'm
sure that also is helpful at times. But um, and just getting
to and it's, I don't think that's like a healthy way of
like, watching too much series or being too much on my phone, I
can just tell, like, I'm trying to run away. Yeah. And then I
think it is like, I, the good thing about things have been
better the last month after I talked to you, is that I've had
more energy and more, like, Oh, and then I've been more bored.
And what am I going to do with my time, and I'm doing better.
So I'm starting to think more about, oh, my gosh, I have a lot
of time on my hands. And what should I do with my time? Should
I apply for another job, that would be nice to have like an
extra financial thing, and also socially and also something to
do. So I think also part of it is loneliness that I because I
used to have more, I used to now since I'm studying and
working, I'm not very much at school where I have that my
colleagues, I am quite a bit alone studying just in my own
heads. And so I don't get as much social and I also lived
moved to another city. So it's like two and a half years ago.
So I don't have my family here or the net. Yeah. And like I have
back in my old city where I have tons of friends built over many
years. And so then, and then I think it is like, what am I
going to do about China because I got called me here to study
Chinese, but then now I'm a basic Chinese teacher, but I
don't know, should I go to China? I used to have admissions
calling, should I do something more about that? Like I
mentioned last time about writing and singing, like I know
God gifted me, why am I not using it? Why am I on my phone
instead? And socially, like, and then I thought like, maybe I
should, like people have been people quite often come to me
for advice. And we've been talking about maybe I should
start coaching. And then I mentioned to a couple that I
would like I told you that I would show them some of the
videos. And then out of that came like, oh, maybe someone
would want me to coach them in life coaching or in whatever. So
then that's been kind of on my mind, should I spend my time
with that? I also have a deep desire to do more for eternity,
just like, I don't know. Like, I'm really attracted to things
going on outside the church. And then I've been trying to push
doors with a lot of things and a lot of people lead them closer
to God. And then some of it has kind of stopped up. So I'm kind
of like, what's going on with that, like the Chinese crew, I
was with a summer, some colleagues at work that I'm
getting closer with. So there's all these things with like, I
want to do something for eternity, like value, bring
people to Christ somehow I want to be a missionary and go to
China, or do I I don't know, did God call me to do that? Should I
do coaching? Why do I feel lonely? Why this anxiety, music
and writing? I don't know. So that's why am I stressed out so
much and so overwhelmed? How do I get out of that? So yeah,
yeah, that makes sense.
Does it?
Yeah, yeah. It's like, it's like, it's like from anything
from like a vision, like, what am I meant to do with my life?
And what is what does God want to create with me to like,
you know, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,
oh, I feel lonely and anxious
like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like,
and what am I going to do with my social life
or like go through Christmas?
Like I'm stressed out about Christmas coming up
and all the gifts I need to buy
and all the exams and everything coming up.
So it's like anything from like those things
to the really big things in life.
Yeah, yeah.
And why am I in so much pain kind of?
Like, why is there so much anxiety?
Even though I'm better than a month ago.
Correct.
Sorry, I keep looking down because I'm writing notes.
I promise.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
Because while you're talking, I'm like,
oh, you know, there's this
and I just want to write myself notes so I don't forget.
So the first thing that I would say,
and this completely changed everything for me.
Of course, I tell people that a lot.
I'm like, oh, this completely changed everything for me
because the impact and the shift was so major
from just one thing.
And then I would do something else with the Lord
and then that would majorly shift everything.
So in other words,
my point is that these were high impact shifts
and they were very simple.
And the fact that it's just like,
you're just doing this one thing,
this is one shift of direction,
just completely affected, made a major impact.
And one of the things is to,
you're, this is kind of like a theme that I'm, I think,
that I'm seeing is that it seems like
you're trying to escape now.
You're always looking for and trying to do
whatever it is that you're trying.
You're trying to always invest in something that never comes
and you're just tired because you're however old
and how long have you been doing this?
How long you've been looking for?
Well, one day and I'm building for eventually
being able to do this
and I'm eventually being able to do this.
And then you can get very overwhelmed
by not receiving the benefits and the fruit
because it's always, you're always pouring into the future.
And that's good.
And the fact that God wants us to,
there's an aspect of that, that it's good.
But the problem is if we, if that is our focus
and we're not valuing and living in the present
and it means we're always trying to escape it,
well, then we're gonna have this thing.
We're gonna have the pain of the, what'd you call it?
Not the discrepancy, but that the pain of the fact
that you're meant to live now,
but you're not allowing yourself to live now,
live in the present and enjoy the now.
And it's always in anticipation of what might come
and what you're trying to build towards and whatever.
And so the whole building towards thing,
that's good and healthy, but it's only good and healthy
if you're enjoying and fully present in the now
and enjoying who it is that you are,
enjoying what it is that you currently do,
being fully present in what it is that you do,
enjoying the process, et cetera.
But if it's always something that you're just trying
to deal with and get through in order to get
to the next thing, then it makes today always painful.
It makes today and all the to-do lists
always very overwhelming because it has to be gotten through
as opposed to enjoyed for what it is.
Like for instance, this will help me give you an example.
Like for instance, we can see that with Christmas lists,
you know, Christmas presents,
like whether it's like all of the stuff that we have to do
or if it's all this stuff that we have to like buy,
whatever it is, it's this to-do,
it's all of this stuff that requires effort,
energy, thought, whatever of us.
And we can just feel like we're a victim to it,
that we're being driven by it, we're being enslaved by it,
we're being like required,
something is being obligated,
we're obligated to do something as opposed to,
in kind of like something we just have to get through,
as opposed to enjoying the process of buying the gifts,
the thought, thinking about them or whatever.
We keep wanting to get through it
just to have the gifts on Christmas day so we can give it.
And we just try to get through this part.
And this is one example of like other things,
the other ways that you can approach
other aspects of your life,
like your exercise or your studying or whatever
is enjoying and allowing yourself
to fully experience the process of it,
as opposed to simply trying to get through it
in order to get something else.
Then we end up resenting this, which makes us not fully be able to enjoy what we get
out of it anyway.
So because remember, think of it in light of something even larger, that the purpose
of our relationship with God is the journey, not the destination.
It's the doing of the thing.
It's the developing of the relationship, not in the arriving somewhere.
Sure, the arriving somewhere, sure, we get that, but we get that, you know, at some point.
But the thing is that God enjoys the intermediate, enjoys the process, the Israelites going through
the wilderness, which, you know, is what the Breakthrough Program was about or, you know,
or whatever was, might be focusing on and helping people understand the phase of like
where you're just struggling through the wilderness.
And we just feel like, oh my word, this is just something I have to get through and I
just have to buckle down and just do it.
And what's going to help me get through it is what I'm getting is where I'm going.
And so I'm just trying to endure so I can get this reward.
God enjoys the journey through the desert.
He's like, no, this is a precious time.
You and I are interacting, we're doing stuff.
And it's kind of like, this is the point.
This isn't the point.
This is the point.
This is where we're going.
But this is the point.
And we keep skipping the point, trying to get to the end, trying to get to this final
thing.
And then we're going to end up spending the majority of our life in resentment of how
we have to, of all of these things that we have to do, because our goal is just to get
somewhere.
It's to finally have the presents ready at Christmas.
It's to finally be at the weight that we want.
It's to finally be done with studying and know Chinese.
It's to finally just, it's just, it's just the end.
And that quite honestly is so often, it depends on what the situation is, but can quite honestly
be very short lived.
There can be, there's quite a bit of, well, I say that that's not necessarily true, but
my point is like, there's so much of life that's spent in process.
The majority of life is spent in process and, and so that is the part of life.
That's the thing that life is made of and it needs to be enjoyed.
And so if we're always trying to escape it, we're always trying to, if we get overwhelmed
by it because we feel that this is something we're just trying to endure and get through,
we feel obligated.
We feel resentful of it.
We're always trying to escape it.
We can be disciplined enough to just put our nose to the grindstone and just get through
it and we can do it, but we're not going to enjoy it.
We're not going to enjoy our lives.
We're going to always feel anxious because we're always going to feel chased.
