yo yo yo family it is it is on tada so maybe a couple of little adjustments as
we go this tripod happening at the moment I think I am there we go
boom that should be good for you guys to see now as I need to because I've got
hey Lorraine hey John hey guys I've got a bit of whiteboard action today look at
that good bit of whiteboard action going on today and I haven't done this
teaching really before for many people just for some of my in-house crew and so
we're going to be jumping in in this video we're going to be jumping into
part two on the seven sacred systems sorry the seven sacred pathways to
intimacy which I think has the capacity to be a massive game-changer for
relationships for marriages for single people who want to get married and want
some massive game-changing tips and relationship hacks before they even get
into that so I'm really really pumped about this and this is information that
I gained through a whole lot of suffering and learning etc it's going to
be exciting so if you can hear me alright just give me a thumbs up say
hello so I can hear you I can see a bunch of you guys jumping on I can see
Ness and Sandy and Kevin and Julie and Jeanette and Sam and Hayley and John and
there's a whole bunch more so if you're there give me a thumbs up so I can I can
see because not all the faces pop up D good to see you as well if you're
watching this in the replay as well then just give me a thumbs up say hello I'm
here I check I watch all the feedback of who's watching the replays as well so
love to journey with you guys on this and I think this is honestly a huge
topic so today because I know that so many of us in the pursuit for intimacy
suffer a lot I'm gonna do something that I haven't done before in a online
dynamic I'm going to go deeper I'm going to get more vulnerable I'm going to
share about my marriage I'm going to share about a bit about my sex life and
my suffering and all those dynamics so that you guys can kind of get an inside
of you on on my world and where I'm speaking to you from and I'm not sure
I'm not going to try and come to you as an expert but I'm going to come to you
today as someone who is journeying on this road with you together into what I
believe is the core desire of the human heart to be intimately known and to be
able to know someone intimately in and I think there's actually a dynamic that
cuts that goes a little bit further beyond that as well that it is not only
to be known intimately but to be known intimately and loved unconditionally in
the context of being known intimately and so that's where we're going and
really excited to have all you guys with us if you've got friends and family
which we all do who are on this journey of wanting to go deeper into intimacy
and and create a marriage that looks like bliss or if you're single and you're
wanting to get married and you look like man why is this not working out for me
give me some hints and tips and some relationship hacks on how how I can set
myself up for a great marriage because what we'll be covering a lot of it
applies to single people a lot all the foundations to intimacy you can do as a
single person right so half of the stuff that makes a relationship work you can
do before you even get married and if you don't do it before you get married
you set yourself up for a lot of suffering if you do do it before you
get married you're setting yourself up for a massive success so give me a
thumbs up give me a yes if you're excited about going deeper into this
journey of intimacy and also here's a big one here's a big one if you because
I'm gonna be literally taking some personal risk and getting more vulnerable
than I've ever been before online so if
you want to encourage me into being be vulnerable if you want me to get really
vulnerable with you and share my real heart then I just want you to say go
vulnerable all right whether you're watching the replay or watching your
live if you want vulnerability and you want me to really open my heart up to
you then just in the comments just write get vulnerable all right and and that
will just encourage me when I make the decision as to how deep I go that'll be
encouraging me and helping me influencing me in the decision of how
deep I really go on this journey but all right John wants me to go vulnerable hey
let's start with praying and then we'll jump into it Trinity I thank you so much
for the way that you created us I thank you so much for the way that you
designed us that you formed us and fashioned us with this unrelenting
desire for intimacy and so Holy Spirit I just welcome you into this time right
now and I welcome you into this into this space here where I am into my heart
and I welcome you into the space where every other heart is right now Holy
Spirit you know the journey of each person you know the personal suffering
the pressure the trials the disappointments you know the personal
pain that has been experienced by every person listening and Holy Spirit I
invite you into that space right now and Holy Spirit as I go vulnerable and as I
go deep I ask you Holy Spirit that you would go deep in the hearts of everyone
listening that there would be a real level of vulnerability and intimacy even
as we talk today Holy Spirit I ask that you would protect this space as well
that you would create a safety around this space for people as our hearts go
deep and we welcome you into this journey Holy Spirit lead us where you
need us to go in your beautiful name Amen boom guys well great to have all of
you with us like I said we're gonna start with some Bible reading and the
Bible reading is going to be from up here Matthew 19 3 to 6 so let me grab my
Bible and we're going to jump right into it so Matthew chapter 19 starting at
verse 3 this is all about intimacy is really the core theme of this short
little passage so here we go some of some Pharisees came to Jesus to test him
they asked is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every
reason how old is that is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and
every reason so these guys are their question is really about disconnection
separation yet that whole dynamic of divorce but Jesus replies is beautiful
he says haven't you read he replied that at the beginning the Creator made them
male and female and said for this reason a man will leave his father and mother
and be united to his wife and the two will become one flesh so they are no
longer two but one flesh therefore what God has joined together let no one
separate so I want to touch on this lightly but don't want to spend too long
on it as well because as you can see we've got a real journey ahead of us
today into some real deep beautiful stuff Aaron Karen great to see you guys
great to see everyone that's here so that these guys were saying what's the
lowest common denominator like how can we get away with can we live with
dysfunction like how do we get away with dysfunctions what their question was
they were asking about you know can we can we divorce can we do all these
things but really the core of it the core thing is that how can we function
with dysfunction and so Jesus is like let's not let's not talk about your
dysfunction right now and he jumps above that and he comes from this divine
paradigm and from that divine paradigm he says actually let's just ignore your
dysfunctional separation disconnection divorce paradigms for a moment and let's
talk about the divine design for your life and so he says in the beginning the
Creator made the male and female and that's gender right that's sex we say
what what sex are you male or female
and some people you know so it's are you male or female what's your gender the
thing with that is that's your sexuality God created you with a stunning sex
drive he put a huge sex drive and each person and so much of a sex drive that
that Jesus said that a man once he you know he will stay with his mum and dad
until he's he meets his wife and then boom they will become you know they'll
be joined in sexual union or intimacy or intercourse or whatever and then they'll
become one and then he and he says what God has joined let no man separate so he
blesses it and he loves intimacy and in the heart of the divine design for
humanity we were designed for intimacy and he's put this huge sex drive in us
that this dynamic this sense of attraction and the sense of desire of
longing to to know and to be loved and to be known and to be be loved he's put
that in the very core of our being so let me let me transition now that we've
just we've just touched on that I just wanted to touch on that just this fact
that it's in the divine design for us to live with extreme intimacy and while
you know while people are often talking about what's the lowest common
denominator how can we survive without dysfunction Jesus just comes to it from
a different dynamic and says look out the divine design for your life is
extreme intimacy and that intimacy that we were designed for is total bliss and
