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Hey, hey, hey everyone. I don't know who's gonna jump on here, but it's good to be

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with you. I just wanted to do a follow-up. This is for the parenting guide. Last

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week I posted a question in the group, just basically asking if there's any

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questions or challenges that anyone wants help with. And yeah, we had some

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some good responses and I just want to take a few minutes to follow up

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and just drop some insight. Hopefully something here will resonate with

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you guys. Hopefully it will help. And why don't we jump in. So let me just see here.

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We had a couple questions around boundaries. So Lavinia and Lindsey, thank

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you guys so much for dropping in those questions around boundaries. For the

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sake of time, I have actually found a podcast which goes into a lot of depth

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and detail around boundaries and healthy boundaries and what they are. So I've

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actually dropped a link to that podcast in the response, in the group, in the

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guide. And so that'll give us a bit more time to cover off some of these other

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questions. But great question. Boundaries is a huge topic right now that we need

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to figure out how to get right. So thank you guys for asking about boundaries.

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What I will say about boundaries, just as a general, just kind of a general

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principle, is that, you know, boundaries is really just about communicating what

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you need and what you feel and what you will do, you know. So basically it's all

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around you. Boundaries isn't an excuse to reject someone. It is a

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way of communicating how you're feeling and what you're needing and what you will

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do. So there isn't any you statements going on. So one, you know, one great

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example of what this might look like is called I statements. You may have

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heard of I statements before, but basically how an I statement sounds or

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how it goes is, you know, when, fill in the blank, I feel, fill in the blank, and I

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need to feel, fill in the blank. So, you know, what's an example of that? Would be

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like, let's say, hey John, whoever it might be, when I'm in the car and

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you're driving very unsafely, I feel very scared and I feel unsafe and I need

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to feel safe. And so that's all I statements. It's on me. It's all what's

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happening with me. And then leave it and see what happens, see what they do with

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it. And if they don't, if they don't respond, if they don't change any

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behavior, if you don't see any change, then it's in a further communication of

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how you will respond. And again, it's a, it's an I statement. So, you know, when I'm,

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when I'm in the car and you're driving unsafe, I feel, you know, I feel scared

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and I need to feel safe. So it's, you know, when I feel and I need to feel, I

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need to feel safe. And so, you know, if there isn't a change of behavior, I'm not

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going to be driving in the car with you. So it's a, it's how I'm going to respond.

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It's not, it's not an ultimatum. It's not a you are a bad driver. It's you need to

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change. It's none of that. It's just, this is how I'm going to respond. And so

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just a basic example, general principle, I statements communicating what you will

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do in a situation. But the, the podcast, I've dropped a link in to the, to the

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question in the guide. We'll go into a lot more detail. It's really good. I

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highly recommend you check it out. So great questions from Lavinia and Lindsey.

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So just, just go through a couple more of these here. Let's see here. Children

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bickering and device issues. I've actually dropped a link into another

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podcast around technology and device issues. So I think there was a couple

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questions around that. There's a lot of good resources out there. I will be going

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into more detail around that and the parenting challenge that we're going to

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do in the group coming up. So stay tuned for that. But great question. And

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let's see here. Christie, siblings fighting. Great question. This is one

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that I'm definitely in the middle of with our two kids, Jackson and Olivia.

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It's a little bit tricky because they're, they're very young. So it's hard

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for us to know totally how to maneuver that situation. Olivia is only just

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turned one.

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And so it's hard to do a lot of training in this scenario.

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But a couple of key things that we're learning in that situation is,

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one is not to make Jackson the aggressor when he is being aggressive to Olivia.

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It's not to make him a bad guy, because the more we make him a bad guy or

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the aggressor in the scenario, then the more he'll identify with that and

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the more he'll become that.

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So it's figuring out ways to facilitate the situation in kind of a neutral and

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compassionate way, because the more we make him an aggressor and

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the more we make Olivia a victim, the more he resents her for that.

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So it's a real tricky topic.

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Another general mindset that's helpful is to remember is that it's

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not your job to solve the problem.

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This is more appropriate if your kids are a bit older.

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But it's not your job to solve the problem, but

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your job is to teach them how to solve the problem.

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So if you're consistently solving the problems for them,

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then they're not gonna learn how to do it themselves.

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They're gonna keep coming back to you and keep coming back to you.

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One helpful line to try out might be,

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what ideas do you guys have to solve this problem?

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And see what they come up with.

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So it's all about empowering them and teaching them how to solve conflict.

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This is where they learn how to solve relational conflict.

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This is their first test, is with each other.

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So we wanna be able to make sure that our kids know how to deal with conflict

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themselves and teaching them how to deal with conflict in a healthy way.

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Another really, I think,

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a really powerful tool is to use those I statements I was talking about earlier.

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Teaching them how to use those I statements.