We're going to feel chased by our to-do list because we're not owning our to-do list.
We feel that it is being put on us.
Well, in order to get this, I have to do all of this as opposed to choosing, no, no, no.
This is how I'm choosing to live life.
I'm choosing that.
I'm going to go through this process of like, I want, I want to have Christmas gifts with
all these people.
So I'm going to enjoy the process of thinking of what it is that they like and getting it
for him and whatever.
And you don't have to take a long time, but enjoy it.
Enjoy the actual doing of the thing or, and when I say enjoy it by the, I don't mean that
necessarily we like everything it is that we have to do.
Like for instance, studying, studying isn't always fun, but appreciate it and don't, don't,
don't internally reject it.
Remember that if we're not in a state of rest, we're in an active state of resistance.
Don't resist it.
I'm just like, oh, I don't want to do this, you know, or I'm studying and I'm really not
liking this, but I, Hey, I'm going to grip my teeth and bear it.
It just makes, if you do that with studying and you do that with exercise and you do that
with, I don't know, nutrition and you do that with your Christmas list and you do that with,
I don't know, whatever else, then the majority of how you're spending your time and subconsciously
your energy is an actively pushing things away.
And then that just create it, but you feel like you're, but you know that you have to
do it, but you don't want to do it.
And so you're always in this state of, of, of not just animosity, but the best thing
I could think of is just resistance where there's this, this pushing against of an energy
as opposed to just being at rest, that takes a lot of effort.
And then it's just exhausting when you compound it in multiple areas of your life at once,
let alone just one is, is any of this making sense?
I can get into more detail, but it's the idea of making sense.
Okay.
Like for another example, like say for instance, for the exercise.
So I've not been someone who likes to exercise.
I just, I'm just bored to tears.
I'm like, why on earth does anybody like this?
But what I did is, um, my husband loves to exercise and he sees the value in it.
So after having, you know, been in a relationship with him for, you know, I guess two years,
something like that, then I began to see, you know, the benefits that is, has not only
on his health, but on his justice, wellbeing, and he looks good and in all kinds of stuff.
And I just thought, well, you know, it's an area of my life that I felt intimidated by.
I don't understand it.
I, I don't, I'm not interested, but other people have an appreciation for it.
And I thought, well, God created it.
And we all know, we all hear that it's good for your health and whatever, but it's an
area just don't understand.
So what I did is I decided, you know, um, I want to be able to shape my body in a particular
way.
That pre creates value for me and motivation for me is I want to be able to look a specific
way.
So I thought, okay, I'll use that as my driving motivation just to start to exercise.
So, um, I invested in a, in a trainer.
I've never done that before.
Um, and so this is all very new and what I'm doing and my whole point in telling you all
of this is this is not, this is something for me that normally I would just grip my
teeth and bear it.
I am a very disciplined person when I want to be, I mean like extremely, and I can do
whatever the heck I have to do to like push through something.
And that's how I was.
Um, that's how I thought that that was the only way that I could exercise consistently
and be healthy.
It was just if I gritted my teeth and beard it and bore it because it was like other people
like it.
I don't, so I'm just going to have to make myself do it.
So, but what I decided is I thought, well, that's never worked in the past.
I can't keep it up.
I always end up falling off the wagon, you know, so I thought, well, let's try something
different.
past few years with the Lord, that it's important to enjoy life.
It's enjoy myself, enjoy my body instead of resisting things, instead of resisting and
resenting the fact that I have to do this or that my body feels this way or my body's
acting this way or whatever things that I want to come up with instead of, and I've
learned that I got so much more, not only was like more effortless to, to live if I
just shifted into rest and I received and enjoyed and appreciated things instead of
resisting them.
But I also learned that I got progress faster and easier, though I would lose weight more
effortlessly by not resisting it and by not fighting it and working really, really hard
on a diet.
And by just loving my body, I noticed that I would drop weight and I'm like, okay, so
this is a principle that I'm learning in the spiritual realm, as well as in like ways that
I've physically interacted with my body or even emotional, emotional healing that I've
done.
I have, the more that I shifted into rest, the more that everything just effortlessly
happened and things that I've been wanting to heal from, from year for years, we're finally
healing by not working so hard on it and just by resting.
And so I thought, okay, I now need to apply it to this area that I've never applied it
to, which is exercise because exercise, I've always forced myself, you know, to do it.
And it's always really hard and I just grit my teeth and bore it.
And I thought, okay, if it's worked, if this principle has worked in so many other areas
of my life, I need to try to apply it to this one.
And so I have, and I'm telling you what, I have loved it.
I look forward to going to work out at the gym because, and here's why, I really haven't
lost, if I've lost any weight, I don't know it.
If I've lost any like inches, I don't know it, but I feel so good.
And here's my point.
I chose, I want to enjoy my body instead of being unhappy with my body and forcing it
into something and just being like mad at it until we get it in line, you know?
And okay, I'm just going to push harder on my exercises.
I'm going to run farther.
I'm going to do whatever to try to get this goal.
It's really hard to continue to not just get your goal, but then to maintain the goal over
a long period of time because I'm always fighting me.
I want to spend my life enjoying me.
So I've chosen instead to approach this, to approach this exercise, including like diet,
et cetera, by diet, I just mean like how I'm eating.
I don't mean like I'm eating less calories.
I just mean like how I'm eating, approaching it from, I want to enjoy, I want to enjoy
living.
I want to enjoy the experience that I'm having in my body, the experience that I have of
eating.
And by that, I don't.
I mean, oh, I get to eat cookies.
No, no.
I mean, like, enjoy, enjoy eating without, um, you know, without, thank you.
Without feeling like a particular goal that I have is forcing
me to eat a particular way.
It's like, no, no, no, let's, let's just enjoy this whole thing.
What do I want out of it?
I want to be healthy.
I want to be in control of how I, of, of my body, meaning like I want my muscles
to be strong and to be healthy so that I feel like they're holding me up so that
I feel like if I want to shape it a specific way, then I, um, then I learn
how to do that as opposed to, well, I don't know other people that are experts.
They know how to do it, but I don't know.
I want to gain a bit more, not just appreciation of, of what God created,
but I want to be able to, um, I want to be able to take ownership of my own
body because God gave it to me.
You know how we've been talking about ownership, you know, owning our
spiritual relationship with the Lord, owning our own emotions, owning our
decisions, owning our choices, knowing that they're not being forced on us.
Knowing that God gave us a sacred free will to operate within, and we need to
acknowledge and own that free will and, and submit it to the Lord, but we can't
submit it unless we own it, unless we've chosen, no, this is mine and I can do
whatever I want to with it because God gave me that right.
And what I choose out of my own free will is I choose to submit it.
I still own it, but I submit it to him, meaning that it's always submitted to
whatever it is that he ultimately wills, et cetera.
Um, and that I'm going to ultimately choose whatever it is that he chooses.
But my choice is to choose whatever he choose as opposed to it's forced on me,
or I have to, because God won't be pleased with me unless I don't know.
It's an active choice that I'm making.
And it's the same thing with my body.
I chose, you know, I want to, I want to, to own my body as a fill, as
opposed to feeling subject to it.
And I want to act like it.
So I say that I believe that God has given me my body to rule over, but if I'm
not ruling over my body, then apparently I don't believe God gave it to me to rule
over because I'm not actually acting on my faith.
So there, if we don't, because James says, if we don't act on your faith,
if you know, faith without works is dead.
If you don't act on what you believe, you actually don't believe it because you
will always, always, always, always, always act on what it is you truly believe.
So you can say all day long that you believe something, but if you don't act
like it, then it means that you, that you don't believe that it's, that it's
actually strong enough to bear you acting on it.
So we choose to act on what it is we subconsciously really believe instead.
So anyway, so I thought, okay, I need to actually put my money to work, put my
actions where my mouth is.
I need to, if God says that I have ownership of my body, I need to own it.
I need to rule it.
And part of that is in ruling.
I need to be a good King.
I need to be a kind King.
