It's not natural for victims of sexual abuse to see themselves in any kind of positive
light.
Most of us feel broken.
We feel worthless.
There are so many things in our life that will affirm that if we allow them to.
Hi everyone, welcome to the first episode of Truth Talk with Wendy.
I'm so excited to be here.
I'm even more excited that you're here with me.
This has been a crazy journey getting to this place.
God has done so much to prepare me and I'm so excited to share that stuff with you.
This is going to be a place where we are going to talk about everyday life, but through the
lens of scripture.
There's going to be an emphasis, however, on how the effects of childhood sexual abuse
literally affect our everyday life.
I'm a survivor.
I'm not a victim.
So many people identify themselves as a victim and in the Bible, we are not victims.
We are victors and I want to help everyone to get to that place.
It is not a journey that has been easy for me, but I promise it was worth it.
This journey has been one that has lasted so far for 40 years for me.
My childhood sexual abuse started at age 11.
I guess I just gave my age away, right?
But it has been one that over time has become easier and easier and not because of me, but
because of what Jesus has shown me, how he sees me.
It's not natural for victims of sexual abuse to see themselves in any kind of positive
light.
Most of us feel broken.
We feel worthless.
There are so many things in our life that will affirm that if we allow them to.
It's not natural for victims of sexual abuse to see themselves in any kind of positive
light.
Most of us feel broken.
We feel worthless.
There are so many things in our life that will affirm that if we allow them to.
Other people, bad relationships, just how we see ourselves, having a bad hair day.
I gained 10 pounds, whatever it is, but none of that matters.
What matters is how Jesus sees us.
And until we start to look at ourselves through his eyes, then we're going to live in that
victim mentality.
And that's exactly where the enemy wants us.
I stayed there for a really, really long time.
And I promise you that the journey is worth getting to the other side.
It's something that is very painful, but it's not impossible.
The Bible tells us that we can do all things through Christ because that's where we get
our strength.
Unfortunately, so many of us, because we have had to be tough, we've learned to be tough
from a very early age.
It was part of our survival.
So we try to do this in our own strength.
We try to get better.
We do anything that we can just to survive.
And so we become tough by nature.
But Jesus says to lay your burdens at his feet.
That is not something that comes natural to me.
I'm not one to ask for help.
I usually am the one helping and I feel comfortable in that role.
I'm very independent.
It was very difficult to trust anybody to help me.
I've had to learn over the years that there's no requirement for me to trust people.
My requirement is to trust the Lord.
So what I've learned to do is anyone that the Lord brings into my life, whether it's
for a reason, for a season or for my lifetime, I still have to trust the Lord with that relationship,
which means that if they leave, then there was a reason that God had them there and there's
a reason that he removed them.
So even though those things are really tough, and sometimes those things include your own
family members, some of your closest friends, and it's not an easy thing to go through.
But when your trust is not in people and your trust is in the Lord, then you know that he
has a master plan and that there is a reason that he's allowing these things.
Sometimes the easiest way for God to get our attention, unfortunately, because we're human
and we live in a fallen world, is through tragedy.
Tragedy is not something that he enjoys us going through.
It's not something that he revels in for us to experience.
Just like as a parent, I don't like seeing my children suffer in any way.
But you know what? You know when they're the sweetest is when they need me.
When my daughter falls down and skins her knee,
guess who the first person she runs to is?
And I get to comfort her.
Okay, so she wouldn't need me as much
if she hadn't just busted her knee open, right?
So I am not excited that she busted her knee open
and neither is she.
But there is something in the bonding when she comes to me
and I'm able to heal her.
I'm able to dress her wound.
I'm able to get a Band-Aid.
And then she and I look at that
and watch it heal together every single day.
And at the end, we take the Band-Aid off
and everything's better.
That's an experience that is ours together.
And every single time that we have any kind of tragedy,
whether it's something very small
or something very tragic,
like childhood sexual abuse,
the Lord never leaves or forsakes us.
He is there. He walks through it.
He cries when we cry.
That's something that for me was very difficult
because I originally wanted to not think of him as my father.
My sexual abuse came from my father.
And it was very, very hard for me to think of God as a father.
But when I became a parent myself,
that whole thing changed
because not every parent is like my father.
And I am so thankful for what I went through at this point
because I believe it has made me a better mom.
It's made me more aware of things that can happen to my children.
And I've been more engaged than I probably ever would have been
had that not happened to me.
So I've tried to really focus on
what are the lessons that I learned from it?
How can this be better for my children
because of what I went through?
I had a friend that asked me one time,
Would you rather have a good childhood or give a good childhood?
Now, my first answer was,
Is there a C all of the above?
And she said, No, you only get A and B.
And obviously, any normal parent who loves their child
would want to give a good childhood.
Well, that's what I chose to do.
I wanted to learn from my experience
and make sure that my children never, ever, ever, ever had the thought,
number one, am I safe in this home?
And number two, do my parents love me?
Those are two things that at 51 years old,
I can't say because I never felt safe in my home.
I had some experiences outside my home
that would have normally been very frightening.
But because of what I experienced in my home,
I actually felt safe there.
And we'll talk about that in some future episodes.
But the worst part is, is even at 51 years old,
I can't honestly say that I believe my dad loves me.
I really don't think he's capable of love.
But you know something?
I have a real father, a heavenly father, who is love.
He is absolute perfect love.
So anything that I gave up here on this earth,
he has more than compensated for.
And I want to share that with you.
And until we receive, we can't give, right?
You can't give me $10 if you don't have $10, right?
So if I don't receive God's love,
if I don't learn to receive his love,
his mercy, his grace, and yes, even his forgiveness,
then I can't give that out.
I don't have it to give.
And those things are all very, very difficult
for people like me,
people who have experienced the worst thing
that most people, it's the biggest fear of most parents
is that their child would experience something like that.
And then to experience it from a parent,
it literally affects your thinking
and everything you do in everyday life.
And that's what we're going to talk about.
I am so glad that you guys are on this journey with me.
And I look forward to seeing you
in the next episode of Truth Talk with Wendy.
🎵