so when we think of marriage the culture in our day has all sorts of connotations
around marriage and often if you see married men portrayed in a movie they're
often at the pub drinking moaning about the marriages and I just want to say
that is like a dysfunctional blueprint and it's not the divine design the
divine design for our marriages is that our marriages would be absolute bliss so
having said that having just introduced this topic of intimacy that that were
created for intimacy I want to give you the seven sacred pathways to intimacy
and then I want to share with you from my journey how how this is really played
out in our marriage and I want to share with you some of the things that I did
that really put unnecessary pressure on our marriage and you guys can come along
with me alright so if you're keen to see the seven sacred pathways to intimacy
give me a thumbs up give me a yes if you're keen to go there and here we are
conveniently I've already put them up on the whiteboard so if I just bring this
bad boy down a little bit you'll be able to see all seven of them right oh boom
you've got all seven there now so I'll introduce these pathways to intimacy and
then after that I will show how they interacted in our and our marriage and
you'll probably be able to see how they relate to your marriage and whether
you're single hey I see Patricia saying it's if it's not I'm single it's not for
me wrong answer even if you're single right even if you're single this session
is totally for you because the first three sacred pathways the foundations of
intimacy they take place like we can work on those while we're single so if
you think this is just for married people it's not alright this is hugely
for it's just as much for single people as it is for married people so the
foundations of intimacy where intimacy begins because when we think of intimacy
boom people often thinking of sex and I see that comment there I'm not married I
guess it's not for me absolutely this is totally for you because the like
building the foundations of an amazing marriage start start well before you're
married if you wait till you're married to start building the foundations for
intimacy then you're going to have a really really painful rocky ride when
your marriage does start so let's look at the foundations of intimacy so the
first one the seven pathways just quickly is spiritual, emotional, intellectual,
sensual, financial, directional and sexual all right boom so the first three
spiritual, emotional, intellectual those are the foundations of intimacy now if
you look at the foundations of intimacy the foundation
Relations of intimacy, check this out, they determine your capacity to be known and to
know someone.
Or alternatively you could say they determine your capacity to receive love and to express
love.
If the perfect example for what intimacy looks like and what intimacy should look like in
our marriages in terms of what intimacy looks like, the best blueprint that we have is the
Trinity, the fellowship of the Trinity, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit as they
are seamlessly one.
What happens is each member of the Trinity expresses divine love perfectly to the other
members of the Trinity and receives divine love perfectly from each member of the Trinity.
Now Sonship, this is why I love talking about Sonship because Sonship, when we discover
Sonship we really master these foundations of intimacy because the art of Sonship is
the art of receiving divine love perfectly and giving perfect expression to divine love.
So that's one of the reasons why I'm big about Sonship because if you understand your Sonship,
if you understand your Sonship, then you're so, so set up for phenomenal intimacy in your
relationships.
I see Patricia saying, I'm 62 and not going to marry but I'll relate with Father.
Very cool.
So yeah, then the first three, Patricia for you, if you're not wanting to get married,
the first three pathways for you relate hugely to your relationship with the Trinity as well.
So the first three, spiritual, emotional, intellectual, then number four is sensual
and then the big three, the big makers or breakers are financial, directional and sexual.
So when you listen to the reasons, the main reasons why people do get divorced, it's usually
to do with financial, directional and sexual.
This is where the issues really show up, but even though this is where the issues really
show up, they are, oh let me grab a pen, these issues here are financial, directional, sexual,
those issues are really multiplied, they make really, really bad if we don't have a strong
foundation for them.
So if we haven't got spiritual, emotional, intellectual foundations in place, then boom,
we're going to have, these issues are going to go, they're going to get to breaking point
pretty quick.
All right, I think that's, I think that'll cover it for now, we'll, in the future I'll
go, I'll do a deep dive into what each of those pathways actually looks like, but for
now, I'm going to start showing you some of these other things, so that I can help
paint a picture for you of what my marriage looks like.
Give me a thumbs up or say yes I do, if you want to start seeing what my marriage looks
like and how, what the pressure was like in my marriage when we first got married.
So if you are keen on seeing that, give me a thumbs up.
So let's jump into this beautiful fella over here, so this square here, this fella's a
real winner.
So we've got an L and an H and a T and an R, so the love, the L is for love, the H is
for honour, and the love and the honour in a relationship is, those are the things that
I give to you because of who I am.
Oh, I see some, I see lots of thumbs up going down, that's very good.
So in any type of relationship, whether it's a, you know, a marriage or whether it's just
relating to anyone at all, we don't love based on other people's behaviour, and we don't
honour people based on their behaviour, love and honour in the kingdom and in the heart
of God and in the nature of God, love and honour are unconditional, right?
I love because I am love, I honour because I am honourable, that's an expression of our
identity, it's just an expression of who I am, it's like God, he loves because he is
love, he honours because he is honourable, it's his nature, okay?
So in relationships, love and honour, they're all on me, but the T stands for trust, the
R stands for respect, trust and respect are all on the other person, so if you and I are
having a relationship, love...
Honour is on me. It's it's my responsibility in the relationship to keep my love on to keep my love
Unconditional and to keep my honor on and to love you and to honor you regardless of your behavior
But if you want trust and respect that's on you. All right
and
Trust and respect they have to be earned love and honor are given trust and respect have to be earned
That is all on you if you want my trust
Don't expect me just to give it to you. I think Christians are so naive in this area
We will give people trust and respect where it is not earned and where it is not
Deserved now, this is a major issue when Christians start getting into business when Christians start getting to investing and especially when Christians start getting into
Relationships, I've seen so many
Christian
People start relationships and they just go in automatically trusting the person automatically respecting the person without having
Tested them without having them require requiring people to earn their trust and earn their respect. Now if we get these
We get these dynamics messed up
Then things will go crazy. All right, so if we think that
We should trust and respect people unconditionally
But that our love and our honor should be conditional then boom we're gonna set ourselves up for major dysfunction. All right
Okay, so this circle here, right just if you can for a moment try and ignore the arrows
All right, but just focus on these circles
These are you can call them trust circles or intimacy circles
These these circles represent the level of intimacy that you might be sharing with someone in a
In a relationship, all right
So I've got a little bulls-eye here a little red mark the way that we were designed
for intimacy is that at the very core of our being we were designed to
Know God and to be known by God and a level of intimacy that no other human can participate in
That we are seamlessly one
with the Trinity, okay, so this very
Core circle the bulls-eye the red circle that represents how our divine design for intimacy
With the Trinity and really there's only space there in the very core of our being in the most
Intimate part of who we are. There's only space there for the Trinity
And then outside of that
Boom this next inner circle. We've probably really only got space for
boom our
spouse our
Our marriage partners there, right? Boom. We've got space for one out of there. That's just the way that we design and then everyone else
Gets placed in other various places our other relationships that might be your mum, right?