I need to, I need to take care of, I need to protect, I need to give it the
environment that my body needs to change and to shape and to be healthy and to
heal in a way it knows how to do.
I don't have to give it instructions that like micromanaged instructions
of how to, of how to fix it.
It knows what to do.
But if I, if I X, like it knows how to build muscle, it knows how to shape it.
All I have to do is I have to put it in an environment where I'm doing certain
things that enables it to then respond, to choose how it wants to respond.
But so that's what I'm doing right now is I'm, is I'm for the first time in my
life, I'm actually enjoying the exercise, exercising, because in enjoying the
process, even though it's taking up six hours of my week and for me to go from
nothing to six hours of my week, being taken out by exercise is a lot.
It's I'm not exercising for six hours.
It's that I'm going three times a week and I exercise for about an hour and a
half and then each time and each of those, I do like muscle weight training
for an hour and then I do cardio for 20 or something like that, but then the
driving back and forth each, each one way is 15 minutes, 15 to 20 minutes, about 15.
I let's just say so anyway, when you add all that up in my mind, cause I value
time so much, it's taking up six hours out of my week, but the reason that I'm
okay with that is I'm not choosing to get a specific result out of that, out of it.
Like, well, I have to look this way and I have to be smaller and it has to be.
And my goal is by the end of the month, you know, I don't have that.
I just have this general overall idea of like, I want to enjoy my body and I do
have a goal, but I'm.
going to enjoy the process of getting there. I'm going to enjoy my body while we get there
before it's a specific thing. So that gives you one before it looks a specific way, while it looks
the way that it currently does, which is, you know, which is heavier than I want to look and
heavier than I want to feel, but I'm going to enjoy what it is that I have, as opposed to
rejecting it, you know, and I'm going to fully accept it. And then with that acceptance, me and
my body, we're going to, it's going to change. And I know that will, because that's how God's
created that. That's a principle that God's put into place that when we fully accept things and
just rest in it and start, instead of resisting things, things naturally respond favorably to a
son of God. Most of the time, every now and then, you know, something I'll have a free will and
I'll decide not to like, for instance, Jesus cursing the fig tree because it didn't give it,
give him fruit, you know, and he said, you didn't give fruit to the son of man, even though it was
out of season. He said, you should have done it, but it made its choice. And so every now and then
something won't like Judas, for instance, Judas had a free will choice and that was the choice
that he made, but the other disciples had made a different choice. The majority of the time,
the way that God created the world, majority of the time, things respond favorably to a son of God.
The exception is every now and then something doesn't, but the majority of the time it does.
And the only reason that sometimes it doesn't is because we can't control things. Everything is
given a free will, just like we are, but they are made just like our body to naturally respond
favorably and has a tendency to. So anyway, what are your thoughts about all of that?
I think I get a bit stressed hearing it just because, just because I don't know, like,
it just sounds to me like going back to my old ways, but I know you're talking about not going
into my old ways, you know, dieting and disciplining myself. It's just like, I don't
know how I can do it without going back to my old way of disciplining myself.
And like right now, like I was in a good stream of eating more healthy and eating a lot of salads
and cooking. And now I cook dinner every day, but not so much salad like I used to. So I think
it's like, I think I, like, I don't know how to do it and enjoy myself and it not becoming
such a burden and so much forcing myself to do it because I actually, I actually quite
sometimes enjoy running and I enjoy dancing, but then I think I've ran so much that I've
got it up my throat and especially on the treadmill and Norway is so bad weather that
running outside, it's kind of hard when it's raining and it's very hot. So then you kind of
have to go outside on a treadmill. Yeah. And with dancing, I don't know, maybe it is that
I used to be skinnier and much more flexible. And of course, when I was doing it a lot,
I was a lot better. So I think that's a lot. It's like to get into dancing now when I'm not
where I'm at, want to be physically. And I don't, I'm not as good as I used to be
that it will just feel like a failure, but, but I've been, I, but I did enjoy dancing. So.
Yeah. I was giving the exercise as an example. So don't get stressed. If you're like, Oh my word,
how did I do that with exercise? Do you, do you, that's one example that I'm trying to,
that that's an example that I used to make a point about like any of these other areas,
like studying or I don't know, what else did we talk about?
But do you think, are you saying to me that like, for instance, when I'm studying or I'm doing all
these things and then I'm like, for instance, when I'm studying, I will some days look at my phone
50 times while studying. Yeah. Does that mean that you're kind of running from it? Like,
it's like you're looking for escape and then you last 10 minutes and then you just have to check
your phone or do something else. Correct. Because you're not really enjoying studying or just like
now I'm concentrating on this. You're just trying to get through it. So you keep trying to look for
an escape. I should start coaching. I should go to China. I should.
find more friends or more social life,
that's like the same thing.
That's what you're saying, right?
Because I'm not really enjoying here and now.
Yeah, a lot of times if we're not enjoying something,
we look for an easier,
we think that the way that we're doing it is wrong
and it'll be easier or fun if we do it a different way.
And sometimes it is true.
You know, we do need to be aware of that.
Oh, okay, well maybe a different method
would make it more fun or enjoyable,
but it doesn't mean that it's guaranteed
or even likely to solve the problem.
Usually the thing is we're just looking for an escape
because we're not allowing ourselves
to enjoy the principle of what we're doing.
And it's a lot of it,
and I've just been shocked to discover this,
but a lot of it really is the choice that we have to make
as opposed to things that happen to us
or how we just kind of like, you know,
just feel like, well, it's just how I feel
and I can't help how I feel.
I can't control this or whatever.
It's really amazing how much our feelings
will follow our choices.
So we have to, we keep looking for a feeling to change
in order to base our choice off of,
and usually the way that things work,
especially faster, but period,
as I usually, you always make a choice
before your feelings change, always.
It's just that sometimes we're aware of it
and sometimes we're not, but you just base.
So my, what I, and this is why,
this is what I coach people in
is to change how they approach life,
how they approach their value to life,
what they're choosing to get out of life.
And so what I began to do is I chose,
instead of life and living a specific life
that has specific milestones
and going through specific experiences,
I choose instead to develop my relationship with the Lord
in intimacy, to develop and then to fully live out
who I am.
I don't mean who I am as a human being
having an earthly experience.
I mean, my spirit, what makes me very unique.
And then I get to express that spirit
in a specific way here in creation, sure,
but I choose to develop that.
And so part of that is God made me spirit,
he made me soul, he made me body.
I'm like, okay, well, one of the things about my spirit
is the fact that it rules
and it's supposed to create things.
So how do I rule and as a good king
and provide protection and provision and all of that,
how do I provide that?
In other words, how do I operate out of who I am,
which is a king who provides and protects
and safe and all that, how do I be who I am,
which is protector and all of that for my soul?
And then how do I do that for my body?
And then when you do that, you will be living out,
you'll be living out who you are into a life experience
because like, think of the fact
that I wanted to rule my body,
what kind of an earthly experience did that give me?
I chose to start exercising.
But the reason that I chose to start exercising
is because I wanted to be me.
I wanted to be who God made me to be.
And he said, Ashley, I want you to be a good king
who looks like me.
You're my son, so you carry my DNA.
And just like I am a good king to my kingdom,
I'm teaching you how to be who it is that you are,
which is a good king.
I'm teaching you how to operate out of that character
into your soul and into your body,
just like I do out of me into you.
And so it's like, okay, well then how do I do that?
And then so when I chose that as my higher value,
what kind of decisions does that then cause me to make
or choices cause me to make
that gives me a different early experience
as opposed to I wanna have,
so see how that's a top-down motivation?
I wanna be this, and so I'm gonna be this,
how can I be this?
And then it creates an early experience.
It determines the choices that I make down here
because this is what I'm focused on
as opposed to I wanna have these type of life experiences.
I want to fill out my early destiny.
Does God want me to write me?
Does God want me to write a book?
Does he want me to have a ministry?
Does he want me to be a missionary?
Does he want me to be all of these things?
Cause you talked about how desiring
to have an eternal purpose and whatever.
What kind of a life experience can I create
that's Godly, that God will like?