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So hey, brother, hey, sister, when you grabbed my toy off me,

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I felt really hurt and sad, and I wish that I could feel,

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or I'd like to feel, I'd like to feel protected, and I'd like to feel valued.

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And just teaching them how to voice their own emotions and their own needs.

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And that's really powerful, just teaching them how to deal with

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those relational principles from a young age.

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So I think the next part of your question,

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Christy, was around repeating yourself over and over.

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A cool tool that we've been using lately with Jackson is basically an either or.

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And it seems to be helping.

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So what's an example would be, this is actually one that happened for us.

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I think it was a week or two ago,

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Jackson dumped a container full of rubber bands all over the floor.

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And we just kind of left it there, and we kind of said, hey, buddy,

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we need you to clean those up off the floor, what's your plan?

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And didn't really respond, didn't have much of an answer.

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And so a few minutes went by, hey, bud, we need you to clean those up.

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What are you gonna do about that?

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Empowering him, no answer.

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And so at that point, we tried either or, which sounds like, okay, hey, bud,

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either you can clean up those rubber bands off the floor in the next ten minutes.

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Or we can clean it up for you.

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But then we'll be putting those rubber bands somewhere you can't get them for

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a while, because we don't really wanna have to keep cleaning up after you,

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these rubber bands on the floor.

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So either you can clean them up, or you can choose for

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us to clean them up for you, but we'll be putting them away for a while.

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You get to choose, your choice, bud.

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And so it's an empowerment paradigm.

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He's getting to choose what he does in that scenario.

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We're not manipulating him, we're giving him freedom of choice, basically.

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You can choose to clean them up, or we can clean them up for you, but

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we'll be putting them away for a while.

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And so he chose, pretty shortly after that, he responded and

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jumped down and started cleaning them up, and he had a great attitude about it.

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So that's a practical example you can try out.

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Either or, it seems to be working for us.

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I can imagine it would be appropriate at any age.

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So I hope that helps, Christy.

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I love your questions coming from you, they're really good.

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Feel free to, if you have any more specifics around the fighting or

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the not listening, feel free to message me and

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maybe I can offer some more insight with some more specifics.

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Next, from Melody Children Lying, that's a tough one.

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So I feel your pain.

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It's always painful when our kids, we kind of see that it

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They're not honest.

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There's always gonna be something

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underneath the surface there.

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So as a general principle with lying,

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I'm not saying this is your situation,

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but generally the most common reason

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that kids will lie is because

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they're afraid of being punished.

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And so I'm not saying that's your situation,

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that's just the most common reason that kids lie.

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So for us, it's a big deal for moving away

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from the punishment paradigm into the empowerment

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and discipline paradigm.

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A lot of people kind of think that punishment

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and discipline are the same thing,

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but they're actually mutually opposed.

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I've got some posts that I've done in the guide,

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in the parenting guide.

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Feel free to have a look through those if you're curious.

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I wish I could be more specific and more helpful.

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It's hard without more details.

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That's just kind of a general principle

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that I hope is helpful.

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And then the last couple of questions

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are actually around how we deal with people

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who have rejected God.

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And one is specifically if they've rejected us as well

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because of God.

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That's a really tough one.

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It's kind of a big, that's a really big one as well.

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So what I would say to that is kind of

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how would Jesus respond?

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He would respond with unconditional love

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and unconditional acceptance,

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and he wouldn't be trying to place any parameters on that.

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He would just be saying, hey, I love you no matter what.

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And he would also be respecting their boundaries as well.

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So I love how Jesus doesn't just try

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and make us to choose him or make us believe him,

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but he gives us a lot of space

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to come to those conclusions on our own.

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And in the process, he just pursues us with love.

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Unconditional love.

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I know that's really general.

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I hope that's helpful.

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I know that's really hard,

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especially Israel, if you're living with the person

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and they've kind of shut you out, that's hard.

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But just partnering with that unconditional acceptance

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and pursuance of their heart

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without being offended or without placing

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some sort of a parameter on what that looks like.

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Just saying, hey, I love you.

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I know you don't accept what I believe, but I love you,

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and I'm just gonna keep loving on you.

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So whilst respecting that boundary that they put in place.

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Yeah, so I mean, it's kind of a rapid fire today, guys.

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I hope this is helpful.

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I've dropped a couple links to a couple podcasts

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in the group for some of the questions.

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But feel free to keep the questions coming.

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If you watch this and you have any more topics

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you'd like us to cover,

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feel free to drop them in the comments

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or message me directly.

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I'm loving getting to talk about this stuff with you.

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Relationships are such a big deal.

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Relationships are life, they're everything.

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So let's do relationships well.

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Let's seek to continually grow

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and be healthier and better people.

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So yeah, it's a cool journey we get to be on together,

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raising each other up in royalty.

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So bless you guys, hope this has been helpful.

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And yeah, be blessed.

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We'll see you next time.