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It's not natural for victims of sexual abuse to see themselves in any kind of positive

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light.

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Most of us feel broken.

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We feel worthless.

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There are so many things in our life that will affirm that if we allow them to.

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Hi everyone, welcome to the first episode of Truth Talk with Wendy.

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I'm so excited to be here.

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I'm even more excited that you're here with me.

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This has been a crazy journey getting to this place.

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God has done so much to prepare me and I'm so excited to share that stuff with you.

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This is going to be a place where we are going to talk about everyday life, but through the

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lens of scripture.

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There's going to be an emphasis, however, on how the effects of childhood sexual abuse

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literally affect our everyday life.

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I'm a survivor.

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I'm not a victim.

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So many people identify themselves as a victim and in the Bible, we are not victims.

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We are victors and I want to help everyone to get to that place.

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It is not a journey that has been easy for me, but I promise it was worth it.

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This journey has been one that has lasted so far for 40 years for me.

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My childhood sexual abuse started at age 11.

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I guess I just gave my age away, right?

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But it has been one that over time has become easier and easier and not because of me, but

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because of what Jesus has shown me, how he sees me.

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It's not natural for victims of sexual abuse to see themselves in any kind of positive

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light.

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Most of us feel broken.

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We feel worthless.

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There are so many things in our life that will affirm that if we allow them to.

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It's not natural for victims of sexual abuse to see themselves in any kind of positive

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light.

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Most of us feel broken.

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We feel worthless.

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There are so many things in our life that will affirm that if we allow them to.

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Other people, bad relationships, just how we see ourselves, having a bad hair day.

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I gained 10 pounds, whatever it is, but none of that matters.

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What matters is how Jesus sees us.

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And until we start to look at ourselves through his eyes, then we're going to live in that

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victim mentality.

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And that's exactly where the enemy wants us.

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I stayed there for a really, really long time.

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And I promise you that the journey is worth getting to the other side.

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It's something that is very painful, but it's not impossible.

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The Bible tells us that we can do all things through Christ because that's where we get

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our strength.

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Unfortunately, so many of us, because we have had to be tough, we've learned to be tough

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from a very early age.

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It was part of our survival.

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So we try to do this in our own strength.

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We try to get better.

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We do anything that we can just to survive.

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And so we become tough by nature.

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But Jesus says to lay your burdens at his feet.

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That is not something that comes natural to me.

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I'm not one to ask for help.

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I usually am the one helping and I feel comfortable in that role.

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I'm very independent.

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It was very difficult to trust anybody to help me.

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I've had to learn over the years that there's no requirement for me to trust people.

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My requirement is to trust the Lord.

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So what I've learned to do is anyone that the Lord brings into my life, whether it's

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for a reason, for a season or for my lifetime, I still have to trust the Lord with that relationship,

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which means that if they leave, then there was a reason that God had them there and there's

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a reason that he removed them.

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So even though those things are really tough, and sometimes those things include your own

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family members, some of your closest friends, and it's not an easy thing to go through.

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But when your trust is not in people and your trust is in the Lord, then you know that he

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has a master plan and that there is a reason that he's allowing these things.

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Sometimes the easiest way for God to get our attention, unfortunately, because we're human

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and we live in a fallen world, is through tragedy.

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Tragedy is not something that he enjoys us going through.

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It's not something that he revels in for us to experience.

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Just like as a parent, I don't like seeing my children suffer in any way.

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But you know what? You know when they're the sweetest is when they need me.

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When my daughter falls down and skins her knee,

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guess who the first person she runs to is?

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And I get to comfort her.

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Okay, so she wouldn't need me as much

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if she hadn't just busted her knee open, right?

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So I am not excited that she busted her knee open

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and neither is she.

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But there is something in the bonding when she comes to me

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and I'm able to heal her.

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I'm able to dress her wound.

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I'm able to get a Band-Aid.

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And then she and I look at that

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and watch it heal together every single day.

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And at the end, we take the Band-Aid off

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and everything's better.

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That's an experience that is ours together.

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And every single time that we have any kind of tragedy,

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whether it's something very small

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or something very tragic,

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like childhood sexual abuse,

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the Lord never leaves or forsakes us.

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He is there. He walks through it.

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He cries when we cry.

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That's something that for me was very difficult

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because I originally wanted to not think of him as my father.

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My sexual abuse came from my father.

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And it was very, very hard for me to think of God as a father.

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But when I became a parent myself,

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that whole thing changed

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because not every parent is like my father.

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And I am so thankful for what I went through at this point

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because I believe it has made me a better mom.

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It's made me more aware of things that can happen to my children.

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And I've been more engaged than I probably ever would have been

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had that not happened to me.

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So I've tried to really focus on

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what are the lessons that I learned from it?

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How can this be better for my children

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because of what I went through?

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I had a friend that asked me one time,

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Would you rather have a good childhood or give a good childhood?

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Now, my first answer was,

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Is there a C all of the above?

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And she said, No, you only get A and B.

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And obviously, any normal parent who loves their child

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would want to give a good childhood.

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Well, that's what I chose to do.

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I wanted to learn from my experience

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and make sure that my children never, ever, ever, ever had the thought,

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number one, am I safe in this home?

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And number two, do my parents love me?

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Those are two things that at 51 years old,

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I can't say because I never felt safe in my home.

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I had some experiences outside my home

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that would have normally been very frightening.

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But because of what I experienced in my home,

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I actually felt safe there.

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And we'll talk about that in some future episodes.

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But the worst part is, is even at 51 years old,

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I can't honestly say that I believe my dad loves me.

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I really don't think he's capable of love.

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But you know something?

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I have a real father, a heavenly father, who is love.

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He is absolute perfect love.

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So anything that I gave up here on this earth,

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he has more than compensated for.

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And I want to share that with you.

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And until we receive, we can't give, right?

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You can't give me $10 if you don't have $10, right?

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So if I don't receive God's love,

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if I don't learn to receive his love,

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his mercy, his grace, and yes, even his forgiveness,

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then I can't give that out.

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I don't have it to give.

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And those things are all very, very difficult

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for people like me,

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people who have experienced the worst thing

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that most people, it's the biggest fear of most parents

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is that their child would experience something like that.

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And then to experience it from a parent,

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it literally affects your thinking

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and everything you do in everyday life.

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And that's what we're going to talk about.

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I am so glad that you guys are on this journey with me.

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And I look forward to seeing you

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in the next episode of Truth Talk with Wendy.

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🎵