Do you see how it's starting out down here and it's trying to create life experiences
and trying to put a God label on it?
These are things that God's approved said, these are Godly experiences.
And that is a lot harder because then, and that also makes us very anxious, dissatisfied,
feels like we're always driving towards some accomplishment and feels like we're always
falling short of something else because our focus is on what life experiences am I having
and what life experiences am I not having?
What am I creating for myself?
What has, what fruit am I bearing?
Meaning like what rewards am I getting from my effort?
It's all focused on here and we keep trying to use pull down from God to get what we want,
to get what makes us feel good as opposed to just choosing, you know what, instead of
focusing on having a life, life experiences, having particular life experiences and going
through life, feeling a particular way, I'm going to choose instead to feel rest and peace
in my spirit, have intimacy with the Lord for the Lord to reveal to me who it is that
I am.
And I don't mean like, am I an artist?
Am I good at drawing?
Am I good at singing?
I don't mean that.
I mean, you know who it is that you are, your spirit that, that touches the world and like
because it's, it's connected to the Holy spirit, you know, getting to know that and then having
that touch the earth.
And then, and then when you, when you get to know who it is that you are like, oh, well,
you find that you're kind, you find that you're, that you're fully loving.
You find that you are full of joy and peace and all the other fruits of the spirit.
You find that you already are those things and then you start living out of those things.
Those then help you make the choices of what it life X and that give you life experiences
as opposed to trying to create these life experiences and trying to figure out how do
I get what I need from above to make these life experiences happen?
It's pulling it down as opposed to being up here and, and bringing it down.
Does that make a bit more sense?
So that's where we live from this perspective and we're always looking up and we're always
pulling down.
We're very anxious.
It gives us, it creates a sense of overwhelm because we're always looking at life experiences
from the perspective of what do I need to do?
What do I need to figure out?
You know, I'm trying to fit it all in.
Am I fitting enough in, am I fitting the right things in to get me that result?
You know, it's, it creates a whole bunch of anxiety as opposed to just choosing, you know
what, I'm going to give up the life experiences and I'm going to, in my value system in life
is to choose God and who he made me to be.
Now, I don't fully know who God is and I don't fully know who I am and I'm going to discover
that, but I'm going to choose that those are my highest values and those are the things
that I'm going to cling to.
Then from that, the other step will be created.
It's a lot more effortless.
It's not only is it more effortless and more fun way to experience life, but you'll accomplish,
you'll bring heaven to earth that way.
You can't bring heaven to earth by focusing on this and trying to get certain things to
happen.
And then just asking that and then us making it all sound like a godly spiritual conversation
by asking, well, God, what do you want me to do?
God's like, I didn't create you for life experiences.
I didn't create you to accomplish something on earth for me of like writing a book or
being a missionary or whatever.
That's just something we do.
That's not who I created you to be or even why I created you to exist and said, let's
focus on that.
And then out of that will naturally come all of these things that you end up doing because
of who you are.
So it relieves the anxiety.
It relieves the overwhelm.
And then because to tie it in with what I'd said earlier, because you're focused on who
it is that you are, you know, God made you to be, then you end up enjoying your purpose
and not purpose, but kind of like a motivation or whatever in having particular life experiences
like studying and learning Chinese or interacting with friends and having relationships or,
you know, having special Christmases with your family or exercise and nutrition or whatever.
Having those life experiences, those will all come from you having chosen that you are
as special as God says that you are, and you're choosing to enjoy you.
So if you live fully enjoying how much love that you have for people, if you live fully
enjoying how much peace and enjoy, enjoy that you get that, if you allow yourself to experience
the peace and the joy that God says is in you and is part of who it is that you are,
what will you then do?
you start doing certain exercises, or you start eating a particular way, or you start enjoying,
you know, buying Christmas gifts for people, you start enjoying the actual experiences themselves,
instead of just trying to get through them to get a specific thing done. Because your whole point of
life is enjoying you and God at any given moment. And bringing that love of you and God together,
allowing that when you and the Lord are enjoying your co love together, it will, it will, it will
be the active ingredient in doing your Christmas shopping, or in your setting or whatever, that
will allow you to have a good experience that will allow you to admit when you have a good experience,
you'll get through it faster, you'll learn faster, it won't be as much of a drudgery or whatever,
because you're not choosing that, for instance, the studying is like something outside of you
that you have to do. It's like, no, this is me learning something that I want to learn,
as opposed to something that I have to conquer, or something outside of me, that's a threat,
you know, and I've got a I've got a, I've got to master it, and I have to learn it,
and it's stronger and more powerful and more learned than I am. No, you are,
and you're giving yourself an experience of getting to learn all of this stuff, as opposed to,
I have to get this thing done. You know, you end up being the focus of everything. And I don't mean
you instead of God, I mean, like, you know, God, and then you, God, making you who God told you
that you are, and you choosing that if God said that this is who I am, and this is who I choose
that I am taking that and making that more important than studying that more important
than the exercise, the studying is serving you, the exercise is serving you, man, with
Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. All of these things are ways in which
you are allowing creation, studying Christmas list, the exercise, nutrition, to serve you to
give you an inch to allow you to enjoy you to allow you to rule you to get to give your body
and your soul the type of experience and environment that it needs that kind of thing.
That that makes sense. Yeah, it does. Then I it does make a lot of sense. And I think I live it
at times. And then I don't, because I get so focused. But I was wondering, then, if you see
that, because when I was watching a TV series, the other day, I felt God said that I have something
better for you. But then, do you do things like if you see that, because it's a TV series,
and your phone is distracting you. And it is actually causing more stress, like, what do you
do? Do you cut it out completely, those things that you see are hindering you from actually
being with God, or being at peace? Because I think I'm kind of escaping because of the stress,
I'm escaping into my phone. Yeah. And if I hadn't, maybe I would have spent time
with God listening to him. And then I would be creating with him or
living more, like you're saying, like ruling myself as a king. Yeah, but, but because I'm so
stressed, I run into Yeah, for instance, for instance, yeah, I Yeah, I am. Yes, you're right.
Yes, you're right. Is that is is an escape? Now? That doesn't mean generally speaking, yes,
we want to cut out any of any things that are that are causing major distractions. There's nothing
wrong with watching television shows. There's even nothing wrong with binge watching television
shows. But what are why are you doing it? That's something to like, be very aware of and to realize,
okay, is this actually just distraction? And if so, and am I doing this because I'm trying to
escape, then it lets you know, okay, something's wrong somewhere else. So say, for instance,
if you spend 10 hours of your day working and studying, you know, and I don't know, maybe even
doing something else. I don't know if it's exercise, or if it's cooking meals, or if it's
whatever, you're spending the majority of your day doing something else. And then obviously,
what are you going to do for the other four hours or two hours or however many hours that you have
left? Well, if you're not enjoying the 10, and you're just getting through them,
then you're not enjoying the majority of your life.
And you're getting through them in order to enjoy the two or the four, but then because
you're so overwhelmed and anxious from all of these, then you just want to, you want,
you want something that doesn't require anything of you.
So you want to escape, you want to be fed, you want to be entertained so that you don't
have to do anything.
So one of the things that I've noticed is that I historically have loved to read, but
I haven't been reading very much the past, I don't know, several years.
And probably putting it mildly, it's probably been many, many, many years, but generally
I love reading, but what I find myself doing is watching television shows instead.
And what I really, and I thought, why?
Because I enjoy reading.
In fact, I probably enjoy reading more than I watched.
I enjoy the quality of what I read more than I enjoy the television shows.
Why am I doing this?
And there's an aspect of how I'm approaching reading that I realized was detrimental to
me.
I was, I, the, the, the television shows are just, okay, I can just sit here and I'm just
being spoonfed.
I don't have to do anything or whatever, but the reading, even though I like reading more,
in other words, I feel more enriched by it.
I feel like I get stuff out of it or whatever.
If I'm approaching it from this perspective of, I have to learn something, I have to get
something out of it.
I have to, whatever, then it feels like work that I'm, then it means that I don't allow
myself to enjoy something that I actually truly enjoy.
