Hey, hey, hey everyone. I don't know who's gonna jump on here, but it's good to be
with you. I just wanted to do a follow-up. This is for the parenting guide. Last
week I posted a question in the group, just basically asking if there's any
questions or challenges that anyone wants help with. And yeah, we had some
some good responses and I just want to take a few minutes to follow up
and just drop some insight. Hopefully something here will resonate with
you guys. Hopefully it will help. And why don't we jump in. So let me just see here.
We had a couple questions around boundaries. So Lavinia and Lindsey, thank
you guys so much for dropping in those questions around boundaries. For the
sake of time, I have actually found a podcast which goes into a lot of depth
and detail around boundaries and healthy boundaries and what they are. So I've
actually dropped a link to that podcast in the response, in the group, in the
guide. And so that'll give us a bit more time to cover off some of these other
questions. But great question. Boundaries is a huge topic right now that we need
to figure out how to get right. So thank you guys for asking about boundaries.
What I will say about boundaries, just as a general, just kind of a general
principle, is that, you know, boundaries is really just about communicating what
you need and what you feel and what you will do, you know. So basically it's all
around you. Boundaries isn't an excuse to reject someone. It is a
way of communicating how you're feeling and what you're needing and what you will
do. So there isn't any you statements going on. So one, you know, one great
example of what this might look like is called I statements. You may have
heard of I statements before, but basically how an I statement sounds or
how it goes is, you know, when, fill in the blank, I feel, fill in the blank, and I
need to feel, fill in the blank. So, you know, what's an example of that? Would be
like, let's say, hey John, whoever it might be, when I'm in the car and
you're driving very unsafely, I feel very scared and I feel unsafe and I need
to feel safe. And so that's all I statements. It's on me. It's all what's
happening with me. And then leave it and see what happens, see what they do with
it. And if they don't, if they don't respond, if they don't change any
behavior, if you don't see any change, then it's in a further communication of
how you will respond. And again, it's a, it's an I statement. So, you know, when I'm,
when I'm in the car and you're driving unsafe, I feel, you know, I feel scared
and I need to feel safe. So it's, you know, when I feel and I need to feel, I
need to feel safe. And so, you know, if there isn't a change of behavior, I'm not
going to be driving in the car with you. So it's a, it's how I'm going to respond.
It's not, it's not an ultimatum. It's not a you are a bad driver. It's you need to
change. It's none of that. It's just, this is how I'm going to respond. And so
just a basic example, general principle, I statements communicating what you will
do in a situation. But the, the podcast, I've dropped a link in to the, to the
question in the guide. We'll go into a lot more detail. It's really good. I
highly recommend you check it out. So great questions from Lavinia and Lindsey.
So just, just go through a couple more of these here. Let's see here. Children
bickering and device issues. I've actually dropped a link into another
podcast around technology and device issues. So I think there was a couple
questions around that. There's a lot of good resources out there. I will be going
into more detail around that and the parenting challenge that we're going to
do in the group coming up. So stay tuned for that. But great question. And
let's see here. Christie, siblings fighting. Great question. This is one
that I'm definitely in the middle of with our two kids, Jackson and Olivia.
It's a little bit tricky because they're, they're very young. So it's hard
for us to know totally how to maneuver that situation. Olivia is only just
turned one.
And so it's hard to do a lot of training in this scenario.
But a couple of key things that we're learning in that situation is,
one is not to make Jackson the aggressor when he is being aggressive to Olivia.
It's not to make him a bad guy, because the more we make him a bad guy or
the aggressor in the scenario, then the more he'll identify with that and
the more he'll become that.
So it's figuring out ways to facilitate the situation in kind of a neutral and
compassionate way, because the more we make him an aggressor and
the more we make Olivia a victim, the more he resents her for that.
So it's a real tricky topic.
Another general mindset that's helpful is to remember is that it's
not your job to solve the problem.
This is more appropriate if your kids are a bit older.
But it's not your job to solve the problem, but
your job is to teach them how to solve the problem.
So if you're consistently solving the problems for them,
then they're not gonna learn how to do it themselves.
They're gonna keep coming back to you and keep coming back to you.
One helpful line to try out might be,
what ideas do you guys have to solve this problem?
And see what they come up with.
So it's all about empowering them and teaching them how to solve conflict.
This is where they learn how to solve relational conflict.
This is their first test, is with each other.
So we wanna be able to make sure that our kids know how to deal with conflict
themselves and teaching them how to deal with conflict in a healthy way.
Another really, I think,
a really powerful tool is to use those I statements I was talking about earlier.
Teaching them how to use those I statements.