In that in that top level of trust and this might be over here
the guy that pumps your gas
at the gas station and
Who knows this this over here might be someone that was a friend from school 20 years ago
And this over here that might be a really good friend in church. I hope you're getting getting the vibe, but
What we have here is that in these in these trust circles or in these intimacy circles
we
Can create a real issue in our lives if we just leave people
Jump on in there without them earning the trust. Okay, they need it people need to earn the trust
So let me know if you have ever
Stuffed this up and let me know if you've ever been betrayed if you've ever been ripped off
Give me a thumbs up or a yes or even share the story of what happened on a time where you gave someone
Respect that they didn't deserve and you got burnt for it. Let me know what happened for you
I've had that multiple times in ministry. I've had it in business
I've had it in relationships
Or I've given people trust and respect they didn't deserve and because I gave them trust and respect that they didn't deserve
I actually allowed them too close into my world and and they ripped me off. They betrayed me
They backstab me or whatever it is
So the more trust and the more respect a person go
Demonstrates then the safer
They are
And if a person's safe
Then you want to it's you know, it's fine just to invite them in and in and in a lane
But if person's being unsafe
Right, you don't want to take a person who is unsafe and go boom and put them right in the very core of you
Now that applies to
marriage partners as well
This has happened a lot, you know, like there's some
man, I mean
So many times that the person I've heard so many stories of people have been married to someone and in that person that they were
Married to even and especially in Christian marriages that person actually changes, you know
they it's like a facade fell away and they had put on this facade of being a safe person and in that place of like
Kind of this facade of being a safe person
They got married and they live the right of the world and they're right in here and it's been all of a sudden
It's like a mask comes off and the guy turns out
It's like a Jekyll and Hyde thing that all the guy or the girl the person just turns out to be an absolute
Crazy make like total chaos maker
Radically dysfunctional and they start just blowing things up making chaos in the world
Is that a safe person I think no, I think that's an unsafe person and so what happens
Generally, there is someone's not safe
They need to experience being shifted out of these trust boundaries or out of these safety boundaries or out of these intimacy boundaries
Sometimes we do it consciously and sometimes we do it subconsciously. So it's
Yeah, absolutely Patricia can be either gender so
What I want to say here is we do this even though that some of you might be hearing this for the first time we
do this
Consciously and we do it subconsciously. So you might have heard of training on it and now that's how you work
But you also might have just been doing it subconsciously just like if someone's unsafe. Well, you just push them away and put up a wall
So these are boundaries
And when it comes to intimacy
I'll just I'll just say that to the degree that someone is safe. You can be vulnerable
And the more vulnerable you are the more access they have
To you and your resources
Okay
Now
Now you can kind of just understand what these circles are
These circles represent a level of intimacy that you're experiencing in your marriage in your relationship
But the higher you get in the more intimate you are and if you're living in this place here
Where everything's in the sweet spot like that literally is the bliss marriage. That's the supernatural marriage. That's the divine
design
I
Just see someone commenting here is anyone else internet glitching
No, there you go, I see some people making comments about
being
Being ripped off as well
Sweet, so just give me a thumbs up to someone made a comment about the internet is the internet good
I see Sam saying the internet is good
Everyone else just give me a thumbs up just to make sure that the internet is good and I don't need to change anything to
Do with my connection. Hopefully it's vibing well for you
Okay
Okay, all right, so
If I'm getting some thumbs up, okay, so I'm getting some thumbs up looks like the internet's good post in here if
I'm watching the comments. So if if the internet starts
Failing let me know. I think it's sweet from my end. But if it's not I'll change things. All right. Okay, sweet
We'll charge on
Like I'm trying to what I'm trying to do is I'm trying to create for you guys
Context in the picture a way of being able to show you how my marriage started out and what it looked like
Where the pressure points were?
So that I can start telling you more of my story
Okay, now let me show you what these arrows made of these arrows
These arrows represent each one of the seven sacred pathways towards
To intimacy so each of these arrows
They create enormous
pressure on a relationship and that the pressure that they create or them in the momentum that they create is either momentum towards
intimacy or away from intimacy, so you can see the
double-ended arrows and they
They're either pushing us towards intimacy or they're pushing us towards
Separation and disconnection and dysfunction right here in the in the center. That is the sweet spot. That's the bliss marriage
Okay, so number one
Number one represents
Spiritual that's the
First part my spiritual right tracking with me
number two is emotional
As I
this foundation it's going to be really valuable for you to be able to see where our marriage was
at and how come I came to a place of wondering can our marriage actually survive. So I'm going to
create this context for you so you can see what was going on in my heart in my head why we managed
to stay together and where all the pressure came from. So first one the first part of my spiritual
emotional then intellectual
and then we have sensual
financial
directional
and last of all sexual
emotional. Boom we got it. Okay story time now story time.