And it means that I'm approaching it from the wrong perspective and I need to change
the perspective from which I approach it.
So my point is that if you would want to replace the things that you feel you're being
distracted by, but nothing else sounds good because it sounds like work.
It means that it's probably means that you're approaching something that you nor that from
a works strive based mentality instead of from effortlessly allowing yourself to be
and enjoy the thing you're pushing.
I don't want to say that you're pushing too hard in a thing.
It just means that you're, you're adding strife to it when you interact with it.
Like say for instance, you're singing, if singing, if you're really good at it and you
really enjoy it and all of that, and the, well, even if you're not good at it, which
I know you are, but I mean, like I'm trying to talk in principles here.
If you enjoy something, but you find yourself not wanting to, um, but, but if you, if you
keep trying, if you, if you interact with it by working hard for it, meaning like you're
adding strife, I don't mean like all things require us to, you know, put a bit of, uh,
you know, effort in.
But what I'm talking about is striving versus resting.
If you're striving in it, well, then it starts to kill the thing.
It starts to put death in it.
That's why a lot of people don't want to do their hobbies for living because they think
they wouldn't enjoy it anymore in the whole point, but other people do their hobbies for
living and love it.
Why?
Because they're approaching these people are approaching it from two different perspectives.
The one who can do their hobby for a living and enjoy it is because they don't add strife
to it.
But the other person takes something that they can approach at rest in, in as a hobby.
But when they make it work, well, then they, they, they can only interact with it by striving.
So what I would recommend is, and that's what I realized, like for instance, with me reading
books is just like, okay, the problem isn't the books.
The problem is how I'm approaching the books and I need to change that.
And so it's the same.
And so anyway, there's that, but so I would recommend, you know, taking distraction, things
that you think are currently distracting and exchanging them for other things that are
more investing in you that you really enjoy that allow you in who it is that God created
you to be, to actually get to express yourself, but make sure to do it, enjoying yourself
in rest, not striving in it and trying to just, you know, not adding strife to it.
So there's that.
But the other thing I wanted to mention is, you know, what I talked about earlier, you're
working for like, you're doing all of this stuff, but like 10 hours a day, just to be
able to have this, if you're trying to escape, wouldn't you rather be able to change all
of this into something you, into enjoying the 10 hours of your day, instead of hating
the 10 hours of your day and just getting through it.
So if you want to keep those particular things that you're doing in your life, learn to appreciate
them, learn to enjoy them.
And by doing that is the thing itself may not be very fun, but there's a reason why
you're doing it.
You're wanting.
you choose that it start taking it from the top down of like, no, who am I?
Who does God, who has God made me to be?
And how can I be that in studying?
How can I be that in, you know, in in teaching?
And again, you're choosing that you are more important than the studying.
You are more important than your job.
You are more important than your teaching,
meaning like you are giving you and you are bringing you to the.
To the event, like to the studying, you're bringing you to it, you're like, OK,
this is not this book, it's not more important than me,
this studying is not important than me, this this this test,
this knowledge of like the Chinese language is not more important to me.
I am more important.
This is what I want to do for me.
So enjoy it like, OK, this is fun.
There's a reason why I picked it is because this is what I want.
Focus on on the fact that this is your
choice, that you're doing for you, not something you're forcing on yourself
to get through. And the same thing with like with teaching.
You are giving yourself to those students.
You are putting yourself in a situation
to affect and to influence and to pour life into them, as opposed to this is a job
that I obligated myself to and I have to show up.
You approach it from a totally different perspective.
Like, no, this is my choice.
This is what I chose to give my life, not was obligated to me.
This is what I chose to give my life.
Do I have to earn money?
No.
The reason I chose to do this is because I
didn't want to, you know, not have have money.
Well, OK, then it's your choice that this is money that you want to give to yourself.
So this is the type of job that you chose
for yourself that you are going to put yourself into so that you could give
yourself something. This is all about you.
I don't mean a selfish way.
I mean, in a godly way, this is all about you.
This is not all of these things in our life that are being forced on us.
We just have to we just have to do, you know, oh, my word, why was I put into a
world in which all the principles work like this, where in order to get anything
done, you have to have money or in order to know.
It's like, do you have to follow the rules?
No.
But if you want those benefits for your life, if you want to if you want to have
that type of experience, then you make the choice.
This is the experience I'm giving me.
This is my choice.
This is what I want for me.
This is what I'm giving to me as opposed to this is what's being forced on me.
Totally different approach and will help
you enjoy the 10 hours of your day as opposed to enduring it or hating it or
whatever. Anyway, what are your thoughts?
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.
There's a big major life.
Life approach shift of life.
What do you choose is most important to you in your life and how are you going to
approach it? Do you approach it from the fact that you and God are the most
important thing and you're going to always live life in the perspective of you
and God doing something, choosing things,
you know, giving yourself particular experiences, pouring, you know,
giving life to specific things, or is it always what do I want to happen
and what levers and buttons do I need to pull and push to get that thing to happen?
Then we feel driven by things outside of our
outside of our choice.
I think I have done this a lot and that's.
Why this is helpful, and I like I more than a lot of other people have just.
The end up with dead roads in so many
areas, like I believe I am a gifted singer, but I I'm but I never say I sing
very little just for I used to sing a lot when I was little just for fun.
But then because I was trained as a singer and I used to perform a lot.
It's just become performance driven, even I was going to say
training, if we're not careful, can start to take the joy out of things.
It's happened with writing also the same
like I used to write poems, write for fun, write stories.
Never. Now I just do it because I'm supposed
to or if I'm blogging or it's an important theme or something, I want to feel like I
should say the same with Chinese started with something fun, just a hobby.
Then I did a bachelor in Chinese and then it became so.
Stressful and memorizing all the characters,
so and the workout like I used to enjoy running and now I used to enjoy dancing.
And now it's, excuse me.
So in so many areas,
I used to even enjoy buying gifts for people.
And now I just see that thing I have to do.
Correct.
So I realized also when we're talking about it
that I'm really deep into forcing myself
and that's what I want to go through.
Yeah, so it's important to make it,
so these changes that I'm talking about,
like changing from the experience
that you're currently having in life
and all these different areas,
changing from that to what it is that I'm talking about
won't just happen.
It does have to be an intentional decision
that you make of like, this is what I now value.
And I'm choosing that this is what's important to me
and this is now the approach
that I'm gonna have to all of these things.
So what that means though, is that we risk the outcome
because the reason that you're pushing is you're like,
I have a specific outcome
and I think I've formulated
how I can get that specific outcome
either because my pastor told me that
or the Chinese teacher told me that
or my master's,
because you're going through to get your master's, right?
Your master's, whatever they call those people,
advisor told me that, whatever.
If you've got these specific outcomes,
you have to choose, no, I am me
and what God meant eternally for my existence
is more important to me than this.
And I'm going to risk the outcome of these.
I don't know what's gonna happen with these.
And I'm gonna choose to now approach all of these things,
the master's in Chinese, the singing,
the, I don't know, my health, whatever it is.
I'm gonna now approach it from valuing me first,
not what I accomplish and not what happens.
And it has to be a willful and intentional decision
that you make, that that's what you want.
You have to choose that that's your new value.
It won't just happen.
You won't just suddenly
just start wanting something different.
We're too trained in wanting this other.
We have to make an intentional choice
to value something different
and to risk these other things not happening
by simply approaching how we do them,
approaching from enjoying ourselves
instead of accomplishing something.
So then you go into all of this that you are.
So then you go into all these different things.
It could be my singing.
It can be my studying.
It's not a master's and not Chinese,
but it's something else and my teaching.
And then you just kind of like go
into all these different areas
and surrender your old ways of doing it and start.
Yeah, the old approach.
Yeah.
Choose that you're more important than any of these things.
Could it be like deeper reasons
why this happens in so many area?
Or can you just start from where you're speaking right now,
what you've been talking about?
Do you have to do something about like the deeper issues
of why you are driving yourself to death
in all these kinds of areas?
Or is it more like you can just start with,
okay, let's handle Chinese.
Let's handle singing.