So hey, brother, hey, sister, when you grabbed my toy off me,
I felt really hurt and sad, and I wish that I could feel,
or I'd like to feel, I'd like to feel protected, and I'd like to feel valued.
And just teaching them how to voice their own emotions and their own needs.
And that's really powerful, just teaching them how to deal with
those relational principles from a young age.
So I think the next part of your question,
Christy, was around repeating yourself over and over.
A cool tool that we've been using lately with Jackson is basically an either or.
And it seems to be helping.
So what's an example would be, this is actually one that happened for us.
I think it was a week or two ago,
Jackson dumped a container full of rubber bands all over the floor.
And we just kind of left it there, and we kind of said, hey, buddy,
we need you to clean those up off the floor, what's your plan?
And didn't really respond, didn't have much of an answer.
And so a few minutes went by, hey, bud, we need you to clean those up.
What are you gonna do about that?
Empowering him, no answer.
And so at that point, we tried either or, which sounds like, okay, hey, bud,
either you can clean up those rubber bands off the floor in the next ten minutes.
Or we can clean it up for you.
But then we'll be putting those rubber bands somewhere you can't get them for
a while, because we don't really wanna have to keep cleaning up after you,
these rubber bands on the floor.
So either you can clean them up, or you can choose for
us to clean them up for you, but we'll be putting them away for a while.
You get to choose, your choice, bud.
And so it's an empowerment paradigm.
He's getting to choose what he does in that scenario.
We're not manipulating him, we're giving him freedom of choice, basically.
You can choose to clean them up, or we can clean them up for you, but
we'll be putting them away for a while.
And so he chose, pretty shortly after that, he responded and
jumped down and started cleaning them up, and he had a great attitude about it.
So that's a practical example you can try out.
Either or, it seems to be working for us.
I can imagine it would be appropriate at any age.
So I hope that helps, Christy.
I love your questions coming from you, they're really good.
Feel free to, if you have any more specifics around the fighting or
the not listening, feel free to message me and
maybe I can offer some more insight with some more specifics.
Next, from Melody Children Lying, that's a tough one.
So I feel your pain.
It's always painful when our kids, we kind of see that it
They're not honest.
There's always gonna be something
underneath the surface there.
So as a general principle with lying,
I'm not saying this is your situation,
but generally the most common reason
that kids will lie is because
they're afraid of being punished.
And so I'm not saying that's your situation,
that's just the most common reason that kids lie.
So for us, it's a big deal for moving away
from the punishment paradigm into the empowerment
and discipline paradigm.
A lot of people kind of think that punishment
and discipline are the same thing,
but they're actually mutually opposed.
I've got some posts that I've done in the guide,
in the parenting guide.
Feel free to have a look through those if you're curious.
I wish I could be more specific and more helpful.
It's hard without more details.
That's just kind of a general principle
that I hope is helpful.
And then the last couple of questions
are actually around how we deal with people
who have rejected God.
And one is specifically if they've rejected us as well
because of God.
That's a really tough one.
It's kind of a big, that's a really big one as well.
So what I would say to that is kind of
how would Jesus respond?
He would respond with unconditional love
and unconditional acceptance,
and he wouldn't be trying to place any parameters on that.
He would just be saying, hey, I love you no matter what.
And he would also be respecting their boundaries as well.
So I love how Jesus doesn't just try
and make us to choose him or make us believe him,
but he gives us a lot of space
to come to those conclusions on our own.
And in the process, he just pursues us with love.
Unconditional love.
I know that's really general.
I hope that's helpful.
I know that's really hard,
especially Israel, if you're living with the person
and they've kind of shut you out, that's hard.
But just partnering with that unconditional acceptance
and pursuance of their heart
without being offended or without placing
some sort of a parameter on what that looks like.
Just saying, hey, I love you.
I know you don't accept what I believe, but I love you,
and I'm just gonna keep loving on you.
So whilst respecting that boundary that they put in place.
Yeah, so I mean, it's kind of a rapid fire today, guys.
I hope this is helpful.
I've dropped a couple links to a couple podcasts
in the group for some of the questions.
But feel free to keep the questions coming.
If you watch this and you have any more topics
you'd like us to cover,
feel free to drop them in the comments
or message me directly.
I'm loving getting to talk about this stuff with you.
Relationships are such a big deal.
Relationships are life, they're everything.
So let's do relationships well.
Let's seek to continually grow
and be healthier and better people.
So yeah, it's a cool journey we get to be on together,
raising each other up in royalty.
So bless you guys, hope this has been helpful.
And yeah, be blessed.
We'll see you next time.