So when I got married uh to my amazing wife Alana when we first got married oh I have to show you
one other thing as well this outside here this green arrow uh this green circle around here
it represents other pressures that can come on your marriage other pressures that might be crushing
or attacking your marriage in some way um yeah afterwards I'll definitely take a pic and put
this up as well um let me just zoom I'll just zoom up on this for a moment for you guys as well
okay so here you go um
um
okay there you go so just giving a quick zoom zoom in on this so we've got spiritual emotional
intellectual sensual financial directional and sexual on the seven sacred pathways and then
we've shown off our love trust honor respect dynamic and then we've got here's our circle
so trust circles and then we've got the seven sacred pathways that are leading either to
connection or disconnection and then the green circle around the outside represents the other
pressures and so there we go now at uh let's get back to story time
flipping it around and boom
um okay so let me show you what it was like when we first got married so this other precious thing
for some people that might look like health issues give you a vibe of what it was like for us
um
when we first got married
what I didn't realize something that snuck up on us is the level of burnout that my wife
was actually going through so for several years before we got married she had worked
in a Christian ministry in a context where there had been some major things go down and some people
had you know staff members uh had died of illness there had been uh
for the sake of time I won't go into it too much but there'd been a huge amount of pressure uh for
um for her for four years to the point that she was burnt totally completely burnt out
and when I say burnt out she was burnt out spiritually and emotionally and physically she
was she was burnt out but it was almost like it came like a slow tidal wave and we didn't understand
the full dynamic of it at the time I definitely didn't she might have had a better idea of how
burnt out she was but for me I didn't get the I didn't get the revelation until maybe about a
month in to um until about a month into our marriage so here's what happened uh I'll give
you I'll give you like I was I didn't know much about relationships so here's what happened
she's sitting on the on the couch and I'm looking at her and she basically looks depressed right
she's and as a husband when you see your wife looking depressed you feel like a total failure
you feel like you've failed at life when your wife looks uh when your wife is looking depressed and
that's totally not her normal but after four years of being absolutely crushed in this context
A wave of burnout just hit her. So spiritually, she's totally burnt out. Emotionally, she's burnt out. Physically, she's burnt out.
And because I'm like real big on the spiritual side of things, I was like, oh babe, what we need to do is we just need to pray in tongues together.
So I'm like, I'm like, I'm sitting on the couch with her, holding her, starting to pray in the spirit.
And I look at her and she's got no capacity for that right now.
And she just starts crying. I was like, oh man, this is, this is not working.
And so I didn't really understand all the dynamics of the burnout that she was going through.
But let me give you some other information as well around, around our, around our marriage and when we first got married.
So my wife loves her family. She is tight with her family.
She's got a huge amount of family and for her growing up, she spent loads of time with her family.
They were always with her family. So in this one, direction, under direction is where you live, what you do and where you are going.
And this is, this is in one of the top three of the deal breakers, the sexual, directional, financial.
Those are the top three make or breaks in a relationship, the big causes of divorce.
And for Alana, this is, you know, so it comes under where you live, what you do and where you are going.
For Alana, she had never planned to live in Te Anau, which is where we live now.
She'd always actually wanted to be close to family.
And so after she's married me and she's kind of coming to this realization, oh my goodness, I've married Benji.
We live in Te Anau and I want to be close to my family.
So this was like, we were failing on this one.
Like for Alana, the pressure was on hugely on direction, like on where we were living, so far from family.
The pressure was on massively for spiritual because it was spiritual burnout.
There was emotional burnout.
Financial, let me give you another little picture of our marriage and the financial side of things.
For about the first five years of our marriage, I worked full time chasing the dream without a wage.
Maybe it might have been the first four years.
I kind of forget to be honest.
I did it for so long.
It was probably, I spent years and years just chasing the dream, living by faith and God provided.
He always eventually provided, but it was tight, right?
And we literally didn't know when we were going to get our next meal from.
And our credit card was in overdraft, like maxed out.
We had $2,000 overdraft.
And the concept back then of actually paying back $2,000 was huge.
Like the ability to pay back $2,000 back then was a massive deal.
We didn't have that type of money around.
Yet our credit card was like maxing out at $2,000 plus on debit on the credit card, like hitting our limits.
And we didn't know where our next meal was going to come from for years.
So the financial pressure is huge.
And it's not like I was lazy.
I would regularly work 80 hours, 100 hours.
So I was hustling, chasing the dream and going after revival.
We would be ministering to people and we'd travel places and we'd minister.
And people wouldn't even sometimes, not that often, but sometimes we'd travel the nation, we'd minister.
We'd be spending huge amounts of our own finance to go and minister places.
And then they wouldn't even take up a love offering.
So it was like, oh man, like the financial pressure started to be, like that was huge.
Okay, now sensual, sensual.
Let's kind of get this down.
A lot of people are familiar with the five love languages, which I've got over here.
Now the five love languages come under the emotional pathway.
So quality, time, acts of service, touch, gifts, words of affirmation.
I'll give you guys a little bit of a picture of where we were at with that as well.
So for myself, boom, touch, that was me.
I was like, yes, I'm getting married.
That means I get to have sex, which is awesome.
Because as a good little Christian boy who was, actually Alana and I both saved ourselves for marriage.
So I'm the only person that Alana has ever kissed.
And we're both, yeah, we're both married as virgins, which was exciting.
And so for me, I was about 26 when we got married.
So I've been waiting 26 years to get some sex on.
And so I'm like, yes, getting married.
That is my, like, that's going to save me now.
I get to have as much sex as I like.
And it's going to be awesome.
People out there, if you think that was a good mindset, give me a thumbs up.
That was kind of what I thought didn't quite work out.