Let's handle the studying
and surrender your old way of doing things.
And like, how can I co-create with you
in the areas of studying and enjoy life with you
while studying?
Can you just start there?
Yeah, is that my question?
I think so.
In theory, yes, you can.
Now, the reason I say in theory is just like everything,
sometimes there's, you do things and,
okay, like say, how do I fit this?
There's reasons why we struggle to make the choice
or to make the shift or whatever.
So what I always recommend is that people try to,
that people try to operate differently
by making a different choice
and making a different approach.
If you find that you struggle with it,
there might be steps that you need to take
to gradually work up to that.
That's why I do in certain areas.
That's because it might be too big of a,
there's probably so much background and baggage
and emotional wounds or layers of beliefs
or whatever in certain areas.
So, but you don't know which areas those are in
which areas that they're not.
So I always recommend,
hey, why don't you just do the shortcut first?
Try that one first and whichever one,
whichever areas that it's not working in,
you and the Lord will just dig deeper on
and you'll take you through some steps of like,
okay, well then let's just start,
instead of leaping, let's just take.
one rung of the ladder at a time, you know, and that's where, for instance, that's why I give
people those tools for rest and shifting into rest. It's because I tell them, all you have to do is
choose. All you have to do is choose and everything will change. But people have a very difficult time
making that leap in specifically in certain areas. In certain areas, for instance, you were able to
just make a choice and boom, you shifted. But in other areas, it didn't work, right? And it's not
that it doesn't work. It's that you couldn't do it. You've got too many, you've got, we have a
humanity, meaning like a flesh, the corrupted flesh, not, you know, good things that God created,
but a flesh that's subject to corruption. We have things that have to be overcome.
Even Jesus had to overcome it. And Jesus didn't overcome things overnight. He did live 33 years.
So things were done during that time, especially from 12 to eight to 30 years old
is when God spiritually was putting him through a major pressure vice. And, and that was following
along. And we know that because that follows along with the, or we suspect that follow,
because that follows along with how the Jews physically did apprenticeships is when the son
is 12, but then he's apprenticed to his father and he works for his father for 18 years until
he's 30. And then his father at 30 will then present his son to his vendors and to his
clients and say, Hey, if you enter, this is my son in whom I'm well-pleased. If you interact
with my son in business is the same as if you've interacted with me, I'm tying our relationship to
him. But those 18 years were a solid apprenticeship. I mean, none of us have any
apprenticeships these days, but last 18 years, right. But the Jews did. And so that's why we
suspect that, that spiritually God's relationship with, with Jesus and in developing that father
son spiritual relationship was being developed between 12 and 18. Specifically also, I mean,
as opposed to like other years, we also know that from the fact that there's nothing said between
12 and eight and 30 years, except for that verse that said he grew in stature and in favor with
God and man. And so again, that it was almost like this hidden time where Jesus was in, in the
father, we're developing things, developing relationships and whatever. So even Jesus
learned things by the things he's learned obedience by the things he's suffered. It's,
it's a, it's a process, right? So there's nothing wrong with us taking a, taking a process. We don't
know why, again, why are some people healed immediately? And some people here are gradually
every time. Why are some people here have more healed miraculously and other people
are healed by the Lord that they, God uses, God uses doctors and he uses chemotherapy and he uses
all of this other stuff. Why does he use tools with some people and other people? He doesn't,
we don't know. So, but whatever it is, we don't want to judge God because he has a variety of ways
of accomplishing the same thing. So it's the same thing with this in theory. Absolutely. Boom.
All God says that, that we have to do is have faith in him. That is repeated multiple times
throughout scripture that that is all that we need. What we struggle with is if that's all
that we need, why, why does it not always work? Well, it always works, but there's so much of
our flesh that has to be overcome that not every area. Are we just able to do that? We need help.
Sometimes we have to go, we have to grow from one to two to three to four to five,
and there's nothing wrong with having a, having a process. There's nothing wrong with being one age
and then learning a bit more and then you're the next stage and then learning a little bit more
and you're in the next stage. God, God's baked process stages, seasons, phases into life. So
apparently they're not wrong. Um, but I recommend that you just try and, and, and just choose very
simplistic things. Um, like who does God say that he is? And to what degree does he say that he's
that? And then who does he say I am? And what degree does he say is that, and how, and to what
degree can I choose that that's true in reality? Like, not like just, Oh, well, I know I should.
No, no, no. How much of it to what degree can you choose? And to that degree, start acting like it,
making choices based off of your new choice of belief, your new choice of what you value. The
new thing that you've decided is your reality. And then act like that, but only do it to the
degree that you can. If you, if God says he's this, that he's protects you this much, but you
can only believe this much, but Hey, it's more than you believing in this much, take whatever you can and
act on that. And then that creates another foundation for you to then increase it more
later and then for you to increase it more later. Right? So that's all that you're doing
in all of these areas where you're like, Hey, you know, is there, can you just, is it as
simple as just choosing versus like having stair steps? The stair steps are just, are,
are just like, okay, if you can't have all of the faith right now, to what degree can
you believe? And then God gets excited that that, about the fact that you've believed
in that match, he doesn't condemn you or judge you for the amount that you're not believing
him yet. He's just excited that you believe in this match. Because again, God doesn't
say that development and process is sinful. It's just part of it. He's like, it's okay.
He said, even my son went through process and I wouldn't put my son through sin. So,
you know, meaning like, you know, of course you just took our sins on us, but you know
what I mean? Jesus himself didn't sin. And so anyway, don't I, that that's what I would
recommend. That's what I do for me is whatever I can believe God and I do. And then the rest
of it, I'm just like, okay, Lord, I can't believe you that much in this particular area.
I know that I should. I know that you say it, that I can't quite grasp that that's reality.
I can't, I don't quite understand it. I can't, you know, or whatever my struggle is. So I
do whatever it is that I can. And I believe him to that degree. And I start acting like
it now make major. And just as that little bit, we'll, we'll start creating major changes. It'll
start driving and more opportunities to you that weren't currently available. It'll start
loosening things up because the more that we don't believe God, the more rigid our life is,
the more stifled that things are, the more overwhelmed that we are, the more everything
is just leading to death. It's just getting tighter and tighter. And there's less and less
movement, fewer and fewer opportunities, fewer and fewer things work out, et cetera. The more
that we allow things to move and we stop holding on to the fact that we have to have a specific
outcome or whatever, the more that God will move and bring in opportunities. We never even
thought were possible, but we have to be in rest in order for God to move. So that was something
that I wrote down. You were asking about you wanting eternal purpose and doing things that
like had a purpose for eternity. Understand that the, that the thing that brings an eternal
purpose into our early existence is by living by spirit, because your spirit is what is going to
bring heaven into earth. So you have to connect with and always be your spirit at any given
moment in order to be able to give life. So you can't be trying to have a specific earthly
existence, you know, and hope to have any kind of eternal purpose, because if we're just trying to
get an early experience, well, then our flesh will only can only ever bring death. It can't ever
bring life. The only thing that can bring life and anything that will affect eternity as to be
born first on the spirit. If it came from the spirit, it'll return back to spirit. And so that's
the way that we have eternal purpose on earth is life is basically we're not looking for you.
Your life is looking for your studying is looking for you, your body is looking for you.
And so you have to choose, you know what, instead of abandoning the throne of my spirit, I'm going
to be present on the throne of my spirit. So I'm not going to abandon myself, I'm not going to
abandon the parts of me that need me, I'm going to always be on the throne of my spirit. And so I'm
and, and that it and then if you live from that place, then anything that you do, will be of
eternal purpose. Anything that comes from your spirit will be of eternal purpose. You don't have
to be a missionary, you don't have to do anything spiritual, you don't have to life coach, you don't
have to help people. That's the only way that people in the world understand long-term impact
is, well, how many people, you know, have you life coached? Or, you know, have you, how many books
have you written to influence people's thoughts? Or maybe how many people's lives have you made
easier? I'm going to be whatever. That's the only thing they understand. That's a very worldly
perspective. God on the other hand is like, no, no, no, there's so much more that in so much more
fruit that needs to be seen in the world, then the world can even recognize and it can only come
if it's coming out of your spirit. That's why I talk about the fact that you needing to enjoy
all the things that you do. You enjoy your experiences, you enjoy doing your Christmas list,
going through your Christmas list, you enjoy whatever task it is that you have on your plate.