for me is touch and then after that it would be words of affirmation, boom, and then after that
it would be probably acts of service and then for Alana it would be
now it's kind of different now that she's a mum now that she's a mum it would be
acts of service would be number one and then gifts would be number two
and I think quality time would be number three. For me
quality time would be number four and gifts would be number five and for her
quality time would be number four and words of affirmation would be number five. Roughly how it
would break down for us. Now let's let's get into this touch thing okay because what I didn't
understand is there's two dynamics two dynamics of touch right so in the two dynamics of touch
there's the sensual touch which is non-sexual touch and then there's the sexual touch which
is very sexual and there's lots of sexiness and sexy things happening there. Now Alana
she actually is quite into touch but her preference would be sensual touch
and for me my preference would generally be sexual touch I'm like woohoo let's have some sex
so just to give you an idea of that but I didn't even I didn't know that
this pathway really existed and I hadn't kind of I didn't really understand the difference between
sensual touch and non-sexual touch it wasn't really like a thing that I'd ever studied before
right so for Alana um okay here's a hot tip for you guys out there if if you guys if you're
married look save this like if you're married if you're married and uh the fastest way to get your
wife to take her top off is to offer her a massage right so for me the fastest way to get Alana to
take her top off is if I offer hey babe do you want a massage which is one of my weekly disciplines
at least once a week and sometimes try and get more massages than that if we can but we've got
the oil set up so I regularly give her an oil massage that would be sensual touch so it's
non-sexual um kissing comes under sensual touch holding hands snuggling those things that sensual
touch and Alana um yeah she was she was all about that but for me especially when we first got
married I'm kind of like not really thinking about sensual touch so much and I'm I'm pretty
hardwired for like let's have sexual touch going down so I don't know if you can see this but
basically what we had is we had a total recipe for disaster and also you've got this other thing here
of other pressures so the other pressures um would it would be like the burnout and the other pressures
would also be the fact that we had crazy uh we had some crazy people around our lives like saying
nasty stuff about our marriage um which is always hard to deal with give me an example for from your
story uh from your life where have the pressures been so just type it in the um type it in in there
of where the pressures have been the worst worst for you in your in your marriage and your journey
and if you're not married um where you feel like they might be currently is it spiritual emotional
intellectual sensual financial directional or sexual where where are the pressures at okay so
um let me know where's the where where where have the pressures been in your marriage and then also
what are the other external factors or other other factors that are causing pressure for for us was
totally the burnout so being physically burnt out uh that was a huge one having some other people
in our life at that stage as well who were saying crazy stuff about us uh that was also
another external factor that was causing a lot of pain so
so basically at the start you know we had we had so much pressure on our relationship um
um and here's here's one of like a classic scenario of how this would then
work out how it would end up playing out for us is
actually i'm going to take i'm going to take you for a little walk with me
i'm going to chat with you as we go um
so classic scenario right for me is i'd be like yes uh we should uh we should have sex
but alana's not feeling you know if you can imagine if you've got pressure in every area
of your life do you feel sexy and the answer is
no and for me as a guy I was thinking well I'm kind of like a microwave if you
want you know I'm I can be ready to go just like that but for Alana with all
those other pressures on it just wasn't like that so I would end up feeling
rejected now this is where one of the other pathways comes into play which is
the spiritual one because I had I had a rejection wound happening in my heart so
when I got rejected that set me off so that sets me off on this dynamic I'm
just grabbing a um if you want to why I'm walking around at the moment I'm
just grabbing a an extension cord because my phone here is just losing
losing battery for a second so hold with me hold with me guys
okay we got it so the rejection button oh the rejection button got got pressed
in my heart and so I would have it I would end up having a meltdown and that
would just lead to more here you see this I've got it happening now this
boom extension cord is happening so let me know what about you guys have you
guys any of you guys out there got rejection wounds or you've suffered with
that before I'd love to hear from you guys if that's something that you guys
are working through so this whole concept of all these emote all this
emotional dysfunction that we carry from our our story our journey has a massive
impact when it comes into into the relationship so if you look up here on
the spiritual the spiritual dynamic has under that topic comes our image of God
our identity our values our vision our level of wholeness and it dictates our
emotional state of being boom here we go clocked us in there power sorted so
everyone over on here the spiritual dynamic it includes our level of
wholeness as an individual and also this this level of wholeness that we have as
an individual it dictates our emotional state of being okay and then our
emotional state of being under this emotional category comes out five love
languages but it's also where spiritual issues start to surface the first if we've
got some spiritual issues going on like a heart wounding and and all these
issues from our past identity issues this is where they start surfacing here
is an unhealthy emotion so I started having unhealthy emotions starting to
manifest here like if Alana rejected me a little bit then oh my gosh this this
emote I could have in having this emotional manifestation which is really
just a spiritual spiritual issue surfacing here and manifesting here but
here's what happens with with this let me give this scenario to a little bit
so I've got a spiritual issue here which is an identity deficit I've got some
wounding I've got rejection issues and so when that gets pressed on here when
I'm looking for hey babe let's let's get it on tonight and if she rejects me
which to be honest fair enough okay ladies let's do a little bit of a vote
what do you reckon if this is this is us ask the ladies and guys if you want
to get in on this thing then feel free but if you're feeling totally burnt out
if you're currently going through people attacking your marriage and attacking
you and you're spiritually burnt out you're emotionally burnt out you're not
getting any sensual touch your finances are absolutely terrible you don't like
where you live are you going to be feeling very sexy now let me ask you
that are you going to be feeling very sexy when you've got all this other
chaos going on on a 10 out of 10 scale how sexy would you be feeling if all
this is going on spiritual dysfunction emotional dysfunction sensual
dysfunction financial dysfunction directional dysfunction how's that going
to be playing out for you when it comes to feeling sexy people just chuck that
out there for me what do you reckon on a on a 1 out of 10 why don't you why
don't you jump out there take a risk
get a little bit vulnerable uh on that and if you're like not if you're a little bit too shy
for be giving oh there we go uh patricia's landing in at a zero she's at she's like yeah
i'd be feeling zero if you're too shy to give a number give a thumbs up if you'd be feeling sexy
and a thumbs down if you're like not sexy all right uh guys feel free to jump in on that if
you're like it's like not sexy you can say sexy or not sexy or thumbs up oh that's a thumbs up
or thumbs down or feel free to give a number uh and a word no 10 i think lorraine's giving me a
10 out of 10 for not sexy uh last or even if even on the charts lol not a priority uh righto
so how did we oh then i'm going to show you these other things as well these are going to come into
it soon as well as negotiation of fake agreements oh gosh we're going to get into that in a moment
so little by little we had to really start working on our whole uh on our whole world
in order to save our our marriage because i got i literally got to the point eventually where
um what would happen is i would we were trying to solve it intellectually because this is one
area that we were strong okay we were pretty good on this side of things like this is the
communication thing i want to tell you guys that this is probably one this is one of the things
let me share with you some of the things that help save our marriage okay so one of the things was
under the intellectual pathway because this this dictates your capacity to communicate and before
we got married we spent a bunch of time together learning how to communicate um we did a bunch of
danny silk stuff we did other stuff on mastering the communication done so if you're a single
person you're like what could i do to prepare myself for marriage uh then or if you're a married
person you want to take it to a next level master the communication done so you can grab a copy of
that by danny silk um he's got heaps of training on this so we went really hard on on that before
we were married and then here's something else that was going really really well for me i did
have i did have a rejection bit of a rejection issue a bit of rejection wording in my heart
but on the spiritual dynamic dynamic i was so invested into the pursuit of god and while we
were still married you know like i had a whole bunch of orphan mentalities um i was still dealing
with a lot of religious mindsets and myself i was still working on how to connect with god uh for
myself and the spiritual things and and if i orphaned it out that would produce a emotional
meltdown and if you have an emotional meltdown your intellectual capacity just gets blown out
they call it an amygdala hijack if you look at your brain the frontal cortex which is the big
the big part of your brain so we do all your rational thinking your logical thinking
if you have an emotional freakout or they call it an amygdala hijack because there's this tiny
little part of your brain back here which is connected to your fight flight or freeze survival
instincts when that triggers if you have too much pressure or if you feel like you're under attack
or for me if i was feeling rejected these things will like boom click in and they'll can they will
produce something that's called an amygdala hijack and the amygdala hijack is when uh the
amygdala this tiny little part of your brain that is uh connected to your fight flight or freeze
survival instincts it takes over an image an amygdala hijack hijack shuts down your brain's
access to your frontal cortex so it's like in dave riddell languages that all adults leave
the room so that that's part of what was going on for me and i didn't realize when i freaked out
emotionally because i had spiritual immaturity and i had brokenness in my life that those
brokenness moments would trigger and boom when it triggered the an amygdala hijack takes over
and you lose your capacity to rationally think let me know if you've had that before if you've
had that in a relationship where the pressure has gotten so high or the challenge has gotten
so much it's like ah and then boom something snapped in you and you and you kind of almost
get dysfunctional you're like you're not able to be intelligent it's like ah but some of the
things that we had going for us was that even though alana was was burnt out and struggling
she she did have a real love of god um i was making huge progress personally on this i was learning
to experience little by little I was learning how to experience the bliss of sonship
regardless of my circumstances and that was giving me more emotional freedom and that gave me more
intellectual freedom. So those things were big things these just which come under the category
of the foundations of intimacy. I highly recommend digging deep for anyone in this
journey. If you're single right now that is such a great place to be because you've got all the
space to dig down and to lay the foundations for intimacy there. So little by little we started
taking progress in these areas of spiritually, emotionally and that increased our capacity to
communicate. But let me show you like break down a classic scenario for us. I get denied for sex
because her level of sexiness is at zero and I'm like yeah let's have sex and it's like no.
She's spiritually burnt out, emotionally burnt out. I'm like you know our communication suffers
in that space. I'm neglecting her sensually. Financially we're pretty close to broke.
Directionally she's not living where she wants to live and then boom I'm coming in for sex. So I get
rejected not all the time but uh pretty often and that triggers me because I've got a wounding here
so I'm emotionally uh triggering right now with my rejection wound which reduces our community
our capacity to communicate but this was still probably our strong site our strong suit here
was in communication so we would try and talk it out right we're trying to we're trying to talk it
out which results in countless countless conversations that go around and round and
round and round and ultimately basically end up where they begin uh I've got no idea how many times
we had that conversation and so what that means is just over a long period of time
the pressure is just starting to rise in our relationship you know the pressure the pressure
is rising and rising and rising and then every now and then we'd have these other pressures
just hit and you could create it could create a perfect storm for me I know that I'd have other
times as well where um because I had this I would just say that uh here's a great African quote is
if there is no enemy within the enemy without can do you no harm let me say that again if there is no
enemy within the enemy without can do you no harm that means if you're not if there's no platform
for the enemy to work in your life there's no platform for demonic entities to work and mess
with your life they're going to really struggle to get in there and mess things up but for me
I had platforms for the enemy to actually mess up uh mess things up in our relationship and so
every now and then we'd have these like demonic storms would hit and other pressures would hit
and we'd have another one of these like I'd get rejected um have an emotional reaction we our
communication would break down but we'd try we'd have another one of these conversations that we'd
absolutely nowhere and so the pressure levels just kept going up and up and up and up and you can
deal with this for a certain amount of time but you know after years of not making progress
boom it got to me where I was at this point of I lit I was I was starting to think man
is there hope for my marriage right I because we were doing everything that we knew to do
and we just kept going round and round and round and round in circles and never made and not making
progress but let me say that while the pressure is rising over here and this conversation is going
round and round around over here we're each making we're each making a little bit of progress well
we're making progress in all of these other on all of these areas as well so we're growing um
it took me a while to discover sensual touch but our finances started getting a bit better
um this was still hard for Alana and
we would have moments as well we'd have some seasons where the sex life was a bit better
but often it would end up coming back to this place
ultimately get to this place I'm like oh my gosh I'm starting to like
I'm really reaching capacity I'm really reaching my full capacity I don't know if I can handle
this anymore I don't know how uh I can I don't know what to do with this at the same time around
that point I'd really started to master some of the spiritual disciplines of experiencing
effortless bliss and being able to just step into effortlessly receiving the bliss
Of the presence of God and the love of God so I was making some really massive things here
I was shaking off heaps of orphan stuff getting launched into sonship in another really massive way
So I increased my capacity to deal with this, but it was still really intense to be like I'm going through this pressure
And that's when about then is when we actually talked to someone so we had this one night with Dave Riddell
It was Alana's birthday, and we had a night with Dave Riddell, had a couple of hours with Dave Riddell on Alana's birthday
So if you want to cry on your birthday
Have a session with Dave Riddell, have a couple of hours with Dave Riddell
And it's a great way to make sure that your wife balls her eyes out
Well not totally balls her eyes out, but has a good cry on her birthday, so that was that was her birthday
She had a good cry, but
at the same time
Dave Riddell really helped us with a few things right so some of the things that he helped us
To see and helped me to see is this need for sensual touch
Which was Alana's, Alana had this huge need for sensual touch and then
Also
he
Talked to us about negotiation, like oh my gosh
about negotiation in our marriage and
negotiation around
Sex nights like how often we're going to have sex to have that conversation in our relationship. How often we're going to have sex and also
Under this one here sexual by the way
Sexual
Under this one here sexual Dave Riddell was helpful there for us because they're handy
because
Under sexual it's sexual activities like a sex night doesn't necessarily have to end in sex in sexual
Activities and there's a wide range of things there. There's oral sex. There's handjobs. There's
dry
Dry sex these there's a range of things there that come under sexual activities that
While they might not be plan a
plan B
on a sex night of maybe a handjob or something else could like
Save the day in a sense, so
That was that was a really really big learning and then also so it was just as much was a big deal on
Getting some insight into sensual touch
Getting some ideas of sex stuff of like what we can actually do like it doesn't always necessarily have to be
sex on a sex night
Especially if she's really not feeling
Sexy there's still options like yes, that's cool, but I tell you what started to happen as well as I'm started like
Doing I start discovering more of the sensual stuff so she starts getting way more
Massages see she starts getting the sensual dynamics then we actually so we negotiated
At that point in time we negotiated one sex night a week all right
So it's like sweet once a week. It's gonna be a sex night and basically you know she was gonna be getting
Massages and things like that on a regular basis, too, so
That's what we negotiated and we agreed, but then this one. Okay. Look at this fake agreements. Okay guys this oh
That is a huge deal so
We had we accidentally came up with some fake agreements. Okay, so a fake agreement would be like this is that
once
We have a sex night once a week, but it doesn't happen. You know like an imaginary sex night
will cause
me to be really frustrated and an
imaginary
Massage will cause Alana to be really disappointed. Okay, so
She's got
We ended up
Creating our own storm again because we created fake agreements right fake agreements
That's no good
Because then you start losing trust in each other and look there's a trust circle
So if we're breaking trust if we've got fake agreements in our marriage
Then that then we will start to lose trust in each other now each of these different pathways has
Trust attached to it, okay
so each of these things here if I
Cross a line for a lot of your spiritual values or if I'm like crazy in my emotions or if my
Capacity to communicate is just terrible. I won't communicate or I won't engage in sensual
activities or I'm like I'm gambling away the finances or I'm
You know, I'm going in a really bad direction making really bad life choices choices or I've got some like crazy
weird sexual fetishes going on then that's going to cause the trust to
diminish so that means that she's going to be pushing me further and further
away so that like really what I'm craving when I'm craving sex for me it's