I do the same thing with dishes. And if I have to do dishes, I'm like, okay, let's enjoy this
experience, because I'm enjoying me. It's not a
the dishes are just so much fun that I'm going to give myself over to it. It's that no, no, no,
this is me and something I am giving to me in my life. I am creating order. This is all about me.
It's not about the dishes. I mean, sure, there's an aspect of it in it that it's about the dishes
and the fact that I am offering life to creation, but it has to be sourced from me,
not me apart from God, me being connected to God's spirit, my spirit pouring life into
these things. But it's all, I have to be the starting point and the purpose of everything
that I'm doing, you know, the Christmas list, the dishes, cleaning, whatever it is that you
want to, or that whatever, whatever activities that you're doing, interacting with people,
et cetera. Um, and, um, so anyway, but when I say that you're the source of everything,
meaning like if the, your focus needs to be, um, that it's always, you're always from, um,
that you remember that you, that you have what is needed, that you are who God says that you are.
And you focus first on that and like, okay, if I am who God says that I am,
he said that I'm life giving, that I have life to give to others. They need, then I need to be me
in order to give them that life. If I abandoned me, I can't access me to give them that life.
I have to be in me fully present in me on the throne of my spirit in order to be able to give
it out. I can't abandon me in quote unquote, sacrifice selfless sacrifice for someone else.
You get, that's why one of the things, when I talk to moms about the fact that, you know,
that they keep abandoning themselves for their children, thinking that it's a good thing.
Their children need them. God gave them that woman's spirit to invest in them. But if the
woman keeps abandoning herself thinking that it's selfless, well, then they don't have what they
need. She has what they need. It's not something outside of her that she needs to find to give
them. It's herself. And it's very challenging for us to think in those terms because we're
so used to thinking that if we start any kind of a, of an approach from us that it's selfish
as if we think we're, we're all that we think that we're more important than anybody else.
No, no, no. That is the only way that you can actually sacrifice yourself for someone else
is if you have yourself to give, but if you've abandoned yourself, you don't, you don't have
access to yourself to give yourself anymore. So anyway, it's that towards like, not just
other people in relationships, but in your study or in the dishes and the cleaning it's,
you are important and you are, you are who God says that you are. You don't need to give anything
to yourself. You don't need anything. Cause God's doing all that for you. You already have it. So
now you're just pouring. You get to just enjoy the being of you. I'm I'm love. I'm joy. I'm peace.
I'm fully provided for I'm protected. I'm provided, you know, I'm safe. So from that place,
let's do dishes because this is the type of environment that I want to create.
Let's go to the grocery store. Let's get this accomplished. It's this is I'm doing these things
because I'm important. And, and because, and you're not bringing these things into submission,
you're pouring life into them so that they can, they get to be part of your, your home.
They get to be part of your life. They get to be part of your environment. They get to,
they get to, it's like having children get to participate with you. You know, like I say,
you're, you know, like your exercise or studying. It's like, it's like your child.
You're more, you're the parent. The studying is not your parent. This, this master's program or
whatever it is, that's not your parents. You are the parent. These things get to benefit you. You
get to decide now. Sure. You know, it, we, we feel very frustrated. Like I say, for instance,
if we interact with the system that it has to work a specific way. And like, say for instance,
you don't want to have to do all of the hours that it says you have to do.
And we don't like that. And we feel dictated to, we feel like, Oh, see, it's the system is the
parent. I have to do this. No, you don't. You are full control of whether or not you choose to do
that. You decide, okay, is this something that I want for me? If it is okay, then I will, I will
do those things. I am making an intentional choice that I will do all of those things.
That's what I'm being offered, but I don't have to do it. So if you always approach it from this
perspective, you own your life, you own your choices. This is something you're giving to you
as opposed to thinking that systems or like government or the way that the school system
works or your job or whatever, instead of thinking of it as the parent that is subjecting you.
To a specific way of life. Like, well, because my job is this way, it forces me to have.
get up early. It forces me to, it's not doing any such thing. You're making the choice. No,
this is the, the, if I want my job to go a specific way, then I get up early. This is the
choice that I make for me, because this is the experience that I want to have. This is what I
want to do for me. Not I may need to do this because this is the system that I'm in. You know,
you are the parent, not the system. You are the parent, not physical principles. You are the
parent, not studying, not your body, nothing, everything else talking about a king and the
subjects, your spirit is always the parent. Everything else is looking to you and needs you.
So you're not subject to anything. You're not driven by anything. You're not, you're not being
mastered over by anything anyway. So good. Yeah. Okay. Well, before we go on and make sure that I
don't, um, I don't, I think I'll have to look back. I'll have to look at it again. Yeah. I think
I said everything though. I'll have to look at it again. Okay. Yeah. Well, good. Well, I'm glad it
was helpful before we jump off. Yes. Uh, one thing was more, uh, because I, I have been coaching
before and more like life coach, but more like hobby based, but now it was more like we talked
about it. I've been thinking about it. Maybe I can earn a bit of money on it. And then I know that
since the rest, uh, this thing teaching with you has transformed my life. I know that if I do,
I will be using a lot of the things that I learned from you. And then I, some of those,
and one of those that I might, I don't know if she'll, I'll be coaching her or not.
Then I, that's one of a couple of them. I said that maybe you could watch some of the videos
and I'll, I'll refer them to you. And I don't even know if I'll be their coach,
but I was kind of like wondering, is this right? Or is it okay by you? Uh, because like I'm stealing
it. You know what I mean? Oh, you know what I mean? Like, so, so I'll be coaching and I'll
earn a little bit of money and I'm actually teaching a lot of it. Like they might need
help with something else, but then if I show them a lot of the rest, they might want me to,
to coach me with that. And then I'm kind of like, well, is that okay? What do you think about it?
Is that like, um, uh, do you understand what I'm saying? Yes, I do. And I really appreciate asking.
It's very kind. Um, so in, in general, the idea is, you know, that this isn't my, um, uh, this
isn't my, the thing about the message about rest is from God, you know, it's, it's from our father
to all of us. It's just that we haven't been seeing it, you know, and the Lord seems to be
opening more and more people's eyes and spirits to understand, Oh my word, there's this whole
thing about rest that we do. And so that, that isn't, um, you know, that's not specific, you
know, to me, anybody can do that. That's just, it's like, it's the gospel, you know, it's free.
Right. And, um, the, the thing that I would appreciate is that there are certain things
like there are, um, it's not showing. So for instance, you asking about the teachings.
So I've already told you, you know, you're welcome to show, which I don't usually do,
but I would say, you know, you're welcome to show these specific people, you know,
those teachings and all of that. Um, I would, and so if these people, these people want to,
you know, hire you, you know, to teach them about stuff, then, um, then yeah, that, that would be,
that would be perfectly fine. I would ask that, you know, because I've already said, you know,
that that would be, that that would be funny if you showed him these, I would ask though,
that you not show future people, these videos, and then you basically using all of my teachings,
you know, but you know, your coaching. So, cause it's my teachings, you know, but you know,
for this, for this group of people, I've already told you that that was fine.
It's perfectly fine. And the one thing that I would, that I appreciate is, is if people,
okay, here's, here's what's bothered me. So I've had some people do what you're talking about,
where I don't think they should in my videos, but they, they teach what I teach and they use
the same examples. They use all the scripture versus like literally it's all the scripture
versus that I, they basically just did my teaching and they, and they sell it. And I'm like,
so I've had that happen. And where they use my examples, I've had them use my, like my activations,
like all of my, like, like, like practices, my tools, all of that. Those are things that.
be honest. They, it hurt me because I was like, and I've
talked to my husband about it. I was like, you know, this thing
is the Lord's and it's not mine. And I don't want to seem
selfish with it. I said, but this hurts me. Why does this
hurt me? He said, Ashley, he said, it's because the things
that you taught them that were specifics, like really specific
things that help that are helpful for like practices or
whatever he said, and like the tools he said, and, and like, I
don't know, just the way that I teach or like stories that I
tell and all of that stuff. He said, I think that the reason it
hurts you is because that was your personal journey with the
Lord. And you're sharing all the personal things that you and God
walk through. And then other people are taking your personal
life and selling it. Yeah, well, that's probably why that hurt.