not actually about the sex now that you might ladies might be thinking oh what
isn't it just about sex no because for me in sex I'm experiencing intimacy
that's the big thing going down that's the big thing that's the big driver for
all of us is this craving for intimacy that's why these five love languages are
so good as well because those are ways that we really feel that intimacy so
anyway what we ended up getting to is this place of fake agreements now you
can have that in in all of these areas of your life you can have fake
agreements I've seen this in Christian marriages where one of the fake
agreements is the fact that one of the person's not actually is not actually a
Christian right they just they just pretended to be a Christian so they could
marry the Christian person and then once the marriage happens like you're
real or you're a few years into it you realize it's actually that was actually
a fake agreement like so that was a total fake so because of the trust to go
out here so that's where we found ourselves in this place of fake
agreements we'd created fake agreements around how much sensual touch she was
going to be getting how much sexual action we were going to be getting and
is terrible so that causes a meltdown but fortunately we sorted out our fake
agreements and we came to we renegotiate okay we renegotiated because that wasn't
working now if it's not working for you renegotiate okay just stop I forgot to
say as well right in the midst of all this we had three kids which means for
the last eight years Alana has hardly had any sleep okay so if you want to
increase the other pressures then put this massive one in here is kids all
right kids babies breastfeeding mastitis like having babies if you tear when
you're having a baby or if you have some other stuff for ladies it's where they
have gynecologists because all sorts of things can go wrong downtown and babies
can mess things up for in all sorts of ways in a way like obviously we love our
kids like crazy but they would come under the category of other pressures
not sleeping guys like crazy when you've got one of those babies that just just
wasn't sleeping like oh man we had this where there's so many sleepless nights
but not sleeping babies or sick babies man that adds so much pressure so yeah
and this time also we had three kids pregnancy for us pregnants and for me
anyway pregnancy was like ah pregnancy like I don't know if I like that
pregnancy dynamic because there's not much not necessarily gonna be a lot of
sex and the pregnancy depending on how it's going because it's different for
different people but in a pregnancy sometimes sex can be really difficult
just depending on what the scenarios are going on so anyway we we didn't just
yeah it was it was kind of crazy there was a lot of chaos that we had to do but
anyway we were starting to make our way through all this chaos when I feel like
in some times we'd kind of just held on to our marriage and some areas would be
doing really good but in some way some parts of our marriage like in these
areas the pressure was so intense it's like I feel like we're just holding on
and let me say this as well we loved each other like crazy like we really
really really loved each other we loved each other so much but when you've got
all this pressure it doesn't necessarily matter how much you love each other the
pressure can just almost tear a relationship apart so that's what these
arrows represent is the is the huge momentum that comes on a life and how
much you can really pull on a relationship away from intimacy or how
much you can drive towards intimacy so we got to this place where we had
negotiated sex nights and sensual nights once a week and it was just wasn't going
on it wasn't actually happening the way we just negotiated which led to fake
agreements and that broke trust and so it was a bit of a mess so we had to
renegotiate say renegotiate let me know if you think negotiating sex nights is a
good idea so we renegotiated we renegotiated to just to be honest once
a week just wasn't great for me so we renegotiated to twice two times a week
for a sex night now depends on your marriage it's got to be totally
different some couples have no issues at all sex is just on fire
And it always has been it's been effortless, but for other couples totally different
So for us we've been on a journey with that when you renegotiated around six nights
We renegotiated around sensual things around massages and stuff like that
And praise Jesus. Come on. Let me have an a man
After really working on it, right
just working on it and holding in there and I want to say as well that the
Wasn't like heaps of dark days in our marriage. Our marriage has been so sweet. It's been like
It's been the pressure has been more like moments of pressure and that's a beautiful marriage
okay, so but some of those moments and I just want to say like don't underestimate the power of those moments because those moments when
everything hits the fan and goes crazy those moments can put
enormous
Enormous strain on a relationship like if you've barely slept and all of this is going crazy
Can get really really really hot and it definitely was for us. There's times was really really really hard, but I
Just want to encourage you as well. I keep going and if
So we're now making progress on all of like every single area of these in our life is now
making progress
All right
And it's kind of like it's kind of like with the
tide right when the tide
Rises all ships rise with the tide. So
So if we start doing better spiritually which we are and if we start doing better emotionally
Which we are if we start doing better
Communicating and
Understanding each other better, which we are and then all the tides rise and if we start doing understanding sensual touch better and
Nailing that and if our finances start getting better and direction because
Let me say something just about this whole directional thing
on the on the directional front is that
It was really difficult for Alana to stay in Te Ano, but right at the start I said to her
I was like I'd heard this really good quote
Early on when I was a young guy before I was married
I had a really good quote from a man and he said to me listen anyone God can use
God can use anyone to pastor a church or to
Start a revival or whatever, but only you can be a husband to wife and only you can be a father to your kids
And I took that on board as a young man, and it became a priority in my life
So I said to her early on when she was really struggling with this
Living in Te Ano and living so far away from family. I said to her babe if we have to move
Even though I can't imagine anywhere. I would want to go in the world
Even though I can't imagine anywhere
I would want to go in the world apart from where we are right now if we have to move
for things to get better for you I
Will let's just go all right if we have to now that was not a light decision because for me
God gave me a dream to come to Te Ano to Fiordland from the time
I was 17 years old and since I was 17 years old. That's all I've worked towards and
So I was like okay, babe
And I came to that place in my heart was really ready to leave if she wanted to
But then she said something massive to me, which is we're you know like our spiritual thing is on point. She said
It's really hard, but I don't want to go unless God says to go and I was like okay sweet
But in my head as well
I'm like okay
I don't know like ever since I was 17 God's been leading me towards Fiordland
I can't imagine where I would ever live apart from here, but at the beginning of this year
something interesting happened
We actually went on a 36-day road trip as a family and
I was talking to Alana about excited about getting home, and she just started crying while we're driving like ah remember
Not sexy right crying wife is not is not her feeling sexy, so you want to avoid that
She just cried. It's like she'd been it. She's been in Te Ano a decade. I'm like oh, man
And I was like well, you know like if God says you know like we'll go and so then anyway
What do you know out of the blue? I never expected this, but out of the blue
Earlier this year God's actually spoken to our family really really clearly in one sense. He's been really clear
It's like well. He's like you're gonna leave Te Ano at the end of the year. I'm like whoa total blindside
He hasn't told us where we're going which is interesting, so we're just gonna literally we're gonna start driving on the 20th of December
We have no idea where we're going
How long we're going to be away or
Literally we're in the world we're going to be or we don't
know okay so under direction comes where you live what you do and where you were going we don't know
where we'll live we don't exactly know what we'll be doing I've got a few um like I've got financial
side of things sorted and business things sorted online and where you were going and like we
literally now we don't know any of that but for Alana it's so much better because we do know that
we're going to have a good season of time close to her family so it's like wow crazy so now all
of these things here are now all charging in the right direction which means more and more and more
our life is being lived in this beautiful spot that was designed for in our marriage which is
that space of the bliss life so ta-da that's pretty much the gist of like of giving you the
insider story on our journey to to here obviously there's lots of stories it has been a beautiful
journey for us uh but there's been so so many dimensions to it there's been so many dynamics
to it and we've had moments where we've had to really hold on and fight and we've had countless
nights I don't really cry I don't really cry very often occasionally very rarely my finger got cut
off in a wood splinter someone cut that off gnarly right but I didn't cry when that happened because
it doesn't happen very often I don't cry very often and then the nurse right I went to the
hospital and the nurse got the needle with the drugs in it like the painkillers and she put it
in one side of my finger and out the other so just she just poked the needle right through my finger
and started squirting and all the it's all like going on the floor and I didn't cry so uh I didn't
cry very often but Alana cries if I was a cry I would have been crying with her but countless
nights of tears as we've processed through all these areas and moments of extreme pain
and pressure I've questioned can this marriage survive even though I love Alana with everything
that I am and I want to like maybe finish with something that's been a really really helpful
quote for us that someone in Alana's family told her is that when you do get married here's the
thing is that when you you get to you get to choose your love right so here's the quote is you choose
your love and then you love your choice you choose your love and then you love your choice so whoever
you choose to get married uh whatever is going down the good the bad or the ugly you love your
choice and I think some of the like one of the best spiritual questions that I've ever um
I've ever really incorporated into my life is what does love look like and I think that
the value of that question what does love look like has been far more valuable to me in my
marriage than it has been in terms of an evangelistic dynamic or an outreach dynamic but
in my life what uh what does love look like when the pressure is on like crazy in my marriage
and when everything feels like it's so hard to hold on and in that space of like oh my goodness
um what does love look like there that has been um that has been absolutely priceless because it's
in that asking what does love look like and when I haven't felt like loving back like if there's
been something that's happened that's triggered me and I'm like ah that doesn't deserve love or
whatever like I ask myself what does love look like and by holding on to that question of what
does love look like it's enabled me uh to hold on like it's literally been one of the things that's
enabled me to hold on through the process through the journey of mastering all the seven sacred
pathways to intimacy and there's a lot going on and I want to encourage you if you uh if you're
not married yet then you want to figure these things out like no one's ever taught me the seven
sacred pathways to intimacy this is something I discovered as I went through it through the process
I went through the pain as I've done a lot of reflecting as we've gone through the let's all
that process um of what is it that helps create intimacy because like let me just finish on this
is that we were designed for the bliss life and if you're married you can have it you know if
you're willing to hold on and I'll just say that it really takes some fight you know so probably
the most important thing that you'll ever fight for is fighting for your marriage
and it's not always easy and I didn't understand these things so
You know, I didn't understand the Seven Sacred Pathways to Intimacy, so I didn't understand where all the pressure was coming, you just feel pressure.
You just feel pressure, it's like, ahhh, your heart, you know, you're triggering emotionally, it's like, pfff, just explosion, like, ahhh, pain, like, irrational pain, it's like, ahhh, there's just pain going on and pressure going on, like, ahhh.
You're not, like, rationally thinking about, oh, well, there's the Seven Sacred Pathways to Intimacy that I have to master to ensure that my marriage comes into this place of experiencing the bliss marriage.
So, um, there it is, guys. Why don't you, why don't you just take a moment now and just think, like, which of these Seven Sacred Pathways to Intimacy do you think is an opportunity for you to really grow in your life right now?
Like, how do you think you could take a step towards the bliss marriage in your life right now?
Now that I understand this, I'm constantly thinking, man, how can I take a step towards the bliss life in my marriage?
And I want to ask you, you know, which areas, so just write, you should write these down, it'll be powerful for you just to write them out, to say them out, but which areas do you want to focus on in order to bless your marriage, and if you're not married yet, in order to prepare yourself for a bliss marriage?
And even if you're single, studying these will set you up for a bliss marriage when the time comes. So, yeah, what have you guys got out there?
And listen, if you've got any questions for me on this whole topic of the Seven Sacred Pathways to Intimacy, let me know. I've got a whole bunch of other stuff that I'm going to drop as we go forward, but hopefully that's been really helpful for you guys, just me sharing our story and what the journey's been like for us, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
And it really is now more and more living in the bliss life. Obviously there's other pressures and there's these things, and we've still got some room to grow, but we're taking it really well, and I just want to say hope for you, wherever your marriage is at, and let me know if you've got questions, let me know which areas you're going to be intentionally stepping in towards.
Love you heaps. We'll catch you soon. And go out, and if you're single, start prepping yourself for the bliss marriage, if you want to get married. And if you're married, go and do something awesome that is going to rock your spouse in the most amazing way. Catch you soon. Love you heaps. Bye bye.