So anyway, so I am, if people own this between them and the
Lord, and this is their walk with the Lord that they are
sharing with other people, as opposed to, I've learned this
from someone else, I'm now repeating it to someone else and
getting money off of it. That is totally different. That's what
all of that other stuff was, if people are using all of my
stuff, as their way of teaching, it means they haven't
owned it. They can't think of their own words to use, they
can't think of their own, it's they don't have their own
experience with God to speak from their teaching, what worked
for what, what stuff they memorized, that I said, that
worked for me. So I would just I would say, I am perfectly fine
with you life coaching, you know, teaching about rest and
all that, that is something we're supposed to be sharing
with other people. But what I would ask is you speak out of
what it is you've owned, your personal relationship with the
Lord, what works, you know, with you, how the Lord talks to you,
how the Lord helped you, you know, your stories and, and, you
know, and all of that. So basically, it's teaching out as
because they've hired you as the life coach, they haven't hired
me. So there's something that you have that they want, you
can't give them me, you can't, they can't go to you, wanting
what you have, but you not feeling that it's enough. And
you, you giving them me instead. Yeah, you're the spirit, because
remember, it's all about the spirit. So that's what bothers
me is when people try to bypass their spirit, and try to use all
of the information that they got from me, and then try to like
sell that, because here's the thing, that was not information
to me. That was my spirit, all of those things that I speak all
of the the meaning, like all of those practices and the tools
and the whatever, that was literally what I lived out with
God alone. You know, that was revelation from the Lord to me
personally, individually, and I'm offering that to other
people. So but to other people, that's information, because they
didn't get that from God. They got that for me, I got it from
God, because that was just between me and God. That was how
he talked to me. And it helped other people get an idea. But
that doesn't help my stories and my practices and my tools that
helped me. Sure, if they operate in and it might help them as
well. But that's not what helped them connect with the Lord that
had to be specific between them and the Lord. Anyway, you just
know, anyway, and if you so I would say, you know, I greatly
appreciate you asking I am all for you life coaching and
teaching people for us. Like I said, we should be doing this,
we this should be something that we just do with each other. I
would just ask that you would teach it out of your spirit.
Yeah. And what your relationship with the Lord, your experience,
what he's walked you through what he's continually to walk
you through how you see it, what helps you understand it, how
you've connected with it. Because even when they get it
from you, they have to personalize it between them and
the Lord. They can't live off of your revelation. And that's what
people keep what some people have done, they've tried to pass
along my revelation. And thinking that that it's like
some magic that'll work. It's not it's spirit. It was meant to
come from me, you know, from the Lord to me. And then because
it's out of my spirit, it can impact the people that listen to
me, because you're listening to my spirit, that they now need to
listen to your spirit, or whatever. So does that does that
make sense? Yeah, it definitely does. Okay, yeah. The idea
itself, absolutely. But you have it has to be something not that
you believe is true, but that you live
That's what I would recommend.
Teach what you live, not what you've learned.
Because if you've learned it, it's not spirit.
But if you live it, it's coming out of your spirit.
If you've learned it, it's still something that hasn't quite reached your spirit yet.
It's still something that you're trying to have faith in.
You and the Lord are building your faith in that area, but it's not personal between you
and the Lord yet.
It's just something you've heard about, but the things that you live, that's between you
and the Lord.
And that is for you to give.
Is all this making sense or not?
It makes a lot of sense.
Yeah.
Because, yeah.
Well, it took me a while to figure out how to explain it because I've been telling people
for years, oh, whatever I share, you can share with other people.
Well, it never occurred to me.
And I said, but you just need to own it.
But it never occurred to me that they, that these people would get so excited about something
new that they were discovering that, that they didn't own it enough for themselves to
be able to explain it to other people.
So all they had to go off of was just plagiarize, you know, or whatever it was like, oh, so
So anyway, I had some people who were like, oh, Ashley said, I can share this.
And so basically they just reteach my exact teaching.
I listened to one person's the other day, I was shocked.
I was like, wow, Ed, I said, those are, that was my teaching.
She just, she just like wrote all of these notes and then she said her words, but that
that's my order.
That's the order that I set it in.
That's the, that's all of the verses I use.
That's the, it's like, that's my teaching anyway, so, so I don't, so it's taken me a
while to figure out, well, so what's really going on here.
And if I feel that it's the Lord's and not mine, then why am I getting hurt?
And I realized it's because they're teaching my personal life with the Lord that what he
and I cried through and I got mad at him through, and I got hurt through and what I was healed
through and all of this stuff that was very personal.
And then they're trying to teach my life, not about rest.
Does that make sense?
Yeah.
They're kind of, yeah.
Yeah.
Teaching your story and your revelation.
Yeah.
So anyway, you just teach what you live with the Lord.
That's oh my word.
That's life changing what you have, you know, and we're all going deeper.
I'm going to burn, you know, learning more and whatever, so much more that I live out
now than I did three years ago when I started this so much more.
And so, but you just give what it is you have, you know?
And so, and it's enough that it is transforming for anybody who hears it though.
It's not a formula.
Correct.
It's not a formula.
Yeah.
Thanks for explaining.
Sure.
And thanks for asking.
And like I said, this group of people though, I've already told you, you're welcome to watch
the, watch those sessions with them, you know, to introduce them to it.
And if they decide they want you to live kitchen, that it's perfectly fine.
So anyway, I hope that they enjoy it.
Let me know, by the way, you know, if, you know, if you want to, you know, what their,
what their thoughts were about everything, if they thought, oh my word, this is just
really cool.
Or if they're like, yeah.
And this is normal too.
So it's a different culture.
Correct.
Yeah.
And I, I don't know if I'll do it and I don't know if any one of them would want me to coach.
And I think they have lots of issues in their own life.
So I, so I'm wondering if they may be some of them or one of them, I think more wants
me to just like help her get more goals, like things that I've done before, you know, talk
about their life, how we're going to do with this, how do I reach a goal?
How do I think?
And yeah.
But then if I show her this, then maybe their questions, if I coach them will be a different.
Correct.
It would be answering the questions from a different approach.
And also I have already tried to tell them some of it in my own words, what God has done
in my life.
And I'm not sure I was just like, is it right to show the videos?
Is it not?
Like, and then, yeah.
But I also have pointed some of them to use to say, and told them that they can contact
you.
And I've told them some of them that you have various teaching on your site.
So yeah, I don't want to do anything that I don't have peace about, or that's not right.
Or yeah.
Yeah.
Well, that's really kind of you to answer that.
I appreciate it. Other people haven't asked everyone. I've had like one or two other people
that I've asked before, but my point is like, some people haven't, it's like, Oh, but I mean,
I, I just don't know what people are understanding or even, you know, I don't know. It's just taken
me a while to kind of like figure all of it out. It's like, well, how does this work exactly? You
know, cause this is spiritual stuff. It's like, it's not that I own it, but I'm like, yeah,
but I don't want people to sell my story and my personal relationship with the Lord that was very,
very private. And then, and then they use that, that I feel it made me feel used a little bit,
though, like it wasn't like this thing that was very, very precious to me that happened to my
life is being sold. I was like, it's kind of made me feel kind of gross, but you're so thoughtful.
Thank you. So I hope that that made sense and that that was helpful and it was freeing. And yeah,
so yeah. Thank you so much. You're welcome. It's good to see you. And unless I hear from
you before Christmas, I feel really good Christmas. Yes. And we'll talk after Christmas,
like, or some in a few weeks or after Christmas. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is. Yeah. That
sounds good. All right. Well, I hope you have a good night. Yes. You too. Bye.